Can't fight this feeling
by BMShipper
Summary: Starts after Jackson and the others have passed their boards, but goes in a different direction from there... It's Mark/Jackson, but there are also other pairings, involving April, Alex, Callie, Arizona and some other characters, so just give it a try... you won't regret! The M-Rating is for a reason, by the way... XD
1. Chapter 1

**Autor's Note:** Hey! I know you're all waiting for an update for my story "You can't fight love", and it WILL come eventually, I just don't know when. My grandmother recently died and it put me into some kind of "depression" and literally killed my writing mood and everything else. And then I got a VERY bad computer virus, that encrypted literally all of my files, including my fanfic, WITH the beginning of the next part I had already written, so I have to "start over"… The laptop will get to a computer specialist in about 2 weeks, and I don't even know if I will get my files back, but I hope he can save at least my fanfics and photos…

So far, so good…

This "new story" is some kind of "project" I'm doing with a very dear friend of mine over at Livejournal, and after talking about it, we decided, we give it a shot and post it… it's kind of Alternative Universe and starts after the episode where Jackson and the others passed their boards. Jackson has slept with April, too, but everything apart from that might go in a different direction. Also: There WILL occur some things that happened in the show, too, like the plane crash in a later chapter, but the "background" will be different :-)

We hope, you enjoy! Review if you like our story ;-) (I'm writing the Mark-parts and she's writing the Jackson ones )

**Can't fight this feeling**

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark leaned against the counter and watched Jackson talking to one of the nurses. Again. Like he did so often in the past few days. Ever since Jackson had come back from taking his boards he acted strange. At least as far as Mark could evaluate. Something must have happened during that trip, but Jackson obviously didn't want to talk about it and Mark didn't want to force him to. Maybe he should just tell Jackson that he was there for him, whenever he needed him.

Before he could even think about it any further he felt his mobile phone vibrating in his pocket, so he turned away from the younger resident and grabbed it. When he looked at the display he noticed that Julia was calling him and he let out a sigh. Actually, he wasn't really in the mood to talk with her right now, but he still took the call. He didn't want to cause any trouble between him and her, because that's not what he needed right now.

"Hey Babe," he greeted her and put a smile on his face. Just because Callie always told him you could hear a smile through the phone.

"Hey Mark. Are you still up for tonight?" Julia asked calmly.

"Of course I am. You said you wanted to talk to me," Mark gave back.

"I do. And it's really important. Just wanted to make sure you didn't change your mind," Julia replied.

"No, I didn't, don't worry. See you later," Mark said.

"I love you," he heard Julia say but simply hang up. He could always say he hadn't heard it anymore, because he just couldn't say it back. He couldn't. Something within him refused to let him say it back. Was it really that he was not ready? The more he thought about it, the more he recognized that it wasn't that and that he maybe would never really love Julia the way he should. Still, he also didn't want to lose her, so whatever she wanted to talk to with him, he would deal with it.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson was distracted.

He had been ever since he came back from San Diego. The time spent there had been some of the best and worst times of his life.

Passing the boards and becoming a bona-fide surgeon should have been the happiest moment of his life, but destroying one of his best and longest friendships made the victory hollow and unworthy of the celebration Alex and Cristina suggested.

April Kepner had never really left his mind. He had tried talking to her in San Diego, but she could barely look at him. Her gaze so distant and guarded that Jackson had to turn away or else the shame would consume him whole.

April blamed her guilt on her religion, but Jackson knew that it was his own selfishness that was at fault.

He should have known better. She was a virgin and her first time should have been with the man she would marry, not the friend that she felt was good looking enough to get it over with.

Jackson Avery was a name and a pretty face.

No matter how hard he worked, or how much he tried to change, that was who he was.

Lexie and April both knew it and it was time Jackson stopped pretending.

Something inside him was missing.

He was an Avery after all. His mother received her divorce papers after a bladder reconstruction surgery and his grandfather came home to find his wife had left a note and a number where he could contact her lawyer.

People left Averys. Jackson wasn't going to be any different.

Alex was the first to notice the tension in their apartment every time Jackson and April were in the same room.

The man was a jackass, but not stupid.

"You don't sleep with a virgin" he had told Jackson "too much baggage"

Jackson ignored him as he ate his cereal and decided not to remind Alex that he was one bad decision away from being in Jackson's place himself.

The next to pick up on his mood was Mark. Not surprising since the two spent the better part of their days together.

He was at least nice enough not to push the subject. That would only last for a short time, eventually the man would want to know what had his partner so out of it.

Mark wouldn't understand. He had one girl, Jackson's own ex-girlfriend, following him around like a lost puppy dog and another girl approaching live-in status.

People were beating down Mark Sloan's door to be with him. No way could he understand what Jackson was going through.

Jackson was in the middle of talking to a nurse about a patient's post-op when he could feel the gaze of someone on his back. He had turned quickly and caught Mark looking at him a second before the man turned away and continued a conversation he was having on his cell.

He could see a smile come across the man's face and Jackson assumed it had to be Julia. Feeling his mood darken Jackson signed the form the nurse handed him and made his way to the lockers.

He just wanted to get home and sleep and if he was really lucky he would manage to avoid all human contact until the next morning.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

When Mark turned away again after he had ended his conversation with Julia he saw Jackson already a few feet away going down the hallway and was quickly to catch up with him before he could enter the resident's locker room.

"Hey Avery! Wait!" he called, trying to get Jackson's attention, and luckily for him, it worked out.

Jackson turned around and looked at him.

"What is it, Dr. Sloan? I'm about to head off," Jackson sighed and he looked kind of exhausted. Tired even. And that even though their day hadn't been _this_ long. No long-hour surgeries or such, just the usual stuff.

"Listen, Avery... I can see there is something bothering you, even though I don't know what. But I get that you don't want to talk about it and that's totally okay..." he started, almost not recognizing himself. Since when did he talk so much? But he needed to get this off his chest. Now.

"I won't even say you can talk to me if you want to, because I hope, you know that." He placed a hand on Jackson's shoulder consolingly.

"But I was asking myself if you wanna grab some beers? Of course only if you want to. If you don't have anywhere else to be."

He looked at Jackson hopefully and within a matter of seconds, Julia was forgotten. Wiped out of his mind. He could feel that Jackson needed some sort of distraction and he wanted to help him through whatever Jackson was going through.

"By the way... have you... made a decision about your future? I heard, a lot of hospitals want to have you, and even though I would really..." he stopped himself biting his lip. He had almost told Jackson that he would miss him if he was gone and that was _so_ not Mark Sloan-like. Since when had he become such a softy?

But he really liked Avery, and they got along in a way he didn't with anyone else. They understood each other, they didn't even need to actually talk. Sometimes looks were enough. Even Lexie had already noticed it, and that although they didn't spend much time together lately. Especially not since he was with Julia.

"I mean..." he went on, rubbing his neck nervously. "I'd love for you to stay, Jackson, but if you wanna go, I don't blame you either. I just want you to know that I support your decision, whatever it is. But you will always be the best student I ever had."

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson could say no.

Thank Mark for his offer and continue on his way. The outcome would only make the older man more suspicious and Jackson had to admit a part of him was actually touched that he seemed to care so much.

Jackson would consider Mark a friend. The man had stuck his neck out for him on more then one occasion and had it not been for Mark Jackson probably wouldn't have passed his boards.

One beer couldn't hurt, besides, all he had to go home to was a dark room and a television set.

"A beer sounds good" Jackson said and the smile that came upon the man's face made Jackson feel somewhat better.

"Great" Mark told him "meet me in the parking lot in 5"

With that Mark sprinted off in the direction of his office. Jackson could keep the talk squarely on his job prospects. He really couldn't deal with letting his boss know how truly pathetic his personal life was.

20 minutes later and the two men found themselves at Joe's Bar and for a Friday night it was abnormally quiet. A few patrons lined the bar and one or two couples sat in a booth, but otherwise the place looked pretty deserted.

Holding up two fingers Mark indicated that the beers were to be for him and Jackson.

"So, how have you been Avery?"

_"Stick to the offers" _Jackson told himself.

"Overwhelmed" Jackson said "who knew all the hard work came after you passed the boards" he laughed, but it sounded fake to even his own ears.

"Right" Mark said and Jackson could hear the man give a disappointed sigh "so, you've been thinking about any of those prospects?"

"A few good ones" Jackson said "but I've gotten used to this crazy city"

Jackson could already see Mark smiling "Does that mean what I think it means?"

"Chief Hunt hasn't really offered me a position yet" Jackson said.

"Are you serious?" Mark asked and his voice seemed edged with a bit of anger.

"I'm sure it's coming eventually"

"Don't worry about it" Mark said "The offer is there, even if I have to put Hunt in a headlock to make it happen"

That had gotten the first real laugh out of Avery that Mark had seen all day.

The two were discussing exactly where Jackson had received offers when Mark caught Kepner walking into the bar.

"Kepner!" Mark yelled as he waved the girl over. She gave a wide smile and started to head over before her eyes fell to the man beside him and she stopped in her tracks.

Jackson's head was faced downward. "_Fuck" _Jackson screamed internally. He should have went home to his dark room and television.

Looking back at Kepner, Mark saw the woman do a complete turn and exit the bar.

Could Jackson had made the fact that he and April were on the outs any more obvious.

"You two okay?" Mark asked.

Jackson looked up at Mark and at that moment he really couldn't care less about looking pathetic. He needed to talk to somebody so they could tell him how to fix this.

Before Jackson could begin Mark's cell-phone went off and to his credit Mark ignored it. The first call was quickly followed by a second and whoever was trying to get in contact with him wasn't going to give up anytime soon.

"Give me two minutes" Mark said and he quickly got up off the stool and made his way to a hidden corner in the bar.

What in the hell was Jackson doing?

He couldn't unload all of this on a guy who was just trying to be nice. Mark had a kid and a girlfriend to worry about, he didn't have time to sort out Jackson's problems too.

Fishing a few bills out of his wallet he placed them on the bar top and made his way out of Joe's. Jackson would apologize to Mark tomorrow.

He was getting used to saying sorry anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Not a single review? *makes a sad face* Is the story so bad? Don't you like it? If no one tells us whether you like it or not, we don't know that… so should we go on posting? We're going on writing the story anyways, but if no one is interested, we don't have to post it here :-) Just sayin'… here's us hoping for a few reviews, so we can be sure we should post the next chapters here, because there are already some lined up for you :-)

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark stared at his mobile phone, still undecided whether to take Julia's call or not. He sighed heavily before finally answering his phone. Julia wouldn't give up anyways. He knew her at least that well.

"Hey, Babe!" he said and waited for a couple of seconds if she would say something. Which she did.

"Where are you? I thought we had a date?" Julia asked straight away.

"In the hospital. Sorry, we got an emergency," Mark lied, but only seconds later Julia called him on his lie.

"That's not true. You're not in the hospital, I am. When you didn't show up, I thought maybe you were delayed and decided to come by to collect you, but guess what? Your friend Doctor Hunt told me your shift was over an hour ago, and that you left an hour ago. So where are you?" She didn't even give Mark the chance to react in between her monologue, and now Mark felt _really _bad for lying to her.

"Listen, Julia. Something came up, and I have to give you a raincheck if that's okay," he tried, but was cut off by Julia immediately.

"No, it's not okay. Are you cheating on me?" Julia demanded to know.

Mark sighed. "No... no, of course I'm not cheating on you, but there is a problem with Jackson and he needs me."

"Jackson again? Why am I not surprised? Mark, you're his boss, not his nanny, and now swing your ass here, I need to talk to you," Julia gave back.

Mark almost didn't recognize her, because her voice was so different. And normally she was calm and understanding, but not tonight. Maybe she was on her period, but of course Mark wouldn't call her on that.

He turned around to give Jackson a sign that it will take a few more minutes, but when he did, Jackson was just leaving. Mark rolled his eyes annoyed.

"Listen, Julia, I gotta go, okay? I'll talk to you later. I'll make it up to you, I swear, but right now I have to go."

And with those words he ended the call and turned his phone off. He shouldn't have taken the call in the first place, and instead be there for Jackson like he had promised him.

He grabbed his jacket and ran out of the bar, only to see Jackson a few feet away.

"Jackson! Avery! Please wait!" he screamed after him and tried to catch up with him, but Jackson just didn't stop.

"Please, I'm sorry. I meant what I said in there."

He just hoped, Jackson would stop or turn around again, so he could see his face and talk to him eye to eye.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Mark was a very persistent man.

Jackson would give him that.

He could hear Mark calling his name and the thought of trying to explain why he bailed made his stomach hurt.

Turning around Jackson plastered a smile on his face "It's okay, man" Jackson said loudly over the wind "It's my own shit to deal with"

Mark jogged the few feet between he and Jackson until the man stood directly in front of him.

"You feel awkward talking about whatever it was that happened between you and Kepner, I get that" Mark said "but keeping it inside kills you man, I can tell from experience"

Jackson hated feeling so exposed. It brought the man back to being 16 years old and finding out Ashley Meeks, his high school sweetheart, had been secretly dating somebody Jackson thought was his best friend.

That night his older brother Lewis had caught him crying in their backyard.

He and Lewis were never particularly close. They could blame it on their age difference. 6 years could be a lifetime when it came to a sibling connection.

It was more than that, though. There had always been animosity between the two. Something that kept the two brothers from ever really feeling like family.

The guy had come to the backyard to smoke. Their mother was strongly against it and if she knew of her son's habit she would have skinned him alive.

Hearing his brother approaching Jackson tried to wipe away the few spare tears that rolled down his cheek, but he knew it was of no use.

When prompted, Jackson had told him the truth and the disappointed sigh from Lewis made him feel worse then he already did.

"The girl was a slut" Lewis said. The man was never one to mince words and he usually said it in the most offensive way possible.

"Hey!" Jackson exclaimed.

"You're really going to stick up for her?" Lewis asked "I'm sure she could care less right now, probably banging the upholstery off of some tacky BMW"

"I loved her" Jackson told his brother honestly.

"It made you weak" Lewis had told him. Jackson could see how his brother saw him and it only made the teen want to dig himself all the way to China.

Jackson's initial reaction was anger, but the years would prove that it was the one piece of advice from his brother that carried any weight.

Life always proved it. Over and Over again.

_When you realize the girl you love will never really love you._

When one of your best friends dies from a gunshot wound and even though it takes hours for him to succumb to his injuries you never get a real chance to say goodbye.

A girl who was probably one of the best people you will ever know is damaged because you couldn't make the right decisions.

It was easier to lock it away. Don't ever let them see you weak, because that's what ripped you apart.

That's what keeps you stagnant.

The problem is it wears you out.

Each time it happens Jackson can feel a small knick inside of his body. Maybe that was what was missing. Why people always left Jackson. He had been losing a small piece of himself every time and now there was really nothing worthwhile left.

He could tell Mark all this and watch as the man looked at Jackson like he wanted to admit him into a Psych Ward.

"I can't" Jackson told Mark and at the moment he couldn't look the older man in the eye.

The two remained facing one another for what felt like minutes until Mark slung an arm around Jackson's shoulder.

"Walk with me Avery" Mark said "It's a good night to get some air".

Jackson let himself get lead down the street. The man didn't have any fight left in him tonight.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark could almost feel Jackson's inner fight, even though he didn't know what it was about, but the look on his face said a lot. It almost scared him how much he could read Jackson within the short amount of time they knew each other. Yes, they had spent a lot of time together, but Mark would say that he knew the younger resident almost better than Derek - who he knew since med-school - so that was maybe a little bit awkward.

When they reached a bench, Mark made Jackson sit down while he stood behind him with both of his hands on Jackson's shoulders and started rubbing them gently.

"Everything's gonna be okay," he whispered into Jackson's ear as he leaned down, before he ended his little massage and sat down next to him.

Jackson wasn't looking at him, but Mark didn't expect him to anyways. The younger resident seemed to be totally lost in his thoughts, and Mark was okay with that, was okay with just sitting there with him and actually _being_ there, but he also wanted Jackson to know that he was.

He put a hand on Jackson's right knee and looked at him.

"You don't have to talk with me about anything, okay? I won't force you to and I won't make you. I just want you to know that I'm here, whenever you need me. And if it's just sitting here, looking into the sky... if that's what helps you, I'll be here as well. The only thing I won't do is leave."

He put up a smile, even though Jackson was still not looking at him, but he didn't care.

He still had no idea what happened between the two residents, but something was definitely not right between them and Mark was worried. More than he should. He had to think about what he would do if he lost Callie. He would maybe go crazy if he didn't have her to talk to and just have fun with. They went through a lot together, and he was sure, Kepner and Avery did as well. If he could do something to make everything better, to make them talk to each other, he would, but he didn't want to get involved too much and risk Jackson's friendship with it.

"You know what? I'm really proud of you," he said after a moment of silence.

He felt Jackson look at him and turned to the side.

"Why?" he heard Jackson ask.

Mark smiled. "Because you passed your boards, silly. And because you did great. At least as far as I've heard. You _are_ an Avery." He winked at Jackson. "But you're definitely so much more than that, and if people only want you because of your name, they don't deserve you." He let out a sigh, looking at his hands. "I want you to stay, Avery. I want to keep working with you, because I think we're great together. We're a great team and together we could achieve so much. Like making Seattle Grace Mercy West one of the best plastic surgery facilities of the whole country."

A smug smile appeared on his face. "Of course I'm already pretty good by myself," he winked at Jackson again. "I'm Mark Sloan after all... but I could use a partner," he said earnestly.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

_"You are an Avery, but you're definitely so much more than that"_

The words caused Jackson to remember the first day he had been put on Mark's service. Enthused and a bit overexcited because Jackson had always secretly liked Plastics.

Cardio had been his field, but something always drew him to Plastics. People could recreate themselves or repair a blight that had been caused by nature or man.

When Mark had told him his looks is what mattered it made Jackson feel deflated. In Cardio, Cristina was better then he could ever be and if all he could accomplish in Plastics was be a pretty face he had to start considering if this field, if that hospital, was right for him at all.

The past year had erased Jackson's fears completely. Mark wasn't just one of the best plastic surgeons he knew, Mark was one of the best surgeons period.

The man knew his skill and knew it well. He found Jackson worthy enough to teach, despite their rocky start and if Jackson was completely honest with himself Mark Sloan made Jackson discover the passion for surgery.

The passion that was behind Cristina's eyes every time she held a heart, or when Alex sent a kid home well and with a prognosis of a long and happy life.

Jackson had performed surgery, but he had never really lived for it. He knew it was something he wanted to do for the rest of his life, but he was missing that fire in your gut every great surgeon talks about. With Mark and Plastics he had found it and for that Jackson would always be grateful.

Sitting hear now, on this cold bench and feeling so utterly hopeless having Mark say that Jackson was more then a name, that he was worth the effort, made him feel...worthy.

"I slept with April and now she hates me"

Jackson looked shocked that the words had come out of his mouth. He's not sure if he wanted it out in the air like that, but now that it was there was no taking it back.

Mark remained silent. His face neither shocked nor expected.

Mark had tried to get them to sleep together. Surely, he couldn't be that surprised.

_That was it, though _Jackson thought _Mark knew Jackson would never do it because he wasn't that kind of man, Mark thought better of him and now that he knows Jackson wasn't what he thought he was reevaluating all the praise he gave the younger man._

What kind of man would do something so careless to a person like April Kepner? 

The thought sent a cold chill down Jackson's spine. The idea of Mark being disgusted with him, of hating him, made him terrified. Jackson couldn't lose both, him and April.

He wouldn't have anybody left.

"Say something" Jackson said quietly "please"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Awwwwwwwwww… someone's reading our story ;-) Thanks for the comments, and we'd always love more of them… we wanna know how you like the story, how you like our progress and whatsoever… it gets very "AU" from now on, but some things that happened in the show WILL happen in our story as well :-) Please comment if you have the time, we're always interested in your opinions!

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark couldn't believe what he had just heard. Jackson... Avery... he had slept with Kepner. He had wanted them to sleep together a couple of weeks back and had tried to hook up Kepner with Avery, but now, where they finally had done it - obviously - he felt a strange sting of jealousy within him. And it confused the hell out of him. The moment the words had come out of Jackson's mouth, Mark had felt like someone had just punched him in the gut. But shouldn't he be happy for Jackson? Happy that he finally got laid?

He was so lost in his thoughts, that he didn't even notice how time had passed since Jackson had said that ominous sentence, until he heard Jackson's voice again, which brought him back to reality.

_"Say something... please..."_

Mark could almost hear the desperation in Jackson's voice and when he turned around to face him again, he also could see it in his eyes.

"I'm... I'm sorry, Jackson, I didn't mean to... I mean..." he stuttered, trying to get himself back together. He turned towards Jackson even more and slowly and gently put a hand on Jackson's shoulder to comfort him.

"Everything's gonna be fine, Avery, okay? I don't think she really hates you. How could someone ever hate you?" His words came from his heart and he meant what he said.

"Are you... are you in love with her? Because if that's the case, you should probably tell her... let her know how you feel. Maybe she's just afraid to admit that she's in love with you, too," he tried to encourage Jackson.

He never really thought those two could end up together. It just wasn't an option in his head, and now it was maybe happening. Mark didn't like the thought at all, and he couldn't even say why. Of course he wanted his friend to be happy. Heck, he wanted all of his friends to be happy, but Kepner? Not that he had a problem with her and he knew she meant a lot to Jackson but he always thought she wasn't his type.

He shook off his thoughts and looked Jackson directly in the eye. "If there is anything I can do to help you get the girl, just let me know, okay? You... deserve to be happy, and I'm pretty sure, whatever is wrong with Kepner, she doesn't hate you."

He let out a sigh. "If I were in her situation, I could never hate you."

The words came out before Mark had even thought about them or what they could mean, so a second later he wasn't only shocked about his own words but also about the fact that he was picturing himself doing "things" with Jackson. What the hell was wrong with him? Maybe he had drank too much? But it was only one beer. They didn't even get over the first one. Maybe he was just overworked.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

_"How could someone ever hate you?"_

Jackson thought Mark would be surprised.

Jackson listened to Mark talk and the man's surprise was evident in his voice. The stuttering almost made him laugh until Mark asked if he had been in love with April.

Jackson loved her. She was sweet, kind, and she was always there if Jackson really needed her. If Jackson could consult the guy he was at 16 and ask him what kind of girl did he want to marry one day he has no doubt April would have fit that to a T.

Jackson wasn't _in _love with her, though. Maybe it was something that was lacking in him that he couldn't bring himself to want that kind of girl.

_"If there is anything I can do to help you get the girl, just let me know, okay? You deserve to be happy"_

Mark said it like he really believed it. It was weird to have somebody believe in Jackson so much. His own family didn't even hold him to that high of a regard and it made Jackson even that more sure that having Mark Sloan in his life was one of the best things he had going for him.

"_If I was in her situation, I could never hate you_"

Jackson looked at the older man. Mark's eyes seemed surprised that the statement had made it out of his mouth.

"It would be a lot easier to deal with, that's for sure" Jackson told him.

Talking like this had reminded Jackson of med school. The man hadn't been with many guys. Only one really, Tyler Browning. Back then Jackson had never really had to worry about religious meltdowns or broken friendships.

It was fun and uncomplicated and Jackson would have given anything to have a relationship like that right now.

Mark's statement had made Jackson, just for a second, envision it as Mark instead of April. The man was impossibly straight so it wasn't as if the chance would ever really be anything more then a throwaway comment made to help his young partner, but still, the images of he and Mark in that hotel room wasn't the worst thing to cross his mind.

That would come with it's own set of problems, though. Mark was a boss, they dated the same girl and the man had a girlfriend at home. If anything it would be even worse then with April.

"I should go" Mark said and it shook Jackson out of his ludicrous thoughts. The man looked anxious and flustered.

"Oh...okay" Jackson said "is everything okay?"

"Yeah" Mark said smiling "I just need to know you will be fine"

Jackson actually did feel a lot better then he had just 15 minutes before. It felt good to get it out there and have somebody tell Jackson he wasn't the monster he thought he was.

"Thank you Mark" Jackson said, looking up as the older man stood in front of him. "You didn't have to listen, but I'm really glad you did"

Mark was still looking out of sorts. Like he had just seen something that made him question himself. Jackson wanted to ask, but something told him he wouldn't get much of an answer right now.

"You're a good man Avery, don't forget that" and with that Mark made his way back towards the bar.

The wind was cold and Jackson felt as if it was only going to get colder as the night went on, but for the first time, in a long time, Jackson felt warm and happy.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark needed a drink. Right the fuck now. To get those images out of his head. The longer he was with Jackson, the more the images started flooding his mind, so he had to get out of there, even though he normally wasn't the type of guy who just ran away from problems. That wasn't him, but in this case, it wasn't really a problem, right? He was just confused. A lot had happened lately and he had spent a lot of time with Jackson.

He shook his head, trying to get the thoughts of Jackson away, but it didn't help. He was glad when he finally entered the bar again and ordered a drink, and he felt even better when the first shot of Tequila ran down his throat. Within seconds he ordered a second one and a third and fourth right afterwards. Probably that wasn't the best idea he ever had since he had to perform a surgery the next day, but he just needed to calm down.

When he ordered his fifth drink, Joe looked at him, obviously a little concerned. "Is everything alright?"

Mark waved dismissively. "Sure. Of course. Can I get my drink now?"

Joe sighed, but still reached him his drink. "You shouldn't drive anymore, you know? I think it would be better if you hand me your car keys."

Mark rolled his eyes. "I'm an adult. A grown up very responsible man. I'm a doctor. I think I know what I can handle. And just for your information: I don't even have my car with me, I went to work by foot today, so relax."

With this, Mark downed his fifth tequila and put some bills on the counter. "I'm leaving now, good night." Mark said, sliding of his stool and swaying for a few seconds, before he could steady himself. The alcohol definitely took its toll already and Mark just hoped he would make it until home.

He left the bar and went down the street a few metres until he found a bench and fell onto it. "Fuck!" he cursed, running a hand through his blond locks.

He grabbed his mobile phone out of his jeans pocket and opened a message to Jackson, not even knowing exactly why he did it.

"Listen, I'm a little bit drunk, so that might sound stupid, but I hope, I didn't sound all too pathetic when we met, but you can believe me when I tell you I meant every word I said and I hope, you will at least think about staying here, even though you most likely have every possibility to leave. Good night."

He sent the message away before even thinking twice and put his phone back into his pocket, trying to stand up again and all of a sudden the world started rotating around him, so he decided to just stay there for a little longer and sank back onto the bench. Great. He was a drunken mess, and all because he had some stupid thoughts about his resident? That was so out of character for him, since those feelings most likely meant nothing. Maybe he was just lonely.

Mark laughed bitter. He had a girlfriend, he was in a relationship. He shouldn't feel lonely at all, but he did. Especially when he was not with Jackson. Julia was a nice girl, but she didn't understand him the way Jackson did and he had to admit, that he thought about the younger doctor quite often lately, but that would never mean anything. At least not to Jackson. He was his boss. And his friend. Nothing more, nothing less. He needed to fight back every feeling that might rise within him. For both of their sakes.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson was just about to jump in the shower when he could hear his cell buzzing on the nightstand.

It was late and Jackson wouldn't be completely wrong for ignoring it.

Jackson knew himself, though.

He would be worrying that it was an important call. Somebody dying by the side of the road or a chance to change his long-distance service.

Running over Jackson picked up the phone and noticed a message from Mark that he must have missed.

_Listen, I'm a little bit drunk, so that might sound stupid, but I hope, I didn't sound all too pathetic when we met, but you can believe me when I tell you I meant every word I said and I hope, you will at least think about staying here, even though you most likely have every possibility to leave. Good night._

Jackson wasn't even aware he was smiling until he stopped and looked at the unfamiliar number on his cell's screen

"Hello?"

"Jackson, Jackson Avery?" a male voice asked.

"Yes" Jackson asked cautiously.

"Hey, this is Joe, from the bar" the man said "I got your number out of Dr. Sloan's phone"

"Is everything okay?" Jackson asked. His chest felt tight and he could feel his breath already coming in short spurts.

_Did something happen after Mark left?_

Was he hurt?

The questions flooded Jackson's mind.

"It's probably not my place, but Dr. Sloan just left and he said he's walking home, but I don't think he's in the best state right now to make that judgement" Joe said.

"I got it" Jackson said and put on the shirt he had discarded on the bed "Thanks for letting me know Joe, I appreciate it"

"No problem, Dr. Avery" and with that the conversation ended.

Jackson grabbed his coat and headed back out.

He figured walking back the way he came was the best option.

Walking through the park Jackson could see Mark sitting on the bench the two had occupied earlier in the night.

Jackson walked up and it was evident Mark was inebriated.

"Hey Mark" Jackson said as he stood in front of the man. Mark looked up at Jackson, he looked confused and if Jackson didn't know any better Mark looked just a bit scared.

"You okay?" Jackson asked.

"Y-Yeah" Mark said "what are you doing here?"

"I gotta call saying you needed some adult supervision"

The statement got a laugh out of Mark and it seemed to relieve some of the weird tension Jackson was feeling.

"It's pretty late and since my apartment is closer than yours why don't you crash there tonight"

"I-I can't" Mark said standing up and he immediately started to sway on his feet.

Holding him steady Jackson placed an arm around his shoulders "I have to insist".

Mark looked like he wanted to protest, but nothing came out of the man's mouth.

"Julia" Mark said weakly "I should really-"

"I'm sure she's fine leaving you in my hands for the night" Jackson said with a friendly smile and did his best to ignore the way Mark tensed up at the sentence.

As the two made their way to Jackson's apartment Jackson knew something was off. He just hoped that whatever it was that Mark would trust him enough to let him help.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark didn't know what brought him to search for it, but while sitting on this bench, staring into the nothing, he felt cold suddenly and thought, it would be best to make his way home. So he got up, still swaying, and tried to walk a few metres, but he almost couldn't keep himself on his feet, so he leaned against a tree and decided to turn around again and sit on the bench for a while longer, even though it looked pretty far away all of a sudden.

It took him another couple of minutes to get back to the bench, but when he finally did, he took out his mobile phone and noticed that he had missed several calls from Julia. Why hadn't he seen that before? When he had sent the message to Jackson?

Julia had left messages on his mailbox as well. Fighting with himself whether to listen to them or not, he finally decided to do so and held the phone to his ear.

"Hey Mark, it's Julia. I'm sorry for being such a bitch, but we really need to talk. Call me back," the voice of his girlfriend came through his phone. Mark sighed and activated the next message.

"Mark, where are you? I'm really worried. Please call me." She sounded almost desperate in this second message, but still Mark couldn't get himself to call her back. Instead, he opened the third and last message.

"Okay, listen, I didn't want to do this over the phone, but you didn't give me another choice. I think I'm pregnant. I haven't made a test yet, but I am overdue with my period. We really need to talk about this, I'm waiting in your apartment."

Mark almost dropped the phone because of Julia's last message and he stared at the display for a couple of seconds - maybe minutes - before he put his phone back into his pocket.

How could that have happened? It wasn't like he didn't want another kid, just not now... and most definitely not with Julia, even though she was perfect and sweet and nice and Mark really liked her. But not enough to start a family with her. And they had only been together a couple of months, it was just too soon. He didn't want to hurt Julia, but he couldn't sit back and do nothing any longer. He had to talk to her, but he didn't know how to face her. At least not tonight. He didn't want to go home, since she probably would be there, so he just sat there on the bench, still feeling the influence of the alcohol, when he all of a sudden heard a familiar voice.

_"Hey Mark"_

Mark looked up at Jackson, tilting his head. What the hell was Jackson doing here? He heard Jackson ask if he was alright and just waved dismissively, finally questioning him about his presence.

When he got his answer, he laugehd out loud. Joe. He must have stolen his phone to call Jackson when he wasn't paying attention, but why of all people did he call his resident?

Before he could even give it a second thought, Jackson was already deciding that he would be staying at his apartment - the one he just moved into - and Jackson didn't even give him a chance to say no. Or rather, he didn't accept his no, so he finally gave in, just letting Jackson guide him. He tried to bring up Julia as a last resort, but not even that did work. He let out a sigh and walked alongside Jackson until they were at his apartment.

"I... I shouldn't be here...," Mark whispered, looking into Jacksons big blue eyes and feeling really captivated for a moment. So much, that he wasn't able to turn away for only a second. He watched Jackson grabbing his keys out of his jacket and unlocking the door with these long, delicate fingers of his, which Mark had seen do miracles in surgery several times. He took a step towards Jackson, almost swaying again but keeping himself together, before pressing the younger resident against the door with his body, before he even had the chance to open it.

"You shouldn't have brought me here," he whispered close to his ear, placing his hands on either side of Jackson's head at the door. Again, those confusing images of him kissing Jackson started flooding his mind, and after a few seconds he just couldn't bear it any longer. He leaned forward and stopped only inches from Jackson's face. "I'm drunk," he stated, going on immediately. "...and I'm sorry..." With those words he closed the distance and pressed his lips against Jackson's gently, while one of his hands slid down to the back of Jackson's neck and bringing their heads even closer together. Julia was long forgotten, and he needed that right now. More than anything else.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **I'm sorry for updating so "late", because we are already making a lot of progress with this storyline and are very far already, but I'm so busy in real life and with all the "copying" and "proof-reading" it takes a little time to update… :)

I'm glad we got 2 new comments, but more would always be awesome… if you like the story, it would be great if you'd leave a note… and if not, it also would be great to tell us why not! =D

So far, so good, enjoy the next chapter C=

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson was sure that at this rate Mark was going to have one hell of a headache tomorrow.

_"I..I..shouldn't be here"_

"Don't be ridiculous" Jackson said as he fished his keys out of his jacket pocket "I can't have you walking drunkenly into traffic"

Jackson had just pushed the key into the hole and turned the lock when he felt Mark crash into his body.

He must have been really drunk.

Turning around Jackson was surprised to discover how close Mark was to him. So close that the younger man could smell the faint scent of tequila Mark must have been drinking after the two parted ways.

_"You shouldn't have brought me here"_

Jackson could see something in Mark's eyes. Beyond the intoxicated gaze there was something the man never expected to see.

Lust

Lust directed at Jackson and in an instant the man knew he was in a complicated situation. Jackson watched as Mark placed his hands on either side of his head as he leaned against the door.

_"I'm drunk and I'm sorry"_

"Mark I-" Jackson started to say before he felt the older man crash his lips onto his own. Jackson felt Mark place a hand on the back of his neck and pull him in closer.

How was this happening?

Jackson's mind took several seconds to process this. Mark, his boss and mentor, kissing him with a desperate urgency that made Jackson feel flush.

It felt good, really good.

"Stop" Jackson said as he finally pushed Mark away "What are you doing?"

Mark had pushed his body against Jackson's once more and for the first time Jackson could feel Mark's arousal against his leg.

"Been thinking about this all night" Mark whispered before capturing Jackson's lips once more. The next thing Jackson felt was Mark turning the doorknob and swinging his apartment door open as he pushed Jackson in and shut the door with his foot, never breaking away from Jackson once.

"I can't" Jackson said, but the protest sounded weak and without conviction.

Mark must have spotted the couch that was in the living room, because Jackson felt the man pick him up and carry him the few feet from the door to lay him down on the soft cushions before crashing on top of him.

Jackson needed to stop this, but the feeling of Mark kissing his neck sent shivers down his spine.

"This is wrong" Jackson said.

"Something that feels this good can't be wrong, right?" Mark said.

In an instant Jackson could feel his body go cold. The statement was exactly what April had said to him in San Francisco.

It was happening again and Jackson was too stupid to pick up on it. Mark, like April, was hurting and instead of doing the right thing he was doing the easiest thing.

He was going to be another person's mistake.

"Stop" Jackson said as he pushed Mark off of him and stood up. Once Jackson got free he looked around. What if April or Alex had seen this? Mark was drunk, what the hell was he thinking?

"Jackson?" Mark looked confused "What's the matter?"

"You should sleep" Jackson said clearly shaken "we have some sheets and pillows in the hall closet" and with that Jackson headed for the stairs.

"Jackson, wait"

"I'll see you in the morning" Jackson told Mark and before the other man could say a word Jackson made his way to his room and closed the door.

Kicking off his shoes and pants Jackson jumped into bed and pulled the covers over his head.

He just wanted to sleep.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark felt Jackson pushing him away after he kissed him, but despite Jackson seeming slightly confused, he also looked like he had enjoyed the kiss, and Mark didn't plan on stopping what he was doing anytime soon. Instead, he pushed his body against Jackson's once again to let him feel how hot he was. And how horny. And how much he wanted him.

Once they were inside Jackson's apartment, he could feel him slowly giving in, even though he still tried to protest. But without much effort. He looked around and found Jackson's couch and yes, that would do it for now. They could always move into the bedroom later, but right now he just wanted to be close to Jackson. He ignored everything else within him that told him that he shouldn't do it - most likely his brain, his consciousness - because he wanted this so bad. He wanted Jackson so badly.

He carried Jackson to the couch and laid him down there, only to be on top of him seconds later. He breathed in Jackson's scent and it was intoxicating. He wanted more, so much more, so he started kissing Jackson's neck, while his hands were running up and down Jackson's body.

_"This is wrong"_

Jackson tried to object once more, but Mark couldn't make himself stop. He needed to feel Jackson, and the thought of having him so close drove him up the wall. Jackson was driving him crazy.

Before he could go on doing anything, though, Jackson all of a sudden pushed him off himself and stood up. Just a couple of seconds ago he seemed to like the idea of them, and Mark thought he was just about to give in, but right now, there was nothing of it there anymore. The fire in Jackson's eyes was gone and it brought Mark back to reality in an instant. What had he done?

He heard Jackson say something about that he should sleep and that there are sheets and pillows in the closet, but it almost didn't reach him.

"Jackson, wait!" he shouted for him when Jackson turned away, but Jackson just left. Left Mark sitting on his couch and feeling so vulnerable all of a sudden. What was wrong with him? Why had Jackson turned him down? He could feel that Jackson was responding to the kiss and it had felt so good, and now he just felt... empty... alone...

He got up from the couch, still swaying a little bit, but managing to compose himself. He turned on the light - which they hadn't done yet - and looked for some piece of paper and a pencil. There was no way he could stay there for the night. He found what he was looking for in the kitchen and wrote Jackson a note.

_**Jackson, I'm sorry for what I did. Just forget it ever happened and let's go on being friends. I can't lose you, okay? Because you're the best thing that happened to me in a long time. Mark**_

His handwriting was shaky and his letter sounded way too sappy for his own taste, but he could always blame it on the alcohol later. And it was true, he didn't want to lose Jackson. It scared him that he started to develop feelings for his younger resident and it shocked him, that he hadn't realized it sooner. That it had taken Jackson and April to sleep with each other to make him see what was in front of his eyes. Jackson and him had been pretty close in the past few months, ever since they had started working together, but just now did he see how close they really were.

He placed the letter on the living room table, before he made his way out of Jackson's apartment, and was already halfway home when he thought about Julia being there, and he just couldn't face her right now, either. So he decided to crash at Derek's place, the old one, hoping he was able to spend the night there. He needed time to think. He needed time alone. This was all too much. First the thing with Lexie and Julia, and now there was Jackson. Maybe he should have chosen Lexie instead of Julia, maybe he should have gotten back together with her. Maybe he would be happy now if he did. Maybe. He most likely would never find out. And who knew if the feelings he started developing for Jackson wouldn't have been there anyways.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson was having a horrible morning.

A restless sleep had lead to an anxiety crippling breakfast. He had tried to eat a bowl of cereal, but the second Alex walked in and started to talk about one of his job prospects in Miami Jackson had lost his appetite.

"You got an offer there too, didn't you Avery?"

Jackson did. To the same hospital Alex had gotten an offer, but his mind had been so set on staying in Seattle that he completely forgot about it.

"We could do some real damage there" Alex says and after last night Jackson's stomach clenched at the thought of that being a real possibility.

Mark's note still played in his mind. Things were screwed up between them now and with April still avoiding him like a plague Jackson may no longer have a choice when it came to working at Seattle Mercy.

Getting up Jackson dumped his bowl in the sink and was about to head upstairs before he heard Alex call him.

"Wait about 10 minutes and we can ride in together" Alex said and although Jackson really wasn't in the mood for company he didn't protest.

The ride to the hospital was the shortest and longest one of his life. The last time Jackson was this nervous about walking in was the day it had re-opened after the shooting.

That was a tragedy. Jackson felt a little stupid even carrying those same emotions from that day.

What would he say to Mark? How could the two even pretend to ignore what had happened the previous night?

They were both adults, though. They could admit their mistakes and move on. Even if Jackson could still taste Mark's kiss on his tongue.

Jackson's bravado was charged and ready until the moment he saw Mark at the nurse's station looking over a chart. His confidence fell away almost immediately and when Mark looked over to him and made a move to come towards Jackson the man panicked.

"Alex, wait!" Jackson said running over and putting a death grip on the man's arm.

"Ouch, damn" Alex said.

"Arizona is still on vacation the rest of the week, right?" Jackson asked

"Yeah, why?"

"Meet your new assistant for the day" Jackson said

"You're a plastic surgeon, not a day care worker" Alex told him.

"Do you wanna deal with double the amount of kids today or not?"

Alex looked like he contemplated for a moment before agreeing.

"Fine, but any good thing you do today and I get full credit" Alex told him.

"Okay" Jackson said and looking back at Mark and seeing his face looking so sullen Jackson hated himself for being such a coward.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

When Mark had arrived at Derek's and Meredith's old house, no one had been at home. Of course not. But lucky for him, he knew where the spare key was and took it from underneath the flower pot and crashed on Derek's living room couch. All he could think about was Jackson, and the kiss they had shared. What was it with him and the residents? First Lexie and now Jackson? That was crazy. He probably should just forget about everything and try to just be friends with him again. He just hoped, it was possible, and that Jackson got his letter and really would forgive him.

It took Mark a while until he could find some rest, and the next morning he felt totally knocked out, and his headache was killing him. But that was the punishment for drinking so much.

He took a quick shower and went to Derek's old bedroom to borrow some clothes he knew his friend still kept here - just in case - and then he made his way to the hospital, anxiously waiting for Jackson to arrive as well. He needed to talk to him. He needed to clear the air before they started to work. He had to apologize to him and he just HAD TO try to make everything better. He wanted Jackson in his life so bad and he was afraid he had destroyed everything by kissing him and trying to seduce him.

He was leaning over the counter, talking to a nurse, when he heard some footsteps and turned to see Jackson and Karev coming along the hallway. He started walking towards the two of them, when he all of a sudden heard Jackson shout out for his colleague-resident, who had already turned away, and saw him grabbing Karev's arm.

_"Alex, wait!"_

He stood close enough to get their conversation, the whole conversation, and it felt like a punch in the gut. And it kind of broke his heart. He wanted to say something, wanted to scream after Jackson, but his mouth wouldn't listen to his brain. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but nothing came out. Nothing. Something that had never happened to him. He was normally pretty good with words, but not today. Today was different.

He watched Jackson leave and turned around, feeling pretty depressed suddenly. That was pathetic. He would survive a day without Jackson, right? It wasn't like they were married or anything like that, and even Callie and Arizona, despite they were married, worked in different sections of the hospital and sometimes didn't see each other for the whole day.

Violently, he shook his head, rolling his eyes about himself. If Jackson didn't want to talk to him or see him, so be it. He turned and walked towards Dr. Hunt's office.

"Dr. Sloan! What can I do for you?" the older doctor asked once he knocked and entered the room.

"Avery... Dr. Avery works with Dr. Karev today and I need help. Is there someone I can have for the day?" he wanted to know.

Hunt tilted his head. "Is everything alright between the two of you?"

Mark raised an eyebrow. "Yes? Why wouldn't it? It's not like we're glued to each other. A day with Karev won't kill Avery."

"I was more concerned about you, actually," Hunt gave back. "But okay, let me check..." He typed something in his computer and a few seconds later he looked up at Mark again. "Kepner would be available. If you want her, I'll page her right away."

"Kepner?" Mark sighed, thinking about it for a moment.

"If you don't want her...," Hunt started, but Mark cut him off mid-sentence. "Kepner it's okay. Tell her to meet me at the nurse's station."

With those words he left Hunt's office. Kepner. That was actually a good thing. Maybe he could bring her to talk to Jackson again. That was the least he could do and maybe, just maybe, it would bring Jackson to talk to him again. He was actually almost looking forward to work with Kepner, when he arrived at the nurse's station, only to see her running towards him.

"Dr. Sloan, Dr. Hunt said you needed me," she said heavy breathing. "I came as fast as I could."

Mark put on a smile. "It's okay, Kepner, everything's fine." He patted her back. "Calm down. You're under my service for today."

Kepner looked up at him wide eyed. "Really? But what about Jackson... Dr. Avery? Will he be there as well?"

Mark shook his head. "Don't worry, he's with Karev for the day. We're alone."

The younger resident let out a relieved sigh. "Good."

"Come on, let's get to work," Mark replied, guiding her to the first room and handing her a chart. Oh yes, this would be a very interesting day.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

There was a time when Jackson had seriously considered Peds as a specialty. He loved kids and kids generally seemed to love him too.

Jackson had only offered to help Alex because he was too scared of being alone with Mark, but he had to admit he was really enjoying himself.

Sarah Myers was in the hospital in preparation to get her tonsils removed. A simple surgery, but hospitals made the little girl nervous so Jackson had spent the last twenty minutes playing Go Fish with her.

Jackson only felt a little bad that she had already beaten him twice.

He was preparing for another game when Alex walked in and tapped him on the shoulder "It's lunch time, man"

Looking at the little girl Alex smiled "Sarah, your mom is waiting for you in your room"

"Okay" the little girl said "Can we finish our game later Dr. Avery"

"Jackson" the man said "and I wouldn't miss it for the world"

"How do you do it, man?" Alex asked Jackson as the two made their way to the cafeteria.

"Do what?"

"Get those kids to like you on the first day?" Alex and Jackson rounded the corner "It took me months to get some of those kids to even smile at me"

"It might help that I don't get annoyed with them after 20 seconds"

"I don't get annoyed...anymore" Alex said and Jackson laughed. It felt good to enjoy himself after feeling like the dark cloud over his head would never leave.

As the two men entered the cafeteria and headed for the food line Jackson looked over and saw Mark almost immediately.

Mark with April, as if this situation could get any worse.

Jackson's heart was already going a mile a minute.

He knew he was being paranoid, but his mind couldn't stop wondering what they were talking about.

Were Mark and April both coming to the conclusion that the man just wasn't worth the effort they had put into him?

By the end of the day would Mark revoke his offer to stay at Seattle Grace?

Jackson couldn't believe how much the thought terrified him.

"Are you just going to stand there?" Alex asked and coming out of his thoughts Jackson grabbed a tray.

"This Miami thing?" Jackson asked "are you serious about accepting their offer?"

"It's a good offer" Alex said "Almost twice what I expected"

Jackson remembered the offer Miami had made to him and like Alex's offer it had been so much more then he had expected.

"Are you thinking about accepting, because if you are I'd rather have one familiar face with me" Alex said.

Looking over at Mark as the older man held an intense conversation with April Jackson picked up a fruit cup and followed Alex to one of the spare tables located at the far end of the room.

"Yeah" Jackson said "I'm thinking about it".

**Mark Sloan POV:**

"Please, Kepner... he's your best friend... you have to at least try to talk things out, or you might regret it later..." Mark tried time and time again to convince April that she shouldn't give up on Jackson after what had happened between them, but so far with no luck. April stayed bull-headed.

"Why do you even care?" She asked, taking a bite of her sandwich.

"Because he means..." he started, but cut himself off immediately and started all over again. "Because he's my friend and I care about him. A lot. And I see that he suffers because of this situation. I'm sure it wasn't ONLY his fault..."

"No, it wasn't," April finally admitted, letting out a sigh.

"I really miss him... but I have no idea how I can ever look him in the eye again. I mean, he has seen me naked," April went on, blushing slightly.

"If that helps you, you can see _me_ naked," Mark offered. "And you will notice that it's not that big of a deal. Take me and Callie... Doctor Torres... when we were both Single we had this kind of friends with benefits thing going on and it never did any harm to our friendship."

"Yeah, but I'm not Doctor Torres and Jackson is not you. I just can't handle the whole situation... it's all too much. And then I've failed my boards... can it get any worse?" Again, the younger resident sighed, this time a lot more desperate.

"It can, if you don't talk to him. God knows what will happen then. Maybe he's gonna take one of those offers he got from all over the country, and then he will be gone," Mark replied and felt a deep sadness within him. He didn't want Jackson to go at all, but it was his decision, and he had already told him that he wanted him to stay. What else could he do?

"You really think he might go?" April asked doubtfully.

Mark nodded. "I _really_ think he might go, yes."

April looked around and all of a sudden her finger pointed to another table. "Okay... I think I should talk to him right now."

Mark hadn't even noticed Jackson until then and he swallowed hard. "You do that... I'll see you later for the surgery." With those words he stood up and carried his dinner tray to the dining car. He had barely eaten anything, but right now he just wasn't hungry anymore. He almost couldn't bear to be in the same room with Jackson anymore.

**April Kepner POV:**

April felt more than just nervous, walking over to Jackson like that while he was obviously talking to Alex. She didn't want to annoy him or anything like that. Especially not after what had happened between them and since they haven't even said "hello" to each other in days. Which was for the most part her fault, April knew that. But she still felt embarrassed for sleeping with him. More so because the sex had felt absolutely awesome, and she could totally understand now, why people did it all the time. Also, Jackson was the right one to lose her virginity to, since he was her best friend and April trusted him.

She took a deep breath before walking the past few metres towards Jackson and tipping him on the shoulder.

"Jackson? Can I talk to you for a moment, please?" she asked, noticing that her voice was on a high pitch… like always when she was really nervous.

Jackson turned around and looked up at her, puzzled. "Really?"

April nodded. "Yes, please. It's important."

Jackson turned back to Alex. "If you would excuse me for a minute?"

"And if not you're going anyways," Alex gave back. "So be my guest."

Jackson nodded towards Alex and got up. "Here?" he asked, but April shook her head. "No, come on." She took his hand and pulled him towards the hallway and directly into one of the on-call rooms, before she had even realized what she was doing herself.

"Seriously, April The On-Call Room?" Jackson asked and raised an eyebrow. "What do you want?"

"Talk... I only want to talk," April said hastily.

"Look... I'm really sorry I've been ignoring you the whole time, but the thing is... ever since we slept together I feel so embarrassed. I can barely look at you and whenever I do, I think about this night... and I don't know how the fuck I can get what happened with you out of my head and be best friends with you again, because it was just fucking awesome, and I wanna do it again and that embarrasses me even more," April ranted on. "I mean..." She looked up at Jackson. "Not necessarily with you... even though you were really good, but I'm not in love with you, because you're my best friend and I..." She started blushing. "I am making a total fool of myself, but the thing is..."

Slowly April took a step towards Jackson. "I love you. You're the only real friend I have here, the one that knows me better than anyone else, and I need you right now. Please don't go. Please don't leave." She let out a deep sigh. "God, that felt good, getting this off my chest. Doctor Sloan was right."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** I'm SO sorry it took me so long to upload the next chapter but my laptop crashed and I still don't have it back. I'm on the netbook of my father right now and I had to save and „proof read" everything I already have all over again to give you the next part, so I really hope, you'll enjoy it...

I have to raise the rating with this chapter, though, since things start to get... dirty now... ;-) If you enjoy what you're reading, PLEASE comment, or we (me and my RPG Partner) don't know if you want another part of our story or not :-)

**Jackson Avery POV:**

April talking to him was one of the last things that Jackson had expected.

He was slowly coming to accept that he had lost her.

"_I wanna do it again,not necessarily with you, you're my best friend_"

That statement, as awkward and Kepnerish as it was, almost made him laugh. The truth was Jackson never had many friends. The man had a bad habit of losing them along the way. Through his own design or through a madman's misguided sense of justice.

"_I love you. You're the only real friend I have here, the one that knows me better than anyone else, and I need you right now. Please don't go. Please don't leave_"

How did she know that he was thinking about it?

Jackson had to conclude that Mark had something to do with it and thinking back to the scene in the cafeteria Jackson realized how idiotic his own paranoia was.

Even after the complete shit Jackson was to him this morning the man still looked out for him.

"Are you going to leave?" April asked and Jackson couldn't start fresh with her by lying.

"I don't know" it was the truth as far as Jackson knew. Her face took on a pained expression and Jackson immediately wanted to take the words back,but he couldn't...he wouldn't.

Jackson couldn't make a decision until he at least cleared the air with Mark. Until the two could come to some kind of understanding of what the previous night was.

Mark had a girlfriend and a life that Jackson really didn't want to mess up. Staying might do exactly that,but if he and Mark could move past this then maybe Jackson could stay.

He would really like to stay.

After making amends with April and finishing his shift with Alex the man invited Jackson for a drink. Jackson told him that he would meet him at Joe's and after Alex left Jackson worked up the courage to see Mark.

Jackson found him in his office finishing up the day's work and he stood in the doorway. Jackson took a minute to admire the man. He really was beautiful and in another life and in another set of circumstances Jackson could see himself wanting a man like Mark.

Shaking his head Jackson scolded himself. He couldn't afford to think like that.

"Mark" Jackson said and watched as the man turned around "can we talk?"

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark had no idea how he mananged to get through the day, because the constant thought about Jackson made it almost impossible to concentrate on work. And then there was Julia who had left him a douzen messages which he hadn't answered yet. He was avoiding her, and he knew that wasn't right. He shouldn't do that. Julia could and would give him everything he always wanted. She was awesome, and she wanted a family with him, but Mark... right now he didn't know what he wanted anymore. It was all so overwhelming. And her confession that she might be pregnant hit him hard. And out of the blue. He thought they were safe with Julia taking the pill, but obviously something went wrong, and if he had had the balls to actually talk to her about it, things could have already been cleared up.

He let out a sigh, while signing one more chart and finishing up his patient files. He needed to get out of here. Soon. And he needed to talk to Julia. He just had to. He owed her that much, and it wasn't her fault that he was going crazy because of his sexy, blue-eyed resident he couldn't stop thinking about.

He was so lost in his files, that he didn't even notice someone coming closer, let alone seeing Jackson at all, until all of a sudden he heard Jackson's voice calling his name.

He had to keep himself from twitching and turned around slowly.

_"Can we talk?"_

Mark swallowed hard. He hadn't expected Jackson to turn up here, let alone really willing to talk to him.

He got up from his chair and went to the door to close it. "Sure," he said when he was standing in front of Jackson - very close to him, as he noticed a moment later and took a step back for that matter. "Let's talk."

He buried his hands in his coat pockets and looked at Jackson curiously. "I'm really surprised to see you here to be honest," he admitted. "I thought I might never see you again, and it would have been my own fault, because I behaved like an idiot, and I'm really sorry..." He scratched the back of his neck. "Look, I was really drunk last night, and I appreciate, that you came for my rescue, but maybe you shouldn't have, because then I couldn't and wouldn't have literally attacked you. I really don't wanna lose you, Jackson, and I crossed a line... and if that's the reason for you to go to another hospital... take one of those offers, then maybe I should be the one to go, not you. You're an awesome surgeon, and they need you here."

That was an usual long rant for him, and he shook his head slightly. Kepner must have rubbed off on him.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson had no idea that Mark babbled when he was nervous. It was actually kind of endearing.

Hearing the man talk Jackson realized he had blamed himself for what went down between the two. Jackson was a grown-up. He was equally responsible for what happened.

"_Look, I was really drunk last night, and I appreciate, that you came for my rescue, but maybe you shouldn't have, because then I couldn't and wouldn't have literally attacked you. I really don't wanna lose you, Jackson, and I crossed a line... and if that's the reason for you to go to another hospital... take one of those offers, then maybe I should be the one to go, not you. You're an awesome surgeon, and they need you here_"

"You're being too hard on yourself" Jackson said "and it wasn't an attack...I could have stopped it if I wanted to" he could see his words process on Mark's face.

He could have pushed Mark away after the kiss. Made him sober up before the man carried him over to his sofa. Jackson could have done a million little things to stop Mark, but he didn't really want to.

Standing here now Jackson chastised himself for not telling Mark all this before.

Mark was willing to leave in order for Jackson to stay. The sentiment didn't go unnoticed and it made Jackson want to hug him.

"A big reason I want to be here Dr. Sloan is because you are" Jackson said "You're one of the only people who has ever truly believed in me and I don't take that for granted"

Jackson walked further into the room.

"I don't know what last night was, but we can erase it as a stupid mistake made by the both of us. I don't know Julia very well, but she seems like a nice girl and I don't want that to be messed up because of me"

Jackson had been the other person more then once in his life. Hell, he had even been the other person with Lexie and he was tired of playing that role.

Mark still looked nervous and unsure of what to do next. Jackson couldn't fault him, though. He never imagined for a minute that the two men would be in Mark's office discussing the nature of their relationship after a drunken make-out session.

"I'm willing to start over if you are" Jackson told Mark and he would learn to quell the feelings that had risen inside of him ever since that first kiss. His job and his friendship with Mark was far too important to risk on whatever temporary thing the two of them may have had.

It sucked big time, but Jackson really didn't have any other choice.

"If it's all the same I would like to get put back on your service tomorrow, if you want me"

**Mark Sloan POV:**

For a while, Mark just looked at Jackson... listened to him, to his words, and he was really, really glad and thankful, that Jackson obviously meant what he said. And that he wasn't mad at him.

_"A big reason I want to be here Dr. Sloan is because you are. You're one of the only people who has ever truly believed in me and I don't take that for granted"_

_"I don't know what last night was,but we can erase it as a stupid mistake made by the both of us. I don't know Julia very well, but she seems like a nice girl and I don't want that to be messed up because of me"_

When Jackson mentioned Julia, Mark started feeling queasy all of a sudden. He had to think about her maybe being pregnant again, and he just didn't know how to process that, let alone, be a family with a woman he really liked, but not loved. Not the way he had loved Lexie. And he didn't desire her the way he should. The way he desired Jackson right now. He just looked at him and all those thoughts, all those memories about last night kept floating his mind once again.

_"I'm willing to start over if you are"_

"If it's all the same I would like to get put back on your service tomorrow, if you want me"

Mark swallowed hard, before taking a step towards Jackson. "I'd love that," he whispered, coming even closer, until they were standing in front of each other. "And now I'm gonna hug you, Jackson. I'm gonna hug you really tight, because I missed you."

He opened his arms and welcomed Jackson in a tight embrace, pressing himself against Jackson's body. His heart was beating so fast, and he felt so close to him, felt a connection he hadn't felt in a very long time. Like that was exactly what he wanted, what he needed. He closed his eyes and inhaled Jackson's musky scent, and it was so captivating, almost enchanting.

When he started to let go slowly his cheek touched Jackson and all of a sudden their faces were only mere inches apart.

"Oh God, I..." Mark started, but stopped himself, still holding onto Jackson. "I should propably let you go right now."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, not wanting to ever open his eyes again. He could almost feel the sizzle in the air and he knew that something was happening between them, something, that made it really hard for him to resist Jackson, because he felt so damn attracted to him. And not only physically, but Jackson was really like his better half. He looked out for him and he was there for him. They had so much fun when they were together, but they also could talk about serious things, and Mark was just glad he knew him.

"Do you want me to let go of you?" he asked, with his eyes still closed and feeling Jackson's breath on his skin because they were still so close to each other.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

_"And now I'm gonna hug you, Jackson. I'm gonna hug you really tight, because I missed you."_

Relief washed over Jackson as Mark went to hug him. He was not quite sure what he expected Mark to do. Reject his apology, or worst yet, accept it but tell Jackson it would be best to take one of the offers that the man had been debating.

Jackson returned the hug in kind. It was warm and comforting. It made the man realize that it wasn't too late for everything to be good again.

Mark smelled clean and slightly lemony. A product of the hand soap Jackson knew the man preferred.

It was okay to get lost in the moment. Just one small moment where Jackson could pretend something more could come from this.

_"Oh God, I should probably let you go right now."_

The sentence had jarred Jackson out of his thoughts and he became aware of Mark holding him tighter then he remembered. The feeling of Mark's cheek as it brushed against his own.

The heat was evident between the two and as Mark looked Jackson in the eyes the man could feel his stomach flutter.

_"Do you want me to let go of you?"_

Jackson knew the sensible answer to that question. It needed to stop before both men went too far to take anything back. If they did anything now it was going to change their relationship completely. Jackson knew the smart thing to do was to walk away.

Leave the office and put the final nail in the coffin of this thing between him and Mark.

The only problem was Jackson wanted this. He wanted this more then anything else in the world right now.

Jackson resisted once, but he wasn't a strong enough man to do it again.

"No, don't let go" Jackson whispered and this time it was Jackson who kissed Mark. It would all go to hell tomorrow, but he was going to enjoy this night.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

_"No, don't let go"_ Mark heard Jackson say and then he felt Jackson's lips on his own, felt him kissing him like there was no tomorrow, and Mark couldn't do anything than respond to the kiss in every possible way.

He put his arms around Jackson even tighter and letting his hands slide up and down Jackson's back. God, that felt amazing. Absolutely great, and it felt so right. And it was exactly what Mark wanted in this moment. What he needed. Jackson. He wanted him, with all of his heart, and he wanted him now.

He let go of Jackson's lips and placed his hands on his cheeks. "Wait a moment," he whispered. "I'll be right back." He placed another kiss at Jackson's lips before he went to his office door, locking it with his key. He wanted to make sure that they were completely alone. That no one would come to disturb them, and his shift would end in a couple of minutes anyways. So if someone wanted something from him, he had to wait for it until tomorrow.

Slowly he moved towards Jackson again, who was now with his back to Mark's desk, and stretched one of his hands, to get him closer again. "Where were we?" he asked once he held Jackson in his arms again, gently stroking the back of his neck with one hand, while the other was resting on his hip.

"I think, you were about to kiss me again," Jackson replied, leaning forward and capturing one of his earlobes between his teeth, which sent shivers down Mark's spine. He was very sensitive at this spot, which Jackson couldn't know at all, but instinctively got totally right. When Jackson started licking his earcup and nibbling at his earlobe yet gain, Mark lost it. Completely. He felt so fucking hot, that he couldn't hold back any longer.

"God, Jackson, you're driving me crazy," he stated before pushing Jackson backwards until he was at his desk again and lifting him up, so he could sit on it. He waved all his stuff on the floor with one move and leaned closer to Jackson. "You have no idea how much I want you."

He kissed Jackson again with all of his passion and taking one of Jackson's hands that was around his neck to put it between his legs.

"Can you feel that?" he asked hungrily. "Can you feel how hard I am just because of you? You are all I think about," he admitted, not even thinking about the consequences. He wanted this, and he wanted to enjoy it. He wanted to enjoy Jackson as much as he could and he hoped from the bottom of his heart, that Jackson wouldn't pull back again. He needed this so badly to figure out what there was between him and Jackson.

Slowly he removed Jackson's lab coat, so it fell to the floor with a rustling sound, before one of his hands got a hold of Jackson's blue shirt and pushing it upwards, so he could feel the warm skin underneath it. His fingers trailed Jackson's abdominal muscles and he could hear Jackson breath in sharply.

"I want you so bad," he whispered into Jackson's ear before he started to kiss his neck and licking his way down to the collar of his shirt, before moving upwards again and kissing Jackson yet again. It had been forever since he was with another man, but he still knew exactly what to do to drive someone up the wall, and it was like he knew exactly what Jackson wanted. What he needed. It was incredible, intoxicating almost, and he just wanted more.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson liked Mark taking the lead.

It was something he would never say aloud, but it felt freeing knowing that somebody could guide him in the right direction. It had been so long since Jackson had been with another man.

That was Tyler and he was at least 5 years ago.

After Mark had locked the door and walked back over to Jackson the man captured Mark's earlobe between his lips and gave it a light suction.

As Jackson nibbled on it the moan that Mark made let Jackson know he had hit a spot that must have sent the man's body on edge.

"_Jackson, you're driving me crazy_"

Jackson couldn't help but smile at the compliment. That was the best thing about sex for Jackson. To watch somebody come completely apart because of him. It was intoxicating and Jackson had an addiction for it.

Being lifted onto Mark's desk Jackson wrapped both arms around Mark's neck and leaned into the man's kiss.

"_Can you feel that?_" Mark asked "_Can you feel how hard I am just because of you? You are all I think about_" he had placed Jackson's hand on his erection and Jackson could feel it in his grip.

Mark had taken Jackson's lab coat off and when Jackson felt the man's hand travel up and down his abdomen he hissed in pleasure.

This was real. This was happening and Jackson unzipped Mark's pants to reach inside and grab hold of the hot flesh causing Mark to tumble forward into Jackson.

"Take 'em off" Jackson whispered in Mark's ear and the older man didn't hesitate in shucking his pants off and kicking them to the side.

Standing there in his boxers and blue buttoned down Jackson grabbed the man's collar and pulled him in for another kiss before hopping off the desk and standing directly in front of Mark. Jackson was still nervous, but his lust was much more powerful and he really needed to feed it's craving.

Going down onto his knees Jackson pulled Mark's boxers down and finally took his first look at Mark's most prized possession.

It was rigid and if it could speak Jackson imagined it would be pleading desperately. Once Jackson took it into his mouth the words that Mark said were drowned out by his focus.

Jackson hadn't done this in some time, but it had to be something you never really forget. Mark tasted slightly salty and as Jackson ran his tongue over the flesh he tasted something subtly sweet.

Feeling Mark put a hesitant hand on the top of his head it spurred Jackson on. He wanted to make Mark feel good. It was all that mattered at the moment.

After a few minutes of the action Jackson was surprised to feel Mark lift him up again by his arms and kiss him feverishly before placing him back on the desk and laying atop of him.

Jackson felt Mark working on his pants and once the man got the button loose he pulled them off of Jackson's body. The two men now lay completely nude and feeling one another's skin made every nerve in Jackson's body stand on end.

Lifting one of Jackson's legs Mark was kissing his neck as Jackson wrapped his arms around Mark's back. That's when he heard the man speak.

"Can I?" Mark asked Jackson timidly. It was obvious the question Mark was asking and Jackson didn't falter in his answer. If Jackson was going to have Mark. He was going to have him completely.

"Yes, please"

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark felt Jackson unzipping his pants and when he reached inside and started touching him, his knees went weak and he stumbled forward, directly into Jackson who had - luckily - a good balance on his desk. He looked at him, taking in a deep breath when Jackson started talking again.

_"Take 'em off"_

Of course Mark didn't need to be asked twice and he shook off his pants, kicking them aside. He willingly let Jackson grab him and responded to the kiss with all passion inside of him. He watched Jackson sliding off his desk and going down onto his knees and stared at him wide eyed. Jackson wouldn't actually do what Mark thought he would, right? This was the first time they were close like that and Jackson really was about to... Before Mark could finish this thought, Jackson had already pulled off his boxers and before he could say a single word, Jackson had already taken him into his hot, wet mouth.

"Oh my god," Mark moaned, trying to grab something, anything, but all he could get was Jackson's head. So he put a hand on Jackson's head and closed his eyes. This was absolutely incredible and Mark couldn't believe this was really happening. Like they were actually doing it. But this wasn't a dream, it was way too real for that. Jackson was soo good at that. Jackson licked and sucked and kissed the sensitive flesh and Mark had to stop himelf from coming right there, right this moment, because it was so good.

Slowly, he grabbed Jackson's arms and pulled him into a standing position, so he could kiss him and lift him up again. He placed him on his desk gently, without breaking the kiss, and started to working open his pants the same time. He pulled them off completely, noticing that Jackson didn't wear shorts and it turned him on even more. Jackson was hard and he enjoyed the sight for only a moment, before turning to meet Jackson's gaze again and lovingly stroking his face. Jackson was beautiful, and Mark had always known that, but seeing him in this position now, seeing him like that, made his heart fill with warmth. Jackson was his, and he wouldn't let him go, no matter what.

He freed Jackson of the last piece of clothing - his shirt - before leaning over him again and lifting one of his legs.

"Can I?" he asked, feeling his voice shaking. He was so fucking horny, and he wanted him so bad. He could feel his cock throb with anticipation and gave it a few slow strokes, before he got a hold of Jackson's cock and started touching it.

"Yes, please," he heard Jackson respond and kissed him yet again.

"I'm gonna make you feel so good," he whispered into Jackson's ear and reached to the end of his desk, to get one of his drawers open.

"What are you doing?" Jackson asked, looking slightly confused, but then Mark took out the little bottle of lube and the condom and held it in front of Jackson's eyes.

"You have lube here?" Jackson wanted to know and he raised an eyebrow.

Mark grinned dirtily. "You never know what you will need it for... sometimes I get really lonely... and then there are this thoughts..." he started talking, leaning close to Jackson again. "Thoughts what I would do if you were just here."

"Like what?" Jackson's voice was husky and showed Mark just how much the younger resident wanted this to happen.

"I imagined you in exactly this position. Naked on my desk, with your legs spread wide open and waiting for me to fuck you. Or me sitting in my chair and you on top of me, riding this big, hard cock of mine..." In demonstration he rubbed his dick against Jackson's, causing the younger man to moan out loud. "Would you like that?"

"God, yes!" Jackson pleaded, placing a hand on Mark's cheek. "Do it!"

Mark grinned. "Do what?" he asked, while licking at Jackson's Adam's apple, feeling the vibration when Jackson let out another moan.

"All of the above and more. Fuck me!" Jackson replied.

Mark opened the lube and put something on one of his fingers, rubbing it against Jackson's hole, before entering him with one digit. He could feel a little resistance, not letting Jackson out of his sight for a single second.

"Relax, Baby... Relax and open up for me," he instructed thim, feeling Jackson respond to his words by losing up, so he could push his finger into him even further, causing Jackson to rear up. He started moving his finger in and out of Jackson, adding a second one shortly after and starting to thrust into Jackson, until Jackson let out a strangled moan and suddenly opened his eyes, staring at Mark wide-eyed.

"Oh God, Mark, do... that... again, please," he said breathlessely and of course Mark obeyed, pushing his fingers back into Jackson and silencing his cry of pleasure with another kiss. His body already started shaking and all of a sudden Jackson grabbed Mark's wrist and looked at him. "Stop! Or I'm gonna come before you even got started."

Mark nodded smiling and withdraw his fingers from Jackson's body before grabbing the condom.

"Let me do that," he heard Jackson say and looked at him, watching him rip open the wrapper and taking it out. When he felt Jackson's fingers on his cock, rolling the thin sheath onto him, he had to close his eyes, or he might have come undone right then.

He felt Jackson's hands in his neck, pulling him down and kissed him tenderly before placing himself in between Jackson's legs. He grabbed the lube once again and put something onto him, before looking at Jackson.

"Are you sure?" he asked once again, because he just wanted Jackson to know what he was doing here, and Jackson nodded.

"Yes, Mark. I'm sure... stop asking that, I'm a grown up man and I know what I want. And I want you."

Mark leaned over him, grabbing his leg again and lifting it up so he had better access. He positioned himself at Jackson's entrance and with a last look at Jackson he started entering him, slowly, carefully. He didn't know if Jackson had ever been with a man before - they hadn't talked about it - but he knew it could be painful nevertheless, and he wanted to give him the time to adjust to his size.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson couldn't believe that Mark could make his body feel so many sensations with just two fingers.

He knew he was begging at a certain point, but he didn't care. He needed to feel Mark completely. He wanted everything the man had to offer and more.

Jackson never remembered it feeling so good and so consuming.

The first time Mark breached him Jackson could feel a burn that reminded him of a good workout.

_"Are you sure?_"

Jackson couldn't hold back the slight annoyance in his voice

_"Yes, Mark. I'm sure... stop asking that, I'm a grown up man and I know what I want. And I want you."_

Jackson meant every word,he was old enough to know what he was doing and what the consequences would be. Having Mark like this was worth it.

Jackson did appreciate how concerned the man was, though. It was telling in the way that Mark started out with one slow thrust.

Working a little bit more of himself inside Jackson.

Jackson opened his legs wider in order for Mark to get better access and the man kissed him as a thank you. Once Mark was fully inside he looked down at smiled at the younger man.

"I can't believe this is actually happening" Mark said.

"Me either" Jackson responded "but I'm so glad it is"

Mark started to thrust slowly and Jackson could feel every one.

"Harder Mark, harder" Jackson said feeling the first beads of sweat align his forehead.

Why hadn't the two done this sooner? Like the very first moment they had met.

Mark had increased the speed and now was powering into Jackson with a force that sent Jackson bouncing on the desk. Lifting his legs Jackson wrapped them around Mark and followed that by wrapping his hands around Mark's neck.

"You're so amazing" Jackson could hear Mark whisper to him right before he grabbed Jackson's erection and began to pump it in time with his thrusts.

Jackson's head felt like it was filled with raw nerve. Everything felt amplified and with each pump of Mark's hand Jackson felt himself getting closer.

"I'm so close" Jackson said as he lifted his ass for Mark and he felt Mark go even faster.

"Almost there" Mark told him "Almost there"

A few more minutes and Jackson couldn't hold himself together any longer and shot across his stomach and Mark's chest. The action triggered Mark to give a few more thrusts and follow Jackson into his climax.

Feeling Mark collapse on his chest Jackson wrapped his arm around the man's shoulder.

"That was amazing" Mark said.

"Yes it was" Jackson responded and kissed the top of the man's head.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **At first: thanks for all your comments on our story... that really means a lot to us and we're really happy you're enjoying the journey we put Mark and Jackson on... it starts to get very „Alternative Universe" from now on (okay, it probably was from the beginning, but well...) and of course no one dies... not in this story that is... =D

Just let us know if you like what we're doing and if you want us to go on... we're already a lot „ahead" of this, so I can provide new parts every couple of days... it's up to you... =)

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark straightened up a little bit so he could look into Jackson's eyes and smiled at him.

"Why haven't we done this before?" he asked, drawing little circles on Jackson's chest. He hadn't felt this satisfied and happy in a long time.

"I have no idea," Jackson replied, looking deep into his eyes before getting up a little bit and capturing Mark's lips with his own. And Mark responded to the kiss immediately.

When he moved, he could feel himself slide out of Jackson, so he pulled him closer to his body again. He didn't want to let go just yet. He wanted to hold on to this feeling a little longer. Wanted to hold on to the afterglow they were still feeling. At least Mark was still feeling it. He was still feeling so complete with Jackson there in his arms and that was all he needed right now. Being with him.

When he finally let go of Jackson and looked down at their bodies he let out an amused laugh.

"Look what you have done," he complained with no seriousness in his voice pointing to the dry tracks of Jackson's cum that was sticking at his skin.

"I'll make it up to you," he heard Jackson say and felt him grabbing him once more, pressing his lips against Mark's.

"Sounds good," Mark mumbled into the kiss, gently stroking Jackson's back. "But maybe we should continue this at my place. What do you think?"

"I think that's a great idea," Jackson replied and that was all Mark needed to hear.

Mark opened another drawer of his desk and put out some wet tissues he had carried in there for a while now. Jackson looked at him, shaking his head grinning. "You're prepared for everything, aren't you?"

Mark grinned, too. "I told you, you never know..."

He took one of the tissues out of the box and started cleaning up himself and then Jackson, before putting them back together and lifting Jackson off his desk. He felt Jackson's legs around his hips and took a few steps around his desk until he was at his black leather chair and sitting down. Smiling, he looked Jackson deep in the eyes.

"It was really amazing with you. You were amazing," he whispered and he meant every word he said. His nose touched Jackson's and again they started kissing, but with a lot less passion than before. The kisses were just gentle and sweet and it was all Mark needed right now. For Jackson to be here with him and for him to be able to hold him tight. He still didn't know what it was between them, but he knew he was happy and he knew that he didn't want it to end.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson loved the afterglow.

When everything was nice and quiet and the fog of lust wasn't clouding everything.

_"It was really amazing with you. You were amazing"_

Jackson kissed Mark softly on his lips again. This was the very last way Jackson thought he would be finishing his night,but he wasn't going to complain. Not at all.

Disentangling himself from Mark's body Jackson stood up and went about collecting his clothes. Putting on his boxers and following that with his pants and shirt he felt Mark wrap his arms around him and give him a kiss on the neck. Jackson could get very used to this.

It was going to be complicated, but they would find a way to make it work.

"I have to get some stuff from my locker" Jackson said "I'll meet you at your car in 15" and Mark's smile and kiss let him know he agreed.

Being almost midnight the staff was sparse. One receptionist and one front desk nurse were the only people Jackson saw on his way. Luckily neither of them cared to ask him why he was at the hospital so late, not that it was either of their concern.

He was just about to walk into the locker room when he heard his name.

Turning around he was shocked to see Julia standing there. He was sure this had to be some kind of joke.

"Ju-Julia" Jackson said as he walked towards her "is everything okay?"

"I don't know Jackson" she said, her voice tinged with exhaustion and frustration "maybe you could tell me"

_Don't panic_

The statement kept replaying itself in Jackson's head.

"What do you mean?" Jackson kept his voice even and unwavering.

Julia's shoulders slumped and it looked like the woman was extremely tired.

"Is something going on with Mark?" she asked.

Jackson could feel himself start to panic, but he had to keep it under control.

"I wouldn't ask, but it's just I know you two have been getting pretty close lately" sitting down on one of the waiting room couches Jackson followed her and took a seat opposite her.

"He hasn't mentioned anything" Jackson said "but he's been helping me with some stuff so maybe he just didn't bring it up. Is there a problem?" Jackson asked,because no matter what, as far as Jackson knew Julia was a nice woman, which only made what he had just done that much worse.

Julia remained quiet "If you don't want to say anything I-" Jackson started to say before being cut off.

"I think I'm pregnant"

It felt like a punch in the stomach. Like all the air had just been expelled from his body and Jackson struggled to keep an even breath.

"I know me and Mark weren't near this stage and a kid could be the last thing he wants right now, but he's been avoiding me ever since I told him" Julia kept her head bowed.

_Mark knew_

The fact made Jackson angry and embarrassed, but most importantly it made him feel sick when he watched Julia look so sad.

"I'm sure he's just trying to figure things out" Jackson said.

"Julia?" a voice said from across the lounge and looking up Jackson and Julia watched Mark as the man looked nothing short of terrified.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark felt so happy when Jackson left him and told him, that they will see each other in 15 minutes and he couldn't wait to see him again. What just had happened between them was maybe the most crazy thing in the world, but also the most beautiful, and he almost couldn't believe it. They had been close for a while, yes, but they had never crossed the line like that before last night. And now they just had sex and Mark couldn't feel luckier. Because Jackson let him. Jackson let him do things with him he had only imagined before, and it was great.

He was almost glowing - or at least he felt like it - when he left his office after collecting all his things and turned towards the entrance. Soon he would see Jackson again and then they would spend the night together. At his place. And tomorrow Callie would bring Sofia over and they could spend the day with his daughter. Jackson loved her, but who wouldn't? And Mark would be happy if they could spend their day off together. Almost like a real family.

Julia was completely erased out of his mind until he left the building and saw said woman sitting on a waiting bench in front of the entrace. Together with Jackson.

His stomach dropped and his heart skipped at least one beat. At least that was how it felt. He was afraid, almost terrified and he was sure he looked exactly like that. Why was she here? And why was she talking to Jackson? He stopped in his movements and just looked at them for several seconds. What, if she had told Jackson that she might be pregnant? From the look on Jackson's face, there was something completely wrong here. That was a nightmare and all Mark wanted to do right now was wake up and make things right, but he had done exactly the opposite. Instead of talking to Julia _before_ anything had happened with Jackson, he had cheated on a maybe pregnant woman. His girlfriend.

His "former self" would have just shrugged it off and tried to get out of this situation somehow, his former self maybe wouldn't have given a shit, but he had changed over the past few weeks and months. He wasn't the playboy without a conscience anymore, and he damn well cared for the people he hung out with. Especially Julia and Jackson.

Slowly he moved closer and stopped in front of the bench.

"Hi," he started, and the look in Jackson's eyes almost killed him. So angry, so disappointed, amost disgusted.

"Hi?" Jackson repeated and moved to his feet. "Hi? That's all you have to say? I think you can do better than that, Mark. And you should." He shook his head before looking at Mark again. "I thought you were better than that. I thought..." he started, but stopped mid-sentence. Maybe because he didn't want to cause any more trouble for Mark, even though Mark knew he deserved it. He deserved a slap in the face and he deserved to be exposed like that, but Jackson wasn't like that. Jackson was so much better, and right now he felt like he didn't deserve him at all.

"How could you..." Jackson started when he had managed to compose himself. "How could you _not_ tell me Julia might be pregnant? I thought we were friends and you know I would have listened to you. You should have said something."

"I know I should, and I'm really sorry, Jackson. Please, let me explain," Mark almost begged.

Jackson rolled his eyes. "I don't think there is something to explain. You need to be there for your girlfriend right now and not abandon her like that. What kind of person are you, Mark? I thought you were better. I thought you were an honest man, but obviously I was wrong. You're nothing that I thought you are." And with those words, Jackson turned away and Mark felt a deep desperation building within him.

Aprubtly he grabbed Jackson's wrist and turned him around. "Don't go, Jackson. Please! Please don't go. I need you."

"You should have thought about this before," Jackson replied coldly and broke away. "Good night, Mark." And just like that he went away, leaving Mark with Julia.

It took Mark a moment to be able to face Julia again, but then he did and there were tears in her yes. "Do you love him?" she asked out of the blue and Mark felt cornered. There was no easy way out of this.

He most likely had lost Jackson right after something beautiful had started and his heart was broken, but he tried to hide it. He didn't want Julia to know.

"What are you talking about?" Mark asked on that account.

"The way you looked at him... that wasn't the way you would look at a friend," Julia stated. "I know we've only been together for six months, but I'm not stupid and I can see it in your eyes. And I deserve this much of honesty, don't you think?"

Mark nodded slowly. "I'm... I'm really so sorry, Julia... I didn't mean for it to happen... and after you told me you might be pregnant, I just couldn't deal with it... I thought I had messed up my life once again. This was everything I did not want to happen. Again. It was the same when Callie got pregnant with Sofia. It destroyed almost everything. Things between Callie and Arizona were very bad back then and my relationship with Lexie, if there still was something, was doomed from this moment on as well." he said. "Lexie recently told me, she still loves me, but in this moment I knew that I don't love her anymore. And then it sank in, that I didn't love you either... it was the same day you told me you might be pregnant... the same night... and I went to a bar and drank and Jackson picked me up and when he did, everything was... clear all of a sudden... like the fog had faded away and I could see what I wanted. Him." This was the first time he was honest like that, but it felt good to let it all out.

"Why didn't you tell me? You had two days, and I really needed you, Mark." Julia's desperate voice brought Mark back to reality.

"I'm so so sorry, Julia. I never meant to hurt you, and believe me when I say, that I was really happy with you. You helped me really grow up and I will never forget that, but I just... I can't be with you any longer." Wow, that felt even better. To let it all out and finally tell the truth, even though it broke Julia's heart. Mark could see it.

"Okay..." Julia replied while tears were running down her face. "That's it, then?"

Mark swallowed hard. He wanted to touch her and streched his hand, but when Julia took a step back, he pulled his hand back as well. She obviously didn't want to be touched by him and he couldn't blame her for that.

"I think so... but if you're really pregnant, I will be there for you and the kid. I will do everything and anything so you have a good life," Mark promised.

Julia shook her head. "You don't need to. I'm a doctor, I have money myself and I can take care of a baby."

"I know," Mark cut her off. "I really know, but I mean, this is my baby, too, and I want to be it's father. I can't change how evverything went down anymore, but I wanna make at least that right."

"I know," Julia finally said. "I'll see a gynaekologist and tell you as soon as I know something..."

"Okay," Mark replied and then Julia left as well, and Mark was alone. His knees went weak and he had to sit down on the bench. It was like every last drop of power had left his body and he just wanted to lay down and cry, but he wouldn't do that here. He just needed a moment to compose himself, so he could go home and do just that.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

"So tell me Dr. Avery, what makes you want to work at Miami General?"

Jackson had thought his interview days were over. Passing the boards and being confident of his future at Seattle Jackson forgot how much he hated the whole process.

Milton Brynes looked affable and pleasant as he waited for Jackson to answer. It was obvious the man and his hospital were more then happy to welcome Jackson, this was just part of the routine.

"I want an opportunity to work at a place that can let me hone my skills to the best of their ability" Jackson said. He made sure to smile and look as earnest as possible when repeating the line he had practiced with Alex as the two flew down to Miami.

"You seem to do very well at Seattle Grace" Milton said "I hear Mark Sloan has taught you well"

The name caused Jackson to inwardly cringe. It had been a week since that night with Julia and Jackson hadn't seen or spoken to the man since then.

Milton was right however. Mark had taught him a lot, but it was nothing Jackson wanted to learn.

"Mark is a great surgeon, one of the best I've ever seen" Jackson told Milton "but I need to grow out of his shadow, see what I can do on my own"

Nodding his head Milton seemed impressed by the answer.

"Thank you for your honesty" Milton said "and I'm confident in telling you that Miami General would be lucky to have you"

"Thank you, sir"

"You should hear an official word in a couple days" Milton said and stood up to shake Jackson's hand.

Walking Jackson to the door Milton opened it "Once again, it was a pleasure to meet you"

"Likewise Dr. Brynes"

Alex was sitting at the coffee bar waiting for Jackson to finish his interview.

Walking into the bar Jackson took the empty stool that was beside the man.

"So, how did it go?" Alex asked.

Raising his hand to catch the waitress's attention Jackson looked at Alex "They pretty much offered me the position already, just have to wait for the official word" Jackson told him.

"Same" Alex said "can you believe this is actually happening?"

"Not really" Jackson said.

"It'll be good, though" Alex took another sip of his drink "new beginnings and all that, I'm going to miss Seattle, but there is a lot of shit I'm happy to leave behind"

Jackson was aware of his habit of getting lost in his own issues. Looking at Alex and seeing the solemn way the man said his last statement Jackson knew it wasn't just him that needed to start over.

That hospital had cost Alex a wife and gave him a bullet. If Alex could see this as a positive step forward then so could Jackson.

Once the waitress brought Jackson his drink he held it up towards Alex.

"To new beginnings" Jackson said.

"To new beginnings" Alex repeated and clinked his cup with Jackson's.

"I'm not looking forward to breaking the news to Hunt, Robbins, or Sloan though" Alex said "something tells me they won't be overjoyed"

"Probably not" Jackson said. A part of Jackson wanted to run as far as possible, but another part was still going to miss Seattle. Even with all the bad stuff that the city had given him.

"But tonight is for South Beach" Alex said "I want to get the full Miami experience"

"Hear, Hear" Jackson said and held up his cup again. Tonight was going to be filled with no thoughts of Seattle, the hospital, or Mark Sloan.

That could all be saved for their flight back in the morning.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

One week. One fucking week and he had barely even seen Jackson. Jackson didn't reply to his messages and he didn't take his calls, always only rejected his calls, and it hurt Mark. He didn't even give him the chance to explain anything - not that there would have _really_ been much to explain, but Mark had been in an unusual situation, a situation he hadn't been able to deal with before things with Jackson happened.

Cheating on Julia was wrong, and he knew it, but in this moment, in this very special moment with Jackson, he just hadn't thought about it, because he had felt so close to him. and now he probably would never get the chance to talk to him again. Because Jackson flatout avoided and rejected him. He had even worked with Hunt for a day or two, even though Mark just _knew_ plastics was Jackson's "home"... Plastics was what the younger doc wanted.

"Can I talk to you for a sec, Doctor Sloan?" Hunt's voice pulled Mark out of his thoughts and he looked up at his chief.

"Sure," he replied, putting down the chart he was holding in his hands and handing it to the nurse in front of the counter.

"I need to know about Avery," Hunt statet and Mark felt his stomach flip.

"About Avery?" he asked hoarsely, looking at him nervously. He tried his best not to show how he really felt, but in a situation like that it was almost impossible. Did Hunt know anything? Did anyone know what had been going on between them? Had Jackson told anyone that they had sex?

"Yeah, about his options. I thought he was about to stay here, but he is in Miami for another job interview. I thought they were done with this? Didn't you tell me you would do everything to keep him here?" Hunt sounded pretty reproachful and Mark didn't even know what to answer him, since this was news for him. He hadn't even known that Jackson was up for interviews again and he definitely hadn't arranged that for him. He must have done it himself.

"I... I did, but I guess he... he wants to stand on his own feet. I think he doesn't want to be second best the whole time. He would always be underneath me and I think as an Avery he doesn't want this," Mark tried to sound confident, but he wasn't anymore. He had done everything wrong, and now it probably was too late to fix anything.

"Okay... let me know as soon as you know more whether he stays or goes, because if he leaves I need to hire someone new." Hunt said, patting Mark's should while passing him by.

"I will," Mark replied, feeling like all his energy had left his body all of a sudden. So Avery really wanted to go, and it was all because of him. He was sure it was because of the things that happened between them. He already lost him, but now he would lose him completely, not even being able to see him anymore.

He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. "Fuck!" he cursed, trying to stay calm but failing miserably.

"Mark, are you okay?" a familiar voice came from in front of him.

Mark opened his eyes to look at Callie. "Sure. I'm just tired. Everything's fine," he lied, but of course Callie didn't buy it.

"You don't look tired. You look sad," she stated, gently rubbing his arm. "Why don't you tell me what's wrong between you and Avery? maybe I can help?"

Mark looked at her, shocked. "What?"

A small smile appeared on Callie's lips. "Come on, Mark, I'm not stupid. Ever since Avery doesn't work under your service anymore, it's like you're not complete. Like you miss a part you didn't know was there before."

"How poetic," Mark said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"Be as rude as you want, but I know what I see, and I know you. You should talk to him." Callie replied.

Mark shook his head. "It's too late. He might go to Miami and never come back." he took a look at his watch. "And I have to go now, I have a surgery soon." With these words he turned around and left Callie in the hallway just like that. He didn't want to shut her out completely, but he also wasn't ready to talk to her about Jackson, even though he knew at some point he probably would. She already felt that it had something to do with him, but he needed time to deal with it himself before he could talk to anyone about him.

At least Julia wasn't pregnant. Mark had never felt so relieved, but when she had called him two days ago that it had been false alarm, he had been just glad that he had one thing less to worry about.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

South Beach more then lived up to it's reputation.

A boardwalk that sat on one of the most beautiful beaches Jackson had ever seen. The place was lined with restaurants and clubs that all seemed to bleed into one another and gave the illusion that it was one giant party.

Alex was already enjoying the festivities. Drinking his third beer and talking to some pretty brunette who went by the name Emily.

Sitting on the beach with a beer of his own Jackson was enjoying the night breeze. He could get used to this city. It was nice and uncomplicated.

Miami General had one of the best Plastic Surgery programs in the company and Jackson was happy that he would be chosen to be a part of it.

Feeling his phone buzzing signaling a text Jackson took it out of his pocket and looked at the name.

Mark.

He had been avoiding all contact with the man since that night one week ago. He worked with Alex and then moved on to working with Hunt in the pit.

It was easier to avoid the situation all together, but Jackson still couldn't stop himself from reading the message Mark sent.

_"I'm so sorry_" the text read "_please just give me 5 minutes to let me explain_"

Shutting his phone off Jackson shook his head. There was nothing to explain. Mark had a pregnant girlfriend and ignored that fact in order to fuck Jackson on his overpriced desk.

Feeling himself start to become overcome with anger Jackson stood up and decided to get another drink. His flight wasn't until late in the morning. Jackson could get a nice buzz tonight.

Walking towards the bar closest to the beach Jackson was about to enter when he heard his name being called. Turning around it took a second for Jackson to recognize the tall figure walking towards him.

Once the man got closer and Jackson got a look at the man's face he couldn't believe it.

"Tyler?" Jackson asked "what in the hell are you doing in Miami?"

Tyler Browing stood in front of Jackson with a wide smile "I should ask you the same thing"

It had to have been 5 years since Jackson saw the man who stood before him. What kind of weird happenstance would bring the man back into his life now.

"I was just interviewing for a job at Miami General" Jackson told Tyler.

"How did it go?"

"Nailed it" Jackson said with a smile.

"That's my boy" Tyler responded "I owe you a celebratory drink".

Jackson hesitated. This had all the makings of a really bad decision. Before Jackson could say anything another text vibrated his phone and grabbing it once again he saw Mark's name.

_To hell with it _Jackson thought as he shoved the phone back in his pocket.

"Sounds like fun" Jackson said and let Tyler lead him to the bar.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark was so glad he had managed to get through the day without going crazy. Ever since he knew Jackson was in Miami for another job interview, he was not the same anymore. He was afraid, Jackson might _really_ leave him. Leave Seattle Grace Mercy West.

If he did, it was all on him and he knew it. He almost had Jackson ready for staying and one fucking mistake had changed anything. Everything. Even though it didn't feel like a mistake. It still felt more real than anything else Mark hat felt in a long time and he didn't want to end it like this. If Jackson really had to go, he wanted it to at least end on a good note, so that they at least would say good-bye like they should. He hadn't invested the past few months in the younger man for nothing now. He had taught him everything he knew and now Jackson would leave without even telling him?

Mark grabbed his coat and left the hospital. He made his way to Joe's bar and sat down at the counter to order some Tequila, remembering where that had led him last time, but he did it nevertheless.

He was already on his fifth, when he finally grabbed his mobile phone and started to write a message to Jackson.

_"I'm so sorry... please just give me 5 minutes to let me explain_"

He didn't really expect an answer, but when nothing happened after several minutes, he still felt disappointed and sad. Why did it have to end like that? Why couldn't they at least talk it out? He made a mistake by not telling Jackson that Julia might be pregnant, but everything else wasn't a mistake, and he wanted Jackson to know. He wanted Jackson to know that he broke up with Julia and that he wanted to be with him. Badly.

He ordered another few drinks until he could get himself to write another message to Jackson, the alcohol already influencing his words.

_Jackson, please. I need you here. You made me feel things I've never felt in my whole life. You make me complete and I wanna at least have a chance to talk to you, before everything ends. Don't you think you owe me that much? Talk to me, please. Just once. Give me five minutes and then you can go._

He hadn't even noticed someone coming in, until said someone patted his shoulder and pulled him off the stool.

"I think you've had enough," the familiar voice said and Mark even stumbled a bit, before regaining balance and looking at his best friend.

"And I think I'm old enough to decide myself," Mark complained.

"I don't think so," Derek replied and gave Joe a sign, before grabbing Mark's coat and literally putting it on him. "And you're coming with me now."

"No!" Mark objected, but Derek didn't give him the slightest chance. He was so much stronger in this moment, and Mark had already his problems NOT to fall down, so it was easy for Derek to drag him out of here.

It took them only ten minutes to get to Derek's new house and within a couple of minutes he found himself laying flat on Derek's livingroom couch. "I wanna go home," Mark complained, but Derek shook his head.

"You're not in a position to go home, you're spending the night here and when you sober up, you will tell me what's going on," Derek replied and sat down next to Mark, gently rubbing his arm. "But I'm sure whatever it is, it's gonna be okay.

"NO!" Mark almost shoutet and sat up. "Nothing's ever gonna be okay again. I lost him."

Derek looked at him knowingly, but still he asked. "Lost who? Jackson?"

"None of your business," Mark mumbled. His head hurt and he just didn't want to talk about it anymore. When Derek started again, he just grabbed him and pressed his lips onto Derek's without hesitation. Because this was his way of NOT talking. His way of ending the talking.

But of course Derek pushed him away and pressed him down on the sofa. "Stop it, Mark. You're drunk, and I'm married and have a family now. And so do you. We're not in med school anymore. Get some rest and tomorrow we talk." And with this words, Derek pulled a blanket over Mark and left the room.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Morning came later then expected for Jackson.

He was still sleeping when he heard a constant pounding on his door. The fogginess in his head took a moment to subside before he could hear Alex's voice on the other side of the door.

"Get up, man" Alex yelled "Our plane leaves in two hours and I'm not catching a later one".

Swinging the bottom half of his body off the bed Jackson ran his hands through his short dark curls. How could he possible be this hungover?

"Avery!"

"I'm coming Alex, damn" Jackson yelled and stood up straight.

"Loud one, isn't he?" Tyler said as he exited Jackson's hotel bathroom with a toothbrush in his mouth. Jackson couldn't have looked more surprised if he tried.

"What- What?" Jackson said noticing Tyler, as well as himself, was just wearing boxers. They couldn't have done what Jackson think they did.

"You okay?" Tyler asked the man. Concern in his voice as he walked up and wrapped an arm around Jackson and pulled him against his body.

They did have sex last night and now the images came flooding back to Jackson like a wave. Drinks had lead to talks of old times which lead to Jackson inviting Tyler back to his room and that lead to the two falling back into old habits.

"Avery, I don't have all day" Alex said and it shook Jackson out of his thoughts. Wiggling his way out of Tyler's hold Jackson walked to the door and opened up just wide enough to peak out at Alex.

"Give me 30 minutes and I'll meet you in the lobby" Jackson said.

The smile Alex gave Jackson let the man know Alex knew he was hiding something. Peeking his head around Jackson Alex tried to look inside his room.

"Who is it?" Alex asked with a snide grin.

"None of your business, now go" Jackson said pushing the man bag into the hall "30 minutes"

"Okay" Alex said "but you're going to miss breakfast"

"I'll survive" and after Alex made his way down the hall Jackson closed the door.

"I get the feeling you're not 100% thrilled with what happened last night" Tyler said walking towards Jackson "you're not seeing somebody are you?"

"No" Jackson said "I mean I don't know, it's complicated"

"Look Jackson" Tyler started "me and you go way back, I get that this was unexpected and one hell of a coincidence, so I'm not expecting much to come from this".

Jackson hated feeling guilty about last night and he really hated making Tyler feel like they had done something wrong. It wasn't fair, it was not like Jackson was committed or anything.

Yet Mark was all he could think about and this situation felt wrong. It made Jackson hate himself.

"You have a plane to catch, but when you get back to Miami" Tyler said as he walked over to his pants and pulled out one of his cards "make sure to call me"

Tyler kissed him and then went and got dressed.

"Don't be a stranger, huh" Tyler said and Jackson nodded.

"I won't" Jackson said and when Tyler left Jackson sat back down on the bed.

He needed to get his head right. Jackson had no idea who he was turning into, but he didn't like it very much.

Looking over Jackson saw his phone sitting on the night stand and reaching for it he opened it up and found the last message Mark sent.

_Jackson, please. I need you here. You made me feel things I've never felt in my whole life. You make me complete and I wanna at least have a chance to talk to you, before everything ends. Don't you think you owe me that much? Talk to me, please. Just once. Give me five minutes and then you can go._

Slamming the phone back on the bed Jackson buried his head in his hands.

Damn Mark.

Damn him for making Jackson care so much.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark woke up with a headache that literally killed him. He needed a moment, before he really knew where he was, and then it all came back to him. Hunt informing him that Jackson had had another job interview in Miami, him almost not surviving the whole day, him going into Joe's bar drinking and then Derek.

Mark opened his eyes and sat up straight, even though he regretted it a moment later, because his head felt like it would explode any minute. Derek. Fuck. He had kissed him, and Derek had pushed him away, but that didn't change the fact that he had done it _again_. That he had tried to seduce his best friend. Oh yes, he was _really_ fucking great in messing up all of his friendships. Derek should have kicked him out of his house the minute he had tried to kiss him, but he didn't. Instead he had given him a blanket and told him to sleep. Which Mark had done after a while. After he had made sure that Jackson hadn't answered his message again.

It killed him, not to be able to talk to him, to barely see him, and just being in a position like that. He missed Jackson so fucking much, and if he hadn't slept with him, if he hadn't made the mistake of seducing him, they could still be friends. They could still work together and be a team, but he had really destroyed everything.

"Good morning," Derek's voice came from across the room and the smell of fresh coffee clouded Mark's mind.

When he turned around and looked at his best friend, he was standing in the doorframe with two cups of coffee, finally moving towards him and handing him one.

"Were you able to sleep?" Derek asked, and there was concern in his voice. Derek was really concerned for him, after all he had done. How did he even deserve this?

"A little bit, yes," Mark replied, grabbing the cup and looking at Derek. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Derek said quietly and sitting down on the couch next to Mark. "Will you now finally tell me what happened?"

Mark swallowed hard. "I... I totally fucked up, Derek. And I don't think it's something that can be fixed ever again. He won't even talk to me. He doesn't look at me and he's avoiding me. He doesn't reply to my messages and he doesn't answer my calls. I tried everything to get him to at least give me a chance to explain, but it was all for nothing."

"Avery, huh?" Derek wanted to know and Mark nodded.

"Yeah, Avery. And now he's most likely leaving and I won't see him ever again."

"That didn't really answer my question from before, though. What happened between the two of you? I mean, you were literally inseparable, and now you're not talking to each other at all? Must be really bad," Derek assumed.

Mark let out a heavy sigh. "I... we... We slept together."

Derek looked at him in disbelief. "You did _what_?"

"We had sex... and afterwards everything was just so perfect... until Julia came into the picture and told Jackson that she might be pregnant. Which I hadn't told him..."

"Wow, wow... slow down, _what_?" Derek cut him off. "Julia is pregnant?"

"No!" Mark shook his head. "But she thought she was... and when she told me, I was so confused that I didn't know what to do... there was Lexie telling me she still loves me, and then Julia telling me she wants a family with me, and then those feelings for Jackson and I don't know... there was this perfect moment between Jackson and me, and then it happened and I haven't been this happy in a long time... I know I should have told him about Julia, but there wasn't really the time for it, and now he thinks I'm an asshole who would cheat on his pregnant girlfriend and maybe he's right... I don't think I deserve him." He looked at Derek expectantly, but Derek just stared at the cup of coffee in his hand for what felt like an eternity.

Mark almost wanted to break the silence himself, when Derek finally started speaking again.

"That's... a lot to take in. I mean, I didn't know you were still into guys," he admitted.

A little smile appeared on Mark's lips. "Neither did I, believe me. Neither did I. I thought the thing between us back then was a one-time thing, out of curiousity. I never really was interested in any other man since then. Until now. It hit me by surprise, and I don't even know when it happened. There wasn't a special moment in which I knew 'him or no one else', it was just there all of a sudden and kissing him felt more natural than anything I've done since Lexie."

"So you really love him?" Derek asked.

Mark shrugged. "I don't know... it could have gone that way if things had started the way I wanted them to, but it doesn't matter anymore, because he might be leaving soon, and I lost him."

"Are you sure there is nothing you can do anymore?" Derek looked at him sympathetically.

"I guess so, yes. I really tried everything... I think work is the best thing to do right now," Mark replied.

"Maybe you're right." Derek patted his shoulder. "So are you up for the surgery tomorrow morning? You know, the conjoined twins. Boise has asked for our help with it. Karev, Meredith, Lexie and Cristina are coming as well."

"I guess so, yes." Mark tried to smile but failed. He still felt so lost, but work would definitely be a good distraction for now and at some point, it might not hurt this much anymore.

"I'm sorry for kissing you last night," he said after a while.

Derek smiled at him. "It's okay, really. If it doesn't happen again. I'm your best friend, nothing more, but nothing less. And at least I understand now why you did it... because that's just your way of dealing with the pain." He rubbed Mark's back. "But believe me, it's not the right way."

Mark nodded. "I know... so we're good?"

Derek nodded as well. "We're good."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** Heya... here we are again... THANKS for our reviewers... we're really glad you still like what we're doing here and I hope, you continue with writing reviews and letting us know what you like and don't like about the story... the more people review, the more often we update ;-) Win/Win situation, huh? ;-)

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson and Alex were making good time as they headed to the airport for their flight.

Jackson was regretting not having anything to eat now that he could feel his stomach grumbling. He really hated airport food and the thought of getting one of those humongous cinnamon rolls didn't sound appetizing.

"Dude, here" Alex said passing Jackson a granola bar he kept in his backpack. "I said you were going to regret missing breakfast"

"Thanks" Jackson said taking the offer and digging into it immediately. The two would be at the airport within 10 minutes and looking out of the window Jackson enjoyed the scenery of Miami.

"So," Alex asked "what was the name of that guy in your room this morning?"

Jackson coughed up the bits of granola he had been chewing when Alex made his remark.

"What are you talking about?"

"Hey, no judgement from me" Alex said "live and let live and all that"

Jackson had to admit he was kind of surprised by Alex's attitude. He thought the man would be the kind to get freaked out and want to distance himself.

Jackson shouldn't have assumed that and he felt terrible for putting Alex in such a narrow box.

"Was it that guy you were talking to last night?"

"His name is Tyler, we go way back" Jackson said. He didn't feel the need to lie and it was obvious Alex already knew most of the story anyway.

"Another plus for Miami, I see" Alex said with a laugh.

The cab had dropped them off and now Alex and Jackson were making their way to the terminal.

"Don't get offended or anything" Alex said as he pulled his luggage along "but I thought you and Sloan had a thing going on"

"What?" Jackson said, feeling his heart start to thump faster "Why?"

"I don't know" Alex told him "you two are basically inseparable and I noticed he looked at you the same way he used to look at Lexie"

"We're not-" Jackson tried to say "there's nothing there".

"But there was" Alex said "which is why you decided on Miami"

"When in the hell did you become so intuitive?" Jackson asked.

"Hey, it's not my fault you've been blind to my tremendous skills all these years"

Jackson laughed and as the two walked up to the counter to turn in their plane tickets Jackson patted the man on the shoulder.

"Thanks, man"

"Hey" Alex said "we'll be spending the foreseeable future together so I have to prove useful to you in some way".

Jackson was about to respond when the desk clerk interrupted them.

"Excuse me sir" the woman who's name tag read Britney said "I'm afraid we have a problem".

The problem was that the people who flew Jackson and Alex down had messed up the departure day. Instead of leaving today the ticket was for a plane scheduled to leave 11 a.m the following morning.

"No" Alex said as he looked at the ticket. Panic had risen in his voice "I need to be on this plane, is there any space available?"

"I'm sorry, sir" Britney said "it's completely booked"

"A later flight, perhaps?" Jackson asked. He had no idea why Alex was getting so stressed, but Jackson wanted to try and help.

"Not til morning" the woman said "I'm very sorry"

"Shit" Alex said as he turned away from the counter "I'm so fucked"

"What's the matter?" Jackson asked

"I was supposed to fly to Boise with Meredith, Derek, Cristina and Lexie to do a surgery on conjoined twins"

Jackson had remembered hearing something about that, but he had just assumed Arizona would go since she was the head of the Peds department.

"I have to call Robbins" Alex said "if she wasn't going to hate me for leaving she sure as hell is going to hate me now"

Jackson wanted to help and he really only knew one way how. If he couldn't get Alex on that plane the least he could do is try and mitigate the damage.

Pulling out his phone Jackson pulled up Mark's number and started a text.

_Me and Alex are stuck in Miami for another day. Alex is freaking out and if you could do anything to help Arizona understand, it would be appreciated. I'll explain when we get back. We need to talk._

Jackson closed his phone and walked back over to Alex, but the man may have been too late. Alex was already on the phone apologizing, but if that was Arizona yelling on the other end then that was the last thing she wanted to hear.

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex had went to Miami with a plan.

He would get the job at Miami General and once back in Seattle he would have talked to Arizona in person. Let her understand that this job was something he had to take.

Everything she had taught him would go with him and he would carve a place for himself in the medical world. The Boise surgery was going to be Alex's big send-off. A way to show his mentor that he knew his stuff and he was doing what was for the best.

That was completely shot to hell now. There would be no talking to Arizona calmly, there would be no surgery in Boise, and worst of all, there would be no way to gain back the woman's trust.

She was yelling at him on the phone. Alex had heard her angry before, but never with that hint of hurt under her voice.

"I'm sorry Robbins" Alex said as he started to sweat "I thought I would be home and-" he started to say before she cut him off.

Arizona told him how she had chosen Alex because she knew how great he could be. Underneath all of his bravado and hard shell Arizona saw the compassion the man had and to do this, to choose to go somewhere else without at least talking to her first hurt.

If it had been anybody else and at any other time Alex was sure he wouldn't have cared, but everything the woman was saying was true.

Arizona had given him a passion for Peds. She nurtured something in Alex that the man didn't even know he had.

"I can catch a flight to Boise" Alex said "I can meet up with everybody".

"Don't bother" Arizona said "enjoy Miami" and without another word she cut off the conversation.

This couldn't have gone worse if Alex tried.

"You okay, man?" Jackson asked cautiously. Alex was doing his best to fight back the emotions that threatened to spill over.

Sometimes he missed being the man he used to be.

"Fine" Alex said as he pushed the phone back in his pocket "nothing we can do now".

Looking at Jackson Alex knew the man didn't believe him for a second, but he also knew Jackson wouldn't push him.

"Let's just go back to the hotel" Alex said and headed back to baggage claim. He would go back to Seattle in the morning and take his lumps. Leave Seattle Grace the same way he had come in; disliked and ignored.

"I need a real breakfast" Jackson said "I'll buy us a round of those disgusting bloody marys you secretly like".

Alex managed a small genuine smile "I tolerate them Avery. There's a difference"

"Okay" Jackson responded with a laugh.

As Alex followed Jackson back outside to catch a cab he focused on the small silver lining he had.

He would leave Seattle Grace disliked and ignored, but at least he wouldn't leave there alone.

**Arizona Robbins POV:**

Arizona couldn't believe what she had just heard. Alex Karev would not only leave Seattle Grace Mercy West, he would also take Avery with him. Not that Arizona had much of a relationship to the latter one, but when Owen had told her this morning, she had laughed it off and told him, that this was a big misunderstanding. Until Alex had called her and confirmed everything, that is. And what hurt most was, that he didn't even tell it himself. That it needed Hunt. And one lousy call of Alex, telling her that he wasn't able to come in time to the surgery. She was asking herself if she had done anything wrong. Why did he want to leave? Wasn't she a good teacher?

"Is everything alright?" Callie asked her, gently rubbing her back.

She hadn't even noticed her wife behind her, until she had actually spoken and turned to her with pain in her eyes.

"I don't know..." She answered and literally flew into Callie's arms.

"Why is he doing this to me? Why is everybody leaving me?" She was feeling that she was on the verge of a mental breakdown. It was all just too much. First she had to deal with the loss of Nick and now she would lose the only student she really ever cared about. There were lots of other residents trying out peds in their career but neither of them had been like Alex. And she had seen it in his eyes from the moment she had met him. She had known that he was right for peds and since then she was shown a couple of times, that she had been right.

"Who, Karev?" Callie kept her on arm's lenght and touched her face.

Arizona nodded slowly.

Callie leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss on her forhead. "You know what?" She said, gently stroking her cheeks. "It just shows how good of a teacher you have been. I mean, so many hospitals want him now... the best programs of the country want him, and it's all because of you. Because you're such a damn good mentor."

"I am?" Arizona aksed doubtfully. "Then why does he want to leave?"

Callie smiled. "Because that's what they do when they grow up. I know it hurts, honey, I really do, but it's the circle of life. I think he wants to stand on his own feet. He wants to know what he's capable of when you're not there to take care of him."

"I don't know about that. Maybe he's just annoyed by me and wants to get rid of me." Arizona sighed.

Callie shook her head.

"You're stupid... but that's why I love you. That's why everybody loves you." She hugged Arizona again and stroked her back. "It's gonna be fine, I promise you. I know it's hard to let him go, but it's also the right thing to do, because he needs this step to just be independent... and you never know... one day he might come back."

"Yes, maybe," Arizona replied, not really believing her words herself, but definitely feeling better now. Callie was always able to make her feel better and she was really thankful for that.

"I have the best wife in the world." She smiled when she let go of Callie.

Callie had a grin on her face after that. "I sure hope so."

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark was extremely glad and thankful to have a friend like Derek. He couldn't have a better one, and even though he had tried to kiss him last night, Derek was able to just forget about it and Mark was really glad to do so. He still didn't know what had gotten into him. yes, Derek and him shared a past, but it had been only one time, they had been really drunk and it had happened out of curiousity. Not because they were in love or anything else. Mark shouldn't have let the alcohol get the best of him, and he needed to find a way to deal with the loss of Jackson without always drinking.

"I think I'll head home and take a shower and get dressed and then we'll see at work," Mark said after a long time of silence and emptying his coffee cup.

"You could take a shower here and I could borrow you some clothes," Derek offered, but Mark shook his head.

"No, thank you! I don't like your clothes, and they won't fit me anyways," Mark grinned.

Derek raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong with my clothes?"

Sympathetically, Mark patted Derek's shoulder. "They are old fashioned. Don't misunderstand me, they are so you, but..." He pulled at Derek's shirt softly. "But they are not me." He got up from the couch and turned to Derek. "Thanks for the coffee. And thanks for last night. You were my hero."

Derek smiled. "No Problem. That's what friends are for. And if Zola and Meredith wouldn't have spent the night at Cristina's, I probably wouldn't have been able to do anyting anyways, so you could say, you had a good timing."

Mark shrugged. "Yeah, guess so. See you later then."

"See you later," Derek replied and Mark made his way out of Derek's house, finding a taxi stand nearby.

He arrived home ten minutes later and the first thing he did was getting rid all of his clothes and entering the shower. After a long, hot and really relaxing shower, he tied a towel around his hip and left the bathroom only to hear his phone beep almost the same time. He let out a heavy sigh and moved to the livingroom where he had dumped his phone on the table.

He grabbed it and when he found out Jackson was the one who sent it, his heart beat faster. It took him a moment to open the message, only to let out a disappointed sigh afterwards.

_Me and Alex are stuck in Miami for another day. Alex is freaking out and if you could do anything to help Arizona understand it would be appreciated. I'll explain when we get back. We need to talk._

Jackson needed his help and of course he wouldn't let him down like this, even though he wouldn't see Arizona for another hour or so. Still, he pressed the "Reply" button and started to write a message to Jackson.

_Will do as soon as I can. Hope we'll see each other before I have to get to Boise. Hunt told me about your plans for Miami and I wish you the best of luck for it. I hope, you will be happy there. But I'd love to have a chance to at least say good-bye and let you leave on a good note. No matter what happened between us and how much I messed up: You're still my friend and you still mean a lot to me. Have a safe trip_.

He pressed the "send" button and then he throw his phone back on the couch to get dressed. Jackson at least wanted to talk to him. That was a start, even though it most likely wouldn't change his moving plans, but maybe they could at least end up as friends before he would leave.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

It was a full moon as Jackson sat on his hotel room balcony and admired the view.

He and Alex had thought it best to stay in and avoid any further troubles come morning. Both men had ordered room service and watched one bad movie after another in Jackson's room.

Their budding friendship was unexpected for Jackson. The two had spent the first year after Jackson arrived at Seattle Grace being rivals. Neither was blind enough not to see that they were polar opposites.

Jackson had a privileged upbringing that made life and the road to Seattle easier then it would have been for most. Alex's childhood was damaged and filled with enough obstacles that made Alex's current position as a board certified surgeon even that much more impressive.

Jackson had to come to terms with his jealousy of the man. Every accomplishment that Alex had was celebrated whereas Jackson worked hard only to be overlooked time and time again.

He was an Avery and good was never good enough.

Over the years both men managed to put their differences aside and after one good ass kicking even managed to become friends.

As Alex's friend Jackson knew the man didn't talk about his problems, but always appreciated a good distraction.

Hence the food and bad movies.

As the last movie ended Jackson walked to the balcony to get some air. The breeze coming off the water was nice and it helped relieve his slight headache.

"I'm going to my room to crash, dude" Alex said as he stood in the door frame "I'm exhausted"

"You sure?" Jackson asked.

"Yeah, besides we need to get up early anyway"

"Okay" Jackson said "I'll catch you in the morning"

"See ya then" Alex responded and grabbed his shoes as he made his way to his own bed.

Jackson went back to admiring the view when he heard his cell ring.

Walking over to his night stand he picked it up and looked at the name.

_Mark_

Jackson's stomach suddenly felt nervous and he contemplated ignoring it altogether.

He couldn't do that, though.

Jackson had just asked him for a favor that morning and to give into his own fears now would not only make him a coward, but also an asshole.

"Mark?" Jackson asked as he held the phone up to his ear.

He got a split second of silence before he heard the man speak up.

"Yeah, it's me" the older man said.

Jackson wanted to keep it short. He didn't trust himself to remain calm and rational if he and Mark got into anything more then the favor for Alex.

"How's Arizona?" Jackson asked "Alex is pretty down in the dumps"

Mark had seemed terse and maybe a bit angry.

"She's fine" Mark said "we're about to board the plane in a couple minutes"

"You're going too?" Jackson asked.

"Yeah" Mark said "Derek asked me this morning, he thought I could use the distraction"

"You told him?" Jackson asked.

"He's my best friend" Mark said calmly "and I kind of unleashed on him last night"

Jackson suddenly felt exposed and uneasy. He knew Derek wouldn't tell anyone, but just the thought of somebody knowing what happened between him and Mark made him nervous.

"I'll talk to you when we get back to Seattle" Jackson said and was about to hang up before he heard Mark ask him to stay on.

"We need to talk" Mark said "a real conversation"

"I can't right now" Jackson said "not over the phone like this"

Jackson knew he was being dodgy and he could hear the frustration in Mark's voice. He had to commend the man for being patient, but the hurt from that night was still too strong for Jackson.

"Julia isn't pregnant" Mark said.

Jackson was surprised by the small relief he felt in his chest.

"It doesn't change what happened Mark"

"Please just have a conversation with me" Mark pleaded "that's all I want"

Jackson had to sit down as he felt the full range of this phone call take effect.

"I have to go Mark" Jackson said "I'll see you back in Seattle"

"Jack-" Mark started to say before Jackson ended the call. Laying back on the bed Jackson threw an arm over his eyes to block out the light.

Jackson had no idea what to do and the thought of going back to Seattle and seeing Mark scared him. It would be so much easier if he hated the man, but Jackson didn't.

He was angry and hurt, but he knew there was something else there that made Jackson's first meeting with Mark back in Seattle terrifying.

Jackson already knew he was going to forgive Mark eventually and he wasn't sure he liked knowing that fact.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark stared at his mobile phone, feeling still hurt and disappointed. So that was it? It was over now? Jackson didn't even want to talk to him anymore. Not even over the phone. How could he ever be able to talk to him in person again, if Jackson even denied him that? If he denied him like 2 minutes? And Jackson had said it all: the fact that Julia wasn't pregnant didn't change the fact that he hadn't told him about the possibility before he slept with him. It was one stupid mistake and now he had to pay for it.

"Hey... are you ready?" Derek's voice came from behind him and he turned around, putting his phone in his pants.

"Yes, sure... why wouldn't I?" Mark asked, shrugging.

Derek patted his shoulder. "Because you don't look ready. And you most definitely don't look happy. Are you sure you wanna come? I mean, I can ask someone else if you..." he started, but Mark cut him off mid-sentence.

"I'm good. And I'm the best plastic surgeon there is... you need me." A smug grin appeared on his lips, even though he didn't really feel like grinning, but putting up a wall to shield his feelings was his way of dealing with it.

"Don't flatter yourself. You're not _this_ invaluable, even if you think so," Derek replied.

Mark smiled at him. "Yes, I am, and you know it."

Together with his best friend he left the hospital building to get to the bus that would bring them to the airport. They were the last to get on. Everyone else was already sitting and waiting, and when they entered the bus, it started rolling immediately.

They would travel by some kind of privat jet Boise had provided so they could be back with their families as soon as the surgery was over, which would most likely take a couple of hours and Mark was thankful for this kind of distraction.

It took them about half an hour to get to the airport and their plane was already waiting for them, so they could go on board immediately. The pilot introduced himself as Jerry and wished them a pleasant flight after he asked them to fasten their seatbelts.

A few minutes later the plane started to roll and shortly afterwards they were up in the air. Mark looked out of the window, sighing. All he could think about was Jackson, and he couldn't do anything against it. He didn't even _want _to think about him so much, but Jackson was on his mind all of the time.

He didn't even know how much time had passed, when all of a sudden he felt the plane rumble. At first he thought it would only be turbulences, like they tend to happen a lot on flights, but with every second it got worse.

He shot Derek a glance, who shrugged, and watched Meredith clinging to her husband.

He turned his head to look at Cristina who seemed slightly unsettled as well and Lexie was obviously trying not to scream. He thought about getting up and sitting next to her to calm her down, but it got worse and worse and then the oxygen masks fell down and Mark simply knew, that something was going to happen. ALso, the plane was sinking rapidely and it got faster and faster. Maybe the plane was crashing, and if so, the chance of surviving was almost zero. Not many people had ever survived a plane crash.

He closed his eyes and took a few deep breathes. If he would die right now, he at least wanted Jackson to know how much he cared for him, so he took out his mobile phone and started to write a message to him, while his fingers were trembling.

_Hey Jackson. I'm sorry to bother you, but this is important. Something is very wrong with the plane and we might crash and I might die. This is no joke and if I die, I want you to know that you did nothing wrong, that it was all on me and for that I'm sorry. I wish I had been honest to you, so we could have had the time to be together, but I destroyed everything. I'm in love with you, Jackson, and every thought of you makes my heart beat faster. Those feelings scared me, and so I messed it all up. But no matter what happens, you will always be in my thoughts, even if I die. I hope, you'll live the life you want and deserve. Be happy, Jackson. Love, Mark_

He hit the "send" button and just prayed to god that his Message would reach Jackson, so Jackson would know he wasn't mad at him and how important he was for Mark.

Slowly he closed his eyes, clinging to his seat and feeling a sharp air draft. He heard screams and he felt a dull pain in his whole body before everything went black.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Their flight back to Seattle was earlier then the one on the previous was still finishing the last of his orange juice as he and Alex walked into the airport and headed for baggage.

Both men were nervous and trying to hide it would only make both look like idiots.

"How mad do you think she's going to be?" Alex asked Jackson "I mean she was really angry yesterday"

"I'm sure Arizona has calmed down by now" Jackson told him "I mean she's in the middle of a newsworthy surgery. I'm sure her anger has dissipated"

Alex nodded his head as if trying to make himself believe what Jackson saying was true.

"You and Sloan, though?" Alex asked "Any progress on that?"

Jackson shrugged his shoulders "There was a conversation last night, but I think it's better if we talk once we're back in Seattle".

"We're going to have two weeks left there, Avery" Alex said "Try to make it worth it"

Reaching the check-in counter Alex placed his and Jackson's tickets on the counter and although he had checked the date and times ad naseum a small part of him still expected the woman to turn them away.

A few strokes on the key board and a moment of concentration and the woman looked at both men with a smile.

"Have a good flight, gentlemen" she said and handed back the tickets. Jackson had let out a breath he wasn't even aware he was holding. He was actually looking forward to getting back to Seattle.

The thought of checking his messages before getting on the plane crossed Jackson's mind as he and Alex prepared to board.

"Go on ahead" Jackson told Alex "I'll catch up with you in a minute"

With a nod Alex headed towards the boarding terminal. Opening his phone Jackson saw that he had two messages. One from Mark and one from April.

Jackson wondered if somebody had let her know of Jackson's decision to leave. After their heartfelt conversation he really didn't want to have her be disappointed in him.

It was probably best to check Mark's first.

_Hey Jackson. I'm sorry to bother you, but this is important. Something is very wrong with the plane and we might crash and I might die. This is no joke and if I die, I want you to know that you did nothing wrong, that it was all on me and for that I'm sorry. I wish I had been honest to you, so we could have had the time to be together, but I destroyed everything. I'm in love with you, Jackson, and every thought of you makes my heart beat faster. Those feelings scared me, and so I messed it all up. But no matter what happens, you will always be in my thoughts, even if I die. I hope, you'll live the life you want and deserve. Be happy, Jackson. Love, Mark_

Jackson stood stunned in the middle of the airport. In the 10 seconds it took to read the message the man felt like somebody had taken the entire world and turned it inside out.

"Alex" Jackson said,but his voice came out barely a whisper. The man was about to enter the walk through tunnel.

"Alex!" Jackson yelled and it grabbed the man's attention, as well as everybody in the immediate vicinity.

Rushing over Alex looked at Jackson "What the hell?"

"Mark" Jackson said "the plane"

"What are you talking about?"

Going into his voice mail Jackson managed to find April's message and he felt his eyes already starting to mist with tears.

"_Jackson, I don't know what going on, but Hunt is saying that the plane to Boise is missing. They don't know what happened, but it looks really bad. Call me,please_"

Looking at Alex Jackson saw the man's face looked how he felt. Lost, confused, and frightened.

"Call her back" Alex said as he pulled out his own phone.

15 minutes and numerous phone calls later and not one person picked up. They had tried April, Hunt, Torres, Bailey and Teddy. At their most desperate they had called the admittance desk and were only forwarded to Hunt's voice mail.

"What's going on?" Jackson said and he heard his voice break.

It was a hopeless task, but giving it a shot anyway Jackson dialed Mark's cell and listened to it ring and ring.

"_This is Mark, leave a message at the beep_"

_"_I'm so sorry Mark" Jackson said into the phone "I should have listened, please be okay. I need you_"_

-Last call for flight 216 Miami to Seattle-

The intercom let Alex and Jackson know that they had to leave_._

"If she's dead because of me Avery" Alex said and Jackson could see the phone shaking in Alex's hand "If she's dead because I wasn't there-"

"Don't talk like that" Jackson said as he grabbed Alex and looked at him straight in the eye.

"She's fine" he said to Alex "they'll all be fine" then wrapping an arm around Alex's shoulder he walked with the man to the loading terminal.

This 5 and a half hour flight was going to be the longest and most awful of their lives.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

When Mark woke up, the first thing he heard were noises, and then he felt pain. A lot of pain. In his chest, in his head, in his stomach. It all hurt, but the first thought that crossed his mind was: _I'm alive_. He didn't know how and why, but he obviously survived the crash. And he was laying somewhere on the ground. It took him a moment to open his eyes and notice, that it was already day. At least that's what he thought, because the sun was shining through the trees. Yes, trees. He was obviously in a wood.

Slowly, he sat up and took a few breathes, and each and every single one of it hurt, but he tried to ignore it. There was still screaming and when he looked around he saw Arizona. She was laying on the ground as well and it was her that was shouting. Obviously because she was in pain as well.

When he let his eyes wander, he also saw Cristina and Meredith, and even though it took a lot of him, he got to his feet and moved closer to them, looking around once more. Cristina was babbling something about her shoe that was missing and then she screamed at Arizona to shut up. Which obviously worked, because seconds later she silenced, and then there was a knocking sound. Who was missing?

"Where is Derek?" Meredith shouted and Mark swallowed hard. Derek. Derek was no where to be seen. Maybe he was dead. Mark didn't even want to think about this possibility, but they were in a plane crash and that _they _were alive was a miracle already. Maybe Derek was gone. Maybe he didn't survive the crash.

Then there was a thumping sound all of sudden, and even though every step hurt like crazy, Mark moved towards Cristina and Meredith, because together they maybe could find Derek. And Lexie. Lexie was missing, too. Lexie. Oh my god. She shouldn't even have been on that plane. She was only there to support Meredith and Derek. And partly maybe even him. She shouldn't even have been here.

"Where does that sound coming from?", Meredith asked and they all started to listen, but Mark's head was spinning, so he couldn't really concentrate. It just hurt so much, but he had to be strong. He was sure, they were already searching for them. They were on their way and they would find them and save them. They only had to wait a little longer. Someone must have already noticed that they were gone, and they sent someone out. That was the hope, Mark was clinging to right now.

"There... it came from over there," Arizona said out loud and pointed to a direction. The thumping sounded like someone was knocking on metal. Someone over there was obviously alive, either Derek or Lexie and they had to get there.

When they got closer, Mark could see a hand reach out underneath a plane part. A female hand.

"LEXIE!" he screamed and almost stumbled over his own feet when he got closer.

Mark was the first one by her side and the first thing he did was being a doctor. Checking her pulse, and breath, and noticing how weak it was. And so sounded her voice. She was stuck underneath this plane part and god knows what would happen if they lifted it up to get her out. She could die immediately. And god knows what would be undernath. It definitely wouldn't be pretty.

"How is she?" Merdith asked concerned.

"She's awake and responsive," Mark replied, trying not to worry her any more than she already was.

"How you're doing in there?" Mark turned to Lexie.

"I'm... I'm great," Lexie replied, obviously having big problems to breath.

"Good girl," Mark said. "We will get you out of here, okay?" They just had to get her out, or the weight of the plane would crush her body completely. She needed to get out of here.

"Okay," Lexie answered and tried to smile, but Mark knew it looked bad. Really bad.

"She's strecto-cardic and short of breath," Mark informed Cristina and Meredith, once he got out from under where Lexie was laying.

"We have to find Derek," Meredith gave back and Cristina told her that she and Mark had it under control and that she should go find him. But Mark doubted the two of them could really achieve something. Still, he didn't say anything. If there was any chance Derek might still be alive, Meredith was the one that should find him.

"We gotta get her out of here," Mark said once he was alone with Cristina, but Cristina just shook her head in disbelief. The same disbelief he felt inside of him, but then she got herself together.

"Popp it back in," she said, because her shoulder was dislocated completely, and Mark did. She was still in a lot of pain afterwards, but at least it helped a little bit.

Together with Cristina he tried to lift the heavy plane part off of Lexie, but no matter how many times they tried, it didn't work, so they gave up. When they knelt down, Mark could see, that the life once was so present in Lexie was slowly leaving her. She got weaker with every second. She told them that her pelvis and her legs were crushed and that she couldn't even feel them anymore. And that her chest felt like it was going to explode. Her breathing got more and more strained and it broke Mark's heart. He didn't want to lose her. Not like this. Not now. He had survived, and little Grey had to survive as well. He wouldn't forgive himself for letting her die like that. For giving up on her.

Mark's whole body was shivering when Cristina looked at him, like she had already given up and his voice was shaking. He asked her, begged her to bring fluids for Lexie and try to keep her stabile, but the doctor within him knew, that it would be too late once she came back. And that Lexie only had minutes left to live. An hour at most. And he couldn't deal with it.

When Lexie literally begged him to hold her hand, he denied it. He just couldn't. He couldn't watch her die. Once more he tried to get her out of that fucking plane part, but he couldn't. He just couldn't, and his own pain grew stronger with every passing minute. So he layed down next to her underneath the wreck and took her hand, listening to her voice telling him that she loved him and that she always had. And he just couldn't NOT say it back. He couldn't let her die with a broken heart.

"I love you, too," he replied, but Lexie shook her head.

"You don't have to say you love me just because I'm dying," Lexie replied.

Mark swallowed. "I'm not, and you're not dying."

"Yes, I am... and yes, you are. You... you don't love me anymore... you... you love him," she said, and it was visible how hard every word was for her.

"What are you talking about?" Mark asked.

A small smile appeared on Lexie's face. "Jackson. You love... him..."

Mark wanted to disagree, but Lexie cut him off right before he could say something. "Don't fight with a dying woman. I've seen the way you look... at each... other... and if I did anything... right, it was... bringing you two... together... I loved you...both... so much, and I will... always... love you, Mark... you were the love... of my life... but I... I want you to be happy again... fight for... him..." Lexie got weaker and weaker and her face got more and more pale with every passing second.

"Don't talk like you're dying," he begged. Tears were glistening in his eyes.

"But I am... and you have to let... me go... I will be... okay... I promise. Tell Meredith, I love her... and that... she was a good sister." she whispered.

Mark nodded, and then Lexie closed her eyes. "Be happy, Mark."

And with those words her breathing stopped and her hand, that was stll in Mark's, went limb. She was dead. Tears were running down Mark's face and he let out a painful cry. Lexie was dead. The woman he once loved so much and who he thought he would marry one day died on him. Just like that.

When Meredith and Cristina came back, he told them and he didn't let go of Lexie's hand for one second, still sitting there with her and listening to Meredith's cries. The pain in his chest got worse with every minute and he knew that his injuries were really bad as well. He almost couldn't breath anymore, and a consuming blackness started to embrace him. A welcoming darkness. Maybe it was for the best if he died, too. Jackson would be so much happier without him. He messed him up and he didn't want to do this to him any longer. If he just closed his eyes he would be with Lexie again soon. And so Mark did.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **At first: Thanks for the comments again. We're really touched that you still like our „little" story – who by now has become a „huge project"... I'm really REALLY sorry, that we killed Lexie there, too, but it was just kind of „neccessary"... also, we got „rid of" Cristina (as for she went to Mayo in the course of the upcoming chapters), so yeah... I hope, you'll still stay with us and read our story and comment... like you know, the more you comment, the more often we can update ;-)

On another note: This story could be over with the next Chapter (Chapter 9), because the „first big part" would be „over" then, but we've SO much more plannend and already written... the only thing is: It won't be ONLY about Mark & Jackson anymore, there will be other characters coming into the game, and some parts will focus on Alex and April (the best friends of Jackson) and such... so if you aren't interested in this, just let us know and the next chapter will be the last ;-) Wouldn't be a problem!

And now have fun with the next Chapter! =) Or such! Tissues needed maybe :P

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Neither Jackson nor Alex talked much on the flight back home.

Too lost in their own thoughts the men kept going over the many different scenarios that awaited them back in Seattle.

Mark had to be okay, because Jackson wasn't sure what he would do if the man was actually gone. The last conversation kept replaying over in his head. How dismissive Jackson was and how he refused to give the man a few minutes to explain.

If Mark was dead Jackson would never forgive himself.

The moment the plane landed and the men got their bags they headed straight for the hospital. Alex had been digging his nails into his palm for the past 45 minutes.

Grabbing their bags from the trunk of the cab Jackson and Alex rushed into the main doors and although they expected to see chaos they were amazed that it looked as normal as any other day.

"We should find Hunt" Alex said as he headed for the man's office with Jackson on his heels. They made their way towards the elevators and just before they got on they saw Callie walking down the east hallway.

"Torres" Alex yelled as he raced towards the woman and caught her just before she was about to walk up the stairwell.

"Have you heard anything?" Jackson asked, she looked as frazzled as she must have felt.

"I'm busy" she said, her voice closed and clipped "my wife and father of my kid are missing" she didn't give them time to speak as she went up the stairs, leaving both men to watch after her.

"Jackson" April said as she walked up to the men "I'm sorry I haven't been able to return your calls, it's been insane" she started to walk towards Hunt's office and both men followed diligently.

"What happened?" Jackson asked.

"The Chief didn't have time to check his messages yesterday until near the end of shift" April said "When he finally had a chance he found out Boise had called and the plane never arrived."

"How does that happen?" Alex asked, each word edged with worry.

"Search and Rescue have been looking for about 10 hours, but until they find them we have no idea what happened" April told Jackson and Alex.

"So we don't know the status of anybody?" Jackson asked and turning around April gave him a solemn look "I'm afraid not".

The three reached Hunt's office and the place was packed. Bailey, Callie and Hunt stood behind the Chief's desk as several Search and Rescue officers stood facing them and explaining their progress.

"Kepner" Owen said "do you have the flight schedule?"

"Yes, sir" the woman responded as she waded through the half dozen agents and handed him the list.

"Is there anything we can do?" Alex asked and looking over, Owen finally took notice of his and Jackson's presence.

"We have everything handled" Owen said "If you two want to help I'm sure Richard could use you in the pit"

They were being shut out.

"We would like to-" Jackson started to say before Callie spoke up.

"You two have done more then enough, leave"

All eyes turned towards him and Alex and now both men felt embarrassed to be there. Just like that, they were no longer part of the family.

Jackson expected Alex to say something indigent. He was already close to cracking and Jackson was sure this would be all he needed to go off.

Amazingly, the man just bowed his head "Yes ma'am" he said and turned around to exit.

As he was about to open the door another Search and Rescue guy came barreling in and nearly knocked Alex over.

"They've been found!" the man shouted "They found the crash site"

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark just wanted to give up. He didn't know what Cristina and the others did to him to safe his life, but no matter what it was, it hurt. His chest hurt, because of course everything happened without any pain medication or anything else, and now a tube - or whatever it was - was stuck inside of his chest to help him breath. It had worked for a while, but right now, the breathing became more and more difficult for him again. Every breath took a lot of him.

He was laying on Arizona's lap - he had no idea how he ended up there, but he did - and she was stroking his hair, trying to keep him awake. Trying to talk to him. He noticed that it was already dark - they must have been there for hours, the whole day, and no one was coming for them. They would die out here and no one would find them. Why weren't they looking for them? Was nobody missing them?

"Mark?" Arizona pulled him out of his thoughts.

"I should have said it earlier," Mark murmured. "That I loved him. I should have said it earlier, and now he'll maybe never know."

"He?" Arizona asked quietly, still stroking Mark's hair.

"Jackson. I... I'm so in love... with him... It drove me crazy... but I destroyed everything, and now I'm gonna die and he will never know," Mark replied, even though every word was difficult to say.

"He... he knows... I'm sure he knows... I think he knows," Arizona tried to convince him, but Mark highly doubted it.

"He doesn't know," Mark gave back. "He doesn't know," he repeated, slightly opening his eyes and looking at Arizona.

"Mark. Mark hold on," Arizona said, feeling that Mark got weaker with every passing minute. "I need you. I need you to hold on," she almost begged him and tears were running down her face.

"You're gonna be okay... you don't need me. You take care of our girl," he said.

"No," Arizona cut him off. "Shut up! Shut up, do you hear me? Shut up."

"Lexie is waiting for me," Mark replied. "I'll be okay."

"No, Mark Sloan, no!", Arizona cried out. "No! No! Sofia's waiting for you. And Callie is waiting for you. And I am waiting for you. We will go home together, okay?"

"Okay," Mark whispered, and it really calmed her down, but he didn't know how long he could hold on anymore. It was just so hard to keep his eyes open and to breath, and he knew that it was bad. That whatever injuries and internal bleedings he had, he wouldn't and couldn't hold on forever. If they wouldn't be found soon, he couldn't keep his promise to Arizona at all. But he was glad she was there for him. He would have rather had Jackson and Callie there, too, to say good-bye if it came to the worst, but he was glad he had Arizona, and she could tell them, he was sure.

He closed his eyes again and immediately saw Jackson. Jackson's eyes. Jackson's smile. Oh, how he wished to see him one more time, but Jackson was most likely already packing his things for Miami and never looking back. And Mark could understand him. He could fully understand it and respected his wishes not to talk to him ever again, even though it hurt.

"Arizona..." he said, opening is eyes.

"Please tell Jackson, that I... that I... really... really... cared for him," he begged, feeling a shiver running through his body. That was the first sign that his body was about to shut down.

"NO, Mark! Please. You have to hold on. You have to tell him yourself. I'm sure he's waiting for you," Arizona sobbed, but Mark shook his head slowly.

"He's not... he hates me. So will you tell him, please? And tell... tell Callie I love her, and Sofia too," he coughed.

"Don't die, Mark... please don't die." Hot tears were dripping on Mark's face and he took Arizona's hand and held it very tight.

"I'm sorry... I just... can't..." he replied and took another breath.

Somewhere from afar he heard people screaming and he saw lights, but he was already closing his eyes, feeling his body going limb. He just couldn't hold on any longer, and so he gave in once again and welcomed the darkness consuming him.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson did his best to stay out of everyone's way as they prepared a dozen room for their people.

Nobody was foolish enough to believe that any one of them walked away from that accident unscathed. All they could do was pray that none had lost their life in the process.

Alex and Jackson had done what Hunt had suggested and were working in the pit beside Richard. Unlike with Owen and Callie the older man was going out of his way to make sure the two men were okay.

He kept the conversation on the pleasant stories he had when he worked in California for two years. How all that sunshine and endless beaches made it hard to move to Seattle.

Jackson focused on trying not to remember how angry Callie had been or how disappointed Hunt had been with the both of them. He just wanted to know if everyone, especially Mark, was going to be okay.

Two hours into their unscheduled shift the sound of a half dozen ambulances caught the attention of Jackson, Alex, and Richard. Jackson and Alex almost took off without thinking before realizing they had a job to do.

"Go" Richard said gently "let me know what's going on?"

"Thank you, sir" Alex said and he and Jackson raced towards the main entrance.

By time they got there, Callie, Bailey, Owen and April were already out front and preparing for the arrival of their friends.

Jackson and Alex stood on one side of April and were putting on a fresh pair of gloves.

"Go back to the pit" Callie said "we have it here"

"We're here to help" Jackson responded "and that's what we're going to do"

Callie looked momentarily stunned, as did April and Owen, while Bailey had a small smile on her face.

The first ambulance to arrive contained Mark and Arizona. Before either Jackson or Alex could reach the bus Callie and Bailey were already helping the EMT unload them and the brief glance they got saw Mark unconscious and Arizona hugging Callie before getting wheeled in.

He had to focus. Jackson wanted nothing more then to follow Mark and see the damage the plane crash had done, but between Callie and Jackson's own fear he would only make things worse.

The second ambulance contained Derek and Meredith. Alex and Jackson rushed up and helped unload them and as far Jackson could tell Meredith seemed relatively fine, but Derek's hand looked nothing short of mangled.

Just by his naked eye Jackson could see that his wrist was fractured and more then likely a few of the fingers were completely broken.

Rushing them into the hospital Alex lead Meredith to an observation room, having to spend several moments pleading with the woman to let go of her husband.

Jackson immediately rushed Derek to an O.R. room. The hand was going to need surgery and it was going to have to be fast.

As Jackson and two nurses sped Derek down the hall the man was speaking. It was obvious that he was delirious, probably due to medication and dehydration.

"She's gone" Derek said "I should have made her stay, but she wanted to go with him to Boise".

"Meredith is fine" Jackson said, hoping to ease the man's mind "she'll see you in a little while"

"No, not Meredith" Derek said "Lexie is dead, I should have made her stay"

"What?" Jackson said as he stopped in his tracks in the middle of the hall.

"I told Lexie to tell him the truth and now she's dead" Derek said once again right before passing out.

"Dr. Avery" nurse Lewis said "we have to go"

Jackson didn't have time to mourn or question. He was a surgeon and right now he had a job to do.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark felt like he was already far gone. The pain has vanished and he just felt good. He didn't even know where he was anymore and whether he was still alive or already dead. He tried to open his eyes, but it didn't work. But the voices weren't there anymore, either, so he probably was dead and this was the end. But why was he able to still think?

Once again he tried to open his eyes and when he did, he found himself in some sort of haze. But it wasn't uncomfortable. The haze was engulfing him and when he sat up, he saw a shadow. A shadow of another person.

Quickly he got up and tried to follow the person, but the closer he got, the faster the person got away.

"Wait!" he wanted to scream, but not a single sound left his throat and when he tried to move again, it was like his feet were buried into the ground. Deep into the ground. And then there was this light. A warm, welcoming light. He wanted to go there. He wanted everything to be over, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to move in that direction. He was not ready. He was not ready to die yet. He had a daughter who needed him, and even though he maybe would never see him again, there was also Jackson. Jackson who he truly cared for. Who he was crazy for. Who he just wanted to see one more time.

He needed to start fighting. He needed to wake up. Callie would never forgive him if he didn't. And Arizona would never forgive him, if he didn't. He promised her to hold on, so he should.

Had they been found yet? Were they saved? Were Arizona, Derek, Meredith and Cristina okay? Lexie... Lexie was dead. Mark felt a pain in his chest. He lost Lexie. He tried everything, but he couldn't save her. He should have been with her. He should have denied that he loved Jackson to make her happy in the last minutes of her life, but instead they were talking about him. About his love life. About how to get back to his guy. It should have been about Lexie instead.

Lexie. He used to love her so much. He would have done everything for her. If she wouldn't have left him, they might be married by now. With kids. He would most likely never have fallen for Jackson the way he had, if they would have been still together. Would it have changed anything? Maybe. Maybe Lexie would still be alive. Meredith wouldn't have lost her sister.

Mark shook those thoughts off. Lexie told him she wanted him to be happy. To be happy with Jackson, and he would do everything to talk to him once again. He wanted to see him again. Only one more time. To tell him what he felt. To look into his big, green eyes once again and see his smile one last time.

Slowly he tried to open his eyes to get away from this dream world he has built himself. He had lost track of time and space. He didn't know how much time had passed and where he was, but he felt better. He was still in pain, but it felt like he was taken care of. They must have been found.

Mark's eyelids started to open and first everything was blurry. He couldn't see much, only outlines. More like shadows. He saw people moving around him and he heard noises. And voices, but he couldn't relate them to someone. Not yet. Some voices sounded more familiar than others, some outlines looked more like he knew them than others. The pain medication must have put him in some kind of delirium, because it took him a while and a lot of his willpower to close his eyes and open them again, to see the people around him a little more clear now.

Someone was standing beside him. Next to his bedside. Touching his hand, but it felt so unreal. Was he at the hospital? And if so, in which one? Was he "home"? At Seattle Grace Mercy West? He hoped so, because if he died, he rather wanted to die at home instead of some wood he never was in before.

He took a few deep breathes, noticing that his mouth was dry and it was pretty difficult to do so. He wanted to speak, so he opened his mouth, but nothing came out of it. Again. Only what sounded like a rasping sound came out and it sounded so strange. So unfamiliar. Was this him?

Once again he tried to focus on the person who was standing there and the shock was apparent on his face, when he finally recognized the other person. Jackson. But that couldn't be. He couldn't be here, he was in Miami to start a new life. He had to be dreaming. He had to still be in a coma or such and this was only wishful thinking because he wanted the other man to be here so bad, that he was imagining him. But if so, he wanted to be in this dream a little longer. He didn't want to wake up only to find out that he was alone, or that he was still in the woods with Arizona. A small smile formed on his lips and he started squeezing the hand that was holding his. It felt warm. It felt real. This was such a beautiful dream.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Derek's surgery clocked in at a little over 4 hours. Jackson had to reset the man's wrist and do his best to keep the broken fingers in place until Callie could go in and give them the proper treatment they needed.

It was going to save Derek's career, but he had a lot more surgery in his future.

Halfway through the procedure Alex scrubbed in and joined him. Jackson acknowledged him with a nod and it wasn't a surprise to see the man standing across from him.

He didn't want to be out there alone.

Alex agreed to do the post-op on Derek and mentioned that Mark's surgery was probably finished also. Thanking Alex, Jackson headed for the man's room and seeing Bailey, Callie and Owen discussing something over his bedside Jackson thought it best to wait until the room was clear.

Mark would be out for at least a few hours anyway.

It took twenty minutes for Mark's room to empty out and walking in Jackson pulled a chair up to sit by the man's bedside. The absolute quiet of the room unnerved him. All he could hear was the beat of the heart monitor and the slow, steady breathing of Mark.

"I don't know what to say" Jackson said aloud "I never thought we would be here".

He ran a hand through Mark's hair "I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you. I was just stubborn and angry, but that's no excuse for the way I acted. You made a mistake and I've made enough in my lifetime to at least hear you out"

Jackson had read stories of people being under anesthesia and still being able to hear and feel what was going on around them. Jackson wasn't sure how true he wanted that to be right now.

"I've lost a lot of people I care about Mark. My dad, Charles, and now Lexie is gone. I can't lose you Mark, I don't know if I would be able to survive that"

Looking down at Mark's chest he saw the rise and fall that indicated the man was here and he was alive.

"I'm in love with you, Mark, and I should have told you that sooner" Jackson said "you have to give me the chance to let you know that"

"J-Jackson" a cracked voice said and looking up Jackson sat astonished as he saw Mark staring at him.

"You're here" the man said.

"Yeah, I'm here" Jackson said as he hit the call button.

"You love me" Mark said with a smile "I love you"

Jackson didn't know if it was Mark or the medication talking, but he loved hearing it none the less.

"Mark, I'm sorry that-" Jackson tried to say, but before he could finish Owen and Callie came rushing into the room.

Pushing Jackson aside without a word Callie smiled down at Mark "There you are" she said and Mark smiled up at the woman.

"He seems dehydrated" Jackson said and Callie turned around to face the man "You can go now" she said "we got it from here".

Jackson couldn't afford to push the subject. He was already on thin ice at the hospital and he was sure Owen was looking for any reason to expedite his exit from Seattle Grace.

For the first time since hearing about the plane crash the realization that Jackson would no longer work here finally hit him.

How could he leave now?

Owen had given Jackson a job and he accepted it before pulling the carpet from under the man's feet and deciding to move across the country.

No man in their right mind would offer that job a second time, not that the option was even possible. Jackson had interviewed for Miami and he had gotten Miami.

Why in the hell did he have to act like such a spoiled, angry child? The thought had made him think of his brother and Jackson knew that if the man was here right now he would only laugh and tell Jackson he brought it on himself.

"How is he doing?" April asked as she walked up to Jackson as the man stood silently against a wall.

"He's awake" Jackson told her "so that's good"

Jackson looked inside the room and saw Callie and Owen doing test on their colleague.

"She's just scared, ya know" April said and seeing Jackson look at her confused she continued. "Callie. She almost lost two of the most important people in her life and you and Alex are just easy targets."

Jackson was about to say something before he heard Callie and Owen yelling inside of Mark's room.

Rushing to the door he could see Owen preparing two paddles to place on Mark's chest. He was going into V-Fib.

The next few moments past like a whirlwind. They had used the paddles to no avail and Jackson could already see Callie started to cry. They were going to lose him.

Mark would survive the plane crash only to die after he and Jackson finally said they loved one another .

Owen was still trying in vain as Callie screamed for Mark to hold on, but Jackson could see Hunt was already preparing to let go.

"No" Jackson said "go get me a blade kit and a 5 tube, now" Jackson yelled at April and the girl didn't hesitate as she ran to retrieve the set for Jackson.

Rushing into the room Jackson did his best to hold back his emotions as he saw Mark laying there prone.

"Jackson what are-" Callie started

"His chest is protruding" Jackson said "we need to relieve the pressure"

"This isn't your specialty" Owen said "I can't authorize this"

"I'm only here for two more weeks and this was my specialty for 3 years, so since your wife or Teddy aren't here I'm going to have to kindly ask you to shut the fuck up" Jackson was scared and angry. There was no way Owen was going to let him stay on now, but the last thing Jackson cared about was his job.

April came running with disinfecting soap and two pairs of gloves and quickly helping Jackson sanitize himself and place the gloves on her friend's hands right before Jackson cut Mark's chest open.

Blood had built up along the vena cava and once Jackson cut into it and Jackson inserted the tube the blood traveled through the tube and into a collection pan that April held.

_Please work, please – _Jackson pleaded silently.

30 seconds of agonizing waiting and Mark engulfed his first breath. The relief was like a wave, but they had to get him to surgery.

"April, call for an operation room" Jackson said and Owen grabbed the other side of the bed to help the man wheel Mark into surgery.

Callie looked as if she wanted to say something, but thought better of it.

Looking down at Mark Jackson saw that the man was still unconscious, but he was still breathing.

Jackson wasn't going to let Mark die. He'd rip him from the hands of the Grim Reaper himself if he had too.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

The picture in front of Mark's face got clearer and clearer and then he was sure he saw him. Jackson. He still had to be dreaming. It was impossible that Jackson was here, was it? Jackson was sitting at his bedside and holding his hand. But why? He couldn't believe his eyes and winked, but Jackson didn't vanish.

_"I'm in love with you Mark and I should have told you that sooner... you have to give me the chance to let you know that"_

Mark couldn't believe that this was real. That Jackson - his Jackson, the man he loved so much - loved him back, but he was saying it. Was he telling the truth or was he just saying it because he was afraid of losing him? Like he told Lexie he loved her, even though he didn't mean it the way Lexie wanted it.

"J-Jackson," Mark tried to say to get Jackson's attention and immediately, he had it and Jackson was staring down on him.

"_Yeah, I'm here_," he heard Jackson say and his heart got filled with love, oh so much love, for the younger surgeon. Jackson was really here, this wasn't a dream. Jackson was with him and then it hit him.

"You love me" Mark said and couldn't stop the smile that was forming on his lips. "I love you"

He looked at Jackson, noticing that he wanted to say something, but then everything went down pretty fast. He saw Callie and Owen pushing Jackson out of the way and heard them talk, while his own eyes were still fixed on Jackson, who was now leaving the room. Mark wanted to say something, he wanted Jackson to stay, but somehow Callie and Owen were all over him and he didn't even have the chance to do so. He had just found Jackson, he didn't want him to leave again.

He felt Owen and Callie touching him, and when they touched his chest, it felt like it was going to explode any minute. Like they had pulled a trigger and then the pain was back. Worse then last time. Worse than after the plane crash. It hurt. He let out a noise of pain and then breathing became difficult. Again. He thought he was over this. He was feeling so much better but all of a sudden it was like someone was pressing down on his lungs and he just couldn't get air.

"Please stay with me, Mark! Mark, please!", he heard Callie beg, but her voice got further and further away until it was gone.

And then there was this familiar haze again. And then he saw this silhouette. The one he had seen before. A person, who he couldn't identify just yet, so he ran after this person. And then there was the light again, but when he reached it, he recognized the person in front of him. Lexie.

"No, don't" Mark heard her say and felt her hand touching his chest softly.

"But why?" Mark asked, looking down at her.

"Because it's not your time, Mark. You shouldn't even be here. You promised me you will tell Jackson that you love him," Lexie said with sad eyes.

"But I did. Maybe I did what I was supposed to do and my unfinished business is finished. Maybe that's the reason I even was still alive when I got rushed into the hospital," he replied. "We could be together forever if you just let me come with you."

"Mark, you don't wanna be with me, and you don't belong with me. You belong with him." Lexie moved a hand and some kind of window opened. A window through which he could see Jackson fighting for his life. Jackson was cutting open his chest and Mark watched him putting a tube inside him and even though the pain was still present, he could start breathing again.

He felt his body react to the release of blood and reared up, before he sank down on the bed again, and then he was back with Lexie, who was still standing in front of him.

"He's fighting for your life, don't you see?" She asked.

Mark bit his lower lip. "Because he's a doctor. Of course he has to try to save me."

"You know that's not the only reason. Hunt had already given up on you and if it wasn't for him, you might have already gotten your wish and be dead. You were flatlining, and that's the reason you're even here. You need to fight. You two have a future, unlike me," Lexie said.

Mark closed his eyes for a moment. "But that's not fair."

"Life is not fair, Mark. If anyone should know that, it's you," Lexie gave back, touching Mark's cheek and leaning forward. "I will always love you, Mark Sloan, but you have to go now. And so do I. Live the life you deserve. Be happy with the person you love and never let him go again." And then she kissed him, and Mark knew it was a good-bye kiss. And that this was most likely the last time he would ever see her, so he just gave in.

When he opened his eyes again, she was gone and he was standing in the dark, because with her, the bright light was gone as well. He didn't feel any pain, but he could hear Jackson's voice, asking him, begging him to stay with him. To come back to him. And Mark wanted nothing more. He wanted to be happy.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **Sooo... this could be the last chapter... and if we don't get any reviews, it might be... ;-) I mean, the „main storyline" - aka, the first big storyline – is over with this chapter, but like I already mentioned in the last chapter: We have a lot more... but it would also involve other characters, so it could be that there are chapters from Alex' and April's POV and such... so if you don't want this, we undersatnd, if you do, just let us know and there is more to come... the „new storyline" would involve Jackson's brother (we made up) and yeah... a lot of backstory about Jackson (which we made up, too * lol * ) - just tell us if you want more or not... we're not angry if not... =D

And now have fun with the last (?) Chapter ;-)

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Mark's surgery had been one of the most stressful that Jackson had ever done. The man would need a surgery to help repair his arterial heart muscles, but at least Jackson repaired the vena cava and manged to release the pressure on Mark's chest.

Eventually Cristina would have to go in and fix the damage completely, but he should be okay until the woman was back on her feet.

Mark was currently under heavy medication and resting for the next few hours. After making sure he was going to be okay Jackson met Alex in the cafeteria for a bite to eat.

"So, how is he?" Alex asked as he took a bite of his sandwich.

Looking up from his veggie plate Jackson gave a wary smile "It was touch and go, but I think it's going to be okay"

"That's good to hear"

Jackson could see how down the man looked "How's Arizona?"

"April says she's doing as well as expected" Alex said "she may have to get a steel pole in her leg, but considering how bad it could have been..."

"You haven't had a chance to see her?" Jackson asked.

"I'm not sure what I would even say, not that Torres would let me anywhere near her"

Torres blamed them. It was obvious from the first moment they tried to talk to the woman after coming back from Miami.

"So what are you going to do about Miami?" Alex asked and it was obvious both men felt stuck between a rock and a hard place.

How could they leave now that their family needed them, even if they didn't want Jackson or Alex around.

"I'm pretty sure Hunt hates me" Jackson said.

"Why?"

"Mark was going into cardiac arrest and they were going to stop working on him and I stormed in and did an emergency Thoracotomy"

"It saved Sloan's life" Alex said "he should be thanking you"

"I may have told him to shut the fuck up after he questioned my ability to do it" Jackson replied "I'm pretty sure cursing your chief out is a bad career move"

Alex laughed. One of the biggest and haughtiest laughs that Jackson had heard in quite a while and it made him join in. It could be chalked up to stress or the release of tension, but both men needed it.

They were still laughing when Callie walked up to the table and caught both men off guard.

The laughter died immediately as the woman stood in front of them.

"Can I talk to you two for a minute?" she asked.

"Yes, of course" Jackson said "how's Arizona?"

"She's going to need a few more surgeries, but I think the worst is over" Callie told him "I came over to apologize for the way I've been acting"

The words surprised Jackson "It's okay" he said "this situation isn't easy to deal with"

"That's still no excuse. You and Alex probably saved Derek's career and you saved Mark's life Jackson, I can't begin to thank you enough"

Jackson absorbed the words and it felt like for the first time Jackson realized Mark was going to live. Having Callie say it made it seem more real.

"It's just..." Callie started to say before drifting off.

"It's just what?" Alex asked.

"When your offers from Miami come you two need to take them"

It was another punch to the gut to Jackson and looking at Alex's face the man shared his sentiment.

"You two made your choice and that choice put my wife on that plane and made Mark take a flight he wasn't even scheduled for" Callie spoke softly, but her words still cut like a knife "seeing you here every day and knowing what it cost is going to be unbearable"

Jackson felt the haze of shame and guilt invade his head. The same feeling he had in Miami after hearing about the plane crash. Mark took the flight because Jackson ignored him and he needed a distraction.

"_I should have made her stay, but she wanted to go with him to Boise_"

Derek's words as Jackson rushed him into surgery came back to him like a bullet. Did Lexie only go because Mark was going too?

Jackson felt like he was going to be sick.

"How dare you?" A voice said from behind Callie "how dare you talk to them like that"

April stood behind Callie. She was angrier then Jackson had ever remembered seeing her.

"Kepner-" Callie started before April continued.

"Jackson risked his career to save Mark's life today" she said "he and Alex just saved the hand of one of the top neurosurgeons in the country. They are amazing and if they want to stay here this hospital would be stupid to let them go"

Callie finally turned her body to face April "It's about more then that Kepner"

"It's about a plane crash that was tragic and horrible, but was in no way their fault and for you to make them feel guilty for wanting to take a chance somewhere else is shameful. Shame on you Callie Torres"

"That's not what I meant" Callie said "I didn't mean it that way"

"In all your righteous indignation did you think about them at all?" April asked "They lost one of their best friends and both nearly lost their mentors. Do you think they're not feeling what we all are?"

The air was thick between the group. Callie looked at both Alex and Jackson and if Jackson didn't know any better he would think April's words had gotten to her.

"What's going on here?" Owen said as he walked up to the group.

Callie wiped a stray tear from her face.

"Nothing, sir" Alex said "just talking about where Mark and Arizona go from here on out"

Owen nodded his head "About that" he said "I need to speak to you and Avery in my office, now"

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark didn't know how long he had been out, but he knew he lived. He lived because of Jackson. Because he didn't want to let go of him. Because Jackson couldn't just let him die. It was strange to see himself laying there in this hospital bed with Jackson fighting for his life, but maybe it was neccessary for him to see it, to go on fighting. Jackson obviously really cared about him. Okay, Jackson had told him he loved him, but Mark still didn't know if this all had been real. If Jackson _really_ loved him or just said it so he wouldn't break Mark's heart again.

When he opened his eyes he saw a frame, but it definitely wasn't Jackson.

He blinked and then he recognized Callie. He felt still pretty weak, but he knew it would take time for him to completely heal. _If _he even would be able to heal completely.

"Ca...Callie..." he mumbled and immediately she turned to him.

"Mark... there you are again," she said getting up and gently caressing his cheek. "You scared the hell out of me with passing out and flatlining like that. I thought I'm gonna lose you."

"Me too," Mark stated. "And I'm really sorry."

Callie nodded slowly. "Just promise me not to do it again, okay?"

"Okay," Mark gave back, looking at her. His mouth still felt dry and every word he said hurt in his throat because of it. "Can I have some water?"

Callie grabbed the cup standing on the nightstand. "Of course, let me help you."

Mark hated it already to be this helpless. He felt like a little child that could do nothing on his own. It was pretty difficult for him to get up enough to get a few gulps of the water but it felt so good once the wet fluid watered his mouth and ran down his throat. Yes, that was better.

When he was finished, he leaned back again and Callie was sitting down at his bedside.

"I'm so glad you're still alive, Mark. I don't know what I would have done without you. Arizona told me what you said. That Lexie is waiting for you. She made it almost sound like you wanted to die," Callie started speaking again.

Mark bit his lower lip. "Maybe I did," he admitted. "Maybe I thought it would be best for everyone if I was just gone. You and Arizona wouldn't have problems with me anymore and Jackson could go to Miami without feeling guilty."

"What are you talking about?" Callie shook her head. "If you think, Avery would be able to go now, you're wrong. I told him he should take the offer of Miami and leave, so he doesn't do more damage again, but he..." Callie started, but Mark cut her off mid-sentence.

"You _what_?" he asked irritated.

"I asked him to go," Callie replied truthfully. "All he had done lately was hurting you, and without him you wouldn't even have been on that plane. I don't know what exactly was going on between the two of you, but I saw you were suffering. Because of him. He should get as far away from here as possible."

"No!" Mark replied and when he felt anger bubbling up within him, his chest started hurting again, and only a couple of seconds later the heart monitor started beeping, because Mark's pulse was way too high.

"Calm down, Mark, please. You shouldn't get so worked up about it, please. That's not good for you," Callie begged.

Mark rolled his eyes. "You know what's not good for me? Him not being here, with me. I... I need to talk to him. I need to see him. There are so many things between us. Things you don't know about. Things I need to discuss with him."

Callie let out a sigh. "But why?"

"Because I love him," Mark said, and it was the first time he admitted it so directely to another person. Derek had needed to push him to admit it, but all of a sudden it felt so easy to say it. It felt right.

"I was afraid so," Callie replied softly. "But I don't think he's good for you."

"You know what?" Mark said, still ignoring the beeping sound of the heart monitor. "I don't care what you think. You should probably go now. I need some rest."

"But Mark, I..." Callie started, but Mark just waved her off.

"Go, okay?" he demanded and with those words, Callie really turned around and moved towards the door.

"Take care of your wife, and leave me alone," he shouted after her and then he saw her leave.

He waited a couple of seconds just to be sure she was really gone, before he rang for a nurse, and was surprised to see Nurse Eli rushing in shortly afterwards.

"I didn't even know you're still working here," he said, looking at the other man.

"And I didn't know you're still alive," Eli gave back, but still coming closer. "Is something wrong, Doctor Sloan?" he asked and Mark nodded.

"My chest hurts... Do you have any painkillers?"

Eli checked the infusion and looked at him. "You're already getting pain medication, but I'll check out if I can give you something else."

"Thanks," Mark nodded, feeling slightly better, now Callie was gone and he didn't have to deal with her anymore. He still couldn't believe that Callie would just send Jackson away. She was his best friend and should want what's best for him, but she had done the exact opposite.

"Is there anything else I can do for you?" Eli asked and Mark thought about it for a moment, before he nodded.

"There is... Can you see if you can find Doctor Avery? I need to talk to him."

"Sure," Eli replied, before turning around. "I'll be right back."

Mark watched him leave and leaned back into the pillows, closing his eyes. He was curious about how long he was out and if Jackson would even still be here. What if he had listened to Callie? What if he was already on his way to Miami? He couldn't bear the thought of losing him again. Not, before they had _really_ talked about everything that was going on. If Jackson wanted to leave afterwards, it was fine for Mark, but not like that.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Owen Hunt didn't say anything to either Jackson or Alex as the two men walked towards his office.

Jackson was preparing to get his walking papers with a stern reprimand that talking to a superior the way he did was simply unacceptable.

Entering Owen's office the man took a seat behind his desk while Jackson and Alex sat across from him.

It was silent for almost 10 seconds before Owen finally spoke.

"I want to thank you guys for the outstanding work you've done today" he started "Derek and Mark are expected to make excellent recoveries and that is thanks to you"

"Thank you, sir" Alex said and Jackson could already see he was starting to fidget. He, like Jackson, was just waiting for the next shoe to drop.

"We got word that Miami has accepted you in their programs" Owen remained stone faced as he said it.

Jackson didn't know what to say. He and Alex had burned so many bridges and inadvertently caused so much damage that Hunt was well within his right to dismiss both men without another word.

"I would like to ask you to reconsider" Owen said and the surprise came across the men's faces instantly.

"Excuse me?' Alex asked.

"This hospital is in an influx right now to say the least and if today has proven anything it's that this place works better with you two in it"

"I have to say this is unexpected" Jackson said.

"I'm not sure why you felt the need to leave, but I'm prepared to offer you a competitive rate if that's what you're looking for" Owen looked as if he wasn't up for negotiating and Jackson was pretty sure anything he and Alex wanted Owen would do his best to get.

All they really wanted was to stay.

"So what will it take?" Owen asked.

"Sir we-" Jackson started before Alex interjected.

"Kepner" the man said "word has it that you plan on ousting her at the end of the fiscal year?"

"Unfortunately, we just don't have it in the budget to keep her on" Owen said and to the man's credit he did look genuinely disappointed.

"You were just going to give me and Jackson something that matched Miami General's offer and I have to tell you sir their offer was damn good"

"That was going to come at a cost Karev" Owen told him "Kepner being one of them"

"You pay us regular rates" Alex said "no frills or bonuses"

Jackson looked at the man and he had to say he was pretty impressed and surprised that he was fighting for Kepner so hard.

"Me and Jackson have managed to share an apartment for 6 months now, I'm sure we can do it for another year" Alex looked determined and unwilling to take no for an answer.

"It's more then that Karev" Owen said "she failed her boards and right now we have more qualified candidates waiting for their shots, it wouldn't be fair"

"Kepner stays and we stay" Alex proclaimed "Kepner goes and we go, right Avery?"

"R-Right" Jackson said, turning his gaze from Alex to Owen "what he said"

"I have to say Karev, I didn't expect you of all people to lobby so hard for her" Owen said.

"She's family and we've lost too many of them to just let her go" Alex responded.

Jackson, Alex and April were a family now and for better or worst they were going to sink or swim together.

"Deal" Owen said "but I have a condition of my own"

"What's that?" Jackson asked

"With Robbins and Sloan temporarily out of commission I'm going to need people to head those departments" Owen said "just until they make full recoveries. I'm currently in the process of acquiring someone for the Cardiac department to replace Teddy and Cristina if she still decides to go, but I'd rather have it be in house for Plastics and Peds if possible."

"You can't be serious?" Alex said

"They would still handle the supervisory stuff, but surgeries would be performed by you and whoever you chose to assist"

"Are they okay with this?" Jackson asked. He certainly wasn't about to step on Mark's toes or make the man feel like the hospital was trying to push him out.

"You were their most prized students, I can't imagine they would want anyone else" Owen told Jackson "will you do it?"

"If it's okay with Robbins and Sloan then I'm in" Alex said and Jackson quickly agreed.

"Thank you, sir" Jackson said as he and Alex stood.

"No, thank you" Owen said "and please no more cursing me out, at least not in front of the other doctors" he added with a smile.

"Sorry, sir" Jackson said returning the smile and he and Alex left his office.

Once the two were a safe distance away they looked at each other and jumped up with a joyful scream as they hugged one another.

"We did it" Alex said.

"I can't believe it" Jackson responded.

They were still celebrating when Eli walked up to the two.

"Avery" the man said and turning around Jackson greeted the man with a wide grin "Hey Eli"

"Hey" the man responded "Karev" he said with a nod to which Alex returned.

"Can I help you with anything?" Jackson asked cordially.

"Sloan is awake and he wants to see you" Eli said.

Just like that the giddy joy was gone. Faced with an expected nervousness.

"Okay" Jackson said and was about to follow Eli before he looked back at Alex.

"You good?" he asked the man.

"Yeah" Alex said "good luck"

"Thanks" Jackson responded and made his way to Mark's room.

**April Kepner POV:**

April couldn't believe what Chief Hunt had just told her. She had already found closure with the fact that she wouldn't have a job anymore pretty soon, and now that? It was almost surreal. Hunt had April offered to stay. Stay in the hospital. And when April had asked him what had changed his mind, she was told that Alex and Jackson - especially Alex - had campaigned for her, and that if it weren't for those two, she wouldn't be able to stay.

She leaned against the wall and a smile crossed her lips. Her heart started beating faster when she thought about Alex and what he did for her.

After their 'almost sex' she was sure Alex hated her, and sometimes he was really mean to her, but deep down he seemed to be a really nice guy.

Of course she had to thank Jackson as well, but Jackson was her best friend. Had been her best friend since med-school. She would have done the same for him. Not that she took him for granted, but with Alex it was... different. She didn't expect anything like that from Alex of all people. It really made her happy.

She turned on her heels and made her way to the pediatric ward and when she left the elevator and moved into the hallway she saw him standing there, leaned against the counter and writing something down in a chart.

Immediately her heart started beating faster yet again, and she just wanted it to stop.

She just couldn't fall for Alex Karev _again_. She was over this. At least she thought so. But why was she so nervous all of a sudden? Why where her hands shaking?

This was _so_ not a good idea and she almost regrettet being here, so she turned away, but suddenly, Alex' voice came from behind her.

"April, hey!" April heard him shout and then she heard his steps coming closer.

'Oh my god, what do I do?' she thought, trying to compose herself, but without much luck.

It took her a moment to be able to face Alex and when she turned around and looked him in the eye, her knees went weak. God, why did he have to look so good? Why did he have to smile like this? She didn't want to have those feelings for him, especially since she knew they were unrequittet. There have been rumours that he and this intern Morgan had a thing going on, and she definitely didn't want to get in between something. Alex deserved to be happy.

"Hey, Alex!" she finally said and smiled at him.

"Hey!" Alex said again. "Have you heard the news? Jackson and me are staying."

April nodded slightly. "Yes, Yes, and that's so awesome." She hugged Alex and when she felt his arms around her waist, she wanted him to never let her go again, but the moment was over way too soon.

"And I guess I really have to thank you for what you did for me. Without you, I still would be without any perspective, but thanks to you I can stay here." She looked up at Alex, feeling her cheeks burn. She was sure her face must have turned bright red, but she couldn't help it.

Alex waved dismissively. "Nah, that's okay, really," he replied. "No big deal."

"Of course it's a big deal," April disagreed. "Hunt told me that you passed on all the offered bonuses and everything, if I just stayed. This _is_ big."

Alex scratched the back of his head. "But it wasn't just me. Jackson as well," Alex replied.

"I know... and I'll thank him later. But it was still somehow really awesome of you." She had to get up on her tiptoes to reach Alex' face, and when she did, she kissed him on the cheek. "I will be forever grateful for that. You're my hero."

When she wanted to take a step back, she stumbled over her own feet and tripped, almost waiting for the big bang that would came once she would meet the floor but it never happened. Instead two strong arms caught her and pulled her back.

"Careful," Alex almost whispered and when April clung to him to get back her balance she literally drowned in his eyes, not being able to look away. Those deep feelings caught her off-guard and she couldn't look away for even a single second. This would _so_ not take a good end.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark layed back in his pillows with his eyes closed when he heard the door open. He sat up a little bit and opened his eyes, only to see Jackson closing the door and leaning against it.

"Eli told me you wanted to talk to me?" he asked and looked somehow nervous. Almost as nervous as Mark felt.

He didn't even know what he wanted to say, because there was so much on his mind right now. Too much. There were so many thoughts in his head, and he had no idea where to start, so he said the first thing his brain told him to say.

"Listen, Jackson... I'm really, really sorry. For everything. Mostly for the way Callie behaved."

Jackson tilted his head. "But that wasn't your fault."

Mark nodded slowly. "I know... but she's my best friend and she had no right to talk to you like that. To tell you to leave. That's not up to her. It's your decision whether you want to stay or go."

"Maybe... probably," Jackson replied. "But you're her best friend, and she had every right to be mad at me. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't even have been on that plane, and then Callie wouldn't have almost lost the two people she loves most in the world."

"That's not your fault, Jackson, so please, don't blame yourself for that." Mark almost begged.

"It was my own decision to fly to Boise and help with the surgery..." He hated it, that Jackson was standing a few feet away from him, but he didn't want to push Jackson. The situation between them was still so unsure, even though they had told each other that they loved each other. But Mark was still not sure if it was just out of the moment or if Jackson really felt it. And he was afraid to ask. He was afraid his dream world would collapse if he did so. He wouldn't be able to take another heartbreak. Not now. Not after everything.

"Yeah, maybe. But it was because you needed some distraction. Because of me," Jackson gave back and he looked really guilt-stricken.

"But because of you I'm still alive, right? So we're even." Mark said and a sad smile appeared on his lips. "You saved my life and I can't thank you enough for this. I wouldn't even been here without you."

He let out a sigh.

"This might sound totally stupid, but when I was... dead... or something like that... I was in a haze and then I saw Lexie. I talked to her like she was still alive. Or like I was dead myself," he started to tell Jackson. "There was a light and I wanted to follow Lexie there, but she said it wasn't my time. And... and that you needed me, and that I couldn't leave you right now. I even saw myself. And you. I saw you fighting for my life. It was pretty strange." He bit his lower lip. "But when I saw you there, I knew I wanted to live. I knew I wanted to see you again. Just one more time. I wanted to look into your green eyes and see your smile, even if everything you said wasn't true."

"What do you mean?" Jackson asked, looking slightly surprised.

"When... when I first woke up," Mark started. "You... you told me that you love me. I don't know if it was just out of the moment, and if so, I don't blame you. I mean, it were exeptional circumstances and after all I did to you, I don't really deserve you, but still I love you so much. So much, that I even fought with Callie."

"Mark, I..." Jackson replied, but Mark cut him off.

"It's okay, really. I just couldn't let her treat you like that, no matter what she thinks of you. I made the mistake, and not you, and I have to live with the consequences." he didn't even let Jackson say anything in between his monologe, he just wanted to say everything he had to say. Life was too short to wait, and if he knew anything now, that was it. "I hope, at some point we can be friends again or anything like that, even if you're in Miami, because I... I already miss you. And I will miss you every day once you're gone. But I don't want you to stay just because you're feeling guilty. This is your life and it's not your job to take care of me."

He watched Jackson moving towards him, feeling his heart beating faster. He didn't know what Jackson was about to do, but he was willing to find out, so he just looked at him, waiting patientely.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson walked closer to Mark and grabbed the man's hand as he took a seat beside his bed.

"Mark" Jackson started "I would never say I love you if I didn't mean it. Those words are important to me and you are important to me" Jackson felt the coldness of the man's fingers and began to rub them gently to generate some heat.

"I'm sorry about Lexie" Jackson said "I still can't wrap my head around the fact that she's gone" and at the words Jackson felt the heaviness lie on his heart.

"I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you" he told the older man and Jackson could see the pain fresh on Mark's face and Jackson thought forcing Mark to remember every horrible moment would only do more harm then good.

He decided it best to change the subject.

"Hunt offered me and Alex positions at the hospital and we accepted" Jackson said and the cloud that was on Mark's face disappeared and was replaced by a warm smile.

"Really?" Mark asked and Jackson nodded his head.

"There's something else, though"

"What is it?"

"While you and Robbins are recovering Hunt wants us to head the surgical aspect of the departments" Jackson told him "but we only agreed if you two approve of it"

Mark continued to smile at him "Of course it's fine" the man said "I wouldn't trust anyone else"

The words created a swell of pride in Jackson's chest.

"So, I guess this means you're staying?" Mark asked with a smile which Jackson returned.

"Yeah" Jackson said "you just make sure to get better and don't put me through any of this again".

Jackson leaned over and gave Mark a light kiss on the lips "I'm so sorry for everything" he said "I'm going to do whatever I have to do in order to make it up to you".

He was about to pull away before he felt Mark put a strong hand around his neck and kiss him deeply and it made Jackson feel the warmth in his stomach. Just like the first time the two kissed.

"Don't mind me" Eli said as he walked in and the two men broke apart quickly "just here to check up on my patient"

Jackson couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed at being caught in such a public PDA.

As Eli went over to check Mark's vitals he smiled and looked at the two "I do have to say I'm glad you two finally wised up"

"Me too" Mark said as he smiled at Jackson and for the first time in a long time Jackson felt like everything was going to be okay.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark almost couldn't believe how lucky he was. Jackson really meant it. He loved him. And Mark loved Jackson. And now they were together. Maybe. Mark hadn't asked Jackson about it, and if he would, it would maybe sound stupid. Also, whatever they were having: it didn't need to be labeled. It was good the way it was and he was happy. He was happy, Jackson would stay and he was happy Jackson was his now.

"Eli?" Mark asked when Eli was standing at his bedside.

"Yeah?" Eli looked at him.

"How's Arizona? Doctor Robbins, I mean. Is she okay?"

Eli smiled at him. "Yeah she is... she's gonna need some more surgery, as far as I've heard, but she will be fine and her life isn't in danger anymore," he explained.

Mark nodded. "That's good, thank you."

"I need to draw some blood now," Eli informed him and Mark grimaced. "Really?"

Eli grinned. "Oh come on, don't be stupid. You're gonna survive it, I'm sure. And now be a good boy and give me your hand."

Mark raised an eyebrow. "And if I don't?"

Eli rolled his eyes. "Then I have to talk to my supervisor what to do about it."

"Let me do it," Jackson interfered and took Mark's hand in his, gently caressing the back of his hand. "I promise, I won't hurt you."

"He can always kiss it better afterwards," Eli joked and now it was Mark who rolled his eyes.

"Shut up!" he gave back and let Jackson draw his blood and give it to Eli afterwards.

"Thanks. I'll leave to two of you alone now... so you can..." He waved dismissively.

"Whatever..." He was already at the door when he turned around again. "But you know, no Sex for a while. You're still not perfectly fine and you need to recover. Too much stress and excitement could kill you right now."

Mark looked shocked. "Are you for real?"

"I'm afraid so. But I'm sure you're gonna survive." Eli said and left the room.

Mark sighed. "That I'm not so sure."

"You're so nymphomanic. Is there anything else you think about all day?" Jackson asked.

Mark shrugged. "Don't think so, no!" He grabbed Jackson's arm and pulled him close to his body, before touching his face. "I can't believe you're really here... with me..." he admitted. He leaned forward, kissing his forehead and then his eyelids and his cheeks. It felt so fucking good to be able to do all this. To be able to really be with Jackson.

"You know what?" he started when he stopped caressing Jackson.

"What?" Jackson asked curiously.

"When I thought I would die... right before the plane crash... all I could think about was you. And how much I wanna see you one more time. How much I wanna look into your beautiful eyes for one last time. And now I'm having all this and so much more." He pressed a sweet kiss on Jackson's lips, leaning back and letting out a yawn.

"Are you tired?" Jackson asked.

Mark didn't want to admit it, but somehow he knew he couldn't lie to Jackson. Not anymore. And he didn't want to either.

"Terribly." he replied. "But I'm afraid if I fall asleep right now, I will wake up and everything was just a beautiful dream."

"It wasn't," Jackson reassured him, crawling onto the bed with Mark and laying down next to him to wrap his arms around him.

Immediately, Mark slung his arms around Jackson's waist and placed his head on Jackson's chest. "Stay with me," he whispered. "Just until I've fallen asleep." He knew he sounded whiny, but he just needed the feeling to be close to Jackson and the warmth of his body felt just good. He felt save. Save in Jackson's arms.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** Thank you, thank you, thank you all for your comments... :) We're really glad you like our story so much and that you want more... and of COURSE we want to give you more... as long as you're commenting and telling us you like what you read and want more, you get more :-)

There are two new characters in this chapter... one of them, Michael Holt, is „borrowed" by another medical drama show called „A gifted Man" and we pictured exactly him when we brought him in... he's gonna play a very big part in the „long course" of the story... :-) Michael Holt is played by Patrick Wilson, just in case you wanna check him out.

As for Doctor Lee, we have pictured Logan Marshall-Green. =)

And now have fun with Chapter 10, and review if you like it and want more! :)

**Jackson Avery POV:**

It had been 6 weeks since the plane crash and the hospital was slowly starting to gain some semblance of normalcy. It would never be like it was. Not with Lexie gone and 3 of the best surgeons out of service for the foreseeable future.

The latest blow came when Cristina Yang turned in her resignation and took a job at Columbia. It had come as a final blow and one that many thought would signify the departure of Owen Hunt.

Surprisingly, the man had decided to stay and a mere two weeks after losing Teddy a new head of Cardio was appointed and had started less then a week after Cristina left Seattle Grace for possibly the last time.

His name was Nathaniel Lee and he had a list of credentials that was damn impressive for his mere 35 years. Residency at Hopkins and an attending position at Boston to follow had made him a prime candidate for the position at Seattle.

In was in the middle of lunch that Jackson had spoken to the man for the first time.

"Dr. Avery" Nathaniel said as he walked up "Nathaniel Lee" he added and offered his hand in greeting.

Wiping his own hand on his sleeve Jackson returned the handshake "Yes" he said as he swallowed the last bit of his sandwich.

"Sorry I haven't introduced myself sooner, but playing catch up has taken up quite a bit of my time"

"No need to apologize" Jackson said "it's good to finally meet you"

"Likewise" Nathaniel told him "but I'm afraid I'm here on a work-related matter, it's about Mark Sloan"

Jackson was immediately on high alert. He had thought back to how the man looked that morning when Jackson went to visit him. Mark had seemed fine, in fact he seemed in downright joyful spirits.

The man was set to be released that afternoon and he couldn't stop talking about being home in his own bed, with Jackson he made sure to add, and watching something besides lame monster movies from the 1950's.

"Is everything fine?" Jackson asked and taking a seat across from him Nathaniel looked apprehensive.

"I've been running tests on Dr. Sloan for a few days now" Nathaniel said "and I've noticed he has had quite a bit of trouble when it comes to coordination of his hands and feet"

"Has his physical therapist said anything?" Jackson asked, worry starting to fill his body "I assume that would be a cause of concern?"

"We have talked and I've brought the subject up with Dr. Sloan today, but he seems adamant that he's fine"

"Maybe he is" Jackson said "I mean it could just be the after effects of his open heart surgery"

"Possibly, but I would rather be sure before sending him home"

"I'm not sure what you need from me?"

Nathaniel looked around as if he was making sure he and Jackson's conversation wasn't being overheard.

"Dr. Avery-"

"You can call me Jackson"

"Jackson" Nathaniel said with a small smile "I pride myself on making sure my patients privacy is protected and I would never tell anyone this, but I know you and Dr. Sloan are colleagues and friends. He may listen to you more easily then me, the new guy who he doesn't know"

Jackson nodded his head "I can try"

"Thank you"

By the time Jackson got to Mark's room he saw the man already packing the shirts he and Callie had brought him over the past few weeks.

"Hey" Mark said smiling brightly as Jackson walked over to him. Giving him a kiss on the cheek Mark zipped up his overnight bag.

"Can you believe I'm finally breaking free?" Mark said.

"Finally" Jackson said and sat beside the bag that Mark had just finished packing.

"What's wrong?" Mark asked and it amazed him that the man could read him that well.

"Nothing"

"Don't lie" Mark said "I know that _I have something on my mind, but I don't want to seem bothersome_ face"

"Do I really look like that?" Jackson asked and Mark leaned down again and with a laugh gave Jackson another kiss.

"Yes you do, but I find it adorable"

Jackson grabbed Mark's hand "I was thinking of maybe going out for dinner if you're up for it?" Jackson said.

"That sounds awesome" Mark told him "I've been in the mood for Thai for days".

Jackson looked up at the man "It's true"

"What's true?" Mark asked.

"You're having problems with your limbs"

"What are you talking about?" Mark looked at him like he was speaking gibberish.

"I was talking to Dr. Lee" Jackson said.

"Dr. Lee, that new quack who Owen got from some bargain bin?"

"He said it's possible you could have some nerve problems"

"I'm fine" Mark said.

Looking down at the hand he was holding Jackson turned it over so the palm faced upwards.

"I've been pinching the inside of your hand for the past 10 seconds and you haven't reacted once" Jackson's thumb brushed over the red marks that appeared on Mark's skin from the pressure.

Snatching his hand back Mark was now clearly agitated " I told you I'm fine Jackson. I'm not staying here for another night"

"What if it's something like Peripheral neuropathy?"

"I'm a doctor, Jackson. I think I know when something is wrong and see" he said as he reached around Jackson and grabbed ahold of the man's backside "I feel that and it feels glorious"

"Okay, I get it" Jackson said "can you just promise me that you will stop in and get it checked out sometime this week, please?"

Mark looked as if he was processing the information and could tell how much it meant to Jackson.

"I promise" Mark said "but only if you promise that we get Thai tonight"

"It's a deal" Jackson said as he kissed Mark.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark had been waiting for Jackson for what felt like hours, even though it couldn't be this long, but he hadn't expected their conversation to turn out like that. He knew, Jackson was just worried about him, but Mark didn't want that. Mark didn't want him to worry about him. He didn't want to have to rely on Jackson, and so he didn't tell him about his problems with his hands and legs sometimes. Also, he didn't _always_ have problems, only from time to time, so no big deal, right? It would go away all by itself. Like the nightmares he kept having.

The nightmares about the plane crash. Which made it almost impossible to sleep through a whole night. Which he hadn't told Jackson about either. Because he didn't want to sound whiny. He wasn't a little boy anymore. He didn't need anyone's protection. He had always been strong, and he had to learn to stand on his own feet very early, because his mother had died when he was pretty young and his father had never given a damn about him.

He wasn't the type of guy who would let someone else take care of him. He wasn't someone to rely on others. Never had been and most likely never would be.

Eli was the only one who knew about his nightmares, but only because he had taken care of him during a lot of the nights when Jackson had to work or was at home. Mark hadn't wanted him to stay with him 24/7, and it was good this way, because otherwise, Jackson most likey would have been even more concerned than he already was.

Why couldn't this stupid Doctor Lee keep his mouth shut? And what about patient confidentiality? He could report him for that, because Jackson wasn't a part of his family. Officially he wasn't even his boyfriend. Just a friend. They hadn't gone public yet, even though a handful of people knew about them. Mostly their closest friends like Derek and with him Meredith, Callie, Arizona, April and Alex. And Eli, because he had walked in on them. But in the long run, Mark had to admit, he was glad that he did, and that he could trust Eli like that. Because Eli really kept his mouth shut, even towards Jackson. And Mark knew how hard that was for him, because he had told him, that secrets could destroy a relationship.

"Are you ready?" Jackson's voice pulled Mark out of his thoughts and he nodded.

"More than ready, let's get out of here."

When he wanted to grab his bag, it slipped through his fingers, because he just couldn't get a hold of it. It was like his hand didn't do what he wanted it to do.

"Shit!", he cursed when the bag landed on the floor with a muffled sound.

Jackson was by his side immediately. "Are you alright?"

"Of course I am alright," Mark said sharper than he intended to do. "It just slipped out of my hand, okay?"

"Are you sure it's nothing else?" Jackson asked with obvious concern in his voice. "Maybe you should..." he started, but Mark cut him off immediately.

"How often do I need to tell you I'm fine?" To proof how fine he was, he grabbed his bag - which luckily worked this time - and moved towards the door. "See?"

"Mark, please. I'm... I'm just really worried about you," Jackson said when he followed him and stood in his way. He looked up and directly into Mark's eyes. "I don't want anything to happen to you."

"And I don't want you to treat me like a baby, because I'm not. I can take care of myself and it's getting annoying," Mark gave back and once he had said it, he would have loved to take it back immediately, because he could see that he had hurt Jackson. The pain in his eyes was obvious.

"Okay. Fine. Then I guess you don't need me here at all," Jackson said and turned around.

He was about to leave and Mark just couldn't leave it like that, so he streched his hand and tried to grab Jackson, but he only streaked him, because once again his hand didn't follow his orders.

"Jackson, please wait," Mark said quietly, and waited until Jackson turned around again. "That came out totally wrong. Really... it's just... I'm not used to someone taking care of me," he admitted. "And I really don't want you to worry too much. It's gonna be fine." He took a step towards Jackson and placed his hands on either side of Jackson's face. "I love you."

Jackson let out a sigh. "I love you, too." He slung his arms around Mark's waist and leaned against his chest. "Just promise me you will let someone take a look at you. It doesn't even have to be Doctor Lee."

"I already promised you that, but I promise you again." He leaned down and placed a kiss on Jackson's forehead. "Let's go, okay?"

Jackson nodded. "Okay..." He grabbed the bag from Mark's hand and left the room with him, where they both ran into Eli.

"Hey... going home, huh?" he asked Mark, who was smiling at him.

"Yes, Finally," Mark replied and shook Eli's Hand. "Thanks for everything."

Eli waved dismissively. "Nah... it's okay. it's my job. Hope, to have you back at work soon."

"I hope so, too!" Mark answered.

When he turned around he noticed someone he hadn't seen here before standing at the counter and talking to a nurse.

"Who's that?" he asked Eli.

"That? That's Doctor Michael Holt. A neuro surgeon from New York. Since no one of the residents was able to take over for Doctor Shepherd and his sister didn't want to take his place either, Chief Hunt had to find someone else until Doctor Shepherd can work again," Eli explained.

Mark raised an eyebrow. "I doubt Derek is very happy with it."

Eli shrugged. "Yeah, but there's nothing he can do about it. And on the plus side: this Doctor Holt is REALLY good."

"Better than Derek?" Mark asked shocked.

Eli looked at him. "I don't really know. I mean, I don't think I can evaluate that. But as far as I've heard, he really is a genius. Just a little bit arrogant. He knows he's good and he acts like it."

"Sounds really likeable," Jackson joined the discussion.

A beeping sound disturbed their conversation and Eli let out a sigh. "I need to check on Mr. Gill. He rings like every five minutes. See you soon. And good luck."

Mark smiled. "Thank you. See you."

"And think about what I told you about your dreams, okay?" Eli finally said and Mark stared after him in shock. Eli didn't just let his secret slip? He just hoped, Jackson didn't hear it and turned to look at him.

"Are we ready? Can we go now?"

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson knew he could be pushy and he also knew how old and annoying that could get after a while.

On the way to Jackson's car he kept a weary eye on Mark. Peripheral Neuropathy had the potential to be bad if left untreated, but Mark was right.

He was a grown man and he was a doctor.

Mark knew how dangerous these things could be and he did promise Jackson twice that he would get the problems with his hands and feet checked out.

Jackson would give him the benefit of the doubt.

Still, he had heard Eli's comments about dreams. About dreams and a way to deal with them.

Jackson wanted to say something, but he knew he had pushed Mark as far as he would go today. The last thing the man needed was more stress. Tonight should only be about celebrating and trying to return to some sense of normalcy.

After Jackson watched Mark load his bag into the backseat, a hint of strain on his face as he lifted it, he was about to open the driver's side door before he heard Mark curse.

"What's the matter?" Jackson asked.

"My wallet" Mark said "I forgot to get it from the dispatch nurse along with my keys"

"I'll get it" Jackson said.

"I'll do it, Jackson" Mark said and that strong tone found it's way back into his voice.

"You're in the car already" Jackson said "It'll take two seconds" he made sure to smile warmly at Mark. He wanted this to be a good night and spending the evening walking on eggshells was not Jackson's idea of a good night.

"Okay" Mark said "sorry"

Running into the hospital Jackson went up to the nurse's station and after retrieving Mark's personal belongings he was about to head out when he caught sight of Eli walking towards him.

Jackson knew he should leave it alone. If Mark really wanted him to know about those dreams he would tell Jackson, but he wanted to help Mark. He loved him and to sit by and do nothing while the man he loved was hurting sounded..wrong.

"Eli" Jackson said as he jogged towards the man. Turning his attention towards Jackson Eli smiled "I thought you and Mark would be long gone by now."

"He forgot his personal belongings bag" Jackson said as he held up the numbered bag that was filled with the man's wallet and keys.

"Oh," Eli said but when Jackson remained in front of him he looked at him curiously "Is there something else?"

Jackson looked nervous "I-I heard something you said to Mark about some bad dreams he's been having"

Eli looked surprised, it was obvious the man hadn't even realized what he had said aloud.

"I know I have no right to ask" Jackson said "it's just I've really screwed up with Mark over the past couple of weeks and I really want to be there for him"

"I understand Jackson, it's just I really shouldn't have said anything in the first place"

"Eli, you know what we mean to each other" Jackson told him "I can't just do nothing"

Eli could obviously see the sincerity in Jackson's eyes because once he slumped his shoulders Jackson knew he would help him out.

"He's been having pretty severe nightmares" Eli said "not every night, but he has woken up screaming more then once"

Jackson knew Mark was worse off then he was letting on.

"My brother used to suffer from them after he came back from the war" Eli said "I told Mark what helped my brother was talking to somebody about it. Honestly and as often as possible"

"Has he talked to you about any of this?' Jackson asked.

"Some, but I think discussing Lexie still hurts too much" Eli told him "maybe you can have better luck"

"Thank you, Eli" Jackson said "you have no idea how much I appreciate this"

"Just take care of one another, okay?" Eli said as he started to make his way to the station.

"I will, thanks again" and with a nod Eli went back to work.

Back at the car Mark was looking up at the sky when Jackson came up to the window and handed him his wallet and keys.

"Thank you, Jackson" Mark said "and I'm sorry for snapping at you, it's just... I need a good night away from this place"

"That's what I'm here for" Jackson said as he looked around the parking lot before bending down and placing a kiss on the man's lips.

Jackson was going to be there for Mark. He owed him nothing less.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Once Jackson was gone to collect his personal things, Mark was left with his thoughts again. His bad thoughts. He was so afraid to become a burden for Jackson. To have him take care of him for... he didn't even know how long. If it really was Peripheral Neuropathy, it could take him a while to recover, and he didn't want for Jackson to live a life like that. To always be worried about the person you love and such.

He had kind of seen Meredith go through something like that when her mother's Alzheimers got worse and worse until she didn't recognize her own daughter anymore, and he had seen the Chief with his wife. This disease had torn them apart and even though he had started to move on, it had been a hard time for him.

Mark didn't want Jackson to go through something like that, even though it was most likey not to compare with each other, because with Peripheral Neuropathy, there were certain things someone could do. Still, it would be difficult for Jackson and Mark felt already pretty helpless when his hands and legs wouldn't do what he wanted. He hated the feeling of having to rely on someone the whole time. He needed to get better. Fast. Maybe he should listen to Jackson and let the doctors check him out.

He let out a heavy sigh. He didn't want to have those thoughts, but he couldn't help them. He just hoped, Jackson would be back soon, so he wasn't left alone with his brain forming all those awful scenarios about him being totally useless and Jackson helping him with things like daily routine.

And then there were his nightmares. Fortunately, they didn't happen _every _night, but they happened a lot. A lot more than Mark wanted them to. He was glad, they hadn't happened when Jackson spent the night with him yet, so maybe that was it. Maybe that was the key. With Jackson by his side, those nightmares would stay away. At least he hoped so.

All of a sudden Jackson appeared at Mark's side and he took the wallet and the keys from him, glad that Jackson was back.

"Thank you, Jackson" Mark said "and I'm sorry for snapping at you, it's just... I need a good night away from this place."

_"That's what I'm here for"_ he heard Jackson say and immediately responded to his kiss when Jackson leaned down. It felt so good to kiss him and it had been just too long since they had been close to each other. Actually, they only had this one time in Mark's office, because since then they either hadn't been talking or afterwards Mark was recovering from the plane crash.

He deepened the kiss and already felt a wave of heat going through his body.

His tongue was playing with Jackson's and this passionate kisses already took Mark's breath away. Over and over again their lips and tongues touched, and Jackson wasn't even in the car. He was still on the passenger side of his car, leaning down to him. And they were still on the hospital parking lot.

"Mark..." Jackson said breathlessly when they tore apart for a second. "We should probably..."

"Yeah, we should," Mark replied, don't even knowing what exactly he wanted to say, because he wasn't able to form one coherent thought. He felt like his body was on fire and he wanted Jackson so bad. He wanted to feel him. He wanted to be close to him.

"I need you," he whispered, before kissing Jackson again, more fiercely than before.

"I thought we wanted to go out having dinner," Jackson smiled, looking down at him.

"Fuck the dinner. I want you to be my dinner. I want you spread out on the bed naked and I wanna make love to you. I don't even know what it feels like anymore. It's just been too long," Mark said. All his dark thoughts were blown away and the only thing on his mind right now was Jackson, and how much he wanted, _needed _to feel him. He needed to feel alive again.

He watched Jackson swallow hard, before he let go of Mark and moved around the car, to get into the driver's seat. He looked flush and his cheeks were slightly pink. Also, his breathing was deep and ragged and when Mark looked down, he could see the visible bulge in his jeans, knowing that Jackson felt the same he did.

Slowly he moved his hand to Jackson's thigh and started rubbing up and down. "Is that a yes?" he asked hoarsely, squeezing Jackson's tight and feeling the younger man squirm in anticipation.

"God, Mark!", he breathed out, clinging to the stearing wheel.

Mark leaned towards him, licking at his earlobe. "Yes?" he asked almost innocentely, still touching his leg.

"I can't concentrate when you're doing this," Jackson hissed, obviously trying to compose himself.

"On what?" Mark smiled.

"On driving," Jackson replied, sending Mark a warning look.

"But you're not driving yet," Mark disagreed and turned Jackson's face to look him in the eye. "But maybe you should. Or I'm gonna take you right here. Right now."

**Jackson Avery POV:**

The ride back to Mark's apartment had been the longest and most frustrating ride of Jackson's life.

Mark hadn't stopped touching him and it took everything Jackson had in him not to find a deserted road and ravish the man right there in the backseat.

The two men were barely inside Mark's apartment before they were shedding their jackets and working their way towards Mark's bedroom.

Once inside, Jackson pushed Mark down on the over sized mattress and followed that by laying on top of him.

There was a time that Jackson thought he and Mark would never be like this again. In Miami he was learning how to leave this all behind and now Jackson knew that was impossible.

Mark was in his blood and to try and deny that was a losing battle.

Kissing his way down Mark's neck Jackson made sure to study every single part of Mark's skin. He wanted to keep it in his memory and think about it when Mark wasn't able to be by his side.

"I've missed you so much" Jackson said as he started to unbutton Mark's shirt.

Mark sat up and kissed Jackson and in it the man could feel how much Mark felt the same.

Pushing Mark's shirt open Jackson ran a hand over the man's chest and abdomen.

Bending down and taking one of Mark's nipples into his mouth he heard the man moan and Jackson smiled and gave a lick to illicit another one. Reaching a hand down to Mark's pants Jackson started to undo them and once opened he reached a hand in and pulled out Mark's erection. It was already hard and Jackson started to stroke it slowly.

Moving up to Mark's ear Jackson brought the lobe into his mouth and gave it the lightest bite.

"I want you to fuck me" Jackson whispered into the man's ear "Right here, right now"

"God, Jackson" Mark groaned and reached a hand around to grab a hold of Jackson's ass.

Letting go of Mark's erection the younger man started to grind against him as Mark began working on undoing Jackson's shirt buttons.

The man had went back to kissing Mark's neck when he felt something had gone wrong.

Looking down at Mark's fingers he could see them shake and he saw Mark was having a hard time grabbing the first button.

Taking Mark's hands in his own Jackson gave the knuckles a kiss "I can get it" Jackson told him gently.

"No" Mark said sharply "I can do this"

Taking his hand out of Jackson's hold he went back to the task of trying to get Jackson's shirt open. Mark's fingers trembled and kept losing their grip and looking at Mark's face Jackson could see the man was getting more and more agitated.

"It's okay Mark I-" Jackson started to say before Mark cut him off.

"Fuck, Jackson" Mark yelled "just get up" he said and pushed the man off of him. Falling down beside him Jackson watched as Mark put his cock back in his pants and swung his feet over the side of the bed to face away from him.

Moving over behind Mark Jackson put two strong hands on his shoulders.

"It's okay Mark, we don't have to do anything" Jackson said placing a kiss on the back of his neck.

"Just leave me the hell alone" Mark said as he stood up abruptly and made his way to the bathroom door located across the room.

Jackson watched Mark walk into the bathroom and slam the door.

This was so much worse then Jackson had thought.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark moved to the sink and turned on the water to spurt something in his face. He couldn't believe what had just happened. His hands were still trembling and he had never before felt this worthless in his life. Sex had always been his thing and now he couldn't even please his boyfriend. His hot, sexy, horny boyfriend. All because his hands wouldn't listen to his brain and move like he wanted them to move. He had no control over them.

He looked down at his hands, feeling like crying. If he couldn't use his hands anymore, he couldn't operate anymore either, and he would never be able to make Jackson happy again. And he would lose his job.

A choked sob left his lips and he couldn't help it. Tears were glistening in his eyes and he tried to grab the sink, but he slid away, so he sank on the ground, leaning against the tile wall and pulling his legs to his body.

He felt so worthless. More worthless than in his whole life.

He was so much looking forward to be close to Jackson again. He wanted to feel him so bad, and now everything was destroyed. The mood was gone and he just wanted to die.

He couldn't expect Jackson to stick with him, when he wasn't even able to touch him properly anymore. Jackson was so much better off him, and he needed to see that. He needed to show him that he wasn't worthy of Jackson's love.

When he felt his cheeks getting wet he couldn't believe that he was actually crying. That he, Mark Sloan, had tears running down his face.

"Mark, please," he heard Jackson's voice from outside of the bathroom and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Go away!" he shouted, trying to wipe away his tears, but new were coming over and over again.

"No. No I won't," Jackson replied and then the bathroom door swung open and Jackson appeared in the doorway. Why hadn't he locked the door? Then he could be all by himself right now.

"Mark, oh my god," Jackson whispered and knelt down beside him. "You're crying." Softly, he placed a hand on Mark's hands and tried to look at him, but Mark turned away.

"I told you to leave me alone," Mark sobbed and his voice cracked. He didn't have the strength to resist Jackson much longer. And somehow he didn't want to either.

"And I told you I won't. I'm your partner and I love you. And no matter how much you try to push me away, I can see that you're hurting, and I wanna be there for you," Jackson said softly, placing both hands on Mark's cheeks and forcing him to look at him. "I love you. Do you hear me? .you."

"You shouldn't. You should find someone better. Someone who can give you everything you want. Someone who is able to touch you and hold you and even fuck you. I'm not worth it," Mark said bitterly and when Jackson pulled him into a tight embrace, he started to struggle, because he didn't want to let it happen, but Jackson didn't give up. Instead, he pulled him even closer to his body and just held him.

"I love you," he repeated over and over again and finally Mark gave in and clung to him as if his life depended on it.

He pressed his face against Jackson's chest and just let the tears fall. He felt ashamed to show Jackson this weak side of himself, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't stop it. He needed Jackson so much right now. More than he maybe ever had needed someone else.

"I'm a burden for you," Mark finally said when he calmed down a little bit and was able to talk again. "I can't give you what you want. I can't give you what you need. You're so much better without me. You shouldn't be forced to be with me. And you shouldn't be with me just because you feel sorry."

Somehow Jackson's words - even though he had heard them - didn't sink into Mark's consciousness, and he just couldn't believe what a man like Jackson would see in him, if he couldn't even give him sex.

"You're so young... you're so beautiful... you could have everyone you want. The ladies, and the guys would line up for you." He looked up at Jackson, still holding onto him. "Seriously, Jackson. Why me? I'm not worth it."

It was obvious how broken he felt right now, and he couldn't bear the thought to pull Jackson down with him. If he really was sick, if there was something wrong with him... if he could never be the same again, Jackson shouldn't have to take care of him. He should have the life he deserved. Happy and with a person who could give him everything he needed.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **Heya... here we are again... with Chapter 11... a few more reviews would be nice, though... we wanna know what you like about our story and what you don't like... :-) It would definitely cheer us on if there would be a couple more readers telling us their opinion... And the more people review, the more often we can update our story, since we have planned a lot for „our guys"... and girls for that matter... :-)

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far! Every single review makes us seriously happy, so everyone who has left a review so far: THANK YOU! Feel hugged! =) We appreciate that!

And now have fun with Chapter 11 :-)

**Jackson Avery POV:**

When Jackson had forced his way into the bathroom and saw Mark sitting against the wall in tears it had unnerved him.

He had never seen Mark like this, so sad and broken that Jackson felt his own waves of sadness flow through him. When he held the older man he could feel the sobs rack his body and Jackson wanted more then anything to wipe the man free of all of this pain.

Sitting down across from Mark Jackson engulfed Mark's hands within his own.

"_You're so young... you're so beautiful... you could have everyone you want. The ladies, and the guys would line up for you. Seriously, Jackson. Why me? I'm not worth it_"

Jackson sighed and began to gently massage Mark's hands.

"Don't ever talk like that" Jackson said firmly "you're worth everything and more and if I really wanted to be with somebody else I would be, Mark"

Looking at Mark he couldn't even imagine what the man was going through. He had been through so much, more then one man should ever possibly have to and now he had one more thing to deal with.

"I don't think you know what you've done for me Mark" Jackson began "You're the first person to ever really believe in me. I've spent a life being tolerated and dismissed because most people assume I'm only skating by on my name and face"

Mark was looking at him at Jackson could see he had the man's full attention.

"I liked Cardio" Jackson said "I was good at it, but after the shooting I was drowning and one mistake after another left me as nothing but a pretty boy who was out of his depth. Do you know how embarrassing it is to overhear the head of Cardio talk about your short comings to the head of Peds while a colleague is standing beside you? It made me desperate and I used my looks to my own advantage. Flirted my way into a surgery I was denied and threw away every last bit of dignity I had."

"When did this happen?" Mark asked and he sounded increasingly furious.

"It's not important" Jackson said "the point is the day came when I was put on your service and I found something that made me feel like I hadn't made the wrong choice in pursuing medicine. I admit it was kind of a rocky start, but as time went on we found a groove"

"You're talented, Jackson" Mark said.

"It's only because of you" Jackson told him "you didn't let me get by on looks and charm, despite it being one of your qualifications and you believed that I could be a great surgeon one day. Then on top of that you somehow managed to love me. You changed me Mark Sloan, in all the best ways possible, so while I could go and find somebody to sleep with for a night and be gone by the morning I have no desire to ever do that again"

"Jackson" Mark started "I need to be able to love you in all ways possible and if I can't make love to you how can this be a full relationship?"

"I don't love you for your dick, Mark" Jackson said "don't get me wrong, it's a nice dick and I do love it, but it's not why I love you" Jackson's statement made Mark smile, the first genuine smile since the two had been in the bathroom.

"We will go to Dr. Lee and find out what's wrong and then we will fix this" Jackson said as he kissed Mark's hand "I promise you"

"It's more then that, Jackson" Mark said "I won't be able to perform surgery for at least another two months, and that's not even including if I have to go through surgery to fix my hands. That's going to be another four months and as much as Owen would understand, to the board I become a liability and a financial burden. People don't pay doctors to not perform"

"You were in a plane crash" Jackson said "none of this is your fault"

"I know, Jackson" Mark told him "but that means the board will force me into an early retirement and I can't be done when I'm still in my 40's"

"That won't happen" Jackson said "I won't let it and if they try then fuck them, we'll go to another hospital and make that the best Plastic Surgery program in the country."

The tension had washed away between the two and Jackson felt like the two were once again on a good path.

Standing up Jackson pulled Mark up and wrapped his arms around his waist.

"Now I do believe we were in the middle of something" Jackson said.

"Jackson, I can't-" Mark started before Jackson cut him off.

"Let me make you feel good" Jackson told him "I can do things that can make you feel so amazing that your hands will be the very last thing on your mind" he leaned up and once again bit Mark's earlobe and got the same arousing moan of approval.

Opening the door Jackson lead Mark to his bed and laid him down once again before getting back on top of him.

"We can do anything you like" Jackson said as he kissed Mark "all you have to do is ask."

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark looked up at Jackson and he couldn't believe how lucky he was. He had had a total mental breakdown, but instead of Jackson running away and turning his back on him, he had stayed to be there for him. He had held him and comforted him and had said all the things that made Mark feel better. This was _so_ not how it was supposed to be between them. He never wanted to be the 'weak one', the one to be taken care of, and now he was. And it scared the shit out of him. But Jackson had been so sweet. So understanding. So absolutely awesome. And Mark was his. And he was Mark's.

He lifted his hand and touched Jackson's face and just looked at him for a couple of seconds.

"I don't even know how I deserve you, Jackson. But I'm happy. And I consider myself very lucky to have you by my side."

He leaned up to catch Jackson's lips again and started kissing him slowly, before letting go again and leaning his forehead against Jackson's. "I love you so much." He felt like he hadn't said it often enough, especially after Jackson had said it what felt like a hundred times since he started breaking down under the pressure he was giving himself.

"I know," Jackson replied. "And I hope, you know now, that I won't leave you. Especially not for such stupid reasons as that." Demonstratively he grabbed Mark's hands and just held them. "You're more than just your hands. Or your cock, as much as I love both of it. And there are two people in a relationship. Tonight I wanna be the one to make you feel good."

Mark had always been very caring when it came to sex. He had always taken good care of his partners, whether it had been one-night-stands or relationships. That was the reason everyone was talking so high about him sex-wise. He had always put his women's needs first, and he had never regretted it one second, because he always got what he wanted as well. So it was kind of new for him to be on the other end. To be the one who just enjoyed.

"I'm... I'm not... not used to that," Mark admitted, sitting up so Jackson was on his lap. He put his arms around Jackson's waist and started nibbling at Jackson's lower lip.

"To what?" Jackson whispered in his ear. "Being loved?"

A smile crossed Mark's lips. "That too. But I meant the whole you taking care of me thing. Normally I'm the one to take care. Not only in bed."

"That's why it should be the other way round just once. Tell me what you need and I'm gonna give you everything I can. I'm gonna make you feel my love," Jackson replied, putting a hand on Mark's chest and guiding him down once again, before he got up and looked at Mark, who felt slightly confused. Why was Jackson not all over him right now?

Only a mere seconds later he got his answer when Jackson slowly started unbuttoning his shirt. "Watch me," Mark heard him say and felt his mouth go dry. There wasn't any music or anything at all, but Jackson looked so fucking sexy with his hands slowly moving down and opening his shirt, baring more and more of his beautiful body.

Mark turned around to have a better angle to look at him and licked his lips.

"More?" Jackson asked hoarsely when his shirt was open and hang losely on his shoulders and Mark just nodded. So he let the piece of cotton slide down his shoulders and to the floor, before his hands moved over his chest and nipples, and then his stomach to his jeans. And god, Mark wanted to jump him right there, right this moment, but he knew if he would be patient, it would be so worth it.

He watched Jackson undoing his belt and pulling it out of his jeans and letting it fall on the floor either, and then his hands were on his jeans button and on his zipper, and when he pushed it down, Mark could see that Jackson already started to get aroused again and when he looked between his own legs: so did he. Little Sloan demanded attention and the bulge in his pants was visible already.

"You like that, don't you?" Jackson asked and moved closer to the bed to lead down and look into Mark's eyes. "I told you, you won't regret it, if you just let me handle it. You." His lips brushed over Mark's and then Mark could feel Jackson taking one of his hands in his. In the first moment he wanted to pull back, but he didn't. Instead he let Jackson place it on his still in his shorts covered cock. "Do you feel that? It's hard just for you. _You_ are doing this to me. You and no one else."

While Mark was slowly starting to touch Jackson's cock through the fabric of his shorts, Jackson was already pushing down his jeans and kicking it off his feet once it was at his ankles. "What do you wanna do?" he asked Mark softly, obviously feeling the tension and feeling how insecure Mark was right now. A feeling he didn't really know when it came to sex, and it definitely was the first time Mark did _not_ know what to do next.

"I... I..." he stammered, trying to compose himself. "I wanna touch you... and lick you... and swallow you... and I wanna have you thrust in my mouth."

When he looked up, he saw Jackson swallowing hard and could feel Jackson stroking his hair. "If that's what you really want, I won't keep you."

Mark nodded and when he moved his hands to the waistband of Jackson's shorts, they started trembling again and he was about to freak out again, but then Jackson's hands were over his, slowly guiding him. "It's all gonna be okay, Babe." he heard Jackson whisper and it was the first time Jackson ever called him babe. And even though Mark didn't understand why, it felt good. He felt secure. Safe and secure.

Together with Mark Jackson shoved down his shorts and Mark watched him kicking it off, before he looked up again. "Are you sure?" Jackson asked, and Mark smiled up at him. "I am sure." He placed his hands on Jackson's buttcheeks and leaned forward to brush his lips over the tip of Jackson's cock, causing him to let out a moan, before he opened his mouth and swallowed him down as far as he could.

One of Jackson's hands entangled in his hair and he started moving his head up and down, already tasting the first drops of pre-cum. Also, it felt like Jackson's cock got even harder and bigger while Mark was sucking him off and it felt incredible. He had done this only once, and that was years ago. Decades even. But from the sounds he was making, he wasn't all too bad.

He could feel that Jackson was still hesitant and didn't completely let go, but when his tongue started playing with Jackson's sensitive glans, it seemed like he broke Jackson's reluctance. Jackson grabbed Mark's head and held it in place while he was starting to let his cock slide into Mark's mouth, deeper every time he did so. Mark didn't even have problems with his gag-reflex, because it just turned him on so much that he made Jackson feel so good, that everything else wasn't important anymore. He was so completely concentrated on him, that he didn't even notice that the trembling of his hands had stopped completely, and when he did, he felt relieve wash over him.

All of a sudden, Jackson stopped his movements and took a step back. "Oh God," he blurted out and his chest was moving up and down under his heavy breathes.

"Are you okay?" Mark asked.

Jackson smiled immediately. "More than okay. I just don't want it to be over just yet," he explained. "Now it's your turn." He moved towards the bed, towards Mark again and got to his knees.

"First, I'm gonna undress you," he stated and opened Mark's pants, waiting for Mark to lift himself up just enough, so he could pull his pants down. His shorts followed only seconds afterwards. He made Mark lay down on his back and crawled on the bed next to him, turning to face him. "Then I'm gonna touch you, and kiss you, and make you feel how beautiful you are to me."

Mark felt Jackson's lips on his and responded to the kiss feverishly while one of Jackson's hands grabbed his cock and started massaging it, making Mark moan out loud. He felt so sensitive, more than he had felt in a long time, and every touch of Jackson set his whole body on fire. He trusted him with all of his heart, and this... was just not enough, Mark realized. And he didn't want to come like this. So he stopped Jackson's movements by grabbing his wrist and looking at him.

"You said we would do anything I like, right? I just have to ask."

Jackson looked him deep in the eye. "Of course. Yes. What is it, Mark? What do you wanna do?"

"I want... I want you to sleep with me. I want to feel you inside of me. And I want to come with you inside of me." He bit his lower lip. "Just... just take it slow," he stammered, feeling slightly embarrassed. "It's been long, since... I've done this," he said, but what he meant was, that he had never done it like that. When Derek and he had slept together, he had been the one to fuck Derek, and since he hadn't done it afterwards with any other guy, well... but he was way too ashamed to admit that. He was afraid Jackson would laugh at him or not understand it. Or that he just didn't want to do it like that if he knew Mark was kind of a virgin. Even though it sounded totally stupid. The sex-god of the hospital, McSteamy, never having done something like that. Yeah, even the thought of it was embarassing.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Mark could make Jackson come apart at the seams. Jackson wasn't a virgin by any stretch of the imagination and he wouldn't lie and say he had never had some out of this world sex partners, but Mark? Mark ignited something in Jackson that made him want to lay claim to every part of the man's body.

The feeling of the warm wetness as Mark engulfed him made fireworks go off in his brain. Bless this man and his ability to give Jackson one of the best blowjobs he had ever had. When Mark's tongue slid up the underside of Jackson's cock it was almost too much for the man to take and he had to pull him off.

It was going to be over before the good part really got going. He was massaging Mark's cock when the man had first brought it up. Jackson had to admit he imagined Mark as an aggressor. Much more keen to the power plays and topping just because it required so much more active participation.

Rolling on top of the man Jackson looked down at him and smiled. He wasn't going to pretend the idea didn't intrigue him. To be inside Mark and feel all that nice warmness wrap around his manhood got Jackson hard just at the thought.

"Are you sure?" Jackson asked. He didn't want Mark doing this just because he felt obligated to _take one for the team._

"I want this Jackson" Mark told him "I want you."

It had been all the convincing Jackson needed. Sliding his body against Mark Jackson buried his face in the man's neck.

"I'm going to make this so good for you" Jackson said as he rubbed his cock against Mark's "so good."

Jackson started by giving light kisses to the man's collarbone. Each kiss was a claim by Jackson. Something that told the world Mark Sloan was his and Jackson didn't share.

From the collar bone Jackson left a trail of kisses down the man's chest and made sure to give a quick kiss to each pectoral muscle and nipple before trailing his tongue down the man's abdomen until he reached Mark's treasure trail and stopped just before he reached the man's groin.

Looking up at Mark Jackson gave him a sly smile and then traced his tongue around the head of Mark's penis. The older man bucked instinctively. Jackson took that as a very good sign. He then licked his way down one side of the flesh before traveling back up on the other side.

"You like that?" Jackson asked and all he got was a groan and a plea for the man to continue and Jackson did without hesitation. In one fell swoop Jackson took the whole of Mark into his mouth and Mark once again bucked and buried his face into the pillow beside him.

"Fuck" Mark exclaimed.

Moving his head up and down the shaft Jackson kept a firm grip on Mark's hips and with each thrust Jackson felt Mark's cock get harder and more firm. The salty taste of pre-cum dotted Jackson's tongue and it only spurred him on more.

Reaching his hand up Jackson traced Mark's lips with his fingers and without a second thought Mark pulled it into his mouth.

After a few moments Jackson pulled his hand back,still moving his mouth up and down's Mark's shaft and with as much gentleness as he could display Jackson's finger found Mark's opening and he started pushing his finger in.

Mark was tight. Tighter then Jackson thought the man might be and calmly extracting his mouth from around Mark he looked up at the man.

"Mark" he asked quietly "this...this isn't the first time you've done this is it?"

Jackson was by no means an expert, but he remembered the few times he had done it with his ex-boyfriend and once the initial ring was broken it felt...different. Looser perhaps and Mark felt just as tight as Jackson remembered Taylor's first time.

Looking at Mark Jackson saw the fear and shame across his face.

"I'm so damn pathetic" Mark said as he swung an arm over his eyes "42 and practically a virgin."

"No" Jackson said as he took Mark's arm away from his eyes "You're not pathetic."

"What would you call it?" Mark asked. Jackson could already see Mark was getting pulled out of the idea and he could see the man's erection starting to whither.

Grabbing a hold of it Jackson started to give it slow and sensual strokes. It was back at attention within seconds.

"I'd call it brave that you're willing to do it at all" Jackson said "and overwhelmed that you trust me to do it."

Mark looked up at him and in between moving his hips to Jackson's rhythm he choked out as many words as he could.

"Trust...nobody...but...you"

Jackson could feel the effects of Mark's words in his stomach and he wanted nothing more then to make this the best experience of Mark's life.

Lifting Mark's leg up he once again found the man's opening and pushed a hesitant digit inside.

"You tell me if it hurts too much" Jackson said as he kissed the side of Mark's neck "promise me"

"I-I promise" Mark said as he felt the finger work his way inside him "just go slow"

"I will" Jackson told him "Lube?"

"Nightstand" Mark answered "Top drawer" and digging in Jackson pulled out the small white bottle and one of the condoms that sat beside it.

Taking his finger out Jackson placed the liquid on the digit and once again worked it inside his lover. It felt easier that time, not as much resistance, but Jackson could see Mark was still feeling discomfort.

"I used to imagine this, ya know" Jackson whispered in Mark's ear as his finger went deeper and deeper.

"Imagine what?" Mark hissed.

"Me fucking you like this" Jackson told "your legs on my shoulders and me pounding into you so hard the headboard feels like it might crack in half"

Mark was looking at him now. Discomfort minimal replaced by a wanton lust.

"Really?"

"Oh yeah" Jackson whispered "feel you all nice and tight around me and it takes everything in me not to come that very second" Jackson said as he worked a second finger in and noticed Mark didn't even flinch.

"Your hands grip my ass to push me in further and all you keep saying is harder, Jackson, harder"

Mark's head lifted up to kiss Jackson's neck.

"You're so close that you can barely see straight" Jackson continued and that was when he found it. The small button inside Mark that caused the older man to scream out in pleasure.

"Fuck" Mark said haggardly "what in the hell was that?"

"You mean this?" Jackson asked and hit it again, causing another round of pleasurable moans.

"You have to stop that" Mark replied. "I'm going to come and I want you inside me, I need you inside me"

Pulling his fingers out Jackson ripped open the condom and Mark went to grab it.

"No" Jackson said "your job is to lay back and relax" and Mark didn't protest.

Once Jackson rolled the condom on he placed the head of his cock at Mark's entrance.

"What do you want?" Jackson asked with a grin "tell me"

"I want you to fuck me" Mark replied.

Pushing in ever so slightly Jackson swallowed Mark's grunt with a kiss. Full of passion and the promise of safety within Jackson's hands.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark couldn't believe that it was really happening. He was really sleeping with Jackson. He let Jackson fuck him - something he had never done before. Something he had never given another guy. And most likely would never give another guy. Jackson was _the one_ for him, even though that sounded strange, considering the fact how recent they got together, but he just knew that this was special. That his love for Jackson was special and not to compare with any of his former partners. Jackson made him feel so complete, and he didn't want to imagine life without him anymore.

When Jackson started pushing in and kissing him at the same time, Mark almost forgot the light burn that came with the intrusion, because he was so concentrated on Jackson and on kissing him, but when Jackson went deeper he still had to stop kissing him to take a deep breath.

"Relax..." he heard Jackson whisper into his ear. "It's gonna get better soon... it's gonna feel so good... I'm gonna make you feel so good."

Mark tried to do so, but it was more difficult than he thought.

"Look at me," Jackson said and Mark did so, looking up into Jackson's beautiful green eyes. "You can tell me, if you want me to stop. We don't have to..."

Mark cut him off mid-sentence. "No... I wanna do this..." he assured Jackson and closed his eyes for a moment. "It's just... new... the feeling... you inside of me..."

"I know," Jackson replied and moved one of his hands down Mark's chest and stomach until he was at his erection and grabbed it, which caused Mark to moan out loud. When Jackson's talented fingers worked up and down his shaft, he almost forgot the pain, and he didn't even wince when he felt Jackson pushing in more, until he was buried inside of him balls deep.

He felt so full, so complete, and looked at Jackson smiling. "God... you're really inside..." he whispered.

Jackson looked down at where their bodies were combined, before he turned to Mark again. "Yeah... I guess I am..." He leaned down and kissed Mark on the lips softly. "Are you okay?"

Mark's hands wandered over Jackson's back, down his spine until he reached his buttcheecks. "More than okay... start... moving... Please."

And Jackson didn't need to be asked twice. He pulled back just a little bit, only to thrust in with a little more force this time, and it caused Mark to rear up. The pain was long forgotten and he just felt the heat rising within him. "Jackson, oh Jackson," he moaned, putting his legs around Jackson's waist and pushing him even closer. "That's so good..."

Jackson leaned his forhead against Mark's, a sly smile on his lips. "Told you so... told you I'm gonna make you feel so good," he replied and started a slow pace, but after a couple of seconds, maybe minutes, it just wasn't enough for Mark anymore. He wanted more. He needed more.

He grabbed Jackson's buttcheeks tighter and pushed him in as deep inside as he could. "More... give me more," he almost begged and Jackson did. His thrusts became more erratic and harder, and there it was again. The spot, that made Mark see stars dancing before his eyes.

"Oh God... oh my god..." he almost screamed and his fingernails buried into Jackson's skin. He would most definitely leave some marks, but he couldn't help it. He moved his hands to Jackson's shoulders and pulled him down. "Do it again..." he whispered breathlessly and Jackson did so. Over and over again he thrusted against this over-sensitive spot and Mark felt like he was burning alive. He felt like his whole body ran on adrenaline and it was just so good.

When Jackson started moving his hand on his cock again, it was almost too much. It took all of his willpower not to come right then, and his whole body started shaking. "Jackson... Jackson... Jackson..." Over and over again he said his name like a mantra. He tried to hold back, tried his best not to come too early, but it grew more difficult with every second.

"Let go, Mark... come for me... I want you to come," Jackson whispered in his ear and bit his earlobe, and that was it. It was like he had just waited for Jackson's permission to come.

"I'm gonna... oh god..." he screamed out loud and bucked up, pushing his whole body against Jackson's and feeling him hit that spot once again. His world started fading and his orgasm washed over him like an explosion, making him feel like he was falling in a sea of pure pleasure. It was like he was fainting. He barely noticed Jackson thrusting into him a few more times, because he was still so caught up in his post-orgasmic state, and only opened his eyes when he felt the weight of Jackson's body sinking down on him.

"Wow..." he heard Jackson say and smiled up at him.

"Yeah... wow..." he replied, still breathless. "I thought I'm gonna pass out every second."

"I think you did for a short time," Jackson grinned. "You should have seen your face when you came. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

Mark bit his lower lip, feeling slightly embarrassed by this compliment. He wasn't used to things like that being said to him. It made him feel so special. So loved. He could see in Jackson's eyes that he meant every word he said, and that made it even more special. Because Jackson loved him that much. How could he have ever doubted that? How could he have ever thought that Jackson would leave him, just because he was maybe sick?

"Jackson, you... you're everything I've ever dreamed of. I don't wanna be without you ever again," he said, slowly coming down from his high.

"You don't have to, because I'm not going anywhere," Jackson replied, placing a soft kiss on Mark's lips, before slowly sliding out of Mark and sitting up.

For a moment, Mark almost felt empty, a feeling he didn't know, but Jackson was by his side soon again. He just got rid of the condom and leaned down to kiss him again. "I'll be right back," he said when he got up again and vanished into the bathroom. When he came back, he had a washcloth in his hand and cleaned himself and Mark, before he threw it away and layed down next to Mark.

Immediately, Mark slung his arms around him and held him very close. He just needed that right now. After all that had happened lately - especially over the past couple of hours - he just wanted to feel Jackson as much as possible. Feel the warmth of his body.

"Do you really think this thing... if I have Peripheral Neuropathy... this thing will go away? Do you think they can treat it?"

Jackson got up a little bit, so he could look Mark in the eye. "You're gonna be fine. And I'll be there all the way. I won't leave you alone in this. I'm your boyfriend. Your partner. I'm gonna be there for you, no matter what."

"I don't want to put you through this," Mark said honestly, but Jackson shook his head.

"You're not. And I know you would do the same for me if it was the other way round. Don't worry, we'll get through this," Jackson assured him.

Mark couldn't help the smile that was building on his lips. For the first time he _really _felt like everything was gonna be okay. He felt like Jackson was right. He just had to stay positive.

"Thank you," he simply said before kissing Jackson.

He could have gone on and on doing this, if not a growl would have broken the silence. The growl of Mark's stomach.

"Oops," Mark grinned and Jackson placed a hand on his abdomen.

"Looks like someone's hungry. Should we order something?" Jackson asked.

"Yeah, I think that would be good. I don't think I can move much anymore tonight," Mark replied, before kissing Jackson again. They would be okay. He just knew it.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **Still there, anyone? ;-) Since we hadn't gotten any comments on the last chapter (not one), we are asking ourselves, if there are still people interested in this story? We have SO much more material already, we're writing on this thing EVERY day since April now, so there is a lot more to come. If you want it, but if no one leaves even a short comment, we don't know whether people want to read it or not… :-) We don't bite, we swear ;-) If you want more, it can come soon, but if not, feel free to ignore this XD

**Alex Karev POV:**

"I'm not running interference again, Alex" April told him before digging into her salad "She keeps asking about you and it's getting harder to make excuses"

She was talking about Arizona and she didn't sound pleased.

Looking at the woman Alex did feel guilty that he was forcing April to be his go-between for him and Robbins. Especially hearing that Robbins really did want to see him.

Alex just couldn't do it, though.

Robbins had made a great recovery, but according to April and Jackson the woman had a noticeable limp when she walked. A limp that he had put there by his stupid decisions. It should have been him on that plane, not Robbins, and seeing her with that constant reminder left Alex in a cold sweat.

"Look April" Alex said "I have to perform three surgeries by the end of the day. I don't have time to haggle with Robbins over procedures and besides, you're a lot better at it then I am"

April grabbed his hand "She misses you Alex. She never says it, but it hurts that you're making such an effort to avoid her" Alex felt the warmth of her hand and for a moment he got distracted from her words.

"Alex" April said gently "do you hear me?"

"Sorry" Alex responded "I just...what would I even say to her, Kepner? Sorry, that you're only here because I went behind your back and took a job elsewhere?"

"Do you still blame yourself?" April asked "That plane crash was not your fault and I know that if you actually talked to Arizona she would tell you the exact same thing"

"It should have been me on that plane" Alex said "and if it was, a family wouldn't have nearly been destroyed"

"So that's it, huh?" April asked and Alex was surprised to hear her so angry "you think that you're value isn't as important as Robbins?"

"She has a family, people that care about her and I-" Alex started to say.

"If you even think about finishing that sentence, Alex, I'm going to punch you in the throat" The way April looked he didn't doubt it for a moment.

"Kepner, she has people that care about her and need her here"

"Right, and me and Jackson don't need you here, Alex" April told him "I wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for you and do you really think Jackson would have survived these past few weeks without you?"

"Jackson would have been fine" Alex said morosely "you would have found a way to stay"

April leaned in closer and Alex could smell the faint scent of her shampoo. It reminded him of lilacs and the smell of spring.

"You and Jackson are guys and don't share feelings, I get that" April told him "but he cares about you, I care about you. You're our family so don't ever talk about nobody needed you here, because we do need you, Alex.

The two were still staring at one another when Jackson walked up and gave Alex a tap on the back of the head "Why do you two look so serious?" he asked jubilantly.

Breaking apart April looked at Jackson then back at Alex.

"Alex is finally going to go and talk to Arizona" April said "now"

"Really?" Jackson asked "that's good, dude"

"Yeah, I was thinking maybe after lunch-"

"Now" April repeated.

"Or now" Alex repeated and stood.

"Since you're not going to finish your lunch" Jackson said as he reached over to swipe Alex's fruit cup.

"No" Alex said grabbing it from Jackson's hands "it's mine"

Holding his hands up Jackson sat back down "Fine, I don't really like cherries anyway"

Looking between April and Jackson the man remembered his words to Owen and the speech April had just given him. It was true that these two people were his family and somehow he had grown to love them as such.

They were in this together. For better or worse.

Alex had finished his snack before he reached Arizona's hospital room. He was a nervous eater and right now his stomach was doing somersaults.

Alex could do this. He had to do this for the woman who had changed his life. She deserved a real conversation with him.

Opening the door he saw the woman sitting there flipping through channels on the television that sat overhead.

"It's a hopeless cause" Alex said "nothing is ever good on that thing"

"Alex" Arizona said, surprised to see the man standing there "you're here"

"Yeah" Alex said as he closed the door behind him "I'd really like it if we could talk"

**Arizona Robbins:**

Arizona was really surprised to see Alex Karev at her doorstep in her hospital room. She hadn't thought this would happen all too soon after all the sneaking around he was doing. Yes, he was doing her job at the moment, and yes, it could be stressful at times, but all the excuses April Kepner had made up just to not make it look like Alex was avoiding her were bullshit. She knew something was wrong, she just didn't know what exactly.

Yes, when they last talked, they hadn't been on a good note, especially because she had been so pissed about this job interview in Miami, and mostly disappointed, but that was weeks ago. And she wasn't mad at Alex anymore. She would have been, if he had taken this offer, but he was here. And he would stay. At least as far as she had heard. She hoped she wasn't wrong.

She made a welcoming gesture and pointed to the chair next to her bed.

"Sit down, Alex," she said, waiting for him to come closer, but Alex seemed really hesitant.

Arizona let out a sigh.

She swung her legs out of the bed and grabbed the crutch she still needed for support. Her leg was better - her wife had done a great job with it - but she still needed a lot of rehab, before she would be able to walk without it again.

"What are you doing?" Alex asked, looking almost shocked, and immediately he was by her side to support her. "I'm sure you shouldn't walk around without someone helping you." He grabbed the arm that was not supported by the crutch and concern lay in his eyes.

"Well... you wouldn't come to me by your own, so I needed to do something. Guess it worked," she smiled and sat down on the bed again, pulling Alex with her. "What's wrong, Karev? Why are you not talking to me? Don't you think it's important that we speak?"

Alex bit his lower lip, looking down at her. "I... I feel bad for even being here."

"Here in my room?" Arizona asked confused.

"Yes... no... I mean that too! But if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't even be in this position. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have been on that plane, and you wouldn't have crashed with the plane, and you wouldn't have been in danger of dying." He fisted his hands. "You could have died. And it would have been my fault. I... I would have never forgiven myself if something would have happened to you. Sofia would have lost her mother and Doctor Torres would have lost her wife."

"Hey... hey... stop it," Arizona cut him off, gently rubbing his arm. "I'm not dead, I'm here, don't you see?"

"Yeah, but you could have..." Alex started but again Arizona bumped in.

"No, Alex! Stop talking about what could or should have happened. I'm alive... It was a horrible crash and I was really afraid to never see Sofia or Callie again, but I made it through and I'm here. I still need some rehab, but I will be fine," she promised.

"Don't do that to you. Don't blame yourself for something that wasn't your fault. I don't blame you, either."

"Really?" Alex asked, looking slightly surprised.

"Of course not," Arizona smiled. "Yes, I was pretty pissed at you for just going to Miami without telling me you're having another job interview... and yes, I pretty much wanted to kill you in that moment, but what counts is that you didn't go. You're here Alex, and I'm glad you are."

"I'm so sorry... I... I just... I don't know what's gotten into me... They offered me everything I've ever dreamed of," Alex explained. "And so much more..." A sigh left his lips. "I thought, after all that had happened in the past months, I could start over. I could leave everything behind and start a new life. I... I just wanted to stand on my own feet."

"Why didn't you talk to me about this? I'm sure we could have found some sort of agreement... Or maybe I would have even supported your decision, but you going behind my back... that hurt," Arizona admitted.

"I thought, if I talked to you, you would try to make me stay. I assumed you wouldn't understand my reasons," Alex replied.

Arizona sighed. "You should have at least tried. Don't you think I deserved that, after all I did for you?"

"Yes. You did, and you're completely right," Alex said. "And I wanted to tell you as soon as I got back, but then the plane we wanted to catch was overbooked and we had to stay in Miami for another night, and when we got to the airport the next morning, we got the news about the plane crash." He shook his head, turning away not to have to look at her any longer. "Have you any idea what was going through my mind that moment? I thought I'm never gonna see you again, and that it's my fault if you're dead. I prayed to god for you to be okay. And I usually don't pray."

"Alex..." Arizona said, placing a hand on Alex's. "Alex, look at me."

When Alex didn't listen, Arizona placed a hand on his cheek and turned his head to hers. She could see the pain in his eyes, and the guilt. This guilt must have eaten him from the inside out. Softly she caressed his cheek, leaning her forehead against his. "I'm okay. I'm okay..." she repeated a couple of times, until Alex finally seemed to understand.

"I'm so sorry," he said again, obviously fighting the overwhelming feelings. Arizona knew him that well, and she knew that he most definitely didn't want her to see him that way.

"Stop beating yourself up, okay? Let's just... start over... I'm not mad at you anymore, and I'm glad you stayed," she said softly. "And I couldn't imagine a better replacement to do the job I can't do at the moment. You're awesome, Alex, and I believe in you. I always believed in you."

"I know," Alex replied hoarsely, apparently still fighting back his feelings.

Arizona wished she could just tell him to let go, but instead she hugged him and held him very close to her. She knew he wouldn't want to look weak in her presence, but now where she finally knew what was wrong, she totally understood. And she was glad they talked it over. She was glad, Alex came to see her and she hoped, once she was able to work again, she could make him her partner. Or at least build him up to be her partner some day.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Mark didn't admit it, but Jackson knew the man was scared.

He was finally going in to get his hands and feet tested to see if any long term damage had been done by the crash. The morning of his appointment with Dr. Lee Mark was unusually silent and Jackson did his best to try and lighten the man's mood.

They had made love before showering together and then Jackson drove them both to the hospital.

Jackson had carved out a spot near the waiting area as Mark went into the doctor's office. The man had been in with Dr. Lee for ten minutes before Jackson pulled out the magazine he had brought with him to pass the time.

Psychology Today had just published an article on the effects of PTSD. Jackson had yet to be witness to any of the nightmares Eli had told him about, but Jackson believed in being prepared.

It was an interesting piece and Jackson was in the middle of reading how night terrors could be a possible consequence of an untreated case when Eli walked up to him.

Jumping and turning around Jackson gave a sigh of relief when he saw it was just Eli that had surprised him.

"You okay?" Eli asked.

"Yeah" Jackson told him "I guess I was just into this" Jackson added and held up the magazine for the man to see. Taking it out of Jackson's hand Eli skimmed it quickly.

"How is Mark holding up?"

Jackson shrugged his shoulders "He hasn't had any nightmares since he's been home, not that I know of anyway"

"That's good then" Eli said "it means he could be getting better"

"We both know the kind of nightmares you described don't just go away"

"What has Mark told you about them?" the nurse asked.

"I haven't brought it up yet" Jackson answered "I want to go to him with a game plan, hence the research" he added and held up the periodical once more.

Eli's face took on one of concern "Jackson" he started "you should really be honest with him about this. I don't see Mark being too happy about you doing all this behind his back"

"It's not behind his back " Jackson responded "I want to help him with this and having some sound information and places that can treat these kind of things makes it easier"

Walking up and standing next to Jackson Eli looked over at him "You're a doctor Jackson and you come from a family of doctors so I know having facts and treatment options is what makes the most sense, but trust me sometimes just talking these things through is the best option"

Jackson was silent for a moment before he continued "Mark doesn't talk about these things" he started "if I try to bring up the problems with his limbs he gets defensive and closes himself off. Even getting him here to see Dr. Lee was a task"

Eli reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. Retrieving a picture he sat it down on the counter in front of Jackson.

"Who's that?"

"My brother Robert" Eli said "one of the bravest men I've ever known. He has wanted to be a soldier for as long as he knew what one was and he was a good one, one of the best. He came from Iraq with a purple heart and a personal declaration of heroism from his squad leader"

"That's amazing" Jackson said.

"It is" Eli said "but nobody talks about what else these soldiers come back with. He would wake up screaming more often than not. It got to the point he avoided sleep just to not have the nightmares. I did exactly what you did Jackson. I'm a nurse and it's my job to help people so when it came to my brother I went full out. I talked to doctors and spent hours online trying to find the best ways to give him the help he needed"

"I don't under-" Jackson started

"He was angry Jackson" Eli said "I presented all this data about what he needed to do to get better and to him it was just me telling him that he was damaged. That he was wrong and he needed to get fixed. We argued, but when it was all over Robert made me see that what he needed was somebody to help see him through this. When he was ready he would come to me and we would work on his problems together, and we did, Jackson. He's now a happily married father to two of the most precious boys you will ever meet"

Jackson listened to Eli intently and the peek into the man's world made Jackson think that maybe he had a point.

"I just..." Jackson tried to say

"Just what?" Eli asked

"I watch Mark struggle every day to hide the fact that he's terrified of the future" Jackson said "his career, us, all of it weighs down on him and I need to do something. I left with Karev for Miami because instead of staying here and facing my problems I ran. I always run" Jackson continued "I need to show Mark that I'm here for the long haul and these problems with his nerves, with these nightmares, none of it is going to make me run and if I can at least try and understand what he's going through by reading up on PTSD and Peripheral Neuropathy then that's the least I can do"

Grabbing a hold of Jackson's hand Eli made the younger man look at him "Talk to him Jackson" he said "that's the best thing you can do"

"What the hell is going on here?" a voice asked from behind the two men and turning around quickly Jackson and Eli were face to face with Mark Sloan.

A very angry Mark Sloan.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark was really afraid what Dr. Lee's tests would show. He was afraid that the other doctor would tell him that he could maybe never operate again. Or that he would find nothing, which would mean: no explanation for Mark's trembling hands and problems with his feet sometimes. It would mean, he had symptoms and Dr. Lee wouldn't know where they came from or what to do about it. Mark didn't know which one he would rather have, because both of it didn't sound very good in the long run.

When he was sitting on the chair in Doctor Lee's office, he had problems not to show how nervous he was, but he managed to compose himself and let Dr. Lee make all the tests he had to make.

He knew, the results wouldn't be in before tomorrow or even the day after tomorrow, so the wait would be a really horrible thing. But at least he hadn't had any nightmares since he was released from hospital. Maybe because Jackson was by his side, or maybe he was just getting better. Maybe he wouldn't have any nightmares ever again and they had been just temporarily.

"I will inform you as soon as I have the results, Doctor Sloan. But don't worry; even if it turns out that you have Peripheral Neuropathy, you know it's treatable... we can do something about it and soon you'll be as good as new." Doctor Lee said, causing Mark to shrug.

"I don't know..." he gave back, having serious doubts about that.

Doctor Lee consolingly placed a hand on Mark's shoulder. "You're gonna be okay. I know you're a doctor yourself, but sometimes you just have to trust the doctors around you to do the best they can."

Mark nodded. "I know... thank you." He got up from his chair, looking at the other doctor.

"Is there anything else or can I go now?"

"We're finished," Doctor Lee replied. "You're free to go. I'll call you."

Mark nodded, opening the office door and turning around to look for Jackson, who was sitting in the waiting area. When Mark moved towards him, he could see another man next to him, Eli, and slowly walked closer. They were sitting with their backs to Mark and they hadn't noticed him yet, and just when Mark was about to make a sound to get their attention he overheard them talk. Heard what they were talking about.

_"I need to show Mark that I'm here for the long haul and these problems with his nerves, with these nightmares, none of it is going to make me run and if I can at least try and understand what he's going through by reading up on PTSD and Peripheral Neuropathy then that's the least I can do"_

If felt like a punch in the stomach and he needed a second or two to recover from the shock he was just experiencing. Jackson and Eli were talking about the nightmares he was having during his hospital stay. Eli promised Mark not to tell anyone, and now he had to find out that he had told Jackson? Jackson of all people? Jackson who Mark didn't want to know? Jackson hadn't even asked him about the nightmares. He could have come and talked to him. Maybe Mark wouldn't have told him anyways, but he hadn't even tried. He had just gone behind his back and talked to Eli. Or the other way round: Eli could have betrayed him by going to Jackson. No matter which it was, it didn't make a difference, but it still hurt Mark. And it also made him angry.

"What the hell is going on here?" he asked, the anger obvious in his voice.

"Mark," Jackson said, jumping slightly and getting up from his chair. "You're back. I haven't heard you coming."

"Of course you haven't. Or you wouldn't have talked about my oh so bad nightmares in public." He shook his head, still having problems to believe that this was really happening right now.

"I... I was worried about you, Mark. Really worried. And when Eli told me..." Jackson started, but Mark cut him off mid-sentence.

"Well, thank you, Eli!" he said ironically. "How sweet and caring of you to tell my boyfriend about a secret I didn't keep for nothing. I wouldn't even have told you, if you hadn't found me in this situation several times. I trusted you, Eli. I thought we were friends."

"We are!" Eli assured him, but Mark waved dismissively.

"Friends don't go behind each other's back. I can see Jackson doing it... going behind my back instead of just asking me about it, but you? I can't believe you told him. Why couldn't you just accept that I didn't want him to know?"

He looked from Eli to Jackson.

"And you... god, I can't believe you're betraying me like that. You could have asked me. You could have just talked to me, but instead you're talking to _him_. Why couldn't you accept that I wasn't ready to tell you? That I just needed time to get through this?" Mark's voice was a lot quieter than he thought it would be.

"Have you any idea how it feels to be caught in this nightmare over and over again? To see the woman you once loved and wanted to have a family with die unhappy, because she still loved me? Do you even know how guilty I feel that she was even there? She was there for me, and she's dead because of me. She's dead and I live. She had her whole life ahead of her and now it's over. I still hear her scream in my head, I still see her bleeding, and I see her fighting. I promised her to get her out from under the plane, but I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried. And whenever I dream about it... about her... it's like she dies again. Over and over again," Mark explained quietly.

He could see Jackson moving towards him and stretching a hand to touch him, but he took a step back.

"Don't touch me!" he said sharply. "I hope you're feeling better now. I hope you two are satisfied with yourselves. Now you know what my nightmares are all about, congratulations. You just made me experience it all over again."

"Mark, I'm... I'm sorry..." he heard Jackson whisper, but just turned around.

"Me too!" he replied taking a few steps away from Jackson. "I don't want you to come to my apartment today. Or tonight. Or tomorrow." he said before getting into the elevator that was just arriving this moment and pressing one of the buttons, only noticing that he was in the orthopaedic department when he got out. And of course he had to run into Callie only mere seconds later.

"Mark... hey," Callie said, but immediately noticed that something was wrong. "You're... shaking... are you okay?"

Mark shook his head. "No... No I'm not," he admitted. Callie was one of the few people he could really trust. One of the few people where he could let his feelings out. She knew him better than anyone else. She would have known if he lied to her anyways, so he didn't even try.

He felt Callie's arms around his waist and hugged her back, leaning into the embrace. "I had a fight with Jackson." he said after a while, still trying to compose himself. He didn't even know when Callie and he had moved towards one of the on-call rooms, but when she closed the door, he could finally let go, and he did. He sat down on the bed, letting Callie take his hand and he started talking, because he just had to. He had to get it out, because he still felt so betrayed.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson had no idea what was going on.

One minute he was talking with Eli about Mark and the next Mark was yelling at him. Jackson had tried apologizing. He had tried telling Mark that none of it was Eli's fault, but every time he went to open his mouth Mark continued on.

Mark was already on the elevator when Jackson made a move to go after him. He was about to sprint towards Mark before he felt Eli grab his arm.

"He's angry" Eli told him "he needs to cool down"

"No" Jackson said "I have to fix this" and before Eli could say anything else Jackson withdrew his arm from the man's hold and made his way towards the only place he knew Mark would go to let off steam.

A part of Jackson could understand Mark's reaction, but it baffled him that the man couldn't see that Jackson was only trying to help.

He made his way to the Orthopaedic wing and as he turned the corner he saw Mark and Callie hugging a second before the woman lead Mark to one of the on-call rooms.

If it was bad before, having Callie involved was about to make it a whole lot worse. The woman didn't like him and really didn't like him with Mark.

After whatever conversation the two were having in that room Jackson was more then a little sure that Callie's already bad opinion of him was going to be cemented.

Jackson was used to dealing with people who didn't like him. It came with the territory of being in a profession where your family's name was practically royalty. People assumed the worst about him and Jackson could easily chalk it up to professional jealousy, but Callie?

The woman disliked him on a personal level. Jackson had no idea how to try and get around that when he didn't know what the cause was to begin with. Callie had a wife and kid so he knew it wasn't about her wanting Mark.

Was it Lexie? Did Callie resent Jackson for being in what Callie thought should be her place?

Jackson was still ruminating when he saw Mark and Callie exit the on-call room and the second Mark caught sight of Jackson the man made a beeline for him.

"What in the hell are you doing here?" Mark asked him angrily "I thought I made myself very clear that I don't want to see you right now." His words were an angry whisper, but they held the same bite as if Mark had screamed them in his face.

"I need to talk to you"

"There's nothing to talk about, Avery" Mark said and the older man calling him by his last name hurt and he wasn't quite sure why.

"I just wanted to understand what you were going through" Jackson said quietly "see if I could do anything to help"

"You and Eli gossiping behind my back was not the answer"

"Don't blame Eli" Jackson said "it was me. I convinced him to tell me and he really didn't want to"

"That doesn't make what he did okay" Mark said "I would have told you when I was ready"

"Right" Jackson said and he couldn't stop the biting sarcasm that came with the word.

"What?" Mark asked and Jackson immediately wanted to take it back. This wasn't making anything better.

"If you just look at this article" Jackson said as he pulled the magazine that had started the conversation between him and Eli out of his back pocket.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Mark said snatching the magazine out of Jackson's hand and throwing it to the ground and now the man was right in his face.

Angry and probably beyond reason.

"I don't want your help"

Jackson had looked up briefly and could see Callie standing a few feet behind Mark. Jackson could see her staring at him and she looked upset with him.

Jackson had already felt embarrassed, but once he saw Callie that shame turned to anger.

"Okay" Jackson said "I get the message. I guess I was an idiot for thinking our talk in your bathroom actually meant something, that it proved I could be there for you when you needed me, but I was wrong. You have Torres for that and if you only want me to be a warm body when you need a distraction or when she isn't there to talk things through with I can do that. It's not what I wanted, but I've played that role for you before. I guess I can do it again"

Mark's face looked as if it had seen a ghost. All the anger that had been there previously had vanished and in its place was a startling shock.

Walking around the man Jackson was about to head back to the elevators, but Callie stood directly in his path.

"Mark" Callie said "why don't you go to the parking lot and I'll meet you there in a couple minutes"

"No I-" he started to say, but the woman cut him off "please Mark you've had a hard enough morning as it is"

Mark looked as if he wanted to say something, but decided against it and besides, what Callie wanted she pretty much got.

Once Mark was gone Jackson made an effort to walk around the woman.

"No you don't" she said "me and you are going to have a conversation. Privately"

"I have patients" Jackson told her. The last place he wanted to be was with her right now.

"Like I give a damn" she said to Jackson and grabbing his hand she lead them both back into the on-call room.

**Callie Torres POV:**

"What do you want from me?" Jackson asked, once Callie had closed the door to the on-call room. "Whatever is wrong between Mark and me is none of your business."

"Whatever is wrong with Mark is my fucking business. I'm his best friend and he's the father of my child, and when he suffers like that, it's hard to stand by and watch," Callie gave back. She didn't want to be all too angry with Avery, because somehow she could even understand why he did what he did.

Mark had told her everything. He had told her about the nightmares and about the tests and about his fears not to get back to his old self ever again, or to lose his job if he couldn't operate anymore. And then he had told him about Avery and his efforts to help him, but for Mark it didn't feel like help.

"You tell me," Avery replied, rolling his eyes. "Why do you think have I started this research? Just for fun? I wanna do something for him. I wanna be there for him. I wanna take care of him."

"See, that's exactly the problem," Callie gave back. "Mark doesn't want you... or anyone else to take care of him. I will tell you something about Mark, Avery..." she said, pointing to the bed and waiting for Jackson to sit down, and then she sat down next to him.

"Mark lost his parents when he wasn't even a teenager. His mother died in a car crash and his father started drinking, so he kind of lost both of them at the same time. He had to learn to take care of himself at a very young age, and he had been all by himself for a very long time. He sometimes even acts like he doesn't care for anyone but himself, but that's his way of dealing with certain things. It's a protective mechanism... if someone gets too close, he shuts this person out before he or she gets too close. He tried that with me as well, and believe me, it wasn't easy to break this wall down. To have him let me in," Callie explained.

"I get that, but what does it have to do with the whole situation?" Jackson asked.

"Mark doesn't want to be the one someone has to take care of. He doesn't want to be a burden for anyone, especially not for people he loves. He thinks he can deal with those things himself, and doesn't see that sometimes it's the wrong way. He sometimes does the wrong things for the right reason." Callie said. It wasn't really easy to explain how Mark was, how to deal with him. Especially not to someone like Avery, because he just wasn't objective in this thing. Because he loved Mark so much, even Callie could see that, even though she didn't particularly like it.

"I never meant to go behind his back, but he didn't give me another choice," Jackson defended himself.

Callie let out a sigh. "Why? Have you even asked him about his nightmares?"

Jackson shook his head. "No, but..."

"No buts," Callie cut him off. "You didn't give him the chance to come to you by himself, and now he feels betrayed. He feels like two of his friends went behind his back and tampered with a situation Mark isn't in control of. And Mark hates not to be in control. He hates if someone thinks he can make decisions for him and such."

"That's not what I intended to do. I went to Eli because I'm fucking worried. I don't want to interfere with his life, but I can't just watch him suffer like that when there are ways I can help him." Jackson replied.

Callie nodded. "I know, but it's not how Mark sees it. To him it looks like instead of coming to him, you went to a friend of his and together you were going to make a plan about what to do... and that _is_ something he has no control over."

Gently she put a hand on Jackson's shoulder.

"Look, I know you love him, and I know you wanna help him, but that's not the right way. And it's definitely not helping. It's driving you two apart. Mark will shut you out even more now," Callie assumed, somehow hoping that she wasn't right.

"Mark is sometimes... or rather most of the time... too proud to accept help from anyone. I agree that he needs help and that he maybe won't get through this all alone, but the first step is for him to accept that he has a problem, and that it won't go away by itself."

She bit her lower lip, not knowing if it was right to speak out loud what she was really thinking, because she knew, Jackson wouldn't like it, but when Jackson was about to get up, Callie held him back.

"Is there something else?" Jackson wanted to know and Callie nodded.

"Yeah... I know this is none of my business, but maybe you should reconsider your relationship with Mark," she blurted out.

"What?" Jackson asked, looking slightly stunned. "What do you mean?"

"You know what the problem with Lexie was? The reason it didn't work out between her and Mark and would have never worked out, even if they had tried it again?" Callie looked Jackson directly in the eye.

"Well..." Jackson started. "For one, Lexie didn't accept Mark's family. First there was his daughter, Sloan, and then Sofia was on her way. She wasn't ready to be a stepmom just yet... at least that's what she told me. And what Mark told me."

"Yeah," Callie nodded. "Amongst other things. I think the main problem was the age difference. Yes, they really loved each other but they weren't in the same place with their lives. Like you and Mark. You are in different places right now. You're young and impulsive and I don't know... I think you want different things."

"I want Mark," Jackson declared. "And you know nothing about me. I'm not Lexie. Yeah, I can be impulsive, in that you're right, but I want what's best for Mark and I would never want him to decide between me and his family."

"I know that," Callie clarified. "But sometimes love just isn't enough. Sometimes two people love each other and still can't be together or shouldn't be. Maybe you should try to find someone who can give you everything you want and need, because right now, Mark doesn't make you happy. I can see that. End it before it really hurts."

"It already does," Jackson admitted, looking away. "And if you think, I will leave Mark just like that... just because you ask me to, you're wrong. I won't give up on him. I won't give up on us, because he's all I want. He's all I ever dreamed about." He lifted his head and looked at Callie. "And he's worth fighting for."

Without any other word, he turned around and left the on-call room, leaving Callie there on her own.

Callie sighed and rolled her eyes. Great. That worked out perfectly fine. Maybe she should talk to Mark again, make him understand why Jackson did what he did, even though she had already tried, but she didn't want to stab him in the back. Mark needed her support right now, and if things with Jackson really went downhill, maybe more than ever. So she made her way out of the on-call room and to the elevators. Mark was waiting for her.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: **Two new reviews 3 Thank you, thank you, thank you! That makes us really happy, and like I already said, the more you people review, the sooner you get new chapters of this story with more and more characters being involved… We're pleased some of you still enjoy our story and want to stay "with us"… of course if you have any critique, feel free to tell us… :-) We hope, you're still enjoying this story and follow Mark and Jackson (and the others) on their way… :-) And the more reviews, the quicker we can post new chapters! Have fun with the 13th one… ^_^

**Alex Karev POV:**

It had been a pretty good day for Alex.

He had spent the morning talking with Robbins about the best form of attacks for that day's surgeries. It had felt good getting back into the swing of things with the woman. It wasn't exactly how it used to be. Alex still felt uneasy talking to her about anything involving the plane crash or her injuries, but they were getting there.

Slowly but surely.

His first real problem came when he went to the cafeteria in order to have lunch with April and Jackson. It had become a pretty regular thing and Alex would never admit it to himself, but it was one of the things he looked forward to during the day.

He was about to dig into his sandwich when he looked around and saw somebody was missing.

"Where's Avery?"

April looked up from some novel she was reading "Probably hiding out" she said "I hear he and Sloan got into it pretty bad this morning" Alex could tell she was concerned and knowing April she had tried to talk to him, but was shut out.

"What about?" Alex asked and April shrugged her shoulders.

"Work stuff most likely" she told him "It can't be easy for Mark to see Jackson taking over his spot. It was bound to come to a head sooner or later"

She still didn't know about them. April had no idea how deep Jackson and Mark's relationship went.

Alex did know and that meant he had to do something.

_Shit!_

Standing up Alex grabbed his sandwich "Where are you going?" April queried.

"I need to speak to Avery about something" he answered and although he expected a line of questioning all he got was a small smile from the woman. A smile that made something in his chest feel just a bit tighter.

Alex found Jackson in his new office. It was small and the window only looked out to the parking lot, but it still had to feel good to have your own.

"Hey" Alex said as he walked in and saw Jackson filling out a stack of forms.

Looking up Jackson gave a half-hearted smile "Hey dude, what are you doing here?"

Holding up an extra sandwich that he swiped from the lunch counter he walked up to Jackson's desk.

"Thought you might be hungry" he said and placed the sandwich down beside the forms.

"Thanks" Jackson grabbed the sandwich "You didn't have to do that"

With a laugh Alex took the empty chair across from Jackson "Yeah, I did" he responded "you make a hell of a lot of noise when you're up at 2 am looking for something to eat"

"No I don't"

"Yes you do"

Jackson chuckled and opened the sandwich. Turkey and cheese. His favourite.

The two remained quiet for a moment before Alex decided to just jump into it.

"I hear you and Sloan got pretty heated this morning"

At the remark Jackson looked up "Is that all anyone is talking about?"

"Just April, as far as I know"

Alex heard Jackson groan and he could tell that whatever happened he wasn't happy that it could be public.

"What happened?" Alex asked and Jackson shrugged his shoulders "I better not say, I've been reprimanded enough about over stepping my bounds"

Alex could see that something was hurting Jackson. Alex didn't like it and he suddenly wondered when he started to care so much about the man.

"Who am I going to tell?" Alex asked "besides, I spend all of my free time with you and April. It kind of defeats the purpose"

Jackson fell back into silence and Alex almost thought it was a lost cause until the man started to speak.

"Mark is angry with me" Jackson said "he's going through something that he doesn't want me to be a part of" putting down the sandwich Jackson looked at Alex "I thought I was helping, but apparently I only made things worse. I know I shouldn't have been talking to Eli so publicly about it, but the man had been through something similar. He would know how to help"

Alex listened and it didn't take a genius to figure out why things had gone so badly.

"You know I was married before, right?" Alex asked.

"Yeah" Jackson responded "to that blond who I met during the lunch with Yang and Grey with the epic love vs. career debate"

"Yeah, that's her" Alex said "She was my one"

Jackson looked as if he didn't quite know where this was going, but he wanted to see where it would end up.

"I'm not an easy person to get along with Avery" Alex said "you know that"

Jackson smiled. It was true. The two men did not have an easy start. Somehow it made their friendship even that much stronger.

"I'm forward and abrasive. It's hardly a secret, but it was something that I had accepted about myself" Alex started "I wasn't a man that had any illusions about where I would end up and it wasn't with a woman like Izzie Stevens" Alex could feel the familiar faint pain that came whenever he thought of Izzie.

"She was beautiful and smart, and probably one of the most annoying people I ever met, but that only made her better. Women like that didn't end up with guys like me" Alex could already feel his palms start to sweat at the memories.

"Somehow she did, despite everything I did to screw it up she loved me. And for the family that I come from that's pretty amazing" Alex knew he didn't have to say what his family life was like. In a moment of complete surprise after dealing with the casualties of that college shooting Alex had told Jackson about his brother and told him about the night the man had tried to kill his little sister.

It was the first moment that Alex had saw Jackson as somebody more then just competition.

"Our wedding was the most amazing thing I had ever been a part of and I thought for once, just this once, life was going to turn out just the way I wanted it to, but then she got sick" It became harder to look at Jackson staring at him from across the desk.

"It was bad and her prognosis was going to end us and take her away from me. I was going to lose somebody else, only this time I was going to have to watch as she slowly faded from my life. Then came the day she died in my arms and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that losing her was it for me, but she came back" Alex finally looked at Jackson "she came back to me"

"I had my wife again and although she had a hard road ahead of her I was going to be there every step of the way. After she was well enough to finally get back to work I knew her schedule better then she did. I didn't think she was ready to go back and I let her know it. We argued and she told me she knew what she was capable of. That didn't stop me from being on her like a hawk, though. I made her take her medicine with me watching. I interrupted her surgeries to make sure she wasn't over-exerting herself. I even talked to Webber about making sure she wasn't getting anything too strenuous. I became her father, Avery" Alex told him "I stopped being the husband who supported her and became the father who made himself her crutch"

Jackson looked like he understood. Telling the story still hurt, but if it could let Jackson see then maybe it was worth it.

"How can I just do nothing Alex?" Jackson asked.

"I get it" Alex said "it's unfair to ask you to stand aside while somebody you love so much is hurting" Alex understood the kind of man Jackson was, because he was the exact same way. They needed to hold people close because far too often the moment they let go they were gone.

"Who was it?" Alex asked

"Who was what?"

"Who do you blame yourself for that makes you so terrified of not trusting Mark enough to know what's best for him?" Alex would never be this straightforward with anyone else, but he knew Jackson could handle it and hopefully answer honestly.

"My father" Jackson said as he ran a hand across the top of his head and through his curls "I watched him destroy his life and I did nothing because he told me he would get better. He told me that the family didn't need to know about any of it and by time I realized my mistake it was too late"

Sometimes it scared Alex how alike he and Avery were. It was easy to see why the man was the way he was.

"I can't watch the same thing happen with Mark"

"It won't" Alex said "because Sloan has you, he just needs to deal with this first. It's going to be brutal, but the man will come around and when he does he will need you there"

"What do I do?" Jackson asked.

"Just be there" Alex said "I can tell you that more then anything he just wants to feel normal. His life has been nothing but one big rollercoaster and something as simple as watching television or going to a movie will make the world of difference. If you're always treating him like a victim he will grow to resent it and eventually resent you"

The room fell back into silence.

"Thanks Alex" Jackson said "you don't know much this means to me"

The weight of Izzie still weighed heavily on Alex, but times like these the man knew that the pain wouldn't last forever.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark was more than glad when he was finally home. In his own apartment. Okay, Callie was still here and she insisted on not leaving quite yet, and so he had to watch her cook tea in his kitchen. He didn't want to worry her, but she was the only person he could go to with things like that. Besides Derek, but right now it was hard for him to see Derek. Because Meredith mostly would be with him, and he couldn't stand to look at Meredith. Not with this guilt that was eating him from the inside out. Whenever he looked at her, he got a reminder of why she was so broken, because her little sister had died. Because she was on that plane, to support Mark. To support someone she loved that wouldn't love her back.

"Here!" he heard Callie's voice when she reached him a cup of tea and Mark grabbed it slowly, happy that his hands worked at least this one time.

"Thanks," he replied, sipping at the cup, before placing it on his living room table.

For a while, it was pretty quiet in the room, and they were just sitting there in silence, drinking their tea, but of course Callie eventually had to break the silence.

"Do you really think he's good for you?" she asked.

Mark let out a sigh.

"Seriously, Callie? Again?" he felt slightly annoyed, because whenever they were talking about anything, the subject came to Jackson at some point.

"I'm just sayin'... he doesn't really make you happy right now," Callie gave back.

"He _does_make me happy," Mark clarified. "He tries his best to be there for me. To support me no matter what. You should have seen him a few days back, when I... had some problems with my hands. He was awesome... I pushed him away over and over again, but he wouldn't let go of me. He wouldn't stop telling me that he loved me, until I finally gave in. And I needed that. I needed to know he'll be there."

"But..." Callie started, but Mark cut her off immediately.

"No! We had a fight, yes... and I'm still damn pissed that he talked about my problems behind my back. With someone else. This was not right of him and it doesn't help me." he paused for a moment, looking directly into Callie's eyes. "But that doesn't mean I question our relationship. We'll get through this. I just know it."

He wouldn't give up on Jackson just because there were some problems in their relationship. He wouldn't end this relationship under no circumstances, because he loved this guy. From the bottom of his heart. They would find a way to deal with this whole situation, even though it would take time. Mark knew that. He wasn't ready to let go of Jackson. Not because of something so small. Especially since it wasn't only Jackson's fault that things went ugly. He hadn't talked to him, because he just wasn't the type to cry on someone's shoulder, and he had thought he could overcome those nightmares himself. And they had stopped since he got home, so maybe he already had. Jackson just shouldn't have interfered.

"Don't you think he's maybe too young? Too inexperienced? How much does he know about love and relationships? And wasn't this the problem with Lexie? That you two were on completely different levels in your life, and it just didn't fit?" Callie gave voice to her concern.

"Jackson is not Lexie, Callie! And you can't compare them," Mark shook his head. "All Jackson tried was to protect me. To be there for me. To help me get through this."

"Oh! Now you're coming to his defence? May I remind you, that it was you who came to me, because you were so angry and mad and disappointed that he went behind your back?" Callie objected.

"Yeah... I... I know, Callie, but that doesn't change anything. And maybe it was my fault, too." Mark said.

Callie sighed. "And sometimes love just isn't enough. Sometimes it isn't enough to just love each other, if the rest doesn't work out."

"But I don't wanna lose him." Only the thought of losing Jackson _again_made his chest grow tight. It hurt, and he would do anything in his willpower to not let that happen. He didn't want to be without him, but he also didn't want Jackson to chaperon him so much. He was a grown up man, he knew what he was capable of, and he definitely needed to make things clear to Jackson. That he would come when he was ready, but that Jackson just shouldn't push it, because that would make Mark shut him out even more, even though he didn't intend to. But that was just his nature. That was how he rolled.

"Okay," Callie pulled him out of his thoughts.

Mark looked up at her, feeling slightly confused for a moment. "Okay?"

Callie nodded. "Okay... if that's what you want, I support you in this. I mean, it's not that I don't like Jackson, not at all. He seems to really love you. And he seems to be a great guy."

"He is." Mark replied with a smile.

"I know I have been very hard on him since right from the start, but I know now, that this... he is what you want, and I think I'll have to accept that." Callie realized.

"I guess so," Mark slid closer to his best friend, hugging her tightly and almost spilling all of her tea over his couch.

"Ouch, that was hot," Callie complained while putting the cup down and wiping away some traces of the tea with a napkin.

"I'm sorry." Mark apologized, but then Callie hugged him again.

"It's okay... I'll survive, I guess... and if I'll get burn marks, I'm sure you're gonna fix me," Callie joked.

Mark nodded slowly. "I hope so..." He looked down at his hands, still feeling the insecurity he felt during those tests. If they turned out bad, he might never be able to operate again, and he was fucking afraid of that. But he didn't want to think about it now. And he wouldn't have to, because his daughter seemed to have a perfect timing.

Just when Callie was about to reply something, the baby monitor went off and they could hear Sofia screaming.

"I'll handle it." Mark said, before getting up and moving to Sofia's room. They had picked up Sofia from day care before they had left the hospital and now she was sleeping in her room in Mark's apartment. Or not sleeping anymore.

He went to her room and looked down at her with a smile, and she immediately stopped crying. He lifted her up and noticed a strong smell. "Someone needs a new diaper..." he told her as if she could understand him and put Sofia down at the changing table, but when he started to open her diapers, his hands started shaking again.

"Fuck... not now..." he cursed, and all of a sudden he felt two hands on his. Callie's hands.

"Let me..." she said softly and even though Mark wanted to snap at her, he didn't. Instead he just nodded and let her handle the situation, even though it broke his heart that he now wasn't even able to take care of his daughter properly.

"I'm sorry..." he said once Callie was finished and lifted up Sofia again.

"Don't be," she replied, caressing his arm. "It's okay... really... I'm sure you'll get through this. We'll get through this, because I will be there every step of the way."

"Thank you," Mark sighed, before leaving Sofia's room with Callie and sitting back down on the couch while Callie put Sofia in her playpen.

"Is it okay for you if I head back to the hospital to visit Arizona? It won't take long, I promise," Callie asked after a while.

"Sure. Are you taking Sofia with you?" Mark asked back, but Callie shook her head. "No... I think you can handle her."

"But what if..." Mark started, but Callie cut him off, touching his hands and stroking them. "You can handle it. And if not, call me and I'll be back immediately."

It meant a lot to him that she trusted him like that. That she was willing to leave their daughter with him, even though she just witnessed one of his problems. That was exactly the problem with Jackson - as it looked like. That he didn't trust him the same way and always wanted to take care of him.

"Thank you." he said, hugging Callie when they got up and walking her towards the door. "Give Arizona my regards. I will visit her as soon as possible."

"I will," Callie said and then left. Mark smiled happily as he made his way towards Sofia's playpen and looking down at her, while she was looking up at him through her big, brown eyes. He could consider himself lucky to have a friend like Callie, even though she wasn't perfect, but she accepted his limits and stepped back when it was necessary. Just like now. And Mark would make the best of it.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Sometimes Jackson's father came back to him in his dreams.

_He's 12 again and he and his dad are in Georgia during the peak of summer. Blistering heat makes the air unbearable, but there's a lake not far from their house and most of the day is spent learning how to do a proper back stroke._

Jackson always woke up in a cold sweat and for the first few seconds he was convinced that the man's cologne was suffocating him.

Alex left Jackson's office twenty minutes ago and he has spent every second since gathering the courage to call Mark. The talk with Alex had let the man see how unfair he was to Mark. Jackson should not have taken control of a situation that wasn't his to manage.

Staring at his cell phone Jackson knew he had to sack up and do it. The worst Mark could say was no. Picking up his phone he quickly dialled Mark's number and with each ring his heart felt like it was going burst out of his chest.

On the fifth ring Mark picked up unexpectedly and after the man said "hello" Jackson suddenly forgot everything he wanted to say.

"It'-It's Me Mark" Jackson said

"I'm aware, Jackson" Mark said and his voice sounded cold and annoyed. Maybe this was a mistake after all. Maybe Jackson should give him a few more days, but Jackson knew the longer the two remained apart the more likely the two would never find their way back to each other.

"Right" Jackson said with an embarrassed laugh and he could feel his hands start to sweat "I was wondering if we could talk in person"

"I'-" Mark started

"Just for a couple of minutes, I promise" Jackson waited as Mark appeared to be thinking it over. Maybe he shouldn't pressure the man so soon after their argument.

"Okay" Mark said.

"Why don't you come to the park near the hospital" Jackson said "if you want too"

The phone went silent again and Jackson felt like he was pulling teeth, but he knew if he didn't talk to Mark now he would chicken out completely...

"I'll be there in twenty" Mark told him.

"See ya then" Jackson said and once he hung up he buried his face in his hands. He felt as if he was going to be sick.

Jackson was already in the park going over what he would say when he heard the man call his name. Standing up and turning around Jackson squashed the nerves in his stomach and that was when he caught sight of the little girl Mark was holding.

Jackson had met Sofia a few times. Mostly only for a minute before the girl left with Callie or was put to bed. Suddenly Jackson felt the nauseousness return. This wasn't the way Jackson wanted to have a real first meeting with Mark's daughter. Not while he was trying to save their relationship.

"Callie had to go back to work" Mark said as he bent over and let the girl stand on her own two feet. "I hope it's okay?"

"Of course it is" Jackson said with a smile as he bent down to the little girl's level "Hello Sofia, my name is Jackson" he said "I'm a friend of your dad"

The little girl shied away and gripped Mark's hand tighter.

Sofia's hold triggered Mark's hand to spasm. Looking up Jackson could see the fear that came on Mark's face instantly.

"Hey Sofia" Jackson said "how does some ice cream sound?" and with a big smile the little girl looked up at her father and Mark managed to put on a brave face.

"You want to walk with me?" Jackson said as he held out his hand for the little girl and nodding her head she grabbed hold and the two started to walk towards the ice cream truck.

Looking back at Mark to see if he was okay Jackson saw the man hold his shaking hand to his chest and before he turned back he could see Mark mouth "thank you".

Twenty minutes later and the two men were sitting on a bench as they watched Sofia playing on the swings a few feet away.

"Thanks, Jackson" Mark said "I-I couldn't even feel it coming on that time"

"No problem" Jackson told him. How could the two feel this uncomfortable with one another?

"I'm sorry about what I did, Mark" Jackson said "It was a shitty thing to do and putting you in that position wasn't fair" he couldn't bring himself to look at the man and see his disappointment.

"I just don't understand why?" Mark asked "did you think I was going to keep it from you?"

Shrugging his shoulders Jackson looked down at the ground "I don't know".

"I love you Jackson" Mark said "I just needed time to make sense of it myself".

"The trembling hands is how it started with my father too" Jackson said "just out of the blue he was reaching for the remote and the next thing he knew it was on the floor."

"The doctors told him it was a fluke, probably nothing more then a random occurrence" Jackson looked over at the swing set and could see Sofia watching one of the kids go higher and higher.

"We all ignored it and one day while he was performing a liver reconstruction it happened again and he lacerated a brand new liver. In one second he went from being the future of medicine to a cautionary tale" Jackson still remembered the look in his father's eyes as he heard his grandfather say it would be best if he took some time off.

"He tried to come back from that, but his hands never recovered and even if they did the fear of being in an OR made him break out in hives. His fear lead to arguments which lead to divorce and I got to choose who I was going to live with" Jackson's chest felt tighter and tighter. He had never told anyone this, but he needed to show Mark that he trusted him enough to tell him one of the worst things in his life.

"Me and my dad were always really close and I didn't second guess myself when I chose to move with him to Georgia. It was the complete opposite of everything we had in New York. I learned how to become a pretty awesome cook and my dad had no pressure to be an Avery or live with the shame of his mistakes. That first year was the best of my life" Jackson could still remember everything about that time. There were moments he missed it so much it hurt.

Mark's silence was Jackson's cue to continue.

"Then came the National Medical Journal article on Harper Avery. The article that touted his award and brought back the failure of his son all over again. After that my dad started to drink and eventually he was drunk more times then he was sober" Jackson felt Mark's stare on his neck.

"He promised me that he was going to get better. We were in it together and I wanted my dad back so much that I believed him. So when the family came for visits we pretended that everything was perfect. That my dad had the best job and I didn't have to put him to bed after he got blackout drunk. Then came the days when he would disappear for days on end only to show up and pretend nothing was wrong" Jackson finally looked at Mark.

"I shouldn't have ignored the problem" Jackson said "but I didn't want to lose him and then one day I arrived home from school at 13 years old and found him at our kitchen table. The bottle of Vicodin had fallen by his feet. I wasn't even aware I was screaming until our neighbour came busting in the door and rushed me out" Jackson was doing his best not to cry. All this time and it still tore him apart from the inside out.

"Jackson I-" Mark started to say before Jackson waved his hands.

"I'm not telling you this because I want you to feel bad or because I want your pity" Jackson started "What I did was wrong and I know that. I just want you to know why I did it, because losing him like that never leaves and I know it made me paranoid and overbearing, but I can't go through that again, Mark. I almost lost you twice and hearing about your nightmares and knowing about your hands it made me go insane" Jackson grabs hold of his hand "I promise you though, that if you give me another chance I will do whatever I have to do to show you that it won't be a mistake"

"Why didn't you tell me any of this?" Mark asked quietly.

"Because I hate that look" Jackson said "that look of pity whenever somebody pictures that 13 year old finding his father at their kitchen table. I'm telling you this now because I want you to know I trust you, Mark. I trust you with the worst story of my life and I will trust you with whatever you decide to do from here on out. I just-"

"Just what?" Mark asked

"I just need you to know this is a two way street" Jackson said "I know that Callie is your go to person, but I don't want you to feel she is the only person here for you. I don't want you to keep things from me because you're scared of how I'll see you. You can never be weak to me Mark, because you're the strongest man I know and nothing you can do will change that"

Jackson couldn't read Mark's face, but right now he felt too exposed and he couldn't stay here. "I'm going to go say bye to Sofia. Call me tonight. Whatever you decide I'll accept it" Jackson said and after saying his goodbye he made his way back to the hospital.

He didn't know what the outcome would be, but at least Jackson gave it his all.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark had been sitting on the bench for a long while after Jackson was gone. He didn't even know how long, because he had lost track of time. Only when he heard Sofia's voice, he came back to reality and saw her stretching her little hands for him from afar. So it was his time to get up and get Sofia home. He was sure she must be very tired. He got up and walked to the swings to take her into his arms, which were fortunately not trembling this time. He held her tight, caressing her back and feeling her cuddle into him.

"I'm here, honey... Daddy is here," he whispered into her ear and turned around to look at the hospital one more time, before he made his way home.

He gave Sofia something to eat - amazed that she already tried to grab the spoon to eat herself while feeding her.

"You're a big girl, Sofia, but this will have to wait a little more time," he grinned and cleaned her up after she had finished her meal, before he lifted her up and sat down on the couch with her.

"I guess it'll be only you and me tonight, huh?"

Sofia looked up at him as if she wanted to comment on his suggestion and in this moment she looked just like Callie. A lot. He knew this look. Like she was about to say something, but she was just a baby, and that probably wouldn't happen. Instead she made a few disapproving sounds that made Mark let her down on the floor.

She went on her hands and knees and started to crawl around and Mark's eyes never left her. He would take care of her. He wouldn't disappoint Callie in this. Callie trusted him to be able to do that, and he would.

His thoughts drifted away to Jackson again. The story he had told him... it was hard to imagine, and it made him realize through how much pain Jackson must have gone. Of course it was natural to act the way he did after going through a traumatic experience like that, even though it was long ago, and he definitely wasn't mad at him anymore. He totally got why Jackson was doing it, even though he didn't want it to happen again.

He had to talk things through with him. He had to tell him how he felt, and that he _would_come to him if necessary and that not coming to him didn't mean he didn't trust him. It only meant that he wasn't ready to talk.

All of a sudden he felt someone tugging at his Jeans and when he looked down, Sofia was pulling herself up at Mark's leg, so she was standing in front of him. When he looked closer, he saw something in her hand. A picture.

"Sofia! Where did you get that?" Mark asked and tried to take the picture out of her hands, but she had a tight grip on it. So he lifted her on his lap and when he got a closer look he almost froze.

Sofia was holding a picture of the baseball game a few months back. Of their team. They were all on this picture, even Teddy, Henry and Lexie, because they all had been a part of the team. It hurt him to look at all those smiling faces and knowing that some of them would never be there again. He would never be able to talk to some of those persons again. His chest tightened and he gently stroked the glossy paper.

Sofia's little fingers went over the paper as well and stopped at Jackson's face, as if she was pointing at him.

Mark looked down at her with a sad smile.

"That's Jackson. You know him, right? The nice guy that bought you ice-cream today," he explained and Sofia looked from him to the picture and patted at Jackson's face, with a "hmmm" sound.

"You think I should call him?" he asked his daughter, even though he knew he wouldn't get a proper answer, but to his surprise Sofia nodded and laughed at him.

"That's a yes, I guess..." he bent down and kissed her head, before putting her back on the ground and grabbing his mobile phone.

He had no idea what to tell Jackson, but he knew he wanted him here, despite everything he said. He missed him already and he wanted to fix things between them. He wanted to tell Jackson everything. He wanted Jackson to know how he felt from the inside out. It was time. He had kept quiet way too long, and even though he had already told Jackson about his nightmares, he hadn't told him everything. He hadn't told him about not being able to face Meredith, because he felt so guilty, or not being there for Derek because of this, even though he knew he should be.

A sigh left his lips. He was sure Meredith didn't blame him for what happened, but it was still difficult to even look at her and knowing that her sister could still be alive if it wasn't for him.

It took him a couple of minutes to find the courage to dial Jackson's number, but then he finally did, and with the first ring his heart started beating faster and he had problems to breath easy.

It took a lot out of him to make this call, but he knew he wanted it. He knew he had to do this, because he didn't want him and Jackson to drift apart from each other. They would fix this. They would be happy again and he would - no matter how hard it would be - let Jackson be there for him. Let Jackson help him.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard Jackson's voice at the other end of the line.

"Mark, you called..." he sounded relieved and Mark could totally understand him. And he felt the same relief washing over him.

"Yeah... I... I thought about what you told me earlier today and... and I'm really happy you trust me like that. You have to believe me, I didn't mean for things to get ugly," he admitted, biting his lower lip.

"I love you so much, and I just don't wanna lose you, but... it's not easy for me to depend on someone. To rely on someone. This is all so new for me, because I was always the strong one in a relationship. The one to take care of his partners. But now I feel like I'm weak." he let out a sigh. "I... I don't wanna be weak. I want us to be equal partners. I want us to take care of each other. To be there for each other. Like a two-way-street as you said."

He paused for a moment, waiting for Jackson to say something, which he finally did.

"I want that, too, Mark. And I already told you, I don't think you're weak, just because you have some problems. And it makes me sick not being able to fix them. Not being able to be the one that makes you better."

Mark shook his head, before realizing Jackson couldn't see that. "No... That's not true. You _are_ the one that makes me better. With you I _am_better," he clarified. "Maybe not medically, but everything else. With you by my side I am happy, and it helps me a lot that you believe in me. That you believe I can overcome that."

"We can overcome that," Jackson corrected him, and a smile crossed Mark's lips.

"Yeah, right. We. Still have to learn to use us more than I" he admitted, playing with the hem of his shirt.

"I... I miss you already, and I'm sorry for what I said earlier. Do you... maybe... wanna come over? I can make you dinner..." he suggested. He probably would have to go to the grocery store before he could really provide something delicious for Jackson, but he wanted to do that. He wanted to spend the evening with him as a couple. He wanted to cook for him and then maybe watch a movie together. He realized that he didn't want to hide anymore, because so far, they have been very cautious when they were in the hospital, and he didn't want this anymore. He had to talk to Jackson about it, and if he was ready, they could show everyone that they were an item now. He didn't want to hold back anymore.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: **Thanks again for all the nice comments! That really means a lot to us! We're so happy you like what we're doing and while the story will always be focused on Mark/Jackson, there WILL be chapters without them – I have to admit – since we thought the people at GA are "family" and sometimes others need to be in the focus in order for the story to really "work out"… Chapter 16 will be a long April/Alex Chapter, and I hope, you will like it, too! And new people will come "into the game", but like I said, even though "such" chapters might come, too, I hope, you enjoy those too and still "stay with us"…

And now have tons of fun with Chapter 14… And review XD (and feel free to hate Callie for a while XD)

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson had been anxious ever since Mark's phone call.

Mark had invited him to dinner and a movie. It wasn't until well after the phone call that Jackson realized what that meant. This would technically be their first date.

A date meant talking and getting to know one another a little bit better. After the day's events and what Jackson revealed to Mark he should be okay with a meaningful discussion.

He was still petrified, though.

What if Mark wanted to know more?

Jackson had given him the nice version of what went down. He didn't mention the horrible fights he had with his brother in the years that followed. He didn't mention how when he first told his mother he was going into medicine she cried and couldn't speak to him for days.

When she was finally honest with him she told Jackson that the reason she couldn't accept it was because she believed Jackson wasn't strong enough and that her biggest fear would be that he would end up like his father.

How could he tell Mark that sometimes he shared his mother's fear?

"No" Jackson whispered to himself.

No talks of fucked-up childhoods or even more fucked up family situations. He wasn't going to screw tonight up because too much was dependent on it. Jackson was going to be the best damn date Mark Sloan ever had.

He decided that he should definitely bring a bottle of wine. The good stuff this time.

It was just after 7 when Jackson arrived at Mark's door. He decided to treat it like a real first date. Pretend like he and Mark hadn't already done things that Jackson would have never done on a first date.

Well he would have done it, but he wouldn't feel very proud of himself afterwards.

When Mark opened the door Jackson saw the man was dressed in a blue button down, slacks, and loafers. He looked absolutely gorgeous.

"Hi" Mark said with a smile. One hand on the door and another hanging loosely at his side.

"Hi" Jackson responded.

"Come on in" and stepping aside Mark let Jackson enter his apartment.

The first thing Jackson noticed was how incredible it smelled. He had no idea what the man was cooking, but Jackson couldn't wait to try it.

"Is that for me?" Mark asked as he motioned towards the bottle Jackson was holding.

"Oh, yeah" Jackson said with a small laugh "not the 50 dollar bottle this time either"

"Nice" Mark said and Jackson could see the warmness in the man's eyes.

"Why don't you make yourself comfortable while I finish up dinner" and nodding his head Jackson watched Mark disappear into the kitchen.

Taking off his jacket Jackson sat down on the couch that was placed in front of the television.

He had to shake these nerves. It wouldn't be a very memorable dinner if Jackson spent the whole night worrying if he was making things better or worse.

He could do this.

No, Jackson _would_ do this.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark looked over his shoulder and watched Jackson sitting down on his couch. He couldn't believe this was really happening. They were actually having a real date. Or at least it felt like a real date.

He had put Sofia to bed right after they had been grocery shopping and it didn't take her long to fall asleep. She made it very easy for him to prepare dinner for Jackson and he had made one of his specialities: Chicken Casserole. He didn't cook very often, because he just didn't have the time, but this was one of his highlights. Even Callie had told him, that it was delicious when he had last made it.

He had already set the table and everything was ready for him and Jackson. He only had to wait for a couple of minutes until he could take the casserole out of the oven, but he would use the time to open the wine, and light the candle. At least that was what he planned, but when he was about to open the bottle, his hands didn't work like they should. Again. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down, but it didn't work properly. He hated to do this, but he knew he had to. So he turned to look at Jackson who was focused on the TV, even though it wasn't running, calling out his name.

"Jackson?"

Immediately, the younger doctor turned to face him. "Yeah?"

Mark bit his lower lip, looking at his trembling hands. "Could you... maybe open the wine please? I..." he stopped himself, because he just couldn't say it out loud. It was hard enough for him to even ask Jackson to help him.

Jackson was by his side within seconds. "Of course..." he said, carefully taking Mark's hand in his own and looking at him.

"It's gonna be okay, baby. I promise you, you're gonna be okay." Jackson put his arms around Mark's neck and Mark put his around Jackson's waist, just holding onto him tight for a couple of seconds.

"Thank you..." he whispered into Jackson's hair and when they broke apart he just looked at him.

"It's okay... I'm here for you. Just like I promised," Jackson replied with a smile, before turning around and opening the wine bottle.

Mark pointed to one of the kitchen drawers and Jackson understood immediately and took out two glasses to pour the wine in, and while he was doing this, the casserole was ready, and fortunately, the trembling of Mark's hands had stopped as well. So he put on some gloves and took it out of the oven and placing it on the counter.

"That smells delicious." Jackson said and Mark felt himself slightly blushing.

"Really?"

Jackson nodded. "Really!" he assured.

"I hope, you're hungry," Mark gave back, before putting the casserole down on the table he had set up and grabbing a pocket lighter to light the candle in the middle of it.

"And I hope, that's not too corny,"

Jackson shook his head, placing a soft kiss on Mark's lips. "No, it's not. And yes, I'm hungry..."

Mark pulled away Jackson's chair for him, before he sat down himself and let Jackson take something of the casserole. Only then he put something on his plate himself, but not starting to eat. He was way too nervous. Jackson said it smelled delicious, but Mark seriously hoped, it would also taste good. And only because he and Callie liked it, didn't necessarily mean Jackson did too. Maybe he should have asked him if he even liked Chicken Casserole. Maybe he should have asked him what he wanted for dinner beforehand. And since when had he become such a housewife? This was stupid, but he couldn't stop the feelings inside of him nevertheless. They were just there.

"Oh my god, that's awesome," Jackson's voice pulled him out of his thoughts and he looked at him doubtful.

"Really?"

Smiling, Jackson rolled his eyes. "Yes, really. Stop being so jumpy, everything is fine."

He reached for one of Mark's hands and put his own above it. "Let's just have a great evening. Let's just be together, okay? We didn't really have the time for that before... it all went down so quickly and I really wanna explore what it means to be with you. Not only when we're in bed, you know. I wanna do normal things... like having dinner and watching a movie."

"Me too," Mark admitted, feeling Jackson's fingers caressing the back of his hand. "I really wanna make this work."

"I know. We can do this, Mark." The optimism in Jackson's voice made Mark believe that it was true. That they could really overcome their problems and just be with each other. He wanted to have Jackson in his life more than anything else in the world and he would do everything in his willpower to make that happen.

"Let's eat then, okay? Before it gets cold," Mark suggested, causing Jackson to nod.

"Bon Appétit!" Jackson replied and Mark just smiled happily. He just hoped, this evening would turn out awesome, but so far it did, and he would do the best he can to make this the best date of Jackson's life. He wanted it to be perfect.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

The dinner was fantastic. Jackson had no idea Mark could cook so well, but he was pleasantly surprised.

The two were currently sitting together on Mark's couch watching one of Jackson's favourite movies. A mindless road trip movie that Jackson was pretty sure he was the only one to not only see, but actually like. When he saw the DVD in Mark's collection there was no way they could not watch it.

Now the two were sitting comfortably on the couch together with Jackson's back up against Mark's chest and the older man's arms wrapped around him. Jackson had to admit that them being like this didn't seem very possible to him. Jackson had screwed up so badly and Mark had been so angry.

Jackson was given a second chance now and he was not going to screw it up.

"This is nice" Mark said as he ran a hand up Jackson's arms "I'm glad you came here tonight"

"I'm glad you invited me" Jackson responded.

Sitting up straighter Jackson turned to look at Mark "I know I messed up and I promise I'll make it up to you"

Gently grabbing Jackson by the chin Mark pulled the man into a kiss.

"We're starting over" Mark said "We can do things right this time"

Looking into the man's eyes Jackson felt suddenly flush and moving in Jackson kissed him with a heated urge. This was instantly familiar and when Mark leaned up and pushed Jackson down on the couch to lay atop him as they continued to kiss the man felt like things were going back to how they were.

Jackson had snaked a hand between he and Mark's bodies and reached inside the man's jeans to grab his erection.

A pleasurable groan was followed by a firm grip on Jackson's arm.

"Wait" Mark whispered.

Jackson looked up at him. Had he gone too far too soon?

"I want this so bad" Mark said as he smiled down at Jackson "but I want to do it right this time around"

Jackson wasn't sure what he meant. Dinner lead to movie which lead to sex. At least that was the game plan Jackson always went by.

Sitting up Jackson nodded "Do you not want to-?"

"Hell yeah I do" Mark said with a laugh "it's just that we leapt into the deep end so fast that we didn't test the water first. Do all the things a couple should do. I didn't have time to show you that what we have is so much more then just sex"

Jackson had to admit he felt touched. So many of his relationships started with sex and ended with it also. Not much romance really existed between those two points.

Here Mark was showing Jackson that he wanted all the little things that came with being together and after the things he had told Mark today it made it even that much more powerful.

"So, if you're willing to take things a bit slower, I promise to make it worth it" Mark told him and gave him another kiss.

"Of course I am" Jackson responded with a smile "but I'm not one to invite temptation so I better head out" and getting up Jackson was about to grab his jacket before Mark grabbed his hand.

"Wait" Mark said "if you wouldn't mind I'd like you to stay with me tonight. I miss feeling you beside me"

Jackson looked down at the man "Are you sure?"

"100% sure" Mark told him.

Jackson sat hi jacket back down and wrapped his arms around Mark's shoulders

"Then I'd love too"

**Mark Sloan POV:**

It had already been hard to resist Jackson when they were kissing and lying down on the couch, but it would be even harder, once they would sleep in the same bed. Close to each other. Mark had always been a very active guy, sexually-wise, so it was something totally new for him, to be with someone and not to have sex right then. But he was totally willing to try it. He had thought about this for a while, but he hadn't been sure if he really wanted to go through with it, until they had started kissing and touching. He knew it was the right thing to do, and they wouldn't abstain from sex forever. Just a couple of weeks. Okay. Days were more likely.

"I'm really glad you're here, you know," Mark repeated what he had already said. "And I thought about it... about us..."

"Me too," Jackson bumped in, but Mark cut him off before he could say anymore.

"I want us to come out," he blurted out, looking Jackson in the eye. "I mean... in front of everyone. The sneaking around in the hospital, being careful and everything... it was quite nice for a while, but I... somehow I want to show everyone that I'm happy... that I'm with you and that I love you."

Jackson looked at him, and from the look on his face, Mark could see that he wasn't really fond of the idea. "Yeah, sure..." Jackson said after a couple of seconds, but Mark could feel that it wasn't what he really wanted. "Why not?"

Mark let out a sigh. "What's wrong?"

Jackson played with the hem of his shirt, looking slightly nervous all of a sudden. "Nothing..." he said quietly, but Mark could see that he wasn't telling him the truth.

"Liar." He placed a hand on Jackson's cheek and softly made him look at him again. "You can tell me, if you don't want this. I can live with going on sneaking around and not letting anyone know."

Jackson sighed. "Listen, Mark... it's not that I don't want this... and it's also not that I don't love you... it's just... I haven't even told April. I think I should talk to her first. I don't want her to find out because people are gossiping about us in the hospital."

"I understand," Mark replied with a smile, stroking Jackson's cheek.

"Really?" Jackson asked cautiously.

Mark nodded in reply. "Really" he assured him, before leaning forward and kissing him. "We have all the time in the world for this step. It's okay."

He turned off the television and got on his feet. "Wanna go to bed now?"

Jackson smiled up at him. "Sure," he replied and took the hand Mark offered him to pull himself up.

Together they made their way to the bedroom, and Mark was the first to start undressing. "I hope it's okay that I only sleep in my boxers?"

Jackson shrugged slightly. "Uh... yes... sure..."

"I can wear pyjamas, if you feel more comfortable then," he offered but Jackson waved dismissively.

"Bullshit. We've seen each other naked. Why would you do that?"

"Just so you won't feel the urge to jump me," he joked.

Jackson raised an eyebrow.

"Really? Is that so?"

He moved closer to Mark, who had just gotten rid of his jeans, and put his arms around his neck. "I rather think it's gonna be _you_ who is going to have the problems not to jump _me_." The mischievous grin on his lips was challenging Mark already.

"Yeah? You think so?"

He slid his hands underneath Jackson's shirt and moved them up and down along his spine, pulling his shirt over his head and throwing it on the floor. "You're really sexy... and I love your body." He leaned forward, kissing Jackson's neck, letting his tongue trail over his shoulder blade. "But I think..." His hands moved over his six-pack gently. "...I think I can resist you. But can you resist me?" He rather felt than heard Jackson take in a sharp breath when he - what looked like accidently - grazed one of his nipples.

"Not fair!" Jackson hissed, gently pushing Mark away. "Enough! Or I will rethink my decision to spend the night with you."

Immediately Mark let go of Jackson completely. "Okay. I'm a good boy."

Jackson grinned. "That's what I expected." He opened his pants and took them off, together with his socks, while Mark was already crawling onto the bed and invitingly holding up the blanket, once Jackson was finished.

He sat down on the bed and moved directly into his arms and it was just perfect. As if Jackson had always belonged right there. Mark hadn't felt this complete in a long time.

He turned off the light and cuddled against Jackson's warm body.

"Good night, Jackson."

He felt Jackson's lips on his neck, placing a soft, almost innocent kiss there. "Good night."

It didn't take Mark long to fall asleep, because he was dead tired, and he was welcoming the darkness immediately, but just until the darkness turned to light and showed him what he was so afraid to see again. The plane. He saw himself on that plane. And Derek, and Meredith, and Cristina and Arizona. They were all there. But instead of Lexie, there was Jackson. He was sitting on Lexie's seat and Mark felt his chest tighten and all of a sudden it became hard to breath.

"No... no no no no no..." he murmured, starting to move. Starting to shift in his bed and turning from one side to the other. Cold sweat was covering his whole body.

He saw the plane crashing and Jackson was trapped underneath the plane, and he was hurt, and his face was full of cuts, and there was blood everywhere.

"No! Please don't die. Please don't die!" he whispered over and over again. He didn't want to see this. It was already hard enough to see Lexie die over and over and over again, but Jackson? He couldn't bear the thought of losing him. "Please. Please stay with me. Please don't die." he cried while hot tears were running down his face. He just wanted to die with Jackson, because he just couldn't imagine living without him. And he didn't want to either.

Breathing became harder with every second and he felt like he was suffocating. He just wanted this to be over.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson was there again. In the heat that signified that summer was well on it's way in Georgia. Jackson felt like something was wrong, but he couldn't quite figure out what it was.

Hearing his father inside the house preparing their fishing trip Jackson stretched his arms into the sky and looked at the endless blue that was above him.

"Jackson" his father spoke from inside "come help me pack the bait" it was the teen's favourite activity and he turned around to head in.

Suddenly the whole world felt like it was being shaken violently.

In an instant Jackson was out of his dream and leaping up into a sitting position. It was dark outside and the moon was shining a light directly into the room.

Feeling the bed shake again his attention turned to Mark and he could see the man thrashing back and forth.

_"No... no no no no no..." _Mark was in the middle of one of his nightmares. His face looked distressed and Jackson could see the man was already starting.

"Mark" Jackson said gently as he placed a hand on the man's shoulder "it's me, wake up"

Mark only thrashed more and Jackson was starting to get worried. This was escalating and Jackson had to stop it before he hurt himself.

_"No! Please don't die. Please don't die!" _

"Nobody is dying Mark" Jackson grabbed both of his shoulders to try and stop him "I need you to wake up"

_"Please. Please stay with me. Please don't die."_

"Shit" Jackson hissed. He was reliving the plane crash again and he was watching Lexie die.

He suddenly heard Mark's breathing becoming stagnant and harder.

"MARK!" Jackson shouted and lifted him up off the bed "WAKE UP!"

Suddenly the man's eyes were open and he was staring wide-eyed at Jackson. This was probably the worst way to pull Mark out of his nightmare, but he was scared and the dream was only getting worse.

"You see me Mark, it's Jackson" he was holding him and staring right in the man's eyes.

Mark's eyes went from shock to distant. It was like his body was here, but his mind was a million miles away.

"Please say something, Mark" Jackson's voice was desperate.

All the older man did was sitting down on the bed. He looked as if he was in a trance. Jackson remembered his nightmares after the shooting. He would find himself back in the hospital running down a hallway after Charles. Always calling his name, but the man only got further and further away.

Even at it's worst it had never been this bad.

"Mark you're in your apartment. There is nothing you need to be scared of here" Jackson had gotten down on one knee to be at eye level "Come back to me"

The same vacant stare was all Jackson got in return.

Lowering his head Jackson had no idea what he was going to do. He really didn't want to get Callie. The woman would not be pleased to see Jackson in Mark's apartment.

What other choice did he have, though?

He was just about to relent and go when he heard the cry. It was strong and scared.

Sofia.

Standing up Jackson kissed Mark on the forehead "I'll be right back, promise" and with that he raced off to the little girl's room.

Walking in Jackson could see the girl standing up and the tears were evident on her face.

"Hey Sofia" Jackson said cautiously. He didn't want to scare the girl anymore since he had only met her today and she may not be too comfortable with him yet.

That fear was put to rest pretty quickly when the moment Sofia recognized Jackson she held out her hands for him.

Reaching for her Jackson picked her up and cradled one arm under her and held the girl close "It's okay" he whispered "everything is okay" her cries were already subsiding.

She was looking past Jackson and into where Mark's room was. She was scared for him. The little girl had obviously heard the man in distress and it caused the same reaction in her.

That was when the idea came to him.

"Do you want to see Daddy?" he asked Sofia and the girl squeezed the man's shirt to signal her approval.

Walking into Mark's room Jackson saw the man still sitting in the same spot Jackson had left him. With that same blank stare.

"Mark" Jackson said lightly as he approached with Sofia "somebody is here to see you"

Standing in front of the man, Jackson smiled down at Sofia and then over at Mark. The little girl reached an arm out for her father.

"Please Mark" Jackson whispered "she needs you"

After what felt like an eternity Mark's eyes finally turned towards his little girl.

"Sofia?" Mark asked. He sounded unsure of exactly where he was.

With a smile Sofia leaned over and Mark grabbed the girl "Hey Sofia"

Mark was back and Jackson felt an immense weight lift off his chest.

After holding the girl close for a minute Mark finally looked up at Jackson and he looked shocked to see the man sitting there.

"You're here?" he said and a big smile crossed his face "I thought I lost you" and with his other hand he pulled Jackson into a fierce hug.

"I'm here, Mark" Jackson said as he wrapped and arm around the man "I'm not going anywhere".

**Mark Sloan POV:**

It took Mark a while to compose himself. A while in which he was just holding Sofia with one arm, while he had the other around Jackson's body, holding him close to his chest. The nightmare still clouded his mind and he couldn't believe that for a moment he really thought everything had happened in reality.

He wasn't able to differ his dream from reality anymore, and everything had just felt so real. He could still almost smell the warm blood that was dripping from Jackson's face, and he was still shocked how much it had hurt to see him dying. It scared him how much he already loved Jackson, but he wouldn't change it for the world nevertheless.

When he looked down, he noticed that Sofia had fallen asleep in his arms, with her little hand on his chest and her head pressed tight against it.

"Guess that means she's gonna sleep here," he said quietly, looking at Jackson.

"What happened?" Jackson asked softly. "I mean... if you don't wanna talk about it, it's okay..."

Mark shook his head. "No... I... I guess I should... talk about it... it will probably really help me."

He didn't _really_want to go through the pain he just felt again, but on the other hand... maybe it would be a relief. Maybe it felt good to share what was on his mind.

Jackson grabbed his hand and slowly caressed the back of it, placing a soft kiss at Mark's cheek. "I'm here... whenever you're ready..."

Mark nodded, looking at Jackson again. "Could you..." he bit his lip, not knowing if he should really ask him what he wanted to ask.

"Could I what?" Jackson wanted to know. His voice was soft and caring.

"Could you hold me? Please? I think I will need that..." Mark finally replied, not knowing where that came from, but he just knew he would feel so much better knowing Jackson was by his side, feeling him by his side.

"Of course," Jackson gave back, crawling behind Mark so he could put his arms around him and Sofia while leaning against the wall behind the bed.

Mark cuddled into his arms, grabbing one of Jackson's hands and entwining their fingers.

"I love you... I love you so much," he whispered. "And I don't know what I'm gonna do if I ever lose you."

"You won't, I promise, you won't" Jackson gave back, kissing Mark's head.

"It... it was horrible," Mark started and even the memory of the plane crash with Jackson involved instead of Lexie made his chest hurt. "I... I saw the plane... I saw myself... and Derek, and Meredith and Arizona... and also Cristina... but instead of Lexie it was you... it was you this time... you were sitting in her seat. You were smiling at me. We had fun, until the plane started to tremble and fall down," Mark explained and it was so hard to tell this story to Jackson, but he knew he wanted to.

He closed his eyes for a moment, leaning more into Jackson's embrace. He felt a shiver running down his spine when the pictures of Jackson underneath the plane wreck came back to his mind.

"It was awful... there was so much blood. You were stuck under this plane, and I couldn't do anything... I felt so helpless... and you were barely breathing. You looked at me, telling me that you will always be with me, no matter what. And that I should live and fall in love again. And that I should be happy." Mark bit his lower lip, turning a little, so he could look at Jackson.

"But I... I just can't... it scares me how much you mean to me. You have no idea how much it scares me..."

Gently he put Sofia down onto his pillow, his eyes not leaving her for a second, but she was having a very deep sleep, as it looked like, so he put his attention back at Jackson.

"I'm so sorry, Mark... I mean, that you have to go through all of this," Jackson said, placing his hands on either side of Mark's face. "But I promise you, I'll be there for you. We'll make it through..."

Mark place one of his hands above Jackson's and leaned forward. "I know... and I learned my lesson... it's still pretty hard for me to talk about my nightmares... especially if they are horrible like that... but I think, it might really help me."

"I'm glad you're saying that... and I really hope it does." Jackson slid down a little more, so he had better access for hugging Mark and Mark just snuggled against his chest. "I'm sorry I woke you up. And I'm sorry I kept you awake for so long."

A small smile crossed Jackson's lips. "Don't be... I know you would have done the same for me if it was the other way round. Do you think you can try to sleep again or do you wanna get up?"

Mark gave it a short thought and finally let out a sigh. "I'm actually pretty tired. I think I wanna try the sleeping thing again. And maybe it works without a nightmare this time."

Jackson nodded and placed a soft kiss at Mark's forehead. "You know what we do?"

Mark couldn't help the smile crossing his lips. "What?"

"You turn around," Jackson ordered, and when Mark complied, Jackson's arms snaked around his waist and Mark felt him pressing very close. "Good..." Jackson went on and Mark could feel his hot breath in his neck. "I'm gonna turn off the light now, and I will hold you until tomorrow morning... and like this you can also take care of Sofia."

Mark smiled happily. Jackson had thought about everything, and he was right. Mark protectively placed a hand over Sofia's small body and pulled her a little closer, so he could feel them both. Jackson behind him and Sofia in front of him.

When Jackson finally turned off the light, he closed his eyes and it didn't take him long to feel the exhaustion take over him again. He just hoped the rest of the night would happen without any more nightmares or anything like that. Not only for his own sake, but also for Jackson's, who most likely would have to work the next day. They hadn't talked about it, but the possibility was very high, and Mark had already stolen him enough quality time of sleep. He didn't want him to have to get to work overly exhausted and tired and all because of him, so he just prayed to god that he would manage to sleep through the rest of the night when he let the tiredness lull him into sleep.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson thought it only fair that since Mark had made them dinner that he would make them breakfast.

Jackson was finishing up the last of the eggs as Mark was in the shower when he heard the turn of the door knob. Looking over at Sofia he saw the little girl sitting in her high chair eating the bowl of dry cheerio's Jackson had given her.

"Mark" Callie said cheerfully as she walked into the apartment.

Turning the burner down to low Jackson walked around and came face to face with the woman. Her eyes didn't hide her shock at seeing the man.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. Jackson suddenly felt nervous "Me and Mark had a talk last night and we decided that we wanted to give this another chance"

Callie narrowed her eyes before she looked past him and to her daughter "Hey Sofia" she said as she bent down and gave the girl a kiss on the cheek. The little girl smiled up at her mother as she put a cheerio in her mouth.

"I-I hope giving her those were fine" Jackson said politely "Mark had a plastic baggie of them in the refrigerator"

"They're fine" Callie told him "Where is Mark?"

"He should be finishing up in the shower" Jackson said and without a word the woman turned to head towards the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" Jackson asked urgently.

"I'm going to talk to Mark" Callie said nonchalantly.

Jackson was confused at how the woman thought this was a good idea. "He'll be out in a few minutes" Jackson told her "probably even less then that".

Callie fully tuned her body towards the man "Why are you here?"

"I told you me and M-" Jackson started before Callie put a hand up "No Jackson" she said "Why are you here? I thought we agreed that this thing between you two was only going to end badly"

Jackson could feel himself grow angry, but he knew an argument was going to get him nowhere "With all due respect what is between me and Mark does not concern you"

Folding her arms across her chest Callie "That little girl over there says otherwise" Callie told him "I'm not attacking you Jackson, but in the amount of time you two have been together it's been more bad then good, am I right?"

Jackson didn't want to give Callie the satisfaction of being right, but she was. He and Mark had more bad times then good, but that didn't mean the two couldn't learn from their mistakes and make something better from it.

"Hey Callie" Mark said as he was putting his shirt on "You're here early".

Turning around she smiled at Mark "I wanted to make sure you were okay" and looking behind her towards Jackson a smile appeared on his face "I'm good" he told her.

Returning Mark's smile Jackson felt like staying here was suffocating him "I better head out" he said as he walked over and put the remainder of the eggs onto a plate.

"What, are you sure?" Mark asked as he started to walk over to him.

"Yeah" Jackson told him as Mark grabbed his hand "I have to be at the hospital in an hour to do pre-ops"

"Okay" Mark said clearly disappointed "call me later?"

"Definitely" Jackson responded and Mark went in to kiss him, but Jackson felt uncomfortable while Callie was standing there, so moving away Jackson went to the living room to grab his shoes and jacket.

"Have a good morning" Jackson said to Callie and left the apartment quickly. He should have stayed to show Callie that he wouldn't let the woman get to him, but she had and badly.

Maybe next time he could get Mark to spend the night at his apartment.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark let out an annoyed sigh once the door fell shut after Jackson.

"Really, Callie?" he asked his best friend, not hiding his anger. "Was this _really_necessary?"

"I didn't do anything," Callie defended herself, but Mark knew this wasn't true. He hadn't heard what was going on before he had left the bathroom, but he just knew how intrusive Callie could be. And how protective when it came to him. And he hated it. This was his life and ever since things between him and Jackson started, Callie had tried to do everything in her willpower to split them up, by telling him that Jackson wasn't right for him. That he was making him unhappy.

"Oh come on," Mark gave back. "He couldn't even really look at me." He shook his head, feeling really disappointed. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"I'm not doing anything to _you_," Callie said gently, moving towards him. "I just want to save you the pain that will come once he leaves you."

"He's not gonna leave me," Mark protested.

"Oh yes, he is," Callie replied, seeming very sure. "Whatever Daddy Issues he's having right now, once he gets over them, he's going to move on and you'll be nothing but a memory. His past."

"Bullshit," Mark blurted out. He tried his best to compose himself. Not to get too angry, but he already was pretty pissed. "You know nothing about him. Especially not about his family, so cut the crap. You have no idea what's going on in his life, and he doesn't have any Daddy issues. I'm not_ this_old."

"He's gonna hurt you, Mark. In fact, he already did," Callie said.

Mark rolled his eyes in annoyance. "So? I've hurt him, too. That happens in a relationship. Don't tell me you and Arizona never hurt each other."

"But you're not happy with him," Callie sighed.

"What makes you think I'm not? In fact, yesterday evening... last night... was the best I've had in a very long time." Mark replied. "And we didn't even have sex. I cooked; we had dinner and watched a movie... It was nice to just have him close to me. To feel him. To be with him."

"Mark..." Callie started, but Mark cut her off.

"No... Stop it, or you and me, we're gonna get real problems. Have you any idea how hard this is for me? That you don't accept him?" Mark told her, and he really felt it. It hurt him that his best friend wasn't in this with him.

"Mark, I just want the best for you," Callie tried to reassure him.

"What if he's the best?" Mark asked back, causing Callie to shake her head.

"I don't think so," she said. "I think he's gonna leave you and then you will be even more heartbroken than you ever were before, because you love him so much. Because you put so much into this relationship, and he didn't."

"What makes you think that? Seriously, Callie. You don't know him that well, and ever since things started between us, he has been there for me. After the plane crash... you know if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't even be staying here. Sofia would have lost her father." Mark couldn't understand why Callie was so hesitant. Why she didn't give Jackson the slightest chance to prove himself.

"He went behind your back," Callie reminded Mark.

"And he had his reasons to do so. Not that I'm gonna tell you those reasons, but I understand why he did it. Yes, it was wrong, but he wanted to help me," Mark assured her. "And maybe he did, because last night I had one of those nightmares again. One of the worst. And he pulled me out of it. He was there. He didn't back up or run away. Instead he was there and he held me through the rest of the night and just made me feel that he wouldn't go away. I don't think I could have done it without him."

"What if you're wrong about him? What if he does leave you?" Callie asked.

"Then it's my problem. And my responsibility," Mark replied, anger rebuilding within him. "I don't get you right now, Callie. I get that you're worried about me, but Jackson is the best thing that had happened to me in a long time and I just don't get why you can't be happy for me."

"Because you're not happy with him," Callie bumped in, but Mark cut her off immediately.

"I _am_happy with him. And I don't know how often I have to repeat that. We have our problems, but we can overcome them," he replied. "Yes, he hurt me, but just think about how often you and Arizona hurt each other. And have I ever not supported your decisions? Have I ever told you to break up with her?"

"No, but..." Callie said, but Mark didn't give her the chance to say anything more, because he went on talking.

"She left you at the airport to go to Africa. She left you there, knowing that this could be the end of your relationship. She hurt you so bad, that I thought I could never put the pieces back together. And then she came back and you gave her another chance. I didn't like that at the beginning, because I was afraid she would leave again. But I never said a word. Instead I supported you, like a best friend should and would do." Mark looked at her, and the pain he felt must be visible on his face, he was sure. "I can't believe you can't do the same for me. Not even for a moment. You don't even give him a chance."

"I... I'm sorry, Mark... maybe I... maybe I overreacted, but you can't compare Arizona and me with you and Jackson," Callie sighed, and for the first seconds Mark really thought she meant it, but the last part of her sentence aroused his anger yet again.

"Why? Because you're women and women fight?"

"No, because we've been together for years," Callie justified.

Mark grabbed his keys and leaned down to Sofia who was almost looking a little afraid. "Hey, Baby-girl. I'm gonna head out now. Mommy takes care of you, okay?" He lifted her up for a moment and kissed her cheek. "See you later."

With those words he put her back in her chair and turned to Callie. "I'm heading out."

"Where are you going?" Callie wanted to know, but Mark waved dismissively.

"None of your business. Close the door when you leave."

With those words he just left his apartment and the building. He just needed to get out. He needed fresh air, and he just couldn't stand to look at Callie at the moment, because it just angered him. He knew if he stayed, that would have ended even worse than it already had. Maybe he would even have shouted and scared off his daughter and he didn't want this. It had taken all of him to talk to his best friend quietly, but she just didn't get it, and he didn't know what else to say anymore. He was caught in the middle, and he had no idea how to get through this. It was even worse than his nightmares and his possible illness altogether, because he had no idea how he could make this relationship with Jackson work, if Callie wasn't on board with him.

Would he have to make a decision between them? He didn't even want to imagine that possibility at all, because he knew it would destroy him.

He grabbed his mobile phone and typed a message to Jackson.

_"I love you, no matter what. I hope you know that."_

He was literally shaking when he sat down a park bench and took a few deep breathes. He just needed to find a solution for this mess, even though he didn't know how this solution would look like just yet.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: **Awwwwwwww… thanks again for all your nice comments… we're really happy about them, even though we're repeating ourselves here. That means so much to us, that you like what we're doing here, and we're really putting a lot of heart and soul into this story… :-) Also, we're happy you are also interested in the April/Alex chapter that will come up next – after this one – so we hope, you're gonna enjoy that as well!

More comments, means always more updates, you see? Win-win situation ;-) We have so much in line for you, so you'll just wait and see…

Have fun with Chapter 15 now… and if you want, the April/Alex chapter is waiting for you as well… as long as there are comments, we can even update almost every day for you! =)

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson had forgotten his wallet. He had been in such a rush to leave that he forgot that he had sat it on the table the previous night.

He really didn't want to go back in there, but maybe he could just make it quick and be gone again before things got worse. He was about to knock on the door when he heard the argument from inside.

He hated this. He hated that they were arguing again because of him.

"_Whatever Daddy Issues he's having right now, once he gets over them, he's going to move on and you'll be nothing but a memory. His past_."

Jackson felt like a knife had just gone in his chest. How could she think that? How could she believe that he was using Mark in such a callous way?

More than that, though. It made him think about his father. Ever since he had told Mark about what happened it seemed as if the man wouldn't leave his mind. The pain still raked a painful wound across his conscious.

To hell with the wallet. He just had to leave.

He had April on his service today and the woman would be a nice distraction. She kept him on schedule and gave Jackson little time to think of the disaster that was his morning.

Still, the woman knew something was off with him.

"Are you okay"?" she asked him as they scrubbed out from their second surgery.

"I'm good" Jackson told her. He wanted to tell her about Mark, but doing so just to tell her about his problems seemed unfair.

She still eyed him suspiciously "Fine" she said "but you know I'm here if you need me."

Jackson appreciated the girl's words "I know" he said as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and the two walked out of the OR room where they ran into Alex.

"Dude" he said "it's lunch time and I'm starving."

"Me too" Jackson said "I have to make a phone call, but I'll be there in a minute" looking at Alex he could see the man understood that he would need time alone.

"Come on, Kepner" Alex said grabbing her hand "I'm in the mood for something completely unhealthy"

Rolling her eyes April let Alex lead her away "That's not a surprise".

Once the two disappeared around the corner Jackson ducked into an empty on call room and immediately read Mark's message.

_"I love you, no matter what. I hope you know that."_

The message had made a lot of the tension that Jackson was feeling wash away. Jackson knew that being in the middle of him and Callie could not be easy.

He needed to call him.

After the second ring Mark picked up and gave Jackson an eager hello.

"How are you?" Jackson asked.

"I miss you" Mark told him "I'm sorry about this morning"

"You don't have anything to feel sorry for" Jackson said "me and Callie will work it out, I promise"

Despite his words he could still hear the worry in Mark's voice.

"If you're not watching Sofia, how about spending the night at my place?" Jackson asked.

"What about Alex and April?"

"They're working a double shift tonight and won't be home until well after midnight" Jackson answered. It would be good to spend time with Mark without the presence of Callie across the hall.

"It sounds good" Mark said.

"Okay" Jackson told him "Alex and April are waiting for me so I better head out, I love you"

"I love you too" Mark responded and Jackson was determined to make things as easy as possible for Mark. He would make Callie love him. He just had to figure out how.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark still felt pretty upset when he made his way back home after taking a long walk through the park. He was glad Callie wasn't still there, though. He might not have been able to deal with her again that day. It was a shame that he most likely wouldn't see Sofia again until tomorrow, but that was okay. He was willing to sacrifice his time with her to be with Jackson.

He just needed to tell Jackson again how sorry he was about Callie's behaviour, even though it wasn't his fault. He could have done nothing to provide it, but it still hurt him that no matter what Jackson did, it seemed to never be enough in Callie's eyes.

Sighing, he pulled off his shirt and opened his jeans, before walking into his bathroom to take a shower. It was pretty hot today and he was sweating like crazy.

After a long shower, he definitely felt better. A lot, actually, even though the fight with Callie still clouded his mind. He didn't want to argue with her all of the time, but he wouldn't leave Jackson just because she felt he wasn't right for Mark. He loved him way too much to just break-up with him with no apparent reason, and despite their problems, he knew that Jackson loved him and wanted to be there for him, and he felt the same.

He just wished he could do something to make everything better. To make Callie like Jackson. To make Callie find a way to at least accept him in Mark's life. She never had those problems with Lexie, and taking her as an excuse to hate Jackson was just plain lame.

To get off his thoughts, he just shook his head a couple of times and imagined Jackson. When he sank down and closed his eyes, he saw his pretty blue eyes in front of him. And his smile. He couldn't wait to see him again. Only about an hour and he would be able to hold him in his arms again. He missed him already so much, even though it had only been a couple of hours since they said good-bye to each other.

Mark went to his bedroom and opened his drawer to take out some boxers and tight blue jeans. He combined it with a grey shirt and went to the bathroom again to make his hair. He wanted to look good for Jackson, and when he looked in the mirror he thought that he was pretty damn okay. Jackson would like that. And he would have his problems to resist him.

He put on some expensive perfume he had just bought a couple of days before and not yet used and hoped, Jackson would like it, before he left his bathroom and put on some shoes, when all of a sudden a walled demanded his attention. He grabbed it and opened it and immediately noticed that it was Jackson's. He must have left it in the morning when he rushed out of his apartment.

Mark put it in his pocked and grabbed his own wallet and his keys. He would walk to Jackson's apartment. That would take him longer, yes, but it would also give him the opportunity to totally cool down and shove away all the dark thoughts about Callie.

On his way to Jackson's, he passed by a flower shop and stood in front of it for like a minute, before he decided to go in. He felt a little silly when he bought a single red rose, but he didn't want to show up empty-handed and he also didn't want to overwhelm Jackson. They haven't been together for _this_long anyways. One rose would be exactly right. At least he hoped so.

Still, he felt embarrassed when he was finally standing at Jackson's doorstep with the flower in his hand and pressing the bell.

He heard steps from inside and just a few seconds later Jackson showed up in the doorway with a smile on his face.

"Hi," he said, looking at Mark, who felt his heart beat faster immediately.

"Hi," he gave back, holding out the rose to Jackson. "This is... for you..."

Jackson grabbed the rose and took a step aside. "Thank you," he smiled and let Mark in. "You look good."

Mark's eyes scanned him and he had to swallow hard. If he thought he would make it hard for Jackson to resist him, he was pretty sure, Jackson had the same idea, because he looked delicious with this tight black jeans and his bright blue shirt that was even tighter. Mark could see the tracks of his muscles and it took a lot of him not to jump him right then.

"You... you too," he stammered, watching Jackson putting the rose on his kitchen counter and turning back to him.

"Are you hungry?" Jackson asked, and Mark moved towards him.

"Very..." he whispered once he was standing in front of him. But not for food."

Jackson looked at him and his cheeks turned slightly pink, before he reached out for Mark and pulled him even closer.

"Is that so?"

Mark nodded slowly. "Oh yeah..." He pressed Jackson against the counter and when he lifted him up, Jackson put his legs around Mark's waist so he could make him sit on the counter with his legs spread.

"I thought we would be waiting?" Jackson asked, his breath hitching without them having even kissed yet. And Mark felt exactly the same way.

"Yes... yes, I know," Mark gave back, softly touching Jackson's cheeks. "And I still think we should, but... but I... I need you so much. You have no idea."

Jackson's hands stroked along Mark's spine. "I do." He leaned down and kissed Mark on the lips. It was a sweet and soft kiss and he just held him tight. "I'm so sorry things between me and Callie are so difficult. I can only imagine what you're going through with being in the middle of that."

"It's not your fault that Callie is such an ignorant bitch sometimes. She doesn't even give you a chance, and I don't get it," Mark replied holding him close and leaning against his chest. "But I don't care... either she accepts you, or things might get pretty ugly between us, because I won't give up on you. I promise." He closed his eyes and listened to Jackson's heartbeat, and it was so soothing, so wonderful, and he felt so safe and secure in this moment. He didn't want to think about Callie at all, but he couldn't help it.

"You know what?" he said after a while and looked up at Jackson. "Just forget about her for tonight. Let tonight be only about us. You and me. Deal?"

Jackson smiled down at him. "Deal."

"Good... so why don't you kiss me again and we... talk about what we would do with each other if we wouldn't actually have promised each other to wait?" he asked with a mischievous grin. Oh yes, this evening might become very interesting.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

This was the kind of night Jackson wanted. Just he and Mark alone and remembering why the two loved each other so much.

"_Good... so why don't you kiss me again and we... talk about what we would do with each other if we wouldn't actually have promised each other to wait?"_

The words had sent a rush of blood right to Jackson's groin. The things he wanted to do to Mark, and have Mark do to him were almost too immeasurable to put into words, but Jackson wasn't above trying.

Sitting on the counter with Mark between his legs facing him Jackson ghosted a kiss across his neck. Close enough to tease, but never touching.

"I'd start by taking that shirt off of you" Jackson said "Slow, of course"

"After that, I'd kiss your shoulders and work my down to your nipples" Jackson gave Mark a wicked smile "I know how sensitive they are" he rubbed the outside of Mark's shirt and got a shiver from him.

"You would help me take my pants off, they are just a tad bit tight so it may take a lot of work" Jackson wrapped a leg around Mark's waist and pulled the man closer.

"Once I was down to my boxers I would guide you to your knees" Jackson's voice dropped an octave "I would be so hard for you, Mark, so hard for that mouth that can do amazing things"

Jackson could feel the heat grow between the two of them. To be honest he didn't really think talking like this would amount to much, but Jackson had to admit it really got his engines going.

"Once you remove my boxers and take me in your mouth I'd moan like I did our first time" Mark placed two firm hands on either side of Jackson.

"This is going to drive me insane, you know that, right?"

"I'm counting on it" Jackson told him and placed a kiss on his cheek.

Jackson was just about to hop off the counter and finish dinner when he heard something that sounded unfamiliar.

"You hear that?" Jackson asked as he looked towards the kitchen entrance.

"The sound of my erection about to burst from my jeans?" Mark asked "Yeah, I hear that"

"No, it sounded like keys or something" Jackson said.

"Alex and April are working double shifts" Mark told him "don't worry about it"

Jackson knew the man was right, but he couldn't ignore the bit of apprehension that said he had just missed something.

"Continue with me giving you the best blowjob of your life" Mark said "you hadn't cum yet"

Jackson laughed and wrapped a hand around Mark's neck.

"After dinner" he said as he gave him a kiss "Right now I'm starving".

**Mark Sloan POV:**

"You know you're pretty good at this stuff," Mark said chewing while he and Jackson were having dinner.

"What? Cooking?" Jackson asked with a smile.

"Yeah... it's absolutely delicious. Still I'm glad you became a doctor and not a cook," Mark replied, feeling really happy at that very moment.

"Why's that?" Jackson wanted to know, but Mark could see that he already knew the answer, but that he wanted to hear it anyways.

Mark moved his plate away just a little bit, so he could lean over the table. He placed a hand on Jackson's cheek and caressed it softly. "Because..." he started...because we might have never met if you would have been a cook."

Jackson shrugged. "You never know. Sometimes I think, what belongs together will find a way..."

"Like destiny?" Mark asked with a happy smile.

Jackson nodded. "Yeah, something like that," he answered.

Mark pressed a soft kiss onto his lips before he leaned back. "Who would have guessed you're such a romantic?"

Gently, Jackson grabbed Mark's hand and squeezed it. "Sometimes I am. With the right person in front of me."

Mark took another bite of his food, sighing satisfied. "You know what? Even though I said I wouldn't mention her again this evening... Callie would love your food."

A surprised look was on Jackson's face. "Really? You think so?"

"Definitely," Mark answered without hesitation. "You're awesome... it's just so good. Almost better than sex."

Jackson rolled his eyes, grinning. "You're such an idiot."

"But I'm your idiot, right?" Mark took Jackson's hand again and made him stand up and come round the table to sit down in his lap.

"Only mine," Jackson whispered, before he leaned down and kissed Mark. The kiss started slow and gentle, but then Jackson's tongue found its way into his mouth and within a couple of seconds, it was fighting with Mark's for dominance, while Jackson's hands slid underneath Mark's shirt and his fingers pressed just the right buttons for Mark to moan in pleasure.

"Are you sure it's better than sex?" Jackson asked once they parted with a satisfied grin on his lips.

"I said almost," Mark corrected him, moving his hands up and down Jackson's thighs. "Sex is still a little better."

Jackson raised an eyebrow. "Only a little?" He leaned forward, licking Mark's earlobe. "Then I guess..." he started whispering into his ears. "...I guess you don't need anything like that tonight."

And with that he got up from Mark's lap and rounded the table to collect first his and then Mark's plate since they were already finished with their food.

Mark watched him bewildered, not believing what Jackson had just said, but obviously he meant it, since he was just starting to clean the dishes instead of just putting them into the dish washer.

"Wait, are you serious?"

When Jackson turned around and looked at him, he had a vicious grin on his lips. "Of course I am. Don't you think I can survive an evening without sex?"

Mark got on his feet and moved to Jackson in a heartbeat. "Two nights," he corrected him. "It's already the 2nd night we did _not_have sex."

"Someone's counting," Jackson replied, looking really satisfied. "I bet you won't be able to hold back any longer. In just a couple of hours..." He looked him in the eyes. "Okay... make that minutes... in just a couple of minutes you're going to rip off all my clothes and jump me, because you want me so much. I can see it in your eyes."

"I do want you," Mark admitted. "But you really think I couldn't abstain from sex tonight?"

"Well..." Jackson said, looping his arms around Mark's neck and pulling him very close. "I think it's gonna be hard for you. As hard as your cock will be once I start talking again. About all the things I would do to you, if you would just admit that you can't live without sex for more than a night."

"Challenge accepted. I think I can survive without sex longer than you do. I mean, just look at me," Mark pointed at himself. "Who would blame you for wanting your hot, sexy boyfriend to fuck you into the mattress like there's no tomorrow?"

Jackson took in a sharp breath and Mark watched him swallow hard.

"I bet..." Mark said, rubbing himself against Jackson's body. "By the end of the evening I'm gonna have you beggin' for my cock."

Jackson let go of Mark and took a step back. "I wouldn't be so sure about that," he grinned, and there was some kind of fire in his eyes. A fire that said that he accepted the challenge as well. Oh yeah, that would be a very interesting night.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: **So… since I'm not sure if I will have the time "tomorrow" and since it's actually already after midnight where *I* am (over in Europe), here's already Chapter 16 – and like I said, it's a (very long) April/Alex Chapter… might even be a little bit surprising for some of you, but maybe not… ;-) The next 2 chapters will be full of Mark/Jackson, though, and there will even be a longer Arizona part in Chapter 18…

Enjoy :-)

(and comment – you see where your comments get you… to get really quick updates XD Because it inspires us even more :D)

**April Kepner POV:**

April couldn't believe what she had just seen. And heard. God forbid. Heard. What she had heard was even worse than what she had seen. Not worse in the sense of something bad, but something she would have never expected of Jackson. Her best friend Jackson. Why hadn't she noticed that something was going on between him and Sloan? And why hadn't Jackson told her? Had he thought she would abandon him just because he was gay?

Was he?

April didn't know what to think about it anymore. Pictures of their time during the boards popped into her head. Pictures of her and Jackson sleeping together. They did have sex there, so Jackson couldn't be gay, right?

April's thoughts were running in loops and she was totally disarranged. She had been home to collect some stuff for her double shift, like fresh clothes and such, but when she had entered the flat and was about to move to her room, she had seen them. Jackson and Doctor Sloan. Literally making out.

_"Once I was down to my boxers I would guide you to your knees. I would be so hard for you Mark, so hard for that mouth that can do amazing things"_

Jackson's voice rang in her ears and she couldn't believe that she had actually heard those things.

Not that she never had heard anything like that at all, but not from her best friend. And not under those circumstances. What exactly were they doing anyways? They hadn't even kissed. At least as far as April did see from her perspective, but she didn't stay long after this.

She had rushed out immediately, almost dropping her key on her way out, and she was sure it had made a sound, but when neither, Jackson nor Sloan, had followed her, she assumed they had been too busy with themselves to notice her. Luckily.

Now she was back at the hospital, and actually, she should be with a patient in about half an hour to prepare her for a surgery, but she didn't know how to get down from her emotional rollercoaster after everything and do her job. She was literally shaking when she made her way to the rooftop, barely noticing that she passed by Alex. She just needed fresh air. Now.

She stormed out when she was at the rooftop and placed her hands on the banister, taking a few deep breathes.

"April?" a familiar voice asked behind her and April turned around immediately.

"Yes?"

Alex was standing there, looking at her with concern in his eyes. "Are you alright? I saw you rushing out, and I thought I'll check on you."

April closed her eyes and shook her head lightly. "No..." she whispered. "No, I'm not okay." She was still shocked. Not about the fact that Jackson was obviously dating a guy, more about the fact that he hadn't told her. She wasn't homophobic at all, and she thought he trusted her.

All of a sudden she felt Alex' arms around her, asking herself when he moved closer, because she was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't even noticed.

"It's alright, I'm here," Alex said and his voice was really calming her down a bit. Or maybe it was his strong arms around her, so she started to respond to the embrace with hugging him, too, and pressing her head against his chest.

"Jackson and... Jackson and Doctor Sloan... they... they..." she started talking, but she couldn't even speak it out loud, because she didn't know how.

"What about them?" Alex asked softly.

April looked up at him; still holding onto him like her life depended on it. "I... I think they have an affair... or something like that..."

Alex looked a lot less surprised than April would have expected. "What makes you think that?" he asked calmly.

April tilted her head. "Don't tell me you knew about this all along?" She pushed him away and took a step back.

"I... I..." Alex stammered, scratching his head. "Don't be mad at me, but I promised Jackson not to tell anyone. Especially because he didn't know what it was himself at first. And he wasn't sure if it would last."

"How long?" April simply asked. It hurt her to obviously be the last to know.

"Not long. A couple of weeks maybe. April... really, it's not like he didn't want to tell you, because I know he did. He just didn't know how," Alex tried to explain.

April shook her head. "I'm his best friend. He should have known that he could talk to me."

"He did... it was just all so complicated between them. Especially with the plane crash and everything. But believe me, it's not that he doesn't trust you, it's just that after all that happened between you and him that he didn't know how to tell you that he's in love with a guy." Alex went on.

A sad smile appeared on April's lips. "So he's in love with Sloan?"

Alex nodded slowly. "Very much."

"And Sloan?" April wanted to know.

"I can't speak for Sloan, but I think he feels the same, even though he still needs some time to get used to the idea that he has a boyfriend now. You know how much of a playboy he had been." Alex replied, trying to smile.

"I still don't get it," April said, feeling so sad and shut out all of a sudden. Tears glistered in her eyes. "He could have told me. He could have said something. Or you... you could have said something. I trusted you both and neither of you dared to say a word." She shook her head. "I'm sorry, but I think I'll better go now," she said, trying to pass by Alex, when she felt him grabbing her hand and pulling her back. When she turned to look at him, she felt a blush crawling up her cheeks, and her heart beat faster immediately.

She didn't want to feel this way. She didn't want to be so in love with Alex Karev. She had tried to ignore her feelings and just be his friend, but right now, Alex was making it very hard for her. Especially considering the emotional state she was in. She didn't know what to do, so she just looked up at him.

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex Karev was not a man who was good with emotion. Not his own and definitely not those of other people.

He had just left a patient's room when he saw April rush passed him and she looked about as un-April like as possible. The old Alex would just do his best to ignore it, but he knew that Alex was long gone and April had a part in that.

Finding her on the roof and helping her talk through her incident Alex found himself holding the girl close to him. She was hurt that Jackson hadn't told her, but she seemed as if she was starting to understand why. The whole friendship thing was pretty new to Alex. Up until Jackson he never really had somebody he considered a best friend.

Meredith and Cristina had travelled with him on his journey to being a surgeon. He doubted that if the three hadn't chosen Seattle Grace they would have ever met. He still loved them nonetheless, though.

Alex had a feeling someway and somehow he would have run into Jackson. Both men were exactly the same kind of fucked up to be a part of each other's lives no matter the circumstance.

But April.

April was like nobody Alex knew. She was all sunshine and cheeriness. She was everything that Alex really disliked in most people. It was always fake and once you got under it you found that they were just as screwed up as everybody else.

Not with April, though. She was who she was all the way to her core and try as he might he was drawn to it.

When he told April about knowing about Jackson and Sloan she seemed hurt and he felt awful. It was not his secret to tell, though. Telling her about the love Jackson had for Mark seemed to make things better.

"_I'm sorry, but I think I better go now_,"

"Wait April" he said as he blocked the girl from leaving. "Are you sure you're okay?" he looked her in the eyes and something was...different.

"You can talk to me, I promise" Alex told her.

"Not about this" she said "I don't even know-" she tried to say.

"Talk to Jackson" Alex put a firm hand on her shoulder "I'm sure he's sorry"

She still looked jittery and nervous.

"What could you have possibly heard that has you so freaked out, anyway?"

April gave a sarcastic laugh "Let's just say Jackson can be quite the colourful talker when he wants to be" Alex knew he shouldn't hear and he doubted the woman would even tell him, but damn his curiosity.

"Like what?" he asked.

"You don't want to know, trust me"

"I can't not know" Alex said and April looked almost amused "Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you" she responded.

"He was on the counter and Mark was standing in front of him" April said " he described exactly how he would push Mark to his knees and have him give Jackson the best blow-"

"No, you're right" Alex yelled "I don't want to know"

April had laughed the first real laugh since Alex had found her on the roof.

"Let's go so I can try to erase the last 5 seconds from my brain" Alex said and he put a hand on the small of her back to lead her towards the exit.

He felt her tense up immediately.

"April?" he held her by the shoulders and looked directly into her eyes.

"Alex I-" she said before cutting herself off.

"Talk to me" he pleaded "whatever is the matter-"

She kissed him. Unexpectedly and with much more force then Alex would have given her credit for. Had his shock not been in control of his body he would be thoroughly impressed.

When she broke away Alex looked completely stunned.

"I'm sorry" April said and she looked completely humiliated. She made a break for the door before Alex grabbed her hand.

Turning her around Alex pulled her close

"I'm not".

**April Kepner POV:**

"You're not?" April asked a little bit confused. She overstepped a line and she was afraid Alex and she could now never be friends again, even though she wanted so much more. But she had learned that the people she wanted - the men she wanted - usually didn't want her back. Especially Alex. They had built up such a strong friendship and she didn't want to destroy that.

"No..." Alex replied, gently putting some of April's hair behind her ear, before he leaned down and kissed her again. With much less force. It was just sweet and tender, and April was almost surprised about how he fondled her. Like she was fragile and he had to take good care of her.

She looped her arms around his neck and pressed her body against his, letting the kiss get more and more heated.

"Wow... April... you... you should..." Alex stuttered, once he was able to break apart for a second.

"I should what?" April asked, trying to look as innocent as possible.

"Maybe we... maybe we should stop." Alex breathed out, obviously not _really_wanting to stop.

"Why? I thought you wanted this too," she said.

A smile appeared on Alex' lips. "I do," he admitted. "But we need to do a surgery soon, forgotten?"

April grimaced. "Yeah... to be honest I really almost forgot about that."

Alex cupped one of her cheeks and leaned down to brush his lips against hers once again. "You're adorable."

"I'm not." April said, just looking up at him and feeling really happy right then. She didn't even know what there was between them, but she could feel that there _was_something and that Alex seemed to have feelings for her as well.

A thought crossed her mind all of a sudden.

"Alex?" She said to get his attention, and he immediately looked her in the eye.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think it is my fault?" she asked, causing a very confused look on Alex.

"Is what your fault?" he asked back.

April shrugged. "You know... the thing with Jackson and Sloan."

Alex tilted his head. "Huh? How can this be your fault? I don't understand."

April felt embarrassed. She was sure her cheeks have turned a bright red by now. "Do you think I made Jackson gay?"

Alex let out a laugh. "What?"

Immediately, April detached herself from Alex and took a step back. "That's not funny."

Alex was still giggling. "Oh yes it is." He took a step towards April and grabbed her hips, even though she tried to get away first. "How can this be your fault? Are you kidding me?"

April blushed. "Well... I mean, I was most likely the last person Jackson slept with before... you know... he turned gay. Maybe... maybe I was so bad that he... that it turned him towards men."

Smiling, Alex shook his head. "I know that's not the cause. And if it was, Jackson would be the biggest idiot on earth. But actually, I think he was in love with Sloan for a while longer than he realized himself," he told April. "I mean, he was always talking about him and the way he talked about him was... different... there was so much emotion in his words. But I know this had nothing to do with you. Or the fact that you two had sex. But I mean..." His smile turned into a big grin. "I can test it, and I will tell you if you're bad afterwards."

April grimaced, before punching Alex on the shoulder. "This is serious. I am serious."

Alex cupped her face and leaned down. "I am serious, too. I would love to try it."

April swallowed hard, feeling her heartbeat quicken. "Oh yeah?" Only the imagination of sleeping with Alex sent shivers down her spine. She wasn't really experienced, but she was afraid to do something wrong. Of not being able to satisfy Alex. And she just knew it would be different than from what she did with Jackson. Because she was in love with Alex. It would actually mean something, and that scared her.

"Yeah. And if we didn't have this damn surgery..." Alex whispered close to her lips. "I would show you right here. Right now."

A smile crossed April's lips. "We're on the roof. Someone could see us."

"I don't care," Alex gave back. "And it's nice out here."

Just when he was about to kiss her again, his beeper went off and he let out a frustrated sigh, rolling his eyes. He grabbed it and looked at the display. "Oh..."

"Oh?" April asked, looking up at him.

Alex smiled. "Change of plans. Our patient seems to have a fever, so we can't operate on him."

"Means we have some time to kill?" April asked with a mischievous grin.

"Looks like it. Any ideas?" Alex asked back.

"Maybe." April replied and pressed a soft kiss on his lips. "Meet me in the fifth floor on-call room in five." And with those words she turned around and left the roof. She was still damn nervous and she was afraid she could or would disappoint Alex. And she didn't know when she had become so quick when it came to sex, but she wanted this. More than anything else.

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex couldn't believe this was going to happen.

It was not as if he didn't want it to or even imagined it, but to have it actually come to fruition was a totally different story. He ran to the nearest bathroom and did his best to freshen up. He certainly didn't want to end things before they had a chance to really get going.

Alex couldn't lie to himself. He was nervous and he had to do something to quell that pit in his stomach. It had been a long time since he slept with someone that he had planned on seeing the next day.

He was the first person to make it to the call-room and as he waited for April he checked his breath one last time. Sitting down on the make-shift bed he gave a quick look around and realized exactly where he was.

The last time that he and April had almost went too far it was here. Still reeling from Izzie's departure he looked for comfort wherever he could find it and when April offered it, he gladly accepted.

It was a mistake and somewhere in the back of Alex's mind he knew that, but she smelled good and felt even better and Alex had been so lonely. April had also been a virgin and sacred, something that Alex didn't have the time or patience for. He took his anger out on her and punished the woman for all the 100 different ways he screwed up.

It had all happened in this room and now they were going to do it all over again. His nerves all of a sudden turned into a cold sweat. How could she walk in here and not be flooded with the memory of how horrible he was? April would never want to be with him once she remembered the kind of man he was.

He stood up and prepared to walk out when April opened the door. She let her hair down and, if possible, only looked more beautiful. Locking the door behind her she walked up to Alex and stood in front of him.

"Hi" she said shyly and Alex thought it was one of the most adorable things he had ever seen.

Leaning up April kissed him. Her tongue playing over his lips, wanting entrance and he gave it willingly. It had been so long since Alex had felt...this. He felt as if there was a fire raging inside of his chest.

Picking the woman up she wrapped her legs around his waist and he carried her to the bed before putting her down and lying on top of her.

He didn't want to go too fast, too soon. He knew she had to be nervous and Alex did not want to compound her fears by pushing the woman faster then she wanted to go.

"Alex" she moaned as he her fingers found the hem of his lab coat and then his shirt and pulled both off as quickly as possible. He returned the gesture by removing her shirt, revealing the pink lace bra she wore underneath.

She was so beautiful it made Alex bend down to kiss the girl's neck. Alex wanted her so bad he felt like the desire of it all was going to make him burst out of his skin.

Reaching down between his legs April grabbed a hold of his manhood. Impossibly hard and wanting her so bad it hurt. Her smile was one of confidence. This was her tangible proof that he wanted her.

"_Are we going to do this or what"_

Alex thought back to that last horrible instance. He couldn't help himself as he trailed kisses from April's neck to her chest.

"_I don't have time to teach you how to do this" he yells at her and sees the crushed and shocked looked on her face._

Alex was trying to block it all out, but he already felt his erection deflating. He grabbed April around the hips and pulled their midsections together.

What in the hell was the matter with him? He had this beautiful woman in front of him and he couldn't get out of his own head.

April could tell something was wrong immediately.

"What's wrong?" April asked. Concern in her voice.

Alex couldn't do this here. Not in this room and not with this history it held for the both of them.

"I-I can't, April" Alex said as he hopped of the woman and he saw the same face he did during their first encounter.

"You can't be serious" April said as he sat up and began to button up her shirt. "I let you do this to me again, Alex" and now the man knew she was angry.

"It's not like last time" Alex said as he rushed over to the woman and tried to grab her hand, only to have her snatch it away.

"It sure seems like it to me" she told him.

Alex was going to mess this up again, but this time it was going to leave absolutely no hope of going forward from here. He had to be honest with her. Alex really sucked at honest.

"You deserve better then some random hook-up in an on-call room" he said and April stopped and turned to look at him.

"What?"

She looked angry, but willing to listen.

"I want this to mean something" Alex started "you're important to me and believe me there are very few people I can say that about" he walked up to her and this time when he grabbed her hand she didn't back off.

"This is special and I want it to be someplace where we don't have to finish before somebody has the exact same idea" pulling her hand to his lips he gave it a soft kiss.

April gave him a small smile and it made his heart beat faster.

"Just give me the chance to do this right for you...for us"

"I'd like that" she told him and kissed him like she believed he could be worth it all.

**April Kepner POV:**

April felt happier than she had in a very long time. She had been willing to sleep with Alex right there, but he really seemed to have learned from the last mistake. It wasn't like she could have blocked out all of her memories about what had happened there last time, but she was able to push them aside enough to concentrate only on Alex. And what they were about to do. Because she wanted it so bad. More than she ever thought. And this time she wasn't even a virgin anymore, so it would be different.

When April ended the kiss, she looked up at Alex' face, touching one of his cheeks softly.

"That... that means a lot to me, you know? Even though I really wanted it," she admitted.

"Me too," Alex replied and hugged her tightly. "Me too. I really want you, April, and I want to sleep with you. But... but not like this. Not when it's our first time."

April leaned into the embrace, feeling safer and secure than she had in a very long time. She held onto him as long as possible, but eventually she had to let go of him, but not before she placed another soft kiss on his lips.

"So we're okay, right?" She asked. Deep down she already knew the answer but she just had to hear it. She had to hear it from Alex.

"Of course we are," Alex smiled. "More than okay. I don't wanna mess this up, and I won't, I promise you."

A relieved sigh left April's lips. "Okay," she replied with a smile on her lips. "So what happens now?"

Alex grabbed her hips and pulled her close to him again, teasingly letting his hands slide up and down her back. "Now... now we take care of our patients and try to get over with our shift, so I can take you home and make love to you. With all the time in the world. With no rush. Just you and me together."

April felt herself blushing. "Sounds like a plan."

"Yeah," Alex smirked. "I just don't know how I'm gonna survive the next couple of hours thinking about what I'm gonna do to you once we're getting home."

April let out an amused laugh. "I guess you have to find a way not thinking about this. Or at least not imagining it. I'm sure you don't want our patients to know what's going through your mind. I've never been gladder to be a woman."

"Very funny!" Alex commented and pulled her closer again when she tried to get away from him. "But I'm sure it's gonna worth the wait."

Doubtfully, April bit her lower lip. "I... I hope so..." she stammered, feeling her insecurity built up within her again. It was still new for her to just sleep with someone, and it definitely was new if there were those kinds of feelings involved. She was in love with Alex and it would definitely feel different than it had with Jackson.

"Hey..." Alex tilted her chin so she would look up at him. "What's wrong? If you don't wanna do it... if you wanna wait, that's okay with me..." he assured her.

April shook her head. "No... No, that's not the problem."

"Then what is?" Alex asked curiously.

"I..." April felt her cheeks burning. "I am... I am afraid that... that..." She rolled her eyes, annoyed about herself. About the fact that she couldn't just say it.

"I'm afraid that you don't like to sleep with me. That I disappoint you. You had a lot of women and you have so much experience, and I... I..." she blurted out, only to be interrupted by Alex.

"You're adorable, April," he smiled and leaned down to kiss her. "I know I had a lot of women, and yes, I do know how to please them, but I mean, that can only be good for you, right? Because you can just enjoy and let me do the work. Let me make you feel so good. You won't regret it."

"But... but..." April started, but again Alex cut her off.

"No buts. It's gonna be okay. I can't wait to hear all the sweet sounds you're gonna make just because of me. Because I touch you..." Demonstratively he touched April's backside and stroked it gently. "...or because I kiss you," he went on and his lips found a very sensitive spot between April's neck and her shoulder blade that made her squirm and cling to him. Also, Alex could feel her breath quicken and a soft moan left her lips as she pressed herself into Alex.

April could already feel a wetness building up between her legs and she had to use all her willpower not to jump Alex right there, right then. It was almost too much already and what Alex did to her just now was incredible.

"I... I can't wait to have more of it," she whispered to his ear.

"Me neither," he said with a smile, once he really let go of her. "And I'm sure it's gonna be fine. I'm gonna love to be with you."

April returned the smile. "And I am gonna love to be with you too." She turned around and unlocked the room. "And now we should probably get back to work, before I change my mind and savage you."

Alex hugged her from behind and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. "You have no idea how adorable you are right now, but you're right. We better get going." he said, opening the door of the on-call room and slowly shoving April outside before he left the room himself.

Together, they made their way to the paediatric station and grabbed one of their charts. April was in a really good mood and she couldn't wait to get home to really do it with Alex. And tomorrow she probably would talk to Jackson about what she had witnessed. Not to accuse him of not telling her anything, but to show him her support. If he really loved Dr. Sloan, she was the last person who would stand in their way, and she just wanted him to know that.

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex wanted to make things perfect for April.

So when Hunt asked to borrow her for the last 2 hours of their shift he agreed. He left work early and went back to the apartment to set everything up. Alex was never particularly good at romance, but he did have a few fail proof tricks.

Candles. Music. Atmosphere.

Those three things guaranteed a good night. Running into his apartment the first thing he did was shower and shave before dressing in one of his best silk shirts and dress slacks.

He still had an hour before April's shift ended and Alex could feel his stomach rumbling. It would be good to eat, it would help fuel him for the very long night he had planned.

Opening the fridge he saw a lot of things that could make a meal, but nothing that he could eat right now. Alex was just about to close the door when he saw the Tupperware and pulling it out he opened it up.

"Score" he said aloud as he took in the smell of the chicken casserole Jackson must have made. "Bless you and your freakish culinary skills" he said and opened it up to cut a piece off.

Putting his piece on a plate he stuck it in the microwave to heat up. As he stood in front of the appliance he heard the home phone ring.

Jogging into the living room he picked it up.

"Hello"

"Is there a Jackson Avery there?" the voice asked.

"Not right now" Alex said "who's asking?"

"The name is Lewis" he said "this wouldn't be Tyler, would it?"

"No pal, the name's Alex" he said to Lewis and now that he could smell the deliciousness coming from the kitchen he really wanted a piece of that casserole and this conversation was keeping him from it.

"You live with Jackson?" Lewis asked curiously.

"Yeah" Alex was getting clearly annoyed "do you want to leave a message or something?"

"No" Lewis told him "just let him know I called"

"Okay" Alex said and once Lewis hung up Alex quickly followed.

10 minutes later and Alex was enjoying one of the best casseroles he had ever eaten. Hearing the front door open he looked at the clock and began to panic before he heard Jackson's voice.

Continuing his meal he looked up when Jackson walked in the kitchen and began to yell.

"Alex, what the hell?"

"What?" Alex asked, mouth still filled with food.

"That was supposed to be for Torres" Jackson told him and ran over to see a huge chunk of his casserole missing.

"Why are you making Torres food?"

"It's-" Jackson started "not important" he sounded agitated, but resigned.

"Sorry" Alex said sheepishly "if it's any consolation it is really amazing"

"Thanks" Jackson said.

"It's still a lot in the bowl" Alex pointed a finger to the blue Tupperware.

"I'll just start over again tomorrow" Jackson said.

"So, I can have the rest of this?" Alex asked and Jackson rolled his eyes.

"Yes, Alex, you can have the rest of it"

"Thanks man" Alex was going to have dinner by candle light. April would have to be impressed.

"Why are you dressed up?" Jackson asked.

The question threw Alex for a loop "No reason, don't you have to be at the hospital in 30 minutes?"

"Shit" Jackson said and he was about to run up the stairs for a quick shower when Alex remembered the phone call.

"Oh, by the way someone named Lewis called for you" the remark stopped Jackson dead in his tracks.

"When?" Jackson asked him urgently and Alex knew the news wasn't good for the man.

"About 20 minutes ago" Alex said "something wrong?"

"N-No of course not" Jackson said with a smile. One that Alex didn't believe for a minute.

Jackson took his shower and ran back down the stairs and right before Jackson bolted out the door Alex yelled out to him.

"You'll tell me eventually, right?" Alex asked. His tone was serious and direct. Jackson looked like he wanted to brush it off, but realizing it would be a worthless task he just nodded.

"Yeah, I will" Jackson told him and then made his way out the door.

An hour later and April would be home any moment. He stood in front of the candle lit dinner. Two plates of casserole and some of the wine that April kept in the back of the cabinet that she thought neither he nor Jackson knew about.

When she walked into the apartment and he called her into the dining room he felt his palms start to sweat. Once she walked in and saw the room only lit by candles with Alex standing in the centre the smile she gave him made his stomach flutter.

"I wanted to do this right" he told her.

**April Kepner POV:**

April was literally speechless. She would have never thought that Alex was capable of being such a romantic. Of creating an atmosphere like that. She was still standing in the middle of the room, looking at him, when he moved towards her, taking her hands.

"Say something. Please," she heard him whisper and looked up at him.

She was so touched that she had to fight back some tears of emotion, but she managed to do that and instead lean forward and place a soft kiss on Alex' lips.

"It's... beautiful... I don't know what to say," she replied with all honesty, and now she was more than glad she took a shower in the hospital with great foresight. She knew 'it' would happen today, they had talked about it, but she hadn't thought it would be like that. With a Candlelight-Dinner and everything.

Alex gently touched her cheek and brushed some of her hair from her face, so he could look her in the eye.

"You like it?" he asked quietly.

April nodded. "I love it," she reassured him, before looping her arms around his neck and pulling him close. "It's... awesome. I can't believe that you did all this for me."

"Well..." Alex said, scratching the back of his head. "The food... is not really... I mean... I didn't make it," he admitted.

Smiling, April grabbed one of Alex hands and led him to the table. "I don't care... it's the thought that counts." She could smell that it was casserole and she already knew how delicious Jackson's casserole was. Most likely Alex had gotten Jackson to cook the dinner for him, and that was really sweet as well.

"Let's get rid of your coat first, and then we're gonna have dinner, and afterwards... we'll see..." Alex said with a smile while helping April out of her coat and hanging in up in the hallway, before returning to the table and gentlemen-like pulling the chair out to let April sit down.

April almost couldn't believe that this was the same Alex Karev who almost savaged her back then in the on-call room when she was still a virgin. He had changed so much since then and she just knew how important this whole dinner thing was for him. How important she was for him.

His eyes were on her almost the whole meal and little touches here and there showed her how much he wanted this night to be perfect for her. And she wanted the same.

When they finished eating, April wanted to get up to get rid of the dirty dishes, but Alex was quicker.

"Stay," he said while lifting the plates up and going into the kitchen to put them into the dishwasher.

Fortunately, it didn't take him long and when he got back, April got up from her sitting position and moved close to him. His hands landed on her hips while hers found a place around his neck and then she pulled his face close to hers. "Thank you, Alex. This was one of the most romantic evenings... no... the most romantic evening I've ever experienced."

"And it's not over yet," Alex replied with a smile, before lifting her up bridal style and carrying her to his bedroom, and if April had thought this was it already, she was proved wrong right then.

There were rose petals on the floor and some of them even on the bed and there were candles and there was music and April was speechless again. But only for a few seconds. "Alex... you... you did this all for me..."

"Yeah..." Alex said, and he was obviously a little bit embarrassed. "Told you I wanted this to be perfect. I don't want to mess this up again, April. You... you're important to me and I want you to feel good. To trust me."

"I trust you." April said when Alex softly put her down on the bed and leaned over her. "And now I want you to kiss me..." she whispered. "And touch me..." She grabbed one of his hands and placed them on one of her breasts, already feeling pretty nervous. "And make love to me," she said into Alex' ear before she bit his earlobe gently and causing Alex to let out a soft moan.

"April... are... are you sure?" he asked.

April touched his face so he was looking at her and nodded, smiling. "I've never been so sure about anything. Sleep with me." She could feel her heart beat and it felt like it wanted to jump right out of her chest. She was so fucking nervous and maybe a little afraid as well, but she wanted this so much. She wanted him so much. It was almost unbearable.

"You're beautiful," she heard Alex say and felt herself blushing, but she didn't have time to reply anything, because within seconds Alex was starting to kiss her. Kiss her like there was no tomorrow. If April was standing, he would have swept her off her feet with this kiss, because it was just everything. Gentle and sweet in the beginning, but more and more passionate with every second, and when Alex' tongue was licking between April's lips; she didn't even think twice and opened her mouth to let it in. She spread her legs and pulled Alex closer, so he was lying on top of her and she could already feel herself getting more and more excited.

One of her hands found the hem of Alex' shirt and she pulled it out of his pants before starting to unbutton it. "By the way..." she said breathlessly once they tore apart for a second. "You look hot in these clothes."

Alex let out a chuckle, looking at her amused. "And you noticed that just now?"

"No!" April replied immediately. "I just forgot to mention it."

Once the shirt was open, she pushed it off Alex' shoulders and watched him getting rid of it completely, before sinking down on her again, making her shiver. One of his hands slid underneath her shirt and when he started touching her stomach and sliding upwards, April's breath hitched.

"Alex..." she whispered oh so sweetly, squirming underneath him. When Alex tugged at her shirt, she lifted her arms so he could take it off her and sank down on the mattress again afterwards, feeling Alex' lips starting to kiss his way down her neck and shoulders and between her breasts, before shoving the silk away a little bit and licking over one of her nipples.

April reared up, letting out a soft moan. "Oh God... more... Alex..." One of her hands entangled in Alex' hair while the other was clinging to the bed sheet, while Alex started licking and sucking at the sensitive nipple, causing April to press against him. "You're... driving me crazy..." she moaned, feeling the wetness between her legs. She wanted more. So much more, and she couldn't wait to have it all.

One of her hands slid down between Alex' legs and she started rubbing his erection through the fabric of his jeans and shorts, and god, even that felt good. "You're so hard for me," she whispered into Alex' ear, causing him to take in a sharp breath.

"I know I said I wanted to go slow, but you're making it very hard for me," Alex admitted, and April couldn't help the smile that was appearing on her lips. "I'm not fragile... you don't have to treat me like I'm made of glass," she replied, starting to massage his manhood. "And I think we can take the next step now."

Making out was beautiful, and she felt like she was the most important person in the world with Alex touching her, but it just wasn't enough anymore. She wanted to feel him. Like now.

**Alex Karev POV:**

April was so much more forward then he had imagined. It only served to make Alex want her that much more.

_"I'm not fragile... you don't have to treat me like I'm made of glass and I think we can take the next step now"_

"Are you sure?" Alex asked. He knew she wasn't a virgin anymore, but he still felt like he should be careful with her. She might not consider herself glass, but Alex still felt she was too important to break.

Reaching inside of her pants Alex gave a gentle rub to the woman's clit. He was surprised to see she was already wet and if Alex wasn't hard before he definitely was now.

"You're so beautiful" he said as he heard her moan at his contact.

"Alex" she whispered "please, more" and the sound of her breathless and wanton made his skin feel like it was on fire. Pushing a finger inside of her he felt the tightness surround it and he imagined how good his cock was going to feel buried in there.

With his other hand he pulled down the girl's pants and started to kiss his way down her stomach. Reaching April's most private area he inserted another finger and watched April's body writhe in pleasure. Alex may not have been good at many things, but he was good at this.

Moving the digits back and forth he found the small bump that caused April to grab hold of his forearm.

"Alex I-" April tried to say.

"Shhh...Let me make you feel good" he said and removing his fingers he moved down between the girl's legs and placed a soft kiss on her clit.

Inserting just the tip of his tongue inside of her he held her hips firm as she bucked up. The deeper he went the more April seemed to respond and it made Alex feel proud that he could bring her to the brink.

She tasted just how he imagined. Sweet and enticing and as Alex continued to consume her he felt like it hadn't been this good in such a long time.

"Stop Alex" he heard April say and looking up he saw the lust in her eyes.

"Something wrong?" he asked concerned and she shook her head no.

"I don't wanna… not like that" April said and she sounded a little embarrassed "I want to feel you, all of you" and Alex got the message loud and clear.

With a smile he stood up and unbuttoned his pants and followed that by pulling down his boxers and stepping out of them.

He suddenly felt awkward standing in front of April completely naked. He didn't have a bad body, but the only other man she had to compare him too was Jackson and the man was built like a lean stone statue.

Sitting up on the bed April made her way over to Alex and grabbed his hips "Make love to me Alex" she said and wrapped an arm around his neck to bring him in for a kiss.

The fear was gone as quickly as it arrived and laying the woman down Alex moved until he is on top of her.

Reaching into his nightstand he pulled out a condom and before he opened it he looked at April one last time.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"More then anything" she told him.

**April Kepner POV:**

April almost couldn't believe that this was really happening. She had wanted Alex for so long, even though her feelings had kind of vanished for a while, or at least she had locked them somewhere in the back of her mind, but now they were back full force and she wanted nothing more than to finally feel him. To really have him inside of her and be with him, even though she didn't really know where this would end since they hadn't talked about this. But she didn't care right now. All she cared about was to be with him. She didn't want to think about later, she wanted to enjoy the here and now.

Slowly she spread her legs again and looked up at Alex, who still looked kind of insecure.

"Listen, Alex, if you don't want to..." she started, but he cut her off with a kiss.

"It's not that..." he replied quickly, stroking her cheek. "I just don't want you to regret it afterwards."

April shook her head. "I won't. I promise I won't..." she whispered and propped up a little bit. Slowly, she moved a hand downwards Alex body and took a hold of his erection. "I want you... Now." She said into Alex ear, before she guided his erection to her entrance and looked Alex in the eyes again. "Please." She knew she was pleading right now, but she needed Alex to be inside of her.

And finally he pushed in with one long thrust that made April buck up and cling to him.

"Oh my god," she moaned, closing her eyes and holding onto him, until he was completely inside of her. The feeling was incredible and almost too much to bear and it meant so much to her. So much more than the thing with Jackson could have ever meant to her.

She pulled Alex down and opened her eyes again to look at him, before kissing him gently. With all the love she felt inside of her.

"Are you okay?" she heard Alex ask once they tore apart.

April nodded with a smile. "More than okay..." she assured him before moving her hips as a sign for Alex to get going, and he understood immediately and slid out of her just a little bit, before pushing back in with a little more force than before.

He started out a slow and steady rhythm, but when April squirmed underneath him, he also got this hint and started moving faster. It was just so unbelievable good and within minutes, Alex had her panting and moaning. She clang to his shoulders and always tried to meet his thrusts halfway by bucking up and it felt awesome.

"Alex... Alex..." Again and again his name rolled off her lips and she felt the orgasm building up within her, felt it coming already, even though she didn't want to. She wanted it to last as long as possible.

She opened her eyes, only then realizing that she had even closed them, and looked at Alex, literally watched him making love to her.

His whole body was glistening from the sweat and he never had looked sexier in her eyes.

When Alex hit that one spot inside of her, the spot that made her going crazy within seconds, her nails buried inside of Alex' shoulder blades, scratching lightly, and she was sure, she would leave marks, but right now she couldn't help it. She let out a stuttering breath, almost screaming when Alex hit that spot again.

Her whole body was shaking already and she knew she wouldn't last very much longer.

"I... I can't... oh god..." she stammered, trying to hold on, trying to make it last that much longer. Her lips found Alex' and they kissed ever so passionately, kissed like there was no tomorrow.

"Come for me, April..." she heard Alex whisper into her ear and it was almost too much already.

"You're so unbelievable beautiful right now... I wanna see you come undone..." Alex went on and his hands went underneath her body, so he brought them together even closer by pulling her against him, while his tongue was leaving a wet trail by licking down her neck and between her breasts and up again.

April slung her legs around Alex' hips and her arms around his neck, feeling Alex thrust into her one more time and that was it.

"Alex..." she cried out and came with a loud moan, her whole body shivering underneath the orgasm that rolled over her like a big wave of pleasure.

She felt Alex thrust into her one or two more times and then following her with her name on his lips, before collapsing on top of her. And April welcomed him in a tight embrace, just holding onto him, not wanting to let go just yet.

She was panting and sweating and she felt kind of dirty. But in a very good way, because she had just made love. With the man she was in love with.

"You know..." she started after she finally gained some of her breath again.

When Alex lifted his head to look at her, she went on. "...this was all I ever dreamed about for my first time... I... I always imagined it like that... with a man I am in love with... with candles and music... and... perfect... and even though it wasn't literally my first time, it felt like it. Because it was the first time it meant something."

Before Alex had the chance to reply something, she had already captured her lips in a kiss that was ever so gentle and loving and she hoped he would feel how much that meant to her. How much it had meant to her that he was the one to give her those moments. That he was the one to make love to her for the first time.

With Jackson it was just sex. Yes, he was her best friend and he did everything to please her. To make her feel good, but it was different. It was sleeping together... with Alex it was making love. And she didn't want this to end. She wanted to be with him. Really be with him.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N:** Again, thanks for the comments… And the next "big storyline" is coming up for both "pairings" – Mark/Jackson AND April/Alex and there are also at least 2 new characters to come… and I hope, you give them a chance, even though there will be some Mark/Jackson-less chapters, but in the end it's all connected, so it's important to have chapters without them… :-)

Go on reviewing and we'll go on posting possibly every day… :-) Next chapter comes soon… if you comment studiously… XD

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson had been trying to concentrate throughout the night, but his mind kept going back to his talk with Alex.

Jackson hadn't seen or spoken to Lewis in at least 5 years. For Lewis to be contacting him now only meant bad news. Their last meeting had ended in an argument that left Lewis with a black eye and Jackson with a dislocated shoulder. It had quickly escalated until Tyler managed to separate the two.

That was the last time Jackson had set eyes on either man, until Miami that was.

What was he going to do now? Up until the past year Jackson had very little to lose, but now that he had Mark and they were building a life together Lewis making his way back into Jackson's life was going to put all that at risk.

"Avery" Callie said as she walked up to the man and jarred him out of his thoughts. He was spooked and she could tell "Yeah?" he asked a little too quickly.

"Is everything okay?" she asked and Jackson could hear the suspicious tone in her voice. Even if he trusted her enough not to go to Mark with whatever bad news he would give her Jackson couldn't tell her about Lewis. Their relationship was complicated and nobody outside of the people who were forced to deal with it could understand it.

"Everything is fine" Jackson said with a smile. She didn't believe it, but Jackson also knew she wasn't going to push it...not yet at least.

"What do you need?" he asked her "I have a consultation I could use your input on" she told him and Jackson nodded. This was a good sign. She came to him and yeah, okay, she didn't really have a choice if it was a cosmetic case, but at least it was a start.

"Sure thing" he said and followed her to the 3rd floor where her patient was waiting for them.

On the way there an idea crossed his mind "You mind if I pick your brain about something?"

Looking behind her towards Jackson she shrugged her shoulders "I don't mind".

"My mom's birthday is coming up and I thought I would cook her something since she will be visiting, but I'm completely lost on things like these" Jackson said.

"What does she like?" Callie asked.

"I think she's fan of chicken" Jackson told her.

"Then you can't go wrong with chicken pasta" Callie said "if done right it's probably some of the best food in the world"

Jackson gave a wide smile. He knew what he could make her tomorrow.

"That sounds perfect" Jackson said "I really appreciate it"

"No problem" Callie told him right before the elevator stopped and the two exited into the hallway.

An hour later and Jackson was looking over the patient's history that Callie had given him before preparing for a surgery. The patient was caught in a fire and after falling through a collapsed floor and breaking several bones he found himself in serious need of reconstructive surgery.

Jackson liked things that he could fix with a practiced skill. When he and Callie repaired the man and sent him on his way he would leave the hospital a completely different person. His life would no longer hold the boundaries it once had and if Jackson could be a part of that he was more then happy.

"Hey" Mark said appearing at his office door. The man's presence was unexpected, but far from unwelcome.

"Hey" Jackson said sitting the folder down by his cell and walking over to Mark. Giving him a kiss he closed the door to his office and smiled up at the man.

"Sorry this place is so small, my partner is a bit of an egomaniac and needs to have the bigger office" Jackson said with a smile as he wrapped his arms around Mark's waist.

"Is that so?" Mark asked with a laugh and a light jab to Jackson's side.

The two were enjoying the quiet between them when Jackson heard his cell receive a text. "Don't move" he said to Mark as he hopped over to his desk.

"Wouldn't dream of it" Mark said.

Picking up his phone Jackson read the text. Probably Alex thanking him for helping him score with whatever random bimbo he was currently hooking up with.

_Hey Jacks, this is Tyler. I need to talk to you as soon as you get the chance. Just got a phone call that I think you would be interested in hearing about. _

Jackson could feel his blood run cold almost immediately. It was Tyler and the man had to have been talking about Lewis.

"You okay?" Mark asked with concern.

"Oh yeah" Jackson said "just finishing up some old business from Miami".

Walking back over to Mark he took his previous position.

"Have you gotten to eat yet?" Mark asked.

"No, and I'm starving" Jackson said "we can stop at that pizza place down the street you like. Let me just finish up here and I'll meet you in the lobby in 5 minutes"

"Sounds great" Mark said and gave him one last kiss before exiting Jackson's office. Once Jackson saw that Mark was out of sight he pulled out his cell phone and quickly texted Tyler's number.

"_Can't talk now, but I'll call you later_"

Stuffing the phone back in his pocket he composed himself and gave one last look at his office. Everything was going to be okay. Lewis was probably just trying to rattle him and Jackson wasn't going to give the man the satisfaction.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark couldn't help the smile crossing his lips once he saw Jackson coming his way, but because they were still in the hospital and they haven't officially come out as a couple, he avoided touching him, only waited for him and then left the hospital with him, going closer than he really had to so he could "accidently" touch him from time to time.

Once they were outside, Jackson grinned at him. "You know... that was very unremarkable..."

Mark tilted his head. "What?"

Jackson looked at him. "You smiling at me like that and then us leaving together... don't you think people might notice something?"

Immediately, Mark shook his head. "No... actually not... we're friends, right? We can hang out together... we can even have a meal together... there's nothing noticeable about that, is it?"

"Whatever" Jackson replied and looking around for a moment, before leaning upwards and placing a soft kiss on Mark's lips. "Let's get going... I'm really hungry."

They went to Jackson's car and not even half an hour later they were sitting in front of a pizza, enjoying their meal.

They had just finished when Mark heard his mobile phone ringing and felt it vibrating in his pants.

"What's wrong?" Jackson asked, looking at him suspicious, while Mark was slipping on his chair from the right to the left.

"Nothing... just my mobile phone ringing," Mark smiled and pulled the phone out of his pocket, almost freezing when he recognized the number.

"It's... it's the hospital" he said quietly. "I think it's Doctor Lee..."

"Take it," Jackson replied, putting a hand over Mark's and starting to stroke the back of his hand. "It's gonna be okay..."

"Is it?" Mark asked doubtful but finally answering his phone, since it was already ringing for the second time.

"Mark Sloan" he finally said into the phone waiting for a couple of seconds, before he heard Doctor Lee's voice.

"It's Doctor Lee... I have your results now, and I need you to come in. When are you available?"

Mark bit his lower lip. "In about an hour or such?"

"An hour is perfect. I'll be waiting for you in my office," Doctor Lee replied. "See you then."

"Bye then," Mark said, before he hung up, feeling his hands start to shake.

Immediately, Jackson was by his side, standing behind his chair and hugging him from behind. "It's gonna be okay. I'm sure you're gonna be fine. If they have the results now, they will know how to treat you."

Mark leaned into his embrace, closing his eyes for a moment. "I'm... I'm scared," He admitted.

"I know" Jackson whispered into his ear. But I just know everything will be fine. No matter what the results are, we're gonna figure something out, and I will be with you every step of the way."

Mark let got of Jackson just enough, so he could lean sideways to look him in the eye. "Are you coming with me?"

"To where?" Jackson asked, looking slightly confused.

"To Doctor Lee... when I get my results" Mark replied without even thinking about it twice.

"Are you sure you want me there?" Jackson dug deeper.

Mark nodded. "Yes... I'm sure... I not only want you there but I need you. I don't think I can do it without you."

Jackson placed a hand on Mark's cheek and stroked it gently. "It's okay. I'll come with you. Let's pay our bill and then let's get out of here."

"Okay," Mark replied, but he wasn't really paying much attention. He barely noticed Jackson paying for their meals, because he was so lost in his thoughts. Those results could either mean he would never operate again, or that everything would be fine, and Mark was scared to death for the first possibility. He didn't know what he would do if he wouldn't be able to operate again, but at least Jackson was there for him. And he hoped, no matter what the results were, that he would still be there afterwards, but he trusted him, no matter what anyone else said. No matter what Callie said.

"Come on..." Jackson said when he took Mark's hand and pulled him into a standing position. "Let's take a walk."

Mark nodded slowly, and let Jackson led him out of the restaurant. He didn't even pay attention to where they were going until they were in the park nearby. The park where Jackson had told him about his One-Night-Stand with April. The park where he had first noticed that he felt something for Jackson. Something more than friendship.

They sat down on a bench and Jackson wasn't letting go of Mark's hand for a second.

"I love you," Mark heard him say and turned to him. Those three words kind of pulled him out of his trance and a sad smile appeared on his lips.

"And what if I will never be the same again? How could you love someone who... who is a cripple? Who you need to take care of? You are so young, Jackson... you deserve so much better."

He knew they had talked about this and Jackson had promised him to stand by him, but Mark didn't know if he wanted to be this much of a burden for the guy. He loved him way too much to do this to him.

"I'm so scared," he repeated what he had already said before and his voice was shaking and he felt like crying. That was a side he didn't like about himself, and he had barely showed it to anyone. Most people didn't know him that way and being like that in front of Jackson was a big thing for him. And it showed how close he already felt to Jackson. He didn't want to cry right now, but his fear almost made him mad. He just wanted this to be over.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson was surprised that Mark wanted him there when the man found out is results. He didn't think the older man had come that far to allow Jackson such privilege.

"_And what if I will never be the same again? How could you love someone who... who is a cripple? Who you need to take care of? You are so young, Jackson... you deserve so much better._"

"Look at me, Mark" Jackson said as he turned the man's head towards him to look him in the eye. "You will beat this" he said "you survived a plane crash, the loss of Lexie, and almost your life. This will not stop you"

"Yeah, but-" Mark started to say before Jackson cut him off.

"No, even if you're not able to do surgery again you can and will find another passion" grabbing Mark's hands he grabbed it and brought it up to his mouth to kiss. "I didn't fall in love with you because you're a surgeon; I fell in love with you because you're Mark Sloan the most amazing man I've ever met. Don't ever say that I deserve better again, because there is no better"

Mark took his hands out of Jackson hold and slung them around Jackson's neck to give the man a hug.

"Thank you" he whispered.

"Thank you for trusting me enough to let me go through this with you" Jackson hoped Mark could hear the sincerity in his voice. He had come so close to blowing this relationship. He had dropped the ball and let Mark see the part of him that he should have kept hidden.

Mark only deserved the best of him and Jackson was going to do everything in his power to make sure that was exactly what he got.

Lewis and Tyler's calls made him uneasy. Jackson was a completely different man before he came to Seattle and if the person he used to be followed him here Mark would leave him. Jackson didn't doubt it for a minute.

He would call Tyler later and they would work out a plan to keep Lewis away. But first, Jackson had to make sure everything with Mark was going to be okay.

Nathaniel Lee was waiting for Mark in his office when the two men arrived.

"Hello Doctor" Mark said as he shook the man's hand. It shook slightly, but all three knew it was mostly due to nerves than anything else.

"Please, sit" Nathaniel said as he took a seat behind his desk and Mark and Jackson each sat across from him.

"Dr. Avery" Nathaniel said "maybe it would be best if me and Dr. Sloan talked about this privately"

"No" Mark said "I want him here"

Nathaniel gave an affirmative nod and Jackson was pretty sure that the man knew that they were more then just business partners. The fact that he seemed completely unfazed made Jackson think that the guy was going to be pretty nice to have around.

"I've been freaking out for a long time, doc" Mark looked at Nathaniel with apprehension "just tell it to me straight"

"Okay" Nathaniel said "well the good news is that the neuropathy seems to be much less serious then we first imagined"

Jackson nodded. He knew good news was always followed by bad and sometimes the bad could completely erase whatever good had come before it.

"And the bad?" Mark asked.

"I think you can make a full recovery from this, but it's going to mean six months of pretty intensive physical therapy."

"Are you saying that I could possibly return to surgery?" Mark sounded hopeful and happy.

"Not only possibly" Nathaniel said "but I would say definitely...if you do exactly what the therapist says"

"Thank you so much doctor" Mark said jumping up and giving Nathaniel a handshake.

"It's my pleasure" Nathaniel responded.

Jackson looked over at Mark and the man's beaming face made his heart beat a bit faster.

Seeing Mark get up Jackson was about to follow him before Nathaniel called after him.

"Dr. Avery. Can you hold back a minute?"

Turning around Jackson looked at Nathaniel "Sure" he said and turned to Mark "meet me out front?"

"Sure" Mark said "I wanna go tell Callie the good news" and after grabbing Jackson's hand briefly he walked out of the office.

"What's the matter?" Jackson asked kindly and Nathaniel walked up to him.

'With Mark's therapy we had to bring somebody from the outside" Nathaniel said. "normally we wouldn't do this, but Dr. Sloan is important"

"That he is" Jackson said with a smile "Is the person good?"

"One of the best" Nathaniel said "he comes from Boston"

"Sounds good" Jackson told him "but why did you need to tell me without Mark"

Nathaniel paused for a moment "He goes by the name of Lewis Avery"

Jackson couldn't believe it.

"He's due to arrive in a couple weeks, but I thought it would be a good idea to let you know and maybe help Mark prepare" Nathaniel said.

"Yeah, thanks" Jackson said, but his mind was already working overtime.

"Is everything okay?" Nathaniel asked.

"It's fine" Jackson said "could you do me a favour and not tell anyone. I'm sure my brother wouldn't want to come here under the Avery name"

"Okay" Nathaniel said with a smile.

Walking out of his office he made it to the lobby and seeing Mark hugging Callie he figured now was a good a time as any to try and get in front of this.

Quickly stepping away before either Mark or Callie noticed he stepped outside and immediately called Tyler's phone.

"Jackson?" Tyler asked once he picked up.

"Yeah, it's me" Jackson told him "What in the hell is going on Tyler?"

"It's Lewis" Tyler said "I think he's going to Seattle"

"I just-"

"Who's Tyler?" a voice asked from behind Jackson and turning around Jackson quickly turned off his phone and saw Mark looking at him.

"What are you doing out here?" Jackson asked with a smile "I though you wanted to tell Callie the good news"

"I did" Mark told him "she said you were standing near the exit and you looked worried about something"

"Oh" Jackson said "it's not important. Just that stuff from Miami. They don't take no for an answer very easily"

"I can talk to this Tyler guy if you need me too" Mark said.

"No" Jackson replied "I can handle it. Let's go back in and share your good news" Jackson said as he grabbed Mark's hand and lead him back into the hospital.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark felt like Jackson was hiding something from him. Something big. It was like he could read him, but obviously Jackson didn't want to talk about it, and he wasn't someone to push someone to do so. If he didn't trust him enough to share his secrets with him, then there was obviously something wrong. Maybe Mark just hadn't showed Jackson enough how much he loved him and that he really trusted him. Or maybe Jackson just needed a little more time.

So Mark said nothing when Jackson literally pushed him back into the hospital and went along with it. He definitely didn't want to fight with him at this moment. Not after finding out that he would most likely be able to do surgery again.

"Where do you wanna go?" Jackson asked, pulling Mark out of his thoughts by this question.

"Ehm..." Mark gave it a thought. "I wanna see Derek, but he's most definitely at home..." Derek had been released from the hospital way before him, but he wasn't really able to operate again at the moment as well. His hand needed rehab and they didn't know yet if he would ever be able to operate again, but he was making progress, so Callie and the others were positive.

"Okay... to Derek then..." Jackson replied with a smile, and Mark knew immediately, that it was a fake smile, and it really concerned him.

He turned to Jackson and looked at him. "Are you alright?"

There it was again. The fake-smile. "Why wouldn't I?" Jackson asked back.

Mark let out a sigh. "I don't know... you look kind of upset... but I think I get it... if you wanted to talk about it, you would. So I'll leave it alone for now..."

Jackson bit his lower lip. "Thank you," he replied and Mark could see that he really was thankful for him to _not_dig deeper.

"Let's get to Derek, then," Mark smiled and when they were about to leave the hospital, they ran into Derek almost a second later.

"Hey. We just wanted to pay you a visit," Mark greeted him, hugging him for a moment.

"Me? Why?" Derek wanted to know, looking from Mark to Jackson and back to Mark.

"To tell you the good news," Mark replied with a chipper smile.

Derek tilted his head. "Good news? Are you two going to get married?"

"What?" Mark blurted out, staring at his best friend in shock for a moment, before turning to Jackson who looked like he had to fight back a laugh. A real one.

"I don't think we're at this point yet," Mark said, feeling slightly embarrassed. "I mean... it's not that I don't wanna get married or anything... and it's definitely not that I don't wanna get married to... to you..." he went on, turning to Jackson, who gently patted his shoulder.

"It's okay, Mark, I understand. Actually, I would be shocked if you'd propose to me now. We don't have to rush things." Jackson calmed him down.

"So what's the good news then?" Derek asked, and for a moment Mark had almost forgotten that he was even there.

"Right. The good news is that I might be able to work again," he said.

"Really? Mark, this is awesome, I'm so happy for you," Derek commented and hugged Mark again.

"Me too!" Mark admitted. "It will take a lot of time and some rehabilitation measures, but in about six months I might be able to stand in an OR again." He was really happy about that news, and even though it would take him six months that was a price he was willing to pay. And if he made good progress, it might not even take this long.

"And how's your hand?" Mark asked after a few seconds of silence.

Derek let out a sigh. "Well... it's getting better... but it's still not sure whether I can ever use my hand to operate again."

"I'm sorry..." Mark said, and put a hand on Derek's shoulder consolingly. "But I'm sure you're gonna get through this. And that you will be back at work eventually."

Shrugging, Derek looked up at Mark. "I don't know. And I don't even know if Meredith would want me to."

Mark tilted his head. "What do you mean?"

"This new doctor..." Derek started. "Doctor... Holden or Holt or something like that... Meredith has been under his service for days now... and it's like she's flourishing... like he gives her something I couldn't... And I can only sit by and watch... I wanted to be the one to teach her neuro-surgery and now this prick... is doing my job... I mean..." Derek looked down. "She didn't even want me to teach her, but obviously she wants him to do so."

"Because he's not her husband," Mark stated. "I wouldn't worry too much. Once you're back things will get back to normal. I'm sure of that."

Derek smiled sadly. "And if not, I can still get drunk and try to seduce you. Then we would be even."

Mark rolled his eyes. "Idiot," he commented. "You know I wouldn't have kissed you, if I wasn't this drunk."

"I know," Derek smiled. "But I'm glad you don't have a reason to get drunk again now. And that you two managed to work things out." He looked at Jackson. "You're making him happy, and I'm glad he found someone. That he found someone he's happy with after all he went through with Lexie."

Mark felt a stitch in his heart when Derek mentioned her. "How is Meredith holding up? Have you told her about me and Jackson?"

Derek shook his head. "Not yet... no... But I don't think she would have a problem with it."

Doubtfully, Mark looked at him. "Are you sure?"

Derek nodded slowly. "Quite sure. Yes. Even Lexie wanted you to be happy. And about Meredith holding up. She tries to distract herself with work. And with Zola." He looked at his watch. "And that's why I'm actually here. To collect Zola from day-care and bring my wife home. If this Doctor Holt hasn't saddled her with another double shift."

"You two are gonna be okay. I know it." Mark said, patting his shoulder, before Derek made his way to the elevators.

Mark let out a heavy sigh. "At least I hope so," he said quietly, turning to Jackson.

"I don't think Meredith would ever do something that would compromise her family," Jackson replied, causing Mark to nod.

"I hope so... let's get out of here, okay? I've had enough hospitals for today... I wanna go home. Unless you have something else to do. I mean, I can go home by myself, if that's the case." he said, even though he rather wanted Jackson to join him, but he had never been the clingy type of man anyways.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson liked the quiet moments with Mark the most.

The two were currently lying in Mark's bed. Mark laid out on his back and Jackson sitting on the man's waist.

"Can you believe this?" Mark said as he ran a hand along Jackson's thighs "I can actually be back in surgery by the end of the year". Smiling down at him Jackson nodded "I didn't doubt it for a minute. You are too good to not be back in the OR"

Jackson decided he wasn't going to think about Lewis until he knew there was something he could do about it. He would need to call Tyler and apologize and see exactly what went down with Lewis's phone call. Mark had picked up on something being wrong and Jackson worried that he would start pressuring Jackson to tell him things he could never confess.

"I'm glad you were with me" Mark said quietly as he leaned up and gave Jackson a quick kiss on the lips. "I'm glad you trusted me enough to be there with you?"

"Speaking of..." Mark said "what did Dr. Lee want to talk to you about?"

"We have a surgery coming up in a couple weeks and he just wanted to go over some logistics" it was another lie, but it was better than the truth.

Mark looked at him as if he was trying to figure out if what he was saying was true.

"This thing with Derek" Jackson said "you think him and Meredith are going to be okay?"

Shrugging his shoulders Mark looked as if he was thinking about it "Those two have always had a tumultuous relationship, but I don't think Derek has anything to worry about"

"This Holt" Mark said "what do you know about him?"

"April has worked with him a few times and she says he has a bit of an ego, but he's really good"

"Good enough for Hunt to keep him on?" Mark asked and Jackson could tell he was nervous for his friend. "Derek's surgery had been pretty intensive, but if he could get clearance to work again I don't doubt Owen would choose Derek over him"

"What if he can't do it again?" Mark asked "What if that plane crash was the end of his career?"

Jackson had remembered seeing how bad Derek's hand had been and he knew there was a real possibility that the man may not be able to be the surgeon he once was. He knew that was not what Mark needed to hear right now, though.

"I'm sure that Derek will be fine. He has already made an astounding recovery and he is a fighter, just like you"

Mark smiled up at him "Thank you" he said quietly.

Running a hand down Mark's cheek he kissed him "I can see how much you care about him"

"We've been friends for so long" Mark said "he's practically a brother"

"_And if not, I can still get drunk and try to seduce you. Then we would be even._"

"Well, not exactly like brothers" Jackson said before realizing it.

"What?" Mark asked confused.

"N-Nothing" Jackson said trying to brush it off "forget I said anything"

"We've done this before" Mark said "I thought we both agreed brushing off our problems doesn't work". Jackson really needed to learn how to be in a mature relationship, because so far he was really failing at it.

"What did Derek mean about seducing you to make things even?"

Mark's face didn't hide his shock. Mark made a move to sit up straight. Sitting up Jackson moved further back to give Mark the room.

"I made a stupid mistake when I was in a really bad place" Mark said "I'm sorry" he added.

"You don't have to apologize to me" Jackson said "I had left and we weren't technically together"

"That's no excuse" Mark said "We had just been together and to try and jump into someone else's bed is shameful, especially after I nearly fucked it up with the whole Julia thing"

The images of Tyler flashed through his mind. Jackson had slept with him out of some warped need to make himself feel better. How could he judge Mark for wanting to find solace wherever he could. Although now he knew he could never tell Mark about Miami. If a kiss was bad what would the man think about Jackson sleeping with someone else?

Still, Tyler was not a big part of his life anymore and Derek was a big part of Mark's. Jackson had no right to feel this uneasy about Mark trying to sleep with Derek, but he did.

"You two have never...?" Jackson asked open-ended.

"That was the past, baby" Mark said "focusing on it now just makes things more complicated than they need to be"

It wasn't a no.

"That's like asking if you and Alex ever had something" Mark said with a laugh. Scrunching up his face Jackson shook his head "Why would anyone believe that?"

"Well, you two are close" Mark said "and going down to Miami together made people wonder"

"People?" Jackson asked astonished "as in more then one?"

Laughing Mark pulled Jackson close "Nobody really knew about us and I may have overheard Arizona, Meredith, and Cristina bring it up"

"You didn't believe them did you?" Jackson asked "I mean I love Alex, but no"

"Whatever did or did not happen before we really found each other doesn't concern me" Mark said "we're here now and that's all that matters"

"You're too good for me" Jackson said as he pulled the older man in for a hug. He meant it with all of his heart. Jackson wanted so badly to be better for him.

"I don't want to leave this bed, but I have a favour to ask" Jackson said.

"What's that?"

"You think you wanna help me make some chicken pasta?"

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark looked at Jackson, confused. "But I'm not hungry," he replied earnestly.

Jackson let out an amused laugh. "Neither am I," he said. "But it's not for us..." He started playing with the hem of his shirt and seemed nervous all of a sudden.

"Then... who is it for?" Mark asked curiously. He put his arms around Jackson's waist and pulled him close to his body, which was perfect to do in his position. It felt so good, to be this close to him and he really loved those moments.

"Callie." Jackson finally replied. "Actually, you gave me the idea the other day when you told me that Callie would love my food."

"Really?" Mark asked, surprised. He didn't expect this answer, but somehow it really made him happy, that Jackson was trying so hard for Callie to like him, and he just hoped and wished for the best. Callie just had to start accepting Jackson, or this whole thing would cause a lot of complications in the long run since Mark was definitely not willing to give up on Jackson.

"Yeah... but if you think it's a bad idea... I mean, I thought... the way to her heart might be through her stomach," Jackson admitted.

Mark placed a hand on Jackson's cheek and gently stroked it. "You're the cutest thing ever..."

"I'm not cute," Jackson said, raising an eyebrow and pouting.

"And now you're even cuter," Mark grinned and gave Jackson a push so he lost his balance and fell backwards onto the bed.

Mark was over him immediately. "I have no idea how I can resist you if you look like that."

"Who said you have to resist me?" Jackson asked, licking over his lower lip and looking up at Mark from his big blue eyes.

Mark swallowed hard. "You... you're so mean," Mark complained, because he knew what Jackson wanted. And Jackson confirmed it only a few seconds later.

"Well... you just have to admit that you want me... that you need me... and you'll get me. But that would mean I won."

Frustrated, Mark let out a sigh, letting himself fall onto the bed next to Jackson. "No!" he simply said, turning his head to look at Jackson who was looking back at him.

"Well... that's bad luck then..." Within seconds, Jackson climbed on top of Mark, sitting down in his lap and pressing his wrists onto the mattress next to Mark's head. "Imagine all the things I could do to you if you just admitted that you want my cock inside of you. Or that you want to fuck me."

Demonstratively, Jackson licked over Mark's earlobe, causing Mark to take in a sharp breath. Jackson knew how sensitive his ears were and he knew how to handle Mark already pretty well and it was pretty hard for Mark to really resist him, but he was still too proud to let Jackson win. He didn't want to give him this satisfaction just yet. He was Mark Sloan; he didn't need to beg for sex. And he was good, too! And he loved to play with Jackson like that. It was kind of turning him on whenever they were doing this dirty talk, even though it also was getting on him. It had been a couple of days without sex, and that was a lot for Mark.

Not the sex itself actually, but to be close to Jackson. He had had longer periods without sex when he had been single, but now he was in a relationship and he was in love and he wanted to feel Jackson, even though it was nice to just cuddle with him.

"Why don't you..." Mark started and rolled them around when he finally managed to free himself from Jackson's grip. "...admit that _you_ want _me_? That you want me just as much as I want you?" He placed his knee between Jackson's legs, already feeling the slight hardness in his pants.

"Because sex is not everything," Jackson said, winking at him. "And even though I would love to sleep with you right now... to rip off all your clothes and take you right here, right now..." He leaned upwards, biting into Mark's earlobe. "...I don't need to do that... I could live with it if we went to the kitchen and cook right now."

"Really? Is that so?" Mark asked doubtful, but the cheeky sparkle in Jackson's eyes was answer enough. Mark knew he had lost yet again, and if he didn't admit how much he wanted Jackson at some point, he might go crazy.

"Yeah. So... let's go cook Chicken pasta for Callie then?" Jackson asked, placing both of his hands at Mark's butt cheeks and pressing his whole body against Mark's. "Or is there something else you wanna do?"

Sighing, Mark let go of Jackson and sat up. "Fine. Let's cook the perfect meal for Callie," he finally said, even though it took a lot of him not to throw himself at Jackson right now, but he still had his pride, even though he didn't know how long he would be able to keep up this facade. At some point, Jackson might win after all. Mark just didn't understand why it was so easy for Jackson not to have sex with him.

Even though it was stupid, he asked himself, if Jackson wasn't _this_attracted to him after all. He was starting to really get frustrated.

All of a sudden he felt Jackson's arms around his neck and a soft kiss on his cheek. "Thank you."

"What for?" Mark asked, moving a little bit, so he could look up at Jackson who was kneeling behind him on the bed.

"For helping me with the pasta. I hope, Callie will like it," Jackson replied.

A small smile crossed Mark's lips. "She will. I'm sure she will." He grabbed Jackson's legs and stood up, causing Jackson to let out a yelp, because he obviously hadn't expected the sudden movement.

"Mark, what are you doing?" Jackson laughed once he tightened the grip around Mark's body not to fall off his back.

"I'm carrying you to the kitchen," Mark answered and did exactly what he had just said. He let Jackson down once he was standing at the counter so Jackson would sit down on it, before turning around and placing his arms on his shoulders. "Am I strong or what?"

Jackson shook his head laughing. "Yes... you're the strongest person I know." He leaned forward, capturing Mark's lips with his own. "And I really mean it. And I don't mean only your physical strength. I'm really amazed how you manage to get through everything and just come out stronger."

"It's because I'm not alone. I have people who I love and who love me. I couldn't do it without either of them," Mark admitted. "And because of that it means a whole lot to me that you try so hard for Callie to like you. And if she doesn't start responding to it soon, I don't know what I'm gonna do with her. She's one of my best friends, but I can't deal with the fact that she doesn't accept the man I love. Derek accepts you, so why can't she?"

"Don't worry... Callie and I... we will work things out. I promise, Mark. You will never have to decide between her and me. I won't let that happen. I won't let her hurt you that way." Jackson said honestly, and Mark couldn't believe how much his words touched him. He pressed his face against Jackson's chest, closing his eyes. Jackson seriously was the most awesome guy he had ever met and he would do everything to keep him in his life.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: **Aaaaaaaaaaaaand Chapter 18… wow… already… and there is no end in sight… yet… and this chapter will definitely need the "M-Rating" again… sorry it took us so long to get the boys "in action" again… But you will be surprised how everything turns out in the end ;-)

Thanks for the reviews – and just as a reminder, the guy we call Michael Holt does actually exist in another tv-show "universe" called "A gifted Man"… after the show got cancelled (and I loved it so much XD) I decided to "borrow" him, since he's a Neuro Surgeon and well, yeah… you will find out a lot more about him in Chapter 19 ;-) If you want a picture of him, just let us know, so you have a face to his name…

And now have fun with Chapter 18… and if you like it, review, and if you don't, review as well and tell us why not ;-) Please? ;-)

**Jackson Avery POV:**

It had been three weeks and 12 food dishes, yet Jackson still hadn't made any headway when it came to Callie.

The Tupperware was always returned back to Jackson's desk completely void of the food, but not so much as thank you was given in return. Jackson figured she would have to relent eventually. Even if Jackson had to stuff her so full of food that she couldn't feel anything else but appreciative.

He was on his way to a surgery he was sharing with Karev when the man walked up and started to stroll beside him.

"You ready, man?" Alex asked with a wide smile. It was one of many wide smiles Alex had given him over the past couple of weeks.

"What's with you?" Jackson asked curiously "what's with this whole Jolly Sunshine routine you've had recently?"

"What?" Alex asked "a guy can't just be happy"

"You?" Jackson said "No way. You haven't been releasing all your bitterness on innocent bystanders in the middle of the night, have you?"

"Fuck off, dude" Alex said with a laugh.

The two walked in compatible silence until Jackson decided to get something off his chest.

"I've been thinking it's about time I tell April about me and Mark" the two men were still walking down the hall when Jackson blurted it out. Stopping in his tracks Alex looked at him and his smile only grew wider.

"What's so funny?"

"I really don't think that's going to be necessary" Alex told him.

"What are you talking about?" Jackson asked. He was quite sure he never let it slip with April and he knew the woman wasn't going around and searching for anything behind his back.

Alex was quiet for a couple of minutes "Let's just say she got an earful of exactly the kind of things our kitchen could have been witnessed to whenever you thought you and Mark were alone"

Jackson didn't get what the man was talking about "The kitchen-"Jackson said and like a bolt of lightening it all came rushing back to him. He and Mark in the kitchen. Jackson saying exactly what he would have had Mark do and the jangle of keys.

April had been there and she had heard the two. Standing there in shock Alex only began to laugh harder. "Relax dude. We talked it over and although she isn't happy that you kept it from her she is happy for you"

"But I-" Jackson started to say before Arizona walked up and greeted the two men.

"Hello, Gentlemen" Arizona said jubilantly.

"Hello, Dr. Robbins" Jackson said "It's a surprise to see you here" Jackson said.

"I decided it was time to get back in the saddle" she said and turned her attention to Alex. "I asked Hunt if I could supervise the cleft surgery you and Jackson have for today, but only if it's okay with you two".

Jackson heard her say both he and Alex, but he knew Arizona really wanted Alex's approval. They were going to be partners now and she wanted to make his opinion just as important as hers.

"I'd like that" Alex said genuinely and Jackson could see the two were finally getting past the turmoil that the last few months had given them.

"So, are we ready?" Arizona asked and with an affirmative nod both Jackson and Alex began to follow her.

"Jackson, wait" Meredith said as she ran up to catch with the man. Turning around he saw the much frazzled woman.

"What's the matter?" Jackson asked.

"I was hoping to catch you before you went into surgery" she said out of breath.

"What is it?" Jackson asked concern in his voice.

"Dr. Holt needs you to sign off on that surgery you two have tomorrow if they want to book the OR" Meredith told him and Jackson looked at the woman confused.

"Are you serious?" he asked her "I have until the end of shift to do that and that's not for another 8 hours"

"He says it's important".

Alex and Arizona were already making their way towards the surgical room. Turning around periodically to see how long Jackson was going to be.

"If it's so important he could have found me himself or sent an intern" Jackson said, annoyed that he reduced a surgeon like Meredith to a lackey.

"It's no trouble, really Jackson" she said. Then for the first time Derek's worries made their way to the front of his thoughts. Something was definitely off.

"You're a surgeon Meredith, not his personal assistant. You can tell Dr. Holt that if he wants me to sign off on that surgery he can come and see me himself"

"Jackson-" Meredith started to say.

"I'm late as it is" Jackson cut her off "I'll see you later Meredith" and with that he made his way to the OR to prepare for his cleft surgery.

Jackson may not have known who Dr. Holt was, but he had no doubt the dude was going to be problematic.

**Arizona Robbins POV:**

"Everything alright?" Arizona asked, once Jackson had caught up with her and Alex on their way to the OR.

Jackson nodded, but he seemed slightly absent. "Yes... yes, sure... it's just... that I have a bad feeling," he replied.

Arizona looked at him, confused. "About the surgery?"

"No, not that," Jackson replied immediately. "About this Doctor Holt... I don't know... it's just a feeling and maybe I'm just hungry or something like that and it doesn't mean anything. But something tells me, he means trouble."

Arizona put a hand on Jackson's shoulder consolingly. "I understand that... he seems a bit... self centred, as far as I can tell," Arizona replied. "And Nurse Emily recently told me that he commands people around like they were... I don't know... like he's a god and they are nothing. It's an attitude I really hate on people, and if it's true, I don't think I'm gonna like him very much."

"Likewise," Jackson agreed with her. "But I don't think I should have bad feelings towards him without really knowing him, right?" He looked at Arizona again. "I mean, I have a surgery with him tomorrow and I don't want to let my feelings get the best of me."

"Then try to meet him open-minded, dude," Alex advised him. "Maybe he's not that bad. Maybe it's just rumours."

Jackson nodded slowly. "Yes, maybe."

The three of them got into the elevator and went down to the OR's, changing into scrubs and putting on their scrub caps, before finally entering the OR where their patient was already sound asleep and everything was prepared for the surgery.

"Ready?" Arizona asked while taking a seat next to Alex.

"Of course," Alex replied, but she could totally see that he was a little bit nervous. Most likely, because she was here, so she softly put a hand on his wrist and looked up at him. "Act as if I'm not here, okay? I won't say a word, I just wanna watch. I miss surgery so much."

Alex smiled at her, and it was one of the many smiles she had gotten recently. The guy seemed to be in a good mood lately, and she definitely started questioning it. If she didn't know better she would say he had a girlfriend, but the only female person she had seen Alex around with over the past few weeks had been Kepner.

At this moment it hit Arizona. _Of course._Kepner. She hadn't really paid much attention to it, but now where she was thinking about it, it all made sense. They were together almost all the time and Kepner even had been under Alex' service a lot. Not that this was something totally unusual with Derek and Mark still out of service, but she had literally the same smile on her lips all the time. She seemed happy. And so did Alex.

He deserved to be happy. Really, really happy. After all that went down with Stevens, Alex deserved someone who really loved him and cared for him, and Kepner was just sweet. Arizona could totally picture them together, and she would be so happy for Alex if her assumptions were correct.

"Doctor Robbins? You can let go of my hand now. I can't start like that," Alex' voice brought Arizona back to reality and just then she realized, that she was still holding onto him.

"Oops... yeah, sorry," she apologized and slid back on her stool.

It had been a rough couple of weeks and her leg was still giving her trouble sometimes but after all she could be happy to still be alive. And to still have her leg. It could have come so much worse and she was better than most of her colleagues on the plane. In fact, besides Meredith she was the only one back on the job already, even though it was only supervising. She couldn't speak for Yang, though, because she hadn't heard of her since she had left.

She shook her head to get those distracting thoughts away before turning her attention to the surgery.

A smile crossed her lips when she looked at Jackson. He had put so much effort in cooking for Callie, her beautiful wife Callie, some meals and Callie hadn't even thanked him once. But Arizona knew that her resistance was starting to melt away. That even though she wouldn't admit to it, she already started liking him. And that was a good thing, because Arizona knew how important both - Callie and Jackson - were for Mark and that he needed them to get along.

"By the way, Avery," she started, looking up at him and waiting for him to look back at her.

"Yes?" the younger surgeon replied, seeming a bit startled.

"Your chicken tenders were delicious. And the dip... yummie," she said, licking her lips even though no one could see it underneath the mask.

"Really?" Jackson smiled, and if Arizona wasn't mistaken, there was a blush crawling up his cheeks.

"Yes. Yes, really." Arizona assured him.

"You cook dinner for Robbins? Dude, did I miss something?" Alex asked with a cheeky grin on his face. "You do know she's married, right?"

"Idiot," Jackson laughed. "It's for Torres. I already told you that I'm cooking for her when you ate my chicken casserole. Remember?"

"Yeah, that." Alex replied. "Must have slipped my mind."

"Like so many other things lately," Jackson commented, turning back to his patient. "But yeah... I've cooked for her a couple of times, hoping that she might like it."

"Oh she did, believe me, she did," Arizona admitted without any hesitation. She felt sorry for Jackson NOT getting any response from Callie, but sometimes her wife was just really bull-headed. "Yesterday she came to me telling me that I need to taste because it's just awesome and like the best chicken tenders she has ever eaten." She smiled up at Jackson. "Just give her a little time... I just know she's starting to warm up to the idea of you and Mark. But Mark is her best friend and so she's... a little complicated when it comes to him."

"It's okay... I totally understand that," Jackson replied.

Arizona nodded. "Yeah... it's never easy to get between those two. I experienced it myself and I wasn't Mark's biggest fan in the beginning, because he was always there... day and night. So I really know what you're going through. But she will cool down eventually. Trust me."

She hoped she had calmed Jackson down just a little bit, because she just wanted him to know that his efforts weren't for nothing and that he was on a good way for Callie to finally accept him.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson was feeling very good after the surgery with Alex and Arizona. Her words of encouragement with regards to Callie gave him hope that maybe, just maybe, his plan was actually working.

He was still lost in thought when he heard the knock on the door and looking up he told the visitor to come in and smiled when he saw April walk in.

"Hey Jackson" she said as she closed the door and walked over to him "I just wanted to make sure you had the patient information for the surgery tomorrow".

"Thank you" Jackson said as he grabbed the folder from her. She was about to walk out when Jackson decided to bite the bullet.

"April, wait!"

She turned around "Yeah?"

"Would you mind sitting and talking with me for a moment?"

Looking at him curiously April nodded her head and took a seat across from her friend. "What's up?" she asked.

Jackson had no idea how to even to begin to bring it up. Beyond the nervousness of telling her about Mark, there was also the added bonus of having to go over exactly what she heard when she walked into their apartment.

"You know that you're one of my best friends in the world, right?"

With a smile April nodded "Of course, and you're one of mines"

"I don't want you to think that I purposefully kept something from you" Jackson said "it's only that I wanted to make sure I knew what it was first, before I put it out there"

Looking at her face he could see realization come across it.

"I'm sorry you had to find out in such a ...blatant way" Jackson told her "that's not how I wanted it to be. April's cheeks turned red and if Jackson didn't feel so embarrassed himself he sure would have found it cute.

"It-It's okay" April said

"No, it isn't" Jackson said "I shouldn't have let you discover what's going on between me and Mark that way; you deserved the truth from me. I'm sorry"

"I was hurt because I thought you felt that what happened between us changed who we were to one another" April said "I guess I was scared that San Francisco had altered our friendship"

"I love you April, you know that" Jackson said "nothing we did, or will do, can ever change that. I promise"

The woman was quiet for a few moments and Jackson could tell that something was on her mind.

"Anything wrong?"

"It's stupid" April said as she bowed her head.

"This is me April" Jackson told her "how much stupid stuff have I said and did in front of you since our days at Mercy West?"

The smile was back on her face and she looked up at Jackson "It wasn't me, was it?"

"What wasn't you?" he asked.

"You didn't turn to Mark because of us?" she asked "I didn't make you...ya know?"

Jackson had let out a small laugh. He couldn't help himself. It was only when he saw that she looked slightly offended that he became serious.

"I promise you April, you didn't do this" he told her "Mark wasn't my first...guy"

"Really?" she asked.

"Yeah, I was in a pretty serious relationship before I moved to Seattle" standing up he walked around his desk and stood beside April.

Grabbing her hand Jackson pulled April up to a standing position. "Does he make you happy?" April asked.

"Very" Jackson said with a smile "more then I thought possible"

"Then I'm happy for you" April said and brought Jackson in for a hug. He didn't know how much he needed this, but having April's approval made him feel…better.

The two were still hugging when Jackson's door flung open and Michael Holt came storming in.

"We need to talk" he said, his voice deep and serious.

"I'm sure you're mother taught you manners" April said.

Looking at the woman Michael looked as if he wanted to say something, but thought better of it.

"It's okay, April" Jackson said "I'll see you at home".

"Are you sure?" she asked as she eyed Michael suspiciously.

"Yeah" he told her and after April left Jackson walked over and closed the door behind her.

"Can I help you?" Jackson asked. Matching Michael's previous tone of voice. He knew many guys like Holt and the only thing they understood were people who acted like them. Jackson was more then happy to oblige.

"I sent Dr. Grey with releases for you to sign and she said you declined" Michael slammed the papers on Jackson's desk "Sign them, now!"

"I don't know who the hell you think you are Dr. Holt, but I can tell you that you're not my boss and I'm not going to respond to any commands you throw out"

Michael was quiet as he looked to be studying Jackson. "Spanking new board-certified surgeon thinks he has some kind of weight to throw around" he said "let me give you a clue, Dr. Avery, you're still low on the totem pole and if I tell you to do something you do it"

Jackson gave the man a wide smile. "I bet you actually manage to scare people with that spiel" Jackson said "how else would you get a person like Meredith Grey to become you're personal assistant"

Michael bristled at the comment and stood up straighter "An Avery through and through, huh?"

"What?" Jackson said surprised.

"Maybe I should be clearer… a Jackson Avery through and through"

"You don't know anything about me Dr. Holt and I should warn you that you're dangerously close to crossing the line"

"You would be surprised how much I know about you, Jackson" Michael said "very surprised"

"I think we're done here "Jackson said as he headed for the door.

"Did you know your brother is a drunken talker?" Michael asked "and let me tell you he talked about you a lot and it was not very kindly at all"

The words had stopped Jackson in his tracks "My brother?"

"Lewis Avery" Michael said "one of my closest friends and has been since we roomed together in Med School".

Jackson could feel the panic in his chest. The world could not be this small. It was statistically impossible.

"You know he's coming here in a couple weeks?" Michael asked "I invited him to stay with me since his brother seems to have turned his back on him completely"

Jackson went from an indifferent dislike for Michael to a full on contempt.

"You look rattled" Michael said with a smirk.

"Get out of my office" Jackson told him.

The two were still facing off when a voice appeared behind Jackson

"What's going on?" Mark asked.

Turning around quickly Jackson tried to change his face to a smile as quickly as possible.

"Nothing, just going over some details for my surgery with Dr. Holt tomorrow" Jackson said.

"The name's Michael Holt"

"Mark Sloan" the two men shook one another's hand.

"I can expect to have that release on my desk first thing in the morning, right Dr. Avery?"

"Of course" Jackson said. Another pained smile and with a goodnight Michael exited Jackson's office.

"Did I miss something?" Mark asked.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark could tell by the looks of Jackson, that something was very wrong with his boyfriend. He seemed pretty upset and if Mark hadn't been worried before, he definitely was worried right now.

He waited, until this Michael was definitely out of sight, before closing the door behind him and looking at Jackson.

"So? What just happened?" he demanded to know.

Jackson gave him a weak smile. "Nothing. We just weren't the same opinion about the surgery tomorrow, but we talked it out. It's fine now."

Mark rolled his eyes. He could tell that Jackson was flat-out lying to him right now, and he hated it. Jackson wanted him to be honest, but he himself couldn't do the same? Couldn't be honest with Mark?

"You don't look fine," he replied, because he didn't want to go like a bull on a gate.

"It's okay, really," Jackson said, not even bothering to look at Mark. "He's just... an asshole... Just like I expected him to. No surprise Derek doesn't like him. I think he means trouble."

"And you know that because he didn't agree with you on a surgery?" Suspiciously, Mark raised an eyebrow. "Don't you think you're a bit quick with judging?"

"No!" Jackson blurted out, and it was obvious that whatever this other Doctor had said or done, it made Jackson jumpy and nervous.

Sighing, Mark took a step towards Jackson and put his arms around his waist, pulling him into a hug.

"It's okay, baby. Really. I'm here... you can talk to me, if you want to, and if this idiot said or did something to hurt you, I might have to hurt him." He let go of Jackson just enough to be able to touch his face. "You're usually not that upset about a simple surgery. So what's wrong?"

"Mark... I... I can't..." Jackson replied, biting his lower lip. "This has nothing to do with you and I don't want you to get in between."

Mark laughed sarcastically. "You know what? I _am_ already in between. And if you haven't noticed yet: I'm your boyfriend and I thought you know that you can tell me anything."

He didn't want to sound so bitter, but since it wasn't the first time Jackson kept something from him, it slowly but surely started hurting. He didn't know what else he had to do to make Jackson see that he wanted to be there for him as much as Jackson had been there for him over the past few weeks and months.

"I know... and I'm really sorry, but this is something... I just can't. Why can't you just accept it? Stop pressuring me." Jackson replied.

Mark stared at him, partly surprised, partly shocked. "Oh... now I'm pressuring you by being concerned? Well, thank you." he shook his head in disbelief. "You expect me to tell you everything... you go behind my back even though I tell you to give me time and space because you want my best and you expect me to just stand by and watch you suffer? That's not how this works, Jackson." He spoke louder than he intended to, but it just upset him so much that Jackson wasn't talking to him.

"I thought we are partners. Partners who can be honest with each other... but obviously I was wrong," Mark went on, feeling his chest tighten. He didn't even want to think about it, but he couldn't help asking himself if Callie maybe had been right. If Jackson really wasn't right for him. He loved him so much, but he hated the feeling that there was something like a wall in between them. A wall he wasn't able to break.

"We are. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have forced you to tell me about your nightmares and such... I know it was a mistake. I should have given you the time you needed instead of going behind your back," Jackson said, obviously trying to distract Mark by starting another conversation. But it didn't work on Mark.

"We're not talking about me right now. We're talking about you," he clarified. "I know that there is something wrong with you... that there is something going on... since a couple of weeks you've been acting really strange sometimes. Like that one time when I walked in on you talking to someone on the phone. I could see that you were lying to me, but I didn't want to upset you even more, so I backed out and thought you would come to me by yourself. But I was wrong."

"Mark, please. It's really nothing. No big deal. There is nothing for you to be worried about," Jackson tried again.

Mark looked at him, and a thought crossed his mind. "Are you cheating on me, Jackson? Is that the reason this Doctor Holt was so upset as well? Because he caught you?"

"What?" Now it was Jackson's turn to look shocked. "What are you talking about?"

"Well..." Mark started. "First... you don't sleep with me anymore."

"But wasn't that part of our game?" Jackson stated, moving closer towards Mark. "You know I'm really crazy for you and I would sleep with you at least five times a day, if we didn't have this arrangement. I thought that's what you wanted."

"I did... but I didn't think it was so easy for you. You seem like you can just brush it off whenever we start talking. It's not that easy to cool down again for me as it seems to be for you," Mark said.

"It's not." Jackson gave back. "Really, Mark. If you knew how often I just wanted to..." he leaned forward until he reached Mark's ear, slowly nibbling on his earlobe. "How often I wanted to rip off all your clothes and ride your big cock... but I didn't want to lose our game. I've always been a player."

Mark felt shivers running down his spine and he slung his arms around Jackson's waist. "Really? There is no one else? I mean, maybe you decided you'll rather go with girls again."

"No!" Jackson assured him. "I'm happy with you and there is no one else. No guy and no girl. You're the only one that I want. The only one that I need." One of his hands slid down Mark's back and grabbed his butt cheeks. "I want you so much, it drives me crazy." he whispered into Mark's ear. "Three fucking weeks... twenty-three days and seven hours since we last had sex."

"You're counting?" Mark asked, feeling slightly amused.

"See?" Jackson looked up at him. "See how much it affects me? I'm even counting the days, and it gets harder to resist you every day." he grabbed Mark's hand and placed it on the bulge in his jeans. "Harder... and harder... and harder..." he said in a voice that drove Mark up the wall.

"Oh god!" he pressed out, lifting Jackson up and placing him on his desk, before throwing everything on it on the floor. "You really want me?"

"Oh yeah," Jackson replied immediately. "I am even willing to admit that I lost, if you just fuck me already. Little Jackson is so hard just for you."

"He's not _that_ little," Mark grinned, while he hustled Jackson's lab coat off his shoulders and didn't waste any time with his shirt. He let his hands slide underneath it and pulled it off Jackson's body within seconds. "God, you're so beautiful." he said, enjoying the view for a couple of seconds, before leaning forward and capturing Jackson's lips with his own. Everything else was long forgotten. He waited for this more than three fucking weeks and he needed to be close to Jackson right the fuck now.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Kissing Mark helped him block out everything else.

It was comforting and familiar.

Wrapping his legs around Mark's waist he pulled the older man closer. "I've been thinking about this for so long" Jackson whispered in his ear "I'm surprised you could never tell".

Looking at Jackson Mark was breathless, his lips wet with saliva and more then anything Jackson wanted them around his cock as soon as possible. Apparently Mark had the same idea, because he was already working on Jackson's zipper.

"I was too busy fantasizing about this moment to see how bad you needed this" Mark said "I wish you would have told me sooner, my imagination can't even compare to the real thing"

Smiling at the comment Jackson lifted his hips as Mark pulled down his pants. Leaving him in a blue oxford shirt and matching blue boxers.

"Lock the door" Jackson said "wouldn't want nobody walking in unannounced"

With a frustrated sigh Mark walked away from Jackson and quickly locked the latch before moving back between Jackson's legs. Placing his hand on the smaller man's waist Mark yanked him close and began to kiss him roughly. Pushing forward Mark now lay on top of Jackson and moving his kisses from the man's lips to his neck to his chest Mark captured the man's nipples in his mouth. Swirling his tongue around them he smiled as he felt them harden. Whoever said men weren't sensitive there was an idiot. The bucking of Jackson's body and the pleading and desperate sounds coming from his lover told a different story.

"Mark" Jackson whispered harshly "I need you"

"You got me" Mark told him "I'm going to fuck you so hard you'll be seeing stars for a week.

Jackson's body responded to Mark's words. He wanted him with a wanton need. The two were good here and Jackson wanted to remind Mark of that. The man digging into Jackson's problems would only lead them both down a path that both would regret.

Sex was a distraction that Mark would go for. There would be no more questions that Jackson couldn't answer.

Feeling Mark pull down his boxers Jackson lifted his hips to allow the man to remove them.

"Will you look at that" Mark said with a smile as he looked down at Jackson's erection "how I missed it" and leaning down Mark kissed the head.

"Don't tease me" Jackson said jokingly.

"I wouldn't dream of it" Mark said and licked the underside of Jackson's cock, sending the man falling back onto the desk. Swirling his tongue around the shaft Mark licked the tip just before engulfing it completely.

Mark's mouth felt like heaven. Warm and wet. Just the most perfect thing in the entire world and Jackson wanted nothing more then to get lost in the feelings it created within him.

Looking down at Mark he could see the salt and pepper hair as it bobbed up and down. The sound of suction surrounding them both. Placing his hands on the top of Mark's hair he rubbed it gently as the man got more and more into it.

After several moments of Mark's mouth the man lifted up off Jackson's erection and wiped off the pre-cum that continually streamed out of it away.

With a smile that Jackson was sure should be classified as illegal he smeared it over his index finger and leaning back down he took Jackson's cock back in his mouth before inserting a finger into his opening.

It had been a while for Jackson, so the sharp burn was still there. Relaxing his body he concentrated on Mark's blowjob and as Mark put a second finger in he felt himself becoming re-accustomed to the sensation.

"More, Mark" Jackson said "want you in me, now" he said and he meant it. He wanted all of Mark. He wanted Mark to remember that Jackson was his and despite his need to keep secretive it would never change that fact.

After Mark had worked his third finger in and felt Jackson was loose enough for him he stood up and pulled Jackson back towards him.

He grabbed a condom and rolled it over his erection, before he leaned over Jackson again.

Kissing him Mark worked his tongue inside of Jackson's mouth "I love you so much" Mark said in between kisses.

"I love you too" Jackson told him "more then anything"

Feeling Mark breach him he lifted his leg and wrapped it around Mark's waist as his hand held strongly to Mark's back. With a gasp he felt Mark start to move slowly. Taking careful steps to insure that he was not hurting Jackson.

Mark worked a little more of himself in with each thrusts.

"Are you okay?" Mark asked and it reminded Jackson so much of their first time. This was different now, though. They were together. Officially and completely.

"More then okay" Jackson smiled up at him and feeling Mark thrust in completely it sent Jackson's mind into overdrive.

"You feel so tight, baby" Mark said "so fucking tight" and as the pace increased Jackson bucked his hips up to meet his lover's thrust.

Nothing existed outside of them right now. No Lewis, no Michael Holt, and no crippling fear that threatened to suffocate Jackson at any given moment.

Mark had grabbed a firm hold of Jackson's erection and Jackson felt himself get so close.

"Mark I-I'm going to-" Jackson warned. He was fighting so hard to make this last as long as possible.

"Do it, baby" Mark said, a sheen of sweat on his forehead as he continued to thrust quickly. At Mark's command Jackson felt the tightening of his balls and once he closed his eyes and saw the stars that Mark had promised he released on his stomach and Mark's chest.

He felt himself tighten around Mark and it caused the man to move even faster and soon after his release Jackson's felt Mark's.

After he finished riding the orgasmic wave Mark collapsed onto Jackson's body.

"That was worth the wait" Mark said with a wide smile.

"Agreed" Jackson told him as he kissed the top of his head. Mark had forgotten their argument and now lay with Jackson in blissful companionship.

Jackson's plan had worked.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark closed his eyes and listened to the sound of Jackson's heartbeat. He had missed this so much. Had missed _him_ so much. He still wasn't totally sure what it meant, though. Did Jackson _really_only love him?

He got up a little bit to look Jackson in the eye, abstractly stroking his short curls and his cheeks.

"What?" Jackson asked with a smile, before moving upwards slightly as well.

"Nothing," Mark replied. I'm just looking at you... and asking myself how I deserve you again."

Jackson looked at him with a strange look on his face. One, Mark couldn't really interpret, and all of a sudden he seemed so distant. They just had sex and now it felt like the wall was in between them again.

"Maybe we should..." Jackson started, turning away. "Maybe we should get cleaned and go home..."

Surprised, Mark tilted his head. "Now?" he couldn't believe what Jackson just said and he didn't understand why Jackson was closing down on him again. Why he was obviously shutting him out.

"Okay, fine," Mark stated once Jackson didn't answer and moved backwards from him. "Do you have any..." he asked, pointing at him, and the traces of their encounter.

"Yeah... yeah, sure..." Jackson nodded, getting off his desk and opening a drawer, before throwing some wet wipes at him, which Mark caught with one hand and started cleaning himself up, disposing of the condom while Jackson did the same.

He couldn't understand how they had gotten in this situation, and even though it maybe wasn't Jackson's intention, Mark felt kind of used right now.

"Why did you just sleep with me?" Mark demanded to know once his clothes were back in place and from the shocked look on Jackson's face he could tell that the younger doctor didn't expect for Mark to ask this question.

"What?" Jackson asked back.

Mark bit his lower lip. "You understood me. Why did we just have sex?"

Jackson tried to smile, but again his smile wasn't a real one. His smile didn't reach his lips. "What do you think?" he asked, moving towards Mark. "Because I love you. And I missed you. Because I needed you."

When Jackson tried to get a hold of his hands, Mark moved a step back. "Wrong answer."

"What are you talking about?" Jackson gave back and if Mark didn't know him this well, he would have almost... almost bought his innocence. But he wasn't that stupid.

"You used me. I do believe you that you love me, but that wasn't the reason you just slept with me, even though I was too happy to see it at first," Mark stated. "You did it to shut me up. You did it to stop me from asking any further questions." As much as he wanted to, he couldn't hide the pain in his voice, because it just hurt. He wasn't that guy anymore, he has learned his lesson, but Jackson just turned back time and got him back to being his former self. The one he was so happy he got rid of. The Sex-Maniac who didn't care about anything but fucking.

"That's not true," Jackson tried to object, but Mark just knew it was.

"Yes it is," he replied because of that. "And I don't really know how to deal with it." He shook his head. "You know why I started this game in the first place? The one with us not having sex?"

Jackson looked pained. "Why?" he asked.

"Because..." Mark started. "Because I didn't want another relationship based on sex. Starting out with only sex. I know we started out with sex, but every time I did that, it didn't really work in the end. Not with Addison and not with Lexie... I didn't want to make the same mistakes ever again. Especially not with you."

He leaned against Jackson's door, glad to have this kind of distance between them right now, because he just couldn't deal with the fact that Jackson just used sex to make him forget anything they talked about before.

"I wanted us to be a real couple. To do normal things... like cooking together, watching a movie, cuddling in our bed or in front of the TV. I wanted to really be in a relationship with someone for a change. Of course including sex at some point, but I didn't want to rush it, and look where it got me." He felt his chest tighten. "Now you are using sex for your advance, because you know exactly how much I love sex and how important it always had been in my life. That really hurts."

"Mark, I... I didn't mean it that way. I really missed you," Jackson tried again, and part of Mark wanted to believe him. And part of it most likely even was true. He believed Jackson that he missed him, but what hurt him was, that it wasn't the main reason for Jackson to do what they just did. Distraction shouldn't be the reason to sleep with each other.

"I missed you, too. But I could have survived another couple of days... even weeks... without sex, if that would have brought us closer together, but right now?" He felt a lump in his throat. "Right now I feel like we're drifting apart. You start keeping things from me. You're not willing to tell me anything... give me anything I can work with. Instead, you're lying to me. I don't know how this thing between us will ever work if you go on like that. I thought I've showed you more than once that I really trust you and that I rely on you. Why can't I have the same from you?"

He moved a few inches towards Jackson until he was standing in front of him. Softly, he touched his cheeks and looked at him. "I love you so much," he whispered. "And I will fight for you. I will do anything to make this relationship work, because you mean the world to me... and if you don't trust me enough already, I will try my best to show you, that I won't go anywhere, no matter what. That you are the one that I want and that I don't care about the past." He leaned forward, kissing Jackson's forehead. "Something is keeping you from fully confiding in me. From trusting me completely, and for now... for now I accept it. But in the long run, we will have to find a solution for this, because I don't know if I can deal with it forever."

He looked Jackson in the eye for a couple more seconds, before closing the distance between them and kissing his lips. Softly. Gently. With all the love he had for him.

"I'm not willing to give up on us, no matter how far you're trying to push me away. You won't get rid of me that easy, do you understand?" Mark asked seriously.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: **Thanks to Dana for the only comment in Chapter 18 XD I hope, there are others still enjoying the story and you're all just stressed and busy with Christmas… still, every single comment makes us really happy, so thanks to everyone who has commented so far, and – please don't stop! I hope, we can go on providing 1 chapter each day, but the next days will be busy, so we'll see… comments remind us to post, though XD

I'm pretty sure most of you are gonna hate Michael Holt, and this is just the beginning, so lean back and enjoy the ride ;-) I hope you do!

Have fun with Chapter 19!

**Jackson Avery POV:**

After the disaster that was the previous night Jackson had no idea how he was going to try and fix what he had done. Mark was right that Jackson had used sex to try and distract the man from his concerns.

It was wrong and the man had every right to be upset with Jackson.

Mark had wanted Jackson to go back to his apartment so that the two could hash out their issues, but the thought of having to lie to Mark even further made him nauseous.

April's voice had cut off his train of thought.

"Hey Jackson" she said "the O.R. is ready"

He saw the woman put a hand on her stomach. "Everything okay?" he asked.

"Yeah" she responded "just a bit of an upset stomach, nothing a little antacid won't cure"

"You sure, because I can always get someone else to assist if you're feeling unwell?" Jackson said.

"Don't be ridiculous, I've been looking forward to this all night"

Jackson was still looking at her sceptically when he saw Michael Holt approach.

"Dr. Avery, a word" Michael Holt said as he walked up to he and April with Meredith trailing behind

Michael wore a knowing smirk on his face and it made Jackson want to kick him in the balls.

"Why don't you go set-up and I'll be there in about 5" Jackson said to April.

"You sure?" April asked, giving a weary look to Michael.

"Yeah"

"I'll come with you" Meredith said as she went and stood next to April and the two women made their way towards the O.R.

Once the two women were out of sight Michael turned his attention back to Jackson "Thanks for getting those released forms to Hunt this morning"

"Don't mention it" Jackson responded sarcastically "I really should start preparing for that surgery". Being around the man made Jackson uneasy. Knowing that Michael knew him better then anybody else in that hospital, Mark and April included, made him nervous.

He knew virtually nothing about Holt and it put him at a disadvantage.

"I just wanted to apologize if I caused any friction between you and Sloan last night, you two seem to have such an... interesting relationship"

Mark's name had instantly made Jackson more alert "Mark Sloan is none of your concern" he told Holt.

"He seems to be a very big one of yours, though" Michael gave a small laugh.

Jackson didn't say anything, knowing that doing so would only give Michael more ammo for whatever the man wanted to get out of Jackson.

Stepping up Michael leaned over and whispered in the younger man's ear "If I tell you to do something, you do it. Don't ever send Meredith Grey back to tell me you won't give her what I asked for, are we clear?" pulling back he smiled at Jackson.

The young doctor could feel the rage inside of him like fire. He wanted to lash out, but that would only hurt him more then Michael "Crystal clear" he told Holt.

"Then I'll see you in the O.R." and with a pat on Jackson's shoulder he headed off.

Jackson turned around briefly to watch him leave. Holt was so much like his brother that if Jackson did not believe the man before, he surely did now. The vague threats and intimidating smiles reminded Jackson of all the times he and his brother had gotten into arguments.

"Hey" a voice said and drawing his attention Jackson saw Mark approaching.

"Hey… what are you doing here?" Jackson asked. Still a bit shaken from his conversation with Holt.

"Since you and Meredith are doing that surgery together, me and Derek thought it might be interesting to watch it from the gallery"

"Oh"

"Is everything alright?" Mark asked "you and Holt looked awfully intense there"

"Everything is fine" Jackson said, his voice more sharp edged then he intended "stop asking me that"

"Jackson?"

"I'm sorry" Jackson felt the shame again. He was starting to take things out on Mark and he knew that was the beginning of the cycle.

It's exactly what happened with Tyler and now Jackson was letting it happen with Mark.

"I need to go and scrub in... we can talk later" Jackson said.

"Jack-" Mark started to say before Jackson cut him off.

"We'll talk later" and before Mark could respond Jackson was heading off to surgery.

Meredith was still scrubbing in when Jackson walked up beside her and started the process of sanitizing his hands. The movements were fast and brutal. The hot water burned his skin enough to cause notice and he could see Meredith looking at him concerned.

"You alright?"

"Yes" Jackson said as he ran his arms under the water and as he stood back up he turned the sink knob off with his elbow.

"Can I just tell you, Meredith, I think you're working under a real asshole".

Meredith looked at him perplexed. He was sure the notion of people not liking Michael Holt was not foreign to her, but maybe coming from Jackson it was surprising.

Walking into the O.R. room Jackson saw Michael and April waiting for him and Meredith. Both smiled at him, but while April's helped ease some of his tension Michael's only brought it back again.

Standing beside April he smiled down at her and she nudged his shoulder playfully. A silent communication of support and it really meant the world to him.

Once Meredith walked into the room, briefly looking at Jackson with a concerned look, Michael looked around the room.

"Let's get started"

Two hours later and April's slight stomach ache turned into full on abdominal pain. Jackson saw her just before she doubled over uncontrollably.

"April, what's wrong?" he asked urgently. He was still in the process of restitching the skin on the patient's ear.

"I-I don't know" April said "I feel like I have to-" and she quickly bolted out of the O.R. room and back into the scrubbing area where she promptly got sick.

"I'll check on her" Meredith said as she went and scrubbed out "You two have it here?"

"Yeah" Jackson said "don't worry about it"

Meredith took that as her cue to go help April.

"I was under the impression that Meredith worked in Neuro" Michael said once the woman was gone.

"A colleague just got sick and we can manage on our own" Jackson told him "it's not that big of a deal"

"I could have sworn we settled this in the hall before this surgery" Michael looked up at Jackson briefly.

Jackson remained silent. The nurses and other techs were far enough back that they couldn't hear Michael and Jackson talking to one another through their mask.

"Nothing to say?" Michael asked as he manoeuvred his way through the cerebral cortex of their patient.

Jackson continued to remain silent as he finished up with the ear. Michael looked at him confused. It was only when he looked up at the gallery and saw Mark and Derek looking down at them with concern and confusion on their face that he understood.

"Oh, I see" Michael said "don't want to make a bad impression"

Jackson finally looked up at Michael and he had no doubt that the man could see the extreme dislike of him.

"Lewis always said you put on the act of the good soldier whenever somebody you're trying to impress is watching" Michael said "I never knew what that meant, until now"

"You only know one side of the story" Jackson said.

"So, you didn't screw him over and take away one of the most important people in his life?" Michael asked "you didn't do those things in Paris that he said you did?"

Jackson focused on his patient "It wasn't that simple"

"Look, it's of no concern to me" Michael said "and I surely have no interest in letting Mark know about those things if you do something for me, that is"

"Do what?" Jackson asked. It felt like everything was crashing in on him and he barely had enough strength to hold it up.

"Being head of Neuro at this hospital has been pretty great" Michael began "it has come with quite a few unexpected benefits and I don't what to see that stop just because Derek Sheppard decided he wants to come back"

"It is his position"

"It was his position" Michael told Jackson "and as unfortunate as his circumstances are I don't think he would be a good fit any longer"

"I'm not sure what you want me to do" Jackson said.

"You've been here a number of years and I'm pretty sure Owen likes you" Michael told him "and an Avery telling Hunt that I should be kept on permanently would go a long way"

"I can't do that" Jackson said "Derek is a friend"

"Suit yourself" Michael responded as he started to slice through a damaging part of the membrane.

Jackson watched Michael continue his work.

"Fine" he said "I'll see what I can do"

"I'm sure you'll get it done. Knowing what's at stake and all" Michael said as he looked up briefly at Mark.

**April Kepner POV:**

April felt weak once she had thrown up several times. She was at the toilet now, because she just couldn't empty her whole stomach in the scrubbing area. It was already bad enough that the first time she threw up had to be there because she couldn't make it to the toilet, but now she was there, sitting on the tiled floor, caressing her stomach with Meredith sitting next to her.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked with concern in her voice.

"Do I look okay?" April snapped. "No, I'm not okay, thank you very much."

She didn't want to be like this, but she just couldn't control herself in that moment. She felt very uneasy and she definitely didn't want anyone to see her like that. Least of all Meredith. They weren't even friends, but okay. Jackson was like her only friend anyways.

"Sorry," she heard Meredith apologize, and felt almost guilty already for acting her bad mood out on her. Meredith just wanted to be nice and she definitely didn't deserve to be treated like that.

"Me too," April replied. "I... I just don't know what's happening to me." Tears were welling up in her eyes and she pressed her hands in front of her eyes.

"Shhh..." Meredith calmly said before putting an arm around April's shoulder gently. "It's gonna be okay, right? Maybe it's stomach flu. Those can be very nasty. I know what I'm talking about."

April closed her eyes and leaned against Meredith, somehow feeling safe with her here. "Yes... maybe..." She finally said. "But what if not? What if it's something else? Something bad?"

"Don't imagine the worst... I'm sure it's nothing serious..." Meredith tried to reassure her and her words really calmed April down, even though it only helped temporarily. Until the sick feeling in her stomach returned.

She pushed Meredith away from her and leaned back over the toilet, throwing up once again, all of a sudden feeling Meredith's hand that was pulling back her hair.

"Thanks..." April whispered, looking at her for a moment, before sinking down on the floor again.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," she repeated what she had already said, feeling some more tears welling up in her eyes. "All the stress and everything. I haven't even gotten my period and I _always_get my period on time. Always. That's the first time I didn't. Something's not right here."

"Oh my god," Meredith blurted out, staring at April in shock.

"What? Did I grow a second nose or something like that?" April asked, confused.

"April..." Meredith started, kneeling in front of her. "You're a doctor... can't you do the math?"

Tilting her head, April focused on Meredith. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Meredith."

Softly, Meredith placed a hand on April's stomach. "I think you're not having stomach flu," she said quietly.

"But?" April asked, still not knowing what Meredith wanted to say.

"I think you're pregnant," Meredith finally said, causing April to stare at her in disbelief.

"And I think you're going crazy," April shook her head heavily, still feeling the warmth of Meredith's hand on her stomach and somehow it felt good.

"Do you have a strange taste in your mouth? Like you've been sucking on a nail?" Meredith wanted to know.

April swallowed. "Kind of... how do you know?"

A small smile crossed Meredith's lips. "I had that when I was pregnant... when the first symptoms started."

"But... but I... I can't be pregnant." April replied, still feeling nauseous and slightly in shock. "That just... can't be."

"Why? Because you didn't have sex?" Meredith carefully asked.

April bit her lower lip. "No... But we used a condom. We were safe. And I am on the pill since I was very young, because I used to have stomach cramps whenever I was on my period. So no... it just... can't be."

"Well... sometimes even if you're safe, such things happen." Meredith commented, gently patting April's shoulder. For a couple of seconds, both women kept silent until Meredith once again broke the quietness of the room.

"Is it Avery's?"

"What?" April blurted out, staring at Meredith open-mouthed.

"I'm sorry; I know it's none of my business, but... I mean, you two are very close, and I heard some rumours that you and Jackson..." Meredith started, but was cut off by April quickly.

"It's not Jackson's. Jackson and I are not a couple or anything like that," she declared. She didn't know how much Meredith knew about Mark and Jackson, and she didn't want to out him in front of her, so she didn't mention Mark.

"I understand. But no matter who the father is, you need to tell him." Meredith advised.

April let out a heavy sigh. "We don't even know if I'm pregnant yet, okay? So let's not rush anything."

"You need to make a test. Now." Meredith said, getting up from the floor. "I'll be right back, okay?"

April had a pained look on her face. "Do I have another choice?"

Meredith shook her head, smiling. "No..." And with those words she left the room and left April, who just hoped it was a false alarm. How could she ever tell Alex that she was expecting his child in a situation like that? They just got together. It was way too early to think about something like kids.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark just knew something was up between Jackson and Holt, even though he had no fucking clue what it was, but the tension between the two guys was already visible when the two of them entered the OR. Jackson hadn't been so tense in a while, and Mark could tell by only looking at him, that something was wrong.

What made everything worse was the fact that Jackson obviously didn't want to talk about it. It still hurt Mark quite a bit and he didn't know how to handle him at the moment. That was the reason he didn't want to spend the night with him. Because he had to think. Because he had to think about how their future together would look like.

He still wasn't willing to give up on Jackson. Not like that. Not before he knew what was going on in this pretty head of his. There had to be a point where Jackson would talk to him. He promised him to talk to him after the surgery, so Mark just hoped it was true.

Now he was sitting in the gallery with Derek, watching Holt and Jackson doing the surgery since April and afterwards Meredith had left.

"Do you think Kepner is okay?" Derek asked into the silence.

Mark turned to Derek. "I don't really know... But I hope so... Do you wanna check on them?"

Derek shrugged, seeming slightly insecure. "I don't know... I mean, Meredith went to check on Kepner, and maybe it's good if the two of them start connecting. Ever since Cristina left, Mer didn't have a real friend anymore. Besides Karev that is, but even he was kind of busy lately. As far as I can say." Derek let out a heavy sigh. "Plus: she keeps working double shifts and such for this Holt. She's with him almost 24/7. And when she's home, she's mostly busy with Zola."

Consolingly, Mark placed a hand on Derek's shoulder. "I'm so sorry, man..." He looked down to the OR again. "But something's totally up with this Holt guy... and I wanna know what," he went on, getting up and putting a hand at the window. "I surprised Jackson and Holt in Jackson's office yesterday."

Slowly, Mark turned around to look at Derek again. "Jackson was pretty upset afterwards... but he didn't want to talk about it..." Mark shook his head. "Instead, he seduced me."

A grin appeared on Derek's face. "As if you would have a problem with it."

"I'm serious, Derek," Mark blurted out in a sharp tone. "Of course I love to sleep with him. Because I love him. But if he does it to hide that something's wrong, and if he does it to distract me, it just pisses me off. Big time."

"Oh..." Derek replied, having an apologetic look on his face. "I'm really sorry to hear that. Is it really _that_bad?"

Mark shrugged slowly. "I don't know," he replied earnestly. "I... I think he's cheating on me, even though he denies it."

"What?" Derek stared at him in shock. "With Holt?"

Mark had to admit that this thought had crossed his mind last night, but he dropped the thought after a while, thinking that it was totally stupid... but it somehow made sense. A lot of sense actually. He was older than Jackson - just like himself - and he was a pretty good surgeon. Maybe Jackson had a type here.

"It wouldn't surprise me, though," Derek went on, and his voice sounded clearly bitter. "Maybe he's sleeping with both of them."

"NO!" Mark literally shouted. "I don't think he's sleeping with Jackson... or Meredith. There IS something wrong with this guy, I can feel it in my gut, but I don't think it's that simple."

"Well..." Derek replied. "I think he's taking advantage of Meredith. And now he seems to do the same with your boyfriend. Do something before it's too late."

Mark sank down on the chair next to Derek again, letting out a sigh. "God, why is everything so complicated?" He looked down again and exactly the same moment Holt looked up at him, with a winning smile. A smile that sent cold shivers down Mark's spine.

Jackson was completely tense and the way he held his instruments showed Mark, that whatever this Holt guy had said to him, hat clearly upset him.

"I need to get down there. I need to know what's going on." Mark said, literally jumping up and turning to the door.

He was about to head out when Derek grabbed his arm and prevented him from doing something completely stupid.

"Stop." Derek said, gently rubbing his arm. "I know how you feel. I really do. But if you burst in there in the middle of a surgery it won't do any good. It will just upset Jackson and Holt even more. Do you really wanna risk another fight?"

Mark bit his lower lip. "No, but..."

"No buts. I'm serious, Mark. Wouldn't you rather have the chance to talk it out with him? Wouldn't you rather give him the chance to open up to you?" Derek asked.

Mark sighed. "You're right... but it drives me crazy to just watch Jackson being so... tense... and not knowing why."

"Come on... let's get a coffee to calm us down and when we're finished, they might be already done with the surgery, and then I'm gonna kidnap my wife - no matter what this idiot says... and you're gonna talk to your boyfriend. Deal?" Derek asked with a sympathetic smile.

Mark wasn't really in the mood for coffee, but eventually, he gave in. "Okay... Deal. Let's get coffee."

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex felt weird eating lunch alone. It reminded him of being back in high school and being the odd kid out. Having to watch everyone else having conversations while he sat alone and ate a turkey sandwich.

It was completely stupid and absurd, of course. It didn't make him feel any less weird, though. April, Jackson and Meredith were all in that surgery with Holt and it made Alex realize how few people he actually interacted with in this hospital.

He really wanted to see April and the sooner that surgery was over, the better. The two had decided to keep their relationship under the radar for the time being. Hospital gossip was not something they were looking forward to and it had seemed to work for Mark and Jackson, so they figured it couldn't have been that bad of an idea.

They would have to at least tell Jackson, especially now that Jackson had come out and been honest with April. He had a right to know.

Besides, stealing kisses while the man was in the shower or only being able to sleep together when Jackson had spent the night at Mark's got really old, really fast.

Maybe after the surgery he could talk to April and they could let Jackson in on it over dinner or something. If this morning was any indication Jackson and Mark were going through something and he highly doubted Jackson would be over at the man's place.

Alex knew something was off with his friend, but he knew prying would get him nowhere. If Jackson didn't want to tell him then he wouldn't tell him. Of course, Alex was only going to give him a certain amount of time before he gave Jackson no other choice.

"Alex" Derek said as he and Mark walked over to his table "mind if we sit?" he asked, holding his cup of coffee.

"Sure...I guess" Alex told him. In all his time at Seattle Grace he had never had lunch with either man.

"What's up?" Alex asked "missed this place?"

"You can say that" Mark told him and looking at him Alex could tell something was weighing him down.

"If you're looking for Meredith or anybody I think they're all in that surgery with Holt" Alex said, not quite sure if Jackson let Mark in on the fact that Alex knew about them… let alone Derek.

"Yeah, we just came from observing it" Derek said, taking a sip of his coffee.

The three remained silent for a few moments until Mark spoke up.

"How's this Holt?"

Looking up Alex cocked his head curiously "What do you mean?"

"Well, me and Derek haven't really been working here since he was hired, but he seems pretty entrenched in the goings on of everything" Mark told him "just trying to get a feel of the guy"

Shrugging his shoulders Alex seemed confused "I don't really know him, but I hear he's good"

"That's it?" Derek asked and received a quick kick in the leg from Mark.

"What?" Derek said to Mark annoyed "it's just a question"

"I think so?" Alex said "unless I'm missing something"

"No" Mark said with a smile "we were just curious, by the way, how's April?"

"Fine" Alex said "at least she was this morning"

"Oh, you didn't hear about her getting sick during surgery?" Derek asked and Alex was immediately at full attention.

"What, when?"

"About 20 minutes ago" Mark told him and without a word Alex got up, leaving his food and his white coat. Looking at each other Derek and Mark shared a small smile.

"Guess we know how they're spending their nights" Mark said and received a laugh from Derek.

Alex had run into the scrub room to look for April, but found it empty and looking into the O.R. he saw Jackson and Holt concentrating on their patient. He couldn't go in and ask where April would be, not that they would know anyway.

Leaving the room he thought of the most logical place that a sick woman would go to and that would have had to be the ladies restroom. Sprinting off he reached the door just as April and Meredith emerged from the room.

Coming to a halt he looked at the flushed face and sweaty forehead of April and instantly got a sickening feeling in his stomach.

"Are you okay?" he asked her. She looked surprised to see him there "Yeah, I'm fine" she told him and it was short and curt. Was she angry with him?

"I heard you got sick during surgery"

"Yeah, it's embarrassing enough without having to go over it" April said and Alex looked at Meredith briefly before turning his attention back to April.

"You want to go and talk alone for a minute?" Alex asked and April shook her head no.

"Meredith thinks it's best if I just go home and try and sleep whatever this is off and I agree"

"I can drive you" Alex told her "it's not a problem"

"No, Alex!" she said angrily "just leave me alone"

Alex had no idea what was going on. Had he done something to her, made some remark that had rubbed her the wrong way?

Alex was used to fucking up, it was what he did best, but he usually knew how he fucked up and right now he was completely confused.

"O-Okay" Alex said "I'll see you back at the apartment"

"Fine, whatever" she told him "tell Jackson I'm sorry" and with that she let Meredith lead her out of the hospital and to the woman's car.

Alex stood immobile after April left. What in the hell had just happened? If she wasn't feeling well why wouldn't she let him help?

**Jackson Avery POV:**

The surgery was finally over and Jackson could not wait to get out of there as soon as possible. Looking up at the gallery he noticed Mark and Derek had left long before he and Holt were done. It was probably for the best. Jackson had no idea what he would say to Mark.

He was drowning and he had no idea how to even try and save himself.

Scrubbing out he saw Holt walk in and stand beside him and turn the faucet on.

"You did a good job out there" he told Jackson "I have to say I was impressed".

Jackson thought it best to just continue to ignore him. He didn't want to talk to the man more then he had to.

"I'm going to need you to stay late tonight and help me finish my reports for the neuro cases this week" Michael said as towelled off his arms and turned the faucet off.

"No way" Jackson told him "I don't even work in Neuro".

Turning around Michael faced Jackson "You're the one who sent Meredith out and seeing as how she didn't return I'm going to guess she left for the day"

"That's not my problem" Jackson stood tall against Michael.

"I can make it your problem"

The two stared one another down, but both men knew Michael had the upper hand.

"For how long?" Jackson asked defeated.

"Probably won't get done until after 2, so you can crash at my place" Michael said nonchalantly "it's the least I can do for all your generosity"

"Thanks, but no thanks" Jackson said.

"When will you get the message that my suggestions are not suggestions"

Michael gave Jackson another pat on the shoulder "See you at the end of your shift" and opening the door Michael walked out and headed to his next case.

Jackson finished with his scrub and sat down against the wall. Pulling his knees up to his chest he put his head between his legs and took several deep breaths.

He suddenly felt very tired and all he wanted to do was go home and sleep, but he had another 4 hours of his shift then a whole night being stuck with Holt. It wasn't going to get better for him anytime soon.

"He, dude...you alright?" Alex asked as he walked into the scrub room and saw Jackson against the wall. Looking up quickly at the man Jackson stood up and brushed dust off of his pants.

"Yeah" Jackson said "totally".

He got that same look from Alex he had after the man told him about the phone call from Lewis.

"I'm having a day filled with people brushing me off, Avery" Alex said "I'm getting pretty damn tired of it"

"What are you talking about?"

"April. I tried to help her after I found out about her getting sick, but she didn't take it very well" Alex said to Jackson.

"How is she?" Jackson asked and got a shrug from Alex in response "I wish I could tell you" he responded.

"I was thinking after our shift we could take her out to her favourite restaurant or something" Alex said and Jackson thought that was a good idea, but made on the completely wrong night.

"That sounds awesome" Jackson said "but I have to work a double tonight"

"Really?" Alex asked disappointed.

"Yeah, but if you want to do it tomorrow I'm all for it, maybe I can even make her favourite stuff and we can just keep it at the apartment" Jackson told him and Alex gave him a smile.

"Yeah, I think she would like that" Alex responded.

"Great...but I have to head to the next patient" Jackson said "I'll call you sometime this evening"

"Okay" Alex said and he and Jackson walked out into the hall only to run right into Mark.

"I'll catch up with you later" Alex said to Jackson and made his way back into the Peds Wing.

After Alex left Mark turned his full attention back onto Jackson "You think you can talk now?"

"I know we have some things to talk about Mark, and we will I promise, but it's so hectic here right now" Jackson told him.

"Fine" Mark responded his voice tight and restrained "I want you to come by my apartment tonight so we can"

"I-I have to do a double" Jackson told him "I probably won't be getting off until well after 1 in the morning". Jackson was about to scurry off before he felt Mark grip his arm tightly and drag him to the scrub room and slam the door shut.

Pushing Jackson into the room Mark walked up close to him "No more lies, Jackson" Mark said "you're going to tell me what the hell is going on with you, specifically you and Holt, right now"

"Holt?" Jackson asked confused "it was just a tense surgery, that's all"

Mark took a deep breath "I'm trying really hard Jackson, but you do not make trusting you easy"

The words felt like a punch in the stomach. It was not like Jackson didn't deserve hearing them, but they still hurt.

"I'm sorry Mark" Jackson said "I'm just trying to sort through some family stuff and I swear it has nothing to do with you"

"Then tell me" Mark said "let me be there for you"

"I can't" Jackson told him "I just...need to deal with this on my own for now"

"Fine" Mark said as he turned around and headed for the door "maybe Michael Holt can let me in on the secret"

"No!" Jackson rushed over to the man "don't talk to Holt...please"

"I love you so much Jackson… I just" and being unable to finish his sentence Mark stormed out and made his way down the hall.

As Jackson watched Mark walk off he wondered when the moment would come that Mark realized Jackson wasn't worth half the aggravation he was being put through.

It was just after 1 a.m. when Jackson was in Michael Holt's passenger seat headed to the man's apartment. He was aware of the man talking, but he was so tired that he kept nodding off.

It wasn't until they reached Michael's place that he shook Jackson awake.

"We're here, Avery" Michael said and rubbing his eyes he opened the passenger door and got out the car. Looking at the building that Holt lived in it looked just as largely pretentious as the man himself.

Michael Holt lived on the 8th floor of an apartment that had a Concierge and an elevator doorman. The two men stood in silence until they reached Michael's floor. Walking behind him Jackson just wanted to sleep and forget the entire day.

Standing outside of Michael's room he watched the man take his key out and after a very small struggle the door opened to let them in.

"As much as I pay you think they would have that fixed by now" Michael said as he turned on his light and stood aside as Jackson entered.

Jackson hated to admit it, but it was a very nice apartment. A completely opened living room that had an amazing view of the city with a modern kitchen to the left and at least three rooms down a small hallway.

The man did not skimp on luxury.

Walking into the living room Jackson was about to take off his coat when he saw him standing there.

Holding a glass of scotch and sitting at the kitchen bar he smiled widely at Jackson.

"Hey Jackie" Lewis Avery said as he stood "it's good to see you again"

**April Kepner POV:**

April's fingers clasped the pregnancy test in her pants pocket once she was sitting in Meredith's car. Double plus. She had stared at it for what felt like forever in this restroom, still shocked about the result. She was going to have a baby.

She still couldn't believe this was happening. She felt like she was in a blur, and her life seemed to be falling apart. As if the fact that she failed her boards and slept with her best friend wasn't enough already, no, now she was pregnant too. From the guy she loved, but she had absolutely no clue how to deal with that fact.

Alex and she had just gotten together a couple of weeks ago, and they had barely had time to really be in this relationship with all the work and Jackson always being around. Sneaking in each other's rooms during the night just wasn't 'it' and they still had to be very quiet whenever they were making out or sleeping with each other, not to cause Jackson to hear anything. April was really sick of it, but now she knew at least why Jackson wasn't telling her about him and Mark first.

"It's Alex, isn't it?" Meredith's voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

"What?" April asked, looking at her, confused for a moment.

"The baby daddy... the father of your unborn child," Meredith stated.

April let out a nervous laugh. "Why would you think_ that_?"

"If you haven't noticed, I was standing next to you just a few minutes ago when you left Alex hanging just like that. He was really concerned and I'm sure he just wanted to help," Meredith replied and immediately April felt bad for acting her mood out on him.

"I..." she started. "I just don't know how to face him anymore. How I can even tell him that I'm having is baby?" she admitted. "It's not that we've been together for years like you and Derek."

"That doesn't matter," Meredith said, finally starting the engine of her car. "If you wanna keep this baby, he deserves to know. I'm pretty sure he won't back out. It's his responsibility too."

"What do you mean if I wanna keep this baby?" April asked, protectively placing a hand over her stomach. Now, where she knew there was a baby growing inside of her, she could almost feel it inside of her, even though it made her sick at the moment, but it still was a part of her.

"You know you have possibilities if you don't want the baby, but..." Meredith took a quick look at April. "It doesn't look like it," She went on with a smile.

"I would never have an abortion," April replied. "Even if I had to raise the baby alone."

"I don't think you would. Just give Alex a chance to be a part of this. It's not like you planned to get pregnant from him. It's not like you wanted to foist the baby on him." Meredith tried to talk sense into April.

April bit her lower lip, trying to get her emotions under control. She already hated this chaos. One time she felt like she was gonna explode any minute and the next she felt like crying, just like right now, but she tried to compose herself.

"You know... nothing ever goes the way I planned it... especially over the past few months I messed up everything I could have messed up," April finally said. She knew Meredith and she hadn't been the best of friends, but she just needed to get some things off her chest. Things she hadn't talked about with anyone else ever. Not even with Jackson and Alex. Not this way at least.

"I always imagined me finishing my studies and become a real good doctor before I find a man I love and get married. I wanted my first time to be during my wedding night. And then at some point having kids with my husband... and look where I am right now," She shook her head.

"I'm a whore... I slept with my best friend twice before I slept with one of his best friends and now I'm even pregnant," she blurted out.

Meredith stopped the car and looked at her in shock. "You did _what_?"

April looked back at her. "During the boards... I slept with Jackson. It was my first time and I don't even know anymore why I did it. It was the heat of the moment... He always was my best friend and there haven't even been serious feelings involved since he was in love with someone else already, even if he maybe didn't know at this point."

"But that doesn't make you a whore, April. Such things happen," Meredith tried to calm her down.

"Yeah... maybe... but not to me. I've been a virgin all my life and I was proud of it and in only a moment I threw it all away to throw myself at Jackson. Who by the way was really sweet and gentle and asked me a dozen times if I really wanted it. And in this moment I did, but afterwards... I felt so dirty..." April admitted.

"Was it at least good?" Meredith asked curiously, causing a small smile from April.

"Yeah... it was nothing like I imagined it, but Jackson did his best to satisfy me. He took very good care of me to say at least," she replied.

"Still doesn't make you a whore," Meredith stated, gently placing a hand on April's arm. "I'm sure you're gonna get through this. And you're not alone. I know we haven't been very close and everything, but I know what you're going through, and you know that I hadn't even told Derek I was pregnant since after my miscarriage. And even then I kept silence for a while. It hurt him that I hadn't been honest with him. So don't make the same mistake I did."

April swallowed hard. "I'm trying not to, but I just... I don't know how I can tell Alex that I got pregnant the very first time we ever had sex. This is just... so fucking ridiculous."

"Come here," Meredith said, pulling April in a tight embrace. "You're gonna get through this. And I'm sure Alex won't leave you because of it. He isn't the same guy he was five years ago, and if he loves you, you'll find a way together."

"And what if he doesn't? He hasn't actually said it, so maybe he just doesn't..." April replied, feeling a pain in her chest. She didn't even want to imagine her life with a baby and without Alex.

"Then you still have me. And I'm sure Jackson will be there for you as well. I guess you two have sorted things out, after... what happened." Meredith commented once she let go of April.

April nodded slowly. "Yeah... we have... kind of... we're friends again and I'm damn happy about it... but he doesn't even know that Alex and me are... having a relationship, or whatever it is."

"Well... then you should talk to him. But first talk to Alex. Seriously, April. He shouldn't be the last one to find out you're pregnant. And if everything really goes downhill, I'm here. And even if you need some place to crash, Derek and I have a big house now." She smiled encouragingly. "But I don't think that's necessary. So let's get you home so you can take a rest and once Alex comes home you're gonna talk to him, okay?"

April nodded again. "Okay." It would be very difficult to keep her promise, she knew, but she also knew Meredith had a point in this. Alex shouldn't be left out on this; he was the father after all.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: **3 comments? Awwwwwwwwww! We're so happy you still all like the story and well, it makes us proud, because this story is somehow our "baby" and we love it… we even love the characters we sometimes "hate"… like Michael… and maybe at some later point in the story he can redeem himself, but for now, you're allowed to hate him as much as you want, because well… there's a lot to come with this guy… and with Lewis…

By the way… we pictured Lewis "portrayed" by Michael Ealy – just in case you want a face to the name, because we both love him and we thought it would completely fit… both pretty as hell (Jesse and he), both dark skinned with bright eyes… so yeah… If you need pictures – as already mentioned – feel free to ask us for links… :-)

Chapter 21 and 22 will be without Mark (SORRY!), and not so much Jackson, but this is also important for the future storyline, because it's all connected, so I hope, you can bear with us ;-)

And now – have fun with Chapter 20… your comments made us decide we already want to give you the next one XD

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark opened his fridge, turning to Derek who was sitting on his couch. "Want another beer?" he asked his best friend, who nodded immediately.

"Yes, please!" Derek shouted at him.

Mark came back with two bottles of beer and opened them before reaching one of them to the other doctor.

"What is wrong with us and our significant others?" Mark sighed, shaking his head.

"Shouldn't we be with them instead of each other?"

Derek smiled at him. A very sad smile. "Yeah, definitely. I was looking forward to spending the evening with Meredith and Zola, but instead I'm in your apartment, getting slightly drunk already. Do you think that's a good idea?"

"Us getting drunk?" Mark grinned. "I don't think this has ever been a good idea."

They had crashed at Mark's place after Mark had found Derek again in the hospital after his fight with Jackson. They had collected Zola and Sofia from the day-care and had watched them play together in Mark's apartment, but the girls were long asleep, and so Mark and Derek had decided to enjoy each other's company with a few beers, until Meredith would call for Derek to come home. He never knew these days when his wife was home after all, because she worked a whole lot.

Meredith had just called to tell Derek that she wouldn't be home tonight, because she would spend the night at April's. Girl's night or something like that.

"Do you really think Meredith is with Kepner?" Derek asked doubtful.

"Where else would she be?" Mark countered with another question.

"I don't know," Derek replied, shrugging.

"Wait," Mark put a hand on Derek's arm, causing him to look at him. "You don't think she's with Holt, do you?"

"I don't know. Seriously, I don't know... a couple of weeks ago I might have said 'No way, she's my wife and she knows it' but I don't know if she still feels that way." Derek looked down on his hands. "Maybe with me not being able to operate again, she isn't that attracted to me anymore."

"Come on, don't be stupid," Mark blurted out. "Who would replace a man like you? You're awesome."

"Yeah?" Derek asked doubtful.

"Yeah!" Mark confirmed immediately. "And you being a surgeon is not all you are and that's maybe one of the many reasons Meredith loves you, but not the only one. Just look at you. You're damn hot. You're McDreamy."

A small smile crossed Derek's lips. "You think I'm hot?"

Mark rolled his eyes. "You know I do. Would I ever have slept with you if you weren't?"

"Now you're getting crazy," Derek laughed. "That was decades ago. I was still young and pretty back then."

Mark looked at him seriously. "You're still young. And you're still pretty." he assured Derek, knowing he needed that right now. Plus, the alcohol already started to make his head a little dizzy and whenever he started drinking, he also started talking. Mostly the truth. "The women are still turning their heads for you and even Kepner had a huge crush on you a while back."

"But that was before the plane crash," Derek objected. "Maybe it's not the same if I'm not a doctor anymore."

"But you still _are_a doctor." Mark grabbed Derek's hand. The one that was hurt so badly in that plane crash. "There are scars, yes, but your hand looks so much better than it did a couple of weeks ago. And I just know that you will be back being the awesome surgeon you were. Just like me." He looked him deep in the eyes. "You will be back," he told him slowly, still not letting go of Derek's hand. "You're gonna be fine."

"And what if there is no place for me anymore then?" Derek sighed, and Mark immediately knew what he was talking about.

"This Holt guy can kiss my ass," Mark stated. "I don't really know why, but I feel like something's up with him. And even though he's good, he's not you. Hunt won't just replace you; he's your friend too. He's not like that."

"Oh, you think so?" Derek replied. "I think otherwise. He would have made me replace Altman in a heartbeat if this other doctor would have taken my offer back then when I was chief."

"Come one, Derek," Mark started again. "This was something completely different. He did it because he was attracted to her and thought he could get rid of her like that."

"Where do you know that from?" Derek looked curious now.

"From Teddy herself. She told me about her and Hunt on one of our dates and well... I put the pieces together. I'm sure that was the reason for him wanting Teddy to leave. He wouldn't do that to you. And if he did, I would have to kick him in the balls. Hard."

"You would do that?" Derek asked with a smile on his face. The first real smile this night.

"Of course," Mark clarified. "Like we've always stood up for each other since we became friends again." He put an arm around Derek's shoulder gently. "I won't let that happen, do you hear me? You're not going anywhere."

"I'm not going anywhere," Derek replied, leaning his head against Mark's.

Mark knew he was only like that when he was tipsy, but in this moment he didn't care. He was glad he could be there for his best friend and forget his own problems for a little while, even though they were still clouding the back of his mind, but Derek managed to distract him very well.

When Derek turned his head to look at Mark, Mark did the exact same thing the exact same second and all of a sudden their faces were very close.

"I think I should..." Derek started, not ending his sentence.

"Yeah... maybe you should," Mark replied, biting his lower lip and moving slightly closer to Derek.

"You are drunk," Derek stated, causing Mark to grin.

"You are drunk, too" He placed the hand not around Derek's shoulder on his cheek. "Maybe this isn't a good idea."

"It definitely isn't a good idea," Derek agreed with him, placing one of his hands on Mark's thigh and with the other, grabbing his shirt and pulling him closer.

For a moment there Mark felt like they were back in high school, drunk and horny, about to ravish each other, and there was the same gleam in Derek's eyes. He closed his eyes and all of a sudden feeling Derek's lips on his, soft, gentle, almost careful. And that was the moment he woke up. They both woke up.

They tore apart, sliding away from each other immediately.

"This is wrong," Derek blurted out, causing Mark to nod immediately.

"Yeah, I'm... I'm sorry... I told you this isn't a good idea." Mark replied with a sly grin.

"It wasn't..." Derek laughed out loud. "For a moment it felt like back then in med school, though."

"You felt that, too?" Mark asked.

Derek nodded. "Yeah... but we are grown ups now. And even when we are drunk, we should be able to keep our fingers off each other, right?"

"Right!" Mark clarified. "Because we're both in a relationship, even though we have problems. That's not the way to fix them."

"Glad we agree on that. And can I tell you something?" Derek looked at Mark.

"Of course," Mark answered.

"You have changed so much. A few years back... even months... you wouldn't have hesitated a second to seduce me and try to sleep with me in a situation like that. But it just shows how much you love Jackson."

"I do," Mark nodded, leaning back against the couch and taking a sip of his beer. "And even though I still think you're hot, Jackson is the only one I wanna kiss... and touch... and suck... and..."

He was cut off by Derek mid-sentence. "Too much information," he laughed, grabbing the remote of the TV and turning it on.

He found a soccer game on one of the foreign channels and they decided to watch it together since Derek would stay here for the night anyways, and the later it got, the more tired Mark became. He had problems, keeping his eyes open much longer, so he decided it was time to go to bed, but when he tried to move, he felt the weight of Derek's head against his shoulder. Derek had already fallen asleep and Mark didn't want to wake him.

'Whatever', he thought, moving slightly so he was able to lay down on the couch and pulling Derek with him. They were friends after all, and there was nothing wrong with sleeping together on the couch. He managed to get the TV turned off and it only took him a couple more seconds to drift off to sleep.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson looked back at Michael briefly as the man smiled at him. He had set this up and Jackson had fallen for it. Jackson watched him take off his jacket and sit it on the back of his recliner.

"Why don't I give you two some time to catch up?" Michael said and made his way towards one of the back rooms.

"I thought you weren't supposed to be here for another two weeks?"

"Change of plans" Lewis responded as he stood and walked around the bar to pour himself another glass "I need to consult with Dr. Lee about this Sloan guy"

At the mention of Mark's name from Lewis Jackson immediately felt sick to his stomach. This was going to happen… Mark was going to meet Lewis and there was no way he was going to be able to stop it.

"If I didn't know any better I would think you aren't happy to see your older brother" Lewis chuckled.

"Why would you even take this case?" Jackson asked. "You knew I lived in Seattle"

"I did" Lewis told him "and mom also told me you seem to have a pretty decent set-up too" walking up to his brother Lewis handed him the glass of scotch he had made for the man. "A nice job with a group of friends and even a nice little girlfriend"

_Lexie_

Jackson's mother probably had no idea how drastically things had changed since she had last been here to see her son.

"Lexie is gone" Jackson felt the pangs of her loss whenever he spoke her name. It was something he was expecting to live with the rest of his life.

"Something tells me that hasn't stopped you from moving on though, has it?" Lewis asked "it's just a fact that Jackson Avery's bed doesn't stay empty for long".

"Fuck you"

Lewis smiled at his brother "I see it's true".

It hadn't even been 10 minutes and already Lewis had gotten under his skin. How would he possibly survive the foreseeable future with him working at Seattle Grace?

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" Jackson asked.

"You know why"

It was going to happen again. Lewis was going to come here and destroy his life and then Jackson would have to move to some other city and try to start all over again. He was getting so tired of starting over.

"Drink your scotch Jackson; it's what you're good at" Lewis said before downing his own glass of it.

Jackson looked down at the brown amber he couldn't deny the temptation, but no, he wouldn't do it.

Sitting the glass down on a nearby coffee table he looked up at Lewis "I probably can't stop you from doing whatever it is you're going to do, but I'll be damned if I'm going to make it easy"

"Of course you will Jackie" Lewis said "easy is your middle name"

Refusing to be baited into an escalating argument Jackson walked to the door and was about to open it before he heard Lewis speak.

"You are careful out there; it's not safe if you don't know who to trust".

45 minutes later and shaken Jackson found himself standing outside Mark's apartment. He hadn't even expected to go there, but he found himself driving in its direction and the closer he got the more centred he felt.

Their argument still played in his head and Jackson knew he had a lot to answer for, but right now he just wanted to see Mark. To know that at least for the time being Jackson could know he had him.

Being almost 4 in the morning Jackson decided on using the keys Mark had given him in case of emergencies. The man may not qualify Jackson's current situation as an emergency, but Jackson sure did.

Opening the door Jackson tried to remain as quiet as possible. With all the lights out and the television off he was pretty sure Mark was asleep. He was about to walk through the living room and into the bedroom when he saw the two large shadowy figures nestled together on the couch.

It took a minute for his eyes to adjust and even longer for his brain to register it.

Mark and Derek lying together, closely and contently.

He saw that the two men were fully clothed and he highly doubted anything beyond what he was witnessing was going on, but the way they melded into one another told Jackson all he needed to know.

Suddenly he felt like the intruder he was. He shouldn't have come here and getting out as quickly as possible was his only goal.

The longer he stayed, the more he felt like he was suffocating.

Going out into the hallway he had just locked the door when he heard Callie behind him.

"Kinda early for the walk of shame, isn't it" she laughed. Turning around in surprise he saw the woman about to enter her apartment holding a bag of bagels and some juices.

"No, I-I'm not-...I'm sorry" he said keeping his head down and away from her. He felt so young and stupid at the moment. Just as she must have always seen him. He started to walk down the hall when he heard the woman call for him.

"Jackson, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay" he said and it was another smile for another lie.

Wait a minute" she told him as she made her way towards him. He was starting to panic. He didn't really want to get into anything with the woman in the middle of the night. Not after the horrendous 24 hours he had.

"You don't look like it" and although Jackson was not looking at her he could feel her gaze scrutinizing him "Walk with me" she said and started to head back to the elevators.

"I should really get home… it's been a long night"

Callie put a gentle hand on his shoulder "I just want to have a conversation, that's all".

Nodding his head Jackson finally looked up at her "Okay".

The two had found a bench just outside of Mark and Callie's apartment building. It was an unusually nippy morning and Jackson was surprised at how cold he felt.

"So" Callie said "what's going on?"

"Nothing" Jackson told her "just a bit hectic at work is all"

"Yeah" Callie looked at him "and_ I'm just tired_, or_ I'm trying to figure things out_, and my personal favourite_I'm okay, but if you need to talk about something, I'm here"_

"

What?" Jackson asked.

"The old deflection technique" Callie said "I had become a master at it"

"I really am okay"

"No you're not" Callie told him "because nobody who is sneaking out of the person they love's apartment at 4 in the morning is okay, no matter what they say"

"I didn't want to wake him...he looked busy" and the image of Mark and Derek popped back up.

"Busy doing what?" Callie asked "counting sheep?"

Jackson couldn't tell her. Derek was never a viable option for Mark. The man was committed to his wife; no matter what problems they were going through, but he knew if the choice was Callie's she would choose Derek over Jackson for Mark in a heartbeat.

So would Jackson if he was being truthful with himself.

"Jackson, honesty goes a long way with Mark" Callie spoke "how can you expect this thing between you two to work if you can't even be honest with yourself"

"I'm sure us working out is a major concern of yours" Jackson spouted before he could stop himself and looking up at the woman he was horrified "I'm so sorry...I didn't mean that"

"That's okay" she told him with a smile "I deserved it...it's not as if I've been your biggest fan"

Jackson looked down at the ground and shrugged his shoulders "You have your reasons"

"The main one being that I love Mark and I at least need to know the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with"

"You know me" Jackson told her.

"Do I?" she asked "I know Jackson Avery, grandson of Harper Avery and son of Catherine Avery...but it ends there"

"What else is there to know?"

"Who you are" she started "what makes you tick and why you feel this need to create whatever persona you have been giving us all these years"

"What are you talking about?" Jackson asked as he sat up straight. He was starting to feel uncomfortable.

"The charming smile and surface layer emotions for starters" she turned around to face him "I've been there Jackson. I spent my life turning myself into what my parents wanted me to be, because I hated myself too much to be anything else"

Her words felt like punch. "That's not me" Jackson told her "I'm not like that"

"How can I ever trust you with Mark...with my daughter, if I can't even trust you enough to be honest with me"

"You don't get it" Jackson said "you found Robbins and she loved you because she knew who you really were"

"Mark can be that for you" Callie told him as she grabbed his hand "you just have to give him the chance"

"No" Jackson said "I'd disgust him and he would know you were right about me all along"

"Jackson I-" she started to say "do you really hate yourself that much?"

He felt like everything inside of him was falling apart "Yes" he told her. He couldn't stay here, not if he wanted to keep whatever little bit of dignity he had left.

Before she could speak he took off down towards the exit path way and it wasn't until her voice was drowned out by the passing cars that he finally stopped.

He shouldn't have done that. He shouldn't have let her see him in that moment of weakness.

Jackson just wanted to get home and taking out his cell phone he called Alex. The man wouldn't be happy that he had to drive out and pick Jackson up in the middle of the night, but Jackson knew he would do it anyway.

**Callie Torres POV:**

Callie looked after Jackson for a while, even though she knew he was long gone. It had hit her like a rock how similar he was to her in some things. She would have never expected an outcome like that from a talk with Jackson. When she had started talking to him, she didn't know what she was getting into, but somehow she was glad she did anyways.

The woman knew she had been more than a little unfair to Jackson lately, but she already told Jackson why. Because she was so worried for Mark to get hurt again, and obviously her concerns weren't for no reason. Still, she was now sure that Jackson never wanted to hurt Mark, and that he did it because he tried to hide a part of himself.

Just like Callie had been doing for years.

The more she thought about it, the more she realized how long she had played a certain role. To her family and to the people around. Because she just wasn't ready to accept herself for what she was. Because she was afraid that she wouldn't get accepted if she would just be herself. But she was wrong. God was she wrong.

Yes, her finally admitting to herself that she was bisexual and in love with a woman took a lot of her. Especially, coming out to her parents, and her mother still didn't accept Sofia and she still didn't really talk to her, but if that was the price for her being happy, she was more than willing to pay it. Because at least her father was having her back and that was some kind of solace, even though she missed her mother sometimes.

Sighing she got up from the couch and looked at the apartment building. Maybe it was time to talk to Mark, even though she didn't have any idea what exactly she wanted to tell him, but she couldn't accept Jackson's escape like that. She needed to do something, because she could see how much Jackson loved Mark and that he really wanted this relationship.

She made her way into the building and went up with the elevator until she was standing in front of Mark's apartment, when Jackson's words came back to her mind.

_"I didn't want to wake him...he looked busy"_

What did Jackson mean by that?

Carefully, Callie opened the door of Mark's apartment, knowing that it almost never was locked anyways, and the way Jackson left, he of course wouldn't have thought about locking again, right?

Right.

When the door swung open, Callie knew she had been right.

She entered the dark living room and tip toed towards the couch where she saw them. Mark and Derek. Very close to each other. They almost looked like they were cuddling, something Callie used to do with her best friends when she was younger. Or something she would do with Arizona. Or even with Mark sometimes, but Mark wasn't that much of a cuddler. Most of the time.

A sigh left her lips. _Of course_Jackson had to get the wrong impression after witnessing something like that, but Callie just knew without even asking that there was nothing going on.

Jackson didn't_ really_think Mark had an affair with Derek, right? That was just really stupid and if he knew the two of them knew each other almost since they were born he wouldn't assume something like that. Mark and Derek were like brothers.

Okay, apart from that one time during Med-School Mark had told her about one evening, but it hadn't meant anything. They loved each other, but they never were_ in love_, and that was a difference.

Callie had no idea how long she was just standing there without moving when she all of a sudden heard some noises. Mark and Derek started to move and a couple of seconds later Mark was sitting up, rubbing his eyes, while Derek's head sank down in his lap.

"Hey, get off me old man!" Mark complained and this comment seemed to wake up Derek as well.

"Hey!" he bumped Mark in the ribs. "Who do you call an old man? Didn't you tell me last night that I'm still hot?"

"You are. But not with a breath like that and hair like this," Mark replied, causing Derek to let out a moan.

"What's wrong about my hair?"

Callie had to smile about the situation. That was so typical them, and they were so busy with themselves that they hadn't even noticed her yet. So she cleared her throat to get their attention.

Both men twitched in unison, staring at her through the dark, before Mark turned on the lamp on one side of the couch.

"Callie. What are you doing in my apartment?" He looked confused, and Callie could totally understand that, because well... she was standing in his living room in the middle of the night. Of course that had to look strange.

"I was just on my way to my own apartment when I met Jackson in the hallway." Callie explained.

Mark stared at her. "Jackson is here?"

Callie nodded slowly. "Well... he was... he has already left, and now I know why." She pointed at Derek and Mark. "He has seen you."

"Seen us?" Derek asked, tilting his head.

"Well... cuddling on the couch," Callie replied.

"We weren't cuddling, I don't do cuddling," Mark objected, running a hand through his hair. "Nothing happened. We fell asleep on the couch while watching TV."

"Exactly," Derek agreed with him. "Do I need to talk to Avery?"

Callie shook her head immediately. "No... No, I doubt that's necessary. I mean, it's not like he caught you naked in Mark's bed or something like that. I'm sure deep down he knows that nothing happened."

"Good..." Derek replied, getting off the couch and looking at Mark. "I should probably head home before Meredith gets home. She should have the day off, and maybe I'll get her to spend the day with me and Zola."

"I hope so," Mark nodded, watching Derek making his way to Sofia's bedroom and coming out of it a few seconds later with a very sleepy Zola on his arm.

"It's okay, sweetie, you can sleep again soon," Derek told his daughter softly and she was just leaning to him, letting out a yawn. Derek grabbed his coat and slid into his shoes before turning back to Mark. "See you soon, okay?"

Mark nodded. "Sure... take care of yourself."

"You too!" Derek said and left Mark's apartment.

Callie let out a sigh and fell down on the couch next to Mark. "I thought he would never leave," she joked, causing Mark to chuckle.

"Come on, you like him," he said, turning to look at her. "But honestly. What are you doing here?"

"I just told you..." Callie replied immediately. "Jackson has seen you and Derek and he seemed very upset. But I doubt it was because of this situation. At least not only."

Mark bit his lower lip. "I think you're right... but I tried to talk to him already a dozen times and he just won't confide in me. He just won't talk to me," he said, feeling the despair welling up within him again. "I don't even know what to do anymore. Sometimes I'm even asking myself, if..." he stopped himself and turned away, but Callie wouldn't let him get away with it that easy.

"Asking yourself what?" she demanded, putting a hand on his cheek and turning his head to look at her again.

"I don't know... I just don't know," Mark sighed. "I don't know if it's worth it. Maybe you were right, Cal. Maybe I should have kept my fingers off him."

"No, I wasn't," Callie replied immediately. "I wasn't right. I'm not perfect and sometimes I make mistakes. Telling you to get rid of him was one of them. I don't know what's going on with him, but he loves you, that's for sure."

"What?" Mark stared at his best friend in confusion. "Are you defending him? Are you_ really_defending him? I can't believe it."

"I... I'm..." Callie started, but realized only a few seconds later that Mark was right. That she indeed was having Jackson's back, and she didn't even know exactly why. "I guess I am," she finally said. "Because I think I did him wrong. He is suffering, even though he wouldn't tell me what's wrong with him, but there is something within him and it's eating him from the inside out. He needs you Mark. Just give him time."

"Wow," Mark blurted out. "From all the people you were the least I expected to have Jackson's back." He sighed. "I know something's wrong, I'm not stupid, but how can I help him if he doesn't tell me what's going on?"

"Just be there for him. Show him that you love him and that you're willing to wait. The less you pressure him, the more he will be willing to let you in. Believe me I know what I'm talking about." A small smile crossed Callie's lips. "If it wasn't for you, I might be a very unhappy woman today. You made me realize what has always been there deep down inside of me. That I like women as much as I like men. If you hadn't made me kiss Erica back then, I wouldn't be married to the most beautiful woman in the world right now. I might have married Owen or such."

Mark laughed out loud. "Owen?" He shook his head. "What makes you think _that_?"

Callie giggled. "I don't know... maybe because we both wanted kids and such... at some point I might have hooked up with him... who knows..." She shrugged. "But because of you I'm free now. Free to be exactly who I want to be. And if you give Jackson the time he needs, he might get to that point too."

"Maybe you're right, it's just... pretty hard to watch him suffer and not being able to help him." Mark admitted.

"I know." Callie replied. "But I'm sure it will be worth it." She pulled Mark into an embrace. "It's gonna be fine."

She felt Mark leaning into the embrace and for once she really hoped her words were true. She just really wanted Jackson to fix whatever problems he had, because he had really grown on her and he reminded her a lot of herself in her younger days. And she knew Mark was happy with him. Maybe happier than he had ever been in a relationship, so she was sure it was worth fighting for and hopefully the two of them - Mark and Jackson - would realize that too.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: **Thanks again for the comments… and also for the critique… I have to admit, I'm not watching the show anymore since Mark died (my „writing partner" does), so I don't know how things in the show are, but this story will be very different… the guys (and girls) might drift even further apart for a while (SORRY!) but it won't stay like this forever because at some point, they will need to stick together… but it'll take some time, and things will happen… most likely things you might not like very much… but we hope, you will still stick with the story and with us… because we still have lots of feelings for this story and it's important for us… =)

And now have fun with Chapter 21! (I can't believe it's already 21, wow O.o) – and don't kill us afterwards XD

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex was trying to prepare their dining room while April was out with Meredith and Jackson prepared their meal. Table cloth, place settings, and candles.

He was lighting the last of them when Jackson walked out carrying three plates.

"What the hell are you doing Karev?" Jackson asked "this isn't a romantic dinner for three" and handing the plates over Alex mentally kicked himself. This would not be the way to let Jackson know. Not when this dinner was so important.

"You're right" he said as he quickly blew the candles out "that would be awkward.

He could see Jackson give him a perplexed look "I would think so...imagine April walking in and seeing us standing behind dinner and lighted candles" he laughed "I love you and April man, but not that much"

Alex smiled to himself. He knew Jackson was going through something bad right now, but the man telling him that he loved Alex, probably without even realizing it, made Alex feel good. Jackson and April were really his family and Alex knew that when the moment that Jackson found out about him and April's relationship he would be supportive...eventually.

They had to get through this night first.

Walking into the kitchen behind Jackson he watched the man pull out the tray of homemade lasagne from the oven and sit it on top of the stove.

"Smells good, man" Alex said "I think she's going to love it"

"I made it for her during our first year at Mercy West when she started to feel homesick" Jackson said.

"I'll get the silverware" Alex exclaimed and opened up the drawers to collect various forks and knives.

The two had just finished setting the table when they heard the opening of the door. Standing side by side they gave wide smiles as April walked in and headed straight towards them unknowingly.

"Surprise" both men said opening their arms wide and jumping a bit at the surprise she stared wide-eyed at the scene before her.

"What's all this?" she asked as she walked up and looked at the display of food.

"Lasagne, Garden Salad, and even that ice-tea you like so much from that place on North bend" Alex told her.

"It's-It's" she tried to say before holding her hand to her mouth and running up the stairs as quickly as possible.

The two men started at each other. "Was it too soon?" Jackson asked.

"Let me see" Alex said and bolted up the stairs before Jackson could offer to go in his place.

Reaching the bathroom door Alex gave a soft knock "April, it's me"

"Go away, Alex" she said. Her voice sounded strained and in pain.

Opening up the door he peeked his head inside "I just want to help"

Turning around she sat down on the floor with her back to the tub "You've helped enough" she told him and the look she gave Alex sent a shiver down the man's spine.

"What does that mean?" Alex asked.

"It means I don't want you around me. It means I don't want you touching me"

Alex couldn't understand where this was coming from. They had been so happy the past couple of weeks and now for her to be so angry perplexed him.

"What happened?" he asked April. He hated to sound so desperate and scared, but he couldn't help himself.

She looked at him and for a moment he could see the April he had grown to love looking back at him. That moment was fleeting, however. A second later she was back over the toilet bowl.

"This was a mistake, all of it" she said in between getting sick.

"What?" Alex felt as if someone had just knocked the wind out of him.

"All of it, Alex" she repeated "now this bug isn't going anywhere anytime soon so get out"

Walking back to the door he had seen Izzie sitting there. He had seen Rebecca sitting there. He had seen every single person he had ever let in sitting there throwing it back in his face.

"Fuck it" he said "you don't want me here, I'm gone" and with that he made his way back down the stairs and grabbing his coat he yanked the house door open.

"Alex!" Jackson said as he ran towards him "where are you going?"

"Out" he told Jackson as the two stood on the porch "Don't wait up" and without another word he raced down the steps.

He needed to get this sickening feeling that he had just had everything snatched from him again out of his stomach.

He needed to drink.

**April Kepner POV:**

Once Alex had left the bath room, April couldn't hold back her tears any longer. She hated herself for what she just did but she just couldn't get out of her skin. She couldn't. It was all too much. Still way too much to handle. Too much to bear. She loved Alex so fucking much, but she couldn't do that to him. She couldn't burden him with a kid he never wanted, and she didn't want her baby to be one nobody wanted.

Sobbing, she tried to get the nauseousness under control, but when she tried to get up, she had to lean against the wall to keep herself from passing out.

This pregnancy already took a toll on her and she didn't know how to survive for like eight more months, but somehow she would. Because she already had decided that she wanted to have this baby, no matter what. Even if it meant she was all by herself. And at least she could always say it was made in a loving connection.

"Are you okay?" Jackson's voice pulled her out of her thought and she twitched.

"What?" She wiped away the last tears and tried to get away from the wall, but when she noticed it wouldn't work, she sank back on the floor.

Immediately, Jackson was by her side, placing a hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong?" he asked with concern in her eyes.

"Nothing!" she snapped, shaking his hand off. "Why can't you all just leave me alone?" Tears were welling up in her eyes again and a couple of seconds later she was crying pretty hard without her being able to hold back her tears.

"April..." she heard Jackson's voice and then his arms were around her.

Again, she tried to push him away but after a while she just gave up. She wasn't strong enough to resist his embrace any longer. Instead, she leaned against his chest, crying silently.

It took her a while to calm down, and it helped a lot for Jackson to just hold her and caress her back. Just like back then when she was crying so hard because Alex had been so mean to her after they almost slept with each other. After she almost gave up her virginity for him. She had been so sad back then but now she was broken. If she had thought back then it was bad, this was a lot worse and it hurt way more. What made it even worse was the fact that it was her own fault. Because she had sent Alex away, even though she wanted him to be there. Wanted him to be there for her. But she just couldn't get herself to tell him what was happening. It was just too hard.

"Will you tell me what's wrong now? Did you and Alex have a fight? He stormed out like crazy after he went to look for you," Jackson said, gently wiping away the last tracks of April's tears.

"I... I'm... I'm pregnant," April blurted out, fighting back another wave of tears.

Jackson stared at her in shock. "What?" He bit his lower lip. "How?"

His question made her giggle hysterically. "I'm sure you know how those things work. You're a doctor after all, and a guy. And I'm sure you're not that clueless."

"No... that's not what I meant... I mean..." Jackson stammered, all of a sudden seeming pretty pale. "It's not mine, right?"

Another giggle left April's lips. "God, Jackson... things with us were... months ago. Do you really think it would take me _this_long to realize I'm pregnant? And to get symptoms?" She placed a hand on Jackson's arm. "Of course it's not yours, relax."

"That's not what I wanted to say with it," Jackson defended himself. "And if it would have been, I would definitely have been there for you. Just like I will be there for you now."

"I... thank you," she said, taking a deep breath. Maybe it was time to come out completely. To come clean with Jackson. Alex and she had done this hiding game long enough and she was sick of it. But who knew, maybe it wasn't even necessary to come out anymore. The bare thought of it killed April from inside, so she pushed it away. She would apologize to Alex and then they would be fine again, right? But maybe it was for the better if she would leave things like that. Then Alex probably would never find out that he was becoming a father.

"Who is the father?" Jackson asked, pulling April out of her thoughts once more.

Taking another breath she looked up at Jackson. "Alex..."

Jackson looked at her open-mouthed. "Alex Karev? Our roommate Alex Karev? Our friend Alex Karev?"

April nodded slowly. "Yeah..."

"Wow," Jackson commented, leaning back against the wall. "Just... wow..."

A small smile crossed April's lips. "Now you're speechless..." She turned her head to look at Jackson who - after a couple of seconds - looked back at her.

"Quite, yes... I'm asking myself how I could have missed this. I had no clue. Absolutely no clue. And I'm living with you. How stupid am I?" He shook his head. "How blind?"

"You are not blind," April stated. "We just hid it very well... and I didn't have a clue about you and Mark either, until I kind of found you in the kitchen."

"Oh yeah, that..." Jackson said, and April could tell that he still felt embarrassed about it. "But it wasn't like we met here very often. Most of the time we were in Mark's apartment."

"And Alex and I only spent the night together in one room when you weren't here," April winked at him. "So really... you couldn't have known... but well..." She let out a sigh, feeling the desperation rising within her again. "Maybe that's over now anyways. Maybe there's nothing more to know."

"April, what are you talking about?" Jackson asked immediately. "Just because you had a fight, your relationship isn't over. You two will talk and then you'll make up."

"I don't know," April replied doubtful. "And maybe it's for the better..."

"Wait..." Jackson said, and it looked like realisation hit him. "He doesn't want the baby, right? That's what the fight was about?" He made a fist, already trying to get up. "I'm killing him."

"No, stop!" April replied, catching Jackson's wrist. "It wasn't about that."

"Are you sure?" Jackson wanted to know, seeming angry all of a sudden. "Or are you telling me that to protect him?"

"No... I wouldn't do that, and if he had said anything about not wanting the baby, I would tell you the truth. But in fact he couldn't have, because I haven't told him," April finally admitted.

"Why?" Jackson asked, looking April in the eye. "If he's the father, he deserves to know."

"I know," April replied. "But... it must have happened the first time we slept together... which was only a couple of weeks ago. This... just isn't the right time."

"So you wanna have an abortion?" Jackson assumed, causing April to shake her head vigorously.

"No, by no means. I just think I have to go through this alone." Sighing, April leaned back against the wall.

"You're not alone," Jackson said, gently bumping his shoulder against April's. "And I'll be very pissed if I'm not the godfather."

His comment made April smile. "Thank you, Jackson."

"You're welcome. But... I still think Alex deserves to know. Maybe the timing isn't the best, but it's his responsibility too." He looked her deep in the eye. "Please don't make me lie to him. He's one of my best friends."

"I know," April replied. "I just don't know how to tell him. How do I tell someone I'm pregnant after only three weeks?"

"I don't know," Jackson said earnestly. "But I'm sure he will be there for you if he just knows. He has changed so much, April. He won't leave you alone with this."

"Are you sure?" April asked with a spark of hope in her eyes.

"Pretty sure," Jackson assured her, putting an arm around her. "And if not, you still have me, okay?"

"Okay!" April smiled, already feeling a lot better. She couldn't imagine a better friend than Jackson and he was the 2nd person now to tell her that she should tell Alex, and maybe it really was the right thing to do.

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex had driven further then he had planned. He had no clear direction, but he knew he wanted to get as far away from that apartment as he could.

He could still see the look on April's face when she told him it was a mistake. He may not have been able to read people very well, but he knew shame when he saw it and April's eyes were covered it in.

Alex should have seen it coming. It had happened too fast and he had fallen too hard. Of course April would come to the realization that she was involved in a relationship with a man who was so far below her that she could barely see him.

She was from a good family who spent holidays together and actually enjoyed each other's company. He was from a family where his mother was locked away in a mental institution and his brother had tried to murder his sister. What woman in their right man would ever willingly want that in her life?

Alex had found a parking space just outside of a bar he remember coming to years ago when he had just moved to Seattle. Back then he didn't have anyone in his life that felt substantial. Spending nights in bars like these was routine he had grown accustomed to.

The more things changed, the more they stayed the same.

It wasn't completely true. Even if he and April were over he would still have Jackson, but having someone just as fucked up as you were didn't really lend itself to progress. April made him a better person. To reach a place worthy of the love he thought the woman had for him made him strive to change.

It was a dead-end road, though.

The bar was named Haven and had stayed the exact same in the 3 years he had been away. All open space with a set of tables and chairs in the back, a small dance floor in the middle that usually only catered to drunken couples swaying back and forth to old Patsy Cline songs.

Walking up and grabbing a stool the bartender walked over "What can I get ya?" he asked, his voice as gruff as his look. He looked like a man who had spent his entire life only doing hard labour. It was something Alex found respectful. If he hadn't found his love for medicine Alex was sure he would have followed a very similar path as everyone else had in his town.

"Whatever you have on tap" Alex told him and a few seconds later the man walked back over and sat a bottle in front of Alex. He took a long gulp of the liquid as his mind went back to its previous thoughts.

Either construction or factory work. That was the future laid out for him at 17 and Karev fought tooth and nail against it.

Yet, here he was. In the same kind of bar all his old friends were probably sitting at as they went over the menial things that made up their day.

Work, home, wife and kids.

Thinking about it now Alex had to really think about whose life was more fulfilling. A doctor who only had his job or a man whose job was only a fraction of his life.

A wife and kids would not be in his future. The thought wasn't a new one. Hell, until April he was pretty sure a regular girlfriend was impossible, let alone one who was stupid enough to marry him and give him a kid to screw up? Izzie was right to run away from him.

He could feel his phone buzzing in his pocket and pulling it out he saw that it was Avery.

He thought about ignoring it, but he was still worried about April.

"Yeah" he said.

"Alex, man...where are you?" Jackson asked him "We're getting worried, man"

"I'm sure" and it really wasn't fair to Jackson. He was sure the man was concerned for Alex, April was another story.

"You should come back" Jackson sounded hesitant before continuing "I think you and April have a lot to discuss"

"We don't have anything to discuss, Jackson" Alex said and the anger that came out even surprised him "I got the message loud and clear".

"I know you're upset and you have a right to be" Jackson responded "just come back and listen to her okay? I promise it's worth hearing"

Alex felt as if he was missing something. Whatever the woman had to say was something he didn't want to hear. She dumped him and worst had called him a mistake. Going back to their apartment to see her try and makes things amicable between them so she wouldn't feel guilty was not something he was going to give her.

"Like I said Jackson, don't wait up" and with that Alex ended the phone call before his friend could respond. Alex was going to apologize to him later. Right now he was just too upset to focus clearly.

He just wanted to drink and forget who he was...if only for a little while.

As he reached for his beer he saw it spill over the counter and onto his shirt as the man beside him accidentally knocked it over while trying to get the bartender's attention.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry" the guy said as he grabbed some napkins and handed them over to Alex. The man looked embarrassed and flustered.

"Don't worry about it" Alex told him as he grabbed the napkins and dabbed them on his shirt.

"At least let me buy you another drink" the guy said "what will it be?"

"It's not necessary" Alex said

"I insist" the guy said with a smile "don't make me live with the guilt of ruining that shirt"

Alex gave a surprising laugh "Alright, if you insist. Whatever they have on tap is fine"

"Mind if I make a suggestion?"

Alex looked over at him curiously "Sure"

"We'll take two Haake Becks" he said to the bartender "It's from Germany and it's the best beer in the world, trust me"

Shrugging his shoulders Alex decided he would do just that. He had nobody to answer to and if he wanted to get hammered on beer he didn't know, with a guy he didn't know. He was going to do just that. He should at least get his name, though.

"By the way, the name is Alex" he offered his hand in greeting.

"Hey Alex" the guy responded as he took Alex's hand in his own "the name's Lewis"

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Now that had been easier than he thought it would be, Lewis thought, when he grabbed Alex hand and shook it, and held onto it longer than necessary. The guy was exactly who Lewis had wanted to see, but he didn't expect for it to happen so soon. He remembered the voice from the phone, even though Alex sounded - and definitely looked - a lot better in real life. It had to be this Alex Karev.

Michael had told him about Alex as well, and everything fit, so Lewis knew who he was dealing with. Plus: He had heard him mention Jackson's name on the phone earlier and that's when he was sure he had the right guy. But Alex didn't know who he was, so he could definitely use this for his advance.

He sat down next to Alex, smiling at him.

"Are you alone here?"

Alex looked around. "Do you see anyone else?"

He seemed slightly annoyed, so that was definitely not the way to get him. Lewis had to do something different.

"Yes, you're right, sorry. My bad. I'm just... pretty new in this town and I don't know anyone yet. That was a very bad chat-up-line, wasn't it?"

Alex let out a small laugh. "Oh yeah, _very_, very bad," he chuckled, patting Lewis shoulder, and from this moment on, Lewis knew he had him. The ice was broken and the first step was only one of many.

"I'm sorry," Lewis laughed and looked Alex in the eye. "Can we start over?"

"Sure, be my guest," Alex replied, making an inviting gesture.

"Okay... I'm Lewis and it's very nice to meet you," he said with his brightest smile and offered his hand to Alex who grabbed it immediately.

"Alex... nice to meet you, too." Alex smiled at him as well. "So what brings you here to Seattle?"

"Job..." Lewis waved dismissively. "But that's nothing I want to bore you with. I'm sure there are way more interesting things to talk about, aren't you?" He winked at Alex.

"Uhm..." Alex seemed to be caught off-guard for a moment and Lewis was sure that he got the hints. That Alex knew that he was already starting to flirt shamelessly with him. "Maybe there are," he said after he composed himself. "Which things?"

"Like..." Lewis started. "Why is an attractive, sexy guy like you on a beautiful evening like that alone in a bar? Why aren't you in company?" He knew he was pulling out all the stops, but if this worked, it would be worth it. Lewis was just glad that this Alex-guy was really handsome, rather hot, because if he was some ugly dude, he didn't know if he would have been able to really start something with him. Not that Jackson would go for the ugly guys anyways. He had always had really pretty boyfriends or girlfriends, as far as Lewis could remember, but there was a lot that could change within five years.

"You think I'm attractive?" Alex grinned. "That's quite a compliment coming from someone like you."

"Is it?" Lewis moved closer to him, until their bodies were already touching and there wasn't much space left between them.

"Yeah... I'm sure you're not blind and you know that you have quite an... appearance." Alex replied with a wink.

"Well then..." he whispered, leaning to Alex' ear. "Why don't we get out of here then and find some nice place to make out?"

Demonstratively, he let his hand slide over Alex' back to his ass and then back up again.  
Oh yes, that would definitely be an interesting night.

"You do know I'm a guy, right?" Alex joked. "Not some chick in male clothes. And what makes you think I'm into guys anyway?"

"What makes you think I'm _not_?" Lewis replied without hesitation.

"Touché!" Alex grinned.

Nodding, Lewis took a sip of his drink. "Why limiting yourself to only about half of the population if you can have everything? I'm a connoisseur and I enjoy both of it very much. And I like nice things."

"So I'm a nice thing now?" Another grin appeared on Alex lips.

"Oh yeah... Very nice." Lewis replied, placing a hand on Alex' thigh. "And you're very lucky, because I'm quite picky when it comes to my men... or women."

"I wouldn't have guessed," Alex gave back, looking directly into Lewis eyes.

"And I like good sex. I like it to..." He leaned forward, very close to Alex' ear and let his hot breath dance over Alex' skin on the way. "I like to seduce someone... and I love to see how they get under my spell and let me do whatever I want to make them feel very good."

"Oh..." Alex commented. "So you're saying you're not only attractive, you're also a good lover?"

"Well..." Lewis replied immediately. "That's what you're about to find out, if you want to." Demonstratively, he let his hand that was still on Alex' thigh slide a little upwards and then down again. "I swear, you wouldn't regret it."

He knew he had him; it was only a matter of time for Alex to jump him. He was good like that, and that was quite easy. Easier than he thought it would be. Almost too easy. But Alex had seemed to be really sad when Lewis first had laid eyes on him, so maybe he and Jackson had been in some kind of fight. At least their conversation on the phone - as far as Lewis could tell - seemed like it. That he would go for his flirtations that easy showed that he was quite the player, and Lewis definitely liked that. And he couldn't wait to get his hands on him. All over him.

He knew he would hurt Jackson with it. A lot. But that was a price he was willing to pay. Or rather to say, that was exactly what he wanted. To hurt him the way Jackson had hurt him back then. To make him feel the same pain he went through. He deserved it, Lewis thought, but pushed way this thoughts as far as he could. Because even though he hooked up with Alex on purpose, he wanted to enjoy this. He wanted to get his money worth tonight, and he was sure he would.

"So?" He looked at Alex expectantly. "Do we have a deal?"

**Alex Karev POV:**

_"So, do we have a deal?"_

Alex had to admire Lewis for his boldness. The man had little doubt when it came to his skills and the result of said skills.

"I don't make it a habit of going off with men I just met" Alex said with a smile. The guy was charismatic and Alex was honest when he said that Lewis was attractive. He wasn't so insecure with himself that he couldn't notice when another man was high on the attractive scale.

Okay, he could, but they weren't competing for the same girl at the moment so there was no competition. If anything, both men were only competing over what Alex's plans were going to be for the rest of the night.

"I'm not a stranger" Lewis told him and he tapped his finger on Alex's thigh. "You know my name is Lewis and that I just moved to Seattle for a job, we're practically best friends"

Alex laughed "Even so" he said as he moved Lewis's hand off his leg "I don't think I'm drunk enough to make such wayward decisions"

"Then let's see if we can't change that" and raising his hand he called the bartender over "two shots, please" he said without taking his eyes off of Alex.

Lewis's eyes were intense enough to command Alex's attention. Blue and striking they were something that only seemed more pronounced against the man's darker skin.

They were also vaguely familiar and Alex didn't know why.

After the shots and another beer Alex was feeling looser and more relaxed. He wasn't getting any drunker, but he was able to release some of the tension from his fight with April.

He didn't want to think about the girl and the horrible feeling of worthlessness that she had left him with.

"I'm not losing you, am I?" Lewis asked and shaking himself out of his thoughts Alex nodded his head no.

"Good" Lewis said with a smile "I'd hate to think all my hard work is going to waste"

Alex knew it was selfish, but he found himself enjoying the attention from the man. Someone was putting work in to impress him… Alex Karev. The man couldn't even think of the last time someone cared enough about his opinion to actually work for a good one. Even if it was just for sex and nothing was going to come from it.

Lewis sat close enough to him that Alex could feel the heat radiate from the man's body. "It's not going to waste, but-"

"What?" Lewis asked "are you with someone else right now?"

Alex would have had such a firm answer 6 hours ago, but that had all changed. He was single and he really had no obligations to anyone but himself. April hadn't even called him since he had left. She had made her choice and Alex was free to make his. With whomever he decided to make it with.

"Not really" Alex said "not anymore… I guess"

Leaning forward Lewis placed his hand back on Alex's thigh "so why not let me make you feel like you're on top of the world"

With a smile Alex lowered his head slightly "You are confident, aren't you?"

"When you're as good as I am it comes with the job" Alex felt his hands travel further up and came to rest just below his testicles.

This was getting into risky territory. It was obvious that this Lewis guy wanted Alex. He had never really seen lust in a man's eyes directed towards him, but he knew the look in his own eyes when he himself wanted something bad enough. Someone.

"Lewis, I'm flattered" Alex started "I really am, but I just can't-"

"What's holding you back?" Lewis asked and his voice had lost the flirtation.

"I'm not-" Alex started to say. He found it hard to finish the sentence, though. He had been enjoying Lewis's attention and even played into it. He didn't owe the man anything for enjoying his advances, but it still made him feel like shit. Although, if Alex was to ever get with a guy, it would definitely be with someone like Lewis.

He was gorgeous, even more so then some woman he had slept with.

"How about I make a deal with you?" Lewis asked "You give me one chance...one kiss and if you don't feel like it's something you would like to explore further then we can part ways as drinking buddies"

Alex was suddenly drawn to Lewis's hand as it started to rub his leg. It wasn't as if Alex had never thought about what it would have been like to kiss a guy. Mindless teenage curiosity and drunken nights of sexual frustration could lead to interesting ideas.

One night when Jackson had picked him up after whatever girl of the moment had moved on and left him inebriated at Joe's the man had picked him up and took Alex back to their apartment.

When Jackson dropped him on his bed and Alex had pulled him in for a hug Jackson's face was so close that for a second Alex had imagined the possibility. It was never really thought of again and he was sure Jackson had no idea what had went trough his friend's mind.

It was just a night that Alex was feeling lonely.

If Alex was to do this, however, it would be a conscious and pretty sober decision. There would be no pretending it didn't happen. Lewis moved in a little closer and smiled at Alex. So charming and sure all at the same time.

"It's going to be worth it, I promise"

"_It was a mistake, all of it_"

April's words shot through Alex's mind. Lewis wouldn't call him a mistake and in this moment that was good enough for him.

Looking at Lewis, Alex smiled.

"Show me what ya got"

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis knew he had won. No one - straight or gay - could resist his kissing, because he was _that_good. He knew what he could do with his tongue and he knew what he wanted as well and right now he wanted Alex. He wanted to fuck him senseless and have him begging for more. He wanted him on his knees and take him hard from behind and he wanted to turn him around to look him in the eye when he came.

He noticed Alex shifting closer and their faces were only inches apart all of a sudden. Lewis moved a little forward and he knew what Alex was waiting for but he wasn't giving it to him. Not in this moment. He was a player as well, and he knew if he wouldn't kiss him right now, if he would take the game a little further, it would be torture for Alex. And it would make him want Lewis even more.

"You want to kiss me right now, admit it!" he whispered, teasingly moving both of his hands to Alex' thighs and letting them slide up and down.

"I thought you were the one who was about to kiss me to prove I'm missing something if I wasn't taking you up on your offer," Alex gave back with a self-confident grin.

"Oh I will, believe me, I will," Lewis replied, letting his nose touch Alex'. "Just not now. Not yet."

"What?" Alex looked at him, seeming slightly confused.

"You understood me," Lewis said, squeezing Alex' thighs and brushing Alex' cock through his jeans before he took his hands away as if it had happened by accident, but the grin on his face proved otherwise.

Still, it caused Alex to take in a breath, and his cheeks had already turned slightly pink.

"What if the offer isn't valid anymore later?" Alex asked, and the want in his eyes was already visible. Lewis just knew he had him exactly where he wanted him.

"Then I guess we'll have to hurry," he replied, taking out some bills and throwing them on the bar, before grabbing Alex' arm and pulling him with him.

"What are you doing? Where are we going?" Alex asked, seeming slightly nervous for a moment.

"You'll see. Trust me..." Lewis didn't waste any time. They were barely out of the bar when Lewis pulled him into a dark ally, pressing Alex against the brick wall with his whole body.

Alex just looked at him and Lewis already enjoyed their game very much. More than he probably should. All other thoughts were blocked out and the lust for Alex was stronger than any other feeling inside of him right now.

Slowly, Lewis let one hand slide to the back of Alex' neck and moved closer to his face. "How does it feel not to know what's going to happen? Does it turn you on?" he asked, placing his other hand on Alex' chest and rubbing one of his nipples with his fingers, feeling it harden immediately. "It does..." he whispered, moving closer until their lips almost touched. "It will turn you even more on knowing what I could do to you if you let me."

And with those words he closed the distance and placed his lips on Alex' with a gentle force. He moved his lips against Alex, before making use of his tongue by wetting Alex' lips and waiting for Alex to open his mouth, which didn't take long. Lewis' tongue slid into it starting to explore every part he could reach, letting his tongue touch Alex teeth and his palate before touching Alex' tongue and swirling his tongue around it, before he started sucking it into his mouth playfully. Yes, he knew exactly what he was doing.

He let his hand that was still resting on Alex' chest glide downwards and underneath Alex' shirt, touching his stomach muscles and letting his fingers dance over them, feeling Alex getting tense. He was sure, Alex was still trying to resist and he could tell, that the other man was still not sure whether to go for it or not by the way he was trying to touch him a little unhandy, and it turned Lewis on more that it probably should. He liked the fact that Alex didn't make it easy for him.

His tongue was still caressing Alex' and the longer he played with it, the longer he tasted Alex, the more he wanted him. The more he wanted to fuck him.

Slowly, he moved backwards, still licking and sucking at Alex' tongue when their lips didn't even touch anymore, before letting go completely.

"Imagine the things this tongue could do to your cock..." he said a little breathlessly. Of course the kiss hadn't left him completely cold as well, and he knew he couldn't hide his arousal forever, if Alex hadn't already noticed it. He was getting hard slowly but surely and the pictures of Alex laying on his bed with spread legs waiting for him didn't help to change that.

"Just think about all the possibilities..." he went on, demonstratively letting one of his hands slide between Alex' legs. "I could open your jeans..." He grabbed Alex' manhood through the fabric of his jeans. "I could..." He went down to his knees. "I could pull your erection out of its tight prison... and swallow it down completely..." He leaned forward, kissing the slowly building bulge in Alex' pants. "I could lick it... and suck it... I could even use my teeth."

God... staying cool in a moment like that was more difficult than Lewis dared to admit. His own words turned him on more than it was good, and to keep himself together, not to ravish Alex right then took a toll on him. He needed to get him to agree to fuck him. He needed to have him.

He got up again, not letting go of his cock, though, looking him directly in the eye. "You could have all of that and so much more... I could bury myself balls-deep in your tight ass and fuck you until you beg me to stop because you can't take it any longer... I'm that good."

"You feel pretty confident about yourself, huh?" Alex asked and Lewis noticed his breathes came more and more ragged.

"I have every reason to," Lewis grinned. "So far I had no complaints about my... let's call it abilities in bed..."

He leaned forward just enough to let Alex feel his hot breath on his skin. "Just imagine my tongue sliding into your ass, rimming you like no one else ever has."

He grabbed one of Alex' hands and placed it on his erection.

"Feel that?" he asked, smiling at him.

"He's hard just for you... because he wants to be surrounded by your tight little ass..." He moved Alex' hand up and down with his own hand. "He's so big just because you made him." He licked Alex' earlobe, softly nibbling on it. "I want you so bad, it takes a lot of me not to rip off all your clothes and just take what I want, but that's not who I am. You can be sure I wouldn't do what you don't want."

And Lewis meant every word he said. He wouldn't do it without Alex' consent, because he just wanted the both of them to enjoy this. He wasn't an egoistic lover after all. Never had been, and never would be. And maybe - just maybe - Alex would like the sex even better than the sex he most likely had with Jackson. Lewis knew he was good, but he didn't know if he was good enough to beat love. Time would show. And Alex could still pull out the last minute, even though Lewis highly doubted he would. Also: he had said he was single, so maybe the relationship with Jackson was over anyways. But even if it was, it would still hurt Jackson that Lewis had him.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: **Thanks again for the comments… and I wanna reply to them directly… :-)

Dana: You will get an answer to your question about what Lewis thought who Alex was in this chapter, so I won't tell you beforehand, but you might be right ;-)

Also, I have to admit, that I didn't start watching GA before the whole Callie/Erica thing happened, so I might have never been that much under "that spell" or how you called it… I always liked the show, and Mark was my favourite since right from the start… I never cared much for Izzie or Lexie, for example… but I loved Jackson since right from the start, so yeah… I believe you when you say it's still good, but I'm just so sick of Shonda killing off all my favourite characters… (she did that in Private Practice, too, the same time she did it in GA -.-), so yeah… Maybe when I'm bored some day I will catch up, but with Mark – for ME – something is just missing…

Anyways… I'm glad you liked the chapter nevertheless, and I hope, you will go on liking the story… we'll see… :-)

JJ: I'm really, really sorry, and I hope, you're not gonna hate us after this chapter… ;-) XD

I hope, you all are not going to hate us after what we're doing here, but it's for the "greater good" *coughs*

I hope, you still enjoy Chapter 22… but if not, we'll understand… Merry X-Mas by the way… it's already the 24th December where I am and here we Celebrate X-Mas on 24th… so yeah… ;-)

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex could not believe the way his night was turning out. If anyone had told him this morning that he would be making out with one of the most attractive people he had ever met, who had happened to be a guy, he would have called this someone a raving lunatic.

Yet, here he was being pressed up against an alley wall being told things that would make Hugh Hefner blush and was making Alex harder then he thought was possible. The things Lewis was saying he was going to do to Alex made his breath hitch and his pulse race.

"_I want you so bad, it takes a lot of me not to rip off all your clothes and just take what I want, but that's not who I am. You can be sure I wouldn't do what you don't want._"

Alex could hear the lust in Lewis's voice. He pressed his body tight to Alex's and when Lewis's erection collided with his own he felt his cock jump.

"Feels like you want me too, tell me you want me too" Lewis said as he kissed Alex again. Possessively and leaving no question of his want and intentions.

Breaking away from the kiss Lewis was looking at Alex intently. His eyes stirring the same feeling of need inside Alex that they had back inside the bar.

"Say it" Lewis commanded and Alex put two firm hands on Lewis's waist and pulled the man as close as possible.

"I want you. Now!"

With a smile Lewis began to rub his clothed erection alongside Alex's and received a moan in appreciation. Lewis was going to drive him crazy with want.

"You got a car?" Lewis asked and Alex nodded his head silently.

"Can't drive, though" he said "won't be able to make it up the block before I pull to the side and rip your clothes off" Alex was already imaging Lewis naked. Firm body and all that beautiful golden skin. He wanted to taste it. Lick every part of the man until Alex covered every single inch.

"I got it" Lewis said reaching into Alex's right pocket and fishing his keys out "I got you" and with another bruising kiss he grabbed hold of Alex's hand and pulled him towards the man's car that sat just across from the bar.

It took 33 minutes to get to Lewis's apartment. Alex had no idea what the man did for a living, but whatever it was, it paid very well.

The second after Lewis parked Alex's car he pulled Alex in for another kiss. His hand reached down and grabbed Alex's cock once more. "I don't want you going soft on me" Lewis said with a smile and taking a quick look out of the car window he unzipped Alex's pants and reached a hand inside.

Alex lifted his hips and gasped at the warmness that surrounded his cock at Lewis's hand. "You're so big Alex" Lewis said "I can't wait to feel it on my tongue as you fuck my face"

Pushing his head back into the seat behind him Alex felt like his entire body was on fire. "Please, Lewis" Alex begged.

"What do you want Alex?"

"I-I want your mouth on my cock"

Letting go of Alex's erection Lewis unbuttoned the man's jeans and as Alex lifted his hips Lewis pulled them down along with his boxers and Alex's cock sprung up. Long and thick and in desperate need of attention.

Leaning down Lewis kissed the tip of the head and watched as it stood up straighter. "Anyone ever tell you how gorgeous your dick is, Alex?" Lewis asked "because it's amazing"

Looking down at Lewis Alex managed to not blush at the compliment.

Tracing his tongue along the shaft Lewis made his movement slow and teasing. Alex grabbed onto the seat and dug his nails into the fabric.

When Lewis went back up he gave one last smile to Alex and in the very next second Lewis engulfed Alex's member.

"Fuck" Alex said as he bucked his hips up involuntarily. Lewis's mouth was so warm and the suction that the man gave every few seconds was making Alex feel dizzy.

Looking down at the top of Lewis's head he watched as the man went up and down.

Slow, fast, slow, fast.

Alex hadn't even cum yet, but it was easier the best blowjob he had ever received.

Placing a tentative hand on Lewis's head he ran his fingers through the tight curls. At that moment Lewis took him in fully until the man's nose was buried in Alex's pubes. The tentative hold turned into a tight squeeze and was joined by Alex's other hand.

As Lewis went back up Alex let him take a breath before pushing Lewis's head down again "Take it" he said as he lifted his hips to get more of his cock in the man's mouth.

Alex had never been one for dirty talk, but Lewis was bringing out a lot of things in Alex that he never knew were there.

"Your mouth is so warm" Alex told him "you're so damn amazing".

He could feel Lewis swirl his tongue around his shaft one more time and in that second Alex could feel the churning in his balls and he knew he was dangerously close to coming.

"Lewis, I'm about to-" he tried to say before another suction from Lewis. He felt the man lift off his cock and replace it with his hand "Do it" Lewis kissed him roughly as his hand worked furiously on Alex's shaft.

Alex looked at the man desperately. He wanted to so badly, but he didn't want this to end...not this soon.

"Come for me, baby" Lewis repeated as he buried his face in Alex's neck and as Lewis began to kiss his neck Alex exploded all over Lewis's hand with a strangled yell. He had only heard stories about blacking out during ejaculation, but Alex could now take it as a fact.

It took several moments before Alex was able to come down from his high and he saw Lewis smiling at him as he reached into his pocket and pulled out some wet wipes.

"You're so amazing" Alex said again "I'm sorry that I-" he trailed off.

"I'm glad you did" Lewis said as he wiped his hands off and then grabbed another wipe to clean off Alex.

Leaning over he kissed Alex's ear and took his earlobe between his teeth and Alex could already feel the familiar stirrings of arousal.

"We have a long night ahead of us" Lewis said "and I want to get everything out of you that I can" he trailed his kisses from Alex's ear to his neck.

"Now I want to take you to my apartment and fuck your brain out, how's that sound?" Lewis asked.

"Like a damn good idea" and Alex was surprised at how much he meant it. Alex wanted Lewis, all of him, and the thought of having the man inside of him made Alex's cock start to grow once again.

"Then let's get going" and with that Lewis unlocked the door and stepped out with Alex following close behind.

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Michael had to work the nightshift, so Lewis had asked him to have the apartment for tonight. He had already planned to hit on someone that night, but that he would find Jackson's boyfriend the exact same night was a welcoming surprise. One he definitely liked. And he had already noticed that Jackson had a really good taste in men, even though Lewis hadn't seen all too much of Alex just yet, but he liked what he had seen so far.

Once they were inside the apartment, Lewis pushed Alex against the door and pressed his lips on Alex' hard and forcefully, feeling that it was exactly the way Alex liked it that moment. He grabbed Alex' wrists and held them steady while he was rubbing himself up against Alex.

"Look who's horny again," he chuckled in between two kisses, letting go of Alex' lips and looking him in the eye. "Looks like someone can't get enough."

"Of you?" Alex smirked. "Not a chance." He freed himself from Lewis' grip and turned him around to push Lewis against the door. "It's my turn now."

Lewis grinned at him. If he was honest to himself, he wouldn't have thought Alex would be the one to take the initiative all of a sudden, but he liked that side of him and he liked, that he obviously was the one who had brought it out.

"Show me what you got, babe..." he heard Alex whisper into his ear and felt him licking his earlobe, nibbling at it with a gentle force that drove Lewis up the wall. He normally was the one in control, and to give it up like that - even for a minute - wasn't something he was used to, but he liked it right then and it kind of turned him on to let Alex have the upper hand for a moment.

Alex first got rid of Lewis' leather jacked, before his lips travelled to Lewis' collarbone and sucked on it. "You're so fucking hot... but I want more..."

"Why don't you take what you want? I'm all yours," Lewis said back, stretching his arms in the air when Alex tugged at his shirt.

Alex didn't waste any time and pulled the shirt over Lewis' head and then he just looked at him, standing there in his tight, dark jeans with the obvious bulge between his legs, obviously appreciating the view.

"Do you like what you see?" Lewis asked with a self-confident smile, pulling Alex closer again by his shirt.

"Very," Alex whispered, letting one of his hands slide over Lewis' chest.

"And that wasn't even half of it... wait until you see it all," Lewis whispered back, deciding it was time to take control again. "Come on..." He grabbed Alex' hand and pulled him to the sofa, sitting down and taking Alex with him who landed in his lap with his legs spread.

Lewis let out a low moan. "Now that's a position I could get used to," he said a little breathlessly, demonstratively bucking up and pressing his erection against Alex' ass who let out a moan himself.

"God... Lewis... I..." Alex stammered. "I wanna see it."

"Wanna see what?" Lewis grinned, even though he had a vague idea what he was talking about. He could tell that Alex hadn't done this dirty talk thing very often by the way he did it, but on the same time it was so fucking sexy that Lewis couldn't help it. He just had to make him say some more.

"Your... your cock... I wanna see your cock. I wanna touch it..." Alex finally stated and Lewis slid back on the couch a little more so Alex was now on his thighs.

"It's all yours... you just have to come and get it..." He leaned forward. "And look what a filthy mouth you're having. Have you any idea how hot it is having you talk like that?"

"Yeah?" Alex asked back while his hands were already unbuckling Lewis' belt.

"Oh yeah..." Lewis gave back, lifting up his hips just enough for Alex to be able to pull his jeans and boxers down, but that obviously wasn't enough for Alex, because he got up and undressed him completely in a matter of seconds, before sitting down in his lap again, while still fully dressed.

"I think... you're overdressed," Lewis said, making quick work of Alex' jacket and shirt, and not wasting any more time. He unbuttoned Alex' pants once again and shoved it down alongside his boxers and watched Alex stepping out of both of it immediately.

"That's better." Lewis said, pulling Alex down onto him again and pulling him very close. "And now..." he leaned forward, kissing Alex' neck, and touching his nipples. "Now I'm gonna prepare you for what's going to happen. I'm gonna prepare you for my big... hard... cock..." He took Alex' hand, placing it around his shaft. "See how hard it is? Feel how much I want you?" He started sucking one of Alex' nipples into his mouth, causing Alex to let out a loud moan.

"Tell me you want this too... tell me you want me to fuck you like there's no tomorrow."

"I want you..." Alex replied without any hesitation. "I want you deep inside of me and I want you to show me what good of a lover you are. You promised I would enjoy it," Alex went on with a grin and Lewis liked it. He liked that Alex got some of his self-confidence back.

He slid back a little and looked down between Lewis' parted legs.

"God... such a damn pretty cock of yours..." Alex said, before sliding down between Lewis' legs and kneeling between them. He grabbed a hold of Lewis' cock and started massaging it like he had never done anything else.

"Oh my god..." Lewis pressed out, surprised by the sudden forcefulness of Alex' actions. Judging by the way Alex touched him it definitely wasn't the first time he did it, even though on the other hand some of his movements were almost clumsy. It was the perfect mixture and Lewis had to put a lot of effort into not coming right then.

"Wanna take it into that hot, dirty mouth of yours?" Lewis asked, gently placing a hand underneath Alex' chin. "I would love to have your mouth around my cock... seeing it vanish between those petty lips of yours. Will you do me the favour and suck me?"

A light blush rose on Alex' cheeks, but maybe it was just the dim light they were making out in, Lewis couldn't tell, but he looked so erotic in this moment, so sexy, that Lewis just had to stare at him for a couple more seconds. He was enjoying that way too much, and he knew he would enjoy it even more as time would pass. This night would definitely be one Alex would never forget. Because he would make him never forget. He would make him scream his name and he would mark him, so whenever he had sex with Jackson again, he would have to think about him, because he was so much better.

**Alex Karev POV:**

Lewis's erection felt fleshy and strong in his hands. He would have never though the day would come when he was holding another man's cock in his hand for other than medical reasons and he was contemplating putting it in his mouth.

Alex didn't lie when he told Lewis it was beautiful. Most cocks, as far as Alex could tell from porn, were not very attractive. Discoloured and veiny, it had never made Alex want to be near any other one but his own.

Lewis's cock however. It was perfectly brown with a head that only seemed to get more engorged the tighter Alex squeezed the base. Alex could see the man was a fan of keeping things trim and neat, a habit Alex thought he could do well to covet. His balls sat comfortably just below his base and they were neither too big nor too small. If Alex was going to have cock envy for anyone it was going to be Lewis'. Looking up at the man Alex smiled as he thought about the fact that, at least for the night, that cock would belong to Alex and he could do anything he wanted to it.

_"I would love to have your mouth around my cock... seeing it vanish between those petty lips of yours. Will you do me the favour and suck me?"_

Alex's stomach fluttered at the request. He had come so far in such a short amount of time, but if he did this...if he gave a blowjob to another man that would be a line he couldn't uncross.

Still, he couldn't deny the insatiable want to do it.

It was time for Alex to change his life. He needed to accept that he wasn't the kind of man that was ever going to find the woman of his dreams. He was somebody who was going to burn through life and if that was the case he should enjoy everything that made him feel good until his light was snuffed out.

Giving a light tug to Lewis's dick and hearing the man moan Alex decided that making Lewis lose control was going to make him feel good.

Dipping his head down Alex stuck his tongue out and lightly swiped it across the heated flesh.

"That's it" Lewis whispered "just like that".

The talk had spurred Alex on and running his tongue up and down he tasted the hint of salt and soap and Alex felt as if it was a taste he could grow to love. Breaking away Alex looked at Lewis's erection as it glistened from his spit and licking his lips one final time he took Lewis's cock in his mouth completely.

"Fuck" Lewis said harshly as he bucked his hips up. The man was a bit too big for Alex to take fully, the cock felt heavy and thick in Alex's mouth and he tried his best to remember what Lewis had done to him in the car. Swirling his tongue around the shaft he sucked lightly whenever he travelled upward and going by Lewis' sounds he was doing a good job.

Everything he couldn't get in his mouth he pumped in time with his movements.

"Alex" Lewis said as he put a hand on top of Alex's head and began to guide his movements "you're going to make me cum if you keep that up"

Alex wanted to. He wanted to taste everything the man had to offer and more. He started to go faster and as he got used to the motions his confidence grew.

His mind was buzzing with so much arousal that it wasn't until he felt Lewis physically pull him off his cock that the world became something more then Lewis's dick.

"I want to be inside you when I cum" Lewis said as he kissed Alex. The man stood up and pulled Alex up with him. Both stood in the middle of the large living room completely naked and making out with one another. Lewis started to push Alex backwards towards an open door. Never breaking contact with his lips Lewis guided him through a bedroom that looked bigger then any bedroom Alex had ever seen.

He saw Lewis kick the door close once the two men were inside and when Alex felt the back of his knees hit the end of the bed Lewis pushed him down on it.

"Turn around and get on all fours" Lewis said. His voice was commanding and authoritative. It wasn't a request, but an order and Alex's cock got even harder. He would have never thought that being put in such a submissive role would turn him on so much.

"Now Alex" and without a moment's hesitation Alex turned around and got on his hands and knees. Lewis walked up behind him and rubbed his erection against Alex's ass.

"It's going to feel so good" Lewis said as he bent over and kissed the back of Alex's neck while he reached into the nightstand and pulled out a condom.

This was going to happen.

Lewis trailed his tongue down Alex's spine and it made the man shiver. His hands palmed Alex's ass and once the man gave a final kiss to the curve of Alex's back reached a hand down and lightly caressed the man's balls.

"I'm going to open you up" Lewis whispered "make you wide enough to take me".

Lewis kissed both of Alex's cheeks before spreading them and that's when he saw Alex's opening. Pink, puckered and tight.

At the initial feeling of Lewis' tongue Alex jumped. The sensation was new and he wasn't sure what to expect.

"Relax" Lewis said calmly and Alex willed his body to keep still. When Alex felt Lewis' tongue open him up he bowed his head. It didn't feel nearly as bad as he had imagined it would. The tongue penetrated him and as Lewis moved it back and forth Alex's cock started to grow hard once more.

Alex felt himself start to sweat. Suddenly everything felt warmer and feeling Lewis take out his tongue and replace it with one finger Alex gripped the bed sheet tightly. He couldn't lie and pretend like he wasn't uncomfortable. It felt like an intrusion, but Alex was going to ride it out.

The first finger was joined by a second and feeling Lewis bend his digits inside of Alex made the man's toes curl. Alex was just starting to get into it when he felt Lewis take his fingers out and stand behind him.

"I'm going to fuck you now" he said and Alex turned his head around just in time to see Lewis rip open the condom package with his teeth and smile down at Alex. It was one of the hottest things he had ever seen in his life.

"You ready?"

Nodding his head enthusiastically Alex wiggled his behind to show his want.

"That's my boy" and pressing close behind Alex Lewis put on the condom then put the tip of his cock at Alex's opening. It felt blunt against him and Alex took a few deep breaths as he prepared for the penetration.

Lewis was kind enough to push in slowly. Only letting the head enter Alex before pulling out. He felt Lewis reach under him and grab his dick to pump it. Alex was as hard as he had been in the car. Lewis was going to make him cum twice in one night and that was quite unique for him.

Lewis had worked in half of his cock before the discomfort started again, but at feeling Alex trying to get used to him Lewis pumped him faster. By the time Lewis was fully inside of him Alex felt nothing but the need for release.

"Lewis" Alex whispered as he lifted his top half off the bed and felt Lewis let go of his cock and wrap his arm around Alex's chest as he thrust into Alex with a steady rhythm.

"You're so tight" Lewis whispered in his ear "much tighter then I would have imagined". Alex wasn't quite sure what he meant, but at that point he really didn't care. As long as Lewis continued pumping into him Alex didn't care about anything else.

Pushing Alex back down Lewis put his hands on Alex's hips and pulled him back to meet him every time he went back into the man.

"You like this?" Lewis asked. His voice rough and scratchy "Tell me you like it"

"I like it" Alex said breathlessly "I love it".

Lewis increased his force and now with each thrust back into Alex the sound of Lewis' hips slamming against the man's ass made a resounding thud throughout the room.

Lewis pulled out and with his hands flipped Alex over onto his back. Before he knew what was going on Lewis was atop him and had thrust back inside in one long motion.

"Lewis" Alex exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around the man's neck.

"Lift your ass...meet me" Lewis said.

Doing so he felt Lewis hit something inside of him that made his body convulse. The feeling was completely foreign and Alex wanted to feel it over and over again.

Lewis had seemed to read his mind, because he started hitting that spot every time he went into Alex. Feeling Lewis grab on his cock he knew he would not last long at this rate.

"Tell me I'm the best" Lewis said "Tell me no other cock is as good as this one"

The spot was hit again and to keep that sensation Alex would tell him anything. "You're the best" he said to Lewis "no other cock is as good as yours"

Lewis' hand moved faster on his dick and Alex bucked up. He was so close and he wanted nothing more then to just feel that release again.

"Who are you?" Lewis asked harshly in his ear.

"What?" Alex asked confused.

"Who are you?" Lewis asked again as he thrust into Alex once more.

"Yours" Alex told him as he saw stars behind his eyes "I'm yours"

"Damn straight" Lewis said with a smile and he rammed into Alex fast and brutally. His hands worked over Alex and the man could not hold off any longer. Lewis could feel how close he was.

"Do it, Alex" Lewis told him "cum for me again" and that was all it took. Lewis bent forward and swallowed Alex's orgasmic screams. A few more thrusts and Lewis unleashed inside him.

It took several moments for the two to come down. Lewis had collapsed onto Alex's chest and bending down Alex kissed the top of Lewis' head.

"So, did I deliver my promise" Lewis asked.

"And more" Alex told him with a laugh.

The two lay in that position until Lewis extracted himself from Alex and he was surprised by the sudden feeling of emptiness.

Lewis stood up and rolled the condom off as he headed for the bathroom. He watched as Lewis dumped the condom into the toilet and flushed it before wetting a washrag and heading back towards Alex.

Wiping Alex's chest off he followed that by cleaning off his cock. Lewis bent down to kiss him "You were fantastic" he said.

"Likewise" Alex responded as he raised himself up of the bed and kissed Lewis again "I never knew it could feel like that"

"Really?" Lewis asked and if Alex didn't know any better he would have thought the man was surprised.

"Yeah" Alex said "I've never...not with another guy"

Lewis' eyes seemed to grow "I thought I heard you with your boyfriend on the phone earlier"

"Jackson?" Alex asked amused "he's my best friend and roommate, but no, it ends there"

Lewis stood up and suddenly Alex knew something was wrong "Everything okay?"

"Yeah" Lewis said and he sounded angry. Alex had no idea what was going on, but he suddenly felt like he was missing something important.

"I should go" Alex went to get up and Lewis ran over and put a hand on his shoulder "No, stay the night" Lewis told him "I'm going to want to fuck you at least one more time before we part ways" and the smile washed away all of Alex's worries.

"Okay" he said and laid back down.

"Now, I'm going into the kitchen to make us something to eat" Lewis said "I need to keep your strength up".

Walking out of the door Alex admired Lewis' ass until it was out of sight. Putting his arms behind his head Alex felt better then he had in quite awhile.

"Hey, you like turkey?" he heard Lewis ask.

"Love it" Alex yelled back and looking up at the ceiling a smile crossed his lips. He could get used to this.

Very used to it.

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis was glad he was such a good actor sometimes. That was something he had learned very early on when he was still a kid. To never show his true feelings and such, because he was an Avery and Averys wouldn't do that. They would always be the sovereign people some other people would look up to and showing some feelings was showing some weakness. So of course Lewis managed to compose himself pretty well after he found out that he had fucked the wrong guy.

Also: it didn't change the fact that he enjoyed it pretty much. More than he thought he would. More than probably was good for him.

Alex made him feel different, and that he was the first one he had ever slept with, or rather, the first guy, made this night somehow special. He of course couldn't just let him go like this. He wasn't a bad person after all, and even though in the beginning he used him to hurt Jackson, the rest of the night wouldn't be about Jackson anymore.

Added to that, even though Alex was just a friend for his younger brother, Lewis knew that he wouldn't like the fact that the two of them had sex anyways, it probably just wouldn't hurt him that much that it wasn't his boyfriend. But that was still a goal Lewis could reach once he just met Jackson's significant other.

He knew there was someone, even though Michael had been very vague, because he hadn't been sure himself when Lewis had last talked to him about this. He had told him that he needed to find out more before he could tell him exactly who this person in Jackson's life was.

Lewis shook away the thoughts about Jackson when he heard the sound of footsteps and turned around to look at Alex, who was standing in the kitchen doorway completely naked.

For a couple of seconds he just appreciated the view, before he took a few steps towards Alex, grabbing his hips. "Couldn't wait for me to come back, huh?"

Alex looked up at him. "Pretty sure of yourself, aren't you?" he grinned and Lewis loved the playfulness in his words. He hated nothing more than a total submissive lover who did everything he wanted him to do in the wrong moments, but Alex was perfect the way he was. He had been insecure for a little while when they were having sex, but considering the fact that he obviously never had done it with a guy before that was normal, and right now it seemed like nothing of it was there anymore.

"Well... I have every reason to, don't I?" Lewis smirked, letting his hands slide to Alex' butt and pulling him close, slapping his ass and causing Alex to wince for a moment.

"Sorry, did... did I hurt you?" he asked immediately, but Alex looked up at him, shaking is head and grinning.

"Not at all... but it turns me on when you're so worried."

"I'm not worried," Lewis replied without hesitation and he really wasn't. He just knew that sex with a man could be painful the first time, even when it was done right. He experienced that himself with a very careless lover, and he definitely wouldn't do that to anyone else.

"Yes you are, but I think it's cute," Alex joked, causing Lewis to slap him on the ass again.

"I'm _not _cute, okay?" he replied in a warning tone, trying to keep up a straight face, but failing miserably and pouting instead.

"Oh yes, you are," Alex chuckled and before Lewis could say anything else, he already felt Alex' lips on his own and couldn't do anything besides responding to the kiss, that started out soft and gentle, but Alex definitely had learned his lesson, because he let his tongue slide into Lewis' mouth immediately and sucked it into his own, starting to kiss him like there was no tomorrow.

Lewis felt himself being pushed against the doorframe and Alex lips started travelling down, kissing one of his nipples and pulling it between his teeth and he couldn't help the moan that escaped his lips.

"I thought we... we wanted to eat something," he hissed, feeling Alex' hands on both of his thighs, sliding up and down and then between his legs, but without touching his cock at all. He was teasing him. And Lewis loved every minute of it. Every second.

"I'm not hungry anymore..." Alex replied. "At least not for food," He went down to his knees, starting to kiss and lick Lewis' inner thighs and it already drove Lewis up the wall.

"Alex... what are you doing? Stop torturing me," he almost begged. Alex brought out a side in him he didn't even know he had and it turned him on more than it probably should.

"No!" he heard Alex say, feeling Alex' hands grabbing his ass and sliding in between his butt cheeks with one finger, teasing his hole.

"No?" Lewis gasped. "What do you mean by no?"

"I mean..." Alex grinned. "That I want to make you beg... like you made me beg before."

Lewis raised an eyebrow. "That's SO not gonna happen," he replied, pulling Alex back to his feet and looking into his eyes and there was so much passion, so much fire, that he couldn't help admiring it.

"Sure about that?" Alex asked, leaning forward and kissing Lewis' neck, finding a pretty sensitive spot like he was some sort of sniffling dog who knew exactly what to look for.

Lewis hands clung to Alex' shoulders and he closed his eyes, letting his head fall into his neck. "Oh... God..." he whispered, trying to compose himself again, but the more Alex touched and kissed him, the more he lost control. His cock was already starting to rise up again. Without Alex even touching it.

When Alex rubbed himself up against him, Lewis could feel that he also was already quite excited and the hardness of Alex' cock made him even hotter. Made him want the other guy even more than before.

For a moment he gained control again and lifted Alex up, so he could wrap his legs around his waist, which Alex did immediately. Lewis turned them around and pressed Alex against the kitchen doorframe, thrusting upwards to make him feel what was undeniable anyways.

"You're... such a tease, Alex," he said into Alex ears, catching his earlobe between his teeth and biting it, causing Alex to moan out loud and cling to him.

"You... standing in the kitchen naked... with your bare ass directed at me was just too damn tempting to not do anything," Alex admitted. "And... you didn't lie when you told me you were a good lover."

"Told you so," Lewis said with a grin, still moving against Alex, but feeling that he started to get heavy with the time. So he decided it was time to switch positions and carried Alex over to the sofa before he sat down with Alex in his lap.

"You know what I would love right now?" he asked, letting a hand slide over Alex' chest downwards between his legs.

"What?" Alex asked curiously.

"For you to ride me... to ride my cock... to let me watch you move and squirm on me..." Lewis replied, grabbing Alex' cock and touching the head with his thumb. "You'd like that?"

"Oh yeah, I'd like that," Alex said and Lewis could tell that it surprised him very much to say those words.

Understandable after all Lewis had found out tonight. But now he was his, now he would never be able to have sex again without thinking about him. Without thinking about the things Lewis had done to him. Especially not with a man. Alex would never forget this night, ever, and Lewis would take care that he would have far more to remember it by.

Slowly, he pushed Alex off his lap and getting up.

"What are you doing?" Alex asked, looking up at him.

Lewis winked. "I'll be right back... gonna grab some... stuff," he winked at him. "And then I'll be ready for round two."

He already knew Michael would kill him if there would be any stains on his new couch, but right now Lewis couldn't care less. He would make it up to him. Or buy him another couch, whatever.

He went to his bedroom and opened the drawer of his nightstand to take out some condoms and the lube he hadn't used the first time, but would definitely use now, because he was sure Alex must be pretty sore after he just popped his cherry. It didn't have to be uncomfortable at all.

When he came back into the living room, Alex was sitting there with his hand around his cock, touching himself.

"Couldn't wait for me to come back, huh?" he asked, placing the condoms and the lube on the table and pushing away Alex' hand to replace it with his own. "Who told you that you could start without me?"

"No one," Alex replied, totally getting into Lewis' game.

"So why did you do it? I think I need to punish you," Lewis said in a very strict tone, causing Alex to shiver.

"Yeah, I was a bad boy," Alex moaned.

"I'm gonna..." Lewis leaned over him, letting his dick touch Alex' when sinking down on him, biting down at some spot on Alex' collarbone and causing him to buck up. "I'm gonna make you ride my cock and I'm gonna make you come all over again so you'll never forget how good I was and whose you are."

"I'm all yours, Lewis, I'm all yours," Alex replied and Lewis just smiled.

He had been angry when he had found out who Alex was and that this was definitely not how he imagined everything to be, but he knew he could take advantage of the whole situation anyways, because he would make Alex love this... their sex... so much that he would come back, and Jackson would hate him for it. Jackson was about to lose everything. First his friend, then his significant other. Lewis would make his life a living hell, and Jackson would finally pay for everything he had done to him, slowly but surely.

**Jackson Avery & Alex Karev POV:**

Alex woke up to the sun shining in his face. Throwing his hands up to try and block it out he lifted his head and tried to gather his senses.

The first thing he noticed was that he was completely naked and in a room that was not his own. The images of the previous night came flooding back into his memory and it made Alex smile.

"You're awake" Lewis said as he walked into the bedroom wearing nothing but boxers. Blue and white striped ones to be more specific. He was also carrying a glass of orange juice and a blueberry muffin for Alex.

"Yeah" Alex smiled as he took the offered drink and took a long gulp. Alex had no idea how thirsty he was until the glass was empty and he sat it down on the night stand.

"You want another?" Lewis asked and Alex shook his head no "I have to get to work" he said and made a move to get up off the bed before realizing he wasn't wearing anything.

"I think we're pretty much past the point of bashful nudity" Lewis said amusingly "but here" and he reached over to a recliner located next to the bed. He grabbed a washrag, towel, and a clean pair of boxers for Alex "There's a shower across the hall you can use"

"Thanks" Alex grabbed the items and stood up. Lewis was right. The two had become more then familiar with one another's bodies and to be shy now would seem childish and unnecessary.

The shower had felt amazing. Hot water and the shampoo that Alex had smelled radiating from Lewis had woken him up fully. He had brushed his teeth with the extra toothbrush Lewis had left for him and by time he exited the bathroom he felt like a new man. In more ways then one.

He walked back into Lewis' bedroom wearing the boxers Lewis had given him and saw the man laying down on the bed. His arms behind his head and his legs crossed at his ankles.

"You look so fucking hot" Lewis said with a grin "are you sure you can't play hooky?"

"I'd love to" Alex said as he crawled on top of Lewis and kissed him "but that place would fall apart without me" and before he got up he rubbed his cock against Lewis'.

"Tease" Lewis laughed "you know you gotta pay for that eventually"

"I look forward to it" Alex bent down to pick up the jeans that Lewis had set down on the end of the bed.

"Have you seen my shirt?" Alex asked and Lewis hopped up off the bed

"I'm afraid it still smells like the beer I spilled on you last night"

Opening his closet Lewis pulled out a blue 3 button shirt.

Walking over Lewis grabbed Alex by the arm and pulled him close "but I think this should fit you well" and he began to put the shirt on Alex.

Once it was on Alex shook it loose and looked at Lewis for approval "Hot shit" Lewis told him and followed it with a kiss.

"Thanks" Alex said "I can't tell you much this all means to me"

Lewis held a look that Alex couldn't really read, but the smile he got seemed genuine "It meant a lot to me too Alex, I mean that"

"Don't be a stranger" Lewis said and Alex scoffed "are you kidding? I'm going to be working my entire shift with a hard-on just thinking about you"

"You sure know how to make a guy feel special" Lewis laughed. Alex put his socks and sneakers on and grabbed Lewis around the waist to pull him flush against his body.

"I'm going to need to see you again very soon" he said and kissed Lewis' neck. Opening the night stand Alex pulled out a loose piece of paper and a pen to write down his number. Once finished he opened the waist band of Lewis' boxers and stuck the piece of paper in there and threw the pen onto the bed.

"Make good use of that" Alex told him and with one final kiss he exited Lewis' bedroom and his apartment.

It was stupid for Jackson to worry. Alex Karev was a grown man who was more then capable of taking care of himself. Still, he couldn't stop the little nugget of concern that wanted to at least know the man was okay.

He had been lost in thoughts and it wasn't until he heard Callie's voice that he was taken out of his thoughts.

"Hey Avery" Callie said as she walked up to the man and Jackson's body tensed instantly. Their last conversation still shamed Jackson. He was taught to always remain as stoic and civil as possible. Yet he had been a complete wreck in front of Callie.

He couldn't talk to her without having to relive every humiliating moment.

"How are you Jackson?" she asked softly. Loud enough for only him to hear.

"Good" he said as he looked down at a chart. He knew she didn't believe him, but he hoped that the woman wouldn't push it.

"Look Jackson" Callie said " I ran into Derek after our...talk". Jackson couldn't help but look up surprisingly.

Holding up her hand Callie gave him a small smile "Nothing happened between them...I can promise you" she told him as she placed a hand on his shoulder "those two just have this level of comfort with each other that leads to completely awkward, but completely innocent situations"

"I never thought..." Jackson started to say "I know nothing happened".

"That's good" Callie smiled "so why did you seem so upset?"

"Because me and Mark will never be that close" Jackson said quietly "it was just hard to see that fact laid out on the sofa like that"

"Jackson" Callie said and the man could hear the pity in his voice and it made his skin crawl. He hated pity more then anything else in the world.

"Mark is coming in to meet with Dr. Lee and his new therapist" Callie told him "I know he would really love for you to be there"

"No" Jackson said strongly and he could tell Callie was taken aback by it "I mean I'm just swamped today" he added.

"Talk to him Jackson" she pleaded and as he was about to respond he saw Alex stroll into the hospital.

"Yeah, okay" Jackson said "I'll talk to you later Callie" and patting her on the shoulder he ran across the room to catch up with Alex.

He was more then happy to get out of that conversation. He was about to reach Alex when he felt a strong grip on his arm that stopped him in his tracks.

"I hear Sloan is meeting Lewis today" Michael said casually. Jackson yanked his arm out of Michael's grasp.

"Yeah, so?"

"So" Michael said with a smile "I think it would be a good idea if we all had lunch together"

Jackson couldn't help but laugh "Not happening" he said and was about to walk away before he felt the hand back on his arm.

"That's wasn't a request" Michael said sternly.

Jackson's smile was wiped away as fast as it came "Fine" he said.

"I'd also like you to sit by me" Michael added as an after thought.

"What are you trying to prove?" Jackson hissed and now it was Michael that smiled.

"Nothing" Michael said "see you at lunch" and with that the man was off.

Jackson watched him leave and he did his best to calm the fear that fluttered in his stomach. Looking over he saw Alex walking towards the locker rooms and running over he caught the man just after he went in.

"Alex" Jackson said as he rushed into the room.

Turning around Alex looked at Jackson "Hey, man" he said with a smile as he put his book bag on the bench and opened it up.

"Hey, man?" Jackson asked "That's all? Me and April have been worried about you"

"Why?" Alex pulled out a stick of deodorant to apply "I told you I was fine last night"

"You didn't look fine" Jackson said "April really needs to talk to you"

"She said all she needed to last night" Alex responded "I dealt with it and I'm moving on"

"Just that fast?" Jackson asked.

"Come on, Jackson" Alex smiled "you know the kind of men we are...moving on is what we do best"

Jackson felt himself bristle. He did his best to ignore Alex's comment. He knew the man was hurting, despite his outward appearance.

"Just talk to her, man" Jackson said "she needs you".

Alex unzipped his jacket and once he took it off he placed it in his locker along with his back pack.

"I needed her, but she didn't seem to care very much about that, did she?"

Jackson was suddenly drawn to Alex's shirt. He recognized that shirt. It wasn't one of Alex's, but Jackson knew it looked very familiar.

"Where did you get that shirt?" Jackson asked and Alex looked at him curiously.

"Why?"

Looking up from the shirt to Alex's face Jackson's mind was racing. Alex may have had a total of 6 shirts that he rotated throughout his wardrobe and that was not one of them.

"Alex" Jackson said again "Where?"

"A friend" Alex said and pulled it further up his chest. It still smelled like Lewis and Alex smiled as the man's face came back to him.

Jackson had come to think of Alex as a brother and over the past few months he had learned to be able to read him pretty well and right now Alex was holding something back.

_A brother_

"_You be careful out there; it's not safe if you don't know who to trust_"

It hit Jackson like a bag of bricks. The shirt was the same one his brother was wearing when he saw him at Michael's apartment.

The exact same one.

"That shirt belongs to Lewis" Jackson said astonishingly. Alex suddenly looked as shocked as Jackson did.

"How do you know Lewis?" Alex said as he walked up to Jackson. Backing away Jackson looked at Alex and shook his head.

"Listen to me Alex" Jackson said "I don't know how you know him, but stay away from him. He is very bad news"

"I can make my own decisions" Alex told him. The anger from Alex rattled Jackson's bones.

"Alex" Jackson pleaded, but Alex waved a hand dismissively.

"I have a shift" Alex said and going back to his locker he took the shirt off and put on his scrubs.

"You don't know him" Jackson said.

"No, _you_ don't know him" Alex responded and grabbing his stethoscope he pushed the door open and walked out onto the floor.

Jackson's stomach flutters were back and he felt himself become short of breath. He was having a panic attack. He doubled over until he placed his head between his knees and he started to take long, deep breaths. After a few moments he felt himself start to calm down again.

Jackson watched the door that Alex had just exited. Jackson couldn't believe that anything happened between Alex and Lewis. It just wasn't possible, and yet, something inside Jackson knew it to be fact.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N:** Thanks again for all your nice comments… we weren't sure if you would like the Alex/Lewis post, because it was… well… extremely dirty… and we're sorry for that ^^" But it was fun nevertheless to bring out this side of Alex… but this chapter will bring you Mark back, and a little more of Jackson… With the next few chapters, you will definitely learn to understand Lewis' and Michael's motives a little more, and even though if they seem to be like the total assholes, there is a lot more behind the story… we're really curious whether you all like it or not… :-)

By the way: Merry Christmas to all of you… Or Happy Chanukah… or whatever you're celebrating, IF you celebrate something. We wish you nice holidays… :)

And now let's get to Chapter 23… Enjoy! :)

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark was pretty nervous once he arrived at the hospital. Today would be the big day. The day he would meet with Doctor Lee and at the same time meet his new therapist who he knew nothing about so far. Doctor Lee had just told him that he was good. Very good, indeed, and that if anyone could help Mark, it would be him. And Mark trusted Doctor Lee. He trusted his judgement.

Unfortunately, Jackson wasn't there to keep him company. He had an early shift and so he couldn't join Mark, even though Mark had asked him to, but it was okay for him.

Still, at some point they really needed to talk. Things between them had been difficult to say at least, and Mark still had a problem with Jackson not talking to him about the things that were really important. He didn't want to pressure him or anything like that, but he also couldn't really bear the thought that Jackson was shutting him out on a big part of his life.

Sighing, he made his way down the hallway to Doctor Lee's office, looking at his watch. He still had like 10 minutes time to kill, so he just sat down in the waiting area, when a slightly familiar voice attracted his attention.

"Doctor Sloan. Haven't seen you since the surgery I had with Doctor Avery," Michael Holt said with a wide smile. "How are you?"

Mark tried not to roll his eyes. This Holt was the last person he wanted to see right now and still he couldn't show it, because he had done nothing to him personally, so he had no apparent reason to hold a grudge against him. Not really.

"I'm good, thank you. Just here for a consult with Doctor Lee," Mark replied politely.

"Oh, so I'm I... then I guess you're the patient?" Michael's smile seemed to grow even wider.

"Maybe..." Mark simply stated and looked to the door of Doctor Lee's office nervously. Why would Doctor Lee need this Holt to consult if it was about him? It was already clear what was wrong with him and he already would meet his therapist today, so no need for another consult, right?

"Okay, then I guess I'll see you soon eventually..." He turned away and was already at the door when he looked at Mark again. "Nice to see you again."

Before Mark could even reply, Holt was already inside Dr. Lee's office with a knock and Mark leaned back in his chair. God, he was nervous. More than he thought he would be. He hoped, this guy... this other doctor... would really be as good as Dr. Lee said. And he hoped, he would like him. He didn't know if he could work with someone who was maybe totally not likeable. Like Holt.

A small grin appeared on Mark's lips. It already seemed like barely anyone liked this Holt at all, and he seemed to not even notice. Or maybe he just didn't care, because he was way too much in love with himself. Meredith seriously seemed be the only one who wanted to be in the same room with him for longer than a couple of seconds.

All of a sudden Mark heard the door of Doctor Lee's office open again and turned around just in time to see Dr. Lee and Holt say good-bye with a handshake and with a last smile at him, Holt made his way down the hallway, before Dr. Lee turned around to look at him.

"Dr. Sloan. You're in time" He made his way to Mark and looked at him, as Mark got up from his chair.

"Yeah... Since this is really important to me... I mean... to get back on track. To get my shit together and work again, of course I'm here in time, but I have to admit: I'm... nervous." Mark didn't mean to say it this open, but on the other hand it might be good that he was.

"You don't need to be. Your therapist is really good. You're gonna like him, I'm sure. He's already waiting for you in my office." Dr. Lee replied.

Mark nodded, before he started following Doctor Lee in his office where he could already see a man standing with his back to Mark. A tall, dark haired man and - as far as Mark could judge - with quite a nice body. He didn't wear a lab coat or anything like that, only jeans and a t-shirt, so he was very casual.

"Dr. Sloan, meet your new therapist," Dr. Lee said, once they had entered his office and his door was closed behind him, and the moment the other guy turned around, it hit Mark like a thunderstorm. Those eyes. They looked so familiar, and he was pretty sure that this guy, whose name he didn't even knew yet, was someone from the Avery family.

He felt some sort of connection immediately, and the open smile on his lips made it very easy for Mark to build some trust. Added to that: if he was someone of the Avery family, he definitely would be good and Mark would be in good hands with him for sure.

"Avery... Lewis Avery," the other man said, offering Mark his hand and smiling brightly.

"Nice to meet you," Mark replied, grabbing his hand and shaking it. "I think I know your brother."

"Oh, I'm sure you do," Lewis said with another smile, letting go of Mark's hand. "It will be my pleasure to work with you. I've heard a lot of good things about you. You reputation is remarkable. Jackie can be really proud to have learned from you."

Mark felt himself getting slightly embarrassed. "Thank you," he gave back. "I heard that a couple of times, yes... but I couldn't have taught him if he wasn't this talented. The moment I first had him under my service I knew the kid was special."

"Oh yeah, that he is," Lewis replied. "I think the two of us will get along pretty well, don't you?"

Mark nodded immediately. "I'm sure we will." He almost couldn't believe that Jackson never mentioned Lewis, when he was such a nice, seemingly great guy. As far as Mark could tell, he was slightly older than Jackson and already very charming and likeable. And Mark was glad that with Lewis, he was able to meet another part of Jackson's family. One, Jackson had yet to mention to him, but he would definitely ask him about Lewis once he got the chance to.

"What do you say, Doctor Sloan" Lewis started, but was cut off by Mark immediately.

"Mark... call me Mark," he smiled.

"If you insist," Lewis went on. "What do you say, Mark..." And he emphasized his name very much. "...if we go to my office now and work out your therapy plan?"

"I'm all in," Mark replied, turning to Doctor Lee questioning.

"I'm finished with you, so be my guest." Doctor Lee said reassuringly.

Mark shook his hand and left his office alongside Lewis Avery, following him to his office. It really surprised him, that he already had an office, though. It had taken Owen a while for Derek to get one after he became chief, and this Lewis Avery had already one? Maybe because he was an Avery and Hunt was afraid of the name, who knew.

An hour and a half later the next weeks of Mark's life were covered with at least two, sometimes even three therapy sessions a week and he just hoped, they would work out the way he wanted them to. But he had to admit, Lewis Avery really knew what he was talking about. He was telling Mark what plans he had with him and how long the recovery would take if he made good progress, and that it could go even faster if his progress was better than expected. Mark just wanted to operate again. He wanted to be the surgeon he used to be.

"Can I invite you to lunch now after this talk?" Lewis asked friendly. "It's almost noon and I'm totally hungry... and I still haven't really found out where the cafeteria is," Lewis smiled.

And how could Mark say no to a smile like his? It reminded him so much of Jackson's smile. One he hadn't seen all too often lately.

"Sure... why not?" he replied, leaving Lewis' office together with him and making his way down the hall to the cafeteria. "I'm just wondering how you could have missed that," Mark grinned. "The cafeteria is usually the first thing anyone notices here."

"Oh, I think I had better things to do... or... to look at," Lewis joked and Mark had to laugh about this comment. Yeah, he already liked the guy and if Lewis felt similiar, it was a good thing, right? He was Jackson's brother after all, and getting along with the family of your significant other was never a bad thing.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson knew Mark was meeting Lewis today. He wanted so badly to accept the invitation Mark had given him to join him during his introduction, but he knew Lewis would know instantly what Mark meant to him.

Alex was only a friend and Lewis had managed to do...something to him in less then 24 hours.

"Avery!"

Looking up Jackson saw Arizona coming towards him. She still held a slight hitch in her step that made her take longer then she normally would to reach him. He had to admire the woman for not only fighting back against her injuries, but completely refusing to let them stop her from doing what she loved.

"Hello, Dr. Robbins" he said and for the first time in a long time the smile that he gave someone was actually genuine.

"Hello" she returned when she finally reached him "I was hoping I would be able to run into you" she had to take a moment to catch her breath. Jackson flashed back to her injuries and remembered reading about her collapsed lung. Her breathing would never be like it used to be, not with a lung that had been forever damaged.

Still, she was happy.

"What do you need?" Jackson asked her cheerfully.

"I have a kid with a bad laceration on his cheek" she said "ran across the bad end of a knife...and I was wondering if you could maybe take a look at it. See if surgery may be needed"

"Sure" he said "it would be my pleasure"

She grinned widely "Great"

Walking beside her he listened as she went over the patient's stats. He was 14. Blonde haired and blue eyed. He had been mugged and thought fighting back was the smart thing to do. He received a significant cross cut on his face for the effort.

"Brave" Jackson said aloud.

"Stupid" Arizona corrected and Jackson laughed.

"That too"

Once beside the teen's bed Jackson introduced himself and started an examination. Lifting the gauze off of his cheek the teen winced slightly.

"Sorry" Jackson said "It's only for a minute"

"That's okay"

"What's your name?" Jackson asked.

"Dylan" the teen replied "Dylan Forester"

"Well Dylan Forester it looks like the cuts are pretty shallow" Jackson said "nothing stitches won't heal"

"Really?" the boy said excitedly "Thank you Dr. Avery"

"No problem" Jackson responded. He was just putting the gauze back into place when Alex appeared at the door.

"Robbins, I need-" he started to say before seeing Jackson and cutting himself off. Looking behind him Jackson saw Alex and quickly turned back around to finish with Arizona's patient.

"What is it Alex?" Arizona asked.

"Nothing...I'll catch up with you later" and Alex quickly made his way down the hall and out of sight.

Once Jackson finished he smiled down at Dylan "It was nice meeting you"

"You too" Dylan said.

Making his way out of the room he felt Arizona grab his arm lightly.

"You and Karev okay?" she asked gently "Things seemed pretty tense there"

"Everything's fine" Jackson said "just stupid roommate stuff".

Arizona looked at him and Jackson could tell she was debating whether she should believe him or not. In the end she decided to just let it go.

"You want to walk me to the cafeteria?" she asked "word has it Mark's new therapist is making an appearance"

"I'd love to, but I have a ton of paperwork I have to take care of in my office"

"You have to eat" Arizona told him and she never sounded more like a mother to Jackson then at that moment and it made him chuckle lightly.

"I'll pick something up, I promise"

"Okay" she said wearily and turned around towards the cafeteria. Watching her leave Jackson took in a long breath. Avoidance was the coward's method, but it was the only one he was good at in the moment.

He managed to get peace and quiet for 30 minutes before he heard a knock on his office door. Looking up he was worried that it may have been Mark, or worse, Alex. He wasn't in the mood for lying or fights, but pretending he wasn't in there wasn't a smart idea.

"Come in"

Opening the door Lewis walked in with a smile on his face "Hey Jackie".

Jackson stood up out of his chair immediately "What are you doing here?"

"Awfully small office, isn't it?" Looking around he took in the tight quarters "but a fantastic view" then looking to the side he opened the door that lead to a small bathroom "and your own bathroom". Walking over he stood near Jackson's window and took in the city.

Turning his body towards Lewis Jackson's body felt like a live wire. He had to be prepared for anything. The last time the two had seen one another, before two nights ago, that was, Lewis had dislocated his shoulder and Jackson had busted Lewis' lip and given him a black eye.

"What does it say when they give the new guy an office twice the size of this?" Lewis asked curiously "seems just a bit...suspicious, don't you think?"

"What do you want, Lewis?" Jackson asked. His teeth gritted and fists clenched.

"I can't come and say hi to my baby brother?"

"I thought you were at lunch?" Jackson asked.

"Bathroom break" Lewis answered with a smile "you have quite the fun bunch, I must say...especially that Alex"

Jackson narrowed his eyes "So that _was_your shirt?"

Looking at Jackson Lewis crossed his arms over his chest "Of course it was" he said "don't you remember? You gave it me the morning of my wedding. I think it was your _sorry I fucked your fiancee_gift"

Jackson told himself to not react. He knew that is what Lewis wanted "Why did Alex have it?"

"Why do you think?" Lewis asked "for a new guy he took my cock like a champ".

Jackson had Lewis pinned against the wall with his arms against Lewis' throat in less then a second "I'm going to tell you this once" Jackson said "stay away from him"

Smiling down at his brother Lewis cocked his head to the side "Why?"

"Because I said so" and stepping back Lewis rubbed his neck.

"Going to need a better answer then that" he told his little brother "that boy's too good to fuck just once...well, twice"

"What answer do you want then?"

Stepping up close to Jackson Lewis stared him directly in the eye "Who has you spreading your legs for them?"

Jackson felt fear grip his stomach. He knew that was the reason Lewis came to Seattle, but he didn't really expect Jackson to just tell him.

"I don't know what you're talking about"

"Don't play stupid, Jackson" Lewis said "Michael already knows you're dating somebody here"

"Then let him tell you" Jackson responded "now get the hell out of my office, before I have security throw you out"

"Will do" Lewis said "I have people waiting for me anyway" and he opened the door only to be greeted by Arizona Robbins holding a sandwich and a bottle of water.

"Dr. Robbins" Jackson said alarmed as he ran around his desk and stood next to his brother.

"Has anyone ever told you two that you look awfully alike" she said with a smile. Her smile was patented and one Jackson imagined she gave off in situations she wasn't comfortable with.

She had heard them argue. There was no denying that. The only concern was how much she had heard.

"They should" Mark said joviality as he barrelled into Jackson's office "they are brothers after all"

"Really?" Arizona said "I wouldn't have...guessed"

"Seems Jackson has been hiding him from us" and Mark began to walk towards Jackson before the man made a quick retreat back behind his desk.

"I'm sorry I couldn't come to lunch, Lewis" Jackson said "but I promise dinner is on me"

"I'm counting on it" Lewis responded and to the outside world, to Mark, they looked like the kind of family he had always wanted.

Arizona, not so much.

"We'll let you get back to work" she said sitting the sandwich and water she had gotten for Jackson on his desk then pulling Mark's arm while the older man was still looking at Jackson, puzzled by his actions of avoiding being near him.

"Y-Yeah" Mark said "we can talk later"

"Will do" Jackson smiled "thanks for the food, Dr. Robbins"

"Don't mention it"

She had just exited the room when Lewis looked at his brother one final time "See you soon"

Jackson straightened up his form and did his best to not show it as the threat it was "Most definitely" and with that the three left his office moments before Jackson ran off to the bathroom that Lewis had admired and got sick.

**Michael Holt POV:**

If Michael hadn't been sure before who Jackson Avery's "mysterious boyfriend" was, he definitely was now. He had already been suspicious after their surgery, but he hadn't been really sure until his talk with Doctor Lee, even though he was sure, Doctor Lee didn't know what he did by giving away this information.

First, he had thought Jackson only wanted to impress Mark because he was his mentor, but the feeling that there was something more got even stronger when his threat to tell Mark anything about Paris worked out. Still, there had been some doubts. Maybe Jackson was clever enough to throw him off the scent, but obviously not.

When Doctor Lee had told him about the support Mark Sloan had - especially from his boyfriend - it was more than just a confirmation. It had been an information he could definitely use. And he would. He wanted to stay in this hospital, and he wanted to go on working with Meredith Grey.

The woman was a genius and her working in general was just a waste of her talent. She could be such a great neuro-surgeon. Just not with her husband holding her back.

Meredith hadn't told Michael much about Derek Shepherd, but she had told him that they had worked together in Neuro-Surgery until it was even threatening their marriage and so Meredith decided to change her speciality. To something as simple as general surgery. Michael was sure she was good in that as well, but it was just so easy compared to Neuro.

He shook away his thoughts about Meredith when he saw Robbins and Mark come along, and Mark didn't look very happy. It looked like something had happened, and since they were coming out of Jackson's office, it most likely had something to do with Jackson.

He greeted them while passing by, and then directly ran into Lewis who was exiting Jackson's office just a couple of seconds later.

"Hey Lewis! Didn't think I'd find you here," Michael admitted, smiling at his friend.

"I couldn't just be here all day and not say hello to my baby brother," Lewis winked. "But it's good that I see you, because I need to ask you something." Lewis pulled Michael aside into a more quiet part of the hallway looking up at him.

"What is it?" Michael asked curiously.

"Last night I had sex... pretty fucking awesome sex," Lewis replied.

Michael raised an eyebrow. "Okay? And why's that my concern?"

"You told me, Jackie has a boyfriend here... and when I called him before I came to Seattle, I talked to a guy, Alex Karev. He told me he was living with Jackson." Lewis started to speak.

"And so you assumed he was the one?" Michael laughed, shaking his head. "Seriously, Lewis. Did you think it would be _this_easy?"

"Actually, I did. But it seems like I underestimated my little brother... he makes a big secret out of this... and I need to know who's fucking him. I need to know who he spreads his legs for." Lewis said with bitterness in his voice, like he always had whenever he was talking about Jackson, because it always reminded him of what Jackson had done to him, and Michael knew that Lewis wanted to pay him back. That he wanted to cause him the same pain Jackson had caused him. And he could even understand that.

"So you want me to find out who he's sleeping with?" Michael assumed.

Lewis nodded. "I really need to know what I'm dealing with, since I don't want to make the same mistake again."

A grin appeared on Michael's lips. "Didn't sound like a mistake when you just talked about Karev," he winked.

"Well..." Lewis started grinning as well. "You know how I am. And I love good sex, and man, this Karev was quite a catch..." He leaned forward to be close to Michael's ear. "I popped his cherry."

"You mean he had never..." Michael asked pretty surprised. Not that he gave much of a damn about most people here, but he had definitely heard some things and he hadn't expected that Karev never had done anything like that. Michael had assumed he was someone who had at least tried everything.

"No, never," Lewis grinned. "And one time wasn't even enough for him. He's gonna come back for more, I tell ya!"

"Wouldn't be surprised if you were right," Michael said, patting Lewis' shoulder. "I will see what I can do for you, okay?"

"Okay," Lewis replied. "I owe you."

"Don't worry... we always found a way to get even." He winked at Lewis who made his way down the hallway and waited until he wasn't visible anymore, before he made his way to Jackson's office.

He knocked two times and entered without waiting for a reply, only to see Jackson swaying when he exited his bathroom.

"You look like shit," he greeted him, causing Jackson to grit his teeth.

"Thanks for the compliment." he sat down at his desk and looked up at him. "What do you want?"

"See... that's the problem about you..." Michael said, sitting down at the edge of Jackson's desk. "I thought we had an agreement. I thought you had understood how important it would have been for me to see you at lunch... but you didn't show up."

"I was busy," Jackson said coldly.

"Yeah, I assume." Michael gave back. "And I also assume, that you don't care about your boyfriend anymore. Right?"

"What?" Jackson looked up at him. "Mark has nothing to do with it."

"Not yet, but I'm sure that's gonna change." Michael said with a satisfied smile. "Do you really think there's anything stopping Lewis? He has already slept with your best friend... your boyfriend will be the next on his list. You know he will do anything to destroy your life."

"Are you threatening me?" Jackson asked.

"I'm warning you," Michael replied. "Your secret is still safe with me. Lewis doesn't know it's Sloan who you're sleeping with. YET. I can change that any minute. He just made me promise him to find out who your secret boyfriend is."

"Why didn't you tell him then?" Jackson demanded to know.

"Where's the fun in that? And I've always been a player. There are still some things I want from you. For example to get Shepherd out of my way." He slid off Jackson's desk and placed his hands on it instead, looking Jackson directly in the eye. "And if you ever decide to not follow my orders again, Lewis will find out who's your significant other, and he will take him away from you. Like you took the one person he ever really loved away from him."

"You have no idea what you're talking about," Jackson hissed.

"Yeah? You think so?" Michael crossed his arms over his chest. "I think I do. I was the one who was there for him through everything. I'm sure you have no idea what you did to him. You took away his ability to love. To let someone in."

"And now I should feel sorry for him?" Jackson asked back.

"I don't care," Michael replied. "But I care for Lewis and I will do anything in my willpower to make him get his revenge... so if this Mark Sloan really means anything to you, I advice you to be very careful. One mistake and he'll be gone. And seriously... do you really think he would take you back once he'll find out what you did?"

Jackson stared at him in shock. "You wouldn't do that."

"No... but Lewis would." He turned around, moving towards the door. "Do as I say or you will regret it." And with those words he left Jackson's office, letting out a sigh once he was outside.

Michael wasn't a bad person, but he hated nothing more than his friends getting hurt. He had seen Lewis at his worst and he needed for him to get his revenge. He didn't know if it would make Lewis feel better after all, but it was the only thing he could do for him right now. And of course he wanted a piece of the cake as well. When this was over he would be the head of Neuro at Seattle Grace Mercy West for good and Shepherd would be out of the way. Completely. And Meredith would be his as a bonus as well.

**Arizona Robbins POV:**

_"Then let him tell you... now get the hell out of my office, before I have security throw you out"_

Arizona hadn't really heard what the conversation between Lewis and Jackson had been, but she had witnessed the last of it and it definitely hadn't sounded good. It had sounded like a big, bad fight. One that had left her worried. Especially because she didn't know Jackson like that. She knew him as a very composed and quiet person, and this was just... not like him.

She just couldn't get it out of her head, as much as she tried. She was worried about Jackson. He was something like family after all. Especially now where he was with Mark and it seemed to be really serious. Mark hadn't been so happy with someone in forever... at least as long as Arizona could remember.

Yes, Mark _had_been happy with Lexie as well but Lexie always wanted him to change. She always wanted to make him another person, but Jackson... Jackson accepted him for who he was and alone for that she loved him. Because Mark really deserved this. She still couldn't understand how Callie could have been this cold to Jackson, but at least she had learned to open up and accept him, and Arizona was sure this was just the beginning.

Anyone who saw the two brothers could definitely tell that they were brothers. They looked SO much alike, but they seemed nothing alike characteristically. Quite the opposite. Something about this Lewis totally threw Arizona off him. And that didn't even fit her. She was normally someone who gave everyone a chance, but this Lewis…

Arizona let out a heavy sigh. She shouldn't be so judgemental. She always hated it when people were like that, but she could totally see how much this Lewis has distraught Jackson and alone for this she didn't like him.

She had no other choice than to pull Mark out of there before he could do something stupid, because from the way Jackson acted when Mark wanted to get close to him, she could tell that Lewis didn't know about Mark yet, and there had to be a reason for it.

Mark had been pretty heartstricken afterwards, but Arizona had tried her best to convince him that Jackson maybe hadn't come out to his family yet and that he should give him a little time. And he really had looked better when he left her to see Callie. Still, Arizona couldn't help but feeling pretty sorry for Mark, because she had to remember how much it had hurt her when Callie had denied them in front of others. Not that this had happened a lot, though, but such things were never nice.

Arizona was so lost in her thoughts, that she didn't even notice someone coming towards her, until Callie's voice sounded behind her, causing Arizona to twitch.

"Oh my god, Callie, I almost jumped out of my skin. Do you want me to die of a heart attack?" She said, taking a few deep breathes and placing a hand on her chest. Her heart was beating very fast and it took her a couple of seconds to calm down again.

"I'm sorry," Callie replied, grimacing. "I thought you would have heard me coming towards you."

"I didn't... I was... somehow vacantly," Arizona admitted.

Callie looked concerned all of a sudden. "You okay?"

Nodding, Arizona looked up at her. "Yeah... yeah, sure… I just... have a strange feeling."

"About what?" Callie asked curiously, leaning against the counter.

"Jackson's brother," Arizona replied, letting out a sigh. "I don't even know what it is... just... a feeling."

"You mean Lewis?" A smile crossed Callie's lips. "He seems to be a really great guy."

"You've already met him?" Arizona was surprised to hear that, but Callie shook her head.

"Not in person, no, but Mark just told me all about him." Callie started to tell. "He was totally excited after his conversation with him. They already created Mark's therapy plan and Mark is pretty positive that everything's gonna be alright with him again very soon. I haven't seen him this excited and optimistic in a while."

"Really?" Arizona raised an eyebrow. It was strange to hear the exact opposite of what she was feeling in her stomach. Something deep inside of her told her, that this Lewis was bad news. Very bad news. She just didn't know where that came from since she had never met him before.

"Yeah. Mark told me that he's so much like Jackson and he also said that he doesn't understand why Jackson never mentioned him before. Neither do I to be honest. I can't wait to meet him."

Callie seemed almost excited about Lewis, but Arizona just knew there had to be some back-story. There had to be a reason for Jackson to not even tell anyone that he _had_a brother. She needed to talk to Jackson. Soon. She just needed to know if she was wrong. If her bad feeling was a foreshadowing, that something not so good was going to happen.

"Well, I'm sure it won't take long, since he will be spending a lot of time here in the next couple of weeks," Arizona said with a fake smile.

Immediately, Callie caught up on it._ Of course_she did. She just knew Arizona way too well for Arizona to lie to her. "You sure you're okay?"

Arizona nodded. "Yeah... just a little tired," she said, and that wasn't even a complete lie, she _was_exhausted. She still wasn't a 100 percent fit yet, and the long hours she had spent here today had worn her out quite a bit.

Callie took a look at her watch. "Well... my shift ends in twenty minutes. If you can wait this long, I'm gonna change and bring you home. And then we can have a nice, quiet evening in front of the TV. With our beautiful daughter. What do you say?"

A smile appeared on Arizona's lips. "I say I love you." She slung her arms around Callie's neck and moved close to her. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too," Callie replied, grabbing her waist and holding her tight before kissing her gently. "I need to see one of my patients before we can leave, though. Meet you in the parking lot in about half an hour?"

Arizona nodded immediately. "Sounds like a plan."

"See ya in thirty then," Callie said and with a last peck on the cheek she left Arizona standing there in the hallway, and immediately her thoughts drifted back to Jackson and Lewis.

Arizona just couldn't stand by and watch Jackson getting hurt. She didn't even know why, but somehow Lewis caused some kind of mother-instinct or protectiveness within her. She wanted to keep Jackson away from any pain his brother might cause, because if Lewis hurt Jackson, Jackson might hurt Mark, and that might hurt Callie. Like a domino effect. She just didn't want this to happen, so maybe she would get a chance to talk to Jackson about him soon, before anything bad happened.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: **Aaaaaaaaand another chapter of our wonderful guys… the next 2 will be mostly about Alex, Lewis & Jackson again, so I hope, you can forgive us… and yeah… they will be „M-rated" again… other than this one, but the more chapters are coming, the more you will find out what happened in the past of Lewis and Jackson and why the two brothers don't „get along"…

I know you all hate Michael right now – but he has his reasons, and so has Lewis… of course that doesn't justify everything they did or are still doing, but there is a deep hurt in Lewis, and he just can't "shrug it off"…

Enjoy Chapter 24… We hope, you had a nice Christmas Day with your loved ones 3

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson was going to lose everything. He could see it coming and no matter what he did, or whose thumb he was stuck under, it was going to happen.

His father used to say _you can't hold the ocean back with your hands_. As a kid Jackson never understood the words, but now? Now it made far too much sense. The water always slipped through your fingers and eventually left nothing but the destructed remains of what used to be a life you thought you were worthy enough to have.

Jackson had no doubt that Michael would make good on his threat of letting Lewis know about Mark. Holt was loyal to Lewis, but the man's interest still came first. So he would use Jackson to get what he needed first before telling his brother everything.

Jackson was going to have to betray Derek, Mark's best friend, to save his own ass. It wouldn't be all bad for Derek, though. He could have a good life outside of Seattle Grace. He was a world-renowned Neuro surgeon and if his hand got better he would have enough offers to fill a stadium.

It would be okay in the end. Mark would understand why Jackson had to do it. He would do it for he and Mark and that had to mean something.

That excuse still didn't make Jackson hate himself any less, however.

At least he wasn't alone in his hate...that was a silver lining.

He opened up the case file that he had been working on before Lewis had arrived. Work could at least distract him for a little while.

He was just going over the patient's history when he heard his phone buzz, indicating he had a text.

_Jackson,_

I'll be having lunch in your office tomorrow. Make me something good. I hear you're a fantastic cook.

Michael

"Go fuck yourself" he typed out and was a second away from sending it before he stopped himself. He had rules to follow, so erasing the message he simply typed "Okay" and sent it over. Shutting his phone he swivelled his chair around and looked out his window at the view of Seattle.

The city was filled with so many people. A million different stories were being played out and suddenly Jackson had never felt lonelier. He wanted to talk to someone.

Someone who he could let all his frustrations out and know that the person on the other end of that conversation wouldn't hold anything against him.

He wanted to talk to Mark. Their night of doing nothing but having dinner and watching movies together had seemed like a lifetime ago. It was one of the best nights of Jackson's life and the man would give up anything to have that one more time.

He couldn't go to Mark now. Mark would demand answers; in all honesty he was owed answers. His trust for Jackson was getting pulled to its limits and if Jackson went to him. Told him about Michael and what he and his brother were putting him through Mark would want to know why. He would deserve to know why and that was something Jackson just couldn't do.

Alex was far too angry to listen to anything Jackson would have to say, let alone care about his problems and April was pregnant and the last thing Jackson was going to do was unload his problems on her. She had more than enough to deal with.

He had to fight this alone. It wouldn't be the first time and probably wouldn't be the last. Turning around he laid his head on top of his desk. The wood felt cool against his skin and looking at his cell phone he contemplated throwing it across the room.

As he tried to clear his mind suddenly a thought popped in his head. There was somebody who he could talk to. Somebody who had seen him at his absolute worst and still loved him enough to help.

Getting up out of his chair he ran over to his door and locked it. Walking back to his desk he swiped the phone from his desk and putting his back against the far wall he slunk to the floor. He wanted to make himself as small as possible.

Dialling the number he held the phone close to his ear and prayed he would pick up.

"Hello" Tyler said and his voice sounded upbeat and happy. Jackson found himself unable to say anything for the first few moments.

"Hello?" Tyler asked again.

"Hey Tyler" Jackson answered, his own voice small...almost a whisper. As if he was scared that somebody was listening outside his office.

"Jackson...what's wrong?" It never did take the man long to know that he wasn't in a very good mood. It's what helped them remain happy together for 3 years.

"I just wanted to talk to you" Jackson looked up at his desk and around the room. From this angle it didn't look nearly as small as most thought it to be.

"Lewis arrived?" Tyler asked and the concern in his voice was the first crack in Jackson's resolve.

"Yeah" he told Tyler "he's not very happy with me"

"I'm going to call him" Tyler said "he needs to let this go"

"Don't" Jackson sounded urgent. If Tyler called Lewis it would only make things that much worse "I just… I don't know"

Tyler sighed empathetically on the other end of the line "Don't let him make you doubt yourself Jackson"

"He does a very good job of it, though" Jackson tried to follow the remark with a laugh "I feel like..."

"Like what?" Tyler asked.

"Like I used to feel back in L.A."

"No, Jackson" Tyler's voice suddenly sounded strong "you're past that, don't let Lewis make you return to the man you used to be. You haven't needed those kind of things in years. You're stronger then that"

"I don't know if I am" Jackson answered honestly.

"You are" Tyler didn't have a shred of doubt in his voice and it made Jackson feel better then he had in a long time.

The two remained in comfortable silence until Tyler's upbeat voice came back "Did I tell you I'm thinking about getting a hamster?"

Jackson couldn't help his laugh "You've never been good with animals"

"I'm pretty decent" Tyler chuckled "I mean, sure our goldfish died the same afternoon we got it, but I think hamsters are much more resilient"

"I think it would be best if you think about it a little longer" Jackson could feel himself working his way out of his dark cloud "maybe just start with a picture of a hamster"

"That's cold, Jackson" Tyler said amused.

"You know I'm only trying to help" Jackson stretched his legs. The tension in his body was almost completely gone.

"Maybe you're right" Tyler said "I was only thinking about getting it because the animal store guy is pretty hot"

"There we go" Jackson laughed "trying to pretend like you turned animal lover"

After the two recovered the two fell back into silence.

"Why don't you come down to Miami for a while?" Tyler offered "I have more than enough room and I think it might be good for you"

Jackson couldn't lie and act as if the offer wasn't tempting "I've run enough, Tyler" Jackson said "You said I'm strong enough to stick it out and I'm going to give it all I go"

"That's my boy" Tyler told him "but the offer is always there... just in case"

"I know and you don't know how much it means to me"

"I love you, Jackson" Tyler's tone was sincere "you make sure and take care of yourself"

"I love you too, Tyler" Jackson put his head against the wall "and I will... promise"

When Jackson hung up he was amazed how different he felt. He could beat this and he could keep Mark. Standing up he brushed himself off and walking over he stood in front of his door and unlocked it.

Tyler believed he was strong enough and Jackson was going to prove him right.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

The talk with Callie had felt good. Really good, Mark had to admit. After Jackson had brushed him off like that in front of his brother, Mark had felt taken aback completely. And it had hurt him, but maybe Arizona was right. Maybe Jackson hadn't told him he had a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend yet. Maybe Jackson hadn't told it to anyone besides his closest friends. And actually, neither had Mark, but he didn't want to hide anymore.

Still, after talking to the two women he probably loved most in his life - apart from his daughter - he felt a lot better.

Callie had been so excited about Lewis, almost more than he had been himself, but he had a pretty good feeling. He could tell that this Lewis Avery must be one of the best if Hunt hired him. With the recommendation of Doctor Lee, that was, but Mark trusted him enough to know he wanted his best for him.

Never before had Mark been more positive that everything would turn out good and he would be back on track soon. He would definitely fight and work his ass off to be in surgery again in a couple of months, maybe weeks. He couldn't wait for it, actually. Couldn't wait to work with Jackson again. He missed it a lot. He missed the hospital a lot.

Mark took a quick look at his watch before he made his way to Jackson's office. He knew Jackson had been pretty busy before, but his shift should be over soon, so maybe he could take him home, cook dinner with him and have a nice, quiet evening.

There was so much he wanted to tell him. So much he wanted to ask him. If Jackson was up for it. He wasn't sure of it, if he was honest to himself.

He was just about to open Jackson's office door, when it swung open by Jackson and Jackson ran into him. Like really ran into him and bringing Mark to fall with being so turbulent and landing on top of him.

"Ouch," Mark commented, trying to get up just enough to look Jackson in the eye.

"I'm... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." Jackson started until he realized it was Mark who he ran over. "Oh, Mark... didn't expect to see you here."

Mark smiled up at him. "Me neither... I didn't know if it was safe to show up here again, but I needed to see you. And I normally love it when you're this wild, but that really hurt." He sat up so Jackson was sitting in his lap.

"Sorry..." Jackson hurriedly got up and offered Mark his hand, which Mark grabbed. He let Jackson help him to his feet and still held his hand for a couple of seconds afterwards.

"No, I'm the one that has to say sorry," Mark finally replied.

Confused, Jackson looked up at him. "You? Why?"

"Because I shouldn't have just assumed that your whole family knows about us. If you hadn't reacted so quickly, I could have brought you in a pretty bad situation. Heck, I could have outed you in front of your brother... I stepped a line there." Mark apologized, watching Jackson turn his head away.

"It's... no big deal..." Jackson said, and he sounded kind of strange. Really strange. Like something wasn't right.

"Are you sure?" Mark asked, fighting back the urge to touch him. To touch his face and look him in the eye.

When Jackson looked back at him finally there was a smile on his lips, but it wasn't real. Again. Like so often lately. Mark let out a sigh. He definitely didn't want to get in another fight with him, so he decided to just let it go.

"Okay..." he just said, looking around. "Were you on your way to a patient?"

Jackson nodded. "Actually, I was... last patient for today."

"Good." A smile appeared on Mark's lips. "What do you think if I we go to my place and have dinner together? We could cook and just have a nice quiet evening, just the two of us." He moved a little closer to Jackson. "I... I miss you... I miss us... I don't wanna fight all the time, Jackson. I just wanna be with you like we used to be."

He looked Jackson deeply in the eye. "Remember this one evening where we were just a normal couple? With eating and watching TV and just being us?"

"Yeah... of course," Another smile appeared on Jackson's lips and this time it was a real one. A genuine one.

Mark had to use all his willpower not to kiss him right then. Not to push him against the wall and press his lips against Jackson's. He was so beautiful when he smiled.

"I want us to work on this relationship... I want us to work out. It hurts me that since we've been together we fight more than we ever have before. I don't want this anymore," Mark admitted.

"Me... me neither..." Jackson replied, but there was some kind of insecurity in his eyes.

When there were voices around them, Mark realized that they were still standing in the hallway, and so he softly pushed Jackson inside of his office and closed the door behind them.

"Listen, Jackson," he started. "I love you. And I know you love me to, so why can't we push aside our problems for just a bit and enjoy what makes us fall in love with each other in the first place?"

Gently, he placed a hand on Jackson's face and leaned down to kiss his forehead, touching Jackson's nose with his own, gently rubbing his face against Jackson's and then hugging him. "I need you so much right now. And I will probably need you a lot more in the future once I start my therapy."

He let go of Jackson just enough to be able to look him in the eye again. "Your brother said that it might be difficult in the beginning. And that there could be steps back. That I will probably be in pain. And then I need you." He bit his lower lip, not really wanting to admit how scared he really was. "He also said that it could be possible that his therapy won't work, but that he's positive. And I try to be too. Because I wanna be back soon. I wanna work again. I wanna operate again and I really want us to be partners here as well."

He grabbed one of Jackson's hands, squeezing it. "Working with you became one of the best things in this job and ever since I started teaching you, I am a happier person. It makes me so proud how good you became."

"Yeah... but only because you challenged me so much and you believed in me. You never gave up on me... remember when my mother came to this hospital and wanted me to get off your service? To do something other than plastics?" Jackson looked at Mark and Mark looked back at him.

"How could I ever forget that?" he smiled.

"You stood up for me. You thwarted her and this meant... so much to me... I felt so appreciated. Like you really meant every word you said." Jackson admitted.

"I did. And I still do. I wouldn't have let you take over plastics in my absence if I didn't. Seriously, Jackson, I can separate my job and my private life, and if I wasn't totally convinced that you could pull this off, I would have asked Owen to hire someone else. Like he did with Holt, because there was no one who could take over for Derek." he said earnestly. "If I had any doubts that you could do it, you wouldn't be the head of plastics at the moment, but I don't, and you're doing a damn fine job. And you're not even an attending yet."

"Thank you, Mark. I really appreciate that. I really appreciate that you have so much faith in me." Jackson replied.

Smiling, Mark let go of me. "I do..." He took a quick look at the door. "And I've kept you away from your work long enough now. What do you think I go get some groceries and we meet at my place? And then we cook dinner together and watch a movie. And then I'm gonna make love to you. How does that sound?"

He really missed Jackson, just like he said. He knew that pushing away their problems - even if only for the moment - wasn't the best way, and it definitely wasn't a solution at all, but he just needed a moment of happiness for the 'darker times', since he knew they would come back eventually. He needed something to remember. A moment worth to remember, a moment he could cling to when he doubted his relationship with Jackson again. To remember that he was worth fighting for.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson looked at Mark then briefly down the hall before he pulled him in for a hug "I think it sounds amazing". Mark returned the hug and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"I love you" Jackson said quietly "I know I've been… distracted these past few weeks, but you won't ever have to doubt that"

"I know" Mark said "I wish you would let me help you, but if that's hard right now I'll just wait until you're ready"

Jackson didn't deserve him. Not in any small fraction, but that wouldn't stop him from fighting for Mark with everything he had. "Let me lock up and we can head out" Jackson told Mark and headed into his office to grab his coat. As he walked backed to the door where Mark was waiting for him Jackson was just about to turn off his office lights When Alex appeared besides Mark.

"I need to talk to you" Alex said to Jackson "alone".

Alex looked as if whatever he wanted to say was trying to work its way out of his body and it took the man everything in him to hold it in as long as he was.

"Everything okay, Karev?" Mark asked concerned.

"Yeah, I just need to talk to Jackson" Alex gave him a look that told Jackson it was in his best interest to get Mark out of ear-shot as soon as possible.

Mark looked at Jackson with a weary look. If Jackson wanted the man to stay Mark wasn't going to go anywhere.

"It's okay" Jackson said to Mark "I'll catch up with you in the lobby"

"Alright" Mark responded "take it easy Karev" and after getting a grunt in return Mark shrugged his shoulders and made his way down the hall.

Making room for Alex to walk into his office Jackson let the man in and closed the door to give the two some privacy. Jackson didn't really know what to say. Their last interaction went about as bad as one might imagine. To even see Alex willing to talk to him about anything was surprising.

"What do you need Alex?" Jackson tried to sound calm. He was looking forward to having a nice, relaxing evening with Mark and another argument would only put him in a bad mood.

Turning around Alex stared at Jackson "How's the brother?"

Taking in a breath Jackson knew this was going to be bad "Alex I-"

"I kept thinking to myself" Alex said aloud "why in the hell would Jackson be so against this guy he had never even met before? I mean Jackson is pretty reasonable, so what could this dude have possibly done?"

"I wanted to say something but-"

"But what?" Alex asked "You thought telling your best friend that he was fucking your brother was useless information?"

"You made a mistake" Jackson said "Lewis is very good at telling people exactly what they want to get what he wants". Jackson took a step towards Alex "You and April can still come back from this"

"April?" Alex' faced contorted into one of confusion "What in the hell does she have to with any of this?

Jackson couldn't hide his shock "You still haven't talked to her?"

"It's over, Jackson... there's nothing else we need to say to one another"

Jackson felt as if his chest was growing tighter "That's not true"

"It _is_true" Alex said "I'm going see where this thing with Lewis takes me"

"You can't be serious"

Alex shook his head angrily "I am and I love you enough to give you the head's up... something you couldn't give me"

"What are you talking about?"

"That phone call I asked you about" Alex said "that was Lewis that called, wasn't it?"

Jackson's silence was all the answer Alex needed. "I told you that there was nothing you couldn't tell me, man" Alex said "the things I let you in on... I guess it's good to see how one sided that trust goes" walking past Jackson Alex yanked the door open.

"Alex!"

Turning around Alex gave him a bitter smile "Just think about it Jackson" he said "Between you, your brother, and your mother everyone in this hospital will get fucked by and Avery sooner or later"

The remark felt like a punch to Jackson's stomach. If he let Alex leave here and go to Lewis, which he was sure was the man's destination; Jackson wouldn't be able to sleep tonight.

"I beg you Alex" Jackson said "just go home and give her 5 minutes"

"No!" Alex yelled "this is the last time we are going to discuss this. I don't owe her the luxury of hearing her out. We don't share a mortgage, kids, we don't even share a dog"

The moment Alex mentioned kids Jackson had to look away and he knew it was a stupid move almost instantly.

"Jackson?" and now Alex's voice had lost all anger and behind it just laid curiosity.

Jackson had screwed up and he prayed April wouldn't hate him for it.

"Look at me, Avery!" turning his head towards Alex Jackson looked at his friend "Please go and talk to her"

"She's… she's not?" Alex looked as if he might faint at any minute and running over Jackson placed a hand on his shoulder.

Stepping away from Jackson Alex went back to the open door "How could you not tell me?"

"It wasn't my place" Jackson said "I thought I was doing the right thing"

"Like you even know what that is anymore" and without another word Alex stormed out. Leaving Jackson standing alone in his office.

It took Jackson 10 minutes to gather the strength to head towards the lobby. He wanted to go and try to get Alex to understand, but he knew now that was only in the hands of April.

Walking towards the lobby Jackson hoped Mark was serious about having the night just be theirs. He wanted that small window of time to forget how quickly it was all slipping away from him.

Jackson turned the corner and seeing Mark he was just about to call his name when he caught sight of Lewis standing across from Mark trying to get Sofia's attention while the little girl lay in Callie's arms.

Jackson froze in place. Fear instantly making him sweat and he almost ran back in the other direction before realizing how much attention that would cause.

"She's adorable" Lewis said with a wide grin "I see she gets her looks from her mother" and with a boisterous laugh Callie nodded her head "I knew you were a smart man the second I met you" she said to him

"Oh, hilarious" Mark said with mock annoyance, but the grin on his face told Jackson that the man was just as charmed as Callie was.

Jackson felt his heart sink into his stomach.

"I have no idea why she's so shy" Callie said as she tapped the girl's arm which caused her to burrow her head even further into Callie's shirt.

"Probably just had a long day" Mark said "you know how fussy she can get"

Jackson could already see it happening. Mark and Callie were getting enthralled by Lewis. It was hardly surprising, his brother always had a knack of getting people to like him.

He knew how to read people and give them exactly what they wanted.

"Jack… Jack"

Jackson was still lost in thought when he heard Callie's voice getting higher.

"What was that, sweetheart?" Callie asked as she held her daughter up, only to have the girl turn her head around to face a bewildered Jackson.

"Jack" she said again and everyone's attention turned towards the man standing across the room.

Being caught off guard Jackson quickly pasted a smile on his face and walked towards the group.

"Hey everybody" he said casually and noticing Sofia reaching her arms out for Jackson he looked at Callie as the woman handed her daughter over to him.

Cradling the little girl in his arms Jackson saw her smile up at him and he could feel his heart skip a beat. She really was one of the most precious kids he had ever seen.

"I could have sworn I heard her say…" Mark let his sentence drift off "I must be tired myself"

Sofia's attention was drawn to the zipper of Jackson's jacket and holding it in her fingers she moved it up and down continuously.

"Jack-son" she said again, but it seemed as if she was saying it mostly to herself.

"Oh my god" Callie said as she ran over and stood beside Jackson "She did it, Mark...she just said her first word".

The two parents ran over and engulfed Jackson and Sofia in a hug.

"I can't believe it" Mark exclaimed and looked at his daughter then at Jackson. At any other moment the look would make Jackson weak in the knees, but with Lewis standing there it only left him terrified.

"You're her first word?" Lewis said and he smiled at his brother. Jackson knew the man was slowly putting the pieces together and holding Sofia a little tighter his heart started thumping in his chest.

"I… I guess" Jackson said as he looked down at the girl.

"I guess all those days of having her sit in Mark's office as you two went over your surgery schedules finally paid off. It was bound to either be Jackson or facial reconstruction" Callie said with a laugh and looking at the woman Jackson watched her give him a quick wink.

She had just covered for him and it killed Jackson that Callie would never know how much that meant to him.

"Oh" Lewis said with the slightest hint of disappointment.

"I should really be heading off" Lewis said "it was nice to meet you Callie and you too Ms. Sofia" he walked around and stood next to Jackson.

"I need to talk to you" he told Jackson politely. Shaking his head Jackson handed Sofia over to Callie and held her hand a second longer then normal.

Walking out of the exit doors the two brothers stood side by side in the Seattle heat.

"You aren't making it easy" Lewis said "I was almost positive it was that Mark dude"

Jackson kept his face forward. If he reacted now Lewis would know it for sure.

"I should have known better, though" Lewis threw an arm around Jackson's shoulder. He knew that it was only to show Callie and Mark how close they supposedly were.

"Somebody like Mark Sloan would know trash when he sees it" Lewis wrapped his arm around his younger brother's neck and pulled him in close.

"He hasn't seemed to catch your scent yet" Jackson responded and the grip got tighter.

"Oh boy, Jackie... it's going to be so bad for you" releasing his hold Lewis walked into the parking lot. Turning around Lewis looked at Jackson one last time before going to his car.

"Congrats on being that adorable girl's first word... I'm sure she'll come to be ashamed of that fact in time"

"Night, Lewis" Jackson said "By the way, Tyler says hi"

Lewis' stopped in his tracks and if looks could kill Jackson would be dead where he stood.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Jackie"

"I'm looking forward to it"

Then getting into his car Lewis sped off and Jackson finally released the breath he didn't know he was holding.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark still couldn't believe what had just happened. Sofia had said her first word and not any word, he had said Jackson... of course not the right way, but it was still more than clear that she had intended to say his name, and Mark was very proud of it. This was a sign. A good sign. His little daughter loved his boyfriend just as much as he did.

She didn't seem to like Lewis, though, and Mark had no idea why. She normally was a very friendly kid and didn't shy away at all, but with Lewis she did. It confused Mark quite a bit, but he was way too happy to give it a proper thought.

"Guess that means welcome to the family with Jackson, huh?" Callie's voice pulled Mark out of his thoughts.

Immediately, Mark turned to her, a smile crossing his lips. "Yeah... I guess so... if that's okay with you?"

"You really love him... I can see that now... and he really loves you, too. I'm... I'm sorry that I... acted the way I did," Callie replied. "I should have given him a chance. I should have been more tolerant towards him. More understanding."

"It's okay, Callie. You know I had my problems with Arizona at the beginning as well..." He scratched the back of his head. "Or actually, she had a problem with me, but that doesn't make a difference, because in the end we buried the hatched... and so did you and Jackson... what you just did for him was incredible."

"What?" Callie asked surprised, causing Mark to smile.

"You backed him up... you lied for him in front of his brother, because you somehow knew that Jackson hadn't told him about us yet." Mark gave back.

"Well... I assumed he hadn't from the way he looked and I thought it was the best to step in," Callie admitted. "I definitely didn't want to cause him any trouble, and I know how difficult it is if something like that gets out without you having any do in it. I don't want for Jackson to come out to his brother like that. He should have the opportunity to tell him himself."

"Yeah..." Mark said, letting out a sigh while watching Jackson and Lewis on the outside. "I just hope if he does one day, Lewis will accept our relationship."

"Oh come on," Callie shook her head. "Don't be so modest. Lewis likes you already, so why wouldn't he accept a relationship with his brother?" She laid an arm around Mark's shoulder. "He's gonna be happy for you two... I just know it." Gently, she kissed Mark's cheek, before passing him by.

"I'm gonna find Arizona now and then I'm gonna bring her home and have a nice, quiet evening with her. With her and our daughter. Maybe Sofia will talk again," Callie smiled, looking at Mark. "Of course if that's okay with you."

Mark tilted his head. "Why wouldn't it?"

"Because it should have been your evening with Sofia," Callie replied immediately.

"Oh yeah... right... that... I actually almost forgot about that when I planned an evening with Jackson and would have asked you if you could take her anyways, so it's perfect." He leaned forward, kissing Sofia's forehead. "And you little lady, be a nice little girl and don't cause your mommies any trouble, will ya?"

As if Sofia had understood, she nodded her little head in acceptance, before Callie finally went away.

When Mark looked outside, he noticed that Lewis was also already gone by then, and so he made his way outside and stopped next to Jackson.

"Ready?"

Jackson twitched. He obviously hadn't seen or heard Mark coming, but then he turned around and looked at him.

"Yes, sure," he replied, seeming so distant all of a sudden again.

Mark let out a sigh.

"Are you alright?" he asked carefully, definitely not wanting to fight with Jackson again, but it killed him not to know what was bothering his boyfriend so much. Something was going on, that was for sure, but as long as Jackson wouldn't open up to him, there was no way for Mark to find out what it was.

"Yeah, I'm fine... I've just a lot on my mind lately..." Jackson replied.

"I can see that..." Mark looked around, and when he saw no one nearby, he placed both of his hands on Jackson's hips and pulled him close to his body. "I just hope there is someone you can talk to about whatever is bothering you, even if it's not me. I mean..." Gently, he touched one of Jackson's cheeks, looking directly into his eyes. "I understand that there are some things you just can't or don't want to talk about with me, but I hope, there is someone else you can open up to, because such things can kill you from the inside if not."

"What?" Jackson looked surprised suddenly.

"Well... I think I can accept you having some secrets... I can accept you not completely trusting me yet. I think I still need to earn that trust, and that's okay with me. I just don't want you to... break under the pressure, and I can see that there is a lot of pressure you're under." Mark said, the concern audible in his voice. "It always helps if you have someone you trust enough to open up. So is t here someone like that?"

Jackson shrugged. "Yeah... yeah, maybe." He let out a sigh. "But can we not talk about anything like that right now? You promised me an evening without all those problems... an evening just for us. Does the offer still stand?"

Mark smiled immediately. "Of course it does. I still wanna have all this with you. I think we both need that right now. Today has been pretty busy and I just wanna lay down on the couch and relax in your arms."

Jackson smirked. "I thought you wanted to cook before?"

"I changed my mind," Mark grinned. "Let's just go home, order pizza and watch a movie on my couch. What do you say?"

"I say it sounds like a plan." Jackson replied.

"A plan you like?" Mark asked immediately.

"Oh yeah, very much." Jackson gave back, grabbing Mark's hand and pulling him towards his car. "Tonight will be just about the two of us. You and me."

"I'd love that," Mark said, a smile crossing his lips. "So what are we waiting for?"

"Nothing, let's go." Jackson put his car-keys in the keyhole of his car and opened it and not even a minute later, the two of them were on their way to Mark's apartment.

Mark couldn't wait to finally be alone with Jackson, and he would definitely keep his promise. This night would be about them. Without any questions, without any doubts. He knew that they both needed this. That they both needed this time out. A reminder why they fell in love with each other. An evening where they could just be together and fade out their problems for a couple of hours.

It still hurt him quite a lot that Jackson just wasn't ready to be his completely. That there were things he just didn't know about him, but he just hoped, that Jackson had a friend like he had Derek. A friend he could tell anything, even the things he wouldn't tell Mark. Mark didn't even need to know some of those things, but it killed him to know that some of those things were really stressing Jackson out and he could do nothing about it. That was the worst part of it all, because it made him feel helpless and he could never deal with this feeling anyways. He just hoped it would be over soon and that they would be able to be really happy at some point. Without all the dark clouds over their heads.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: **First: Sorry, this chapter is mostly Alex/Lewis again and it's kinda… „porny"… so if you don't like it, we completely understand… ^^" It's definitely needing the M-rating, though… but yeah…

In the next chapter (Chapter 26), you will find out a lot more about Lewis and his connection to Tyler and also why Michael is doing what he's doing… he has his reasons. I understand that you all hate them for now, but it hadn't been easy – especially for Lewis – either…

Also… One comment said, Jackson should tell Mark, because Mark has slept with the wife of his best friend "whatsoever"… yes… but Jackson doesn't know that…you must not forget that he wasn't there when that happened and maybe doesn't even know that much about his past… But they WILL talk at some point…

Thanks for all the comments and now enjoy your ride… *coughs* With Chapter 25… 26 comes soon! :-)

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex's mind was reeling.

After leaving his argument with Jackson. Feeling angry, hurt, and completely bewildered he made his way to their apartment. He knew April would be there, but the man had no idea what he would say to her.

As he pulled up to the apartment he thought of everything he missed. April's sickness, her sudden mood swings and hostility towards him, even Jackson's insistence that Alex talked to the woman should have all been clues.

And Alex chose to ignore each and every one of them.

Walking in the door the place had seemed completely different in the 24 hours since Alex had left it. He looked at everything with new eyes.

"Alex?" April asked as she walked out of the kitchen and saw him standing at the entrance.

He felt terrified and the first thing he took notice of was her stomach. It was still flat and if April was pregnant she was a long way off from showing it.

April looked just as nervous as Alex felt and it made this whole situation at least a little bit easier. She would have every right to hate him and demand that he never darken her doorstep again.

She walked towards him and just before she reached out to touch him Alex jerked away. Walking around her he made his way across the room before turning around to look at her.

The hurt was painted on her face and Alex knew it would only be one of many times she would look at him like that if he didn't do what he had to.

But first he had to know.

"Is it true?"

Her eyes went wide and her body stiff. Alex had caught her off guard.

"Alex, I-"

"Jackson told me" Alex said and the small bit of hope that he had that this was all a huge misunderstanding was slowly diminishing.

"Jackson?" she asked, her voice full of hurt and for a moment Alex thought of saying nothing. If Alex couldn't have April in his life, why should Jackson be able to?

Alex could easily make her hate them both.

In the end he knew he could never do it. Alex's world might be crashing down faster then he could pick up the pieces, but dragging Jackson down with him wouldn't do anything but prove he was an even worse man then he believed himself to be.

"He didn't want to" Alex said "he begged me to talk you and I was able to figure it out myself".

Bowing her head April looked like she was trying to compose herself "I wanted to tell you, Alex" she told him "I just didn't know how to deal with this, it's not like either one of us planned for it"

"You're pregnant" Alex said bewildered. Speaking the words aloud held a sense of finality. As if now that it was out in the world neither one could pretend that it wasn't happening.

She walked up to him and grabbing his hand she held it tight in her own. He watched their entwined fingers and his heart longed for all the possibility it held.

Alex would have given anything for this. Her hands felt soft against his own rough surface.

"I'm so sorry, Alex" she was already on the verge of tears and he pulled her into a hug. His own tears stained her blue blouse as they fell on the delicate fabric.

"No, I'm sorry April" he whispered and the words could barely get choked out. She reared back and looked up at him. Her smile full of hope that the two would find a way to deal with this and become a family.

"It's okay" she told him as she brushed her thumb across his cheek to wipe a tear away "We can beat this".

As he stared at her the images of what he had done with Lewis came to him. So graphically explicit that it made Alex shudder slightly.

"April I-" he tried to say before she shook her head.

"Not tonight Alex, let's just save all that for the morning" she grabbed his hand once again and was about to lead him up the stairs before he pulled his hand away from her grasp.

"I can't"

"Alex" her voice was soft and cautious "I know this needs to be discussed, but I just want to know that we are okay"

Pulling the girl flush against his body Alex put his head on her shoulder "I want to give you everything you deserve" he said "and you deserve every bit of happiness that the world has to offer"

"We can have that; together" April said holding Alex's waist tightly.

"I'm not made for this" Alex said "I can't be the man who gives what you and this kid deserve". He would ruin their lives; it took him less then 10 hours to betray April in every way possible. What could he do if given a lifetime?

"Alex" she said, her voice desperate "you are so much better then you give yourself credit for"

"No" he told her "I should have understood why you were so upset; I should have at least given you the benefit of the doubt"

"Look at me, Alex" her voice was strong and commanding "we both made mistakes, but we can grow past them"

"I slept with someone else"

Her face looked as if she had just been slapped. All colour had drained from her and she looked at him shocked.

"What?"

"Last night" Alex said; staring at the ground too ashamed to meet her eyes "I thought we were done"

"You couldn't even give it a day" she was angry; furious and Alex knew he deserved it all.

"I'm so sorry, April" the tears were back again "I just don't know how to do these things"

"That's not an excuse"

"I know" he responded "I just-...I'm complete shit" he had been told that since he was old enough to know what the words meant. His father, his mother, every single social worker who grew too frustrated with him as a child to try and hide behind false politeness.

There was a reason he had never managed to keep one relationship in his life. If people didn't believe he was worthless then Alex made sure to show them.

"Alex, you're not-"

"Yes, I am" he wasn't going to make the girl lie to herself "I never deserved you in the first place and I'm sorry that I... you don't deserve to be saddled with a horrible husband and an even worse father"

"What are you saying?"

"I'm going to support you in whatever decision you make" Alex told her "if you decide to keep it I promise that I will give you whatever you need to give it the best life possible"

"It needs you" she said "I need you"

"I ruined every single thing that has ever been good in my life, April. Do you really think I won't do the same to this kid... to you?"

"I believe you aren't the monster you believe you are" she said and her own tears blurred her vision "I just wish you could believe that"

"I wish I could" he made his way to the door "I'm moving out"

"Alex, wait!"

"I'll have Jackson get whatever I need" he had to go, because if he stayed he might convince himself that trying to make this work was a good idea.

"For what it's worth I did love you, Kepner" and before she could say anything he was out the house and walking to his car. Getting inside he started it up and sped off into the night.

As he drove aimlessly he noticed a message that was waiting on his phone. Picking it up he played it and when he heard Lewis' voice his heartbeat increased.

"_Hey Alex; I don't know if you're doing anything tonight, but if you want to swing by I would be more then happy to have your company_"

Pulling off to the side of the road Alex took a deep breath. He thought of April and the life they could have had. A wife and a kid had always been a dream of his and to have come so close to it felt like a cruel joke. She deserved a good man who would appreciate everything that she could give him. A man who could be the kind of guy she had always wanted.

A man that was not Alex Karev.

Quickly dialling Lewis's number he waited for the man to pick up and did his best to get rid of all the heartbroken emotion in his voice.

"Hey Alex"

"Hey" Alex responded "I was wondering if that offer still stands?"

"Of course it does" Lewis sounded happy and uncomplicated. He sounded like everything Alex wanted to be right now.

"Okay, I'll be there in about 30"

"Sounds good" Lewis told him "everything okay?"

"Yeah, just can't wait to see you"

"Same here"

Turning off the phone Alex put his forehead on the steering wheel and closed his eyes. All he could see was April's face as it stared at him in tears.

Pulling back onto the highway he shook her face out of his mind and focused on what was waiting for him. Lewis and a smile that was easy enough to get lost into for the night.

**April Kepner POV:**

"He... he cheated on me... after only a couple of hours..." April cried, clinging to Meredith as if her life depended on it. After Alex had left, she had wanted to call Jackson, but she was sure he would spend the night at Mark's and disturbing them was the last thing she wanted to do. Especially since the two of them had quite some problems as well, even though she didn't know exactly what was wrong in their relationship, but she did know that something was wrong.

"That's... that's so typical Alex," Meredith replied. "Whenever something gets complicated, he looks for the easiest way out."

April looked up at her, still not able to hold back the tears. "But... but how can I deal with it? How can I ever trust him completely if he does something like that to me?"

"I don't know..." Meredith replied truthfully, gently stroking April's back. "What I know is that Alex is a very broken man, and that every person he ever loved left him. It was pretty bad when Izzie left him."

"Tell me about it," April said silently. She knew that Izzie Stevens was Alex' ex-wife and that she had left him at some point, but that was about all she ever heard about her and she only had seen her once when she was at the hospital for a consult.

"She was... like the love of Alex' life... and he thought with her he could have it all... they had this on-off relationship going on for years," Meredith explained, leaning back at the wall. They were sitting on April's kitchen floor next to each other, and now Meredith was putting an Arm around April's shoulder, pulling her close.

"Well... then they were finally happy, but Izzie was diagnosed with a brain tumour... and the chances of survival were five percent. Five. Izzie started to push him away, and Alex thought he would lose her... but he promised her to always be there for her and he even married her... and only a couple of hours later he had to watch her die. They could reanimate her, but I... I know how awful it is to see the person you love like this." Meredith went on.

"Well... Izzie got saved... but all of a sudden... when she was cancer-free, they started fighting. And fighting. And it got worse every day, until she left him. After all she just left him from one day to another... and I think this was the last straw... I think it made Alex lose faith in love."

"I know he loves me," April gave back, fighting back another bunch of tears. "And I... I don't want to let him go like that."

"But he cheated on you... do you want to ignore that fact?" Meredith asked carefully.

April shook her head. "No... but it's not like I'm totally innocent. I played my part in this whole mess as well when I started pushing him away. After all that happened with his ex-wife, he must have felt like everything repeats with me."

"That doesn't give him the right to cheat on you... to fuck some random chick." Meredith replied.

A heavy sigh left April's lips. "I know..." She said, keeping silent afterwards. It still hurt to even think about Alex with this other woman she most likely didn't even know, but she felt like it was her fault, too.

"You don't deserve this," Meredith answered, looking into her eyes. "But... I... I think Alex really needs you. You're maybe the only person who can help him out of this hole he dug himself into. I really think he loves you. He has been so happy over the past couple of weeks... I haven't seen him this happy since Izzie. And I know he always wanted a family."

"He did?" April asked, feeling slightly surprised. She hadn't expected this at all, but she wasn't stupid. She had seen it in Alex' eyes. That it took a lot of him not to give them another chance.

"Yeah... maybe without realizing himself, but he feels like he's not worth any happiness... I tried to tell him that this is not true. I really tried, but there are still moments when he does something stupid and then he feels like he had been right all along." Now it was Meredith who sighed.

"I need to... I need to tell him that I still love him, no matter what he did," April said, slowly getting up from the floor and leaning against the counter. "I can't ignore that he slept with some bitch, but if he thinks I'm gonna make it this easy for him... if he thinks he can get rid of me that easy, he's completely wrong. I'm carrying his child and we need him."

"You should tell him that," Meredith replied with a soft smile, getting up herself.

"I tried," April gave back, looking at her. "I would do anything if he just gave me a chance to tell him that I'm willing to deal with his shit as well. With all of his shit. That I want him in my life."

Gently, she started stroking her flat stomach. "I know it's very early and so much can still happen until... until I start showing, but I really want this baby... and I want this family with him... and if that's the only reason for him to reject me... that he thinks he's not good enough for me... I need to show him that this is not true. Because I'm not perfect either."

Tears started welling up in her eyes again. "I mean, who gets pregnant the first time sleeping with her potential new boyfriend?" She laughed bitter. "My life just... just is not how I planned it at all."

"When is life ever as planned?" Meredith asked, gently wiping away one of April's last tears. "But I know you can do this. With or without Alex... but if you decide to fight for him, even though he should be the one to fight for you, I will have your back. I will do anything in my willpower to support you in this."

"Thank you, Meredith," April replied, hugging Meredith close. She had never thought the two of them could become such good friends, but she was thankful for it. She knew Jackson would still have her back as well, but it meant a lot to her that Meredith had come immediately when she had called her. That she had asked her to stay where she was and not even fifteen minutes later she had rang at her doorbell.

"What for?" Meredith smiled, rubbing April's back. "That's what friends are for." She let go of April to look her in the eye again. "And even if things with Alex don't work out for whatever reason, never forget that you still have me. That I'm your friend and nothing will change about this."

"I still hope we'll find a way..."

April knew it was maybe silly to hope for another chance with Alex, and maybe he didn't even deserve this chance, but she was neither ready nor willing to give up on him so easy. Maybe he just needed to see how much he meant to her. Maybe he just needed to see himself in a better light, because even though he had made his mistakes, April knew she wasn't perfect either. Quite the opposite. Alex would most likely never have slept with someone else, hadn't she been so stupid. So bitchy. So moody. Fucking pregnancy hormones. This would be a long eight months, but hopefully it would get better with the time. Same for the morning sickness.

"You're gonna be fine. You're strong enough to get over this, and maybe if Alex sees how much you mean to him, he will give in and give this relationship a real shot." Meredith replied and she sounded a lot more positive than she had before. Which helped April being positive as well.

"I will talk to him again as soon as I have a chance... I didn't even have the possibility to tell him that I wanna keep the baby. That I'm gonna have this kid with or without him. He said he's gonna support my decision, so I don't know... maybe at some point he's gonna start to love his baby and recognizes that this is something he really desires."

"Yeah, maybe" Meredith poked her in the side gently. "What do you think if we order pizza and watch some unrealistic romantic movies afterwards?"

"I say it sounds like a plan," April replied, already grabbing her phone. She felt a lot better by now, knowing that she had friends she could really rely on, and maybe Alex would change his mind again as well.

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Jackson obviously still was in contact with Tyler. Who had never bothered to contact him after everything that had happened between them. No, instead he had started a relationship with his younger brother, and it had broken something within Lewis. Something unable to get repaired at all.

And now he found out that even after Jackson's and Tyler's relationship had ended, they still talked to each other. They maybe were even still friends. Lewis felt so disappointed and something within him felt empty. Really empty. Sometimes he still missed Tyler so much, and he hated himself for it, but Tyler had been the love of his life. Maybe still was.

Of course, Lewis didn't want to get back together with him. After all he had done to him, he would never ever give him another chance, but that didn't change the fact that those feelings for Tyler would probably never vanish completely. There would most likely always be some love for his former fiancé.

After Jackson's comment, Lewis had called Alex out of an instinct. On the spur of a moment he had dialled his number and left him a message after only reaching his answering machine. And it hadn't taken Alex a while to get back to him.

Lewis had been able to push away all thoughts of Tyler, deciding that it was probably the best to concentrate on him and the thing they were having, because it was hot, and it felt good, and it just was all but complicated, and it was exactly what Lewis needed right now.

Tonight maybe more than ever.

When he heard a key unlocking the apartment door, he froze for a moment. Shit.

Only a couple of seconds later, Michael appeared in the hallway, greeting him with a smile. "Hey, Lewis. Didn't know you were already at home. Thought you would be busy making friends." He winked at him.

Lewis let out a sigh. Great. Was Michael about to cross the plans he was having with Alex without even realizing it?

"Kind of, yeah... but actually, I am expecting someone," Lewis admitted.

"Already?" Michael asked with a grin while getting rid of his coat. "Don't tell me you already know who Jackson's boyfriend is and are about to seduce him?"

"Well... not exactly," Lewis admitted. "But I am going to seduce someone. If it's even necessary. I already fucked him twice last night. And it looks like he can't get enough of me."

"No surprise," Michael replied, moving closer to Lewis. "But you're not throwing me out of my own apartment, are you?"

"I think I'll find another solution," Lewis replied with a shrug. "You know a nice hotel or anything like that nearby?"

"Uhm..." Michael scratched the back of his neck. "Well... I think there is one close by, but since I never really needed one, I'm not so sure about the address... But I mean... I can really go, if you need me to."

"No," Lewis said immediately. "I can't kick you out of your own apartment, as you said yourself. And since I'm sure it's gonna get... very loud... it might be better for me to leave anyways. For now." He winked at Michael.

Only a couple of seconds later the doorbell rang and Michael grinned at Lewis. "Guess that's him?"

"If you don't expect anyone yourself, I assume it is, yes..." He was already on his way to the door when Michael got ahead of him.

"What are you doing?" Lewis hissed, causing Michael to grin.

"Saying hello to your… whatever he is…" and with those words he had already opened the door and looked not even a little surprised a couple of seconds later when he found Alex Karev standing in front of him.

"You?" he asked nevertheless, not wanting to cause any trouble for his best friend.

Alex raised an eyebrow, but he looked just as surprised as Michael probably should be. "What are you doing here?"

Michael leaned against the doorframe. "I'm living here... who would have guessed it's _you_Lewis is expecting." He tried not to sound too sarcastic.

"Excuse my roommate, he can be an ass sometimes," Lewis interrupted, grabbing his jacket.

"I love you, too, Lewis!" Michael said ironically, patting Lewis' shoulder as he passed him by.

"I'm leaving," Lewis informed Michael, before gently pushing him further into his apartment and closing the door once he was outside himself.

"Where are we going?" Alex asked confused, still looking at the door and not at Lewis.

"Hotel... don't worry, it's on me... I just think we could need some privacy. I don't assume you want Michael to hear you moan my name when I fuck you into the mattress." Lewis grinned, causing Alex to take in a sharp breath.

"No... not really... how thoughtful of you," he replied, walking alongside Lewis and getting into the elevator with him. "I didn't even know you two knew each other. Is he... your boyfriend or something like that?"

Lewis let out a laugh. "Do you really think he would have let me leave with you if he was?"

"Right," Alex replied, still looking kind of insecure. "Listen, if this was bad timing, I can leave."

"The hell you're going to leave..." Lewis said, pressing Alex against the elevator wall with his body and placing his lips on Alex' for a hot, fervently kiss that left no doubts about how much he wanted Alex.

He could and most likely would have gone on for a lot longer if the sound of the elevator wouldn't have been a sign for them arriving at the ground floor.

"You know what?" Lewis started, walking next to Alex to the exit.

"What?" Alex asked with a smile.

"I can't wait to have you underneath me... to fuck you again, because last night was... awesome. I couldn't stop thinking about it." Lewis replied with a wink.

"Me neither... and... right now I need you more than anything in the world." Alex seemed pretty distant all of a sudden.

"You okay?" Lewis asked once they had exited the building.

Alex stopped, turning to look at him. "Yeah... I don't really wanna talk about it, to be honest. I just wanna fuck. I don't wanna have anything complicated and I'm definitely not looking for a relationship or love. I just want to have fun."

"Hey... that's completely fine with me, because I'm everything but complicated." Lewis smiled at Alex. "Where's your car? I can't wait to get out of here and repeat last night. And maybe... just maybe... if you're a nice boy, I'm gonna let you fuck me too." He winked at him, seeing exactly that the mere thought made Alex nervous.

"Don't worry..." He leaned next to him so he could whisper into his ear. "I'll guide you through everything. If we really wanna do it like that... if not that's fine with me as well... uncomplicated, remember?"

And it was completely true. He wanted the same Alex wanted, even though the reasons might be different. He enjoyed fucking Alex so much, and knowing that Jackson really didn't like it, was just a bonus for him. It made him enjoy it even moreso.

**Alex Karev POV:**

The hotel was just off the main highway. More upscale then Alex would have thought Lewis would go for since it's only purpose was a place to have sex undisturbed.

He was an Avery, though. Alex doubted any of them went for the cheap option in anything they did. Alex thought of his first week living with Jackson and watching the man unpack Alex realized that three of Jackson's shirts cost more then most of his entire wardrobe.

Once the two men checked in and walked into their room Lewis walked over to the bed and fell backwards; his arms and legs splayed wide.

"Man, this is comfortable" Lewis said as he sat up on his elbows and looked over at Alex "you should come feel" he added with a smile that made blood rush directly to Alex's cock.

He didn't have to be asked twice.

With a smile of his own Alex wiggled out of his jacket and let it fall to the floor before running over and jumping on top of Lewis. Hearing the man laugh made Alex feel better than he had since he last saw him that morning.

This is what he needed. Alex wouldn't fuck this up. He knew sex and knew sex well. He thought of Lewis' comment earlier about possibly being able to fuck him and Alex couldn't believe how hard he got from just the thought of it.

With Lewis lying under him Alex rolled his hips and when he heard the man take in a sharp breath Alex smiled.

"Someone has gotten confident" Lewis said with a smile.

"I had a really good teacher" Alex responded, burying his face and kissing Lewis's neck. _He smells so good _Alex thought and sticking out his tongue he traced a line from the bottom of Lewis' ear to the man's collarbone.

"Fuck, Alex" Lewis hissed as he put an arm around his neck and Alex loved hearing the sounds his actions called.

"Wrap your legs around my waist" Alex said as he reached a hand between their bodies and found Lewis' belt.

"Alex I-"

"Do it"

To his surprise Lewis did as Alex told him and fuck if feeling Lewis' legs being around him wasn't one of the hottest things Alex had ever felt. Unbuckling the man's belt Alex kissed Lewis as he unzipped the man's pants and reached inside and grabbed a hold of Lewis' cock and got another sharp breath.

Alex was going to fall in love with that sound.

"I wanna fuck you" Alex said "I want to watch you become completely undone while I'm buried inside of you"

Lewis looked up at him and Alex could see the lust in his eyes warring with trepidation of letting Alex fuck him.

"You gotta earn it" Lewis told him; lifting his hips and getting his own moan out of Alex "don't think I'm going to make it easy"

Alex smiled. He loved this; Lewis wasn't small and delicate and Alex didn't have to worry about hurting him. Hell, Lewis would probably like it.

Lifting up off of the man Lewis' legs fell to the side as Alex kissed him and made his way down the man's body. Quickly unbuttoning Lewis' shirt Alex opened it up. Bending down Alex kissed the centre of Lewis' chest then followed that by taking the right, then left nipple into his mouth. Lewis had a thing about his nipples and Alex stored this little fact away for future use.

Once Alex kissed his way down to Lewis' waist he sat up on his knees. Looking down at Lewis Alex gripped the man's waist and yanked him forward. Grabbing the back of his neck Alex lifted Lewis up and gave him a bruising kiss.

"I'm going to have you begging for it"

"I don't beg" Lewis' voice was strained. Alex was getting to him, but he didn't want the man to see.

"We'll see" Alex said as he pushed Lewis back down and worked on pulling down the man's pants and boxers in one swoop. Alex managed to get them down to Lewis' ankles where they became hindered by the man's sneakers.

"Kick them off" and Lewis did as he was told. The first one made a loud thump that was closely followed by the second. Once the sneakers were gone Alex finished taking off Lewis' clothing; leaving the man only wearing his open shirt.

"Damn, you're hot; anyone ever tell you that?"

"I've heard it once or twice" Lewis told him with a wide smile.

"I bet you have".

Pulling Lewis close to him again Alex wrapped a hand around the guy's erection and gave it a few slow pumps. "How does that feel?" Alex asked as he got on his knees.

"Good" Lewis choked out.

Leaning in close Alex was a mere inch away from Lewis' cock. He ran his tongue lightly up the shaft before encircling the head. The same taste of salt and soap greeted him and Alex wondered if all cocks tasted like Lewis', or if the man just knew how to keep people like Alex coming back.

"_Shit_" Lewis turned his head to the side and buried his face into the mattress. Alex took that as a good sign. Bending over Alex teased the slit with his tongue and watched as Lewis grabbed onto the bed sheets.

Going back down Alex cupped Lewis' balls in his hand and gently put one, then both in his mouth and it caused the man to buck his hips.

They felt heavy in Alex's mouth, but with the weight came a sense delirious pleasure as he tongued the folds. Slowly releasing them Alex made his way back up to Lewis' cock and after tracing them with his tongue once more he took it into his mouth and worked his way down it.

The flesh felt hot and moistening his mouth Alex tried to make it as wet as possible for Lewis. After each bob back up Alex was able to get a little more of the cock into his mouth. He couldn't quite deep throat it yet, but Alex knew eventually that would be a skill that he acquired.

Lewis' hips moved in time with Alex's mouth and every time they went up Alex went down. The day's problems were getting further and further away as Alex lost himself in the act of blowing Lewis. No reminders of failed dreams, or untrustworthy friends; when Alex was making somebody feel good like this it made him hate himself a little bit less.

His mind was so focused that it wasn't until he heard the hitch of Lewis' voice that his concentration was broken.

"Alex, I'm close" he said and he sounded just short of desperate. It was a sound Alex didn't want to stop. Increasing his pace the man could feel Lewis' on coming orgasm. Lifting his head up he moved quickly atop Lewis and looked the man in the eyes.

"Tell me you want it" Alex said as he pumped Lewis' cock again.

"Alex" Lewis was his at this moment and Alex knew the man was fighting a battle he couldn't win.

"Tell me"

"I want it" Lewis told him.

"Want what?"

"Fuck me, Alex" Lewis pleaded "I want you to fuck me"

"Beg for it"

"Please, fuck me Alex"

Alex celebrated his victory.

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis couldn't believe what was happening. He couldn't believe that he was begging Alex to fuck him. Yes, he had thought about it and he had to admit, the thought was quite hot, but he wouldn't have thought he would actually almost conjure Alex to do it to him. That was so not him. Alex brought out things in Lewis he didn't know he was having inside of him in the first place.

Lewis could see in Alex' eyes how much of a victory it was for him that he had managed to make Lewis beg. And how much it meant to him as well. The shimmer in his eyes made it all worth it. And it turned him on so much; he couldn't even put it into words.

"Satisfied now?" Lewis asked with a grin, before pulling Alex down to him and touching his lips with his own. Just a swift touch, but it was also a promise for more.

"Very," Alex grinned back, still massaging Lewis cock but finally letting go of it, so he could make the next move.

"Show me what you got," Lewis said, watching Alex part his legs and he let him handle him, because he knew he was in good hands with him. "But first..." He sat up and started unbuttoning Alex' shirt. "First you should get undressed. I think it's a little bit uneven at the moment... and I'm sure..." Lewis leaned forward and kissed Alex' cheek before catching his earlobe between his teeth. "I'm sure your... little guy down there... agrees with me." Demonstratively he grabbed Alex' already pretty hard cock through his jeans.

"Seems like someone is really excited." Lewis commented, causing Alex to grin.

"Well... you moaning my name... got the little one pretty hard pretty quickly." Alex admitted, and Lewis loved the way his confidence had grown alongside his cock. He seemed to have learned a lot within only one night between them, but it had been quite a hot night.

"Is that so?" Lewis asked while pushing Alex' shirt over his shoulders and watching him getting rid of it.

"Yeah... and now you have to help me with my problem..." Alex demanded.

"Oh yeah?" Lewis asked with a grin. Yes, he definitely loved this new side of Alex. Pretty much actually. Him being so dominant totally turned him on.

"Yeah..." Alex replied, pulling Lewis even closer to himself. "First..." He grabbed Lewis' hands and placed them at the waistband of his jeans. "...you're going to undress me... and finally let him out..."

"Go on..." Lewis replied hoarsely. He already couldn't wait until Alex was finally inside of him and made him come, even though it would take a little longer. He opened Alex' belt and the button, before he pulled down the zipper and gave Alex a push so he landed with his back on the bed. Afterwards, he pulled his jeans down, together with his shorts, so Alex would finally be naked as well. He got rid of Alex' shoes first and threw them out of the bed, before he undressed him completely and leaned over him again.

"Afterwards..." Alex said, getting on his elbows and catching Lewis' lips with his own to kiss him feverishly, and god, this man could kiss. Lewis had to admit, everything about Alex was perfect and just what he needed right now. He needed distraction and something nice and uncomplicated. All the things Alex was able to provide, even though he maybe didn't even know.

"Afterwards..." Alex went on once they tore apart. "You're gonna suck me off..."

"Why would I do _that_?" Lewis asked with a raised eyebrow. "What makes you think I'm going to take your cock in my mouth right now? What if I don't want to?"

"Well..." Alex replied with a grin. "I'm sure you want. Because you want my cock in your tight ass, and I won't give you that if you don't suck my cock first."

"I see..." Lewis replied, placing a soft kiss on Alex' neck. "And I get that you totally learned from last night... I never thought you could be so..."

"Demanding? Decisive? Confident?" Alex cut him off.

Lewis let out a laugh. "I wanted to say cocky, but yes, that too."

"Well... there are quite a few things you wouldn't expect from me after all..." Alex replied, grabbing one of Lewis' hands and placing it between his legs. "So will you blow me now or did you change your mind about wanting my cock up in your ass? You said it yourself yesterday... you think my cock is pretty... just imagine what it could do to you if I shove it up your ass and fuck you into the mattress..."

Lewis took in a sharp breath. "Oh my god..." he blurted out, placing one of his hands between his own legs and starting to touch himself.

"Hey!" Alex gave him a smack on the back of his hand. "Who told you, you could touch yourself?" He grabbed Lewis' waist and pulled him close, before thrusting upwards so Lewis could feel his cock against his own.

"Do you really wanna risk losing having this pretty cock of mine inside of you?" Alex asked.

Lewis looked at him, biting his lip. "No... no, I don't..."

"So... what do you have to do to get it?" Alex asked as if Lewis had already forgotten.

"Suck it..." he replied quietly, moving downwards just slightly.

"Good boy... then... what are you waiting for?" Alex placed a hand on Lewis' head and pushed him down until his cock was directly in front of Lewis' face.

God, this was so fucking hot, and Lewis didn't waste any time, before he placed his lips around Alex' cock and starting to suck, causing Alex to buck up and let out a loud moan. He let his tongue swirl around the head of Alex' cock, feeling Alex' hands grabbing his head and pushing him down, so he was deep-throating Alex. And it was fucking hot and it felt good giving Alex this much pleasure and hearing his moans, knowing he was responsible for causing them.

"You taste so good..." Lewis mumbled against Alex' cock and he knew talking with his cock in his mouth was sending soft vibrations to Alex' cock.

One of Alex' hands was grabbing the bed sheet while the other was still resting on Lewis' head, guiding him up and down and Lewis let it happen. Lewis let Alex handle him, let him decide how deep he would take him in and how quick he would go.

"Lewis... I... god... I'm..." He pushed Lewis away from him, letting his cock slide out of Lewis mouth, before he sat up and grabbed Lewis' waist, pulling him close and rubbing himself up against him. "You've been a good boy... you earned my cock."

Lewis only smiled at him, letting Alex haul him to his back and feeling him on his body again. He felt Alex spreading his legs wide before he felt one of his fingers at his entrance and hissed. He closed his eyes and waited for the intrusion that came only a mere seconds later when Alex' finger was pushing inside of him.

It had been a while since he had been the receiving part, but he wanted it so bad, it drove him crazy already. Alex drove him crazy. That he was a bit clumsy again only turned him on even more.

"Do you like that?" Alex asked, slowly moving his finger further inside of him.

Lewis moved slightly so he had a better position, looking up at Alex. "That's... a bit better... just... do it... fuck me with your fingers... prepare me so I can have this big... pretty cock inside of me... don't worry, it's gonna be okay."

Alex nodded, getting bolder with every passing second and Lewis could feel that. He started thrusting his finger in and out of him and finally took another one and thrust inside of him with both of them, until he found this sweet spot that made Lewis see stars.

"Oh my god..." Lewis moaned, pressing himself against Alex. "Fuck me... god Fuck me..."

"What did I tell you did you have to do to get it?" Alex grinned and Lewis understood immediately.

"Please fuck me. I'm begging you to put your big, hard cock inside of me and make me come... I need you right now, or I'm going crazy... do it... just please."

Lewis needed him so bad, he almost couldn't believe it himself. There was only one other person who had ever made him feel like that, and this other person had been the love of his life. He didn't have any romantic feelings for Alex at all, so this was something like a first for him too. Feeling so hot for someone he just met and didn't love. Yes, this thing with Alex would be very satisfying. For the both of them.

**Alex Karev POV:**

_"Please fuck me. I'm begging you to put your big, hard cock inside of me and make me come... I need you right now, or I'm going to go crazy... do it... just please."_

Alex didn't know how it was possible for words to be so damn hot. Looking down at Lewis he bit his lip and leaned down to bury his head in the man's neck. Kissing his neck and travelling up to his cheek he moved to Lewis' ear "Turn over".

It seemed as if with each passing moment Alex was shedding out of his old skin. The man full of stupid dreams and crippling expectations. Lewis was changing him without even knowing it.

Turning him back to the man he was before Izzie Stevens, before Rebecca Pope, and before April Kepner. The man he was becoming only wanted this feeling that Lewis was able to give him.

Lewis turned over and Alex admired the man's strong shoulders that lead to a slim waist and finished at an ass that could rival most women's.

"How are you possible?"

Looking behind him Lewis smiled up at Alex "What?"

"Were you Averys manufactured in some lab or something"

Laughing Lewis turned back around and placed his chin on the pillow "Yeah, our creators were big fans of Frankenstein"

With a smile Alex leaned downed and gave a slight bite to the back of Lewis' neck, causing the man to jump slightly "Very funny"

Rising back up Alex lapped his tongue over the spot and then started to trace his tongue down from Lewis' neck, then to his shoulder blades and followed that by licking down the man's spine making Lewis shiver.

Standing back Alex placed his hands on Lewis' hips and raised him up so that Lewis sat on all four. Alex kissed the man's cheeks as he started to spread them. Seeing Lewis' opening it looked pink and puckered. He tried to remember what the man had done to him the previous night. Leaning in he licked over the entrance and Lewis' sharp intake of breath was a good sign.

Tentatively, Alex forced his tongue in and received a moan for his effort. Repeating the process Alex could feel Lewis getting wetter each time his tongue pushed in.

"Just like that, Alex"

Spurring him on Alex went faster and deeper. He was getting the hang of it and he had to admit that it wasn't nearly as bad as he thought.

Breaking away Alex wetted one of his fingers and slowly inserted it into Lewis and hearing him hiss made Alex smile.

"You like that?"

"Very much" Lewis told him.

"Wait till you get the big show"

Lewis laughed as he looked back at Alex "You've become such a cocky son of a bitch"

"You know you like it" Alex smiled as he inserted another finger and began working Lewis' opening.

"I want it, now" Lewis told him and extracting his fingers Alex leaned over the side of the hotel bed and grabbed his jeans. Fishing out a condom and the small bottle of lotion he swiped from the hospital he was about to put it on before Lewis grabbed his hand.

"Let me"

Taking the condom Lewis ripped open the package and put the object on the tip of Alex's penis. Placing his mouth over it Lewis used his tongue to roll the condom on.

Alex was going to die here. Lewis was going to give him a damn heart attack.

Once on Lewis squirted some of the lotion into his palm and grabbed Alex's cock. Lathering him up Alex closed his eyes to try and concentrate on not ejaculating right then and there.

Taking a hold of Lewis' shoulders Alex pushed the man back before grabbing his hips and lifting them so that his cock was just at Lewis' entrance.

"I've been dreaming about this all day" Alex said as he lined himself up and once Lewis gave him a cocky grin he pushed his way in.

"Fuck" Lewis said as he tried to get used to Alex.

Lewis was so much tighter then anything Alex had ever felt before. Lewis surrounded his cock and with each thrust in Alex got a little bit deeper until he rested all the way inside the man.

Alex wanted nothing more then to fuck Lewis crazy, but he had to make sure the guy was comfortable.

"How does it feel?"

"Thicker then I would have thought" Lewis said moving his hips "I wanna see what you got"

Needing no more of an invitation Alex pulled out and thrust back in strong enough for Lewis' eyes to go wide. Alex's rhythm was slow at first. Lifting Lewis' legs he placed them around his waist and lifted the man's ass to get better access.

"I didn't know it could feel this good" Alex said as he leaned down and gave Lewis an open mouth kiss.

Lewis clasped his ankles together and placed his arms around Alex's neck. The man was going faster and faster and Lewis could do nothing but ride it out.

Alex moved his hips quickly until he found the spot he was looking for and once Lewis yelled in ecstasy he knew he had it. The same spot that Lewis had hit within him the previous night that had made his brain frazzled.

It seemed to have a similar effect on Lewis and thrusting faster and harder Alex went back to burying his face in Lewis' neck. Taking his hand he wrapped it around Lewis' cock and started to pump.

"Alex" Lewis moaned "fuck" and Alex could feel the man tighten his grip around Alex's neck. Closing his eyes tightly Alex felt the images of the day's events play out before him.

His morning with Lewis, his argument with Jackson, and his break-up with April.

"Alex I'm about to-" and before he could finish his sentence Alex felt Lewis' cock stiffen and release himself between their two bodies.

Feeling Lewis tighten around his erection Alex started to jack-hammer into Lewis and moments after Lewis' orgasm Alex had his own while in the man's body.

Collapsing onto Lewis' chest Alex felt him kiss the top of his head.

"You did well" Lewis whispered and Alex wrapped his arms around the man's waist.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah" Lewis confirmed.

Lewis tried to move, but Alex held him firm "No" he said "just stay like this".

"You okay?" Lewis asked, the concern evident in his voice.

"Yeah" Alex told him as he buried his face in Lewis' chest "I just want to have this for awhile"

"Alex" Lewis said sitting up and Alex groaned, but followed along as he pulled out of the man "Go clean up and come back" he said. Getting up Alex took off his condom and going into the bathroom he flushed it before walking back into the room while using a wet rag to clean himself. Seeing Lewis do the same with a wet nap Alex approached the bed and when Lewis offered him a hand he took it and regained his original position with his head on Lewis' chest and his arms around his waist.

"There we go" Lewis said with another kiss to his head "don't you feel better now?"

"Yeah, better then I have in a long time" and he yawned as sleep started to overtake him.

"Get some rest" Lewis said "you put in a lot of work tonight"

Smiling, Alex had fallen asleep before he could even muster a response.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: **Sooooooo… next chapter… :) I'm glad some of you don't hate Lewis as much as they did in the beginning anymore, even though I *DO* understand, that it's still difficult to like him… or Michael for that matter… they might seem to be the total "baddies" but they are not…

This Chapter will "heat up" quite a bit when it comes to Lewis and Jackson and you'll see that Jackson can give as good as he gets… ;-)

Hope you like it… comments – as always – make us very happy!

Enjoy Chapter 26!

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis woke up with a strange feeling in his stomach: happiness. Contentedness. Something he hadn't felt in a very long time. When he turned around, he looked directly at the sleeping face of one Alex Karev, and he just had to smile. He knew it was wrong, oh so wrong, but he hadn't felt this satisfied in a very long time. Knowing that Jackson didn't like it, only added to that feeling, and he just knew he would go on with it.

He leaned on his elbow just watching him sleep. He looked so peaceful and just as happy and content as Lewis, so Lewis slid closer and closed his eyes once again. He wasn't so much of a cuddling type. He had been back then with Tyler, but he had broken that habit once things with Tyler had ended. He had never ever let someone in that close again.

Apart from Michael, that was, but Michael was his best friend and he loved him like the brother Jackson never had been. And Michael was just like him in this thing. Michael wasn't that much of a cuddler, either, and they both seemed to be cold and distant on the outside, but deep inside they weren't. They were so much alike, it still surprised Lewis sometimes.

When he felt Alex move, he looked up, only to be greeted by his beautiful brown eyes. They were brown with a shade of something else, something Lewis couldn't quite name, but he liked to look at them.

"Good morning," Alex murmured, closing his eyes again only a mere seconds later.

"Someone's not a morning person, huh?" Lewis asked, shifting closer to the warm body Alex was, and god, that felt good, and he had to admit, he kind of missed it. Missed that. Missed waking up next to another person, even though he was sure he wasn't going to have that ever again. Not the way he had it with Tyler.

Maybe coming here wasn't this good of an idea after all, because of course seeing Jackson again had opened old wounds. Wounds he thought were already healed, but the mere mention of Tyler's name had brought all the memories back.

So he was thankful for Alex to show up on his doorstep.

"Don't you have to work today?" Lewis asked curiously when Alex turned around and acted like he was just going back to sleep again.

"Late shift," Alex just murmured and Lewis couldn't help the grin appearing on his lips.

"Is there something I can do to wake you up? I don't wanna spend the whole morning watching your back," he complained.

"Nah... don't think so... I'm tired..." Alex gave back and Lewis shifted closer once again.

"I think I'll try to get you up anyways..." he replied, moving against Alex' back and letting him feel his morning erection. First he hadn't planed to go for the morning sex, but after watching Alex being like that, he just couldn't help it anymore.

He started rubbing himself against Alex, causing the other man to moan out loud and when Lewis let his hand slid over his hip and to the front, he noticed Alex was hard as well.

"Seems like not all parts of you are still asleep..." he said, grinning satisfied. Oh yes, this would be a very satisfying day.

When Alex turned around, Lewis didn't waste any time and crawled on top of him, feeling Alex spreading his legs welcomingly. Alex had his eyes still closed, but his mouth was open and his breathes already came very raged.

"You like to be woken up like that?" Lewis asked.

Alex nodded, finally opening his eyes. "I could get used to that..."

"Me too," Lewis admitted, leaning down and kissing Alex on the lips, starting out gently and sweet and turning into something very hot and longing within a couple of seconds. He sucked Alex' tongue in his mouth and played with it, while he was still thrusting against Alex' body and just enjoying the feeling. It didn't always have to be penetration for him to enjoy sex. This was sometimes so much better, and it felt so incredible to feel Alex that way.

"Lewis... god, Lewis... you're driving me crazy," Alex moaned into the kiss.

"That was my plan," Lewis replied, once they broke apart, just grinning at him, before he let a hand slide between their bodies and grabbed both of their cocks with it and rubbing it simultaneously.

Alex' hands grabbed his shoulders and he reared up against Lewis, letting out a cry of pleasure.

"Lewis... Lewis..." His name rolled off Alex' lips like a prayer and Lewis couldn't believe how much he loved the sound of it coming from Alex' mouth.

Alex fingers buried inside of his shoulder blades when he increased his speed and Lewis knew he would leave Marks, but he didn't care at all. Maybe he could even accidently show them to Jackson once he was back at hospital. He had his first therapy session with this Mark guy in the afternoon and maybe he could find out more about Jackson from him.

Mark was Jackson's mentor after all, and he was sure they had spent a lot of time together since Jackson had decided to take plastics as his speciality.

Shaking his head, he shook away those thoughts about Jackson. He wanted to concentrate on Alex right now. Only on him. He didn't need Jackson or Tyler or anyone else to cloud his mind, so he kissed Alex again and it completely took away every other thought.

Alex kissed him back like there was no tomorrow, still clinging to him, and maybe - just maybe - he was feeling the same. Maybe he was trying to get some rueful thoughts out of his head with this as well. With this thing between them. It would make sense after all.

"Lewis... you're... incredible..." Alex hissed, letting his hands slide down Lewis' back to his ass and teasing his entrance with his finger. His wet finger. Lewis hadn't even noticed Alex wetting his finger with his saliva, but he liked that Alex was thinking practical. Just like him. Oh yeah, they were a really good fit.

When Alex inserted the first finger, Lewis reared up. "Oh God..." he blurted out, letting his head fall into his neck. "You're... awesome."

"I know," Alex replied with a satisfied smile. "Wanna have my cock inside of you?"

"What if I say no?" Lewis replied, still pumping their cocks. "I enjoy what we're doing right now way too much to move."

"Well... then I think I'll go on playing with this nice little hole of yours..." Alex replied, starting to thrust inside of Lewis with his finger.

"I'd like that..." Lewis replied, kissing him again and again, while moving against him.

"Me too," Alex replied, burying his head in Lewis' neck and closing his eyes.

Lewis liked to be with Alex. Maybe because they were so much alike, and they kind of needed each other right now. He knew he would enjoy it as long as it lasted, even though it hadn't been what he had intended to do, but sleeping with Alex didn't mean he couldn't sleep with anyone else after all. And Alex of course had the same rights, but he would tell him that later, and he hoped Alex didn't want anything more to come out of this, because he definitely couldn't give him that.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson had his legs around Mark's waist as the man pummelled into him. It had felt like such a long time since the two had been this intimate and Jackson missed it.

To have Mark this close and making him feel this way made Jackson forget everything that was waiting for him outside of that apartment.

Lewis. Alex. Michael.

None of it mattered when Mark was whispering in his ear that he loved Jackson as he fastly approached his peak. It felt like it both lasted forever and not nearly long enough.

Once it was over and Jackson had Mark wrapped in his arms he focused on the older man's breathing. The steady repetition calmed him; made him feel more at ease then he had in a long time.

"I missed you" Mark whispered as he lay with his head on Jackson's chest "not just this, but everything"

"Me too" Jackson looked down at Mark and smiled "I wish I-" he tried to say before cutting himself off.

"You wish what?" Mark asked as he looked up at Jackson.

"I wish I could be better for you" it was the most honest Jackson had been with him since the day Tyler called to tell him Lewis was coming to Seattle.

Mark sat up and turned to look at him. Grabbing Jackson's face in his hands Mark gave him a quick kiss "You are already more then I could have ever possibly hoped for"

Jackson felt his stomach flutter at the words. When he saw himself in Mark's eyes he remembered why he loved the man so much. Part of him wanted to tell Mark everything. When Jackson had told him about his father Mark acted better then he ever would have imagined.

Still, what if that wasn't what was going to happen? What if Mark found out that Jackson had slept with his brother's fiancé for no other reason besides him knowing that it was going to hurt Lewis?

What if Mark hated Jackson for tricking him into falling in love?

Jackson kissed the man passionately "You have no idea how much I love you"

"I have a pretty good idea" Mark said with a smile "who else could sit with me and watch 3 Will Farrell movies in one night; if that's not love I don't know what is"

Jackson laughed and pulled Mark in for a hug "The reward was well worth it" he looked down between he and Mark's body at the dried up evidence of their last encounter.

"I'm all up for another round of gratitude" Mark said "but I know it's pretty late in the morning and you have work in a couple hours"

"I'm sure there is something we could do to pass the time"

"How about we jump in the shower and get each other squeaky clean, then dirty, then clean again" Mark said "then I have some of that chicken parmesan you insisted on making last night, despite the awesome pizza we ordered"

"Eli asked if I could cook something for his brother's birthday" Jackson lied.

Eli was still a sticky subject with Mark. He and Eli hadn't really talked since the blow-up at the hospital, but Jackson knew both men wanted to put it behind them.

That subject was something he didn't want to focus on right now, though.

"How about that shower?" he asked

"Sounds perfect" Mark responded as he stood and pulled Jackson up with him. He walked backwards towards the bathroom with Jackson in his arms.

"See how dirty you make me" Mark smiled as he kissed Jackson's neck.

"You haven't seen anything yet" Jackson told him and once the two were in the bathroom Jackson closed the door swiftly.

The morning had been everything Jackson could have asked for and walking into his office he felt the complete absence of tension.

He had a ligament repair surgery in 30 minutes so putting the chicken parmesan in the mini-fridge for later he left his office and headed down towards the lockers.

Jackson could have easily moved his scrubs set into his office, but habit had kept him from doing it. Depending on his schedule it could have been the only time he had gotten to see April, Alex, or Meredith so he thought it best to still use it for as long as he could.

Walking in Jackson was surprised to see it empty. This time of day usually saw the place filled with at least a few residents milling around. It wasn't until he turned the small corner and almost ran directly into Lewis that Jackson realized he wasn't alone.

"Watch your step there baby bro" Lewis said with a smile.

"What are you doing in here?" Jackson asked curtly "don't you have your own office"

"Don't you?" Lewis retorted "besides, Alex said he has a shirt in here I could borrow"

Looking at the locker Lewis was using and noticing that it was Alex's Jackson narrowed his eyes "I think your little arrangement has run it's course, especially after last night" Jackson told him with a smirk.

"You think so?" Lewis asked curiously as he took off his shirt and turned his back to Jackson "I certainly couldn't tell from the way he left these scratches on my shoulders"

Seeing the reddened marks that aligned Lewis' back Jackson knew they had to be recent. Too recent to have been done before Alex stormed out of his office the previous day.

"You feel good about yourself?" Jackson asked.

"Why shouldn't I?"

"You know Alex is only doing this _thing_with you because he's having a hard time with his girlfriend"

"Girlfriend?" Lewis laughed "after the things I got to see that guy do last night you really expect me to believe he has a girlfriend?"

"He does" Jackson walked towards his brother "Her name is April and no matter what happened between you two; he loves her"

"Aren't you the bleeding heart romantic?" Lewis said sarcastically "well, let me clue you in Jackie; Alex may have had a girlfriend, but that's about as dead as your virginity"

"Way to have some self respect" Jackson said with a laugh.

"You're chastising me about self respect?" Lewis asked incredibly "just because you dress up and play doctor doesn't mean that little whore isn't still there underneath; tell me Jackie, how many people have you fucked in this hospital alone?"

"That Lexie chick, the new boyfriend...who else?

"April" a voice said walking up to the two.

"Alex" Jackson said surprised "how long have you been there?"

"Long enough" Alex said as he shot daggers at him. Jackson couldn't believe how bad it had gotten between them.

"Is that right?" Lewis said laughing as Alex walked over to him and Lewis pulled the man close to his body.

"Yup" Alex told him as he placed a kiss on Lewis' lips, causing Jackson to turn away "he was even her first".

"So is that the real reason you're angry?" Lewis asked "I got to Alex before you did and ruined your sexual bingo card?" Lewis stood behind Alex with the man wrapped in his arms and Lewis' chin on Alex's shoulder.

Alex laughed at the remark.

Jackson knew he should just walk away. He was outnumbered with both Lewis and Alex, but the last comment had given him an irrational sense of anger.

"Pathetic" Jackson said "you two stand there trying to make me believe you have anything together besides the mutual satisfaction you get from getting your dicks sucked. I actually really wanted you and April to work out, Alex, but I'm starting to see that maybe you actually aren't good enough for her".

Jackson could see Alex ball up his fist as he tried to hold in his anger.

"Lewis" he turned to his brother "you know you're not anything but his second best option, right? Although I guess when it comes to the people you sleep with you always are"

The words had stunned both men and Jackson looked at them, Lewis' arms dropping from around Alex's side. It took less then a second for Lewis to charge at him and slam Jackson against the row of lockers. The last thing he heard before Lewis punched him was Alex screaming for him to stop.

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis stared at Jackson's body in shock. He couldn't believe that his brother got to him like that _again._That he still managed to hurt him like that. That Lewis still reacted to his comments. That he still lost control like this. He knew he should have been stronger. He knew he should have tried to compose himself, tried to hide his feelings, but Jackson's comment had made him think about Tyler, and the moment he had found out about Jackson and him.

He barely noticed Alex moving towards Jackson and trying to shake him awake, only noticed that Jackson was conscious again and immediately took a step backwards.

He was still shocked about how deeply Jackson's comment had hurt him, and all of a sudden he felt like he couldn't breathe anymore. He couldn't bear to be in the same room with Jackson for even a second longer.

Without any further look at Alex or Jackson, he turned around and stormed out of the locker room, down the stairs and through the hospital door.

He leaned against the closest wall; taking a few deep breathes and the thoughts of Tyler clouded his mind, breaking his heart once again. He thought those wounds had healed, but obviously they hadn't, and Jackson telling him once again that he hadn't been good enough for Tyler... that he had only been second best for him broke his heart all over again. He had thought Tyler and he had been happy, but obviously there had been something missing. Obviously there had been something Jackson had given Tyler and he wasn't able to give him.

"Lewis... are you alright?" A familiar voice pulled Lewis out of his thoughts and he turned to look at Michael.

"Okay... stupid question, you're not..." Michael went on without waiting for an answer, moving towards Lewis and looking him in the eye. "What happened?"

Lewis bit his lower lip, trying to compose himself, but his whole body was shaking. Only now he felt a pain in his hand. The adrenaline must have blocked it out, but now it hurt from the punch.

"Jackson... he... he..." Lewis started, but he just couldn't finish his sentence. He felt totally out of place and he had no idea how to get out of this feeling that literally controlled him that moment.

"Lewis, look at me..." Michael requested, gently placing a hand on Lewis' shoulder and when Lewis looked up at him, it was like a curse was broken and he slowly but surely came back to reality.

"What did that asshole do this time?" Michael asked, rubbing Lewis' arm consolingly. "I swear, I'm gonna kill him, if he goes on hurting you."

"It's my own fault," Lewis replied. "I shouldn't let him get to me that way anymore. I should be stronger. I should be able to outclass him. Why the fuck can't I just close this chapter of my life for good?"

"Because Tyler was the love of your life, Lewis. And you can't just ignore that fact." Michael replied, pulling him into a hug Lewis immediately leaned into.

"I hit him, Michael... what if he tells the chief?" Lewis looked up at him. "What if he fires me for attacking one of his employees?"

Michael shook his head immediately. "He won't do that."

"How can you be so sure?" Lewis asked, letting out a sigh.

"Because I'm not gonna let him ruin your life anymore than he already has. I'm your best friend, and even though I doubt he's gonna tell the chief, I will make sure he really doesn't," Michael replied, gently rubbing Lewis' back before letting go of him.

"I will tell you something right now. Something I should have told you earlier, but you have to promise, that you will listen till the end and not be mad at me."

Lewis tilted his head. "That sounds serious."

Michael swallowed. "I know who Jackson's boyfriend is. Or at least, I'm pretty sure I know."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Lewis asked, feeling slightly disappointed. Not even a minute ago Michael had told him that he was his best friend and now he kept a secret like that from him?

"Because..." Michael let out a heavy sigh. "Because I wanted to use this knowledge... The truth is I like it here. A lot. And I wanna stay. I wanna stay the head of neuro, but if this Shepherd comes back, I might not be able to. Jackson can help me with that. He's the head of plastics at the moment after all, and the chief kind of listens to the advice his people give him. I wanted Jackson to have my back. To make him vouch for me."

Confused, Lewis looked up at him. "But why? What else is there to get for you?"

Michael smiled predominant. "First, because Shepherd is the best friend of his boyfriend. How do you think he will react if he finds out that Jackson went behind his back and gave me his vote instead of his best friend?"

Lewis couldn't help the smile that crossed his lips. He actually really started feeling better already. Michael was a genius, and he couldn't have picked a better friend.

"I'm sure there is something else..." Lewis replied, looking at Michael curiously.

"Well... Since Shepherd is more or less gone, his wife, Meredith is under my service... and she's awesome." An almost dreamy look appeared on Michael's face.

"And you like her..." Lewis replied matter-of-factly.

"Well..." Michael rubbed the back of his neck, seeming slightly embarrassed. "I think she's better off without him. Because of him she left neuro surgery, and that is such a waste of her talent. She's brilliant in it, and I can bring out the best in her. With him, she will never be able to fully develop. All the things she could do... all the things we could do together..."

"Wow..." Lewis grinned. "You _really_have a crush on her."

"I have _not_," Michael objected, but his cheeks turned slightly red, a clear sign that he was lying.

"Whatever..." Lewis replied, patting Michael's shoulder. "I'm gonna help you. You're gonna get the job and the girl, and I'll get my revenge on Jackson."

"Thank you..." Michael smiled at him. "So you wanna know who Jackson's boyfriend is?"

Lewis shook his head. "No... not yet... you'll let me know when the time is right, okay? I don't need to know before then, because I trust you and I know you're going to do the right thing. Besides, I have a vague idea anyways."

"Thank you!" Michael commented, pointing to the hospital with his head. "Ready to get back in? I think I need to have a serious talk with your asshole brother."

"I'll be inside soon. See you later?" Lewis asked, just needing a couple more minutes to really understand everything that had just happened.

"Sure... I'm glad you're feeling better now." And with those words Michael turned around and entered the hospital again, leaving Lewis all by himself.

He seriously had the best friend he could imagine, and he would do all in his willpower to help him get what he wanted, since Michael was willing to risk so much for him as well. He really felt a lot better knowing that Michael would always have his back. He didn't need Jackson at all. He was his brother, yes, and there were times when he wished they could just be brothers again, but in moments like the one just happened he wanted the opposite. To never see him again. Maybe some day they were really able to keep their distance to each other and not bother one another one anymore.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson had awoken in the locker room with Alex standing over him and Lewis looking like he had just been shot. By the time he had regained his senses his brother was already out of the room and Alex was pulling him up by his shoulder.

Once he was on his own two feet Jackson stepped away from Alex and walked to his own locker. Opening it up he grabbed his scrubs and was about to walk out before he felt Alex reach for him.

"You are going to tell me what the hell that was about?"

Looking back at the man Jackson could feel the welt that was already forming under the eye that Lewis had hit him.

"No" he said and held his scrubs closer to his chest.

"Jackson" Alex exclaimed "wait"

He didn't. Jackson walked out of the locker room and headed back to his office. He would start changing in his office from now on. Things were safer in his office.

Walking in he was just about to close his door when Michael came barrelling through and startled Jackson to the point that he took several steps back in fear.

Michael had slammed the door shut behind him and stared at Jackson with the same look of contempt that Lewis had given him only a few minutes before. The two had obviously discussed him and Jackson's fight.

"I have surgery in 15 minutes"

"I should bash your goddamn face in" Michael said ignoring Jackson's comment and walking up to him.

Jackson kept his focus on the floor "Lewis already took care of that"

"He means a lot to me" Michael said "and I will not stand by and let you do this to him again, you hear me?"

Jackson looked up at him and sneered "How about what he does to me?"

"He doesn't do anything that you don't completely deserve" Michael told him "you slept with the man he was going to marry the night before his wedding; what world do you live in where you don't understand that whatever Lewis dishes out to you won't even begin to add up to what you have done to him?"

Every good feeling from his morning with Mark had completely left his body. The familiar dread at the pit of his stomach was back and it was stronger then ever.

The two were silent until Michael let out a sigh "I wish you could know how it feels to actually care about somebody enough to not put yourself first all the time"

"I do" Jackson said defiantly. He loved Mark, enough to sacrifice anything to keep the man happy.

"Who, Sloan?" Michael asked "you can stand there and lie to me...lie to yourself, but we both know that something inside of you is broken"

Grabbing Jackson's face in his hands Michael stared him directly in the eyes " You're damaged Jackson and there just isn't any fixing it".

The words had shaken him. It wasn't just Jackson's paranoid imagination that felt like he was too far beyond repair. Even if Michael had said the words just to hurt him Jackson could ignore it, but the look of pity in the man's eyes told Jackson that it was true.

All of it.

"The sad part is that Lewis does love you" Michael said "it's the reason you can still get to him using the one thing that completely tears him apart"

"Dr. Avery" Eli's voice said from the other side of the door "You're being paged to O.R. 2"

"I have surgery" Jackson whispered as he looked back down at the floor.

Shaking his head Michael turned and headed for the door "We're having lunch here after your surgery so I hope you made something good"

Jackson nodded his head "I did". His voice sounded foreign to even his own ears. It was distant and completely void of anything worthwhile.

"Good; we have some important things to discuss"

Michael had walked out to Eli standing there looking concerned. Once the surgeon was gone Eli took a cautious step inside Jackson's office he took notice of the slumped shoulders "You okay Avery?"

"Fine" Jackson said, but he couldn't stop the crack in his voice as his emotions threatened to overwhelm him "I'll be there in 10"

Eli looked as if he wanted to push the subject, but knew now was not the best time to do so.

"Okay" he told Jackson and made his way back to the main lobby.

The surgery was a simple enough procedure and it helped Jackson to focus. The welt under his eyes was already turning from red to purple and he tried not to think of what lie he would have to tell.

An hour later and Jackson was once again sharing his office with Michael as the man ate the food he had prepared.

"You have a gift" Michael said around a mouthful of chicken "I think you missed your calling"

Jackson looked up briefly at Michael "Thanks" he responded. His eye was fully bruised and he wanted nothing more then to scratch the surrounding skin, but that would do nothing but inflame it further.

He was going over his post-op charts and was trying to ignore Michael's feet as they lay only a few inches away from him as the man sat with his legs on Jackson's desk.

"What are you going to do about that?" Michael asked as he pointed his fork towards Jackson's face.

"I don't know"

Sitting up Michael walked around Jackson's desk.

Seeing Michael move put Jackson on high alert in an instant. He watched the man pull something small and silver from his back pocket and when Michael took hold off his shoulder Jackson involuntarily jumped.

"Relax" Michael said "I'm not going to hit you". He looked at Jackson with a sympathetic stare.

"What is that?" Jackson asked

"Foundation" Michael said "I used to use it when I did triple shifts"

"Makeup?" Jackson chuckled.

"Shut up" Michael said "do you wanna explain to Owen why you look like you just went a round with Mike Tyson?"

"I can't believe you wear make up" Jackson laughed as Michael once again grabbed his face and held it up to the light.

"I got the idea from one of the attendings at my first hospital" Michael said "patients got nervous if their doctors looked like they just got off a bender, so he used this to cover up the baggy eyes"

Michael used the pad to lightly graze around Jackson's eyes. The skin was still tender so if too much pressure was added Jackson flinched, but surprisingly Michael was amazingly gentle in his technique.

It took about 15 minutes, but once Michael was done he grabbed Jackson's hand and led him into the bathroom to look in the wall mirror.

To Jackson's astonishment the purple discolouring was gone and besides the puffiness you couldn't tell anything had happened.

"Thank you" Jackson said sincerely "I mean it"

With a nod Michael walked back into the main office and took his original seat and grabbed his food.

"I need you to do me a favour" Michael said.

"I figured" Jackson responded disappointingly.

"I know you think I hate you or something, but I don't" Michael told him "I just...Lewis is important to me and he needs to have my loyalty"

Jackson took his seat once more and looked at Michael "What do you want me to do?"

"Talk to Owen; today" Michael said "I need to know if he is at least thinking about keeping me on"

"How do you expect me to just bring that up?" Jackson asked "It would look awfully suspicious"

"You're a smart guy Avery" Michael said "your brother never denied that fact and of what I've seen I agree; I'm sure you'll figure something out"

"Have you told Lewis yet?" Jackson asked.

"No, but it's only a matter of time" Michael told him "I'll be a good man to have on your side when he does find out, though"

Jackson couldn't deny that fact. Lewis seemed to listen to Michael and that could help Jackson in some way.

"Okay"

"Good" Michael said as he stood "also, be nicer to your brother"

Jackson suddenly felt like a scolded child "I know it may be hard to believe, but I love him too. He just doesn't make it very easy"

"Family never is"

"I won't sit by and watch him hurt the people I care about" Jackson said "I can't"

Turning around Michael walked to the door and was about to open it before looking back at Jackson "It's not up to you, but if I ever find him in the position I did today because of you I will make you deal with me"


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: **Hello again! Thanks once more for all the comments… we're really happy that some of you enjoy our story…

And to answer a few questions (sorry I haven't done this before) – so far we haven't included Bailey in the storyline, but at some later point she might make an appearance… same goes for Cristina, since the main characters are still Mark and Jackson, but who knows? Maybe at some point we'll include her as well… good to know that people would want that! :-) We're thankful for suggestions!

This following chapter will give A LOT of insight in Lewis' life… mostly his life with the guy he loved… not so much Mark/Jackson, though, but like I said, since the storylines are all connected so much, I hope, you will enjoy it as well…

As much as someone can with everything that happens!

Again, thanks for everything!

Enjoy Chapter 27! Don't know when Chapter 28 will be ready but I'm gonna try to have it finished for you by tomorrow :-)

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark was really fucking nervous when he entered the hospital and stood in front of the elevator. In about ten minutes he would have his first therapy session and he prayed to god it would help him. He needed something positive, something to focus on, because he missed work so much. Watching Jackson's surgeries from time to time didn't really help, the opposite, actually. It made him miss operating even more.

He had talked to Owen about Lewis and Owen was really excited about him. He even told him that his limited position could become a permanent one, if Mark made progress in his therapy. Owen thought about hiring him for good. Which would be a good thing, right? He was Jackson's brother after all. Having some kind of family here would definitely affect Jackson, and Mark was sure it was a positive effect.

Lewis and Jackson seemed to get along pretty well - as far as he could judge by the one time he had seen them together, and he couldn't wait for Jackson to find out the good news.

The ringing sound of the elevator pulled Mark out of his thoughts and he entered the small cabin, pressing the button for the third floor and getting out of the elevator as soon as it stopped and the door opened.

His heart was pounding like crazy when he paced along the hallway until he was standing in front of the door of one of the rehabilitation rooms. He didn't know what to expect at all. Of course he had seen rooms like that from the inside, for example when Callie had her accident and he had brought her there or such, but he had never needed one for himself. Like he did now. He didn't want to feel like he wasn't a real man anymore, but that was exactly what he was afraid of.

That he probably couldn't be helped by Lewis and that his problems wouldn't vanish. If that was the case, he could never ever be good enough for Jackson again and he hated that thought.

"Doctor Sloan, you're already here," a familiar voice made Mark turn around and he saw a smiling Lewis Avery coming his way.

"I already told you to call me Mark. Please. Then I don't feel quite as old as I am," Mark grinned, causing Lewis to grin himself.

"Oh come on. I'm sure you're not _that_old, but I think I am, because I had already forgotten about that offer," His grin turned to a smile. "Okay then, Mark..." he went on. "Let's get to business... alright?"

Mark rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah... sure..."

"You alright?" Lewis asked gently while putting the key in the keyhole and unlocking the door of the rehabilitation room.

"Yes, sure... just a little nervous," Mark admitted. He didn't even know why he told Lewis this, because he barely knew him. He normally wasn't someone to trust someone other this easy, but with Lewis it seemed so easy. Maybe, because he was Jackson's older brother.

"Aww... don't be," Lewis replied, patting Mark's back. "I'm sure you're gonna be fine. And besides: I'm really good in my job." He winked at Mark.

Mark couldn't help the chuckle escaping his lips. "Pretty self-confident, aren't we?"

"I have every reason to," Lewis gave back, totally responding to Mark's flirty behaviour, even though Mark didn't intend to REALLY flirt with him. Just get to know him better since he was a part of Jackson's family. A part of Jackson for that matter.

"Haven't heard any complaints."

"Yet," Mark joked.

"Oh, nice", Lewis laughed, leaning closer to him. "Do you plan on complaining about me?"

Mark looked him in the eyes. "Who knows... Maybe I will if you're not as good as everyone says you are. Your reputation is unbelievable."

"I am good, and I definitely keep my promises," he said, finally opening the door to the rehabilitation room and walking in before Mark, giving him a sign to follow him which Mark did only a few seconds later.

Immediately, he started looking around, seeing two gymnastic balls, some mattresses and even some barbells. God, he was still so extremely nervous, even though he most likely shouldn't... Lewis was really okay, a quite funny guy, and Mark was sure to get along with him just fine.

"You haven't promised me anything yet." Mark replied, smiling.

Lewis looked at him. "Okay... then I'll do now. I will promise you to be fit again by the end of December. This means you have about five months until then, and I will take good care of you," he promised. "This year will end with you being cleared and able to do surgery again. I'm sure my brother already misses you."

Mark shrugged. "Don't really know about that... I think he kind of even enjoys being the boss, and once I'm back I want to make him my partner anyways, so... yeah..."

"Your... your partner?" Lewis stammered, looking at Mark almost confused. "But why?"

Mark smiled immediately. "Because he's the best... because he knows what he's doing, and he's the only of the resident who decided to go in plastics. He's really talented, I've seen that the moment I've seen him, and I was so right. I'm glad I was right."

"Well... if you say so," Lewis replied with a small smile. "I don't think I can say anything about it... haven't seen Jackie in a while."

"I'm sure he's so happy you're here... you look SO much alike," Mark said, looking around. "But maybe we can postpone the conversation to later and get some work done. I really want to keep this promise you gave me. I really wanna be able to leave everything behind me and start over."

It took him a lot of effort, not to mention Jackson's name in the wrong way, because obviously he still hadn't told Lewis about their relationship and Mark was asking himself why. Was Jackson ashamed that he was way older? Or did he just not want anyone to know that they had hooked up?

He shook away those thoughts, looking around. "Where do we start?"

Lewis pointed to the ball. "Sit down... at first we'll do some Beginner's practices, before we get to the real hard stuff."

"Okay..." Mark smiled, fortunately feeling a lot better than before he came here. Lewis was a good therapist and Mark was sure he would really be able to help him in the long run. At least it was the hope he was clinging to right now.

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex hadn't been able to get the events of that morning out of his head.

He knew all about difficult family relations, especially when it came to brothers, but seeing the vitriol in Jackson and Lewis' encounter shocked Alex. He had never seen Jackson angry enough to speak like that. Even when he fought Alex after the whole April debacle he had apologized almost immediately afterwards.

That didn't happen this time, though. Jackson hadn't sought him out to make up for what he had said to Alex and he was growing increasingly sure that Jackson wasn't going to.

He wasn't sure when it happened, but the closeness that he and Jackson had was disappearing faster then either man could stop it. What Jackson had said to him hurt like hell. He knew that he was never good enough for April, but to hear it spoken aloud felt like a punch to the stomach.

Still, seeing Jackson lying there unconscious had terrified him. Whatever he and Jackson were going through right now didn't wipe away the concern for the man's well being.

He had found himself milling around the main lobby in hopes of catching Jackson and trying to have some kind of civil conversation. It was obvious Jackson wasn't a fan of this thing between him and Lewis, but choosing Lewis shouldn't mean losing Jackson as a result.

Alex didn't let people in easily and he sure as hell didn't let them walk out of his life that way either. April was...different, he had to let her go to protect her and to give the child she was carrying a real shot at being something good one day.

He had lost her; he wasn't going to lose Jackson too.

Taking the initiative he made his way down the left corridor and headed down to Jackson's office. The hallway was quiet and dimly lit. Only Jackson's office and one of the general surgery docs resided there, so the quiet was to be expected. It still unnerved him, though.

Jackson's door was closed and if Alex were to guess he was sure it was locked too.

Knocking he waited for Jackson to respond.

"Yeah" he said through the thick wooden door.

"Jackson, it's me" Alex said and was met with silence "can I come in?"

"I'm really busy" he was lying and Alex ignored the small pang of hurt he felt in his stomach.

"Come on, man" Alex said "I don't want to have a whole conversation through a door, but I will"

It went quiet again until to his surprise he heard the unlocking of the door and Jackson opening it up. Getting a good look at the man he winced at seeing the man's swollen right eye, but it didn't look nearly as bad as it could have.

"How you feeling?"

Great" Jackson told him sarcastically as he returned to his desk and stared back on his papers. Alex felt awkward standing in front of Jackson while the man refused to look at him.

"Post-ops?" Alex asked as he took the seat across from Jackson "they can be a real bitch, huh?"

"What do you need, Alex?" Jackson asked frustrated "I'm swamped here"

Alex didn't know what to say. His whole life had been spent avoiding these kinds of situations that being right in the middle of one made him start to sweat.

"We've had all this animosity between us ever since-" Alex cut himself off from saying Lewis' name. He was sure Jackson was smart enough to know when he and Alex had fallen out favour with one another.

Jackson shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Why are you so against me and Lewis?" Alex asked

"A week ago you were planning a life with April" Jackson said "you know the pregnant ex-girlfriend you decided to abandon in order to start sleeping with somebody you know absolutely nothing about"

Alex gave a bitter smile "You sure know to hit 'em where it hurts Jackson"

Jackson looked away "I'm sorry" he said "I just...I wish you could see that this road your going down is a bad one"

"Why?" Alex asked "tell me"

Returning his gaze to Alex once more he could see the war going on inside of Jackson's mind. He wanted to tell Alex something, but he was holding himself back.

Shaking his head Jackson returned back to his work "You're a grown man" he said "you can make your own decisions".

Alex was suddenly angry and as he stood he saw Jackson jump back "So, that's it?" he asked "either I end this thing with Lewis or we can't be friends anymore?"

"No, I didn't say that" Jackson replied "I just-"

"Just what?" Alex leaned over and put his hands on Jackson's desk "Just don't think I'm good enough for Lewis, just like I wasn't good enough for April?"

"No" Jackson was starting to sound flustered "that's not what I meant"

"Then what did you mean?"

"I'm just worried about you" Jackson told him honestly and just as fast as Alex's anger came it washed away.

"Why?"

"I-I don't want you jumping into this relationship with Lewis just to try and get over April" Jackson told him "you deserve better"

Alex looked at his friend and saw that all was not lost between them "Lewis makes me happy and neither one of us is expecting this to turn into some great love like you and Mark" he said "but shouldn't we at least get the chance to enjoy this while we can"

Jackson shrugged his shoulders "I guess".

"I and April were never going to work out" Alex said "deep down I knew it and so did she"

"What about the pregnancy?"

"I'm going to support whatever decision she makes and I'll make sure that if she keeps the kid that it has everything it needs"

"It's going to need a father" Jackson said.

"Me and April going our separate ways will make sure they have a good one, because I'm just not cut out to be a dad, Jackson"

Jackson was about to respond when he looked behind Alex and saw Lewis walk in his office and towards the man.

"I've been looking for you" Lewis said as he wrapped an arm around Alex's waist "I was wondering if you want to grab some lunch?"

"Sure" Alex smiled "why don't you come with us Jackson?"

Both Avery brothers looked momentarily startled "No, I already ate" Jackson said as he made his way towards the bathroom to avoid a scene.

Once Jackson had closed the door Alex had turned his body towards Lewis' "You two are really going to have to find a way to not make every room you're in together feel like another World War"

When Lewis shrugged his shoulders Alex wondered if the two brothers knew how eerily similar they looked when they did that.

"We're not that kind of family...hell, we aren't really family at all" Lewis said as he pulled Alex close "but I don't wanna talk about Jackson right now" Lewis said as he kissed Alex's neck "We have an hour for lunch and I would really like to see all the things we could get done in that time"

Alex felt blood rush straight to his groin at the smile Lewis gave with his last sentence.

"I'd like that" Alex said as he gave Lewis a quick kiss.

"April" a shocked Jackson said as he walked out of the bathroom and turning around quickly Alex saw the woman standing in the doorway looking like she had just seen an alien.

"April!" and backing away from Lewis he was just about to walk over to her when she bolted out of the room and before he could follow her Jackson was already hot on her trail.

His stomach felt like it was going to collapse in on itself.

"You alright?" Lewis asked as he placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and looking back at him Alex shook his head.

"No"

**April Kepner POV:  
**

_"We have an hour for lunch and I would really like to see all the things we could get done in that time" - "I'd like that"_

April couldn't believe what she had just witnessed. She wouldn't have believed anyone who had told her something like that if she hadn't seen it with her own eyes. And it hurt her like crazy. The tears were burning in her eyes, making it almost impossible to see straight, let alone think clearly.

She needed to get out of here. She needed fresh air. She felt like she was suffocating.

She heard a voice behind her, but she couldn't identify who it was from, because her mind was so clouded from the pain.

Hastily she ran down the stairs instead of using the elevator, not stopping for a single second, even though she was already breathing very hard.

Once she was finally outside the hospital, she leaned against the nearest wall and sank down on the floor, starting to cry very hard. Her whole body was shaking and she felt like she was on the verge of a mental breakdown.

"April..." There it was again, the familiar voice that had already tried to get through to her when she stormed out of Jackson's office, and when she looked up, she looked directly at him. Jackson.

She wanted to say something, wanted to tell Jackson to get lost, but no words left her mouth, only desperate sobs escaped her.

When Jackson tried to hug her, she did her best to push him away, but after a couple of seconds she just couldn't anymore. She didn't have the strength to resist any longer, even though Jackson was one of the last persons she wanted to see right now. He obviously knew about Alex and his "new lifestyle" and she felt so betrayed.

Still, it was almost impossible at that moment to get rid of him, because he wouldn't let go of her, until she leaned against him, silently crying against his chest.

April felt Jackson's arms around her, felt his hands caressing her back and tried to calm down, but she just couldn't. She couldn't believe how much it had hurt to see Alex like that after like what? Two days? They hadn't even really broken up when Alex had slept with someone else - obviously this guy in Jackson's office - and now he was making out with him in public already. April had thought Alex had loved her, heck, he had even told her he loved her, but it obviously hadn't been the truth.

"Why...? Why is he doing that to me?" she choked out, looking up at Jackson from tearful eyes. "What have I done wrong?"

Jackson cupped her face in her hands, gently wiping away some of her tears, but it was useless, because there were always coming new. "Listen to me, April..." Jackson started, causing April to nod.

"I'm listening," she finally got out, still barely able to speak.

"None of this is your fault. You haven't done anything wrong." Jackson said calmly.

April shook her head. "Yes, I have... It's not like I'm an angel, Jackson..." April replied desperately. "I pushed him away and that made him sleep with this... this... guy..."

"That doesn't excuse anything," Jackson gave back. "What Alex did was wrong, and he shouldn't have slept with him." Jackson bit his lip, obviously having something else on his mind.

"What's... what's wrong?" April asked cautiously. "I can tell there's something else."

Jackson let out a sarcastic laugh. "You're in tears and totally desperate and asking_ me_what's wrong?" He let out a sigh. "That's wrong on so many levels." He obviously couldn't believe that April was this selfless, but she really wasn't. She just wanted to know the truth.

"Tell me, Jackson... please," she replied without going any more into what Jackson just said, causing Jackson to swallow hard.

"The guy Alex slept with wasn't... wasn't just anybody.. it was my brother," Jackson blurted out.

"What?" April asked shocked, pushing Jackson away immediately. She felt anger building up within her. "How could you let that happen? Why didn't you prevent him from that?"

"And how would I have done that? I didn't even know they even met until the next day and it was already too late then." Jackson said, looking at April earnestly. "Believe me, April, if I could have, I would have done everything in my willpower to prevent Alex from sleeping with my bastard brother. I have my reasons for never even mentioning him to anyone. Not even to you."

April felt her anger slowly fading away again, because she could see that this whole situation wasn't easy for Jackson as well. Alex was one of his best friends after all, and she could tell that the relationship to his brother couldn't be easy. And now he was in the middle of this whole mess.

"Why did he do that?" April asked again, coming back to the main reason of their conversation. "And how is it that he's into guys now?" She felt another well of tears in her eyes. "What's wrong with me that all the guys I sleep with turn gay immediately afterwards?"

"April..." Jackson replied, gently pulling her close again. "I already told you it had nothing to do with you that I fell in love with Mark. Or with us sleeping together. It was pretty awesome, actually."

"Really?" April looked up at him, still not entirely convinced. "Because I think I must be really bad in bed when everyone starts sleeping with men afterwards."

"Mark wasn't my first guy. I already told you that. And that I was in love with him long before we slept together. I just wasn't aware of it for a long time," Jackson replied.

April bit her lower lip. "But Alex wasn't... I'm sure he had never slept with a guy before."

Jackson let out a sigh. "Believe me, April, Lewis has his ways to get someone, even the straightest guys," he told her, going on immediately. "He thought it was a good way to get to me. He thought he could hurt me with sleeping with Alex and he did."

April was surprised. "Why would he do that? He's your brother..."

"Because our relationship is very... difficult to say at least." Jackson explained. "It's a long story I won't get into right now, but like I said: Lewis knows how to handle guys like Alex... he tells them whatever they want to hear and he met Alex exactly at the right time. When he was vulnerable and heartbroken because you two had a fight. He used him. I think he's still using him, but Alex won't listen to me. I already told him to stay away from Lewis."

April nodded slowly. "I... I played my part in this whole mess, too, but I didn't think he would jump into bed with someone only a few hours after we fought." She let out a sigh. "He has always been such a player... but I thought I could change him. I thought the thing between us was special."

"It was... it _is_," Jackson immediately said. "And this thing with my brother... it doesn't mean much to Alex... and it's... it's just typical Alex to do something like that. I mean, I don't know him for _this_long as you know, but he reminds me so much of myself. Running away when things get difficult. Destroying the things you love most, because you think you're not good enough to have all that."

April looked up at Jackson who was still holding her tightly. "Why would he think that?" She shook her head. "I love him so much, and he's the best thing that ever happened to me. I know he's been very troubled and that in certain situations it's difficult to deal with him, but I'm not perfect either." April swallowed down another well of tears building inside of her, trying to compose herself again. She didn't want to be this weak.

"Who is?" Jackson asked with a small smile. "But Alex thinks he's not worthy of your love. He thinks he would screw up your life, and the life of your kid, and he loves you so much that he doesn't want to do that to the both of you."

Instinctively, April placed a hand on her still flat stomach. "But that's not true. I need him, and this baby needs him."

"Then you have to fight for him, April," Jackson insisted, leaning forward and placing a kiss on her forehead. "And I'll be there for you every step of the way. And if there is something I can do, just let me know."

April shook her head, getting back on her feet and waiting for Jackson to do the same.

"Thanks... but I think that's something I have to do by myself." she said determined. "I will get him back, Jackson, no matter what he did to me. I... I won't be able to trust him again that easy, and it will be a long way, but we have a shot. I just know it. You telling me that he really loves me makes me see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just need him to start thinking higher of himself."

"I'm sure you're the only one that can do that... and if you ever need anything, I'll be there," Jackson replied, causing April to smile. A real smile. The first one since she stormed out of his office.

"Thank you, Jackson..." She leaned forward, hugging him tight. "And maybe you can tell me what's wrong between you and your brother at some point. I would really love to know what tore you two apart like that..." and she did. She could tell by the look on Jackson's face that he wasn't ready to talk about his brother at the moment, but she always wanted a brother, and Jackson seemed to rather not have him as his brother at all.

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex had wanted to go after April. Apologize and erase that look he saw in her eyes that told him he had officially broken her heart.

Lewis had stopped him before he could follow Jackson out.

"You'll just overwhelm her" Lewis told him "Jackie...I mean Jackson will help her". Alex could still feel his whole body shaking. He had ended it with April, but seeing her hurt still tore him apart inside and knowing that it was because of him only made it worse.

"Let's go get some lunch" Lewis said "that burger joint down the street looks pretty good".

Alex just nodded and let Lewis lead him out of Jackson's office and the two made a beeline out of the hospital.

The restaurant that Lewis picked was pretty quiet for mid-day and for that Alex was thankful. The last thing he needed was to get frustrated at a large crowd and take his fear and frustrations out on someone who didn't really deserve it. He had done that more then enough for one lifetime.

The men ordered their food and found a table in the far corner. Alex tried to eat, but everything tasted like metal and for a brief moment he thought that he should probably get himself checked out just to make sure nothing was wrong with him.

Well, nothing more then the usual.

"So, that's April" Lewis said causing Alex to look up at him "She's a pretty girl"

"Yeah" Alex responded quietly. He wasn't sure how comfortable he was talking about the girl he used to sleep with to the guy he was currently sleeping with.

That was a sentence Alex never thought would apply to him.

Alex could feel Lewis staring at him and he suddenly felt as if he was being scrutinized.

"So, Jackson was right about your feelings for her" Lewis didn't sound hurt or angry; just curious.

"No" Alex said "I mean we used to, but...not anymore"

"Because of us?" Lewis asked.

"Not really" Alex tried to take another bite of his burger and still tasted the same bitter flavour "it was over before we met in the bar...hell before me and April even got started really"

"You love her" Lewis said factually "it's written all over you".

"I'm not the kind of person who does well in love" Alex responded "I tend to fuck it up in very grand and epic ways, as you've just witnessed"

Lewis smiled at him and Alex felt the first bit of relief since Jackson's office.

"If you want to work things out with her I completely understand" Lewis said "is it true that she's pregnant?"

The question jarred Alex "I.. yeah" he said "I've had an awful father; a man who should have known that he was never cut out to be one and I don't want whatever kid I have to say that about me 30 years from now"

"I think you're being a bit hard on yourself, Alex" Lewis reached over and grabbed his hand. Alex almost jerked back before he felt the man run a thumb over his knuckles. The gesture was comforting.

"I-I've done the marriage thing and even the potential father thing" Alex said as he thought of Izzie and then Rebecca "and each one ended with the woman either dying, leaving, or getting sent to the loony bin"

Alex grabbed Lewis' hand in his own "I do love her, but I also know when walking away is the best thing you can do"

"Then you need to talk to her, Alex" Lewis said "it's not fair to just leave her with the hope that it can be different someday"

"That's not what I'm doing"

"Not intentionally" Lewis said "but I've been in her position and finding out that the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with doesn't feel the same is crushing"

Alex knew Lewis was right. He would have to talk to April; he should have done it before she caught him with Lewis.

"You mind if we take a rain check on the rest of this lunch?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, no problem" Lewis said "let me know how it goes later".

Standing up Alex leaned over and gave Lewis a passionate kiss "I will" he said "and thanks"

"Anytime" Lewis smiled and turning around Alex made his way back to the hospital.

Alex had found April walking towards the supply closet and taking a deep breath he tried to quell his nerves.

"April"

The woman turned around and the fear was on her face in an instant. She was just as nervous as he was.

"Alex" she said and looked away quickly "I-I'm kinda busy"

"April, please" he said "I know I have no right to ask you for anything, but can we talk? I promise I'll make it quick"

It took her a few moments to finally nod her head in agreement and walking ahead of her he led her to the locker room that was located a short distance down the hall.

Once the two were alone neither knew how to start, but Alex felt this situation was his to own and he should have been the one to make things right.

"I never meant for you to see me and Lewis; see us...like that"

April's face flashed a quick sign of pain and it twisted Alex's heart "When did you and Lewis become an us?"

She was angry.

"I-I don't know" Alex answered honestly "it kind of snuck up on me"

"Jackson's brother, Alex, really?" April asked "did you even take a breath between deciding to move out and jumping into a relationship with him?"

"It's not a relationship...I mean I don't think it is"

"Then what? It's just sex...? You know what? I don't even want to know" she said and tried to make her way past Alex but the man blocked her path.

"This is me, April" Alex said "I warned you that this is what my life had always been and will always be...that's why you and that kid-"

"Our kid" April corrected.

"Deserve better" Alex said "I could never live with myself if I make you live a life I know you'll regret one day"

"I love you, Alex" April said "and maybe because you don't seem to love yourself very much you can't see the amazing man you can be, but trust me, you don't just have to accept this life you've decided to pursue just because you think it's the one you deserve"

Grabbing April's hand he heard the girl take in a breath "You see the best in everything, Kepner" Alex said "it's part of the reason why I love you, but it tends to leave you blind to the faults of the people you care about"

"That's not true" she said.

"It is" Alex told her "You have a good heart that you leave too open to hurt and that's all I would do if we were together" he pulled her in for a hug and kissed the side of her head "I've accepted who I am, April...I wish you would too"

"Like Lewis has?" she said bitterly as she pulled out of his hold.

"This isn't about Lewis" Alex said "it would have been somebody else down the road eventually. I've done it with every single person naive enough to think that I was capable of someone worth building a life with"

"So that's it?" April asked "I just watch you self-destruct?"

Alex could feel the same emotions from that night of their break-up and the air suddenly felt constraining.

"I'm sorry, April" Alex said as he made his way over to the door and opening it he looked back at her "I want you to find somebody who makes you happy Kepner. Nobody else deserves it more"

"Alex" she said but the man had left before she could finish her sentence. Alex knew what the right thing to do was and eventually April would see it too.

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis made his way back to the hospital once he had finished his lunch alone, still thinking about the conversation he had with Alex. He could tell from the look in his eyes, that he really loved this April-girl, and it made him realize that he knew exactly how Alex felt right now. Loving someone you think you didn't deserve was always bad.

He sat down on a park bench and closed his eyes, immediately thinking about Tyler.

The whole time they were together, Lewis had thought their relationship had been too good to be true. He had thought that he didn't deserve a guy like Tyler and that he wouldn't break up with him sooner or later, but Tyler had managed to convince him otherwise. Tyler had done everything to convince him that he was the one he loved, even with his bad sides, and he had quite a lot of them. He had worked so hard to make Lewis believe, and the day he finally did was the day he proposed to Tyler. He remembered this moment as if it was yesterday.

Closing his eyes he let the memories flood his mind.

_Lewis had never been the romantic kind of guy, and neither was Tyler, but this night... tonight... tonight everything was different. Tonight was special. Lewis had spent a whole lot of time and money to think this moment over and to wait for the right time to ask Tyler to marry him and tonight would be the night. He loved him more than anything in the world and he wanted to spend his life with him. He never wanted to let him go again._

_Their apartment was almost beyond recognition once he was finished with it, because he had managed to shove the couch and even the TV-cabinet with the TV on it away to have enough space, before he had formed a heart out of what felt like hundreds of tea candles. He had lighted them when Tyler hat called him that he was on his way home and turned on the music. Their favourite CD. With the song they first kissed to._

_He had also filled the room with Rose pedals that led to their bedroom, and he had bought new silk bed-clothes in red and put them on their beds. He had prepared everything, and it was just perfect. He couldn't wait for Tyler to come home, even though he was nervous as hell. Tyler could say no, even though Lewis was pretty positive he wouldn't, but what if he did?_

_Shaking away his thoughts he pulled the small casket out of his jeans pocket and opened it. Two rings in dim silver, very simple and very them. He was sure Tyler would like them. If he said yes, that was._

_When Lewis heard the key in the keyhole he felt his heartbeat quickening immediately and got off the couch he was sitting on to welcome Tyler at the door._

_"Hey, Baby..." he said, once Tyler opened the door, blocking his view to their living room._

_"Hey..." Tyler replied, kissing him gently and looping his arms around Lewis' waist. "I've missed you."_

_"Me too... glad you're finally here..." He took both of Tyler's hands in his own, looking him in the eye. "I have a surprise for you."_

_"Oh my god, are you pregnant?" Tyler joked, causing Lewis to gently punch him in the ribs._

_"Idiot..."_

_"That's why you love me, don't you?" Tyler replied, smiling up at him. "So what is it?"_

_Lewis walked backwards into the living room, still blocking the view to the candle heart, but finally moving away enough for Tyler to see what he had done._

_"Oh my god... what's that all about?" Tyler asked, looking really surprised._

_Nervously, Lewis cleared his throat. "Tyler... I..." He bit his lower lip, taking a deep breath. That was harder than he thought it would be. He wasn't the romantic type after all, but he needed to say what he had to say. He pulled Tyler a little closer to the heart before falling onto his knees, still not letting go of his hands._

_"I love you so much..." he started again. "I love you like I've never loved anyone before in my whole life and more than I ever will love anyone. You're all I ever dreamed of, and even though I still sometimes think I don't deserve you, I'm so glad you love me too. I don't want this to ever change again. I wanna spend the rest of my life loving you... being with you... making you happy... will you marry me?"_

_Tyler stared at him in shock for a couple of seconds and Lewis almost expected him to say no, but only a mere seconds later he was down on his knees as well, literally falling into Lewis' arms. "Yes... god yes... yes... yes..."_

_Lewis looked at him, fighting back the tears. He was so moved and happy at the same time, he almost couldn't speak. "Yes what?" he asked, gently caressing Tyler's face._

_"Yes, I will marry you, Lewis Avery." Tyler replied, placing a soft kiss on Lewis' lips and with this kiss it was sealed. They belonged together and no one would ever get in between them._

At least that was what Lewis had thought for a couple of really happy weeks, when they had started to prepare their wedding. Why hadn't he noticed that something had been wrong? Why hadn't he noticed how close Jackson and Tyler had become during the preparations?

Thinking about the moment he had found out about Tyler and Jackson still tore him apart, and he just couldn't deal with it. Not now, not ever. He needed this relationship - or whatever it was - with Alex to keep those thoughts of Tyler away, because looking at Jackson... looking at him being happy... reminded him about the fact that it was Jackson's fault that he didn't have all that for himself.

Jackson had a job he loved, he had friends, had a family. He even had a boyfriend who obviously loved him as well, he was happy, and Lewis hated him for it, even though deep down he somehow still loved Jackson. He was his brother after all, and if he didn't love him so much, he wouldn't be able to hate him like that. Still, he managed to keep the love deep down inside his heart, because whenever he saw Jackson smiling, the hate was a lot more present.

Shaking away his thoughts, Lewis got off the park bench, making his way back to the hospital. He knew what Alex was going through, new exactly how it felt to lose the love of your life, but he actually wasn't sure if he wanted Alex to go through the same pain he had gone through. He cared about him, no matter what Jackson or anyone else said. He wasn't the asshole some people tended to think he was, and even though this thing with Alex REALLY felt good and was exactly what he needed, he wasn't sure he was the right thing for Alex.

April obviously loved him, and he loved her too. It wasn't like with him and Tyler, April hadn't cheated on him with his brother or anything like that and April seemed to still have enough love left for him to be this heartbroken by the view of him and Alex making out. It was wrong to keep Alex from having what he wasn't destined to have.

Lewis wasn't even aware he had already gone this far, until he was standing right in front of the hospital. He didn't have a shift anymore today, but he made his way in anyways, getting into the elevator and in the fifth floor. He was just about to walk into his office when he heard a female voice behind himself.

"Doctor Avery!"

When he turned around, he saw April standing there, looking just as uncomfortable as he felt the exact same moment.

"Doctor Kepner," he replied, trying his best not to look her directly in the eye, because he just didn't want to see the pain he had caused. He didn't even _know_ the woman, but he knew what he had done was partly wrong, even though it wasn't only _his_fault. Now he was the other guy someone had betrayed his partner with, and this wasn't a good feeling after all. Especially with the knowledge that the woman in front of him was carrying Alex' child.

"Can I help you?" Lewis asked when April didn't say anything else, just watched her feet.

Finally, she took a deep breath and looked up at him. "Doctor Hunt needs you to sign some papers for your limited contract, so he sent me over to get them to you."

"What are you, his secretary?" Lewis asked directly, not really understanding how the chief would use her for his errands.

"No... I'm the one who failed her boards and can now be relieved to even still be here. If it wasn't for Alex and Jackson, I would be long gone," April replied, letting out a sigh. "But this is none of your business anyways." She moved towards him, placing a bunch of papers in his hands. "And if you would have the kindness to sign these papers now, please? I have other things to do than making you do your job."

Oh well... she was clearly pissed, and Lewis could hear the pain with every word she was saying.

"I'm... I'm really sorry, Doctor Kepner," Lewis pressed out, not even knowing what he was apologizing for, and April called him on that immediately.

"What for? Stealing away my boyfriend? Sleeping with your brother's best friend? Not giving any damn about me or Alex' baby?" She let out a sad smile. "You know what? I don't care... save your apologies for someone who actually wants to hear them, because I don't... and if you think you can give Alex everything he needs, you're wrong. At some point he will recognize that this is not the life he wants to live, but guess what? It will be too late by then, because I will have moved on."

She turned around, walking a few steps away. "And you will have to live with the guilt, because you will be responsible for destroying what could have been a happy family. I could have made Alex happy." She turned around once more, looking Lewis deep in the eye. "I wanted to fight for Alex, I really did, but sometimes love is just not enough and he seems not to want me to fight, so I give up. You can have him."

She walked away a few more steps. "Please make sure the papers get to Chief Hunt by the end of the day." And with those words she was gone. Out of sight, leaving Lewis alone with his thoughts. Confusing thoughts he didn't know what he should make out of them. He needed to talk to Alex as soon as possible. He didn't want him to make the mistake of giving up the love of his life for whatever he and Alex were having, because he was not sure it was worth it, but he was definitely sure Alex would regret it later. He shouldn't let Alex make this mistake.


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N:** Yay… We managed to get the next chapter ready for you, and this one is… really bad… Things between Jackson and Alex get really serious, and a lot more of Lewis and his feelings come out…

We're so happy you all are still with us and enjoying the "ride"… and we hope, it's gonna stay that way… :-) There will be a lot of "guest appearances" in this story, so stick with us :-)

By the way, if you wanna have a face to "Tyler" – we pictured it to be Warren Kole… you can google him if you don't know him… ;-)

And now: enjoy Chapter 28!

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex had spent the past hour after his conversation with April feeling anxious. He had tried to shake it, but the hurt in her voice stuck with him.

Why couldn't she just see that she could do better? That Alex was giving her the chance to live the dream she always wanted.

Arizona was currently helping him with a kid named Dylan Forester. He had been in only a few days before after getting a nasty injury due to a mugging and now it seemed as if he followed that with a fractured patella bone.

The woman looked troubled and Alex wanted to ask what it was, but he knew she wouldn't tell him until the kid was out of ear shot.

"I'm going to have Dr. Torres examine you" Arizona said with a smile "until then I have to tell you that I don't believe you'll be able to be on that knee for quite awhile"

Alex could tell the kid wasn't happy, but he seemed affable enough not to make any waves about it.

Giving him a pat on his shoulder Alex followed Arizona out and once the two made it to the hallway Alex reached out and grabbed her arm.

"Are you alright?"

"I could ask you the same thing" the woman told him with a sad smile "you seemed distracted"

"Dr. Robbins...I know when you're feeling uneasy" he said and he could. He had worked with her long enough to know that little had gotten the woman down; so for her to be visibly upset meant something was really off.

With a sigh she put her hands on her hips "A kid who shows up at the hospital two days after getting treated for facial lacerations raises concerns"

Tilting his head Alex could feel the hair on the back of his neck stand up "You don't think-?"

"I don't know what I think yet" Arizona said "I do have to go and make some phone calls, though"

"Are you sure?" Alex asked "if something is...wrong with this kid it's going to be bad for that family"

"Dylan only has his father and despite our best efforts I have yet to meet the man despite his son's obvious serious injuries...I can't just let that go"

Alex respected the woman's resolve "You know I'm going to back your play; whatever it is". Arizona smiled at him and patted his arm "I appreciate it, Karev" she said "but why don't you make it an early shift? We don't have any other cases lined up for the day"

"You sure?"

"Of course" she responded and walking past him she headed down towards her office. Looking more solemn as she went to do a task that Alex knew sat heavy on her heart.

Alex needed a distraction and a damn good one. Making his way to Lewis' office he knocked and walking in smiled at seeing the man sitting behind his desk.

"Hi"

"Hi" Lewis stood up as Alex approached his desk.

"I thought you would be long gone" Alex said as he stood in front of Lewis and wrapped his arms around the man's waist to pull him close.

Lewis shifted his body "I had to fill out some paper work for Hunt"

"Well, thank you, Hunt" Alex smiled and leaned in for a kiss until Lewis turned his head away. Rearing his head back Alex looked at Lewis "You okay?"

Lewis stared at him for a long moment before pulling himself out of Alex's hold "We need to talk Alex"

"Talk?" Alex asked "About what?"

Walking back and leaning against his desk Lewis crossed his arms over his chest.

"I think we need to cool things off a bit" Lewis said.

"What?" Alex's shock was all over his face "The hell are you talking about?"

"Look, man" Lewis said "we started off pretty hot and heavy, but we didn't really think about what this would do in the long run"

"Is this about Jackson?" Alex asked and he was already thinking about the hundred of ways he was going to kick the man's ass.

"No" Lewis said "you know I could give a shit what he thinks"

"Then what is it?" Alex demanded "because only a couple hours ago we were making plans for this evening"

Lewis remained silent and as Alex looked over he saw the paperwork from Hunt.

"April" Alex said shaking his head "this is about April"

"She's not dealing with this very well and it's obvious you two still love one another" Lewis looked up at Alex "I can't be the guy that comes in between that"

"You're not" Alex said "Yes, we still love each other, but that doesn't mean we should be together for that reason alone"

"She's pregnant with your kid, Alex"

"So I should go back to her and force that kid, force her, to deal with the years of resentment and anger I'd have because I knew what the right thing to do was and I ignored it in order to create some form of dysfunctional family?"

"No, I-" Lewis started "I just think you're not thinking through this clearly"

"Fuck" Alex yelled "I wish everyone would stop acting like I don't know what the hell I'm doing" he felt like punching a wall "I'm a grown man of sound mind and I have been able to make decisions for myself for a very long time now. If you don't want to continue this, fine, but don't use April or my decisions as an excuse"

"Whether it's you or not; me and April are finished Lewis" Alex said "I like spending time with you and I would like to keep doing it, but it's up to you"

Walking over to Lewis Alex stood in front of him "So, what is it?"

"It won't be easy for her to see us together" Lewis said.

"You leave April to me" Alex said "so will I see you tonight?"

"Y-Yeah" Lewis said as he stared at Alex. Reaching around Alex grabbed Lewis' ass and lifted him up on his desk. Spreading his legs Alex moved in-between them and gave the man a heated kiss.

"Good" Alex said with a smile "because after you finish up here we're going back to that hotel and I'm going to fuck your brain out, okay?"

"Okay" Lewis said with a small grin "I should be done in about 30 minutes"

"Meet me in the lobby" Alex told him and with another kiss he walked to the door. Opening up he turned around to look at Lewis "I'm as hard as a rock so don't keep me waiting" and after hearing Lewis laugh he smiled and made his way towards his next destination.

Alex found April sitting with Meredith in the cafeteria and he told himself to keep his temper in check. The woman was obviously hurting and yelling at her would not be fair.

Walking up to the two women he stood in front of April "I need to talk to you!" Alex said to her.

"You alright, Alex?" Meredith asked concerned. Alex knew that the woman had known him well enough to sense when he was trying to hold his emotions in check.

"Fine" he told her curtly "April?"

She looked nervous, which told Alex she had something to feel guilty about.

"Alex" she said cautiously "I think we should talk later" and he saw her look at Meredith embarrassed.

"No" Alex said "I can't apologize for the number of ways I've hurt you, but you take that out on me, not Lewis".

April turned her head away to look down at her lap "He told you?"

"He didn't have to" Alex told her "you guilted him into trying to break it off" and at the words April looked up at him and the hope he saw in her eyes hurt.

"I didn't let him" Alex said bluntly "I need you to understand me April, I'm not the guy of your dreams and I never will be" he leaned down and looked the woman directly in the eye.

"We're finished" he said "I want to be able to still have some kind of friendly relationship with you, but if you do that to Lewis again you're going to make that impossible"

He saw the tears in her eyes and made himself remain strong. He had to be tough on her. He had to make her understand that this was the end.

"That's enough, Alex!" Meredith said as she stood "you got your point across"

"Did I?" Alex asked April before he felt Meredith grab a fistful of his hair and yank his head down, causing him to yelp in pain.

"Go, Alex!" Meredith said "or the next thing I grab is going to make you crawl out of here on your knees".

Once she let him go Alex gave her a dirty look and turning around he stormed out. He just wanted to get to Lewis and bury himself in the man so deep that the world just washed away.

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis had just delivered his papers to Doctor Hunt and was now on his way to meet Alex, but as much as he tried, he couldn't shake away the uneasy feeling he had. Especially when he passed by the cafeteria and saw Kepner and this other doctor he had seen Michael with earlier sitting there.

Kepner was obviously crying and the other woman was holding her really tight, trying to calm her down. He didn't want to be this egoistic, but he also didn't want to end things with Alex if Alex wasn't about to end things with him. There was obviously something Alex saw in him, and with Alex everything was just... easy. So much easier than it ever had been. Without all those love feelings, just having fun with each other. It was perfect.

What they were doing most likely wasn't right for the people outside. For the people who didn't have a clue what it was between them. But it was right for Lewis. It was right for Alex and him. For them. He needed this as much as Alex did, even though most people probably wouldn't understand. But Lewis didn't care.

He shook away the thoughts of how much harm this relationship between them could do and decided to just enjoy it. As long as it lasted. And if Alex decided one day to change his mind and try to get back together with his ex-girlfriend, Lewis wouldn't stand in his way either. They were both free to go at any time.

It took him not even two minutes to get to the lobby where Alex was already standing and waiting for him, but he hadn't seen him yet.

Lewis thought about it for a second, but then he started moving towards him very slowly, hugging him from behind all of a sudden and causing Alex to let out a yelp.

"Man, you scared the shit out of me," Alex complained once he turned around in Lewis' embrace, smiling down at him.

"I'm sorry?" Lewis grinned, starting to stroke Alex' back.

"No, you're not," Alex disagreed, leaning down to catch his lips in a heated kiss that Lewis had to break because he needed air.

"No, I'm not..." he repeated, grabbing Alex' butt cheeks and thrusting forward. "Do I remember you saying something about being hard as a rock?"

"Oh yeah..." Alex breathed out. "So we should hurry, or I don't think I'll make it to the hotel and will ravish you right here."

Lewis looked around slightly amused. "Oh, I think there are a lot of things I don't know about you... for example that you're into exhibitionism."

"Not really," Alex replied, grabbing Lewis' hand. "So let's get out of here. Soon."

Lewis just nodded and let Alex guide him outside the hospital and to the parking lot where he had parked his car this morning when Alex and him came to the hospital together.

He could almost see it in Alex eyes how much he needed him right now. Not wanted. Needed. It was the same need he felt whenever he had to think about Tyler. A need for some kind of solace. For someone to hold him tight and make him feel alive again. And he was willing to give Alex whatever his heart desired, because he knew the feeling and he wasn't about to let Alex deal with this all alone. He was going to be there for him, one way or another, even though it looked like another at the moment.

"What are you thinking?" Alex' voice pulled him out of his thoughts and Lewis looked at him confused.

"Me?"

A small chuckle left Alex' lips. "Yes, you. Or do you see anyone else here? Because if that's the case you should probably let Doctor Holt check you out."

"I'm fine," Lewis hurriedly replied, leaning forward and kissing Alex gently. "I was just thinking about all the things I wanna do to you tonight. You will be mine."

"I already am," Alex said with a smile, before letting go of Lewis and rounding the car to open the passenger seat's door and get in once Lewis had unlocked it.

Only a few seconds later Lewis followed him and sank down on the driver's seat, turning to look at Alex. "You wanna grab something to eat before we drive to the hotel?"

Alex shook his head almost violently. "No... nothing to eat... I just... I just want you..." He grabbed one of Lewis' hands and placed it on the bulge in his jeans. "I really... just... just drive, okay?"

Lewis swallowed hard, nodding finally. "Okay..." he replied and started the engine. He didn't think Alex was in such a bad place, but after all Lewis witnessed, he could totally understand it.

"I will make you better, I promise," he said with a smile once they were on their way to his hotel.

"You already do," Alex smiled back, placing a hand on Lewis' thigh and rubbing up and down, causing Lewis to take in a sharp breath.

"This is... very distracting, baby..." he said, trying to concentrate on the street, but it was harder said than done.

"You don't like it?" Alex asked, already about to put his hand away when Lewis put his own hand over Alex' to hold it there.

"Oh, I like it very much..." he admitted, letting out a moan. "It feels so good... and if you go on doing this, I don't think we will make it to our room..."

"Well... then let's just pull over and let me fuck you... I know you want me and I want you too," Alex simply said, already working Lewis' belt open, and the button and the zipper followed shortly afterwards.

"But we're... oh God..." Lewis hissed, once Alex grabbed a hold of his manhood through the fabric of his boxers, and it started hardening in Alex' hand immediately - a feeling he had missed so much.

"What is it, babe?" Alex asked, looking at him almost innocently.

"We're... in the middle of the city... oh god..." Lewis let his head fall back into his neck for a second, before trying to focus on the traffic again, but it became more and more difficult with every passing second.

"I don't care... just pull over so I can ram my big, hard dick inside of your ass and make you scream in pleasure," Alex replied, and if he hadn't gotten Lewis before, he definitely got him now.

Hectically, Lewis looked around, finding a quiet alley and parking his car underneath a tree that even was a little shady.

With a neat movement, Alex had gotten Lewis' seat in a horizontal position and then he was all over him, literally ravishing him.

He ripped open Lewis' shirt so all the buttons flew away, letting his tongue travel over Lewis' sensitive skin, making Lewis twist in his seat. God, it was so fucking good. So good that Lewis had forgotten about his now destroyed shirt within seconds, even though he had intended to complain, but he didn't even get this far. Instead, he let out a low groan.

Oh yes, Alex was pretty damn awesome and he just wanted this so much. As much as he could get. All of it.

Alex Karev POV:

Alex had tried to wait. He really had, but the need to touch Lewis, to feel him surrounding his cock was a beast that he couldn't tame.

With Lewis under him Alex bent down and kissed him as he worked on taking off the man's pants. Alex needed to remind Lewis why they were good. Why they needed to continue whatever this was between them.

Grinding his pelvis against Lewis' he heard the man take in a breath "See how good I make you feel?" Alex said "I can't believe you thought about ending it"

"Alex I thought-" Lewis started to say before Alex leaned down and kissed him once again "You thought wrong" and giving him a devilish grin he reached back to yank off Lewis' shoes and then pulled the man's pants and boxers off. It took some maneuvering, but Alex managed to switch their positions and Lewis sat upon Alex's hips.

Lewis reached under Alex's shirt and lifted it over the man's head and once off threw it onto the passenger seat.

"You need to start wearing button down shirts" Lewis said with a smile "I shouldn't be the only one ruining my clothing"

"I'll wear anything you want me to, baby" Alex said as he leaned up and gave him a kiss "button-down shirts, cowboy hats, ass-less chaps...whatever"

The comment got a laugh from Lewis "Let's not go overboard".

"I'm just saying...the offer is there" Alex said as Lewis unzipped his jeans and after Alex kicked his shoes off felt Lewis removed the remainder of his clothing.

Now as skin lay against skin Alex felt the heat between them. Grabbing Lewis' hips he lifted the man until his ass sat against Alex's cock.

"Impressive" Lewis whispered, the lust evident in his voice. Alex bucked up "very impressive" Lewis repeated.

Grabbing Lewis' face Alex caressed the man's cheek and slowly he ran a finger over Lewis' lips and opening his mouth Lewis took Alex's finger in and his cock pulsed instantly.

After his finger was sufficiently wet he took it out of Lewis' mouth and reaching around his finger found Lewis' opening and slowly began to work his finger inside. Feeling Lewis grip his shoulder tightly Alex put in a second finger once he felt Lewis was open enough.

"Fuck, Alex" Lewis said "you're going to drive me insane"

"I've been known to do that" he said as he sat up and used his free hand to wrap it around Lewis' waist.

Reaching behind him Lewis opened up the glove compartment and pulling out a condom he used his teeth to open it.

"I love a man who's always prepared" Alex said with a smile as he took the condom from Lewis and proceeded to put it on. Once he was ready he lined himself with Lewis' opening and eased just the head of his cock into the man and as Lewis' hands moved from Alex's shoulder to the seat behind him he moved in a little deeper.

It was amazing how tight Lewis was. Even though Alex had just fucked him the previous night it felt like this was Lewis' first time all over again. Alex could probably fuck him forever and always have that feeling.

"Alex" Lewis moaned as he moved his ass to signal the man to push in further and Alex obliged enthusiastically. It had been such a long time since Alex had did things like fucking someone by the side of the road, but in the short time he had known Lewis the man had changed him. Made him better than the simpering sad sack that he had been ever since he lost Izzie. Better than the kind of man who believed in love and happily ever after. The kind of man who left himself open to having his heart trampled on.

Lewis was bringing the strong Alex back and there was not enough ways in which he could thank him. One way was by making him see how good they were like this.

Bucking up once again Alex buried himself in Lewis completely and it threw the man off balance. With a smile Lewis pulled Alex in for a kiss and as their tongues mingled together Alex found his rhythm. Breaking away Alex looked down between their bodies and fisted Lewis' cock. It stood up brown and beautiful, and hard enough for Alex to pump vigorously.

Timing his thrust with the pumping of Lewis' cock he could see the sweat make it's way down Lewis' neck and leaning in he ran his tongue down the hot skin and tasted him. Lewis tasted brash and sweet all at the same time. As Alex's thrust got more urgent the image of April's heartbroken face popped into his mind.

Going faster Alex was determined to burn the woman out of him. He was getting rid of the man he used to be and replacing him with the one who loved nothing but sex and surgery.

The one that came to Seattle Grace with a single vision and was undeterred in seeing it through.

Feeling Lewis' cock tighten he knew the man was close and as Lewis bent over to lay atop him Alex's thrust became frantic.

"Alex, I'm going to..." and before he could finish Lewis exploded all over Alex's chest.

"Yeah, just like that" Alex said as he kissed him and swallowed Lewis' moans. Feeling his balls tighten Alex gripped Lewis' hips and with a few more thrust stars exploded behind Alex's eyes as his orgasm took over.

Once the two men came down from their high Lewis collapsed on top of Alex.

"Fuck" Lewis panted "you've gotten so good at this"

"When I have someone like you to practice on I expect to be a master any day now"

With a laugh Lewis got off the man's lap and collapsed onto the passenger seat. Taking off the condom Alex wiped himself down with the wet naps that Lewis handed him then wrapping it up in the napkin threw the condom into the alley.

After getting dressed Alex looked over and could see Lewis close his eyes.

"Don't you fall asleep on me" Alex said "we're stopping to pick up something to eat and then we start this night off the proper way"

"Is that so?" Lewis grinned.

"You better believe it" Alex told him as he pulled him in for another kiss.

Starting the car back up Alex grabbed Lewis' hand as he drove out of the alley and continued on their journey.

For Alex this was a new day and he was going to take full advantage of it.

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis leaned back against the couch, placing his legs on the living room table. He had decided that he didn't want to use his small little room anymore for the night, but something more comfortable. Something bigger. Something luxurious. So he went for a suite for the night.

Probably he could have had the apartment as well - he actually hadn't talked to Michael - but a big four star hotel with room service was never wrong either.

"God, I'm SO fucking full..." he said, rubbing his belly and pointing to the empty plates he and Alex had just eaten from.

"Me too," Alex admitted, turning his head to look at Lewis. "But it was delicious."

"Oh yeah..." Lewis leaned over him, capturing his lips in a gentle kiss and just feeling satisfied. This thing with Alex was just really good and he couldn't believe that he almost broke it off, even though he still felt a little bad for April. But it wasn't his decision, it was Alex', and if Alex rather wanted to be fucked by him or fuck him instead of April, so be it. Lewis was over trying to always do the right thing.

"Will you tell me what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?" Alex asked softly, pointing at Lewis' chest.

Confused, Lewis looked at him. "What?"

Alex placed a hand on Lewis' hip, pulling him slightly closer. "You weren't with me... do you still agonize about April?"

"I..." Lewis asked, letting out a sigh. "No... yes... maybe a little..."

"Forget about her... I'm serious, Lewis... How can _I_forget what happened if you remind me of her the whole time? I turned to you to not have to think about her all the time and now it's you who can't seem to get her out of your head," Alex complained. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all."

"What are you talking about?" Lewis asked, watching Alex getting up from the couch.

"Tonight... maybe I should go home and watch a game or such," Alex said, turning away from Lewis, but Lewis reacted immediately, grabbing Alex' hand and pulling him back down. With such a force, that Alex landed directly in his lap.

"No!" Lewis disagreed immediately. "You're not going anywhere."

"I'm not?" Alex asked with a smile, looping his arms around Lewis' neck.

"No... you stay right where you are and let me do the talking..." Gently, he caressed Alex' cheek, letting his hand slide down and playing with the hem of Alex' shirt. He thought about it for a moment, still not really sure if he should open up to Alex that way, but somehow it felt good. Somehow it felt right to do so.

"You wanna know why this thing between you and April bothers me so much? Or better to say, the whole situation we're in?" he asked, looking up at Alex.

"Sure," Alex replied immediately. "But only if you really wanna tell me."

Lewis nodded. "Yeah... Actually, I do."

He took in a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment before he opened them again to look at Alex. "The thing is... I can relate to her pretty well... I know exactly how she must feel right now, and I know how much something like that hurts."

"What happened?" Alex wanted to know, but he spoke very quietly, in a manner that made Lewis felt safe and secure. That made him trust Alex.

"I... I had a fiancee, Alex... a boyfriend I really loved. We had been together for quite a while when I proposed to him, and he was just perfect..."

A sad smile appeared on Lewis' lips. "I always thought I would never be good enough for him... that he was too good for me... that I don't deserve him... just like you with April... but he somehow managed to get under my skin..." Lewis went on. "He somehow managed to make me so much better. He made me complete and I never felt that way before for any other person, man or woman. He was everything for me... my whole world. He brought out sides in me I didn't even know are there."

"Sounds like the perfect guy..." Alex replied, gently squeezing Lewis' hand he didn't even notice Alex had taken in his.

"Yeah, he was... almost too good to be true... and we were so happy... I thought nothing could ever tear us apart... I thought we could be happy forever," Lewis said, trying to tell the story without letting the pain consume him completely.

Which was easier said than done, because talking about Tyler like that still hurt.

"Well... until I found out he was banging my brother the night before our wedding..." he went on bitterly.

Alex stared at him in shock. "Jackson has..." he stammered, obviously having his problems to process what Lewis had just told him. "No way... Jackson would never..." he started, but Lewis cut him off mid-sentence.

"But he did... whether you believe me or not... but I have no reason for telling you something like that if it's not true, right?" He looked Alex directly in the eye. "Look at me and tell me to my face that you think I'm lying if that's really what's going on in your head. If you really think I would tell you lies like that when you and my brother already have their problems with each other. I don't have any benefit, have I?"

He could totally understand why Alex wouldn't believe him immediately, but he could tell that Alex was thinking about it while still looking into his eyes.

Lewis knew that it wasn't really his place to tell Alex about this thing between him and Jackson, but he also needed Alex to understand why he was about to kind of break up with him. Why he was trying to do what was right.

"I was April in this story, Alex... and I know how much it hurts to be the one left behind, but..." He let out a sigh. "But I also know if someone doesn't want to be with you for whatever reason, it's time to let go... and if you still stand behind your decision... if you still think it's the best for April if you just end things with her for good, I have your back. Completely. And I will do everything in my power to make her understand that you won't go back to her... it's a lesson I had to learn myself."

"I'm... I'm sorry, Lewis... really..." he heard Alex say, looking up at him with a sad smile.

"Don't be... it's okay... it was five years ago and I'm over it..."

"You don't look like you are," Alex stated matter-of-factly. "And I think this is something you might never recover completely from... so I get it..."

"Really? That means you believe me?" Lewis asked hopefully, pulling Alex even closer than he already was. It meant a lot to him to know that Alex understood him and that they were really building up some kind of friendship. And that he could trust him. That was something pretty rare these days.

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex had awoken the next morning with Lewis in his arms. The bed the two laid on was one of the biggest, if not the biggest, Alex had ever been on.

He had wanted to protest Lewis' idea of upgrading their room to a suite. Growing up learning how to stretch every penny Alex thought it was wasteful to spend so much money on something that was only going to be used to fuck in.

Surprisingly, that was the last thing the two engaged in while they stayed there. Hearing about Lewis' past and the reasons why he still held so much hesitation when it came to them made perfect sense.

Lewis had been April at one time and hearing how bad Jackson had screwed over his brother had given Alex an irrational sense of anger towards the man. It had been coming for quite awhile now, but hearing what Jackson had done was the last straw. Alex had prided himself on knowing how to read people and read them well.

As a kid when his mother had lied about taking her medication he had learned how to decipher truths from falsehoods. A shifty eye, a crooked smile, or a hesitant speech pattern. Alex had been good at it, but somehow Jackson had managed to sneak past each and every one of Alex's tricks and the man felt stupid for being duped.

"What time is it?" Lewis asked as he awoke, his cheek resting on Alex's chest.

"Almost 9" he said as he brushed a hand across Lewis' forehead "we should probably get up and have some breakfast".

"Probably" Lewis smiled as he sat up and looked at Alex "But how about we take full advantage of that deluxe shower that can fit two?"

With a grin Alex pulled him in for a kiss "I can't think of a better idea". Lewis returned the kiss with enough intensity for Alex to feel himself already start to get hard.

"I think we should finish this in the shower" Lewis said "I don't want to ruin these 1,000 thread count sheets" and he was about to get up before Alex grabbed his arm.

Looking at the man seriously Alex shifted closer to Lewis "About last night" he said "I want to thank you for trusting me enough to tell me what you told me."

He could see the brief look of worry cross Lewis' face and pulling him close until the two men could feel one another's heat Alex placed his arms around Lewis' neck.

"I want this" Alex said "I want you and it's not about hurting April, or a moment of weakness. It's not about you luring me away, I just want you, Lewis and you aren't the _other _person in some triangle" Alex gave him another quick kiss to the tips "it's nothing but us and these things we are able to make each other feel"

He could see the sparkle in Lewis' eyes and the exhale of breath "Thank you, Alex" he said "for everything".

"No, thank _you_" Alex responded "for coming into my life at a time that I really needed you."

Lewis remained quiet for a moment "Same" he said "now why don't we go and christen that shower" and pulling Alex up he led the man into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

Two hours, an awesome sex session, and a great breakfast later Alex found himself walking through the hospital on a mission. Lewis was becoming something important to Alex. He wasn't falling in love with him, but there was a growing affection that wanted to protect the man against the ills that Jackson had caused, and was going to cause him in the future.

Alex knew where Jackson was going to be. He had spent all of his time when he wasn't in surgery in his office. Walking up to the door Alex didn't bother knocking and when he opened it up he was surprised to find it empty. Turning around Alex looked down the hall and as he made his way towards the surgical wing he ran into Eli.

"Hey Eli" Alex asked, his voice tense "You've seen Avery?"

Eli looked at him concerned "You okay?" he asked Alex.

"Of course I am, why?"

"You seem a little...tense"

Alex reared his head back "I just...need to talk to him about a case" the lie was easy enough and seeing Eli nod his head Alex could tell he believed him.

"He went up to talk to Hunt" Eli told him.

"Thanks" and without another word Alex went to the nearest elevator and made his way towards the Chief's office. He had made it there just in time to see Jackson leave looking pale and something akin to shame.

Walking up to him Alex grabbed him by the arm and started to push him towards the supply closet that was located just a few yards away from Hunt's office.

"What the hell, dude?" Jackson said indignantly. Opening the door Alex pushed him inside and once in closed the door.

Jackson looked at Alex like the man had grown two heads "What in the hell is your problem?" he asked.

"Who's Tyler?" Alex asked and the question obviously threw him off.

"Who?"

"Tyler" Alex repeated "it's that guy you had sex with in Miami, isn't it?"

"Yeah, so?" Jackson asked and Alex could see the nervous way he shifted his body "what does that have to do with anything?"

"It has to do with the fact that I had a talk with Lewis last night" Alex started "he seems very hesitant about what we have because of April"

"He managed to find some semblance of morality" Jackson laughed and it only served to make Alex angrier.

"You really are just that fucked up" Alex said "after everything you did to him you still try and pretend _he_ is the problem." Alex watched more of the colour drain from Jackson's face.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that the reason Lewis was nervous about us is because he felt as if he knew what April was going through" Alex said "because his asshole of a brother slept with the person he was going to marry the night before his wedding. I'm a bastard Jackson, but man, you take the cake"

"You have no idea what the fuck you're talking about, Karev" Jackson said as he got right up in Alex's face "so why don't you stick to what you know, which is putting your dick into any hole that you can find?"

The comment got an instant reaction from Alex and pushing Jackson back he watched the man crash into a shelf full of adhesive bandages and gauze. He prepared himself for Jackson's retaliation, but the man only straightened himself up and smiled.

"Lewis really is teaching you all his ways, but for future reference, Lewis always starts with a punch to the face" he said to Alex "it helps disorient your opponent"

"You're so disgusting, man" Alex sneered.

"Says the man who bent over and let some stranger fuck him like a bitch just because he showed him the minimum amount of attention. What happened Alex? He bought you a beer and told you that you were pretty?"

Alex felt as if he couldn't move. He would have never known Jackson could be this...cruel and infuriating.

"I feel bad if this is the shit Mark has to deal with" Alex said "I guess he has really downgraded from Lexie"

That had gotten a reaction from Jackson and rushing over Jackson landed a punch squarely in Alex's stomach, causing the man to double over.

"Watch your mouth, Karev" Jackson told him "I don't know who assigned you as Lewis Avery's great defender, but I can assure you that you aren't the first and won't be the last"

"I can't believe you manage to actually fool me into believing you were somebody that I could have considered a brother" Alex wheezed out and had he been able to look up he would have seen the devastation on Jackson's face at his words. It didn't last long, though. The hurt had quickly redirected itself to anger. As it always did with Jackson.

"You think I'm the only one?" Jackson asked "You think Lewis just happen to stroll into your life?"

"What are you talking about?" Alex demanded.

"Lewis has been trying to _get back _at me ever since Tyler" Jackson said "This isn't the first time he has come back into my life and tried to take something that was mine"

"I'm not yours" Alex said.

"You answered the phone when he called" Jackson said "we lived together and he came to the wrong conclusion. Do you really think my brother just happened to run into my roommate out of the blue at a bar you were never supposed to be at?" Jackson asked.

"Bullshit" Alex said "Lewis would never-"

"Never what?" Jackson asked "You don't know shit about my brother, Alex". Jackson shook his head "But to hell with it, I'm done trying to help your hopeless ass and if you two wanna spend the rest of your miserable lives jerking one another off as you blame everyone else for your problems, be my guest, you fucking prick"

Pushing Alex to the side Jackson swung the door open and walked out into the hall. Alex could only see the rage that Jackson had left him in and running behind him Alex tackled Jackson to the ground.

The two scuffled and after Alex delivered a punch to the same eye Lewis had earlier Jackson gave a similar hit to Alex's eye.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Eli shouted as he rushed over and separated the two men. He managed to hold the two by their collars on either side of his body.

"What are you two doing?" Eli asked them as he looked back and forth between the two. They both started to shout at the same time, pointing fingers at one another.

"Children" Eli said "damn children" and pushing them down the hall he followed them as they stumbled "Nurse's lounge, now" he said.

"I have-" they both started to say.

"NOW" Eli shouted and both men shut up instantly and made their way towards the room.


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N:** A little shorter chapter this time, but both – me and my writing partner – are thrilled that you like the story so much. I just talked to him and it makes us SO, so happy. Really… And we're happy we "portray" the characters so good that you can hate them with passion, even though we DO hope that at SOME point you might change your mind… we'll see about that…

And to reply to SOME of the comments, that included all the same question: Tyler WILL make an appearance… he will even have chapters "of his own", and he will definitely mess up the lives of Jackson and Lewis once again… in one way or another… I'm curious when the first person will "find out" what we're doing here, but it's all about the word choice :-) You all think right now what Jackson did was bad… but just wait and see until he explains himself in one of the following chapters…

And now… enjoy Chapter 29… :)

**Michael Holt POV:**

Today had been the day. The day his life would probably change with Jackson vouching for him and him maybe getting a permanent position at this hospital. First he hadn't planned on staying here after all, but he had grown to love this life he had built over the past few weeks, and he definitely didn't want to give up. Even though it could mean that he had to battle against this Derek Shepherd about his position, but he wouldn't make it easy for him. And according to some doctors he had heard talking, it wasn't even sure that Shepherd would be able to operate again.

A little nervously he watched Jackson disappear in Hunt's office from a save distance. He just had to make sure that Jackson would follow his orders finally. He hadn't listened to him the last time, so Michael needed to make sure he would this time.

Of course he couldn't understand any word they were speaking and he only saw Hunt's back, but Jackson knew he couldn't afford any other mistakes, or Michael would make his life a living hell and he most definitely wouldn't risk that.

All of a sudden a man stormed past him and when he turned his head to Hunt's office again, he recognized Karev, tilting his head. Now this was starting to get interesting.

The moment Jackson came out of Hunt's office, Karev literally grabbed him and dragged him to a nearby supply closet.

Slowly, Michael followed them, always paying attention not to be seen, but the two of them seemed so distracted - so busy with themselves - that they didn't notice anything besides themselves anyways.

He moved closer once the door was closed and tried to get anything from what was going on in there, but without much luck. The only sounds he heard were the voices of the two men talking to each other pretty loudly, but he only got snippets of the conversation. Single words.

When the name Tyler came up, it definitely caught Michael's attention. Hell, he wanted to know what was going on in there, but he was cleverer than to just burst in there or open the door and get their attention. He would find out what happened through Jackson later. He would just ask him.

Not that he thought Jackson would tell him the truth anyways, but he had his ways of finding out certain things.

If they talked about Tyler, he had to know it, because then it most likely had something to do with Lewis and he would do anything in his power to protect him from whatever pain this part of his past could cause him.

He hadn't really much time to get lost in his thoughts, because all of a sudden, the door of the supply closet opened and Jackson stormed out. Followed by Alex who was literally jumping him and Michael could tell by the hateful look in their eyes, that it was bad. Pretty bad, actually, because only a mere seconds later they were throwing punches until this nurse - Eli - separated them and pulled them away like two kids who had been naughty.

He waited until they were out of sight until he turned around and - knowing Lewis would be there - made his way to the cafeteria, where he really found his best friend sitting at a table and eating some salad.

"Hey..." he greeted his best friend with a smile on his face, letting himself fall on the chair next to Lewis.

"Hey too," Lewis replied, looking at him suspiciously. "Why are you smiling like that?"

"Because I think I have some pretty good news for you," Michael replied without hesitating.

Curiously, Lewis tilted his head. "Really? About what?"

"Karev... and your brother," Michael hinted, causing Lewis to let out a frustrated moan.

"Mikey, you're impossible," he complained. "It's like trying to squeeze blood out of a stone!"

Michael couldn't help the grin on his lips. Lewis barely called him Mikey. Only when he was really desperate and wanted something from him pretty badly. Like the information Michael was still withholding.

"Okay, okay..." Michael lifted his hand in a defending gesture. "I'm talking..."

He leaned forward, looking Lewis directly in the eye. "Today was the day Jackson had to vouch for me... today was the day he was finally talking to Hunt about me getting a permanent job here," he started explaining.

Lewis raised an eyebrow. "So?"

Michael smiled. "I just had to make sure that this time he would do as I asked him to, so I followed him and watched him talking to Hunt. And when he was almost finished and about to leave his office, Karev appeared and then things got really interesting... and intense," he went on.

Lewis rolled his eyes. "Get to the point."

Michael could tell that he was starting to get impatient.

"I'm trying to," he defended himself. "But you don't make it easy..." He sighed. "But to get to the point... Karev grabbed your brother and dragged him away and I could totally tell that he was angry. Very angry. They disappeared in a supply closet and then I heard them screaming at each other."

"Really?" Lewis asked curiously. "About what?"

Michael shrugged. "I'm sorry, I didn't understand much of it, because the door was closed, but things got pretty ugly."

"What makes you think that?" Lewis wanted to know, pushing the bowl with the salad away to make sure, Michael had his full attention.

"Because all of a sudden Jackson stormed out and then Karev was all over him, bringing him to the ground and then they were punching each other in the face like crazy. Until this nurse got in between and separated them." Michael replied.

Shocked, Lewis looked at him. "Are you serious?"

Immediately, Michael nodded. "Of course I am. I wouldn't joke about this... so if your plan was to thoroughly ruin Jackson's and Alex's friendship, you've succeeded. I doubt they will talk to each other this soon again." He patted Lewis' shoulder. "You're really on a good way."

"That's good..." A small smile appeared on Lewis' lips. Not even a real one.

Confused, Michael tilted his head. "Why aren't you happy about it, then?"

"I am. What makes you think I'm not?" Lewis immediately replied, causing Michael to sigh.

"I know you, Lewis, and you should be really satisfied with yourself."

"I am... I'm just..." Lewis bit his lower lip, turning his gaze away. "I'm just asking myself if Alex is okay."

"Why do you care?" Michael asked even more confused. "You can stop screwing him now, mission one accomplished. And now you should focus on getting Jackson's boyfriend. That was your plan, right?"

Lewis nodded. "Right." He looked back at Michael. "But I... I care for Alex..."

Shocked, Michael stared at him. "Please don't tell me you're in love with him."

"No! No! Of course not," Lewis replied hurriedly, shaking his head. "Seriously, I'm not."

"Are you sure?" Michael demanded to know, shifting closer to him. "Because if you changed your mind..."

"I haven't..." Lewis cut him off. "But this thing between me and Alex... It feels good... he's exactly what I need right now. He makes me feel so good and I really like him. I'm not in love with him, but I do care for him and I really think he and I could become friends. If he still wants to have anything to do with me after he finds out the truth, that is," he sighed. "I just enjoy being with him... With him everything is so easy... and I feel free... sounds lame, huh?"

Michael shook his head. "No... And you deserve whatever is good for you, so if it's Alex at the moment, then go on enjoying it..."

Smiling, Lewis nodded. "Thanks, Mikey."

"You're welcome." Michael grinned. "But stop calling me like that. You know I hate it."

"No you don't," Lewis disagreed. "You love it, because you love me."

Amused, Michael rolled his eyes. "Okay... maybe I don't... whatever..." He got up from the table. "I need to get back to work now, though... and since I got closer to my goal as well, I don't need to withhold the information about Jackson's mysterious boyfriend any longer either, so if you're ready for the truth, let me know."

Lewis nodded. "I will... even though I might already know who it is anyways. See ya later!"

And with these words, Michael turned around and made his way back to the neuro section, because he needed to prepare for a surgery in about an hour, but he just had to tell Lewis about the things he had just witnessed. He couldn't just let it go. For his and Lewis' sake. He hadn't told him about hearing Tyler's name during the fight, but only because he knew it could and would hurt Lewis and maybe if he knew what it was all about he would tell him later. Maybe.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

The room was filled with enough tension to choke a full grown man. Jackson and Alex stood on opposite ends of the room with Eli placed directly in the middle.

"Can somebody tell me what the hell that was about?" Eli sounded much angrier than Jackson had ever heard the man. In all honesty he wasn't even sure Eli was capable of anger like that.

"Why don't you ask pretty boy over there" Alex spitted out "See if he can be honest about anything"

Jackson looked over at Alex. Their distance growing with each passing second.

"I'm not the one who ambushed somebody and pounded my fists against my chest to try and prove a point" Jackson said "you're a goddamn embarrassment, Karev, you know that?"

Alex was about to leap forward until Eli lifted a hand "We're going to keep calm heads" pointing down at two chairs that were place directly across from one another he told the two men to sit.

Rolling their eyes both pulled their respective chair out and collapsed onto it. Still not sparing the other one more than a glance.

"What happened to you two?" Eli asked bewildered "A few months ago you were going to attend in Miami and now you can't be in the same room…"

"It's not important" Jackson said and rising up he felt Eli put a strong hand on his shoulder and pushed him back down in his chair.

"It _is_important" Eli told him "because what just happened in that hallway is enough to get you both suspended if even one person decided to go to Hunt"

The realization of what just took place was finally sinking in and Eli was right. It could put an already tenuous job position in even greater danger.

"Alex" Eli said as he looked at the man "Why was it so important for you to confront Jackson like this, to lie to me about the reason you needed to see him?"

Jackson saw Alex bow his head "He hurt somebody I care about and I thought he needed to know that I wasn't going let that stand"

Jackson gave a bitter laugh "Oh, please"

"Blow me Avery" Alex shouted "you spoiled piece of shit"

"That's my brother's job, isn't it?" Jackson asked.

Eli turned his attention towards Jackson; shock apparent on his face "Lewis?" he asked.

"Seems my brother has managed to turn Karev here into his ever loyal guard dog" Jackson said "even taught him how to attack on command"

Alex's hands held onto the side of the table so tight that Jackson could see his knuckles turn completely white as blood rushed away from it "You don't know what the hell you're talking about".

"And what, you do?" Jackson asked "You listen to a one-sided story from five years ago and instead of asking _me_, the friend you've known for years, you decide to just trust him and write me off before even trying to hear my side of the story?"

"What is there to hear?" Alex asked "Is anything he said not true?" Alex asked and the shame Jackson felt made him avert his eyes. What could Jackson say? What Lewis had said wasn't completely true, but it was how everything had looked to Lewis. That Jackson had slept with his brother's fiancé for no other reason then to hurt him.

"Is that what you want to hear?" Jackson asked "Yeah, you're right. I did something horrible because I was in a very bad place, but you know what? I'm done apologizing for it" Jackson said as he stood.

"You choose to believe a man who used you for no other reason then because it was convenient" Jackson said "I do consider you a brother Karev, but I guess we both know how it ends when it comes to my brothers"

He was about to walk out when he felt Eli grab his shoulder "Jackson, wait" he said "with all the people you've lost are you both really willing to walk away from this friendship?"

"I'm tired of fighting for people who don't want to stay in my life" Jackson said as he looked back at Alex one more time and the man didn't look in his direction and opening the door he walked back into the hall and headed back for his office.

"Avery" Jackson heard just as walked into his office "I'm glad I managed to catch you"

Michael walked in right behind Jackson and closed the door behind him "Quite an exciting day, isn't it?" he said with a smile that made Jackson's skin crawl.

"What?"

"Come on Jackson" Michael said "let's not pretend that eye of yours isn't dangerously close to becoming swollen shut"

Touching his eye with his finger Jackson could feel it becoming bigger. Make-up wasn't going to cover this and now Jackson had another serious problem on his hands. How was he going to explain this to Mark, or his other patients for that matter?

"So what had Karev's panties in a twist?" Michael asked as he took a seat and placed his feet on Jackson's desk.

Walking around he pushed Michael's feet off, causing the man to almost topple over in his chair.

"What the fuck?" Michael was on his feet in an instant and as he stood in front of Jackson he stared the man down.

Jackson shivered slightly at the anger he saw in Michael's eyes. Two beatings in two days had put him on edge "Don't put your feet on my desk"

"You've suddenly grown a pair?" Michael asked "don't forget who you're talking to"

Jackson had smiled up at him "I know who I'm talking to" he said "a pathetic excuse for a man who needs to intimidate his best friend's little brother in order to keep his job, because he is nowhere near talented enough to keep it on his own"

Jackson watched the colour drain from Michael and the man's mouth opened in surprise

"Do you know what Alex and I were arguing about?" he asked Michael "seems Lewis couldn't keep his mouth shut and told Alex about Tyler, thus ending my need to listen to you or your orders any longer"

"Is that so?" Michael asked, but he didn't sound nearly as flustered as Jackson thought he would.

"Yeah" Jackson told him "I only wish the fight had come before I vouched for you to Owen. Just so I could see Derek Shepherd come back and kick you out of this hospital himself"

"I can definitely see why people have a habit of kicking your ass" Michael said "but do you want me to tell you why you will continue to do what I say?"

Looking at him Jackson cocked his head to the side "By all means"

"You're a pretty dense guy" Michael started "you probably didn't catch on to the fact that Mark has been questioning our closeness for quite some time now" Michael brushed a hand down Jackson's arms and the man jerked it away "Once he finds out how easily you spread your legs for Tyler do you really think he won't believe that we have been fucking for all these weeks"

Jackson took a step back "Of course he would never believe that"

"Really?" Michael asked "He's feeling pretty insecure ever since his accident and I would put money on the fact the he believes his young hot boyfriend would go find greener pastures somewhere else"

"Mark knows I love him and when I explain-"

"Explain what?" Michael laughed "the lunches you've cooked me that we have had privately in your office, or the nervousness he sees whenever he interrupts us, the fact that you sold out his best friend in order to keep me here, or maybe that I can get Lewis to tell him he knows for a fact that I've brought you to our apartment on late nights and fucked your brains out?"

Jackson felt like he was going to be sick. How could he have not seen this coming? He thought the weird request for lunches and late-night shifts were only to keep Jackson in his place, but they were a fall back plan for Michael and Jackson had fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

"Not to mention Lewis has Alex so wrapped around his finger that he would tell Mark he walked in on you blowing me while we laughed at the prospect of Mark never quite living up to his reputation."

Jackson only saw Mark's face as the scenario played out and it made him feel like his heart was being put in a vice.

"I'm sorry" Jackson said as he looked down at the ground "I didn't mean-"

"I know you didn't" Michael said as he gave a quick pat to Jackson's cheek "but don't you ever talk to me like that again"

Nodding his head yes Jackson looked up to see Michael walking towards the door "You know" the man said "Tomorrow, I think I might be in the mood for a good steak. My lunch is at 2"

"Okay" Jackson said "I-I'll bring it in"

"Good" Michael smiled "I'm glad to see we could come to an understanding" and with that he left Jackson's office.

Walking around to his desk Jackson felt like his whole body was mere minutes away from completely given out on him.

He wanted to forget that the day ever existed and standing up he grabbed his coat and hurried out of the office and then sped out of the hospital.

Tyler had told him he was strong enough to _not_ revert back to the man he used to be, but if the day had proved anything it was that Jackson was far weaker then Tyler gave him credit for.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark had been just on his way to the day care to collect Sofia when he accidently overheard 2 nurses talking about some incident that happened earlier, and when he heard them mention Jackson's name, he couldn't just pass by, so he stopped and looked at one of the nurses, who took a step back startled.

"Doctor... Doctor Sloan..." she stammered. "I... I didn't know you were here..."

Mark raised an eyebrow. "Yeah... I assumed as much... I am sorry, I didn't want to eavesdrop, but I heard you talking about a fight?"

The black-haired woman laughed nervously. "I'm sure it's no big deal, and maybe it's just a rumour anyways..." she tried to shake it off, but Mark wasn't this easy to distract.

"I wanna know anyways... what have you heard?"

"It's... it's just... none of my business... I should get back to work," she replied, turning around, but Mark was quicker and grabbed her shoulder.

"Come on, please, tell me. I swear I won't tell anyone else," he promised, feeling a little bad because he didn't even know the name of the woman in front of him. In fact, he barely knew her, but he knew she was working in the neuro department. Where he barely spent any time.

She looked around, obviously searching for her friend she was just talking to, but the other nurse was already gone, slipped away the first chance she got, Mark assumed.

"Okay," she finally gave in. "But like I said, it's maybe just a rumour."

"Just spill it out," Mark replied, not wanting to sound rude, but he hated to wait for something, especially for answers.

"Doctor Karev and Doctor Avery... it seems they had a fight. A bad one," the nurse replied.

Mark looked at her surprised. "Which Doctor Avery?" he asked immediately, since now there were two of them running around and even though he already knew the answer - because why would Alex have a fight with Lewis? - he needed to hear it.

"Jackson. It got pretty bad and they hit each other... I mean, that's what I heard, I don't know how much of it is true. You know how it is with rumours in this hospital. Maybe they just had an argument." she babbled.

Mark nodded. "Yeah, maybe..." he said, letting go of the nurse and watching her making her way down the hallway as soon as possible while Mark stayed behind. A bad feeling started to rise within his stomach and the first thing that came to his mind was to look for Jackson.

He made his way to Jackson's office, but when he opened the door, he found it empty. Next was to look for him in the plastics section, but no one there knew where Jackson was either. Sighing, Mark let himself fall on a chair. Maybe he had misunderstood him when Jackson had told him he had the late shift? Or maybe he had called it a day because he didn't have much to do? The only other person who could knew where he was, was Hunt, so he made his way to Hunt's office.

Knocking, he waited for Hunt's reply and entered the room.

"Doctor Sloan," Owen replied, looking at him. "What a surprise to see you. I didn't really expect you."

"Neither did I," Mark said earnestly. "And I'm sorry to bother you with something like that, but do you know where Doctor Avery is? Jackson Avery, I mean... I need to talk to him."

Now Owen looked really astonished. "I don't really know, I thought he was in his office."

"I thought so, too, but he isn't," Mark gave back, getting more and more worried with every second.

"I need to talk to him anyways," Owen said. "But that will have to wait till tomorrow, as it looks like."

"About what?" Mark asked without even thinking about it.

Owen raised an eyebrow. "I don't know if that's any of your business, Doctor Sloan."

Mark bit his lower lip, thinking about an explanation, which he had within seconds. "Well, if there's something wrong with the plastics section, it's my concern, too, don't you think? I plan to come back in a couple of weeks and take over again for Jack... Doctor Avery."

"Well... I heard he had been in a fight with Doctor Karev..." Owen gave in. "And if that's the case, I need to talk to both of them, because it just can't happen that they throw punches in my hospital."

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad," Mark tried to defend Jackson, but that only caused Owen to get angrier.

"I don't care how bad it was, it's just nothing I'm gonna accept. I am responsible here and if two of my doctors go for each other's throats, I need to do something about it," Owen said with a very strict voice.

Mark nodded slowly. "I understand... but can you do me a favour?"

"Which one?" Owen asked curiously.

"Let me talk to Avery first... I know there's no excuse if they really hit each other, but I mean... Derek and me... had a fight like that too... we talked about it... we cleared the air and it never happened again, so don't you think Avery and Karev deserve the same chance?" Mark looked him directly in the eye.

Owen thought about it for a moment, and then nodded. "Yes... yes, you're right. I still need to talk to them about it."

"I understand," Mark replied. "Thank you anyways."

He had already turned around, when Owen called his name again.

"Another thing, Doctor Sloan... it's about Doctor Shepherd."

Mark looked back at him immediately. "What about him?"

"I talked with Doctor Avery today, and he strongly suggested that I make Doctor Holt's contract a permanent one because Doctor Shepherd probably won't be able to operate again. I'm well aware of that, but I was still surprised that he vouched for him like that." Owen said, looking up at Mark, who felt like someone pulled the rug out from under him.

"What?" he asked, feeling the colour drain from his face. "He did what?"

"I was just wondering if you know anything about it... the thing is... I'm usually very loyal towards my employees and Derek's my friend... And if there's any way for him to come back any time soon, I won't even consider keeping Doctor Holt, but if not..." Owen started, looking everything but happy about the words he said.

"I... I understand..." Mark replied. "It's not a question about loyalty, it's business... and of course this hospital needs someone to take care of the neuro section. But Derek's a fighter. You know that... he will move heaven and earth to come back as soon as possible, so please just give him a little more time."

"I will," Owen promised.

Mark nodded, turning towards the door again. "If that's all, I need to collect Sofia from the day care now."

"Sure..." Owen replied, already turning his attention back to the papers on his desk, so Mark made his way out. He couldn't believe what he just found out, and he didn't understand it either. Why would Jackson go behind his back like that? Why would he betray him like that? What was so special about Doctor Holt? Meredith seemed to be head over heels for him as well - as far as Derek told him - and now Jackson too?

Mark grabbed his phone and started typing a message to Jackson.

_Where are you? I need to talk to you. It's important. I heard about your fight with Alex, and then there is something else I need you to explain. I just talked to Owen, and I think there are some things we have to discuss. Please call me. Mark_

He sent the message away and made his way to the day care, trying to shake his dark thoughts away, but that was easier said than done, because he just didn't understand what had happened. He just hoped there was a simple explanation for everything, even though he didn't know how that explanation would look like.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: **Hey… I assume everyone's busy with New Year's Eve and such… and so am I, and I have my 8 year old niece over for a couple of days from tomorrow on, so the next chapter might take a few days… :-)

We hope, you're still enjoying our story! Comment, if you like it, or also if not… we're always interested in hearing your opinions :-)

And now enjoy Chapter 30!

And a happy new year to all of our readers! Have a wonderful New Year's Eve =)

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson didn't even know where he was going until he found himself standing outside a place called The Rooftop. If the crowd waiting outside was any indication this place had to be very popular.

The music coming from inside sounded like much of the techno stuff Jackson heard when he walked into various stores or turned on his radio. Standing across the street Jackson started to see why this was a mistake. He had used to come to these places back in New York.

Filled with people whose only concern was chasing that next great feeling. Problems waited until sunrise and every horrible thing that may have brought them there was the farthest thing from their mind.

It was a feeling Jackson missed more then he could say.

Walking over he disappeared into the crowd as all stood waiting to be let it by the bouncer that stood at the entrance. The people yelling to grab the man's attention started to drown out the music and give Jackson a serious hearing deficit.

What in the hell was he doing? Going in that club was not going to solve anything for him. Turning around he was about to leave when he crashed into somebody making their way through the throngs of people.

"Don't tell me you're leaving already?" the guy said as he steadied himself to regain his balance. Looking at him Jackson noticed that the guy seemed very dissimilar from the other frat boys or business accountants that were currently littering the sidewalk.

"Yeah" Jackson smiled "I think I'm just a little out of my element here"

"Nonsense" the guy said as he slung an arm around Jackson's neck and turned him back towards the entrance.

"Charlie" they guy yelled as he led Jackson towards the bouncer "I'm bringing a friend along tonight" and with nothing but a friendly nod Jackson walked into the night club.

"The name's Caffrey by the way"

"Jackson" he told the man and followed him over to the bar.

"Two bourbons" Caffrey told the bartender and before Jackson could even begin to protest he found himself holding the brown liquid.

"I know it doesn't look like it, but it's the best in the city" Caffrey said to Jackson as he brought the glass to his lips and took a drink.

Based off the man's appearance Jackson was sure that this Caffrey person was a connoisseur of only the best things. Perfectly coiffed dark curly hair and a suit that reminded him of the kind his grandfather always wore when he was trying to impress someone.

"Quite a shiner you got there" Caffrey said as he pointed to Jackson's black eye and averting his gaze Jackson could feel the anxiousness wash over him.

"Don't be ashamed" Caffrey told him with a smile "it makes you look rugged"

"Thanks" Jackson chuckled.

Taking a drink Jackson hissed as the bourbon burned on the way down his throat. Jackson may not have known much about Caffrey, but he did know the man knew his liquor.

"So what brings you out here?" Caffrey asked "this doesn't seem like your normal crowd"

"Do I stick out that much?" Jackson laughed.

"You don't look how you look and not stick out" Caffrey said with a slickness that impressed Jackson.

"Likewise" Jackson said "something tells me this isn't your usual crowd either"

With a smirk Caffrey shrugged his shoulders "You got me" he said "I spend most of my time in New York, but every now and again you gotta get a change of scenery"

"Can't argue with that" Jackson said "I actually grew up in New York...well, more or less"

"Is that so?" Caffrey asked "seems we have more in common with each passing minute. Why don't we get another drink and see how much we can connect the dots"

Jackson could already feel the warm haze from the first drink work it's way through his body. Maybe that would be enough for tonight. Just a nice buzz and a good conversation with a stranger who he knew nothing about and who knew nothing about him.

Two hours, and three drinks later, Jackson found himself talking intently with Caffrey and three other bar patrons who had seemed to gravitate towards the pair.

The lone girl who sat with them was telling a story of her first time sneaking into a club just like the one they were currently in and how the experience had made her a club kid from that night on.

Jackson could relate. He had snuck into his first club at 14. The allure of the bright neon lights and loud atmosphere had enthralled him for many years. Jackson thought of how easily he fit into this group of complete strangers and yet still felt like an outsider when it came to the people he had known for years.

What was wrong with him?

"How about we kick this up a notch?" the blond haired guy who was sitting next to Caffrey said.

The other four looked at him and reaching into his pocket he pulled out a small baggy with an assortment of pills. This was also something Jackson was more then familiar with.

Jackson could feel the nervousness roll around in his stomach.

"Don't worry" the guy named Gary said "nothing here will have you running down 33rd St. naked or anything, it just helps takes the edge off.

The group agreed to it very quickly and they looked at Jackson expectantly.

"I-" Jackson started to say before he felt his phone vibrate telling him that he had a text.

"Excuse me" he said and hopped off the bar stool to make his way across the room. Opening the phone he saw that it was from Mark and a smile instantly appeared.

_Where are you? I need to talk to you. It's important. I heard about your fight with Alex, and then there is something else I need you to explain. I just talked to Owen, and I think there are some things we have to discuss. Please call me. Mark_

The nervousness had turned into a full on panic. How had he found out? Jackson was sure that the something else was his talking to Hunt about Shepherd's position. Otherwise Mark would have had no need to bring the man's name up. Was it Hunt who told him? He knew Holt wouldn't lose whatever bit of leverage he had over Jackson.

What was he going to do?

Feeling a hand on his shoulder Jackson jumped and turned around to see Caffrey looking at him.

"You with us?" he asked.

A long moment had passed and shaking his head he followed the group into one of the private rooms in the back.

Gary had passed two pills to each person. Jackson got two white ones and he stared at them contemplatively.

"We ready?" Gary asked the group and looking up Jackson saw everyone nod their heads yes.

"Bottoms up" Gary said and without thinking about it Jackson followed everyone's lead and swallowed them.

An hour later and the night was winding down. Jackson's world felt like a barrier had been put up that left him surrounded by this feeling of wonderful euphoria.

Caffrey had flagged down a cab for him and as Jackson opened the door he felt the man pull him back slightly. Turning around Jackson stood face to face with the man.

"I had a great night" Caffrey said "and if you ever find yourself in New York, Jackson, make sure to look me up" he placed a napkin with his name and phone number into the back pocket of Jackson's pants.

"Will do" Jackson smiled "thanks for everything this evening".

"Don't mention it" Caffrey responded and with those parting words Jackson got into the cab and closed the door.

"Where to?" the driver asked Jackson. He told him the first address that came to mind and 25 minutes later Jackson was standing outside of Mark's apartment.

Closing his eyes and enjoying the feeling that the pills from the club had given him Jackson knocked on the door and waited for Mark to answer.

When the door swung open Mark stood there in a t-shirt and slacks.

"Where the hell have you been?" he asked Jackson.

"I'm sorry I went M.I.A." Jackson said "I just needed to clear my head" Jackson had spent many years hiding the effects of being on any kind of substance. He kept his voice calm and his senses alert.

"Come in" Mark said as he stood to the side and let Jackson walk into his apartment "we have some things to discuss"

Taking his jacket off Jackson placed it atop the love seat and once he was in the middle of the living room he turned around to face Mark.

"First things first" Mark said as he walked up to him and brushed a finger of Jackson's swollen eye "Are you okay?"

"Yeah" Jackson whispered "it looks worse then it actually is"

"What the hell happened, Jackson?" Mark asked "I thought you and Karev were tight"

"I thought so too, but I guess we were both wrong" he told Mark.

"I need a better answer then that" Mark said "I had to convince Hunt not to suspend you, or worse, today"

Jackson knew their fight would have had to be ramifications, but something that severe still surprised him. "Alex has decided to...explore a relationship with my brother and we disagreed on whether that was a good idea or not"

"Alex?" Mark asked astonished "I thought he was with Kepner?"

"Not anymore" Jackson said and he could feel the first traces of residual anger coming back "I guess I didn't take him long screwing her over too well. It was my fault really and I'll tell Hunt that tomorrow"

"No" Mark said "you and Karev will squash this and you both will go in and tell Hunt that you made a stupid mistake that will never happen again"

"Okay"

"I mean I get that you would be upset about April, but if he makes your brother happy…"

Jackson almost told Mark the truth about exactly why Lewis was with Alex, but in the end thought better of it. He wanted Mark as far away from that situation as possible.

"You're right" Jackson said evenly.

Folding his arms over his chest Mark looked at Jackson questioningly "Hunt also let me in on the fact that you went and vouched for Holt"

The anger was evident and Jackson made sure to think about what he said before he spoke. "Mark it's-"

"Derek is my best friend, Jackson, and you completely threw him under the bus"

"No" Jackson said "I just-"

"Just what?"

Taking a deep breath Jackson walked closer to Mark "I want Derek back" Jackson said "the hospital needs both of you, but Derek has no possibility of being back before the end of the year, if at all. Holt is a good surgeon and his contract is up at the end of this year and I thought that it would be wise for Hunt to extend his contract"

"Why do you feel it was your responsibility?" Mark asked "you work Plastics, not Neuro"

"Holt is Lewis' best friend and Lewis asked if I could put in a good word" the lies felt like ash on Jackson's tongue.

Mark was looking at Jackson intently "That's it?" Mark asked "it was just to help your brother out?"

"Of course" Jackson said as he pulled Mark in for a hug "I would never hurt Derek that way" Jackson said as he ran a hand along Mark's side.

"I know" Mark said "It's just we've been on such different wavelengths lately".

"We should really do something about that" Jackson smiled as he reached a hand in Mark's boxers to grad hold of the man's cock.

"I think we really should" Mark said, his voice husk. Putting both his hands on either said of Jackson's ass he picked the man up and carried him over to the nearby couch. Laying him down Mark collapsed on top of him.

"How do you suggest we fix this problem?" he asked Jackson

"I think you fucking me on this couch would be a good start" he said as he lifted his hips so Mark could feel his erection.

"I love the way you think" Mark laughed and pulled Jackson in for a kiss.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark knew he and Jackson were having problems, he just knew it, but right now he didn't care. He also was aware of the fact that sex wouldn't solve the differences they had, but he loved Jackson way too much to care at this very moment. And he wanted to be close to him. He felt like it had happened way too rarely lately that they were having sex, because they were fighting far too often, even though Mark had really tried not to.

He also didn't want to fight with him today, but when he found out about Jackson going behind his back and vouching for Michael without even talking to him first, he had felt disappointed. He had felt like this was one more thing that let them drift apart from each other further than they already had. He didn't want this to happen. He had it happen way too often already.

"Jackson..." he said, breaking away from Jackson and taking his face in his hands.

"What is it?" Jackson asked, looking up at him.

Mark hated it to get emotional, but right now he couldn't help it. He needed to tell him how he felt.

"I... I don't wanna lose you... I don't know what I'm gonna do without you."

Confused, Jackson tilted his head. "Who said anything about losing me?"

"No one... but I mean... I'm not stupid, and neither are you... I feel like we're moving in different directions with our lives... I feel like you're slipping away from me... more with every day..." Mark explained. "Before we were together, you would tell me everything. Hell, you would have talked to me first before going to Hunt and vouching for Holt, because we just had a connection."

Gently, he caressed Jackson's cheeks, just looking into his beautiful green eyes he almost got lost in. Those green eyes used to look directly into his soul.

"Sometimes you feel so distant... it's like you're slipping through my fingers... I try to grab you, I try to hold you, but the more I try, the further you get away from me... I don't want this to happen to us."

"Mark, I..." Jackson started, biting his lower lip. "I know I have been really not easy to deal with lately... I know this must be difficult for you... but... it's just..." Jackson sat up, leaning against the couch and closing his eyes for a moment. "So much has happened lately... especially with my brother coming back into my life after I haven't seen him for a while..."

"I understand..." Mark replied immediately, putting an arm around Jackson's shoulder and pulling him close to his chest. "That can't be easy for you, even though you seem to get along very well..."

"Yeah..." Jackson let out a nervous laugh and Mark tilted his head.

"At least I got the impression that you two are really close..." Mark said, watching Jackson very closely. He could tell that there was something Jackson wasn't talking to him about. Something about Lewis.

"Well... having him in my life on a constant base is something I just need to get used to, though... Of course him being here changes things," Jackson explained, placing a hand on Mark's leg and looking up at him. "But do we really have to talk about him right now?"

He swung one of his legs over Mark's and turned around, so he was sitting in his lap. "I thought you would rather fuck me..."

He didn't even give Mark the chance to reply, because he had already caught Mark's lip between his teeth, nibbling at it, turning it into a full-tongue kiss that made Mark shiver in anticipation and forget everything they were just talking about.

"Fucking you... sounds nice..." he whispered into the kiss, already opening Jackson's belt and the button of his jeans. When he pulled down the zipper, Jackson's cock almost sprung out, causing Mark to let out a moan. "No underwear..." he commented, feeling a heat rise within him. It was so fucking sexy when Jackson didn't wear shorts and he couldn't wait to bury his cock inside of his tight ass, fucking him senseless.

"Damn right..." Jackson replied with a grin. "I thought I wouldn't need it, considering the fact that I would come to you... I thought we could..."

"Yes?" Mark asked huskily, grabbing a hold of Jackson's cock and starting to massage it.

"We could have hot... passionate... sex..." Jackson replied under heavy breathes, moving back and forth on Mark's lap and causing a friction to Mark's cock that made him want Jackson right the fuck now.

He literally threw him off his lap, so he landed with his back on the couch and looked down at him for a moment. "Have I ever told you how sexy you look like that?"

Jackson smiled up at him. "Like what?"

Mark leaned over him, licking at his earlobe. "So messy... with your shirt slid up just enough so I can have a look at your perfect body and with your Cock standing straight, waiting for me to take care of it, but most of your clothes still on your body... it makes me so fucking hot."

Jackson's arms looped around Mark's neck, pulling him close. "So why don't you do something to get going, then?"

Grinning, Mark let a hand slide underneath Jackson's shirt, twisting one of his nipples between his fingers. "I will, baby, I will, I promise... I just love to enjoy the view..."

He shoved the shirt upwards until Jackson's nipples were laid open, starting to trail kisses down his chest, licking at every one of them for a couple of seconds, feeling them harden in his mouth, until he went further downwards and kissed his way down Jackson's stomach muscles, hearing Jackson moan softly.

"You like that?" Mark asked, despite knowing the answer already.

"I love it... please don't stop," Jackson hissed, sending bolts of pleasure down Mark's spine and between his legs. His pants had grown very tight over the past few minutes and he couldn't wait to get rid of them and have Jackson touch his neglected cock.

"I don't plan on stopping... this is just the beginning." Mark replied, before taking Jackson's cock in his mouth with one gulp and starting to pull at his jeans almost the same time.

Jackson reared up; pushing his cock deeper into Mark's throat and Mark used the chance to pull his jean down his ass, before starting to move his head up and down his cock.

He just stopped to get completely rid of Jackson's jeans, but immediately leaned back down; swallowing his cock again and making Jackson shiver in pleasure.

"You taste so good..." he said with his mouth still wrapped around Jackson's cock, making humming sounds, because he knew just how much Jackson loved the vibration around his cock.

He stretched one of his hands to touch Jackson's face, letting his fingers stroke Jackson's lips and Jackson immediately understood and took two of his fingers in his mouth, starting to suck at them and wetting them with saliva. With his free hand, Mark pushed Jacksons legs further apart and then his wet fingers were at Jackson's entrance, touching the sensitive hole and causing Jackson to buckle up.

"Mark... oh god... please... please, give me more..." he literally begged and with one perfectly targeted thrust, he buried one of his fingers deep inside of Jackson.

"God, you're still so tight, baby..." Mark said, starting to move his finger inside of Jackson to find the right spot. He wanted to make Jackson feel really good, but even more so he wanted this to last as long as possible. He just needed this night to feel close to Jackson again and to make the feeling of them drifting away from each other go away.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

The things Mark was making him feel sent Jackson into overdrive. The pills from the club added to the sensations of Mark's touch and it made Jackson only want it more.

With Mark's mouth around his cock Jackson thrust up, wanting to feel more of that glorious heat and wetness. He felt Mark's finger working inside him and he started to remember the wonderful burn.

It had felt like Jackson had been fighting to protect his relationship with Mark for so long that he had forgotten to actually enjoy it. When Mark had held Jackson's face in his hands and told him his fear of losing him it made Jackson ashamed.

The man deserved better then Jackson, but he was far too selfish to let Mark go.

The feeling of Mark increasing his pace on his cock made Jackson realize that he was dangerously close to going over the edge.

"Mark" he said as he touched the man's face gently and pulling away from Jackson's cock he smiled.

"It feels like you're ready for the main event"

"More then ready" Jackson said as he pulled Mark to him and gave him a kiss. Putting his hands between their bodies Jackson worked on unbuttoning Mark's pants and once done he pulled them down with the speed that only a man in the midst of a lustful encounter could have.

Once Mark lay back atop him he kicked off his pants and let them fall next to the couch, right beside Jackson's own.

"I missed you" Jackson said looking at Mark "I'm sorry that I let us become so distant". Jackson knew the toll this was taking on Mark. Most people would have given up a long time ago, but here Mark was. Telling Jackson that they were still worth fighting for and if Mark was willing to do whatever it took so was Jackson.

He would put up with Holt, with Lewis, and even Alex if it just meant that he could just end everyday in Mark's arms. It was really the only place he felt safe anymore.

"We're going to get past this" Mark told him "I'm not giving up on you… on us" Leaning down he kissed Jackson so passionately that it took Jackson's breath away.

Leaning over Mark reached into the night stand and was about to pull out a condom before Jackson grabbed his wrist.

"Wait"

"What's wrong?" Mark asked, concern in his voice.

"I-" Jackson tried to say "I- I wanna feel you Mark, all of you". Jackson could feel his heart beating rapidly. He wasn't sure if the two were ready for this level yet, well more like Jackson didn't know if Mark was ready.

Mark was looking at him and Jackson couldn't read his expression "Are you sure?"

"Yes" Jackson made sure to make himself sound confident. He was firm in his decision "I trust you". Something crossed over Mark's face and Jackson knew it was doubt. It was gone as quickly as it came, but Jackson saw it clear as day.

Mark didn't trust him, not completely.

"Do you think we're ready?" Jackson asked him "if you don't think we are then that's okay" Jackson wanted to let Mark know that he wouldn't hold it against him. Mark had every reason in the world to distrust him.

Mark ran a hand down the side of Jackson's body "I trust you Jackson" he said and the words sounded true to Jackson "I want this too" he said as he pulled his other hand away from the night stand.

Leaning down Mark started to kiss his neck as Jackson reached down and started to pump Mark's erection and felt it grow to full mass.

"The things you do to me, Jackson" Mark said once Jackson let go of his cock and Mark lined it up to Jackson's opening. Jackson could feel the head rub against him and he ran his hands across Mark's back.

The breaching felt different then the other times. The flesh of Mark's penis rubbing against his own skin, inside of him, created a completely different heat. He had only forgone protection with Tyler, and that was only after two years, with Mark the two hadn't even reached half that, but his love for Mark was more then he could have felt with anyone else in a lifetime.

Looking up at Mark Jackson watched him try to control himself. His eyes were closed tight and Jackson knew Mark wanted to go as deeply as possible, as quickly as possible.

"Do it" Jackson told him "go all in"

"I don't wanna hurt you" Mark said.

"You never could"

Opening his eyes Mark finally met his gaze and the words had affected him. He looked touched and for the first time Jackson could see the love Mark had for him.

"Do it" Jackson repeated and in one swift motion Mark was all the way inside. The pain only lasted a few seconds and wrapping his legs around Mark's waist he angled his hips to allow Mark better access.

"You feel so damn amazing" Mark whispered in his ear as he slowly moved within him. Mark was kissing him as he increased his speed and it didn't take long for Mark to hit the spot that made Jackson's toes curl.

"Mark" Jackson whispered huskily "harder" and Mark did not have to be asked twice.

Leaning over Jackson Mark grabbed his hips as sweat started to dot his forehead and now he was pounding into Jackson at a rabid pace. It was strong enough to send Jackson up the couch every time Mark barrelled back into him.

"Tell me you're mine" Mark said.

"I'm yours" Jackson said as he wrapped his arms around Mark's shoulder just as the man wrapped a hand around Jackson's cock.

"Only mine"

"Only yours" Jackson told him and the sensation from Mark's movements of his cock and hands was all it took to send him over the edge and spill on he and Mark's stomachs.

"Jackson I-" Mark said as he continued to pump inside of him.

"Come on, Mark" Jackson said and looking at him Mark gave him one last kiss as he released himself inside of Jackson.

Jackson could feel it. It felt hot and strong.

Collapsing onto Jackson Mark closed his eyes.

"I love you Jackson" Mark said "so much"

"I love you too" Jackson told him with a kiss on top of his head.

The two laid in comfortable silence "What say we head into the shower then I can make you an awesome steak dinner" Jackson said.

"You are nothing short of an angel" Mark responded as he smiled up at him.

"Let's go" Jackson said as he stood up and grabbed Mark's hand to lead him into the bathroom.

"Don't call me an angel when I plan on doing a lot of unheavenly things to you once we get in that shower"

With a laugh Mark let himself be lead into the bathroom in order to once again lose himself in Jackson.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark was leaning on his elbow watching Jackson sleep. Jackson had just fallen asleep a couple of minutes ago, but Mark - even though he was tired as hell - wanted to watch him a little longer.

They had had sex in the shower and then Jackson had made them steaks - exactly as he had promised. They hadn't managed to eat everything, because it had been just too much, but Mark had definitely been full afterwards, and after watching a movie on the couch, just being together, and Jackson already almost falling asleep, they had decided to go to bed, where Jackson had literally passed out after a couple of seconds.

Gently, Mark started touching his face, letting his fingers trail over Jackson's cheekbones and his lips. He wanted to memorize everything, wanted to always remember how beautiful this moment was.

He moved closer to Jackson and placed his head on Jackson's chest, listening to Jackson's heartbeat. He grabbed one of Jackson's hands, feeling Jackson's hand respond by squeezing his and lifted his head. He thought he had woken him up, but he hadn't. It probably was a reflex, an instinct and it put a smile on Mark's face.

Jackson loved him, and he loved Jackson. There was no doubt about that. He was worth fighting for and Mark would do everything in his willpower to not let him slip away any further. He needed to keep him in his life, now where like everyone he cared for accepted him as his boyfriend. Even Callie started to love him, even though she most likely wouldn't tell that to anyone, but Mark could see it in her eyes. That she was happy for him.

Closing his eyes and shifting even closer to Jackson, Mark let the sleep take over. He wanted to have that always and forever. Fall asleep with Jackson and wake up next to him the next morning.

Mark felt like he hadn't slept for very long when he heard Sofia cry through the baby monitor. He turned it off immediately, turning around to see Jackson was still sleeping, and gently lifting Jackson's hand off his body to be able to get up. He sneaked out of the bedroom as quietly as possible and got into Sofia's room, where his daughter was sitting in her bed, looking up at him with tears in her eyes.

"Good morning, honey-bunny..." He looked down at her and immediately she stretched her little arms for him to pick her up, which he did only a few seconds later.

"Are you hungry?" he asked her, softly wiping away the tears from her eyes.

Sofia - as if she had understood him - just nodded and held onto Mark's shirt.

"Okay... then it's breakfast time now..." Mark replied, even though he was still very tired. When he looked at his watch he noticed that it was only seven in the morning so he - indeed - hadn't gotten that much of sleep, but he was willing to make this sacrifice for his daughter.

He carried Sofia to the kitchen and put her blanket on the floor, alongside a few of her toys, and sat her down on it.

"Be a nice girl and play a little while Daddy prepares breakfast for you, will you?"

He leaned over her and placed a kiss on her forehead. "And try to be quiet... Jackson is still asleep..."

Sofia tilted her head. "Jack... Jack... Jack-son..." she replied, causing Mark to let out a sigh.

"Yes, Jackson..." He knelt down next to her, smiling at her. "I still can't believe he's your first word... you must really adore him, huh? But who could blame you... Jackson is awesome, and if things between us work out... and I will do everything in my power to make them work out... maybe one day I'm gonna make it official... and then he's gonna be your second daddy... something like that..."

Mark didn't want to rush things, but he couldn't deny that the thought of marrying Jackson did cross his mind already. He knew it was way too early for that, but he loved Jackson like he never loved anyone before, and he wouldn't let him go, no matter what. And if the plane crash had taught him anything, it was that you never knew how much time you have. He wanted to keep Jackson in his life forever and he didn't want to have to regret anything at some point in his life.

He could totally imagine Jackson and him having a good life together once he was back at work and everything was going back to normal. But maybe it was best to first ask him to move in together. That would be the next step, right?

Sofia made a squeaking sound, pulling Mark out of his thoughts and reminding him of the fact that she was still waiting for him to prepare her breakfast.

"I'm sorry, Sofia... I will take care of your breakfast right now, okay?"

He got up again and opened the fridge to take out one of the glasses with baby food he had bought for her. Apple and Grape mush. She loved those.

He opened the glass and put the mush into one of Sofia's plates, putting it into the microwave for a couple of seconds so it wasn't too cold for her to eat, before he grabbed her spoon and put the meal onto her highchair.

"Food's ready..." he sing-sang and turned around, only to find the blanket Sofia was just sitting on empty.

"Sofia?" He said out louder, but no sound came back. He ran into the living room, searching for Sofia wherever he could imagine her, even running back to her room, but she was nowhere to be found.

A slight panic increased within him and he tried to take a few deep breathes. "Okay, okay, Mark... calm down..." he said to himself. "Panicking won't help you right now..."

He remembered the moment when Bailey was looking for her son in the day care and how scared she had been, and only now he could imagine how she must have felt. But Sofia couldn't be far, right? The door of his apartment was still closed and all the windows were closed as well. She must be here somewhere.

Jackson came to his mind. He would wake him up - even though he didn't really want to pull him out of his well deserved sleep - and make him help him look for his daughter. Callie would kill him if something happened to her and he would never forgive himself if something had happened under his watch.

With a few long steps he made his way into the bedroom, already prepared to wake Jackson up, when he found Sofia sitting on the bed next to his lover, her little hands touching his face, and Jackson starting to blink.

"God, you scared the hell out of me, little lady..." he said, moving closer and sitting down on his side of the bed. "How did you even get in here? And on the bed?" He shook his head, smiling. "Looks like you're already bigger than I gave you credit for..."

He looked at Jackson who was slowly waking up, biting his lower lip. "I'm sorry she woke you up... I didn't even notice she was sneaking inside of here, until it was already too late... I promise I'll take better care of her next time..." he apologized, watching Sofia moving closer to Jackson and smiling at him.

"Jack-son... Jack-son..." she said, patting his face again and the whole scene was really touching, Mark had to admit. And it warmed his heart. Sofia wanted to keep Jackson in her life just as much as he wanted to.

"You love him, huh, Sofia?" He said, caressing her head. "I love him, too. Very, very much."

When he felt a familiar burn in his eyes, he turned his head away. He normally wasn't someone who would cry like that, but right now it was just all too much. Too much to bear. He couldn't stand the thought of ever losing what he was having right now, and looking at Jackson and Sofia made that clear once again. He took a few deep breathes, hoping the heavy feeling on his heart would go away soon, because Jackson shouldn't see him that way. So he got off the bed and turned around so he was looking out of the window, trying to put his focus back on Sofia and preparing breakfast.


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: **Heeeeeeey… long time no see… ;-) Are you all still there? We hope so… with this chapter, a little more of Jackson's and Lewis' past get revealed and things really start to heaten up… a lot ;-)

We hope, you enjoy chapter 31 and reward us with some reviews :-)

Have fun!

**Jackson Avery POV:**

_Jackson could hear the two arguing before he had reached the kitchen. Lewis and Tyler had to think he was still asleep, because their voices weren't the hushed tones of two people scared of being overheard._

"I don't want him here" Lewis told Tyler slamming an empty bowl into the sink beside him "you shouldn't have invited him to stay here without talking to me first".

"He showed up on our doorstep holding nothing but a duffel bag Lewis, what was I supposed to say? Sorry kid, I know I'll be your brother-in-law in a few weeks, but I have to assume that Lewis has a problem with you, so I have to ask you to be on your way and never darken our doorstep again?"

"That would've been a start" Lewis said "you don't know Jackson. He is one fuck-up after another and ever since he's come back from boarding school he has done nothing but put the family in one bad situation after another"

Jackson looked down at the floor, taking notice of his bare feet as it stood on the mahogany floor. Much better then anything Jackson had stood on in months. Lewis' words were hardly surprising, but it still hurt nonetheless.

"He seems like a good guy" Tyler said "It wouldn't hurt to maybe try and give him the benefit of the doubt"

"Of course he seems like a good guy" Lewis said "he is all earnest smiles and puppy dog eyes, until you let your guard down and he manages to swipe your wallet and goes to the ATM to drain your savings account"

"He's your brother"

"He's a junkie and I want him out of my apartment by the time I get home" and with that Lewis walked around Tyler and grabbing his briefcase headed for the door.

Jackson had managed to make it into the study before Lewis saw him. It was painfully obvious that coming to Boston for his brother's wedding had been a mistake.

"You with us?" Mark asked from across the table as he took a sip of his orange juice.

Shaking himself out of his thoughts Jackson smiled over at him "Yeah, sorry".

"This breakfast is amazing" Jackson said as he took a bite of the sausage that Mark had made.

"It's the least I could do after that awesome dinner you made us last night"

"It was only steak and potatoes" Jackson said "hardly Top Chef worthy"

"You don't give yourself enough credit" Mark told him "you would totally win Top Chef"

Laughing, Jackson stood up and leaned over to give Mark a kiss. Lifting his plate Jackson quickly finished his food before depositing the dish into the sink.

"As much as I would love to have reality show glory I have to be off" Jackson walked over to the fridge and opening it up pulled out the leftover steaks "mind if I take these?" Jackson asked as he held up the meat "I figured I'd offer it to Karev as some sort of peace offering"

"Of course" Mark said "I'm pretty much steaked out for the foreseeable future".

"Great" Jackson chuckled as he walked over and kissed the top of Sofia's head as she picked up one of the cheerios that were on her high chair table. At Jackson's kiss she giggled at looked up at him and in that moment he knew he loved that little girl.

"I'll call you later" Jackson said and as he grabbed his coat and headed for the door.

"I can come visit you later after my session with Lewis" Mark said and at the sound of his brother's name Jackson felt himself falter slightly.

"Sounds good" Jackson said and he was about to open the door when he heard Mark call him again.

"Yeah?"

Mark looked flustered for a moment "I was wondering if maybe...well I know Sofia loves having you here and-" Mark said and Jackson looked at him curiously "Never mind" he smiled "I'll talk to you later"

"Okay" Jackson responded "Love you" and with that he exited the apartment and made his way down to the lobby to order a cab.

It had taken Jackson a half hour to reach the hospital. Walking in, he headed straight for his office. Seeing the nurse's look at him the second he walked in Jackson knew he and Karev's fight was still the hot gossip amongst them. Walking through the lobby he looked up just in time to see Alex walk around the corner. The two men stared at one another briefly before Jackson redirected himself and took the East Wing instead of continuing straight.

Walking into his office he took off his coat and opened his mini-fridge to put the steaks in.

Hearing a knock on the door Jackson turned around to see Alex standing there.

"Hey"

"Hey" Jackson said as he put his guard up immediately.

"You got a minute?" Alex asked and he looked just as nervous as Jackson felt. Alex's eye didn't look much better than his own. Puffy and a dark purple that made itself very noticeable.

"Yeah, I guess" Jackson said as he walked around his desk and opened up his desk drawer to pull out some papers.

Walking further into the room Alex wrung his hands together "I'm here to apologize" Alex told him "what I did yesterday was out of line"

"Don't worry about it" Jackson said "Look, I have to prepare for a surgery with Torres in an hour"

"That kid with the busted knee?" Alex asked

"Yeah"

Alex sighed "I'm trying here, man" he said "can you give me a little something"

"Look, Alex" Jackson started "yesterday we both did things that were out of line, but you made your choice and you chose Lewis"

"Jackson, I didn't mean what I said" Alex told him.

"Of course you did" Jackson said "you may not have liked how it came out, but you meant every word, otherwise you wouldn't have said it"

"So that's it?" Alex asked "We just go on with our daily routine and have the extent of our friendship be awkward conversations at the water fountain?"

Jackson could hear the pain in Alex's voice and it was getting to him. "Alex, I can accept this thing you have with Lewis if it's what you really want, but me and my brother will never be a part of each other's lives and you have already suffered once by being stuck in the middle. I'm not going to let it happen again"

"I'm an adult, Jackson" Alex said "I know you and Lewis have your...troubles, but let me talk to him. I can tell he loves you even if he won't admit to it"

Jackson shook his head "I'm sorry, Alex" he told him.

"I need you, man" Alex told him honestly "I know this thing with Lewis makes you unhappy so if-"

"Don't" Jackson told him "Lewis makes you happy. I see that and as much as I may have issues with it, he could be good for you and I'm not going to make you give that up"

"I already lost too many people, Avery" he said "just tell me we're going to be okay"

Putting his hands on his hips Jackson felt the battle waging inside him. As of that morning he was ready to write Alex off, but it was easier said then done.

"Yeah, we're going to be okay"

Running over Alex gave him a bear hug and Jackson couldn't help the laugh that escaped his mouth.

"Okay, Okay" Jackson said as he returned the hug "people are going to start talking"

"I don't care" Alex said as he hugged Jackson tighter.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark let out a heavy sigh. He was still staring at the door when Jackson had long left, being angry with himself. Why hadn't he been brave enough to ask Jackson the one question? To move in with him? What was the worst that could happen? Jackson saying no.

Mark bit his lower lip. Okay, that would totally hurt him, but on the other hand... they weren't together for _this_long. Maybe it was really too early. Maybe he shouldn't even think about it already, but he loved the man so much. So much more than he thought he ever would.

Still, moving in together was something the both of them should think about... especially after the Lexie-disaster. Mark remembered wanting her to move in with him way too early. She hadn't been ready and it didn't work out in the end. What, if he rushed things again and instead of putting them closer together, moving in would only tear them apart even more?

Energetically, Mark shook away his thoughts. He would leave it at the way they were having this relationship for now. Jackson was already under enough pressure with the plastics section and Lewis; Mark didn't want to cause him any more trouble. And maybe it was good for Jackson to stay where he was for the moment. He was sure, after her and Alex' break-up, April would need her best friend, like Callie needed him when she and Arizona had broken up.

He grabbed the dirty dishes and put them into the dishwasher, before lifting Sofia out of her highchair.

"What do you say we get you dressed now and then take a little walk before I bring you to the day care, huh, Sofia?"

The little girl clapped her hand as if she'd approve of this idea and so Mark made his way to her room and took out some of her clothes to change them, before he went to his own room to get dressed. He hadn't worn more than a t-shirt and his boxers so far, but that was definitely not the way he wanted to go outside.

When he was finished with everything, he left his apartment with Sofia in her buggy, taking a long walk through the park with her, until it was already time for his therapy session.

He made his way to the hospital, taking a detour through the orthopaedic and the paediatric sections to let Sofia say hello to her mommies, before he delivered her at the day care and made his way to the therapy room.

He was still a little nervous, but that Lewis was just really nice, helped him a lot to relax, and once he entered the room and saw Lewis smiling at him, he felt better immediately.

Jackson could do that to him too, only that his smile didn't only calm him down, but made his heart beat faster. Jackson really got under his skin and he just loved the guy very much. He hoped, at some point they could be open with each other. He wanted Lewis to know who his brother was dating and he liked Lewis already enough, so he wanted Lewis to like him as well. Not only as his patient, but also as Jackson's boyfriend.

"Hello Doctor Sloan..." Lewis started, but when he saw the look on Mark's face he immediately corrected himself. "I mean, Mark... sorry..."

Mark smiled at him, waving dismissively. "No problem... but it would be nice if you would stop being so formal... we're almost family after all..." he said, regretting it a second later when he saw Lewis' confused look.

"What?" Lewis tilted his head. "What do you mean, almost family?"

Mark bit his lower lip, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "I... I mean..." he started, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. "I mean, the doctors in this hospital... we're almost like a big family... we all care for each other very much..." he replied, happy for this spontaneous intuition, and it wasn't even a total lie. Some of his colleagues were like family to him. For some of them he cared a lot more than for his real family. Not that anyone besides Derek even knew that there was still someone out there.

Everyone thought his parents were dead... and for his mother, it was true, but his father...

Mark shook off his thoughts. He hadn't thought about the man in years and his father obviously didn't give a damn about him either, so why would he care?

"I understand... yes... we'll see, right?" Lewis pulled him out of his thoughts. "If I'm gonna stay here for good... for now it's only temporary... until you're better."

"Well... I think it would mean a lot to Jackson to have you around for good." Mark answered.

Lewis nodded. "Oh yeah... I bet it would."

He moved towards Mark, looking him directly in the eye. "How are you feeling today? Ready to get going?"

Mark nodded immediately. "More than ready... and I'm good... I haven't had one of those episodes in days... Seems like the therapy already starts working."

"I hope so... but don't be too impatient, okay? And if the shaking and everything comes back, don't lose faith... especially in the beginning there can be some relapses... but that doesn't mean you're not making progress..." Lewis explained.

Again, Mark nodded. "I know... that's what I keep telling my patients too from time to time..." He followed Lewis to the gymnastic balls. "So let's get started..."

Two hours later and Mark was sweating all over his body. Today's therapy session had been a lot more exhausting then the ones before and Lewis had really challenged him. Mark was damn glad that he didn't get any special treatment just because he was Jackson's brother and that was just the way he wanted it to be.

He made his way to the hospital showers and undressed, letting the warm water wash away all the tension and the stress of the day.

After half an hour, he felt like a new person, leaving the bathroom and making his way to Jackson's office. It was already lunch time and maybe he could kidnap Jackson to this nice little Italian restaurant that had just opened near the hospital a couple of weeks ago.

A smile crossed his lips when he was standing in front of Jackson's office door, but it died the moment he knocked and opened it when he saw Michael Holt and Jackson obviously enjoying lunch together.

"Mark... hey... what... what are you doing here?" Jackson asked and he looked guilty. As if Mark had just caught him doing something forbidden.

"I thought we talked about this in the morning? I told you I would come by once my therapy session with Lewis is over... but looks like I'm interrupting something," he replied, feeling a sting in his heart when he watched the two of them, obviously very close. And Holt was eating the steak Jackson had made last night. Maybe he had made it for Michael in the first place and not for him.

"I... I thought your session was in the afternoon..." Jackson said, and it made everything even worse.

"You thought wrong..." Mark gave back, looking at Michael. "May I ask you what you're doing in here? In Jackson's office? I thought you worked in neuro..."

"Oh, I am..." Michael replied with a smile. "But when Jackson offered to cook me some steak yesterday, I just couldn't say no. I'm sure he just wanted to thank me for my help with a case a few days ago. Right, Jackson?"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure..." Mark said ironically, shaking his head and turning around. "I don't wanna disturb any longer. Have a nice day..."

"Mark... really... it's nothing..." he heard Jackson say, but he didn't want to hear it anymore. Not in this moment. All the lunches Jackson was preparing over the past few days. He was sure they weren't for Eli or his brother or anyone else Jackson told him they were. It all made sense now. He was cooking for Holt, because he wanted to impress him.

What was it with this Doctor Holt that everyone seemed to love him so much? First Meredith and now Jackson?

Mark still couldn't believe what he had just witnessed when he made his way out of the hospital, only to run into Derek, who obviously just was on his way inside the hospital.

"Mark... hey... are you alright?" Derek asked with concern in his voice.

Mark just looked at him for a couple of seconds. "Yes... No... I mean... it's... it's probably nothing..."

"Doesn't look like nothing to me..." Derek replied, guiding Mark to the nearest bench and sitting him down before he sat down next to him. "What happened?"

"Holt happened..." Mark hissed through gritted teeth.

"What?" Derek asked, alarmed, because his name already was a very sore spot for him.

"I just caught him and Jackson having lunch together..." Mark replied.

Derek tilted his head. "So?"

"In Jackson's office... with the door closed..." Mark went on.

"Oh..." Derek blurted out, looking at him. "Have you talked to them? What are they saying?"

Mark swallowed hard. "Holt said something about Jackson wanting to thank him for his help with a case... but I don't believe him... and I don't get what's so special about him... I mean, Jackson even made him steaks... Last night he said they were for me, but obviously he had promised them to Holt way earlier, so they were for him in the first place."

"Mark, I..." Derek said, placing a hand on Mark's shoulder consolingly. "Do you think there is something going on?!"

Mark shrugged. "There definitely _is_something going on. I just don't know what it is... Maybe Jackson changed his mind. Maybe he needs a real man after all, and Holt can give him what he needs..."

"Come on, that's bullshit... Jackson loves you... he wouldn't do that to you..." Derek tried to convince him, but his words didn't reach Mark.

"I don't know... I mean, what about Meredith? You thought she could be having an affair with him as well... what if he sleeps with both of them?"

"That would be... gross..." Derek commented, patting Mark's leg. "Let's just hope for the best... don't you think Jackson deserves the benefit of the doubt? And maybe it's really like Holt said..."

"Then why didn't he tell me?" Mark asked back. "Why didn't he just say he cooks Steak for Holt to thank him for his help? Why does he lie to me? And why did he vouch for him to have a permanent position in this hospital?"

"He did... _what_?" Derek asked, a shocked look on his face.

Mark bit his lower lip. He hadn't planned on telling Derek that, but it had just slipped out and he couldn't take it back anymore now. "Yesterday... Hunt... Owen told me, that Jackson asked him to keep Holt in this hospital..."

"Why would he do that?" Derek asked quietly, obviously not understanding why Mark's boyfriend would stab him in the back like that.

"Well... he told me some story about Michael being his brother's best friend and that he did it for Lewis... but after what I just saw, I'm not so sure anymore what to make out of it... he lies to me constantly lately... and I don't even know if I still can trust him." Mark replied earnestly. "Maybe he's in love with him..."

"I don't know..." Derek replied, getting up from the bench and pulling Mark up as well. "Maybe he didn't tell you about the lunch break because he didn't want you to worry... and maybe he _is _telling the truth about his brother... the only way to find out is if you talk to him about it..." He didn't look very convinced and that didn't help to dispel his doubts either.

"Derek... he hasn't even told his brother that we're together... maybe because he's not sure about us anymore... Maybe he wants to break up with me..." Mark said, his voice and his whole body shaking. "I can't talk to him... I don't wanna lose him... what if I'm right?"

He turned around, taking a few steps away from Derek. "I can't... okay? I can't deal with this right now..." When he felt his legs starting to shake, he leaned against the nearest tree, trying to calm down. He had been so happy that he had made so much progress, and now everything was falling apart. He had been so happy this morning and now it looked like he was about to lose Jackson? He didn't even want to think about it anymore, so he just sat down on the ground, hoping his legs would stop shaking soon. He watched Derek turning around and walking into the hospital, hoping that he wouldn't do something stupid. Like talking to Jackson.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson could already feel the panic start to work it's way through his system. Why hadn't he just been honest with him? Told Mark that he had agreed to make the stupid steak for Michael?

No, he had to lie and make it that much worse.

"He didn't look too happy" Michael said as he walked up and stood behind Jackson "I'd say he looked downright livid"

"Shut up" Jackson said evenly "shut the fuck up"

"Excuse me" Michael asked "who the hell do you think-" he started to say before Derek Shepherd walked right into Jackson's office an drew the attention of both men.

"I guess it's true" Derek said as he stood in the doorway with his arms folded across his chest.

Jackson stood up straighter. "You talked to Mark?"

"Not much need to talk" Derek said. "He's pretty broken up about what he thinks happened between you two" and looking behind Jackson to Michael he sneered.

"Nothing happened" Jackson said "he has to know that… I would never"

"Not never" Michael said "come on Jackson, let's be honest with the man"

Jackson turned to look at Michael and saw that he wanted to draw this out.

"I mean he's not a first choice, but I'll get that soon enough" Michael said as he stared at Derek and Jackson was quick enough to step in-between the two when Derek lunged for Holt.

"What's the matter, Shepherd?" Michael laughed "If I didn't know any better I would say you have some trust issues"

Jackson found it hard to hold Derek back, but in the end Jackson was still stronger than the older man and kept the two men separated.

"Stay the hell away from my wife" Derek warned "I'm not going to tell you again"

"Kinda hard to do now that our young Avery has been such a wonderful asset in helping me stay. I expect me and Meredith will get to know one another a lot better while you're home baking cookies and trying to remember your glory days"

Derek looked down at Jackson and pushed the man off of him "I hope he was worth it, Jackson" Derek told him "because he's causing you to lose Mark and if I have a say I'm going to make sure he knows that he can do a lot better than you"

Jackson stepped back at Derek's words. It felt like a slap to the face and he was speaking before he could stop himself.

"I guess that would leave the door wide open for you to fuck him like the good old days" Derek took the look Jackson held just a second before.

"No shit" Michael said laughing "Shepherd and Sloan had a thing back in the day...I have to give Sloan credit, he knows how to get 'em"

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about" Derek told Jackson "I see you really have no idea who Mark is"

Derek walked up and stared Jackson down "Mark is my brother and I'm going to make sure you don't get to hurt him again" Derek said "I see he should've listened to Callie from the beginning, but if Mark is susceptible to anything it's a pretty face"

Turning around Derek stormed out of Jackson's office and the minute he was gone Jackson knew he fucked up...again.

"Impressive" Michael said as he turned back towards Jackson's desk "who knew little Avery could be so viscous"

"Get out" Jackson told Michael

"What?"

"I said get out" Jackson repeated and walking in front of Michael he pushed the man towards the door and Michael stood up to his full height.

"My life may be shit right now" Jackson said "but at least I don't have to follow one more of your god damn orders any longer and that almost makes it worth it"

"Who says you don't have to?" Michael asked.

"What else do you have?" Jackson questioned "you have nothing left to hold over me. Mark already thinks the worst and hearing about Tyler isn't going to help that any"

Michael looked concerned and it made Jackson smile.

"He only thinks so right now" Michael told Jackson "I can make that go two ways Avery"

"Get the fuck out my office" and with one final push he shoved Michael out and held the door "tell Lewis I said hi" and with that he slammed the door in Michael's face.

Going over to his desk he picked up his cell and called Mark.

It rang 6 times before it finally went to Mark's voice mail and Jackson felt his stomach drop.

_This is Mark, leave a message_

"Mark" Jackson started "you have to let me explain. I swear you have the completely wrong idea. I love you so much… just please give me a chance to fix this"

He heard the beep just after he said the last words and collapsing on his desk he put his head on top of his desk. How could his life have gotten so screwed up so soon?

Opening his desk drawer he pulled out the small white bottle and took out two of the white pills.

He just needed to calm down and get his nerves and body in order. Putting the pills in his mouth he took a long drink of his bottled water and sat back against his chair.

He could fix this. He could make Mark understand that what he saw just a huge misunderstanding.

Getting up he walked out of his office and into the lobby and out of the main entrance. He saw Mark and was a second away from running over to him until the man moved and he saw a very agitated Derek Shepherd talking to him.

"Dr. Avery" a nurse called as she ran up and tapped the man on the shoulder "Dr. Hunt needs to see you in the pit" and looking back at the woman he nodded. Turning around Jackson gave the two men one last look and followed the nurse back inside.

He reached the pit just as Owen was taking his gloves off and throwing them in the bin.

"Dr. Avery" Owen said as he walked up to the man "I'm glad you're here"

"You wanted to see me?" Jackson questioned.

"Yes" Owen said "have you and Karev worked things out?"

"Yes, sir" Jackson told him "I'm sorry that we let things get out of control"

Owen looked over at Jackson "That's good to hear, because you two are important to this hospital and I'd hate to see your friendship turn sour"

"We're good, sir"

"Great" and handing Jackson his stack of case files he smiled "starting tonight you two are working the pit for a week"

"Excuse me?" Jackson asked astonished.

"You heard me" Owen told him "if you and Karev are as good as you claim then you two should be able to work together for a week"

"I don't know if you remember, but I'm kind of running the Plastics department"

"I'm aware" Owen told him "and I'm also aware that your surgeries are all elective and won't take more then two hours of your day"

"But-" Jackson tried to say

"Have fun" Owen told him and disappeared around a corner.

Looking down at his stack of folders Jackson groaned. Yeah, he and Alex were well on their way to building their relationship back, but being forced to spend the better part of 10 hours every day in a stressful situation could make things take a bad turn.

Walking into the pit he saw the chaos and bustling as patients were being wheeled in.

"Dr. Avery" the same nurse from earlier said "we have a guy who thought that he could swallow a whole bar of soap"

Rolling his eyes Jackson followed the girl.

This was going to suck.

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis was sitting in his office, looking into a few cases. So far Mark was his only patient, but Hunt had given him a couple of potential others since he would stay in this hospital at least as long as Mark needed him, and Hunt even told him that there was the possibility of a permanent position afterwards. Which Lewis had told him he would think about. He didn't know if he wanted to stay here for good if Jackson was always around him. They weren't good for each other. They brought out the worst in each other and sometimes Lewis really hated this asshole side of himself.

A knock pulled him out of his thoughts and he looked up from his paperwork to focus on the door.

"Yeah? It's open!" he shouted to the door and a couple of seconds later it opened and Mark Sloan appeared in the doorway.

Surprised, Lewis got off his chair, tilting his head. "Doctor Sloan... Mark... is there something wrong?" He could tell that the man was upset and his whole body was shaking.

Mark came in and closed the door after himself, before sitting down on the chair in front of Lewis's desk.

"I... I need to talk to you... it's really... really important..." Mark stammered, and immediately, Lewis was alarmed. Something here was completely wrong and he needed to find out what it was.

When Mark lifted his hands, Lewis could see that they were shaking.

"Oh Shit... another episode?" he asked concerned, rounding the table and grabbing Mark's wrists.

"Yeah... something like that..." Mark admitted. "I think it's just because... because I'm so agitated..."

"What happened?" Lewis asked, gently massaging Mark's pulse point.

"I... I... I'm sorry... I just didn't know who else to turn to and since you're his brother..." Mark babbled, and immediately had Lewis' full attention.

"Is something wrong with Jackson?" He didn't want to admit it, but somehow he was still worried about him. Jackson was his brother after all, even though he mostly managed to hide the fact that he loved him very well. Because when he let those feelings out, he was vulnerable and Jackson was able to hurt him again and he didn't want this.

"Yes... No... not with him... it's..." Mark started, looking up at Lewis. "I probably shouldn't tell you, because I promised Jackson to be patient... I promised to be understanding when he said he wasn't ready to come out in front of you, but I... I just can't take this any longer..."

Lewis let go of Mark's hands and put both of his hands on Mark's shoulders. "Calm down, Mark... take a few deep breathes and then you start over, okay?" he gently said, rubbing his shoulder blades.

At the moment, not many of the things Mark was saying made sense to him, even though he could of course jump conclusions, but he didn't want to. He wanted to hear it from Mark himself.

It took Mark a couple of minutes to really calm down enough to be able to speak again, but finally he did.

"Jackson and me... we're not only colleagues... he's my boyfriend..." he blurted out, looking at Lewis nervously.

Lewis couldn't help the smile that crossed his face. That was easier than he thought it would be and he would have never thought to find out who Jackson's boyfriend was like that. But it meant Mark trusted him, even though he couldn't understand what a man like Mark would see in his little brother.

"But that's good, isn't it?"

"Normally, I would say yes... but I think he's cheating on me..." Mark went on.

Surprised, Lewis looked at him. "Why would he do that?"

"Because with all my problems, I'm not a real man anymore... maybe he's unhappy... I don't even know..." Mark looked pretty desperate and Lewis somehow wanted to help him.

"He's lying to me constantly... and it hurts me that he can't even be honest with me... I thought I deserve at least that... I told him honesty was even more important than loyalty when we got together... I can take him needing to sleep with someone else from time to time, but why does he have to lie about it?"

"Hey... stop..." Lewis said, rubbing Mark's shoulders again. "Maybe you're wrong... maybe it's all a big misunderstanding?"

"Then why does he lie to me? You're his brother... you know him better than anyone else here, I think..." Mark gave back.

Lewis sighed. He could do a lot of damage here. He could tell Mark what an asshole his brother was. He could tell him that Jackson indeed was a cheater and a liar and that Mark deserved something better - and well, that was exactly what he thought. Mark didn't deserve to be treated like that. As far as Lewis could say. But he would rather bite off his tongue than let it all out. This way Jackson definitely had something he had to thank him for.

"Mark... you're upset and I'm sure, so is he... when you're upset you say and do things you don't mean... give it a little time and talk to him again... maybe there is a simple explanation for everything..." Lewis tried to convince Mark, but he already saw that Mark wasn't really buying it.

"You know... I think it's great that you try to protect him, but I know what I've seen... I think he has an affair with your best friend..." Mark stated.

Lewis stared at him in shock. "Michael?" he asked, before he burst out in laughter. "Oh come on, Mark, you can't be serious... Michael is straight as an arrow..."

"Well..." Mark started. "That's what I thought about Karev as well... and now look at him..."

"You know about that?" Lewis wanted to know, getting slightly nervous as Mark nodded.

"I do... and it's none of my business... If you two are happy, so be it... but... but maybe there are things you don't know about your best friend..." Mark assumed.

"Such as him sleeping with my baby brother?" Lewis shook his head. "No... seriously... Michael would have told me about it if that was the case... I can guarantee you, there is nothing going on between Jackson and Michael."

Mark raised an eyebrow, still suspicious. "Are you sure about that?"

"Absolutely..." Lewis replied.

"What if he sleeps with your best friend because you're sleeping with his?" Mark asked.

Again, Lewis shook his head. "He isn't... you need to talk to Jackson, and I'm sure there will be a simple explanation for the lying... maybe he didn't want to upset you..."

Mark sighed. "Yeah... yeah maybe you're right... you're his brother after all... you know him better than I do..."

Lewis smiled at him. A friendly, earnest smile. "Yeah... maybe... I'm sure you're gonna be okay..."

"Thank you..." Mark said, getting up from his chair and hugging Lewis tight. He obviously felt a lot better now and Lewis almost felt bad for lying straight to his face. Almost. And it wasn't all a lie, he was sure Michael was not sleeping with Jackson. He wouldn't do that to him.

"Hey, it's okay... I'm glad I could help..." Lewis replied once Mark let go of him. "And if you ever have one of those episodes again... try to calm down first... that's very important..." he said, pointing to Mark's hands who had stopped shaking already. "Calm down, take a few deep breathes and focus on something good in your life... like your daughter..."

Mark nodded. "I will try..." He turned around and was already at the door when he called Lewis' name again.

"Yeah?" Lewis asked, looking at him.

"I'm... I'm sorry I unloaded all my shit on you... and I'm sorry I came out to you like that... I know it should have been Jackson to tell you about us, but..." Mark started, but Lewis cut him off mid-sentence.

"It's okay... I'm sure Jackson will understand..." He said, smiling at him and watching the older man leave.

He waited for a couple of minutes, before he put down his files and left his office to look for Jackson, but when he didn't find him in his office, he went to Hunt to ask him about Jackson's whereabouts and found out about him being in the pit.

When he arrived there, he first saw Alex and took a few steps towards him. "Hey, Babe..." He kissed him softly, looking around and found Jackson only a few meters away. Obviously it was still tense between Jackson and Alex.

"What are you doing here?" Alex asked, leaning against Lewis.

"I need to talk to Jackson about something..." he informed him, noticing the concerned look on Alex' face. "Don't worry, I'll play nice..." He slapped Alex on the butt, before turning towards Jackson and stopping next to him.

"Hey dear brother..."

"What do you want?" Jackson asked through gritted teeth.

"I just had a very interesting conversation... with your boyfriend..." he looked around, moving closer towards Jackson. "Mark..."

He grinned when he noticed Jackson growing stiff immediately.

"Alex? I'll be right back... just a minute, okay?" he said, grabbing Lewis' arm and pulling him out of the room into the hallway.

"What do you want?"

"Nothing!" Lewis grinned. "I am just surprised that it's really Sloan... I thought he had a better taste when I saw him with... what was her name again? Torres... the woman is hot..."

His look went serious. "But just in case you haven't noticed: you're hurting him and he turned to me because he thought I knew you best..."

"What did you tell him?" Jackson asked angrily.

"Nothing,... I even tried to get him off the idea that you're sleeping with Michael... he was so sure of it, but I think I did a great job causing some doubts about his theory... You should thank me, Jackie." Lewis replied satisfied.

"But just in case you care: Your little fight caused him to get a relapse... we were making so much progress until you decided to upset him so much, that he was shaking when he came to me..." Lewis shook his head. "I needed a couple of minutes to calm him down before he even was able to really talk to me...you're destroying all the good work I'm doing here..."

"Leave Mark alone... he's none of your business..." Jackson replied.

Lewis smiled. "I think that's where you're wrong... he likes me and he already starts trusting me..." He patted Jackson's back as he passed him by. "If I were you, I would be very careful. One word from me and your relationship with him will be over... I just need to tell him I caught you and Holt and that I was wrong... It's up to you, Jackie..."


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: **Thanks AGAIN for all the comments… :-) We're so happy to read that you enjoy reading them… and yes, we know, the storyline is really depressing… and I can't say it gets better all too soon… there are problems that lay deep within, and they all have to do with the 2 brothers… I can already say: Tyler WILL be a part of this storyline, too, he will be helping to make things better a little later… I know it's all really dramatic, but I think, it has to get to the worse before it starts getting better… And of course we can imagine if people don't want to read that, but there will be better times eventually…

And well… "such" things – as for the drug use of Jackson – happen to the best… I don't know if any of you also watch "Private Practice", but Derek's sister Amelia was very deep in the drug addiction, too, and it took a lot of her to stop using… and it will take a lot of Jackson and it will cost him, but like we said, there is a ray of light at the end of the tunnel :-)

We still hope, you're gonna enjoy Chapter 32! =)

Have a nice weekend!

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex and Jackson weren't back to how things were before. Truth be told, Alex wasn't sure the two would ever be again, but after their talk in Jackson's office the hostility had seemed to diminish.

That was, until Jackson's talk with his brother.

Lewis had promised him that he wasn't going to say anything to Jackson that would make him upset.

Still, once Lewis had left and Jackson returned he was a lot more closed off then he had been before.

"Everything okay, man?" Alex asked as he walked over to Jackson.

"Fine" he got in return as Jackson opened up a chart and started to write something down.

Alex knew he was lying, but pushing Jackson would only make the man pull away further. He hated that the two had this huge rift between them, because for all the times Jackson had been there for him; Alex wanted to return the favour.

"I can make Lewis back-off" Alex said "I know he still has all this...resentment, but I can make him listen". Looking around at the room Jackson made sure the two wouldn't be heard before he spoke "He hates me, Alex. That's not going to change because his boyfriend tells him to back off".

The words threw Alex for a minute. To hear Jackson talk about Alex and Lewis that way seemed weird, but not completely uncomfortable.

"I'm not his...boyfriend" Alex said "I mean I don't think-"

"Well, whatever you two are it's not going to change that he thinks I don't deserve to have the things I do"

"That's not true" Alex said "he is your brother"

"You say that like it's supposed to mean something" Jackson replied and turned around to continue his work.

"Just let it go Karev" and with that Jackson waded back into the chaos of the pit.

The next 8 hours passed quickly and the two men barely shared another word with each other. Alex knew Jackson was distracting himself with work and having done so a number of times Alex knew how useless it was.

The end of shift came and trying to follow Jackson to his office he found himself stopped by a strong hand on his wrist.

"I need to talk to you" Meredith said "it's about April"

The quick fear in his stomach made him feel nauseous "She okay?"

"What do you think?" Meredith asked sarcastically "the father of her kid turned out to be an even bigger ass than she thought"

"I really don't have time for this, Mer" Alex said "we worked out what we had to"

"No" Meredith told him "you decided what you wanted and you forced her to accept it"

Turning around Alex sneered at Meredith "This is really none of your concern" Alex said "April knows that I support whatever she's going to do"

"Good" Meredith said "so you won't have a problem with her moving in with me and Derek until the baby arrives"

The news sobered Alex "What?"

"She needs someone to be there for her and with you having...other obligations and Jackson heading Plastics and dealing with problems of his own she came and asked if she could stay with us and me and Derek agreed to it"

Alex had no idea why he seemed to generally dislike the idea, but something about April moving in reminded Alex of the wayward teenager boarding with the rich couple who would only look down on her. Which Alex knew Meredith would never do.

Out the corner of his eyes he could see Jackson making a bee line for the exit.

"Fine" he told Meredith "let me know if she's going to need money for anything"

"You really _are_a prick" Meredith said.

"I thought you already knew that by now" Alex responded and with that he chased down Avery.

By the time Alex got outside Jackson was already gone and putting his hands on his hips he took a deep breath. Alex couldn't fix many things, but he could fix this.

He could fix Jackson and Lewis.

Lewis had invited Alex to his apartment for the night. Michael was working a double and Lewis told him that he just wanted a quiet night in.

It sounded perfect to Alex. With the news that April was moving into the Shepherd's place he wanted a distraction.

He had stopped to pick up two pizzas and once he walked into the apartment he sat them down on top of the kitchen counter.

Walking over Lewis opened one of the boxes and smiled "Pineapple, how did you know it's a favourite of mine"

Alex looked at him curiously "I guess you must have mentioned it".

"I guess" Lewis responded as he picked up a slice and took a bite.

"What are we?" Alex asked.

Stopping mid-step Lewis turned around, the slice still hanging from his mouth "What's that?"

"Look, I'm not one to worry about labels and all that crap, but I think I'd like to know that we're both on the same level here" Alex said. He felt stupid talking like some chick from a romantic comedy.

"I don't know" Lewis answered him honestly "I figured we'd take it as it came"

"You're important to me, Lewis" Alex said "what happens to you is important to me"

Sitting down the pizza Lewis walked over and put two arms around Alex's waist to pull him close "You're important to me too".

"Is it true that you only slept with me to get back at Jackson, because you thought we were closer then we were?"

Lewis looked down and away from Alex "At first...yeah, but that was before I knew how genuinely awesome you are".

Stepping away from Lewis Alex was surprised to feel how hurt he was by it.

"Alex, I'm sorry" Lewis said "I did something completely stupid, but in all honesty I wouldn't have been able to make it these past few weeks here without you"

Alex knew the man was being honest "I know and although I hate how it came about I'm happy to have you in my life"

Lewis's smile made the butterflies in Alex's stomach start to flutter "I'm happy too".

"Good" Lewis said as he pulled Alex's body against his own once again "now let me make it up to you" he said as he kissed Alex.

It felt amazing, but Alex knew if he was going to do this, now would be the time.

Pulling his head back he looked at Lewis "You can make it up to me"

"How?"

"I need you and Jackson to make things right between you two"

With an agitated sigh Lewis let go of Alex and walked back towards the kitchen counter "Can we not talk about him, please?"

"He's important to me" Alex said "I don't have many people who have managed to stick with me as long as he has and I can't just sit by and watch as you two go at each other's throats"

"I can't help it if my mere presence sends my little brother off the deep end. He was never that strong to begin with"

"You know it's more than that" Alex said "Whatever you told him today is putting him in a really bad place and as much as you try to hide it I know you care enough about him to not want him to self-destruct"

"What my brother does is not my concern" Lewis told Alex "I spent my entire life cleaning up his messes and all I got for it was him taking away the one thing that was mine and throwing his relationship with that one thing in my face for three years, so you'll forgive me if I'm not weeping for the pain that Jackson brings on himself"

Alex could hear the pain behind Lewis' words "What Jackson did was fucked up, nobody is saying otherwise, but take it from somebody who let his own brother completely collapse. If I had the chance to step in and help Aaron before it was too late I would have."

Lewis looked as if he was at least hearing Alex's words and walking over Alex stood in front of him and grabbed his hand "I'm just saying, there's no need to make Jackson feel worse about himself than he already does"

"I hear you" Lewis said as he brought Alex's hand up to his lip to kiss "and I can try. I'm not promising anything, but I can try"

"That's all I ask" Alex said "now what was this thing about making it up to me?"

With a grin Lewis pushed Alex back into the living room and onto the couch before landing on top of him.

Alex knew this wouldn't fix the brothers, but at least it was a start.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

After his talk with Lewis Mark had gone for a walk. A two-hour walk. He wasn't even aware about how much time had passed until it started to dawn and he looked at his watch. He did - indeed - feel better after talking to Jackson's brother and he had to think about all the thinks Lewis had told him.

If Michael really was completely straight, Jackson most likely wouldn't stand a chance, right? Even IF he looked hot as hell. And what would be worse? If Jackson had tried to seduce Michael because he thought he was hot and it hadn't worked or if they actually had slept with each other but it hadn't meant anything?

Mark sighed and fell on a park bench, closing his eyes. He knew the answer. It would be way worse if Jackson had feelings for Holt, no matter if something had happened between them or not. He could actually even live with the fact if Jackson had cheated on him. If it was only sex, it was okay for Mark. He wasn't a saint either, and he had done this several times as well... He could totally differ between love and sex. As long as Jackson loved only him.

A desperate sigh left Mark's lips. He could sit here and think about everything for the next couple of hours and it most likely would drive him crazy. Or he could just do what Lewis suggested: talk to Jackson.

How could he find out what were facts and what were only his fantasies if he didn't talk? He always told Jackson to talk to him, so he should do the same. He needed to see him.

He grabbed his mobile phone out of his jeans pocket, finally listening to Jackson's message. His hand clang to his phone while he listened to Jackson's desperate voice. This just was pure Jackson. And he was desperate. Even IF Jackson was a great actor, he couldn't play that. Mark just knew Jackson's words were honest. And that he really loved him. He could feel it through the phone.

It took him a couple of minutes to make the final decision, but eventually, he got up and walked back to the hospital, only to find out there that Jackson's shift was over and he had already left.

There was only one place Jackson could be if he wasn't with Mark or in Mark's apartment. In his own. Mark hesitated for a moment, but he had already made up his mind. He had made his decision, so it was time to actually implement it.

About fifteen minutes later Mark was standing in front of Jackson's apartment door with his heart beating like he ran a marathon. He was nervous like hell and he didn't even know what exactly he wanted to tell Jackson, but he would figure that out once he picked up the courage to actually ring the doorbell or at least knock.

It was one thing to show up at Jackson's place, but it was another to really be brave enough to go through with it.

He was almost about to turn around again when the door opened all of a sudden and Jackson almost ran into him, seeing him in the last second and backing away.

"Mark... what... what are you doing here? I was just on my way to your apartment..." Jackson said, looking more than a little nervous. "Since you didn't answer my message, I thought I'm just gonna show up at your place and try to talk to you in person."

"Well..." Mark said, rubbing the back of his neck. "No need for that now I'm here... are you alone?" He pointed into Jackson's apartment with his head.

"Yeah... yes... I am... Alex is... I think with Lewis and April... I don't know... maybe with Meredith as usual nowadays..." Jackson replied.

Mark took a deep breath before looking Jackson in the eye again. "Can I come in? I don't wanna talk in the hallway... I don't need some nosy neighbours to know everything about us..."

"Sure... of course..." Jackson replied immediately, taking a couple of steps back into his apartment and getting rid of his jacket.

Mark followed immediately, hanging up his jacket as well before leaning against the door.

For a couple of minutes - maybe only seconds - there was silence between them. A very uncomfortable silence, which Mark finally broke by starting to talk.

"Listen, Jackson... I... I know you wanted to wait with that, but after finding you and Michael I was... just so desperate..." Mark bit his lower lip, taking another breath. "I went to Lewis and I told him about us... I know it was on you to do that and I know I crossed a line with it, but I... I didn't know what else to do... I'm... I'm sorry, Jackson... I... I know you weren't ready, but I didn't know who else I should talk to..."

"Stop being so hard on yourself..." Jackson interrupted him, moving towards him and grabbing one of his hands. "I... I know..."

"You do?" Mark asked, slightly surprised.

"Lewis came to me afterwards..." Jackson explained.

"I... I shouldn't have done it... Jackson... I broke your trust..." Mark apologized even though that definitely wasn't the only thing he had to say.

Gently, Jackson stroked the back of his hand. "It's okay, Mark..." He moved closer again, touching Mark's face with his free hand. "But you have to believe me, I'm... I'm not cheating on you."

Mark swallowed hard. "Then why didn't you just tell me that you made the steak for Holt to thank him for his help? Seriously, there was no reason for you to lie about that..."

"I know..." Jackson replied immediately. "I don't even know why I didn't tell you the truth... maybe because I know you don't like him?"

Mark sighed. "It's not that I don't like him... it's just... I don't get why everyone seems to be so obsessed with him lately... Meredith... you... everyone seems to think he should replace Derek."

"That's not true," Jackson cut him off. "I already told you that I only talked to Hunt about him, because I wanted to do Lewis a favour."

"I know..." Mark replied. "But when I found you two in your office today... it all made sense all of sudden... at least that's what I thought..." He looked down at his hand that was still laying in Jackson's hand, resisting the urge to pull it back. He felt really vulnerable right now and he didn't like for Jackson to see him like that.

"But there's nothing going on between us. Holt is just a colleague I promise you, he will never be more." Jackson tried to convince him, and even though Mark already had his doubts about his own theory, he still didn't totally believe Jackson.

"Are you sure about that? I mean..." He sighed. "The thing is... I know it hasn't been easy with me lately... especially... concerning our sex-life... I didn't have any episodes in a couple of days, but sometimes I just think I... I don't satisfy you anymore... and if that's the case... if you're not happy with... our sex-life..." He leaned forward, looking deep into Jackson's eyes. "If you need something else... someone else... if you need a woman from time to time, I understand..."

He could see Jackson wanted to say something, but he placed two fingers on his lips, shaking his head.

"No, let me finish..." he said softly, waiting for Jackson to nod and then he went on.

"All I'm asking of you is to be honest with me, Jackson... If you rather want an open relationship... where you have the freedom to sleep with others, I... I can give you that... just say it..."

He let out another sigh.

"You might or might not know, but I... I never was the most faithful guy on earth..." he admitted. "That all changed with Lexie... kind of... I mean, I wanted to stay true to her... I wanted to have this relationship with her, but after we fought and I thought everything was over I had nothing better to do than to get into bed with my ex... Addison."

Ashamed, he looked away.

"What I want to say by it is, I'm not perfect... and neither are you... and I don't expect you to be... I love you just the way you are..." he said earnestly. "I only want you to tell me the truth... so if you ever want to cook a meal for Holt again... or for whoever... because you want to thank this person for whatever... then just tell me 'Hey Mark, I'm going to cook dinner for Holt' or something like that and it won't be a problem. Just don't lie to me... Lying is... a lot worse than cheating..."

He paused for a moment, looking back at Jackson.

"I want you to be happy, Jackson. I want you to have everything you need." and it was the truth, he really did. "Hell, even if it would hurt, if you tell me you slept with Holt or anyone else, I could deal with it... as long as it's just that... sex... a meaningless fuck... and you still love me... I wanna be the one you love... I wanna be the one you want to fall asleep next to and I wanna be the one you want to wake up with. You're my... my better half and without you I go crazy... So... do you think we still have a chance?"

**Jackson Avery POV:**

_So... do you think we still have a chance?"_

Jackson almost couldn't believe that Mark was standing in front of him asking Jackson if this was something he wanted to continue. As if it wasn't Jackson that was destroying their relationship with every lie he told.

"I hope we do" Jackson told him "I know that the things that I've done have made you question my love for you, but believe me Mark it is always there and it has never left"

"I know that you didn't sign up for any of this" Mark said to Jackson as he held up his hand "having to deal with the nightmares and not knowing if I'll ever be a real surgeon again. Nobody would blame you in finding comfort in somebody like Holt, somebody who is more like the man you thought I could be for you"

"Stop it" Jackson said as he rushed over to Mark and held the man's hands in his own "Michael Holt will never be half the man you are"

Mark looked at him and Jackson hoped that whatever lies he had told over the past few weeks that Mark would know that what he was saying now was completely true.

"I don't cheat, Mark" Jackson said "I've seen what happens when that works it's way into a relationship and I can't lose you, not for something like that"

Mark nodded his head "I just...I feel like I'm losing you a little more every day and I don't know how to stop it, just tell me what I need to do"

Jackson could feel the guilt eat at him. Mark was blaming himself for what was happening and it wasn't fair.

"Before he came to Seattle I hadn't seen my brother in 4 years"

The words had stopped Mark "Why?"

Jackson looked at Mark and the words were on the tip of his tongue. Mark would understand, he didn't need Jackson to be perfect and he wouldn't hold it against him.

"I came in-between him and someone that he loved very much" Jackson started "he never really forgave me and I've tried to make it up to him... which is why the whole thing with Michael happened"

Why couldn't he just be straight-forward? Why couldn't he just say 'I destroyed my brother's life and he has been hell-bent on returning the favour ever since'?

That would mean telling Mark more then he had ever told anyone before. The man was worth it, but losing him wasn't.

"Your brother seems like a good guy" Mark told him "if all this was just about being ashamed about a mistake you made in the past then you don't have to hide it from me"

_It was a lifetime of mistakes_

Jackson could still feel his body buzz nervously "You know what we need?" Jackson said with a smile.

"What's that?" Mark asked and he seemed a lot more collected then when he first arrived.

"We should get away" Jackson told him enthusiastically "just the two of us; for a weekend"

"Really?"

"Yeah, I think if we could just focus on us we can get back to how we used to be" he raised Mark's hands to his lips and gave them a kiss.

"Where would we go?"

"I don't care" Jackson said "as long as it's just us it could be a motel 6 and I'd be happy"

"I like that idea" Mark told him with a smile and wrapping his arms around Jackson he pulled him close.

"I love you, Jackson" Mark said "and I want us to be able to keep us strong"

"Let me surprise you" Jackson told Mark "Your next appointment with Lewis is in 3 days and by then I'm going to have our perfect weekend completely planned out, how's that sound?"

"Sounds perfect" Mark said.

The two were still hugging when the front door opened and April walked in with Meredith behind her. Looking behind Mark Jackson could see the two were obviously discussing something important.

"April" Jackson said as he broke away from Mark and walked up to the woman.

"Jackson" she said "I didn't think you would be here"

There was something in the woman's voice that caused him concern "You okay, April?"

She looked away from him "Y-yeah" she told him.

"April" Jackson repeated

"She's moving in with me and Derek until the kid arrives" Meredith told Jackson as she walked up to the two.

"What?" Jackson asked "When did you decide this?"

"Alex moved out and between the hospital...and other things" April said with a quick glance to Mark "I can't ask you to be here when you have other obligations"

"You wouldn't have to ask" Jackson said "I mean, yeah I've been a bit distracted, but I told you that I'm here for you whenever you need me. You know that"

"Does she?" Meredith asked and Jackson was taken aback by the question.

"Excuse me?" Jackson asked.

"I mean Alex has obviously written her off and with all the time you've been spending at the hospital; with Holt, can you really say that you can be there for April?"

"Meredith" Mark scolded "what are you talking about?"

"I don't doubt Jackson wants to help April, but Derek is home most days and I'm not in charge of a whole department" Meredith said "it just makes more sense"

"It really does" April said

"What about the apartment?" Jackson asked "It's a little too big for just me"

"You could stay with me" Mark said and turning around Jackson looked at him wide-eyed.

"I mean...if you want to" Mark nervously told him.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark hadn't planned on proposing to move in with Jackson like that. He had thought about this for a while now, and it just slipped out. And now he couldn't take it back. Not really.

"Mark... I... I don't know what to say..." Jackson replied, and Mark could tell that this had taken him by surprise.

"You... you don't have to... say anything right now..." Mark stammered, grabbing one of Jackson's hands and caressing it gently. "But I have to admit, it's not the first time this thought crossed my mind... I just wasn't sure if we're ready for this... and I didn't want to push you in our situation..."

He looked at Meredith and she seemed to understand immediately.

"Let's get your stuff, April, okay?" she asked, nodding at Mark.

April nodded as well, looking at Jackson and Mark once more. "Jackson... it's really okay... you're still my best friend but... I can't be alone so much at the moment... or I'll go crazy..." She turned to Jackson completely, having his full attention immediately.

"I love you and moving in with Derek and Mer doesn't change a thing about that... and we'll still see each other at hospital or we can still grab drinks or anything like that..." she said with a smile. "But I think it's important for you to fix your own problems before you can start fixing mine."

"Maybe... maybe you're right..." Jackson replied after a couple of seconds. "But... I'm really sorry if I let you down... It's just... been a whirlwind lately... with Lewis being back and everything."

"I know..." April replied, leaning forward and kissing Jackson's cheek. "it's really okay... don't worry, I'm gonna be okay... and I know where to find you if I need you."

"Good..." Jackson said with a sad smile and then he and Mark watched April leaving the hallway to get to her own room.

Mark waited for a little while until he started speaking again.

"Jackson... I... I don't want you to feel any pressure because I proposed moving in with you... we have all the time in the world, but I just thought... it... it's worth a try..." he admitted, staring down at his feet. "You can still keep the apartment here... just in case... I mean... that wouldn't be a problem, right? So you would always have a place to go to if you need time on your own, but I... I would love to try..."

He didn't know why he was this nervous, but maybe because moving in with the person he loved had never worked out for him. Not with Lexie, not with anyone else. Maybe he just wasn't the moving in type.

The only person moving in ever worked out with was Callie. And that most likely was, because they never were in love or had a relationship like that.

A lot would be broken if he moved in with Jackson and it wouldn't work out. He still wasn't sure if it was the right time for it to happen, but he just had to suggest it.

"I'm not mad if you don't want to... or if you're not ready yet... I would totally understand it after all that happened lately..." It took him a couple of seconds until he was able to look Jackson in the eye again, who had an unreadable expression. Mark absolutely didn't know what he thought right now, even though he normally was good in knowing what Jackson thought, but not this moment.

"Maybe we can try it... like a trial... see how it works out in the next couple of days or weeks... and if it doesn't, you can come back here. No harm, right?"

He moved a step towards Jackson, still holding his gaze.

"Please say something, Jackson... don't leave me hanging like that..."

He didn't want to sound so desperate, but not knowing what Jackson felt drove him up the wall. But at least he was sure now that Jackson still loved him and he also believed him that he didn't have an affair with Holt. That he didn't even have sex with him and that was a relief.

He watched Jackson opening his mouth and just the moment Mark thought he would finally get a reply, Meredith and April bumped in, interrupting the situation.

"I think I have everything I need for now..." April said, smiling up at Jackson. "I will still pay my part of the rent, so I have a possibility to get away from the rat race for a while if I need to. Some place I can get back to..."

"Sounds good to me..." Jackson replied with a smile, leaning forward and kissing April's forehead. "Take care of yourself, okay? And if you need anything, just let me know... I promised I'll be there for you and I will..."

April nodded. "Thank you..."

She left the apartment and Meredith went after her, waving good bye for one last time before the door fell shut behind them.

Mark let out a soft smile.

"So... are we alone now or are there other guests you are expecting?"

Jackson put his arms around Mark's neck and moved very close to him.

"No, I don't expect anyone else... and I think I still owe you an answer, right?"

Mark nodded. "Right... but can I kiss you first?"

A chuckle left Jackson's lips. "Yes... you can kiss me first..."

And Mark didn't need to be asked twice. He felt so much lighter now after talking to Jackson and no matter what his reply about the proposal would be, he just felt like they could overcome anything. Everything. If they just stuck together.

He leaned down closing the distance between them and kissing Jackson with all tenderness he had to offer and just holding him very close to his body.

They would make it through everything. They would find a way, and even though it would be difficult, Mark knew he was strong enough to hold on. He was strong enough to keep up with Jackson and to be strong for both enough. As long as Jackson learned not to lie to him anymore.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

The fact that Mark had asked him to move in proved to Jackson how much the man was committed to making this thing work.

Jackson owed it to Mark to try just as hard.

"We can try it" Jackson said "I'd like to give it a shot"

Mark's smile made him feel better about the situation and quelled the apprehension in his stomach that maybe it was going just a bit too fast. Jackson knew how much he loved Mark and his future would include him in every part of it, but Mark asking something like this made Jackson believe that Mark didn't trust in the same kind of future.

Still, being together could help Jackson show Mark that they could do this. They could overcome Jackson's many faults.

Hugging Jackson close Mark buried his face in Jackson's neck "This is going to be good for us"

"It will be" Jackson said.

"I know it's a little late, but what do you say me and you go out for a late dinner...to celebrate"

"Sounds good to me. Just let me change and we can head out" and with that Jackson made his way up the stairs and to his room.

Walking in Jackson grabbed a clean shirt and a pair of slacks from his dresser. He had felt as if a weight was being lifted off of him. It had felt like an eternity since he was able to freely breathe without someone at his back.

Michael no longer had a hold over him and despite what Lewis said Jackson was becoming increasingly assured that he had no real plan when it came to Mark.

Jackson knew that he still had to watch his back to an extent. When men like Michael and Lewis became desperate it could make them do things that they would never even consider before.

After getting dressed and brushing his teeth Jackson gave himself a once over in the mirror. Dark Green shirt with a black tie and black slacks to match. He wanted to look good for Mark and he thought he could pass the test for tonight. Although, it was time that Jackson got another haircut.

Mark had told him that he loved Jackson's curls, but more often then not they could be annoying.

"Jackson" Mark called from downstairs "you okay up there?"

Leaving the bathroom he turned off the lights and made his way down the stairs "Better then ok-"

Jackson stopped mid-step as he took a look at the living room and saw Alex and Lewis standing in front of Mark.

"Guess what?" Mark said brightly "looks like we'll have company"

Jackson could see Alex holding the same enthusiastic smile as Mark as Lewis probably mirrored Jackson's own displeasure.

Walking down the stairs Jackson stood beside Mark and the man put an arm around his waist "You look fantastic" he told Jackson.

"I hope it's okay if me and Lewis tag along" Alex said "we just stopped by and Mark told us about the dinner and it sounded like a great idea"

"It's fine" Jackson said with a bright smile and when Mark and Alex turned to Lewis the man put on the exact same pleasant face.

The Avery brothers were taught how to mask unhappiness and taught well.

Mark had chosen a French cuisine place that was located on the other side of town. Alex had borrowed one of Jackson's shirts and as the four rode to the restaurant Mark and Alex kept up most of the conversation.

Once all four men were seated Lewis picked up a menu and gave a small laugh.

"I have to admit my French is pretty atrocious" he said to the group.

"Whose isn't?" Mark responded with a laugh of his own.

"I know I can barely even speak English properly" Alex said as he looked at the menu and tried to figure out what the hell he was looking at.

"Jackson knows French" Lewis said "pretty well too"

Looking up at Lewis he managed not to sneer at his brother.

"Is that true?" Mark asked.

"Yeah" Jackson responded "I know a little French"

"A little?" Lewis smirked "our Jackie spent 3 years at a Paris boarding school, I think you know more then just a little"

Jackson wanted to kick Lewis so badly, but that would only make this dinner worse then it already was.

"Rich people actually did that?" Alex asked "sent the kid off to another country for an education?"

"Jackson was always special" Lewis said "he took to that culture like a fish to water"

"I didn't know that" Mark said and something in his voice sounded deflated.

Jackson knew Mark was only hearing another thing that Jackson kept from him, but that was a lifetime ago and Jackson didn't talk to anybody about those 3 years.

"Why don't you order for us" Alex said "I trust your judgement". Looking over at the man Jackson nodded his head in approval. Raising his hands Jackson called the waiter over and once the man arrived, all bright smiles and friendly demeanour, Jackson started to speak.

"Puis-je obtenir trois des poissons grillés pour nous trois et pour le monsieur en face de moi je vais avoir la plaque d'escargot." Jackson said and the waiter looked impressed that Jackson spoke to him so fluently.

"Right away, sir" the waiter said and left to place their orders.

"Damn" Alex said "colour me impressed"

"It's not that hard really" Jackson told him "you can't help but pick it up after being around it so long"

"You pick up a lot of things" Lewis said and looking up he saw the angry stare he got from Jackson "or so I hear".

Mark and Alex obviously felt the tension between the two brothers and to their credit they tried to keep the mood upbeat. Talking about the hospital, or how well Mark was doing in his rehab.

"I'm telling you I'm a lucky man to have such a gifted therapist" Mark said and Lewis looked down bashfully.

"It's good to have a patient who doesn't mind putting in the hard work".

Jackson looked between the two and Mark wasn't probably even aware that he was flirting with Lewis, but Jackson was and Lewis most definitely was.

"So what are your plans when Mark is better?" Jackson asked "back to Boston to work with Granddad?"

Lewis looked at his brother and Jackson knew he had got the dig at his taking a position that their grandfather had saved for Lewis.

A position that Jackson had rejected, having made his own mark at a hospital that didn't even know he was Harper Avery's grandson.

The table was quiet for a moment before Lewis spoke "Chief Hunt has let me know that he is interested in keeping me on long-term, but of course it's only if I accept" then grabbing Alex's hand Lewis looked over and smiled at the man and got a similar look of adoration from Alex "and I'm finding quite a few reasons to stay"

Looking over at the two then at Mark who gave a warm smile at the two Jackson barely managed to stop himself from rolling his eyes.

Before Jackson could say anything two waiters came out holding two dishes of food each. Sitting the plates down Mark and Alex looked happy with the food that sat in front of them, the same dish Jackson had.

"It's called a sculptis Cottus petiti and it's a fish only found in France. It's delicious" Jackson said and looked over at Lewis who looked down at his plate that was remarkably different from the others.

It was gray-ish and looked completely unappetizing "What is it?" Lewis asked keeping his voice friendly. Jackson knew Lewis wasn't going to let him see that he had made the man angry.

"Snails" Jackson said with a friendly grin "I've never had them, but I remember how adventurous you are when it comes to food"

"Thanks" Lewis said with a tight smile.

"No problem" Jackson told him before taking a bite of his fish "enjoy"

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark looked between Jackson and Lewis and he could feel the tension in the air. He could tell that Jackson ordered the snails for Lewis while everyone else got the same just to bother Lewis and he honestly didn't like it very much. He thought they could have a nice dinner together - the four of them - and it could make Lewis and Jackson getting closer, but obviously he was wrong. Even though the two tried to hide it, Mark knew how uncomfortable both of them felt.

Because he knew Jackson and he knew how to read him, and Lewis was - as scary as it was - almost as easy to read, even though both of them most likely didn't even realize it.

They were SO similar when it came to this and Mark was surprised about how much their eyes told him, when he looked really closely.

No one on the table was talking, and the silence was getting really uncomfortable, so Mark decided to do something.

"Have you ever tried this fish, Lewis?" he asked him with an open smile.

Lewis shook his head. "No... not yet... I haven't eaten any French food at all... not that I remember... I'm normally not so much the type for this kind of food..." He shrugged. "And unlike Jackson I wasn't at this boarding school."

Mark looked at Alex and then back at Lewis and he hoped, Alex would understand, because it would look pretty crazy if he would offer Lewis a bite of his fish, but luckily, Alex picked up on it.

"Wanna have a bite?" he asked, looking at Lewis, and if Mark didn't know better, he would say they were completely in love, but what he could see was that they were at least enjoying each other's company and that they were happy.

"Sure..." Lewis said, turning to him and letting Alex feed him with the fish.

"It's really delicious..." He said after he had swallowed and looked at his own plate. "Wanna taste mine, too?"

Alex looked sceptical. "I... don't know, man... it won't kill me, right?"

Lewis let out a chuckle. "No... at least I don't think so... but if it does, you have three doctors around to administer first aid..."

"That's really soothing..." Alex replied with a sarcastic tone in his voice, and took a bite of Lewis' snails.

Once it was in his mouth, he grimaced, spitting it out in his napkin. "Eeew... that's disgusting. How can you even eat that?" He looked at Jackson reproachful before he turned to Lewis again. "What about we get rid of this... thing... and order the same for you?"

Lewis shook his head. "No, that's not necessary... I'm not really hungry anymore anyways." He replied, shoving his plate a few centimetres away.

"Are you sure?" Alex asked, his gaze never leaving Lewis'.

"Yeah... but you enjoy your meal, okay?" He placed a soft kiss on Alex' cheek before getting up.

"Where are you going?" Alex asked immediately, grabbing his wrist.

"I'll be right back, baby... I just need to go to the bathroom..." Lewis replied, smiling down at Alex and making his way towards the toilets.

Mark looked right after him, and he couldn't get rid of the feeling that something here was wrong.

He put down his knife and his fork and getting up. "I need to go to the bathroom too." he said, causing Jackson to really look alarmed.

"Now?" he asked.

"Yes, now!" Mark replied sharper than he intended to. He didn't like the direction that dinner was going into and he hoped he could talk to Lewis about it. He hoped he could catch him at the toilet and see if he could make things right.

When he entered the bathroom, Lewis was standing in front of a washbowl, looking slightly pale. His face was wet and he didn't look all too good.

"Hey Lewis, are you okay?" he asked, carefully placing a hand on Lewis' shoulder.

Lewis turned around, startled, leaning back against the tile wall behind him. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm worried about you," Mark replied truthfully. "And I'm sorry about Jackson... this wasn't how I pictured the evening would go."

"It's not your fault, Mark... Jackson was always... like this... it's no surprise that he tries to come down on me every possibility he gets..." Lewis looked up at Mark. "And it's not that I don't deserve it... I mean... I haven't been a saint myself..."

The last part of his answer surprised Mark. Jackson had literally told him that Lewis wanted revenge for whatever Jackson did to him, but he even admitted to it.

"Well... I think you have a reason to... but I mean... this was years ago... can't you just make peace with each other?" Mark asked.

Lewis tilted his head in surprise. "He told you about Tyler?"

Tyler. Now this was a name Mark hadn't heard before and he couldn't help the curious feeling welling up inside of him. "Well..." he started. "He told me that he came in between you and someone you really loved..."

Lewis let out a laugh. "Oh. Is that so?" He shook his head. "You could call it that way, yes... I would call it sleeping with my fiancé the night before our wedding..."

With a shocked expression Mark looked at Lewis. "Are you serious?"

"Yes!" Lewis blurted out, and the look on his face was full of pain. "Believe me, this is nothing I would joke about... I've caught them in our bed, because we decided not to spend the night before our wedding together... it was stupid, but kind of romantic..." He leaned against the wall again, looking down at his feet. "I know it's years ago, but it still hurts, okay? As much as I hate to admit it, but Tyler was the love of my life and Jackson just took him away... how would you feel if someone took Jackson away from you, huh?" With this question he looked up at Mark again, moving closer towards him.

"How would you feel if you find Jackson in bed with your brother the morning of your wedding?"

Mark swallowed hard. "I... I don't have a brother..." he replied, saying the first thing that came to his mind.

"Well... it doesn't matter... I can tell you, it felt like someone was ripping my heart right out of my chest... I thought I would suffocate..." Lewis went on, standing in front of Mark and grabbing one of his hands, placing it on his chest. "I am surprised that it's still beating, you know?"

Mark stared down at him, into his big blue eyes, and they had the same intensity Jackson's had when he was really serious about something. He even forgot to breathe for a moment, because he was so lost in this moment.

"I'm... I'm sorry..." he choked out, not moving an inch. "I didn't know that..."

"Yeah... I assumed Jackson wouldn't swagger about that... it's typical him to only tell the things his way... to not make him look all that bad." Lewis gave back.

Mark closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them again, Lewis' face was very close to his own. "What... what are you doing?" he asked, his heart beating like crazy.

"I'm going to take away the one thing Jackson loves most in the world..." Lewis replied and before Mark had the chance to react, Lewis had already approached his personal space and pressed his lips on Mark's.

It took Mark a couple of seconds to react, but he immediately pushed Lewis away from him. "Stop it!" he said, taking a step back. "You're with Alex..."

"We're not a couple," Lewis replied immediately. "So we're not exclusive."

"So you thought you could go after me next?" Mark tilted his head.

"Well... you're sexy... and I think we could have a lot of fun together," Lewis suggested, moving closer again, but that only caused Mark to move back further.

"No. This is not the solution. You're only doing this to hurt Jackson... to make him feel the same pain you felt." He replied. "I get it... I really do... but this is... this won't make you happy in the long run. And it won't bring you back Tyler..."

"Maybe not..." Lewis replied, looking guilty for a moment. "But I don't think Jackson deserves you... I don't think Jackson deserves all of this after what he did." He let out a sigh. "You should probably get back to him now... I'm sure he's starting to get worried."

The situation felt awkward all of a sudden, and Mark knew that the problems between Jackson and Lewis were bigger than he thought. Also, he just needed to digest what Lewis had just told him. He didn't even know if he should talk to Jackson about it, but there were always two parts of a story and he wanted to hear Jackson's version.

"I will..." Mark finally replied and turned around, only to run into Alex on the way out.

"Is Lewis okay?" he asked concerned, causing Mark to shrug. "You better ask him that..." And with those words he left the bathroom and went back to the table, sitting down next to Jackson again.

He looked down at his plate and pushed it away, turning to Jackson. "I don't think I'm hungry anymore..." he said, feeling slightly numb. This was just too much for one day and he rather wanted to go home, lie down and fall asleep next to Jackson. And forget that this evening had ever happened. He could still feel Lewis' lips on his own and never had something felt so wrong. He couldn't believe that he hadn't seen it coming and blamed himself for it. He shouldn't have tried to handle the situation; he shouldn't have tried to make everything better, because in the end he had only made it worse for all of them.


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: **Here we are again… I'm sorry I don't post new chapters that often at the moment, but real life keeps me pretty busy… We still have a lot of "material" here for at least 15 more chapters, I just always have to "re-read" them for errors and such, and that takes quite some time…

Anyway… thanks for all your comments again and even though the story IS depressing at the moment, I can promise you, there will be better times… :-)

This Chapter contains a "new character POV" by the way… hope, you like it! And a lot of memories! =)

Have fun with Chapter 33!

**Jackson Avery POV:**

_Jackson was packing the last few bits of his belongings when Tyler interrupted him. Standing in the doorway he looked at Jackson and cocked his head._

"Where are you going?"

Fuck. Jackson had hoped to be gone before the two men returned home. Throwing the last shirt into his duffel bag he zipped it up "I completely forgot that I have this thing in New York" Jackson said with a smile "it completely escaped me"

"A thing?" Tyler asked as he took a step into the room "you can't put it off; at least until after the wedding?"

Jackson could see the disappointment in Tyler's eyes "I'm sorry" he told him "it's just really important that I get back" and lifting his bag over his shoulders Jackson walked past Tyler.

"You know Lewis didn't mean what he said this morning"

Turning around Jackson looked at Tyler solemnly. It was no point in pretending that Jackson didn't know what Tyler was talking about.

"Yeah, he did" Jackson said "but it's not like I haven't done enough messed up things to him to deserve it. It's going to be his day and you seem to make him very happy and if my not being here makes it easier for him then I can do that"

"We're going to be family soon" Tyler responded "and I want you there"

"You seem like a really nice guy, Tyler and I appreciate what you're trying to do, but it was a mistake coming here" Jackson turned back around and was heading down the stairs when suddenly Tyler cut him off.

"Do you need me to beg?" he asked "because I'll beg. I have very little shame"

The comment got a laugh from Jackson "It's sweet really but-"

"Look, to avoid me falling to the ground and wrapping my arms around your legs to stop you from leaving, how about we make a deal?" Tyler asked "If I can get Lewis on board with having you at the wedding you'll stay. Just give me one night"

Jackson was quiet for a moment, but seeing how much it meant to Tyler softened Jackson up.

"Okay"

"Yay" he said giving Jackson a huge hug and taking the duffel bag out of his hand Tyler walked it back to Jackson's room.

"You won't regret this, Jackson. Trust me"

The ride back to Mark's apartment was excruciatingly quiet. None of the men spoke a word as Mark dropped off Lewis and Alex at Lewis' apartment. Jackson didn't miss the two men saying goodbye to Mark without sparing Jackson so much as a look.

Once he and Mark parked the car and made their way inside Mark's apartment Jackson loosened his tie "I'm going to bed" Jackson said as he kicked off his shoes and headed for the bedroom.

"No" Mark spoke "you don't get to ignore what happened tonight. We need to talk about it."

With a sigh Jackson turned around. He knew it was coming, but man, it was the last thing he wanted to do.

"How you acted tonight was totally uncalled for" Mark said "I know you're better than that"

"No you don't" Jackson said before he could stop himself "just like you don't know why I did it."

Mark looked taken aback by the harsh tone in Jackson's voice "Then tell me" he said as he crossed his arms.

Placing his hands on his hips Jackson felt such an underlying sense of tiredness. It was deep down in his bones and he knew no amount of sleep was going to get rid of it, but he still wanted to do nothing else but close his eyes and forget the night.

"Can we just talk about this in the morning?" Jackson asked "it's been a long night"

"Lewis told me about Tyler" Mark said "about what happened between you and Tyler"

Jackson felt like he had just been punched in the stomach. Why had Lewis told him? Jackson knew his brother shared his same sense of privacy and for Lewis to reveal that was...unexpected.

"Tyler?" Jackson questioned.

"STOP IT" Mark yelled "you know what I'm talking about and I want to know why. No more of these half-truths and things you tell me just to move away from the conversation."

Jackson felt like the room was suddenly burning up. He had never wanted to have this talk, and now that it was right here in his lap he knew there was no way of avoiding it.

"What do you want me to say?" Jackson asked "what if I told you I slept with Tyler, because after a lifetime of being looked down on by Lewis; after years of Lewis telling me I was only a pretty face who added nothing to the world I decided to fuck his fiancé the night before his wedding because I knew it would hurt him?" Jackson could feel his mind trying to shut him up, but his mouth had it's own plans.

"That for once I could take something away from Lewis after years of him taking things away from me? I was a selfish whore who did it for no other reason then it felt good" Jackson hadn't meant to sound so angry, but he couldn't help himself.

Jackson I-" Mark started to say before Jackson put his hand up.

"Or maybe Tyler was the first person that talked to me like I was worthy of his time. The first person that didn't see me as my father's son; destined to end up alone with a bottle of pills"

Jackson could see Mark look down to the ground.

"Tell me, Mark" Jackson asked "When Lewis told you this how long did it take you to believe it?"

"I didn't believe it" Mark told him urgently "not at first"

"But you did believe it" Jackson said with a sad smile "You want the truth Mark? Fine, here it is. The night before my brother's wedding Tyler came to my room because he was terrified. He loved Lewis so much that the thought that my brother would actually be his made his stomach turn into knots. That all we did was talk until the middle of the night and we fell asleep in the same bed. Lewis came in the next morning and he thought I had slept with Tyler, because to him that's the kind of thing I did"

Jackson found it hard to look at Mark "I've worked so hard to separate myself from the person I used to be, but if the man I love more then anything else in the world believes I could do something like that I guess I haven't changed that much, have I?"

"I'm sorry" Mark said "I just...you're so secretive and you keep so much of yourself locked away"

"I get it" Jackson said "It's not like you're the first person to think that. I mean you were pretty sure I slept with Holt"

"That's not fair" Mark said angrily "you've been lying to me for weeks and now you're going to throw that back in my face"

Jackson knew this argument was only going to get worse and putting his shoes back on he headed for the door.

"You're right Mark, it's not fair and I'm sorry" he said "I think it's best I just sleep at my apartment tonight"

"No Jackson we-"

"Goodnight, Mark" Jackson said and exiting he made his way back to the elevator and out of the building. This night was a disaster and as he hailed a cab and got in the only silver lining was that he could finally go home and sleep…

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark stared at the door and couldn't turn his gaze away long after Jackson had left. He had wanted to talk to him about everything, but he hadn't expected their conversation to turn out like that _again_. He hadn't wanted to fight with Jackson _again_. He was so sick of all the fighting and he seriously started asking himself what he was doing it for and if it was worth it. He loved Jackson from the bottom of his heart, but sometimes Love just wasn't enough.

Mark wanted him and Jackson to work out. So bad. But he didn't know where to take the energy to pull through anymore. Every fight with Jackson took away a part of himself and he just wanted to be happy. Which he had been with Jackson before the whole downward spiral had started.

It took him a while until his shock fainted and he moved into the living room, sitting down on the couch and closing his eyes.

Maybe he should have talked to Jackson differently. Maybe he should have asked him about Tyler instead of going like a bull at a gate.

He didn't understand what Jackson had just told him, though. Lewis had been so sure that Tyler and Jackson had slept together the night before their wedding, but if nothing had happened, why hadn't Jackson told Lewis? Why hadn't Tyler?

If he was in Lewis' situation, he would at least have wanted the truth. He would have talked to his fiancé. He would have known if he had told him the truth or not.

Shaking his head, Mark got up and went to the fridge to take out a bottle of beer.

This all was such a mess and the problems between Lewis and Jackson were bad. Really bad. He shouldn't have gotten in between them. He shouldn't have invited Lewis and Alex for dinner tonight. Then he and Jackson would have spent a wonderful evening together, but now they were not talking to each other _again_.

He had no idea how they could ever have a real loving relationship - one that Mark desired so much - if they fought every time they really tried to talk to each other. If they lied to each other constantly and kept secrets from each other. This was all so messed up and maybe some time apart would do them good.

Just a couple of hours Mark had asked Jackson to move in together and now he wasn't even sure they were still together. Maybe it was time to let go just a little bit, because right now he was asking himself if it was still worth fighting for. He wasn't sure about that anymore.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard a knock at the door. Surprised, he looked up. He didn't expect anyone, so he had no idea who it could be. Maybe Jackson? Hope awoke in him. Maybe Jackson was back to talk to him again.

He placed his beer bottle on the living room table and went to the door immediately, only to find Arizona with Sofia on her arm standing in front of him.

A disappointed sigh left his lips. "Oh... it's just you..."

Arizona raised an eyebrow. "Nice to see you too, Mark..." the blond woman replied, looking up at him.

"Sorry... I just..." Mark started, biting his lip. "I hoped it would be Jackson..."

"Oh... okay... is he coming over?" Arizona asked when Sofia started to grouch. "It's okay, Sofia... I'm here..." Arizona tried to calm her down, rocking her in her arms.

"No... I highly doubt that..." Mark replied, looking at his daughter. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know..." Arizona gave back. "She's been grumpy the whole evening, and she wouldn't sleep... so I thought you could maybe help me? If you're really not busy..."

"Where's Callie?" Mark asked, taking Sofia from Arizona and immediately, his daughter leaned against him, grabbing his shirt.

"Double shift. She won't be back until noon and normally I can handle Sofia just fine... I don't know what's wrong with her," Arizona said, letting out a distressed sigh. "I'm sorry to bother you..."

"No, it's okay, don't worry... come in..." Mark hurriedly said and took a step aside so Arizona could move into the hallway. "In fact, I could need some distraction anyways... so your timing couldn't be more perfect."

Gently, Arizona put a hand on Mark's arm. "What's wrong? Wanna talk about it?"

Mark looked down at Sofia. "Later... when she's in bed... Not that I think she would understand it anyways, but... you never know..."

Arizona nodded. "Okay..." She replied, following Mark into the living room.

It took them about an hour until Sofia finally fell asleep and Mark could carry her to her bedroom. They had played with her and tried to entertain her, and after a while she fortunately had become really tired and had fallen asleep on Mark's arm.

"You're really good with her," Arizona commented with a smile once Mark had put her down in her bed.

"You too. Just because she had a bad day doesn't mean you're a bad mother..." Mark smiled.

"I know..." Arizona replied, taking Mark's hand and pulling him out of Sofia's room, making him sit down on the sofa. "And now we're alone; you can tell me what happened... I guess it has something to do with Jackson not being here, right?"

Mark nodded, feeling the pain in his heart. "Seriously? I'm glad it's you who brought Sofia over and not Callie, because I'm pretty sure what I'm going to tell you now would have made her hate Jackson again..."

"That doesn't sound good..." Arizona said, gently placing a hand on Mark's thigh.

"It isn't..." Mark bit his lower lip. "It's actually pretty bad and this time I think it might be over..." Speaking it out loud hurt more than he dared to admit, and he had to fight back the tears, feeling a familiar burn in his eyes. "I think I'm losing him..."

"Oh Mark..." Arizona consolingly pulled Mark into a hug and Mark just enjoyed the safety he felt with her for a moment. Even though they had a difficult start and they weren't always on the same page with Sofia and everything: he truly grew to love Arizona and she was a part of his life now. A big part. And she was his friend. He trusted her.

It took him a while to calm down enough to start talking, but when he finally did, Arizona just listened most of the time, holding his hand or stroking his leg or something like that to soothe him.

"And then he left..." Mark ended his story, leaning back against the couch. "And I seriously don't know what to do anymore... he's slipping right through my fingers... more with every day... and I just can't stop it... we're constantly fighting and have more bad times than good..."

"I'm so sorry to hear that..." Arizona replied, touching Mark's face and bringing him to look at her. "But sometimes it's worth it... sometimes it's worth all the pain and the tears... I know what I'm talking about. You know how hard it was with me and Callie... and you don't even want to know how many times I've asked myself if it's worth it... but look at us today... we're a family. We have a little daughter and we're married... I haven't been so happy ever..."

"But I did everything wrong... I should have trusted him..." Mark gave back, starting to blame himself again.

"He didn't give you much reason to trust him..." Arizona disagreed. "And I don't think I would have been as patient as you were... but to be fair: Lewis totally played you... he knew exactly what to do or what to say to tear you and Jackson apart... and he said it himself - he wants to take everything away from Jackson, starting with you."

"So what do you suggest I should do?" Mark asked earnestly.

"I don't know... but right from the start... right from the moment I first met Lewis, I had a VERY bad feeling about him, and normally, my gut feeling is right," Arizona said. "And it was right this time as well, as it looks like." She looked up at Mark. "If you break up with Jackson now, Lewis has everything he wanted... but it's not that I wouldn't understand if you do... it's not up to me to make this decision..."

"I love him, Arizona... I love him so much... but I just don't know how to deal with him anymore... there are so many things he keeps from me. Why couldn't he be honest with me? Why couldn't he just tell me that something's wrong between him and Lewis instead of acting like they have a good relationship?" Mark buried his head in his hands.

"Maybe he was ashamed? Or maybe he was afraid what you would think about him if he told you the whole truth?" Arizona suspected. "I can't even imagine what he must have been going through, because after what you've told me, it sounds like Lewis and Jackson have made each other's lives a living hell..."

"Yeah... I just don't get why Jackson hasn't cleared the air between him and Lewis... why he and this Tyler haven't told Lewis that nothing had happened between them... I mean, it was all a big misunderstanding, if I believe Jackson's words..." Mark said.

And Arizona immediately called him on it. "_If _you believe Jackson's words? Do you think he lied to you again?"

"I don't know what to believe anymore, Ari..." Mark blurted out. "He hasn't made it easy for me to trust him or his words..."

"I get it..." Arizona replied, rubbing Mark's leg. "But deep down you know the truth... I'm sure deep down you already have made your decision... and you know it will be the right one..."

Mark shrugged. "I don't know anymore... and maybe Jackson doesn't even want to be with me anymore after I didn't trust him..."

"There's only one way to find out..." Arizona grabbed Mark's phone and passed it to Mark. "Call him..."

Immediately, Mark shook his head. "No... No, I can't do that..."

"Why not?" she asked, tilting her head.

"Because... it's too early for that... I need time to process everything that has happened..." Mark sighed.

"Okay..." Arizona got up and kissed the top of Mark's head. "But don't wait too long, okay?" She turned around, walking to the door. "I'll collect Sofia in the morning... have a good night."

"You too..." Mark replied, smiling at her. "And thanks for everything..."

Arizona waved dismissively. "Nah... it's okay... really... I'm glad I could be there for you like you've been there for me several times..." She left the apartment and Mark was alone again, still not knowing what to do, but one thing was definite: he had to talk to Jackson again, even if it "only" was to break up with him, but he couldn't leave it at that. And the things Arizona had said really made him think and gave him new hope. Maybe it wasn't too late after all.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson had tossed and turned for the better part of an hour before he accepted the fact that sleep was going to elude him for the night. All he could do was replay him and Mark's argument over and over in his head.

It had been their worst by far and if Mark wasn't seriously considering ending things before, he most certainly was now.

Why had Lewis told him about Tyler? It made absolutely no sense and Jackson knew that something must have happened between he and Mark in that bathroom to make Lewis turn that vulnerable.

Now that the truth was out there all Jackson could do was just waiting for the fallout. He wasn't sure what that would be, but he knew that it was going to be bad.

_Tyler had come to Jackson's room looking nothing short of rattled. He was wringing his hands and his forehead was dotted with sweat._

"What's the matter?" Jackson asked him concerned "everything okay?"

"Yeah...I mean I'm pretty sure" Tyler told him "mind if we talk?"

Nodding his head Jackson moved to the side in order to let Tyler enter his room "Sure, come on in"

Tyler walked in and took a deep breath. Jackson had grown to really like Tyler and seeing him this troubled was unsettling "You gotta tell me something Tyler, because I'm starting to get a little freaked out here"

Turning around Tyler looked at him wide-eyed "Do you think we're doing the right thing?"

"What?" Jackson asked "You and Lewis?"

"Yeah" Tyler scratched the back of his neck "I mean we're getting married tomorrow and I can't stop thinking that I'm going to do something to fuck it up"

"Don't be ridiculous" Jackson laughed "you got him to ask me to stay. I think that pretty much says you can create miracles"

The line got a smile from Tyler before he sat down on Jackson's bed "He loves you, Jackson" Tyler said "he just works very hard at trying to bury it"

Walking over Jackson sat next to his future brother-in-law "I know" he told him "me and Lewis have always had a...complicated relationship"

Looking over at Jackson Tyler smiled "I'm glad you decided to stay" he said and Jackson's heart warmed at the sincerity.

"Me too" he responded "and whatever doubts you have about being a good husband wash them away. I see the way Lewis looks at you and there is nothing you could do that will make him stop loving you"

Tyler looked better then when he had first come in and it made Jackson feel good that he could do something to help the man who had done so much for him in the short amount of time they had known one another.

"Thanks" Tyler said "I mean it"

"No problem" Jackson responded "so tell me how you and my brother met. Knowing my brother I'm pretty sure it's an interesting story" and it was.

Tyler and Jackson stayed up until 3 a.m. talking about Tyler's first meeting with Lewis and the weeks of failed attempts by Tyler to ask Lewis out until Lewis agreed, but mostly out of frustration.

Jackson didn't remember falling asleep, but when he woke up the feel of the sun shining in his face and the escalating sound of two angry voices greeted him.

"WAKE UP" Lewis yelled as he roughly shook his brother "WAKE UP YOU SON OF A BITCH"

Jackson was disoriented as he felt Lewis pull him out of bed "What's going on?" he asked as his vision came into focus. He saw Lewis furious and Tyler standing behind him scared.

"I should have known better than to keep you around" Lewis said to Jackson "some lowlife junkie"

Jackson stood there shocked. He couldn't fathom why Lewis was so angry since the two brothers had been more civil to each other than they had been in years.

"What's going on?"

"What's going on?" Lewis repeated "you fucking Tyler the night before we were supposed to get married. That's what's going on!"

Jackson laughed. He couldn't help himself, but the notion had been too ludicrous not to.

Lewis obviously didn't think so because the next thing Jackson knew Lewis had punched him hard enough to cause him to flop back down on the bed.

"STOP" he heard Tyler yell as he ran over to Lewis and grabbed the man around the waist "it's not what it looks like"

This time it was Lewis who laughed "Where did you get that?" he asked Tyler "cliché lines 101?" and breaking out of his hold Lewis made his way towards the door.

Jackson wiped the blood from his lip as he looked at his brother "Lewis I-"

"You know what my biggest disappointment in life is Jackson?" Lewis asked "it's that you're still here and dad is gone. It should have been you"

"LEWIS" Tyler shouted angrily.

"Save it" Lewis said and for the first time his voice cracked as the first few tears started to fall "I hope you two are very happy together. You deserve each other"

That would be the last time Tyler or Jackson would see Lewis until the man showed up on their doorstep two years later.

Jackson would never forget the look on Lewis' face right before he left or how utterly crushed he had felt at Lewis' words. He had known his brother had hated him, but he had never known he hated him that much.

In the years that followed Jackson and Tyler had found their relationship evolve and Jackson knew the man he tried to be. The better man that wanted more from life was thanks to him.

Once Lewis had told the family about what he believed had happened they had followed Lewis' lead of cutting him out completely.

The teary declaration of his mother as she handed him a stack of bills and told him that she could no longer stand by and watch Jackson destroy himself and the ones who were trying to help him had hurt more then he thought it would, but he would not let her see that.

He wanted to show them that he was more than the mess they believed him to be. He could be something they could...that his father could be proud of.

Jackson had worked so hard to change himself. He had kicked his habit for good and followed the family's legacy into medicine. Once his mother and grandfather heard how well he did they started to believe in him and for the first time in life he felt important to them.

Lewis, though. Lewis would always see him the exact same way. Then, to make it worse, it was bleeding into the life he had now.

Alex, Michael, and worst of all Mark saw him no different.

What was the point of it all if it all lead to the same place?

Alone.

Pulling his cell-phone out he quickly dialled a number and waited for the person to answer.

"Hey" Gary Stiles said

"Hey, this is Jackson. We met that club Rooftop a few days ago"

"Oh, yeah, Jackson. How goes it?" the man asked brightly.

"Good" Jackson responded "Look, I was wondering if you're not busy you could meet me at my apartment"

"Sure" Gary said "just give me your address and I can be there in about 30"

"Okay" Jackson told him and after giving the man his address and saying his goodbyes he rolled his shoulders. He wasn't going to feel guilty about doing this.

He deserved to be happy and if he was going to loose Mark, if he was going to loose his friends than at least he could blunt out the pain as much as possible.

**Arizona Robbins POV:**

Arizona had had a rough night. After she had left Mark, she couldn't find any sleep at all. She had to think about all the things Mark had told her, and she couldn't even imagine how lonely Jackson must have felt and how lonely he would feel right now. She didn't even know why, but she totally related to him. More than to Mark, even though that was completely wrong. Especially considering how much the others - like Callie - seemed to like Jackson's brother and how reserved they were with Jackson in the beginning.

Sighing, Arizona turned around, taking a look at the clock and noticing that she would have to get up in an hour anyways to get to the hospital. Fortunately, she only needed to survive a six hours shift, because Chief Hunt had insisted upon her taking it slow in the beginning and she wasn't back for _this_long. Now she was thankful for it.

She got up and off the bed, taking a long hot shower and drinking two cups of coffee, before she got dressed and left her apartment to collect Sofia, but Mark told her that she was still asleep when she knocked at his door, and that he would take care of her for the day.

Arizona had to bite her tongue not to tell him to talk to Jackson again, because she had already done that enough and she didn't want to pressure Mark, even though she still thought the two of them deserved another chance.

She didn't know why she was so empathic, and sometimes she hated it, but right now she was sure it was for a good reason. And that Jackson really would need a friend.

She left the apartment building and made her way to the hospital, getting into her lab coat there and making her way to the paediatric station where she met Alex.

Immediately she made her way to him, noticing that he looked pretty tired. "You okay?" She asked, tilting his head. She knew he had had the night off, so he should be well rested.

Alex shrugged. "Rough night," he replied.

"Wanna talk about it?" Arizona offered, but - as usual - Alex denied by shaking his head.

"No... I'd rather get to work... A lot of patients today..." Alex tried to distract her, but of course she didn't buy it. Because she knew he was lying.

"I'm still the head of Peds, you know? And I'm aware about our patients... so what's wrong?" Arizona asked, grabbing Alex' arm.

"Nothing... it's just... a little difficult to be the one that stands in between Lewis and Jackson." Alex finally said.

Arizona let out a sigh. Yeah. That. Mark had told her that Alex and Lewis had something going on, and she didn't like it the tiniest bit. Especially considering the fact that she had heard about April's pregnancy too and that she couldn't believe Alex didn't still love her. She hadn't seen him this happy since Izzie left.

"You really think Lewis is right for you?" She looked up at Alex with serious eyes, immediately noticing that this was his sore spot.

"That's none of your business," Alex angrily replied. "He makes me happy."

"Oh, does he?" Arizona asked back. "Because right now you don't look happy."

"Yeah, but that's just because Lewis' nice little brother won't stop bothering him..." Alex commented, taking a patient chart from the counter and opening it.

"Oh, I'm sure Lewis is the poor little victim in all of this and never did anything to hurt Jackson," Arizona sarcastically replied.

Alex raised an eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Arizona rolled her eyes, letting out a sigh. "Maybe your nice little fuck buddy..." She became more and quieter with every word. "...because I'm sure that's what he is..." She looked up at Alex. "...maybe he isn't as poor as you think it is... Have you ever considered that he might have done bad things to Jackson, too?"

Now it was up to Alex to roll his eyes. "I know he's no saint... neither am I... and Jackson is still my friend, but I just don't know how to handle him anymore... we used to be on the same wave length, but it's like he's drifting away from me... and I can't stop it. Not as long as I'm with Lewis..."

"Then stop being with Lewis," Arizona stated.

Alex let out a laugh. "You think it's _that _easy, huh?"

"You still can get back together with April. You two still have a chance... Alex, she's carrying your child... she loves you..." Arizona appealed to Alex' honour, but he just shut her off immediately.

"Leave April out of this, she has nothing to do with it... and Lewis actually means something to me. I like him, a lot... and we will take things slow and see where it gets us... who knows, maybe in a few months we'll have a real relationship."

"In a few months you could be a father... You will be a father..." Arizona tried again, but Alex turned away.

"I'm gonna make my rounds now, if you'll excuse me..."

"Alex, please..." Arizona tried, but Alex didn't pay any attention anymore. He just stormed off, leaving her standing there in the hallway, letting out a deep sigh.

Awesome... Now that went better than expected, Arizona thought sarcastically, grabbing another patient chart and making her way to her first patient's room.

It was already noon when she finally managed to get a break and even though she still didn't know if it was a good thing to get in between Lewis and Jackson as well, she knew she needed to see Jackson. To talk to him. To let him know that there was someone having his back.

She made his way to Jackson's office and knocked at the door, not even waiting for his invitation, but opening it and getting in.

Jackson was sitting at his desk, looking up at her and she could totally tell that he hadn't slept much this night either.

"Dr. Robbins... what can I do for you?" Jackson asked distantly.

Arizona let out a sigh. "First, don't Dr. Robbins me... I'm Arizona... and you're practically family..."

"No I'm not..." Jackson disagreed. "And after all that happened last night, I might not even have a boyfriend anymore."

"That's where you're wrong..." Arizona immediately said. "Mark loves you... very much..."

"And you're here to tell me I've hurt him very much, that I've behaved like an asshole and that I should stop hurting him like all the others before, right?" Jackson replied, looking up at her.

"No!" she stated, causing Jackson to tilt his head in surprise.

"No?"

"No!" Arizona repeated. "I am here to tell you that you're not alone... and that what you're going through must be pretty hard... I care for you, Jackson... a lot... and I know that Mark and you love each other and that you could be really happy..."

"I doubt Mark still wants to be with me..." Jackson said, turning away. Arizona could tell how much this whole situation got to him.

"Wrong again. Mark even told me that he thinks he made a mistake by just trusting Lewis, but after Lewis kissed him, and..." Arizona started, and immediately was cut off by Jackson.

"He did _what_?!"

"Oh... Shit... you didn't know..." Arizona immediately felt bad for letting it slip.

"That's typical my brother... that's _so_him... and he already told me he would destroy my life... he's on a good way..." Jackson said bitterly.

Arizona moved closer, sitting down in front of Jackson's desk and placing a hand over Jackson's.

"Don't let that happen... No matter what you did or didn't do, no one deserves this... Mark told me everything, and I believe you."

"You do?" Jackson seemed surprised, _again_.

"Of course. If you say you haven't slept with this Tyler guy the night before your brother's wedding, you haven't. Why would you say something like that? I can't believe Mark bought that even for a second. He should know you better, but the thing with Mark is..." Arizona started explaining. "He..." She thought about it for a moment, but then she decided it was time to tell him about Addison. "He slept with his best friend's wife..."

"With Meredith?" Jackson assumed, but Arizona shook her head immediately.

"No, not Meredith..." She smiled. "Derek... was married before... to Addison... I'm sure you've heard of her..."

"Yeah, right... She helped with some cases here a couple of times... I totally forgot about her being Shepherd's ex-wife," Jackson replied.

Arizona nodded. "Yeah... well... Mark had an affair with her while she was still married to Derek... he even got her pregnant."

"Mark has another kid?" Jackson stepped in.

"No... she had an abortion because she wanted to get another chance with Derek... didn't work out in the end as you can imagine, but this whole thing... put a toll on their friendship... they hadn't talked to each other for years... and it was really difficult to overcome everything as you can imagine... but they are the best example that it could work... and like I said... there _did _something happen between Addison and Mark... he knows if there are feelings involved, such things can happen... and I think that's the reason he believed Lewis..." Arizona explained. "I know that's no excuse... but there is a lot you two need to talk about. Mark definitely doesn't want to give up on you. He told me how much he loves you and that you're worth fighting for... he just doesn't know how much of it he can take anymore..." she said honestly, really hoping that telling Jackson this story would make him understand Mark at least a little better.

"I know it wasn't up to me to tell you that, but I hope it makes you see that Mark and you... aren't this different... and that you both have secrets..."

Gently, Arizona stroked the back of Jackson's hand. "Sometimes, Love just isn't enough, but sometimes it's worth fighting for. I wouldn't be where I am now, if I had given up that easy, and it wasn't really easy between me and Callie as well as you know... but we managed to overcome our fears and now I'm happier than I ever thought I could be. And you could be, too, if you just started trusting Mark... and if he starts trusting you. It's nothing that can happen over night, but you can learn..."

She gave him an earnest smile.

"And maybe some day even Lewis and you can overcome whatever is between you... I wish I still had a brother I could overcome some fight with... so consider yourself lucky to still have Lewis... life can be very short sometimes," she said with a sad look in her eyes. It somehow really made her sad that Jackson and Lewis had such a difficult relationship and she wanted to fix it. She just didn't know how. Not yet at least.

**Eli Lloyd POV:**

Eli was a morning person. Had been all his life. He liked to get up at the crack of dawn to go for a run before starting his day at Seattle Grace.

Even though the hospital had long since changed it's name to Seattle Grace Mercy West he could never seem to stop calling it by it's original moniker.

The fresh morning air helped him clear his thoughts and prepared him for whatever the day would bring. At a hospital that had dealt with a mass shooting, a plane crash, and a bombing all within a matter of years Eli knew to prepare for any and every possible scenario.

Walking into the building he greeted the usual desk staff and made his way down to the nurse's locker room. So many people fought against comfort; believing that the moment things got comfortable things got stale. Not Eli, he could find the joy in routine, in practicing something for so long that you were able to do it perfectly.

More then that however was the people who had made this place their home right along with him. Doctors, fellow nurses, and even the cleaning staff. There were some that had been here long before Eli and others who would be here long after he left.

"Nurse Lloyd" one of the new guys who Eli had come to learn went by Lewis Avery said as he approached him.

"You can call me Eli" he said with a smile, but it seemed Lewis wasn't too interested in pleasantries.

"Right" Lewis said "I hear you're the person I need to see to acquire about additional space for my physical therapy"

"I thought you only had Dr. Sloan?"

Lewis looked at him with a mixture of annoyance and impatience "The chief thought I could do well to start taking on more patients after Sloan and if I'm going to do that I have to start preparing now"

Something about his demeanour made Eli pause. He had heard of the man through the grapevine and other then his own brother, most people seemed to love Lewis. Especially some of Eli's fellow nurses. It reminded him of when the Mercy Westers had first come to Seattle Grace and many of the older nurses had taken to Jackson and his baby face. Treating him like a surrogate son while the younger nurses barely hid the lust in their eyes whenever he threw a smile their way.

The difference between the brothers was that Jackson had been friendly right from the start, young and maybe a little too cocky, but friendly nonetheless.

This Lewis guy didn't seem to possess any of his younger brother's charm, at least not where Eli was concerned and his instant popularity was a bit baffling.

"I'll see what I can do" Eli told Lewis and was about to walk away before Lewis grabbed his arm.

"What you can do?" Lewis repeated "this is kind of a time sensitive situation"

"I understand" Eli said "but finding space is not the easiest thing to do and you're hardly the first priority when it comes to better accommodations"

"What?" Lewis asked "who could possible need more space?"

"You're brother for one" Eli said "I'm not sure if you've noticed, but his office isn't really fitting for a head of a department"

"He'll be fine" Lewis waved dismissively.

"With all do respect, Dr. Avery. That is not your call to make" Eli said "now as I've told you I will see what I can do"

Lewis' face told Eli he wanted to say something, but thought better of it "Fine" Lewis said "let me know what you can do" and with that he turned on his heels and started walking in the opposite direction.

Yeah, Eli really didn't get what was so special about the guy.

His morning was going relatively smoothly. No post-op complications or particularly grumpy patients was a good day for him. He was scheduled to help assist on a surgery with Robbins later in the day and he found himself looking forward to it.

He always liked working with the woman. She held an almost constant sense of cheerfulness that Eli found quite effective. So many of the doctors could get lost in their own heads or egos that they often forgot that there was more to their jobs then just performance.

Dr. Robbins still seemed to find a joy in what she did each and every day.

He was walking towards the Peds wing when he saw her come out of Jackson's office.

"Dr. Robbins" Eli said as he jogged towards the woman "I was wondering if I could go over this surgery you have-" he stopped once he saw the sullen look on the woman's face "are you okay?" he asked.

Arizona looked up at him and Eli could tell she was deciding whether to not make it a concern or just tell Eli the truth.

"This isn't about that fight between Alex and Jackson, is it?"

"I heard you talked to them afterwards" Arizona said "did they tell you what happened?"

If Eli wanted Arizona to be honest with him he had to be honest with her.

"Jackson's brother"

"Figures" Arizona said "I don't get it" she sounded frustrated.

"Is something wrong with Jackson?" Eli asked

"I think his brother is trying to make things difficult for him" Arizona said "apparently the two have a bad history and the elder Avery has a hard time of letting that go"

"I knew there was something about him I didn't like" Eli said.

"You too, huh?" Arizona laughed "seems as if we're a rare breed"

"Tell me about it. If I hear one more nurse mention his eyes I may just scream" Eli told her and when Arizona laughed it made Eli follow.

"I know what you mean. I'm almost sure Callie has a little crush" Arizona joked before seemingly turning serious again "Look Eli...I know we don't know one another that well, but I've seen how much you care about the residents and I was wondering if...I think Jackson could use some support right now. Even just a friendly conversation"

Nodding his head Eli understood completely "Don't worry about it" Eli told her as he put a comforting hand on her shoulder and started to walk towards Jackson's office "I'll see you in a couple hours"

"Thank you, Eli" she told him sincerely

"Don't mention it" and with that he was off.

When Eli got to Jackson's door he noticed that it was cracked open slightly. A simple matter of Arizona not shutting it completely. He knocked a few times and opened it up.

Walking in he could see that Jackson was on his cell. Jackson held up a finger indicating that he wouldn't be on the phone long.

"I know you probably don't want to talk to me right now, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry, Mark and whenever you're ready to speak to me I'll be waiting...okay...I guess that's it. Bye" Jackson whispered into the phone before hanging up.

"Hey Eli" he said with a broken smile "you need something?"

Eli could see the pain Jackson was in and it broke his heart. "I was just thinking that it's been a while since I've seen you"

"Oh, just busy" Jackson said "Owen has me working the pit this week and coupled with my responsibilities to Plastics I guess I don't have much time to be anywhere except the pit or here"

Walking up to the chair across from Jackson's desk he gestured with his hand, asking if he could take a seat to which Jackson nodded yes.

Sitting down he looked at the younger man "that seems like a lot for one person to take on"

Shrugging his shoulders Jackson looked to brush it off "It's why we get in the business in the first place, right?"

"Right" Eli repeated. He was just about to ask Jackson if the man needed help with anything when Dr. Holt burst through the door.

"Jackson" he said "I need to speak with you. Now!"

Looking at the intruding doctor incredulously he turned back around to see Jackson sitting there with fear in his eyes. He had heard rumours about the private close door lunches between Dr. Holt and Jackson, but Eli didn't believe the gossip for one minute.

Eli was the one Jackson had come to when he wanted to do something to make Mark feel better. Eli had seen the love the man had for Mark and nobody in this world was important enough to come between that. Certainly not this over-entitled ass that didn't even have the decency to knock.

"I-I'm kinda busy right now" Jackson said looking down at his desk "if you could come back later"

"No" Michael said "we need to discuss our conversation from the other day. I've decided that it doesn't suit me very well"

"You heard him Dr. Holt" Eli said "he's busy and if you need to discuss something with him you can wait until he comes and sees you"

Michael looked at Eli as if the man had two heads "Who the hell are you?"

"The name is Eli"

"Well, Eli" Michael said sarcastically "this is really of no concern to you" and Holt approached the man as if to intimidate. Standing up Eli raised himself to his full height.

"You're interrupting my meeting with my friend, so I do think that has something to do with me" Eli told him "now unless you want to take a walk with me to the Chief's office to discuss the extreme lack of professionalism I just witnessed I would suggest you leave and not come back until Jackson calls for you"

"Jackson wants me here" Michael said, his voice uncertain.

"Do you want him here, Jackson?" Eli asked without turning around to look at him

"No" Jackson said with a smile.

"There you have it" Eli told Michael "so, if you would be so kind as to close the door on your way out it would be greatly appreciated"

The anger on Michael's face was clear, but with one look at Jackson then back to Eli he turned and stormed out of the office.

Once gone Eli shook his head and returned to his seat "That guy has got some serious issues."

"Thank you" Jackson said "not many people stick up for me like that"

"I don't let anyone talk to my friends that way" Eli told him "so, where were we?"

Looking at Jackson he witnessed the gloom and fear from just moments before replaced with a cheerful expression. The one that all the nurses had fell for when the man first arrived.

Eli would show Jackson that he had at least two people here that would support him no matter what. He was family and family meant something at Seattle Grace Mercy West.


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: **This time we make it short: Thanks for the comments as always and enjoy Chapter 34… we hope, some of you will stop hating Lewis at some point :-) But we'll see about that…

That's a chapter mostly without Jackson and Mark (sorry), but we thought it's important to know what's going on in the other's lives either… I hope, you feel the same way :-) April is about 3 months pregnant now! (Little time jump and such… ^_^)

**April Kepner POV:**

April had had a rough couple of weeks behind of her, but at least the move to Meredith's and Derek's house was as good as done. She didn't have all her stuff at Meredith's, because she still held on to what she had said to Jackson. She wanted to keep the apartment in case she needed a place to be alone. A place that was hers. Besides, she didn't plan on staying with Meredith and Derek forever. She was very thankful for their help, but she didn't want to take advantage of them.

She was only a couple of months pregnant, and it already was a living hell. She never pictured her life turning out like that. Pregnant without a boyfriend from some kind of affair.

She didn't know if she ever had been more for Alex than that. Yes, he had told her he loved her, but it made no difference, because he was with Lewis and not with her. The thought of them together still hurt, even though April didn't want it to. Even though April tried her best to _not _think about it or him, but whenever she felt the symptoms of the pregnancy she was reminded that it was his baby that was growing inside of her.

Maybe she was imagining things, but sometimes she thought she could already feel the baby move inside of her. It had started like a week ago, and she still wasn't sure if that was really happening, but when she was laying in her bed at night, caressing her slowly swelling stomach it was as if she had a connection to her son or daughter. As if he or she wanted to show that he or she was already alive.

Not, that she hadn't known that before. She had had her first ultrasound a month ago and the second a week ago.

Instinctively, April caressed her stomach again, taking out the ultrasound picture from her pants pocket. The heart of her baby was already beating and it was slowly growing. In not even six months she would be a mother. A single mother.

April was just about to enter the orthopaedic section, because Hunt had ordered her to work with Doctor Torres for the day, when she felt a sharp pain in her stomach and had to stop.

She felt nauseous for a moment, leaning against the nearest wall and taking a few deep breathes. The morning sickness had gotten a lot better in the past couple of days, but right now it felt like it was back full force.

"Doctor Kepner, here you are..." Callie Torres called her and April turned her head, looking at her coming closer.

"I'm... I'm sorry..." April said, walking towards the older woman, holding her stomach. "But I think I'm going to be sick..."

Before Callie could even react, April started running towards the bathroom and threw up in the toilet, feeling pretty exhausted afterwards.

She leaned against the toilet cabin, trying to calm down, but right after the sickness had passed the pain in her stomach came back, turning into bad cramps. It felt like something was totally wrong, and she felt like she couldn't breath.

Tears were welling in her eyes and she crawled out of the toilet cabin, trying to get to the sink and getting up with all effort she could summon up in this moment. She turned on the water and took a few sips, trying to get to the door, but starting to sway slightly.

"Shit..." she cursed, pressing one had at the tile wall next to her and slowly moving further to the door.

When she opened it, Dr. Torres was already standing in front of her, looking at her with concern in her eyes. "Are you okay? I was just about to look for you..."

April nodded slightly, not wanting to admit how bad she really felt. If she didn't admit to it, it wouldn't be that bad, right? She just had to push the bad feeling down.

"I'm... I'm okay... just feeling really sick..." She felt the cold sweat on her forehead, leaning against the wall again, because she barely could stand on her feet.

"You sure? Because you don't look okay..." Callie replied, gently touching April's arm. "I think it would be for the best, if you call in sick for today... I'll talk to Doctor Hunt and tell him that you didn't feel good, okay?"

"But..." April started, but was cut off by Callie immediately.

"No buts... I know what you're going through... I was pregnant myself, remember?" she said with a sympathetic smile. "Go home and lay down... I'm sure you're gonna be okay..."

April nodded slowly. "Thank you, Doctor Torres... thank you so much..."

"No problem... just feel better soon..." Callie said, turning around and making her way to one of the patient rooms.

It took April a few moments until she found the strength to take the few steps towards the resident's locker room, but inside of it she needed to sit down on the bench.

It took a lot of her to fight back the tears because the pain in her stomach was almost unbearable, and she was just so afraid to lose her baby. A baby she already grew to love.

"April?" a familiar voice sounded from the doorway. A voice that immediately sent shivers down April's spine.

"Are you alright?"

April took her hands away from her stomach and looked up at Alex. "Sure... why wouldn't I?"

Alex raised an eyebrow. "You sure?"

Rolling her eyes, April got up and made her way to her locker, even though every step was exhausting as hell. "Yeah, I'm sure... just a little morning sickness... that happens when you're pregnant..." she bit back, feeling another cramp and letting out a painful yelp, feeling like she would pass out every moment.

Most likely she would have passed out if it wasn't for the two strong arms catching her and gently holding her to his strong chest.

She tried to take a few deep breathes, clinging to Alex without really wanting it, but if she let go of him, she knew she wouldn't be able to stand on her own feet, so she just leaned against him.

"I'm... I'm sorry..." she whispered, letting Alex guide her to the bench and sitting down on it with him.

"No... no... there's nothing you need to feel sorry for..." Alex replied immediately and only a few seconds later April felt one of his hands on her cheek, caressing it gently.

She looked up at him, in his eyes, almost drowning in them and moving closer towards him. God, how much she missed him. How much she wanted to kiss him right then. How much she wished they could just start over and be a family in a couple of months.

"Alex... I..." she started, but she had to stop eventually, because the pain hit her stomach once again, making her cringe.

"Okay... enough... I'm gonna bring you to the gynaecologist right now," Alex decided, getting up, but April grabbed his hand, shaking her head.

"No... really... I know it's gonna be better soon... and I think it's pretty normal in the first months of a pregnancy to have some cramps from time to time... don't worry..." she tried to convince him, but he didn't really look convinced. "Besides... it's none of your business... not anymore..." She turned away from him, but still not letting go of his hand.

"Just because we're not together anymore doesn't mean I don't care for you anymore, April..." Alex immediately replied, sitting down again. "And for this baby... I told you no matter what you do, I will support you and the baby..."

"Yeah..." April said ironically. "With money... but that's not what I want... I don't need your fucking money... I need you. We need you..."

She looked down at their hands, bringing Alex hand to her stomach. She shoved down her shirt and placing it on the curve of her belly. "I know it's early, and you can't feel kicks or anything, but... you can feel the baby move sometimes..." Slowly she moved closer to Alex, placing her free hand on Alex' cheek.

"I love you so much, Alex... and I don't know how to do this without you..." she said, feeling the familiar sting in her eyes. She hated to get so emotional, but that was another part of the pregnancy. Her hormones were going crazy most of the time and even the smallest things made her cry.

This moment with Alex was special, though. Being here with him felt so good. Better than April dared to admit, and the pain in her stomach was slowly vanishing. More with every second. It most likely was like she said: a normal symptom of the pregnancy, and it hadn't lasted long anyways. No reason to worry.

Instead of the pain there was another thing happening only a couple of seconds later. She could really feel the baby move, and she looked up at Alex with tears in her eyes. "Did... did you feel that?" She smiled. "It happened again... I'm not imagining this, right?" She was sure her baby could feel it's dad and that the baby reacted to Alex gave her some sort of hope, even though she really had tried to close this chapter of her life, but now she was sure she would never been able to move on completely. Because Alex was the love of her life.

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex could see the hope in April's eyes. It was clear and as strong as the first time the two had made love and it tore him apart.

He should have gone to get somebody who knew how to help her more than him, like Arizona, that would have been the smart thing to do, but Alex was never good at doing the smart thing.

Being this close and being so concerned for her and the baby's safety had sent her messages that he had never meant to send.

_"Did... did you feel that?" She smiled. "It happened again... I'm not imagining this, right"_

Alex had felt the smallest movement and for reasons he couldn't explain he almost felt a tear come to his eye. He fought it back, but him feeling that movement made it real. This kid was coming and Alex couldn't hide behind the notion of vague possibilities anymore.

Alex felt his stomach turn into knots "Why don't you see it, April?" he asked "why don't you see you're so much better off without me?"

She looked up at him, her face streaking with tears "How?" she asked "how am I better off? I sleep at Meredith's house because the thought of going through this alone terrifies me. I try to plan a future for me and our child and I see nothing but the face of our little boy or girl as they ask where their daddy is and I have to tell her or him that he thought we would be better off without him...do you know what he or she is going to take from that, Alex? He or she is only going to hear that they weren't good enough to make you stay"

Alex stood "That's not fair, April" he said "is that how you want me to come back? Have me feel so guilty that I try to be something I was never supposed to be?"

"You are so much better then you give yourself credit for" April told him "how can you not see that?"

"How are you able to?" Alex responded "You want to hear how a guy could walk away from a family he always wanted, but knew he was never designed for? I'll tell you"

"My father liked to call himself a musician" Alex said "he was a man with a decent voice and dreams that far exceeded his talents. He met a woman who became infatuated and gave him the adoration that he tried to get from drunken gigs at whatever local bar would take him. I was the first one born and got to take most of the blame for ruining his life, but the punishment? ...The punishment I got to watch him dole out on my mother. Have you ever watched a woman beaten so badly that she stopped breathing? I have"

"Stop" April said as her tears turned into sobs "stop it, Alex!"

"No" he told her "I need you to understand"

He walked back over and sat beside her "I hated my father...I hate my father" he corrected "I took up wrestling just so that one day I would be strong enough to give him some of the medicine he had given my mother all those years, and you know what, April? I did. I beat him so badly he spent a week in the hospital. Then because I did that we were taken away from our mother and by the time we got returned she was too far gone mentally to save and then I got to watch my brother take her same path. My father tried to be something he never was and my family paid the price for that, April. I love you and I love that kid too much to put you through that same kind of hell"

Grabbing his hand Alex could see it shake "You're not your father Alex" April said "you're not a monster"

"Look at my life, April" Alex told her "I destroy everything. Izzie, Ava, Meredith, Jackson... you. Everyone I have ever loved has had to pay a price for it and you may be willing to take a gamble that I won't end up the same kind of drunken failure my father was, but I won't. Not with you and not with our kid"

"So that's it?" April asked "you walk away and I get to be alone?"

"No" Alex said "do you know why we didn't have sex that first time in the on-call room?" Alex asked.

"Yeah" April said bitterly "you turned into an asshole"

"No...I mean yeah, but you were uncomfortable from the beginning" Alex said "because deep down you knew I wasn't the kind of man who deserved to share that experience with you"

"I didn't exactly choose a guy I was going to spend my life with" April told him.

"You chose a guy who's good all the way down to his bones" Alex said "who, while not perfect, would have given you the life you always wanted if the circumstances were different. That's the kind of guy you deserve, April. A guy who came from a picket fence and with siblings who are spending their days at your home in Connecticut, not having to visit your brother-in-law through a padded cell"

"I don't need the perfect life, Alex"

"But it's what you and that kid deserve" he wrapped a hand around her neck and pulled it down to give a kiss to the girl's forehead.

"You need to move on April, because I'm that same guy who you knew was wrong the first time"

Standing up he walked towards the exit before turning around "I need you to take care of yourself, April" and with that he left the room.

Alex wasn't even aware where he was going until he stood outside of Lewis' office. Knocking and waiting a moment he heard Lewis call him.

Going in Lewis smiled and stood as he saw Alex "Man, am I glad to-" he started to say as he walked around his desk, but before he could finish Alex had rushed over to him and grabbed his face to place a long and bruising kiss on his lips. He could feel Lewis try to adjust and putting his hands on Alex's waist he tried to hold him steady.

Alex needed this. He needed this more then anything else in the world right now. After spilling his history and breaking April's heart _again_he needed to know he could make someone happy.

Once Alex broke away the two men took deep breaths.

"Not that I'm not immensely pleased by what just happened, because believe me I am I-"

"Do I make you happy?" Alex interrupted.

Lewis looked at the man confused "Of course you do" he said "what's wrong?"

Alex looked at the man and he knew his eyes would give him away.

"April" Lewis said softly.

"I'm sorry" Alex said.

"Don't be" Lewis told him and grabbing his hand he lead Alex back to his desk and sitting down he pulled the man on top of him "there is nothing wrong with still loving her, Alex and you don't need to hide it from me"

"I just...I just need her to understand" Alex said as he sat on Lewis' lap. He was facing Lewis with his legs straddling the man's waist.

"She will" Lewis told him "but she loves you too and it's going to take her some time to move on and that's going to be...difficult"

"I think she may have gotten the message now" Alex said "I just want her to find someone who is worthy of her"

"Don't talk down about yourself" Lewis chastised and holding a firm grip to Alex's chin he made the man look at him "just because you think you and April aren't right for one another doesn't mean you're a bad guy"

Alex smiled and leaned down to give him a kiss "I wish Jackson could see this side of you" Alex said "he couldn't hate you if he saw how awesome you are"

"That's gross, Alex" Lewis responded "we're brothers"

The remark had made Alex laugh loudly "You know what I mean you freak" he said as he wrapped his arms around Lewis' neck.

Lewis smiled up at him and in that moment Alex had a feeling everything was going to be okay. April was going to find her happiness and Alex may just have a chance to find his own.

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis had known something was completely wrong with Alex the moment he walked into his office and of course it had to do with April. Like it always had either to do with her or Jackson whenever Alex was in a bad mood. And he could understand him perfectly fine.

In fact, he could relate to him more than he dared to admit. His break-up with Tyler had been years ago and he still wasn't over him completely, while Alex and April had just broken up a couple of weeks ago. Of course it still hurt him, and if April was the love of his life - which Lewis assumed she was - he would probably always love her in some kind of way. Like Lewis would always love Tyler, even though he would most likely never see him again. But Tyler still owed a part of his heart, no matter how hard he tried to forget him completely, but there were just some people in a person's life, they couldn't forget.

Feeling Alex' lips on his own once more, Lewis placed his hands on Alex' thighs and started rubbing them gently, moving his hands inside and always stopping at Alex' crotch before moving his hands back down again.

"Lewis..." Alex whispered into the kiss, clinging to him and starting to move his hips against Lewis'.

"Yes?" Lewis replied with a grin, letting go of Alex' lips and looking up at him with an innocent smile.

"Stop teasing me..." Alex complained and that was all Lewis needed to hear.

"Ever got fucked by someone in his office?" he grinned while lifting Alex up, wiping away everything that was on his desk and placing Alex on it with his back first.

Alex looked up at him with a dirty grin on his lips. "No... not really... but I've had my fair amount of sex I had in this hospital..."

"Is that so?" Lewis gave back, leaning over him and capturing his lips in another kiss.

"Like where? Where do you people usually go to have sex if you're horny during the day?"

"Oh... that you wanna know..." Alex teased, grabbing Lewis' butt cheeks and pulling him closer to his body. "Maybe I'll tell you if you're a nice boy..."

"Since when do you like nice?" Lewis asked, moving his hardening erection against Alex', feeling that he wanted him as bad as he wanted Alex.

"There are quite some things you don't know about me..." Alex whispered, leaning upwards and capturing Lewis' earlobe between his teeth, causing Lewis to take in a sharp breath.

"God, I love it how sensitive you are there... I just need to..." Demonstratively, Alex bit into his earlobe again, sending shivers down his spine. "I just need to pull the right buttons and you're putty in my hands..."

"Yeah? You think so?" Lewis grinned, pushing Alex back at the table and grabbing his wrists, holding them down above his head.

"I know it..." Alex said, looking very satisfied with himself.

"Well... I guess I need to teach you a lesson then..." Lewis gave back, leaning down and starting to suck at Alex' neck, finding a sensitive spot and licking at it, knowing he would leave a mark.

"God, how it turns me on when you're so bossy..." Alex moaned, starting to wriggle underneath him.

"Oh yeah?" Lewis sighed, moving against Alex once again, feeling pretty hot right now.

"Oh yeah... can't wait to have your big, beautiful cock up inside my ass and riding it..."

Alex' words turned Lewis even more on and he was just about to open Alex' belt, when the door burst open and a very distressed Michel stormed in without even knocking.

"Lewis? I need to talk to you, it's important..." he said, before turning around and noticing the two men in front of him.

"HOLY SHIT!" he burst out, tilting his head. "Can't you lock your door?"

Lewis rolled his eyes. "Can't you knock before you just get into an office? I could have done... god knows what..."

Michael raised an eyebrow. "You _are_doing... god knows what..." A cocky grin appeared on his face. "Maybe I should come back later?"

Lewis watched Alex hurriedly getting up and sliding off his desk.

"No... no, it's okay, don't worry, _I_go..." Alex said in a rush, already trying to get away like he wanted to escape.

"Don't worry... I won't tell anyone..." Michael promised. "And in fact, it's nothing I haven't seen... Nothing I'm not used to... living with Lewis has it's... let me call it... disadvantages..."

"Hey!" Lewis complained. "It's not my fault that you don't like dicks... you should really try some time..."

"I don't think so..." Michael replied, looking at Alex with an open smile. "Really, it's no big deal... you can stay..."

"I have to get to the pit anyways... I'm sure Jackson needs my help down there..." He turned to Lewis, smiling at him. "See you later?"

Lewis nodded, grabbing Alex' wrist and pulling him back to place a kiss on his lips. "Absolutely... we'll continue this... conversation... later... I'll bring some handcuffs..."

"Lewis!" Alex said in a warning tone, causing Lewis to lift his shoulders and try to look innocent.

"What? I'm just making plans..."

"Yeah... whatever... see you later..." And with those words, Alex went out the door, closing it behind him.

"Thank you very much, Mikey... for ruining my perfect morning fuck..." Lewis sighed, falling on his chair and watching Michael sitting down in front of his desk.

"And you want my pity now, or what? I don't think so..." Michael grinned. "But it looks like things are really good for you..."

A smile crossed Lewis face. "Yes... yes they are... Alex really makes me happy..."

"You sure you're not in love with him?" Michael asked, raising an eyebrow.

Lewis nodded immediately. "Completely sure... I just like to spend time with him... to fuck him and such... and I don't know... I just thought that maybe... maybe I should leave Jackson alone for a while... I think I made my point very clear and I need a break."

"No!" Michael blurted out. "No... you can't do this. Not now."

Surprised, Lewis looked at his best friend. "You okay?"

"No," Michael replied immediately. "No I'm not okay... your asshole brother seems to have a new ally."

"He has?" Lewis tilted his head. "Who? And what makes you think that?"

"When I came to his office there was this guy... I think he's a nurse here... Eli somewhat..." Michael waved his hand dismissively. "And he was very disrespectful, even though he should be polite with me. I'm kind of his boss, but he treated me like I'm the enemy..."

"Maybe because you_ are_the enemy?" Lewis said. "At least for Jackson you are... you have done nothing but causing him trouble since you're here... and so have I..."

"But isn't that what we wanted?" Michael asked. "Isn't that what _you_wanted? I thought I'm doing all of this for you... only for you, because you're my best friend."

He got up from his chair, rounding the table and placing his hands on Lewis' shoulders. "We can't give up now... we're very close to totally destroying him... his boyfriend already thinks he's unfaithful and doubts him and his life is starting to fall apart..." Michael leaned down so he was close to Lewis ear.

"Remember what he did to you, Lewis... Remember how he destroyed your life... he doesn't deserve anything better... he needs to learn his lesson..."

Lewis let out a sigh. Somehow, Michael was right, but on the other hand he was really starting to get tired of all of this. And Jackson was still his brother. What if he was going too far? He was starting to have serious doubts, but he couldn't let down Michael now either. So he just nodded.

"You're right..." He turned his head to smile at Michael.

"That's my boy..." Michael got up and sat down in front of his desk again. "So I'm gonna tell you what we're doing next..." he started and Lewis just listened, deep down in his heart hoping he would really do the right thing. And that he would feel better after he had his revenge.

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex had rushed out of Lewis' office as fast as possible. He was sure his face was red as an apple and damn it, he didn't even know Holt that well so he couldn't really find the humour that Lewis did in it.

He just wanted to get to the pit and try to forget the last 10 minutes of his life.

When he walked around the corner he stood amazed at the amount of people that were there. Just off the bat he could count 3 broken limbs, what looked to be a head wound, and at least 2 people vomiting in waste baskets.

Looking around he spotted Jackson talking to a patient as he wrote something down in his chart. Walking over he waited a few feet away until the man was finished. Then fell in step with the man as he moved onto the next person.

"Why didn't you have me paged?" Alex asked as he put his stethoscope around his neck "it's insane down here"

"I figured you were...busy" Jackson said as they walked up to a woman, brunette with bright blue eyes "Hello-" Jackson started as he looked at the chart, but snatching it out of Jackson's hand Alex turned his attention to the woman.

"Hello Mrs. Grainger" Alex said "It says here you slipped and think you may have sprained your wrist" giving a warm smile to the woman he put a comforting hand on her shoulder, but when she eased away from him he looked confused.

"Y-Yeah" she told Alex "I put my hand out to break my fall and landed on a wrong angle"

"Sounds painful" Alex said trying to sound friendly, but the woman was trying to avoid his gaze and Alex was starting to get offended.

"Well, we're going to send you for a cat scan and then take it from there" and with one last smile he started to walk away and taking a look behind him he could see Jackson and the woman share a look then a quick laugh.

"Can I talk to you Jackson?" Alex said, his voice tense.

"Something wrong?"

"What the hell was that?" Alex asked "the woman looked like I burped in her face or something"

"It's nothing, Alex" Jackson said as he walked past him. Grabbing his arm he pulled Jackson back "what the hell is going on with you? I thought we got past all that other bullshit"

"I didn't page you because I caught April on the way out and after talking to her I figured I had a pretty good idea where you were at" Jackson said "and judging by the fact that your scrubs aren't doing a very good job of covering up little Alex I can see I was right".

"Shit" Alex said letting Jackson go and adjusting himself.

Stopping a nurse that was walking by looking at the two men suspiciously Alex stopped her "Can you cover us for about 5 minutes?" Alex asked her and before the woman could even say yes he was pulling Jackson around to an empty hallway.

"Alex, we have patients"

"Look, I know what April said must have-" Alex said

"Contrary to popular belief me and April's conversations don't always revolve around you" Jackson told him "I asked her how she was doing, we made plans to have dinner this week, but she did mention you two had a good talk before you had something urgent to do"

"It's not what you think?"

"I don't want to argue, Alex" Jackson said "we see where that gets both of us"

"I don't either Jackson, but I can see you already shutting me out"

He could see Jackson look away "I'm sorry alright, but I can see you already start to look at me the same way Lewis does and I just...I can't"

"What?" Alex was dumbfounded "No, I don't".

"Yes, you do" Jackson said "and I get that you're with him now and he's the priority, but I'm kinda losing a lot of people at once and it's not the easiest thing in the world to deal with"

Alex felt like shit for knowing that some of the pain he saw on Jackson's face was because of him "You and Mark are okay, aren't you?"

"We really need to get back, Alex" Jackson said, but Alex held the man in place.

"Come on, dude" Alex responded "you may not believe it, but I do care about what's going on in your life. Did you and Mark have an argument?"

Jackson remained quiet for a few moments, but when Jackson's shoulder sag Alex knew the man was too tired to argue "We've had a lot of arguments, but last night's was the worst"

"About that dinner?" Alex asked.

"About everything" Jackson said "Lewis, Holt-"

"Holt?" Alex asked "what in the hell does he have to do with anything?"

In an instant Jackson clamed up again "It's not important" he said "now unless you want Hunt to follow through on that suspension we really should get back"

Jackson was already walking towards the pit again when Alex turned around and headed towards Holt's office.

Reaching the Dr's door he knocked briefly before being told to come in. Holt's office wasn't much different from Lewis. Wide and spacious and Alex was just a little bit jealous.

"Karev?" Holt questioned "What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you" Alex told him "it's important"

"Look, if you're worried about me saying something about what I saw, don't worry about it" Michael said "I'm trying to forget it just as much as you are"

"No" Alex said "awkwardly "it's not about that. It's about Jackson"

"Oh" Michael responded as he leaned back in his chair "What about Jackson?"

Alex tried to read the man, but other than looking amused he really couldn't tell what Michael was thinking.

"Is something...going on between you two?" Alex asked. It would make no sense for Jackson to start up an affair with this guy, but if he and Mark were having problems...

"Something?" Michael asked "like what?"

"Come on, dude" Alex said "you know what I'm talking about"

"Of course not" Michael said with a smile "I mean, what would people think?"

"Jackson is in a really bad place right now" Alex told him "so he may do things that he'll regret later"

"Fun is fun, Alex" Michael said "I figured you, if anybody, would know something about that"

Alex didn't like this guy. He was Lewis' best friend so he would bite his tongue, but the guy reminded him too much of the egomaniac doctors he had seen over the years.

"What I know is Jackson is a good guy and whatever mistakes he made, or is making, shouldn't ruin what he has" Alex said to Michael.

"Because we know how good Jackson is right? I mean a regular stand up guy" the sarcasm in his voice made Alex angry.

"I know what he did and you know what he did, but he's still a friend and I'm going to help him any way I can" Alex said.

"Message received" Michael told him "I just wouldn't turn my back on him for too long. It took Lewis a long time to get that knife out of his"

Alex looked away from Michael. He couldn't deny that his trust in Jackson had faltered ever since he heard about what he did with Tyler, but the two had been through too much together to not least try and help.

Alex started to walk out before he heard Michael say his name to grab his attention.

"Yeah?" Alex asked

"Let Lewis know I won't be at the apartment tonight I'll be staying with a ...friend so you two have a good night"

Turning around quickly Alex left his office and headed back to the pit. Why did he have a feeling that he somehow made things so much worse then they were before?

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis was glad when the day was finally over and he as able to leave the hospital. Not that he had a lot to do anyways - just checking out some new patients - but he still couldn't get his talk with Michael out of his mind. Out of his system. It was almost as if Michael wanted revenge on Jackson more than he did and it confused him.

Yes, Michael was his best friend and he knew Michael would do everything for him. Michael would move heaven and hell if it helped him, but now it had been Michael who had convinced him to not give up his plan.

_"So I'm gonna tell you what we're doing next..." Michael said, looking Lewis in the eye, and there was something about this look that sent a shiver down Lewis spine._

"Okay... spill it out..." Lewis gave back, leaning over his desk.

"You know, Mark is already suspicious, but so far I have always denied that I have any interest in Jackson. I mean any interest that would be more than just professional..." Michael started.

Lewis nodded, not saying anything, but he knew he didn't have to.

"Well... I'm planning some situations here and there... situations that would make anyone suspicious..." Michael went on.

Tilting his head, Lewis raised an eyebrow. "Like what?"

"Like letting him assist my surgeries... like some accidental touches here and there... like sliding into the same room as Jackson from time to time..." Michael explained. "People will start talking, and you know how it is with rumours... they spread around very quickly..."

"Yeah, but they are still just rumours, Michael... why would anyone seriously believe them? Let alone Mark?" Lewis had to admit, Michael seemed to really have thought about this pretty well. More than he himself.

"Well... as for Mark... I will let slip some ambiguous comments from time to time... comments that will make him even more suspicious." A grin appeared on Michael's lips. "Like mentioning the small birthmark Jackson has on the inside of his thigh... maybe Mark hasn't even noticed it himself yet, but it definitely is an indication that I know him better than we both dared to admit yet..."

"I'm gonna destroy him methodically, Lewis... just like I promised you... I will take Mark away from him, because at some point Mark won't believe him any word anymore," Michael went on. "He's gonna pay the price for what he did to you and he's definitely going to pay for this nurse's behaviour. He will think twice before he pisses me off next time."

"Are you sure that's really necessary?" Lewis asked, doubts welling up within him again.

"Of course. Lewis, we've talked about this..." Michael placed a hand on Lewis arm, looking him in the eye intensely. "I mean, if you changed your mind, just tell me, and I let go of it, but just remember what he did to you... just remember the pain he put you through just because he was a spoiled little brat and thought he could have everything, even the fiancé of his brother. Don't you want some payback for Tyler? He doesn't deserve to be happy with Mark."

A sharp pain took possession of Lewis' heart by the mention of Tyler's name and so he just nodded.

"Well then..." Michael got up from his chair, smiling down at Lewis. "I'm gonna leave you now, I have some work to do. You have the apartment for the night, just in case you want your toy-boy to come over."

"He's not a toy!" Lewis immediately corrected, watching Michael move to his office door. "He's a human and I don't play any games with him, okay? Not anymore."

Defensive, Michael lifted his hands. "Okay, okay... whatever... have a nice day..."

A knock on the door pulled Lewis out of his thoughts and he turned his head in the right direction. "Yes?"

When the door opened, Alex appeared in his sight, with a small smile on his face. "You ready?"

Lewis immediately got up, getting rid of his lab coat and rounding the table to be able to take Alex in his arms. "More than ready..." he replied, not even fighting back the smile that formed on his lips. "Let's get out of here... unless..." He grinned down at his desk. "You wanna go on where we got interrupted before."

"Definitely not!" Alex hurriedly said, causing Lewis to chuckle.

"I'm really sorry about Michael... I talked to him and it won't happen again, I promise..."

"No, it won't... because I won't have sex with you in your office... ever..." Alex agreed. "It could have been anyone walking in, even Hunt..."

Lewis let out a disappointed sigh. "Yeah, you're right, but..."

"No buts... but I promise I'll make it up to you once we get to your place... your friend told me he won't be there for the night..." Alex replied.

Nodding, Lewis led him out of is office. "Right, he won't... and I can't wait to get home..."

Not even half an hour later they were sitting in Michael's commodious living room on his leather couch eating some take-out Chinese food, when Lewis had to think about Michael's words again.

He looked at Alex with mixed feelings in his stomach, putting down his empty box and leaning back against the couch.

"What?" Alex asked, putting down his own box and moving closer on all four, crawling next to Lewis.

"Nothing... I'm just looking at you..." Lewis replied truthfully.

"And what do you see?" Alex asked touching Lewis' nose with his own.

"A wonderful guy that really makes me happy at the moment... more than I have been in... forever... and I really think I could be happy here..." Lewis gave back.

A surprised look appeared on Alex' face. "You mean here in Seattle?"

"Yeah..." Lewis sighed.

Alex leaned back slightly. "Is that the speech now where you tell me you fell in love with me and want to be in a relationship with me? Because, dude... I don't think I'm ready for that and I thought we agreed on this being casual..."

"No... no..." Lewis replied immediately. "Alex... really..." He grabbed one of Alex hands, stroking it gently. "I... I can't even describe what I feel for you, but it's not love in the usual way... I mean... I know I'm not in love with you, but I also feel so comfortable when I'm with you... as if I can be completely myself... as if I don't have to hide behind a mask... I really... really like you... and this thing with us... is important to me..."

"You're important to me, too, Lewis... and... and somehow it feels right being with you," Alex smiled, causing Lewis to let out a relieved sigh.

He almost thought he had scared him away.

"I... I have to tell you something, though... yesterday... I... I kissed Mark..."

Shocked, Alex looked at him. "When? Why?" He didn't look jealous or anything, just... disappointed. Which was even worse if Lewis was honest to himself.

"In the restaurant... in the bathroom... right before you came in... I... I wanted revenge on Jackson so badly that I thought it would make me feel better once I get it over with... but seriously?" He closed his eyes for a moment, just leaning back against the back of the couch. "I felt... really bad afterwards... especially when you came in... I felt like I... cheated on you, even though I know it's not that... I don't even know how to describe it... But it felt like I could lose what I have with you if I go on doing this... and I don't want to lose you..."

He looked at Alex with a seriously look in his eyes. "Sometimes I'm asking myself if what I'm doing is even worth it... yeah... I wanted to make Jackson suffer... I wanted to cause him pain, but... I'm not only hurting _him_by doing what I'm doing... I'm hurting all the people around him as well... I'm hurting you..."

Slowly, he leaned forward, placing a soft kiss on Alex' lips. "I'm... I'm so tired of this whole fucking thing... I just... wanna be happy..." He said earnestly, knowing that he could never totally let go of the whole situation and already believing that he was in too deep to stop it.

"I... I don't even know why you still keep being with me... I'm a bad person, and you know it... I just admitted that I tried to hurt Jackson on purpose... what kind of brother does this?" He shook his head, turning away again. Maybe he shouldn't have come here after all. Maybe he should have just let it go a long time ago. He knew he most likely would never forgive Jackson for sleeping with Tyler, but making his life a living hell didn't make him feel as good as he thought it would.


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N:** And here we go again… :-) And this time the new chapter includes a lot of Mark and Jackson again, even though it starts with Alex and Lewis… and some discoveries.

Thanks again for the comments and we're glad at least some of you don't hate Lewis that much anymore… he DID bad things, but he's already doubting his decisions, so…

Anyways… enjoy Chapter 35! And Review, if you have a moment :-)

**Alex Karev POV:**

"You're a good guy, Lewis" Alex said as he rubbed a comforting hand down the man's back "you've had a lot of fucked-up shit to deal with and sometimes we don't react the way we would like too"

Lewis looked up at him and his blue eyes almost made Alex forget what he was going to say. Damn, he was a beautiful person.

"I know how a crappy life can make you feel like a crappy person, but you're not and the fact that you just sat here and told me the truth, and let me know that maybe this vendetta against Jackson isn't the best thing only goes to show that"

Lewis leaned in and kissed him "Anybody who doesn't understand how amazing you are is a fool" Lewis said and Alex's chest warmed at the words.

"Why don't we get out of here for the night?" Alex quivered "I've come to realize that I haven't had the chance to properly show you off "

With a laugh Lewis wrapped his arms around Alex "But we're comfortable and we have Chinese food-"

"Oh, come on" Alex said as he stood and pulled up a reluctant Lewis "not that I don't enjoy long nights with you and take-out, but there is a whole world out there that I want to show you" he saddled up to Lewis' body and kissed the man on the neck "tell me you'll go out with me"

"How can I say no when you're doing that?" Lewis whispered "Let me get my shoes on and we can hit the town"

Alex wanted a place that was both different from Lewis' apartment, but still familiar enough to be comfortable. The only place that sounded remotely like that was Joe's.

"A bar?" Lewis asked "Are you trying to recreate our first meeting?"

"That's not a bad idea" Alex laughed "that was a particularly good night if I remember correctly"

"It was" Lewis confirmed "and I for one would love a repeat performance"

When the two entered the bar Alex could tell Lewis wasn't impressed by what he saw.

"It's called Joe's" Alex said "and it's a right of passage for anyone who works at Seattle Grace"

"Is that right?" Lewis asked as Alex led him to the bar.

"You bet your ass" Alex said before turning his attention to the portly and affable bartender who approached them "Hey Joe" Alex smiled "can I get two?"

"Sure thing" Joe said and it took him less then a second to reach around, pop the tops and hand Alex two bottles.

"Thanks" and with that Alex walked towards one of the booths that was located in the back. 'Joe's' could fool the average person if they expected it to be just an average run of the mill bar.

Walking in the bar looked pretty unexceptional, but once you hit the back it opened up to a room that could easily house a small restaurant.

"I'm impressed" Lewis said as they found a booth and Alex scooted in for Lewis to quickly follow.

"I won't even tell you how many significant moments went down in this place" Alex told him "but rest assured that it's most definitely a second home"

Looking over at him Lewis smiled "Thanks for bringing me here" and taking a drink of his beer he reached down and grabbed Alex's hand.

The two men were talking about some of Alex's stories when the man looked up and he could see Jackson at the front of the bar talking very animatedly to a guy Alex didn't recognize. Turning his head towards Lewis Alex could see that Jackson was blocked from his view.

Their previous night had been a disaster, but maybe Alex could do something to fix that now. "I'll be right back" Alex said as he leaned over and gave Lewis a kiss on the cheek.

"Where are you going?" Lewis said "I was just getting comfortable"

Holding up his empty bottle Alex smiled "Don't miss me too much"

"I'll do my best" Lewis responded with a smile of his own.

Reaching the bar Alex walked up behind Jackson and tapped the man on the shoulder "Jackson" he said and the man jumped before turning around to look at Alex.

He could see Jackson give him a wide smile "Hey Alex" he said and his attitude was remarkably different from that afternoon. He didn't seem closed off and cautious.

"Me and Lewis have a booth in the back" Alex said "why don't you come back and have a drink with us"

"No, thanks" Jackson said "I don't want to ruin a romantic evening"

"Come on, dude" Alex said "can we put the snide remarks aside for one night and try to hang out like we used to?"

"I have people to hang out with, Alex" Jackson told him "so why don't you go back to your boyfriend...I don't want him thinking I took another one away"

Alex knew something was wrong. Jackson's eyes were glassy and distant. That look was the same one his father used to have when he came from a bar gig.

"Are you high?" Alex whispered harshly as he grabbed Jackson's arm.

"Of course not" Jackson responded snatching his arm back "I'm a doctor"

"Jacks-"

"You alright, Jackson?" a man said. He was tall, muscled, but wearing a suit that looked too good to not have some kind of prestigious career.

"Yeah, I'm good, Gary" Jackson told him "I think we should find a better establishment. I'm not too fond of the company in this one"

"Sounds good to me" Gary said as he wrapped an arm around Jackson's neck and the two turned and headed out the door.

Seeing Jackson leave created a cold pit in Alex's stomach.

Lewis was looking over a menu when Alex came back.

"I have to say, for a bar, this place does not skimp on the food"

Alex could see Lewis' mouth moving, but he couldn't hear the words.

"You okay?" Lewis asked him concerned "you look like you've just seen a ghost"

Alex was about to speak, but the thought of telling Lewis worried him. Would the man follow Alex's suspicions and go to use it against Jackson? The two brothers were in a war and although Lewis had told him that he was getting tired of going after Jackson that didn't mean that he wouldn't still do it.

Alex had caused enough trouble for Jackson and if the man was doing what Alex thought he was doing a part of that was also Alex's guilt to bear.

No, Alex would find out what was going on and he would fix this. He owed Jackson that much.

"I'm fine" Alex said smiling " I just thought I saw someone I knew"

"Okay" Lewis said as he grabbed his hand again "I think I'm going to have to get some of these wings"

"Sounds good" Alex responded as he tried to settle in and find that comfort once again.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark looked at his watch. He had to leave for his therapy session with Lewis soon, even though he'd rather cancel than face Jackson's older brother. They hadn't seen each other or talked since the dinner and since Lewis had kissed him, and it would most definitely be really awkward, having to do some exercises with him.

On the other hand: he hadn't really talked to Jackson since this evening either. And he hadn't seen him. Jackson had tried to call him, Jackson had left messages asking... begging Mark to talk to him, but so far he hadn't called him back. Because it was just so much to take in and he still felt so bad for not trusting him.

Mark knew it was him who had destroyed this relationship for not believing in Jackson and Arizona had been right with every word she had said the night afterwards. She wouldn't have doubted Jackson but he had and he had no idea how to make it up to him. If Jackson would even ever talk to him again. He hadn't contacted him for more than 24 hours... which wasn't a good sign, Mark assumed. He needed to do something if he didn't want to lose Jackson.

Sighing, he grabbed his purse and his key and left his apartment. He locked up and made his way to the hospital by foot. He was glad he had those couple of moments to cool down... to clear his head, since he still didn't know what to say to Lewis. But he would see as soon as he stood in front of him. They most definitely had to talk about this incident.

Mark entered the hospital, standing in front of the elevator and waiting for it to arrive when a familiar voice sounded from behind him.

"Good Morning Doctor Sloan, are you on your way to Lewis? I mean Doctor Avery? The older one?"

Mark cringed, but put a smile on his face when turning around.

"Doctor Holt... nice to see you," he lied, because he definitely couldn't stand the man. _At all._And he couldn't even tell exactly why. "Yeah, I'm on my way to Lewis..."

"Seems like we're both on our way to an Avery then," Michael grinned. "I need to see Jackson..."

Suspicious, Mark raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because we need to talk about a case of mine," Michael replied truthfully and somehow Mark couldn't shake off the feeling that Michael loved to rub that fact into his face.

"You two spend quite a lot of time together lately... you do realize that Jackson is the head of plastics at the moment, right? I'm sure he has his own patients to deal with. Especially with taking care of the pit in between..." he commented.

"Are you questioning my responsibilities? Or his?" Michael asked and Mark had to bite his tongue not to let out a sharp comment, but that wouldn't help anyone.

"Nope... just wondering why you need to spend so much time with my boyfriend lately..." he simply gave back, turning to the elevator and hoping, it would arrive soon. Why did these things always take so long when you needed them most?

"Oh? He's still your boyfriend? That's not what I heard..." Michael smiled predominantly, causing Mark to stare at him in shock.

"Did he tell you we broke up?" He felt knots building in his stomach. Had Jackson already given up on him and this was his way of telling him? Through his possible new boyfriend?

"No!" Michael replied immediately. "But he didn't have to... I haven't seen you near him in a couple of days and he hadn't talked about you either..."

"Maybe because our relationship is none of your business" Mark snapped, letting out a relieved sigh when the ring of the elevator showed that it was finally there. "And if you'll excuse me now, I need to get to my therapy session with Lewis..."

Quickly, he entered the elevator, hoping, Michael wouldn't try to get in with him, but the last thing he heard him say before the door closed was "Have a nice day Doctor Sloan", in a tone that made Mark want to vomit.

Were people talking about him and Jackson not being a couple anymore already? Were the rumours spreading that fast? But Mark didn't want them to be over. He needed Jackson in his life, and he knew he had to do something _now_before it was too late. But first he needed to clear the air with Lewis.

It took him almost five minutes to knock at the door of the gymnastic room once he was standing in front of it and another minute to finally walk in, seeing Lewis standing there and smiling at him.

"Mark, good morning. How are you today?"

He acted as if nothing had ever happened between them and Mark seriously didn't know how to deal with it right now.

"I'm... I'm good, thanks..."

"No other episode?" he wanted to know, coming closer and causing Mark to step back. "Everything alright?"

Mark rolled his eyes. "Besides the fact that you kissed me the other night, yes... everything's alright..."

"Listen, Mark..." Lewis started. "I hoped we could forget about that... It was a weak moment and it won't happen again..."

"Are you sure?" Mark asked back. "Because I remember you saying you wanted to destroy Jackson's life... that you wanted to take away the one thing he loves most... me..."

"I know I went too far and I shouldn't have done this... I thought about it quite a lot... and I've even talked to Alex about it... I told him that I tried to kiss you and I realized that I don't want things to be like that... and that I don't wanna lose Alex, but I will if I go on doing things like that..." Lewis replied, and even though Mark didn't want to believe him first, his words seemed so honest.

"You sure?" Mark asked doubtful. "I would hate not to be able to do my exercises with you anymore, but... you have to know that Jackson is the most important thing in my life and I can't lose him... and if you go on hitting on me, I just can't go on doing this..."

"I understand..." Lewis gave back, reaching out and consolingly patting Mark's arm. "But I assure you, it won't happen again. Everything from now on will be on a professional base, okay?"

Mark let it sink in for a couple of seconds, but then he nodded. "Okay... But if you ever pull a stand like that again, I'm out."

"Understood," Lewis agreed. "So can we get started?" he asked with an open smile.

Again, Mark nodded. "Yeah... let's do this..."

He felt a lot better after his session with Lewis and he just hoped that Lewis meant the words he had said, but he hadn't tried anything during the past two hours, so Mark was willing to believe him. He could still stop seeing him anytime if something happened again, but he hoped he didn't have to.

And now came the difficult part of his day. Mark had to find Jackson and talk to him. He needed to tell him that he loved him and that he had been completely wrong about him. He needed to tell him that he didn't want them to be over and that he would fight for him.

He headed to Jackson's office, but he didn't find him there, so he went down to the pit and he was glad it seemed to be a quiet day down there. He found Alex breeding over a patient's chart, looking around for Jackson.

"Karev!" he called him, causing Alex to look up.

"Yeah?"

"Have you seen Jackson? I need to talk to him and it's really important..." Mark replied immediately.

"He should be back any minute..." Alex told him. "Holt took him for a consult about an hour ago, saying it wouldn't take long..."

This information felt like a punch in the stomach, but Mark put on a fake smile, nodding at Alex. "Okay... thanks..."

The minute he turned around, Jackson and Holt were just entering the pit and when Holt noticed him - right before Jackson did - another one of his asshole smiles appeared on his lips.

"See you later then, Jackson..." he said and before he left, he touched Jackson's arm. In a way Mark didn't like, and he could tell from the look on Jackson's face that he didn't like it either. But maybe because he, Mark, was here watching them? He wasn't so sure about that.

He moved towards Jackson, looking at him once he stood in front of him. "Can... can we talk somewhere? Do you have a minute or two?"

The pain in Jackson's eyes was almost unbearable for Mark, and he knew he most likely was the reason for him suffering.

"You sure you want to talk? I tried to call you a hundred times, but you didn't even bother to tell me you're okay..."

"Because I wasn't..." Mark replied truthfully. "Because it was all just too much to take over the past few days... but I realized that... that I need you... and that I can't live without you... and that I messed it all up..."

"Mark..." Jackson said, biting his lip. "Maybe we should go somewhere else..."

Mark looked around, noticing a few people looking at them.

"You know what? I don't care... I don't care what anyone else thinks about me... Everyone can know that I love you, and that I'm a big fat asshole, and that I hurt you by doubting in you..." he said out loud, seriously not caring for the people around. "If you break up with me, I know I deserve it, because I should have trusted you. I know you, Jackson, and I should have known that you would never do the things Lewis told me you did. Because you're better than that. You're better than me..."

"Mark!" Jackson said again, and Mark noticed Jackson's embarrassment.

"Okay, okay..." Mark replied, lifting up his hands defensively. "I get it... and I am sorry..." He grabbed Jackson by the waist, pulling him close and placing a tender kiss on his lips, then on his forehead. "I love you so much... and I seriously need to talk to you... please give me a chance... I'm waiting for you in your office... and if you're not there in half an hour, I will go home and not bother you ever again..."

And with those words he let go of Jackson and made his way out of the pit and towards Jackson's office, hoping that his outburst didn't have any consequences for Jackson, but if so, he would take the blame for it completely, because Jackson had nothing to do with any of it. In fact, Mark had done this all by himself. Completely spontaneous.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson knew it was going to be a bad morning from the moment he walked into the pit and Alex stared at him with enough pity to make it feel like Jackson was suffocating.

"Avery" Alex said as he approached him "can we talk?"

"No" Jackson told him "It's been a long couple of days and I just want to get this day over with, okay?"

"Are we going to pretend I didn't see what I saw the other night?"

Jackson sighed. This was going to be a conversation he wasn't going to be able to avoid.

"Sorry about how I acted" Jackson said "I was drunk and it was uncalled for"

"Really, Jackson?" Alex folded his arms across his chest "do you really think I don't know what someone who is high as a kite looks like?"

A cold chill went down Jackson's spine "You don't know what the hell you're talking about, Karev" he hissed "now shut the hell up before someone overhears you and takes your ridiculous assumptions as truth"

Walking around Alex he felt the man put a hand on his shoulder "Talk to me man, please"

"I have work to do" Jackson responded and walking into the pit he made it a point not to look at Alex for the rest of the morning.

Jackson knew Mark had a session today and as much as he tried not to look for the guy Jackson couldn't help himself. He had tried calling multiple times, but Mark was not very interested in talking and Jackson could catch a hint.

It still hurt like a bitch, though.

Then came Holt.

He approached Jackson with a nauseating smile and sickeningly sweet words of apology for the scene between him and Eli.

"I could really use some help on this consult" Holt told Jackson "my patient has severe nerve damage and I need to know the best way to go about fixing it without leaving permanent scarring"

Jackson wanted to tell him to fuck off, but he was a doctor and that took precedence over his dislike for the man. So telling Alex that he would be back he followed Holt to the neuro wing.

The woman who went by the name Sandra Myers was suffering from a Brachial Plexus Injury, It meant that Holt would have to go in through the woman's neck and, if more damage was there then indicated, would have to go through the shoulder and arm.

As much as Jackson couldn't stand Holt he had to admit the man was a very good surgeon. He was still looking over the woman's x-rays when Meredith walked in and looked surprised to see Jackson standing beside Holt.

"Jackson?" the woman asked curiously "I thought you had the pit this week"

"I called him in for a consult" Michael told her "you mind giving us a little privacy?"

Looking back towards Meredith Jackson smiled "That's not necessary" he said "we could use your input".

Michael looked a bit put off by the comment and Jackson knew he would have to hear about it later. "Please, Meredith" Michael said "if you could start on my post-ops"

He turned back towards the x-ray "You see this section of damage" Michael said to Jackson as he put his hand on the small of Jackson's back "I think that would be the best entrance point".

Jackson was so focused on the image in front of him that Michael's movement went completely unnoticed.

"Meredith?" Michael asked again looking at the woman as he saw her look at the placement of his hand "now, please"

"Right" she said tightly and turning she headed out of the room.

Removing his hand from Jackson's back Michael gave a small smile "Now, I was thinking that you could repair the skin and outer surfaces of the nerve"

"Seems like a good plan" Jackson told him "just let me know when you want to perform the surgery so I can put it on my schedule" and stepping away he walked towards the door.

"I'll come with you" Michael said "I want to grab a bite to eat anyway"

Jackson didn't say anything as Holt followed him down to the pit and as the two men entered the entrance of the pit Jackson couldn't help but look for Mark one last time, but the man was nowhere to be seen.

"Thanks again, Jackson" Holt said as he ran his hand up Jackson's arm.

"What are you doing?" Jackson said "I told you that isn't acceptable anymore"

"My apologies" Michael smiled as he looked towards the front and following his gaze Jackson saw Mark standing there. At the sight of Mark; Holt and anything involving him instantly left Jackson's mind.

Mark's public declaration came as a surprise and an embarrassment. Jackson was not the kind for such public displays of affection and Mark grabbing him around the waist and kissing him made him tense.

Still, Mark had told him everything he wanted to hear. He was willing to give Jackson another chance.

So, twenty minutes later Jackson managed to get to his office and walking in he closed the door.

The two men stood facing each other, both too afraid to be the first one to speak.

"Jackson I-"

Jackson couldn't contain himself. Rushing over he captured Mark in a bruising kiss. It held all the hope, fear, and love that he had for them and what they had.

He could feel Mark was stunned, but it didn't take long for Mark to wrap his arms around Jackson's waist and return the kiss in kind and in intensity.

The desperation was evident in both men. No matter how bad things got between them, when they were like this they, and their love, was untouchable.

When the two finally broke apart they were completely breathless.

"I'm so sorry" Mark whispered in his ear "I should have believed you were the man I always knew you were; honest and good"

Laying his forehead on Mark's shoulder Jackson took a deep breath "No, I'm sorry Mark. I didn't give you much reason to put faith in me. I just...I lied because I didn't want you to look at me like you did that night, like everyone eventually looks at me"

Putting his finger under Jackson's chin he lifted the man's head to look him directly in the eye.

"Why did you or Tyler never tell Lewis the truth?"

"We tried" Jackson told him "well, Tyler tried" he corrected "he spent months just trying to get in contact with him. Phone calls and letters, I even tried to get my mother to get Lewis, but she wouldn't do it. She...washed her hands of me"

"Jackson" Mark said sadly "if he only knew the truth"

"That is the truth to him, Mark" Jackson said "he's never thought much of me and him seeing us together in that bed only confirmed every bad thought he ever had about me. I could tell him a thousand times over that it never happened and he would call me a liar a thousand times over"

"There has to be a way to fix this" Mark said "he's your family"

"You're my family" Jackson said "that's who I need to be concerned about and I let him come between us too much as it is"

Mark stroked Jackson's back "I love you Jackson" he said "and I'm going to make this work, okay?"

"We're going to make this work" he corrected Mark and leaning in Jackson kissed the man again.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark was really relieved that Jackson was willing to give him - give them - another chance. That he seemed to love him just as much as Mark loved Jackson. He was sure they could just overcome everything, even though it wouldn't be easy, but on the other hand; Love never was. Mark was willing to fight for Jackson, even though he didn't really know fighting. Normally he would just show the white feather. In all his former relationships he had ran away when things got difficult, and whenever he tried to put up a fight, he lost, but he wasn't about to lose this one.

He looked at Jackson for a moment, thinking about bringing up Michael, but he didn't want to get in another fight with him and things were still tense between them. Even though he didn't plan on accusing him of something, quite the opposite. He rather felt like Michael did all the things he did on purpose.

"I promise you, I won't believe what anyone else says anymore before I have talked to you," Mark said after a while. "And I'm truly sorry for what I said... you didn't deserve that..."

"Mark... don't take the whole blame... we both made mistakes..." Jackson said, putting his arms around Mark's neck and moving in close.

"Seriously... if it's on someone, it's on both of us, but let's not talk about it anymore, okay?"

Mark swallowed. "But... I think there is something you should know... I mean... I have reasons for believing Lewis, even though I shouldn't have put this on you..."

"I know..." Jackson said, and seemed to regret it a second later.

Surprised, Mark looked at him. "What do you mean by that?"

"I... I'm sorry... I shouldn't have said anything... Arizona's gonna kill me..." Jackson replied, looking slightly distressed.

"I'm not gonna tell her..." Mark promised. "But I still need to know what she told you... Because I'm sure there is more to the story than she knows... I need to explain this..."

Jackson nodded understandingly. "Well... she said that you slept with Derek's wife... with this Addison... and that this is the reason you know such things can happen."

"That's partly true," Mark replied, taking a few steps back and sitting down on Jackson's desk, spreading his legs and pulling Jackson close, so he could look him in the eye.

"You wanna know what the first thing Derek ever did to me was when I arrived here for the very first time?" Mark asked, a sad smile on his lips at the memory.

"Sure..." Jackson gave back, placing his hands on Mark's shoulders and rubbing them gently.

"He hit me... he punched me straight in the face... He saw me talking to Meredith and he totally lost it... it was really bad... we hadn't talked in years and he wasn't willing to talk to me at this moment..." Mark explained. "There was so much hate in his eyes in this moment because he thought I was taking another woman away from him... but you know what?" He moved his hands up and down Jackson's waist. "From this moment on I knew we could still find a way... because as long there was hate, there was at least something... some feeling... if he wouldn't have cared... if he would have ignored me, it would have been way worse."

"You think so?" Jackson asked in between.

Mark nodded immediately. "I know it..." he assured him. "And that's why I think the situation between you and Lewis is similar. He still cares for you and he's still hurting when he thinks about Tyler... I'm sure there is still a chance for you to be brothers again, even if it most likely takes time."

"Can we please not talk about Lewis right now?" Jackson wanted to know, looking at Mark, and Mark could literally feel how uncomfortable Jackson felt whenever he mentioned Lewis name.

"Of course... I'm sorry... it's just... so similar to what I was going through, even though... you're still a better person than I am, since you didn't do the things he accused you of," Mark said, feeling a knot in his stomach. "The thing is... I know such things can happen... especially when there are feelings involved... with me and Addison... I loved this woman so much, I would have done everything for her... I risked my friendship with Derek for her and I even moved to Seattle to be close to her, but in the end she still chose Derek, even though that didn't work out either..."

Mark let out a frustrated sigh. "It turned out the worst possible way, because in the end neither of us had her... and I lost Derek, too..."

"But you got him back" Jackson replied with a small smile.

Mark nodded. "Yeah... after what felt like forever... and I don't know if I would do it all over again if I had the chance to relive everything. Maybe... maybe not... I'm not sure if it was worth it."

"If you loved her, it most likely was... or you wouldn't have done it, Mark. If I know one thing, then it's that you're a fighter. Especially if you love someone..." Jackson gave back.

"You're right," Mark said. "And the first time I came to Seattle was mostly to bring Addison home... to get her back and go home with her... but my life turned out so completely different than I pictured it back then."

"And I'm glad it did" Jackson commented. "I don't even want to imagine that you wouldn't be here... my life would be different now as well..."

"Yeah..." Mark smiled, pulling Jackson closer and placing a soft kiss on his lips, before going on talking. "But what I wanted to say about it: I would have totally understood you if you had slept with Tyler if you had feelings for him. If you love someone, you sometimes can't think straight... Or maybe... maybe it's just me..."

He leaned his forehead against Jackson's. "Maybe I'm just a really bad person because I did the things I did..."

"Don't be so hard on yourself..." Jackson replied, placing a hand on Mark's cheek and stroking it softly. "It's okay now... but I'm glad you told me everything..."

"I had to... even though that's no excuse for my behaviour..." Mark commented.

"You're a human... you make mistakes... and I do too... I don't wanna have a perfect boyfriend without any flaws. I want you." A smile crossed Jackson's lips. "Just the way you are."

"And I want you," Mark gave back, catching Jackson's lips in another kiss. "God, I love you so much... you have no idea..."

"I think I do," Jackson grinned, letting himself fall into Mark's embrace completely.

"I missed you," Mark whispered, moving his hands up and down Jackson's back, along his spine. "I wanna make you feel how much I missed you right now."

"I... I don't think that's a good idea, Mark..." Jackson objected, but not letting go of Mark. "What if someone comes in?"

"Can't you lock the door?" Mark asked, starting to suck at Jackson's neck, knowing that this special spot would make him go crazy.

"I need to get back to the pit... I can't leave Alex alone for so long..."

"He's gonna be okay... but I'm not..." Mark whimpered, moving his hips against Jackson's. "I'm so sorry, but I'm... so desperate for your touch... it makes me go crazy... I need you to fuck me... I need to feel you inside of me... Now..."

He licked his lips, wetting it with saliva, looking at Jackson with a seductive look in his eyes. "Please sleep with me... make me feel complete again..." He leaned forward so he could whisper into Jackson's ear. "Without a condom... I wanna feel you completely... We've only done it the other way round... now it's my turn... make love to me..."

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson couldn't deny that Mark's words were turning him on. He could already feel himself getting hard with nothing more then the man's words.

"Mark we-"

"Come on Jackson" Mark said as he kissed his neck "I need you"

Trailing his mouth from Jackson's neck he went and captured the man's lips in another kiss and this was an argument that Jackson knew he was not going to win.

"Hold up" Jackson told Mark as he broke away and ran to the door to lock it. He turned around to see Mark give him a sly smile and returning it he pushed Mark down onto his desk and leaned over the man to kiss him again.

"We don't have a lot of time" Jackson said "and if we do this I want to make it special"

Leaning up Mark put his hand on the back of Jackson's neck "This is special" Mark told him "I want it fast and dirty."

Jackson's erection only got harder

Reaching between their bodies Jackson found Mark's belt and unlooping it he followed that by unbuttoning the man's pants and zipper before pulling them down to the man's ankles. Pulling him forward to the edge of the desk Jackson got onto his knees to make himself eye level with Mark's cock.

It was already rigid and begging for some kind of attention. Leaning in Jackson gave a light kiss to the head and then stuck his tongue out to tease the slit.

"Jackson" Mark whispered harshly "please"

"I got you" Jackson assured and grabbing onto Mark's shoes he quickly slipped them off and finished doing away with his pants and shorts.

Swirling his tongue around Mark's shaft Jackson felt the man buck forward. Placing his hands on Mark's thighs Jackson took his cock into his mouth and started to give long, deep suctions.

"Fuck" he heard Mark say as his hands found the top of Jackson's head.

"Missed you so much, Jackson" he said "was going crazy not having you with me"

His words urged Jackson on and moving his hands up from Mark's thighs to his waist he held onto them firmly as the hot flesh in his mouth moved over his tongue. Pulling back he looked up at Mark.

"Stand up"

Mark didn't hesitate and once on his feet Jackson wetted his index finger and reaching around to Mark's opening he started to tease the opening.

He could hear Mark's breathe hitch and taking that as a cue he took Mark's cock into his mouth once again. It took a few minutes to loosen Mark enough to enter a second finger and then a third, but when Jackson felt the man was ready he let Mark's cock leave his mouth and stood up and pushed him up against the desk. Grabbing Mark's ass he lifted him up and sat him on top of his desk.

Mark pulled Jackson in and kissed him fiercely "Fuck me, Jackson" he said "I need it"

Nodding his head he started to pull down his scrub pants and shorts. Kicking his shoes off he took off the bottom of his clothing completely before pushing Mark down and then pulling him to the edge of the desk once again.

Leaning down he kissed the side of Mark's neck "Are you sure about this?"

Grabbing Jackson's head he made the man look at him "Yes...more then anything. I trust you completely, Jackson"

Jackson felt dizzy with love. It was things that he had wanted so desperately to hear, but he was sure that he had lost forever.

Leaning down he kissed Mark as a tear ran down his face "I love you so much"

"I love you too" he heard Mark tell him.

Lining himself up with Mark's opening he started to push in slowly. He had just gotten the head in when he felt Mark grip his shoulder tightly in order to try and outwit the pain.

"Let me know if it hurts too much" Jackson told him.

"It's good, we're good. Keep going" Mark said and Jackson continued to push forward.

It took a few stops and starts, but when Jackson was fully in Mark lifted his legs and wrapped them around Jackson's waist and the different angle seemed to make the older man more comfortable.

Leaning over Mark Jackson started to thrust in and out of him and the gasp that he received sounded more like pleasure then pain.

"Fuck, Jackson...it's amazing"

Looking down at Mark and seeing the man's eyes close in enjoyment Jackson could feel a sense of pride. It was a feeling he hadn't had for such a long time he almost forgot it existed.

Increasing his speed he wrapped a hand around Mark's shaft and started to pump it in time with his thrusts.

"Yeah, just like that" Mark told him "harder; faster"

Jackson was all too happy to oblige. Going faster Mark started to bounce off the desk with each thrust back into him and as Jackson could feel sweat start to dot his forehead he buried his face in Mark's neck and Mark wrapped an arm around Jackson's back.

Pumping faster Jackson could feel Mark's cock stiffen.

"Jackson I'm-I'm" and before he could finish Mark's release landed between their bodies.

Jackson pumped until he felt the last drop was taken from Mark and feeling the man tighten around him he knew he wouldn't last very long.

"Mark, I'm about to-"

"Do it" Mark told him "I want to feel it…I want to feel you"

Looking Mark in the eye he kissed him and as he released himself inside of the man he gave a strangled cry of pleasure.

It took several moments for Jackson to come down from his high and once he did he pulled out of Mark and reaching into the side of his desk he pulled out the box of wet naps.

Starting to clean them off Jackson looked at Mark "Thank you" he told him with a smile.

"No, thank you, Jackson" and kissing him Mark leapt up off the desk.

Once the two finished getting dressed Mark pulled Jackson flush against him "We have to remember that no matter what the outside world tries to do to us; this, what we have right here between us. They can't touch it"

Jackson's body warmed at hearing Mark repeat "They can't touch it" and he kissed Mark once again.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark watched Jackson moving to the door and unlocking it, turning around once more.

"I think I should probably go now..."

Mark let out a sigh, moving towards him and pulling him into his arms once more. "I don't want you to go..."

"I know..." Jackson smiled, touching Mark's face. "But I still have some work to do and Alex is gonna kill me if I leave him alone much longer... I just told him I had to talk to you..."

"Yeah... okay..." Mark gave in, leaning down and placing a kiss on Jackson's head, letting go of him. "You wanna come over tonight?"

Another smile crossed Jackson's lips. "I'd love to..."

"So we're having a date?" Mark asked, looking Jackson in the eye.

"Yeah, we're having a Date," Jackson chuckled, turning around and opening the door, only to run directly into Owen Hunt.

"Avery... I need to talk to you..." he said, stepping into the office and immediately noticing Mark. "Oh... you're here, too. Perfect... In fact, I need to talk to you both..."

"Oh..." Mark commented, swallowing hard. He could totally imagine what Owen would want to talk to them both. It could only have to do with his public declaration of love.

"I just wanted to get back to the pit... Alex... I mean, Dr. Karev sure needs me..." Jackson replied, obviously wanting to escape the situation.

"That can wait... I already told him that it would take a while until you'll be back since I needed to talk to you," Owen gave back, closing the door of Jackson's office behind them, so no way of getting out.

The Chief turned to Mark and looked at him seriously. "What did you think you were doing when you confessed your love to Avery in public, in front of everyone?"

Mark bit his lower lip. "Well... I... to be honest, I didn't think at all..."

"Yeah... that's what I assumed," Owen sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. "And what do you think I should do right now?"

"Why?" Mark tilted his head questioning.

"Because I'm still the chief of this hospital here... and people expect me to react in some way." Owen answered, looking between Jackson and Mark.

"What's the problem about me and Mark being together?" Jackson finally bumped in. "It's not forbidden to date colleagues, right? Or you would have to fire half of the hospital staff... Apart from that, you and Cristina used to date as well..."

"That's something completely different and it has nothing to do with your situation." Owen replied.

"Why's that?" Mark demanded to know, still not getting the whole problem Owen was having. They weren't the first couple in this hospital and they most definitely wouldn't be the last either. The only thing that was different between them was that they were two guys, but that shouldn't be a problem at all, right? Callie and Arizona were accepted here as a couple as well.

"Because you're his boss, Mark... you should know that..." Owen said harshly.

"Yeah... and you were Cristina's boss... it didn't disturb you much then..." he gave back, starting to get in a really bitchy mood, even though he didn't want to, but it annoyed the hell out of him that Owen obviously made a difference between him and Jackson and himself and Cristina.

"And it didn't work out, right? Like it didn't work out with Meredith and Derek as long as she was working under his service..." Owen said sounding already very exasperated.

"We're not you... or them..." Mark replied angrily, feeling Jackson's hand on his shoulder that was trying to calm him down, but right now without much success.

"I know that... but it's still not right... so far I've only heard rumours... so I could ignore them... but not anymore, Mark... and this is on you... if you wouldn't have come out in front of literally half of the hospital, we wouldn't have a problem at all..." Owen let out a sigh. "Mark, I seriously don't want to come in between the two of you, but as the Chief of Hospital, you don't leave me a choice. As your friend, I advice you to make a decision."

Irritated, Mark raised an eyebrow. "A decision? What decision? Do you wanna force us to break up?"

"Hell, no!" Owen literally shouted, shaking his head. "No, really... that's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?" Mark asked curiously.

"Avery..." Owen started, turning to Jackson. "Maybe you should think about choosing another speciality. You still have time for that, even though we mostly want our residents to work in their speciality to become attendings in it at some point."

"I... I... But I love plastics... it's where I feel comfortable... it's where I feel home... I don't wanna do anything else," Jackson replied, looking pretty sad all of a sudden and it broke Mark's heart. Especially because he was responsible for it.

"And he shouldn't have to..." Mark agreed. "Jackson is good in what he does, and you know that... you wouldn't have let him be the head of plastics while I'm out if you didn't completely trust him."

"Yes, that's right... and seriously, Avery, it would be a shame for you not to be able to work in plastics any longer but my hands are tied... and I don't know what else I should do," Owen said honestly.

"Well, then I think there is only one way..." Mark barged in, causing both men - Jackson and Owen - to look at him.

"_I_should be the one to leave plastics, since I'm the one who caused all this trouble."

"NO!" Jackson immediately replied, grabbing Mark's hand and holding it. "You can't do that... this is still your job, even though I'm doing it at the moment, but you're making progress and you'll be back in a couple of months... maybe even weeks... I won't steal your job..."

"You don't if I quit." Mark said, looking down at Jackson. "And I would do it for you... I would do everything for you."

"God... you two don't make this thing easy for me," Owen complained, massaging his temples.

"Owen, listen..." Mark started calmly. "I think we... Jackson and me... we can make this work... work is work and private life is private life... I mean, not that we have any experience in it so far, but I still think it's worth a shot... don't you?"

Owen let out a sigh and Mark knew he had him at that very moment. "Okay... under one condition..."

"Which one?" Mark hurriedly asked, smiling happily.

"If there is even a single problem... if your private relationship causes any trouble at work... if I hear any complaints about you, I _will_take care of it..." Owen literally promised.

"Which means?" Mark demanded to know.

"Which means I would have to transfer Jackson to another department... or you to another hospital, something like that... This relationship can't interfere with your work here." Owen said.

"Agreed," Mark gave back, feeling really relieved right now.

"Good... I'm gonna leave you two alone now..." He turned around, opening the office door. "Don't disappoint me..." he said before he finally left Jackson's office.

Mark let out a sigh. "God...that was close." He looked at Jackson. "I'm really sorry I caused you so much trouble." He really felt bad that it turned out that way and that because of him Owen even had to get in action and act and he really hoped Jackson wasn't all too mad at him.


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N:** Heeeeeeeeeeeey… here we are again… God, real life keeps me busy right now, but I hope, you're still enjoying our "little" story here! And we're – as always – really happy about your feedback. We really appreciate your opinions, and we just hope, you go on reviewing and letting us know whether you like what we're doing or not… things are getting more and more serious, but we promise, it's gonna get better again at some point! :-)

Enjoy Chapter 36!

**Jackson Avery & Alex Karev POV:**

When Owen had left Jackson felt his stomach turn into knots. This was exactly what Jackson worried about whenever Mark mentioned anything about going public.

There would be whispers and ramifications and things that Jackson was in no way close to knowing how to deal with. Turning around he looked at Mark and the man could see the worry in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Jackson" Mark said as he walked over to him and wrapped his arms around the man's waist "I should've been smarter and waited until we were alone. I'm going to make sure that any fallout is all on me, okay?"

"No" Jackson told him "it's we at all times. We're in this together" and placing his own hands around Mark's neck he placed his forehead on the man's shoulder "let's just not do anymore public displays anytime soon, huh?"

"Deal" Mark kissed the side of his head "We're still on for tonight?"

"Of course" Jackson said as he looked at Mark and smiled "I wouldn't miss it for the world"

For the first time in longer then he cared to remember Jackson felt like he and Mark had finally started to find the right path and things could be okay after all.

"I have to get back to the pit" Jackson said with a quick kiss to Mark "Alex has to be getting swamped"

"Okay, I'll see you tonight" and with that Jackson turned and left the office.

His mood was remarkably better than it was this morning and it showed in the way he smiled as he entered the pit and saw Alex talking to a patient.

Looking over Alex appeared annoyed "About time" he said "I was starting to think you forgot we both have to do this"

"Sorry" Jackson responded sheepishly as he headed for a petite woman with red hair and a nasty welt on her cheek.

The rest of the afternoon passed pretty uneventfully as he and Alex took in one patient after another, but luck was on their side since not a single one had anything severe enough to call for surgery.

Jackson would have continued that train of thought if not, twenty minutes before the end of their shift, a man came in with a broken arm and busted lip.

Not only did Jackson recognize him instantly, so did Alex.

"I got him" Jackson said urgently, abandoning the middle-aged woman complaining of a sore ankle.

"No" Alex responded looking at Jackson "deal with your patient" and the look Alex had given him had told Jackson that he was going to use this opportunity for all it was worth.

Jackson felt like he was going to be sick.

Approaching the man Alex gave him a friendly smile "Gary, isn't it?"

The man looked at Alex, confused "Yeah...do I know you?"

"We've met" Alex told him as he wrote his first name on the chart "I believe you know my friend over there" and pointing at Jackson he saw Gary's face light up.

"Jackson" Gary said brightly and tried to raise his hand to wave, but the pain made it impossible. Jackson gave a small, but worried smile and stepping in between the two Alex cut off their field of vision.

"So, Gary" Alex said "do you have a last name?"

"Stiles"

"How do you know our Jackson?"

Gary seemed affable enough not to catch onto Alex's obvious attempt at digging for information. "We met at that club downtown – _The Rooftop_"

Alex had heard about it and if his memory had recalled correctly he and Izzie had tried to get go there on one of their first dates, but were quickly turned away.

Well, she wasn't, but Alex was. He was not a fan of that place.

"What brings you here today?" Alex asked "that arm looks pretty painful"

"It is" Gary told him "I think it may be broken"

Grabbing the arm lightly Alex moved it gently and the sharp yelp of pain the man let out told Alex that this Gary was probably right.

If it wasn't broken it was most definitely fractured.

"How did it happen?" Alex asked.

"Is that important?" Gary retorted.

"If we know how it was injured it would be better for us just to focus on that area of the arm" Alex said "makes everything go quicker"

"You know, I think I'll just wait for Jackson" Gary told him and Alex could see the suspicion in the man's eyes

"See Gary, that's not going to work" Alex said "because once Jackson is finished with his patient he's going home and after I finish with you I'm going home, so how about you do us all a favour and just answer the question?"

Gary sneered at him "I tripped and in trying to catch myself I landed on my arm wrong"

It was a lie. Alex knew it and Gary knew it, but Alex had no way of calling him on it.

Fuck it. Honesty was never something Alex shied away from.

"Let's stop pretending I don't know what a broken arm and split lip looks like when it's the result of an ass-kicking" Alex whispered "I've had my fair share of them."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about knowing how… and why… you got that ass kicking" Alex told him "You think I couldn't tell you and Jackson were drugged out of your minds the other night?"

"I'm an attorney at one of the best law firms in the city and Jackson appears to be a pretty good doctor, so what you're suggesting is nothing short of slander"

"Call it what you want, but if I ever hear or see you around him again I'm going to make that broken arm feel like a love tap. Got it?" Alex said and his tone let Gary Stiles know he wasn't fucking around.

"Got it" Gary repeated...his voice shaking slightly "now would you mind fixing this?" he added as he held his arm up.

"With pleasure" Alex said and turning around Alex could see Jackson looking at him and Gary with a look of worry and curiosity on his face. Smiling at Jackson Alex played it off as if Gary and Alex weren't just threatening one another.

"Okay, I'm going to send you for an X-Ray and then we'll get you all bandaged up" Alex said as he motioned for Gary to stand and gave him a slip of paper to take to the nurse that was standing at the exit.

Once Gary was gone Jackson came rushing over "What was that?"

"What was what?" Alex asked innocently.

"Stop bullshitting me Alex, what did you two talk about?"

"He has a broken arm and I sent him for an X-Ray, that's all"

Of course Jackson wouldn't believe him, but without Gary to say otherwise he had no choice.

"It's been a long day so I'm heading out" Alex said "see you tomorrow, Jackson"

Jackson watched Alex leave and the fear he was left with was bone deep.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark was really looking forward to his date with Jackson. To Jackson coming over and he hoped he would spend the night with him. They hadn't really had a chance to talk about their plans for the night, but Mark had prepared dinner for them - lasagna - and it was about to get ready, so he hoped, Jackson would arrive soon.

He had already set up the table and even lighted a candle in the middle of it and he hoped that everything would go well. That they would - for once - have a nice evening together without all the stress and fighting of the last couple of weeks. He couldn't take that anymore and he just wanted to enjoy his time with Jackson.

When he heard a buzzing sound he hurried to the oven and took out the lasagna with his oven gloves, placing it on the counter.

Almost the same minute he heard a knock at the door, feeling a smile cross his lips. God, he was so happy right now. The thoughts of Owen were locked away in the depth of his mind and he didn't want to change that. Not for tonight. It had been already bad enough and he was glad Jackson hadn't been mad at him.

It was entirely his fault and if they couldn't work things out... if they couldn't prove Owen that they could work together despite being a couple, he would take the blame completely. He would leave, if necessary. That was way more important to him than losing Jackson. Seattle Grace Mercy West was just a job. He could find another one. He was a surgeon with a name and a lot of other hospitals would take him in a heartbeat.

Jackson on the other hand was his life. He meant the world to him and he would do everything to keep this relationship.

Hearing another knock, he rushed to the door, literally tearing it open and looking at Jackson.

"Sorry... I'm sorry... I just..." he breathed out, pointing to the lasagna. "I just took out the lasagna I made... and I hope you're hungry..."

A smile appeared on Jackson's lips. "Yeah... I'm really hungry..." He stepped in, and Mark - gentlemen-like - took his jacket from him and hung it onto the hook in the hallway, before guiding Jackson into the living room.

"Wow..." he heard Jackson say, pointing at the set table. "You're quite a romantic..."

"You should already know that..." Mark grinned, hugging Jackson and pulling him very close. "I'm so glad you're here... I was really looking forward to seeing you."

"Me too," Jackson gave back, looping his arms around Mark's neck.

"I... I'm really sorry about all the trouble I caused with Hunt... and you can see the dinner as something to make up for it..." Mark said earnestly.

Jackson shook his head. "Oh come on... we've talked about this already and it's okay... really... we just have to prove Hunt that we can do it... that we are professional enough to separate private life and job..."

"I'm sure we can do this..." Mark replied, leaning down and capturing Jackson's lips in a gentle kiss, before letting go of him.

"Sit down... And I'll take care of the lasagna..."

"I can help you..." Jackson offered, causing Mark to shake his head.

"No... I wanna do this... This is my treat..." He smiled, feeling like all their problems of the past couple of days and weeks have vanished, even though he knew they hadn't... but for tonight he wanted to believe that they could overcome everything.

He watched Jackson sitting down and then took a knife to cut the lasagna in pieces and put a big slice of it on a plate and a smaller one on another. The smaller one was for him, because he wasn't _this_hungry, but he hoped, Jackson would like his food. It had been a while since he had cooked for him.

When he turned around he noticed Jackson looking away, seeming slightly distant. Like he was deep in his thoughts.

Taking the two plates he moved towards the table and Jackson didn't even look up when he stopped staring down at him.

"Jackson?" Mark asked, causing Jackson to twitch.

"Yeah?"

"You alright?" Mark wanted to know, placing the plate in front of him and the other one at the other side of the table.

"Yeah... sure..." Jackson replied, but his smile didn't reach his eyes. "It's just... a lot has happened today... and I was just thinking about everything..."

"Okay..." Mark replied, being way too afraid to say anything more. He didn't want to destroy another evening between them. And he didn't want to push Jackson telling him anything he didn't want to tell. He sat down on his chair, smiling at Jackson.

"I hope, you'll like the lasagna... it's Callie's recipe and I hope, I did everything right..." He laughed nervously. "But I doubt it will be as good as Callie's..."

He watched Jackson cutting off a bite and putting it on his fork, too nervous to eat himself.

"Wow... it's... absolutely awful..." Jackson said with a serious look on his face, causing Mark to stare at him in shock.

"Really?" he asked, feeling really disappointed, but then Jackson let out a chuckle.

"No, you idiot!" Jackson shook his head. "It's absolutely delicious, okay?" He stood up and rounded the table, sitting down on Mark's lap. "I really love it... and I can't believe Callie could make it that much better..."

"That was mean..." Mark said, still letting out a relieved sigh. "But I'm really happy you like it..." He slapped Jackson on the ass once he shoved him off his lap. "And now get back to your chair and eat before it gets cold."

"I will..." Jackson said, leaning down and looking Mark deeply in the eye. "But not before I did that..." And with those words he crossed the distance and kissed Mark passionately.

"Thank you..." he said once they broke apart. "Thank you for the evening... thank you for the lasagna and everything..."

"No, thank _you_... I hope we can really enjoy this evening... just the two of us..." Mark replied.

"I'm sure we will..." Jackson assured him, before sitting down and grabbing his fork again.

When Mark grabbed his own and tasted his lasagna he had to admit that it really was good. Better than he expected, and he was really glad he managed to pull it off. He would have to thank Callie for the recipe later.

They enjoyed their meal in comfortable silence and afterwards, Mark put the plates and the cutlery into the dishwasher.

Jackson wanted to help him again, but again Mark wouldn't let him. Instead he told him to choose a movie to watch and when Mark joined him on the couch Jackson had already put in a DVD.

"What did you choose?" he asked curiously, placing a hand on the back rest of the couch and feeling Jackson cuddling close to him.

"Surprise..." Jackson smiled and turned on the TV, and then the movie started.

It was the movie "Last Samurai", a movie Mark hadn't seen in a while and that he really, really liked.

They were halfway into the movie when Mark noticed that Jackson was absent again. That he didn't pay any close attention to the movie at all.

"What's wrong, babe?" he asked into the silence, causing Jackson to straighten up and look at him.

"Nothing... really... I just feel somehow... I don't know..." Jackson sighed. "Agitated... Anxious... and I can't even say why..."

He was telling the truth, Mark could tell, and he wanted to help him, but he just didn't know how.

"Turn around..." Mark said, pausing the movie.

"Why?" Jackson asked, tilting his head.

"Trust me..." Mark replied gently, waiting for Jackson to turn his back on him before he grabbed the hem of his shirt.

"Mark?"

"Lift your arms..." he requested and after a couple of seconds Jackson complied and Mark pulled off his shirt, placing his hands on both of Jackson's shoulders and starting to massage them.

"Just relax, baby... I'm gonna take good care of you..." Mark said, placing soft kisses at the back of Jackson's neck. "I'm gonna make you feel better... so much better..." he promised, hoping he could keep his promise. He didn't know what exactly it was that made Jackson so uneasy, didn't know what was on his mind, but no matter what it was, Mark just hoped, he could help him to isolate everything from him. At least for that moment.

**Jackson Avery & Alex Karev POV:**

Jackson was trying to will himself to calm down. Mark had worked so hard on this night and the last thing Jackson wanted to do was ruin it.

Still, the look that Alex had given him after talking to Gary had made him nervous. It was obvious that Alex had lied and now all Jackson could do was worry about exactly how much the man knew.

"You're so tense" Mark said as he rubbed a knot out of Jackson's shoulder "everything okay?"

"Yeah" Jackson told him as he looked up at Mark "a week of the pit is strenuous"

Mark shook his head and to Jackson it looked like he believed it. "Try and forget it" Mark said "tomorrow is your last day then it's back to plastics full time"

"Right" Jackson agreed with Mark. After tomorrow he could get back to his routine and he wouldn't have Alex trying to dig into his life anymore.

Closing his eyes Jackson leaned back and worked on controlling his breathing "This is nice" he whispered and felt Mark put more pressure on his back.

Something was still wrong, though. Jackson felt uneven and looking down he felt his hand start to shake slightly. He was looking at it when he felt his cell phone vibrate.

Jumping up Jackson reached into his pocket and pulled it out

_Gary_

"

I'll be right back" Jackson said as he walked into the bathroom and closed the door.

"Gary?" Jackson asked "I've been trying to call you, man"

"I know" Gary replied "it's just your friend seems pretty...intense"

Damn it. Jackson knew Alex had said something "Don't worry about him" he told Gary "the guy just has a lot of his own issues he's dealing with right now. Look, can I meet you somewhere?"

Gary seemed to pause for a moment "Sure. Just meet me at the club"

"Great, I'll be there in 20 minutes" and with that Jackson hung up and stuffed his phone back in his pocket. Standing in the bathroom he worried about what he would say to Mark. He felt like crap for bailing on this night after looking forward to it all day, but Jackson knew that if he didn't get something to put him back on an even keel the night would only get worse.

Walking back into the living room he saw Mark look at him "Everything okay?"

"Yeah" Jackson said in a rushed tone as he walked over to the couch and picked up his shirt "That was April" he lied "seems that she needs something from the apartment and she's feeling too nauseous to drive herself". Putting on his shirt he shook it loose and smoothed out the front.

'Why don't I go with you?" Mark offered as he went to grab his jacket.

"No" Jackson said quickly "I… I'm going to make it quick and I need to have something to come back to" he smiled as he walked over and kissed Mark.

"Okay" Mark told "just don't take too long"

"I won't" Jackson said "I love you"

"Love you too"

Opening the door Jackson left the apartment and headed down to his car before he let the guilt of lying to Mark stop him from going.

Alex stood across the street from the club that Gary had mentioned earlier. Lewis was parking the car as Alex scanned the crowd looking for Jackson.

Since Alex hadn't got a phone call from Jackson cursing him out the man knew he was going to at least try and see Gary in person.

It killed Alex to know what Jackson was doing and he was completely serious in his declaration to stop the man from destroying his life.

Alex caught sight of a man pushing his way through the crowd as he walked up to the bouncer. Alex recognized the shirt as the one Jackson had been wearing earlier in the day and seeing the bouncer smile at Jackson before stepping aside to let him in only made Alex feel a little jealous.

"Why are we here again?" Lewis asked Alex as he walked up to him.

"Remember I talked about us seeing that big world together? Well, this is it" Alex told him.

"But I hate these kinds of places. Loud noises and obnoxious music and having to dress like this" Lewis said as he pointed at his own outfit. Leather jacket, lime green shirt, black pants with matching black loafers.

Turning around Alex looked at the outfit he all but forced Lewis in. He was hardly a fashion expert, but seeing as how the outfit made Alex want to fuck the man the minute he saw Lewis in it was a good sign.

"You look amazing" Alex said as he pulled Lewis to him and gave him a long kiss "now let me go show you off"

That got a laugh out of Lewis and grabbing his hand he lead the man across the street. Walking up to the door he and Lewis squeezed through a crowd that seemed to be embarrassingly determined to get in.

"Dude!" Alex shouted and getting the bouncers attention he looked at Alex and Alex could tell he was about to say no until he pulled Lewis close.

The bouncer gave a small smile and pulling them up to the door he let Lewis in and then stopping Alex as the man was about to enter the bouncer gave him a wink "Good Job"

Alex tried to ignore the sense of pride that welled up in his chest.

The moment they entered Lewis said he was going to need a drink if he was being forced to spend the night in that place. Making their way to the bar Lewis raised his hand for the bartender the exact moment Alex caught sight of Jackson walking to a back room with Gary.

"Hey, I'm going to hit the head" Alex said to Lewis "order me something". After seeing Lewis nod his understanding he took the path he had just seen Jackson take.

After managing to get through the crowd Alex finally made it into the back room and was surprised to see how decent it looked. A couch, television and a stock of liquor that sat off to the side. It almost looked like it's own miniature bar.

"What the hell?" Jackson said angrily.

Alex returned his focus to the two other people in the room "Gary" he smiled "I thought we talked about this earlier"

With his arm in a sling Gary gave Alex an angry stare.

"Go away, Alex" Jackson said as he walked up to him "go back home to Lewis"

"No" Alex told him "I'm worried about you and I'm not going to let this jag off help you destroy yourself"

"Are you serious, Alex?" Jackson laughed "I wasn't aware you took the White Knight course, but I don't need one so kindly fuck off"

"Really" Alex said and reaching into Jackson's pocket he pulled out a small baggie filled with white pills. The urgency on Jackson's face spoke volumes.

Gary walked up to Jackson and Alex "What is your damage, guy?" he asked Alex "do you want to fuck Jackson or something?"

"No" Jackson said as he snatched the pills out of Alex's hands "he's just trying to make himself feel better after abandoning his pregnant girlfriend"

That had hurt Alex, but the man did his best not to let it get to him. He knew Jackson was just scared and angry.

"What's going on here?" Lewis asked "I can hear you two arguing through the door"

Turning towards the man Jackson quickly stuffed the bag in his pocket before Lewis could see it.

"What are you doing here, Jackson?" but his brother only turned his gaze away from him.

"Alex?" Lewis asked "somebody needs to tell me something"

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis wasn't stupid. When Alex had told him he had to go to the bathroom, he could tell that Alex was tense. And that he was lying. Sometimes he really hated the fact that he could read people like that, but of course he couldn't let it go with that.

For this reason he followed Alex with his eyes and saw him vanishing through a backdoor. There had to be some kind of backroom or something like that there.

Lewis decided to wait for a little while, hoping Alex would be back any minute, but after he didn't reappear he slid from the bar stool and made his way towards the room, already hearing loud voiced shouting at each other. Voices he recognized immediately as Alex' and Jackson's. What the fuck was Jackson doing here?

It took him a moment to be able to react, because the shock on his face must have been obvious. Of all people in the world he hadn't expected to meet Jackson here. Or was this all a set-up? Did Alex bring him here to meet Jackson? Was Alex still trying to make them talk?

A sigh left Lewis' lips. Only one way to find out.

He entered the room only to see Alex standing in front of Jackson and looking all but happy.

"What's going on here?" Lewis demanded to know "I can hear you two arguing through the door"

He turned his head towards his little brother just in time to see him putting something in his pocket, even though he couldn't see what it was.

"What are you doing here, Jackson?" he asked but never got an answer. Instead, Jackson just turned away from him, grabbing his jacket that was placed on the couch behind him.

"Alex?" Lewis turned his attention back to his boyfriend - or whatever he wanted to call Alex. "Somebody needs to tell me something. What's going on here?"

Alex' shoulders sank down when he looked at Lewis. "Nothing... he replied. I just..." he gestured with his hands and Lewis could tell that he was about to fabricate some kind of excuse that would get him out of this situation.

"Don't lie to me, Alex... you know how much I hate lies..." Lewis shook his head. "What's going on between you two? Did you only bring me here because you knew Jackson was here?"

"I... I... Lewis it's not what it looks like!" Alex tried to convince him, but Lewis didn't really believe him.

"Oh really? To me it looks like another of your tries to make me and Jackson talking, but it won't work that way, okay?" Lewis replied angrily.

"Then it's exactly what it looks like, and I'm sorry..." Alex said, looking at Jackson who was just getting into his jacket. "I really can't be in the middle of this fight..."

Lewis took a step back when Alex tried to touch him.

"No one forces you to..." he said immediately. "If you don't wanna be with me anymore, just say it..."

"That's not what I meant, Lewis..." Alex voice sounded almost desperate, and he seemed really upset.

"I think you two should talk this over without me... I'm gonna leave..." Jackson said and tried to make his way past Lewis, but Lewis grabbed his arm before he could leave.

"Not so fast, little brother..."

"Now I'm your little brother again?" Jackson laughed sarcastically. "Let go of me... I need to get back to Mark..."

"Don't think I don't know what you're capable of..." He looked around in the room. "I know you, Jackie, and I think we should talk... in private... unless you want someone else to find out some certain things I'm sure you don't want them to find out..."

Jackson twitched. "Stop blackmailing me..."

"I'm not blackmailing you; it's just a well meant advice." Lewis let go of Jackson's arm and looked him directly in the eye. "Come to my office tomorrow, I really think we need to discuss some things..." Lewis said in a warning tone, and watched Jackson leave without even giving him an answer, but he was sure his little brother didn't want anyone to find out about his drug career back then.

Lewis wasn't stupid and he knew something here was totally off. Especially by looking at the other guy in the room, who looked like a typical drug dealer. He just hoped he was wrong. He hoped, Jackson wasn't using again. But he could connect the dots and this club was exactly where Jackson would have gone back in the days.

"And now let's get back to you, Alex..." he said, turning his attention back towards Alex who was still standing in the middle of the room, looking even more upset than before. "But first let's get out of here. I don't like an audience overhearing my private conversations." he pointed towards Gary, before taking Alex' hand and pulling him out of the room and finally out of the club.

Fresh air. That felt good and was exactly what Lewis needed right now.

"What was that all about, Alex? Why did you even bring me here? You knew Jackson would be there, right?" he asked, feeling anger bubbling up within him again, because he felt so betrayed in this moment.

"Lewis... I'm... I'm sorry, I just..." Alex started, but Lewis cut him off.

"You just what? Thought you can fix things between us? I already told you, you can't..." Lewis replied harshly. "You have no idea what you're dealing with here, Alex... and you have no idea what you're getting into... so stay out of it... it's none of your business."

"When it comes to you and Jackson it _is_my fucking business..." Alex replied without hesitation. "Don't you get it? I'm already in the middle of whatever it is going on between the two of you. It's too late for me to turn around... and in all earnesty: I'm a big boy, I can take care of myself... and I won't look away if the people I love are in pain... or hurting..."

Lewis let out a desperate sigh. "Okay... I get it... but this is... this is too much for you..."

"Why? Why do you think you have to protect me? And from what do you think you have to protect me?" Alex asked back, putting Lewis into a tight spot with those questions.

He knew so much more about Jackson's past than Alex could probably handle and he definitely wouldn't tell Alex anything until he was sure. Until he had proof that he was right. Maybe he was wrong after all. That was a hope Lewis was clinging to right now. Jackson was cleverer than that. Jackson was stronger than that. He just wasn't using again. It couldn't be. Lewis wasn't able to protect him from anything the first time, but he would never forgive himself if it happened again and he just stood by watching. He hated himself for letting anything bad happen to his baby brother, just because of his jealousy. He should have protected him as his older brother. He should have been there for him, but the hate and the jealousy had consumed him completely. He should have seen it coming.

"Alex... you don't know Jackson the way I do... I can't stand to see you getting hurt..." Lewis replied, without giving away anything.

"But Jackson is one of my best friends... I can't just stand there and watch him drown in his pain..." Alex said.

Lewis moved closer to him and pulled him into his arms. "I know... but you can't help him if he doesn't want any help..." he commented, knowing that it was a fact. If Jackson didn't wanna be helped there was no way Alex or anyone else was able to do so. He had been through this and he was afraid Jackson would repeat all the mistakes he had made the first time, and he - again - would just stand on the sideline doing nothing. God, he hoped he was wrong. That Jackson would come to his office tomorrow and tell him that he was okay, and for him to actually believing it.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

It had taken longer than expected for Jackson to get back to Mark's apartment. The argument with Alex and Lewis was still playing in his head as he held the bottle of wine he had picked up to show his apology.

He had no idea what he was going to do. Alex had found the pills and was probably telling Lewis everything right now, which meant his brother had won.

He would go to Hunt tomorrow and tell the man everything and whether Jackson admitted to it or not Hunt would demand a drug test and Jackson had no way of flushing it out of his system by then.

They were only stupid pills that made Jackson capable of getting rid of the stress that was caused by Lewis and now his brother was going to use that to get Jackson fired.

Jackson had long since given up the idea of fairness a long time ago, but didn't he deserve at a least a little something that he could call his?

Opening the door Jackson walked in "Hey Mark" he said expecting to see the man sitting on the couch watching television.

Instead, what he got was everything put away, the television off, and Mark nowhere to be seen.

Fuck, Jackson had ruined the evening.

Walking over to Mark's wine cabinet Jackson opened it up and put the bottle inside. Once done he made his way to the man's bedroom and opened up the door.

He didn't know what to expect. The man was probably angry and in all honesty he had every right to be.

Preparing for the worst Jackson was surprised to see Mark had fallen asleep. Still fully clothed and even wearing his shoes. Jackson approached him and went about taking off the man's shoes and then seeing how deep Mark was sleeping Jackson was able to remove his pants. Leaving him in just a shirt and boxers.

Once Jackson was finished with Mark he toed out of his own shoes and undid his pants to let them fall to the ground before stepping out of them. Easing his way onto the bed Jackson saddled up behind Mark to spoon him. Wrapping his arms around the man's waist Jackson gave a small kiss to his neck. Mark moved back subconsciously toward Jackson trying to find more of the man's heat.

"I'm so sorry" Jackson whispered in his ear, knowing the man couldn't hear what he said, but needing to talk anyway.

"You put up with so much from me and I don't deserve it. I want to tell you everything, but I know that if I did, if you actually knew the kind of man you were with, you would leave and never look back" Jackson pulled Mark closer "and I guess I'm just too selfish to lose you. I need you too much" he could still hear Mark's breathing remain slow and steady. Although Mark couldn't hear the things Jackson said it still made him feel better for saying it.

Jackson had a restless sleep and he had awoken just as the sun had come up. Deciding to try and make it up to Mark he thought that cooking breakfast was something that he could do.

Mark loved omelettes, so cooking two cheddar cheese ones Jackson made bacon and link sausage to go along with it. Then thinking that maybe the man would appreciate waffles Jackson set about making some using the blueberries in Mark's fridge as a topping.

Jackson had just got done plating the food when Mark walked out into the living room rubbing his eyes.

"What smells so good?" he asked groggily.

Turning around Jackson had set a plate down on the kitchen table and motioned Mark to sit down. Smiling Mark walked over and gave Jackson a kiss on the cheek.

"What happened to you last night?" Mark asked and Jackson felt himself tense up.

"I didn't account for traffic" Jackson said as he made it a point not to look Mark in the eye "but I'm so sorry for messing up everything you did last night"

"It's okay" Mark told him "I'm hoping that was only the one of many nights you spend here" and sitting down Mark took a fork for the omelette and took a bite "damn, this is delicious"

Taking two glasses of orange juice to the table Jackson sat one down in front of Mark and took a drink out of the other one as he sat opposite the man.

"I'm glad you like it" Jackson said. He wondered how his life would be that night. If he lost his job and Mark found out what he had been doing, would the man be so willing to forgive Jackson?

Probably not, so he was going to enjoy every moment he had with the man until the bottom fell out.

Jackson had tried to stay as long as he could, but he knew he didn't have the luxury of calling out. Not when it was his last day in the pit and Jackson was still heading Plastics.

After he showered Mark gave him one of his shirts to wear and a pair of pants that Jackson had left over there on one of his previous visits.

"Call me later, okay?" Mark told him "I have Sofia later so if you want to come by after work I think she would like that"

"I'd like that too" Jackson said as he kissed Mark "I'll talk to you later" and with that Jackson left and tried to steel himself for the day ahead.

Jackson had done a pretty good job of avoiding Alex. Going from one patient to the next he brushed off the man as he asked Jackson to talk.

"This is our last day" Jackson said to Alex "I just want to get it done and over with"

"Come on, man" Alex pleaded "can't you just see I'm trying to help?"

"I didn't ask for your help" Jackson told him "in case you haven't realized, Karev, you've made things a lot more screwed up then they needed to be"

"So it's my fault?" Alex asked indignantly "you're blaming your_ problem_on me?"

"I don't have a problem"

"Obviously" Alex said sarcastically.

"Fuck you Al-" Jackson tried to say before he heard his name being called. Turning around he saw Lewis standing behind him.

"Come on" Lewis said "we need to talk"

"I can't" Jackson responded "it's busy down here".

"I got it" Alex said aloud "don't worry about it." Looking at Alex Jackson gave the man an angry stare.

"Fine" Jackson said as he took off his plastic gloves and threw them in the nearest trash bin. Walking by Lewis he headed out of the pit.

Once the two made it to Lewis' office the man closed the door and went to stand behind his desk.

The two brothers stood on opposite ends of the room and to Jackson it felt like they were a world apart.

"So, are you going to tell me what last night was about?" Lewis asked.

"Alex doesn't know how to mind his business and he seems to have a really messed up hero complex" Jackson said "I think you should talk to him about that"

"This isn't about Alex" Lewis told him "do you honestly think I don't know how you act when you're strung out?"

Jackson didn't let Lewis see the fear he had at the mention of his previous drug use "Is that the new game plan now?" Jackson laughed "you couldn't get Mark to have sex with you so now you're going to say I'm a drug addict?" Jackson shook his head "I have to say I thought you were better then that"

"This has nothing to do with Mark" Lewis said "I'm worried about _you_"

"Right" Jackson chuckled "I'm sure my well being is right up there on your list. Tell me Lewis, is it before or after the part where you promised to take everything away from me?"

Lewis looked down and away from him and Jackson could almost imagine he saw guilt, but he knew that wasn't the case.

"Jackson...we may have our differences, but you can't honestly think I would want you to start doing that again…"

Folding his arms across his chest Jackson felt like he could almost believe the things Lewis was saying.

"I promise I'm not doing any of that stuff" Jackson said "I learned from my mistakes"

"Have you?"

Jackson balked at the accusatory told "To hell with you Lewis. You and Michael and Alex all tell me what I need to do and you know what? I'm getting tired of it. None of you can say anything to me without putting some sort of vague threat behind it"

"We don't threaten you" Lewis said

"How many times have you or Michael promised to tell Mark something if I didn't do exactly what you wanted?"

"So is that why you're using again?" Lewis asked "because you couldn't handle the pressure?"

"What in the hell do you think this is?" Jackson said angrily "you're not some fucking counsellor who's going to get me to admit to something I'm not doing. Newsflash, Lewis, I can't stand the sight of you and just because you want to suddenly play big brother doesn't mean I have to stand here and help you feel good about yourself"

"That's not what I'm doing" Lewis said as he stood "can't you just think that for a moment I give a damn about you?"

"No" Jackson responded "I stopped believing that a long time ago. Now, if you don't mind, I have a job to do" and he turned around to leave.

"Walk out that door and I go to Hunt" Lewis said and turning around Jackson saw his brother stare him down "Now sit, because I have some things to say"


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N:** So… weekend means more time on my/our hands, so here's already the next chapter for you… and it's gonna be a pretty rough one… don't hate us ^^" But we're glad people start warming up to Lewis and see that he was blinded by his hate and jealousy but actually isn't "just" a bad guy and still has "feelings" for his brother even though he has difficulties to show them…

We have 95 reviews, by the way *_* I think the 100. we'll have to "celebrate" somehow, I just don't know how yet XD any ideas what you would want for the 100. review? Some kind of reward?

As for April: At the moment we haven't planned any new lover for her, but thanks for the suggestion, we keep that in mind ;-) She could really need some happiness, that's true :D

And now enjoy Chapter 37… if you can XD Sorry again, I know it's another "dark" Chapter…

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis knew that he didn't leave Jackson much of a choice, because this was a threat. One he didn't plan on going through with, though, even though Jackson of course didn't know... He already felt bad enough for causing so much stress for Jackson that he - indeed - was using again. At least that was what everything looked like at the moment. Lewis still somehow had a little hope, that he was wrong, even though deep down he knew better.

"And you say you're not threatening me?" Jackson blurted out. "Then how would you call what you are doing? Seems like a threat to me..." He sat down in front of Lewis' desk, but understandably - he didn't look very happy.

"You don't leave me any other choice, now do you, Jackie?" Lewis gave back.

"Don't call me Jackie... my name is Jackson," Jackson replied through gritted teeth.

A resigned sigh left Lewis' lips. "Yeah, I know... but for me you'll always stay my little brother... and that's what you are, Jackson. You're my family."

"Well..." Jackson rolled his eyes. "You have a strange way of showing me your love."

"Jackson, please... can't we talk like two grown ups? I know I made a lot of mistakes in the past, but you haven't been exactly a saint either, right?" Lewis tried to look Jackson directly in the eye, but his brother made a habit of avoiding his gaze, and Lewis knew he was starting to get to him.

"You're rubbing that in my face every chance you get..." Jackson replied. "And I'm so sick of it... why can't you just leave me the fuck alone? This is none of your fucking business."

"Yes it is..." Lewis disagreed with him.

"I can't stand by and watch you destroy your life..."

Jackson let out a chuckle. "Right, because then I would do your job. Why does it always have to be about you?" He turned his head to look at Lewis finally. "You don't want me to destroy my life, because then your revenge plan is gone... then you can't destroy it anymore."

"That's not what I meant," Lewis tried to convince him, but he already saw that his words didn't really reach Jackson.

"Then what do you mean?" Jackson asked, crossing his arms above his chest once more.

"Jackson, please... I..." Lewis started, trying to compose himself, but it became harder every minute. "I am _really _worried about you. I stood by and watched you getting into using deeper and deeper and instead of helping you, I let my jealousy and my hate get ahead of everything else... I should have been there for you. I should have tried to do something. I should have tried to protect you, but I didn't..."

Lewis bit his lower lip, feeling slightly shaken up. He didn't want to be this vulnerable in front of Jackson. Not after everything that happened between them.

"You really expect me to watch from the sideline how you flush your life down the toilet? You have friends here, Jackson... and a life... and people you love and who love you."

Jackson was quiet for a moment, obviously trying to process what Lewis just said, and Lewis still wasn't sure if it was good for either of them to show Jackson so much of himself. He hadn't done that in a while, if ever.

"That hasn't really interested you so far... in fact, you wanted to take all of it away from me, and you're already on a good way... Alex is yours and my friendship with April isn't what it used to because you broke Alex and April up... are you satisfied by the way?"

"Hey, that's not fair," Lewis defended himself. "I never wanted to break them up. Hell, I didn't even know he was just your friend and not your boyfriend."

"Yeah, that excuses everything." Jackson replied sarcastically. "And that makes everything so much better..." He shook his head in disbelief. "You know what? It only shows how lousy your Research has been. And that you didn't put a lot of effort into it."

"Well... maybe you're right, but believe it or not: I care for Alex. A lot... and he does make me happy. It's the first time since Tyler that I look into the future positively." Lewis admitted. "And after all you did, don't you think I deserve a little happiness?"

"Oh right, now we're talking about you again... you know what, Lewis? You're an egoistic bastard, and you will never change... for a moment there, though, I really thought you meant what you said, but of course you had to bring up Tyler again..." Jackson said with a very disappointed look on his face.

"Have you ever considered, that I was telling the truth back then? That Tyler was telling the truth?"

"The truth about what?" Lewis asked, feeling slightly overwhelmed by the direction that conversation was heading into.

"About this night? The night before your wedding day?" Jackson leaned slightly forward, focusing on Lewis. "Believe it or not, but Tyler and me... we haven't slept together... nothing happened that night..."

Lewis had to bite his lip, because the memories were floating his mind again. The memories of Jackson and Tyler in one bed, arm in arm. He had wanted to surprise Tyler, he had wanted to wake him with a self-made breakfast before their wedding, but he hadn't found him in his room. That had been the reason he had went to Jackson's room, only to find them cuddled close underneath the blankets.

Of _course_they denied everything once he had woken them up. They had both said that they just fell asleep talking, but somehow Lewis couldn't believe Jackson. Because in his eyes that was just what Jackson would do. Take away the one thing Lewis really cared about.

"Why do you have to bring that up again? It's in the past..." Lewis finally said.

"Obviously not..." Jackson replied, getting up from his chair.

"I'm not using again, okay? And I need to get back to work... Alex needs my help down there..."

"I don't believe you..." Lewis replied, standing in Jackson's way as he wanted to make his way out of his office.

"Yeah, like you ever believed any word I ever told you... tell me something new." Jackson bit back.

"Jackson... I know that look in your eyes, and I can see that you did some drugs last night... you need to be very careful here..." Lewis replied.

Again, Jackson let out a laugh. "Because otherwise you're going to Hunt? You're only happy if you have something to hold against me, right, Lewis?" He pushed his brother away, opening the door. "Congratulations... but if you think I'll play your puppet again, you're wrong. Believe whatever you wanna believe, it never was any different at all... Why am I not surprised by that?"

"I... I won't go to Hunt, if you stop using... please, Jackson... that's not worth it... I'm not worth it..." Lewis tried to convince him.

"That's where you're right... you're not worth it, Lewis... you're not worth anything to me..." And with those words, Jackson brushed Lewis off and left the office, leaving an almost desperate Lewis.

That last sentence really hit home. And it hurt way more than Lewis dared to admit.

There was no way he could ever fix his relationship with Jackson ever again, but he really needed to fix Jackson. He needed to do something, but going to Hunt wasn't the solution. Not for now. Maybe he should tell Alex about Jackson's former drug use. That was the only way they could find a solution. Together. He couldn't get through this alone and Michael wasn't an option anymore, because Michael WOULD use his knowledge against Jackson. He was like a train Lewis had activated and couldn't stop anymore. He had gotten himself into a lot of trouble.

**Alex Karev POV:**

Jackson had been gone for close to 30 minutes. Alex had taken care of 3 patients and was working on his 4th when Jackson walked back into the pit and grabbed some empty charts.

The man had a smile, but Alex knew it was just one for show and the rigid stance of his body told the real story of how he was feeling. Alex thought it best to just back off until the two could talk alone, without the watching eyes of patients.

It was only when he and Jackson's replacements came for the night shift and he saw Jackson head back towards his office that Alex decided to make his move.

Jogging to catch up with Jackson Alex fell in stride with him and didn't miss the frustrated sigh he received.

"Where you headed?" Alex asked "I was thinking maybe me and you could grab a beer or something"

"No, thanks" Jackson told him "I'm good"

"Dude, it will just be us. I can leave Lewis home for the night"

Stopping dead in his tracks Jackson turned and faced Alex "Don't you get it?"

"Get what?"

"I don't want to be around you" Jackson told him. His voice cold as steel "I don't like you and I don't trust you"

The words felt like a knife in his stomach. It wasn't as if Jackson hadn't said worse to him, but that was out of anger and Alex could believe Jackson didn't actually believe what he was saying, but this? Jackson was simply stating facts and the fact was Jackson had finally washed his hands off Alex.

"Is that so?" Alex said as he tried to get a hold of his emotions.

Jackson didn't say anything.

"I'm not going to sit by and just let you throw your life away" Alex told him "you think you're the first person I loved and was trying to help who lashed out? It takes more than some hurtful words to get me to give up on you"

"Too bad you can't get me pregnant, huh? That's a sure fire way to get you running in the other direction" Jackson said.

Alex had rushed the man before he could stop himself and slammed him against the wall "Shut the fuck up" he shouted. He heard Jackson's head make a resounding thud as it made impact.

"Alex" Lewis yelled as he ran towards the men and separated Alex from Jackson. Once Alex let him go Jackson looked shaken up at the man's sudden burst of anger "Why don't you just both stay the hell away from me?" Jackson said and made his way towards his office.

Alex hadn't wanted to attack Jackson like that, but after Jackson's remark he had just reacted.

"I-I'm sorry" Alex said as he looked at Lewis "I didn't mean to-"

"I know" Lewis told him "why don't we go and get something to eat. I think there are some things we need to talk about"

Nodding his head absently Alex let Lewis lead him to the locker room where he was able to change out of his scrubs.

Lewis had taken him to the burger place that Alex had always liked. After ordering, the two sat down, but Alex couldn't bring himself to actually eat any of the food on his plate.

"I can't believe I just attacked him like that...again" Alex said aloud "no wonder he wants nothing to do with me"

Lewis reached over and grabbed his hand "You made a mistake, Alex" he said "Jackson has an innate ability to know exactly what buttons to push"

"No" Alex responded "I should have controlled myself"

He felt like complete shit and he couldn't stop thinking about the ways in which he had seen his own father act out in anger. Alex couldn't be that kind of man.

"I know why you went to that club" Lewis said drawing Alex out of his dark thoughts.

"What?" Alex asked confused.

"You went there for Jackson" Lewis told him "to stop him from doing what we both know he's been doing for awhile"

"I wanted to tell you" Alex said "it's just… I had to be sure"

"I get it" Lewis smiled "you don't have to explain, Alex. I've been where you are"

"What do you mean?"

Lewis took a deep breath before his thumb started to run over the back of Alex's hand.

"Jackson came back from Paris just before he turned 18" he started "I hadn't seen him in close to two years and he wasn't the little brother I remembered. He was so...angry and resentful. I and my mom chalked it up to being a teenager, but the way he used to speak to us...the things he said...it made living with him impossible"

Alex had only recently seen the nasty side of Jackson and still the picture Lewis painted seemed completely foreign from the man Alex knew. Even when Jackson had first come to Seattle Grace and Alex had treated him like a threat the guy never seemed mean. If anything he just reminded Alex of the kind of guy he used to be before Izzie. Full of hunger and the need to prove himself.

"The first time I caught Jackson using was on his birthday" Lewis said "my mother had thrown him this elaborate party to celebrate him turning 18. My grandfather invited a bunch of magazines and papers, to really sell that Avery brand, ya know?" Lewis laughed bitterly "but Jackson had spent most of the party dodging everyone and after an hour or so I finally caught him in the guest house. He and some guy that he claimed was a friend of his were doing a line of coke and I just lost it" Lewis looked down shamefully "I went on and on about him being a disgrace to our family and how ashamed our father would be. I didn't ask him once why he felt he had to turn to drugs; I just condemned him for it"

"You were young and scared" Alex said "a lot of people would react the same way"

"My grandfather sure did" Lewis told Alex "he told Jackson he wouldn't let him ruin the family name like dad did and the morning after his birthday he was shipped off again. This time to a rehab centre across the country. See Alex, that's what we did with Jackson. We never bothered to try and understand him...we just got rid of him and hoped he would come back better off then how he left. Of course Jackson spent the next 2 years falling in and out of recovery and I was just so angry with him… I blamed him for so much that I just ignored how badly he was hurting. Then when the Tyler thing happened I...I didn't even bother to try and listen to anything he had to say" Lewis looked as if something had just dawned on him "I didn't even listen"

Getting up from the table Alex walked over and sat by Lewis and wrapped his arms around him "It's okay" he whispered in the man's ear "we're going to find a way to fix this. I promise"

"I'm his big brother, Alex" Lewis said as he looked at the man "I should have been protecting him and instead I became the thing he needed protection from"

Alex could feel his heart breaking. He knew what Lewis was feeling. Aaron and Amber had been two of his biggest failures and as their big brother Alex should have saved them from the horrors that came with being a part of his family.

"We can do that now" Alex said "we can go and tell Jackson together. If he just knows that he has people who are behind him then maybe that can make a difference"

"I don't know, Alex" Lewis told him "he's had a lifetime of people turning their backs on him"

"We change that.. tonight" and looking at Lewis the man smiled at him "I can't thank you enough for being in my life" he said as he leaned over and gave Alex a kiss.

"Likewise" Alex smiled and meant it completely. How Lewis had come to him hadn't been important, just the fact that he was here was all that mattered "now let's go" and dropping a few bills on the table Alex and Lewis got up and headed for Alex's car.

Alex knew Jackson had to be at one of two places. Either at Mark's, or at their apartment and a quick call to Mark where Alex had made up an excuse about needing to ask Jackson a question, but being unable to reach his cell phone lead to Mark telling him that Jackson wasn't there.

So the apartment it was.

Pulling up Alex parked the car and as he and Lewis walked up to the front door Alex grabbed the man's hand as a sign of support.

One that Alex knew Lewis appreciated.

Taking out his keys Alex opened the door to find the lights on. Good, Jackson was here.

"Jackson" Alex yelled "I need to talk to you"

He could feel Lewis' hand start to shake and looking at the man Alex pulled him close "we can do this" he told Lewis as he gave the man a kiss and felt Lewis wrap his arm around Alex's waist "I love you"

"I love you too" Lewis said and turning his head Alex was about to yell for Jackson again when to he and Lewis' surprise they saw April standing there holding a cardboard box filled with various items.

"April" Alex said surprised as he broke away from Lewis "what are you doing here?"

The woman looked at both Alex and Lewis awkwardly "I'm just here to pick up some things to take back to Meredith and Derek's"

"Let me help you" Alex said as he ran over and tried to take the box from her.

"No, I got it" she told him as she held on tightly.

"Don't be ridiculous" Alex chastised as he made a play to grab it again.

"I said n-" she repeated before doubling over in pain.

"April?" Alex asked urgently "what's wrong?"

"Nothing...I'm fine" she squeaked out.

"Alex" Lewis said as he ran over to the woman "call 911"

"What...why?"

"She's bleeding...do it now" Lewis told him as he snatched the box out of April's hand and threw it to the ground just in time to catch the woman before she collapsed.

Looking at April Alex had no idea what the man was talking about until he saw the woman's leg. Blood was running down it and Alex knew it was way too much blood to be anything close to normal.

Suddenly, he found himself unable to move.

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis was still very surprised not to find Jackson but April in the apartment. He didn't want to have another fight, especially not considering she was pregnant with Alex' kid, so he just stood by and watched for a moment, until he noticed that something here was completely wrong.

And now he held her in his arms, while she was making painful sounds and Alex just stood there and stared at them.

"Alex... please! Do something... April needs you!" Lewis yelled at him, but he seemed to be in some kind of shock, because he didn't move an inch.

Lewis could only imagine what the man was going through, but he knew he had to do something. He knew he had to act when Alex couldn't. He needed to fix this.

As gently as possible he lifted April up and carried her to the couch in the living room, laying her down carefully, before leaning over her and brushing some of her long hair out of her face.

"April, listen to me..." he started talking, not knowing if she would even hear him in her pain.

"You're gonna be okay... I promise...everything's gonna be fine... I'll get you some help..."

He got back to his feet and looked for the landline phone and when he finally found it, he ran towards it and dialled '911' immediately.

"911, what's your emergency?" he heard a male voice ask and tried to compose himself.

Even though he didn't really have any connection to April, he knew he had to help her. He was a doctor after all, even though he couldn't do more than call an ambulance right that moment.

"My girlfriend is pregnant fourth or fifth month to be exact... and she's bleeding. She just collapsed," he described April's condition as exact as possible.

"Is she conscious?" the guy on the other end of the line asked and Lewis shook his head, only realizing a second later that he couldn't see that.

"No... not at the moment, but she's moaning and whimpering... she seems to be in pain... please hurry..." Lewis replied, trying his best to stay calm. It wouldn't help anyone if he freaked out now as well.

"Okay, I'll send an ambulance right away. What's the address?" the guy on the phone asked.

Lewis froze. Shit. He didn't even know. "Just a moment, okay?" he replied, grabbing Alex' arm and shaking him slightly.

"Alex... what's the address? Where are we?" he asked, but not getting an answer right away. He put down the earphone, taking Alex' face in his hands. "Alex... focus... please... you gotta help me here, buddy, okay? What's the address of where we are now? I haven't paid any attention on the drive over here, so I need your help. April needs your help. Please, Alex..."

And finally, finally Alex was giving him the right answer as if waking up from his numbness.

"Thank you..." Lewis replied, grabbing the phone once again and telling the medic the right address and only hanging up when he promised the ambulance was on the way.

He turned back to Alex who was just standing there, looking completely lost. "Come on... we need to help April... she needs you right now... your baby needs you..."

"I... this is my fault..." Alex whispered, but Lewis shook his head energetically.

"We don't have time for that...you can blame yourself later and I will tell you later that you didn't do anything wrong, but right now we need to do something..."

He grabbed Alex' hand and pulled him into the living room, where April was starting to coil up by now, in danger to fall off the couch.

Immediately, Lewis was by her side, grabbing her hand and watching her open her eyes.

"What are you doing here?" she shied away, staring at Lewis in shock.

"I'm helping you, but you need to help me too," Lewis replied gently, trying not to upset April too much.

"I don't want your help... Go away..." she gave back, before another whimpering sound left her mouth and tears were starting to fill her yes. "It hurts..." she cried. "It hurts so much..."

"I know..." Lewis said understandingly. "But that's why I need you to calm down... for you and your baby, okay? Take long, deep breathes... try to focus on Alex..."

Lewis let go of April's hand and got up again, pushing Alex towards April. "Please Alex..." he whispered in his ear, watching how Alex clumsily bent down and looking at her. He obviously was still in shock, but at least Lewis had gotten him to move again.

"Alex..." April sobbed. "I don't wanna lose the baby..." Her body was starting to shake and finally, Alex grabbed her hand.

"You're not... you're not gonna lose the baby, okay? You two are gonna be just fine..." Lewis heard Alex say and let out a sigh of relief.

It was him April needed right now and Lewis knew it, but he was the one to keep a clear head. He was the only one not involved more or less, and he was the only one able to stay calm, even though he was also a little shaken up on the inside, but he could freak out later. When he was alone. If he had learned one thing being an Avery, then it was not to let your feelings get ahead of yourself, and he wouldn't.

When he heard the sirens of the ambulance, he looked down at April and Alex. "I'm gonna be right back."

"Where are you going?" Alex asked, panic obvious in his eyes.

"I'm just showing the paramedics where to go... I promise I'll be back soon..." Lewis replied, taking one last look at Alex before leaving the apartment and running down the stairs to let the ambulance men in which were already standing in front of the door.

"Where is she?" One of them asked immediately. "And how is she?"

"She's conscious again and talking... but she's obviously in a lot of pain and she's still bleeding," Lewis informed him, running up the stairs and point to the open door of the apartment. "She's in there... in the living room..."

He watched the paramedics make their way in and getting down in front of the couch, and Alex moved away just slightly when they did so.

Lewis stayed behind as they started examining April and then they gently lifted her onto their barrow.

"We need to get her to a hospital immediately..." one of the paramedics replied, and Lewis knew it was time to step in again.

"Could you bring her to Seattle Grace Mercy West? It's the closest and the three of us are all working there... the people April knows are there..."

"Of course, that's what we intended to do..." was the reply.

"Go with her..." Lewis told Alex, grabbing the car key out of Alex' jacket pocket. "And I'm gonna follow the ambulance with your car, okay?"

"Lewis, I..." Alex started, obviously not wanting to go alone.

"I'll be right behind you... I promise..." He said, while following the paramedics out of the apartment alongside Alex and closing the door behind.

April looked very pale and she obviously was still in pain and Lewis was really worried about her, even though he didn't know why exactly. She shouldn't concern him at all, but maybe it was because she was the mother of Alex' child and he knew losing the child now would crush him.

"Alex..." April cried out and Alex looked at Lewis for a moment as if waiting for his approval.

"Go, Alex..." Lewis requested and went directly to Alex' car while Alex was climbing into the ambulance with April, grabbing her hand again.

The ride to the hospital didn't take long and when Lewis had parked the car, he ran into the ER immediately, trying to find Alex, but since it wasn't all too busy that night, he found him immediately, sitting on a chair in the waiting hall.

"Any news?" he asked immediately, walking towards him.

He watched Alex getting up and literally running into his arms, hugging him very tight.

"Hey... it's gonna be okay..." he tried to calm Alex down, but the look in Alex eyes literally broke his heart.

"What if not? What if the baby dies? What if April dies?" Alex asked desperately, obviously fighting back his tears.

"Shhht..." Lewis whispered, holding Alex close to his chest. "No one's gonna die tonight. They are gonna be okay... it's her first pregnancy... sometimes there are complications, but that doesn't mean she's gonna lose the baby, okay? The doctors here will do anything in their power to save them..."

"I would feel a lot better if Addison was still here," Alex replied, causing Lewis to look at him confused.

"Who?"

"Addison Montgomery Forbes. Maybe you've heard of her... she's Derek's ex-wife and she's one of the best gynaecologists Seattle Grace ever had." Alex informed him.

"Okay... I understand... but I'm sure the doctors here are good, too... and they know what they are doing..." Lewis tried again to convince him.

Alex nodded, when they heard a female voice behind them.

"Doctor Karev? You can see your girlfriend now..." the nurse said, causing Alex to twitch.

"She's not..." Alex started, but Lewis cut him off mid-sentence.

"He'll be there immediately." He looked at Alex, trying to put all his love in his eyes.

"It doesn't matter whether she's your girlfriend or not... she needs you right now, okay? So just go..." He let go of Alex, hoping that April was okay and that - once Alex came back - he had good news for him.

That was absolutely not how he had pictured the evening to go down, but he hoped, he had done the right thing and not got April even more upset with his mere presence. He had destroyed enough for one day.

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex had felt like he was in a daze the moment he saw that April was bleeding. He had completely dropped the ball and had Lewis not been there to take control of the situation Alex didn't even want to imagine what could have happened.

When the doctor had told Alex he could go see her he felt his stomach drop. How could he look April in the eyes when he had failed her so drastically?

Entering her room he saw her laying there, the hospital sheet covering her stomach and legs. Standing at the doorway he felt uneasy about approaching her.

"Alex?" she asked quietly. It was obvious she was heavily medicated, but she was awake and talking which was the most important thing to Alex.

"How are you feeling?" he asked as he walked towards her and when she smiled it made his heart twist painfully.

"Better" April told him when Alex sat in the empty chair that was placed beside the bed. Grabbing her hand he held it tightly.

"Thank you" she said "I'm glad you were there"

"You shouldn't be" Alex responded sadly "Lewis was the one that did everything. I stood there like a useless statue"

He could see a look of...something cross April's face at the mention of Lewis, but the last thing Alex wanted to do was bring him up again and start an argument.

"You're here now" April said "that's what matters"

"Have the doctors told you anything" Alex asked "does this have anything with the sickness you've been feeling the past few weeks?"

"I don't know" she said guiltily "I thought that was just morning sickness, but if I did something to hurt this baby I-"

"Don't think like that" Alex told her "you didn't do anything wrong and we'll find out what happened and fix it"

She gave him another smile.

Before either person could speak again an obstetrician by the name of Dr. Hemsfield came in. He was a man fastly approaching 60, with shaggy black and white hair and a gut that Alex assumed came with the spoils of a comfortable life.

"Ms. Kepner" he said "I'm happy to see you're awake"

"Hello doctor" she responded.

Dr. Hemsfield only seemed to notice Alex once he stood by the man "Oh, I'm sorry" he said "I'm afraid I must ask you to step out while I go over Ms. Kepner's results"

Alex felt offended, but April spoke up before he could react.

"That's alright doctor" she said "he's...family"

Alex couldn't deny the warm feeling that had washed over him at the comment.

"Okay" Hemsfield said "so running the test it seems as if the cause could be placental abruption"

Seeing the confused look that April had given him the doctor continued "What that means is the placenta has separated from the uterine wall, but the good news is that it appears to be a minor case"

April gave a somewhat nervous, but relieved smile.

Alex on the other hand, did not "Excuse me doctor, but the way in which she was bleeding indicates severity"

Dr. Hemsfield looked at Alex, surprised that the man was questioning him "Sometimes excessive bleeding can occur Mr...?"

"Dr" Alex corrected "Dr. Karev"

"The Karev that works in paediatric surgery?" Hemsfield asked.

"Yes"

Looking at April Hemsfield turned his body fully towards Alex "Would you mind if we talk in the hall?"

Shaking his head yes Alex followed the doctor out and once the two made it out of the room Hemsfield faced Alex. "Dr. Karev, what happened in there was highly unprofessional"

"Excuse me?"

"With all due respect you are a paediatric surgeon so your scope on Obstetrics is limited at best and for you to question me, let alone in front of my patient, was completely uncalled for"

Alex's anger was bubbling under his skin "What's uncalled for is saying a woman who bled out as much blood as April has is suffering from something that is minor"

"Are you questioning my 30 years of solid medical history because you, a baby in this profession, have a hunch?" Hemsfield asked and his tone was sharp.

"I'm saying that whatever test you've run is wrong and if you can't get your head out of your own ass then I will find somebody who will, because that woman in there means a hell of a lot more to me then your goddamn ego" Alex spoke strongly to let Hemsfield know that him, or his prestige, didn't intimidate him into backing off.

"What's going on?" Lewis asked as he stepped up and in-between Hemsfield and Alex.

"I'm going to need you to take your friend and get him out of here before I call security" Hemsfield said to Lewis.

"WHAT?" Alex yelled "You can't-" he started to say as Hemsfield headed back into April's room.

"Alex, stop" Lewis told him as he held the man firm.

"I'm not going to let him feed April his bullshit diagnosis" Alex said.

"Okay" Lewis said "if you want to get another doctor I'm sure we can"

"I'm already on it" Alex told him as he pulled out his cell phone "can you do me a favour and go in there and just make sure April is okay?"

"I-I don't know" Lewis responded nervously "I think she would much rather have you around"

Pulling Lewis close Alex gave him a kiss "You saved her life, baby. I think that's going to carry a lot of weight, so please…for me"

He could hear Lewis sigh "Okay...just make it quick"

"Will do" Alex told him and once he saw Lewis enter April's hospital room he headed outside. Quickly dialling a number it took two rings before he heard a pleasant sounding woman answer her phone.

"Los Angeles Information, how may I help you?"

"I'm looking for the number of Dr. Addison Montgomery of Seaside Wellness" Alex said and after being put on hold the woman came back and told Alex that she would be able to connect him.

Taking her offer he suddenly felt anxious about speaking with the woman. They had a complicated history, although with Alex most people he had any history with was pretty complicated.

After the fifth ring he heard Addison's voice telling him to leave a message. Taking a deep breath Alex started to speak.

"Hey Addison...it's Alex. I know I'm one of the last people you thought you would hear from, but I have a problem. I have a friend who could really use you. She's in the hospital right now after experiencing very heavy bleeding and this Dr. Hemsfield is a quack. It's my kid Addison and I don't trust anyone else but you with this, so if you could get back to me you got my cell and if not it's 211-555-0241. I'm freaking out here"

Hanging up he stuffed the phone back in his pocket and feeling his hand shake he did his best to get it under control.

He had to be strong now. There was no room for the kind of man he had been back at that apartment.

**April Kepner POV:**

April still felt a little weak from all the medications she had gotten, but before they had given it to her, she had made sure that they wouldn't hurt her baby and that the doctors knew what they were doing. Alex' outburst on the other hand - towards Doctor Hemsfield - made her feel insecure again.

The doctor had just left the room after checking on her one last time, when she heard a knock and a second later she saw Lewis entering her room.

She had expected to see Alex, and having Lewis in her room now made her slightly uncomfortable.

"Listen, April..." Lewis started, once he moved towards her. "I'm only here to do Alex a favour... He asked me to not let you out of my sight... he's really worried about you..." He stopped his tracks in the middle of the room, seeming slightly nervous. "And I won't come closer if you don't want me to. I'm pretty sure you must hate me..."

April bit her lower lip. She somehow did hate Lewis. Or at least, she used to do. Before he had saved her and her baby. She would be forever thankful for that.

"You... you can come closer... in fact..." She pointed to the chair next to her bed. "In fact... I need to talk to you anyways..."

"Okay..." Lewis replied, taking his seat in front of April's bed and looking at her.

For what seemed like an eternity - but couldn't have been more than a couple of seconds - it was pretty quiet between them. Until April decided that it was enough and she broke the silence.

"Thank you..." She simply said, looking into Lewis' eyes, and god, they were pretty. Just like Jackson's. No surprise Alex fell for them. If she was into blue eyes, she could totally imagine herself falling for him.

"What for?" Lewis asked, tilting his head.

A small smile crossed April's lips. "Not only pretty, but also modest, huh?"

"What?" Lewis seemed more confused with every second.

"You most likely saved my life... and the life of my baby. Who knows what would have happened if you weren't there. If I had been alone tonight..." She clung to the bed sheet. "I could have blacked out and bled out in the apartment..."

"That... that goes without saying. I'm a doctor, April... I would have never just left you there in this situation..." Lewis looked her directly in the eye. "I never meant for that to happen, and if I'm the reason for you being this upset, I... I'm sorry..."

"No..." April replied immediately, feeling slightly guilty. Lewis seemed to really have thought that this... all of this... was his fault. "I think I... I don't know... maybe it was all the stress in the last few days and weeks..."

"And I played my part in you having so much stress..." Lewis gave back. "You have every reason to hate me, I know what I did, and believe me, I'm not proud of it, but I really care for Alex..."

"I know..." April replied, leaning forward and grabbing Lewis' hand. "I can see that." She let out a sigh, smiling sadly. "And no matter what happened between us, I still care for him as well... he's the father of my kid and I will always love him... but I have to accept that he has moved on..."

The thought of it still hurt, but she knew, at the moment there wasn't any chance for them getting back together. Too much had happened. Maybe at some point, but not right now. And as much as April hated to admit to it: Lewis seemed to be a nice guy after all.

"Do you love him?" she asked softly.

Lewis looked at her, biting his lower lip. "Yeah, kind of... but it's... it's really complicated... I mean... it's not the love he still has for you, I know that... and I swear to god, I never wanted to destroy a family..." He looked really guilty that moment, and as much as she wanted to, April couldn't be mad at him. And she couldn't blame him for all of her problems.

"I know..." April replied, gently stroking the back of his hand before she let go of it. "And it's okay... I really owe you one for staying calm and being there for Alex when he needed it, so he could be there for me..." She gave him an honest smile, gently touching her belly.

"You think my baby's gonna be okay?" she asked, looking down at her rounding belly. "I... I am so afraid to lose it, even though Doctor Hemsfield said otherwise... but somehow I don't trust him..."

"Neither does Alex..." Lewis replied immediately. "And I think he's about to get you someone else... I don't know exactly, but he was really upset when I left him..."

"Really?" April asked, feeling her heart beat faster. It meant a lot to her to know that Alex still loved her, and hearing it from Lewis was just something special. He was the man who stole him away from her after all; even though she knew it wasn't only his fault. Alex didn't have to respond to his flirting, but he did.

"Yeah, really... he wants what's best for you two... and the reason he's not with you is, that he doesn't think he is the best... and that he can give you what you deserve... I... I tried to tell him that sometimes love is worth fighting for, and that he's not as bad as he thinks he is, but..."

"You did?" April responded, looking at him slightly surprised. "But why?"

"Because I know how it feels to lose the one person you love most in the world... it's as if someone rips your heart out," Lewis gave back, and April knew that he was honest with her in that very moment.

"Thank you..." she said, and the moment Lewis was about to say something in reply, the door opened and both, her and Lewis, turned towards it, seeing Alex walk in.

"Hey..." Alex said, coming closer and stopping next to April's bed.

That was the moment when Lewis got up from the chair and looked at Alex.

"I think I should leave you two alone right now... I think you have a lot to talk about, huh?"

"You... you don't have to go," April replied immediately, seeing how Alex looked up at Lewis. He obviously wanted and needed Lewis here and April was the last to complain about that.

"I think I do..." Lewis replied, grabbing Alex' car-key from his pants pocket. "Here... the key to your car..."

"Lewis, I..." Alex started, but Lewis cut him off mid-sentence.

"No, it's really okay... I'm gonna see Michael and take a look how long he still has to work... if I can't get home with him, I'll call a cab... no problem. I'm a big boy..." He gave Alex a smile, before leaning down and pressing a kiss on Alex' head.

"See you tomorrow, okay?"

Alex nodded, seeming slightly uncomfortable all of sudden. "Okay... and we'll talk tomorrow..."

"Sure..." Lewis smiled again, before waving his hand good-bye in April's direction. "Feel better very soon, April. And take care..."

"I will..." April gave back, looking after him and waiting for him to leave the room, before she turned to Alex again.

"He's a really nice guy..."

Surprised, Alex looked up at her. "What?"

Amused, April chuckled. "He's a nice guy? But I'm sure that's nothing new to you, huh?"

"No!" Alex replied immediately. "But it... it somehow doesn't feel right for you to say that about him..."

"Why not?" April leaned forward, placing a hand on Alex cheek and pressing a soft kiss on Alex' forehead. "It's the truth... and I can somehow understand now why you like him so much... and he's pretty, too... just like Jackson."

"But that never was the reason for me to... you know..." Alex gestured with his hand.

"I know..." April nodded.

"Listen, I already told that to Lewis, and now I'm telling you... you will always be a part of my life... and of the life of our kid, no matter what happens... even if you decide to stay together with Lewis."

"What do you mean by that?" Alex asked, raising an eyebrow and looking slightly offended, April could tell.

"I mean, that I can accept that you have moved on, and that Lewis is a part of your life now..." April tried to come around, definitely not wanting to fight with him. "And that this doesn't change a thing about the fact that this is your baby... I want you to be a part of it, no matter if you're with me or with Lewis or whoever..." She leaned forward, leaning her forehead against Alex'.

"Please... I need you right now... as a friend, if that's all you can give me... I can't go through all of this alone... and I'm scared..." She placed a hand on her belly again. "I... I already love this baby so much... and I don't wanna lose it... but I... I don't trust this Doctor Hemsfield..." she admitted. "And I could tell you don't either... will you help me find someone else? Please?"

She let out a sigh.

"For now the pain is gone, but what if it comes back? What if this happens again?" She bit her lower lip, trying to bite back the tears, but they were coming anyways, even though she knew she shouldn't get so upset, because this definitely wasn't good for the baby, but she just couldn't help it. The thought that her baby could die literally killed her from the inside.


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N:** Just when everyone thought it can't get much worse, huh? ;-) But we promise, there is a light at the end of the tunnel… :-) Thanks again for the comments and I think, with this chapter we will reach the "magic" 100 mark… this is awesome and we're really happy that people like and enjoy the little story we're building up here :-)

Have fun with Chapter 38…

(We understand if you want Michael to disappear afterwards, he has a VERY dark side, but he's not "evil overall"… you'll see that later…)

**Jackson Avery & Michael Holt POV:**

Jackson was suffering from a horrible headache. After his conversation with Lewis and fight with Alex it was hardly a surprise, but he was getting tired of dealing with them on an almost daily basis.

He had popped two of the pills that he had kept on him and it didn't take long for them to do their job and ease him into a much more relaxed state.

Jackson was on the losing side of a battle that he had no idea how to fight. Lewis' talk had made him scared about what his brother was going to do with the information he had. Jackson wasn't an addict, he was simply a man who used a minimal amount of assistance in order to deal with problems that he couldn't manage on his own, but Jackson knew Lewis would blow that out of proportion and use that to deliver the final nail in Jackson's coffin.

He was amazed that he could lose so much in such a short amount of time. Alex was more likely to hit him then say hello, April found it hard to be around Jackson because of his connection with Lewis, and he and Mark were merely surviving day to day.

Lewis had promised Jackson that he would take everything away from him and his brother had kept his word.

Hearing a knock on his office door Jackson quickly straightened himself up "Come in"

Opening the door Michael walked in and Jackson was immediately on guard. Standing up he was about to speak before Michael put his hands up in a gesture of surrender.

"I come in peace" Michael said with a smile "I promise"

"What do you want?"

Taking a step closer the older man looked uncomfortable "I-I came to apologize" he said to Jackson "for everything"

"Bullshit" Jackson told him.

"Look, Jackson" Michael started "you have no reason to believe me, but it's the truth. After that argument with Eli I got to really think and understand what an ass I've been to you"

Jackson kept quiet and folded his arms across his chest.

"I let my feelings of loyalty for Lewis get the best of me and I should have known it was his battle to fight...not mine" Michael put his hands in his pockets and it showed Jackson that the man was nervous.

"So you expect to stand here and swallow that the months of threats and blackmail could be chalked up to just some big mistake?" Jackson asked with a bitter laugh "do you really think that I'm that stupid?"

"Of course not" Michael said "but you know how well Lewis can paint a picture and the picture he painted of you was not a pretty one. I expected you to be this heartless, crass, and for lack of a better term despicable person, but I've come to see that isn't the case"

"Despite the many times I tried to tell you?" Jackson still remained suspicious of the man's motives.

"Look at Karev" Michael said "he's known you for how many years?" he asked "and look how fast Lewis got him to believe the very worst about you"

Jackson felt hurt by the words. Holt was completely right when it came to Alex, he and Jackson's broken friendship was a testament to that. Alex was a grown man who was able to make his own decisions and yet Lewis managed to be the person Alex held above all others.

"I'm just saying that if you would allow me I would like to make amends" Michael told him "I know we have that surgery coming up soon and I think it might be a fun experience if we could actually get along during it"

"How would you suggest we get there?" Jackson asked.

"Have you eaten yet?" Michael asked "Meredith told me about this pretty awesome Thai place on 22nd street"

Jackson shook his head "I don't think that's a good idea"

"Come on Jackson" Michael said "you can even invite Mark if you want"

"I'm sure that would go over very well" Jackson responded.

"Just a dinner and some beers" Michael said "I'll even take care of the bill"

Jackson could see the sincerity in Holt's eyes and if Jackson was asking for a second chance from the people he hurt how could he not offer the same in return.

"What do you say?" Michael asked.

"Okay" Jackson said and Michael smiled "Thank you, Jackson" he told the younger man.

***

The restaurant that Michael was talking about was actually a really good one. It was located on the corner of 22nd and Fornet. Michael had requested a table out in the back that gave a pretty impressive view of the bay.

The night was actually pretty balmy for late summer, but the weather had only seemed to add to the place's atmosphere.

To Jackson's complete surprise he didn't hate sharing Michael's company. Now that the hostility was gone between the two Jackson discovered that the man actually had a pretty decent sense of humour. Although he was a lightweight when it came to drinking.

"How are you already buzzed after 3 beers?" Jackson asked "I figured a guy of your age would have learned how to handle their alcohol by now"

"That almost sounds like a challenge" Michael said with glassy eyes and a goofy grin.

Jackson was already starting on his fourth beer and, although he was starting to get the warming feeling that beer usually gave him, he was nowhere near as bad off as Holt currently looked.

"50 dollars says I can drink you under the table" Michael said.

"I can't take money from a drunken man" Jackson laughed.

"It's so on" Michael responded with a chuckle as he raised his hand to catch the attention of the waiter. Once the man came over Michael ordered two beers and told the man to keep them coming.

"You have work tomorrow?" Holt asked Jackson and the younger man told him not until late.

"Then you're going down" Michael said "I only have to decide how to spend that money"

"There is this shirt that I've had my eye on for a while, you can spend the 50 I'm going to win picking it up for me" Jackson told him and Michael smiled.

****

10 beers and enough Thai food to make Jackson feel stuffed to the gills and he had technically beat Holt. They were both drunk, but at least Jackson was still able to walk in a straight line. Something Holt had seemed to be having a problem with as Jackson led him to his front door.

"Thanks for le-letting me crash on your couch" Michael slurred.

"The cab is already gone and… and I can't have you ending up on the wrong side of town or thrown out by the driver for talking drunken talk" Jackson said.

"You do like me" Michael smiled as he pinched Jackson's cheek "I knew it"

"Don't go talking crazy talk now" Jackson told him "I simply don't find you as horrible as I did before"

"I call that progress" Michael said.

"You have a point, Holt"

Once the two made it into Jackson's apartment he walked in ahead of Michael and as he was searching for the light he heard Michael curse out. Turning his lights on he saw that Michael had tripped over a cardboard box that had been on the floor filled with things that Jackson didn't recognize.

_Had he left that out earlier in the day?_

Jackson's mind couldn't really focus so he thought it best to worry about it in the morning.

Crashing onto the couch Michael looked up at Jackson with a lopsided grin "You know, Jackson... for what it's worth Lewis was wrong about you. You're a pretty awesome guy and no matter what I've said in the past I think Mark is a lucky man"

Jackson felt unexpectedly touched at Michael's words. After so many weeks of only hearing how awful he was it was nice to hear that he managed to change somebody's mind about him.

"Thanks" Jackson said "it really means a lot".

Staggering to his feet Michael walked over and gave Jackson a hug "I can try and talk to Lewis. Make him see that this whole thing is unnecessary"

"You don't have to" Jackson told him and after a moment broke away from the hug, but not before Michael had given him a kiss on the cheek.

"I should get to bed" Jackson said, suddenly feeling awkward "I think all that beer is starting to get to me"

"Probably a good idea" Michael told him "I'll catch you in the morning"

"Yeah, goodnight, Holt" Jackson said and made his way up the stairs. He managed to make it to his room and kick off his shoes before falling onto his bed and he was out almost instantly.

Michael had waited 5 minutes after Jackson disappeared to follow him to his bedroom. He could tell how drunk the young doctor was and he congratulated himself on being able to fool Jackson into believing he was more wasted then he actually was.

Walking into Jackson's room he saw that the man was already asleep. Michael could still remember the humiliation he felt at being thrown out of Jackson's office. Jackson was the key to so much and if Michael was to lose his advantage over him now it would be bad news.

Although Jackson had spoken to Hunt on Michael's behalf Derek was still a threat to him in more ways than one. Derek still planned on coming back to Seattle Grace and Michael still had his eye on Meredith. He had seen the way the woman looked at him when she thought Michael wasn't paying attention.

Then, when she had walked in on him and Jackson's consultation and Michael had tested her by putting a hand on Jackson's lower back and he had seen her jealousy.

If Michael's plan worked out then Jackson would not have only have helped Michael get Derek's job, but his wife too. Starting the process by removing Jackson's shirt and then his pants Michael was surprised to see the small oval birthmark that became visible when Jackson's boxer brief rode up slightly. That would be information that came in handy later.

Once Jackson was only down to his boxers Michael took a deep breath and removed them quickly before placing Jackson underneath the covers. Jackson was a very attractive person, but sleeping with guys was something that Michael had absolutely no interest in and seeing another man's cock even less so. Quickly discarding his own clothing Michael eased into the bed beside Jackson and laying on his back he pulled Jackson close and laid the man's head onto his chest.

The warmness felt nice and man or not it had been a long time since Michael had felt the comfort only another person could give. Throwing an arm around Jackson he closed his eyes and let sleep overtake him.

***

The first thing Jackson had felt when he had awoken was the warm flesh under his cheek.

"Mark" he said with a smile as he opened his eyes and looked up expecting to see the man smiling down at him.

Instead he saw the slumbering face of Michael Holt and Jackson's heart and seized in his chest. Jumping up and away from the man he let out a small scream that woke Michael up.

"Hey" Michael said as he sat up on his elbows "good morning".

"What...What are you doing here?" Jackson asked "how did you get in here?"

Michael looked at him confused "Don't you remember last night?" Holt asked as he ran a finger up Jackson's arm and the man flinched away.

"No" Jackson told him. All he remembered was going to the Thai place, letting Michael sleep on his couch and then the two men were hugging and Michael gave him a kiss on the cheek.

_Oh god _Jackson thought _he had slept with Holt_

Jackson had stood up and only when he saw Michael look down at his naked form did Jackson hurry up and grab a pair of boxers that was by his feet.

"I think those are mine" Michael told him as he pointed at the blue under garment "but I like the way you look in them"

Jackson's world was officially over. He had done the one thing Mark hadn't wanted him to and now Jackson was going to lose the man for good.

Grabbing his pants Michael slid them on and went over to Jackson and put his hands on Jackson's hips "Look Jackson" he started "if you just want this to be a one time thing I understand... I'd be disappointed, but I'd understand"

"I don't even know why I..." Jackson was obviously lost in his own thoughts "what am I going to do?"

"It never has to go beyond this room if you don't want it to" Michael offered.

"Why would you do that for me?" Jackson asked.

"Because I meant what I said last night. I want us to make amends and showing you that I can be trusted with this is a good start"

"I would appreciate that" Jackson said solemnly "if Mark ever found out he'd-"

"Mark won't find out" Michael said and Jackson shook his head.

"Why don't I head out?" Michael said as he gave Jackson another kiss on the cheek before picking up his clothes "Catch you at the hospital later?"

"Y-Yeah" Jackson said and with a warm smile Michael walked out of the room and down the stairs.

Sitting back down on the edge of the bed Jackson buried his head in his hands.

Jackson had officially become the person Lewis always knew he was.

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis was sitting in his office, waiting for his next appointment. He had decided to talk to a few patients Hunt had given him the files from to maybe provide therapy for them. If they wanted to, that was. So far he still had only Mark, and that was not the way it was supposed to be.

He had to make a name here. He had to start over, even though he had a good reputation, but that didn't help in any way if he didn't live up to it. And he couldn't with Mark staying his only patient. He needed to proof himself.

He had already talked to a couple of patients yesterday, but there was only one he would have a trial therapy session with. The others were either not willing to let him help them or Lewis and them didn't get along in their first conversation and that was never a good base for a working together. He hoped, today would be different, though.

But at least he had something to look forward to. Mark. He had a double session with him today, and that would definitely distract him from the crap going on right now.

He hadn't really seen Alex since the incident with April. Either Alex had worked or he had been with her, and Lewis definitely couldn't blame him for that. He knew Alex still loved her as much as April loved him, even though they both had agreed that it wouldn't be good for either of them to get back together under those circumstances.

Still, Lewis felt somehow sad. Of course he cared a lot for Alex. The guy meant much to him, that had never been a lie, and he wanted the best for him, but he also wasn't ready to give up on him. Give up on them, even though that was an egoistic thought. A thought he couldn't help.

There was a knock on the door that pulled him out of his thoughts and he looked up from his patient files.

"Yeah?"

He took a quick look on his watch, but he still had time before his next appointment, so it couldn't be a patient.

He was surprised when the door swung open and he saw Alex, who stepped in and closed the door again.

"Hey..." he greeted Lewis and Lewis could tell that he didn't get much sleep last night. He hadn't seen him since the night before yesterday, but he looked tired.

"Hey..." Lewis replied and got up from his chair, rounding his desk. "You alright?"

Alex let out a sigh. "Yes... No... I mean..." Alex moved closer and literally threw himself into Lewis' arms. "Can you just hold me for a moment?"

"Of course, Baby..." Lewis replied, putting his arms around Alex' body and closing his eyes when Alex leaned into him, inhaling his scent. He could feel Alex relax in his arms and was more than just happy that he could provide that kind of comfort for him.

"How's April?" he asked after a while, breaking the silence with it.

"She's... she's okay... as far as someone can be with the knowledge that she could still lose her baby..." Alex replied, looking up at Lewis. "This Hemsfield wants to run some more tests and everything, but I still don't think he does his job the way he should."

"I'm... I'm sorry, Alex... if there's anything I can do..." Lewis started, but Alex cut him off mid-sentence.

"Just... hold me..." he replied, and of course Lewis complied.

"She's gonna be fine, Alex... I promise... they are gonna be fine..." he whispered into Alex' ear. "And in a couple of months you're gonna be a dad..." He started stroking Alex' back, hoping, it would calm him down. It felt really good that Alex turned to him - to him and no one else - to help him get through this, and it meant a whole lot to him.

"I need to talk to Meredith..." Alex said after a while, letting go of Lewis and looking up at him. "April needs a few things and they are at Meredith's house... I can't believe she hasn't even noticed that April is gone yet... She hasn't even visited her... April's here since two nights..."

"Maybe she's busy..." Lewis tried to say, but he knew that wasn't an explanation at all.

"Too busy to see your friend? Who's in the same hospital you work, by the way?" Alex rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right... I think she's too busy drooling over your so called friend who seems to not be able to keep his hands off a married woman."

"Hey, that's not fair," Lewis replied immediately, feeling that he had to defend Michael. "He would never do that if she wouldn't give him some signs. There are always two sides of a story..."

"Yeah, whatever..." Alex waved dismissively. "I need to go now... can I see you tonight?"

A small smile crossed Lewis' face. "Sure... if you don't need to be somewhere else?"

"I need to be with you," Alex replied, leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss on Lewis' lips, letting it form into a full-tongue kiss, before he took a step back. "I need to feel you... I need to hold you... and I need you to hold me... you think you can do that?" he asked, grabbing one of Lewis' hands and kissing his fingers.

Lewis pulled him into his arms again, kissing him passionately. "Yes... I think I can do that... See you later..."

And with those words he let go of Alex and watched him leaving his office. Now he felt a lot better, because as it looked like Alex still wanted him. Alex still needed him, just the way he needed Alex.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark was really looking forward to see Jackson today. He had planned on surprising him once his therapy session with Lewis was over. He was just on his way to the hospital, feeling really good. He was still making a lot of progress and he just knew he would be fine soon again. He would be able to operate again and then he and Jackson could prove Hunt that they were able to separate their job and their private life and still do what they were expected to.

He was happy that he and Jackson hadn't been in another big fight since that one the other night, even though it had been pretty difficult. Their relationship was like a mine field and right now they were both trying their best to not step onto one of those mines. That was a progress, too. He was so sick of fighting all the time.

Smiling, he entered the hospital and went to the fourth floor to the therapy room.

He waited in front of the door for like a minute, but then he knocked and went in, greeting Lewis as he saw him standing at the parallel bars.

"Hey Lewis... how are you?" He was glad that their incident at the restaurant was already forgotten and they were able to get along just fine. Just like before. Now if only Lewis and Jackson could get along... but maybe there still was a way for them.

"Fine, thank you... just a little stressed out, you know..." Lewis replied smiling.

"Oh... sorry to hear that... hope, you and Alex are okay?" he asked concerned.

"Yeah... sure... it's just with April being in the hospital..." he started, and Mark interrupted him immediately.

"Oh my god, is she okay?"

"You didn't know? I thought Jackson must have told you..." Lewis replied, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't even think Jackson knows... I mean... I haven't seen him the whole day yesterday... so I don't really know what he's been up to... maybe he knows and he just forgot to tell me..." Mark bit his lower lip. Why wouldn't Jackson tell him something like that? April was his best friend and he - Mark - would have been there for him.

"Maybe he really doesn't know..." Lewis replied, placing a hand on Mark's shoulder consolingly.

"How is she?" Mark wanted to know. "Is everything okay with her and the baby?"

"Well... I don't really know... but at the moment they are trying their best to help her keep the baby..." Lewis said earnestly. "I'm sure she's gonna be okay... that's what I told Alex, too..."

"Yeah, I hope so..." He let out a sigh.

"Wanna start with our session?" Lewis asked, taking Mark's thoughts away from April and Jackson and everyone involving them.

He nodded immediately. "Yes, please..."

***

Two hours later Mark left Lewis' office with a good feeling. Lewis had just told him that he wanted to talk to Hunt about everything, but that he could be back at work sooner than he thought he would, since he hadn't had any new episodes in a while and everything looked fine.

That was just great news. News he couldn't wait to share with Jackson.

So he immediately made his way to Jackson's office, knocking and storming in, even before Jackson had asked him to.

Jackson was sitting at his desk, looking up at him.

"Hey, Mark!"

Mark closed the door and rounded his desk, leaning down and capturing Jackson's lips in a fiery kiss.

"Wow..." Jackson smiled. "Someone seems to be very happy..:"

"I am..." Mark cheered. "Lewis said I could probably be back at work in like a month... if there are no new episodes and such, he's gonna clear me for surgery soon."

Jackson got up to hug him, and Mark lifted him up and twirled him around. "Jackson, I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am right now..." he said, looking up at the man in his arms and pressing him against the back wall of his office. "We should celebrate..."

"As much as I would want to... right now's not a good time..." Jackson replied, looking away immediately.

Mark raised an eyebrow, letting Jackson down again. "You okay?"

"I... I... yeah, sure..." Jackson replied and Mark could tell that it wasn't the truth, but that was another mine he didn't want to step on right now.

"Is it because of April? Lewis just told me about her being rushed into the ER yesterday night..." Mark asked. He wouldn't blame Jackson at all if that was the reason for him looking so upset, and he just hoped, there wasn't something else AGAIN.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson stared at Mark dumbfounded

"April was rushed to the ER, when?"

"Lewis said he and Alex ran into her at the apartment and she started having complications... you didn't know?" Mark asked as he tilted his head.

"No" Jackson whispered "I-I didn't know"

"What I don't get is why she would even go to the apartment when you had just went there for her the night before?" Mark asked and looking up at him Jackson felt trapped.

"I have to go see her" Jackson said "I have to make sure she's okay" and walking up to Jackson Mark put a firm hand on his shoulder.

"Do you want me to go with you?"

Shaking his head Jackson put his own hand over Mark's "I appreciate it, but I need to talk to her alone"

"I understand" Mark said "make sure to give her my best" and shaking his head yes Jackson leaned over and gave Mark a kiss on the cheek "I'm so sorry" he said against the man's ear and Jackson was apologizing for so much more then Mark would ever know.

Jackson was almost out the door when he heard Mark call his name "Can you stay with me tonight?" he asked Jackson and with a smile the young doctor smiled "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else" and with that Jackson made his way to the front desk to get April's room number and once he got it he scurried off as fast as possible.

Once he reached her room he looked in through the small window and she appeared to be asleep and for a moment Jackson thought of leaving, but he had to make sure she was okay. He had to hear April say it, see it with his own eyes that she was going to be alright.

Opening the door he walked over to the woman and grabbing her hand he gave it a light squeeze and it was enough to cause April to stir and her eyes to flutter open.

Once she was able to focus she saw Jackson and smiled.

"Jackson" she said groggily "hey"

"Hey yourself" he responded as he pulled a chair close to her bed and took a seat without ever letting go of her hand.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't here sooner" he said.

"It's okay" she told him "you're here now and that's all that matters" then sitting up she was able to put herself upright.

"What happened?" Jackson asked her and she turned her head away in a show of shame and it made Jackson angry because he knew if it was Lewis and Alex who were there it was them who were most likely the cause.

"Dr. Hemsfield said something about placental abruption, not that I even know what that means" April said and to be quite honest Jackson didn't know anymore then she did, but it sounded scary.

"Are you and the baby doing okay?" Jackson asked.

"We're good, but Alex seems to think getting a different doctor would be for the best" April said.

"What?" Jackson responded "I thought he believed it best if he had absolutely nothing to do with this kid"

"He cares, Jackson" April smiled, and the man could see the hope spring into her eyes instantly and it saddened him that Alex could still play her so well.

"Do you think Dr. Hemsfield is good?" Jackson asked and April shrugged her shoulders

"He seems pretty okay, but Alex has a right to voice his concerns, Jackson"

"Just don't let him dictate how you take care of your baby, April" Jackson told her "The only person who's opinion matters is yours and I don't want you to go along with Karev just because you feel you owe him something"

"It's not like that, Jackson" April said "but I can't do this alone"

"What are you talking about?" Jackson responded with a smile as he stood up and walked around the bed to climb in beside her and pull her close "You know I'm always going to be here for you April. I'm going to be the best uncle any kid could have" and laying her head on his chest and throwing an arm around his waist she laughed.

"You're going to spoil them rotten?"

"You know it" Jackson told her and kissed the top of her head.

The two remained in a comfortable silence until April spoke up "Do you ever think what our life would have been like if we never came here?"

"What do you mean?"

"If Mercy West had never closed and we didn't get transferred… maybe Charles and Reed would still be here, maybe we wouldn't have gone through all the horrible things we've had to go through"

Looking down at her Jackson sat up "Sometimes" he told her honestly "You, Reed, and Charles were some of the first and best friends I had in Seattle and I miss it being us four every now and again. Then finding Lexie and losing her, the shooting...everything else" Jackson drifted off thinking of Lewis, Alex, his problems with Mark, and all the other things that were swirling around in his head "I wondered if we would be different people if were able to stay at Mercy"

"Do you regret it?" she asked softly.

"No" he told her "because if it could all lead to this amazing person being born" Jackson said as he placed a hand on April's stomach "I'm willing to go through it all again, because if I know anything in this world, April, it's that you are going to be an amazing mother and I want to be there to see it"

He could see the tears roll down April face as she leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek "Thank you, Jackson" she said "you are going to be the most amazing uncle ever"

***

Jackson had felt more at ease laying there with April than he had in such a long time and he really didn't want to give it up, but he could tell the woman was tired and he did have surgeries to set-up.

Easing out of the woman's hold Jackson could see she had fallen asleep. After placing her head onto the pillow he gave a kiss to the woman's cheek and quietly snuck outside.

After he closed the door he had to stop abruptly as Alex was just about to enter.

"Jackson" Alex smiled brightly "it's good to see you"

"Yeah" Jackson said quickly as he walked around Alex and headed down the hall.

"Please man, I'm sorry about what happened the other day" Alex told him "isn't there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

Stopping in his tracks Jackson turned around "You want to do something for me?" Jackson asked.

"Of course"

"Then stop jerking April around" Jackson said "stop giving her this hope that one day you're going to come around and be the man she wants, because we both know you have no intention of ever living up to it"

"What?" Alex asked confused.

Jackson pointed to the stuffed animal and balloon Alex was holding "Things like this" he said "it's only leading her on and April is too good of a person and deserves way more then a bunch of false illusions"

"That's not what I'm doing?" Alex told him "I'm just worried about her and the kid"

"Your kid, Alex" Jackson corrected "your kid. So either let her know you want to be a father to it, but not be with her, or just walk away, because what you're doing right now just isn't fair" and turning back around Jackson continued his path to his office.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark could tell something was off the minute Jackson left his office to see April. Maybe even before. His reaction to the news about April being rushed to the ER was... strange... and his reaction to Mark's question was even stranger. But Mark somehow didn't want to snoop around. Still, he didn't understand why Jackson would lie to him again. There was no reason for it at all.

He left Jackson's office and closed the door after him, thinking about what he could do. He still wanted to see April. He still wanted to talk to her and see that she was okay.

Mark knew how stressful complications could be and remembered damn well that moment when Callie and Arizona were rushed to the ER after their accident and not only Callie but also Sofia almost died.

He could be glad to have the both of them still around, and to go through something like that was really upsetting. Mark wanted to tell April that if she needed someone... anyone... that she could talk to him, even though they didn't know each other that well, but he was the boyfriend of her best friend, so maybe that would mean something to her.

When he made his way into the cafeteria his stomach started to growl, which was a sign for him that it was time to eat.

He looked around, seeing Michael Holt sitting at one of the tables, but this guy was one of the last he would want to see right now, so he decided to go somewhere else. At least that was his plan, but all of a sudden, Michael called out his name.

"Doctor Sloan, hey..."

Mark put on a fake smile and turned around, seeing the other man wave at him.

"Hello Doctor Holt..." He moved towards him, stopping in front of his table. "How are you?"

"I could ask you the same question. Making any progress with Lewis?" he smirked, and Mark couldn't help feeling as if his question sounded really ambiguous.

"My healing progress..." Mark clarified, because he didn't want Michael to get any ideas. "...is really good, and Lewis said I might be able to operate again in about a month."

"That's awesome!" Michael cheered, looking up at Mark. "Wanna sit down? Have lunch with me?"

Mark shook his head immediately. "No, thanks. I should get going. I have my daughter for the night..."

"Must be such a difficult situation for you..." Michael replied, causing Mark to look at him, confused.

"Difficult situation? What do you mean by that?"

"Well... with Torres and Robbins raising the baby and you seeing her only from time to time..." Michael replied, looking almost caring, but Mark didn't buy it at all.

"Who told you that?" he asked curiously.

"Who do you think?" Michael grinned, placing his head on the back of his hands which he had leaned on the table with his elbows.

"I don't care who told you, it's none of your business... and just for your information: It's not true either. Callie and Arizona live next door from my apartment and I can see Sofia whenever I want." he replied. "I don't even know why I'm telling you that, but maybe you should consider getting another informant. He's not very good at his job."

"If you say so..." Michael gave back and the arrogant tone in his voice made Mark's toes curl.

"I need to go now..." Mark said, turning around, when he heard Michael's voice once again.

"Since I don't know if I see Jackson again today, could you please tell him I had a lot of fun last night?"

Immediately, Mark turned towards Michael again, staring at him. "What are you talking about?"

"We were out last night... didn't he tell you?" Michael answered willingly, and Mark rather wanted to wipe the smug grin off the man's face. No, he seriously couldn't stand him at all.

"Jackson's not my slave or anything like that... he's my boyfriend and he can meet whoever he wants when he's not with me. I trust him." Mark replied, hating it that Michael got to him that much.

"Well... if you say so," Michael got up, lifting up his plate. "I need to get back to work now. Have a nice day." He commented as he passed by and it took a lot of him not to go after him.

Yes, Lewis had told him Michael was absolutely straight, but his comments made him starting to really doubt that.

He stood there for a moment, before he made his way to the janitor to get April's room number and made his way towards her room as soon as he had it.

He looked through the window, seeing her talking to Karev who was sitting in front of her bed and thought for a moment whether to go in or not, but the decision was taken from him when April turned to look at him and a smile crossed her face.

Only a second later he entered the room, causing Alex to look up at him.

"Karev... hey... I can go and come back later, if you two rather want to be alone..."

"No! No, it's okay..." Alex replied hurriedly, getting off his chair. "I need to get back to work anyways..." He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on April's forehead. "See you later, okay? I'll come by before I leave..."

April nodded, smiling at him and Mark waited for Alex to leave the room, before moving closer to April.

"How are you?" he asked, causing April to roll her eyes in annoyance.

"I'm sorry, I know this is not your fault, but the next person asking me how I am, I think I'm gonna throw something at." she grinned. "But thanks for asking anyways."

"No problem..." Mark smiled, sitting down at the chair. "Then let me say this: I know what you're going through... I mean, not exactly, but I know how it feels to be scared for your kid..."

"Yeah... I know... it's just the uncertainty that kills me... not knowing what's gonna happen..." April replied. "They still want to run some tests but Doctor Hemsfield wants to release me tomorrow..."

"That's good news, isn't it? I mean, if he thinks you're good enough to go home, that means you're okay, I would say..." Mark smiled.

April nodded immediately. "Yeah, I hope so... I hope he knows what he's doing..."

"You have doubts?" Mark wanted to know, looking her in the eye.

"I... I don't know... I mean, at first I didn't have... but Alex doesn't trust him, and that scares the hell out of me... I... I just want the best for this kid..." April said, letting out a sigh.

Mark placed a hand on her Arm consolingly. "I'm sure you're both gonna be okay... but I mean, it can't hurt to consult another doctor... right?"

A small smile appeared on April's lips. "No... you're right... it can't..."

"By the way... why were you even in the apartment? I thought Jackson brought you everything you needed a couple of days before." Mark demanded, tilting his head.

And so did April, looking very confused all of a sudden. "What?"

"Jackson... he was at my place the other night when he got a call from you and then he told me he had to get some stuff for you from the apartment. He was back a couple of hours later." Mark informed her.

"Right..." April responded, looking as if she was trying really hard to remember, until she hit her forehead with her hand. "Oh yeah, that night," she said after a couple of seconds. "I'm sorry, but the meds must make me forget anything, I remember... I forgot something and that's why I went back and when I was about to leave, I ran into Alex and Lewis. Thank god, because who knows what would have happened if they hadn't been there."

Mark watched her very closely and he could tell that she was nervous. She was talking her head off, and if Mark knew one thing about her, then that this was her way of dealing with anxiety. He didn't believe her at all, but he didn't call her on it, either. He just didn't know how to deal with the knowledge that Jackson had lied to him _again_.

"I think I should probably go now... I'm having Sofia for tonight and it's my job to get her from the day care... and you should probably rest anyways..." Mark said, getting up from his chair.

"You're probably right," April said, looking up at him with a very innocent look in her eyes. "Thanks for seeing me, though... You can come back any time you want..."

"Maybe I will," Mark replied. "Take care of you two."

"I will..." April gave back and then Mark left the room, walking down the hallway like he was in a daze. This was bad. Pretty bad, and he really didn't know how to fix it anymore. Things between him and Jackson had been pretty difficult lately, and now he discovered another one of Jackson's lies. How could he ever trust him again?


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N: **First: I'm excusing myself for eventual errors and mistakes in the author's note, but I had some "minor surgery" on my finger, therefore a bandage on one of my fingers and typing isn't that easy…

Thanks again for all the comments! *opens a bottle of champagne* :-) We really reached 100 comments… or rather, you… we're really, really thankful for that and also happy that some of you still enjoy our story… :-)

If you have any critique or something else to say: feel free to… we're always curious what people think :)

And now enjoy Chapter 39… as far as possible… =)

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson was turning off his office lights and heading out the door when suddenly Michael Holt appeared in front of him, effectively blocking Jackson's path and causing him to jump slightly.

"Sorry" Michael said "I didn't mean to scare you"

"It's okay" Jackson told him as he willed his nerves to calm down "you need something?"

Michael looked at him and cocked his head to the side "I just wanted to make sure you were okay" Michael said "I know that last night was...unexpected and I didn't want you thinking I didn't give a damn about what you were going through"

Seeing Holt like this, being so concerned about his well being really threw Jackson off, but as weird as it might be Michael may have been the only person who could probably understand some of the man's stress.

Jackson just really wished it wasn't because the two had sex. Jackson was never going to forgive himself for what happened between them and what he had done to Mark, but that wasn't Holt's burden to bear.

"I'm good" Jackson told him "I appreciate you checking in, though"

Putting a hand on Jackson's shoulder Michael gave him a small smile "Do you even remember anything about last night?" he asked and Jackson shook his head no.

"I'm sure that if we both were in our right minds we wouldn't have done it, but for what it's worth I don't regret it. Not one bit" and Michael moved his hand from Jackson's shoulder to cup his cheek.

Stepping back slightly Jackson looked at the ground shamefully "I don't cheat" Jackson said plainly "I know what Lewis told you, but I never slept with Tyler while they were together. It seems to come as a surprise to a lot of people, but I love Mark and everything I did and everything I go through is because I love him and the idea of losing him terrifies me which is why I have no idea why I...slept with you"

Michael closed the space between them "We were drunk, Jackson" Michael told him "I wanted to make sure you got to bed okay and I saw you struggling to get your shirt off" and reaching down Michael grabbed one of Jackson's buttons "so I walked over and tried to help and you had the same scared look you gave me just a minute ago, but after you recognized it was me you smiled and I don't know Jackson, that smile triggered something in me and I kissed you, which I know I shouldn't have, but you look the way you look and I would be hard pressed to find anyone, man or woman, who could resist that smile"

"Mich-" Jackson started to say before Holt held a finger to his lips.

"You backed up for a moment, but then you kissed me back and I just...just needed you. Then I laid you down on the bed and we took each other's clothes off, then I kissed that birthmark on your upper thigh. I know, at least in that moment, you wanted me too and we had sex and it was spectacular, Jackson" Michael finished and closing his eyes he leaned in to give Jackson a kiss only to have the young doctor turn away.

"I'm sorry Michael" Jackson said, his voice full of sadness "I just...I can't"

"I'm sorry" Michael responded and stepped away "I shouldn't have-"

"It's not your fault" Jackson said "don't blame yourself. I'm an adult and whatever decision I made it's on me to deal with the consequences"

"You don't have to do it alone" Michael told him "we can go to Mark and tell him it was a mistake"

"Tell me what was a mistake?" A new voice said from Jackson's doorway and both men turned to see Mark standing there. His eyes hard and his body rigid.

Jackson could feel his heart beating so fast that it felt like it was going burst out of his chest "What are you doing here?"

"I came to give you a lift to my apartment" Mark told him as he walked into the room "now what was this mistake you wanted to tell me"

"Jackson and me have an opportunity to do a big surgery in Iowa, but it wouldn't be until after you've returned so he turned them down, but now he's regretting it" Michael said looking from Jackson to Mark, then back to Jackson.

"Is that true?" Mark asked as he looked at Jackson.

"Yeah" Jackson responded "I thought it would be best for you to decide on something like that"

Jackson could tell Mark was trying to decide whether to believe them or not, but after a few tense moments he gave a tight smile "I trust you to make the best decisions for this department" Mark said and grabbed Jackson's hand "now how about we head out, I'm feeling a little hungry"

"Yeah, sounds good" Jackson told him "I'll catch you later, Holt"

"Okay" Michael said and watched as the two men headed out.

The two men drove back to Mark's place in silence. Every time Jackson wanted to say something he felt his voice constrict and keep him mute. Looking at Mark's hands as they gripped the steering wheel Jackson could see the white knuckles and strain Mark was using.

He was angry...really angry.

Once they made it to the apartment Mark opened the door and walked in before hitting the light switch and following behind Jackson closed the door.

"You said you were hungry-" Jackson started to say before he was pushed against the wall and Mark was kissing him brutally. Placing his hands on Mark's hips and feeling Mark grind his hips into Jackson's own he tried to catch his breath.

"Mark I-"

"Take off your pants. Now" Mark said

"Mark"

"Take them off or I rip them off" Mark told him as he kissed Jackson and worked on his own pants. Then once out Mark pulled down his boxers and stepped out of them.

Undoing his pants Jackson followed Mark's lead and removed his pants and boxers and once he stepped out of them Mark grabbed him and lifted him up with more strength then Jackson knew he had.

Carrying Jackson over to the couch he threw Jackson on before falling on top of him and reaching over to the nightstand he pulled out a bottle of lube and opening it he slicked his fingers as his lips found Jackson's neck.

Mark prepared Jackson quickly and letting Mark have control Jackson did his best to adjust to one, then two fingers, and eventually the head of Mark's cock as it worked in slowly.

"Mark" Jackson hissed as he dug into the cloth of Mark's shirt.

"Tell me you want it" Mark said as he went in inch by inch "tell me you want me"

"I want you" Jackson said once Mark was inside of him fully "I want this"

Starting with a slow pace Mark looked down at Jackson and using his hand he placed Jackson's chin between his fingers and turned the man to face him.

"You love me?" Mark asked as he increased his pace and found Jackson's spot, causing the man to buck up.

"Yes"

"I want to hear you say it!" Mark told him hitting the spot over and over.

"I love you" Jackson said as he felt sweat start to dot his forehead "I love you, Mark"

Pistoning at a neck break speed Mark wrapped a hand around Jackson's cock and began to pump fast.

"Mark" Jackson said as he turned his head and buried it into the couch. The feeling of Mark's cock making him see stars behind his eyes.

Burying his face in Jackson's neck he gave a few more pumps and felt Jackson release himself between their bodies with a harsh cry.

As Mark's thrust increased even more Jackson knew he was close and moving his hips to meet Mark he felt Mark grab the back of his neck and pull him in for a kiss as he came inside of Jackson.

Collapsing onto Jackson Mark took several deep breaths and placing his hand on Mark's back Jackson ran it alongside the man's spine.

It had never been so...animalistic with the two, but it was something that Jackson didn't mind and actually quite enjoyed if he was honest with himself.

Pulling out of Jackson Mark stood and walked to the bathroom and a second later came out with a wet rag and handed it to Jackson.

"We didn't even have time to take of our shirts off" Jackson smiled "that has to be some kind of new record"

When he looked up at Mark the man's face held the same hard look it had when he had first came to Jackson's office and saw him and Holt.

"Mark?" Jackson asked unnerved.

"I have to get Sofia pretty early in the morning and I planned this whole day for us, so I think you staying the night might not be the best idea after all"

It felt like a punch to Jackson's stomach "What?"

"I just think you would feel better in your own bed" Mark told him and turning around he picked up his clothing and disappeared into the bedroom. Jackson had felt like the air had been sucked out of the room and getting up he walked over and put on his boxers and pants.

He felt an immense amount of something between fear and shame. After he put on his shoes he left the apartment and once he left the building took in a deep breath of air and fought back the tears that wanted to come.

Reaching into his phone he quickly dialled Gary's number and waited for the man to pick up.

"Hey Jackson" the man said happily "how are you?"

"Good" Jackson lied "look, you up for hanging out? I need to clear my head"

"Sure" Gary told him "you know where to find me and I have some new stuff that is astounding if I do say so myself"

"Sounds good" Jackson told him "I'll be there in half an hour"

Jackson didn't care anymore. He wasn't going to delude himself into thinking he wasn't going to do exactly what he was going to do. If his world was falling apart around him he was going to be as numb to it as he possibly could.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

After Jackson had left, Mark felt alone. And dirty. And ashamed of himself. He had Jackson literally forced to have sex with him, and it was quick, and dirty and without much emotion. Mark probably had never felt this distant to Jackson when he was so close to him at the same time and it was eating him from the inside.

That had been the main reason for him to literally throw Jackson out afterwards. To send him away. Because he couldn't bear to be with him anymore. Not now.

The look in Jackson's eyes had made everything so much worse and Mark couldn't get it out of his head. Why couldn't they just be happy? Why did there always have to be something or someone standing in between them? And why for fucks sake couldn't Jackson just be honest with him? Mark didn't get it. He didn't get him.

He moved from one side of the bed to the other, pressing his face into the pillow Jackson had just recently slept on and that still had his scent on it, feeling tears burning in his eyes.

How could the situation have become so difficult? Almost too difficult to handle? Mark didn't know how they could ever get out of this by themselves, but maybe there just wasn't anything he could do anymore.

He definitely didn't want to give up on Jackson, but he was desperate and today had showed it. He had become the person he never wanted to be anymore again. A person he felt ashamed of. A person his father had made out of him when he had just abandoned him after the death of his mother.

His father had left him alone literally. He had always been there without really being there. Mark hadn't seen him in over twenty years, and he never wanted to see him again. Hell, he didn't even know if his father was still alive, but he didn't care either. When Mark's mother had died, Mark had needed him, but instead of being there for his son, he had started to drink and soon he was married to his couch and only left the house to get some new booze anymore. He hadn't given a damn about Mark at all.

If Derek hadn't been there, Mark probably would have gone to the dogs. Derek had pulled him out of this crap and literally gave him a new family with Amelia and his three other sisters. Derek had been the brother he never had and he still was. Derek knew everything about him. So much more than Jackson would ever know about him. So much more anyone would ever know. His father was a dark chapter of his past, but right now he couldn't help but think about him.

He had become someone he had hated so much, and now he was on his way back there, if he wasn't really careful. Just because he was angry. Angry with Jackson. It had always been like that with his father. Being angry and not talking anything out. It had made him a sex-monster. He was a good lover and he knew that, but there had been times where he hadn't given a shit about what the women he slept with felt. A time when he had just taken what he wanted.

Not that he had ever had sex with anyone against his will, but he hadn't been very careful or loving or attentive and definitely not recipient for other people's needs.

He never wanted to become that person again, but today Jackson had brought him in a very difficult situation with all those lies, because he still didn't really believe that what Holt and he were talking about in Jackson's office had been about a case.

A sigh left Mark's lips. He already knew that this would become another night without any sleep and so he got up off the bed and made his way to the living room, turning on the light.

When he looked down at the couch he felt anger bubbling within him. Anger he had no power of controlling any longer, so he started kicking against the couch until it bounced and then he punched against it so it tipped over with a very loud noise. Again and again Mark punched and kicked against it until he couldn't take it any longer and literally broke down. He sank down next to the couch and only after a few seconds did he notice that hot tears were running down his face.

He just wanted him and Jackson to be okay, but he felt like the more he tried, the more Jackson slipped away from him.

All of a sudden he felt a hand on his shoulder and he heard a female voice that seemed totally distant for a moment, until he was able to focus again.

"Mark... what's wrong? What happened?" an overly concerned Arizona asked, gently touching his face.

Mark moved away from her immediately, getting up and turning his back on her. "Nothing."

"Don't you dare lie to me!" Arizona shouted at him, grabbing his arm and turning him around with a strength Mark didn't know she had. "You don't have to tell me what happened if you don't want to, your decision, but don't fucking lie to me. You're crying and I'm sure the couch didn't slip on something, stumbled and fell, right?" Her eyes moved to the furniture laying on the floor.

Mark looked at her, swallowing hard, fighting an inner fight whether to tell her anything or not.

"I... I think..." Mark started, wondering how broken he sounded. "I think Jackson has an affair..."

Arizona let out a laugh, shaking his head, causing Mark to get even angrier than before.

"You think that's funny?" he blurted out.

Arizona looked at him, becoming serious again. "Yeah, I think it is... We're talking about Jackson here. And didn't we have this conversation before?" She let out a sigh, moving towards Mark again and putting her hands on his face, to make him look at her directly.

"Jackson admires you... and he loves you... he wouldn't do that..."

Mark was surprised how much she had Jackson's back when he should be the one not believing any gossip he had heard or misinterpreting any situations.

"I am not so sure about that anymore... there is something going on between him and Holt... I can feel it... and Jackson is constantly lying to me... Combining that with all the things Holt has told me, it all makes sense..."

"No!" Arizona replied immediately. "I'm sure you're wrong... and Holt is... he's an idiot, okay? And he's good in manipulating people."

"You don't even know him that well..." Mark said, looking down at her.

"I know that Sofia doesn't like him... and that kids her age have a common sense for what's good and what isn't, and this Holt is very bad news." Arizona stated.

"When has Sophia met him?" Mark asked curiously, for a moment pulled out of his dark thoughts.

"Couple of days ago," Arizona gave back immediately. "Callie and I were on our way out of the hospital when we met him in the hallway. She didn't even want him to touch her and started crying immediately when he stroked her head."

"Maybe she was just moody," Mark assumed, but Arizona shook her head.

"No... it was him... she didn't like his presence at all, even though Callie tried to excuse it with her just being tired, but I don't like him either, so I understand her." Arizona replied, wiping away the last tracks of Mark's tears. "Seriously, Mark... Who would start anything with an arrogant asshole like Holt when he can have you?"

"I'm not as good as you give me credit for, Arizona..." Mark gave back. "There is so much you don't know about me... and who knows... maybe it's exactly that characteristic that turns Jackson on..."

"Bullshit. Have you even talked to Jackson about that?" Arizona asked, causing Mark to shake his head.

"Not exactly... I mean, I have asked him once and he denied everything but... there is so much going on lately and I can connect the dots... they are spending their lunches together, Jackson is cooking for him and they even went out for drinks the other night... as far as Holt told me, and since Jackson wasn't with me that night it's highly possible that it's true... and he constantly lies about everything that has to do with Holt..." Mark explained.

Arizona rolled her eyes. "There has to be an explanation for everything, okay? I know Jackson... and I know he loves you."

"Sex isn't always about love... in fact it barely has anything to do with love. If anyone should know then it's you..." Mark shot back, knowing that he would hit home with it. "You just have to look at our daughter and you see proof of it every fucking day."

"Hey, that's not fair," Arizona replied angrily. "And you and Callie know each other since forever... long before I even met her... and you always loved each other. Maybe not the way you love Jackson or Callie and I love each other, but it's still love." She lifted her hands, placing them on Mark's face again. "Jackson doesn't love Holt in any way, okay? He doesn't even like him, and he wouldn't do that, so please... please just let it go..."

"I can't..." Mark said, freeing himself from her grip. "Not as long as he's lying to me constantly... I don't even know how to trust him anymore...and tonight... tonight I recognized one thing... that he's able to bring out the worst of me... that just can't happen again. I tried everything, Arizona... I just... I don't know how we can ever be a normal couple again... if we even ever were..."

"You can get through this... and if you expect me to stand by and watch you destroy the best thing that has happened to you in a while, you're wrong. I know your relationship is none of my business, but I love the both of you way too much to just let go of it..." Arizona moved forward, standing on her toes and placing a kiss on Mark's cheek. "He's worth fighting for. You know I'm right, and I just think you two need to really talk to each other about your problems... in all honesty."

She turned around, pointing to the couch. "And now move your ass and help me get up your damn couch so I can get back to sleep, because I don't think our daughter will have the mercy to let me sleep in, before I bring her to you."

With the mention of Sofia, a small smile crossed Mark's lips and he nodded. He was looking forward to spending the upcoming day with Sofia, because maybe it would help him relax. Maybe it would help him forget his problems with Jackson for a while, and maybe... just maybe... Arizona was right at least a little bit. Mark wasn't ready to let go of this relationship just yet.

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex was having a restless sleep.

He had wanted to go see Lewis, but he had been too tired to make the drive so with the apartment being closer he decided to crash there after promising Lewis that they would spend the next night together. Dinner and a movie. A real date.

He was staying in the apartment he used to share with April and Jackson, but even though it had only been a few months since he moved out, when he was here...alone...it didn't feel like home. Although Alex wasn't quite sure what place did.

Alex knew that wasn't the only reason, though. His mind had been racing a hundred miles a minute. Between worrying about April, still not hearing back from Addison, and going over the things Jackson had told him earlier in the day he was finding it hard to keep his eyes closed.

Was the man right? Was Alex leading April on after telling her countless times that they wouldn't work out? Just because they couldn't be together didn't mean that Alex shouldn't care about her well being.

Giving up the notion of a proper rest he walked into the kitchen, the floor cold against his bare feet, and poured himself a glass of orange juice.

He was almost finished when he heard the front door swing open and someone come stumbling in. Walking back into the living room Alex watched as Jackson closed the door and made a clumsy attempt to head for the stairs.

"Hey" Alex said aloud and drew the attention of Jackson who looked at Alex confused.

"What are you doing here?" Jackson asked as he stood up straight and tried to look sober, or at least not tweaked "didn't you move out?"

Jackson was able to get three steps towards his bedroom before he started to stumble back and rushing over Alex was able to catch him before he hurt himself.

"What are you doing, man?" Alex asked concerned "you can't possibly think this is a good idea"

Rolling his eyes Jackson snatched himself out of Alex's hold "Sorry dad. I wasn't aware that going out for drinks was such a sin"

Shaking his head Alex crossed his arms over his chest "You're still using that drinks excuse?" he asked "so you're going to pretend that no drugs are in your system right now?"

Something unfamiliar crossed over Jackson's face "Like you really give a fuck" he said.

"What?"

"Why don't you save all the mock concern for April? She still gives a damn about what you think"

"Now comes the anger and defensiveness" Alex said "at least you stick to the script"

"Go to hell, Karev" Jackson put a strong grip on the banister and started to make his way up again, but as if a thought had just crossed his mind he turned around and looked at Alex with a smile.

"Tell me, Alex; while you're here being so concerned answer me this question. What happened to make April get sent to the hospital?"

"Sh-She has placental abruption"

"That is only discovered after a particularly stressful event and it was you and Lewis who were there, right?" Jackson asked "now it makes me wonder what she could have seen or heard that would cause her so much stress"

"I'm only trying to help you, Jackson" Alex said through clenched teeth "you should be glad someone cares enough to do so"

Stumbling back down the stairs Jackson stood directly in front of Alex "Why don't you worry about your pregnant ex-girlfriend and new boyfriend. Seems your life is screwed up enough without trying to play hero to a guy who can't stand the sight of you"

Alex had no idea how Jackson was constantly able to get him so angry, so quickly.

"Does Mark know how badly off you are?"

That had seemed to wipe the smile from Jackson's face "Mark is none of your concern".

"So I take it he doesn't?" Alex asked.

"I took your name off the lease two weeks ago Karev, so if you're not out of this apartment by the time I get up I'm calling the cops" and with that Jackson seemed sober enough to make it all the way to his room.

Alex watched the man go and he wondered how things had gotten so bad between them. Less then 6 months ago he and Jackson were planning on conquering Miami together and now the two couldn't seem to stop attacking one another, physically or verbally, whenever the two were in the same room.

Alex had lost too many people in his life and when he told Jackson that he wasn't going to let the man destroy himself he meant every word, but Alex knew this was something he wasn't going to be able to do alone.

Alex wasn't sure how serious Jackson was about his threat, but he had thought it best not to push the issue. So leaving before Jackson had awoken Alex had went to the hospital and after checking in on April he was making his way to the Peds wing when he ran across Eli leaving a patient's room.

"Hey Karev" Eli said as he was marking something off on a chart "you're here awfully early"

"I wanted to check on April"

"Yeah, I saw her last night" Eli told Alex "sorry to hear about her condition, but I have to say I'm in total agreement with your thoughts on Hemsfield"

"You heard about that?" Alex asked embarrassed.

"Don't worry" Eli laughed "most people know how...old fashioned Hemsfield can be and he's not one to take criticism of any kind lightly"

Alex was glad that at least he wasn't the only person who could see how short-sighted Hemsfield could be. Eli was just about to walk away before Alex had placed a hand on the man's forearm.

"Wait" Alex said "mind if we talk for a minute"

"Sure thing" Eli said "everything okay"

Alex didn't know whether he was doing the right thing, but after Eli had stopped he and Jackson's fight Alex could tell that the man did care about their well-being.

"I have this...friend" Alex started "He is a really good person, but the past few months have been very hard on him and-" Alex took a deep breath. If he said this there would be no turning back and good or bad something was going to come out of it.

"And what?" Eli asked concerned.

"I think he may have found a bad way to deal with it" Alex told him "a really bad way"

He could see the way Eli was looking at him. As if the man was connecting the dots and really didn't like the picture he was getting.

"Karev" Eli said "are you absolutely sure about this?" he asked "because this is a serious allegation"

Looking down at the ground Alex shook his head "I've tried to talk to him, but he doesn't trust me and it's just getting worse and I don't know what to do anymore"

"You shouldn't have to deal with this on your own" Eli told him "I'm glad you told me"

Alex couldn't lie. It felt great to finally talk to someone else about this. Lewis had only blamed himself for Jackson's current state and Alex couldn't talk to the man without feeling even worse for making Lewis feel guilty.

"What do I do?" Alex asked.

"We-" Eli corrected "see how bad it is and then we take it from there, but first, I think I need to talk someone who may be able to help"

"You can't tell Hunt" Alex said urgently "if the Chief finds out he's going to fire Jackson...I mean" fuck, Alex had said his name and now it was out there, but Eli didn't look the least surprised.

"I'm not talking to Hunt" Eli assured Alex "it's a friend who is just as worried, but may be able to get through to him better than us. Trust me, Alex"

Normally the words would have the opposite affect on Alex. Somebody asking to be trusted only meant they were going to screw you over, but with Eli Alex felt as if he could believe him completely.

"Okay" Alex said "and thank you"

"Thank you, Alex" Eli responded "I know you may think you're not doing the right thing, but you are. I promise"

Alex hoped that Eli was right.

**Arizona Robbins POV:**

Arizona had a rough night behind of her. She had just delivered Sofia at Mark's place and was now on her way to the hospital. Arizona knew she shouldn't be THIS invested in Mark and his relationship with Jackson, but she couldn't help it. Especially after seeing him like that last night.

Sighing, she stopped in front of the hospital and looked at the building, when Jackson passed her by without even noticing her.

"Jackson, hey!" she addressed him, causing the younger man to twitch.

"Arizona, good morning!" he said, turning around, but barely looking at her. It was like he looked directly through her and he seemed very distracted right now, and his eyes were kind of glassy, but maybe Arizona was imagining things. "I didn't see you, sorry," he went on, scratching the back of his neck.

"I noticed that..." Arizona replied, coming closer and looking at him, making him turn away his face immediately.

"Something wrong?"

"No... I'm just..." Jackson started, gesturing with his hands and obviously searching for some kind of excuse. "I'm just tired... I haven't slept very good..."

"Neither have I," Arizona said, biting her lower lip. She knew it probably was a mistake to get in the middle of it, and she also knew Callie wouldn't like it if she ever found out, but she couldn't ignore what she had witnessed last night.

"And Mark hasn't either..."

Immediately, Jackson's look grew hard. "I think I should get inside now... I have some work to do..." He turned around, but Arizona grabbed his arm the same second, causing him to stop.

"Please, Jackson," she started, hoping, Jackson would at least listen to her, but at the moment he wasn't moving, so that was a first step.

"I know your relationship is none of my business, but I already told you I'm on your side... Mark is my friend, but he's not a saint and no matter what he did to you, you should talk about it," she suggested, hoping her words would reach Jackson.

"Why do you think he did something to me?" Jackson asked without turning around or looking at her.

"Because he told me so... I mean, not exactly, but last night he was extremely depressed when I found him..." Arizona replied willingly. "He said something about that you have brought out the worst in him, and to me that sounded like something has happened... that he did something to you... maybe I'm wrong, but if neither of you is really talking to me, I can't help you!"

"Who said we need your help?" Jackson turned around, glaring at her. "Who said we want your help? Arizona, this is none of your fucking business, so stay out of our relationship." he literally shouted at her, sending shivers down Arizona's spine, but luckily she was able to cover that up and just looked at him. She didn't want Jackson to know how much the whole situation stressed her. Never before had she seen him like that and that was the first time she was almost afraid of him.

"I love you, Jackson. The both of you. And I care for you. Don't you see that I just want the best for you?" she asked almost desperately, not knowing how to get through to Jackson. Also, she couldn't shake off the feeling that something with Jackson wasn't right here, because he had never acted like that towards her.

"Then just let it go, okay?" Jackson said a lot more calm, his shoulders sinking down. "This is our problem, not yours, and maybe we get through this, maybe we don't... but it's not your job to take care of us... or me... you have your own life. You have a family. It shouldn't be your responsibility to fix me and Mark. And maybe there isn't even something to fix anymore."

"I think there is... listen to me, Jackson... I don't know what reason he would have to do that, but I think this Michael... Holt... is trying to sabotage your relationship," Arizona said. She just had to warn Jackson. If she couldn't do anything else, that was the least she should do.

Shock was visible in Jackson's eyes when she mentioned Michael's name and Arizona tilted her head.

"Wh...What are... are you talking about?" Jackson stammered, seeming really nervous all of a sudden, and Arizona had no idea why he was so choked up because of him.

"I am talking about you spending time with him... you two were out for drinks the other night, weren't you?" she asked directly.

"How do you even know?" Jackson asked back, staring down at his hands.

"Because he told Mark... and Mark told me... Mark still thinks that there is something going on between the two of you and you not telling him about such things doesn't help at all..." Arizona sighed. "Look, Jackson... I have your back here and I tried... I tried so hard to make Mark believe that you would never do something like that. That you would never cheat on him, but you're not making it really easy for me to get through to him."

"I... I really need to get to work, Arizona..." Jackson interrupted her words, seeming pretty short spoken all of a sudden. "I'm really sorry, but I have to go now..." He didn't even give Arizona the chance to reply anything else, because he literally fled the scene, leaving a very distressed Arizona behind.

"Now that went well..." she murmured to herself, rolling her eyes. Jackson acted really strange. Was it really only because she mentioned Holt's name? And if that was the case, maybe Mark wasn't totally wrong, was he?

Arizona _still_didn't want to believe that Jackson would do something like that. That he would do something like that to Mark. Not after she had seen how Jackson looked at Mark. There was so much love in his eyes, and when she saw him with Holt there was... nothing. So far she had gotten the impression he didn't even like him very much. This all didn't make any sense at all.

Letting out a sigh, Arizona made her way into the hospital and went to the locker room to get dressed for the day, before she made her way to the paediatric station, running into Eli once she left the elevator.

"Sorry, I'm so sorry..." she apologized, bending down to help Eli collecting the files he was carrying.

"No problem," Eli smiled. "In fact, I was just looking for you."

"For me?" Arizona said, while she and Eli got back up again. "Something wrong with one of my patients?"

"No... no, don't worry," Eli hurriedly said. "It's... more private to be honest... it has something to do with Jackson."

"Oh... really?" Surprised, Arizona looked at him. "I just met him in front of the hospital... and he acted really strange..." she admitted. "And he definitely tried to get rid of me... Which he has never done before. Not like that..."

She looked around in the hallway, seeing a few nurses talk to each other, but she didn't want any audience for this talk, and she was sure, neither did Eli.

"Wanna come to my office?"

Eli nodded immediately. "That would be good, I think..."

"Okay... then just come with me..." Arizona smiled, even though she had a very bad feeling. A feeling that she wouldn't like what she was about to hear.

Since Arizona was still limping a little bit, it took them a little longer, but Eli didn't seem to care. In fact, he even helped her made her way into her office.

"Here we are..." she said, sinking down on her chair and offering Eli the one in front of her desk, where he willingly took a seat on.

"What happened between you and Jackson that made you say he never acted like that before?" Eli asked directly, and only thinking about the situation made shivers run down Arizona's spine again.

"He... he shouted at me... he was so angry and aggressive, that for a moment I really was afraid he would do something to me..." Arizona replied, biting her lower lip. "I mean... I know that's totally stupid... it's Jackson we're talking about here, but there was so much hate in his eyes... and he seemed so distant... I almost didn't recognize him... something's wrong here, Eli... and it looks like I'm not the only one noticing that... right?"

She looked at Eli expectantly, hoping, he wouldn't agree with her and that she was maybe imagining things, but deep down she already knew that it was bad, and that the news Eli was going to bring would only make the situation that much worse. She could just hope she was wrong.


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N: **I'm so sorry it took me so long to present you the next chapter, but real life keeps me extremely busy at the moment… I hope, some of you are still enjoying the story, even though it takes a little time in between the chapters sometimes, but I post as quickly as possible :-)

Thanks again for all the comments and we definitely keep a lover for April in mind, even though it's not planned right now, but that doesn't mean it won't come at all, okay? :-)

Thanks for the suggestions!

And now have fun with Chapter 40… and comment if you like it… and also if you don't :-)

**Eli Lloyd POV:**

Hearing Arizona talk about her interaction with Jackson had confirmed Eli's worry about the man.

Once Alex had confessed his concerns it didn't take long for Eli to know that Jackson was the person Alex was talking about. Eli felt bad for not picking up on it before, especially having seen how bad that lifestyle had nearly destroyed his own family.

Arizona had seemed the logical choice for Eli to confide in. He could tell the woman had cared about Jackson and could possibly help Eli decide what to do with this new information.

Now, after hearing about Arizona's encounter with Jackson Eli knew it was time to step up.

"So, what did you need to tell me?" Arizona asked and Eli could hear the desperation in her voice. She knew Jackson and she knew this wasn't the Jackson she had come to care for and she needed an answer. That was human nature after all. When something...or someone...had such a drastic change people wanted to feel comfort in having a sound reason. In having something to fight against that could turn things back to the way they were.

"I had a talk with Alex this morning"

Arizona cocked her head to the side and he could see her curiosity was most definitely piqued.

"Alex?"

"He came in to check on April and I could tell that something was wrong" Eli began "I don't know if he just couldn't pretend anymore, or if he just really ran out of options, but he let me know that a friend of his may have found a, in his words, bad way of dealing with the stress in his life"

"Bad way?" Arizona asked

"It's not a secret that Jackson has been having a pretty hard go of it for the past few months" Eli told her "between his brother, Holt, and his problems with Mark the guy has been trying to juggle a lot of things"

"Holt" Arizona scoffed "I don't get that guy at all"

"He does look to be attached to Jackson, doesn't he?"

"It makes no sense, because it seems pretty obvious that Jackson doesn't even like him that much, yet they go out for drinks and are spending lunchtime together on a pretty consistent basis" Arizona responded.

"I was talking to Jackson last week and Holt came bombarding into Jackson's office with this sense of entitlement" Eli said "and I had a feeling that Jackson almost seemed scared of him"

"It's as if Holt has somehow managed to isolate Jackson from everybody else" Arizona said "but it's not just Holt, though"

"His brother" Eli injected "ever since he came here things have just gotten worse and if what Alex told me is true, if somebody doesn't step in soon Jackson is going to be in some serious trouble"

The statement seemed to alarm Arizona "Why do I get the feeling I don't know everything you do?"

Taking a deep breath Eli steeled himself "Alex thinks Jackson could have started using"

"Using, using what?"

"Come on, Dr. Robbins" Eli said "I know I don't need to spell it out"

Although looking at her he could tell the mere idea of Jackson turning to drugs was such a foreign idea that it hadn't even crossed her mind.

"Drugs, Arizona" Eli told her and the woman laughed almost immediately.

"Be serious, Eli" she chuckled "Jackson is far too smart to get involved with something like that"

"Think about it" Eli said "he's become withdrawn, you said yourself that he had that bout of anger and we both know Jackson was never somebody that reacted that way, not to mention the strain he and Mark's relationship has had. It all fits"

Arizona stared at him and her face twisted into a painful grimace and Eli knew that she believed him and as much as she wished it wasn't true she knew it was.

"How could this happen?" she asked and her voice cracked. Walking over Eli put a comforting hand on her shoulder and it seemed to help a bit.

"This can't have been his first time" Eli said "nobody decides to do that under this kind of stress unless it was a comfort for them in the past"

"I have to tell Mark" Arizona spoke aloud.

"No" Eli said "we can't, not yet"

"Why?" she asked "Mark loves him and he would want to help him through this"

"I know he would, but right now Mark is so close to coming back to this hospital and hearing this could derail that completely. His worry over Jackson and his need to fix him would take precedence over making sure he was getting better and that would only destroy Jackson more, knowing that Mark sacrificed his own wellness for him"

"So what do we do?" Arizona asked desperately "I can't just do nothing."

"You talk to Alex" Eli said "he trusts you more than anyone else and I know he would be completely honest with you. So see how much he knows"

"And you?" Arizona asked

"If this started with his brother then I think his brother should know the trouble he's causing" Eli told her.

"Do you think maybe we should talk to Jackson first?" Arizona was twirling her fingers and Eli could tell it was a habit born of nervousness.

"He's keeping it a secret for a reason" Eli told her "if we went to him and told him, all that he would do is either deny it or get angry and defensive. I think if he knows that there are people who genuinely care about him and want to see him get better that could go a long way"

Nodding her head Arizona agreed "I'll talk to Alex. I know the two have had their problems, but if he came to you it's obvious Alex still cares enough to want to help"

"I know he does" Eli confirmed "I'm going to go talk to Lewis and how about we meet for lunch to see where we go from there?"

"Sounds good" Arizona told him with a smile.

"It's going to be okay" Eli said "we're going to make sure of it"

"Damn right we are!" Arizona told him and in that moment Eli knew he had come to the right person.

Eli hadn't talked to Lewis much since the man had arrived. He knew the guy was untrustworthy and something about him did not sit well with Eli.

Knocking on Lewis' door he waited a second until the man invited him in and turning the knob he entered Lewis' office and the man was obviously surprised to see him.

"Eli, isn't it?" Lewis asked as he stood up.

"Yeah" Eli responded with a friendly smile "I was wondering if you had a minute so I could discuss something with you"

"Sure" Lewis told him and the man's attitude was throwing Eli off. The man had come off so abrasive and off-putting before, but now he had seemed almost friendly.

"What do you need?" Lewis asked Eli.

"It's about your brother" Eli told him and in the time it took Eli to say it he could see something in Lewis' entire body tense, but he quickly tried to play it off.

"Jackson?" Lewis asked.

"Yes, Jackson" Eli said "he's a really great guy and I've noticed he's been having some trouble these past few months"

Planting his hands flatly against his desk Lewis looked away "You think so?" he asked "he's seemed pretty fine to me"

He was lying and Eli knew it. "Look, I don't know you very well, Dr. Avery, but I do know Jackson and I'm just going to be honest with you. Ever since you've come here Jackson has not been the person he used to be"

"What are you trying to say?" Lewis asked offended.

"What I'm saying is I've watched this man survive having a gun pointed at his head while performing surgery on one of the most prestigious doctors in this country, the loss of three friends in pretty horrific ways, and having to save the life of the most important person in his life and he has come through it like a champ. Yet, you come here and three months later he has turned into a shell of the person he used to be"

Lewis looked at him dumbfounded and shocked "I-I didn't know he had to go through all that" Lewis said "he never told-"

"Why did you come here?" Eli asked and the question brought Lewis out of whatever haze of guilt he had been in.

"That's really none of your business" Lewis told him.

"Correction" Eli said "Jackson is my business. I've watched that kid grow up these past few years and his well being is my concern and when I see people like Holt-"

"Michael?" Lewis asked "what does Michael have to do with anything?"

"That's a good question" Eli asked "I mean I would love to know why Jackson seems so scared of him"

"Michael is one of the best people I know" Lewis said "he may be a bit over-zealous, but Jackson should know him well enough to understand that Holt is pretty harmless"

"That's the thing, Dr. Avery" Eli told him "I don't think Holt is that harmless and you're Jackson's brother so I think you should know that all of this stress is pushing him into a really bad place"

Lewis perked up instantly and it made Eli take notice "What kind of dark place?" Lewis asked.

"The kind of place that could really ruin his career if it's not stopped soon" Eli told him and rushing past Eli Lewis closed his office door and turned back to face Eli.

"What do you know?" he asked the nurse.

"I know that a lot of people care about your little brother, and I hope you're one of them"

"Of course I am" Lewis said and it was the first time that Eli thought he was completely honest.

"Then it's time to be his big brother and help us fix this" Eli said and going back to his desk Lewis collapsed into his chair.

"I've tried" Lewis said "but we have a very bad history and anything I tell him will only come off as something he's suspicious of." Eli walked and stood in front of Lewis' desk.

"I think I may have been wrong about you" he said to Lewis "I can tell you care about him and if that's true you need to find out what this Holt thing is about, because something tells me he is a big part of this whole thing"

Looking up at Eli he could see Lewis letting his words sink in "I'll talk to Michael" he told Eli.

"Good" Eli said and as he was heading for the door he heard Lewis call him. Turning around he saw Lewis look almost bashful

"Thank you" Lewis said "I'm glad to see Jackson has people like you in his life"

"He's important to all of us" Eli said "we're not going to let him slip through our fingers, are we?"

"No, we aren't" Lewis smiled and with that Eli made his exit hoping that he had made the right decisions.

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis thought about Eli's words long after the nurse had left. He just couldn't get them out of his head, couldn't get Jackson out of his head. What if all of this really was his fault? What if he was responsible for Jackson taking drugs again?

And if now already people like Eli noticed something was off, it was really bad. Lewis hadn't expected Jackson to crash like that and he had never meant for it to get out of control like that.

Yes, he had come here to get some kind of revenge. He had wanted to destroy Jackson's life like Jackson had destroyed his, but he had to admit, he had expected him to be stronger. Stronger than that. Stronger than he obviously was. Lewis had thought Jackson wouldn't even care all too much no matter what he would do. That it was like water off a duck's back, but he was wrong, oh so wrong.

He thought he had made it clear to Michael, that he didn't want him to interfere anymore, though, but maybe he had been wrong in this, too.

He had to talk to Michael immediately. Just like he had promised Eli. And also because he wanted to find out what Michael had done to his brother. And to make him stop.

Never before was he the guy to protect his baby brother, but Lewis knew now was the time. He wouldn't just stand by and let Jackson slip away _again_. He would do what he had missed all those years. He would take care of him. He would make Jackson believe that he still loved him and cared for him. Jackson just had to see that there were people who wanted to help him.

Slowly he got up from his chair, making his way to his door and opening it. He took a deep breath and stepped out of his office, directly moving to the neurological station, knowing he would find Michael there and he didn't even have to search long.

Once he got out of the elevator, he saw him standing there in the hallway with Meredith Grey, and it was obvious that the woman had hearts in her eyes looking up at him. As much as Lewis could say, that was, but she was definitely admiring him and if that had been Michael's goal, he was on a good way. Lewis just didn't know how Jackson should fit in all of this.

He moved closer towards the two of them, but neither of them noticed him until he was only a few feet away.

"Michael, hey!" he called out for him and immediately, Michael turned around looking at him.

"Lewis! Is something wrong?" Michael asked, taking a few steps towards him until they were standing in front of each other.

"I need to talk to you. It's important..." Lewis said with a serious look in his eyes. This was no joke and Michael just had to know that he wasn't kidding about whatever he was going to say.

"Sure... what's wrong?" he asked immediately, reaching the patient chart in his hand to Meredith.

"I would rather talk to you alone..." He took a look at Meredith, giving her a small smile. "This is nothing personal."

Michael tilted his head. "Come on Lewis... what is this all about? I have some work to do." He seemed pretty impatient all of a sudden.

"It's about Jackson, and I'm sure you don't want anyone to talk about the two of you, right?"

The mention of Jackson seemed to trigger something in Meredith, because the look in her eyes became very cold all of a sudden. And Michael seemed to notice that, too, because immediately, he topped it.

"Whatever there is between me and Jackson, I'm not ashamed of it... not at all..." An ambiguous grin appeared on his lips.

Lewis had been really patient with him, but right now he couldn't take it any longer. "Just come with me, okay? Please?"

Michael let out a sigh, turning to Meredith. "I'm sure it's not gonna take long. I'll be right back. You can prepare Mrs. Winter for surgery meanwhile, okay?"

Meredith gave him a dreamy smile. "Okay..."

Lewis watched her turn around and make her way to the patients rooms, and Michael was definitely checking her out. Checking her ass out. Annoyed, Lewis rolled his eyes.

"Really, Michael?"

"What?" Michael shrugged. "She's damn hot..."

"Yeah, and she admires you... you know as good as I know that you're on a good way... so what is Jackson's role in this game you're playing?" Lewis demanded to know.

Michael looked at him curiously. "What are you talking about? Don't you see that everything is about to fall into place? The more time I spend with Jackson, the more Meredith gets jealous. Which makes me getting closer and closer to her." He grinned deviously. "And as a bonus, I'm literally tearing apart your brother and his boyfriend... some little comments here and there, some rumours to be spread... I'm pretty sure it won't take long until Sloan connects the dots and thinks I'm screwing his boyfriend."

"If you're not careful, everyone else could think the same, and I don't think you really want that, right, Mikey? What about your reputation as a womanizer?" Lewis asked.

Again, Michael just shrugged. "Let me put it this way, Lewis... maybe not all of them are rumours. There is always a jot of truth to every story."

Lewis raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

Michael leaned towards him, so he could whisper into Lewis' ear. "Maybe I _am_ having an affair with Jackson. Maybe I _am_screwing him." He didn't even seem to care that they were still standing in the hallway and that people could hear them if they weren't careful enough, but Michael had always loved the danger.

"Oh come on. You're straight as an arrow. Why would anyone even believe that?" Lewis asked, not wanting to believe that any of this could be true.

"Well... we have been pretty drunk the other night... and then we just lost control... And then we woke up without our clothes... in the same bed..." Michael winked at Lewis. "I think it's pretty obvious what happened, huh? At least to Jackson."

"Fuck, Michael! What have you done to my brother?" Lewis didn't want to fight with Michael, but he felt so angry all of a sudden, that it was hard for him to keep himself composed.

"I'm just doing what you asked me to. Destroying every good thing in his life and making him pay for what he did to you." Michael replied calmly. "You were the one who told me that he deserves this."

"I... I... you gotta stop this, Michael. Please," Lewis stammered, feeling a knot in his stomach. This was entirely his faHe was the one that had made Jackson use drugs again. He and Michael, but Michael would have never done anything to Jackson if it hadn't been for him.

"Don't you think we are way too deep into this to just stop anymore?" Michael wanted to know. "I did this all for you, okay? And I'm gonna end it."

"NO!" Lewis almost shouted, causing some nurses to turn around to look at them. "Mind your own business..." He blurted out at them and they just whispered something before leaving. He looked into Michael's eyes again. "If you go on with your plan you're not only destroying Jackson's life, but also the life of all the people who love him. You just have to trust me, when I tell you, I had my revenge and that it's enough. He has learned his lesson."

"You sure about that?" Michael asked suspiciously.

Immediately, Lewis nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure... just... please back off, okay?"

"If you say so..." Michael replied apathetic. "I just don't know if I can stop it anymore... Rumours are already flying around, and you know how it is with rumours. They spread very quickly."

"Just... just don't add any more fuel to the flames, okay?" Lewis pleaded, causing Michael to nod.

"Okay... whatever you say... and if you'll now excuse me? Mrs. Winter is waiting for her surgery." And with those words Michael turned around, leaving an almost desperate Lewis.

This was worse than he thought, and he just didn't know how to get out of this anymore. Michael was like a train and he didn't know if he did enough to stop him. Or if Michael was even able to be stopped anymore.

He needed a couple of minutes to calm down again, but then he made his way to the plastics section. He needed to see Jackson, needed to see how bad off he really was. It pained him that this was all his fault and he didn't know how to live with himself anymore if he just let Jackson slip away any further.

He made his way to Jackson's office and knocked once, before entering, just in time to see Jackson bringing a pill to his lips and swallowing it with a single move.

"Lewis! What are you doing here?" Jackson asked when he recognized his intruder, staring at him with a distant look in his eyes.

This was so much worse than Lewis had ever expected.

"What... what did you just take? Ecstasy?" he demanded to know, feeling a strong urge to just grab Jackson, put a finger in his throat and make him throw up again whatever he had swallowed, but he fought it back.

"None of your business. I already told you to stay out of this, but if you really have to know: I have a headache and that was a painkiller..." Jackson replied calmly.

"Liar..." Lewis hissed, making his way towards Jackson until he was standing right in front of him. "Please, Jackson. Stop it. Don't you see this is a downward spiral? You need help!"

Jackson let out a laugh. "From you?" He shook his head, still chuckling. "So you can make yourself feel better, because you saved your brother's ass? I'm not gonna give you that satisfaction..."

"Jackson, please... I... I'm sorry... I didn't mean for this to happen..." Lewis tried to convince Jackson, but he already knew it wouldn't work.

"For what to happen? Your dear friend made my life a living hell and just when I thought he might not be such a bad guy I'm waking up with him next to me. In my bed. Naked." Jackson snorted. "Did you tell him to screw me? Did you tell him to get me drunk and fuck me afterwards to put the last nail to my coffin? Awesome job, Lewis, because if Mark will ever find out about that, we're done..."

"I would never do something like that, Jackson. I'm your brother." Lewis pandered to Jackson, feeling really sad all of a sudden.

"Why would I believe any word you say? You don't believe any word I say either... and now I want you to leave. Leave this office, and leave this hospital. Leave me the fuck alone. I don't want you here. I don't need you here." Jackson shouted.

Lewis felt a sharp pain in his heart. "I'm not going anywhere. I wanna make things right." Lewis replied, trying to touch Jackson's shoulder. "Can't you see that I'm trying really hard here?"

"Don't you dare touching me!" Jackson replied, reaching out and pushing Lewis hard, so he stumbled backwards and landed with his back against Jackson's shelf, feeling a dull pain immediately, because Jackson had a lot of strength.

"Okay... I... I'm leaving..." Lewis said heartbrokenly, wincing as he moved away from Jackson. "But don't think I'm going to give up that easy."

He left Jackson's office, literally running to his own and closing the door behind, before he sank on the floor against it, letting the tears he had held back the whole time finally out.

He pulled his knees to his chest and rested his head on them, sobbing quietly. This was all his fault and he didn't know what to do anymore, but there was one person he knew could help Jackson. Probably the only person.

His fingers were shaking when he pulled his mobile phone out of his pants pocket and opened the telephone book, scrolling until he reached Tyler's name. He didn't even know why he still had his number. Why he hadn't deleted it after everything that had happened, but maybe it was foreshadowing. Maybe he knew he would need it at some point.

It took him forever to finally compose himself enough to dial Tyler's number, and he didn't even know what to say if he would really answer his phone. He hadn't thought about this, but fortunately the decision was taken from him when the answering machine went on.

_"Hello, this is Tyler, you know the drill"_

Hearing his voice again sent shivers down Lewis' spine and he felt his heart beat faster immediately. He closed his eyes for a moment and when he heard the beep he started speaking.

"Tyler? It's me... Lewis... I know I'm probably the last person you thought you ever hear from again but... I screwed up..." Another well of tears started falling down Lewis' cheek and he knew it was visible in his voice when he went on speaking. "Jackson... Jackson is using again, and I think it's my fault..." he sobbed. "I mean, I know it's my fault... And if I can't help him... if he destroys his life, it's on me... and I will never forgive myself if I let that happen, but there is no other person he trusts as much as he trusts you. And you already helped him once, so please... please, Tyler... save my little brother... I'm in Seattle and so is Jackson... he needs you... I need you... I... can't take this anymore... please call me back..."

He ended the call, almost regretting he even made it the same second, but he didn't think he had any other choice, even though he didn't want to show Tyler how bad off he was himself after finding everything out like that, but he couldn't change that anymore. It had been a weak moment and he would say exactly that once Tyler called him back. Or that he was fighting a cold and sounding like that because of it. He would figure something out, but right now his ego wasn't important. What was important was Jackson. And to get him some help.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson watched Lewis go and it made him even angrier that his brother was trying to play the sympathetic saviour.

It wasn't fair. It was Lewis who had come to Seattle with the sole intention of taking everything away from Jackson and now that he was accomplishing it, the man was trying to come out as the good guy and make Jackson the bad one… again.

It was the same story they had playing since Jackson was 13 and he was tired of it. He was beyond tired of it.

_Fuck that and fuck him _Jackson thought. How dare Lewis walk into his office with demands and accusations? He didn't know Jackson, none of them knew him and they all felt it perfectly okay to butt into his life and tell him what to do.

As much as what Mark did the other night hurt, and it hurt more then Jackson could ever put into words, at least the act was one of pure honesty on Mark's part.

Jackson had made himself into nothing more then a warm body in Mark's eyes and the man had used Jackson as such.

It was not as if he didn't deserve it.

Going back to his desk he sat down in his chair and putting his hands atop his head he took a deep breath. How had he let all of this happen? How did he let Lewis get to him again?

Opening his desk drawer he looked at the bag of white pills and the temptation to take another one made him hot all over. The one pill just wasn't cutting it anymore and Lewis' interruption ruined whatever good mood he would have had anyway.

He was just about to reach into the bag when his door swung open and a frazzled Michael came rushing into his office. Quickly slamming the drawer shut Jackson looked up at the doctor with anger in his eyes.

"Doesn't anybody knock anymore?" Jackson asked.

"Sorry" Michael told him "it's just...I think Lewis knows"

"Knows what?"

"About us" he said "about what happened the other night"

"Is that so?" Jackson asked sarcastically "now how would Lewis have come to know about that I wonder?"

"You don't think I told him, do you?"

Shaking his head Jackson stood up "I don't really care one way or another" Jackson said "I'm going to tell Mark the truth then I'm ending it"

Michael looked at him astonished "You can't be serious?"

"Mark deserves a lot better than me and I've been a selfish dick for depriving him of that" Jackson told him "you and Lewis were right about one thing, I never really deserved him in the first place"

"Where is this all coming from?" Michael asked and Jackson could almost hear a trace of fear in his voice. This was not what the surgeon had planned and Jackson could take the small piece of joy he got from knowing that.

"Tell Lewis you two won" Jackson said "you both taught me a lesson I won't soon forget, now please...get the fuck out of my office" and opening the door he gestured for Holt to leave.

Michael moved to stand in front of Jackson and something had passed over the man's face. Something that had looked between guilt and shame. A look that Jackson had recognized every time he looked in a mirror.

"I'm sorry" Michael told him then once he left Jackson's office the man closed the door and went back to his desk.

3 Hours and two pills later Jackson was feeling level once again. He wiped his mind of the terrible morning and focused on doing his job. It was the only thing that kept him grounded most days and he would make damn sure that at least he didn't lose that.

His peaceful solidarity had ended when a knock on his door produced April walking in with a smile. He was more than happy to have told anyone else to go away, but not her. She was one of the last people in Seattle Grace who still held Jackson to some kind of respectable standing.

"Hey April" Jackson smiled "you're out of bed"

"Yeah, Dr. Hemsfield said it might be good to walk around and get the blood pumping" she told him "well as much as walking at a glacial pace can get the blood pumping"

"You wanna sit down?" he offered as he ran over and tried to usher her into the chair behind his desk.

Playfully batting him away she laughed "I've had enough sitting and laying down to last a lifetime" she told him "I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing"

"I think the only person you need to be concerned about is you, come on take a seat" he offered again.

"I promise I'm okay, Jackson" she asserted "but I did have a talk with Mark yesterday"

"Oh" Jackson tried to make himself sound as casual as he could.

"Yeah" she said "and he mentioned something about you going to the apartment for me to pick a few things up"

Jackson knew what she was getting at and it made his stomach start to knot.

"You know my loyalties are always with you Jackson, but Mark is a good guy and if you're lying to him to hide something bad I can't-"

"I'm not, April" Jackson lied, hating how easy it came for him, but he couldn't take another look of disappointment, not from April.

"So what was it?" she asked and the care that she was showing only served to make Jackson hate himself that much more.

"It's been tense around here the past few months and I don't want Mark to see the difficulty I'm having with heading this department" Jackson told her.

"He'd understand, Jackson"

"I know he would" Jackson said "but he would also blame himself and get frustrated that he isn't able to be back here and I don't want that"

April nodded her head. Jackson could tell that she had brought it.

"I get it" she told him "but next time how about giving me a head's up so I don't look like a floundering fish"

"Will do" Jackson said as he put an arm around her shoulders "so how can I make it up to you?"

"The cafeteria is serving hamburgers and they smell delicious"

"Deal" Jackson laughed and walked with her out the door and towards the cafeteria. The dark cloud over his head had seemed to only get bigger with each passing minute and Jackson had no idea how to stop it anymore.

If Jackson couldn't even be honest with April how was he going to keep his word to Michael and tell Mark everything? If today had showed Jackson anything it was that he was far too weak to lose Mark Sloan.

He wouldn't be able to survive it.

Jackson had spent most of his free time in his office, so eating lunch in public was an uneasy experience. He didn't miss the nurses who were gawking at him when they believed Jackson wasn't looking.

Or the chatter that came from certain tables the moment he passed by.

It was so high school and it made Jackson angry.

At least April seemed blind to the whole thing so that was somewhat of a silver lining.

After getting their food the two sat at a table far in the corner. "It looks amazing" she said "I think the food staff have really come into their own" April said to which Jackson laughed.

"No, I just think that pregnancy has you craving things you know you wouldn't touch before"

"Whatever the reason" April said as she bit into her sandwich.

Jackson was just starting to eat his own when he heard the woman gasp and looking up he saw April waving someone over. Looking at the direction Jackson could see Alex and Meredith in what appeared to be a pretty tense conversation and Jackson found himself mildly curious. The two didn't look too happy, but once they saw April both put on smiles and walked over to them.

Jackson could feel the small bit of panic bubble just underneath the surface, but he managed to squash it before Alex took a seat across from him.

It was clear that they would all be civil for April's sake and little else.

Jackson took a long sip of his soda as he tried to focus his attention away from Alex, even when the man was clearly trying to get it.

"Just like old times, huh?" April said.

"Yeah" Jackson responded.

"What are you doing out of bed?" Alex asked

"Dr. Hemsfield said-" she started to say before Meredith cut her off.

"Because she's a grown woman, Alex" she said "and she obviously knows what she can and can't do"

Alex turned his head towards Meredith and if it looks could kill the woman would have been dead on the spot, but she also gave as good as she got.

"As you've shown us many times, Mer, just because a woman is grown that doesn't mean they are anywhere near capable of making smart decisions" Alex's words were bitten off one-by-one.

Jackson took another drink and looked between Alex and Meredith as their tension escalated.

"What in the hell does that mean?" Meredith asked.

"Why don't you ask Holt what I mean?" Alex responded.

"Maybe you should ask Jackson that question, well when he's not avoiding you like the plague, Karev"

"What in the hell does that mean?" Jackson asked angrily.

"Please" Meredith said to Jackson "you're not fooling anyone and question Karev, do you know how pathetic you look chasing Jackson around trying to become his very best friend again?"

"About as pathetic as you look sniffing after Holt" Alex told her.

"Guys-" April tried to interject

"Yeah, I knew this was a mistake" Jackson said as he stood up.

"Running off again" Alex said "you're becoming really good at that"

"Fuck you, Karev!" Jackson told him.

And that's where the 3 were now. In a mere 6 months the only thing they had in common was the girl who was forced to watch them attack one another over things that were personal and painful.

And something told Jackson that it was only going to get worse.

**April Kepner POV:**

April looked between 3 of her best friends and recognizing that she was the only thing that still kept them together hurt her. Very much. How could she not have seen what was going on here? Was she _this _egoistic and self absorbed?

When the three of them were about to start arguing again, she finally stepped up.

She knew she shouldn't get so upset. That it wasn't good for her, or the baby, but right now Meredith, Alex and Jackson didn't even give her the opportunity to calm down.

"Would you guys stop it? Please?" she asked almost desperately, looking at each of them. "What's going on here? I thought we were friends..."

"You got that one right, April. We _were_..." Alex was the first to say something and every single word hurt like a knife. "But obviously, we aren't anymore..."

At least he was talking calmly now and they weren't shouting anymore. That was a first step.

"You moved in with Meredith and Derek to get some help with your pregnancy, but instead of really helping you... of being there for you, Meredith prefers to run after this Holt like a lost puppy, not seeing that there are people who really need her, because she's way to busy chasing after him." Alex said directly, and April could already see that his words did something to Meredith, because the look in her eyes changed.

"That's so not fair, Karev, and you know it... I really had a lot to do with helping Holt get settled here..." she said.

Alex let out a laugh. "Why would you even do that? This is still Shepherds department and he might come back..."

"And what if he doesn't? We need a good neuro-surgeon here and if it's not Derek, then Holt's the best..." Meredith replied, and April just knew they were about to get in another argument, so she had to stop it.

"I'm not a baby anymore..." she interrupted. "And I can take care of myself... and I understand that Meredith has her own life and her family she needs to take care of."

"Is that so?" Alex asked sarcastically. "Because I think she just uses this as an excuse not to feel guilty. She wasn't there for you when you almost had a miscarriage and she didn't even bother to visit you..."

"She visited me today." April tried to defend Meredith, but she already knew she didn't stand a chance.

"Yeah, because I told her you were here. She didn't even know, April... because she doesn't care." Alex shot back, causing Meredith to look at him angrily.

"That's not true. I just had a double shift and wasn't even home for almost two days. I'm not a visionary... how should I have known?"

"Stop... god, please... why can't you just stop?" April asked, placing a hand on her belly and taking a few deep breathes. "This is not helping..."

She turned to look at Jackson who was still standing there, but hadn't said a single word in the past few minutes.

"What happened with us?"

"Life happened, April..." Jackson said. "And that's not always a good thing. Sometimes life sucks big time... I know I haven't been a good friend to you lately, but I will do my best to make it up to you, okay?"

"Look who's playing the hero now..." Alex commented and April shot him a death glare.

"What is wrong with you? And why do you hate each other so much all of a sudden? We moved in together... the three of us... because I thought we are friends..."

"I don't hate Jackson... but he obviously has new friends now... don't you see it, April? He doesn't need us anymore..." Alex replied. "But he will see if those friends will be there for him when he really needs them..."

April watched Alex move towards Jackson, not letting them out of her sight for a second. "The moment will come, Jackson, where you will regret that you got rid of the only people who really care for you... who love you and who want to help you... you just don't want to see it... and at some point it's gonna be too late..."

And with those words he left. Just went away and left April, Meredith and Jackson in the cafeteria.

"I need to get back to work..." Jackson said hurriedly and then he was gone too, leaving only Meredith and April behind.

April felt a desperation she hadn't felt in a long time. It was as if her life was falling apart and she couldn't do anything to fight it. How could she ever make a decision for one of their friends and against the others if it ever came to this? She loved all of them and she didn't wanna lose them, but if they didn't get back to being friends it would be very difficult in the future.

"Look, April... I'm really, really sorry, if you thought I didn't care for you..." Meredith started and April turned to look at her. "I know I haven't been there for you when you needed me most, but it's just... Michael needs me right now..."

"You sure that's all?" April asked, looking deep into her eyes.

"What do you mean by that? You can't seriously think Alex is right with what he's saying..." Meredith replied and April could see the nervous movement of her hands.

"I don't know... why don't you tell me?" April gave back. She knew she had to talk to them one by one, and maybe she could find out what was wrong between them like that.

"There is nothing going on between me and Holt... he's just my colleague... my boss... and he doesn't have it very easy here... he just moved here a couple of months ago and the majority of this hospital doesn't seem to like him..." Meredith blurted out.

"Don't you think there is a reason for that?" April asked, glad that she could talk to Meredith this calmly after everything that happened before, and glad that Meredith was listening to her.

"No... most of them don't even know him and I'm sure they haven't bothered to get to know him," Meredith said. "Michael is great... he's funny and he's charming and he makes me laugh... and he really cares for the people he loves..."

April raised an eyebrow. "Okay... now you _do_sound like a teenager with a huge crush..."

"I'm _not_!" Meredith defended herself. "I just really like him..."

"You sure about that?" April wanted to know, almost expecting Meredith to get angry soon.

"What do you mean by that? I'm a married woman. I have a daughter..." Meredith replied, crossing her arms over her chest.

"That's not what I asked, Mer... and you know that has never kept anyone from having an affair... not even your own mother." April knew it wasn't fair to bring up Ellis Grey, but she didn't know how else to 'wake up' Meredith, because she could almost see that she was about to make a big mistake.

"I'm not my mother!" Meredith said, shaking her head.

"Not yet... please don't become your mother, okay?"

Gently, April placed a hand on Meredith's arm. "I really don't want you to get hurt... I know you love Derek, and he loves you... If you play with fire, you can easily get burned."

"I'm not... whatever there is between me and Holt, it's strictly professional." Meredith repeated once more, as if she wanted to convince not only April but also herself.

"Good..." April said, putting a smile on her face for a moment, but becoming serious again soon after.

"And now... do you have any idea what happened between Alex and Jackson that things are so bad right now?"

Meredith shrugged. "Not really... I mean, I think, Jackson's brother plays a big part in that whole story."

"Lewis?" April sighed.

"Yeah..." Meredith replied, gently grabbing April's hands. "Listen, April... I know you want us all to be friends again. You want us to get along and everything, but sometimes life has other plans... I don't know if it will ever be the same again... but if we still have one thing in common it's you... We all love you and we all want your best... In times like that you shouldn't have to worry about us, you should worry about yourself..." Meredith placed a hand on April's stomach, smiling at her. "About yourself and the little girl in there..."

A small smile crossed April's lips. "What makes you think it's a girl? Not even the doctors are sure yet."

"It's just a feeling... call it intuition or whatever..." She looked directly into April's eyes again. "We're all gonna be fine, okay? I don't know if we're fine together, but as for me, I'm gonna try and talk to Alex again..."

"Really?" April asked with a hopeful look in her eyes.

Meredith nodded. "Really... because I don't want to cause you any more stress than you're already having..."

"Thanks, Mer..." April replied, hugging her close. She still needed to find out how or when things got so ugly between Jackson and Alex, but Meredith was right. Right now that should be her least concern. Still, she knew she wouldn't be able to let go of it completely. She cared way too much for all of them to just ignore what she had witnessed.


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N:** So… again I have a very busy week behind of me and it won't get any better next week, since I have my niece over for a whole week starting tomorrow, so I won't be on the laptop much and not able to post much! Anyways…

Thanks again for the comments and things are getting more and more complicated… and this part definitely needs a M-Rating again! Hope you enjoy it nevertheless :-)

Have fun with Chapter 41 everyone… next chapter will finally include a lot of Mark/Jackson again… sorry for not "having him around" all too much lately

Enjoy!

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex had to walk away.

He hated leaving April to clean up his mess, but fighting with both Meredith and Jackson had been too much. He had no idea what was happening to him or the people he cared about, but the things he said, and the things said to him came from such a deeply personal place that he still felt completely raw as he made his way to Lewis' office.

Alex needed the man's smile and warmth. He just needed his presence to calm him down.

Making a beeline for the guy's office he looked in the side window and could see Lewis sitting at his desk rubbing his hand over his face. Giving two quick knocks he didn't wait for Lewis to answer before opening the door and walking in.

"Hey baby" Lewis said with a smile that looked far too tired to not make Alex worried.

"What's wrong?" Alex asked as he went up and stood in front of Lewis when the man raised up out of his seat.

"Nothing" Lewis waved as he pulled Alex close and kissed him "it's just been a very long day"

"It definitely has" Alex responded and leaned in to give Lewis a long and lingering kiss. After it was over both men were breathless, but Alex could see Lewis' smile was now a genuine one.

"I missed you so much" Alex said "I'm sorry for not making it over the other night"

"Don't worry about it" Lewis smiled "you have bigger priorities right now"

"You're a priority" Alex told him "and I think I can start making it up to you right now" and walking over he closed the window blinds and locked Lewis' door.

Turning around Alex gave him a sly smile.

"Now, what do you have in mind?" Lewis chuckled.

"Oh, you know what I have in mind" Alex told him as he pressed his body against Lewis' and reached his hands down to unbutton the man's pants and then pull his zipper down.

"You're not worried about somebody walking in?" Lewis asked.

"Let's give 'em a show" Alex responded "but if it makes you more comfortable I think blowing you against your office door could be very hot"

Putting his hand on Lewis' shoulders he swung him around quickly.

"Alex wai-" Lewis tried to say, but before he could get it out Alex had pushed him against the oak door.

"FUCK" Lewis shouted painfully as he arched his back and Alex backed up and looked at Lewis wide eyed.

"What...what happened?" Alex sounded just as scared as he felt "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

It took a few moments before Lewis stopped squirming "No, baby. It wasn't you"

"Then what happened?" Alex asked as he turned Lewis around again and lifted up the back of his shirt.

"It's nothing" Lewis told him, but once Alex got a look at the man's back he saw the long purple welt that made a clear line across the man's skin.

"What the fuck, Lewis?" Alex asked angrily "what is this?"

Turning his head around to look at Alex Lewis could only give him an awkward smile "I never told you about my clumsy gene, have I?"

"I'm a doctor Lewis, specifically one that deals with kids so I know clumsy and unless you hurled yourself against something hard this was not done by you"

"Alex" Lewis cautioned "can we just-"

"It was Jackson, wasn't it?" Alex asked and he could feel the anger course through his veins.

Lewis looked like he wanted to lie, but he knew in the end it would be useless.

"We argued. I got in his face and provoked him. He gave me what I deserved, that's all" Lewis said "can we please just drop it?"

"You can't be serious?" Alex asked "you have a four inch welt that I'm going to need to treat. He can't get away with doing these kinds of things"

Turning around he unlocked the door and swung it open.

"No, Alex" Lewis said with a panic "don't make this worse than it needs to be"

Alex was far too focused to hear the things Lewis was saying as he exited his office and stormed towards Jackson. Lewis had tried to follow him but trying to do that and hold up his pants proved a tricky task. By the time he sorted himself out Alex was already out of sight.

Alex looked at his watch and he knew Jackson would have already left the cafeteria and headed back to his office. Turning down the hall that held Jackson's office he caught sight of the man walking and sprinting down he managed to reach the door before Jackson was able to close it.

"The hell?" Jackson said as he turned around and when he caught sight of Alex and saw the rage on the man's face he backed-up.

"What do you want?"

Alex remained silent and he could see it was starting to make Jackson nervous.

"Look, either s-say something o-or get out"

"I saw Lewis" Alex told him "I saw what you did to his back"

"Look-"

"Shut the fuck up" Alex said "_I'm_talking now"

Jackson stayed quiet.

"I know you're going through a real hard time right now, but that does not give you a reason to start hurting the people who are trying to help you" Alex told him "Lewis tried to cover for you, but it's not hard to figure out that you are spiralling and spiralling badly. You ever hurt him like that again and I swear I'll go to Hunt"

Alex could see Jackson bristle and he noticed the quick flash of fear before he made his face neutral.

"You finished? Can I speak now?" Jackson asked and taking Alex's silence as an answer he continued.

"Go to Hunt" Jackson told him "tell him whatever you're going to tell him, because I'm done taking orders"

"I'm serious, Jackson" Alex warned.

"Me too" Jackson responded "you're all so fucking alike. It's perfectly okay to beat _me_, isn't it Karev? Nobody bats an eye when it's _me_ getting two black eyes in a day, when it's _me_who gets tackled to the ground, or gets his head smashed against walls. You all say some meaningless sentiment about wanting to help me to make yourselves feel better, but none of you have ever asked how I was after I had to put an ice pack over my eye because you or Lewis thought the best way to deal with me was through your fists"

Alex felt as if he was going to be sick to his stomach. How could he let his anger make him forget all the times he had attacked Jackson? Then to come to his office and talk so self-righteously. He finally understood why Jackson hated him so much.

"You want me to never hurt Lewis again then you tell him this. You're both banned from my office. If you come in here again I'll go to Hunt myself and have you both suspended, are we clear?"

"It's gone too far, Jackson" Alex said and he couldn't believe it, but he felt his voice crack as tears started to well up in his eyes "somebody is going to get seriously hurt if this keeps up"

"GET OUT OF MY OFFICE" Jackson screamed in his face and jumping back Alex stood at the entrance way and pushing him back Jackson slammed the door in Alex's face.

Alex only heard quiet until the sound of glass breaking against the door signalled Jackson's action of throwing his candy dish against it.

Alex had managed to make it to the nearest bathroom a mere second before he doubled over the nearest toilet and lost whatever little bit of lunch he had managed to eat.

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis had tried to hold Alex back, he had really tried. Because he knew if he let him go to Jackson in a moment like that, in a situation like that, it would make everything so much worse, but Alex didn't really give him a chance to hold him back. So when Alex vanished out of his sight, he first got his clothes back together, closed his pants and everything and left his office afterwards. He needed to find Alex. Maybe he could prevent something worse from happening. He had very little hope, but he still made his way towards Jackson's office.

Only to watch Jackson shout at Alex and throw the door in his face.

Alex was so taken aback, that he didn't even notice Lewis standing in the hallway when he started running towards the toilets and Lewis knew he had to go see him. He had to take care of him. Especially since this was his fault. It was all his fault, that Alex and Jackson got yet in another fight. Because he just couldn't stop himself from making a sound of pain when Alex pushed him against the door.

He waited for a minute, maybe two, before he decided it was time to follow Alex and made his way to the bathroom and inside of it.

First, he couldn't see nor hear Alex, but then there were sounds coming from one of the stalls.

"Alex?" He said aloud, waiting for a reply, which came only a few seconds later.

"Go away. I don't want you to see me like this..."

Lewis could hear that Alex was crying, even though he tried to hide it and it really broke something inside of him to know that Alex was suffering that much.

"The hell I will..." he replied, moving towards the last stall and pushing the door open. Alex was sitting on the floor, his eyes were red and there were still tears shimmering in them.

"Please go..." Alex repeated again, but instead, Lewis bent down and placed a hand on one of his arms.

"No!" He sat down next to him, pulling him into his arms. He felt Alex resistance for a moment, but then Alex sank against his chest, clinging to his shirt.

Gently, Lewis started stroking his back, trying to calm him down, but he knew it would take a while. It hurt a lot to see Alex like that and he rather wanted to cry with him, let out all his pain, but he had that moment in his office when he was alone. Now he needed to be there for Alex. Now Alex needed him. He was an Avery, and he needed to be strong.

"Sssht... I'm here, baby..." he whispered in Alex' ear, trying to comfort him, holding him close to his body. "It's gonna be okay..."

"No, it's not..." Alex sobbed. "He said that... if you... or me... ever show up in his office again he's going to Hunt to get us both suspended... I... I just don't understand how it could have gotten that bad. I just wanted to help him, Lewis, but I fucked it up even more."

"It's really not your fault, Alex..." Lewis said calmly, trying to get through to him.

"Yes, it is... I made it so much worse... I should have listened to you..." Alex gave back.

"Stop it, Alex... please stop," Lewis replied, grabbing Alex' face and making him look at him. Gently, he wiped away some tears, leaning forward and capturing his lips in a tender kiss.

"This is not your fault... and this wasn't my brother talking, it was the drugs..." He leaned his forehead against Alex. "If it's on someone, then it's on me... if anyone should know that, it's you..."

"But... I know you didn't mean for him to take drugs again..." Alex said, and it meant a lot to him that Alex still thought that high of him.

"No, I didn't... but it was my doing that put him in such a bad place... if it wasn't for me or Michael, he wouldn't be that bad off right now." Lewis replied, still feeling guilty as hell. If this got any worse, he would never forgive himself. He was the one that did that to Jackson, but he seriously never expected him to crash like that. He should have known better. He knew his past, and still he had done all those ugly things to him.

"You were hurt, Lewis," Alex defended him, and Lewis couldn't help the smile crossing his lips.

"That doesn't excuse anything I did..." Lewis gave back. "I really can't believe it, Alex... you know I'm a bad person and yet you're here, looking into my eyes with so much love and defending all the ugly things I did... I... I don't think I deserve this..."

"You made mistakes... you're not perfect, but neither am I... no one is... we both made mistakes we're not proud of... but that doesn't mean you're a bad person..." Alex said, gently touching Lewis' face.

"You're not a bad person either..." Lewis replied, pulling Alex close again.

"So what now?" Alex asked after a while, looking up into Lewis' eyes.

"I... I don't know... At this point, I don't think it's up to us anymore. We're really not able to help him anymore... he shuts us out and he doesn't even want us to be near him anymore..." Lewis felt a deep sadness rise within him, and there was something else. Concern. Concern and fear. Fear of losing Jackson again when he kind of just found him again. When he just found out that he wanted back his little brother, but maybe it was already too late for that. Maybe there was no way back to being brothers again for him and Jackson.

"So what? We're just standing there and watch him go down? I don't think I can do that, Lewis... He's still my friend and I love him." Alex gave back.

"I know... and so do I... but right now there is no way for us to make him see that... he's way to invested in the drug already... we can't help him... but I probably know someone who can..." Lewis replied calmly. "He helped him once... maybe he can do it again. He might be the only one Jackson will listen to."

"Who?" Alex asked, tilting his head.

Nervously, Lewis bit his lower lip. "Tyler..." He blurted out, avoiding Alex gaze.

"Tyler? As your ex-fiancee Tyler?" Alex wanted to know, and Lewis could literally feel Alex look at him.

He nodded slowly. "Yeah..." he replied. "I... I already told you that this is not the first time Jackson is using... and the last time he did it was Tyler who pulled him out of it...

"Okay... so... can you call him?" Alex asked, taking Lewis totally by surprise with this question.

It took a couple of seconds until he was able to look at Alex again. "In fact... I already did..." he admitted.

Alex tilted his head again. "When?"

"Right after Jackson pushed me against his shelf... I... I just didn't know what to do anymore... and he's the only one that came to my mind... the only one I know Jackson trusts enough to maybe open up to..." Lewis explained.

"And... are you okay with it?" Alex wanted to know, grabbing one of Lewis' hands and caressing the back of it with his thumb.

"I guess..." Lewis replied, shrugging. "I mean... it's... it's been a while... I haven't seen him in years..."

"And yet he's the one you called..." Alex smiled. "You still love him, don't you?"

"I... no... I mean..." Lewis hurriedly replied. "We're long over... and even if he calls me back, it's all about Jackson, not about me..."

"That's not what I asked," Alex gave back with an honest look on his face. "And if you do, I totally understand... I mean, he was... is the love of your life... and that you still have his number after all those years... says a lot, don't you think?"

"Maybe," Lewis admitted. "But it doesn't change a thing... even if that's true... which I don't say it is... it won't make me fall back into his arms just because he helps Jackson or something like that... I'm with you, and even though I'm not in love with you, I genuinely love you and care for you... and I wanna be with you, because I'm happy..."

Grinning, Alex leaned forward, capturing Lewis' lips with his own. "That's probably the most romantic thing you ever said to me..."

"Don't tell anyone, that would totally screw my reputation..." Lewis answered, responding to the kiss immediately.

"What do you say we get out of here and make the best out of this messed up day?"

"Do you have anything in mind?" Alex asked, causing Lewis to chuckle.

"Yeah... maybe..." He leaned forward, capturing Alex' earlobe between his teeth for a second, causing Alex to hiss.

"I wanna take you out of here... and then I wanna go to a cheap motel with you... we've never done that before..." he whispered into his ear. "We've done the luxury stuff... now I wanna do the opposite... just let's get out of Seattle and find some cheap sleazy hotel... where we annoy whoever is in the rooms next to us, because we're going to make hot, passionate love the whole night... I need to get that tension out of my body... I need to relax... you're with me?"

"Cheap and sleazy? Really, Lewis?" Alex laughed, and Lewis was happy that it was him to bring that out of him. To make him feel better, even though they were still sitting in the toilet stall. "I thought you were all for luxury and expensive things..."

"I am... but sometimes I just need something different... something that feels dirty and forbidden..." Lewis explained.

Another chuckle followed. "And an expensive hotel isn't?"

"Not really... not in the way I want it so be..." Lewis said.

"You're full of surprises, Lewis... I like that..." Alex got to his feet, reaching out for Lewis' hand, and Lewis grabbed it and let him pull him to his feet as well.

"So that means we're doing it?" he asked, placing his arms around Alex' waist and leaning forward, rubbing the tip of his nose against Alex'. He just wanted to forget about everything for a couple of hours. Needed to forget, and he had a feeling Alex felt the same. He needed to get out of Seattle, and he needed to do so with Alex. If Alex would come along, that was.

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex needed this. He needed Lewis and him alone with the world completely forgotten.

The day had been one of the worst Alex had experienced in a long time and that was quite a feat since Alex had experienced a lot of candidates for that title over the past few weeks.

Being with Lewis made Alex...sane. His worry over April and the baby, his falling out with Meredith, and Jackson slipping further and further away from all of them was taking it's toll on Alex.

After he and Jackson's last argument something had just broken inside of Alex. The snap was definitive and brutal. When Lewis had found him in the restroom Alex had felt humiliated, but once again Lewis proved why he was such an important part of Alex's life.

They had found a motel, even one just off the interstate that made Alex laugh and commend Lewis on his dedication to this idea. They both wanted cheap and sleazy, but they were doctors and cleanliness still had to be a priority.

The room had one medium sized bed, a television that still sat on a metal stand, and a bathroom that sat off to the right.

"It's perfect" Alex said once he stepped in and took a look around the small quarters.

"No, you're perfect" Lewis said as he saddled up behind him and grabbed him around the waist to kiss his neck.

Placing his hands on top of Lewis' Alex let his head fall back and closed his eyes. He had no idea how much he needed this and feeling the warmth of Lewis' body was already stirring lust in his body.

Beginning to walk to the bed Lewis pushed him to the edge then turned the man around to kiss him. Tilting his head to the side Alex opened his mouth and welcomed Lewis tongue wrapping his own one around the man's.

Lewis moved his hand to Alex's waist and pulled his hips against Lewis' own.

Breaking away Alex looked at Lewis' blue eyes and they were so easy to get lost in that Alex had to concentrate to keep himself focused.

"How are we going to do this?" Lewis asked, his lips full and shiny and begging for Alex to kiss them once again.

"I want you to fuck me" Alex said as he kissed Lewis' jaw "I want you to spread me open and take me apart"

Lewis smiled widely at him "Fuck, you know just what to say to get me going"

"I'm a poet" Alex chuckled then pushing him down on the bed Lewis fell on top of Alex before kissing him again. Starting on his lips Lewis travelled across to Alex's right cheek as he started on undoing the man's pants. Moving from his cheek Lewis went to the man's throat and dipped his tongue in the hollow of Alex's Adam apple. Getting his pants unbuttoned Lewis pulled down his zipper. Then moving down Alex's body Lewis got on his knees in front of Alex and pulling his pants down Lewis let them settle at Alex's ankles. Then looking at the light blue boxers Lewis could see Alex's cock straining against the fabric.

"Somebody's excited" Lewis said with a grin.

"You always make me excited" Alex told him.

Moving in Lewis mouthed Alex's cock through the fabric and feeling it twitch Lewis ran his tongue over the length. Alex placed his palms on either side of the bed and threw his head back.

"Lewis" he whispered.

Reaching his fingers inside the waistband of Alex's boxers he pulled them down slowly and once Alex's erection was free it sprang out. Rigid and hard, wanting nothing more than to find the white hot blinding pleasure that came from the heat of being inside the wetness of Lewis' mouth.

Lewis started by kissing the head of Alex's cock and stuck his tongue into the slit. Sending an erotic shiver through Alex's body that made him grip the sheets and bunch them within his hands. Then licking the underside of Alex's cock he wrapped his tongue around the heated flesh before pulling back then pulling the appendage into his mouth fully Alex bucked up with a harshly cry and put his hands on Lewis' shoulders.

Easing back off Lewis let just the head of Alex's erection remain between his lips for a second before taking him back in. With each thrust downward Lewis got more and more of the cock into his mouth until finally his nose was nestled in Alex's pubic hair.

"Please, Lewis" Alex begged.

Pulling back once again Lewis looked up at him "What do you want?" he asked Alex.

"You...anything...everything"

"Turn around" Lewis commanded and without hesitation Alex stood and put his back to Lewis. Kicking off his shoes Alex bent over, making sure to put his ass in the air as high as possible and right in Lewis' face. Leaning further up the bed Alex looked behind him at Lewis who was licking his lips.

"See something you like?" he asked and Lewis laughed.

"You fucking tease" Lewis chuckled.

"Wanna give me a hand?" Alex queried and lifting up Alex's left foot he removed the pants and boxers and then did the same thing to the right leg.

Once Alex was free of the binding material Lewis placed his hands on Alex's waist again and pulled the man back. Kissing the fatty flesh of Alex's butt cheek he gave a small bite to both orbs and got a hiss of pleasure from Alex. Spreading apart Alex's cheeks Lewis looked at the pink opening and going in he ran his tongue over it and Alex wagged his ass in appreciation.

Sticking his tongue into the opening Alex gasped and the sound only served to make Lewis harder. The tip of Lewis' tongue darted in and out with a steady rhythm and then pulling back he stuck his index finger in and curved it slightly. After a minute or two Lewis stuck in a second finger "Put your legs further apart and make yourself wide for me, baby" Lewis told him and Alex did so immediately. With the wider opening Lewis could stick in a third finger and moving it in and out Alex started to grind against them telling Lewis that he was ready.

Standing up Lewis stood behind Alex and rubbed his crotch against the man's backside. Undoing his button he quickly undid his zipper.

"It's too bad we didn't bring a video camera" Lewis said as he took off his shoes "I'd love to be able watch you like this with a bowl of popcorn while your sucking my dick"

The dirty talk was making Alex dizzy with want. The image that Lewis put in his head was something he wanted to do.

After stepping out of his clothing he leaned over Alex and pulling the man's head back Lewis gave him another searing kiss. Reaching down he had grabbed his pants to fish out the condom he kept in his back pocket. He wasted no time in putting it on his cock as it stood straight and long.

Twitching with anticipation.

Feeling Lewis's cock at his opening Alex looked at him with a heated gaze "Fuck me, Lewis" he said and at the first push in Alex bit his lips. Outwitting the pain as he waited for the pleasure to take over. Once Lewis was halfway in he asked Alex if he was okay and nodding his head Alex pushed back and got more of the man's cock inside of him and this time it was Lewis who had the gasp of pleasure.

Unable to hold back any longer Lewis buried himself inside Alex and started a rhythm that was causing Alex to bounce forward with every thrust.

"Just like that" Alex said "tear me apart" and feeling Lewis increase his speed Alex let his head fall on the bed and at the feeling of Lewis hitting his prostate stars exploded behind his eyes and in that moment the world completely fell away and the only thing that remained was he, Lewis, and this glorious feeling that was taking over his body.

Lewis began ramming into him and placing one arm around Alex's chest he pulled the man up as he spit into the palm of his other hand and wrapped it around Alex's cock and stroked it in time with his thrusts.

"Lewis" Alex pleaded as he turned his head and pulled Lewis down for a kiss. As Lewis moved up to a neck-breaking pace Alex felt his balls tighten signalling his release. Alex barely had time to say anything before he shot clear across the bed and just for a moment Alex felt as if he would black out.

Once Lewis had completely drained Alex he pushed the man down on the bed "Now it's time for me to tear that ass apart" Lewis told Alex and hammered into him once more.

Alex always secretly loved this part. After his orgasm his body was used to give Lewis as much pleasure as possible. It made him feel euphoric.

After another two minutes Alex heard Lewis' breaths start to hitch and moving his ass back again he felt Lewis dig his nails into Alex's side. Tomorrow Alex would be able to see and touch the crescent moon shaped marks and remember this experience and he couldn't wait.

"Alex.. I'm about-" Lewis said and before he could finish he ejaculated and it was so strong that Alex could feel it, even with the condom.

Twenty minutes later, and a quick wash later, Alex was spooning with Lewis.

"I love you" Alex said as he kissed the back of Lewis neck.

"Love you too" Lewis whispered as he felt his eyes become heavy "thank you for this, Alex"

"No, thank _you_" Alex told him and with a smile Lewis closed his eyes and less than a minute later Alex could hear the steady breathing that told him that Lewis had slumbered off.

Alex looked down at the decreasing welt and the pain of the day still felt fresh. Leaning down Alex lightly kissed the bruise and Lewis moved involuntarily in his sleep.

"I'm going to fix this" Alex said "I'm going to bring Jackson back to us and fix you two, I promise" and putting his hand around Lewis' waist he pulled him close and laid his head atop Lewis'

There was so much that Alex had lost in his life. His family, Rebecca, Izzie, April, and he wasn't going to lose Jackson too. The man might be hating he and Lewis right now, but that wouldn't stop him.

If this Tyler person was Lewis' main hope then Alex was going to do everything in his power to make sure the guy lived up to Lewis' expectations.

**Lewis Avery POV:**

When Lewis woke up the next morning, he felt well rested and really relaxed. And good. Coming here had been a really good idea, even though he felt a bit egoistic for even doing it. Running away like that. But he knew Alex had needed that, too. Alex had needed that as much as he did after all that had happened. To come down again.

He lifted his head, looking down at Alex' still sleeping figure and cuddled into him, feeling something hard touching his leg.

A huge grin formed on his lips and he slowly and as careful as possible and hustled Alex off his body so he was laying on his back, and pushed the covers down.

God, Alex was beautiful, so fucking beautiful. His tanned skin, his muscular chest, his abs, his ribs that moved up and down underneath Alex' steady breathing. Lewis could have stared at him for hours, if he hadn't had something else in mind.

It turned Lewis on so much, seeing Alex like that, with a hard-on he didn't even know about. Maybe he was dreaming, maybe not, but he definitely looked satisfied, almost peaceful. But Lewis didn't plan for him to stay that way.

He wanted to hear him moan, he wanted to see him curl underneath him and he wanted him to beg for Lewis to do something. Anything.

He pushed down the blankets even further and crawled in between Alex' legs, gently pushing them apart, before he leaned down, starting to kiss Alex' chest.

Licking one of his nipples, he already felt Alex move, but when he looked up, he saw that he was still asleep. So he moved downwards slowly, taking his time with kissing every inch of Alex' beautiful body, even the marks he left last night that made Alex look even better. Like he was his, and somehow he was.

Lewis didn't even know when it happened. When they had slipped from being casual fuck buddies to something like a real relationship.

He hadn't had something like that since Tyler. Never even wanted to be in a relationship again. Never wanted to be exclusive. He wanted to be free and enjoy his life, but with Alex everything felt so good. He didn't need sex with anyone else. He was happy with how they were.

Shaking away his thoughts, he decided it was time to go on with his plan and take care of Alex again.

He lifted his head just above Alex' stiff member and put his hand around it, gently pushing back the foreskin and baring his glans. God, how he loved to just look at Alex' cock like that, and he felt a familiar heat rise inside of his stomach.

For a second he just enjoyed the view, but then he let his tongue dart out and lick over the slit, before taking it in his mouth and licking at it enjoying the taste of Alex' cock on his tongue.

He noticed Alex' breathing hitch but he hadn't awoken. Not yet, that was. Lewis wasn't about to let him get away without waking up, so he decided to increase his efforts, starting to move his head up and down, until he was swallowing him whole, nestling his nose in his pubic hair again. Just like last night.

Watching Alex, he saw his eyes fly open and stare at him, half surprised, half shocked, rearing up and then falling back onto the mattress, letting out a low moan.

"Lewis... what... what are... are you doing?" he stammered, grabbing the sheets, when Lewis started to suck on his dick.

A grin formed on his lips and he drew back just enough to be able to speak.

"What do you think I'm doing? What does it look like?" he teased him. "I'm waking up my hot and sexy boyfriend, because I wanna have sex with him."

"You wanna have sex?" Alex laughed. "And here I thought this was all for me..."

"Where's the fun in that?" Lewis wanted to know, sliding upwards, so he could look Alex in the eye and was also able to kiss him.

"Good morning, by the way..." He leaned down and captured Alex' lips with his own, letting Alex feel his own taste that was still lingering on Lewis' tongue.

"Good morning..." Alex murmured in the kiss, looping his arms around Lewis' neck and pulling him onto him, so he could put his legs around Lewis' hips and grind upwards.

"Oh God..." Lewis hissed, letting his head fall into his neck and taking in a deep breath. He had been hard before, but he was getting that much harder with every second their cocks were touching.

At first he _had_wanted to do this for Alex, only for him, but Alex just drove him crazy, and he needed to have him. To feel him inside of him. He needed to forget about the world outside this hotel room just for a little longer. Reality would catch up with them soon enough and he wanted to enjoy that as long as possible.

"Oh Baby..." he whispered into Alex' ear, nibbling at his earlobe. "I'm rock hard just for you... look what you're doing to me..." He grabbed one of Alex' hands, moving it downwards between their bodies and to his cock. "Feel that?"

"Oh yeah..." Alex replied. "I love it when you're about to lose control like that... when you just can't resist me..."

"I could never resist you," Lewis gave back. "And I need you to be inside of me... I need you to fill me up and give me that pretty cock of yours and fuck me senseless. I want to have it all... I want to ride you and I want to be on all fours letting you control me from behind... and then I want to lay on my back while you finish with me... I want to see your face when you fall apart and I want you to see my face when I shoot my cum between our bodies... you think you can help me with that?"

Watching Alex swallow hard, Lewis knew he had him exactly where he wanted him, and he loved it. Loved to turn him on like that with only words.

"Oh Lewis... please... please stop talking like that or I'm gonna come without you even touching me... you have no idea how much it turns me on to hear you say things like that... and to imagine doing all of this with you," Alex admitted, and it made Lewis so proud, that he had such an effect on Alex.

Especially considering the fact that before him Alex had never slept with any other guy, and maybe would never sleep with anyone else besides him.

Lewis turned them around so he was on his back and Alex was right above him and now it was on him to put his legs around Alex' waist, making him feel his erection.

He felt Alex' lips on his own and then one of Alex' hands moved down, grabbing his cock and pumping it for a moment, before he went down further and started playing with Lewis' hole.

"You have lube here somewhere?" he asked, while teasing it with the tip of his finger.

"No... but the condoms are extra lubed... it's gonna work like that..." Lewis tried to calm him down. Alex didn't look very convinced, though.

"You sure?"

A grin appeared on Lewis' lips. "You want me to show you? Prepare myself?"

"Fuck..." Alex hissed. "Only the imagination..."

"Really? Turns you on, huh?" Lewis asked, even though he knew the answer already.

"You have no idea..." Alex gave back and that was all Lewis needed to hear. He gave Alex a gentle push, so he was landing on his back and he crawled onto him, kneeling directly over him. He moved one of his hands to his lips and sucked in two of his fingers, wetting them with his saliva, before moving them down.

He could literally feel Alex look at him and spread his legs further apart, so Alex had a better angle watching him.

Slowly, he touched his hole and then he pressed in both of his fingers at once, feeling a familiar pain, but this burn turned him on even more, so he didn't even waste any time and started moving his fingers, thrusting inside of himself.

"Fuck, Lewis..." Alex breathed out. "Have you any idea how sexy you are right now?"

"Just as sexy as you would look doing that..." Lewis gave back, scissoring his fingers and trying to find his prostate, but from his angle it wasn't this easy. Still, he knew his body well enough, so after a couple of seconds, he let out a loud moan, feeling himself tensing around his fingers. He hadn't prepared himself in a while, but seeing Alex with such lust in his eyes was so worth it.

It didn't take him long to insert a third finger and open up enough so he was ready to welcome Alex cock, so he looked down at him, licking his lips. "Ready for the ride, baby?"

"You're so, so dirty..." Alex commented, causing Lewis to grin at him.

"And you love me just that way, don't you?" he replied, looking around for his jeans in which he had stored some condoms before they came here, because he knew they would need them eventually.

"Damn right..." Alex leaned upwards, capturing Lewis' lips. "Nightstand..." He whispered. "I've put them all there last night before we took a shower, just in case we might get horny again before we leave."

"That's my boy..." Lewis smiled, reaching out to the drawer and taking out one of the condoms, opening the wrapper and putting it onto Alex' cock with his skilled fingers, before he positioned himself right above it and grabbed it, to bring it to his hole and then he sank down with one slow move, causing Alex to let out an ecstatic cry of pleasure.

"You like that, baby?" Lewis asked breathlessly, just enjoying the feeling of Alex filling him completely before he started moving on him, getting up just a little bit to sink down even harder than the first time.

"I love it... I love you..." Alex replied, capturing Lewis in another kiss and grabbing his hard member almost the same time and starting to pump it.

That was the perfect way to start a morning and Lewis could really get used to it. To all of this, because it was just really nice to have someone to start the day with.

After a relaxing shower and Lewis paying for the room, Alex and he were just about to leave when he grabbed him and pulled him in his arms for a moment.

"This was... really nice... I could get used to it..." he sad quietly.

"What? A sleazy, cheap motel room?" Alex joked, but Lewis shook his head, touching Alex' face and getting serious again.

"No, silly. I meant us..." he replied.

An honest smile appeared on Alex' lips. "I know..." His arms were around Lewis waist and he pulled him even closer, getting a serious look on his face.

"You think this Tyler guy is really calling you back?"

"I seriously hope so... Alex, I don't know what else to do..." Lewis admitted. "He's like my last hope... I wouldn't know who else to turn to and I know Jackson still trusts Tyler... it just has to work out..."

Alex didn't look very convinced, though. "And what if not? I... I don't wanna lose him. I can't lose him... I've already lost way too many people in my life... I... I don't think I'll survive if something bad happens to him..."

"Me neither..." Lewis agreed. "But we'll figure something out, okay? If the worst case happens and Tyler hasn't gotten back to me in a week, we'll find another way to help Jackson... to make him see how much we love him... Okay?"

"Okay..." Alex replied and another smile appeared on Alex' lips.

"No matter what happens, we're in this together... You're not alone," Lewis replied, leaning forward and kissing him.

"Neither are you," Alex gave back, responding to the kiss and hugging Lewis close afterwards.

In his arms Lewis felt so safe and secure and he just knew they would get through this if they just stayed together. With Alex by his side he could overcome everything, even the possible fallout with Michael. If Michael didn't back off soon, Lewis had to have a serious talk with him. He wasn't very eager to do this, and he even was a little afraid to lose Michael because of it, but he had already messed up way too much. This one time he had to make the right decision. For Jackson, if that really became neccessary.


	42. Chapter 42

**A/N: **Hello Again! There I'm back… :-) My niece is finally back home and I had time to "overwork" Chapter 42 so I can get it ready… and this chapter contains some kind of "showdown" between Lewis and Michael, so I hope, you all might like it =) Also there are some Jackson/Mark chapters… :-)

We hope, you all enjoy it! Reviews – as always – make us VERY happy :-)

(and we know, you want someone for April, but that might take a little time since we have already written stuff or a couple more chapters… but we want you to know, we've heard it and we definitely appreciate the input! :D)

**Jackson Avery POV:**

_Three days later..._

Jackson hadn't been in contact with many people after his latest, and hopefully last, fight with Alex. Michael had set up their Brachial Plexus surgery and immersing himself in studying up on it Jackson managed to block out everything else going on.

He ignored the fact that Mark hadn't tried to get in contact with him since that horrible night at his apartment.

He brushed off the numerous attempts that Arizona and Eli made in trying to have some kind of conversation, or "heart-to-heart" with him.

He blocked out everything that didn't have anything to do with surgery.

Jackson had arrived early in the morning in order to try and work out his game plan. After looking over Michael's research it seemed as if Holt would be able to go through the neck and correct the damaged nerve with a direct path. Jackson would still have to perform cervicalplasty, but at least the shoulder and arm could remain relatively untouched.

He had been looking at a video online when a knock on his door from one of the scrub nurses informed him that Holt was heading towards OR2.

Standing up and packing a few essentials Jackson walked out and greeted the nurse, Sasha Mills, a pretty and petite woman who Jackson had caught staring at him on more than one occasion.

He found it flattering and since it was nothing but a harmless crush, something Jackson could relate to himself, he never felt the need to bring it up. Not to mention she made awesome chocolate chip cookies for Jackson's birthday every year.

Sasha handed him the patient's chart and opening up the steel cover he started to look for any trouble spots that could cause unneeded complications.

Walking around the bend Jackson was just about to enter the scrub room when he heard someone call for him. Turning around he saw Mark standing a couple of feet away.

Jackson could feel his heart sink into his stomach.

"Hey" Mark said, both hands in his pockets and looking just as awkward and scared as Jackson felt.

"Hey" Jackson responded.

"I'll give you two a minute" Sasha smiled as she patted Jackson on the arm and made her way into the scrub room. Nodding his head he gave her a quick thanks and then cautiously made his way towards Mark.

"What are you doing here?"

"I-I thought it might be nice to come and see one of your surgeries" Mark told him "it's been a while, ya know?"

Jackson didn't know what to say. The last time the two had seen one another was when Mark was throwing him out after the two made love, well not made love, had sex.

"I also came to apologize for the other night" Mark said "how I acted... what I did to you was totally uncalled for"

Jackson could feel the same shame from that night wash through him. The look in Mark's eyes, the complete disconnect of seeing Jackson as anything more than something to bury himself in clawed at his guilt.

How could he blame Mark for treating him that way when for the past few months Jackson had done nothing but earn that kind of respect?

"Can you say something?" Mark asked and Jackson could hear the fear in his voice "I mean I know I don't deserve it but-"

"Stop" Jackson said as he held his hand up "you're not the one who's in the wrong here. I've been fucking this up for a long time now"

"Listen Jackson can-" Mark began before Michael Holt walked out into the hall.

"Jackson...you coming?" he asked "seems we have an audience for this one"

Turning around Jackson saw Holt give Mark a smile that he couldn't read, but didn't particularly like.

"Yeah. I'm coming" Jackson said before facing Mark once again "we can talk afterwards...if you want too"

"Of course I do" Mark smiled "go kick some surgical ass" and the remark was the first thing that made Jackson feel good in a very long time.

"Will do"

"It looks like everything can work out after all" Michael said as he and Jackson stood side-by-side and scrubbed in for surgery.

"Holt...I'm not really up to talking" Jackson responded "especially not about Mark"

"Come on, Jackson" Holt ran his arms under the hot water "I'm really happy for you that's all." Looking over at Holt Jackson followed his previous movements.

"I'm sure you are" he told Michael and once done he turned off the faucet with his elbow and made his way into the operating room. The team had already set up and he walked over to the table just as Meredith was getting gloved and masked.

"Hello again, Dr. Avery" Sasha said as she stood in front of Jackson and began to glove him and then put his mask on.

"Hello Nurse Mills" he smiled and he was happy that he would have at least one friendly face with him for the next six hours.

Turning around Jackson stood opposite Meredith, but the two seemed to make quite an effort not to look at one another. It was just one more person that Jackson would have to cross off his list. Which really sucked because in all honesty Meredith was probably one of the first friends he had made when he came to Seattle Grace.

She had understood his hesitation in working off his family's name and had been the only person he could talk too when every one else at the hospital had suddenly seen him as nothing more than a brand new opportunity.

Not to mention he had been in love with her sister and had even thought that one day he could have considered Meredith Grey family.

"Seems like this is the place to be" Meredith said and looking up at the gallery Jackson's eyes grew wide as he saw the packed seats.

Lewis, Alex, Arizona, Mark, Derek, Eli, and even Callie.

"You think they expect something interesting to happen" Meredith said and her tone let Jackson know that she was talking about more than just the surgery and for just a moment he feared she had talked to Lewis and Alex, but the second Michael walked in and her eyes went to him and watched him until he stood beside her let Jackson know this was about Holt.

Everything with Meredith was about Holt these days.

"I've always liked an audience" Michael said brightly as he got gloved and masked "makes me feel like a rock-star" and the small laugh that Meredith gave made Jackson roll his eyes. If he was going to have to put up with this for the next six hours he was going to be in trouble.

"Let's get started" Michael exclaimed "Meredith, why don't you open?"

"Love too" she told him and made the first incision.

Jackson couldn't deny the pressure as he felt the eyes from the gallery bearing down on him. It wasn't a coincidence that all of the doctors had found themselves watching his surgery. They were waiting for a mistake and Jackson could not afford to give them one.

As Meredith and Michael worked on the nerve repair Jackson was focusing on the outer ligaments, making sure he was able to resear them whenever either one of the other surgeons had to open up a particularly troublesome nerve.

"You're doing a fantastic job, Dr. Avery" Michael said as he worked on the inner cervical "you have quite a set of skilled hands"

Jackson looked up briefly, taking note of the flirtatious tone that Holt had given.

"DR. GREY" Holt suddenly yelled drawing the attention of Jackson to the woman's mistake. She had severed a nerve and pushing her to the side Michael worked frantically to stop the flow of blood as Jackson worked on trying to clip it and save it.

Meredith stood back, her eyes wide and after 5 intense minutes Michael stopped the blood flow which allowed Jackson to resear it.

The damaged nerve would cause damage, but the extent of it would not be known for quite some time.

"I-I'm sorry" Meredith said to Holt "I don't know what happened"

"You weren't paying attention!" Jackson told her angrily.

She looked at him with a mixture of anger and shock, but she remained quiet.

Everyone in the gallery was on his feet and looking down. Derek appeared as if he wanted to run down, but thought better of it.

The damage was done and repairs were already being made. There was nothing that any of the people watching could offer at this point. Jackson looked up briefly and he saw both Lewis and Alex standing together, both holding the same position, their arms folded over their chests and looking squarely at him.

_Fuck them _Jackson thought.

Another two hours later and having Michael close up the surgery was done. It wasn't as smooth as it could have been, but overall it was a success.

Scrubbing out Jackson and Holt remained silent until Michael spoke up.

"You did really well in there" he told Jackson "I really mean it"

"Thanks" Jackson said, but he couldn't help the anger that came out with it.

"What's wrong?"

"I know what you were trying to do in there" Jackson said as he turned around and faced Holt "that line about skilled hands with Meredith standing right there"

"It's the truth" Michael defended himself.

"You wanted to make her jealous" Jackson responded "I'm surprised the whole OR didn't pick up on it"

"Don't be ridiculous, Jackson" Michael smiled and inched closer to Jackson "she's not the one that I want. She's not the one I slept with, remember?" and he grabbed Jackson's arm lightly.

"I knew it!" Meredith said as she stood in the doorway looking at Michael and Jackson "I fucking knew it"

"Meredith" Jackson said as he approached the woman and she pushed him to the side in order to go to the cleansing sink.

Turning it on she grabbed the antibacterial soap and started to scrub her skin roughly "You two flirt with one another throughout the surgery and I'm the one who comes out looking the amateur surgeon" Meredith said.

"That's not what happened" Jackson told her "you know that's not what happened"

"So you two didn't sleep together?" Meredith asked.

"It was one time, Meredith" Michael said and Jackson turned around and looked at him in shock.

"Exactly" Meredith responded angrily as she turned off the faucet and went to the door with Jackson hot on her heels.

"What I should do is tell Mark" Meredith said to Jackson "let him find out the kind of person he's really with" and the statement had both terrified and enraged Jackson.

"It's not my fault that you follow Holt around like a bitch in heat" Jackson told her "I'm quite sure Derek would be interested in hearing that, too"

Meredith delivered a sharp slap across Jackson's face and the sting on his face felt like fire.

"I'm going to tell Mark" she said as she got directly in his face.

"No need to" Mark said as he and Derek stood beside one another and the look on his face told Jackson that trying to lie his way out of this was pointless.

"Derek!" Meredith said nervously, but refusing to even look at the woman he turned on his heels and made his way down the hall.

Giving Jackson a death glare Meredith chased after her husband and only left Jackson and Mark standing in the hall.

Alone and with no idea what to say to each other.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark couldn't believe what he had just witnessed and in fact, he was in a state of shock. And he felt numb. Numb and paralyzed. He had already suspected something for a while. Especially after all the comments Holt had made towards him, but after Arizona had gotten to him like that the other night he had really started doubting his own thoughts.

And now it seems he had been right after all. And it hurt like hell, but right now he was able to block it all out. He was so sick of all this. Sick of this relationship and he really doubted the few happy times were worth all of this. He just couldn't take it anymore.

"So it was true all along, huh?" he asked calmly, surprised about how calm he really was.

"Mark, it... it's not as it looks like..." Jackson tried to say, but his words didn't reach Mark at all.

"So you haven't slept with Holt?" he asked sarcastically. "Because it totally sounded like you did, and so far you haven't even denied it."

"It was just one time... and I was really drunk..." Jackson explained.

Mark let out a laugh.

"Oh yeah... right... that excuses everything of course. I already feel _so_ much better."

"Mark, please. I can explain it..." Jackson made another attempt to get to Mark, but Mark didn't even want to listen anymore.

"You know what? Save it..." He waved dismissively, shaking his head. "I don't wanna know... and I don't wanna hear it..." He bit his lower lip, trying his best not to let his true feelings get out, and it worked surprisingly well. He didn't want to show Jackson how broken he felt and how much he had hurt him. He had shown him just that long enough and Jackson had done his best to break his heart over and over again. Mark wouldn't let him do it again.

"What I don't get is why you had to lie to me constantly... I gave you more than one opportunity to tell me the truth... hell, I even told you I could live with an open relationship... you could have had the freedom to sleep with him and I wouldn't have cared, because it would have been just sex, but no..." Mark let out a despaired sigh. "No, you had to do it behind my back. You had to build up some bullshit stories and I was stupid enough to believe you. I was stupid enough to believe you really love me and care for me, but you only care for yourself."

He knew he was going way too far right now, but he was too hurt to care much for Jackson's feelings.

"I do love you," Jackson said desperately, and Mark could hear his voice breaking, knowing that for once Jackson was telling the truth. In this one thing he probably had always told him the truth, but somehow it didn't matter to him anymore.

"I believe you," Mark replied, hearing the relieved sigh leaving Jackson's lips, so he went on immediately, because he didn't want Jackson to get the wrong idea.

"But it doesn't change a thing... even if you do, I don't care anymore... I still can't do this any longer..." He buried his hands in his jeans pockets. "You don't do things like that to someone you really love, and if that's your way of showing me you love me... by lying to my face constantly, I don't even want you to love me..."

He moved towards Jackson in a swift move, so he was literally capturing Jackson between his body and the wall.

"I really... really wanted to make this work... I fought so hard... and I would have done everything for you. I would have given my life for you..." he said, fighting for control over his feelings, even though it grew harder with every second. "But I just can't take this anymore..."

"You're breaking up with me?" Jackson asked, and Mark almost couldn't bear the look on his face. Jackson looked so pained that it hurt him a lot more than he ever thought it would.

"Yes..." Mark replied. "Yes, I'm breaking up with you... I'm doing this for us... because we're not good for each other..."

"What makes you say that?" Jackson demanded to know.

Mark swallowed hard. "The other night... when we had sex... I... I never felt further away from you... emotionally..." he admitted. "We were so close physically, but it was just that... a physical act... I used you like some toy and that's not me... I've never been like that... I had sex when it was only sex a million times, but I still felt some closeness to my sex partners... I still felt satisfied afterwards... but when we slept together three nights ago I felt nothing like that... in fact, I felt awful... I don't think I've ever felt like that after just having sex... and I couldn't deal with it... I thought I had made a mistake, and I still think that's a fact, but... but I realized one thing just now... you brought that out of me... you brought out the worst in me..."

He took a step back, still looking at Jackson.

"And that's the reason it needs to be over... For both of our sakes... you're not good for me and neither am I good for you... you deserve something better. Someone better. Someone who can give you everything you need. I'm obviously not that person..."

"That's not true. Mark, please..." Jackson literally begged, moving towards Mark and grabbing one of his hands. "Please, Mark... give me another chance... give us another chance... this thing with Holt was the biggest mistake of my life and I regret it..."

"I know that, Jackson..." Mark said, looking down at their entwined hands. "I just... I just don't know how I can ever trust you again." He lifted his free hand, placing it on Jackson's cheek and leaning down, laying his forehead against Jackson's. "I don't want us to be over... I just don't know how to do this anymore..."

"Give me another chance... please... I... I love you... I need you... you're the only good thing left in my life... and if you leave me it's gonna kill me..." Jackson said, and Mark could see the tears welling in his eyes. He didn't even want to be here anymore, he couldn't stand the look in Jackson's eyes, the pain he saw in them, because it already made him regret his decision.

A couple of minutes ago he was sure it was the best to break up with Jackson but now... seeing him like that, he wasn't sure if he did the right thing anymore.

"Jackson, I... I don't know what to say..." he admitted, feeling Jackson's hand clinging to his shirt and pulling him close.

"Don't leave me, please..." Tears were running down Jackson's face and Mark was shocked to see him this vulnerable. He had never seen Jackson like that, and he couldn't take it any longer.

Therefore he pulled Jackson in his arms and caught him in a tight embrace, feeling a familiar burn in his eyes.

"I love you, Jackson..." he whispered, fighting back his own tears. "I love you so much..."

Jackson clung to him like his life depended on it and Mark just pressed him close against his chest, feeling Jackson's tears wetting his shirt.

"And I love you..." Jackson sobbed, looking up at Mark and placing his hands in Mark's neck, pulling him down and pressing a desperate kiss on his lips. One, Mark didn't return first, but then he did and he pressed Jackson against the wall with his whole body, feeling a desperate need rise within him.

They didn't stop kissing for even a second, their lips meeting over and over again, even though they were still standing in the hallway and there could come someone every second. They could be glad they hadn't been caught yet, but right now, Mark couldn't care less.

"Tell me you love me... tell me I'm the only one..." Mark whispered, rubbing against Jackson and pulling at his scrub shirt. "Tell me you're mine..."

"I'm all yours, Mark..." Jackson gave back breathlessly. "I'm never gonna hurt you again, I swear... I love you... I love you... I love you..." He repeated it over and over again like a prayer and it was exactly what Mark needed right now. To hear Jackson say those words and to feel that they were the truth, and even though he probably shouldn't: he believed Jackson. Because he wanted to believe him.

Mark lifted Jackson up, so Jackson could put his legs around Mark's waist, and Mark carried him inside the washroom of the OR, sitting him down at the sink, but still holding him very tight.

"We can't let them win... can't let him win, okay?"

"Who?" Jackson asked surprised, gently touching Mark's face. "What are you talking about?"

Mark bit his lower lip, thinking about if he should even tell Jackson, but he decided to do so. He was so sick of lying, because it put him in this position in the first place. He wasn't about to hold back information now.

"Holt... I had the feeling he wants you for a while... and I can't let him have you, because you're mine..." He let his hands slide down Jackson's back and grabbed his butt cheeks. "You're mine..." He repeated, pressing Jackson close to his body and letting him feel his growing erection, caused by the desperation to have Jackson completely.

"I'm yours..." Jackson agreed, pressing his lips against Mark again and again.

Mark only stopped so he could pull Jackson's scrub shirt over his head, and then his lips were everywhere on Jackson's body. He wanted to taste him, wanted to kiss every inch of his body and just have him. He wanted to kiss him, touch him, feel him, and smell him. He wanted all of it and he wanted it right now.

His lips moved over Jackson's cheek down to his throat and started sucking at a very sensitive point, feeling Jackson's chest rise a lot harder than before underneath his heavy breathing.

"Mark... Mark... oh god, Mark..." Mark heard him moan and while Mark's lips were still travelling over Jackson's neck and shoulders, he let one of his hands slide into Jackson's scrub pants, letting his fingers slide in between his butt cheeks and touching his hole, feeling Jackson tense for a moment.

"I need you, baby..." Mark said into Jackson's ear, capturing his earlobe between his lips. "I really need you... not like last time... I need to make love to you... I need to feel you completely... without anything between us... just you..."

"Then do it..." Jackson whispered and Mark watched him slide down the sink and getting rid of his scrub pants and shorts in a swift move, before he stepped out of them, standing in front of Mark completely naked while Mark was still fully dressed.

"God, you're so beautiful..." Mark said, admiring the sight in front of him for a couple of seconds, before he grabbed Jackson by the waist and pulled him close again, touching Jackson's nose with his own. "You belong with me... we belong together..."

"You're the only one that I want..." Jackson gave back immediately, and Mark knew he was telling the truth. And he would show him that Jackson couldn't only bring out the worst in him, but also the best. He would show him how much he loved him, would show him all of his love right now. This time he wouldn't use him, he would make love to him. With all of his heart.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson felt Mark's hands hold strong to his waist. With his arms wrapped around the man's neck Jackson kept kissing him, because try as he might Jackson couldn't get the thought that if he broke away from Mark, gave the man just a second to think things through clearly, he was going to leave Jackson and there would be nothing the young doctor could do.

With his body naked and his eyes puffy from the tears Jackson had never felt so vulnerable in his life, but if this was what it would cost him to keep Mark then that was a price Jackson would gladly pay.

There was no such thing as shame, no such thing as pride. There was only Mark and there was nothing Jackson wouldn't do to keep him. Mark was his last hope, the only thing that kept him from falling into the darkness that had taken his father and had nearly taken Jackson all those years ago.

If he lost Mark there would be no coming back from that. Jackson had done it once, but he knew he would never be able to do it again.

Mark had lifted Jackson up once again and sat him up on the sink and the coldness against his bare ass made him jump slightly. Mark leaned in and kissed his neck and dipping his tongue into the hollow of Jackson's neck it made the man shiver and hold onto Mark's sides tighter.

"I'm so sorry" Jackson whispered before Mark put a finger to the man's lips.

"Shhh" he told Jackson "we don't talk about anything but this okay" and shaking his head in affirmation Jackson remained quiet as Mark got to his knees and put his face directly in front of Jackson's crotch.

Jackson's cock hung long and thick and once it felt Mark's breath sweep over the sensitive skin it jumped. Sticking out his tongue Mark ran it down the length and once he reached the tip stuck his tongue into the slit causing Jackson to jerk his hips.

"_Mark"_

"I got you baby, I got you" Mark said right before opening his mouth and engulfing Jackson's cock in one fell swoop. Leaning over Jackson gasped as he felt Mark take him in deep in one suction and he could feel Mark's nose settle into his pubic hair.

Mark's suction started slowly, languishing at the tip for a second before going back down to Jackson's base then repeating the movement. Putting both his hands on Mark's head Jackson worked his long fingers into the man's salt and pepper hair. He could feel himself grow harder inside Mark's mouth and the man adjusted expertly. Widening it and wrapping his tongue completely around the shaft.

By the time Jackson had even realized Mark was preparing him the man had already had two fingers inside of him and was working on a third.

Once Jackson was wide enough Mark reluctantly broke away from the spittle laden cock and stood up in front of Jackson. Quickly undoing the buttons of Mark's shirt he opened it up once the last was free and flinging the shirt open Jackson went and took one of Mark's nipples into his mouth and gave it a light suction and bending his head Mark kissed his neck.

Mark had undone his pants and let them pool around his ankles as he grabbed Jackson's waist and picked him up to trap him against the far wall. Lifting him up Jackson wrapped his legs around Mark's waist and locking his ankles he felt Mark start to work the head of his cock into Jackson.

"Fuck me, Mark" Jackson whispered.

"No" Mark said strongly "that isn't what this is about"

Jackson looked into the bright shine of Mark's eyes and he understood. "Make love to me" he told Mark and he got a passionate kiss from the man as his answer.

Mark was halfway inside of him when Jackson dug his nails into the blue cloth of Mark's shirt and closed his eyes to try and adjust. Mark had always been on the thick side and trying to balance himself on the man's hips let Jackson feel just how big Mark was.

"I love you" Mark told him once he was all the way inside and started to thrust upwards "I love you so much"

"I love you too" Jackson answered as he wrapped both arms around Mark's neck and bounced up with each of Mark's thrusts. The room felt hot and the abject fear that someone would come looking for them was a worry that was far too distant for Jackson to give any actual consideration.

Jackson's world only consisted of Mark, as it should have always been.

Mark was starting to sweat as his thrusts became faster and more urgent. His forehead sat on Jackson's collarbone and one arm was around Jackson while the other was planted firmly on the wall behind them in order to keep balance.

"This is how we should be" Mark said "I should always be showing you that everything I want to give you comes from the heart. You're my fucking king Jackson and I never want you to forget that" and the statement came with another bruising kiss. The words shook Jackson to his core and for just a moment Jackson could feel the tears start to well up in his eyes again.

"I don't deserve you" Jackson told him "you're the greatest person I've ever known and I don't deserve to have you in my life like this"

Mark thrust up again "You deserve every good thing in the world" Mark said as he took his hand from around Jackson and wrapped it around the man's cock "tell me you deserve it"

Jackson hesitated, because even though he heard the words and knew Mark meant what he said Jackson still couldn't get himself to believe it. Not after everything he did to hurt the older man.

"Tell me!" Mark repeated as he gave another thrust and Jackson could feel his mind go fuzzy.

"I deserve it" Jackson told him as he felt his balls start to tighten.

"Don't ever think you don't" Mark said just before Jackson clenched his eyes shut and released himself between their bodies. Feeling Jackson's body tighten around his cock Mark started to pummel into him frantically and with a strangled cry of Jackson's name Mark ejaculated inside of the man and it was so strong and so full of love that Jackson could almost feel it course through his veins branding him as Mark's forever.

10 minutes later and the two men had cleaned themselves off and Mark was holding Jackson in his arms "I don't want to leave" he said to the younger doctor.

"You're coming back to the hospital in 3 weeks" Jackson told him "you can't slack off on your therapy now".

Mark smiled down at him "I always knew you were the smart one in this relationship" and kissing Jackson he rubbed his stomach lightly "I'm going to come to your office afterwards, is that okay?"

"That sounds perfect" Jackson said "now why don't you go and I'll try to sneak out in a few minutes"

"Okay" and with one last kiss Mark opened the door and seeing that the hall was empty he quickly headed for the nearest elevator.

Jackson adjusted himself one last time and took a deep breath before opening the door and trying to casually walk back to his office.

"Hey, man" Alex said from behind Jackson and it caused the man to turn around and jump.

"Sorry" Alex told him "I didn't mean to scare you"

The two men were standing in front of each other and Alex looked like he wanted to say something, but was worried.

"What do you want?" Jackson asked with a hint of agitation.

"I-I just wanted to say you did a very good job with that surgery"

"Right" Jackson said sarcastically as he turned back around to continue his journey.

"I mean it" Alex told him as he jogged to catch up with Jackson "I was impressed"

"You were surprised, not impressed" Jackson corrected "you don't think I saw you and Lewis standing there just waiting for me to screw up?"

"That's not what we were doing" Alex told him as he followed Jackson "can't you believe just for a moment that we do care about you and want you to do well?"

Jackson stopped a couple of feet from his office and turned to Alex again.

"No, I can't" he told Alex bluntly "I think you two have some warped sense of responsibility and you want to make each other feel good about yourselves so you've decided to concoct this.. whatever it is and try to _save _me, even though it's you two who have caused the damage to begin with"

"That's not fair, Jackson"

"My promise still stands" Jackson said to Alex "if you come to my door again I'm having you suspended, so I suggest you turn around and have a nice day"

Then without another word Jackson opened his office door and walked in. Leaving Alex standing alone in the hallway.

Jackson wasn't going to let Alex...or anyone...destroy what he had just experienced with Mark. He was going to finish at least one day on top.

He was going to be happy for one single fucking day.

**Michael Holt POV:**

Michael was satisfied. Very satisfied. Things couldn't have gone any better for him, even though he hadn't planned the thing with Jackson to come out like that, but he was a person to take an opportunity when he got it. Just like he did in the bathroom in front of the OR when Meredith caught him and Jackson talking and overheard the one thing he knew could damage Jackson once it came out.

Okay, he had to admit, he didn't feel very comfortable with everyone thinking he might be gay, but that was a problem he would take care of later. For now he had experienced a success and he should be happy about it.

And he was.

Lewis had told him he should stop hurting Jackson. He should stop doing what he's doing, but this had been out of his control already, and also he was sure, once Lewis would see the damage it has done to Jackson, he would be really thankful.

He just had to, because Michael had done it for him. It had all been for him. To make Lewis see that he would do anything for him and that nothing would stop him. Lewis was like the brother he never had and he meant the world to him. Seeing him that broken after everything with Tyler had destroyed something within Michael. And now he felt a lot better.

Deep inside of himself he knew that Revenge was never the right solution, but now Jackson was at least able to feel how it was to lose the one person he loved most in the world.

Mark was a clever guy and he wouldn't forgive Jackson that easy. Michael was sure of it. And he would connect the dots and if Michael just put some oil to the fire even more, making Mark believe he was into Jackson and would do everything to have him completely, Mark would back off for sure.

"Doctor Holt!" a kind of familiar voice called his name and Michael - just on his way to his office - turned around to see Derek Shepherd following him and stopping right in front of him.

"What can I do for you?" he asked with a bright smile, noticing the disturbed look on his rival's face.

Oh yeah, it _definitely _went better than he thought, and just like he expected, everything was about to fall into place.

"I want you to put my wife off your service and I want you to leave her alone." Derek demanded.

Michael crossed his arms above his chest. "And why the hell would I do something like that? Something this stupid? She's one of the best residents I've ever had and she's talented."

"And she just made a mistake..." Derek clarified. "A mistake that could have cost this person's life. And everything just because she was jealous that you prefer Jackson over her."

"You really believe that bullshit?" Michael asked, knowing that Derek was telling the truth and if he already saw it, everyone else did, too. Meredith wanted him just as much as he wanted her. Had wanted her from the moment he had laid eyes on her.

"I know it. I know my wife." Derek gave back. "I only tell you once to put her off your service..."

"Or what, Doctor Shepherd?" Michael grinned confident of victory.

"Or I'm going to the Chief and tell him about your inappropriate relationship with your residents. I know he won't like it." Derek replied, staring at him.

"Is that a threat?" Michael asked, not the slightest bit bothered.

"It's a promise. A promise I'm gonna keep. Keep your fucking hands off my wife." Derek was already mad and if looks could kill, Michael knew he would have dropped dead any minute.

"Well... what if your wife doesn't want me to keep my fingers off her? Actually, the way she looks at me sometimes, I think she wants me to do quite the opposite... she literally undresses me with the way she looks at me..." Michael provoked and he got just the reaction he expected.

Derek started attacking him. He pushed him against the wall and his healthy hand was at Michael's throat.

"Touch her one time and I swear I'm gonna kill you!" There was anger in his voice, but also pain, and then his hand was starting to press down on Michael's throat, making it hard to breathe all of a sudden, and speaking wasn't an option anymore.

Until a few seconds later, when he felt someone pull at Derek, heard a voice he knew and recognized immediately and his throat was released.

"Derek! Stop! Don't do this. Don't make yourself and Meredith unhappy..." Mark Sloan tried to get through to Derek and Michael could tell by the look in his eyes that he really was.

"You know, Doctor Shepherd, I could report you for this!" Michael said once he fully recovered his voice.

He could see Derek was starting to move towards him again, but Mark got in between them, holding Derek back with one hand.

"Yeah you could, but you won't..."

"What makes you say that? Why are you so sure about that?" Michael asked, his eyes focusing on Mark.

"Because then I would have to go to the Chief and tell him about your inappropriate relationships to not only one of your residents but two. And that could get you fired." Mark replied coldly.

"You have no proof for any of your accusations." Michael said with a smile.

"Oh... I'm sure half of the hospital already knows about what happened in the washroom. And people are gonna start talking. And we're here way longer than you are, Holt. And Hunt's our friend. You really think he would put your word above ours?" Now it was on Mark to smile.

"And just for the record: not that this is any of your business, but I forgive Jackson. Because it was only sex and it meant nothing."

Michael was very surprised to hear Mark's last words, but of course he wouldn't show that. Instead he put on his poker face, glaring back at Mark. "You sure about that? Because I remember him telling me that this was the best sex he ever had."

"Keep lying to yourself if that makes you happy, Holt. Maybe you need this to pump your ego, but Jackson and I talked it out. He loves me and I love him, and if you ever get near him again other than professional, suffocating will be the least of your problems." Mark threatened, and somehow the way he said it made Michael almost believe it. The look in his eyes sent a cold shiver down his spine and he was just glad he was able to hide it.

"Come on, Derek... let's get out of here, okay?" Mark said, grabbing both of Derek's shoulders from behind and literally shoving him out of the hallway. Out of Michael's way.

Okay. So Mark was still not breaking up with Jackson, but Michael wasn't finished yet. No one who treated him like the two guys just did would get away with it.

Michael made his way to his office, only to find Lewis and Alex standing inside of it once he opened the door.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, immediately feeling a shortening reaction inside of him.

"We need to talk to you," Alex replied immediately. "I wanted to talk to you in private, but Lewis wouldn't let me. He was afraid I might hurt you."

"Hurt me?" Michael raised an eyebrow. "What the fuck is wrong with you people here?"

"What the fuck is wrong with _us_?" Alex asked angrily. "What the fuck is wrong with _you_? Haven't you caused enough trouble already for everyone? Why do you keep messing it up even more with everything you do?"

"I don't think this is any of your business, Karev, but if you absolutely have to know: I never did anything Jackson or Meredith or anyone else didn't want..." Michael replied distantly.

"You took advantage of Jackson. He would have never ever cheated on Mark in a million years if he had been in his clear state of mind." Alex blurted out and Michael could tell he was angry. And so was Lewis, even though he hadn't said anything yet.

"Well, it wouldn't be the first time, would it? I'm sure by now you know about Tyler and what he did to Lewis..." Michael said, pointing to the door. "And if you two could now excuse me, please, I have some work to do."

"How lame for you to bring up Tyler as your excuse over and over again whenever you hurt Jackson... I thought Lewis already told you to back off, so why can't you just leave it at that?" Alex demanded, glaring at Michael.

"Because Jackson doesn't deserve anything better. He deserves to suffer and he deserves to lose everything important. Just like Lewis did." He took a look at Lewis who was looking back at him.

"I already told you, it's enough... Michael, seriously... you proved your point and you can stop now. It's over." Lewis finally said, and it was definitely not what Michael expected to hear.

"It's over when I say it is, Lewis. You can't just make me do all the things I did and then change your mind just like this. Hell, I even slept with your brother and I did it all for you." Michael stated.

Lewis shook his head in disbelief. "Are you out of your fucking mind? I never told you to screw Jackson, and I still don't believe you did it."

"I did... how else would I know about the birthmark on one of his thighs? It was driving him crazy when I kissed it... and licked on it..." Michael grinned, and that was the point when Alex - who has stood by the last minute or such and just listened - lost it and went onto him, pushing him, so Michael lost his balance and stumbled over, catching himself at his desk.

"Alex, stop it!" Lewis screamed, grabbing Alex' shoulders. "He's not worth it..."

The last words made Michael stop in his tracks and stare at his best friend. They hurt like a knife and he couldn't believe that he just said that.

"You don't mean that." he said and it took everything of him to compose himself enough not to let his feelings get ahead of himself.

"I think I do..." Lewis said, taking a stand in between Alex and him. "You went too far, Michael and I seriously can't deal with you anymore. Not unless you stop whatever game you're playing and back off."

"I can't do that." Michael replied immediately.

"Then I guess we can't be friends anymore." Lewis said, and again his words felt like someone was twisting the knife he had just stabbed into Michael's chest. "I have to choose a side and I need to choose my brother. I've already done enough damage and I should have stood up for him a long time ago, but I didn't. It's time for me to be his brother."

"Fine!" Michael replied, opening the door to his office. "Your decision. But don't you dare crawling back into my office once he hurts you again, because I won't help you anymore. I did this all for you, and this is your fault, too. What happened to Jackson is on you, because you started it. I hope, you know that."

"I do, and I regret it, and I will have to pay for it for a long time, I know that. But that doesn't change a thing." Lewis replied, grabbing Alex hand and pulling him with him. "And don't worry, I'm not coming back. We're done." And with those words he closed the door behind him and left.

Michael sank down on his chair and buried his face in his hands, trying to compose himself, but that was easy, because he had always been someone to push his feelings aside. He felt somehow numb and robotic, but he knew it would go away eventually. He just needed to distract himself with work, until this all was over. He was sure Lewis would come back. They could never stay away from each other for too long when they had fought, and it had happened quite a few times. Only, it had never been this bad. Still, Michael was sure this wasn't over yet. Lewis would see what he had done for him and then he would come back and apologize. Michael just had to wait and sit it out until then. And he would. Everything would be fine.


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N: **Hey there! How are you all? :-) Thanks for commenting on our fic, we're really thankful for every single comment we get and it means a lot to us that you people still stick with us and enjoy what you're reading here… :-)

By the way: I love "paramedic Matthew", even though I stopped watching Grey's Anatomy after 9x02 (my RPG Partner still watches it), but I kind of "re-started" watching because of him, since I know and love the actor since "Switched at Birth"… that just by the way… and who knows? Maybe he'll come around here as well… :-)

Don't kill us for that chapter ^^"

Enjoy!

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson kept looking at his watch even though he knew Mark was still in the middle of his therapy with Lewis.

He had felt anxious ever since the two had parted ways. He had been so close to losing Mark this morning and Jackson knew he wouldn't be able to calm down and focus again until Mark was back in his arms.

It wouldn't be long now and when Mark came to his office Jackson was going to take an early day and spend the time showing Mark that staying with him was going to be worth it. That Jackson could be the kind of man that Mark could be proud of.

Finishing up his post-ops he was just about to get his lunch from the fridge when he heard a knock on his door. The smile came across Jackson's face immediately.

It was a bit early for Mark, but maybe the man was just as impatient as Jackson was to finish what the two had done this morning.

Jogging over Jackson opened the door and stopped in his tracks when he saw Michael standing at his door. Looking somewhere between angry and hurt.

"Wh-What are you doing here?"

"The people here are fucking lunatics" Michael said as he barrelled past Jackson and entered his office "I should have the lot of them arrested, starting with that haircut Shepherd"

"What are you talking about?" Jackson closed the door quickly. The thought of somebody seeing them together after what had happened today made him nervous.

Turning around Michael's face looked drawn and if Jackson didn't know any better he could guess the man had been crying. His eyes held the same redness and puffiness that had resembled Jackson's for most of the morning.

"You have to go" Jackson told Michael "Mark is going to come back soon and if he sees you here-"

"He'll attack me too?" Holt asked "newsflash, Jackson. I already talked to the boyfriend and he let me in on the wonderful news that you two crazy kids may just make it work" his words were sarcastic and filled with enough bitterness to sober Jackson.

"He's going to give me another chance" Jackson said to Michael "I don't deserve it, but he's going to give me one anyway"

"That's just great" Michael told him "you get to go crawling back to him with your tail between your legs and beg for whatever scraps he's going to offer you"

"That's not what this is" Jackson said angrily "Mark isn't like that"

"Really?" Michael asked "if you don't think Mark isn't going to hold this over your head to keep you in line you are more delusional than your brother gave you credit for"

"Why did you even come here?" Jackson said to Holt "we said all we needed to say this morning"

"So that's it?" Holt asked "we have sex and I get to deal with all the fallout while you get off scot-free?"

"Scot-free?" Jackson said incredibly "look around, Holt. I'm not exactly swimming in admiration here"

"Lewis ended our friendship" Michael told Jackson "gave some excuse about not wanting to hurt you anymore"

"Right" Jackson responded "more like Lewis doesn't want to look like the bad guy so he's going to distance himself. Believe me; he's been doing that most of my life. Consider yourself lucky that he sold you out now and not when you have something really worth losing"

"He's my best friend" Michael said angrily "and I did this for him"

"What?" Jackson asked "did what?" and the look in Michael's eyes let Jackson know he had said something he didn't mean to.

"Nothing" Holt told him.

"That's crap" Jackson spat "it's why you invited me out that night, isn't it?"

Holt's silence gave Jackson his answer.

"I knew it" Jackson said "I knew all of his and your bullshit talk was lies"

"Still didn't stop you from spreading your legs for me though, did it?" Holt asked.

"Go to hell" Jackson said angrily "and get out of my office"

Walking to Jackson's door Holt stopped and stared at him "I'm not going down for this by myself, Jackson" he said "I can promise you that" and opening the door he stormed out and ran directly into Callie as the woman stood with her hands poised to knock.

"Woah there cowboy" she said and looking at the woman briefly Michael rolled his eyes and went around her and down the hall.

"Ca-Callie" Jackson said nervously.

"Hey" the woman smiled "mind if I come in?"

"Of course" Jackson said as he stepped aside and gave a quick look around his office. He could feel his heart going a mile a minute. It had been quite some time since the two had talked and having it be right after a fight with Holt was not the time he would have picked.

"You know I just realized that I've never seen your office before, it's nice"

"It's small" Jackson responded with an awkward laugh "but it does the job"

"Mind if I sit?" Callie asked as she pointed to the chair that sat across from Jackson's desk.

"Of course" Jackson told her as he pulled out the chair and he couldn't stop the shakiness of his hands. He knew Callie and he had a very tempered past and he really didn't want to regress.

Sitting down Jackson went around his desk and took his seat "What brings you here?"

Callie was quiet for a moment and it felt like one of the longest moments of Jackson's life.

"I heard about what happened with you and Holt" her voice wasn't accusatory or even suspicious, but it still made Jackson feel like all the air had just been sucked out the room.

"Callie I-" he started to say before she held up a hand to stop him.

"I'm not here to condemn you, Jackson" she said "believe it or not I understand. I've been there"

"Really?"

"Yeah" she said "I mean how else do you think I have a daughter? Things happen and sometimes it's not how we planned, but it doesn't mean that it's wrong"

"It was a mistake" Jackson told her "I love Mark and I'm never going to make that mistake again"

"How can you be so sure?" she asked "did you ever believe it was going to happen in the first place?"

Jackson shook his head "I was just in a really bad place and I wasn't thinking clearly" he told her "I don't even remember it to be honest"

"It still happened, Jackson, and I've tried to sit back and stay out of this" Callie told him "I know I haven't made things...easy for you"

"You never thought I was good enough" Jackson said.

"That's not true" Callie said leaning forward "I just don't think you ever believed you were good enough"

The words struck Jackson and turning away from her Jackson looked down at his hands.

"I've seen Mark" Callie told Jackson "I've seen what these past few months have done to him and I know you realize the toll this relationship is taking on him. I live right across the hall Jackson, I hear the arguments and fights"

"Every couple has them" Jackson said as he stood "we're working through them"

"You cheated on him, Jackson" Callie said "with a guy that by all measure you can't stand and I know Mark and his belief that sex is only sex, but this is killing him and I know he'll smile and tell you that everything will be okay, but it's going to eat him alive".

"We talked and he knows that I'm never going to.. not again"

Standing up Callie folded her arms across her chest "It's probably true" Callie told him "but what if that had been Mark at the door instead of me? Do you think he wouldn't be thinking that he walked in on something with you and Holt?"

"That wasn't-" Jackson tried to say and he could feel his head getting fuzzy. He wanted to get a couple of his pills to help himself focus.

"I believe you" Callie told him "and I know you love Mark with all your heart and since I know that you love him I know you don't want to make him this unhappy"

Jackson looked at Callie and he would have wanted her distaste for him. Would have given anything to see the anger in her eyes that she held for him when he and Mark first started seeing one another.

Instead he got her pity and that hurt worse than anything else.

"He's all I have left" Jackson told her honestly "I've worked so hard to try and make us better"

Grabbing his hand Callie held it tight within her own "It should never have to be this hard Jackson" she told him "I'm not saying you two should stay apart forever, but right now you two only continue this cycle of hurting one another and is that a relationship that's going to last?"

"He's a few weeks from being back here" Callie said "he has a real shot of being the surgeon we both know he is, but his focus is you and every fight, every suspicion, every time he has to pretend he's not crying in front of Sofia takes away more of the man you fell in love with"

Looking at Callie Jackson felt his eyes start to water "I never wanted to-to hurt Sofia.. I didn't want her in the middle"

"Mark is her dad, Jackson, of course she knows when he's hurting. Not to mention she absolutely adores you and I've held her when she's heard you two arguing"

Jackson felt as if his heart was being ripped out of his chest. How could he be so selfish to not know that he and Mark's problems would affect more than just him and Mark?

Sometimes he wondered if Lewis was right about him after all.

"I separated from Arizona for a while" Callie told him "because we needed to find ourselves and we came back stronger than ever and I have no doubt that you and Mark could do the same, but if you try to hold on to him just because you're afraid of losing him then you've already lost him...or at least the part of him that made you fall in love in the first place"

"I -I don't know how to-"

"You let him know that you are both better than a relationship that is built on the kind of foundation that can't be sustained" Callie brought Jackson in for a hug and closing his eyes Jackson felt the first few tears fall and land on Callie's shoulder.

"I'm sorry" Jackson told her "I should have listened to you from the start"

"No" Callie said as she held his face firmly in her hands and her own eyes were misted over "I was wrong and I can admit that. You are a good man, Jackson, and I think after you take the time to really focus on yourself you are going to realize that and when the day comes that you and Mark can come back together and leave all this...crap behind I'm going to be the first one to congratulate you"

Nodding his head yes Jackson wiped his eyes. He would prove to Callie that he could be the good man she thought he was. Maybe if he let Mark go and let the man finally remember how good life could be without the problems that Jackson dropped on him people could see that he wasn't the horrible person they believed him to be.

It was going to kill Jackson, but if it meant Mark was going to be happy then Jackson would learn how to be happy for him too.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

"We're finished for today..." Lewis announced and Mark let out a relieved sigh. He had been anxious ever since he and Jackson separated before and he couldn't wait to see him again. Spend the rest of the day with him and just be happy. He knew they had to work on their relationship to really make it work, but he would do everything to keep him in his life.

"Good... thank you..." Mark replied cheerily, watching Lewis move towards him.

"You okay?" he asked, and there was a visible concern in his voice.

"Yeah... why wouldn't I?" Mark asked smiling, and it was an honest smile.

"You can't be serious with asking me that..." Lewis gave back, looking slightly disturbed all of a sudden. "We all know what happened, and I could totally understand if you're upset because of it and..."

"I'm not upset," Mark interrupted him. "In fact, Jackson and I talked about it and I'm giving him another chance..."

"That's good..." Lewis said, and it sounded like he was going to say something else, but instead he kept quiet.

"But?" Mark asked for this reason, tilting his head.

"No buts..." Lewis responded, turning around and collecting one of the mattresses and placing it in the corner of the room.

"Come on, Lewis... spill! I know you wanna say something, so just do it. I'm sure I can handle it." Mark walked over to Lewis, placing a hand on his shoulder and making Lewis turn around with that.

"I know you love my brother and even though he doesn't believe me, so do I... and I absolutely think you two are meant to be together, but..." Again he stopped, looking down.

Mark let out a sigh. "What is it, Lewis?"

"I just don't know if what you're doing right now is good for either of you... I've only been here a couple of weeks and I've seen you miserable more often than I've seen you happy... and Jackson too..." Lewis lifted his head so he could meet Mark's eyes.

"What do you wanna say by that?" Mark asked, backing away from Lewis and taking a few steps back.

"Look, Mark"... Lewis started, leaning back against the wall behind him. "I'm just worried about your well being... you've made so much progress, and maybe you two should concentrate on yourselves for a while... You're about to get back to work soon... If everything stays that way, I'm gonna clear you in a couple of weeks, I already told you that... I'm just concerned that Jackson could bring you down again... or be the reason for another relapse."

"Wait..." Mark said, raising one of his eyebrows. "Are you telling me to break up with him?"

"No!" Lewis replied hurriedly. "No, of course not... that's your life and like I said, I know you two love each other... I just think, your health should be your number one concern right now... and same goes for Jackson... and I don't know if you can get out of this hole you dug yourself into if you're together..."

"But Jackson isn't sick..." Mark gave back and he could tell from the sudden look in Lewis' eyes that he was onto something. "He's not, right?"

Lewis looked up at him. "Of course not... I'm sorry... I shouldn't have brought it up in the first place."

"Is there something I should know?" Mark asked and he couldn't shake off the bad feeling he was having all of a sudden.

"I'm just saying you should talk to him... and you should consider what I said, okay? But whatever decision you're going to make, I'm here if you need me... I would also be here for Jackson, but I doubt he would want that." Lewis explained, and Mark already knew he wouldn't get anything more out of him, so he just nodded.

"Okay... thanks... see you Wednesday," Mark replied and opened the door, taking one last look at Lewis before he turned around and left his office.

That had been really strange, and even though the last thing on his mind right now was to break up with Jackson, Lewis' words somehow made him think. He wasn't stupid. He knew that he and Jackson weren't making each other happy right now, but they could work on that, right? If they just both tried harder, it would be possible for them to get through this and start over. He was willing to do everything to get past this with Jackson and be happy with him and he most definitely wouldn't let anyone ruin the rest of the day. He would spend it with Jackson and he would think about everything later. Tonight was just about them.

When he made his way towards Jackson's office he saw Callie in the hallway, and smiled at her.

"Hey... what are you doing here?" he asked curiously, tilting his head.

"I just needed to talk to Jackson," Callie replied immediately.

Mark looked at her, raising an eyebrow. "Everything okay with you two?"

"Sure..." She got on her toes and kissed Mark's cheek, hugging him for a moment. "I'll be here for you if you need me..." she said and her last sentence concerned Mark more than he dared to admit, but before she even gave him the chance to say anything she was already gone around the next corner and leaving him standing there.

Maybe she had just been talking about the fact that Jackson had cheated on him, because everyone acted crazy since then. Even Derek. He had problems on his own and yet he had tried to be there for Mark and be his friend, and Mark would forever be thankful for that. Derek was his family, maybe the only one he had left.

He shook away his thoughts and literally jogging towards Jackson's office, knocking at the door. He had to see him right the fuck now, to get off the bad feeling that made his stomach flip.

He entered the room and closed the door behind him, seeing Jackson standing at his desk with his back towards him.

"Hey Baby...!" Mark greeted him, moving towards him and hugging him from behind. "I missed you so much..."

Jackson turned around in his arms, looking up at him with a sad smile. "I missed you, too," he gave back, placing his hands on his cheeks and started kissing him, and the moment his lips touched Mark's, Mark could tell that something was wrong, because there was a desperation in the kiss, that he had thought they were over by now, but obviously they weren't. Adding to that, Jackson's whole body was shaking when Mark pulled him closer and responded to the kiss.

He held him very tight, trying to calm him down, but the longer the kiss lasted, the more desperate it got, and all of a sudden Mark could taste a salty wetness, and was taken completely by surprise by that. He had no other choice than to end the kiss to look at Jackson and seeing the tears in his eyes.

"Jackson... you're crying... what... what's wrong?" He asked immediately, gently wiping away his tears with his thumbs. "I already told you I forgive you... we're going to be okay..."

Jackson shook his head. "No... no, we're not... as long as we're together, we're never going to be okay," Jackson said and his voice was breaking. He tried to get out of Mark's embrace, but Mark wouldn't let him.

"What are you talking about? Jackson, what's wrong? I thought we talked about everything..." he replied, literally clinging to him.

"You... you are so much better since you started your therapy with Lewis... you're making so much progress and the last time you relapsed, it was because of me... I don't want that to happen ever again. I want you to come back to work soon... I want you to be the doctor I fell in love with again... and I don't think you can do that with me pulling you down," Jackson explained, and Mark could see how difficult it was for him to speak out those words.

"You're not pulling me down, Jackson... you... you're making me happy..." Mark disagreed.

Jackson shook his head again. "That's not true and you know it... I cheated on you... and I lied to you... I'm not good for you..."

"Yes, you are!" Mark literally shouted at him, and that was the moment Jackson slipped out of his embrace. "I love you!"

"I love you, too, Mark... and that's why I need to break up with you..." Jackson said with tears in his eyes. "You... you were right all along when you told me you couldn't do that anymore... and you shouldn't... I'm... I'm not what you need right now and... and you're not what I need right now, either... can't you see what's happening? We're not happy with each other. We're bringing each other down over and over again..."

Mark listened, and he felt like he was in a haze. He heard Jackson's words, but he didn't want to let them inside of his heart, even though deep down he knew that somehow Jackson was right. He just didn't want to accept it, because he couldn't stand the thought of losing him.

"I... I don't want to break up with you... and I don't want you to break up with me..." he replied, feeling tears welling in his eyes. "Please don't do that to me... to us..."

"I have to... for both of our sakes..." Jackson said, moving towards Mark again and placing his hands on his cheeks. "You need to concentrate on yourself right now, Mark... you need to really have a chance to become the brilliant surgeon you once were again, and you can only do that with Lewis' help. And without me destroying the progress you're making over and over again."

"How can I ever live without you? You... Jackson, you're my life... you mean the world to me... and you saying that... is tearing me apart..." Mark admitted.

Jackson leaned his forehead against Mark's. "Believe me, it's killing me that I have to do this, but it's for the best... and I'm not doing it because I don't love you, I'm doing it because I love you more than anything in the world... and because I want us to have a real chance to be a couple at some point..."

"So you're saying this is only temporarily?" Mark asked with a slight hope in his voice he couldn't hide.

"Yeah... just because I'm breaking up with you doesn't mean I don't love you... or that I will stop loving you... no matter if it's in a month or a year... or in ten years... I will always love you... because you're the love of my life and I wanna have a family with you... with you and Sofia, and I want us to go on vacations and have a beautiful life together... I wanna grow old with you..." Jackson said and Mark could see in his eyes that he meant everything the way he said it.

"I am already old..." Mark gave back with a sad smile.

"Stop saying that... you're not... you're perfect... and you're perfect for me... and I want us to have a chance to do all the things I said... but if we go on like that, we'll never be able to pull that off... I want us both to have a chance to find ourselves again... and then each other..." Jackson pulled Mark close and hugged him very tight, leaning against his chest. "I love you so much... never forget that..."

"I won't..." Mark promised. "And I promise we'll find a way to make this work... and I'll always be there for you if you need me... no matter what... okay?"

He let go of Jackson just enough so he could lean down and kiss him, and this time it was a gentle kiss, and he put all of his emotions into the kiss, letting it last for as long as possible before he pulled back and took a step back. He knew if he didn't go now, he probably would change his mind, but he also knew that Jackson was right, even though it hurt.

"So that's it now...?" he asked, wiping away the last tracks of his own tears.

"I... yes... I think it is... but what you just said... it's the same for me... I'll be there for you... if you need me, I'll be there... that we're not together doesn't mean this is going to change..." Jackson replied, causing Mark to nod.

"Good bye, Jackson..."

Mark turned around and left the office, feeling weak in his knees all of a sudden, so he sat down on one of the chairs in the hallway, taking a few deep breathes. Losing Jackson like that hurt as hell, but at least they were on a positive note, both knowing that they were doing this for each other. To really have a chance to be together at some point and this was the hope that was keeping Mark sane and alive at this moment. He needed this hope not to lose his mind and himself completely. He would get better and he would prove to Jackson that he was the man that could make him happy, no matter what. They were going to be fine.

**Eli Lloyd POV:**

Eli made it a point to be at the hospital early the morning after watching Jackson and Holt's surgery.

The story of Jackson and Holt had been circulating ever since Jackson and Meredith's blow-up in the hall and Eli was worried for the younger man. It had taken a minute for Eli to even believe that Jackson would even touch Holt, but with the information of Jackson's rapidly increasing problems Eli had to accept that the man was indeed in trouble.

After changing into his scrubs he headed to the nurse's station to see Sasha Mills making up the day's work chart. Her bright, long red hair hung loosely at her side and her concentration seemed steadfastly on the task at hand.

Walking up he saw a Tupperware bowl filled with the chocolate-chip cookies that the young nurse was known for and Eli gave a smile as he reached around to try and grab one only to have his hand slapped away.

"Ow!" he said as he rubbed the spot that had hit his hand "what was that for?"

"Those are for Dr. Avery" she said looking at Eli.

"Which Dr. Avery?" not that Eli had to really question. The woman had harboured a crush on Jackson since the moment she started, but unlike the other nurses she was perfectly content to admire him from a distance and remain happy for the man's partners.

"Jackson, of course" she said "I wanted to congratulate him on that awesome surgery yesterday"

"I'm sure" Eli told her with a wry smile "although, I hate to break it you, but I hear he's spoken for"

Another slap to his arm and Sasha laughed "I'll have you know that I'm Dr. Avery and Dr. Sloan's biggest fan and I called them being together long before anyone else".

"Really?" Eli asked as he took a seat on the stool beside her.

"Of course" she told him "you couldn't see the way they used to stare at one another when they thought the other wasn't looking?"

"I guess I never paid much attention to it" Eli answered honestly.

"It was adorable" she said and opened up the Tupperware to pull out a cookie and hand it to Eli "don't say I've never given you anything".

"You're too good to me" Eli laughed.

"I know" she told him with a smile as she started to walk towards Jackson's office. Eli watched her leave and he did his best to ignore the smallest flutter in his chest.

He was still looking in the direction when Arizona had walked up to him "What has you so enthralled?" she asked with one of her patented smiles.

"What?" Eli said embarrassed "I wasn't looking at anything"

Turning her head towards the direction that Sasha had just left Eli feared for a moment that Arizona would be able to read his mind and know of his stupid crush.

"Okay" she said with a knowing smirk "I don't believe you, but I'm not going to pry...yet"

With a laugh Eli shook his head "I appreciate that"

"That's what friends do" she told him with a pat to his shoulder "but I am going to ask why you are here so early?"

Looking at Arizona Eli's face took on a sobering expression "I'm pretty sure the same reason you are"

The smile faded from Arizona's lips "Yesterday was a really bad day for him" she told Eli and the worry was wired throughout her body.

"I know he's not going to talk to us about it, but I wanted to just be here to make sure he's okay" Eli said and Arizona nodded in agreement.

"Callie told me he and Mark ended it" Arizona leaned over the counter and Eli felt the sadness wash over him.

Why couldn't the kid catch a goddamn break?

"Was it bad?" Eli asked.

"I can only go by what Mark told Callie, but it seems like they both agreed that separating for a while might do them some good"

"Do Mark and Callie even know about Jackson and his...problems?" Eli still didn't like saying drugs. Especially in a hospital that was just as well known for it's gossip as it was it's medicine.

Arizona shook her head no "I keep wanting to say something, but every time I try I just see Jackson's face and the devastated look he'd have at seeing one more person betray him and I just...can't"

"I get it" Eli said "but do you think Callie and Mark might be able to do more than we could?"

"I love my wife, Eli" Arizona started "but it's not a secret that she's been against Jackson and Mark from the start and hearing something like this could only cement her beliefs and the last thing Jackson needs is somebody else coming down on him"

"What about Mark?" Eli asked "I mean he loves him and I know he'd do anything to help"

"That's the problem" Arizona said "Mark would do anything and with him being so close to returning trying to fix Jackson could completely derail that and that would not only hurt Mark, but Jackson too"

"I just hate this" Eli said frustrated "I mean I know the problem and I can't just not do anything"

"I know" Arizona responded "part of me just wants to run up to him, hug him, and tell him that so many people care about him and we just want to help him if he'll let us and instead he's only drifting further and further away"

"Morning Dr. Robbins; Eli" Owen said as he walked up to the desk and grabbed the chart that Sasha had been working on just a few moments before.

Arizona and Eli both stood up straighter and stopped their conversation instantly.

"Morning" both said simultaneously.

Looking at the two Owen's face took on one of confusion "Everything okay?" he asked as he looked between Arizona and Eli.

"Of course" Arizona said with a smile "just an early morning and Sofia was particularly fussy last night".

"Oh, okay" Owen told her "well don't forget to fill me in on the liver repair you have later and Eli could you ask Sasha to stop by my office later? I need to ask her about that surgery with Holt and Avery yesterday"

"Sure...everything okay?" Eli asked concerned and looking at Arizona briefly he could see she held the same look of worry.

"It should be" Owen told him with half concentration "it's just with everything that happened with Meredith I'm going to need to make a report"

"I thought Holt and Avery fixed the nerve" Arizona said and she tried to sound as casual as possible.

"It's not that" Owen told her "she slapped Avery and I'm going to have to get down to the bottom of it"

"I see" Arizona responded and something in the pit of her stomach started to ache.

"Have a good morning you two" Owen said and walked over to the elevator to head to his office.

"Great" Eli said angrily "just what Jackson needs. Another fight on his record"

"That wasn't his fault" Arizona told him "Owen will see that"

"It also wasn't his fault that Alex sought him out and started that fight right outside of Hunt's office, but Jackson was involved and that alone is going to bring him trouble"

Rubbing her hand across her face Arizona suddenly looked older then her age "It's just never going to get easier for him, is it?"

Eli looked at her and he wanted to assure her, but in all honesty he just didn't see a good outcome "I don't know"

The hospital was starting to fill up with the morning shift and looking at the door Eli watched as the stream of workers walked in and dispersed to head towards their departments.

Eli had almost missed Jackson as he came in behind two OR techs who were both wider and taller than the man. He held a backpack with one strap around his shoulder and he kept his head down as he tried to make a beeline for his office.

It was the routine he did most mornings now, but Arizona had spotted him right away.

"Jackson" she yelled just loud enough to draw the man's attention and looking up Eli's heart broke the second he saw Jackson's eyes.

Bloodshot red and puffy.

It was more than obvious that he had spent most of the night crying.

"Yeah?" Jackson asked Arizona.

"I-I have this leg dissection later with Alex and I was wondering if you could come in for a consult?" she asked "the kid's only 8 and I don't want to leave him with a huge scar for the rest of his life"

Jackson looked as if he wanted to say no, but after a long moment he just nodded his head and told her a quick yes before ducking his head down and continuing on his way.

Turning around Arizona shrugged at Eli "It's something, right?"

"Yeah, it's something" Eli responded and he hoped that for now it could be enough.

**Arizona Robbins POV:**

Arizona fell on her chair once she arrived in her office, letting out an exhausted sigh. The whole situation was totally messed up and she didn't know what to do anymore, but at least there was Eli who she could talk to. Eli who understood her like maybe no one else and she was glad that over the past couple of weeks they had become such good friends.

She still felt bad for not talking to her wife or - more importantly - Mark about Jackson, felt bad for not being able to tell them what was going on, but she didn't want to cause Jackson any more trouble than he already was in. She thought the more difficult his life became, the higher the danger of Jackson getting even deeper into his drug abuse.

She wanted to help him so badly, but if Jackson didn't want any help, there was no way of him agreeing to some kind of therapy. She knew at least that. She wasn't stupid.

Hopefully she could at least show him that she was there for him. That she was his friend and that he could rely on her when he needed someone.

She still wasn't sure if Callie did the right thing by talking to Jackson and making him break up with Mark, but maybe it was really good for the both of them to be apart for some time. To both get their lives back on track. She knew how it was to be apart from the person you love most in the world, though, and remembering those times she was separated from Callie still killed her.

It hadn't been a mistake, though, because she probably would have never found out what was really important to her if it wasn't for their break-up. Hell, Sofia might not even be here, if she hadn't come to her senses.

Arizona was pulled out of her thoughts by a knock at the door. Was it already time for Jackson to come for his consult?

Looking up she shouted "Come in!" towards the door and was surprised to find Alex standing in her office.

"Hey," Alex greeted her, and he looked somehow nervous.

"Hey," Arizona gave back, giving him a warm smile. "Everything alright?"

"Yes... yes, sure..." Alex replied, scratching the back of his neck and moving closer towards her desk after he had closed her door.

"I just thought we could talk about the surgery again... just to be sure I got everything right. I don't wanna make a mistake that causes permanent damage to a young boy."

"Alex..." Arizona sighed, reaching out and placing a hand on Alex' forearm.

"You know what to do and you know you're good in your job. Otherwise, I wouldn't have let you run the paediatric section while I was gone..."

"Which you only were because of me being stupid... I should have been on that plane..." Alex gave back, causing Arizona to let out another sigh.

"Alex... come on, I thought we've talked about that..." she gently replied. "There's no need to apologize again. Who knows what would have happened if you were on that plane instead of me. Maybe you would be dead... like Lexie..."

Alex bit his lower lip. "Yeah... maybe... or maybe I could have saved her if I was there..."

"We'll never find out, Alex... as cold as it sounds... so please, let it go..." Arizona said, pausing for a moment to look deep into Alex' eyes. "And I know this is not about you... or me... or the plane crash... admit it..."

Alex nodded slightly. "Yes... you... you're right... you know me damn well, boss..."

Arizona let out an amused laugh. "Don't call me that _ever_ again, or I might have to kill you and get rid of your body."

That made Alex laugh, too, and Arizona on the other hand felt slightly relieved that she had caused this reaction from him.

"Okay, I'll remember that..." he chuckled, getting serious again after a short time. "But you... you're right... that's not why I'm in this... mood..."

"It's about Jackson... right?" Arizona asked directly, getting a nod from Alex.

"Eli has told you everything, hasn't he?" Alex gave back, looking at her and now it was on Arizona to nod.

"Yeah... but I mean, I didn't leave him much of a choice after Jackson... literally attacked me..."

"He did _what_?" Alex stared at her in shock.

"It wasn't that bad... seriously..." Arizona waved dismissively. "But for a moment there I really thought he would... I don't know... it's stupid, but he screamed at me and it really scared me, because I've never seen him like that..."

"It's... it's not him... it's the drugs... and you know that," Alex said gently, looking at her with a very concerned look in his eyes. "But I didn't think it was already that bad... I... I don't know what to do anymore... he doesn't even want me near him... When I last talked to him he said if I or Lewis ever come close to his office again, he's gonna get us both suspended... he totally shuts us out..."

"Well... at least I'm not on his hate list... not yet, that is..." Arizona replied with a sad smile. "We... just need to show him that there are people who love him and support him, no matter if he wants to see it or not..."

Another knock at the door interrupted their conversation and Arizona got to her feet immediately, rounding her desk.

"Who's that?" Alex asked, confused.

"Jackson, I assume... I asked him for a consult..." Arizona willingly replied.

Tilting his head, Alex looked at her. "But why? We can do it without him..."

"I know... but..." she said, getting interrupted by Alex immediately.

"Oh... right! I understand..."

"Thank you..." Arizona smiled, before answering a following knock by opening the door.

"Hey... I'm here about the consult, but I can come back later if you're busy right now..." Jackson suggested, and the way Arizona was blocking the doorway he hadn't see Alex yet, and Arizona didn't know if it was a good idea if he did, either, but on the other hand... maybe she could make them talk.

"No, it's okay... come in..." she smiled, swinging the door open and watching Jackson come in but stopping in his tracks once he saw Alex sitting there.

"What's going on here?" Jackson asked angrily. "Why am I really here?"

"For a consult, like I told you..." Arizona hurriedly replied.

"Yeah, you did..." Jackson said coldly. "Show me the file then, so I can get back to work soon."

"Jackson, please..." Arizona said, gently touching his arm, but Jackson shook it off immediately. "Can't you see that I'm... that we're just worried about you?"

"No need to be, I'm okay," Jackson gave back, crossing his arms above his chest.

"No! No, you're not!" Alex said, and it was the first time he spoke since Jackson entered the room. "Stop lying to yourself. Stop lying to us. We're your friends, Jackson."

"Friends? Yeah, right!" Jackson let out a laugh. "Friends who go behind my back and instead of talking to me before, believing everything someone tells them..."

"What are you talking about?" Alex asked defensively.

"Have you or have you not believed Lewis the second he told you I've slept with his fiancé without even asking me if it's true? You just assumed it was, like everyone else. That's not what friends do," Jackson bit back. "But it obviously only needs a pretty face for you to act like a dick-driven idiot. A few sugar coated words were enough and you spread your legs for some random guy who you didn't even know... that's all it takes..."

Alex looked really guilty for a moment, Arizona could tell, and she seriously didn't know whether she should say something or stay out of this fight, but it was her fault that they were attacking each other verbally _again_.

"Stop it!" she said, looking between Alex and Jackson. "Both of you..."

She turned to Jackson and looked him in the eye. "I know that you are hurt... that you're suffering, and I'm your friend... I'm here for you, because I love you... we all love you... can't you see that?" Once again she moved towards him and touched his arm. "You need help, Jackson..."

"No, I don't," Jackson disagreed. "I'm perfectly fine. Really... Arizona, no need for you to worry... So if you can get me the chart now, or I'm gonna leave, because I have some other work to do..."

He obviously didn't want to talk about anything other than work, but at least he was still here and hadn't left yet. That was at least something, even though it wasn't much.

"Yeah... sure..." Arizona sighed, turning around and grabbing the chart from her desk, sending Alex a desperate look.

She didn't know how to get through to Jackson anymore, but watching him hurt like that killed her from the inside, and she just hoped he would come to his senses at some point. Without his help, he couldn't be helped at all. They could force him into rehab, but it wouldn't change anything in the long run. He needed to want someone to help him, but he obviously wasn't ready yet, but Arizona didn't know how long she could keep just watching Jackson destroying himself, because she meant what she had just said. She loved him and she wanted him to be the guy he was when they first met.


	44. Chapter 44

**A/N: **Hello again… So… there we are with Chapter 44… and we're really glad you're still with us… I know we're producing a lot of drama at the moment and it's definitely not over yet ^^" But it will be, and there will be some happy moments in between… but things might get difficult with "new people" arriving… because some of those people might mess with other people's heads… and hearts…

Anyways… we hope, you enjoy Chapter 44 and that you'll stay with us on the "joyride" :-)

Have fun!

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex saw Arizona's look of desperation and it twisted something inside of him. Alex knew she was only biding her time and the minute Jackson looked at the chart he would know that Robbins had only made up this need for a consult to trick him.

Being around Jackson these days was like walking a mine field. Making the wrong step...saying the wrong thing...could lead to an explosion of epic proportions.

Alex had seemed to have a knack for finding every single bomb and stepping on it with Jackson so if he could prevent Arizona from having to deal with another verbal assault from Jackson then that was something Alex would do.

He was used to it.

Reaching into her desk Arizona pulled out the manila envelope and was about to hand it over before Alex snatched it from her hands and both Arizona and Jackson looked at him with incredulous eyes.

"Alex, what are you doing?" Arizona asked.

"I think we'll be fine making this a solo thing" Alex said as he looked at Jackson "you can get back to your office"

Jackson wore a stern and unpleasant look on his face "Then why in the hell did you ask me to come here then?" he asked and each word was clipped with a strong line of anger.

"It was a mistake" Alex said plainly "I'm sorry"

Alex saw Jackson bite the inside of his cheek as he turned to head out of the door, but as he reached the exit he turned back around "Don't waste my time again" he told Alex and Arizona.

"Yeah, I forgot how important that is" Alex said and Arizona gave him a sharp hit to his arm and look not to engage Jackson.

"We can't all be second fiddle, Alex" Jackson told him with a smile "some of us are actually good enough to run our own departments"

"What the hell does that mean?"

With a laugh Jackson put his hands on his hips. And Alex could feel his blood boiling. He couldn't help it and he was getting tired of Jackson always being able to get to him.

"Just let it go" Arizona told Alex quietly "you know he only wants to rile you up"

"I'd listen to your master Karev, you wouldn't want to get a rolled up newspaper across the nose would you" Jackson said.

Alex tried to stay focused on Arizona as she stood in front of him and held his face in her hands. She knew just like Alex that if the man were to look at Jackson and see the man's smug expression he would lose his temper completely.

"Tell me, Dr. Robbins?" Jackson asked "if I put a treat in my hand could I get Karev to lick my palm? I hear that's how you know you have your dogs well-trained"

Alex reacted on instinct immediately as he pushed Arizona aside and made a run for Jackson. Luckily Arizona was quick and managed to use all her strength to hold Alex back a mere 5 inches away from Jackson.

"There we go!" Jackson laughed "and here I thought this visit would be a useless one, but it's worth it to see Karev foam at the mouth"

"You can go" Arizona told Jackson angrily "we're done"

Giving a small salute Jackson turned on his heels and left Arizona's office.

Alex could feel the anger run through his veins and he couldn't seem to be able to get a hold of them.

"What are you doing?" Arizona asked "don't you see you did exactly what he wanted?"

"I just...he's so fucking infuriating" Alex told her.

"He's sick and lashing out" Arizona said "and he wants to cause other to lash out and had you actually hit him it would have been all he needed to get you suspended or even fired, Alex"

The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. With Alex out of the picture it was one less person Jackson felt he would have to answer to and Alex had almost played right into it.

"I-I'm sorry" he said "I'm going to get better"

Arizona looked to visibly relax "He needs our help, Alex and he's going to fight it tooth and nail, but we have to be better than the stuff he throws at us"

Alex felt shame. He had grown up dealing with an alcoholic and if anybody knew how to be around someone with addiction it should have been Alex.

"Why don't you go check on the patient" Arizona said with a pat to Alex's shoulder "I'll catch up with you in a bit".

"Yeah" Alex responded "that sounds good" and walking towards the door he stopped "and thank you, Dr. Robbins. You saved my ass"

"Don't mention it" Arizona smiled "I'm getting used to it"

Smiling Alex felt the anger from the past few minutes wash away.

Alex had managed to keep himself busy for the rest of his shift. Between patients and checking up on April periodically he managed to wipe the rough morning off.

Driving to the apartment that Lewis had moved into after he and Holt's last argument Alex felt the long day weigh heavy on him. He knew Lewis was going through a hard time. Between his fear for Jackson and his anger at Holt Lewis was trying his best to hold it all together and Alex had no intention of making anything harder.

Taking out his key that Lewis had given him, something that had been unexpectedly touching to Alex, he walked in to see the man standing at the stove cooking something that smelled like pasta sauce.

"Hey Honey, I'm home!" Alex chuckled and turning around Lewis gave him a bemused smirk.

"Very funny" Lewis said "come here and tell me if this tastes okay"

Walking over Alex licked the sauce off of the wooden spoon that Lewis was holding out.

"That tastes awesome" Alex told him and it only made Alex's stomach rumble at the thought of dinner.

"Good" Lewis responded as he turned back around "You mind setting the table while I finish this?" Lewis asked.

"Of course" Alex smiled as he reached over top of Lewis and grabbed the plates that Lewis had put in the cabinet the previous day.

The apartment was pretty impressive for having gotten it in a matter of 12 hours. Although, something told Alex that Lewis being an Avery had something to do with helping him expedite the process.

The family was a well-known name and probably had enough money to buy 5 more of these apartments if they wanted to.

After the table was set and dinner was served Lewis and Alex sat across from one another and enjoyed the peace. The meal was fantastic and it reminded Alex of the times when Jackson would surprise he and April by cooking them dinner.

Alex was a pretty awful cook and those nights when he got to have an actual home-cooked meal were ones that he treasured. It was what had initially bonded the three of them.

"You here, Alex?" Lewis asked and shaking his head free of his memories Alex smiled.

"Yeah...it's just Jackson used to like cooking after a rough day"

Lewis looked down and Alex regretted bringing Jackson into the conversation, but when Lewis looked back up he had a wistful smile on his face.

"Our dad was a foodie" Lewis said "he started teaching us how to cook as soon as we knew what a pot and pan was" Lewis' eyes sparkled "Jackson picked it up like second nature and I think that's part of why dad always preferred him. Those two were so much alike you would think dad gave birth to Jackson all by himself" the laugh that Lewis gave tried to be light, but Alex could hear the hurt behind it.

Reaching over Alex grabbed Lewis' hand and ran his thumb over the man's knuckle "This is fantastic and I have no doubt your dad would be proud of this dish".

"Thanks, Alex" Lewis said leaning over and capturing the man's lips in a gentle kiss. The kiss made Alex's toes curl and he loved the way Lewis could make something as simple as a kiss feel so...overpoweringly wonderful.

Breaking apart Lewis stood up and his face was bright and lips glistening "I'm going to get the bedroom ready, why don't you finish up and meet me in there, huh?" Lewis asked seductively and the blood rushed immediately to his groin.

"Yeah-Yeah" Alex said excitedly and it made Lewis laugh.

Kissing the side of Alex's head he made his way to the bedroom and Alex did his best to both, enjoy the rest of his pasta, and finish it as fast as possible.

After he was done he went to clean the table and putting the plates in the sink Alex had caught Lewis' phone blinking red. He must have had a message.

"Lewis!" Alex yelled "I think someone left you a voicemail"

"Can you listen to it for me?" Lewis yelled back "I have some clients that are trying to set up some appointments".

"Alright" Alex said and hitting the button Alex listened and waited for the voice of what he assumed would be some drawn out drawl asking about appointment times and recommendations.

Instead what he got was a voice that was yelling over what sounded like a very big and busy city.

"_Lewis. This is Tyler, I'm in London at a conference and I just got your message. Why in the fuck aren't you answering your phone? I'm catching the first plane out and I'm going to be there as soon as possible. Don't you lose him, do you hear me Lewis? Don't let him slip away. I'm coming...just hold on, please_"

Alex listened to the message with baited breath. So this was Tyler and Alex had to admit the guy sounded as if he was going to move heaven and earth and for that Alex had to respect the guy.

"Alex...I'm waiting" Lewis said lightly "This bed is extra springy"

Looking towards the room Alex had a mental debate of whether to tell Lewis before or after the sex. In the end Alex knew he wouldn't be able to properly focus until he told Lewis, and besides, the sex could be even better after Lewis received the good news that Tyler was on his way.

"Lewis...you have to hear something"

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis had already undressed until he was only wearing shorts anymore and he was waiting for Alex impatiently, when he heard him shout that he had to hear something and got off the bed, sighing.

He made his way towards the kitchen and hugged Alex from behind, kissing his earlobe and his cheek.

"What is it, baby?" he asked gently, while touching Alex' stomach and looking down at the phone Alex was standing in front of that was still blinking.

"I think you should listen to that..." Alex told him, turning around in his embrace and looking into his eyes. "It's... pretty important..."

"Oh..." Lewis replied surprised, but turning away from the phone and turning his attention back to Alex in his arms. "Can't that wait until after I'm finished with you?" he grinned, letting one of his hands slide down to touch Alex' ass.

"I don't think so..." Alex said seriously. "Please... just listen to it, okay? I'm sure you wanna hear it..."

Lewis let out a sigh. "Okay..." He pressed the button on the phone, listening to the voice asking him if he wanted to hear his message again, so he pressed the right button and waited for a few seconds, and the moment he recognized the voice on his answering machine, he froze.

"_Lewis. This is Tyler, I'm in London at a conference and I just got your message. Why in the fuck aren't you answering your phone? I'm catching the first plane out and I'm going to be there as soon as possible. Don't you lose him, do you hear me Lewis? Don't let him slip away. I'm coming...just hold on, please_"

His hand was shaking when he pushed the red button to end the call and he felt really strange all of a sudden. His stomach was fluttering and his heart was beating a lot faster than it should be.

Speaking to Tyler's voicemail and leaving him a message in a situation he had been in when he had done so was one thing, but hearing him like that, still caring and so worried, made Lewis' mind run upside down.

"You okay, baby?" he heard Alex' voice and it was like he was miles away, even though he was standing right in front of him.

"Yeah... yeah sure... I... I just didn't expect to hear from Tyler anymore..." he replied, and it was the truth. He had already almost given up hope that Tyler would still call him back, even though deep down he knew that he should have never doubted him, because Tyler had always cared for Jackson. A lot. Of course he would do everything to help him, just like Lewis had tried a dozen times, but maybe Tyler was really able to get through to him when no one else could.

"That's good news, right?" Alex asked, touching his face. "I mean, he's gonna come and he's gonna help Jackson... that's what you... we wanted, right?"

Lewis nodded immediately. "Yes... yes, it is..." He leaned his forehead against Alex' and closed his eyes for a couple of seconds before he opened them again. "I'm just not used to hearing his voice anymore, I think... should I call him back?"

"I don't know..." Alex replied with an insecure smile on his face, and Lewis could tell that he being so shaken up all of a sudden made Alex really nervous. Which he absolutely didn't want. He needed to calm down and show Alex once more how much he meant to him and how glad he was to have him in his life.

"I'll... I'll call him back later if he hasn't tried to contact me until then... That can wait and he probably is busy anyways..."

"Yeah, probably..." Alex replied, looking away from Lewis and trying to get out of his embrace. "Maybe I should leave you alone for tonight? To sort your thoughts..."

"No..." Lewis replied immediately, capturing his wrist when Alex was about to get away and pulling him back. "You're not going anywhere..." he whispered, leaning down and kissing Alex softly.

"You sure about that? I mean you obviously still care for him and if you need some time for yourself..." Alex started, but was cut off mid-sentence by Lewis.

"What I need is you..." he replied with a gentle tone in his voice, grabbing his face and making him look up at him. "You're all that I want, okay? No matter what happens, I'm with you and I'll stand by you... we're in this together, remember?"

A small smile appeared on Alex' lips. "Yes, I remember... I just thought you might have changed your mind..."

"Absolutely not!" Lewis confirmed, lifting Alex up and feeling his legs around his waist. He carried him to the bedroom like that and gently put him down on the mattress, touching his face. "You're the one that I want... the only one... and I'm gonna proof it to you... that you're mine..." he whispered, before he started kissing Alex' lips.

He pushed away every thought of Tyler as far as he could, and with Alex kissing him back like that, it wasn't very hard to completely forget about him. Alex made him happy and he wanted to be happy. He deserved to be happy, and even though Tyler would come back to his life, that wouldn't change.

Tyler would only come back for Jackson anyways. That had nothing to do with him or them, it was for Jackson. They had something they both wanted: for Jackson to get better, and Tyler was most likely the only option still working and Lewis was willing to do everything in his power to help him get his brother some help. If someone was able to make him see what he was about to lose, it was Tyler.

"You still with me, baby?" Alex' words sounded close to his ear and a few seconds later Alex was biting his earlobe, driving him crazy with it.

"Yeah... I am... I'm completely yours..." he replied breathlessly, kissing Alex again and letting his tongue dart into Alex' mouth, exploring it, while one of his hands pushed Alex' shirt upwards and started touching his stomach, tracing the outlines of his muscles and causing Alex to buckle up.

"Lewis..." He moaned, breaking the kiss and looking up at him. "I want you inside of me..."

A smile appeared on Lewis' lips. "And I'm gonna give you exactly what you want..." he replied, pulling Alex' shirt over his head and starting to place soft kisses on his shoulders and his chest, feeling Alex cling to him.

"I want... I want..." Alex started, taking in a few sharp breathes when Lewis started licking one of his nipples.

"What do you want, Alex? Tell me..." Lewis asked, stopping in his tracks and looking up at him.

"I want you to... not just fuck me... I want us to make love..." Alex replied, his cheeks turning slightly red and Lewis couldn't help but find it adorable. This was definitely something new, something, Lewis didn't expect. It wasn't like they only had passionate, wild sex. They had been gentle with each other before, but right then it seemed like Alex really needed it. Needed him to show him that he was the only one for him.

"I will..." he replied, touching Alex' face and kissing him with all of his heart. "I love you, Alex, and I'm gonna show you..."

"I love you, too!" Alex said, closing his eyes, while one of Lewis' hands moved to his jeans and opened them.

He had to end the kiss to be able to completely undress him, and Alex helped him with lifting his hips, so Lewis could pull down his jeans and boxers in one move and pulled them off his feet, before he removed Alex' socks, so Alex was laying naked on the bed.

"You're beautiful..." Lewis commented, enjoying the view for a couple of seconds, before leaning down again to capture Alex' lips in another kiss, that started gentle and sweet but got more and more passionate with every second. Their tongues were fighting a fight no one would win, while Alex' hands were travelling up and down Lewis' spine and Lewis' hands were moving towards Alex' stomach to touch his cock, that was only half-hard so far.

He started massaging it, moving his fingers up and down his shaft, and felt it harden and increase his size in his hand, and this really turned him on. He simply loved it when he was causing this reaction on Alex' and the feeling of him getting harder and bigger like that was just hot.

Slowly, he removed his lips from Alex', travelling down his neck and licking over his nipples again before he knelt down between his legs. He wanted to taste Alex, wanted to have him in his mouth, and prepare him for what was about to come at the same time, and he knew Alex would love it.

He leaned down, pushing back the foreskin just a bit and swirled his tongue around the head, letting it slide into his slit and then he surrounded his glans with his lips, starting to move his head up and down, while his tongue was still playing with the sensitive flesh.

With every move he engulfed more of his length until he was deep-throating him, hearing Alex moan and feeling shivers from his body.

"Lewis... oh god, Lewis..." Over and over again Alex groaned his name and if he hadn't been hard as a rock before, Lewis would be now, because Alex sounded just really hot and it made him wanna jump his bones. It took a lot of him to hold back and be this gentle, but he knew it would be worth it, knew it would be just as good for him as it was for Alex once he was inside of him.

He sat up just enough so he could reach for the nightstand and grab the lube and a condom and placed the condom on the mattress next to him while he opened the lube and put a fair amount on his fingers, warming it just a little bit, before he started working on Alex' entrance, first just teasing with his fingertip, but then sliding in easily. Alex was totally relaxed and it didn't even take a minute for Lewis to be able to insert a 2nd finger. He started thrusting in and out of Alex, searching for this sweet spot that made Alex go crazy and knowing he had found it when Alex buckled up and spread his legs even wider. His moans almost turned into screams when he started taking his cock into his mouth again at the same time he was moving his fingers.

One of Alex' hands entangled in Lewis' curly hair while the other was grabbing the sheet very tightly and Lewis could feel Alex' cock pulsating in his mouth, knowing if he went on like that, Alex would come before he was inside of him. Not that he had a problem with it, but all of a sudden he felt Alex pushing him away just slightly and looking at him under his heavy breathes.

"That's... that's enough, Lewis... I need you inside of me right now..." Lewis heard him say and smiled at him.

"Okay... but I could have ended it and made you come all over again..." he grinned, leaning upwards and capturing Alex' lips in a longing kiss.

"No... I wanna... wanna come with you... I want to feel you deep inside of me when I come..." Alex whispered, reaching down and grabbing Lewis' cock through his shorts. "but first we need to get rid of that..." he grinned, pushing down Lewis' shorts and helping him get out of it, before he grabbed the condom and opened it.

Lewis watched him licking his lips while he was doing it, closing his eyes when Alex started rolling it onto his hard cock. He felt Alex' hand on it and looked down, noticing that he had already lubed him, before he sank back down on the mattress and opening his legs welcoming, giving Lewis a perfect view of his hole and god, he never had looked sexier.

"Do it..." Alex literally begged, pulling Lewis down and grabbing his cock, moving it towards his entrance, and that was all Lewis needed to hear right now. With one gentle push he was inside of him, feeling Alex rear up and meeting him halfway, so they were literally melted together.

The heat surrounding Lewis cock was almost too much already and he had to use all of his strength and willpower not to come right then, looking down at Alex. "You're... awesome..."

"So are you..." Alex smiled up at him, looping his legs around Lewis' waist and his arms around his neck and starting to move underneath him.

"Stop..." Lewis hissed. "Please... just give me a moment, or I'll... I'll come right now... it's just... so good..."

"It is... I feel so close to you, Lewis..." Alex gave back, touching Lewis face and looking up at him. "Make love to me..."

And Lewis did by starting to thrust into him slowly and gently, enjoying every single second of it. Yes, he loved hot and passionate sex, but this was just as good, and it was like he felt everything much more intensely than ever before by going such a slow pace. They found the perfect rhythm together and Lewis just knew that what he needed was right here. In front of his eyes. No matter who was coming back to his life, he was right where he belonged. With Alex.

**Alex Karev POV:**

He and Lewis had made love. The statement was both simple and complicated. As Lewis lay asleep on his chest, his arm wrapped around Alex's waist, Alex thought of their first meeting in that bar a lifetime ago.

It was amazing how so much had changed in such a short amount of time.

5 months ago had you told Alex he would be laying here with Jackson Avery's brother of all people he would have called you a lunatic, but in this moment he couldn't imagine being anywhere else.

His mind had gone back to the voicemail this Tyler guy had sent and Alex wondered if he would be the game changer. He thought back to Miami and knocking on Jackson's door the morning of their missed flight. He hadn't officially met Tyler, but he had learned of him for the first time that day. Thinking back now Alex wished he had pushed his way through Jackson and actually got to introduce himself.

All he remembered was a tall man with blond hair and a prominent lean jaw. Alex recalled thinking he was an attractive looking dude.

The guy had to have something special about him. The Avery brothers were nothing if not insanely attractive. Alex had never been blind to Jackson's own looks. Piercing green eyes and a lean body had made Alex more then a little insecure when the guy had first arrived from Mercy West.

Then there was Lewis, with his blue eyes and wide muscular body would have made Alex equally as insecure if it was one that he wasn't able to claim as his own every night.

Sparse hair across Lewis' pecs that lead to a waist that looked like it had been sculpted with the intentional purpose of driving women and men insane. Running his fingers along Lewis' hipbone lightly Alex smiled when the man unconsciously wiggled in his sleep.

This Tyler guy intrigued Alex and his arrival was one that he was anticipating.. Alex also knew he wasn't the only. Despite what Lewis was trying to hide Alex knew the man was nervous.

How could he not be? This Tyler guy was a huge part of his life and for better or worse had changed it quite dramatically. It would be as if Izzie had suddenly decided to return. Alex was quite sure he wouldn't have the faintest idea how to act.

Besides blinding panic and crippling fear.

"Are you still up?" Lewis asked groggily as he lifted his head from Alex's chest.

"Yeah" Alex smiled as he leaned down and gave a kiss to the top of the man's head and took in his smell. The curls smelled of the shampoo Alex had brought over the previous day and it made him feel happy that Lewis was using it.

It was so boringly domestic and Alex loved it.

Sitting up Lewis rubbed his eyes and turned around to give Alex a quick kiss. Looking at the clock that sat by their bedside Lewis read 2:45.

"So what's keeping you up?" he asked Alex.

Shrugging his shoulders Alex leaned his back against the headboard "Just a lot of stuff running through my head"

"Jackson" Lewis said "you can mention his name without me going into a panic, Alex"

"I know" Alex told him as he placed his hands on Lewis's hips and pulled him up so that the man was straddling Alex's waist. He could feel Lewis' cock, soft and long, lay against his thigh "it's just...it was a bad day and I really didn't want to bring it home"

"You consider this home?" Lewis smiled and suddenly Alex felt like he was in a panic.

"I mean no, well yeah but-...it's your place"

"Calm down, Alex" Lewis chuckled as he put a finger to the man's lips "I was just going to say I'm glad, because that's what I want this to be...for both of us"

Alex's heart felt like it had just started to beat again and with a grin Alex leaned up and gave Lewis a passionate kiss.

After the two kissed Lewis looked down at a breathless Alex "So this thing with Jackson?" he said "what happened?"

Guilt played across Alex's face "Dr. Robbins knows about Jackson" he said and the panic set in Lewis' eyes quickly.

"What?"

"It's okay" Alex tried to reassure him "she's not going to Hunt or anything. She wants to help him just as much as we do"

"That's still one more person, Alex" Lewis said "and one more chance to completely get out and derail Jackson completely"

"She saved my ass today" Alex told him "I let Jackson get to me again and if it hadn't been for her I would probably be looking for another job right now"

With a sigh Lewis swung his legs off Alex and laid down beside the man "I'm not upset at her or anything" Lewis said "you trust her so I trust her. It's just...the more people know the harder it's going to be to keep this under wraps until we can fix it"

"Can we fix it?"

Looking at Alex the man could see the doubt in Lewis' eyes "I hope so" he told him "I'm not going to fail Jackson again. I've been doing that his whole life and if it takes me locking him up in a room for three months until he gets it all out of his system I'll do it"

"That may be a little drastic" Alex chuckled "but I get the message"

Lewis gave Alex a smile that warmed his heart "So what happened with Jackson?"

"Your brother doesn't lack a sharp tongue" Alex told him "he was upset that Dr. Robbins had tricked him into coming for a fake consult and I tried to play buffer and well...he knows me well enough to know what sets me off"

"Yeah" Lewis said "Jackson has always been good at hitting people where it hurt without ever lifting a finger"

"I just.. I need to learn how to let that stuff roll off my back" Alex responded.

"It's hard" Lewis said "I-"

"What?" Alex asked once he noticed Lewis had stopped mid-sentence.

Taking a deep breath Lewis looked at Alex "I actually went to see Jackson and Tyler a few years after calling off the wedding"

"Really?" Alex asked, his mind suddenly hyper-focused "What happened?"

"They had moved to New York together and Jackson had just started medical school" Lewis told Alex "I knew it was a mistake the moment I stepped off the plane and tracked down their apartment, but I had heard how well Jackson and he were doing and I was just...livid"

Alex could hear the regret in Lewis' voice, but he remained quiet as the man continued.

"They had an apartment in Manhattan. It wasn't huge, but it was nice and what with Tyler having a job at the hospital and Jackson getting money from mom again they looked to be doing well, but once I got to the apartment it was just Jackson there" Lewis started to fiddle with the blankets that sat under his legs "I'm not sure what I expected, but when he answered the door he was happy. All smiles and content. His life was going great while I was still struggling to hold a relationship together for more than a week"

"You thought it was unfair" Alex offered "after what happened"

Shaking his head Lewis looked down "Jackson was cooking Tyler dinner and after the shock he had invited me in and even asked if I wanted to stay to eat" Lewis looked over at Alex again "it felt so damn patronizing. My little brother had everything that I once had and then was offering me some kind of pity invitation to, what I thought, rub my nose in it"

"What did you do?" Alex asked.

"I attacked him" Lewis said "almost broke his nose right there in the living room. I was a fucking monster" Alex could see Lewis' hand shaking and grabbing onto it he held it firm.

Lewis gripped back as he continued "The worst part of it was he just took it" Lewis said "he tried to cover his face, but he never swung back...not once...and it only made me angrier"

"He thought he deserved it" Alex whispered.

"He didn't deserve it" Lewis said as tears welled up in his eyes "he didn't deserve what I did to him, but he kept saying he was sorry over and over again. When Tyler had come home he pulled me off and the moment he saw Jackson's face he threw me out. Told me he better never see me at their house again and I didn't think anything could hurt as bad as the moment I caught them in bed, but that did and instead of realizing how fucked-up I was I put that blame on Jackson again. I convinced myself that it was his fault that I was the way I was"

Alex could feel his own eyes start to mist over as he pulled Lewis close and gave him a kiss "It's okay" he whispered "you aren't that man anymore"

"Really?" Lewis asked Alex "Because seven months ago I heard how well Jackson was doing and those same feelings came back. The same anger and resentment sent me here, because once again I was living in a one bedroom apartment unable to keep a relationship and our mother was saying how well Jackson was doing and how proud she was of him. I came here to take that away and look where he's at. Alone and trying to just keep his head above water. I've completely destroyed him, Alex"

"Look at me, Lewis" Alex said as he grabbed the man's face and forced him to look Alex in the eyes "You could have cut and run the moment you found out about Jackson's drug use. You could have gone back to Boston and been satisfied that Jackson was exactly where you wanted him to be, but you're here and you're determined to make him better. That tells me you're a good man even if you don't believe it"

Lewis looked at him and touched his forehead to Alex's "I don't deserve you" he said.

With a smile Alex kissed him "We deserve each other" he told Lewis and Alex was going to make the man see that.

**April Kepner POV:**

April was happy that she finally,_ finally _was able to leave the hospital. She still had to take it very slow - as far as Doctor Hemsfield told her. And that she needed to be very careful. She was out of danger of losing her baby for the moment, but too much stress could always cause new complications and April didn't want to risk that. She wanted that baby, and if that fact hadn't been clear to her head so far, it definitely was now. With or without Alex, she would have this baby, and she would do everything for it to have a good life. She just hoped this life would include Alex in some way.

She wanted her baby to know it's father, wanted Alex to be a part of him or her growing up.

Gently, April caressed her stomach as she made her way towards the hospital entrance when she heard a familiar voice calling out her name.

"Dr. Kepner, wait! I need to talk to you!"

Quickly, April turned around only to see Chief Hunt making his way towards her.

"Good evening, Dr. Hunt. Everything okay?" she asked curiously.

A small smile appeared on Owen's lips. "That's actually exactly what I wanted to ask _you_, Dr. Kepner."

Nodding her head, April looked up at him. "I'm okay... I just got released and I can be back at work by tomorrow morning."

"I actually don't think that's a pretty good idea..." Owen replied immediately, looking at her, concerned. "Maybe it would be for the best if you stay at home until after the baby is born."

"Are you trying to tell me I'm fired? _Again_?" April asked, shocked. "I thought... I thought we're over this... I thought I could stay here..."

Owen placed a hand on April's shoulder, gently stroking it. "No, no, of course not, calm down." he tried to comfort her. "It's not that... I just heard from Dr. Hemsfield that there have been complications with your pregnancy, and that you shouldn't have all too much stress the next couple of months... and I don't know how this is going to work with you being around here... you know how stressful our job is... there could always be emergencies and I need people I can rely on a hundred percent."

"But you can rely on me a hundred percent. Please, Chief Hunt. Don't do that to me... I need to work. I need to keep myself busy. I need to focus on other things than my pregnancy." April was about to start crying every moment. She could already feel the tears welling up in her eyes.

"I'm afraid I have no other choice... I'm sorry, Kepner... but as soon as the baby is born and you're up for it, you're free to come back. See it as a paid vacation, because of course I will keep paying you." Owen replied and then he turned around and left. Left April standing there like he wouldn't care. And he probably didn't.

April took a few deep breathes to calm down, but it didn't work. She felt desperate and afraid to lose her job after all, even though Hunt said otherwise, but he could always change his mind if he found someone better.

Slowly, she made her way out of the hospital and got in a cab, telling the driver Meredith's address. She hoped Meredith would be there to comfort her, because she just needed a friend right now. Desperately.

She was just about to enter the house with her key when she heard two people screaming at each other. Meredith and Derek, obviously. A desperate sigh left her lips. Okay. So much for finding some comfort in her friends. She didn't know what to do or where to go. She had no place to go besides Alex, who most likely was with Lewis and she didn't want to disturb them or Jackson, who most likely was either working or at home.

She took out her mobile phone and dialled Jackson's number, but she got directly to voicemail, ending the call without leaving a message.

Maybe she could get past Derek and Meredith without them noticing her, so she could get to her room and have some alone time. She just needed silence right now, so she could think what to do now.

When April was about to enter the living room, Meredith rushed past her and leaving the house through the front door without even taking notice of her. She was so busy with herself, that everything else seemed to have just vanished and for a moment there April thought she should go after her but when she turned around she faced Derek who was standing in front of her all of a sudden.

"April... hey... haven't heard you coming..."

"Nice to see you, too..." April replied sarcastically, feeling sorry almost a second later when she saw the pained look in Derek's eyes.

"I'm... I'm sorry, I just... I got in a fight with Meredith and I don't know what to do anymore..." He looked down at his feet, seeming really lost. "Fortunately, Zola is with Arizona and Callie for the night, because they thought Sofia could need some company."

"What happened?" April asked, offering some comfort by placing a hand on Derek's shoulder and making him look at her again.

"It's just... She most likely is in love with someone else, and I have no idea how to fix it..." Derek sighed, looking around and noticing just then that they were still standing in the hallway.

April swallowed hard. She had already suspected something like that, and she had absolutely no clue what to say or do to make it better. If Meredith was really in love with this Michael guy, there was nothing anyone could do to change that, but she actually wasn't totally sure about that. Maybe it was just a harmless crush? Like she had one on Derek what felt like years ago now.

"Why don't we sit down in the living room for a moment, huh?" April asked, giving Derek a sympathetic smile. "If you need someone to talk, I'll listen..."

Derek gave her a weak smile in reply. "You know what's funny? That I should be the one comforting you after all that happened in the past few weeks, but yet you're here and offering me to talk to you."

"That's what friends are for... right?" April replied, following Derek into the living room and sitting down on the sofa.

"I don't think I've been a really good friend to you lately..." Derek sighed, looking really guilty when he said that.

"It's okay... there's a lot going on at the moment... for all of us..." April leaned back against the sofa and closed her eyes. "But at least you still have a job waiting for you."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that..." Derek gave back. "Michael Holt does everything to keep my job, but wait... what did you just say?" He looked at April wide-eyed. "Don't tell me Owen fired you _again_?"

"Not exactly..." April said, feeling the desperation coming back immediately. "He told me to take it slow until after the baby is born. Not to come back to work until then..." Biting her lower lip, she fisted her hands. "But I... I don't know what to do with myself the whole day if I can't go to the hospital. I think I'll go crazy staying at home all day and waiting for something to happen..."

Tears were running down her face now and she felt Derek's arms capturing her in a tight embrace.

"Shhhht..." he whispered, caressing her arm and back, and April couldn't do anything else besides clinging to him and crying silently into his shirt.

"I need to work... I need to distract myself from Alex and everything else... and now he takes everything away from me..." she sobbed, just leaning into Derek's embrace even more.

"I can talk to him, if you want... I mean, he's still my friend and I might be able to do something for you..." Derek said.

Hopefully, April looked up at him. "You think so?"

"I'm sure we can find some sort of agreement..." Derek replied with an encouraging smile. "I mean, I get that he doesn't want you to work in the ER or anything like that, but you could... I don't know... do some paperwork or work in some other section where there are barely any emergencies."

"You would really do that for me?" April smiled.

"Of course... that's what friends are for, right? And it's the least I can do..." Derek said softly.

"Thank you!" Enthusiastically, April threw her arms around Derek's neck and made him lose his balance by that, so he landed backwards on the couch and April above him. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she said, pressing her lips on his and only a second later realizing what she was doing.

"Oh God, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" She immediately got up, feeling her cheeks starting to burn. "I didn't mean to... I mean... it's probably... oh god, this is so embarrassing..."

"It's okay, April... don't worry... if anyone asks, this has never happened, okay?" Derek chuckled, and it made the whole situation so much easier for April.

"Thank you again, Derek. I don't know what to say... I owe you one... or two..."

"Thank me once the deal's done, okay? But I promise I'll do anything so Owen gives you your job back... or something to do, because I know exactly how you feel..." Derek replied. "But at least I have Zola to keep me busy. I think I would have gone already crazy if she wasn't there..."

April nodded understandingly. She never expected to find a friend in Derek of all people, but he had been there for her more often than Meredith over the past few weeks and she was thankful for that. And now he would even help her to convince Owen that she was still capable of doing some work. She would never understand what Meredith saw in Holt, having a man like Derek at home waiting for her, because he was just really a great guy.


	45. Chapter 45

**A/N: **Hey there :-) How are you all? I hope, you're still enjoying our story, because we do still enjoy writing it, even though we're very far ahead already… I will try to post more often from now on, but I don't know if I'll really find the time!

Anyways: We unfortunately can't promise NO drama between Alex and Lewis, but we hope, you'll still enjoy… this chapter contains the arrival of some people and I'm sure some of you have anticipated that already, so…

Enjoy Chapter 45! =)

**Jackson Avery POV:**

"So, tell me what happened between you and Meredith?" Owen asked as he sat behind his desk and gave Jackson a concentrated look.

"It was just a misunderstanding" Jackson said "we all had a very tense surgery and I think the pressure just got to her." Jackson hated being brought up in front of Hunt..._again_, especially for something that wasn't even his fault.

"Dr. Grey mentioned that she was distracted by you and Dr. Holt" Owen wrote something down in a notepad "it seems she believed you two to be...flirting during the procedure"

Jackson stuttered out something that even he couldn't name "That's ridiculous" he said angrily "I did my job and if there was any flirting I can assure you that I wasn't part of it"

"So nothing happened between you and Dr. Holt?" Owen asked.

Jackson was about to speak, but anything that he said would be a lie and the last thing Jackson wanted was to be caught up in another one of those.

With a sigh Owen sat down his pen "Avery, I understand what being around the same people day in and day out can do" Owen started "relationships happen, but you have to understand that when it starts to effect the hospital I have to step in"

"There is no relationship" Jackson said "it was a stupid mistake, that's all"

"What happened with you and Sloan?" Owen asked "I thought you two were..."

"We're not" Jackson told him.

The same look of pity that made Jackson's skin crawl came over Owen's face "I get that being in charge of the plastics department is quite a burden and if you need to talk to someone-"

"I'm fine" Jackson interjected.

"Okay" Owen placated "but I am going to have to write you up"

"Why?" Jackson asked angrily "Meredith was the one to hit me"

"And I've talked to her, but this is your second public physical altercation in a six-month time-span and I can't just ignore it" Owen had pushed a yellow piece of paper towards him that would go into Jackson's file and for the rest of his career, no matter where he went, it would follow him and tell future employers that he was the one to cause trouble.

"That's not fair, I-" Jackson cut himself off. He didn't feel like arguing and he knew in the end it would be pointless anyway. The outcome would still end up the same so walking over and bending down Jackson grabbed the pen off of Owen's desk and quickly signed before straightening up

"Is that all, Chief Hunt?"

"Avery I...yes that's all" Owen said and the resignation in his voice told Jackson that this meeting did not go the way he wanted it to.

Jackson had a cheek laceration scheduled for later in the afternoon and he wanted to start going over the patient's files. It would be something he could use to distract him from the ever-growing feeling that Jackson no longer belonged at that hospital.

Still, once Mark returned and the two were able to work together again Jackson knew things would get better. He just had to wait these last few weeks and everything would go back to how they used to.

As he made his way towards his office he could feel his head start to swim. It felt as if he was becoming dizzy and leaning against the wall he stopped and took a deep breath. The morning had been long and he knew if he didn't calm himself he wouldn't be able to make it the rest of the day.

With his eyes closed Jackson tried to center himself. It wasn't until he felt something pulling at his pant leg that he snapped his eyes open and saw the big brown eyes of Sofia looking up at him.

"Hey Sofia" Jackson said as he looked around for Callie, Mark, or Arizona only to see none. Bending down Jackson picked up the girl and the wide smile she gave him made him feel better than he had in a long time.

"Jack" she said as she put her arms around his neck "found Jack."

Something in Jackson's chest suddenly grew tighter at the girl's words "Where's daddy?" he asked and no sooner had he finished did Mark come running around the corner and once he saw Jackson holding Sofia he stopped and took a long breath of relief.

"Thank God" he said as he walked towards the two "I told you about wandering off, Sofia" he scolded the little girl "giving daddy a heart attack is not very nice".

Reaching out he got Sofia from Jackson's arms "Thank you" he said to Jackson.

"No problem" Jackson responded as he looked down.

"H-how are you doing?" Mark asked and he sounded just as uncomfortable as Jackson felt.

"Good" Jackson lied "I have a laceration repair a little later"

Jackson wasn't used to this kind of relationship. After a break-up with someone it usually ended with either the person hating him or being out of his life completely.

The fact that he and Mark had ended on pretty good terms somehow only seemed to make things worse for Jackson. He would take a stern cursing out over this horrible awkwardness any day.

"How about you?" Jackson asked "today is one of your therapy days, right?"

"Yeah" Mark smiled "Lewis says I'm getting better every day" and the happiness in his voice made Jackson smile.

"I'm really glad to hear that" Jackson told him "I know how hard you've been working to get better and now it's so close. I'm so happy for you"

He could see something twinkle in Mark's eyes "Thanks, Jackson" he said "look, after my session how would you feel about me, you, and Sofia going to grab a bite to eat?"

Jackson wanted to say yes, but being around the two felt like being a million miles away.

"I'd love to, but I really have to prepare for this surgery" Jackson knew Mark could tell he was lying, but things were still too fresh and Jackson wasn't sure if he could survive being around Mark that closely and not wanting to fall back into who they used to be.

"Okay" Mark said "well, take care of yourself...promise me"

"I will" Jackson told him and when Callie walked towards them with a smile Mark turned to greet her and that's when Jackson disappeared down the stairs.

It was for the best. Jackson had to believe that.

The Rooftop was pretty busy for a Wednesday night.

Mostly filled with the 30-something crowd who were trying to forget their troubles until the sun came up again. Jackson and Gary sat in the back room, the table filled with the liquor bottles and white powder that normally made up most of their nights.

"Have I told you who I heard from?" Gary asked as he bent down with the rolled up twenty dollar bill and took a long drag from the line of coke that was placed in front of him.

Shaking his head no Jackson watched as the man wiped the white powder from his nose "Caffrey" he said "he asked about you and was wondering when you were going to take him up on that offer of visiting him in New York"

Jackson laughed "I'm pretty sure that was just drunk talk"

"Are you kidding?" Gary asked "it took me 6 months to even find out what city he lived in, believe me if he invited you he wants you there"

"Even so" Jackson said "the hospital has me tied up for quite some time, so even if I wanted to-"

"Didn't you say that boss of yours is coming back in a few weeks?" Gary asked "Look, I'm not going for another four weeks and that hospital owes you some long overdue vacation"

Jackson shrugged his shoulders; he couldn't deny that Gary had a point "After Mark gets settled in then I don't see the harm in taking a sabbatical"

"That's what I like to hear" Gary smiled "New York won't even see us coming"

Jackson took Gary's bill and bending down he dragged his own line and closed his eyes as the drug coursed through his system, sending every nerve on fire and it felt so fucking fantastic.

An escape was something Jackson needed and New York was a good a place as any to find one.

**Tyler Browning POV:**

Tyler Browning hadn't slept in over 48 hours. From the moment he had gotten the call from Lewis about Jackson he had been running 100 miles an hour.

He knew he should have went to Seattle the second Jackson had called him and Tyler could hear how hard Lewis' arrival had been on him.

If something had happened to Jackson Tyler would never forgive himself.

When his plane had landed he had been so focused on getting his bags and finding a cab that he didn't take notice of the woman that had appeared in front of him.

That was until he had collided into her and sent the two flying towards the ground.

Bodies and bags scattered and Tyler started to apologize profusely.

"It's okay" the woman laughed as she stood and brushed herself off.

Leaning down Tyler helped pick up the woman's luggage and that was when he took notice of the stroller that sat just off to the side.

"His name is Henry" she said "and I go by the name Addison Montgomery" she offered her hand in greeting and Tyler shook it lightly.

"Tyler Browning"

"Well, Tyler Browning it's nice to meet you"

Once the two had their bearings they both headed towards to the outside cab stand.

"So what brings you to Seattle?" she asked.

"Here to help a friend who got into a bit of trouble" Tyler said "that's where I'm headed at right after I drop my stuff off at the hotel"

Addison gave a light chuckle "I'm in the same boat" she told him "the things we do for friends, right?"

"Right" Tyler smiled "I leave a medical conference in London to fly to a hospital in Seattle"

"Oh, which hospital?" Addison asked politely.

"Seattle Mercy Grace...or something like that" and when Addison stopped in her tracks Tyler almost ran into her all over again.

"Woah" he said as he managed to catch himself "something wrong?" he asked as he saw the curious look on her face.

"You don't mean Seattle Grace Mercy West, do you?"

"Yeah, that's it. You know it?"

"How about we share a cab?" Addison asked "I think we have more in common than we thought"

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark had went for a walk with Sofia after his therapy and after he took her back from the day-care and now the two of them were in Mark's apartment and Mark was getting lunch ready for her.

It still took a lot of him to see Jackson ever so often and not being able to kiss him and hold him. He was still so in love with him and he was pretty sure that wasn't going to change anytime soon. Only his faith that it was something he was doing for him and Jackson to get better on their own was keeping him uptight, but the nights were the worst.

The nights in which he just lay in bed awake and thought about calling Jackson and making him come over, just to have him close. He didn't think it was possible to get so used to someone laying next to him so quickly, but with Jackson it was just like that.

Several times he had already had his fingers on the keyboard of his phone, about to call Jackson, but several times he had thought better in the end and left Jackson alone, but today he couldn't just walk by and ignore him. Especially with him having found Sofia. It was obvious that his little daughter missed Jackson just as much as he did.

Sofia adored Jackson and over the past few days she had asked for him a couple of times and every time Mark had to explain to her that Jackson wouldn't come over for a while, even though she most likely didn't understand anyways. She looked as if she did sometimes, though, but that didn't change a thing about the facts.

"Jack...son... Jack... son..." Sofia's voice pulled Mark out of his thoughts, but at the same time reminded him painfully of the person he couldn't have at the moment.

Mark turned around to the blanket on which she was sitting, playing with her toys, and picked her up, looking into her big, brown eyes.

"I miss him, too, honey... I miss him too!" he whispered into her ear, kissing her cheek. "But it's only temporary. I promise, I'll bring him back and then we'll be a family... you're gonna have two mommies and two daddies..."

Sofia smiled at her father and this little gesture totally warmed Mark's heart.

"Okay, then... why don't we go get you some lunch now?" he asked, sitting Sofia down in her highchair and placing the noodles he cooked her in front of her.

"Those are your favourites, so don't disappoint me..." Mark grinned, starting to feed her when a knock at the door disturbed them.

"I'll be right there!" he shouted to the door while he placed the little spoon in Sofia's hands. She wasn't really big enough to totally eat alone yet, but she was learning and she was a fast learner, just like Mark, and even though her meals were a mess every time she tried to get the food in her mouth by herself, it was definitely getting better.

"Daddy will be right back, okay? Why don't you try and eat some noodles while I take a look at who's at the door?"

Sofia grinned. "Jack...son... Jack..." she murmured and Mark let out a heavy sigh.

"I don't think so, honey... but who knows?" He kissed her head before turning to the door and opening it, staring at the person in front of him in surprise.

"Addison? You here?"

"Wow... charming as ever..." Addison smiled, looking at Mark. "What a nice way to welcome someone in your city."

"What are you doing here?" Mark asked, still not able to wipe the surprise off his face. Only a second later he saw the stroller standing next to Addison, and looking at it he noticed the little boy sitting inside of it sleeping. "And that must be Henry then, huh?"

"Yeah..." Addison replied, leaning down and touching Henry's head. "Can I come in or do I have to talk to you in your hallway?"

"Of course you can come in..." Mark replied and immediately took a step aside. "I'm really sorry, I'm just... _really_ surprised to see you. Why haven't you called? I could have picked you up from the airport. Does Derek know you're here?"

"Wow... hey... slow down, Mark..." Addison grinned, stepping in and pushing the stroller into Mark's living room, before closing the door and turning towards him. "Don't I even get a hug?"

"Of course, come here!" Mark immediately said and pulling Addison into a tight embrace, he let out a sigh.

"So nice to see you."

"Good, because for a moment there I thought I'm interrupting something." Addison gave back.

Mark shrugged slightly, pointing towards Sofia with his head. "Only lunch with my daughter. I've just served her her favourite meal." Looking at her, he had to fight back a laugh, because of course Sofia's face was covered with the tomato sauce he had made with the noodles.

"That's Sofia?" Addison asked, seeming slightly surprised herself now.

"As far as I know I've only one daughter at the age of almost two, so yes, that's Sofia." Mark replied, grinning at her.

"She's gotten so big... wow..." Addison moved towards her, smiling down at her with a soft look in her eyes. Motherhood had definitely done her some good. "May I...?" She pointed to the plate and the spoon Sofia was holding in her little hand.

"Sure... feel free to." Mark said, sitting down on one side of Sofia while Addison took the spot on the other.

"Hey, Sofia. I'm Addison... We've met once, but that's long ago... you probably don't remember... I'm a friend of your daddy..."

Curiously, Sofia looked at her. "A... Addi..." she tried to repeat, even though she didn't get out the whole name.

"Yeah, that's right. Good girl," Addison cheered, and Sofia smiled at her.

_Love at the first sight_, Mark thought, and he could totally understand his daughter, because Addison was not only still pretty as hell, but also nice and charming and sweet and if it wasn't for her, Sofia wouldn't even be sitting here at this table right now.

He watched Addison take the spoon off Sofia's hand and wiping her face clean before she started feeding her, and Sofia willingly opened her mouth every time Addison reached for the noodles.

For a moment Mark couldn't help but ask himself how his life would have been different now if he and Addison had ever worked out. If they had found a way to be together and even what would have happened if she had never aborted his baby, but he shook the thoughts away. He was mostly happy with his life and there wouldn't be a Sofia if they had worked out at all, and he wouldn't want to miss that for the world.

He waited patiently until Sofia had finished her meal, before he took her out of her highchair and put her down on her blanket again. He knew it wouldn't take her long to get really tired and then fall asleep eventually, like she always did after lunch, and he was right. He had barely sat her down on the ground when she was starting to rub her eyes, so he brought her to her bed, together with Addison and then sat down with the woman on his couch.

"Okay... now spill it. Why are you here?" Mark asked directly, and he was really, really curious what brought Addison here. Had Derek told her about Meredith and Holt? Had he needed a friend and contacted his ex-wife of all people?

"Why can't I just be here to visit some old friends?" Addison gave back. "I've lived here for a while myself. Maybe I was just nostalgic and wanted to see my old city."

"Come on, Addison," Mark chuckled. "It's me you're talking about... remember? You were never really able to lie to me..." He looked her directly in the eye. "Are you here for a consult? Has the chief called you? Or Derek?"

Addison smiled at him. "Something like that... yes..."

"And where's Sam? Why didn't you bring him with you?" Mark asked curiously, causing the woman in front of him to roll her eyes.

"I'm sure you don't miss him..."

"What makes you say that?" Mark tilted her head.

"Because you never really liked him in the first place." Addison replied immediately.

"I didn't like him with _you_," Mark commented. "But this is your life. You have to live with him and be happy with him. Not me."

"Well... you will be relieved to hear that things between Sam and me are over..." Addison sighed, blowing a strand of her long red hair out of her face.

"I'm... I'm sorry..." Mark said, and Addison chuckled.

"No, you're not."

"Okay... maybe I'm not sorry that it's over between the two of you, but I'm sorry for you having to go to another heartbreak." Mark replied.

"I'm okay, Mark," Addison answered. "Really... it's not that I didn't see it coming. In fact, it was this exhausting on-off game for quite a while now... and he always knew I wanted a kid, he didn't want any more kids, and even though we tried to work it out, we couldn't... but that's okay, because I'm really happy right now. Henry completes my life and I don't need any man to complicate things again."

"I understand..." Mark replied, placing his hand on Addison's arm, looking at her. "But if you ever need someone to talk, you know where to find me."

Raising an eyebrow, Addison looked at him. "Talk? Your way of talking which means sex?"

"No!" Mark hurriedly replied. "No, seriously. I'm over that kind of stuff..."

"Are you with someone at the moment?" Addison curiously asked, and Mark felt a slight nervousness inside of himself.

"Kind of... we're trying to work things out at the moment... we've broken up, but it's only temporarily." Mark said, trying to avoid Addison's gaze.

"You're sure about that? Because every time I told myself that it was only the beginning of the end," Addison commented.

Mark turned back to her. "It's different with us. I know that we belong together, and that this break up is for both of our best. So we can come back stronger than ever. I believe in us."

"Good..." Addison's look grew into a smile. "When can I meet her?"

Mark felt his cheeks starting to heat up. "I... I don't know yet... soon... but you still haven't told me what you're really doing here," he changed the subject and fortunately, Addison followed his conversation immediately.

"Alex... Alex called me, because of his girlfriend or something like that... I didn't get that from the message, but I got that she is pregnant with his kid and that there are complications in the pregnancy." she explained. "He sounded desperate, and I knew he needs me right now... So I booked the next flight I could get and now I'm here."

"That's awesome. I'm sure Alex will be really relieved to see you." Mark replied, and he had to admit, it felt good to have her back in his life, even though it was only temporarily. He had missed her a lot.

"I just hope, I can really do something for him... or better to say her..." Addison sighed. "But I will do my best to help..."

"I'm sure April and Alex will appreciate that."

Mark looked around, rolling his eyes all of a sudden. "And I'm the worst host ever. I haven't even offered you something to drink."

Addison waved dismissively. "It's not that I'm not used to that..." she joked, but then looked at him. "A coffee would be nice."

"Of course!" Mark replied, getting up from the couch and moving towards the kitchen to the coffee maker.

He was really glad to see Addison, even though she didn't know yet that his "girlfriend" was a "boyfriend" and he had no idea how to tell her this fact. Not yet. Not, because he was ashamed of Jackson or because he was afraid she wouldn't like it, but because she just knew him as the playboy and womanizer he had always been. Imagining him with another guy would definitely be something Addison would have to get used to and Mark wasn't ready to drop the bomb. Not yet.

**Tyler Browning POV:**

Tyler had chosen a hotel as close to the hospital as he could get. Nothing overtly spectacular, but pretty nice none the less. King sized bed, wide windows and a bathroom that he felt comfortable taking a shower in.

The room service also looked to be pretty decent too.

The cab ride had been quite something. This Addison Montgomery had seemed pretty familiar with Seattle and particularly with Seattle Grace. Tyler had kept Jackson's name to himself for the time being. This Addison had seemed like a nice enough person, but Jackson's protection always came first and nice or not he had just met the woman and trust didn't come that easily.

After checking into the hotel and taking a shower Tyler was able to walk the 3 blocks to Seattle Grace. He was pretty sure finding Jackson there would probably be a long shot. That would be far too easy and to be honest Tyler seeing Jackson without a game plan was probably a really bad idea.

Still, maybe he could at least meet Lewis.

Walking into the main lobby he could see the bustling bodies of workers as they made their way towards whatever destination they were headed.

Walking to the front desk he stood in front of a pretty redhead as she talked to someone about a patient discharge. Once she was finished the woman gave him a friendly smile.

"May I help you?" she asked

"Yes" Tyler smiled back "I'm looking for a Dr. Avery"

"Which one?" she asked "we have quite a few around here"

_Right _Tyler thought "Lewis Avery"

"Oh, I'm sorry" she said "he's gone home for the night, but if you'd like to leave a message I would be happy to make sure he gets it"

Of course this wouldn't be easy at all.

"It's kind of important" Tyler said giving his best charming smile "I'm an old friend of his and I just flew in, but I have no idea where he's staying at"

The nurse who's name tag read Mills looked to be debating how much faith she should put in Tyler. "I'd try Jackson, but he seems to not be answering his phone" Tyler said and at the mention of his name the girl's decision seemed to have been made.

Taking a post-it she scribbled an address down and quickly passed it to Tyler.

"You didn't get this from me" she said and crossing his fingers across his heart he held up the symbol of a trusted boy scout "Your secret is safe with me" he told her "thank you" and with that he turned and headed back out of the hospital.

Looking at the post-it he memorized the address and figured catching a cab would be the best option. They would have a much better idea of how to get there than Tyler would.

Luckily cabs were like people in Seattle and it only took him a few minutes to flag one down and give the driver the address before the man pulled off and Tyler got to sit back and try to think of what he would say to Lewis.

Their last meeting had ended with a lot of anger and a bloody Jackson. Tyler still held some anger for Lewis over his attack at Jackson, but he couldn't deny the tremendous feeling of loss he had gotten when he told Lewis to never come back to New York again.

They all could have handled the situation better and had they done so maybe none of them would be going through this now.

Once the cab pulled up to the apartment building Tyler paid and stepped out into the brisk Seattle night. Seeing someone open the buzzed door Tyler sprinted and managed to catch the door before it closed.

The note had said that Lewis lived on the 3rd floor, specifically 3E and taking the stairs up Tyler made his way up and once he reached his desired level he walked out into a brightly lit hallway that held a select number of apartments on either side.

Walking down Tyler concentrated on finding the right letter.

3C, 3D, and finally 3E. Tyler took a moment to prepare himself by taking a deep breath; then he gave two quick knocks on the door.

Tyler could hear shuffling on the other side of the door and then suddenly it was swung open and somebody who was definitely not Lewis was standing in front of him.

"May I help you?" the man asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry" Tyler said looking at the door to make sure it was the right number "I was looking for a Lewis Avery"

"Who's asking?"

"The name's Tyler...Tyler Browning" he responded and the man's face lost the defensiveness and took on one of surprise.

"Oh" he said "come in" and stepping aside he offered a path for Tyler to take "we've been expecting you"

_We've _Tyler thought _that was certainly unexpected._

Walking into the apartment Tyler took in the atmosphere. It seemed so...lived in. A coat hanging off the back of the couch, some dirty dishes soaking in the sink, and a pair of sneakers laid in front of the love seat.

"The name is Alex" the man said to Tyler as he held out his hand for greeting "Alex Karev"

"Nice to meet you, Alex"

"Lewis just stepped out to pick up some dinner. He should be back any minute" Alex looked nervous and Tyler was quite sure that he had to know something about he and Lewis' history to react that way.

"No problem" Tyler smiled "nice place" he added as he waved his hand around.

With an awkward shrug of his shoulders Alex gave a short nod "It's really more Lewis' place"

"You two are...together, aren't you?" Tyler asked and he didn't really know why he felt the need to ask that question. He wasn't really sure he wanted to know the answer.

Alex was a nice looking guy, but he seemed to be the complete opposite of Lewis' type, not that Tyler would actually know what Lewis' type would be. The only significant other of Lewis that Tyler knew was himself.

Still, it was surprising.

"I guess...yeah we are" Alex said refusing to look Tyler in the eye "you want a beer or something?"

"A beer sounds good" and watching Alex walk over to the fridge he took a seat at one of the seats that was at the dining room table.

Sitting the popped open beer in front of Tyler Alex gave him a quick salute before downing half of his own bottle.

The dude was definitely nervous.

"So how did you and Lewis meet?" Tyler asked and it seemed with each question the guy only got more and more awkward. This told Tyler that it was definitely a story there and despite everything he really wanted to know.

"We met at a bar one night" Alex said "it kind of snowballed from there"

Tyler tried to act like he didn't know there was more to the story. If Tyler knew anything about Lewis it was that he was never, and would never, be the kind of guy who picked up people at a bar.

"So how long has it been?"

"About 6 months" Alex had taken one last swig of his beer and finding it empty went to the fridge to get another one.

Tyler had taken the first drink of his.

"So, do you know Jackson well?" Tyler asked and seeing Alex's shoulders square he could tell Jackson was a very sensitive subject.

"Yeah" Alex told him "I know him"

"Wait!" Tyler said as he stood "Alex...Alex from Miami"

Turning around Alex's eyes went wide.

"You came down with Jackson to tour the hospital, right?"

Alex stood silent and just as he was about to speak both men heard keys jiggling in the keyhole a second before the door opened and Lewis walked in carrying two large paper bags filled with what smelled like Chinese food.

"Hey baby, I got that shrimp lo-mein you like so much" Lewis said as he took off his hoodie "it started raining like a bitch" he added before looking up and seeing Tyler standing in the middle of the dining room with a smile.

"Hey Lewis"

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis had been in a strange mood the whole day, so he had been glad once his day had been over and he was able to leave the hospital together with Alex. He couldn't even name what was wrong with him, he was just really agitated, but being with Alex again had helped him to release some of this stress.

And they hadn't even had sex. Not yet, that was. They had just been together talking about the things they had been doing during the day. Like in a real relationship. Lewis still didn't know if that was what they were for each other. Boyfriends. But it definitely felt that way.

They had enjoyed sitting on the couch together watching TV until the both of them had become really hungry, so Lewis had suggested going out and getting something to eat while Alex would wait for him. Then they would enjoy their dinner and afterwards they would probably spend the rest of the night in bed, having sex. Definitely a thought Lewis really liked.

He was in a really good mood when he made his way back to his apartment with the Chinese food in his hands. It took him a moment to get the key out of his jeans pocket but when he did he immediately unlocked the door and swung it open.

"Hey baby, I got that shrimp lo-mein you like so much", he cheered and put the paper bags down on the little shelf standing in the hallway to get rid of his shoes.

"I started raining like a bitch" he explained when he lifted up the bags again and moved towards the living room, only to see the smiling face of Tyler Browning right in front of him.

"Hey Lewis"

It took a lot of Lewis not to drop the paper bags and he stared at Tyler in shock.

"T-T-Tyler..." he whispered, looking at Alex, who was standing a few feet away, looking really nervous. The whole situation was already pretty awkward, but Lewis knew it would get a lot more awkward soon.

"Great, you remember my name..." Tyler smiled, and Lewis couldn't help the butterflies starting to fly in his stomach the moment their eyes really met.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, even though the question alone was ridiculous by itself. He knew what Tyler did here and he knew why he came.

When Tyler moved towards him, Lewis just stood there stiff and waited for anything to happen, and then Tyler touched his shoulder.

"Relax, Lewis. It's just me..." Lewis nodded, taking a quick glare to his shoulder, when Tyler pulled his hand back. "And besides: you know why I'm here, or haven't you gotten my message?"

"Yeah, right... the message," Lewis repeated, moving past Tyler and placing the food on the table before turning to Alex and grabbing him by the waist, so he could pull him close.

"I guess you've met my boyfriend?"

Demonstratively, he pressed a kiss onto Alex' lips and smiled at him. "I've missed you..."

"Okay, I get it, Lewis..." Tyler commented, putting his hands into his pockets and looking at them.

"But you know that's not the reason why I'm here at all... I don't care about you or your boyfriend. I mean, it's good that you've moved on and that you're happy."

"I am..." Lewis said, stroking Alex' arm and still not letting go of him. He needed to be close to Alex right now, because Tyler being here, in his apartment, drove him up the wall completely. He didn't even know how to react or what to say to him, but he knew that there were some feelings bubbling up already. His heart was beating so fast it hadn't in a while and it took a lot of him not to let Alex or Tyler know how he felt right now.

"Good for you..." Tyler repeated, giving him another smile that literally made Lewis' knees weak.

"Can we talk somewhere? Alone?"

Before Tyler could even repeat anything he heard Alex speak.

"I can leave you two alone, no problem."

Immediately, Lewis grabbed Alex' hand and held it tight.

"I don't think that's necessary." He turned to him for a moment before looking back at Tyler. "Alex knows about everything. In fact, he discovered that Jackson was using again even before me, and he has already tried to keep him from doing it."

"So... Alex... you're Jackson's friend?" Tyler asked, moving towards the kitchen table and pointing to the chair. "Can we sit down?"

"Sure..." Lewis hurriedly replied. "But maybe it's more comfortable if we sit down on the couch?"

"Yeah, maybe..." Tyler replied and waited for Lewis and Alex to go into the living room, before he followed them and sat down opposite them on one of the couches while Lewis and Alex took the other one.

"So... to answer your question... Jackson and I have been friends ever since the merger... I don't know how well informed you are, but there used to be two hospitals close to each other in Seattle... Seattle Grace and Mercy West..." Alex started explaining. "And then a few years back they merged, and so Jackson came to Seattle Grace, together with some others... we had a difficult start, but yes... we really became friends... even were flatmates for a while... but then it all fell apart..." Alex said, looking down with a sad look in his eyes.

"What happened?" Tyler asked, and Lewis knew it was on him to reply.

"I happened," he blurted out. "And I... I destroyed everything he had... everything good..."

Lewis could tell that it took a lot of Tyler not to attack him right this moment. He was fisting his hands and pressing his lips together to a small line. He had always been good in reading people, especially Tyler, and he knew him well enough to know that this only made things worse between them. But also that Tyler was civil enough to talk to him calmly. He had always been like that. Even back then when he had found him attacking Jackson. He had shouted at him to get out and never come back, but he could have been so much worse, so much angrier than he was.

"What did you do?" Tyler asked quietly, staring directly into Lewis' eyes.

Lewis knew that Tyler wanted to ask so much more. Like if he hadn't done enough damage already. If it hadn't been enough before. But he didn't.

"I... I was so full of hate when I came here... I wanted to take everything away from him, like he took everything away from me five years ago," Lewis started to explain, but was cut off by Tyler immediately.

"If you had just trusted him... trusted me... we wouldn't be in this situation right now, but I don't think it's really necessary to bring that back up again right now. So spill... what did you do...?"

"I came here after finding out that he had a boyfriend and a great job and everything he's ever dreamed of. And I just couldn't stand the thought... I... I actually thought Alex was his boyfriend..." With a quick glance to Alex he turned back to Tyler. "And that's how we met. I wanted to seduce Jackson's boyfriend, but instead I met his best friend... which I found out the same night, but there was no way of me going back from that. And I didn't want to either... I thought I could use that for my advance as well... and well... it worked out... of course it rattled him... He was so angry with me..."

"Understandable, don't you think?" Tyler interjected.

"Of course..." Lewis replied immediately. "But that was just what I wanted... and with Michael's help..."

"Wait..." Tyler interrupted him. "Holt's here, too?"

"He actually was here way before me... and he had already started to get to Jackson... by telling him he knew about everything and by threatening to tell it to Mark and such..." Lewis admitted.

Tyler shook his head, jumping to his feet and starting to move back and forwards. "I can't believe it, Lewis... I really thought you were better than that..."

"I know... I really know... you have no idea how ashamed I am of myself..." Lewis replied, biting his lower lip.

"And that makes everything better how? This is on _you_, Lewis, and even though I will do everything and anything in my willpower to help him, if I can't and if he dies it's on you!" Tyler said aloud, pointing at Lewis.

"You're right..." Lewis said brokenly and all of a sudden it became too much. Way too much. Like everything in the past couple of days and weeks. "Tyler, please... you have to help him. You have to save my brother, because he won't let me or Alex help him..."

Tears were starting to well in his eyes. "I couldn't live with myself if... if anything happened to him... I never thought it would get this bad..."

"Well... what _did_ you think?" Tyler asked. "I mean... you know he has his past with drugs... You could have avoided it... you could have stopped it, but you didn't..."

"I tried..." Lewis gave back. "I really tried... to make Michael stop doing what he did to Jackson... which played a big part in everything, but it just didn't work. Michael told me he did that all for me and that he wouldn't stop until it's over... I... just had a bad fight with him about that when I called you... Just please... help Jackson..."

He hated it to be this vulnerable - especially in front of Tyler - he had tried so hard to fight back all the emotions, but he couldn't. And now he was sitting in front of him crying, why Alex sat next to him, holding his hand, but obviously not wanting to get in between them. Or maybe he just didn't know what to do and how to handle this whole situation and Lewis couldn't blame him, because he obviously couldn't handle the situation either. He had to fight back the urge to throw himself into Tyler's arms and literally beg him to help Jackson, but he hoped Tyler had gotten the message anyways.

**Tyler Browning POV:**

Tyler hated this feeling.

Part of him was furious with Lewis. He had tried for years to make Lewis give up this animosity and...Hatred for Jackson. Tyler knew it was only going to lead down a horrible road and now hearing how bad Jackson had fallen Tyler was unfortunately proven right.

Still, the other half of Tyler just wanted to wrap Lewis up in a hug and promise him everything was going to be okay, even if Tyler didn't believe it himself.

"Why couldn't you just let him be happy?" Tyler asked "hasn't the guy paid enough?"

"That's not fair" Alex finally said "it's not like Lewis wanted any of this to happen. To stand here and make him feel bad about himself isn't going to help anyone"

Turning his attention from Lewis to Alex Tyler had to keep his anger in check "No offense there, Alex, but you don't know what the hell you're talking about"

"I think-" Alex tried to say before Tyler cut him off.

"No, you don't think" Tyler said "Lewis may not have meant for _this _to happen, but don't try to sell me some bullshit that causing Jackson as much pain as possible wasn't his game plan. That's why he came to Seattle, that's why he sought you out, and that's why he let his pit-bull off his leash to attack Jackson"

Looking at Lewis Tyler felt a heavy weight on his heart "You don't get to walk away from this, Lewis" he told him "neither of you do" and the look of shame in both of the men's eyes gave Tyler a little bit of piece that at least they understood the severity of their actions.

It was a step in the right direction.

"What do we do?" Lewis asked Tyler, his eyes watery and voice unstable.

"You two are going to stay away from Jackson" Tyler told him "no surprise visits, no phone calls, and if you see him in the hall you say hello and keep moving"

"No way!" Alex told him "we've been the ones putting in the hard work these past few weeks. We're the ones who have had to deal with his verbal attacks and threats. You expect us to just walk away and hope for the best?"

"That's exactly what you're going to do" Tyler said letting his anger focus on Alex. Tyler didn't like the guy. It wasn't the fact the he was with Lewis, but it was obvious the guy knew little to nothing about loyalty and people like Jackson, people like Lewis, didn't need that in their life.

"You think you've seen Jackson at his worst?" Tyler asked Alex "believe me, this is only the beginning and it doesn't end with him just hurting your feelings"

That had seemed to shut Alex up.

"It's obvious that you two set him off and having you around will only make that worse for him, so yes, I expect you two to finally put him first and do what is best for him, not your egos"

Standing up Lewis approached him, but made it a point to keep a safe distance. Tyler managed to not show how much that hurt.

"We'll do whatever you tell us" Lewis said and held up a hand when Alex started to refute the statement.

"It's the least we owe Jackson" Lewis said to Alex "just...make my little brother better, please"

Tyler could feel the pressure of Lewis' words. He had gone through this once with Jackson, after the man's family turned their backs on him following the cancellation of Tyler and Lewis' wedding Jackson had relapsed and relapsed badly.

He remembered the nights when Jackson had come home bloody and bruised after getting into one of many fights. When Jackson was high he only worked on two factors.

Violence and Sex.

Jackson was one of the nicest and best people Tyler had ever known, but when everything was taken away he became desperate.

It had taken 6 months and some of the worst nights Tyler had ever experienced, but Jackson had come out of it on the other side and for the following year and a half the two had been insanely happy together.

That was until the day Lewis had appeared on their doorstep.

The problem now was that Tyler hadn't seen Jackson since Miami and then the man had been a bit depressed, but drugs were the farthest thing from the his mind.

"Who else knows?" Tyler asked Lewis "besides you two"

Alex and Lewis shared a look "Not many people" Lewis said.

"Dr. Robbins, she's my supervisor" Alex said "and then there's a nurse who goes by the name of Eli, but both are trustworthy and want to help him as badly as we do"

"I bet" Tyler said sarcastically.

"What does that mean?" Alex asked offended and Lewis put a hand on his chest to hold him back.

"It means that as of this moment I don't trust anyone in Jackson's life" Tyler said "good intentions or not you all let him slip through your fingers and I'm not going to let that continue"

"You're fucking unbelievable" Alex spoke aloud as he turned around walked into the dining room "you come in here and start throwing around demands and expect us to just follow along like good little sheep?"

"I'm not the bad guy here" Tyler said "believe me, if I had my way Jackson would be enjoying his life as a board-certified surgeon and building the life that he had worked so hard to create, but instead I've just flown for the past two days from London to try and save a man who by all accounts is falling faster then anybody can stop him. So if you want to be angry at someone, Alex, I suggest you start by looking in the mirror"

"Tyler, stop" Lewis pleaded "we're all stretched to our limits here and it makes us...uneasy"

Tyler had took a deep breath "Look, I'm sorry, Alex" he said "I just need to put Jackson first and I'm rattled"

"I get it" Alex told him "I'm sorry too. I didn't mean-"

"I know" Tyler said with a smile to which Alex returned.

Maybe the guy wasn't _that_ bad.

"So what else can we do?" Lewis asked.

"I can't go to Jackson until I know everything that caused him to turn to drugs" Tyler said "and that means having a conversation with the man who helped push him along"

Lewis looked suddenly nervous "You don't mean-?"

"Yeah" Tyler told him "I need you to give me Holt's address. It's time me and him had a Talk"

"Don't do anything stupid" Lewis said "he was just overzealous"

"The address, Lewis" Tyler said and after a worried moment Lewis went and wrote Michael's address down and handed it to Tyler.

"Are you two working tomorrow?" Tyler asked and both Lewis and Tyler nodded yes.

"Good, I'm going to stop by and if it's possible I would like to have a conversation with Arizona and Eli before I go and see Jackson"

"Okay" Alex told him "we can do that"

Then giving an affirmative nod Tyler made his way to the front door and as he walked out into the hall he turned and looked at Lewis

"Although, I hate the reason I'm glad to see you again".

"M-Me too" Lewis responded before turning his face down.

As he made his way back down to catch a cab he looked at Michael's address and prepared himself to hear how bad it had gotten for Jackson.


	46. Chapter 46

**A/N: **Heya ^_^ Welcome to hell! *lol* No, I'm just joking, but with Tyler's arrival, things might get a "little" tense for some of the characters, and some others might finally get some kind of "punishment" and have to live with the consequences of what they have done… =D

Thanks for the reviews and we're glad you're here to read our story! :-)

So enjoy Chapter 46, if you can :D

(On another note – we pictured "Tyler" to look like Warren Kole, just in case we haven't mentioned that before :D)

**Michael Holt POV:**

Michael hadn't been out much ever since his fallout with Lewis. He missed his best friend, but Lewis wouldn't even greet him anymore when they met in the hospital. Michael had tried to get to talk to him, but Lewis had completely blocked him out and he had banned him from his life, as it looked like.

Of course. Now he had Alex. He didn't need him anymore and now he kicked him in the ass for all the things Michael had done. Had done for Lewis in the first place, but Lewis didn't even want to hear that.

They had made plans before he had come to Seattle Grace. Plans for him to see how Jackson was and for him to prepare for Lewis' arrival, and he had done everything Lewis had asked him to.

Only to get dumped because their plan had worked way too well. Jackson was at the bottom and Michael knew it. It had been a pleasure for him to see him suffer the same way Lewis had. He would always remember the times he had to pick up the pieces of Lewis' life over and over again. And all because of Jackson.

He had been the one to make Lewis better. He had been the one to hold him when he was crying and he had been the one Lewis had always turned to. Until now.

Michael still didn't understand what had gotten into him. Now, where he had everything he always wanted, he didn't want exactly that anymore? That made no sense at all, and Michael couldn't help but think this was all Alex' fault. Alex had put all those thoughts in Lewis head, and Alex had made Lewis regret his actions.

He was just sitting in front of his TV with a bottle of beer when he heard a knock at the door and got to his feet immediately.

"I'm coming!" he shouted and even though he had little hope for it to happen, he somehow really wanted to see Lewis in front of him once he opened the door.

He was in plain shock when his late visitor turned out to be someone he hadn't seen in years.

"Tyler? Tyler Browning?"

"I see you remember my name!" Tyler replied, laying his elbow against the doorframe and looking at him. "Can I come in?"

Immediately, a defensive reflex awoke in Michael. "What do you want from me?"

"I'm sure you know exactly what I want." Tyler replied. "We need to talk. Right now."

"I don't think there is anything to talk about. I have nothing to say to you," Michael said, crossing his arms above his chest.

"Okay... then let me do the talking, because there is a lot I have to say to you," Tyler commented. "I can very well do that in the hallway for everyone of your nosy neighbours to know what kind of an asshole you are... or you let me in."

"Is that a threat?" Michael raised an eyebrow, looking at Tyler. He never quite liked the guy and he would never understand why Lewis had loved him that much. Yes, he looked really good, he was quite attractive, but with Lewis' looks he could have done better than that... A lot better. He knew that feeling was mutual, though.

"It's a promise," Tyler gave back. "So which one is it, Michael?"

The look on his face made it clear that he was not joking and so Michael stepped aside to let him in.

"Good choice," Tyler said once he was inside Michael's apartment, looking around curiously. "I see you've built quite a life here."

"It could be worse, yes..." He closed the door and stared at Tyler. "So what do you want?"

"I want to talk." Tyler replied.

Michael nodded immediately. "You already said that... so talk, I'm listening."

"I need to know what you did to Jackson. All of it. I want to know all the dirty details." Tyler said, focusing his attention on Michael. "Everything."

"And why the hell do you think I would tell you anything?" Michael asked defensively.

"Because otherwise I will make sure that you will lose your job," Tyler threatened.

Michael raised an eyebrow. "You wouldn't do that!"

"Really? Try me!" Tyler said and sounded pretty self confident at that very moment.

"You know nothing about me and besides... Chief Hunt wouldn't believe you anyways... he doesn't even know you." Michael grinned, but his grin died on his lips a few seconds later when Tyler started speaking again.

"Chief Hunt, huh? Good to know his name..."

Michael let out a sigh. "What do I have to do to get rid of you again?"

"Like I said... tell me what you did to Jackson that made him fall apart like that. I need to know everything." Tyler repeated what he had already said before.

"Well... there's not much to tell... a well placed threat here and there can do wonders... and spreading some rumours can really rattle a relationship..." he said, feeling superior to Tyler again. Tyler needed him if he wanted any information, and they both knew it. He could really see it in Tyler's eyes how he got angrier and angrier with every second, until he grabbed him by the collar and pushed him against the wall.

"I ask you one more time... what have you done to him?" he hissed.

A small grin appeared on Michael's lips.

"Well... first, it was already a shock for him to find out who I am..." he started explaining. "He didn't know I knew Lewis, but then I told him that I know everything about him... that's how it started... I started to threaten him to tell everything to his boyfriend... or Alex... and I let him know that I would do everything to take away from him what he took away from Lewis..."

"You must be proud of yourself..." Tyler replied, letting go of him but still staring at him. "Have you any idea what you have done? How bad Jackson is because of you?"

"Well... I did it all for your so called ex-fiancé... he wanted this... and only because he changed his mind all of a sudden, I haven't changed mine. Jackson deserved this." Michael gave back. "He deserved everything he went through and he deserves everything that's about to come."

"Haven't you had enough fun already? What kind of asshole are you?" Tyler shook his head, looking almost resigned.

"Well... at least I've not cheated on him the night before our wedding. With his brother. Have you any idea what that did to him and how long it took me to put the pieces back together?" Michael asked, looking directly into Tyler's eyes. "You broke something inside of him."

"You think you know so much about me, huh?" Tyler let out a sarcastic laugh. "I tell you one thing: you know nothing about me. Not the slightest bit..."

"I know enough... and I know that Lewis deserves better than you. That he always deserved better. I will never understand how he could have fallen for someone like you." Michael buried his hands in the pockets of his pants.

"Oh... now we're talking..." Tyler gave back. "But this is at least something we can agree on, because I never quite understood why he chose you to be his best friend either. But I'm glad he came to his senses and dumped you."

Ouch. That hurt. It hit Michael in the heart and he had to use all his strength not to lose his composure at that very moment, but he was better than that. He was better than Tyler Browning.

"He didn't dump me. We had a fight, but we will reconcile eventually. Unlike you and him."

"Who says I would want that?" Tyler shook his head. "But at least Lewis and I are on the same page at the moment, because we have the same goal. We want to help Jackson..."

He moved towards Michael again and stopped right in front of him, staring into his eyes.

"If you ever touch him again... if you ever hurt him again, I swear to god, you will meet the real Tyler Browning, and if I were you, I wouldn't risk that. Jackson means a lot to him and to me and I won't let you near him again."

"Well..." Michael grinned. "Maybe he wants to be with me? I mean, after all, we slept together..." The more often he repeated it, the more real it sounded, and Michael would almost start believing it himself if he didn't know better.

"Oh come on... what kind of bullshit is that? If I know one thing about you, it's that you're straight. Totally straight." Tyler sighed. "Stop lying."

"I'm not lying," Michael shrugged. "Believe it or not, but it didn't take much for him to spread his legs for me... just a little bit of Tequila and Beer and he was wax in my arms. He begged me to fuck him... I bet Mark - that's his boyfriend or ex-boyfriend, whatever, for your information - isn't as good in bed as everyone gives him credit for..."

"You're really... really a lot worse that I gave you credit for... I never really liked you, but now I despise you, and I wouldn't be surprised if Lewis felt the same way. Leave them alone. Both of them."

Again, Tyler's words sounded like a threat, but Michael didn't care at all. He had already lost Lewis, it couldn't get much worse anyways. But Tyler didn't have to know that, so he just waved dismissively.

"Whatever... If you've said everything you wanted to say, I would ask you to leave now. I wanna be alone right now." He couldn't stand Tyler's face anymore and he was so sick of everything, so he just hoped, Tyler would finally leave.

**Tyler Browning POV:**

Tyler never liked to use the word hate, but if anyone made him reconsider that policy it was definitely Michael Holt.

He had met the man a few months after he had started dating Lewis. Tyler had tried to make a good impression, back when he cared about Michael Holt's opinion.

Now, Tyler found it hard to even hold himself back from knocking the guy's teeth out.

"I know Jackson" Tyler said "and I know someone like you would make his skin crawl, so you're going to tell me how you managed to get him into bed"

"I'm not here to give you some sort of sexual thrill by recounting a very good night between me and your ex-boyfriend" Michael told him "just know that boy knows how to work that body of his"

Tyler had pushed Michael against the wall forcefully. Michael's wide eye expression told Tyler that it had been unexpected and the man was now just a little fearful.

Good.

"Listen to me, Holt" Tyler said "I put up with your crap only because you were important to Lewis, but make no mistake, I have wanted to beat the shit out of you for a long time now"

"Like you could" Michael said as he straightened himself up "and you wonder why I never liked you from the jump. You may be this fancy cardiac surgeon and have everybody fooled into believing you're this noble hero, but you're nothing but a thug, Browning"

"That's funny" Tyler said with a bitter laugh "you've been threatening Jackson for months, using his fear and shame to get what you wanted and you have the nerve to call me the thug"

"I never laid a hand on Jackson" Michael responded "well, until he begged me to"

The smile that he gave Tyler made the man want to rip Holt's throat out.

"That's what doesn't make sense" Tyler said "if you've been this big of an asshole to him why in the hell would he ever let you get within ten feet of him? Or did you not give him a choice?"

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"You told me that he got pretty drunk and that leads me to believe that if you did have sex with Jackson it may not have been entirely his decision"

"Fuck you, Browning" Holt said as he finally pushed Tyler back "I may have been hard on Jackson the past few months, but don't you ever dare stand there and accuse me of forcing myself on him"

"Seems you're just a tad upset to hear something that isn't true?" Tyler said and he could see the anger rising in Holt and it gave him the first real bit of satisfaction since he had first arrived in Seattle.

"Listen, Browning" Michael said "I know you think of Jackson as some paragon of virtue, but I hate to break it to you he's nothing but the same whore who shacked up with his brother's fiancé for two years"

"Why do you hate him so much?" Tyler asked, astonished at the vitriol coming from Michael "you don't even know him"

"Oh, please. I know Jackson Avery" Michael said.

"No" Tyler responded "you know what Lewis has told you and Lewis doesn't exactly know his brother all that well"

"It's not about Lewis" Michael said "I know Jackson Avery, because I've dealt with Jackson Averys my whole damn life. He's a guy with a pretty face and a successful name who has never had to pay for the damage he has caused other people because white knights like you who want to try and impress him and get your dick wet in the process come along and beat back anyone who dares to disparage him"

Tyler could feel his teeth grind together and for a moment he thought he might spit out fragments of bone if he wasn't careful.

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about" he told Michael.

"The hell I don't" Michael responded "as a kid Lewis was forced to clean up his messes and after Jackson screwed him over for the last time you took up the mantle. It's a fucking cycle so if you came here to tell me that I need to back off because I've hurt poor Jackson's feeling you can save your breath. He's had this coming for a long time and I'm just disappointed that Lewis has seemed to cave at the worst possible time, but something tells me Jackson will make him live to regret that too"

Tyler stood there completely floored. He remembered the times that he and Jackson had went to parties, sometimes work, other times social, and Jackson had always made it a point to stick close to him. He had finally asked him why one night and the answer he got seemed almost comical.

"People don't tend to like me" Jackson had told him plainly.

Tyler didn't understand it at all. Jackson was smart, funny, and if somebody needed a dollar to eat Jackson would give his very last one even if it meant he was the one that had to starve. Jackson wasn't perfect by any means, he was human, but one of the better ones that Tyler knew and for Jackson to tell him that people didn't like him seemed...uninformed.

Although, standing here now and listening to Holt, Tyler finally understood. Michael may have started doing this for Lewis, but he continued it for himself. Jackson represented everything that Holt had to fight against to become the surgeon he was.

Jackson grabbed people's attention just by simply walking in a room. The bright green eyes and model looks meant that people like Holt disappeared into the background. It also meant that Jackson was judged far more harshly and given far less credit for the things he had done.

"You don't know half the shit he's been through" Tyler said to Holt "if you knew how bad it got I guarantee you would be ashamed of the things you've done"

"My heart bleeds" Michael said "tell me that next time Lewis comes to my door a fucking wreck because Jackson decided that having his life was something fun to try. Tell me that next time I have to literally force food down Lewis' throat because he goes three days without eating so much as a cracker"

Tyler could feel the guilt eat him up inside. He never understood why Lewis didn't take any of his anger out on him. Beyond the initial argument Lewis hadn't said a bad word to him, yet continued to put Jackson through the wringer.

"I'm going to tell you this once, Holt" Tyler said his voice laced with all the anger, fear, and hopelessness that was bottled up inside of him "don't go near Jackson again, don't so much as utter a word to him, because if you do I will gladly go to jail for throwing you off the roof of Seattle Grace Mercy West, you understand me?"

The fear in Holt's eyes was back "Get out of my damn apartment" Holt told him as he opened up his door.

Walking to the door Tyler turned around one last time to look at Michael "Oh yeah, and if I find out that this thing with Jackson isn't exactly what you said it was you will be hearing from me again and trust me. This is the nice version"

Turning around Tyler started to make his way down the hall as he heard Michael slam his door.

In town less than 6 hours and Tyler already had an enemies list. This was certainly going to be a worthwhile town.

Now he only had to worry about seeing Jackson tomorrow and preparing himself for the man that awaited him. Hoping for the Jackson he loved, but expecting the Jackson he thought had died off 5 years ago.

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis had a rough night behind of him. But so had Alex. They both hadn't slept very much. After Tyler had left, they had talked for what felt like forever and then they had made love. But it had been different this time. Different than any time they had sex before.

Lewis couldn't get the thoughts of Tyler out of his head and him being here - so close to him again - just affected him way more than he dared to admit. Way more than he wanted.

Only for the time he and Alex had sex he could get him out of his mind, because he clung to Alex like his life depended on it, when Alex finally entered him and showed him how much he meant to him. He had needed that more than anything else in the world and for that time being he was able to concentrate on Alex and just be happy, but when it was over all the thoughts had come back, flooding his mind.

Fortunately, Alex had fallen asleep soon afterwards, but he must have felt how rattled and anxious he was, because he woke up again not even an hour later and asked Lewis what was wrong, and the only thing Lewis was able to get out was "Just hold me, please" and Alex did. And with him being so close to him he had finally been able to get some rest.

He had just woken up, noticing that Alex was still asleep and had to smile. Alex looked so peaceful when he was sleeping, almost cute, but of course he wouldn't tell him, because he knew Alex wouldn't like to be called cute.

He leaned forward, kissing his cheek, before he gently removed Alex' arm that was around his waist away and got up to take a shower.

He hadn't even turned on the water when he heard footsteps and saw Alex come into the bathroom through the milk glass wall of the shower.

"Taking a shower without me?" Alex asked, when moving closer and pushing the wall aside so he could step into the shower, too. "Why didn't you wake me?"

Lewis looked down at him, not being able to hold back the grin forming on his lips when he noticed that Alex was half-hard. "You looked so peaceful, and our night was... rough... I wanted to let you sleep."

"I can't sleep without you anyways," Alex replied, reaching behind Lewis and turning on the water, getting it to a comfortable temperature.

"Well... and it looks like little Alex is already wide awake," Lewis grinned.

"Hey! He's not _that_ little," Alex complained, pressing himself against Tyler.

"You want me to give him a name or something like that? Because I can do that, if you don't want me to call him little Alex," Lewis replied, letting Alex push him against the wall behind him.

"Shut up and kiss me," Alex gave back and Lewis didn't need to be asked twice.

He pressed his lips against Alex', kissing him long and passionate, feeling Alex rub against him, and of course that didn't leave him cold either. He was already starting to get aroused when he saw Alex naked, but now his cock started to rise up and get harder with every second.

A low moan left his lips. "God, you drive me crazy."

"That was my plan..." Alex smiled, grinding against him again, making Lewis' head fall into his neck, which gave Alex the perfect opportunity to start sucking on the sensitive flesh. He grabbed a condom Lewis wasn't even aware he had brought with him into the shower and opened it, rolling it onto his cock before he lifted Lewis up so Lewis could put his legs around his waist.

He felt Alex' cock at his entrance, swallowing hard. They hadn't done it without preparation before, but he was totally relaxed and he trusted Alex. He knew it could hurt quite a bit, but he was willing to take this risk, if he could have Alex inside of him right the fuck now.

"Alex, I want..." he whispered, looking deep into Alex' eyes, and he seemed to understand immediately.

"You... you sure? I'm probably going to hurt you..." Alex said gently, touching Lewis' nose with his own.

"Do it... I can take it... and I trust you..." Lewis arms were around Alex' neck and then he felt Alex spreading his cheeks just enough so he could place his cock at his entrance. One last nod from Lewis and Alex was inside of him with one long thrust and Lewis couldn't remember feeling that complete in a long time. The pain mixed with the pleasure that started to rise within him exactly the same moment was just what he needed right now. What he wanted right now and he just let himself fall into Alex' arms and he devoted himself to Alex completely. He was Alex' in this moment. Only his.

#########################

"See you later, baby, okay?" Lewis smiled, kissing Alex' lips and only slowly letting go of his hand.

"See you. Have a nice day, and take care..." Alex said, turning around and moving to the hallway of the paediatric station. Lewis had brought him here, because he still had a little time before his first new patient would arrive.

He was actually really excited, and also a little bit nervous, but building up a client base was the first step for him building a life here. Job-wise, that was. Private-wise he was already deep rooted. Mostly because of Alex.

Smiling, he stepped into the elevator and pressed the right button, when it suddenly stopped the next floor and Jackson stepped in.

Swallowing hard, the two brothers just looked at each other, and Lewis could tell that Jackson was on drugs again. He could see it in his eyes, and he had to bite his tongue not to approach Jackson. He wanted to do something, say something, anything, but he remembered his conversation with Tyler and as hard as it was, he just stepped back to free the way for Jackson, hoping he wouldn't turn around and let the elevator leave just because he was inside, but all his hopes were destroyed a few seconds later, when Jackson pressed on a button outside of the elevator that made the doors close.

A sad sigh left Lewis' lips. Fuck. Now they couldn't even greet each other anymore?

Jackson had seen him, but it had felt like he was looking right through him. A feeling that hurt Lewis deep in his heart, so his head was hanging down when he left the elevator and made his way towards his office, when a familiar voice called out his name.

"Dr. Avery!"

Slowly, Lewis turned around, looking directly at Eli.

"Good Morning!" he said and tried to smile at him, too, but he knew it wouldn't come off as honest as it should. And of course Eli immediately called him up on it.

"You okay?"

"Yes... no... I mean... I don't know..." Lewis replied, shrugging. "It's just... been a rough couple of days... I just met Jackson and he wouldn't even say hello... nothing... when he saw me standing in the elevator, instead of just getting in, he waited for the doors to close. He's slipping away from me more every day."

"I'm really sorry to hear that... I would offer you to talk to him, but actually, I don't think that's a good idea, if I don't want him to lose the last bit of respect he has for me," Eli said earnestly, and Lewis nodded.

"I know... and I would never ask you to do so... actually... I kind of got some help for him... but..." He looked around, then turning his attention back to Eli.

"Why don't we talk in my office?"

"Sure!" Eli said immediately, following Lewis into his office.

For a couple of seconds neither of the two men said anything, until Lewis decided it was time to break the silence.

"I called Jackson's ex-boyfriend... the one that already helped Jackson once... last time he was using..." he started to talk. "I don't know how he did it, but he got Jackson to go to rehab and get clean, and if someone still can help him, it's Tyler..." he said, feeling those stupid butterflies in his stomach again, only because he mentioned his name. He just couldn't help it, he still loved the guy and part of him would probably always love him, but that wasn't important right now. What was important was Jackson, and he had to choke down his feelings as long as possible. For Jackson.

It was time to be his brother. It was time to stop being egoistic. He had made so many mistakes and he just had to make it right for Jackson. Maybe he could even talk to Mark about their break-up. Maybe he could get him to take Jackson back if he just knew why exactly they broke up. If it was because of Michael and what had happened between him and Jackson, he just needed to make sure that Mark knew that he was the only one Jackson loved.

He needed to fix this. On all costs.

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex could see it from a mile away. Lewis' uneasiness at Tyler's presence and his desperate need to keep Alex close told the man all he needed to know.

He couldn't blame the guy and he only wished Lewis could be honest with him. Alex knew Lewis still loved Tyler. Their break-up and sudden separation had to have felt like ripping a band-aid off a terrible wound.

Violent, painful, and a fading hurt that would stay with you for a long time.

If Lewis needed sex to help him deal Alex was more than happy to give it. It was not as if Alex hadn't used Lewis for the exact same reason when the thought of April still haunted every dream he had.

Sex was easy. Sex was uncomplicated. Sex was a quick-fix.

Still, Alex believed he and Lewis had moved past that stage and he just hoped that eventually the man would be willing to let Alex in on the part of himself that Tyler still owned lock, stock, and barrel.

Alex and Arizona were discussing a surgery when Eli had called Arizona and asked her and Alex to meet him and Lewis in Lewis' office.

Tyler had arrived and they needed to talk.

"You trust this Tyler guy?" Arizona asked. Her mama bear sensibilities were kicking in and she needed to protect Jackson and would do so by any means.

"Lewis trusts him" Alex told her "so I trust him"

He saw the look of contemptment pass on the woman's face.

"What's that?" he asked as he grabbed her arm.

"What's what?"

"That look, Arizona" Alex said "when I mentioned Lewis"

"It's nothing" she told him as she waved her hands dismissively "don't worry about it"

"I have to worry about it" Alex said "I love him and I love you and if you have an issue I need to know about it"

Turning around Arizona looked at Alex and sighed "Jackson's problems didn't start until he came here" Arizona told Alex "I have to wonder if the two have something to do with each other"

Alex felt his stomach jump "Lewis and Jackson have a very...complicated relationship"

"Obviously" Arizona responded "I heard the two argue when Lewis first arrived and I can tell you there was not much love lost between the two"

"They've both done things to hurt one another, but Lewis is trying to make amends"

"Little too late, don't you think?" Alex could hear the anger in her voice "if this thing is over that Tyler situation don't you think Lewis took this way too far?"

"How did you-?"

"Mark" Arizona told Alex "he and Jackson had enough arguments over Jackson's sudden personality change that eventually Mark had to find out why"

"Look" Alex started "Lewis came here because he was hurt and angry, but he's not that man anymore I promise. He wants nothing more than to help Jackson"

"I'll trust him because you trust him" Arizona told him "now let's go" and she headed out of her office with Alex close behind.

They were just about to walk to the elevator when Alex had looked to his left and saw Jackson staggering towards his office.

"I'll meet you up there" Alex said and turning around Arizona gave him a puzzled look "I just have to hit the head"

"Oh, okay" and once the elevator door opened she entered "don't take too long"

"I won't" and once the door closed Alex took a moment to decide what to do. He had promised Tyler that he would back off, let Jackson keep his distance, but how could he just walk away from the scene of Jackson stumbling.

Rushing over he stopped once he stood directly behind Jackson and taking a strong hand to the man's shoulder Alex lead him down the hall.

"What the fuck?" Jackson said as he looked behind him and saw Alex "let go of me"

"No" Alex responded and once the two reached Jackson's office he closed the door and let the man go.

"I warned you, Karev" Jackson said "I warned you what would happen if you came to this office"

"Are you serious?" Alex responded "Go to Hunt and I promise you I won't be the one getting fired, do you even see yourself? You're stumbling across this hospital with your glassy eyes and vacant looks. Be lucky it was me that saw you and not Hunt"

Jackson crossed his arms over his chest "It's not like it matters anyway"

"What?"

"Hunt wrote me up yesterday for that fight with Meredith" Jackson said "my days here are already numbered, might as well go out in a blaze of glory"

"That fight wasn't your fault" Alex said "how is that fair?"

"Fair" Jackson chuckled "fair stopped being part of my life a long time ago. Since it's my second physical altercation after some jackass tackled me outside his office it was out of his hands"

Alex looked away from Jackson shamefully "I'm sorry"

"Everybody is always so fucking sorry" Jackson said "but it doesn't change anything"

"If you just give me the chance-" Alex said as he walked up to Jackson "I know I fucked up in so many ways, but I want to be there for you"

Jackson looked at Alex and for the briefest of moments he actually saw the Jackson he used to know. The one that he used to call a friend, but it was gone as fast as it came.

"It's too late" Jackson told him "we're not the people we used to be and it's time to accept that, now please go" he said as he opened the door for Alex to leave.

It was then that Alex had felt the worse than he ever had. When Jackson was angry Alex could chalk it up to at least some kind of irrational passion, but something in Jackson's tone now held such a terrible finality. As if he was saying goodbye to Alex for the final time.

"I'm not going to lose you" Alex told him "no matter how much you try to push me away" and with that he made his way down the hall and instead of hearing Jackson slam his door he heard the soft click as Jackson shut it slowly and Alex could feel a little bit of his heart break.

Once he made it to Lewis' office he opened the door to see Arizona, Eli, Lewis, and Tyler all standing around and talking to one another.

"What took you so long?" Arizona asked.

"I uh..." Alex said "I ran into Jackson"

He looked at Tyler and saw the man's eyes bulge.

"Jesus, Karev" he said angrily "you couldn't hold off for 24 fucking hours"

"It's a bad day for him and I couldn't just ignore him as he stumbled down the hallway" Alex said.

"Is he...alright now?" Eli asked "is he that bad?"

Alex's silence gave the man, and the entire room, an answer.

Looking at Tyler Eli shook his head "We can't let him work like this"

"Jackson isn't an idiot" Alex said "he would never perform a surgery like that"

Looking around the room he could see all the faces look away from him and Alex could tell they didn't hold the same trust in Jackson that he did.

"You all don't believe-"

"You said it yourself, Alex" Lewis said "it's a bad day"

"That's all it was" Alex responded "a bad day"

Looking at Tyler he could see the man hold the same look of mistrust and it made him angry "So what should we do. Just go to Hunt and rat him out and end his career for good?"

"Nobody is saying that, Alex" Arizona said "but if there is even a chance that Jackson could harm a patient...we're all doctors and we know, and you know, we can't let that happen"

"He told me that he thought his days here were numbered" Alex said "I thought he was just being paranoid, but apparently even high as a kite he still can see the writing on the wall. And we wonder why he doesn't trust us"

"That's not fair" Lewis said "we're all trying our best here"

Jackson's words came back to Alex. _Fair stop being a part of my life a long time ago._

"

Do whatever you're going to do" Alex spat out as he headed for the door "but I'm not going to throw Jackson under the bus"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Tyler said "do you think I came here just to destroy Jackson's career"

"I have a pretty good idea why you came here" Alex responded as he looked at Lewis.

"Fuck you, Alex" Tyler said angrily

"Fuck you" Alex responded and opened up Lewis's door roughly only to run directly into Mark, nearly knocking the man down.

"Woah there, Karev" Mark laughed "I'm not prepared for a stampede"

Alex looked up at the man in shock and quickly looking behind him he could see Arizona, Eli, and Lewis hold his same expression and turning his attention back to Mark he could see the man look at everyone confused.

"I'm here for my appointment" he said "but it seems like I walked into the middle of something"

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark was really looking forward to getting back to work. He actually couldn't wait to finally be back for good. To see all his colleagues again and be able to work again. To revive Plastics Posse. Things between him and Jackson were still tense, but Mark just knew they could pull it off.

From the bottom of his heart he hoped, that they were able to work together and not let their personal life get in between anything. Plus: they broke up on a good note, with the faith to be able to overcome their problems and be a real couple again.

Mark was so deep in his thoughts on his way to Lewis' office to one of his last therapy sessions that he didn't even notice the voices coming from inside of the room until he was standing right in front of the door and Alex Karev literally running into him.

"Woah there Karev" Mark couldn't help the laugh escaping his lips, and looked behind Alex, where he could see a little crowd of people standing in front of Lewis' desk. "I'm not prepared for a stampede"

He could totally smell that something here was totally not right, and also, there was one person there he didn't know. And what would make Eli, Arizona, Alex and this other guy be in Lewis' office at the same time?

"I'm here for my appointment" he said "but it seems like I walked into the middle of something"

"Can you give us a moment, Mark? I'll be right out with you and walk you to the gymnastics room, okay?" Lewis said, giving Mark a pleading look, and even though Mark rather wanted to know what was going on, he nodded in agreement.

"Sure..." He took a step back, about to close the door again, when Alex stepped in his way.

"Wait, I've said what I had to say and I have to get back to my patients. I'm out of here anyways..." And with those words, he closed the door and looked at Mark, and Mark looked right back at him.

Mark could tell something was bothering the younger doctor, but he didn't want to be nosy.

"You alright, Karev?" he asked for that reason, to give Alex the possibility to talk if he wanted or to get out if he didn't.

"Yeah... just... things between Jackson and me have been rough lately, and that gets to me," he admitted, and Mark was really surprised to hear those words from him, since he hadn't expected Alex to turn to him of all people.

"You want me to talk to him?" he offered, but immediately, Alex shook his head.

"Hell, no! You're still on a good base and I really want it to stay that way. Jackson needs people he can trust. People who are on his side."

"Is he okay?" Mark asked alarmed. He couldn't deny that the undertone in Alex' voice worried him.

"I actually don't know," Alex gave back. "I think he's having a rough day... maybe he would like it if you'd paid him a visit."

Nervously, Mark bit his lower lip. "I don't know about that, Karev. Things have been... tense between us, too, since we broke up."

"It was just an idea, nothing more," Alex immediately said, and Mark just couldn't shake off the bad feeling he was having.

"I think I'll go see him after my therapy session with Lewis anyways. Just to see if he's alright," Mark decided, giving Alex an earnest smile. "Thank you."

Surprised, Alex tilted his head. "What for?"

"For telling me something's not right without really saying a word," Mark replied, patting Alex' shoulder. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna tell anyone. And I think you did the right thing."

He had barely ended his sentence when the door of Lewis' office opened and Eli and Arizona came out, greeting him and then quickly moving past him. They barely looked at him, which felt odd, especially since he normally got along pretty well with both of them. He would talk to Arizona later.

He turned back to the door, only to see Lewis walk out with this other guy he had never seen before, and their body language told him, that there was a lot of tension between them. When he turned to the side, he noticed Alex staring at them for a moment before turning away.

"I'll have to go..." he said and then he rushed off, so Mark could turn his attention back to Lewis.

"Mark? Let me introduce you to Dr. Browning. He's here to apply for the position as the head of Cardio Surgery, and since he's the best, I don't have a doubt we will be workmates soon," Lewis said, and Mark immediately noticed the strange look on the blond guy's face. Almost as if he didn't know what Lewis was even talking about.

"Well... We'll see about that," Dr. Browning gave back, reaching out his hand. "Nice to meet you."

"You too. Mark. Mark Sloan," Mark introduced himself, shaking Dr. Browning's hand and smiling at him.

"Good, then. Ready for your appointment, Mark?" Lewis smiled, turning to the blond doctor for a moment. "I'm pretty sure Dr. Browning needs to hurry now as well. I'm sure he has a lot to do. He was just in my office to introduce himself."

The way how quickly Lewis was talking all of a sudden and the things he said, made Mark feel like he wanted to get rid of his company as soon as possible and he found that quite strange. It wasn't like he and Mark were in a hurry since they had a double session to talk about the rest of Mark's physical therapy and the fact that he could be cleared for surgery really soon.

"Yes, that's right, I have to go," Dr. Browning agreed with him, looking at Mark one last time before he turned around and made his way to the elevators.

"Now that was strange," Mark commented, looking at Lewis. "Do you know this Doctor Browning?"

"Sort of," Lewis replied, letting out a sigh. "I'll explain to you some other time, okay? Since I'm going to meet a potential new patient after your therapy session, we should get going. The sooner you show me how much progress you've made, the sooner I can clear you for surgery and you can go back to doing the things you love. The things you're born to do."

A small smile crossed Mark's lips and he nodded immediately. "Right."

He still couldn't shake the feeling off, that Lewis - and not only him - was hiding something from him. Not that Lewis was obliged to tell him anything, but the whole situation with Eli, Arizona and Alex had felt pretty strange. And why would they meet in Lewis office if it really was only to introduce himself? Why not going making it official through Chief Hunt?

"Ready to go?" Lewis pulled him out of his thoughts and Mark nodded, following him to the gymnastic room. He couldn't wait to be back here not as a patient but as a doctor and he just hoped Lewis would be satisfied with him.

Mark was really, really happy when he left Lewis office. They just had a debriefing about Mark's condition and since there hadn't been any new episodes in a really long time, Lewis had agreed to clear him for surgery in about a week. Under the condition that Mark would find him immediately if there would be any problems.

Mark almost couldn't believe this was really happening and he had to share the good news. With Jackson. Immediately. He had planned to see him anyways after his talk with Alex, so he made his way towards Jackson's office.

He knocked at the door and didn't even wait for Jackson to answer before he went in.

"Jackson, I need to tell you something..." he started, looking towards the desk and seeing Jackson twitch.

"God, Mark, you startled me!" the younger man said, letting out a sigh.

One look in his eyes was enough for Mark to know that he had to worry. That something here was absolutely not right.

"Are you okay, Jackson?" Mark asked, closing the door behind him and sitting down in front of Jackson's desk, trying to look into his eyes but Jackson avoided his gaze.

"Yes... just... having a rough day... but it's okay, don't worry..." Jackson replied, and as much as Mark wanted to: he didn't buy it.

"No, it's not," he gave back, letting out a sigh himself now.

"I... I meant what I said when we broke up... I'm here for you, no matter what. You can count on me, Jackson... I still love you, and I still care for you..." Gently, he placed a hand on Jackson's arm, stroking it softly.

"If there is anything you want to talk about, I'm listening, and if you just need someone to hold you... someone to be there... it can be me as well..."

He didn't know if any of his words would get through to Jackson's mind, but he really, really hoped that he could let Jackson know that he had meant every word he had said during their breakup. The fact that he would be cleared for surgery next week went to the back of Mark's mind, because Jackson was way more important right now, so he just hoped, Jackson would open up to him in some way and let him be a part of whatever was bothering him.


	47. Chapter 47

**A/N: **Hey again! Thanks for the honest critique… and we're sorry to hear some of you are bored and think the storyline is not going anywhere… Jackson WILL fall down, but it'll still take a lot of time until that happens and there will be (hopefully) some surprises on the way "down"…

Anyways… we hope, this chapter is more your "taste" than the one before because there is definitely something happening here… we're not sure whether you like it, though…

Enjoy anyways… if you can! And thanks for your honesty, we appreciate that after all!

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson had awoken that morning with a terrible headache. They were becoming more and more frequent and he found that the only thing that really helped him were the pills.

He knew he had to be careful with them. They had the ability to alter his perception and make the world much slower than it actually was. Too many people were waiting for him to completely fall apart and Jackson had to protect himself. Still, the headaches were too severe not to worry about them first.

He knew he didn't have any surgeries today so if he was lucky he could hide out in his office until the end of shift and then make it back to his apartment. Although, these days the apartment and the endless quiet that seemed entrenched within it's walls wasn't something that Jackson particularly looked forward to.

He had been doing a good job until Alex had cornered him in his office and Jackson had expected an argument, but seeing the concern in Alex's eyes had made Jackson feel incredibly uneasy. He had been used to the harsh words and violent interactions that came whenever he and Alex exchanged words.

Why couldn't the guy just leave him alone? He had Lewis and April was going to make sure that Alex had a part in their kid's life. Alex was going to have much more than he deserved. He'd never understand how Alex would be able to cheat, lie, and stomp over everyone who gave a damn about him and come out smelling like a rose.

The least the man could do was leave Jackson alone.

Once Alex left Jackson went to his desk and put his head on top of it. He suddenly felt too tired and maybe a nap would help the day pass faster.

He was a second away from falling asleep when he heard someone knock on his door and jumping up just before Mark walked in he felt himself twitch.

"God, Mark, you startled me!" Jackson said as he tried to get his heart to calm down. He could see Mark give him a questioning look and soon after came the questions.

Jackson told him he was okay, he told Mark not to worry, but he knew the older man would anyway. He couldn't have Mark looking at him the way everyone else did.

With suspicions and mistrust. He could take it from Lewis, or Alex, even from the other ones like Arizona and Eli, but not with Mark.

"_If there is anything you want to talk to, I'm listening, and if you just need someone to hold you... someone to be there... it can be me as well_..."

The words twisted something in Jackson's chest "I'm okay Mark...I promise"

"Just know that I'm here" Mark told him and the touch to Jackson's hand felt like fire on the man's skin. Quickly pulling it back Jackson opened up the second drawer of his desk and pulled out a manila envelope.

"I was actually just going over cases for your first surgery once you return" Jackson smiled and instantly Mark had perked up.

"Really?"

"Yeah" Jackson said as he handed over the file of one Brenda Jamison. A woman who had been attacked by a wild animal on a hunting trip. Her face had taken most of the damage and left the woman with large wounds.

"She had come to Seattle Grace because she knew you were the best in the country," Jackson said and the look of pride on Mark's face gave Jackson a warm feeling in his stomach.

Mark was looking over the file and the way that he was drinking in the information told Jackson that he had made the right choice in choosing Mrs. Jamison.

"I know you have your therapy with Lewis" Jackson said "so why don't you take that with you and you can go over it once you're done"

"Thank you, Jackson" Mark said "Lewis should be done with his meeting with Arizona and Eli"

"Who?" Jackson asked urgently.

"Yeah, I didn't get it either" Mark said as he shrugged his shoulders "but I think something big is going on. Alex was storming out as I walked into Lewis' office"

Jackson could feel his stomach drop out completely. He knew there was only one reason why all four people would be together and Jackson's heart started to race once again.

Jackson had managed to keep his face neutral. He had just given Mark some really good news and he was not going to ruin that by making the man grow suspicious once again.

Standing up Mark turned and headed for Jackson's door before turning around and looking at Jackson once more "Thank you, Jackson" he said "this means a lot to me" he said as he held up the folder "I'm going to make you proud"

"You always do" Jackson told him and with one last warm look Mark turned and left.

Jackson forced himself to keep still until he was sure Mark was far enough away before leaping up out of his chair and running into the hall. He had no idea what Lewis, Arizona, Eli, and Alex had planned, but he knew that it was only going to be bad news for him.

All he needed was one more week and once Mark came back to the hospital full-time things would be better. Why couldn't they just give him a week?

Opening his door he was about to run out before he saw somebody standing directly in his path.

"T-Tyler?"

"Hey Jackson" the man said with a wide smile "how's my favourite Avery doing?"

Jackson could only stare at the taller man. He was the last person that Jackson had ever expected to see standing outside his door.

"What are you doing here?"

"I got to thinking that it has been far too long since I've been in your company and since you're not taking that job in Miami it was time I got my ass here to see you" Tyler told him "so are you just going to stand there or can I get a hug"

"Of course" Jackson laughed and pulled the man into a tight embrace. It had been so long since Jackson had any contact with another person that had made him feel...safe. That wasn't filled with desperation or anger. That didn't leave him feeling empty inside.

Feeling Tyler wrap his arms around him and pull him as close as possible Jackson felt the ever sense of loneliness slowly evaporate and he did his best to hold the tears that wanted to come.

"I've missed you so much" Jackson whispered into the man's sleeve.

"I've missed you, too" Tyler said to him as he gave a kiss to the side of Jackson's head.

Finally breaking away Jackson quickly wiped the small tear that had started to roll down his cheek "I've been meaning to call you it's just been...busy around here"

"Hey" Tyler smiled "far be it for me to not understand the hassles that come from running a surgical department"

"Right" Jackson laughed "I forgot I'm talking to the Miami Cardio god"

"Not god" Tyler said "more like semi-god" and the remark got a laugh from Jackson.

"Why don't you come out to lunch with me?" Tyler suggested "I can catch you up on what I've been through. That pet shop guy I was talking to you about during our last phone call...got him"

"Sounds great" Jackson said "just let me grab my things real quick" he said as he went around his desk and opened up the first drawer. The small baggie of white pills sat there and for a moment Jackson's hand reached for them until he stopped himself.

No, not with Tyler here. Pushing the pills to the side he grabbed his wallet and quickly closing the drawer he looked back at Tyler and smiled.

"Ready to go when you are" he said and made his way over to Tyler.

"Let's do it" Tyler said as he placed an arm around Jackson's shoulders and led him out.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

By the reaction of Jackson when Mark had mentioned the meeting that had been going on in Lewis' office, he could tell that something had been off, as much as Jackson tried to hide it. Mark knew him perfectly well, and even though he had kept a neutral face, Mark had seen that it rattled him inside. Something here was absolutely not right, and he couldn't get rid of the feeling that all those people - Alex, Eli, Arizona and even Lewis - knew what was going on.

And he didn't.

He hated to be the one shut out from everything. He hated it from the bottom of his heart.

Sighing, he sat down in the hallway and took a look into the patient's file Jackson had given him. This was quite a challenge for him and he just hoped he would be able to perform the surgery. But Jackson would be there with him. Plastics Posse would strike again, and Mark was so looking forward to standing in the OR again. With Jackson by his side.

He hadn't even been able to tell Jackson exactly that, because Jackson had seemed like he wanted to get rid of him quickly, even though he didn't say it, but the way he pulled his hand back when Mark started to stroke it said it all. And it hurt Mark, even though he - of course - put on his poker-face as well and tried not to show him how he felt.

Still, it had felt like a stab directly to the heart and he just hoped they could _really_ overcome their problems.

That was what was keeping him upwards at the moment after all and he really needed Jackson back in his life. Badly. As soon as possible.

He missed him so terribly, he couldn't even believe it himself sometimes.

The worst it felt at night, when he was laying in his bed and staring at the ceiling and couldn't find any sleep at all, because he missed Jackson so much that it almost hurt. And then he asked himself if maybe - just maybe - Jackson felt the same way or if he had already moved on. A thought that hurt even more.

During the day he was distracted by Sofia or his therapy or Callie or Arizona, so it wasn't that bad, but when it got dark and he sat in his apartment in front of the TV, knowing he would go to bed soon and face his loneliness again it became almost unbearable.

It had to be so much worse for Jackson, though, because he had people in his life, who were always there for him. Derek, Callie and Arizona mostly, but with Alex and Jackson still being really tense with each other and with the fight with Meredith and his broken relationship with Lewis Jackson must feel even lonelier.

Mark just wished he would open up to him. He would come to him if he needed him, because he still meant what he said. No matter how things with him and Jackson would go, he wanted to be in his life. He wanted to be at least his friend. He could do that. He was able to do that with Lexie, too, when they had broken up, even though they got together over and over again, but in between they kind of were friends and even talked to each other sometimes. Mark wanted that with Jackson, too. He needed him in his life. He couldn't bear the thought of losing him completely.

He was just about to get up when he saw Arizona passing him by, and she was so busy staring in her file, that she didn't even notice him sitting there.

"Arizona!" he shouted out for her and immediately, she twitched, turning around to face him.

"Mark, god! Don't do that!" she hissed, placing a hand on her chest. "Even though Alex does a good job in my department, the little humans still need me."

Embarrassed, Mark scratched the back of his head. "I'm... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to startle you."

"It's okay..." she smiled. "What are you still doing here? I thought you had already left? Isn't your session with Lewis over by now?"

Mark nodded immediately. "Yeah, sure it is... I went to see Jackson."

"Oh!" Arizona blurted out, causing Mark to look at her suspicious and tilt his head.

"Oh? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing!" Arizona hurriedly replied. "I just... I mean, I don't know if that's such a good idea... I thought you've broken up."

Defensively, Mark crossed his arms above his chest. "So? I'm not allowed to see him?"

"Of course you are," Arizona said, putting on a smile. "I was just surprised don't worry... how is he?"

Raising an eyebrow, Mark looked at her. "He looked... tired... and exhausted... not all too good to be honest and I'm really worried about him... something's going on and he's not telling me, and neither are you..."

"Me?" Arizona let out a nervous laugh. "How should I know anything? I don't even work with him..."

"I don't know... you tell me..." Mark gave back. "I feel like you... all of you... are hiding something from me, and I wanna know what it is..."

"All of us? What are you talking about?" Arizona asked and Mark could tell he had gotten her pretty nervous in such a short amount of time. That was more than just proof that he was right.

"Your meeting in Lewis' office... you... Eli... Alex... and this other guy... don't think I'm stupid, Arizona... that wasn't about this guy introducing himself, or he would have done it personally to each and everyone of you. And _not _in Lewis office. So what's going on?"

"Nothing! Really, Mark, you're wrong, there is nothing going on," Arizona replied, avoiding Mark's gaze.

Mark was starting to get really angry by her behaviour and it was pretty difficult for him, to hold his feelings back.

"Why doesn't anyone tell me anything anymore these days? I'm not a weak little kid that can't take anything, I'm a grown up man about to get back to work, but you all seem to think I'm some fragile porcelain figure!"

"Mark, please..." Arizona tried to calm him down, placing a hand on his arm, but immediately, Mark shook it off.

"Save it, okay? I'm out of here..." And with those words he just left her standing there, making his way to the cafeteria. He needed a coffee now, and then he needed to see his daughter - the only person to be able to calm him down in a situation like that. He could take when people didn't tell him everything, but what he couldn't take were the lies, and Arizona was lying straight to his face. She was looking into his eyes and lying to him and he was so sick of that.

He was just about to enter the cafeteria, when he saw Jackson sitting there on a table, together with someone else. This new doctor that had been in Lewis' office. Dr. Browning.

So maybe he _had_ been in Lewis' office to introduce himself and now it was Jackson's turn?

Confused, Mark watched them and only a second later he heard Jackson let out a laugh. One of those real laughs Mark loved so much. One of those laughs he hadn't heard in a long time, and it went straight to his heart, causing a bad pain there. They already seemed pretty close and Mark couldn't stand the thought that someone else was able to make Jackson happy. That someone else achieved what he couldn't.

He watched the two of them, noticing how close they were sitting. Their knees were almost touching and Jackson's eyes were locked on the blond guy's. They didn't even seem to notice anything or anyone around them, because they were so busy with their conversation, and Mark could tell that Jackson was blossoming out in his presence.

He looked so relaxed and calm and definitely as if he enjoyed Dr. Browning's company a lot more than he had enjoyed his company before.

When said Doctor placed a hand on Jackson's arm and Jackson placed his own above it for a moment, looking down, it was too much for Mark to bear. So he turned around on his heels and entered the next bathroom, steadying himself on the sink with both hands.

His knees felt so weak all of a sudden and he felt like crying, but he didn't want the tears to win him over. He was stronger than that.

If Jackson was trying to move on, he couldn't change it anyways, he just hated it, that Jackson didn't feel like he could be honest with him.

Maybe this guy was even here because Jackson had brought him here. Maybe they knew each other from somewhere and Jackson wanted him here, in this hospital. They looked pretty close to each other, and Mark couldn't believe that could happen with someone Jackson just met. Maybe he was a former lover, and soon to be lover again.

The mere thought broke something inside of Mark and he leaned against the wall next to him, sinking to the floor and taking a few deep breathes. Things were so not right, and maybe they would never be right again between them. Maybe he was fooling himself with the stupid hope of them being able to reunite. Maybe that wouldn't happen anymore after all...

**Tyler Browning POV:**

Sitting in the cafeteria with Jackson as the two had lunch felt great. It reminded Tyler of the times when he and Jackson had lived in New York and Jackson would surprise him by showing up at the hospital with a lunch he had made for Tyler.

It wouldn't be his birthday, or an anniversary, or even something just to celebrate good news. Jackson would do it just because he thought the gesture would make Tyler happy and it always did.

Tyler would never understand how Lewis could have hated him for so long. In the quiet moments, when Jackson didn't think Tyler could hear him he would hear Jackson call Lewis' phone and leave a message. Nothing more then saying he hoped he was okay, but Tyler knew losing Lewis hurt Jackson more than he would ever admit.

Seeing Jackson smile across from him as he talked about how happy he was that Tyler was in town and went over things that the two could do together so Jackson could give him the true Seattle experience Tyler saw the Jackson he loved in the man's laughter and in the animated movements of his body. If he didn't know about Jackson's relapse Tyler could chalk the man's erratic movements to nothing but excitement.

Still, Tyler did know and it made him take notice of the distance in Jackson's eyes when Tyler mentioned anything about his life in Seattle. It made him notice that Jackson's hands had a constant nervous tick that only stopped when Tyler grabbed Jackson's hand within his own.

It had seemed to calm the man and the nervousness that was pouring out of him slowly decrease.

"We've been talking about me this whole time" Tyler said "I want to know what you've been up to"

The distant eyes were back "Not much" Jackson said "running the Plastics department takes up most of my time"

Tyler didn't know whether he should bring up Lewis. He was the elephant in the room and neither man could deny that he was basically a heavy weight that sat between them.

"How has it been with Lewis here?"

"Fine" Jackson told Tyler and the man knew he was refusing to go into and Tyler learned years ago never to push Jackson on something he didn't want to do. It would only cause the man to shut down even more.

Eventually he and Jackson would have to delve into it, but not in their first meeting. Tyler had to keep it upbeat.

"So tell me what you have planned for this grand tour you speak of?" Tyler smiled and instantly the light was back in Jackson's eyes.

"Well, I know you have a thing for Jamaican food and I have to say Seattle has some of the best I've ever tasted" Jackson said.

"Really?"

"I was surprised too, but there is this place just off Beaker street that will make you want to marry the owner before you finish your meal" Jackson responded.

"Well, since you do know food better than anyone else I know so I'll trust you" Tyler said with a laugh "But if I'm disappointed you have to promise that I get to choose the next place tomorrow"

"Have I ever steered you wrong?" Jackson smiled.

"Never" Tyler responded and he was amazed how easily he had fallen into this comfort with Jackson. Tyler was here to help him, but in this moment it was almost like they used to be.

The moment was broken when Jackson's pager went off signalling that he was needed elsewhere.

"Shit" he said "I hate to cut this short, but I have to check on a patient. Meet me at my office at 6, okay?"

"Will do" Tyler told him and getting up Jackson gave him a kiss on the cheek before turning and heading out of the cafeteria.

Tonight Tyler could bring up Lewis again, maybe even that Alex guy and see how badly Jackson reacted to it and then Tyler could take it from there. He didn't want to come to Seattle just to lie to Jackson. Tyler had to tell him why he was there and that Lewis was concerned about him. Jackson wouldn't believe it from his brother, but he might believe it from Tyler.

Standing up Tyler wanted to head back to his apartment to shower and then maybe he could stop by Lewis' office to catch him up before heading out with Jackson.

Making his way to the bathroom before heading out he opened the door to see that man that had walked in on his meeting that morning.

Matt...Mitch...something like that. Tyler had such a shit memory.

Whatever his name was the guy looked pale and uneasy.

"You okay?" Tyler asked as the guy looked at him with an expression Tyler couldn't quite read.

"Yeah, I'm fine" the guy told him "You're the one applying for the new Cardio position, right?"

"Right" Tyler lied "the name's T...Dr. Browning, but my friends call me Ty"

"Mark" the man told him "Mark Sloan"

_Mark _Tyler thought, why did that name sound so familiar and why did, in the back of Tyler's mind, he know that name was important?

"Nice to meet you, Mark Sloan" Tyler said as he extended his hand in greeting and Mark took it in kind.

"So you and Dr. Avery seem to know one another pretty well" Mark said lightly.

"Huh?"

"Oh, it's just you and Jackson seemed pretty close in the cafeteria. It's been a while since we've seen him that happy" Mark told him.

"Yeah" Tyler smiled "me and Jackson go back a long way. He's one of the main reasons I came to Seattle" and at his words he could see something in Mark's eyes flicker.

"Oh" Mark said and Tyler could hear the catch in his voice and he knew that he was missing something, but he just couldn't figure out what.

"So you two...?"

"Oh no" Tyler laughed "we're just friend. Nothing more"

"I see" Mark said and then looked down at his watch "I...I have an appointment that I'm going to be late for so it was nice to meet you Dr. Browning"

"Ty" Tyler corrected

"Ty" Mark said

"Nice to meet you too, Mark Sloan" and with that Tyler watched the man exit the bathroom looking as if something heavy was on his shoulders.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

So Mark had been right. He knew what he had seen and that was exactly what it was. This Dr. Browning guy... Ty... was here for Jackson and Mark was sure he wanted to get to him, even though he just told him that they were just friends. Didn't mean it had to stay that way. Also, he didn't know Mark, so of course he could have just lied to him. Only the thought rattled Mark more than he wanted.

He should be happy if Jackson was happy, right? If he couldn't give him the happiness he deserved, Jackson was free to go. He wouldn't stand in his way if that was the case and he shouldn't.

There had already been way too much happening between them and maybe - with them being apart - Jackson had realized he didn't even want to get back together with Mark anymore. Mark couldn't blame him for that. There had been times they had been happy together, but the bad times just over weighted.

He made his way to the gymnastic room, where he would meet up Lewis for one of his last physical therapy sessions, even though he absolutely wasn't in the mood for it. But he had to do this for himself. He wanted to get back to work, because without Jackson in his life it was the only thing he had left.

The only thing that mattered.

Mark knocked two times and waited for Lewis to invite him in and when he did, Mark entered the room, turning towards the parallel bars immediately.

"Can we start immediately?"

He could see Lewis' confused look by his actions and within a few seconds Lewis was standing in front of him, facing him and his confused look turned into a concerned one.

"You okay?"

"I'm perfect, why do you ask?" Mark replied with a smile that was everything but real and he could tell Lewis knew.

Mark started to lift himself up on the parallel bars, starting with one of his exercises he usually did with Lewis, but in a matter of seconds his strength left him and he fell down. It was like all of his power was sucked out of him by that memory of Jackson and Dr. Browning that was literally burned to his mind.

"Oh God, Mark!" Lewis was immediately by his side, helping him to straighten up and then they sat on the floor next to each other.

"So... let's just skip the part where I ask you again if anything's wrong, because it obviously is..." Lewis commented, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Just tell me what happened..."

"Nothing..." Mark lied, trying to avoid his gaze, but he knew Lewis enough already to know he wouldn't buy it, and he didn't.

"Mark!" Lewis said in a strict voice. "You don't have to talk to me about anything, but please don't lie to me, okay? I hate lies."

Nervously, Mark bit his lower lip. Lewis and he were more alike than he thought they were, because that was exactly what he had just thought himself when he had met Arizona who obviously had lied straight to his face.

"I'm sorry..." Mark apologized, turning to look at Lewis.

For a minute or two they were both quiet, until Mark finally started to speak again, because he just had to ask him the one question that weighted heavy on his heart.

"Do you know this Doctor Browning?"

He noticed Lewis twitch. "Why do you ask?" Lewis gave back, and now _he_ was the one avoiding Mark's gaze.

"Because I've seen him and Jackson in the cafeteria, and the two looked quite comfortable with each other..." Mark explained, immediately noticing that something changed in Lewis' look.

"What do you mean by that?" Lewis demanded to know, and he didn't look quite happy about this information at all.

"Well... Jackson was laughing like I haven't heard him laugh in a long while... he looked so happy... and seriously, Lewis... it hurts that it's not me who causes this reaction." Mark admitted.

Lewis nodded, placing a hand on Mark's shoulder consolingly. "I understand... but maybe that doesn't mean anything... and having him in a good mood is something good, isn't it?"

Mark shrugged. "Maybe... but it wasn't just that... Lewis, this guy had his hand on Jackson's and then they were literally holding hands. When I tried to do that in Jackson's office when I saw him today, he pulled his hand back... almost as if he didn't like it being touched by me anymore..." He let out a sigh. "If I didn't know better, I would say this Doctor Browning has a huge crush on Jackson."

"What makes you say that?" Lewis blurted out, and a dark shadow clouded his face. Something was definitely up here, even though Mark had no clue what it could be.

"Well... I met him in the hallway just before I came to you and he told me he and Jackson have known each other for a while... but that they are just friends." Mark looked down, playing with his fingers. "But I'm not so sure about that to be honest... I think he wants Jackson... which... shouldn't be a problem since we've broken up and such... but I... I assumed it was just temporary... but obviously I'm the only one thinking that way."

"Oh come on, Mark. Do you really think Jackson would jump into someone else's bed so soon after you broke up? He loves you," Lewis tried to comfort him, but Mark just shook his head.

"You know exactly that love and sex are not the same things... and love can come with sex... and I've done it way too often myself. Whenever I was hurt, the thing for me to do was sleep with some random chick. Or even with people I knew... I couldn't blame Jackson if he did the same... it just... hurts to think that way..." Mark looked into Lewis' eyes, when what he asked Lewis before came back to his mind.

"But you still haven't answered my question..."

"Which question?" Lewis asked, but Mark knew that he knew exactly what he was talking about. Lewis had twitched the moment he had addressed him on it again.

"Do you know this Doctor Browning? I mean, Jackson is your brother, and if the two of them have a history together, you might know something..." Mark replied.

Lewis turned away before he got to his feet. "We should start your therapy session. We've already wasted enough time."

Mark got to his feet immediately, grabbing Lewis' arm. "Okay, Lewis. What's going on here? First, Arizona acted totally strange and lied straight to my face and now you're shutting me out? Who is he?"

Lewis rolled his eyes. "An... an old friend... Mark, please... can we not talk about this right now?"

"Why?" Mark gave back, looking directly into Lewis' eyes. "What is so special about him and why can everyone else know but I can't? I thought we were friends."

"We are!" Lewis answered immediately.

Mark folded his arms above his chest. "Doesn't feel that way right now... it rather feels like everyone is shutting me out... you all have a secret I can't know about..." He shook his head.

"You know what? Therapy session is over... I don't feel so good all of a sudden."

Mark grabbed the jacket he had put on Lewis' chair before and turned around.

"Mark, wait!" he heard Lewis say and faced him once again.

"Why? Are you telling me what's going on?"

"No... I'm sorry... I can't, Mark! It's for your own good. You gotta trust me on that," Lewis literally begged, but Mark just shook his head.

"Sorry, Lewis. You have to give me more than that, and if you can't I'm out of here... I'll figure it out myself."

And with those words he left the gymnastic room and slammed the door shut with a loud noise, that almost startled himself. He was so fucking angry. With Lewis. With Arizona. With Jackson. With the world. He hated it to be the one left out, and right now he felt like there was no one he could trust anymore, because people were obviously hiding something from him.

Maybe Jackson and this Ty-guy were dating and no one was brave enough to tell him, because they thought he was too weak and he couldn't take it, but he would prove them wrong. He would find out what was going on and he would take it like a man. Because he was a lot stronger than anyone gave him credit for.

**Tyler Browning POV:**

Tyler had went back to his hotel room, took a quick nap, showered, then headed back to the hospital in order to leave himself enough time to talk with Lewis about his plans for the night.

He greeted the red head that had helped him the first night and waving at him the woman gave him a friendly greeting and Tyler returned it in kind.

Once he made his way to Lewis' office he could see the man talking to what Tyler guessed was a patient of his. The guy's arm was in a sling and he looked like the next few months were not going to be fun for whoever he was.

Tyler saw Lewis look up at him and held up his finger to signal Tyler that he would be done in a minute. Hanging out in the lobby Tyler took a look around the atmosphere and he had to admit that this hospital wasn't half bad. Much bigger than the ones Tyler was used to working in, but it was a welcoming environment and more efficient that many of it's counterparts.

He was still taking in the view when he heard his name being called and turning around he saw the woman from the airport, Addison, walking towards him.

"I thought that was you" she smiled "I'm glad to see you were able to find it without much trouble"

"Yeah" Tyler laughed "and that's saying something with my very awful sense of direction"

"So, have you been able to help your friend?" Addison asked as she folded her arms across her chest.

"Working on it" Tyler told her "how about you?" he asked "good news I hope"

"I'm actually going to meet him now" Addison said "his girlfriend is pregnant and he wants me to make sure everything is going well"

"The guy should be lucky to have a friend like you" Tyler told her.

Jokingly rolling her eyes Addison chuckled "We seem to be in the same boat, but me and Alex go way back so I'm just happy he feels like he can come to me with this"

Tyler cocked his head to the side at the mention of Alex's name "Alex...Alex Karev?"

"You know him?"

"W-We've met" Tyler answered as his mind was racing to the night when he met Alex at he and Lewis' apartment and there was no way that dude had a girlfriend.

Before Tyler could ask Addison more about this situation with Alex he heard Lewis call him and turning around he nodded his head and returned his gaze back to Addison.

"I have to go" Tyler said "but it was really nice seeing you again"

"Something tells that we're going to run into each other again" Addison told him "I hope things work out for your friend"

"Yours too" and with that Addison made her way down the hall and towards her destination. Turning around Tyler jogged over to Lewis and gave the man a warm smile.

"Who was that?" Lewis asked and Tyler could tell he was trying to keep his voice casual.

"Addison Montgomery" Tyler said "we actually met in the airport. Seems we both have friends who needed our help"

"Friends" Lewis repeated "right?" and the sarcasm was more than obvious.

"Excuse me?"

"Besides this Addison who else did you run into today?" Lewis asked and Tyler was surprised to hear anger behind the words.

"What?" Tyler asked "what are you pissed off about?"

"Answer the question, Tyler" Lewis said.

"I had lunch with Jackson, but you already knew I was going to do that" Tyler told him.

"So you don't remember running into Mark Sloan?"

"The dude from the bathroom?" Tyler asked "what about him?"

"He came here for his physical therapy session and let's just say he wasn't exactly in the best of spirits" Lewis said "seems he saw some guy all over Jackson and that gave Mark the idea that the two of them were planning on doing a lot more then just having lunch"

"I have no idea what you're talking about" Tyler said "and these riddles are getting very annoying"

"Let me make it clear then. Mark, Jackson's ex-boyfriend, didn't take too kindly to seeing you two making googly eyes at one another" Lewis said.

"I-I didn't know" Tyler told him "he didn't say anything"

"Why would he?" Lewis spat out "I mean being the old lay telling the new lay that seeing them together hurts isn't exactly a fun thing to do, believe me, I know"

Tyler's eyes widened in shock at Lewis' harsh words "What the fuck is your problem?"

"My problem?" Lewis asked "my problem is that I only called you to come here because I believed you could actually help Jackson, but it took you less than a day to decide helping him entailed him riding your dick"

Tyler could feel the anger rise within him "I'm going to leave before we both say something we'll regret" and he turned around to head out when he felt Lewis put his hand on Tyler's shoulder and turn him around forcefully.

"No" he said "you're going to listen to me. I know you and Jackson have this... thing between you two, but he's not going to get better by you sleeping with him"

"You know what, Lewis?" Tyler said "I came here because you're voicemail sounded completely desperate and I was under the delusion that you actually cared about what was happening with Jackson"

"I do" Lewis said "do you think it was easy to call you? Do you think seeing you here is anywhere close to easy for me? But I did it for Jackson"

"Yet it took one misjudged interaction from Mark to completely go back to calling Jackson a whore"

"That's not what I said" Lewis told him "it's just-"

"No" Tyler said "you don't get to backtrack now. All this talk about wanting to be a better brother and here you stand still holding the same ideas about Jackson you always did"

"You expect me to believe that you and Jackson weren't all over one another in the cafeteria?" Lewis asked "that Mark just made the whole thing up in his head?"

"I expect you to believe that I want Jackson to get better and I know that getting involved with him like that wouldn't do any good, but more than that it's possible for people to actually like spending time with your brother without it ending up in bed"

"I know that"

"Do you?" Tyler asked "because it certainly doesn't seem like it. You need to get over this animosity you have for Jackson. I won't let you hurt him any further than you already have. Do you hear me Lewis?"

"I'm not going to hurt him" Lewis said "which is why I'm telling you that you need to remember why you're here and it's not to pick up where you left off with Jackson"

Tyler narrowed his eyes "Why don't you save that concern for that pregnant girlfriend of Alex's?"

Lewis face turned to shock "H-How did you-?"

Tyler gave a bitter laugh "It's true, isn't it?"

"Not that I have to explain myself to you, Tyler, but Alex and April aren't together anymore?"

"Why's that?" Tyler asked "it amazes me how you can judge Jackson so harshly when you're living with a guy who has a kid on the way"

Lewis was struck into silence for several moments and when he finally spoke it was with an angry yell "GET OUT OF MY OFFICE".

"So you're completely fine dishing it out, but can't take it" Tyler said as he walked up to Lewis "doesn't feel good being on the other end of it, does it?" Tyler had Lewis pinned against the wall as he looked into the man's eyes.

They still held the same impossibly beautiful blue shine that Tyler remembered from when they were together in Boston. Lewis was looking at him and he could see the anger and sadness play over the man's face.

"You don't know the situation and you don't know me" Lewis said, his voiced a shaky whisper.

"I'll always know you, Lewis" Tyler said as he looked from Lewis' eyes to the man's lips "and this Karev guy is a bad idea and you know it"

"And you weren't?" Lewis asked "at least he's not fucking my brother behind my back"

"When will you get it through your head that you were the only man for me until you up and left without hearing the truth?" Tyler told him.

"The truth was the second Jackson showed up I had already lost you" Lewis said "how could I have competed with that?"

"You never had to" and leaning in Tyler captured Lewis' lips in a passionate kiss and it felt like it was 5 years ago, before their wedding and as Tyler put his hands on Lewis' hips and drew him close he could feel Lewis melt into his embrace and start to return the kiss in intensity.

Tyler was just starting to get hard when he felt Lewis push him away "NO" he shouted "I...I can't do this"

"Lewis" Tyler said breathless.

"I have a good man in Alex and I'm not going to fuck that up" Lewis said "you need to go" and walking across the room Lewis stood with his back to Tyler.

He had no idea what had happened in the past 2 minutes, but Tyler knew he didn't hate it even if it looked like Lewis did.

"Lewis-"

"Get out...please"

Tyler wouldn't push the issue. He had Jackson waiting for him "I'm sorry" he said to Lewis and walking out of his office he licked his lips and he could taste Lewis on them"

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis hand was still holding onto the door latch long after Tyler had gone. His fingers were shaking and his knees were totally weak and he felt like if he moved one inch he would pass out.

Slowly, he moved his free hand to his lips, touching them where just before Tyler's lips had been and he could still feel him there, had still Tyler's taste in his mouth.

Shit! For a moment there he had totally lost control over himself. Over his body. He had already felt himself getting hard, and with Tyler being this close to him, he knew Tyler had been aroused as well. Only thinking about it, made his whole body tense and he just wanted to go after Tyler, press him against a wall and fuck him senseless. God, how much he had missed him, missed this, but he couldn't. It just wasn't right.

He was with Alex and they were on the way of building a life together. He couldn't let Tyler destroy that with one fucking kiss. It was just a kiss and it shouldn't leave Lewis so shaken up.

Staring down at his hand that was still around the door latch, Lewis finally let go and took a deep breath. It was all too much for the moment. He needed to get out of here. Immediately. He couldn't bear to be in his office anymore all of a sudden, so he grabbed his coat, got out of his lab coat and literally stormed out of his office.

He made his way out of his office and left the hospital through the entrance, sinking down on one of the benches out there.

Taking a few deep breathes, Lewis leaned back and closed his eyes, but opened them again immediately, because he was seeing Tyler in front of him, and he just didn't want that. Didn't need that.

"Why the fuck can't you leave me alone?" he said to himself, but then another voice came from next to him.

"Because it's like I always told you. You will never really get over him. Especially not when he's back in your life."

Startled, Lewis turned his head to the side to look directly into Michael's eyes. They hadn't really talked since their fall out and Lewis wasn't sure if he was ready to do so now. In fact, Michael was one of the last persons he wanted to talk to right now.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, trying to play innocent, but he had never been really good in lying to Michael. He was his best friend after all.

"Tyler!" Michael simply stated with a shrug. "I'm pretty sure he's the one that got you so upset."

"Oh come on... That's bullshit," Lewis lied, but immediately, Michael called him on it.

"Is it?"

"Not that this is any of your business anymore, Michael, but I'm not upset," he commented, feeling Michael's hand grabbing his wrist all of a sudden.

"No? Why's your hand shaking then? And why do you look like you've seen a ghost?" He slid closer to Lewis and looked him directly in the eye. "You can't let him do that to you, Lewis. You deserve better."

"Let him do what?" Lewis gave back, looking down at his hands and even though he didn't want to admit it, Michael's touch felt good. Comforting. Michael had always been there for him when he had been upset because of Tyler, and he had always managed to make him feel better. He missed that, but Michael had just gone too far. Had messed up way too much to just be forgiven.

"Let him treat you like that... I don't know what happened, but it's obvious that it has to do with Tyler. He's here since yesterday and you're already on the edge..." Michael replied. "I'm your friend, Lewis, and I'm worried about you."

Pulling his hand back, Lewis got up off the bench, looking at Michael.

"See... that's where you're wrong. You're not my friend anymore..."

Lewis could almost see how much he hurt Michael with his words, and that he really fought for composure, but he couldn't be considerate of his feelings right now. He was too hurt by Michael's previous actions.

"Lewis, please... can't we just... try to start over? I miss you." Michael almost pleaded, and that was something Michael never did. And it touched something within Lewis, even though he tried not to show it.

"I'm sorry... I can't... and I..." Nervously, Lewis looked at his watch. "I need to see a patient now... so if you'll excuse me?"

He turned around and entered the hospital again, without taking on last look at Michael. He was too afraid his resistance might break if he did and he couldn't risk that. He had way too much going on in his life, and he didn't need to add another complication to it.

Leaning against the wall next to the elevator, Lewis took a few deep breathes, before he pushed himself off the wall and pressed the button of the elevator. He needed to see Alex. Right now. He needed to be with him.

Alex was the only one who understood him. Alex was the only one that could help him through this whole fucked-up day. He needed for Alex to hold him and he needed to be inside of him. To bury himself deep in Alex' body and forget about everything else.

The thought of Alex led him directly to the paediatric station, but he only met Arizona Robbins there.

"Doctor Robbins!" he called her, and immediately, she turned around, smiling at him.

"Didn't I already tell you to call me Arizona?"

"Yeah... sorry!" Lewis replied, scratching the back of his neck and looking down at her. "Listen, I'm sorry to bother you, but have you seen Alex? I need to talk to him, it's important."

"Something wrong with Jackson?" Arizona asked, alarmed, concern in her eyes.

"No! I mean... not more than the usual... Tyler had lunch with him, and I think he's already making a lot of progress... don't worry... Tyler will get through to him. If someone can, it's him..." Lewis replied, causing Arizona to look up at him with a strange look.

"Seems like you still trust him... after all what happened," she commented.

Lewis looked at her wide-eyed. "What do you know?"

"Well... A lot, I think..." Arizona shrugged. "I only know what Mark has told me... but don't worry... that's really none of my business..." Consolingly, she put a hand on Lewis' arm. "My highest priority is Jackson right now. And how to help him."

"Thanks..." Lewis replied, and there it was again. The bright smile that somehow warmed Lewis heart, because it seemed so sincere. No surprise almost everyone loved the woman. How could someone not?

"So... to get back to my question. Do you know where I can find Alex?"

"Oh, right!" Arizona gave back, tilting her head. "The last time I saw him April was here to pick him up. They wanted to pay Addison a visit."

"Addison?" Lewis asked. It was the 2nd time now he heard that name.

"Yeah," Arizona immediately replied. "Addison Montgomery. She's s a specialist for gynaecology. And she's the best. If it wasn't for her, Sofia wouldn't be alive today."

"Ah, I understand..." Lewis said. "So you think I can find them somewhere in the gynaecologic section?"

"I would assume so, yes," Arizona smiled. "Good luck..." And with that she turned around and Lewis immediately made his way to said station, almost running into April, Alex and Addison, when they came out of a room together, but fortunately they hadn't seen him yet.

He tried to get Alex' attention and only a few seconds later Alex really saw him and gave him a smile, that made Lewis feel better immediately.

Lewis watched him excuse himself, and then Alex made his way towards him.

"Hey Babe... what are you doing here?"

"I needed to see you..." Lewis whispered, looking around, but when he felt April's and Addison's looks on him, he knew he needed to get Alex out of here. Now. He grabbed his arm and pulled him down the hallway and then into one of the on-call rooms, pressing him against the door and kissing him hungrily, almost desperately.

"Alex... I... We need to go home. Now. Okay?"

Breathlessly, Alex looked at him, touching his face and looking into his eyes.

"What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"No!" Lewis shook his head. "I just... need to be alone with you right now..."

"But we are alone..." Alex gave back, tilting his head.

"Not like that..." Lewis replied. "I want us to go home... please... I need to get out of here..." He looked up at him and he didn't know how much his eyes gave away, but he just didn't want to be in this hospital anymore right now. First Tyler and then Michael. He just wanted to go home and feel safe and secure in his own apartment. With Alex.


	48. Chapter 48

**A/N: **OMG, I'm SO so sorry I just „disappeared" and didn't go on posting the story. Real life is just really, really stressful for me right now (and also for my RPG-partner, so for both of us) and I literally forgot to update… I hope, I will be able to post at least weekly again from now on, but I promise, I'll do my best…

Thanks to SlyterinQueen for your message, that really meant a lot to us, and we're happy there's at least one person still wanting to read our story! :-)

Enjoy Chapter 48!

**Alex Karev POV:**

"I'm telling you, April, this is the best way to go" Alex said as placed an arm around her shoulders and led her towards the gynaecology wing. He knew that she didn't mind, and even kind of liked Hemsfield, but the man's rigid methods left Alex uncomfortable.

Looking up at him April nodded her head. "I just wish you let me know what's going on." She sounded nervous.

Returning her gaze Alex smiled down at the woman "It's good, I promise"

"I trust you" April told him and the words warmed Alex's body.

Walking up to an office at the end of the hall Alex gave two quick knocks and pulled April closer. Once the door was opened April's face beamed as she looked up to see Addison smile and greet them.

"Dr. Montgomery?" April said "What are you doing here?"

"Well" she started "I got a phone call from Alex here and he seemed pretty adamant that I make my way down here and when Alex is adamant about anything I find it a good policy to just go with it"

Alex gave an embarrassed laugh "They don't call me a bulldog for nothing"

"Come on in" Addison told the two and stepped aside to let them in "Chief Hunt has given me privileges so I can help you for as long as you'll have me"

April walked in and turned around "I hate to think I'm causing you to put your life on hold for me" she said and Addison gave a wave of the hand "Not at all" she told April "I was more than ready for a new environment and I'm getting to connect with some old friends"

"We really appreciate this, Addison" Alex said "Dr. Hemsfield is-"

"A fan of the old method" Addison responded "we used to get in our fair share of disagreements about the correct form of treatment. He's a great doctor, but he tends to rely on methods that are more than just a bit outdated"

"Exactly" Alex said "that was when I knew I had to call the best"

"Flattery will get you everywhere, Karev" Addison laughed "why don't you two take a seat and we can discuss our course of action?"

Pulling the seat out for April the woman took the chair offered as Addison went to sit behind her desk. Just as Alex was about to take his own seat he looked out and caught sight of Lewis standing out in the lobby and looking in at the 3. Alex knew immediately that the man was rattled.

"Can you two give me a minute?" Alex said to the women and after both nodded their heads he left Addison's office and made his way over to Lewis.

"Hey Babe...what are you doing here?" Alex asked and just as quick as lightning Lewis was pulling him down a hallway and into an on-call room and kissing him as if the man's life depended on it.

Something was definitely wrong. Alex wasn't that stupid, or that blind to not notice.

Lewis wanted to go home and the look in his eyes told Alex that Lewis needed this and although Alex wanted to know why, he loved Lewis too much not to be there for him.

"Can we just go...please?" Lewis practically begged.

"Okay, baby" Alex said as he leaned forward and gave Lewis a strong kiss "just let me settle things with April and Addison and I'll meet you in the lobby in 5, okay?"

"Okay" Lewis said and after they left the room Lewis made his way to the main lobby to wait while Alex walked back towards Addison's office.

"Sorry about that" Alex smiled, but he could tell it was off and Addison and April both knew him well enough to know Alex's mind was elsewhere.

"Everything good?" Addison asked.

"Yeah.. it's just-" Alex looked at April and he hated himself for having to leave.

"It's okay" April said "I can fill you in later."

"Thank you" he told her as he bent down and kissed her on the cheek "You're amazing" he added "I'll catch up with you later, Addison" he said and the woman nodded her head, but her face looked full of confusion and Alex became aware that he was nowhere near the kind of man she remembered from her own days working at Seattle Grace.

Once Alex got to the lobby he saw Lewis looking out of one of the windows in a daze. Grabbing his hand Lewis jumped "It's just me" Alex said as he brought it up to his mouth and gave it a kiss.

"You ready to go?" he asked Lewis.

"Beyond ready" and the two made their way to Alex's car.

They were halfway home when Alex decided to bite the bullet "So, are you going to tell me what that was about?"

"What do you mean?"

"I think I've gotten to know you pretty well, Lewis, and I know when something is wrong?" Alex told him "Is it Tyler?"

"No!" Lewis said instantly "Tyler is...no!"

"You know you can tell me if it is. You've been there for me with April and if this thing with Tyler is coming back I just want you to be honest with me. It would hurt like a bitch, but I just want you to be happy."

"I love you, Alex" Lewis told him "I want to spend my life with you and there is no thing with Tyler, he's just here to help Jackson, that's all."

Lewis sounded sincere "So what is it?"

"Everything" Lewis said "Jackson, Holt, I think it's finally starting to get to me"

Pulling up to their apartment Alex parked the car and getting out he walked over to Lewis and pulled him close "Let's see if we can't make this day better"

"I'd like that" Lewis smiled.

The second the two men entered their apartment Lewis was all over him. His hands under Alex's shirt and kisses peppering his neck.

"Somebody's excited" Alex laughed

"Want to fuck you" Lewis said "want to be so far inside you I forget the world exists"

The words were already making Alex hard "I think we can do that" he told Lewis as he pushed the man on the couch and straddled his hips. Once Alex started to grind against Lewis' pelvis he heard the gasp of pleasure and it only made Alex work that much harder.

"I wanna ride you like this" Alex said "feel you buck up into me"

"Alex" Lewis whispered as he leaned up and pulled him into a kiss. Taking off their shirts Lewis reached for Alex's pants and started to unbutton them with an urgency that Alex hadn't remembered since their first night together. Once undone Alex stood and kicked off his shoes and socks and followed that with removing his pants and boxers. As he was doing that Lewis was removing his own clothing. Once both were nude they took their original positions with Alex once again straddling Lewis's waist.

Alex bent down and kissed Lewis and when he felt Lewis insert his first finger into Alex's opening he hitched his breath.

"Been thinking about this all day" Lewis said "nothing makes me feel as good as you do, Alex" and inserting another finger Lewis wormed his tongue into Alex's mouth and Alex massaged it with his own. Being lost in the sensations that Lewis was inducing it wasn't until he felt the blunt head of Lewis's cock at his opening that reality suddenly came back.

"Lewis" he said "I have a condom in my pants pocket let me-"

"I want to feel you, Alex" Lewis said as he sat up and caressed the man's face with his hand "all of you"

Alex loved Lewis. Completely and fully, but he had never thought about what it would be like to do it without that layer of latex that he had always been used to.

Even with April and Izzie he had always used protection. He wasn't sure if he was ready to take that step yet.

"I love you Lewis...it's just..." Alex didn't want to break what the two had going.

"I get it" Lewis said "and I'm sorry. I shouldn't bring this up at a time like this"

"We'll get there, I promise" Alex told him.

"No rush" Lewis said as he bent over and pulled the condom out of Alex's back pocket and opening it up he started to roll it onto his cock "as long as I get to have you I have more than I could ever ask for"

The words swelled Alex's heart and lightly pushing Lewis back down Alex raised his ass and lowered it onto Lewis' erection. It took a few moments to work his way completely down the man's shaft.

"God, Alex" Lewis said as he placed his hands on Alex's hips "you feel so amazing"

"You too" Alex told him as he slowly started to bounce up and down and with each passing moment the pain subsided and was replaced by a building sense of pleasure.

"Just like that, baby" Lewis said "ride that dick" and the words spurred Alex on and soon the sound of flesh slapping against flesh echoed throughout the room as Alex moved his hips and threw his head back as the feeling of euphoria started to make his brain go fuzzy. Feeling Lewis grip his cock and start to pump it in earnest Alex could feel his body start to react. Covered in a sheen of sweat his orgasm was fast approaching as Lewis' thrusts became hard and fast and looking down he saw Lewis, eyes closed and biting his lip, it was the hottest thing Alex had ever seen.

Leaning down Alex gave him a quick kiss on the lips "Open your eyes" Alex told him "I want to look in your eyes when you come" and doing as Alex told him Lewis' blue eyes went straight to Alex's soul.

"A-Alex" Lewis pleaded as his orgasm took over his body and he came while Alex still rode him hard. Pumping furiously Alex soon followed Lewis in orgasmic bliss and once spent Alex collapsed onto Lewis and felt the man starting to rub his hand up and down Alex's back.

"That was fantastic" Alex said "I think I needed this, too"

"I love you so much, Alex" Lewis said "I hope you know that" and something in Lewis' voice sounded...sad.

"Of course I do" Alex told him "I love you, too. Now let's say we gotta take a shower and see if we can't get round two started and spent the night watching bad movies and ordering from that pizza place you love"

"Sounds perfect" Lewis smiled as he pulled himself out of Alex and took the condom off and stood up "care to join me for a hot shower?" he asked Alex as he offered him a hand.

"More than anything"

**Michael Holt POV:**

Michael had been sitting on the bench for a while after Lewis had been long gone. He couldn't believe that their friendship was really over. That this was it. Just like that. He meant what he had just said. That he missed him. That he missed their friendship, because he did. He never thought it could end like that.

Why couldn't Lewis just let him be there for him when he obviously needed a friend?

Michael had seen him leave the hospital and he had noticed immediately, how rattled Lewis looked, and even though they hadn't been talking, he had known he had to go after him.

Which he almost regretted now, because by doing that he had given Lewis the chance to hurt him again. He was sure that had been Lewis' intention, though. To hurt him. To make him feel the pain he had caused Jackson.

Jackson.

With every passing day his dislike for Lewis' younger brother grew and now it was Jackson's fault he had lost Lewis completely. Just because he had done what Lewis wanted.

Okay, he hadn't stopped when Lewis had asked him to, he had to admit that, but he wasn't one to back off in the middle of something, other than Lewis obviously.

He still didn't understand why all of a sudden Lewis felt so much compassion for his younger brother when all Jackson had done over the years was hurt him.

Over and over again Jackson had broken Lewis' heart and over and over again Michael had been there to pick up the pieces, and still there Lewis was: feeling sorry for the pain he had caused Jackson through him. Jackson didn't deserve any of this.

But at least Michael had managed to break up Mark and Jackson, which had been his main goal right from the start, even though he had to lie to him. Even though he had to lie straight to his face, but he obviously was a good liar, because Jackson had immediately believed him when he had told him they had slept with each other.

Disgusted, Michael grimaced.

It wasn't like Jackson wasn't good looking - he was. Michael wasn't blind and he could see that, but he just couldn't get himself into doing something like that at all. He didn't think he was ever able to sleep with a guy at all. He had been straight all of his life, and he hadn't even ever wanted to try things with a guy, even though Lewis had offered once to show to him how it felt, but not even with him - a guy he trusted with his life - Michael was able to go through with it. He probably was the straightest guy of whole Seattle.

Sighing, Michael got off the bench and entered the hospital. He made his way back to his office, checking out some patient files and after one last round in the neurological section of the hospital, he decided to call it a night. His shift was over anyways and there was nothing else to do.

He was in no hurry to get home either, though. No one was waiting for him there, so why would he even bother to go home at all?

He was just about to reach the entrance when he heard a voice behind him.

"Doctor Holt!"

Immediately, Michael turned around, putting on a smile when he looked at Meredith Grey.

"Doctor Grey. What can I do for you? Something wrong?"

Panting heavily, Meredith needed a minute or two to calm down enough to be able to form a proper sentence.

"No... I mean... I just thought we could probably grab a bite to eat or something like that," she smiled.

Confused, Michael tilted his head. Not that this wasn't what he wanted from the moment he got here, but that it was Meredith who invited him for dinner still surprised him.

"You really think that's such a good idea?"

"Why not? Why can't two colleagues have dinner together? We're friends, right?" Meredith asked, looking up at him.

"Right!" Michael gave back, thinking about it for a moment, before nodding. "Okay... why not?" He offered his arm to Meredith and she linked arms with him.

They found a nice Italian restaurant and Michael really enjoyed Meredith's presence. She was still one of the most beautiful women Michael had ever seen and he still wanted her like crazy. But he wouldn't make that easy for her. He liked women to fight for him. Fight for what they wanted.

When they had finished dinner, Michael - of course - paid for it and guided Meredith outside, looking to the sky.

"What a beautiful night," he sighed, and when he looked down again, Meredith was really close to him all of a sudden, had approached him without him even noticing it.

"Yeah..." she whispered. "Thanks for the dinner..." With her hands in her coat pockets she looked up at him as if she was waiting for him to kiss her, but instead, he took a step back, immediately noticing the disappointed look on her face.

"You're welcome," he smiled. "See you tomorrow... good night."

"Good night!" he heard Meredith say, and then he turned around and made his way down the street to get himself a cab. He could literally feel Meredith's looks on his back, but he didn't turn around again. Instead, he got in a cab and told the driver his home address.

Soon, he was sure, soon, Meredith wouldn't be able to resist him any longer. Soon, Meredith would finally go for it, and then he would be there to just take it. Take her. And then he would have won against Derek Shepherd. He would have taken his wife and his job would be Michael's soon, too.

That night, Michael slept better than he thought he would, and when he entered the hospital the next day, he felt really self-confident.

He made his way towards Jackson's office and knocked, not waiting for an answer. Instead, he just entered and looked down at Jackson, who was sitting at his desk, looking pretty exhausted. All the things Michael had done to him had definitely taken his toll on Jackson, but he wasn't finished with him. Not yet. If someone could help him with his problem, it was Jackson.

"What do you want, Holt?" Jackson asked, barely looking up at him, and writing something down in one of his patient's charts.

"You have to do something for me, Jackson," Holt said with a sugar-coated smile.

"And what would that be?" Jackson asked sarcastically and Michael didn't like the tone in his voice. It immediately caused some kind of anger to bubble up within Michael's stomach.

"You need to talk to Lewis. He's still avoiding me and not talking to me for all the bullshit I put you through, and I want my best friend back." Michael gave back.

Jackson let out a laugh. "Are you fucking crazy?"

"No!" Michael hissed through gritted teeth. "You're gonna help me with this, or..."

"Or what?" Jackson interrupted him, getting off his chair and rounding the table. "What could you probably do to me someone else hasn't already done to me?" Jackson looked him directly in the eye. "Are you going to destroy my relationship with Mark? Oh, wait, you've already done that when you got me drunk and slept with me... you want to destroy my friendships? Well... you should control your checklist, because you managed to do that as well... there is not much you can still take from me. My job is already on jeopardy anyways, so if you have nothing better to do, feel free... go to Hunt and tell him whatever shit you want, so it's over and I lose my job. At least I won't have to see your face anymore then."

Michael stared at him in shock. He hadn't expected Jackson to throw all those things at him, and it pissed him off big time.

"You played your part in it. I couldn't have slept with you if you hadn't literally thrown yourself at me."

"You know what? I don't care anymore. Just leave my office, okay? I'm not gonna help you with Lewis, because guess what? This is on you and only you. You should have listened to my brother, because then you wouldn't be in this position right now." Jackson literally shoved him to the door and out of his office, and before Michael had the chance to do or say anything else, Jackson had already slammed the door into his face, leaving Michael all pissed off and frustrated.

"Asshole!" he cursed, turning around and about to round the next corner, when he ran into someone.

Instinctively, he grabbed the person in front of him, keeping her from falling to the ground by it, and when he looked down he looked into the most stunning blue eyes he had ever seen.

"I'm... I'm sorry..." he stammered, just looking at the redhead in his arms.

The woman steadied herself, smiling at him. "No, _I'm_ sorry. I didn't pay attention," she apologized.

For a moment, they just stood there, staring into each other's eyes, before the woman - obviously another doctor, judging by the lab coat she was wearing - started speaking again.

"You can let go again... I think I'm fine now... but thanks for keeping me from a very embarrassing fall to my backside."

"Right... sorry!" Michael replied, taking his hands off the woman's hips. "I'm Doctor Holt, by the way. Michael Holt. And I've never seen you here before, are you new?"

The Redhead let out a chuckle, and the sound was like music in Michael's ears. He was still pissed off at Jackson, but his mood was getting better with the second.

"Something like that," she replied. "I'm visiting old friends. Helping out with a case. It's most likely only temporary."

"Oh... what a shame," Michael gave back, smiling at her. "I hope I'll run into you again, then, Doctor...?"

"Oh, right! Sorry, I haven't even introduced myself. I'm Doctor Montgomery."

"Addison Montgomery? Do you happen to be related to an Archer Montgomery?" Michael asked, because he knew immediately, he had heard the name before.

"He's my brother," Doctor Montgomery replied. "You know him?"

"Kind of," Michael said, looking at her. "I can tell you over a coffee, if you want?"

"Some other time, okay?" Addison gave back. "I need to see Doctor Hunt, but I'm sure we'll see each other more often now. I think it might take a while to work on this case."

"I sure hope so," Michael replied, his eyes so glued to Addison, that he didn't even notice someone was watching them. He was sure this day was going to become a very interesting one, and he definitely hoped to see Doctor Montgomery again. Rather sooner than later.

**Addison Montgomery POV:**

Addison had no idea how much she missed Seattle until she had returned to the city. LA's sun and warmth was quite pleasant but there was something to be said for Seattle's rain drenched dewy mornings.

After her consultation with April she was really looking forward to helping the young woman out. She had to admit that Alex ending up with a woman as upbeat and perky as April came as quite a surprise. Maybe it was because of her own history with Alex, but she always imagined he'd up with a woman who was far darker than the bright light that Dr. Kepner had given off.

Somehow, Addison liked that Alex had grown up enough to find a woman who could bring out the joyful side that Addison had seen only in the briefest of moments.

If she was going to be here for the next few months she would need to talk to Hunt about setting up a proper office. The temporary one she had now was okay, but far from optimal for the kind of treatment April would require.

Making it to Hunt's office Addison knocked and waited until the man told her to enter before opening the door and walking in.

"Dr. Montgomery" Owen smiled "how are you?"

"Come on, Owen" she laughed " I think we've known one another long enough to drop the formalities. You can just leave it at Addison"

"Right, sorry" Owen laughed "this job kind of drills the formalities into your brain. What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if you could grant me permission to spruce up the office you've lent me. The cold steel and grey is a good look, but it doesn't really represent me, ya know?"

"Oh, of course" Owen smiled "Until you decide otherwise that office is completely yours and whatever you wish to do with it is fine by me"

"Thank you, Owen" Addison said "something told me you would be good at this"

The blush came quickly to Owen's cheek "I try the best I can"

Addison felt like coming here was definitely the right move. She could see the possibility of raising Henry here and she didn't completely hate the idea.

Hitting the button for the elevator she waited a few moments until it reached her and once the doors open she looked up to see that only person was inside. The guy wore dark blue scrubs which told Addison that he was an attending, although a young looking one at that. With golden skin and short dark curls the guy seemed pretty attractive, but the moment he looked up at Addison and gave a small smile he went from pretty attractive to ridiculously gorgeous.

"Hello" he said and he took note of the women's lab coat "new recruit, huh?"

"Yes and no" Addison told him warmly "I used to work here a lifetime ago"

"Welcome back" the man told her and held out his hand to shake "Name's Jackson Avery" and taking his hand Addison gave him a strong grip "Addison Montgomery" and on an instant the man's eyes seemed surprised and nervous.

The tick was almost unnoticeable, but Addison had caught it and it reminded her of something, or someone, from her not too distant past.

Jackson had scratched his neck and the second the elevator doors reopened Jackson gave her a quick goodbye and made his way down the hall.

Suddenly Amelia had come to mind and Addison had a wanted need to call her and make sure she was okay.

When she reached her office a smile came across her face as she saw Mark standing there waiting for her.

"I almost had you paged" Mark said with a laugh "you know how I hate to wait"

"Oh, believe me I know" she told him giving him a playful slap on the shoulder "come in and let me show you the office. I'm going to need some decorating advice"

"Not my forte" Mark said "but I'll do what I can"

"Are you kidding?" Addison asked "I've seen your apartment and it's better than mine is"

"True" Mark conceded "I am multi-gifted"

"And so humble too" Addison laughed which made Mark do the same.

"How about I take the tour later? I was wondering if you wanted to grab some lunch and I can catch up on how Seattle is treating you?" Mark said.

"I am never one to turn down a free lunch" Addison said "especially at that burger joint down the street that I like"

"Hey, I never said I was paying" Mark joked.

"It was implied, now let's go because I'm starving"

"Yes Ma'am" Mark said and looped his arm inside of Addison's and the two made their way back to the elevators.

One of the things Addison missed most about the city was the incredible cheeseburgers that Berman's Burgers made. Something so simple as beef and cheese was crafted into one of the best things Addison had ever tasted.

"So" Mark said after taking a bite of his burger "anything interesting so far?"

"Well, I've met with April and Alex and we started discussions about the best course of treatment and between me and you I think the two are almost borderline too adorable. It's not the kind of girl I would expect for Karev, but I have to say I kinda like it"

Mark gave a small grimace and looked down at his plate and Addison knew immediately that the man was hiding something "What is it?" she asked.

"What? Nothing"

"Maaark" she warned.

"It's not really my place to say" Mark told her.

"When has that ever stopped Mark Sloan before? And you know me, I'm going to get it out of you one way or another"

Mark looked at her and she could see he was debating with himself "The hell with it" he said "it's not like they hide their relationship"

"That's my guy" Addison smiled "now spill"

"Alex isn't with April" Mark said "he's been dating my physical therapist Lewis Avery for about 5 months now"

"That almost sounds like a guy's name" she laughed.

Another awkward look from Mark "That's because it is" and at the statement you could have knocked Addison over with a feather.

"You seem...perturbed" Mark said and Addison could almost swear she heard a note of fear in his face.

"No" she laughed "you know me, Mark. Love is love and anywhere you find it is good in my opinion, it's just.. unexpected I mean you know me and Alex had a thing for awhile there, but it's just the way he and April were with one another. They seemed so close and it's definitely still something there"

"It's very complicated from what I hear" Mark said "but both seem to have reached a good spot"

"I didn't know there were two Averys working at Seattle Grace" Addison said "he's not related to a Jackson Avery is he?"

Suddenly Mark's eyes seemed to bulge "You know Jackson?"

"We met in the elevator, right before I ran into you actually" Addison said "the guy is freaking beautiful"

"So I hear" Mark responded and looked back down at his plate "but yeah they're brothers"

Addison looked at her friend and she knew something was amiss "Am I missing something?"

Looking up Mark shook his head and smiled "No, it's just been a long morning"

He was lying and Addison knew it, but she also knew pushing Mark on a subject was always a bad idea.

"So, did I tell you that I got asked out for coffee?" Addison said.

"Already" Mark laughed "you don't waste time"

"Can I help it if I'm too alluring?" she joked "but it probably won't lead anywhere, still, he was pretty cute"

"Maybe you should give me the guy's name so we can have a discussion on how to be a proper gentleman over coffee" Mark said and it got a chuckle from Addison.

"Discussion, more like interrogation" Addison said "so for now I'll keep him to myself"

"Fine" Mark said "it's not like I can't do my own research"

"Try it and pay the price, Sloan" Addison said as she slapped his arm playfully "what about your girl, still complicated?"

The smile was wiped from Mark's face "Not so much anymore. Seems it's not as temporary as I thought" he told her "They've moved on"

"I'm sorry, Mark" Addison told him as she grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze.

Shrugging his shoulders Mark tried to pretend as if it wasn't painful, but Addison knew it was. It was awful enough that he lost Lexie, now to possibly loose this girl that had been amazing enough to even get Mark to consider another relationship made her heart break for the man.

"Hey, you're back now so it's not all bad" Mark said.

"Yeah, it ain't all bad" she repeated. She just wished that Mark could believe it himself.

Addison wasn't one to butt into other people's relationships, but she loved Mark and if this girl made him happy it couldn't hurt if Addison could just talk to her and help her see the bad decision she was making giving up Mark so easily.

She had somehow become a sucker for love and the look in Mark's eyes told her that when it came to this girl there was nothing but love there.

**Arizona Robbins POV:**

Arizona couldn't concentrate on her work at all. The fight with Mark yesterday still totally got to her and even Callie of course had noticed that something was wrong with her, but after asking what it was, Arizona lied straight to her face. If she would have told her wife about her fight with Mark, she would have also had to tell her why, and she couldn't do that. She couldn't go behind Alex' and Lewis' and Eli's backs like that. There were already too many people involved.

Arizona hated it to keep secrets from Callie, and she hated it even more to keep this special secret from her, but mostly she hated that she had to lie to Mark because of it.

Mark loved Jackson from the bottom of his heart and he should know the state Jackson was in. If it was her and if it was Callie who would be using, Arizona was sure she would want to know, but Lewis was probably right. It could throw Mark back a whole lot. He would be cleared for surgery in a couple of days. She had to wait at least that long, even though it wasn't easy.

"You okay?" a male voice asked from behind Arizona that put her immediately out of her daze.

"Yeah... I think so..." Arizona gave back, turning to Alex Karev.

"What about you?"

"I'm okay..." Alex replied, but the way he said it, made it more than clear for Arizona that he hadn't forgiven her yet, either, after the fight they had in Lewis' office. She hadn't seen Alex since then and felt like he was avoiding her, but he was coming to her now, so that was a sign, right?

"Alex... are... are we okay?" she asked concerned, looking up at him.

"Why wouldn't we?" Alex tilted his head, looking directly into her eyes.

"Yesterday... in Lewis' office... you have to believe me, that we're all on the same page here..." Arizona commented.

"Are we?" Alex bit back. "Because I remember you all thinking about reporting Jackson to Hunt and that is not the right way to help him."

"Alex, please," Arizona begged, grabbing Alex' arm. "If we're now also fighting, it won't help Jackson either. We all love him and want the best for him. You have to believe me, I'm just really worried about him."

Alex let out a sigh. "I know... and you're probably right, so yeah... we're okay."

A small smile appeared on Arizona's lips. "Really?"

Alex smiled back. "Really... besides... I don't think I'm the one you should try to make up with."

"What are you talking about?" Arizona asked, confused.

"Mark... Lewis told me about his fight with Mark and he mentioned that you might have had a fight with him before as well..." Alex replied, looking down at her. "Listen, I don't think it's good to keep him in the dark. He loves Jackson, and if it was me, I wouldn't want people I love and trust to have those secrets from me."

"What do you suggest? That we just tell him?" Arizona raised an eyebrow. "Believe me, I don't feel good lying to him either, but maybe Lewis is right. If we do this now, a week before he gets back to work, it could mean a relapse. Do you think Jackson would want this? And do you really think Jackson would want Mark to know about his... problem?" Her voice had become more and more quiet with every word she was saying.

Alex nodded. "Yeah... maybe you're right... still I don't feel really good about keeping him out of this."

"Neither do I... but for now it's for the best..." Arizona said, grabbing one of the patient's sheets on the counter and reaching it to Alex. "Ready for our first patient for the day?"

"Our?" Alex smiled. "That means Team Awesome is back on track, right?"

"Exactly!" Arizona chuckled, grabbing his arm and leading him towards one of the patient's rooms. She was relieved that at least Alex and her were on a good note again. It wouldn't be that easy with Mark, that she knew.

Arizona was just on her way out to get some lunch nearby when she saw Mark and Addison Montgomery entering the hospital. When Mark saw her, he immediately stopped in his tracks, not even bothering to look at her.

"Listen, Addison, I have to be somewhere. Is it okay if I leave you alone here?"

Addison let out a laugh. "I think I can manage the rest of the way, yes. See you later?"

"Yeah!" Mark replied. "See you later."

Mark turned around, about to leave the hospital, and that was when Arizona knew she had to do something. She had to hold him back. She passed Addison by with a quick greeting and then went after Mark, grabbing his arm, before he could get away any further.

"Mark! Please stop!" she breathed out, and when Mark turned around, there was this really cold look in his eyes that sent uncomfortable shivers down Arizona's spine.

"What do you want?" he asked distantly,

"Please... can we just... talk?" Arizona asked back, looking up at him.

"Okay... let's talk," he replied, burying his hands in the pockets of his black leather jacket. "You're ready to tell me what's going on with Jackson?"

Arizona twitched. Mark had never been someone to hold his anger back, but coming to the point directly, startled Arizona quite a bit.

"Mark, please... this is not on me to tell you..."

"No? I thought we're friends and can talk about everything, and if there's something wrong with Jackson, I need to know... he's my... he was my boyfriend and I still care for him..." Mark said bitterly. Arizona could tell that he was still really pissed off with everyone for keeping a secret about Jackson he didn't know.

"I know... but we're just worried about you," Arizona tried to convince him, but without much luck.

"You know what, Arizona? Save your breath for someone who's actually interested in hearing what you have to say. I don't want to hear your lame excuses if you don't mean them." Mark shook his head, a disappointed look on his face.

"But I mean it. I love you and I hate for us to fight. I can't stand it not being able to talk to you... Please, Mark. Don't hate me." Arizona pleaded, hoping it would have any effect on Mark.

"I don't hate you... I just hate the fact that you all think I'm too fragile to take the truth. Newsflash: I'm not... I survived a plane crash, I survived not only one broken heart, I will survive if Jackson has a new boyfriend..." Mark blurted out.

Startled, Arizona took a step back. "What?"

Mark rolled his eyes, annoyed. "Don't think I'm stupid, Arizona. I've seen him with this Ty guy... and it all makes sense now... you all in Lewis' office... Lewis obviously knows the guy, and he told me himself he's an old friend of Jackson... and he obviously doesn't only want to work here but get back into Jackson's pants..." he explained. "Yes, it hurts, but I can take it... because I'm stronger than any of you give me credit for. But you wanna know what disappoints me most? That neither of you believes in me. That all of you think I'm weak and will get a relapse just because my boyfriend has a new lover. Guess what, I won't... I'll be back at work next week, no matter what, and if Jackson is happy with this Ty guy, I'm gonna support him no matter what."

Mark turned around, taking a few steps away from Arizona, who was still way too stunned to react in any way.

"See you tonight, when you bring Sofia over... I really have to go now..."

And with this he was gone, and Arizona felt like someone had hit her on the head. Hard. Her mind started spinning around and she stumbled a few steps until she was back inside the hospital, where she found a bench to sit down.

Shit!

Mark had completely misinterpreted anything and everything and Arizona didn't even have the chance to make anything right again. Maybe she should have just told him that he was right, and then they would have been good again. Mark would have forgiven her for now.

But it would have made everything even worse once he found out the real truth, right?

Arizona's hands were shaking and she was sure she had to look pretty pale right now. She needed to talk to someone, because she just didn't know what to do anymore. She was on her wit's end, feeling a deep desperation rise within her. She needed to make things right with Mark. Not only for her own sake, but mostly for Callie's and Sofia's. It had been difficult enough in the beginning when Mark and her didn't get along, and she didn't want to put Callie through something like that ever again. And she really loved Mark and cared for him. She just had to make up with him, she just didn't know how without being able to tell him the whole truth.

**Eli Lloyd POV:**

Eli had spent most of his day distracted. So distracted that he had almost missed Arizona as he made his way back to the main lobby to recheck a patient's admittance form.

He had been heading on his way when he saw her sitting on one of the steps located at the far end of the hall, her head in her hands.

"Arizona?"

Looking up the woman appeared both shocked and slightly embarrassed "Oh, hey Eli" she tried to smile "I didn't see you there"

"I gathered" Eli told her "everything okay?"

Arizona was quiet for a moment "It's Mark" she said "we just had an argument. He's pissed off that it seems like everyone is lying to him."

"Everyone is lying to him." Eli responded "But it's for the greater good"

"Is it?" Arizona asked "We're all trying so hard to do what we think is best for Jackson, but the man is only getting worse every day and Mark knows something is wrong and the people he trusts; us, we're keeping it from him and he knows it. I'm lying to my wife and trying so hard to convince myself that it's worth it, because when all is said and done we can have Jackson back again, but I'm starting to think I'm just fooling myself"

With an empathetic sigh Eli took a seat beside Arizona "Nobody can ask you to put yourself through this, Arizona. It's not fair to you"

"I can't just ignore what's happening with Jackson" Arizona said "he's had such an awful 6 months and I'm just scared that he won't be able to pull himself out of it"

"Do you think Mark could help?" Eli asked "maybe he'll be able to take hearing about Jackson without relapsing"

"He thinks Jackson is sleeping with that Tyler guy" Arizona said bluntly "and I didn't correct him" she wiped another stray tear away "he was angry, but it looked like he could handle it and I started thinking that maybe it was better to let him believe that and avoid him feeling like he had failed Jackson in such a horrible way"

Grabbing her hand Eli gave it a light squeeze "You did the right thing" he told her "I know it doesn't seem like it, but I truly believe that once Jackson is better Mark is going to understand"

Turning her head she gave a smile to Eli "I hope so" and squeezing his hand back she stood up and pulled Eli up with her "I want to go talk to Tyler. See how far he's gotten. You think you can come with me?"

"Of course I can" Eli said "I just have to make a quick stop first and I'll meet you at Lewis's office in 20 minutes"

"Sounds good" Arizona responded "and thanks, Eli. It's nice to have someone to talk about this with"

"That's what friends do, right?"

"Right" Arizona said warmly and turning around she made her way back towards the main lobby.

Eli hadn't spoken to Jackson much in the past few weeks. Not that Jackson had spoken to many people at all, but Eli feared that one look in his eyes and Jackson would know that Eli was aware of his drug problem.

He didn't want the man to shut him out as he had done Alex and Arizona so, cowardly as it may have been, Eli had simply avoided him, or more accurately, let Jackson avoid him.

Now, there was no choice. Time was getting slim and with Mark returning more sooner than later they had to face this problem head on.

Standing outside of Jackson's office Eli took a deep breath before knocking.

"Who is it?" Jackson asked from the other side of the door.

"It's Eli" and hearing the man curse he heard a lot scuffling and it didn't take a genius to know Jackson had been doing something he didn't want anyone to know about.

"One minute" Jackson said followed by more movements and then Jackson swung the door open. Eyes dilated and face sweaty and the sight broke Eli's heart.

"What do you need?" Jackson asked, voice shaky.

"I need to talk to you, can I come in for a minute...please?"

"I'm really busy right now Eli and-"

"Please"

Relenting Jackson stepped to the side and let the nurse enter his office and the first thing Eli took notice of was the traces of white powder that Jackson wasn't able to wipe clean.

It was so much worse than Eli had thought.

"What is it?" Jackson asked as he scratched the back of his neck.

There was no room to tiptoe around the subject "You have to stop this, Jackson"

The man looked silently at Eli and then narrowed his eyes "Stop what?"

"You know what I'm talking about" Eli said "it takes one look at you to know what that powder on your desk means" and with wide, scared eyes Jackson rushed over to his desk and wiped it clean.

"Mark will be back in less than a week" Eli said "do you think he won't figure it out the instant he catches you like this" he added while waving his hand towards Jackson' desk.

"I guess that's another one" Jackson responded as his hands twitched "I should've known with seeing how close you and Dr. Robbins have become… She and Alex tell you this? Said that I had some problem because I don't want to be Alex's friend anymore?"

"Of course not" Eli said "look at yourself, Jackson. Do you not see how bad off you are right now?"

"What I see, Eli" Jackson told him "is this trend to constantly tell me what a fuck up I am. I hear it from Lewis. I hear it from Alex and Holt, then Dr. Robbins and now you"

"We aren't saying that Jackson we just care abou-"

"You just care about me and want what's best. You're worried and think I've changed" Jackson said "you all sound like the same broken record and I'm beyond tired of having to defend myself to you people so I'm not doing it anymore"

Eli noticed that with each word Jackson was becoming more erratic "Do you really think I don't mean it?" Eli asked "I remembered the way you were when you first came to this hospital and how upbeat and happy you were and to think that you're not that person anymore is...I miss that, Jackson"

The words had obviously had an effect and he expected Jackson to yell and scream. To shun him like he did with Arizona or punch him like he did with Alex, but surprisingly Jackson just looked hurt.

Before Eli could stop him Jackson had rushed past him and stormed out of his office. Leaving Eli standing there alone.

How could Eli even begin to fix something that was so broken?

When he finally reached Lewis' office he saw that the door was closed, but the closer he got the louder he heard the voices inside.

He didn't bother to knock and walking in he could see Tyler, Arizona, Alex, and Lewis having a very tense conversation.

Turning around they looked at Eli and after acknowledging him they all turned back.

"I just want to know if you made any progress" Alex asked Tyler.

"It's not that simple" Tyler told him "he's not just going to tell me what he's doing and if I try to confront him with it all he's going to is shut down, or get angry"

"We can't let him do surgery" Arizona said "I love Jackson, but we can't put patients, or this hospital, at risk"

"Don't you think I know that?!" Tyler responded angrily "I'm trying, but this man's life has been shit for the past half year and me piling on to it isn't going to accomplish anything"

"We're not saying that, Tyler" Lewis spoke to him softly "we're all just worried and we know that if there's any hope it's in you"

Eli watched as Tyler turned and walked across the room "We don't have a choice anymore" Eli said "I just came from Jackson's office and he... he.. he was using cocaine"

The room fell into an unbearable silence "We have all tried our hardest, but this is it and it's not even about the hospital. It's about keeping him alive"

"I know Jackson seems hopeless, but we've been here before" Tyler told the room "I just need to make him understand"

"You have two days" Arizona said "then we have to go to Hunt and hopefully he can force him into some kind of treatment"

"No" Alex said "Jackson could lose his job"

"I'll talk to Owen and try and make him understand" Arizona told him "but what happens if he tries to go perform a surgery?" she asked "what happens to him then?"

Tyler ran a hand through his short blond hair and Eli felt bad for putting so much onto him.

"I-I just need some air" Tyler said and walked out of the room.

"I hate this" Arizona said "I hate it" and the anger in her voice was so uncommon that it surprised the 3 men.

"I'll go talk to Tyler" Lewis said and before he left the room he grabbed Alex's hand tightly and the two exchanged a smile before Lewis left.

"We don't want to do this Alex" Eli said "I know what telling Hunt could mean, but Jackson is killing himself with each passing day"

Alex looked down and Eli could tell he hated that Eli was right.

"We've taken so much from him" Alex told him "this job is all he has left"

"He has us" Arizona said "and maybe Tyler can still help and reach him and if not I think it's time we do an intervention and let him know that we all love him too much to let him slip through our fingers"

"Where we all write him notes telling him how much his actions are hurting us?" Alex asked sarcastically "I'm sure he'll take to that very well"

"No" Eli told him "where we make him see that he has a family that will do anything to make him better"

"Exactly" Arizona said as she looked back and gave Eli and smile "we're his family and we refuse to let him destroy himself"


	49. Chapter 49

**A/N:** Hellooooo! :) Okay, a lot is gonna happen in Chapter 49 and I'm quite sure not everyone who's still reading the story is gonna like it… ^^" But I mean, see it that way: Another person CAN be some kind of addiction and one little thing can make you totally relapse… I hope, you don't hate us for what we're doing here… =)

Enjoy reading!

And maybe I'll be able to post another chapter tomorrow, if I finish "proof reading" it tonight… if not, it might most likely not be before next weekend!

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis took a few deep breathes once he stepped out of his office, feeling slightly unbalanced. Actually, he didn't really want to see Tyler right now, at least not alone. He didn't trust himself. But he was the only one that _really_ knew Jackson. That knew how to handle him and how to talk to him. He just hoped they really were able to talk. And not fight again.

His legs moved by itself, and he made his way to the elevators and went down, getting out in the lobby. Tyler had said he needed air, so he most likely was outside. Only a few steps and he would be with him.

He moved towards the entrance a lot slower than he intended to, but eventually, he was outside, turning around to look for Tyler, but he didn't see him.

At least not immediately.

It took him about two minutes, until he spotted him on one of the benches a few feet away. And he didn't look all too good. Pale, and stressed, and his hands were balled to fists.

Lewis knew that he was upset. Really upset. He still knew Tyler so well that it scared the shit out of him. It was like he could read him like a book. Just like back then.

He made his way towards Tyler and sank down on the bench next to him, causing Tyler to twitch.

"Relax, it's just me..." he quietly said, not looking at him at all.

"And that should calm me down how?" Tyler replied, and Lewis could feel his eyes on him. It was like they were drilling into his body, and when Lewis finally turned his head towards Tyler, he almost lost himself in this beautiful blue. Just like last time.

"I... I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to right now, but... we're in this together..." Lewis started talking. "I know we're putting a hell lot of pressure on you... especially in a situation like this... but you're our only hope."

"I know that!" Tyler replied through gritted teeth. "Don't think I'm stupid... I know I'm probably the only one Jackson still trusts, but I seriously don't know how to stop any of this... I wish I did..."

Shaking his head, Tyler looked down at his hands. "Why, Lewis?"

Lewis bit his lower lip, looking at him. "Why what?"

"You know what I'm talking about," Tyler gave back. "So don't play stupid..." He turned to look at Lewis again, and Lewis could tell that he was getting angry again, but the last thing Lewis wanted right now was another fight with him.

"I... I regret it, believe me... and if I could turn back time, I would, and I would undo everything I've done to him... I should have never pulled Michael into this thing, because if I hadn't, Jackson probably wouldn't be that bad off right now. And I would still have my best friend."

"Oh, now we're talking about you again. Like always. You're such an egoistic bastard, Lewis. But you're right about one thing, you shouldn't have brought Michael in at all... this was none of his business..." Tyler replied angrily.

"And now you need me to clean up your messes. Like always. I'm so sick of it."

"I'm sorry, Tyler..." Lewis said earnestly. "I'm really so sorry... I don't know what else to say..." Lewis felt like crying at that very moment, but he tried to be strong, because Tyler didn't need to have to take care of him, too.

"I know... and I believe you..." Tyler said a little calmer than before, and Lewis knew how much this whole situation already wore him out.

He knew that this was probably a bad idea, but Lewis just couldn't bear to see Tyler like this, so he moved closer to him and put an arm around his shoulder.

"What are you doing?" Tyler asked, looking at him, and Lewis could see that this touch did something to Tyler. Just like it did something to him.

"I'm here for you... because I think you need it right now..." He wrapped his other arm around Tyler and hugged him tight, feeling Tyler's resistance at first, but then Tyler leaned into him, and Lewis just let go.

He closed his eyes, inhaling Tyler's scent.

God, he had missed him so much and holding him like that almost felt like back then when they were still a couple.

Especially when Tyler started touching his back, rubbing his hands up and down. It sent shivers down his spine immediately, and his heart started beating faster and faster.

'Oh God... I never wanna let go again,' Lewis thought, feeling that he slowly but surely was losing control over his feelings. It was just so overwhelming and way too much in this moment.

"I... I should probably go back... back to Alex..." he said hoarsely, trying to calm down his breath, but without much luck.

"Can you... just hold me a little longer? It feels so good..." he heard Tyler whisper, feeling Tyler's hot breath in his neck as he lifted his head just enough so he could look at him.

"That's... probably not such a good idea..." he replied, letting go of Tyler immediately and getting off the bench to get some distance between them.

"Why? I thought you're so happy with Alex?" Tyler called after him and Lewis stared at him in shock.

"I am!" Lewis blurted out, and at least that was the truth. He was happy with Alex, and because of that, it shouldn't feel so good to be with Tyler. So right.

"Then it shouldn't be a big deal to stay with me a little longer, right?" Tyler asked, and got up too, moving towards Lewis until he was barely a foot away from him.

"It's no big deal... I just... have patients... and Eli and Arizona are probably also waiting for me to come back," Lewis lied, looking down to his feet.

"You've never been a good liar, Lewis. At least you were never really able to lie to me..." Tyler took another step towards him and grabbed one of Lewis' hands, placing it on his chest.

"Deep inside of your heart you know exactly that you're just afraid to admit what we both know..."

"And what would that be?" Lewis wanted to know, looking at his hand and feeling Tyler's heart beat really fast underneath his shirt.

"That you still love me..." Tyler replied without hesitating.

Immediately, Lewis pulled back his hand and let out a laugh. "You're crazy."

"Am I?" Within Seconds, Tyler had approached him again, touching his cheeks and forcing him to look at him.

"Can you look me in the eye and tell me that this kiss yesterday meant nothing to you? Tell me, you felt nothing, and I won't bother you ever again..."

Biting his lower lip, Lewis looked down at him, feeling his knees go weak, so he wrapped his arms around Tyler's waist and pulling him closer.

"It... it meant nothing..." he whispered, leaning down, so their lips were only mere inches apart. "I don't love you..." He had to close his eyes, because he just couldn't stand to look at him any longer, or he would not be able to resist him anymore. It was already hard enough and he was already way too close to him.

He felt Tyler move the both of them and then he felt something in his back. A tree, he assumed, and then there were Tyler's lips, barely touching his own.

"I don't love you either..." Tyler whispered against his lips and then his lips were on Lewis completely, literally ravishing them, nibbling at his lower lip, letting his tongue slide into Lewis' mouth as soon as Lewis gave him access.

Lewis leaned back against the tree, wrapping both of his arms tighter around Tyler's body and responding to the kiss in every possible way, breathing hard and hot in his mouth. His hands slid down, grabbing his butt cheeks and he could feel Tyler starting to get hard, slowly, but surely and it kind of woke him up.

"We shouldn't... I mean... I shouldn't..." he said slowly, trying to get some distance between them, but with him, trapped between the tree and Tyler's body it was almost impossible, and he didn't know if he wanted this to end either. He could feel his blood rushing through his veins and his whole body was shaking in anticipation. This was wrong on so many levels and every moment there could come someone and see them. It was dangerous, and Lewis knew he shouldn't want Tyler as much as he did, but his resistance was slowly fading, and he knew that Tyler felt it too. Because Tyler knew him just as well as he knew him.

"Tell me to stop and I will..." Tyler's words pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Why are you doing this to me, Tyler? I am happy with Alex!" Lewis tried again to clear his mind, but it didn't really work, as much as he hoped.

"Who are you trying to convince? Me or yourself?" Tyler asked with a soft smile. "I get he's a good man, but I know he's never gonna be another me... I'm the one for you..."

"Don't flatter yourself. You're not that unforgettable..." Lewis replied, hoping he was somehow convincing, and he wanted to be mad at Tyler so bad, but somehow he couldn't. Because he knew Tyler was right.

"Is that so?" Tyler asked, letting a hand slide down in between Lewis' legs. "Your body says otherwise."

Biting his lower lip, Lewis had to fight back a moan. "God, Tyler... you're driving me crazy..." The words just slipped out of his mouth before he had any possibility to hold them back, and he attached himself to Tyler's body again. He knew he was playing with fire here, but he had no idea how to stop anymore.

This wasn't a good idea. He could blame it all to Tyler afterwards, but deep down he knew he wanted this just as much as Tyler did.

"Not here!" Lewis hissed when Tyler started touching him, finally managing to push him off him and taking a step back. He knew he was blushing right now, but he didn't care. He just stared at Tyler, waiting for his next move.

**Tyler Browning POV:**

Tyler had been feeling the pressure ever since he had gotten Lewis's phone call in London. He was the one who helped get Jackson back from the brink all those years ago, but none of them knew how close Tyler came to losing him.

After losing his family Jackson had tried so hard to pretend that he wasn't affected, but Tyler knew he had been. It was in the way he avoided any talks of them or the way that when his birthday or the holidays came up he was just a little depressed. The relapse had started small then too. Something that Tyler didn't even pick up on until the man's erratic behaviour became far too obvious to ignore.

Then the arguments started and Jackson would disappear for days at a time and he always came back bloody and miserable. Tyler had begged him until his voice was hoarse, but it wasn't until Tyler had taken the choice out of Jackson's hands that he finally managed to make headway.

He had rented a cabin and convinced Jackson to go away with him for a weekend. Once there Tyler had locked the two in and spent the next four days drying him out.

The things Jackson said to him, about him, had been some of the worst things Tyler had ever heard. Tyler had done his research and knew that when an addict was coming down they could say and do things that they would never do normally.

Jackson had promised him anything if Tyler had just let him out. Sex, money, love and at its absolute worst Jackson had begged Tyler to kill him. Anything to stop the pain and Tyler had sat on the other side of the door crying and barely holding himself back from opening the door and pulling Jackson into a hug and asking for him to come back, to be who he used to be.

Once it had been over Jackson had been drained completely and he had spent the next three days in the hospital getting treated for the symptoms of withdrawal. Then came the rehab and slowly the old Jackson returned and he and Tyler had managed to have a relationship that was one Tyler would cherish forever.

The two had gone to hell and back and now Tyler had a group of people needing him to make that journey all over again. He couldn't fail, not when Jackson was on the line.

The dinner with Jackson had been the first time that Tyler had really seen the signs. The twitchiness and scratches to his neck and the need to go to the restroom every half hour or so told Tyler all he needed to know.

Now that Dr. Robbins had given him an ultimatum of two days Tyler knew he had no choice but to confront Jackson and knowing that had made the room feel suffocating and he had to get out. Get some air and try to catch his breath.

Tyler had been surprised when Lewis had come after him, especially after their last argument he was pretty sure Lewis was going to avoid him unless absolutely necessary, but there he was comforting Tyler and just like that Tyler had felt at peace. Even at their worst Lewis always made things better by being around.

That was why when Lewis was so close and smelled so much like he used to Lewis couldn't expect him to not want to kiss him, to hold him close and remember the last time Tyler's life wasn't complicated and falling apart a bit more with each passing moment.

He could feel Lewis' body react to his touch, to his kiss and he knew the man needed it just as bad as Tyler.

"Not here" Lewis told him and it wasn't a 'No' and it wasn't a 'Stop'. Grabbing Lewis' hand he led him back into the hospital making sure to avoid drawing any suspicious looks.

He had a mission and it was essential that Tyler saw it through. He had looked at every door as he walked down the hall.

"What are you doing?" Lewis asked him as he was pulled along.

"Looking for...there it is" he said as he turned the doorknob and thanked whatever higher being it was that was giving him this chance. Opening it up he saw that it was an empty on-call room and pulling Lewis in he quickly closed the door and locked it.

"We can't" Lewis said, but the minute Tyler pushed him against the wall and kissed him his protest died on his lips.

"Don't tell me you don't want this" Tyler said as he snaked a hand inside Lewis' pants and grabbed a hold of his cock. It was already half hard "because your cock is already telling me you do" and taking his hand out he quickly undid Lewis belt and undid his pants before pulling them, along with the guy's boxers down.

"Tyler-"

Sinking down onto his knees Tyler came face to face with Lewis' dick and it was just as beautiful as he remembered. Leaning in he kissed the head and the moan Tyler got from him spurred him on. Licking the underside he felt Lewis put a hesitant hand on top of his head and that was when Tyler took Lewis in fully and the hesitant hand turned into a grip as Lewis gasped out his name.

Tyler started slowly, but as he got more and more of Lewis' cock into his mouth he picked up the pace until his nose had settled into Lewis' pubes.

Then with a rapid speed he could feel Lewis grow harder and when he felt like Lewis was close he pulled off and stood up.

"Take off your pants" Tyler said and without hesitation Lewis kicked off his shoes and socks and then got out of his jeans. Tyler followed suit and once the two stood only in their shirts Tyler placed his hands on Lewis' ass and lifted him up to allow Lewis to wrap his legs around Tyler's waist and with his arms wrapped around Tyler's neck he was the one to kiss Tyler and snake his tongue in his mouth.

Grabbing his cock Tyler placed it at Lewis' opening and started to push in.

"Tyler" Lewis hissed as he felt the man go slow, but consistently. Tyler wanted to be careful because hurting Lewis was the last thing he wanted to do, but the moment he was inside of him all the memories came rushing back. Everything from the first time they made love until the last and all the ones in between.

"This is us" Tyler whispered in his ear "we will always end up like this because we are it for each other Lewis and you know that"

"Tyler, please" Lewis begged and bucking up into Lewis Tyler felt himself go in completely. Tyler felt Lewis use his legs to pull him closer and Tyler started to go faster.

"Tell me you missed this" Tyler said as he angled his hips and hit the spot that made Lewis' eyes roll to the back of his head "tell me you missed me"

"I missed this" Lewis told him as he looked Tyler in the eyes "I've missed you" then burying his head in Lewis' neck his body held Lewis firmly against the wall as he fucked him faster and felt Lewis bounce off his cock. Seeing Lewis, covered in sweat and lips begging to be kissed Tyler wondered how he had went so long without this. Fucking Lewis felt like breathing and Tyler knew he would need it for the rest of his life.

Putting his hand around Lewis' cock he started to pump it with the speed of his thrust and another gasp from Lewis sounded like music.

"I love you" Tyler said "I love you so much, I've always loved you"

"Tyler, I-I-"but before Lewis could finish he had released himself between their bodies and feeling him tighten around his cock Tyler followed suit and came inside Lewis with a force he hadn't felt in a long time.

It took a while for the two to come off their high, but once they did Tyler pulled himself out of Lewis and let the man down.

"That was amazing" Tyler smiled as he tried to pull Lewis close only to have the man snatch his arm away.

"Don't" Lewis told him "just don't...do anything" and he sounded both angry and sad.

"Lewis?"

"I have to go" Lewis told him "Alex is waiting for me and I.. have to go"

Tyler put on his own clothing and once both men were dressed Tyler walked over to him "You don't regret this, do you?"

"Of course I do" Lewis said "This is not who I am"

"It seemed like it was you five minutes ago" Tyler spat "why can't you just admit that this thing between us is still there and will always be there"

"Stay away from me" Lewis said and was about to turn around before Tyler yanked him towards him and gave another crushing kiss to the man's lips and Lewis tried to fight him off, but once again relented and returned it in kind.

Breaking away Tyler looked at the man "You can try to lie to yourself as much as you want to, but your body and your heart have never been good at it, not with me"

"Go to hell" Lewis said angrily and yanked the door open and made his way back to, what Tyler assumed, was back to his office.

After collecting himself Tyler straightened his clothing and walked out of the room.

Lewis could delude himself as much as he wanted to, but Tyler knew the man would come back to him. Their love was too strong for Lewis not to and until he did Tyler had a job to do.

It was time to talk to Jackson and he didn't expect it to be pleasant, but it had to be done. After going to the restroom to clean himself up Tyler walked to the younger Avery's office. Tyler had knocked briefly before opening it up and seeing Jackson sitting there looking out the window.

Swivelling around once Jackson noticed that it was Tyler a smile appeared on his lips. However, it wasn't the relieved happy smile that Tyler had been used to seeing from Jackson. This one was bitter and it matched the hard look in the man's eyes.

"Jackson?"

"I was wondering when you were going to show up" Jackson said "I was starting to get impatient"

Tyler knew something was wrong "You okay?"

"Of course I am" Jackson told him and the smile got wider "but something tells me no matter what I say you won't believe it"

"What?"

"Why did you come to Seattle?" Jackson asked as he placed his elbow on his desk and sat his face on a balled up fist.

"I wanted to see you?" Tyler said.

"Why?"

"I-I missed you, why else?" Tyler was feeling nervous.

"So why not come six months ago, or three months ago, why now?" Jackson's face looked curious, but Tyler could see the anger in the man's eyes.

"What is this Jackson?" Tyler asked.

"How's Lewis?" Jackson asked "surely you've had to see him by now"

"Of course" Tyler told him "but I'm not here to see Lewis"

"You may want to tell that bit of news to your dick" Jackson said "because I think it's very interested in seeing Lewis"

Tyler felt like his heart was seizing in his chest "What?"

"If you're going to lie to me, Tyler, you may want to find a better place to make out instead of right outside of the hospital" Jackson said and now all the mock pleasantries were out of his voice "of course dragging Lewis to an on-call room is a lot more private so at least you learn fast"

"Jackson I-" Tyler panicked

"Get out" Jackson told him and Tyler could hear the crack of emotion in his voice and the hurt was like a punch in the stomach.

"Let me explain" Tyler said as he felt like his vision was starting to tunnel. All he could see was how badly he had fucked up and now Tyler was no different in Jackson's eyes than everyone else.

"Save it" Jackson responded "I heard about your little meetings with Lewis and Dr. Robbins, with Alex, and Eli and I should have known you just showing up wasn't just a coincidence. I just wanted to believe so badly that I was going to have one person on my side"

"I am on your side" Tyler said and now his own voice was cracking as a tear rolled down his cheek "I always am". The words were useless and Tyler knew it. Jackson was already shutting him out and even though he could see Jackson was wiping away his own tears he was going to wash his hands off Tyler too.

"Get out or I call security to have you thrown out" Jackson said and turned back around to look out the window.

"Jackson, please-" Tyler begged

"GET OUT" Jackson yelled and it shook Tyler to his core. He had failed. He had failed everybody and now he had lost Jackson.

Rather than make the situation any worse he left Jackson's office but he had only made it halfway down the hall before he collapsed against the wall. His breath came in short spurts and he tried his best to gain control of them.

"Hey Tyler" Addison said as she rushed over to the man "you okay?"

He looked up at the woman and he tried to speak, but he was in the middle of a full panic attack and all that would come out of his mouth were harsh puffs of air.

"Calm down" she said as she rubbed his back "just sit down and tell me what's wrong"

Falling onto his backside he tried to concentrate on the soothing hands of the woman "J-Jackson" he managed to say and looking up and towards his room he could see the woman's eyes form an understanding that Tyler couldn't understand himself.

"Why don't you come to my office?" Addison said "I'll get you some water and we can talk. I think I may be able to help you with your situation" and grabbing his hand she lifted him up and led him towards her office.

Tyler had no idea what she meant, but right now he had no other options.

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis couldn't believe what had just happened. He felt weak in his knees long after he had left the on-call room, but he was still feeling Tyler everywhere on his body. His lips on his own, his cock buried deep inside of him. It was like Tyler had marked him all over again. As if he had put a claim on him and Lewis had no idea how he could ever be with Alex again without thinking about Lewis.

_Alex._

Fuck. He most likely still waited in Lewis' office. But Lewis couldn't face him right now. Not like that.

He found the next bathroom and closed the door and locked it from the inside before he went to one of the sinks, looking in the mirror. That just wasn't him. He wasn't a lying, cheating bastard. This was all Tyler's fault. If it wasn't for him, he would have never cheated on Alex. _Never._

He loved Alex, no matter what, and Alex was the one that had pulled him out of his whole messed up situation. If it wasn't for Alex, he maybe would still want to destroy Jackson. Alex had made him see things he wouldn't have seen without him. And Alex had made him want to be in a relationship again.

Alex didn't deserve this, and even though he had just slept with Tyler, he had to make sure it would never happen again. He belonged to Alex. Being with Alex was the right thing to do.

But why had it felt so right to be with Tyler then? Why did all of his heart cry for Tyler?

Tears were forming inside of Lewis' eyes and he was so glad that he was alone right now. He wasn't able to face anyone right now. He couldn't live with himself right now, and with what he had done. What Tyler had made out of him.

Why had he let it happen? Why hadn't he stopped him? Tyler would have never done anything he didn't want. He could have stopped him. He could have told him that he was not going to sleep with him. He could have just went away, but instead he had let Tyler led him into this on-call room and fuck him. Without a condom. Just like when they were still together. Tyler had pushed inside of him without preparation, and he hadn't even felt as much pain as he expected to feel, because Lewis had wanted it. His whole body had craved for Tyler and had opened up for him the moment they had started kissing.

_"This is us... we will always end up like this because we are it for each other Lewis and you know that"_

Tyler's words were still fresh in Lewis' ears and he hated himself for being so weak. For letting Tyler proof that he was right, because he was. Tyler was his soul mate, his better half, the love of his life, and even though he always knew he would never love anyone as much as he loved Tyler, Alex made him believe he could be happy without him. He could be in a relationship and just have a nice life. Not the perfect life, but still a good one.

And with one kiss, one fuck, Tyler had shattered everything Lewis had believed in.

Lewis felt a deep anger rise within him. He was so mad at Tyler, but he was even angrier at himself. He struck out and with one movement he hit the mirror and shattered it into a thousand pieces. He didn't even feel any pain, only noticed that he hurt himself with the broken glass when he saw the strains of blood running into the sink.

"FUCK!" he cursed, turning on the water, but immediately noticing that it was a deep cut and that it most likely would need stitches. He was a doctor after all.

He took some of the paper towels and pressed it on his hand before going to the door and unlocking it, only to find Nurse Eli standing right in front of it. One of the last persons he wanted to see right now.

"What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Eli replied, looking down at his hand. "What happened?"

"Nothing!" Lewis barked, knowing that the blood on the towels proved otherwise.

"You're bleeding," Eli noted matter-of-factly, looking behind him. "And there is glass. I assume the mirror?" Gently, he touched Lewis' hand and Lewis let him look underneath the towels.

"You need stitches."

"I know that, smartass," Lewis replied angrily. He didn't want to take his anger out on Eli, but he was there and there wasn't anyone else far and wide.

"Okay then. I can go and tell Chief Hunt there had been an accident involving a mirror in a bathroom, and get you someone to take care of your hand..." Eli suggested, and Lewis already hated this idea.

"Or?" he asked, knowing that there was something else to come.

"Or I can get someone to clean up this mess and then I and Sasha take care of your hand without anyone even knowing it. But under one condition..." Eli went on.

Lewis let out a sigh. "Which one?"

"You tell me what happened... Is there anything I... we all should know?" Eli asked, causing Lewis' heartbeat to speed up, because immediately, the pictures of Tyler came back flooding his mind. He was sure there was still "something" of Tyler inside of his body and he needed a shower, and he needed to go home, but he knew Alex would ask questions if he left without him. It was their home after all.

"It's... Tyler and I kind of fought... Don't worry, I know he's our best shot for helping Jackson, and I didn't do anything to him..." He turned his head towards the mirror. "But that's the reason the mirror is broken now. I took it out on the mirror..."

Now it was on Eli to sigh. "Okay... but next time try to find something less dangerous... you can be happy that it was me they sent out to take a look for you since you've been gone for so long."

"Who? What?" Lewis asked alarmed.

"Arizona had to get back to her patients, and she took Alex with her, but the two of them were worried about you. And so was I... and when I heard the noise in here, I stopped and that's when you opened the door," Eli explained. "I am going to let go and believe your story, but I don't know if Arizona or Alex would have let you off the hook that easy, okay?"

"Yeah... thanks, man!" Lewis replied, letting Eli guide him to one of the treatment rooms, sitting down.

"You sure you can do that?" he asked a little concerned, looking down at his hand. "You're just a nurse..."

"Yeah... that's why I'm going to get Sasha... she is just a nurse, too, but she has studied one or two semesters of medicine... she can do this..." Eli replied.

"No!" Lewis hissed. "Please... we don't have to involve any more people."

"You can trust her... and I won't tell her anything about Jackson or the others... just that you had a little accident and that we want to keep it off the radar..." Eli promised.

Sighing, Lewis gave in. "Okay... yes..."

He didn't feel completely comfortable with involving another person into this whole mess, but right now he obviously didn't have a choice if he didn't want Alex or the others to get even more suspicious. He just hoped, Eli was right and the other nurse wouldn't start to ask questions, but only ten minutes later he knew that his worries were for no reasons. The red-haired nurse stitched him up without even talking to him at all and when Lewis thanked her, she just left.

"Okay... what did you tell her?" he asked, looking at Eli suspicious.

"Just that a friend needed help," Eli replied, taking one of the bandages out of a closet.

"Do you really think that's necessary?" Lewis complained, causing Eli to roll his eyes.

"Yes, it is. You're a doctor, right? That's what you told me... and I'm sure you don't want to get an infection, so let me do my work, so we can all get back to our real work."

Nodding, Lewis reached him his hand and waited for him to finish up.

"Thank you!" Lewis said, once he got up from the bed he was sitting on and turning towards the door.

"You're welcome..." Eli smiled.

Lewis was already at the door when he heard Eli speak up again.

"You need to be more careful about what you're doing in here and around here, though, okay? People talk..."

Alarmed, Lewis turned around again. "About what?"

"Just be careful," Eli replied, leaving Lewis really suspicious.

Had someone seen him and Tyler making out outside the hospital? He wouldn't be surprised, because they hadn't been very careful at all. Hell, if his common sense hadn't kicked in, he would have let Tyler fuck him right then against the tree. But if someone had seen them, and rumours started spreading, he was screwed. He didn't want Alex to know about this under any circumstances. It was just sex after all and it wouldn't happen again. He would take care of it. He wouldn't let Tyler get to him like this ever again. He knew he had told himself that after their first kiss, too, but this time he really meant it. He needed to be with Alex. Alex was good for him, no matter if his heart told him otherwise. Being with Alex was right.

Making his way out of the room he decided to see Alex. Maybe it wasn't the best thing he could do, but it was the only thing he wanted to do right now. See his sexy, adorable boyfriend.

He made his way to the paediatric station and found Alex standing at the nurse's station, writing something into a chart.

"Hey Babe..." He whispered, hugging him from behind and kissing his neck. "Wanna take a break?"

"I just took a break," Alex chuckled, turning around in his arms and looking at him. "Any news about Tyler?"

Immediately, Lewis' whole body went stiff. "No... I mean... it's... it's a lot of pressure we're putting him under... but I think I managed to calm him down."

"Good..." Alex smiled, grabbing Lewis' hand and catching the bandaged one. Immediately, he froze.

"What happened? Did you two get in a fight?"

"No!" Lewis hurriedly said. "I just cut myself when I dropped a glass and wanted to pick up the pieces. Nothing to worry about."

"okay!" Alex smiled, lifting Lewis' hand and kissing it over the bandage. "I will make it better..."

"You already have..." Lewis replied, pulling Alex closer and kissing him with all of his heart. "I love you..."

"I love you, too!" Alex replied, hugging him and leaning into the embrace.

Lewis closed his eyes and placed his head right over Alex' stroking his back.

"We're gonna get through this... I promise... and we'll do everything in our power to help Jackson..." he whispered into Alex' ear, feeling slightly better with him by his side. He just needed to keep Alex close to him from now on, so Tyler wouldn't get the chance to seduce him again. Not to hard to achieve at all.

**Addison Montgomery POV:**

Addison had managed to lead Tyler back to her office as she heard the quick breaths the man gave as he tried to stand up straight and pretend like his heart wasn't beating 100 miles a minute.

Once inside she closed her door and sat him down in the nearest chair "Just try and relax" she told him as she walked over to her mini-fridge and pulled out a bottle of water.

Tyler sat bent over with his head between his legs taking very deep breaths "I hope this doesn't make you think less of me" Tyler told her from his position "I promise I'm usually a lot more put together than this"

With a laugh Addison tapped his shoulder and reaching up he grabbed the bottle and opened it up before quickly downing half the bottle.

"You can talk in complete sentences so it looks like you're getting better" Addison said and she walked around her desk and sat beside it "so if I may be so forward, what happened?"

Looking up at Addison the woman saw the dots of sweat line on Tyler's forehead and he looked far paler then she remembered. He looked hesitant to talk, but after giving him a warm smile she could see the man's shoulders relax.

"That friend I told you about-"

"Jackson"

"Yeah" Tyler said "he's having a really difficult time right now and I came here to help him, because it's what I had done in the past and I think I just really fucked it up" and realizing he had cursed he had offered an embarrassed apology "sorry about that"

"It takes a lot more then some colourful words to turn these cheeks red" Addison said and the remark made Tyler laugh.

"Duly noted"

"This Jackson wouldn't be Jackson Avery, would it?" Addison asked and Tyler's reaction told the woman that it most definitely was.

"H-How do you know him?"

"We actually shared an elevator" Addison told him "he introduced himself and I have to say he was a perfect gentleman. Until I said my name that is"

"What?"

"I don't know. I told him who I was and it just seemed like he had seen some sort of ghost. I think my reputation may have preceded me"

Tyler looked concerned "He seems...not himself and I hope you didn't take it as an insult"

"Of course not" Addison said "it's just..."

"Just what?"

"The way he looked at me, the erratic behaviour. I've seen that before" Addison said and she could see Tyler's hand start to shake.

"It's not what you think" Tyler told her frantically "I know it seems like it, but that's just Jackson and-"

"I get it, Tyler" Addison said "you've been protecting him for so long that you can't just shut that off"

Tyler looked like he wanted to protest, but he knew Addison was right "They called you here because they need you to fix him, right?"

Tyler simply nodded his head.

"I have this friend who actually went through something very similar" Addison said "it started small, just a glass of champagne here and there, then it turned to hard liquor which turned to pills and eventually they were so far gone that they weren't anything but a shadow of who they used to be"

Tyler sat frozen "What happened?"

"They started performing surgery while under the influence" Addison said "even brain surgery and by sheer luck nothing catastrophic happened, but all it would have taken was one second" she added "one second to completely destroy them, and that patient's life, forever"

"Jackson is smart enough to know that even attempting to do surgery is career suicide" Tyler told her "he's worked too hard to get where he's at to just flush it down the drain"

"So was she" Addison said "until she stopped being the woman I used to know. Tyler, I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but if you want to really help him you have to understand that the man you used to know isn't there anymore. Not if it's gotten so bad that they had to call you in from another state"

"So what do I do?" Tyler asked. She knew simply asking that question was one of the hardest things he ever had to do.

Addison hadn't planned on being in this situation. Her return to Seattle was supposed to be nostalgic and progressive and somehow she had stumbled into a situation that had reminded her too much of her past.

She had no obligation to help if she didn't want to. This Jackson Avery was a stranger, but Tyler was not and the idea of leaving him alone to deal with this was something Addison just couldn't do.

"You have to talk to the Chief" and the sentence had gotten an immediate reaction from Tyler.

"I can't do that!" Tyler told her "he'll lose his license"

"No" Addison said "he may get his privileges revoked, but it seems as if he hasn't performed surgery on any patient while under the influence and if we go to Owen now we make sure that won't happen"

"This job is all he has left" Tyler told her "They tell me he lost his friends, then this Mark guy, and if he gets his job taken away..."

"Mark?" Addison asked confused "Mark Sloan?"

"Yeah, that's him" Tyler told her distractingly "it seems as if the two had been really serious, but Jackson thought it best to end things"

Addison's mind felt like it had jumbled up into a hundred different pieces. It simply wasn't possible that her Mark Sloan could be the Mark Sloan Tyler was talking about.

It just wasn't possible.

"Does he know?" Addison asked "about what's going on with Jackson?"

Turning around to face Addison Tyler shrugged his shoulders "I don't think so" he told her "seems last time he was worried about Jackson he had a pretty bad relapse of his neurological disorder and since he comes back in a few days they think holding off until he starts work again would be the best plan"

Addison couldn't deny the logic. It just broke her heart that Mark couldn't tell her the truth about him and this Jackson guy and worse that he was obviously still hurting because of it.

Addison started to wonder how many did know. If Mark didn't know then Addison knew without a doubt that Derek didn't know either because there was no way that Derek would keep that from Mark.

"Can you keep this under wraps?" Tyler asked "going to Hunt will be bad enough, but if word starts to spread about why Jackson is gone, better or not, he would never come back to this hospital again"

"I can do that" Addison said and if you'll accept my help I think I know someone who can get a lot further than we can"

"Bring another person in?" Tyler asked "I don't think-"

"Believe me, Tyler" Addison interrupted "she will know how to get to him so much better than we can"

Tyler stayed silent for a moment "Okay" he relented "and thank you Addison. I know you didn't have to help me, but I really appreciate it"

"Hey" she smiled "I don't turn my back on friends" and Tyler gave her a smile.


	50. Chapter 50

**A/N: **So… I finished to read over Chapter 50… :) So here it is, without long rambling since I have to head out right now, but I hope, you're gonna like it… don't hate Lewis all too much, ok? ;-) The whole situation just sucks for everyone right now, but they are on a way to fix things!

Enjoy Chapter 50! (I seriously can't believe it's already chapter 50… wow :D)

**Lewis Avery POV:**

When Alex wasn't able to take a break or take the rest of the day off - he still had patients after all - Lewis had went back to his office and now he was sitting there, checking some of his possible new patients, even though it was hard for him to concentrate on anything at all.

When he was with Alex, it was way easier for him to shake off any thoughts of Tyler that might come to his mind, but when he was alone - just like right now - they came flooding back and there was no way of turning them off. He couldn't help but think about the moment they were finally together again. The moment when Tyler had entered him and made him complete again. Like the missing part of the puzzle was back.

It hurt to even think about him that way, but deep down in his heart Lewis knew that this was just it. That Tyler was his other half. That only Tyler was able to make him feel like that, even though he didn't want to tolerate this thought. Tyler had hurt him more than anyone else in his life before and Tyler maybe would do it again.

Alex on the other hand made him happy. Alex loved him, and Alex would never hurt him willingly. Alex meant safety and he just needed to concentrate on that. On what he and Alex were having. He just had to get Tyler out of his head, and he would. He managed to do so once and he hadn't thought about him in quite a while before he came here. Once Tyler was back out of his life, out of his sight, everything would go back to normal.

At least Lewis hoped so.

When he heard a knock, Lewis turned to look at the door, letting out a sigh.

"Come in, it's open!" he shouted, but when Tyler appeared in his office, he wanted to take his invitation back immediately.

Clinging to his desk, he took a deep breath before looking up at him.

"What do you want?" he asked coldly, trying to ignore the nervous flutter in his stomach and his quickening heartbeat.

"I need to talk to you!" Tyler replied, moving closer towards the desk and causing Lewis to get up from his chair and taking a few steps backwards until he reached the back wall.

"About what?"

"Relax, Lewis..." Tyler tried to calm him down, pointing to the open door. "Do you really think I would do anything with the door wide open? It's not about that..."

Lewis let out a relieved sigh. "Okay... then what is it?"

"It's about Jackson," Tyler replied. "And I think I messed up big time. He thinks I'm here for you and not for him..."

Confused, Lewis tilted his head. "Why would he think that?"

"Come on, Lewis... don't play stupid..." Tyler gave back. "Even he knows exactly that this thing between us is stronger than you dare to admit."

"Well, he's wrong..." Lewis gave back, even though he could tell there was something else. Something Tyler didn't tell him, but when he attempted to talk again, Arizona and Alex entered the office through the open door, closing it again immediately.

"What are you doing here?" Lewis asked, immediately getting into Alex' personal space and hugging him as if he wanted to proof something.

"Tyler asked us to come and here we are," Arizona replied immediately, looking at the blond guy in front of him. "So what is it?"

Tyler let out a sigh.

"I know you all relied on me, but I have to tell you, I messed up and I broke Jackson's trust."

"Wow!" Alex managed to get out. "You're here not even two days and you've already spoiled your chances with Jackson? Awesome work."

"Hey, stop it!" Lewis stepped in, looking at Alex. "You know that it's pretty hard to get to Jackson anyways, and I'm sure he tried his best."

"Why are you protecting him now, Lewis? I thought he was our best shot, and now he's literally telling us he can't do it." Alex replied, and Lewis could feel the anger rise within Alex' body. And he could see it, because Alex' whole body was tense.

"What happened?" Arizona interrupted, looking at Tyler with so much concern in her eyes, that it tore Lewis apart.

"We... we had a fight... sort of... and he threw me out of his office... and I'm pretty sure he won't let me near him again this soon... but waiting isn't an option, either," Tyler gave back. "We need to do something. Now."

"What do you mean? Do what?" Alex demanded, balling his hands to fists.

"We need to tell the chief," Tyler said, and one look in his eyes told Lewis everything he needed to know. That this was the last thing Tyler wanted to do but possibly the only thing to do anymore after all.

"Are you fucking crazy?" Alex blurted out. "He's gonna lose his job. He's gonna lose everything. Do you think he's going to trust anyone of us ever again if we make him lose his job now?"

"I don't think there is any other way. I'm really sorry, Alex."

"No, you're not!" Alex replied, and before Lewis could react in any way, Alex was already onto him, pressing him against the wall and looking into his eyes with so much anger that it almost scared Lewis. He grabbed Tyler's collar and stared at him. "You're not going to mess his life up even more, okay? If you go to Hunt, I swear, you'll regret it."

Arizona was way too shocked to react and Lewis knew that he had to do something, but for a moment there he felt paralyzed.

"You have no idea what you're talking about," Tyler hissed. "You haven't seen him the last time, but I was there with him every step of the way and don't think it was easy for me to see the man you love falling apart like that. See him suffer and in pain. It tore me apart but it was the right thing to do. And I would do it again, if it's necessary, but right now Jackson doesn't trust me enough to let me get to him again."

"Well... you obviously haven't done your job then. And you most definitely haven't done what we all expected from you," Alex spat. "You're not going to Hunt."

And that was the moment Lewis finally managed to react. He moved towards the two men and grabbed Alex' shoulders, pulling him off Tyler and grabbing his hands.

"Alex, look at me..." he said and it took Alex a couple of seconds to really focus on Lewis.

"I don't want to go to Hunt, either, and I'm sure, neither does Arizona..."

He took one quick look at the blond doctor who finally moved towards Alex, placing a consoling hand on his shoulder.

"I don't," she admitted. "But don't you see it? That's probably the only way for him not to lose his job. He hasn't done anything that could hurt people yet."

"And he would never do something like that," Alex replied.

Lewis nodded. "Not, if he was still the Jackson you know and love, but he isn't. Drugs can do that to you. Drugs change a person completely. He's not who he used to be anymore." He bit his lower lip, fighting back his feelings. "Alex, believe me, this is as hard for me as it is for you. He's my brother, and knowing that most of it is my fault kills me from the inside, but if we tell Hunt now, Jackson can get help, and then he can come back. He wouldn't be the first one to do so..."

"Exactly," Arizona agreed. "Remember when Derek made Webber go to rehab because of his Alcohol problem? And Webber had already made a mistake and operated on a person while he was on the influence of alcohol, even though it got covered up. But we can avoid it coming to that. We can keep ourselves and Jackson from covering something up..."

Alex looked at Lewis and Lewis could literally see that he was fighting with himself. "I doubt going to Hunt will make Jackson go to rehab after all..."

"Maybe not, but it's the first step..." Lewis gently grabbed his face and pulled him close. "I'm gonna fix this, I promise, but we need to be in this together... Okay?"

"Okay..." Alex finally gave in and Lewis kissed him gently, hugging him tight for a moment.

"I promise I won't jump the gun on this... I would say we meet again here tomorrow and then we go to Hunt all together... one person might not be enough to convince Hunt not to fire Jackson immediately, but if we all go and have Jackson's back, it might show him how much we all care..." Lewis said, and Alex nodded.

"Okay... but we'll talk about this again at home..."

"I promise..." Lewis gave back, kissing Alex one last time, before he and Arizona left his office, and he was alone with Tyler. _Again._

He turned around and looked out of the window, taking a few deep breathes.

"Give me time until tomorrow, okay? I wanna talk with Jackson one more time."

"You think that's such a good idea?" Tyler asked from behind.

It took Lewis a moment until he was able to turn around and face him. "I need to. This is all my fault and I know it. I need to tell Jackson one last time that I'm sorry and that I love him and that I will do anything to help him."

"I can't keep you from doing this, right?" Tyler asked.

A small smile crossed Lewis lips. "No!"

"Okay... then..." Tyler moved closer, placing both of his hands on Lewis' shoulders and looking into his eyes. "Just try not to make him any more upset, okay?"

Looking back at him, Lewis bit his lower lip, feeling the strong attraction between them all over again.

"I'll do my best..." he whispered, leaning down and leaning his forehead against Tyler's.

"You should go now..."

"Yeah... I know..."

Against his expectations, Tyler really let go of Lewis and turned around. "Let me know how it went..."

"I will," Lewis promised, watching Tyler leave his office, even though a voice inside of him literally screamed for him to hold Tyler back, but he wouldn't. It was the right thing not to, even though all of his heart was craving for him, but there had already happened way too much between them.

Shaking off his thoughts he made his way out of his office too. He needed to talk to Jackson. He at least owed him that much. He owed him to give him one last chance.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

"So, tell me Jackson" Gary said from the other end of the phone "this New York thing, you're still up for it?"

Jackson was in the middle of lunch, nothing big. A salad and bottle of water. He found that his appetite wasn't as strong as it used to be, but he figured it was always good to put _something _in your stomach. It was better then passing out in the middle of the O.R.

"I'm thinking about it" Jackson told him "I have to prepare for this huge surgery with Mark and then we'll see"

"Mark" Gary laughed "he wouldn't happen to be the reason for this hesitation I hear in your voice, is he?"

"Of course not" Jackson chuckled "it's just this will be his first surgery back and I just want to make sure it goes as smoothly as possible"

Gary was silent on the other end of the line and it made Jackson feel anxious "You still there?"

"Of course" Gary told him "I was just wondering if this break-up with Mark was maybe a little premature"

"No" Jackson said "I think it was for the best. He needs to focus on making himself better"

"Okay" Gary said "then how about you focus on making yourself better. You've been saying you needed to get away from those people for quite awhile now. I'd even spring for a Broadway show"

That got a hearty laugh out of Jackson "I've seen enough Broadway shows to last me two lifetimes" Jackson said "my granddad is a very enthusiastic fan"

Before Gary could respond he heard someone knock on his door and without waiting for Jackson to respond Lewis walked in.

"Hold on, Gary" Jackson told the man annoyed "What?" he asked Lewis impatiently "I'm busy"

Lewis looked like he was a second away from turning around and leaving "I-I was wondering if you had a minute to talk"

"No"

"Please, Jackson" Lewis begged "it's important"

"And I told you I was busy" Jackson stated. Putting an emphasis on each word "now if you don't mind" and waving his hand towards the door he turned his head away and back towards his desk.

Lewis stood there awkwardly for a minute and just as he turned to leave an idea popped into Jackson's head.

"Wait" he said to Lewis "Gary. I'll call you back, okay?" and after Gary said his goodbyes Jackson hug up the phone and looked at Lewis with a smile.

"What can I help you with?"

Lewis was nervous and it showed in the way he stood with his hands stiff against his side and body rigid "I came here to try, probably in vain, to ask you one more time to try and get help"

"Hmmm" Jackson responded curiously "is that so?"

"Yes" Lewis said "I know what has happened to you over these last few months is my fault and believe me when I say I'll never forgive myself, but I'm trying to make up for it now. Just please give me a chance"

Jackson cocked his head to the side and looked at Lewis as if he was pondering something "Remember that week after mom and grandpa shipped me off to that Paris boarding school?"

"Y-Yes" Lewis told him confused.

"Remember when I called you crying and begging you to talk to them. To convince them to let me come home, not that Mom's place really was home, but it was better than another country where I didn't know a single person" Jackson sat back in his chair.

"You remember what you said to me?"

Jackson could tell Lewis remembered by the appearance of shame in his eyes "What did you say, Lewis?"

"Jackson I-"

"What did you say, Lewis?"

Jackson watched his brother's gaze avoid him "You told me it's what I deserved for letting dad die" his voice was one of cold steel and anger.

"I was young Jackson" Lewis said "I was young and stupid and taking out my anger out on the wrong person"

"I should've realized then" Jackson told him "I should have realized that having you in my life was a bad idea, but I didn't. I kept trying to make you love me, Lewis" Jackson folded his arms atop his desk "I spent the next 15 years of my life thinking that if I could just make you proud of me, if I just took all the abuse you shovelled my way. That one day you would love me like the brother I always wanted you to be"

Jackson could see tears appear in Lewis' eyes and it made him furious. "I'm sorry, Jackson. If I could go back in time and take back every horrible thing I've said and every horrible thing I've ever done to you ,believe me, I would"

"Sure you would" Jackson said unbelievingly "I mean you have two men to try and impress with that Halo you've put above your head"

"What?"

"I saw that little show you and Tyler put on outside" Jackson said "I have to admit I was a bit surprised you two would be so brazen, especially with Alex working right inside"

The look of absolute fear crossed Lewis' face and it caused Jackson to smile "I told Alex you were bad news, but hey, at least I was proven right"

"It's not what you think!" Lewis told him in a panic "Me and Tyler were-"

"You and Tyler were what?" Jackson asked "going over charts, playing cards...because I have to say I have done neither of those things by sticking my tongue down someone's throat"

Lewis remained silent, but Jackson could see his hand shaking.

"You want to hit me, don't you?" Jackson asked "I can see it in your eyes. You may say all these nice words about wanting to build a better relationship, but the second I talk back. The second I don't show you the respect you think you deserve and that old Lewis comes roaring back and all you want to do is put me in my place"

"That's not true"

"Don't bother lying to me, you were never that good at it" Jackson said "I only asked you to stay so I could reach my point"

"What would that be?" Lewis asked.

"I could give a shit what you or Tyler do with one another " Jackson told him "but I do think Alex would find it quite interesting"

"Is that a threat?"

"Not a threat" Jackson smiled "just a warning. I won't breathe a word of this to Alex"

"If?"

"You tell your little group of wanna be saviours to stay off my back" Jackson told him "No more of these heartfelt confessions and talks of wanting to make me better. You make them keep their distance and I will gladly let you continue screwing over Alex to your heart's content"

"Jackson" Lewis pleaded "that thing with Tyler was a mistake and I promise it won't happen again. To tell Alex will do nothing but hurt him"

Shrugging his shoulders Jackson grinned "Then you probably should have thought about that before banging Tyler in an on-call room"

"Please"

"It's not fun, is it Lewis?" Jackson asked "Having your mistakes lorded over your head and forcing you to do things you don't want to. Wait til' the sleepless nights start and you wake up everyday wondering if that's the day you'll lose the most important thing in your life"

"I'm sorry, Jackson" Lewis cried "I truly am"

"Just do what I asked" Jackson told him.

Lewis stood there for a long stretch of time and Jackson knew he was convincing himself that this was the right thing to do. If Lewis Avery was anything it was selfish and when it came to protecting his own interest Lewis would always do that first.

"So, do we have a deal?"

"No" Lewis told him "Go and tell Alex. It's going to hurt like a bitch to loose him, but loosing you is something I could never live with"

"I'm serious Lewis!" Jackson said angrily as he stood "I will tell Alex what you and Tyler did"

"I know you will" Lewis told him "and I'll deal with the fallout, but I mean what I said, Jackson. You are the most important thing in my life right now and I have had those sleepless nights over losing you and I will do whatever I have to in order to save you from yourself"

Jackson could feel his blood boiling. After all these years of wanting to hear those exact words from his brother Lewis was throwing them back in his face in order to prove how much better he was than Jackson.

"Get out of my office" Jackson said through gritted teeth "now"

"Jackson-"

"Now" Jackson warned and slumping his shoulders Lewis turned and headed out of Jackson's office.

Jackson was not going to let Lewis come out of this as the good guy. Not when he had come to Seattle to strip Jackson of everything and succeeded. All Jackson had now was his job and Lewis had long since threatened that also.

_It wasn't fair _Jackson thought _it just wasn't fair_

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis couldn't help the tears that were running down his face, and he was just glad he was completely alone in the hallway right now. That no one was there to see him like that.

Until he heard a familiar voice call his name and turned his back on the other man immediately, taking a few steps in the opposite direction.

He couldn't face Tyler right now. He had messed up. _Again._ He had tried everything to make Jackson understand that he was more important to Lewis than anything or anyone in the world, but it had been too late. Of course Jackson didn't believe a single word he said and Lewis couldn't even blame him for it.

If it was the other way round he would probably have told himself to go to hell a long time ago, and he wouldn't have been as patient as Jackson was.

He had done everything wrong. Everything was just falling apart and the person in Jackson's office wasn't his brother anymore. He wasn't the person he used to be and Lewis just wanted his brother back. He just didn't know how.

"Lewis, please wait!" Tyler called from behind him, but Lewis just sped up.

"Leave me alone!" he sobbed, but his voice sounded a lot weaker than he intended.

He was glad when he reached his office and entered it, leaning against the wall next to him and sinking to the floor. He pulled his legs close to his body and really started crying. He couldn't be strong anymore. He just had to let it out. It tore him apart from the inside, and he knew he would never forgive himself if he couldn't make Jackson better.

Hell, Jackson could die because of the drugs. Something could happen to him, and then he would never know that Lewis truly regretted what he had done and that he wanted to make it up to him.

Suddenly, he heard the door of his office being shut and mere seconds later there was someone sitting down next to him. He could feel the warmth radiating from the other body. And then there was an arm, snaking around his shoulder and trying to pull his shaking body into an embrace.

At first, Lewis tried to push Tyler away, tried to hesitate by moving away from him, but Tyler wouldn't let him.

"Go away!" he cried, trying to control his tears, but he couldn't.

"You said it yourself..." Tyler replied. "We're in this together and I won't leave you alone right now. You need me."

"No! No, I don't!" Lewis disagreed. "I didn't need you the past five years and I sure as hell don't need you now. Please... why can't you just leave me alone?"

"Because I love you!" Tyler commented matter-of-factly, and hearing him say those words, the words he was longing to hear for the past years, hit him really hard.

"Stop saying such things! Just stop, okay?" he literally screamed, summoning all of his strength and getting out of Tyler's embrace so he could get to his feet.

"But it's the truth." Tyler got to his feet himself and grabbed Lewis' hands, holding them in a tight grip in his own. "I love you and you love me. And I need you right now. Just as much as you need me..."

He let go of Lewis' hands and placed his own at Lewis' cheeks, gently wiping away some of his tears.

"What happened?"

"What do you think?" Lewis blurted out.

"Jackson put a mirror in front of my face and made me see the truth. Made me see how awful I have been to him in all those years. Tyler, he..." Lewis voice broke and there were new tears coming. Tears he didn't want to cry, but he felt like everything was falling apart and he hated it. Especially because it made him see how Jackson must have felt all those years, and all because of him.

"Shhhht..." Tyler said, pulling Lewis in another embrace and this time Lewis didn't fight him. He just sank against Tyler's chest and cried.

"I'm... I'm so sorry that I pulled you into this... Tyler, I'm sorry..." he whispered, burying his face in Tyler's shirt and clinging to him.

"It's okay... I'm here for you... I got you..."

"But it's wrong..." Lewis said after a while, looking up to him and into his eyes. "I have everything Jackson wanted... I took it all away from him. Now in his eyes he doesn't have any friends anymore, he doesn't have Mark and now he's losing his job... and it's all my fault..."

"But you're about to make it up to him, Lewis..." Tyler replied, gently rubbing his back.

"And what if I can't?" Lewis asked with a serious look in his eyes. "He... he just threatened to tell Alex everything if we don't back off."

"He did _what_?" Tyler asked back in disbelief. "I never thought he would use this against you... against us..."

"What?" Immediately, Lewis took a step back. "You knew that he has seen us?"

"I just found out about it when I talked to him either," Tyler defended himself.

"You should have told me the moment he told you," Lewis said, his whole body still shaking. He felt so weak and powerless all of a sudden and was just glad he didn't have to see a patient anymore today.

"I didn't want to upset you... and... I thought he would keep it to himself... and I'm sure you wouldn't have wanted me to mention it in front of Alex and Arizona," Tyler remarked.

Nodding, Lewis' shoulders sank down.

"Okay..." He took a few steps towards the black leather couch at the other end of the room and sank down on it, leaning back.

"I... I just don't know what to do anymore, Tyler... I... I'm losing him... we're losing him..."

Tyler moved towards him, sitting down next to him and taking one of his hands into his own.

"We've already lost him... all we can do now is try to get him back... to make him see and understand that he's destroying his life." Tyler said, gently stroking the back of Lewis' hand.

It felt so good. Lewis felt so safe and secure, and for a moment there he just wanted to turn back time to a moment when he and Tyler had still been happy.

"Can I?" he asked, pointing into Tyler's lap and with a small smile, Tyler nodded.

Lewis lay down in Tyler's lap and closed his eyes, feeling Tyler's fingers starting to stroke his hair and he just wanted to enjoy for a moment. Allowed himself to feel what he shouldn't feel. He knew it was wrong and he knew he shouldn't do it, but he needed to be with him right now. Only with him. He needed to feel Tyler's presence and Tyler's touches and smell his scent.

"Remember when we were still together and I used to fall asleep in your lap when we were watching TV like that?"

"Of course," Tyler chuckled. "And it always took a lot of me to get you awake again."

"You had your methods..." Lewis opened his eyes, looking up at him. "I... I don't want to loose Jackson... I don't know how to live with myself if something happens to him... he's my brother... and it's like I just realized what I put him through all those years just because I was blinded by my hate and anger..."

"You can make it up to him..." Tyler replied, still stroking Lewis' hair and with the other hand holding Lewis' and making him feel so much better with every second.

"What if it's too late for that? What if he doesn't forgive me?" Lewis let out a sigh. "You know what? I can live with the fact that he maybe will never talk to me again, as long as he's alive and okay... I need him to... to get better... to stop doing the drugs, and to get his friends back. We're all on his side here, but he won't see it... he thinks we're all betraying him..."

Lewis entwined their fingers, bringing their hands to his chest and holding it there.

"I just don't know how we can ever get through to him again, if now he doesn't even trust you anymore..."

"I know you all relied on me, and I'm sorry..." Tyler said, and the guilty look on his face literally killed Lewis.

"No!" he said immediately. "There is nothing you could have done..."

"I don't know about that..." Tyler replied, and then there was silence between them, and they were just there, holding each other, being close to each other.

Lewis just wanted to lay there and never open his eyes again, because then he would have to face reality, and he wasn't ready to do that just yet. It was still wrong to find this kind of comfort in Tyler and not in Alex, but he couldn't change how he felt. He could just take responsibility for his actions and if that was what it took to make Jackson see how much he cared, it was a price he was willing to pay.

**Tyler Browning POV:**

Tyler had been apprehensive about Lewis talking to Jackson from the moment the man had told Tyler of his plan. He thought it best not to tell Lewis about his own worries of having Jackson and he alone in a room, but he didn't want another argument with the man.

So once Lewis left Tyler waited in his office for 15 minutes before going down and making sure everything was okay.

Tyler knew it would be bad and he knew Jackson was going to be vicious, but seeing Lewis so devastated still ripped his heart apart. Tyler would never be okay with seeing Lewis cry...with seeing him hurt. Something within the man railed against it and Tyler had to make it better...make Lewis better.

Lewis was still too lost in his own emotions to give much protest and once he walked into the man's office and saw Lewis sitting against the wall he wanted to show the man that Tyler was here and he wasn't going anywhere.

He wasn't sure what Jackson had said to Lewis, but whatever it was it had to be absolutely brutal. Lewis was rarely one to show this kind of emotion so publicly. Tyler had seen him like this only a handful of times and it was usually when Tyler had awoken to the sound of Lewis crying silently beside him in bed and Tyler would always turn him around and pull the man into a hug and just let Lewis cry until he fell asleep.

Twice it had been the birthday of Lewis and Jackson's father, once during the anniversary of his death, and once when the family hadn't heard from Jackson in close to a month and the real possibility that his younger brother was dead had caused Lewis to breakdown.

That was why when he heard about the things Lewis had done to Jackson Tyler had been angry, furious even, but that image of Lewis holding him tight as the fear for his brother took control was always there and Tyler knew deep down that Lewis loved his brother more than he was ready to admit.

It was just so unfortunate that now when Lewis was ready to open up to Jackson, to show how much his brother meant to him, it seemed to be too late.

When Lewis had asked Tyler if he had minded if he laid his head on the man's lap Tyler agreed in an instant. It reminded him so much of the way the two used to be before all the complications had started.

Running his hand through Lewis' hair he could feel the man's body relax and Tyler's own sense of anxiousness was dwindling as well.

This was the comfort the two could offer one another. It wasn't always on-call room sex and passionate fights. It was in the moments like these that Tyler missed what he and Lewis used to have most.

Tyler knew Lewis was fighting a war within himself. One look into the man's eyes and Tyler could still see the love coming out of Lewis in waves. His words were saying that he was over Tyler, but his body...his eyes...told a completely different story and Tyler was tired of denying himself the thing that had made Tyler the happiest he had ever been.

"You know what this reminds me of?" Tyler asked Lewis as he wrapped a curl around his index finger and heard Lewis give a satisfied smile as he closed his eyes.

"What?"

"Our third date" Tyler told him "We went to see that Batman movie and it gave you a bad case of vertigo"

"Oh yeah" Lewis laughed "that camera was so jumpy and the screen was so big"

"So I brought you back to my place and we put on the television and I made us some steaks, but you were still feeling dizzy and I told you to lay on my lap"

"I remember" Lewis said as he turned his head and looked up at Tyler "it took the dizziness right away"

"That moment was the moment I knew I was going to fall in love with you" Tyler told him and Lewis's warm smile faded into one of insecurity.

Lifting himself up Lewis smoothed his hair out "Tyler-"

"We shared our first kiss that night" and grabbing Lewis' chin with his two fingers he brought the man's face closer to his own "I was so scared that I was going to fuck it up and you were going to lose my number"

"You've always been a good kisser" Lewis said "a really good one"

"You too" Tyler smiled "those lips were practically made for it" and seeing Lewis look down bashfully Tyler lifted his chin back up and brought their lips together.

It was tentative at first. All cautious exploration, but seeing as Lewis wasn't backing away Tyler brought the man's lower lip into his mouth and sucked on it lightly. Lewis tasted like Tyler had always remembered, sweet with just a hint of something dark and strong underneath that made Tyler addicted to it completely.

Sticking his tongue out he ran it across Lewis' lips and once Lewis opened his mouth to allow access Tyler stuck his tongue in Lewis' mouth and massaged the other man's tongue with his own.

Tyler felt like his whole body was on fire. His skin screamed for Lewis and had been doing so for longer then Tyler cared to admit and now that he had Lewis here it only wanted him more.

Leaning forward Tyler pushed Lewis down on the couch the two sat on and laid down on top of the man. The kiss only grew more intense and feeling Lewis wrap his arms around Tyler's back he grinded his pelvis against Lewis' own.

"Wait. Wait" Lewis said pushing Tyler off of him "I can't"

Pushing off Lewis Tyler shook his head "I'm sorry" Tyler told him "I guess I just got lost in the moment"

Lewis looked shaken up. "You can't keep doing these things, Tyler" Lewis said, but there was not a trace of anger in his voice, just sadness. "I'm with Alex and I promised him that we were going to make this work"

"I know" Tyler told him "I can't seem to stop screwing things up, first Jackson and now you"

This time it was Lewis who grabbed Tyler's face "I told you that you didn't screw anything up with Jackson. He was gone long before you got here and the truth is it was unfair for us to put all that pressure on you"

"I've been there before" Tyler responded "I know how bad it gets and I should have anticipated this reaction and now he won't talk to me"

"It's the drugs" Lewis said "they have a hold on him and all we can do is try our best to snatch him back"

"Tomorrow is going to be hell" Tyler told him "after we all go to Hunt and Jackson has to deal with it he's going to go ballistic"

"We'll take it" Lewis said "every horrible word he says to us we'll take and show him that none of us are going anywhere. We will help him get better and if it means dealing with his anger we will do that"

"You have changed" Tyler smiled "for the first time I really see how much you love him and I think that will get to Jackson eventually"

"I hope so"

Tyler pulled Lewis into a hug and buried his head into Lewis' neck "Thank you"

"No, thank _you_" Lewis said "I am happy you're here to help us"

"I wouldn't be anywhere else" and the two were staring at one another when a knock sounded at Lewis' door and Alex walked in with a tired smile.

"Hey babe, you ready to head out?" and taking notice of how sombre the two looked he appeared concerned "everything okay?"

Breaking away Lewis shook his head. "Yeah" Lewis told him "I made the mistake of trying to talk to Jackson one last time and it didn't go that well"

The look of sympathy came across Alex's face "I'm sorry, Lewis" and walking over Alex grabbed his hand and pulled the man close to give him a quick kiss on the lips.

Tyler felt a burning white rage of jealousy that he knew he had no right to feel. He thought it best to leave, before he made a horrible scene.

"I'll catch up with you two tomorrow" Tyler said as he headed out of the office and turning around he gave one last look at Lewis who was being hugged by Alex.

Returning his gaze Lewis gave a small smile to Tyler before wrapping arms around Alex and with that Tyler turned and left. Pushing down the pain that had settled into his chest.

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis felt uncomfortable here in Alex' arms. It was different than with Tyler, and it made him uneasy at that very moment. Maybe because he had almost lost control _again_. If he hadn't come to his senses... god knows what Alex would have walked into. He was glad he managed to get Tyler off him, though, and even though he would love to blame Tyler for everything, Lewis knew it wouldn't be right. And he knew he had wanted this just as much as Tyler.

"Can we get out of here now?" he asked, once he let go of Alex enough to look into his eyes.

"I can't wait," Alex replied.

Gently, Lewis touched his face, looking deep into his eyes.

"I love you, you know that, right?"

A confused smile appeared on Alex' lips. "Yeah. I know, baby... what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Lewis lied. "It's just... the whole thing with Jackson... and with Tyler being here... it's all a bit much for the moment... but I don't want you to think anything has changed between us just because my ex-boyfriend is here."

"Who also happens to be the love of your life, Lewis... I know that... and I've seen the way you look at him. Don't think I'm stupid," Alex replied, causing Lewis whole body to stiffen.

"What... what do you mean?" he stammered, hearing his blood rush in his ears. Did Alex know anything? Had Jackson already told him about him and Tyler? But if he had, Alex wouldn't be so relaxed, right?

"I mean that I know that a part of you will always love him... and there's nothing wrong with it. You wanted to marry him, and that's something you don't forget just like that... even after five years," Alex said, grabbing both of Lewis' hands and stroking the back of his hands.

"But I trust you, and if you tell me there's nothing going on between the two of you, I believe you. Even though I could understand if you wanted to get back together with him."

Lewis swallowed hard, feeling a flash of pain wash over him. Alex was just too good to be true, and now would be the perfect chance to be honest with Alex. Alex didn't deserve to be lied to, but the fear of losing him was way bigger, and so Lewis just kept quiet and just leaned against him, laying his head on his shoulder.

"I don't..." he said after a couple of seconds. "We... Tyler and me... we're over... he's my past and you're my future. I wanna be with you."

"Okay," Alex gave back, turning back and smiling at him. "He's probably not worth it anyways."

Raising an eyebrow, Lewis looked at him. "What do you wanna say by that? What do you know, Alex?"

Alex let out a sigh, shrugging. "It's probably not my place to tell you, but maybe I was right all along when I assumed this Tyler is back here not only to help Jackson, but to get back together with him."

"What makes you say that?" Lewis wanted to know, already assuming that he wouldn't like the answer, and he was right.

"Back then... before the plane crash... Jackson and I had job interviews in Miami... we wanted to leave Seattle Grace Mercy West for good and start over... but then the crash happened and Jackson realized he wanted to be with Mark..." Alex explained. "Long story short... when we were there, we went to a party the night before we were about the head back to Seattle and Jackson spent the night with someone."

"So?" Lewis asked, his voice shaking, because he had an idea where Alex was going with it, but something within him hoped he was wrong. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"It was a guy... and I'm sure it was Tyler... maybe..." Alex looked at him, biting his lip. "Maybe Tyler got the wrong idea back then and now he is back to go on where they left off..."

"I..." Lewis started, but stopping again immediately, shaking his head to get those thoughts out of his head. He didn't know about that. Not that this was any of his business anyways, but the thought of Tyler and Jackson killed him. He needed to ask Tyler about it, but he didn't want to believe that Tyler had lied to him the whole time. That it was a lie when he had told him that he loved him. It couldn't have been a lie.

"You okay?" Alex asked, pulling him out of his thoughts with his question.

Lewis nodded immediately, putting on a fake smile. "Thanks for telling me about this... I'm gonna find out what this is about tomorrow."

"I can talk to Tyler, if you want..." Alex suggested, but Lewis shook his head immediately.

"No! I have to do that myself... but it's really no big deal, and it's none of my business... I still can't believe that this is the reason Tyler agreed to help us. He's not like that," Lewis defended him.

Alex shrugged. "Okay... if you say so... I just thought it was good if you knew."

"Yes, thank you," Lewis replied, feeling really uncomfortable right now.

"Now this is cleared, can we go home now, please?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, let's get out of here..." Lewis replied immediately, relief washing over him, because it was like Alex had read his thoughts. Leaving the office with him he locked it and left the hospital and getting into his car with Alex. He loved it to be able to leave together with him and come back here in the morning with Alex by his side. It felt good. It felt natural. He was just happy to have him and he wouldn't mess that up again.

He was glad when they were back home at their apartment, and once they were in, Lewis immediately got rid of his shoes and jacket.

"I'm gonna take a shower, okay?" he said, feeling to urge to wash all of Tyler's traces off him, because somehow he still felt them as if they were burned to his skin, and especially with the knowledge that Tyler and Jackson had spent a night together a few months back, he didn't want to think about him any longer.

"Okay..." he heard Alex say and headed to the bathroom.

Immediately, he got rid of his clothes and standing underneath the warm water, he started to relax and feeling better immediately. That was, until he heard the door and only a minute later a naked Alex sneaked inside of the shower, hugging him from behind.

"Hey Babe..." Alex smiled, and started kissing his neck, and it immediately made Lewis feel guilty again. More than guilty.

"Hey..." Lewis replied, turning in his embrace so he could face him and look into his eyes. "What are you doing here?" He forced himself to smile, even though he didn't feel like it at all.

"I thought we could save some water and taking a shower together," Alex grinned, letting his hands slide down Lewis' back and grabbing his butt cheeks. When he pulled Lewis close, Lewis could feel his beginning erection and closed his eyes.

"I... I'm... I'm sorry, Alex... but I can't..." he whispered, looking away and trying to get out of his embrace.

"What's wrong?" Alex asked immediately, gently touching Lewis' shoulders and rubbing them. "Are you okay?"

Lewis shook his head. "No... No I'm not... it was all... too much for me today..." he admitted. "And the thought of having to tell Hunt tomorrow that Jackson is using kills me from the inside... because I know it's my fault... I'm sorry, I can't have sex with you right now..."

He pushed Alex away just enough so he could get out of the shower and take a towel.

He wasn't even out of the door when he felt Alex hug him from behind and hold him close.

"It's okay, Lewis... we don't have to have sex... really..." he gently said and Lewis just leaned into him.

"I'm really sorry," Lewis apologized again, and it definitely wasn't only because of him not being able to have sex with him, but Alex didn't know that.

"Don't be..." Alex turned him around softly and looked in his eyes. "I really understand you... You think this is easy for me? Because I can tell you, it's not... and sex... is just something I know... something I usually do to deal with my problems..."

Lewis leaned against his chest, closing his eyes, trying to find the same comfort he found in Tyler's embrace, but he didn't. Alex was awesome, and understanding and the absolute sweetest guy Lewis could imagine, but he just couldn't let go in his arms. Not like he was able to let go when he was with Tyler.

Why couldn't Tyler just leave him alone and only take care of Jackson? Now they had been close again he felt like an addict on cold-turkey. Tyler was so close and yet he wasn't allowed to touch him, to kiss him, to be with him, but with one kiss and one fuck he had made him feel everything all over again. All the love, all the emotions were back. He had never been addicted to anything, but he felt like he was addicted to Tyler and he was having a relapse right then, not knowing how to ever be in a normal relationship with Alex again with Tyler around the whole time. So close and yet so far away. It was killing him.


	51. Chapter 51

**A/N: **And here we are… with Chapter 51… and some kind of „showdown"… things are starting to get „real bad" now, but we promise, it's gonna get better eventually… We're happy some of you are still with us and enjoy the „adventures" we put our guys and girls through! :-)

Enjoy Chapter 51!

**Alex Karev POV:**

Morning had come far too early for Alex.

He had spent the night holding Lewis in his arms and it made him feel better. It staved off the inevitable butterflies in his stomach as his mind raced through a hundred different scenarios.

Alex wondered what the fallout would be. Would Hunt give Jackson an option of getting help, or would he just fire the man outright?

How would Jackson react? Angrily and with a string of curse words, or would this be the thing that shattered him beyond repair?

The morning would not be good for anyone and looking across the table at Lewis as the man picked at the eggs and bacon Alex had made him Alex grabbed the hand that was laying next to Lewis' plate.

"You should eat something" Alex said "and I know how much you love my eggs."

Looking up Lewis gave him a weak smile "They're great. It's just I don't have much of an appetite."

Giving Lewis a tight grip Alex tried to be reassuring "I know today is going to be rough, but-"

"Can you just give it a rest, Alex?" Lewis said agitated and snatching his hand away he stood up and walked across the room.

"I would if you just talked to me" Alex told him "This isn't easy for any of us and you shutting me out won't make it better" and looking down Lewis slumped his shoulders.

"I'm sorry" Lewis said "it's just...are we doing the right thing?"

Standing up Alex walked over to Lewis and grabbed his hand again and pulled him close. "I won't lie and say I didn't have my reservations about going to Hunt" Alex told him "thinking about what this would do to Jackson makes me nervous but-"

"But?"

"But I trust you, Lewis, and you believe this is the right thing to do and after thinking about it I know this is the only way to help Jackson before he does something that we can't pull him back from."

"So just because you trust me?" Lewis asked and something unreadable passed in his eyes.

"Not just because I trust you, but that's a part of it" Alex told him "I realized that it's time to take action and Jackson will be furious, but in the end I truly believe this will help him"

"What if it doesn't, though?" Lewis asked "What if Hunt decides that having a drug addict on staff isn't worth the trouble?" Alex could feel Lewis start to shake "Jackson has worked so hard to become what he is and if he loses it I just..."

"He won't lose it" Alex told him "I know Hunt and the man is all about second chances and Jackson has proven himself to be a great surgeon. Hunt knows that."

"He's going to hate us, ya know?" Lewis said "It won't be just words this time."

"Probably" Alex responded "he'll blames us and despise the fact that he even knows us, but when he comes out of this on the other side he will see what we've.. what you've... done for him and he will be grateful"

That had gotten the first genuine smile from Lewis Alex had seen all morning.

"Has anyone ever told you how amazing you are?" Lewis asked as he kissed Alex.

"I've heard rumours." and with a laugh Lewis pulled him into a long hug.

"So how about we finish breakfast and then head to the hospital?"

"Sounds good."

The moment Lewis and Alex walked into Seattle Grace they headed straight for Lewis' office and saw the small crowd waiting for them.

Arizona, Eli, and Tyler stood outside of Lewis' door and all wore the exact same expression of worried patience.

"Waiting was driving us insane" Arizona said as she approached the men "we thought it best if we got this done and over with as soon as possible"

Alex felt the knot in his stomach return and suddenly his words to Lewis that morning didn't seem to do much to ease his own worries.

"Are you sure we shouldn't wait until later?" Alex asked "Get our heads more wrapped around the idea?"

"None of us would be able to concentrate" Eli told him "I saw Jackson come in this morning and he said hello to me and I just stood there like an idiot, because I couldn't stop thinking about what we were going to do today"

"You okay?" Tyler asked and turning towards the man Alex could see him looking at Lewis and although Alex was almost sure that Tyler had come back to start things back up with Jackson it didn't stop him from wanting to keep the man a safe distance away from Lewis.

"Fine" Lewis told him and his voice was tight and the anger was evident to everyone, but Alex was the only one to know why and he wondered if telling Lewis about Jackson and Tyler in Miami was a good thing after all.

"Let's just do this!" Lewis told the crowd as he opened his door and quickly dropped his belongings on his desk "the sooner we get this done the better"

Tyler looked at Lewis concerned and Alex resisted the urge to yell out that Lewis and his feelings were Alex's concern, not Tyler's. Playing the jealous boyfriend was the last thing Lewis needed right now.

Making their way to Owen's office Arizona was the one to knock and she looked at the four men standing behind her before Owen told whoever was at the door to come in.

When all five people entered his office Owen looked at them surprised.

"Wow, a party. It's not my birthday is it?" he asked with a laugh, but seeing the sobering expressions of his staff he quickly realized that something serious was going on.

"We need to talk to you" Arizona said "it's about Jackson… Avery"

Owen nodded his head in understanding "I know he's been causing issues for a while, but I've talked to him and he's been written up so he knows that if he causes anymore problems he's going to be suspended"

"That's not it" Alex said "and for the record neither of those altercations were his fault" and feeling Lewis gently nudge him in the side he shook his head.

"Sorry" Alex spoke "it's just...this isn't about those incidents, at least not directly"

"Then what is it?" Owen asked.

"Jackson has been having some difficulties over these past few months" Lewis said nervously "between running the Plastics department and... other personal issues we believe that he may have found an unhealthy way of dealing with it"

Owen looked at Lewis confused "Unhealthy way?"

Alex had been the most resistant in telling Hunt, but when the moment came to actually tell him what Jackson was doing he saw that all the others couldn't seem to do it.

Lewis looked like he wanted to speak, but the words wouldn't come out and the rest looked everywhere except for Hunt.

"Jackson has started using recreational substances" Alex told Owen.

"Drugs?" Owen asked as he stood and Alex nodded his head yes.

"Is this true?" Owen asked the rest of the group and they all nodded their heads in affirmation.

"I need you all to be very clear what you're telling me" Owen said "because these are some very serious allegations"

"We know" Eli responded "we all thought very hard about coming here, but Jackson is a good surgeon and we don't want to see him throw everything away"

"Who all knows?" Owen asked.

"Just us" Arizona said "we've all tried to talk to him, but he doesn't really think he has a problem so he has shut us out."

Looking at Owen Alex could tell the man was furious.

"How long have you all known?"

Looking at one another the five suddenly realized that keeping it a secret as long as they had could mean that Jackson wasn't going to be the only who would be reprimanded.

"A few weeks" Alex said "but it only got out of control over the last week or so."

Running his hand through his hair Owen was stressed "You know what this means, don't you?"

"We were hoping you could force him into some sort of treatment facility" Lewis said "I think if he knew his job was at stake he would go for it"

"It's not that simple" Owen told him "I just put a second physical altercation report in his record and now that I have to report this also Jackson won't have a job here anymore."

"WHAT?" Alex yelled "you can't be serious?"

"I'm very serious Karev" Owen said "I can't have a known drug user on staff, let alone running a department"

"He needs help" Tyler said "not to have his career stripped away"

"You think I want to do this?" Owen told him "I know how talented Jackson is and to see it all wasted is shameful, but it's out of my hands"

"This hospital did it for Dr. Webber" Arizona said "why not Jackson?"

"Dr. Webber was a celebrated 30 year surgeon who had run this hospital brilliantly" Owen said "Jackson doesn't exactly have the same resume as Richard."

Alex felt as if the ground had fallen away from under his feet. This was the worst case scenario and now it was actually happening.

They had officially taken away the very last thing that Jackson could hold onto.

"There has to be something we can do" Lewis said "if he loses this job he'll..." he couldn't even finish this sentence.

Owen looked like he was thinking something over.

"If he takes a voluntary leave of absence and gets the help he needs I can try my best to keep it under wraps" and at the statement Alex felt like he could breath again.

"Thank you" Tyler said.

"Don't thank me yet" Owen responded "I have to go talk to Avery and then call Sloan and tell him that he'll need to come back sooner then planned"

At the mention of Mark's name Alex could see both Lewis and Arizona eyes widen. They had forgotten the other part of the equation. With Jackson gone someone would have to step in.

Mark had no idea what was going on and to find out this way was going to make him furious.

"Mark doesn't know anything about what's happening" Arizona said "could you maybe leave out the part about why Jackson is leaving out and let me tell him?"

"Dr. Robbins" Owen said tensely "I suggest you worry less about Mark Sloan and more about you and your co-workers here. You all willingly let a substance abuser continue working in this hospital for weeks on end. That will not go unpunished" and with that Owen walked out of his office and headed to what Alex presumably believed was Jackson's office.

Once Hunt was gone all five stood in his office in silence. Alex suddenly felt constrained, as if the room was far too small to stay in.

"I need to get to work" he said and was about to walk off when he felt Lewis grab his arm "Alex-"

"I can't right now" he said and pulled his arm out of Lewis' hold "I just can't" and the moment he left Owen's office and disappeared around the corner to an empty hallway he took a deep breath and willed himself not to get sick.

It could have gone worse in there with Hunt, but with Jackson's career on the line and he, Lewis, Arizona, and Eli facing reprimand Alex knew it could have gone a whole lot better also.

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis looked at Arizona and Eli and he could literally see the fear in Arizona's eyes.

"Shit! He's gonna hate me..." she said, looking like she was about to burst in tears any minute, but Eli was there to step in.

"He's your friend. He's gonna know that it was for his best not to know what's going on..."

Arizona let out a laugh. "Yeah? You think so? We let him believe that..." She looked up at Tyler. "We let him believe that Jackson had a new boyfriend instead of just telling him the truth."

"Me?" Tyler asked, seeming slightly surprised by this suggestion.

Lewis rolled his eyes. "Of course you, smartass. I already told you that Mark has seen you and Jackson...""

"Yeah, but I thought you told him that there is nothing going on between us..." Tyler gave back.

Lewis crossed his arms above his chest. "I didn't have the chance, because when I didn't want to tell him who you really are he cancelled our last therapy session and I haven't talked to him since. But maybe he wasn't that wrong about it after all..."

Raising an eyebrow, Tyler looked at him.

"Okay, where's that coming from now?"

"You should ask that yourself... and maybe think about what you're doing before you actually do it... and about the consequences..." Lewis bit back, feeling the anger from last night rise up within him again.

"I have no fucking clue what you're talking about, Lewis, and if you go on talking in riddles, I won't talk to you anymore at all..." Tyler blurted out, getting cut off by Eli.

"Guys! Guys, stop it!" he said gently. "I have no fucking clue what's going on here right now, but it doesn't help at all, okay? We should probably try to get back to work or... or something like that..."

"Good idea. Since I highly doubt Jackson is going to talk to any of us ever again after what we did..." Lewis commented.

"It was the right thing to do, and we all agreed on it," Arizona interrupted, earning a nod of Eli and Tyler.

"Whatever..." Lewis waved dismissively. "I'm out of here... I'm gonna go look for Alex... I think my boyfriend needs me now." He especially emphasized the word 'boyfriend' with a look into Tyler's eyes and then he was out of the door.

He just couldn't bear being with any of them any longer - especially not with Tyler. He was still so fucking pissed off at him, and so disappointed, even though deep down he knew he had no right for it.

They hadn't seen each other in years when Tyler had slept with Jackson and he had no right to be mad at him about something that probably meant nothing. But maybe it meant that Tyler and Jackson would always be each other's weakness, and that was what scared the hell out of Lewis, because he already knew he was falling back under Tyler's spell, and he didn't want him to have the power to hurt him again like last time.

Lewis made his way to the paediatric station and found Alex in the hallway, obviously about to enter a patient's room, so he had to be quick.

He moved towards him and grabbed his arm. "Alex, wait!"

Alex barely looked up at him, shaking his hand off. "Lewis, not now, please..."

"But we... we have to talk about this... I need you right now, and I know you need me too..." Lewis replied, looking at Alex. "Please..."

"I... I can't... Not now, okay? I need to see a patient..." Alex said, turning around.

A deep desperation started to rise within Lewis. "Please..." he tried again, but Alex just went away. Shut him out completely.

"It was the right thing to do..." Lewis called after him, but Alex didn't even bother to look at him anymore.

Lewis let out a sigh, waiting for a couple of minutes, hoping Alex would come back, but when he didn't, he turned around and walked back to his own office. He had barely opened the door, when he noticed Tyler inside of it, turning around the moment he saw him.

"Okay... what the hell was that about?" he asked, and the anger in his voice was visible.

Lewis shrugged, rounding his desk and sitting down on his chair. "I have no idea what you're talking about..."

"Save it, Lewis! You know exactly what I'm talking about!" Tyler replied, placing both of his hands on Lewis desk and looking into his eyes. "What's all the talk about me and Jackson again? I thought we cleared that..."

"Yeah, I thought so, too! You just forgot to mention that before you came here you two spent a night together..." Lewis could see the confusion in Tyler's eyes for a second or two, but then he seemed to understand. "Makes me wonder if your motives of coming here really were to help Jackson, or if you wanted to take him away from here and go on where you left of."

"That's not fair, Lewis, and you know it. You have no right to talk to me like that!" Tyler said angrily. "This was months ago, and it was nothing I planned. I hadn't seen Jackson in years and then he was standing right in front of me... possibly starting to work in our hospital..."

"So you thought why not doing everything to make sure he stays by getting your dick shoved up into his ass?" Lewis got up and rounded his desk again, stopping in front of Tyler.

"Do you think this is funny? Do you think it's easy for me to watch you kiss Alex after we just had sex?" Tyler asked, and there was a flicker of pain in his eyes.

"This is all your fault. Why couldn't you have stayed where you were? Why couldn't you just ignore my call?" Lewis stared at him, trying, not to get lost in his eyes. "Because of you I couldn't sleep with Alex last night, because all I could think about was you."

"What?" Tyler asked, the surprise visible in his eyes.

"You... you make it impossible for me to be happy with Alex, because whenever he kisses me I think about you, and when he holds me, I wish it was you instead of him... and when he wanted sex last night I said I couldn't because I was too upset, but in reality it was because of you... this is all your fault... You sleep with me but in reality you want Jackson..." Lewis blurted out. He actually hadn't wanted to give away that much, but he just needed to let it out, even though all of a sudden he couldn't bear to be in the same room with Tyler anymore.

"I want you to leave my office now..."

He looked deep into his eyes, making sure Tyler saw how angry he was, but it was not only anger that led him to say all those things. Mostly it was jealousy.

"Or what?" Tyler gave back, moving closer until their noses were almost touching, and that was the moment Lewis lost it completely.

He crushed his lips against Tyler's, kissing him as if there was no tomorrow and making Tyler stumble backwards in surprise. He caught him by the hips and grabbed his butt cheeks, pushing him backwards until he was trapped in between Lewis' desk and his body.

"You have no right to talk to me like that..." Tyler breathed into the kiss. "This thing with Jackson has nothing to do with us..."

"Is that so?" Lewis hissed, kissing Tyler over and over again. He just wasn't able to stop himself, and he needed him right now. More than anything else in the world. He needed Tyler to fill that emptiness in his heart he was feeling in that very moment and he needed Tyler to make him feel something. Anything.

He grabbed Tyler's Shirt and literally ripped it open, barely noticing the sound of the buttons when they hit the floor. He started attacking Tyler's neck, feeling Tyler's hands grabbing his shoulders and holding onto him, feeling Tyler's hardening erection at his body, and grinded into him.

"Tell me you want me..." Lewis whispered into Tyler's ear before capturing one of his earlobes in between his teeth and biting and nibbling on it, feeling Tyler's whole body shivering in anticipation.

"I... want... you..." Tyler hissed, barely able to speak anymore. They had always been good at this - especially after they had fought. The sex had always been hottest when it had happened right in the middle or after an argument, and Lewis' whole body was twitching in anticipation. He wanted Tyler so much, it literally drove him crazy.

When Lewis started moving downwards, he left a wet trail of his tongue on Tyler's chest, sucking at both of his nipples alternately, while his hands were busy, opening the button of his jeans, pulling down the zipper. With one swift move he pulled down Tyler's jeans and boxers, and his cock almost sprung out.

Grabbing it, Lewis started massaging it, before he leaned forward and taking the head into his mouth, not wasting any time with foreplay and immediately starting to suck and lick on it. He let his tongue dive into the slit, before he started moving his head forward and back, deep-throating Tyler within a short amount of time. He had always been good at this, really good, and he knew exactly how Tyler liked it.

He moved his hands to Tyler's butt cheeks, hearing the low and throaty moans of him, when he started pushing them apart and teasing his hole with his fingers.

His whole body was on fire and with every second it became more and more difficult not to lose control completely. He wanted to be inside of Tyler. Needed to be inside of Tyler, and he needed it now. His jeans were so tight that it was already really painful and feeling so much desire for a man he shouldn't even be with right now made everything just that much worse, but he couldn't do anything about it. Not anymore. He had gone way too far already to stop himself, and if he was honest to himself, he didn't want to either. He wanted this. He wanted him, and he wouldn't back off this time, even though there was still so much to talk about, but that could wait. That had to wait.

He felt almost bad for doing what he was doing right now, instead of being there for his brother, but he had the feeling that Jackson wouldn't let him talk to him anyways, and he just needed a way to release some of the tension he was feeling since last night, when he just wasn't able to let go of anything at all.

**Tyler Browning POV:**

Tyler stood with his back against Lewis' desk as he felt the man's warm mouth work over his shaft. It was as if Tyler had always forgotten how good Lewis was at this until the man's hands and mouth being on his skin reminded him.

"_Oh Lewis_" Tyler moaned as his hands worked it's way through his curls gently guiding Lewis' head as he took long slurping strokes on his cock. Feeling Lewis use one of his hands to cup Tyler balls while the other went around to start teasing Tyler's opening.

It had been so long since Tyler had been fucked and if it was going to be anyone Tyler would want it to be Lewis. Despite everything he trusted Lewis and besides Jackson Lewis had been the only man to ever have him in such a fashion.

Feeling Lewis insert two fingers into him Tyler bucked forward and felt Lewis take more of him into his mouth. Feeling the fingers work inside of him Tyler thrust back against them and once Lewis added a third Tyler could feel himself open wider.

Grabbing Lewis's shoulders he pulled the man off his cock and up to face him.

"I want you to fuck me. Now!" Tyler said lustfully "right here on your desk" and pulling Lewis close he kissed him and tasted himself on Lewis' tongue.

"Tyler" Lewis whispered as he buried his face in Tyler's neck.

Tyler knew Lewis was nervous and unsure, but he also knew Lewis needed this. His life was spiralling out of his control and if Tyler could give him this one thing in his life that he could take the lead on, then Tyler would do it and he would do it happily.

Reaching down Tyler undid Lewis pants and pulled down his zipper before reaching inside and grabbing Lewis' erection.

"Please, Lewis" Tyler begged "I need this" and kissing the side of his cheek Tyler could feel Lewis getting harder. Toeing off his shoes Tyler kicked them away and then did the same to his socks.

Reaching behind Tyler Lewis pushed everything off of his desk and lifted Tyler by the ass to sit atop it. Kissing him Lewis followed Tyler's example and removed his shoes and socks before fully removing his pants and shorts.

Then the two were only left in their shirts and grabbing Lewis' collar Tyler pulled him close again to kiss him.

"Lie back" Lewis whispered and doing so Tyler looked up at the ceiling as he felt Lewis grab his hips and pull their bodies together. He could feel Lewis place the head of his cock against his opening and Tyler took a deep breath to prepare himself.

Lewis eased into him slowly. Taking the time to ask Tyler if he was okay and shaking his head yes Lewis went in a little further.

The feeling had been unusual to Tyler, to have this sense of fullness and to know it was coming from Lewis's thick cock filling him up. The pain was something Tyler could deal with as Lewis started to thrust.

"Wrap your legs around my waist" Lewis said "makes it easier" and smiling up at Lewis Tyler did just that and of course the man was right. With the new angle the pain diminished and as Lewis changed his position a tremendous sense of pleasure bloomed.

"Fuck, Lewis" Tyler said as he wrapped his arms around the man's neck and started to move his ass to get more of the man inside of him.

Lewis was quiet as he started to thrust quickly and as soon he was buried fully in Tyler he gave a moan that sent a shiver down Tyler's spine. Tyler was bouncing off of Lewis' desk with each thrust and Tyler's head started to get a blissful haze. It started off with Tyler needing this for Lewis, but now he needed this for himself as well.

Crawling on top of Tyler Lewis grabbed one of his legs to push it upwards and with the wider angle his thrusts were fast and brutal and Tyler knew he was close. Wrapping a hand around his own erection he pumped furiously and it was not long before he felt his balls tighten and he was shooting between him and Lewis' bodies.

His body tightened around Lewis' cock and watching Lewis bite his lip he was racing toward the finish line and when Lewis came Tyler could feel it as a wet, hot affirmation that it was going to be them in the end.

It was always going to be them in the end.

**Jackson Avery POV:**

Jackson had known this day was coming. A part of him had known from the very first moment he saw Lewis in Michael's apartment.

Still, to be faced with Owen in his office telling him that he had received word of Jackson's "problem" still came as somewhat of a shock.

No matter how bad things had gotten between Jackson and his co-workers, a part of him never believed they would actually do it.

Didn't believe they would actually sell him out so easily.

Trust would always be what came back to bite him in the ass and he had trusted the wrong people...again.

Then Owen had given what he told Jackson was an ultimatum. Take a leave of absence and get some help and once he was better Jackson's job would be waiting for him. If Jackson didn't do it then his time at Seattle Grace Mercy West was over.

Owen Hunt could call it whatever he liked, but Jackson knew it was a threat. Another one for Jackson to add to his already long list.

That was when Jackson knew if he accepted Owen's plan that was what his life would be like from then on.

One threat after another.

A life of being told that who he was wasn't good enough and if he didn't get better, if he didn't do exactly what someone else wanted him to do there would be consequences.

And Jackson just couldn't do it anymore. His body and mind were tired of living in fear of failing. Tired of being beaten and yelled at, tired of everything this hospital and the people in it represented.

So he told Owen no and the terror that Jackson expected to feel at saying those words weren't there. If anything, Jackson had felt...calm.

He had told Owen to consider that his resignation and the pleas came from Owen quickly. The words were empty to Jackson's ears. He had heard those same pleas, but in the end they never amounted to anything.

Reaching into his desk he placed a folder into his backpack and then hoisting it on his shoulders Jackson walked past Owen, walked past the nurse's station, and then walked out the doors of Seattle Grace.

Finding his car he got in and sped off before someone saw him and tried to stop him. Jackson needed to start over. Find a new life that Lewis couldn't infect and then Jackson would be happy.

Then he would remember how it felt to breath.

He wasn't even aware of driving to Mark's until he parked his car and made his way up the elevator and stood outside the man's door.

Mark had probably known by now and Jackson could be greeted by a man who looked at him with the same pity that everyone else had. Or maybe Mark would be angry that Jackson had lied to him all this time.

Angry that Jackson had made Mark fall for a man like him. Wasted all that time on loving someone like Jackson when he could have met someone who was worthy of the love Mark had to offer.

Jackson knew he should just go, but he had to see Mark one last time. Remember that Seattle had given him _something _that he could remember fondly.

Knocking quickly Jackson willed himself to calm down.

Opening the door he was met with a surprised Mark "Hey Jackson" he said nervously "what brings you here?"

"I-I thought you might want to take a look at these" Jackson said as he reached in and pulled out the folder of the surgery he and Mark had been scheduled for.

Grabbing the folder Mark looked confused "I could have seen these tomorrow" Mark told him "remember we had a plan to meet in the morning"

Jackson had forgotten "I won't be able to make it" Jackson said "something has come up"

"Right" Mark said and Jackson could hear a note of anger in his voice "something"

"Mark?"

"Don't worry about it" Mark said as he tucked the folder under his arm "you go have fun with...whoever"

"What?" Jackson was confused and he didn't want his last time seeing Mark to end in an argument.

"Have a good night, Jackson" and Mark turned to walk back into his apartment before Jackson grabbed his arm tightly.

"Mark, can we please talk?" Jackson begged "I just..." Jackson held back the tears that wanted to come "please"

"Jackson?" and suddenly all the anger was out of Mark's voice and his face took on one of immense concern "What's wrong?"

"I love you" Jackson said "I know I haven't shown it the way I should have and you deserved more, but I hope you know that"

"Jackson" Mark spoke as he grabbed his hand "you're scaring me"

"I'm sorry" Jackson told him "I don't mean to. I just...whatever you hear I just want you to know that loving you was the best thing I ever did" and leaning forward he captured Mark's lips in a kiss. He could feel Mark's body go rigid in surprise, but after a moment  
Mark's body relaxed and he wrapped Jackson in his arms and pulled him close. He felt Mark's tongue on his lips and opening his mouth he let Mark enter and Jackson did his best to remember the taste. To remember every single thing about this moment so he could hold onto it.

Breaking away Mark looked down at Jackson "Come in" he said "spend the night with me"

Jackson wanted to, more than anything, but it would only drag out the inevitable. Before Jackson could say anything he heard Mark's phone ring and Jackson knew, in the pit of his stomach, that was somebody calling Mark to tell him Jackson had been fired.

"Come in" Mark said again and Jackson nodded yes.

"Go get the phone and I'll follow you in" Jackson smiled and he could hear his own voice crack. Turning around Mark walked into his apartment to retrieve the phone and Jackson watched him. Tried to drink as much of Mark in as he could before Jackson walked out of his life.

Putting his backpack back over his shoulders Jackson turned and stepped back in the elevator. Once the doors were closed and he was back inside Jackson let himself cry. It wasn't until he was back in his car and heading down the road did Jackson finally managed to stop the tears. Not because his body wanted to, but he simply had none left.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark couldn't believe that Jackson was really here, kissing him like there was no tomorrow and saying all those things Mark was longing to hear for so long. He had thought he had already lost him when he had seen him with this Ty-guy, but obviously he had been imagining things. Jackson was his and all he did and all he said proved this for him.

Now they could probably start over. Have a real relationship. The one Mark wanted since right from the start. Since the moment they got together.

He turned around to answer his phone, feeling the butterflies in his stomach flutter, just like when Jackson and he first kissed. It felt awesome.

"Sloan?" he said when he picked up the phone, hearing Owen Hunt's voice.

"Dr. Sloan? Mark, it's Owen. Listen, there had been an incident in the hospital and I need you to get back to work."

Tilting his head in confusion, Mark took a few steps. "Incident? What happened? What's wrong?"

"I... I don't think she should talk about this over the phone. Can you come over? It's important," Owen replied, and the happy butterflies in Mark's stomach turned into nervous ones.

"Why? What the hell is wrong? You're scaring me, Owen..."

"It's about Jackson... I had to... He asked me to accept his resignation..." Owen said.

Mark let out a laugh. "Yeah, right... just wait a moment..." Mark took down his phone, turning around, only to notice that Jackson was nowhere to be seen.

"Jackson?" he literally shouted, throwing the phone on the couch and running through the open door. "Jackson!"

He ran down the stairs and outside but Jackson's car wasn't there, and he wasn't there either. "Jackson, fuck, what did you do?" he asked, feeling a panic rise within him.

It took him a moment to collect himself to get back up to his apartment and take the phone again.

"Owen? Are you still there?"

"Yeah... is Jackson with you right now?" Owen wanted to know. He had obviously heard Mark's shouts.

"He was... he's gone... and I want an explanation... I wanna know what happened..."

"Just come over and I'm gonna tell you everything you need to know, okay?" Owen said calmly and this calmness literally drove Mark up the wall. How could Owen be so relaxed when something here was absolutely not okay?

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes," he said, before hanging up, sinking down on the couch.

Immediately, he dialled Jackson's number, but got straight to his voicemail.

"Jackson! Owen just called me. I need to come over to the hospital. What the fuck happened? Where are you? Please call me; you're scaring the shit out of me. I love you and no matter what it is, we can get through this, okay?"

Mark grabbed his mobile phone and put it into his jeans before he took his key and left his apartment. He needed to know what was going on here. Right now. Even though deep down he already knew he wouldn't like what he was about to find out.

It took him ten minutes to get to the hospital and another five to compose himself enough to knock at Owen's door once he reached the hospital. His heart was beating like a trump and he had difficulties to breath. He knew it was something bad Owen had to tell him and he really was scared. Jackson had looked okay when he had showed up at his doorstep, so it couldn't be _that_ bad, could it?

"Come in!" Owen's voice pulled Mark out of his thoughts and he entered the office, sitting down in front of Owen's desk, as Owen offered him to.

"What happened?" Mark asked directly. "And what was all this bullshit about Jackson quitting his job? He loves this job..."

"Mark, there... there is something you have to know about Jackson... something I didn't know until today either." Owen started and with every passing second, Mark got more and more nervous.

"What is it? Please tell me and I'm sure we can find a solution... I can talk to Jackson... did you two have a fight? Did he say or do something that upset you? I'm sure I can make him apologize... Or is there something with his brother?" Mark started to talk, but got interrupted by Owen.

"Avery is an addict!"

Staring at him, Mark tilted his head. "Yeah, right..." He shook his head in disbelief. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"I'm afraid not... He's using, Mark. Drugs. Hard ones..." Owen informed him matter-of-factly.

"Oh come on. That's bullshit. Who told you that?" Mark rolled his eyes. "I know Jackson... he would never do something as stupid as that. He's not a junkie..."

"Then why didn't he deny it when I asked him? Why didn't he just tell me my accusations were wrong?" Owen asked calmly. "Seriously, Mark, I hate this just as much as you do, but it seems to be a fact... I offered him to take a leave of absence to get some help, but instead he told me to accept his resignation..."

"NO!" Mark shouted, getting up so abruptly that the chair he was sitting on fell to the floor with a loud thumb. "This is not true. This is not true..." he repeated over and over and over again. He just didn't want to believe that this had happened in front of his eyes and he knew nothing about it, but the more he thought about it, the more everything made sense.

"Who told you?" Mark asked after a while, looking down at Owen, who had a very concerned look in his eyes.

"Robbins, Karev, Nurse Eli and then there was Avery's brother and Dr. Browning..." Owen said.

Mark let out a laugh. "Awesome... that's just... really awesome, you know?" Shaking his head he paced forward and back in Owen's office, trying to process what he had just found out. "And neither of them bothered to tell me that my boyfriend is in trouble..."

"I didn't know either..." Owen commented, as if that would make anything better, but of course it didn't.

"I can't believe it..." Mark said, lifting up the chair and bracing himself at the back rest of it. "I'm sorry about that..." he pointed to the chair.

Owen shook his head. "It's okay... I'm sorry you had to find out like this... I really wish things were differently, but if he doesn't get any help, I need to do something about it... there have to be consequences..."

"I understand that, but please... please give it some time... let me try to talk to him... I can make him go to rehab..." Mark literally begged, but this was for Jackson and this was Jackson's future and Mark wasn't willing to sit by and watch him destroy it. He was going to talk to Jackson and once he did, he was going to help him, no matter what. He would take care of him. He could do it.

"I give you two weeks... but if I haven't heard back from you... or Avery back then... regarding Avery's problem, I'm afraid, I can't back you up any longer," Owen replied.

Mark gave him a thankful nod. "That's okay... I understand..."

"You do know what that means for you, right?" Owen asked and Mark looked at him.

"What do you mean?"

"You need to get back to work as soon as possible. I know you still have another week left, but there's this surgery... the one you and Jackson wanted to perform... and there are patients who need medical attention..." Owen said.

Mark froze immediately. "I... I don't know if I'm ready..."

"You have to be!" Owen gave back. "Do you think you can manage to be back at work by tomorrow?"

"Do I have another choice?" Mark asked, his voice nothing more than a nervous whisper. He wasn't sure if he was able to be back at work already, let alone without Jackson by his side to support him. He had always pictured him getting back to work with Jackson having his back and helping him through the first day and now he had to do it all alone? Without anyone he trusted by his side? He didn't know how he could pull that off.

"I don't think so... I'm sorry... but if I wasn't sure you could do it, I wouldn't ask you." Owen pulled him out of his thoughts. "And you'll get every help you need... Tell me who you want and I put him or her under your service... I can put a team together... just let me know..."

"I need Jackson..." Mark blurted out, knowing it was unfair, but he was the only one he knew could make him feel better.

"I know..." Owen gave back. "But you need to focus now, okay? On your patients... they deserve the best treatment and even though Avery was awesome... he learned everything he was able to do from you... you can do this, I believe in you."

Mark nodded, thinking about it for a moment.

"Can I have Karev, then?"

"I'm gonna talk to him about it... if he's okay with it, he's on your service by tomorrow morning... Temporary. You know he's gonna make his fellowship in Peds." Owen replied.

"Thank you," Mark nodded and finally left Owen's office. He didn't know why he requested Alex after all, especially since he had been in on the whole thing with Jackson, too but he knew plastics. Before he decided to go into Peds, he had worked under Mark's service for a long time, and he had been good. Mark just hoped he still was.

Apart from that he had never directly lied to Mark. Thinking back, Mark had to admit that Alex had even tried to help him. Mark remembered this one moment where Alex had told him to talk to Jackson, and it had most likely been Alex' way of making him see that something had been wrong.

How could he have missed everything? All the signs? All the small things? He should have known. Yes, Jackson and he were broken up, but he had still seen him from time to time and he should have noticed it, but he was too blind. What kind of man was he?

Shaking his head, Mark made his way down the hallway. Maybe his father had always been right about him, he was an egoistic bastard who only cared for himself. He had failed Jackson. Jackson had needed him and he hadn't even taken notice of it. He was an awful boyfriend. Especially if he considered the fact that all of them - Arizona, Lewis, Eli, Alex and even this new guy - had known about Jackson's problem. How could they have noticed and he hadn't? This was so wrong on so many levels.

Mark reached into his pocket and took out his mobile phone. He needed to call Jackson again, to let him know that he didn't blame him for anything and that he was on his side.

It rang twice and then Jackson obviously rejected his call which made him go to voicemail _again_.

"Jackson, it's me... again. I know everything... Hunt told me about your problem, even though I didn't want to believe it at first, but if it's really true, we'll find a way. Just come back and talk to me. Please. I don't judge you and I will never abandon you just because of it. I'm here for you, and together we can make it through..."

He felt his voice breaking, when the realisation hit him, but he just needed to finish what he had to say.

"I will be with you every step of the way. I won't let you down ever again and I'm sorry that I... that I let you down in the first place. I should have been there for you, but I wasn't... I wanna make it up to you. Please come back, I need you. I don't know how I can do all this without you..."

Feeling the tears burn in his eyes he did his best to fight them back.

"I always imagined when I get back to work it's gonna be you and me... and you help me get back into the game and now I'm all alone and I don't know if I can do it... please come back to me... I need you... I love you..."

He hung up and put the phone back into his pocket, wiping away the tears that had built in his eyes. This was all so messed up and he just hoped he would hear from Jackson soon. He just needed to know that he was okay.


	52. Chapter 52

**A/N: **Thanks again for your comments – as always! We're so happy you're still enjoying our story and we definitely hope, it's gonna stay that way… There will follow a few chapters without Jackson, though, but we promise he's gonna be back soon!

Enjoy Chapter 52!

And Comment if you feel like it! =)

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex couldn't concentrate. Not since his meeting with Owen and as the day went on it only got worse.

He wanted to talk to Jackson, see that the man was okay even though Alex knew okay was the last thing Jackson would be.

Still, Alex needed to know something and that need almost made him go to Owen's office and ask him what happened, but Alex had already pushed Hunt as far as he was able to for one day. Pressing his luck was a really bad idea.

So he focused on work and tried his best to block out all the anxieties that were welling up in his stomach.

Turning into room 623 Alex was still deep in thought when he heard Dylan Forrester call out his name.

"Dr. Karev?" the kid said excitedly "How ya been?"

Alex washed away all the anxiety off his face "Good, kid!" he said "I can't say the same for you, though" and Dylan gave a casual shrug in his response "I blacked out again and fell into some glass."

Walking over to Dylan's bed Alex took a seat and tapped the teen on the shoulder. Dylan Forrester had been diagnosed with a chronic heart condition at age 5. A condition that caused him to pass out when his body and heart were over-exerted. Being a teenager Dylan hated feeling as if he was less than his counterparts so he worked harder, took more risks, than his condition allowed.

That's what had him back at Seattle Grace for the sixth time in a year.

"Listen, kid" Alex started "you can't keep doing these things"

"It doesn't hurt that bad" Dylan smiled as he held up his arms to show the lacerations the glass had caused "Dr. Avery will fix it up good as new"

At the mention of Jackson's name Alex could feel a pain in his chest "Well, Dr Avery isn't here at the moment so you'll just have to deal with me" the tone came out sharper than Alex had intended and he could see Dylan sheep back.

"I'm sorry" Alex told him "it's just you need to be more careful. I know it's not fair to put these limitations on you, but you hurting yourself to the point that we can't help you is just as unfair and you wouldn't want me or Dr. Avery to feel helpless, do you?"

"No" Dylan said shamefully "I don't want that"

"Good" Alex smiled as he ruffled the kid's loose curly hair "now let's get you fixed up"

"Okay" Dylan responded and held out his arm.

Thirty minutes later and Alex was almost done bandaging up Dylan. The kid wouldn't need surgery, which was damn lucky, but his bandages would need to be worn and changed for about a week.

"Dr. Karev?" Owen said as he stepped into the room and gave a smile to Dylan "mind if we talk?"

"I need to finish up here, but-"

Turning around Owen saw Sasha walking behind him and stopping her he asked her to finish up Karev's work. Whatever Hunt wanted to talk to Alex about, the man was pretty sure he wasn't going to like it.

"Sure thing" Sasha said as she walked into the room and as Alex passed her she gave him a comforting pat on the arm. She obviously knew how bad his day had been too.

Once the two got a safe distance from the room and the hall was sufficiently empty Hunt turned around to face Alex.

Alex stuffed his hands in his pockets "Were you able to talk to Jackson?"

"Jackson is gone" Owen said bluntly "I gave him the option of taking a leave, but he decided to resign"

Alex felt as if he had just been punched in the stomach "You didn't let him, did you?"

"I didn't have much of a choice" Owen said "not that I have to explain my choices to you anyway, Karev". Hunt was still angry and although Alex was pretty pissed himself he knew Hunt had the higher ground.

"So what do you need me for?"

"Mark Sloan starts back tomorrow" Owen told him "and he's requested you on his service for the foreseeable future"

"What?" Alex blurted out "You told him no, right?"

"Of course not" Owen said "we need him back and now that his right hand surgeon is gone he gets whatever the hell he wants."

"My fellowships is Peds" Alex told him "I can't-"

Owen stepped up close. "You are under the impression that you have any say in the matter. You will be on Sloan's service and you will do it with a smile on your face, understood?"

Alex hated being talked down to. He wasn't a child and he hated being treated like one, but he had burned enough bridges.

"What about Dr. Robbins?"

"She'll be fine" Owen said "now you'll have the rest of the day to finish up whatever you need to do in Peds and tomorrow you start in Plastics."

Then before Alex could speak Owen turned and made his way down the hall.

_Fuck _Alex thought

By the end of shift Alex needed a drink. A big one and one that would blur out most of the day. So going to Joe's he purchased a bottle of vodka and went to the back tables with a shot glass. That's where Lewis found him as Alex downed his third shot of vodka.

Walking up to him Alex could see the worried expression on his face.

Alex just wanted to be alone.

"I've been calling you." Lewis said as he sat across from him "Why haven't you answered?"

The alcohol was already doing it's job and the haze was already making him feel numb.

"I needed some time to think" Alex said as he poured himself another shot and quickly downed it.

"Think about what?"

Looking at Lewis Alex frowned "Jackson is gone."

Cocking his head to the side Lewis looked at him confused "Gone?" he asked "Gone where?"

"Who knows" Alex told him as he poured another shot "all we can be assured of is that he's far away from any of us."

Lewis tried to grab the bottle of vodka out of Alex's hand, but the man pulled it back.

"Will you talk to me, please?" Lewis pleaded "What happened?"

Taking his shot he sat the glass and bottle down "Jackson turned in his resignation and made like the wind"

Lewis' face looked just as shocked as Alex's had when Hunt had first told him "That's not possible" he told Alex "Jackson wouldn't..."

"Really?" Alex asked with a bitter laugh "What in the world is keeping him here. You? Me?"

"Mark" Lewis responded "he wouldn't just leave Mark like that"

"Seeing as how I start on Sloan's permanent service tomorrow I think Jackson would"

Another pour.

Another drink.

"Talk to me, Alex" Lewis pleaded "please don't shut me out"

"I just want to be left alone" Alex told him. He didn't want to talk or wonder what they could have done differently. They had run Jackson Avery away from his life and now all Alex wanted to do was drink and forget.

"Alex, please!"

"GO AWAY!" Alex yelled at him and he saw that it caused Lewis to jump back in surprise or fear; Alex couldn't be sure and although he would hate himself in the morning Alex couldn't be bothered. He was going to hate himself in the morning anyway.

Standing up Lewis had tears in his eyes "I'm sorry, Alex" he said before turning around and heading out of the bar.

Another pour.

Another drink

After Lewis had left Alex pulled out his phone and managed to find Jackson's cell. He knew there was no way the man would ever pick up, but he had to do something.

Going to the text screen he started typing.

_I'm so sorry for everything. You didn't deserve any of the shit we put you through and I hope wherever you are that you're happy._

Putting the phone back in his pocket he grabbed the bottle once again.

Another pour.

Another drink.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark had made it straight home after he had talked to Owen. He hadn't wanted to talk to anyone, let alone have the possibility to meet anyone he didn't want to face right now. People like Lewis, Eli or - worst of all - Arizona. He felt so betrayed and he couldn't stop the anger still rising within him. And he didn't want to do anything he might regret later.

He was sitting in front of his TV with a bottle of beer in his hands when he heard a knocking sound at the door.

Lethargically, he got up off the couch and moved towards the door, only to be greeted by a smiling Callie with Sofia on her arm, and Arizona was standing next to her, looking really uncomfortable. Not, that Mark could blame her for it.

"Hey, Mark. It's your turn to take Sofia for the night..." Callie said, looking inside his apartment. "But if it's a bad timing, we can keep her for the night..."

"Bad Timing, huh?" Mark crossed his arms above his chest.

"It's _not _a bad timing..." he replied, taking a step aside and letting the two woman move in, even though Arizona acted like she was hiding behind Callie. As if Mark wouldn't say anything with Callie in the room too. As if he wouldn't call the big elephant by his name.

"How could you have the nerve to show up here as if nothing happened?"

Mark blurted out, while Callie was sitting Sofia down in her playpen.

"Mark, I'm... listen, I'm really sorry... do you think this was easy for me?" Arizona gave back, trying to move towards Mark, but immediately, Mark took a step back.

"Don't touch me!" he raged.

"Hey!" Callie interrupted, standing in between the two of them. "What happened?"

"What happened?" Mark let out a laugh. "You didn't even tell her? Did you lie to her, too?"

"Lie to me about what?" Callie asked. "What's going on here?"

Mark took a deep breath before he started talking again.

"Jackson is a drug addict..."

"What?" Callie laughed. "Oh come on... you're kidding me, right?" She looked between Arizona and Mark, but the serious look on Arizona's face said it all.

"Don't tell me you knew..."

Arizona bit her lower lip. "I'm... I'm really sorry, Callie... Mark... I didn't know what to do..."

"You could have told me," Mark interrupted her, moving towards the table and grabbing his beer. "You _should_ have told me. Jackson is... was my boyfriend and I had a right to know what was going on, but instead you made me believe Jackson had a new lover... because you... you all thought I was too weak and I couldn't take it, but guess what? I'm stronger than you think..."

"Arizona, please... please tell me that he's wrong..." Callie said, taking Arizona's hands and looking into her eyes. "You haven't done this, right?"

Arizona turned away, pulling back her hands.

"I'm sorry..." she repeated. "I... we didn't want to risk Mark getting a relapse..."

"We?" Callie asked, and that was when Mark stepped in again.

"She wasn't the only one who knew... there were also Lewis, Jackson's brother... and then there was Nurse Eli and oh.. yeah... Karev... and even the new guy... the new doctor knew... and no one bothered to tell me..." He knew that his anger was still visible in his voice, mixed with a lot of pain, because he was left in the dark by the people he loved and trusted.

"Can't you understand me one little bit?" Arizona asked, tears glistening in her eyes. "I was worried about you. We all were... I wanted to tell you... do you think it was easy to lie to you? To keep this thing from you?"

"What do you expect me to say now? Do you want my sympathy? Because I'm sorry, I can't give you that... and I have no fucking clue how I can ever trust you again..." Mark replied, and even though his words were harsh, he meant them just like he said. He had to admit, though, that Arizona's tears hurt him. Did something to him as well. He loved the woman. She was the mother of his daughter, and he knew he wouldn't be able to be mad at her forever. Hell, it was already hard enough to keep up his facade seeing her like this, but he just couldn't give in that easy.

"That means you lied to me, too..." Callie said matter-of-factly. "When I asked you what happened two nights ago, you lied straight to my face..."

"Because it wasn't on me to tell you anything... Callie, this is Jackson's life... and we didn't want to make it any worse for him..." Arizona cried.

"Jackson is family... we could have done something," Callie replied, but Arizona shook her head immediately.

"No, you couldn't. We all tried, believe me, we tried, but whenever someone was talking to him about his problem he shut us out completely... one after another... that's why we brought Tyler here..."

"Tyler?" Mark stared at Arizona open-mouthed. "Don't tell me he's..." he stammered, not able to finish his sentence. He had to sit down, so he sank onto the couch, burying his head in his hands. "So you lied to me about that, too... He's not just some new doctor, he's Lewis Ex-fiancee... the one he believes Jackson cheated on him with..."

"What difference does it make who he really is? Jackson trusted him... but just until he found out Tyler was in on this thing, too..." Arizona defended herself.

"Yeah, because you all betrayed him and went behind his back... I get what he must have felt... I can totally understand him..." Mark replied. He couldn't believe that all of this was really happening. That he was sitting in the middle of his living room and having to deal with the fallout of something Arizona and the others did. And now he had to live with it.

"You know what, Arizona? Jackson is gone... and this is your fault... if he never comes back... if I never see him again, I will never forgive any of you..." Mark got up, looking down at Arizona, who looked like she was about to burst out in tears again.

"I'm sorry..." she whimpered, but Mark just shook his head.

"Save it for someone who wants to hear it... I don't... and I want you to leave my apartment now... I'll bring Sofia over tomorrow morning..."

"I'm staying with him..." Callie decided, taking Mark's hand in his and caressing the back of it with her thumb.

"What?" Arizona asked brokenly.

"I think it's better if you leave now... I need to be there for Mark... good night..." And with this, Callie literally threw Arizona out of Mark's apartment and closed the door behind her, before moving back towards Mark and pulling him into a hug. "I'm sorry, Mark... I'm _so_ so sorry..."

Mark pulled her close and buried his head in her hair. "I know..." he whispered, and it felt good, that she was here. That she hadn't known. That she wasn't one of the people that betrayed him. That he could still trust her.

"I swear if I had known, I would have talked to you about it..." Callie said, stroking Mark's back.

"I know... I'm glad you're here..." he gave back, relaxing just enough to let the tears that he had swallowed down the past minutes out again. "I'm so scared that I never see him again..." he said, his voice breaking. "I don't wanna lose him..."

"It's gonna be okay, Mark..." Callie promised, and the way she said it made Mark almost believe her. It made him feel better immediately, and when Callie let go of him to lead him to the couch he didn't resist a moment. He just sat down next to her, placed his head in her lap and closed his eyes, when she started to caress his arm and his hair. "He's coming back... and you'll be fine..."

And Mark prayed to god that she would be right. That they were really going to be okay.

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis felt like someone had ripped out his heart by the mention of Jackson being gone. It killed him from the inside that Jackson went away just like that and probably would never come back. This was all his fault and he just wished he could make up to him, but he knew he couldn't. He was probably the last person Jackson ever wanted to see again.

And now Alex started pushing him away, too. Of _COURSE_ he did. Because he couldn't bear to be with him anymore. Because he was an awful person and Alex now began to see.

He needed Alex right now, but Alex wasn't able to be there for him, and he wouldn't let Lewis be there for him either.

Lewis felt so alone all of a sudden, that he just couldn't stop the tears that were coming over and over again. He thought he had already cried them all, but obviously not.

He went back to the hospital to find out where Tyler was. In which hotel he lived.

Composing himself as much as he could, he went to the nurse's station in the cardiac section, to find out what he wanted to know. Fortunately, one of the nurses was willing to give him that information and before Lewis even knew what he was doing, he was already standing in front of the huge hotel building.

He hesitated for a moment, but then he went in, asking the receptionist for Tyler's room number.

Of course she wouldn't give it away that easy - customer confidentiality and such - but Lewis told her he was Tyler's fiancee and he wanted to surprise him. Which wasn't a total lie, Tyler would be surprised indeed.

With a few charming words, he had talked her into it and she was willingly giving away the _oh-so-confidential_ information to a complete stranger. But Lewis couldn't care less.

He got into the elevator and went up, feeling his eyes start to burn again at the thought of Jackson. What if he never would see him again?

He made his way to Tyler's room and knocked. Knocked once, twice, and finally he heard footsteps and then Tyler was opening the door, in only a pair of sweatpants and a grey t-shirt.

"Lewis..." he whispered, a look of surprise on his face. "What are you doing here?"

Lewis pushed him inside the room, closing the door behind him and pulled him into his arms, bringing their lips together for a heated kiss.

"Lewis..." Tyler hissed, pushing him back just enough to look into his eyes. "What happened?"

"Jackson is gone..." Lewis brought out and the tears were welling in his eyes again. "I don't know where... and I don't know if he will ever come back again... if he doesn't it's my fault... and I... I can't deal with this right now... so can we please..."

He kissed Tyler again, tasting the salty flavour of his tears on his tongue.

"Please..." he repeated again. "Please... please... Just one more time... please..." He didn't even know when he had become this desperate, but he needed for the pain to go away. For his heart to stop hurting so much.

While he was still kissing Tyler, he already started undressing himself, by opening the buttons of his shirt and taking it off once he was finished, keeping Tyler's body close to his the whole time.

"Please sleep with me... I need to feel you inside of me..." he cried, backing off and looking Tyler in the eyes. "Help me... Tyler, please help me..."

**Tyler Browning POV:**

Lewis being at his door had been a surprise. After another spat and Lewis letting him know he knew about he and Jackson in Miami, no doubt thanks to Karev, Tyler was pretty sure Lewis would do his best to avoid him for the night.

Still, there Lewis stood. Scared, crying, and broken.

Tyler had just been trying to get some sleep, but now he was wide awake and nervous.

"Lewis, what are you doing here?"

Then Lewis was pushing him further into his apartment and was kissing him with the same desperate need he had during their last encounter. Tyler should have gotten used to this kind of affection from Lewis, but it still shocked him.

When Lewis had told him that Jackson was gone a cold chill had run down Tyler's spine and while half of him wanted to push Lewis away and immediately run into the night in order to find Jackson, the other half wanted, and knew, Lewis needed him there in that moment and he wouldn't let Lewis down. He had a feeling Lewis had dealt with that enough for one night.

_"Please...please... please... Just one more time... please..."_

The desperation in Lewis' voice broke Tyler's heart. He knew the guilt was killing him and Lewis couldn't deal with it alone and Tyler would never let him anyway.

They would talk about this, but first Tyler would give Lewis what he needed

Picking Lewis up he lifted the man and when Lewis wrapped his legs around Tyler's waist he carried him over to his bed and laid him down. Lewis had moved his kisses from Tyler's mouth to his cheek and eventually his neck.

Seeing Lewis' tears still falling Tyler bend down and kissed the tracks and could taste the saltiness and sadness that lay within him. Unbuttoning Lewis' pants he pulled them and his boxers down and then removed Lewis' shoes and socks to leave Lewis in only his open shirt.

Lewis' cock sat there thick, but soft and taking it into his mouth he heard Lewis give a broken gasp and Lewis' hands was instantly working through his blonde hair.

"Tyler" Lewis pleaded "please"

"It's okay" Tyler told him "I got you" and going back to his suction Lewis was getting harder by the second and when Tyler hollowed his cheeks Lewis bucked up. Reaching into his night stand Tyler took out the small bottle of lotion he had kept there for his personal used and squirted some on his two forefingers.

At the first intrusion of Lewis' opening Tyler felt the man move his hips wanting to get more of the digits inside him. Concentrating on his two task Tyler tried his best to make this feel as good to Lewis as possible and after he inserted a third finger and curved them to touch the small bump that got a strangled cry from Lewis he felt the man grab his shoulders and pull him off his cock.

"Fuck me" Lewis told him "I can't wait" and pulling his sweats off in one fell swoop Tyler didn't even have time to take off his socks before he felt Lewis' hand on his ass to pull him forward. With Lewis' legs around his waist once again Tyler put his cock at Lewis' opening, but instead of easing in slowly Lewis forced him inside in one long thrust and Tyler almost couldn't handle the tightness and heat so quickly.

Moving his ass Lewis forced Tyler to start thrusting and now he knew the way Lewis needed this. Making fast brutal thrusts Tyler placed his hands on either side of Lewis' head and as he started to sweat he noticed Lewis's eyes were closed tightly.

"Open them" Tyler demanded "look at me" and although Lewis tried to resist once Tyler brushed one of his tears away Lewis opened his eyes and looked directly at Tyler.

The love was never more evident than in that moment and leaning up Lewis captured his lips in a kiss.

Grabbing Lewis' cock he pumped quickly and felt Lewis dig his dull nails into his back. Another 5 minutes and with a jerk of his hips Lewis came between their bodies. Tyler tried to resist the restriction around his cock but once Lewis leaned in and whispered in his ear "I want to feel it" Tyler had no choice but to let loose and release inside the man.

Twenty minutes and after the two had cleaned themselves off they both lay in Tyler's bed with Lewis' head on his chest. Tyler weaving his fingers through the man curls "What happened?"

It took a moment for Lewis to speak, but once he did his voice sounded strained and exhausted "Alex told me Jackson quit. He didn't take Owen's offer."

Tyler could feel his heart twist. He would have to find Jackson and make this right, although Jackson had done this in the past and if the man wanted to vanish he knew how to do that. But Jackson had come back.

He always came back and Tyler prayed this time would be no different.

"Jackson just needs time to think thing through" Tyler said "once he does I know he'll realize Owen's offer will be for the best"

Sitting up Lewis looked back at Tyler "Jackson is gone, Tyler" he said "gone and like Alex said there is nothing he needs to come back to"

"He has a life here, Lewis" Tyler told him "a life that he has worked damn hard for and he's not going to give that up on a whim"

Grabbing his boxers from the side of the bed Lewis put them on and stood up "He had a life" Lewis corrected "a life that I took away from him"

Grabbing his sweats Tyler followed Lewis' lead of putting them on and standing "I hate to tell you, Lewis, but you're not that powerful and walking around blaming yourself isn't going to help anybody"

"It's the truth" Lewis said "The moment Michael called me and told me how happy Jackson was here...how much he had...I didn't even hesitate to take action"

"You were an asshole" Tyler told him "nobody is denying that, but look at everything you've done over the past couple of weeks to try and change that. I mean you cut Michael out of your life, you didn't even do that for me"

"Two months of trying to treat Jackson like a decent human being doesn't make up for 17 years of putting him through hell" Lewis said "I told him I wished he was dead, when I wasn't trying to break his nose and I told him what a worthless piece of shit I thought he was"

Tyler could see the shame in Lewis' eyes "I know you have a lot to make up for and it won't be easy, but wallowing in all this self-pity won't do Jackson any good"

"I need to go" Lewis told him as he put on his pants and started to button up his shirt "Alex is probably waiting for me"

"It's late" Tyler said "just stay the night"

"Are you kidding?" Lewis laughed "it's bad enough I came here at all"

The remark angered Tyler "Yet you keep doing it because you refuse to admit that this thing between us isn't going away no matter how much you want it to"

"Get one thing straight, Tyler" Lewis said as he put on his shoes and socks "After we do..._this_...I hate myself"

It had been a punch to Tyler's heart and his ego "Then why didn't you stay with Alex tonight?" he asked "why am I always the first person you come to?"

Lewis looked at Tyler, but didn't say a word.

"You want some honesty" Tyler said "Fine. The truth is you and Alex were never going to work and instead of you two admitting that you only needed each other for sex you've convinced yourself that it's more than that"

"There is more than that!" Lewis spoke angrily "the main thing is I don't have to worry about him having sex with someone else behind my back"

"It's too bad Alex can't have the same piece of mind"

"Fuck you, Tyler" and pushing past him Lewis headed for the door, but before he could reach the door Tyler grabbed his arm and pinned him against the wall and gave Lewis a passionately powerful kiss.

Feeling Lewis resist at first Tyler pressed his body close and when Lewis eventually relented and put his hands on Tyler's hips the man pulled away.

"Think about that when you're alone with Alex tonight trying to convince yourself that he's the person you really want to be with" and then turning around he walked into his bathroom and slammed the door.

He didn't come back out until he heard Lewis slam his hotel room door.

The next morning after a particularly restless sleep Tyler knew he couldn't just do nothing. He had tried calling Jackson repeatedly and the man didn't return one call or text.

After his 15th call Tyler had told him that if he hadn't heard from Jackson in another two days he was going file a missing person's report and although Tyler knew he would never go through with it he hoped it shocked Jackson into at least responding.

The only thing he had left to do was try and talk to Mark Sloan. He had been the most innocent bystander in this and if Tyler could try and get him to at least understand why they had done what they did the man would understand.

He had been standing just outside the Plastics wing when he heard Alex call out to him.

Turning around he saw Alex approach him and he looked pissed and for a moment Tyler thought Lewis had finally confessed everything, but seeing as how Alex didn't punch him once he stood in front of him he quickly dismissed that idea.

"What are you doing here?"

"I need to speak with Sloan"

"No, you don't" Alex told him "you need to get the hell out of here before he sees you"

"No offense, Karev, but I think I know what I'm doing"

"No offense, Browning, but you don't know shit" Alex told him "Mark just needs a reason to go off and you being here with your faux apologies will be all the excuse he needs"

Tyler had more than one reason to not like Alex, but he reminded himself that he was hurting over Jackson too so biting his tongue he folded his arms across his chest "Let me worry about that"

"No I-" Alex started to say when suddenly Mark had appeared behind him.

"What's going on?" he asked and the anger was there already.

"Nothing, Dr. Sloan" Alex said "Dr. Browning was just leaving"

"No" Tyler said "I need to talk to you if you have a minute"

Alex's eyes looked like they were burning holes in Tyler's head, but the man just ignored him.

"Of course" Mark said "walk me to my office" then he handed a folder to Alex "I want you to go over these cases Karev and meet me in my office in 30 minutes"

"Of course" Alex said sheepishly as he walked off with the files under his arm and turning around Tyler followed Mark to his office.

Tyler took a deep breath. He could do this.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark was damn glad that Callie had spent the night over at his place. He was still more than just upset by Jackson's disappearance, had tried to call him a couple more times, but without any luck. He didn't leave any messages either, because he just didn't want to push Jackson and he hoped, if he didn't, Jackson would come back by himself at some point. Mark needed him, and being without him killed him.

It was even worse that he didn't know where Jackson was and what he was about to do. He was doing drugs, and Mark still couldn't wrap his head around that information. He asked himself constantly, if he could have done anything differently. If he could have done anything if he had just paid more attention.

"Here!" Callie's voice pulled him out of his thoughts, handing him over a cup of coffee.

"Thank you..." Mark was standing at the counter of his kitchen, wearing jeans and a t-shirt already. He knew he had to leave soon, even though he didn't feel ready at all. But at least there would be Karev, someone he could rely on.

Karev had always been good in plastics, and Mark just hoped, he still was. He knew he should feel bad for taking him away from Arizona, but as egoistic as it was - he couldn't care less at that very moment.

Like that, Arizona would at least learn how it was to be alone. All by yourself. He had expected to be with Jackson when he came back to the hospital, but god knew if that would happen ever again.

"Have you tried calling him again today?" Callie asked, causing Mark to shake his head.

"Not yet... I... I don't wanna be all too intrusive, you know? I already left him messages, and he hasn't called me back yet..."

"I understand..." Callie replied, gently rubbing Mark's arm. "Jackson loves you, and he knows you love him..."

"You sure about that?" Mark put his mug down when he heard Sofia cry, turning to Callie, who was about to leave the kitchen.

"Let me... I can handle her..."

"I know that..." Callie smiled, but stayed back when Mark opened the door to Sofia's room, where the little girl was standing upright in her crib, starting to jump when she saw him and smiling at him.

"Hey there, baby-girl..." Mark greeted her, smiling himself and lifting her up. Together with her he went back to the kitchen where Callie was already preparing breakfast for their daughter.

"Listen, Callie... I hate to leave you alone right now, but I have to get to the hospital. I don't wanna be late on my first day back..." Mark said when he put Sofia down and sat her into her highchair.

"It's okay... I think I can handle our daughter," Callie chuckled, turning to him and hugging him tight.

"It's gonna be okay..." She whispered in his ear, and Mark wasn't sure if she meant work or things with Jackson, or maybe even both, but Mark didn't care. It just felt good that she was still trying to cheer him up, even though it didn't work out last night.

"Wish me luck!" Mark said when he let her go and moved towards the hallway.

"You don't need luck. You're the best and you're gonna kick some ass..." Callie replied and with that Mark left the apartment, trusting Callie to lock the door when she was about to leave herself.

He made his way to the hospital and arrived there only a few minutes later, getting into his lab coat and making his way towards the plastics section. It was strange, knowing that Jackson wasn't there and he had to survive a whole day without him. Most likely more than one day.

Immediately, he saw Karev and this Tyler-guy, obviously discussing something, and when he moved closer, he heard his name, so he knew it was a sign to step in.

"What's going on?" he asked, not able to hide the anger in his voice. Tyler was one of the last people he wanted to see right now, and he hadn't planned on ever talking to him again.

"_Nothing, Dr. Sloan_" Alex said "_Dr. Browning was just leaving_"

"_No_" Tyler said "_I need to talk to you if you have a minute_"

Mark almost twitched, but he was able to control himself enough not to show Tyler how much he despised him.

"Of course" Mark said finally "walk me to my office"

He handed a folder to Alex, which he had picked up on his way to the station. "I want you to go over these cases, Karev, and meet me in my office in 30 minutes"

And with that he turned around, moving towards his office and arriving there a few minutes later, with Tyler Browning following him.

"Okay, what do you want?" Mark asked directly, once he had closed the office door behind them, and leaned against his desk.

"Wow... you're not someone to beat around the bush, are you?" Tyler asked back, looking him in the eye.

"Why would I?" Mark shrugged. "I guess you want to talk to me about Jackson, but I have to disappoint you, I have no fucking clue where he is. You did a good job banishing him."

"I had nothing to do with it," Tyler replied, crossing his arms above his chest.

"I don't fucking care. It's your fault that he's gone and if he doesn't come back, it's on you. All of you," Mark raged. He knew it was unfair to unload all of his anger on Tyler, who was probably the most innocent of all the people that had gone behind his back, but he couldn't help it.

"Listen to me, Mark..." Tyler started, but Mark cut him off mid-sentence.

"For you it's Doctor Sloan, understood?"

Tyler rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Okay... for all I care, Doctor Sloan... I know this must be a difficult situation for you..."

"You know?" Mark interrupted again. "I don't think you do!" Mark spat. "I don't think you have the slightest idea what I'm feeling, so don't even get me started..." He let out a sigh. "You... all of you went behind my back and you all lied straight to my face... Especially Lewis and Arizona... The people I trusted hid something this important from me, thinking I'm some weak person who couldn't take it... Adding to that, Lewis didn't even have the balls to tell me who you are... and neither did you... what was all this bullshit? Your name is Ty? Right... I doubt someone really calls you that..."

"We just didn't want to upset you..." Tyler replied.

Mark let out a laugh. "We? As for you and Lewis?"

"Well..." Tyler replied, but Mark didn't even give him the chance to finish his sentence.

"I should have known it... I thought you were interested in Jackson, but truth to be told, you want them both, right? And when you found out that Jackson loved me, you turned to Lewis... just like back then... why being satisfied with one when you can have both, right?"

"You have no fucking idea what you're talking about. You don't know me..." Tyler defended himself.

"Damn right I don't. And I don't want to change anything about that at all..." Mark gave back. "So if you'll excuse me now, thanks to you, I have some work to do."

"Stop it!" Tyler blurted out. "Stop blaming all of us for what happened. What kind of boyfriend are you even? Not noticing that your lover does drugs when everyone else around you already knew?"

Mark stared at Tyler in shock. It hurt him to get all those things thrown back at him. Things he knew. Things he already blamed himself for. He felt his eyes watering and turned around, away from Tyler.

"I will never forgive myself for that..." Mark replied, feeling his voice cracking. "And I... if I never see Jackson again, I don't think I can survive..." he admitted. He tried to hold back his feelings, but it was harder than he thought and his whole body was shaking under the pressure.

"If I could turn back time I would... I hate myself for not noticing that something was wrong... but all of you... especially Arizona... hid it from me... you didn't even give me the chance to try and make things right." Mark went on. "And this is something I will never forgive her or Lewis or any of you for. If I never see Jackson again, it's not only on me, it's on them too... and on you..."

He took a deep breath before going on talking.

"I am his boyfriend. I should have been there for him. I should have protected him... from all of you and from himself, but it's too late now..." Marks hands were clenching the edge of his desk and he was still fighting back his feelings as good as possible, but it became more and more difficult with every second and Tyler still being here in his office made it even worse. He didn't know the guy and he didn't want to get to know him after all. He just wanted to be alone, but he had a feeling that Tyler wasn't finished with him. Not yet at least. But if he would leave him finally afterwards, Mark was willing to listen to him.

**Tyler Browning POV:**

The discussion with Mark had taken a turn Tyler hadn't wanted it to.

He knew Mark would be angry, but when he threw Jackson and Lewis' relationship with him in Tyler's face the words were out before Tyler could stop them.

Tyler had been in love with both Avery brothers at one time or another and to his dying day he would always love both in some way.

So when Mark suggested that he was here for Jackson, but settled for Lewis, Tyler felt the rage take control, but the moment Mark turned away and the man's emotions took over Tyler felt guilty.

"_I am his boyfriend. I should have been there for him. I should have protected him... from all of you and from himself, but it's too late now..._"

"Dr. Sloan" Tyler said softly "I can't apologize enough for the pain that this is causing you and you're right...we should have told you immediately, but you have to know that everyone who was involved didn't set out to purposefully shut you out"

Mark turned around and the statement and the fury was as clear as day. "Do you know how goddamn patronizing you sound right now?" Mark asked "I'm in love with Jackson and the crap that we've had to go through the past year was brutal. Somehow nobody thought that even though I was the one going through the trenches with Jackson that when it came to something so important I didn't need to know"

"They were trying to protect you"

"I'M NOT A FUCKING CHILD!" Mark yelled and Tyler stepped back in case Mark decided to make things become physical.

"Of course you're not" Tyler told him "but have you asked yourself why Jackson didn't come to you? Why even though he knew we all were aware of his use that he still kept it from you?"

"Why would that be?" Mark asked sarcastically "I'm sure you have all the answers"

"He's ashamed, Dr. Sloan" Tyler said "he was terrified of seeing the shame and disappointment in your eyes. Has he called you yet?"

Tyler took Mark's silence as affirmation.

"I've been through this with Jackson and believe me it's one of the worst things either one of us have ever been through and if I can avoid someone else going through that same kind of pain I will"

Mark narrowed his eyes "You don't know me, Tyler, and that was not your decision to make. It wasn't Robbins, or Karev's, or Eli's, or Lewis' either. The moment they knew they should have come to me and let me decide how I was going to handle it and instead you all took that choice away from me" Walking closer to Tyler Mark continuously flexed his hands "he walked away from my life and I had no fucking idea"

Tyler felt horrible. Mark was right and it wasn't fair that they had taken his choice away, but he had to understand why they had done it.

"You haven't even seen Jackson in years and yet they call you here because they somehow believe that you can fix things and make him all better, but I guess that isn't the case"

Mark was going for the jugular and Tyler couldn't deny that it both hurt and was making him angry, but Tyler focused on the fact that at least Mark hadn't known about he and Jackson in Miami. The last thing anyone needed was to make this situation worse.

"I'm not going to apologize for coming here to help Jackson" Tyler said "I love him and I always will and I can tell you love him too so maybe instead of trying to find blame in everyone's actions you work with us and see what we can do to get Jackson back here and get help"

Mark gave a bitter laugh "The nerve you have to come and ask me to help you after everything you've done" each word was spit out with a venom that chilled Tyler "the answer is no. No way in hell. Now get out of my office"

"Dr. Sloan-"

"Get the fuck out" and slamming his fist on his desk Tyler jumped back. Making his way to the door Tyler looked back at Mark one last time before exiting. He had completely fucked up and he thought that maybe Karev had been right. He should have kept his distance.

Tyler had been sitting in the cafeteria drinking a coffee when he felt a tap on his shoulder and turning around he looked up to the smiling face of Addison.

"Hey there" she said "mind if I join you?"

"I insist" Tyler told her as he waved his hand at the empty chair across from him.

"How are you?" Addison asked as she took a sip of her own coffee "I hear yesterday was a pretty big day"

Tyler felt the pain of Jackson's absence heavy on his heart. "We told Hunt" he said "Hunt offered him a deal to get help, but Jackson decided against that plan"

"I'm so sorry, Tyler" she said and grabbed his hand and gave it a light squeeze "how's Jackson doing?"

Shrugging his shoulders Tyler shook his head back and forth "He left" Tyler told her "we haven't been able to get in contact with him since he quit"

Addison took on an alarmed expression "I-I'm so sorry" she said "You think he'll come back?"

"I have to believe it" Tyler responded "because if not I'll have to go and start scouring the earth and I really hate scouring the earth"

The small joke got a laugh from Addison and it did lighten Tyler's mood a bit. The friendship with Addison had been quick and unexpected, but Tyler couldn't be more thankful for it.

He had been brought to Seattle to be the strong one. To be the one that was going to fix everything and by being that person he had been unable to show how terrified he was. Addison was the only person who had seen his panic attacks he developed after Jackson's last battle with drugs. Even Jackson himself didn't know he got them and Tyler made it a point not to let the people, especially Lewis, who counted on him down.

When Addison had witnessed Tyler's breakdown she had been there to talk to him and hadn't said a word about it to anyone. Tyler didn't trust easily, but Addison had appeared to be an exception to the rule.

The two were still drinking their coffee when Tyler looked and saw Addison smile at somebody and turning around Tyler saw Michael walking towards him.

"No" Tyler said once Michael got close enough to hear "keep on walking, Holt"

Finally noticing Tyler sitting across from Addison his face turned into a mixture of shock and resentment.

"I just came to say hello to Addison" Michael said "dick"

"You did it now you can go back to existing under your rock"

Giving an evil eye to Tyler Michael turned and gave an embarrassed smile to Addison before saying goodbye and walking out of the cafeteria and back to his office.

"I see that there is no love lost there" Addison said with a small chuckle.

"It's a long unpleasant history, but rest assured the guy is an asshole"

"Oh, I think he was kinda nice" Addison said teasingly "I only met him briefly, though"

"Trust me Addison, as your new friend, Michael Holt is best left being scraped off the bottom of your shoe"

Normally Tyler would be more diplomatic, but he had a terrible morning and seeing Michael Holt did not make it any better.

"Okay" she said "I'll keep that in mind if you let me know what I can do to help with this Jackson situation"

"That person you mentioned before, the one that could get through to Jackson…" Tyler told her "I wouldn't mind having them here to help me understand what's going on with him."

Grabbing his hand once again Addison gave a sympathetic smile "It won't be long. I promise" and for reasons Tyler couldn't quite understand, he believed her, he didn't know why but he did.


	53. Chapter 53

**A/N:** Hello again! I'm sorry I didn't post at the weekend but real life had been extremely busy. But to make up for it, this chapter is very long, so I hope, you won't be all too mad for taking so long!

Thanks for the comments – as always – and we're really happy you're still enjoying the story! =)

Now enjoy reading Chapter 53! =)

**Michael Holt POV:**

Michael had been in a bad mood ever since his last conversation with Lewis and he felt more alone than he ever had. He missed his best friend and he almost regretted coming to Seattle in the first place. If things wouldn't change, there was nothing that would keep him here. Maybe he should have stayed where he was. Where he had had a really good life.

Okay, he didn't have many friends there, either, but he was the star of the hospital, and here he seemed to be just a replacement for Derek Sheppard. He would maybe always be in his shadow, even though Michael just knew he was better. He had definitely better skills.

His mood lightened up when he saw Addison Montgomery sitting in the cafeteria. He thought that maybe, maybe they could have their coffee date right now and moved towards her, when he noticed there was someone else sitting next to her. And not just someone, but someone Michael despised with every fibre of his body.

"No" Michael heard Tyler say "keep on walking Holt!"

But Michael had never being good at obeying orders, so he just stopped in front of Addison, smiling down at her and after the first moment of shock and resentment, decided to ignore Tyler.

"I just came to say hello to Addison" Michael explained "dick"

He couldn't hold back the last word. It had slipped out of his mouth before he could stop himself, but he wasn't sorry anyways. All Tyler had done was causing pain for Lewis and Michael didn't want him here at all. With him here, it would be much more difficult to reunite with Lewis, and he knew it, because Tyler would do everything to keep them apart. Because their dislike for each other was mutual.

"You did it, now you can go back to existing under your rock" Tyler replied and Michael shot him a glare.

"I have to see my patients anyways..." He said with a smile to Addison. "See you soon, I hope."

He made his way out of the cafeteria and to the nurse's station of the neuro department when he heard two nurses chat with each other.

"Have you heard about Avery? It's a shame, isn't it?" the blond nurse said, and the name of his best friend startled Michael. Was something wrong with Lewis?

"Yeah... I still can't believe that the rumours are true... but since he's gone and Sloan is back, there must be at least some truth in it..." the dark haired nurse replied.

They both hadn't even noticed Michael standing behind them, because they were so busy with their conversation, until Michael cleared his throat.

Jumping, the black haired nurse turned around, looking up at Michael.

"Dr. Holt... can I do something for you?"

"Yes, indeed..." Michael replied. "I need the patient file of Mister Ross and then I need to know what you two were talking about..."

The nurse, whose name tag said 'Rose' handed the file over to Michael and her gaze went downwards.

"It might be just rumours..."

"I still wanna know!" Michael insisted. "Or I can go to the Chief and find out myself... telling him you're spreading rumours." He didn't want to threaten Rose, but at least it seemed to work.

"Well... Doctor Sloan is back at work since today, and rumour has it, that it's because Doctor Avery - the young one..." she emphasized. "...that he quit because he has a drug problem."

Michael stared at her in shock.

"A... drug problem?"

"It's just rumours..." Rose waved dismissively. "Maybe he's just on vacation or such... I'm sure it's not true..."

"Whatever it is..." Michael replied. "I want you to keep this to yourself, have I made myself clear?"

"S... Sure, of course!" Rose replied and the nervousness was visible to Michael.

"Good..." He turned around, walking to the elevators and going down. He needed to talk to Lewis. If someone knew about Jackson, it would be him.

Michael knew, they weren't exactly on good terms - Lewis and Jackson - but he knew if someone knew it would be him.

He made his way to Lewis' office and knocked, waiting for Lewis' reply and then walked in.

"What are you doing here?" Lewis asked coldly, barely looking at him. He was sitting at his desk, writing down some notes in a patient's file, as it looked like.

"Is it true?" Michael asked directly, causing Lewis to look up at him.

"Is what true? I have no fucking clue what you're talking about."

"Jackson," Michael replied, noticing the twitch in Lewis' body.

"Depends on what you've heard..." Lewis said, putting down his pen.

"People say he has a drug problem... and that he quit..." Michael bit his lower lip. Only the thought of it terrified him. Especially after all he did to the guy.

"It's true!" Lewis confirmed, staring up at him, before getting up from his chair and rounding the desk. "And can I tell you something else? This is entirely your fault."

Immediately, Michael took a step back. He opened his mouth to say something, but no word came out. His brain just didn't do his job at this very moment and so he just looked at Lewis, feeling ashamed of himself.

"You did this to him, Michael. If you had stopped when I told you, none of this would have happened. If you had just listened to me..." Lewis attacked him verbally. "He's gone... took off and no one knows where he went or when he's coming back. _IF_ he's coming back. If I never see him again, Michael, I'll never forgive you..."

"Lewis, I... I... I'm sorry..." Michael finally managed to say, feeling his knees becoming weak. "I didn't mean to..."

"To what?" Lewis interrupted him. "To destroy his life? Yes, you did. That was exactly what you meant to do..."

"Just because you told me so!" Michael shot back, feeling a slight anger rise within him. "This is not only on me... I started this war because of you. _For _you! I did it all for you, and if you want to blame someone, why don't you start with yourself?"

"I do blame myself," Lewis gave back immediately. "And I will regret what I did for the rest of my life... but unlike you I knew when to stop, and I tried to make it better. I tried to help him, even though it was already too late. But you... instead of stopping when I asked you... begged you to stop, you topped it by sleeping with him and taking away the last thing he had left..."

Michael turned away. He couldn't stand to look at Lewis any longer, and especially the last part of his sentence made a deep guilt rise within him.

"Say something!" Lewis literally shouted, but Michael just remained silent, biting his lower lip.

"You did sleep with him, right?" Lewis asked into the silence, and it seemed like in that very moment it all became clear to him.

"Oh God, I should have known it! I should have known you would never do something like that. You _could_ never do something like that. You didn't even want to sleep with me when I offered it to you... someone you can trust and someone who would have done everything for you... It should have been obvious, but I was stupid enough to fall for your stunt, too."

Lewis grabbed Michael's arm and pushed him towards the door of his office.

"I want you to leave now, and if you ever dare to come near me again... or near Tyler or Jackson, I swear I'll fill out a restraining order," he threatened.

Shocked, Michael stared at him. "You don't mean that!"

"Yes! Yes, I do. I never wanna see your face again, but since we work in the same hospital, that won't be possible. If I could, I would make you lose your job, but I'm not like that. I'm not like you. I won't ever sink that deep," Lewis replied. "But I want you to stay away from me. From me and my family."

And with that, he slammed the door in Michael's face and just left Michael standing there.

This couldn't just have happened. This was a nightmare and all Michael wanted was to wake up. Finally wake up and everything was okay again. He thought it couldn't get any worse, but it just did. It just went much worse. A lot worse than he ever expected and now Lewis even knew that he hadn't slept with Jackson. That he had made it all up.

Slowly, he made his way back to the neurological station, still holding the patient's file in his hands and taking a deep breath. He needed to swallow down his feelings just for a moment to take care of his patient, because he deserved the best treatment and it wasn't the patient's fault that he just had a fight with his best friend.

He made his way to the patient's room, but was more than glad when he left it again about fifteen minutes later. His patient would need surgery, but he could do it and he knew it.

He was barely out of the room when reality hit him again and all the things that just happened came back to him. He needed to be alone, so he made his way to his office, sinking down on the chair and burying his head in his hands. What had he done? Knowing how much trouble he had really caused, literally killed him and now it probably was too late to make anything right again.

**Addison Montgomery POV:**

The tension between Tyler and Michael had peaked Addison's interest. There was definitely a story there and Addison couldn't pretend like she didn't want to hear it.

She had spent a long time away from Seattle Grace, but now that she was back she could tell as much as things changed the more they stayed the same.

After finishing her coffee with Tyler the man gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek before returning to his hotel to try and get some sleep. Addison knew people and Tyler was a good guy. Through and through, so if he despised this Holt guy so much there had to be legitimate reasons.

Still, one look at Holt and she could see past the bravado and saw a man who wasn't given the credit he deserved. He reminded her so much of Mark in his younger days that Addison couldn't deny that there was a small bit of attraction there.

Just a small one.

Although right now, after hearing Tyler say that Jackson had up and quit Addison had to see Mark and see if he was okay. The man hadn't yet told her about their relationship, but she was going to be there regardless.

Knocking on his office door she heard Mark call her in and once she entered she saw Alex sitting across from him. He had a notepad open and was writing down something, but the main thing Addison took notice of was his face. It looked tired and worn out, as if the man hadn't gotten enough sleep or had just come from a long crying jag.

"Hey Alex"

"Hey Addison" he said with a tired smile "I'm sorry I had to bail early on that last appointment. It's just an emergency came up"

"No need to apologize, Alex" she smiled "but I should be doing another ultrasound in two days if you want to be there"

"Definitely"

"Alex" Mark interjected "I want you to go and file those charts and then finish my post-ops"

Turning around Alex nodded his head "Yes, sir" he said as he stood "sorry" he mumbled and walking past Addison he looked sheepish as he quickly made his way out of Mark's office.

That was weird. If Addison didn't know any better she would say that Alex looked scared over something.

"You've been terrorizing Karev again" Addison laughed, but when Mark looked up at her in surprise she knew something was wrong.

Taking Alex's previous seat she looked at Mark concerned. It was time to get the truth.

"I thought Alex was on a Peds fellowship" she said and getting a short shrug from Mark she watched him write something down.

"My Plastics fellow isn't here any longer so I have to make due" the words were on the strong side of bitter.

"What happened?"

"It's...not important" Mark told her.

"Mark" she said "I've known you long enough to tell when something is really bothering you. Now you can tell me or I can force it out of you and it won't be in the fun way"

That had gotten a laugh from the man, but his face quickly reverted back to it's sombre expression.

"He was just one of the best that had come along in quite awhile and to lose him is tough"

Addison heart felt heavy for Mark and although Mark being with a man surprised her, although thinking back, not as much as it should have, it was clear how much Mark had loved him.

"I'm going to be honest with you, Mark, because I want you to be honest with me" and Mark looked at her confused.

"When I first arrived back in Seattle I ran into a stranger that I have actually gotten to become pretty good friends with."

"What are you getting at?"

"It was Tyler Browning" Addison said "he's kept me up to date with what's going on with Jackson and he let me know how he left behind somebody he really loved. He told me about you and Jackson's relationship."

Mark jumped up terrified "What?"

"Calm down, Mark" Addison said "it's okay"

"No, it's not" he told her "he had no right to tell you something like that"

"To be fair he's not even aware that we know each other"

Standing up she walked over to Mark and grabbed his hand. She could feel how clammy it was. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Looking down towards the floor Mark gripped her hand tight "I didn't know what you would think."

"You do remember I know about you and Derek" she smiled "and I've seen Jackson, the man is gorgeous enough to make any man stop worrying about something stupid like labels"

"He is pretty hot, isn't he?" Mark smiled.

"Very hot" she chuckled and caressed Mark's cheek "now why don't you tell me what you're going through?"

That was the moment Addison knew she had broken through "I'm trying so hard to survive moment to moment, but without Jackson here it's killing me."

"Oh Mark" Addison said as she pulled him into a hug "I'm so sorry"

"After Lexie I promised myself I wouldn't leave myself open like that ever again, but he wormed his way in and now I can't shake him" Mark laid his forehead on her shoulder "I don't know how to make this pain go away."

"Have you been able to get in contact with him at all?"

"I've left dozens of messages on his voicemail, but I dropped the ball and let people hurt him so I can't be that surprised that he wants avoid me"

Grabbing Mark's face she made the man look at him "None of this is your fault" Addison said "you have to know that"

"He became an addict right under my nose" Mark told her "and all we did was argue about stupid fucking issues that should have never mattered and then I let him end things with us. I didn't even fight for us."

"Look at you, Mark" she said "the way you're reacting to his absence tells me that there is no way Jackson doesn't know how much you love him and I fully believe he's coming back. He just needs to sort some things out."

Thank you, Addison" Mark smiled "I just wish he would let someone know that he's okay. That's the worst part, the wondering if he's not hurt in some ditch"

"Don't start thinking that" Addison commanded "no good comes from it"

"I know" Mark told her "it's just a lot easier said than done"

"This Lewis Avery?" Addison asked "I assume he's related to Jackson. Has he had any luck?"

At the mention of Lewis' name a look of contempt crossed Mark's face "Lewis is the reason Jackson is gone in the first place"

"Why?"

"Lewis and Jackson have always had an awful relationship and after Lewis blamed Jackson for the break-up of his engagement he's been on a mission to ruin his life." Mark's hands balled into fist "He came to Seattle and got together with Alex, tried to get it on with me and generally made Jackson's life hell."

Addison was stunned at the news "But they're brothers...how can they hate one another so much?"

"That's a question you need to ask Lewis. It'd best for my blood pressure if I don't see his face"

"I understand why you're angry, Mark, but don't let it be all you are"

Mark looked at her and seemed to take some deep breaths to calm down "I know you're right, Addison, but we know I've never been good at controlling my anger"

"That's what I'm here for" she smiled and as the two hugged once again Alex knocked on the door before walking in.

"Dr. Sloan" he said "Mrs. Potter wants to speak with you about some of her concerns"

"Okay" Mark sighed "you want to have dinner tonight?" he asked Addison "Help me control some of that anger?"

"It's a date" Addison said and walking out of the office she gave Alex a comforting pat on the shoulder.

It took her 5 minutes to get back to her office and the entire time she had been going over her conversation with Mark. He needed help and Addison wasn't going to waste time giving it. She knew the only way to help Mark was to help Jackson.

Picking up the phone she quickly dialled a number and waited for the other person to answer.

"Hey Addison" Amelia Shepherd said "how's Seattle treating you?"

"Good" she answered "could be better"

"What's the matter?"

"I need to ask if you're up to making a trip. I have someone I think could really use your help."

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark was really thankful for Alex' interruption and the included distraction. As much as he liked to talk to Addison - and he really, really did - he had spent half of the night talking about his feelings, doing it over and over again didn't make anything better. Of course Mark could have sent Addison away, or tell her to ask Callie, but it felt good to know that he had her support.

Still, it hurt quite a bit that even she knew before him what problems Jackson was having. That he really seemed to be the last person to find out about everything.

He walked beside Alex and stopped when they were in front of Mrs. Potter's room.

Alex was about to enter, when Mark touched his shoulder.

"Karev, wait!"

Turning around, Alex looked at him, and Mark could tell that he was nervous. Really nervous.

"I'm sorry that I dragged you into this... and that I demanded you to support me, but I..." Mark took a deep breath before he continued. "You're the only one I can trust with this..."

"Trust? Me?" Now it was surprise in Alex' face and Mark couldn't blame him.

"Unlike the others you at least tried to tell me that something's wrong... in your way... I just didn't understand it, and that's not your fault..." Mark said directly, causing Alex to shake his head.

"We... we all decided not to tell you, and it was hard for all of us, Doctor Sloan... Mostly for Doctor Robbins..." Alex said, and Mark immediately got what he was trying to do here.

"It's nice for you to defend her, but unlike you she lied straight to my face... not only about what was wrong with Jackson, but she also made me believe that Tyler probably is Jackson's new boyfriend instead of just telling me the truth... do you think, believing that Jackson has moved on was easier than to know what really was his problem?" Mark asked, leaning against the wall.

"I thought about this almost the whole night, Karev... but had I known that Jackson had a drug problem, I probably could have done something... and then I would have never doubted him... his love for me... us..."

He looked directly into Alex eyes.

"Have you any idea how much it hurt to think that our break-up that should have been only temporary could be permanent? It killed me from the inside..."

"I'm... I'm sorry..." Alex stammered, and Mark gave him a weak smile. A real one.

"I know... That's why I'm not mad at you at all... but you have to do something for me..." Mark gave back.

"Everything!" Alex hurriedly said, and it looked like Mark had just pulled a heavy weight off his shoulders.

"You have to tell me..." Mark replied.

"Tell you what?" Alex asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Tell me everything... everything that happened... from the moment you found out till the moment Jackson disappeared... I need to know it... I need to know if I could have done something. Can you do that for me?" Mark's gaze met Alex' and he could tell that Alex didn't like the idea of it. That he didn't feel comfortable with bringing everything up again, but this was important to Mark and Alex seemed to notice.

"I can try, yes..." he responded, pointing to the patient's room. "But first we should take care of our patients, okay?"

A small smile appeared on Mark's lips. "Okay... thank you."

Together with Alex he entered Mrs. Potter's room and stopped in front of her bed, glad that - so far - his day had been better than he thought it would.

He had been pretty nervous about coming back earlier than he expected, but since everyone had been so nice to him, it was a lot easier, even though Mark hated the pity looks some of his colleagues and especially the nurses sent his way.

He would have been back in about a week anyways, so what difference did a couple of days made?

A huge for Mark, because Jackson wasn't there, but other than that it was okay. He just hoped he wouldn't run into Arizona or Lewis today because even though he promised Addison, he didn't know if he could control his anger in a case like that.

"Will you do the surgery, Doctor Sloan?" Mrs. Potter asked, once Mark was finished with informing her about the risks and everything she needed to know.

"Because I thought Doctor Avery would, but I haven't seen him today. Is he okay?"

Her mention of Jackson felt like a punch in the stomach and for a moment there, Mark couldn't breathe. The room seemed so small all of a sudden and it felt like the walls were closing in on him.

"I'm afraid Doctor Avery is not available at the moment. He's sick and it's gonna take a couple of days..." Alex stepped in, and Mark had never been so glad he chose Karev. Someone that knew what was going on inside of him.

"What a shame, he's so nice..." Mrs. Potter replied and Mark couldn't take it anymore all of a sudden.

"Would you please excuse me? I'm sure Doctor Karev can answer all your questions if there still are some..." Mark said, literally bursting out of the room and running to the staircase, where he moved down a few steps before he sank on one of them and leaned against the wall.

His whole body was shaking and breathing became more and more difficult with every second. And so did holding back his tears.

It wasn't Mrs. Potter's fault at all and Mark knew that, but being confronted with the facts hurt like a bitch and Mark just couldn't do anything about it.

He heard the door of the staircase and then he heard someone stepping down, felt someone sitting down next to him, but he didn't even bother to look. He squinted his eyes and just hoped whoever was there with him would vanish again and leave him alone.

"You okay?" he heard a familiar voice, and if he wasn't sitting against the wall, he would have moved at least ten feet backwards.

"Fuck off!" Mark huffed, moving closer to the wall and trying to get some space between him and the other person.

"I though you might need a friend..." Eli said, and Mark let out a bitter laugh.

"A friend you say?" he chuckled. "Yeah... yeah, I do need a friend, but I don't consider you one, so just get lost, okay? I don't wanna see any of you right now."

"I'm... I'm sorry..." Eli tried to say, but Mark cut him off.

"Yeah? Really? If I got a dollar by everyone who told me he was sorry in the past 24 hours I would be rich by now... you know what? Just save it for someone who actually wants to hear it, because I don't..." Mark replied, getting up and looking down at Eli.

"I thought you were my friend, but you're not better than the others, because you kept this thing from me, too… you... Arizona... Lewis... Tyler... I have no idea how I can ever trust any of you again..."

"We didn't keep it from you to hurt you... we kept it from you so you won't get hurt..." Eli defended himself, but Mark just shook his head.

"Whatever... I don't care why you did it; it doesn't make any difference... Jackson is gone and it's because all of you went behind his back. He had no one who was there for him... If I was him, I would have probably run off, too... and never come back..." Mark said. "He must have felt so alone, and it hurts that he didn't feel like he could talk to me... but that's on me... that's something I have to live with... that he didn't trust me enough to be honest and let me help him... but you... all of you... you just didn't think it was necessary to inform me that my boyfriend is destroying his life... that's not what I expect from a friend..."

He turned around, getting back up the stairs.

"I better not see you again for a while, or I don't know what I'm capable of..."

He didn't even wait for an answer and made it back up and into the hallway where he saw Karev just leaving Mrs. Potter's room.

"Karev!" he called him and Alex turned around immediately.

"Sorry for standing you up like this, it's just..."

"You don't have to apologize..." Alex replied understandingly. "It's okay, I understand..."

"Thank you..." Mark commented and he meant it. He was really glad he could rely on Alex.

"Wanna have some lunch together?"

He needed to talk to Alex. He needed to know everything, or it would drive him crazy. It already did, but he needed Alex to tell him the facts. Straight to his face, and he hoped, Alex would keep his promise and tell him what he knew. He would find out soon enough.

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex hadn't expected an apology from Mark. Truth be told he didn't really think he deserved one. He had been just as guilty as everyone else when it came to keeping Jackson's problem a secret.

Worse even, Alex had been the very first one to know and thought that he was good enough to fix it himself.

Still, it felt nice that Mark was willing to give him a second chance. Willing to understand that Alex tried to do the right thing, but he was never good at doing the right thing.

When Mark had invited him to lunch Alex took it as a sign of progress. If he could forgive Alex then surely with time and a little persuasion he could forgive all of them. Mark just had to get through the pain and come out on the other side. Then he would see that their intentions were good.

Although Alex thought the two would eat in the cafeteria he didn't say anything once he and Mark got their food and headed back to Sloan's office.

Once inside, the two sat opposite one another and suddenly the nerves were back. He had been feeling them all morning and now being in the too small room with Mark again he suddenly felt like he had made a mistake by accepting Mark's offer of lunch.

"I need to know, Karev!"

Looking up at Mark he was confused "Need to know?"

"About Jackson" Mark told him "I need to know everything I missed"

A panic seized Alex "I-I don't think that would be a good idea"

Mark's face was determined and Alex knew that no amount of words were going to sway Mark.

"He's gone" Mark said "Jackson is gone and it's quite possible he's never coming back and I let it happen."

"Dr Slo-"

"He stood right in front of me desperate and alone and I tried to start an argument with him because I thought he was with someone else. I didn't get a chance to beg him to say or even say goodbye. I missed everything and now I need to know the Jackson you knew. The Jackson that was kept from me."

How could Alex deny him that? How could he not try and give Mark something, however small, that he had taken away?

It still didn't stop Alex from feeling like he was going to be sick.

"What happened, Alex?"

"He started using a couple of months ago-" Alex started before Mark cut him off.

"No, Alex" he said "I need details. Why do you think he started using? What made you first suspect it?"

"I don't know I-"

"Yes you do, Karev" Mark said with a steel tone "now tell me"

Looking down at his food Alex pushed it away and readied himself "After Jackson found out about Lewis and me he tried to get me to end things" he started "we argued and fought. He wanted to tell me about April's pregnancy but felt it was better for her to do so, but after he saw how serious me and Lewis were getting he gave me enough information about April for me to figure it out."

"Did you blame him for not telling you sooner?"

"Yes" Alex told him "but I understood why he didn't want to come out and say it himself"

"You've known Jackson for years, Karev." Mark said "Why wouldn't you believe him when he told you that Lewis was bad news?"

"I'm sorry Mark I-"

"I'm not blaming you for anything, Karev" Mark said gently "you didn't push the drugs into Jackson's hands. I just need to understand why he turned to them, but believe me nothing you've done is the reason for it and I know that."

Nodding his head Alex forced himself to calm down. He wanted to do this for Mark, but even if the man didn't blame Alex; Alex certainly blamed himself.

"I was in a bad place and Lewis was there" Alex said "it felt nice being with someone who didn't know who I was and didn't judge me for not being the kind of man who deserved someone like April"

"Why stay with him, though?" Mark asked "After you knew what he came here for?"

"He's a good guy" Alex told him "I know you don't believe that and I don't blame you, but he's changed in the few months he has been here. I've seen how much he cares for Jackson and you could never hate him as much as he hates himself"

"Try me!"

Alex felt like he had been punched in the stomach. He would never deny Mark his anger, but he was still talking about the person Alex loved.

"When did you first suspect Jackson of using?"

"Me and Lewis were at a bar" Alex said "me and Jackson's friendship was pretty much hanging by a thread at that point and he and Lewis were...not getting along. So when I saw Jackson walk in I thought maybe I could smooth things out"

"I'm taking it that didn't happen?" Mark asked and Alex shook his head no.

"He was with a guy by the name of Gary Stiles. One look in Jackson's eyes and I knew he had been using"

"Did you tell anyone?"

"No" Alex told him "I hadn't yet trusted Lewis enough to give him that information and I knew you and he already had enough problems of your own so I thought I could handle it myself"

"You were wrong!"

Another punch to the stomach and Alex wanted to stop. This all hurt too much.

"You two fought so much these past couple of months." Mark said "Why?"

"I have little self-control and Jackson has a knack for being particularly vicious with words."

"Jackson?" Mark said "No!"

"Yeah" Alex responded "it's actually pretty impressive when it wasn't sending me into a rage"

Mark gave a small laugh.

"Who is this Gary Stiles guy you mentioned earlier?"

"Some guy Jackson met at the club he started hanging out at"

"Club" Mark queried "what club?"

"It's called the Rooftop" Alex said "that's where I first caught Jackson using"

"We're going there tonight" Mark said bluntly.

"I can't" Alex felt panicked "I have dinner with Lewis and-"

"Tell him you'll be late" Mark said "I have dinner with Addison so I won't keep you all night, but this other life of Jackson's, I need to see it. Maybe if I do and he does come back I can tell him I tried to understand. That once I knew I did whatever I could to correct my failures"

"Okay" Alex told him defeated.

"I also want to meet this Gary Stiles and see how important he was, or is, to Jackson"

Alex caught himself before he spoke. He didn't have the heart to tell him that more than likely if Jackson was gone so was this Gary guy.

Still, he would take Mark to the club and show him all the things he was kept from.

"Now" Mark said "what happened when you caught Jackson?"

With a heavy inward sigh Alex continued. Ignoring the growing feeling of anxiety in his stomach.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark knew what he was doing was wrong. He knew that putting so much pressure on Alex - who had done nothing to him to deserve this - was plainly wrong, but Mark couldn't stop himself from doing it nevertheless. He just needed to know the whole truth. Everything. He needed to understand Jackson.

He could hear with every word Alex was saying, that the man was blaming himself too, though, and Mark really wanted to say something that made it better, but somehow he couldn't.

Because Part of him blamed Alex as well. Blamed Alex for not getting any help himself. Blamed Alex for just watching how Jackson was slowly destroying his life in front of him.

He didn't want to blame him, but he did, and he couldn't change his feelings. What he could do was not show them, in which he had always been really good. At least one thing he could thank his father for would he ever see him again: making him the cold, egoistic bastard he sometimes was.

"The club I told you about? I was there with Lewis..." Alex continued his story. "And when I saw Jackson vanishing into one of the backrooms, I followed him with a lame excuse. Such as going to the toilet..."

"What happened?" Mark asked, his gaze completely focused on Alex.

"I found him there with this Gary... about to make a deal obviously, and all of a sudden Lewis was standing behind me, asking what was going on and of course he could connect the dots... and he and Jackson got in a bad fight..." Alex explained.

"Why did you even take Lewis with you? Knowing that the brothers didn't get along very well, this wasn't your best idea now, was it?" Mark wanted to know.

Ashamed, Alex shook his head.

"No. But I guess I needed some kind of moral support... I didn't know what to expect and god, was I hoping I was wrong... but the fight between Lewis and Jackson wasn't even about the drugs... it was them being... them I guess..."

"Yeah... I get as much..." Mark nodded. "I mean, it was obvious since almost from the start that the two of them weren't typical brothers, but I thought I imagined things..."

"No you didn't... want me to continue?" Alex asked.

Immediately, Mark nodded again. "Yes, please."

"Of course I didn't tell Lewis about my suspicion... I didn't tell him that I thought Jackson was doing drugs, because I thought I can handle it alone... but then others got suspicious and found out... Eli was actually one of the first people who did..." Alex went on with his story. "And once Lewis and I were on the same page, Lewis also told me, that this is not the first time Jackson is having this..." Alex gestured with his hand. "...problem..."

Wide-eyed, Mark stared at him. "What?"

"Jackson has been using drugs before..." Alex replied willingly. "It's been a while and... back then it was Tyler who helped him out... who got him to stop... who even made him go to rehab..."

"And that's why you brought him here?" Mark asked, and slowly but surely everything started to make sense. He still didn't like what he was finding out, but he couldn't do anything right now. He wanted to know, and now he had to live with it.

"Yeah... I mean... I didn't even know Lewis called him, until he told me... but it all made sense. Especially considering the fact that Tyler and Jackson have quite a history... and seemed to have never really completely gotten over one another..." Alex said, and once more Mark's eyes widened.

"So Tyler was here to get back together with Jackson?" he blurted out, feeling a tight pain in his chest.

"No... I mean..." Alex stumbled, obviously lost for words. "I'm sorry... I shouldn't even have brought it up..."

"What are you talking about?" Mark demanded, focusing on Alex. "I wanna know..."

"You sure?" Alex asked, looking more than a little bit insecure, but after Mark nodded, he started talking again.

"You remember me and Jackson going to Miami for Job Interviews?"

"I remember... Jackson and I weren't really... talking at that time..." Mark said, and bringing back those memories really hurt, because that had been the time when he had completely and utterly messed up.

"Well... when we were in Miami our flights got delayed... that's why I couldn't make it back in time for the supposed surgery... and wasn't on that flight..." Alex bit his lower lip. The memories of the plane crash still haunted almost everyone, even the people who weren't even _on_ that plane, because every single one of them had lost something or someone on the course of that crash in some ways.

"We went partying the first night and I saw Jackson talking to a guy... and the next morning when I woke up Jackson said guy was with him... they spent the night together... so I thought he was one of the reasons Jackson really wanted to go there... to reconnect with him..."

Mark felt a dull pain in his heart. "I understand..." he replied. "And maybe it would have been good if he had just left back then..."

"You wouldn't be alive today if he had..." Alex gave back.

"I know..." Mark commented. "But Jackson wouldn't be in this situation right now, and he probably would have moved on with his life and he most likely would be happy... and not having to go through what he's going through..."

"He loves you, Mark... Doctor Sloan!" Alex blurted out. "Do you really think he can be happy without you? Anywhere?"

"You just told me... if he had gone to Miami instead of taking care of me, he might have gotten back together with this Tyler guy, and he would be happy now..." Mark said, and even the thought of it hurt more than he dared to admit.

It wasn't a big deal for him that Jackson had slept with Tyler. He didn't care pretty much at all. It was when he and Jackson hadn't been together. It didn't mean anything to Mark. But the fact that he kept him from the life he could have lived just because he was there was painful.

"You don't know that," Alex disagreed. "And Jackson was already so in love with you back then... I don't think he could have really left you. Especially not knowing that you loved him, too. And who knows, maybe Michael and Lewis would have appeared there as well..."

"Michael...?" Mark asked. "I mean, I know there was something going on between Holt and Jackson... Hell, they slept together..."

"Yeah, but this was all... some kind of sick, twisted plan," Alex replied. "Michael is Lewis' best friend... and when Michael came here, it was to destroy Jackson's life... and once Lewis saw how bad it already was, it was too late... Jackson was already in too deep."

"So this is all Lewis' fault?" Mark bit his lower lip, trying to fight down his anger towards Jackson's brother. "Why couldn't he just leave him alone? Why couldn't he just let him be happy? How can someone hate his brother so much?"

"He... he was hurt and in pain..." Alex defended Lewis.

Mark let out a bitter laugh.

"Oh yeah, because that makes everything so much better... he drove him into taking drugs. Jackson must have been so desperate, and I was way too blind to see it myself..."

"Lewis had the opinion that Jackson had destroyed his life, and he wanted him to feel the same pain he felt when Jackson slept with Tyler... That's why he tried to hook up with you." Alex went on. "But he has changed... He has seen that what he was doing was wrong, and he tried to make it better..."

"By bringing in Tyler? Who happens to be the love of Lewis' life? You think his motives are completely selfless, huh?" Mark tilted his head, looking at Alex.

"You don't?"

Mark could tell he made Alex nervous by watching him bite his lower lip.

"Why else would Lewis bring Tyler to Seattle? He wanted him to get through to Jackson and to help him..." Alex went on.

Mark rolled his eyes. "You're even more naive that I thought, Karev."

"No! No I'm not!" Alex replied immediately. "Lewis and Tyler are over... he's there for Jackson..."

Mark shrugged. "If you say so..."

He didn't want to fight with Alex, but somehow he didn't buy the story of the nice and selfless brother who would do anything to help. Especially not after hearing what Lewis was capable of, and especially not considering the fact that Lewis once wanted to marry the guy he had brought to Seattle. That meant something, but Alex was already upset enough. Mark didn't want to go over the top.

"What else do you know?"

**Alex Karev POV:**

The day had been long for Alex and as he drove Mark to the club that Jackson had spent most of his time in recently Alex knew his night was shaping up to be even longer.

Alex had felt drained after rehashing every painful moment of Jackson's decline and his part in it, but Mark only seemed to want to know more and in greater detail. If it was possible for Alex to reach into his brain and rip out every memory he would have gladly done so and handed them over to Mark.

At least then Alex would be free of the guilt.

Once Alex pulled up and parked his car he saw the large crowd standing outside the Rooftop. It was late in the week and, as Alex was aware, the crowds only grew bigger the closer they got to the weekend.

"He came here?" Mark asked confused "It seems so...cliché."

"Exactly" Alex told him "a place where you know scoring drugs is a no-brainer"

Getting out of his car he smoothed down his black silk shirt and black dress pants, he hadn't forgotten that he needed to still _look the part._

Mark always had a habit of dressing better than Alex so the man hadn't needed to change much when he was out of his scrubs.

Once the two got up to the same bouncer that was working the door the night Alex had come here with Lewis Alex saw the man smile at him.

He recognized Alex.

"A returned guest" the man smiled at Alex "and I see you keep the hit parade coming" he added as he gave a once over to Mark.

"It-It's not like that" Alex responded embarrassingly.

"Whatever you say chief" the guy said as he stepped aside to let the two men in "far be it for me to deny a man who's able to pull in such quality ass"

Alex could almost feel his cheeks reddened at the guy's words. Alex would have been more than happy to have the ground open up and swallow him whole at that moment.

Once they entered the club Mark bent down to talk in Alex's ear "What was that guy talking about?"

"It's not important" Alex yelled over the music.

"I told you Alex every detai-"

"He thinks I'm fucking you and he was congratulating me" Alex turned around annoyed.

"Oh!" Mark responded awkwardly.

"See, I told you it wasn't important"

"Right" Mark told him "so let's continue. What happened when you first came here?"

"I walked to the bar" Alex said "I didn't want Jackson to see me or Lewis and Lewis, at the time, didn't know why he was here so keeping them away from one another was for the best"

"Why'd you bring Lewis here in the first place?"

"People, who look like Lewis and Jackson, and _you_ apparently, are an all-access pass. If I wanted to move anywhere beyond that long line outside I needed somebody that bouncer felt worthy of coming in"

"Lewis."

"Lewis!" Alex confirmed.

"Lewis was getting a drink at the bar, because I think he hates these kinds of places almost as much as you do and I saw Jackson disappear in that back room" Alex said as he pointed to the other end of the bar to the large grey door.

"Can I help you, gentlemen?" the bartender said as he walked up to the two men.

"No, we-" Alex started to say before Mark cut him off.

"Two bourbons" Mark told the man and once the man left to prepare their drinks Mark looked down at Alex "Was anyone with Jackson when he walked back to that room?"

"Gary" Alex told him.

"That'll be 15, guys" the bartender said and handing the money over Mark leaned in close so the man could hear him clearly.

"I'm looking for Stiles" Mark said "you haven't seen him around, have you?"

"Who's asking?"

"A man in need of his services" Mark told him "I know he hangs around that Jackson guy, but I haven't seen the two here in a couple days"

"Gary and Jack took off Monday night" the bartender said "not sure when they'll be back"

Alex could see Mark's eyes widen for just a moment and he felt awful for the guy. Jackson had come here after his talk with Mark and it was the last place he had been seen before vanishing.

To his credit Mark managed to keep his composure "You know where they went to?"

"Wherever it was it's not in Seattle. They were talking about catching a flight"

It had been exactly what Mark and Alex didn't want to hear. Jackson had left and if he was out of Seattle he could have gone anywhere.

"Thanks anyway" Mark said as he handed the guy a 50 dollar bill.

"No problem" the guy said as he pocketed the money and went on to the next customer.

"Let's go" Mark told Alex as he downed his drink in one smooth gulp and slammed the glass back on the counter.

"Go?" Alex asked and he tried to keep the hopeful tone out of his voice.

"The backroom" Mark said "I assumed you followed Jackson there?"

With his hopes dashed Alex bowed his head "I'm tired, Mark, and I want to go home"

"And I want Jackson back, but we don't always get what we want, do we?" Mark responded angrily and roughly grabbing Alex's arm he yanked him towards the door's direction "now move your ass"

Reaching the back door Alex opened it to find it empty, which was surprising. With the crowd outside the man assumed that somebody would be using this room for something.

Apparently Gary and Jackson _were_ preferred clientele.

"So, what happened?"

"The first thing I saw was Jackson putting some pills into his pocket and when he saw me he wasn't pleased" Alex said "then I told Gary about our talk earlier"

"Talk?"

"He had come into the pit that day when I and Jackson were working there and Jackson tried to get to him first, but I beat him"

"Gary was at the hospital?"

"Broken arm"

"So Jackson is friends with a drug dealer who comes into ER's with broken arms and still you didn't think it was important to clue me, the guy who was in with him, in?"

"Mark, I-"

"Save it" Mark said angrily "continue"

Alex felt like he was going to be sick. All this pressure was going to kill him he just knew it.

"Me and Jackson were arguing when Lewis appeared at the door" Alex said "apparently I wasn't as stealth as I thought I was"

"He knew about Jackson?"

"He had a pretty good idea" Alex said "and I guess following Jackson to that club confirmed it. They argued and Lewis made Jackson promise him to have a meeting with him the next day"

"Of course Jackson didn't agree" Mark responded.

"Lewis can be...persuasive"

"He threatened Jackson you mean"

"It was to help him" Alex said.

"It's funny how so much of Lewis' _help _tends to only hurt Jackson more"

"Lewis was doing a good thing" Alex said defensively "he was trying to be a good brother"

"A good brother" Mark laughed "Right, is that before or after he whored out Jackson to Holt?"

"Lewis had no part in that" Alex responded "he was furious and besides it was a drunken night, but Jackson decided to sleep with Holt so you can't put that all on Holt either"

"Look at you, Karev" Mark said "coming to the defenses of Michael Holt"

"I'm not!" Alex nearly shouted "but I'm not going to stand here and listen to you compare Lewis to some goddamn pimp"

"Wasn't he?" Mark asked calmly "you said yourself that Lewis sent Michael here to start this whole sickening revenge thing. Then Michael kept attacking Jackson to the point that Jackson grew to hate Holt and believe me I knew he hated Holt, then out of the blue the two go out to dinner and are fucking by that night? This doesn't all seem a bit too convenient to you?"

"What are you saying?" Alex spat as that nauseated feeling in his stomach grew.

"Jackson Avery has never been like me, Alex, hell he's never been like you" he told him. "He doesn't go around fucking any attractive piece of ass and less so ones that are attached to people he despise"

"But he did?" Alex responded weakly "he was drunk"

"Did he?" Mark asked again "Jackson told me he doesn't even remember it happening"

"Are you saying that Holt...forced Jackson to have sex with him?" Alex felt like the room was starting to spin "Holt is a dick, but do you really think he's capable of assaulting Jackson like that? He's not a monster!"

"I think a man who comes all the way to a city he doesn't know to help his best friend enact revenge on his little brother is capable of anything" Mark told him "and I think he'd do anything to make sure that best friend is happy"

"No" Alex said as he shook his head violently back and forth "I would have known"

"Jackson didn't have anyone by the time the thing with Holt happened" Mark said "he certainly wouldn't trust someone like you to believe him if he told you that Holt may have had sex with him without his permission."

Alex wasn't going to cry. A part of him believed that was what Mark wanted. That he was forcing Alex to go through all this pain and doubt and guilt because Mark needed someone to feel just as bad as he did.

Still, Alex could feel the first few tears water his eyes.

"Let's go home" Mark said "I don't want to keep Addison waiting and I'm sure Lewis is missing you"

"Okay" Alex told him and walking out behind Mark Alex couldn't find the strength to even hold his head up high. Not that Alex had any reason to do so anyway.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark knew he had probably gone too far when he saw the tears in Alex' eyes, but he just couldn't help it. He couldn't help himself. Hearing all this, imagining it, killed him from the inside, but at least he wasn't alone in this. At least he had someone he could pull down with him, even though he knew it wasn't fair.

Still, a big part of him blamed Alex for not coming to him in the first place. For turning to people who couldn't do anything at all. He might have been able to help Jackson, but now he would never know.

Thinking that Holt might have forced himself on Jackson made Mark sick to his stomach and he started asking himself why he didn't think about this earlier. Why he was so stupid when he found out and never even thought about the possibility that this had not happened with Jackson's consent.

When Alex and him arrived at his car and Alex was about to get in, Mark spoke up.

"Karev... wait..." he said, looking at him. His eyes were still full of tears and he looked pretty desperate. Mark's former self wouldn't have cared at all, hell, he might have even mocked him with it, but right now he couldn't, because he saw Alex was hurting.

"I'm sorry..." he finally said when Alex looked at him.

"For what?" Alex asked, seeming slightly surprised.

"For... for putting this all on you... Especially the thing with Holt..." Mark replied.

Alex looked at him seriously. "You really think Holt could have done something like that? I mean..." He leaned against the car, putting his hands on the roof. "I hate the guy... I really can't stand him, but accusing him of something like that is pretty serious..."

"I know..." Mark said. "But it's the only explanation. The only that really makes sense..."

He turned around and leaned against his car with his back. "And if that's true, it's on me, too, because I should have known something's fishy when I found out about it..."

He buried his hands in his pants pockets and looked into the sky.

"I... I should have questioned Jackson's motives and everything... I should have just known that Jackson wouldn't do that... and that Holt made him drunk enough to have his way with him..."

He turned around and looked at Alex. "You think he's going to do the same to Meredith?"

"What?" Alex stared at him in shock. "Why do you bring up Meredith now?"

"Because Derek thinks she has a crush on Holt... And if that's true he... he might just do the same to her..." Mark gave back.

Alex let out a sigh. "Listen to yourself, Sloan... if she really has a crush on him, I don't think there is anything she wouldn't do to get him... you know how persistent Meredith can be sometimes... especially if she wants something or someone..."

"Yeah..." Mark agreed, looking down at his feet. It wasn't fair of him to drag Meredith in the conversation without her being able to defend herself, but he needed some kind of distraction. At least he would see Addison soon, and then they could talk.

"Let's get in the car. I'm sure Lewis is waiting for you..." Mark said and when Alex obliged, he took his seat in the driver's seat and turned on the engine, before reversing out of the parking space and making his way to the apartment building in which Alex lived with Lewis now.

He had picked up Alex here before they went to the club, so he remembered the address.

When Mark was turning off the engine and Alex was about to get out of the car, Mark once more called out his name to hold him back, seeing Alex twitch.

"You think you can find out if Holt would be capable of... doing what we think he did?"

"How do you think I should do that?" Alex asked irritated. "I doubt he's willing to talk to me, let alone admit to something like that..."

"I'm not talking about Holt..." Mark gave back and in that moment Alex seemed to understand.

"Lewis..." he said slowly, and Mark nodded.

"You want me to ask Lewis if Michael would be capable of raping someone? Mark, Michael used to be his best friend... I doubt - even if he was - Lewis would ever think he could..." Alex replied. "It's like as if I asked you if Derek could do something like that."

"Oh come on... Derek's a good guy..." Mark commented, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah... and in Lewis' eyes - despite what Michael has done - he might still see the good guy, too. They know each other since med school and I have a feeling Lewis would still protect him..." Alex said, and Mark had to admit: he might have a point there.

"Okay..." Mark replied for that reason, leaning back in his seat. "I thought I could rely on you, but obviously not..."

"Don't you think that's a little bit unfair now?" Alex complained, and there was pain in his eyes. "I would do a lot to make this up to you but this... you can't make me do this..."

"I understand... now get out of my car... I see you tomorrow morning..." Mark answered coldly, and he was really glad when Alex finally obliged and made his way towards the apartment building.

He didn't waste any time and drove home immediately, making his way to his own apartment.

He had felt sick the whole way home, ever since they left the club and when he finally entered his apartment, he made his way to the bathroom immediately and threw up. He hadn't even had the time to close the door or anything like that, because all of a sudden it was too much. Way too much.

He didn't even want to imagine Jackson desperately trying to fight off Holt, but not being able to, because he was too drunk, but the pictures were flooding his mind nevertheless, and every single one of it felt like a thousand stitches to his heart. He tried to fight back his feelings, but at some point he just couldn't anymore and gave in to the tears that were making their way out of his eyes and down his cheeks.

He was a bad boyfriend. He should have known. He shouldn't have just assumed the sex between Holt and Jackson was voluntary, but he had failed Jackson. Again.

Of course Jackson didn't want to be with him any longer, of course he had to vanish. Over and Over again Mark asked himself if he could have done something, anything, but he probably would never get an answer to this.

He grabbed his mobile phone out of his pocket and dialled Jackson's number. He didn't expect Jackson to pick up the phone, and he was right, he didn't. Still Mark needed to leave a message, or it would kill him from the inside.

"Jackson, it's me... Mark..." he started talking, hoping the tears wouldn't be hear-able all too much. "I know I've already left you a couple of messages, and I understand why you don't call me back, because I... I failed you... I wish I had known. I wish I could have helped you, but not knowing where you are... and if you ever come back kills me..." A sob left his lips. "Please... if you don't call me, call someone... anyone... I just need to know that you're alive... that you're okay... that you're not laying somewhere in the gutter dying of an overdose. I love you... Bye..."

He ended the call and his hand sank down on the floor weakly. He was leaning against the cold, tiled wall and feeling like all his power had drained his body. He didn't want to be this weak, but the pain in his heart was almost unbearable.

"Mark!" he heard a familiar, female voice call out on him and only a mere seconds later he felt a touch to his cheek and his head turned around to look at Addison.

"My god, what happened?" she asked and the concern was visible on her face.

"Nothing, I... I just... I can't..." he stammered, leaning against Addison's chest and starting to cry even harder than before. "What if he's never coming back?" he managed to get out. "What if it's my fault because he didn't feel like he could trust me?"

He felt Addison's arms around him and took a few deep breathes.

He hated to be this person. No surprise everyone treated him like a weak kid who couldn't take the truth, because right now he felt exactly like this and he just couldn't do anything about it. He hated it, and for Addison to see him like that made it all so much worse, but at least it was her and not one of the others like Alex, Arizona or Eli. At least he was able to compose himself in front of Alex, because if he had seen him like that, he might have thought that they were all right for not telling him when they weren't. He knew he could have done something if he knew, but feeling so helpless right now was what really hurt the most. And he blamed himself for it, too. Not only the others.

He should have known.


	54. Chapter 54

**A/N:** Hello again! How is everyone? I hope, you had a nice week and an even nicer weekend. Real life is keeping me busy, but I will try to post as often as possible, and we (me and my writing partner) are happy you're still enjoying the "ride" :-)

Thanks for the comments and enjoy Chapter 54!

xoxoxo

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex walked to his and Lewis' apartment still feeling on the bad side of terrible. His whole body felt drained and his mind felt like it was trying to do a hundred different things at once.

Alex knew Mark had a right to be angry, furious even, but the way he talked to Alex, the way his eyes had seemed to stare straight through Alex and tear into the guilt and shame that the man had reminded Alex, for just a moment, of his own father.

The harsh words and forceful tone was one Alex hadn't heard in years.

Alex wanted to forget it, just see Lewis and hold him. Wanted to be able to block out the world for as long as he possibly could and maybe even a little longer.

Walking into his apartment he saw Lewis sitting in front of the television quickly switching channels. It was obvious the man wasn't concentrating on anything he was watching and just needed a distraction.

"You finally made it home, I see," Lewis said, his voice angry and thin "almost thought you forgot you had one."

"What?" Alex asked confused.

Turning off the television Lewis stood up "Have you checked your phone in the past 5 hours?"

"No, I-"

"Of course not, Alex, because if you had you would have seen I've been calling you."

Alex took out his phone and saw that he had 9 missed calls and 3 voicemails.

_Shit!_

"I'm sorry, baby" Alex said as he walked over towards Lewis. "Something came up and I couldn't avoid it."

"Something like what?"

Alex knew he needed to be honest, but how could he tell Lewis that Mark was playing emotional warfare with Alex? Either it would make Lewis feel bad that Alex was put in that situation or angry with Mark for doing it in the first place.

Neither one of those had a good outcome.

"Mark's first surgery is tomorrow and he's really nervous so we've been going over the procedure extensively" Alex said "I didn't have my phone on me"

"You can't just..." Lewis tried to say and Alex could see the emotions overcome him as Lewis hitched his breath.

Alex finally got it. He finally understood Lewis' anger and desperate need to know exactly where Alex was at.

Grabbing Lewis' hand he pulled the man close and gave him a kiss "I'm not going anywhere" he whispered "I'm always going to come back home to you."

Resting his forehead against Alex's own Lewis took a deep breath "It's just that Jackson is gone and I don't think I can lose another person I love."

"You're not going to lose me" Alex told him "and you're not going to lose Jackson either. He will be back. I promise."

Jackson's departure was taking its toll on everyone, but most of the attention had been focused on Mark. He was the one who was in love with Jackson and he was the one who had been kept out of the man's downfall, but seeing how hard this was on Lewis Alex remembered that Mark wasn't the only one who was finding it hard to deal with.

Despite their bad history one look in Lewis' eyes and there was no doubt that he loved his brother and his absence was felt heavily every moment of every day.

They were a broken family, but they were still family and if anyone got that it was Alex.

"I know it's late" Lewis said as he eased his way out of Alex' hold "but I can make you something to eat"

"I'm not hungry" Alex said "I just want to get a shower and then lay in bed with you"

"We can do that" Lewis told with a smile "and I'm sorry for how I acted. I know I can trust you"

"We can trust each other" Alex corrected.

"Yeah" and Lewis gave him a kiss "why don't you get that shower and I'll meet you in bed?"

"Sounds good" and making his way to the bathroom Alex turned to look at Lewis "I love you"

"I love you too" Lewis told him.

After his shower where Alex got the chance to wash the day away and change into a comfortable pair of pyjama pants and a white t-shirt with socks to match he almost felt like a new man.

Walking into the bedroom he saw that Lewis had changed into his own pair of night clothes and was watching television. Crawling in next to him Alex manoeuvred to where he lay with his head on Lewis' chest as the man sat upright. Putting an arm around Alex Lewis kissed the top of his head and pulled him closer.

After the tense filled day he had, and was sure to have tomorrow, Alex just wanted to enjoy this. The quiet of being with someone he loved and staving off the inevitable.

He wanted to stay awake and make the night last, but the moment he felt the steady rise and fall of Lewis' chest he was out before he was even aware.

Alex had awoken rested and still in the same position he had fallen asleep in. His head on Lewis' chest and his hand wrapped around the man's waist.

Once the two men showered and ate breakfast they headed off to the hospital together. Alex didn't want to let Lewis go, but he knew he couldn't avoid Mark forever so steeling himself he made his way to the Plastics department after getting a kiss from Lewis and a promise to meet for lunch.

Once Alex had reached Mark's office he saw the man going over Sandra Morrissey's file.

"Dr. Sloan"

"Alex" Mark said with a smile "good morning"

"Good Morning"

Something about Mark had seemed artificially happy. As if he was trying to force himself to smile and pretend that he was a lot more joyous than he actually was.

"Is everything fine?" Alex asked.

"Of course it is, why wouldn't it be?"

"No reason."

"Did you do what I asked you to do last night?"

"Asked me to do?"

"Asking Lewis about Michael."

"I told you, Dr. Sloan, I can't do that and even if I did nothing would come of it."

"That's disappointing." Mark said "Go and prep Mrs. Morrissey."

"Dr Sloa-"

"I said go" Mark repeated as he gave that same cold look to Alex that he had after he dropped Alex off.

Turning around he felt those same nauseous feelings from the previous day return. He had been too lost in his thoughts to hear April calling him until the woman grabbed his shoulder to stop him.

"Hey Alex" she smiled "I thought you were trying to ignore me there"

"No" Alex told her "of course not it's just... Sloan's surgery"

"You okay?" she asked, cocking her head to the side and looking at Alex with worry.

"I'm fine" Alex tried to smile, but the effort seemed weak even to him. He wasn't fine, nowhere near it and April knew.

She always knew when it came to him.

"You think you can fool me that easily?" she asked and put a comforting hand on his arm "what is it?"

Her concern gave him an unexpected sense of comfort. The same that Lewis had been able to give him the night before.

"It's just Sloan" Alex told her "he's nervous about this surgery and when he's nervous he's not the easiest person to be around"

"I thought Mark's surgery wasn't for a couple more days?"

"He decided it's best to do one that was smaller before jumping into the Jamison case. That's going to be extensive."

"Makes sense and I'm sorry that Mark seems to be having a hard time dealing with it all." April said sympathetically "It sucks that Jackson can't be here, but I keep hearing how he came down with something and had to take some time off. I keep trying to call him, but he texted me and said that it's best I stay away for now. He doesn't want to get me sick so close to giving birth. You know Jackson, always the worry wart."

Alex managed not to react at finding out she didn't know the truth about Jackson "You heard from him?"

"Of course" she laughed "haven't you?"

"Me and Jackson haven't been on speaking terms for a while, but if you hear from him again tell him I hope he's okay"

"Oh Alex" she said as she pulled him into a hug "I wish you two would work this out."

Once he was pulled close to her he smelled the shampoo that she was always fond of and just for a moment Alex let himself get lost.

Let himself remember a time when he was happy with her and he and Jackson had been best friends. Back before all three were nothing more than strangers to one another.

But that was a lifetime ago. April was about to usher in new life, Alex was with Lewis, and Jackson was gone. Getting dragged back into old memories would do nothing.

Once April let go Alex nodded his head "We'll get past it" he told her "I'll make sure of it"

"I'm glad to hear that." she said "Look, my ultrasound is in a few days and if you would like to come I would love to have you there, you can even bring Lewis if you'd like. There probably wouldn't even be an ultrasound without him."

The request shocked Alex "You'd let me... you'd let _us_?"

"Of course" she smiled "both of you have helped me reach this stage."

"I'd love too" Alex said with a grin and for the first time since seeing Mark that morning it had been a real one.

"Great" April responded "now good luck with that surgery I'll be in the gallery and I know you and Mark will kick ass."

"Thank you, April"

"Anytime" and with a wink she headed towards her next location.

He was still watching her go when he heard Mark yell his name "Alex, pre-ops!"

"Right away" Alex told him and made his way towards Mrs. Morrissey's room.

April had already made it a good morning and Alex was determined to make the rest of the day good as well.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark was more than glad that Addison was there for him the whole evening. That she was listening to him without judging, even though she did tell him that she thought what he did to Alex was wrong. And deep down Mark knew that himself. He just couldn't change anything about it, even if he wanted to.

The pain of losing Jackson was still too fresh and the thought of possibly never seeing him again killed him. More than anything else. He would forever ask himself where he had gone to or if he was still alive.

When he woke up the next morning he felt like he had been hit by a bus. On an important day like this.

He had his first surgery since the plane crash. The first surgery he would perform.

Fortunately not the big surgery he had planned with Jackson. That would still take a couple more days, but it was also important enough to make him really nervous. He didn't want to mess this up. His patient was relying on him.

Owen had told him, that he could ask for someone else, if he felt like he wasn't ready, but Mark knew that it wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't bring him Jackson back if he didn't do the surgery and sooner or later he would have to get back on the horse. Why not sooner then?

Physically, he was ready... emotionally, not so much, but he could do that. He just had to.

Once Mark arrived at the hospital he immediately made his way to his office to look into Brenda Jamison's file again. He was just in the middle of it when Alex entered his office and he gave him a smile, hoping it would look at least a little bit self-confident, even though Mark felt everything but that.

He had wanted to keep their conversation only job-wise, but somehow he couldn't get Holt out of his head, so the words slipped out before he could do anything about it.

"Did you do what I asked you to do last night?"

Hearing that Alex hadn't talked to Lewis really disappointed him. And pissed him off more than it should. He knew he should be more understanding with Alex and he had promised Addison to try to be nicer to him, but he just hated it when things didn't go the way he wanted them to.

So he did the only thing he could to not make things any worse. He sent him away. To take care of his patient. He had to perform a surgery soon after all.

Once Alex was gone, Mark let out a sigh, burying his head in his hands. He took a few deep breathes, hoping, to get his anger under control. He just had to. He needed Alex in there. If he messed up, Alex needed to step in, even though Mark truly hoped he wouldn't.

He knew plastics wasn't Alex' speciality anymore and he had decided to do a Peds fellowship, but until Jackson was back he needed him. But if Jackson wasn't coming back, Hunt and he had to find another solution, because he couldn't keep him forever. But for now it was good this way.

He grabbed his mobile phone and stared at the display for a couple of seconds, maybe minutes, before he decided to try again. To write another message to Jackson. He didn't know if Jackson even got any of the ones he had already left, but he just wasn't ready to let go of him. Not yet at least.

Even though it would sound silly would he tell it to anyone else, but somehow he still felt the connection to Jackson and through his mobile phone it was a little bit like he could let Jackson be a part of his life, even if he wasn't there in person.

_Hey Jackson, me again..._

He started typing and his fingers literally flew over the display of his mobile phone.

_...I'm about to have my first surgery... nothing all too big, nothing all too spectacular, but I'm pretty damn nervous. What if my hands start shaking? What if I forget how to do anything? I'm really, really terrified, and I wish you could be here, but I need to do this surgery, or I won't be able to perform the big surgery in three days. I hope, you're okay, wherever you are. I'm thinking about you all the time wondering where you are and if I ever see you again. I miss you. Bye, Mark  
_  
Mark sent the message without over-thinking it too much and put his phone in his pocket, before he got up from his chair and grabbed his lab coat that was hanging over the backrest, putting it on finally.

He made his way to the plastics section, only to find Alex talking to Kepner, looking pretty busy, but also really happy. Happier than Mark had seen him the past two days.

The baby bump was already pretty visible underneath the blue scrubs she was wearing and Mark couldn't help but remember the time Callie was pregnant with Sofia, even though Callie didn't make it much further in her pregnancy than April was now because of the accident.

It was obvious that Alex still loved the woman and Mark really didn't understand how he could choose Lewis instead of her to be with. A guy who was probably still hung up on his ex and had done terrible things.

Kepner on the other hand, despite being annoying sometimes, had a really good heart and seemed to still really care for Alex. After all he had done to her.

He shook himself out of his thoughts and made his way towards the two.

April was already moving away from Alex when Mark was close enough to be able to shout at him.

"Alex, pre-ops!"

Judging by Alex' reaction, he had literally forgotten about them, even though it was the one thing Mark sent him out to do. A sigh left Mark's lips. He could of course call Alex on it, but he decided not to. To let it go. He didn't want to fight with him before the surgery after all, and he didn't want to go into that surgery with a bad feeling in his stomach.

He made his way to the locker room to get his scrubs and slipped into them, before he put on his surgical cap and made his way to the wash room next to the OR.

He had just entered the room when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket and pulled it out. He almost forgot that he had to put it off anyways, so it was good that the incoming message reminded him of it.

He opened the message and froze when he recognized Jackson as the sender.

His heart started beating faster immediately and he stared at his phone for a couple of seconds before he finally opened the message.

_"Mark, I know you can do this surgery and you will kick ass in the OR. Because I know you and I believe in you. You're gonna be awesome and you'll see that you'll be as good as new in no time. You're going to be great, because you're Mark Sloan. It's gonna be fine, so stop doubting yourself, because I don't doubt you either. And don't worry about me, I'm fine. Good luck for the surgery."_

Mark let out a relieved sigh.

It hurt quite a bit that there was no "I love you" or anything like that. Mark had hoped for something that would mean Jackson was willing to come back, but the message sounded nothing like he planned to, but at least he was okay. He was not laying in some gutter about to die there.

Mark pressed his phone to his chest and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Thank you!" he whispered to no one in particular. "Thank god, he's okay..."

He probably would have stood there a while longer, if he hadn't heard the door opening and when he looked next to him he saw Alex starting to wash his hands to get ready for surgery.

"You okay?" Alex asked, and Mark couldn't help the smile that was crossing his lips.

"More than okay, thanks..." he replied, looking at the younger guy.

"I'm sorry, I've been so... mean to you, but you have to understand I'm under a lot of pressure right now..."

"It's okay, don't worry" Alex interrupted him, but Mark shook his head.

"No, it's not. You miss Jackson, too. You're hurting too, and I shouldn't put it all on you... you think we can leave that behind for now and really work as a team in there?"

"Of course." Alex said with a smile and Mark let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding.

"Good..."

He probably should tell Alex about the message from Jackson, but somehow he couldn't. Someone that was something he wanted to keep to himself for now, even though he knew it wasn't fair, because like he just said: Alex and the others were hurting, too. Alex and the others missed Jackson, too. But if Jackson wanted to contact Alex, he would have done it, so for now that would stay Mark's secret. Something he and Jackson shared and only them.

**Sasha Mills POV:**

Sasha had felt honoured that Dr. Sloan had come to her and asked her to help him and Dr. Karev in his first surgery.

Normally an honour like that would be given to the head nurse, who would be Eli, but she had seen the tension between the two men and while she didn't know the reason she did know it made her sad.

Jackson being gone was having an effect on the entire hospital and it showed itself in the way the staff fractured just a little bit more with each passing day.

"Hey Eli" Sasha said as she walked around the nurse's station and gave him a light bump on the hips. She got a chuckle out of Eli and turning towards her Eli gave her a warm smile.

"Hey Sasha" He responded "how are you doing this morning?"

"Good" she said as she grabbed her name tag and put it on "I have that surgery with Sloan and Karev soon so I've been preparing myself"

"You're going to be awesome" Eli told her "and it looks as if it's going to be a packed house"

"I do love putting on a show" she laughed and ran a hand through her hair to shake it.

"I don't doubt it for a minute" Eli chuckled.

"Tell me you will be in the gallery" Sasha asked "I don't think I could take it being nothing but white coats up there"

"Where else would I be?" Eli asked and if Sasha looked hard enough she could almost see something that looked like a sparkle in his eyes.

"I knew you'd always have my back" Sasha said "now I better get to the O.R. before I start making Sloan regret his decision"

After saying goodbye to Eli she rushed to the O.R. and since this surgery was a relatively small one only a tech was there setting things up. He went by the name Brian and although she didn't know the guy well she did know he was one of the better techs which made her happy. Sasha really wanted everything to go well for Mark.

Once Mark and Alex entered Sasha did a quick job of gloving both men "All set, Dr. Sloan"

"Mark, please" the surgeon corrected.

"Mark, of course" she told him and once he walked over to the table she gave a quick look at Alex and both looked confused.

Something had changed the man's attitude and whatever it was Sasha and Alex wouldn't argue with it.

The surgery was a simple breast lift. Something that Sasha was sure Dr. Sloan could do in his sleep and would help him get his feet wet before the three found themselves back in this same room 3 days from now in a surgery that would be a lot more complicated.

Turning her head she took a quick look at the gallery and she indeed saw a packed house. Derek, Callie, that new doc Montgomery, April, Lewis, Arizona and lastly Eli.

Sasha couldn't help but notice that Callie and Arizona were sitting far away from one another and while Callie leaned into Derek Arizona seemed to do something similar with Eli.

It was so uncommon for the two women not to sit close together for Sasha not to notice. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Eli wave at her and returning it with a smile. Seeing the man made her mood lighter.

Before she turned around she could see Arizona whisper something in Eli's ear that seemed to make the man blush.

"Are you ready, Sasha?" Alex asked gently and turning her attention back to the task at hand she nodded.

"Locked and loaded."

Standing beside Mark she heard the man take a deep breath and ask for a scalpel.

Closing his eyes Mark seemed to be concentrating on something for a moment before he made the first incision and the entire O.R. remained quiet.

"Perfect as always" Sasha said and looking over towards her she could see Mark smile underneath his mask.

30 minutes into the surgery and Mark had asked Alex a question that made Sasha's ears perk up.

"So?" Mark asked "What happened after Lewis' meeting the next morning?"

Snapping his head up Alex looked like a deer caught in headlights "Excuse me?"

"You said that Lewis _persuaded_ Jackson to talk to him the morning after the club"

Alex gave a quick look at Sasha "I-I don't think this appropriate O.R. talk"

"I'll decide what's appropriate talk in my O.R.!" Mark told Alex sharply.

Bowing his head Alex started to suction "He wouldn't talk to me" Alex said.

"That hasn't seemed to stop you before" Mark responded " and something tells me him telling you that wouldn't stop you then either"

Sasha could see Alex's hand starting to shake and taking a brief glimpse at Mark the man's eyes held something that reminded her of cold steel.

"We argued" Alex told him "I tried to help and he didn't want any of it"

"I don't want vagueness, Karev!" Mark said "What did you say to him?"

With each command from Mark Sasha could see Alex grow more and more "We...um…"

"Now, Karev!" and then she saw Alex jump and it looked like fear.

"I invited him out for a drink, just the two of us, but he said he hated being around me" Alex said "he brought up April and I..."

"You what, Karev?" Mark asked.

"I lost it" Alex told him shamefully.

"You attacked him you mean" Mark said.

Sasha had no idea what was going on, but all she did know was that it was something dealing with Jackson's absence and it was making her incredibly uncomfortable.

"Dr Sloan" Sasha said "I mean Mark. How does it feel to be cutting again?"

Slowly taking his eyes off Alex he turned to Sasha "I was a little nervous and not everyone who I would like to be here is actually here, but it feels good."

Sasha could see Alex's head go even further down and her heart went out to the man. She didn't know what part Alex had played in Jackson leaving the hospital, but surely it didn't deserve this sense of treatment from Mark.

"I for one always knew you'd come back" Sasha told him "it's in your blood"

The compliments seemed to rid Mark of his growing anger and looking over at Alex Mark apologized "I'm sorry, Karev" he said "that was uncalled for"

"It's okay" Alex told him, but his voice was small and it told Sasha this wasn't the first time he was on the bad side of Mark's words and he probably believed it wasn't going to be the last.

The three remained quiet for the remaining time of the surgery and after Alex closed up Mark thanked him and Sasha before exiting the O.R. and scrubbing out.

"You okay, Alex?" Sasha asked gently.

"Yeah" he smiled weakly "I'm sure he was just having first surgery jitters"

"That's still not an excuse" Sasha told him and she could see her words touched him.

"Thank you, Sasha" Alex responded "that means a lot"

Once Alex scrubbed out and Sasha helped Brian clear the O.R. she walked out to be greeted by a smiling Eli.

"I knew you would do amazing" Eli said.

"Thank you, Eli" she said, but her mind was distracted.

"You good?" Eli asked

"Oh, yes" she smiled "It was just more tense then I thought it would be"

"Tense?"

"I just don't think Mark is dealing with losing Dr. Avery as well as he likes us to believe".

"What happened in there?" Eli sounded concerned, probably more concerned than he should be and now Sasha knew she was just on the outside of something major.

"Why did Jackson leave?"

Eli looked startled "I keep hearing these really gross rumours about drugs, but I didn't believe it" Sasha hated to think that all that water cooler talk may have actually had some legs to stand on.

"It's complicated" Eli told her

"So, it's true" she said morosely.

"Mark is having a hard time dealing with this" Eli told her "he just needs the right way to channel it in the right direction"

"Oh, he's found a way to channel it, but it's nowhere near the right direction" Sasha told Eli "I think I should see how he's doing" and she began to walk away before she felt Eli lightly grab her shoulder.

"It's probably best if you avoid the fray"

"Too late" Sasha said to Eli "I've just seen a horrible case of collateral damage" and making her way towards Mark's office she took a deep breath and tried to put on her brightest smile.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark seriously hadn't planned for the surgery to go down like that. Especially not with the talk to Alex. He had wanted to compose himself. He had meant what he had said beforehand, that he wanted to have a good surgery and everything, and over all, it had been a success.

But again he had let his feelings get the best of him. Especially with Alex standing right in front of him. He knew with what he had said he had just twisted the knife in Alex' heart a couple of times and made everything so much worse for the guy.

Mark felt almost sorry for him. Almost. After all he knew so far he had played a big part in Jackson disappearing on him. Disappearing on all of them.

The hardest part was still not knowing where Jackson was and if he ever came back, but at least Mark knew now he was okay. That was a start.

He was glad when the surgery was over and he could scrub out, though, because he just needed to be alone for a couple of minutes to calm himself down again.

If it wasn't for nurse Sasha Mills, Mark would have probably started attacking Alex again. Things most likely would have gotten ugly _again_, so it was kind of a good thing that she had been in there with them and Mark was glad that he had asked for her. Okay, literally he had asked for anyone but Eli, preferably someone who had already worked in plastics, so Owen had recommended her and it had been a good choice.

For the big surgery in three days, though, he would probably need Eli. And Sasha. Both of them. He still couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that Eli belonged to the group of people that had betrayed him so badly, but he knew it for a fact.

Slowly, he made his way towards his office, closing the door and sinking down on his couch, laying down and placing his head on the arm-rest.

He had done it. He had operated again and everything had gone down pretty well. Mark knew beforehand that he was still able to do it, he had just been afraid that something could happen with his hands or that he forgot any step he had to make, but in this case Alex would have called him on it.

Making this surgery a success relieved him, and it gave him hope. Hope that he could pull off this big surgery in three days, too. He had done it before. It wasn't the first time he did a procedure like that; it just had been a while. And last time Jackson was with him. Or rather, he was with Jackson. It had been one of Jackson's first solo surgeries and he had just been there to observe, but Jackson had been awesome, so he wasn't even needed at all.

A knock on the door pulled Mark out of his thoughts and so he sat up and looked towards it.

"Come in!" he said, hoping it was no one he didn't want to see, and was surprised when Nurse Sasha entered the room.

"Hey Sasha!" Mark said with a smile on his face. "How are you doing?"

"Good... good, thank you..." Sasha replied, and she seemed slightly nervous.

"You did a great job there in the OR... I am glad I chose you. Doctor Hunt recommended you to be good in the plastics department, and he was right." Mark complimented her, noticing the slight blush on her cheeks.

"Thank you again, Doctor Sloan," Sasha gave back, when Mark interrupted her.

"What did I tell you before? It's Mark!" Mark smiled.

Why was it always so difficult for others to call him by his first name? When he had offered it to Lewis, Mark remembered, he had needed a couple of reminders, too, before he actually called him Mark.

"Yeah, right, sorry..." Sasha apologized and moved closer towards Mark, pointing to the couch.

"Can I sit down with you for a moment?"

Raising an eyebrow, Mark nodded. "Sure..." He said, waving welcoming. "Be my guest..."

Sasha sat down next to him and looked at her fingers, remaining silent for a moment, until Mark couldn't take it any longer.

"What is it? I'm sure you're not just here to find out how it is to sit on a black leather couch, right?"

A small chuckle left Sasha's lips. "No..." she grinned, looking at him.

"It's just... I couldn't overhear the conversation between you and Alex... Doctor Karev... in the OR..."

"So?" Mark asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Look... I know this is none of my business at all, but I can imagine how hard the absence of Jackson... Doctor Avery must be for all of you..." Sasha said, putting a consoling hand on his shoulder. "And if you need someone to talk... anyone... I'm here... I'm a good listener... and I can listen without even commenting..."

Now it was on Mark to chuckle. "Really? Because I made the experience that women always throw in their two cents..." He found it quite cute and adorable how worried she seemed to be about him, even though he kind of suspected that it was not only him she was worried about but also Alex.

"You haven't tried me... yet..." Sasha smiled. "I'm really not here to judge, but I think it's difficult for all of us... and maybe it's just me, but I think with Jackson being gone the whole hospital lost something..."

She leaned back, staring at the ceiling.

"Everyone here loves Jackson, and of course we all miss him... me too... so I can't even begin to imagine how his absence must affect you... you're his boyfriend after all..."

Mark felt a sharp pain in his heart. "Ex-boyfriend..."

"You know what I think?" Sasha turned to look at Mark again.

Curiously, Mark looked back at her.

"What?"

"That it's not that simple... I mean, even though you were broken up, I watched you two..." Sasha explained.

Mark raised an eyebrow. "Watched us?"

"Not... not on purpose... that sounds like I'm some stalker-bitch, sorry..." Sasha stammered. "I was standing in the hallway when Jackson came out of his office one day, and then there was Sofia who was running towards him..." A smile caressed her lips again. "Your daughter really likes him, huh?"

Mark nodded immediately. "Yes... yes she does, and even if she probably doesn't understand it: she asks for him every day, and it's... it's just so hard to tell her that Jackson won't come... that he isn't here..." he said, biting his lower lip. This was really one of the hardest parts. To have Sofia calling Jackson's name with him not being there.

"I can imagine that..." Sasha replied. "Long Story short... when you came to get Sofia I saw the way you look at each other, and I knew, no matter what happened between you two, there is still so much love..."

Gently, Sasha grabbed on of Mark's hands.

"In that moment I really wished someone would look at me like that... Look at me the way Jackson looked at you... I don't think you should give up hope..."

Even though she probably didn't know, Sasha's words meant a lot to Mark and they were like balm for his soul. It felt good to hear something like that from another person. From an outstanding person, who barely knew them.

"I don't even know if he's ever coming back..."

"He will... I know it..." Sasha said with so much confidence in her voice that Mark really tended to believe her.

"How?" he asked nevertheless.

"Because I just know..." Sasha smiled and then she got up.

"I know this situation is horrible for you, but like I offered before... if you need someone to talk, I'm here..."

Mark got up, too, smiling at her, and it was a real smile. "Thank you, Sasha..."

"You're welcome... and... try to be nicer to Karev, okay? I know he can be an asshole sometimes, but he's hurting, too..."

On other circumstances, Mark would probably be mad at her for saying something like that, but somehow he wasn't.

"I'll try..." Mark promised and Sasha nodded.

"That's all I'm asking... I don't know what exactly happened and I don't wanna know, but... to put him through everything again does more harm than good, to both of you." Sasha said, touching Mark's arm again.

"I'll go and see how Mrs. Morrissey's doing... I thought you did an awesome job in there, too, by the way..."

Mark grinned. "Thanks... I guess it's like riding a bike... you don't forget it..."

He watched Sasha leave his office and grabbed his mobile phone out of his pocket once she was gone, before he sat down at his desk and started reading Jackson's message, over and over and over again. He hoped there was any clue inside of it as to where Jackson could have gone, but there wasn't, so he just hoped to hear from him again at some point. That Jackson would at least keep him updated about him being okay. It wasn't much, but it was something.


	55. Chapter 55

**A/N: **Hello again! Sorry that – AGAIN – it took me so long to look over the next part, but Real life is keeping me quite busy… We're happy you're still here and enjoy our little story, so without many words: enjoy Chapter 55! And thanks for always reviewing! That means a lot to us!

**Tyler Browning POV:**

It had been Tyler's ritual since the day he found out Jackson had left.

Tyler called him every morning and left a message asking him again if he could just call Tyler. Even if it was just to curse him out and tell Tyler to never call him again.

He just wanted to hear from Jackson, he really didn't care in what tone he received it.

"I'm going in to talk to Hunt today" Tyler said into the phone "I'm not sure why he wants to see me, but he looks like the kind of guy you don't want to leave hanging. He's probably just calling me in to tell me that people are getting creeped out by the guy who's wandering around the hospital aimlessly" Tyler tried to keep his voice light and upbeat even though his fear was vibrating throughout his entire body.

"I hope I get to talk to you soon. I love you Jackson, keep safe" and hanging up the phone he stuffed it back in his pocket. Tyler wasn't stupid; he knew Jackson was either in New York or Georgia. They were the only two places that Tyler knew Jackson felt like home, besides Seattle that was.

Tyler was doing his best not to jump on the first plane and start his own search. Although Tyler knew in the end that was only going to push Jackson further away. Still, Tyler had people in New York who were on the lookout for Jackson and the moment they saw him they were going to call Tyler and let him know he was okay.

It was underhanded, but when it came to Jackson's safety Tyler really couldn't care.

Knocking on Hunt's door Tyler waited for the man to invite him in and once he entered Tyler smiled as the chief offered him a seat.

"Thank you" Tyler said nervously and sat down.

"Thanks for coming to see me, Tyler" Owen said "I wanted to discuss something with you."

"Look, I know I've overstayed my welcome" Tyler began "it's just with Jackson MIA I don't feel comfortable just flying back to Miami and pretending like everything is okay and-"

"Calm down" Owen laughed "this may actually help solve your problem"

Tyler's curiosity was peaked "Really?"

"Yeah" Owen reached into his desk and pulled out a manila folder "I've been doing a little digging on you, Dr. Browning, and it seems as if you are quite the celebrated surgeon. Word has it there could even be a Harper Avery in your future"

Tyler was surprised and flattered at Owen's words, but more than anything he was confused.

"Graduated top in Harvard, residency at Princeton and then Fellowship and New York Presbyterian" Owen spoke "nothing to shake a stick at"

"Thank you, sir" Tyler said "but I feel as if I'm missing something"

"I also have word that no hospital has been able to lock you down for their Cardio department and although Seattle Grace isn't quite a Johns Hopkins I was wondering if you would consider being our new head of Cardio."

"Are you serious?" Tyler exclaimed. He had expected a lot when he had come to Seattle, but a job offer hadn't even made his list.

"Very" Owen told him "We've been in desperate need of a Cardio head and seeing as how you're one of the best out there and you have a few connections to Seattle..."

"I'm honoured, sir, really it's..." Tyler didn't know what to say. A part of him wanted to jump at the chance. He had been touring jobs for the past 3 years and it would be nice to have one place to call home. On the other hand if Jackson did go somewhere else Tyler wouldn't have the freedom to follow him and make sure someone was there to have his back. Not even to mention the whole Lewis situation. How would the man react if he knew Tyler would be in Seattle on a much more permanent basis?

"Why don't you just think about it?" Owen said "Take a day or two and then give me an answer"

"Okay" Tyler responded as he stood "and thank you, Dr. Hunt, this really does mean a lot to me"

"I just hope you accept" Owen said "and if not, I'd understand"

Tyler had left Owen's office feeling a little dazed. He hadn't planned on making any hard decisions except when they came to the kind of treatment Jackson would get, but now there was another item on his already full plate.

He needed to sit and eat. Try to figure out all the jumbling thoughts in his head before they found a way to spill out.

Walking into the lunch room he grabbed a sandwich, cookie, and a water and just as he was about to head to a table he saw Lewis and Alex sitting down having lunch together.

Alex was eating quietly, but his shoulders were squared telling Tyler that he was way too tense. Lewis sat across from him and although Tyler couldn't hear what the two were talking about the way that Lewis' face was full of frustration let Tyler know that Lewis was not happy.

"Somebody's staring" Addison joked as she walked up to Tyler and smiled at him.

"What? No!"

"Sure you aren't" Addison said "Lewis looks pretty upset"

"Yeah, he does" Tyler told her and did his best to seem aloof "I guess it's a good thing he has Alex" and he walked over to the nearest empty table and sat down with Addison sitting opposite him.

"You aren't a fan of those two are you?" Addison asked as she took a sip of the coffee she was holding.

"They're grown men" Tyler responded "I'm sure they're capable of handling whatever is going on between them"

"How deep were you and Lewis?"

The question surprised him, but Tyler was getting used to it in this place.

"We were engaged" Tyler told her.

"So pretty serious," Addison said "What happened, if you don't mind me asking?"

"You've seen me have an anxiety attack" Tyler laughed "I think we've passed the casual acquaintance level"

The remark got a chuckle from Addison.

"Jackson" Tyler told her plainly "Lewis has issues with his brothers and once me and Jackson were put in a compromising situation Lewis assumed the worst and past history with Jackson made Lewis refuse to forgive either of us"

Addison's face took on the look of sympathy Tyler saw every time someone found out about his broken engagement.

"That's terrible" she said "I assumed you came here for Jackson"

"I did" Tyler told her "me and Jackson did find one another once Lewis was gone, but it never worked out the way we wanted it to"

"You were still in love with Lewis."

"Yeah, I was still in love" Tyler responded with a half smile "but we move on"

"WILL YOU GET THE HELL OFF MY BACK?"

Turning around Tyler saw Alex stand up from his seat and walk away leaving a humiliated Lewis. The need to go over there was almost desperate for Tyler.

"You should really go and see how he is" Addison said "he can't be feeling very good right now"

Tyler turned back around and looked down at his sandwich "I'm the last person he wants to see right now."

"Don't be ridiculous" Addison chastised "now either you go voluntarily or I drag you by the ear"

Looking at Addison he knew the woman was 100% serious.

"Okay" he said as he stood "just don't blame me if it creates another scene"

"I'll try not to" she smiled "now go"

Tyler made his way cautiously towards Lewis "Hey Lewis" he said as he took Alex's previous seat.

"Not now, Tyler" Lewis said "I can't deal with you"

"I only wanted to see if you're okay"

"I'm sure that's the only reason you came over here" Lewis said sarcastically "I'm sure it has nothing to do with taking advantage of what you've just seen"

"Believe it or not, Lewis" Tyler responded "I don't walk around with my dick in my hands 24/7 just waiting for you to feel low enough to spread your legs for me"

Tyler hadn't meant to get angry, but it seemed as if when it came to any exchange between he and Lewis it always ended that way.

"Right" Lewis said "I'm sure my well-being is what you really care about"

"Why is that so hard to believe?"

"Because I know you, Tyler, and I know you'd say anything if it got you 30 minutes in some supply closet"

"To hell with it" Tyler spat out "you want to sit here and be miserable be my guest" and standing back up he stormed out of the cafeteria only to hear Lewis follow him.

"Jackson is gone, Tyler, why are you even still here?"

The two found themselves in a small corridor and Tyler was thankful for the privacy "Do you want me gone?"

Lewis was silent and Tyler knew that the man wanted him here, even if he didn't want to say it.

"I'm not going to keep playing these games with you, Lewis"

"What games?"

"Did you even notice that you let Alex leave, but you followed me out here?"

The realization seemed to hit Lewis "I-"

"What, Lewis?" Tyler asked angrily "You need to stay with Alex? He's the one you really love? I've heard that song more times that I care to"

He was walking off when he heard Lewis speak.

"Something is seriously wrong with him and he's closing me out"

Tyler turned around and could see how much it was hurting him.

"We laid in bed last night and he looked completely at ease and then at lunch it's like he's a zombie. He doesn't talk and if I try and talk to him he just shuts down"

"Lewis" Tyler said as he brushed a hand over the man's cheek "you can't keep trying to force this thing with him"

"I won't abandon him now" Lewis told him "I can't do that"

"So you let yourself get hurt? Go home with him and sit in silence?"

"I don't know what to do"

Tyler grabbed his hand and held it up to his lips "Loving him shouldn't be this hard, Lewis"

Lewis looked at him and he could see something close to a smile and before Tyler realized what was going on Lewis had leaned in and kissed him.

"Lewis" he said as he backed off.

"Please, Tyler" Lewis begged "I just...I can't spend another minute feeling this alone"

"Then you come and stay with me tonight" Tyler told him "if you really mean it. Then spend the night with me"

"Tyler...I can't"

"It's your decision" Tyler told him "but if you want me then show up at my hotel room and you stay so I can see you when the sun comes up" and with that Tyler turned on his heels and made his way down the hall.

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis had no idea anymore who this guy was he went to bed with last night. Or the one that was sitting right in front of him, sluggishly poking around on his plate. And it drove him crazy, that he didn't know. That Alex and he had barely exchanged three words since he had come home last night.

Lewis knew something must have happened, but at first he didn't want to push it, didn't want to pressure Alex, since it was still fresh how hard Jackson's leaving hit them.

Jackson was gone, and Lewis just didn't want Alex to lop off, too. He needed him to stay. Alex just couldn't leave him. But Lewis couldn't just watch him be in a state like this either. He needed to talk to him.

_"Will you please tell me what's wrong with you, Alex?" he asked gently, looking at the man, but Alex barely looked up at him._

"Nothing, okay? It's... nothing... just a hard day at work..." Alex gave back and he obviously didn't want to talk about it.

"Please... please don't do this to me..." Lewis literally begged, but instead of giving in, it looked like Alex just got angrier with every word he said.

"Please just leave it alone," Alex hissed, shoving away his plate. "I can't talk about it."

"Why not? I'm your boyfriend? I can help you... please talk to me... you know exactly how things went down with Jackson... because he wasn't talking either..." Lewis tried again, but it only made things worse.

"WILL YOU GET THE HELL OFF MY BACK?" Alex screamed and literally jumped off his chair and made his way out of the cafeteria, leaving Lewis just like that. Humiliated and alone.

Over and over again Lewis replayed their conversation in his head once he was back in his office, and he asked himself if he could have done anything different. If it was his fault that Alex shouted at him like that. If he had triggered something he didn't even know about, but he couldn't think of anything that would justify Alex' reaction. He had just been worried, and after everything that had happened, he expected Alex to understand him at least a little bit. But he didn't.

Instead it had been Tyler he had found comfort in. Again. And Tyler's words still made him think about everything.

_"Did you even notice that you let Alex leave, but you followed me out here?"_

Tyler was right. When Alex took off, Lewis hadn't even thought for a single second to follow him and talk to him again, but he couldn't have left Tyler like this. He needed to clear the air with him.

It was like he was unconsciously clinging to the one thing that was good in his life: Tyler.

It was still wrong, but it was exactly how he felt. That Tyler was the one thing he hadn't completely screwed up, yet, even though after all that happened, their relationship should be the most screwed up of all. But it wasn't. And they were still talking to each other and no matter what Lewis had said or done, something always drew him back to Tyler, and he couldn't do anything about it.

Touching his lips, Lewis could almost feel Tyler's taste on them, and it was the only thing that still made sense in his life.

Tyler had always been with him, even if it wasn't physically, but as much as he had tried to deny it, Tyler had always been on his mind. That's why no other attempt of starting a new relationship hat worked. Not, that Lewis had tried really hard, but there had been some guys here and there he could have imagined being happy with. But he hadn't even taken that chance. Instead, he had kicked them out once he had what he wanted and went on with his life.

Alex. Alex, on the other hand, was the first guy that made him let down his guard enough to let him in. Alex had been there in the darkest of his hours, and he would be forever thankful for that.

Not to give him the same... not being able to push through when Alex was obviously suffering, killed him from the inside. It hurt him that he couldn't be there for Alex, because Alex wouldn't let him.

_"Then you come and stay with me tonight, if you really mean it. Then spend the night with me. It's your decision but if you want me then show up at my hotel room and you stay so I can see you when the sun comes up."_

Lewis let out a sigh. He shouldn't even consider Tyler's offer, and that he did, should already be a sign for him. He should have just shut him off. He should have told him that he wouldn't come. Hell, he could find him now and tell him he wouldn't come, but deep down Lewis knew it wasn't what he wanted.

He had to talk to Alex one more time. He had to see him. He had to try to make things right. He couldn't leave Alex in a situation like that when Alex maybe needed him.

Lewis got off his chair and left his office, making his way down to the plastics section.

It was still a little strange that he had to find Alex there and not in the Peds section as usual, and maybe that was one of the reasons Alex was so on the edge. That this wasn't his home anymore. That he had decided to work in Peds for a reason and now Mark forced him to do what he didn't want to do anymore.

Maybe he should just try to talk to Mark. Ask him to let Alex off the hook. To find someone else, because Alex didn't belong there anymore, and he definitely wasn't a replacement for Jackson.

When he turned around the corner he saw Alex and Mark standing in the hallway and discussing something, and from the way Alex was standing there, with his shoulders slumped down, it definitely wasn't a pleasant conversation.

He moved closer towards them, trying not to catch their attention, but when Mark looked up, he saw him, and his look got ice cold.

"What are you doing here?" he asked angrily.

"This is the plastics section and you have no business being here."

"I just... I needed to talk to Alex..." Lewis replied, feeling caught off-guard completely. He knew Mark was mad at him, but right now it almost was as if he hated his guts. If looks could kill, he would have probably been dead by now.

"Alex has work to do. Come back when he's on his break. Right now I need him." Mark gave back.

Lewis let out a sigh. "Please, Mark. Can't we talk about this like civilized people?"

A chuckle left Mark's lips. "Civilized people? _You're_ actually telling _me_ about being civilized?" He moved towards Lewis, looking him straight to the eyes.

"You're the one that behaved like a monster. You're the one that made Jackson's life a living hell with all your threats. It's your fault that Jackson is gone, and if he never comes back... or if something happens to him, I will make your life a living hell, understood?"

Lewis felt cold chills running down his spine, and the look in Mark's eyes told him that he was not joking. That he meant every word that he said.

"I do understand, but..." he started, but was cut off mid-sentence by Mark.

"Save it, I don't wanna hear it." He turned around and looked at Alex.

"Karev... take care of your boyfriend. I don't wanna see him in my section ever again. Meet you in my office in five. We need to go over a few patient's files."

It didn't sound like a request, more like an order, and Lewis absolutely didn't like the way he was talking to Alex.

Once Mark was out of sighting distance, Lewis turned to Alex.

"Why do you let him talk to you like this?"

"Lewis, please..." Alex sighed. "Don't make this bigger than it is. Mark is just... really stressed. It's his second day back at work and instead of being with Jackson to wrap things up around here he got me..."

"Because he requested you. And treating you the way he does is not right... You can't expect me to stand by and watch him hurt you." Lewis replied.

Alex moved towards him, looking directly into his eyes.

"It's exactly what I'm expecting you to do, Lewis. I can deal with Mark, so please leave it alone..." he said. "I don't need you to play my knight in shining armour. I'm a big boy and I managed my life before I met you, and I can manage my life now, so don't treat me like a little kid who needs some kind of bodyguard."

"That's not what it is, Alex, and you know it... you're shutting me out, instead of letting me be there for you. Don't you see that it's tearing us apart?" Lewis asked desperately.

Alex shrugged. "If you wanna break up with me, just do it... just get it over with, I need to get back to work."

"Alex!" Lewis blurted out. "What are you talking about? I'm not going to break up with you, but I have my limits. There's only so much I can take... you need to meet me halfway. You need to talk to me... We can make it through, but you need to be honest with me... you need to trust me."

"Okay." Alex gave back. "We'll talk. Tonight."

Lewis let out a relieved sigh. "Okay..."

"Good... and now let me get back to work, or Mark will get really mad..." Alex gave back. He pressed a peck on Lewis' cheek and left him standing there just like this.

Confused and hurt, Lewis looked after him. Alex hadn't been this distant to him in quite a while, but he hoped, prayed to god that they could really talk tonight. He would definitely be there and wait for him.

The hours until Lewis was finally free to leave the hospital had felt like days, even though he even had had two new patients, but the later it got, the more impatient he got.

He knew Alex had to work for at least another hour, most likely two, so he decided to cook dinner for him, and he was really looking forward to spending an evening with him like they hadn't in a while. An evening with candlelight-dinner and them talking.

He had just set the table and taken his lasagna out of the oven when his mobile phone vibrated.

He put down the lasagna and took out his phone, only to see he had gotten a message from Alex. An uneasy feeling started to bubble up in his gut, and when he opened the message he knew why.

_I'm really, really sorry, Lewis, but I can't make it. Something came up and I have to work late and I will probably just sleep at the hospital. I know I said we'll talk, but we have to do this some other day. Have a nice evening._

Anger started building within Lewis and he blew out the candles he had already lightened. He was about to throw the lasagna into the trash can when he got another idea. He took out some aluminium foil, put it over the lasagna and grabbed his jacket and his car key.

He was so sick of always waiting for Alex and Alex still letting him down like this, and he really wanted... needed to be with someone who understood him. Who was there for him, and who he could trust.

He put the lasagna on the passenger seat and got into his car.

Not even ten minutes later he was standing in front of Tyler's hotel room door with the lasagna in one hand and a red rose he picked up on the way in the other and started knocking.

"Tyler? It's me..." he said through the closed door and when he heard footsteps from the inside his heart started racing. He was really looking forward to seeing Tyler right now, and when he finally opened the door, it literally blew him away.

Speechless, he stared at him for a couple of seconds, clearing his throat.

"You... you... look..." he started, searching for the right word. Hot? Sexy? Tantalizing? All things that were true but just weren't appropriate. "...nice..." he finally blurted out, causing Tyler to grin.

"Nice?"

Lewis swallowed hard, reaching him the rose. "This is... for you and... I... I made... made lasagna... if you haven't already eaten, we could... you know..."

He couldn't remember when was the last time he was _this_ nervous and _this_ lost for words, and he just didn't want to mess anything up. He wanted to be with him. More than anything else and he just hoped he wasn't making a mistake. That it wasn't a mistake to show up here in the first place, but this time he had just listened to his heart, and his heart told him he was right where he belonged.

**Tyler Browning POV:**

If Tyler was going to be completely honest with himself he hadn't really expected Lewis to show up. Lewis was never a fan of ultimatums and Tyler assumed Lewis wouldn't show up just to spite him.

Yet here Lewis was, at his front door and holding a lasagna tray and looking so nervous that Tyler wanted to hug him on the spot.

"_This is... for you and... I... I made... made lasagna... if you haven't already eaten, we could... you know..."_

"I haven't eaten" Tyler said quickly as he stepped aside to let Lewis enter and once he was in Tyler shut the door "you look amazing"

"Thanks" Lewis responded shyly "you may want to heat this up before we eat...if you want to eat"

"Of course I do" Tyler smiled and took the tray from him "you can get comfortable, turn the television on if you like"

"I can just wait here" Lewis told him and sat the table where he and Tyler would eat the food Lewis had brought.

"Back in a flash" Tyler said and leaned down to kiss Lewis without thinking about it and when he backed up he saw Lewis give him a warm smile and Tyler knew the night was going to be good.

Sticking the tray in the oven he set it and grabbed two beers from the fridge. Walking back into the living area he handed one of the beers to Lewis and the man took it happily.

"I'm glad you came"

Lewis looked as if he wanted to say something, but thought better of it at the last minute "I'm glad too."

"I have to be honest" Tyler said "I was pretty sure you weren't going to show up"

"I was pretty sure I wasn't going to either" Lewis had no malice in his voice. It was just a statement of fact and Tyler couldn't get offended.

"Why did you?"

Lewis looked at him silently for a moment "I couldn't lose you again" and it was the most honest that Tyler had seen him since his return to Seattle.

Grabbing his hand he gave a kiss to the knuckles "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere"

"Jackson may not even return" Lewis said "what are you going to do then"

"Hunt offered me the Head Cardio position" Tyler told him "and I may have just gotten my reason to stay"

A look of something that looked like fear crossed over Lewis' face.

"Lewis?"

"Tyler" he said "I-I can't be your reason to stay"

"What… why?"

"This thing with Alex…"

"FUCK" Tyler yelled as he stood "I told you not to come here unless you made a choice"

"I did make a choice" Lewis told him "I made a choice to come here and be with you because I finally admitted to myself that I still love you" standing up he went and stood in front of Tyler "but Alex was there for me and stood by me when he didn't have to be and probably shouldn't have been"

"Then why don't you go home to Alex then?" Tyler asked as he walked into the kitchen and pulled the tray out of the oven "I see I read the situation wrong"

"Please, Tyler" Lewis begged "can't you at least try and see from my perspective?"

"Your perspective?" Tyler laughed "Your perspective is that you want to have your cake and eat it too."

"I'm not going to be pushed into an argument with you, Tyler," Lewis said calmly "Would you have left Jackson in New York if I just showed up on your doorstep and started telling you that you should leave him and give us another chance?"

"Alex and Jackson are hardly the same situation" Tyler told him.

"Alex just lost his best friend and he blames himself for that" Lewis said "he stood by my side when everything and everyone told him what a mistake it was and if he hadn't I can't guarantee you that we would be having this conversation right now"

Tyler bowed his head and let the shame wash over him. Of course Lewis had a life after Tyler and Tyler was a jackass for assuming that he would walk back into the man's life and Lewis would just drop everything and run back into his arms.

As much as he loved Lewis if the man had asked him to get back together in New York Tyler would have told him no. Jackson needed Tyler too badly to just abandon him like that.

Lewis obviously saw Alex the same way.

"I'm sorry, okay?" Tyler said "I know this can't be easy for you and I'm not making it any better"

He could see Lewis visibly relax "I'm just so tied of fighting with people" Lewis told him "you.. Alex... Mark"

"You finally talked to Mark, huh?" Tyler asked "how'd it go?"

"Not well" Lewis responded and the tone told Tyler that dropping the subject would probably be for the best.

"Let's eat" Tyler said and grabbed Lewis hand and walked back to the table.

An hour later and one of the best lasagnas Tyler had ever eaten he was looking across at Lewis as the man took a sip of his beer.

"What?" Lewis smiled

"Nothing" Tyler grinned "I just see you haven't lost your touch"

"I'm alright" Lewis responded.

"More than just alright" Tyler said as he walked up and grabbed Lewis' hand to raise him up and pull him close "much more than just alright" and leaning in he pressed a soft kiss to Lewis' lips.

It started out tender at first, but once Lewis moved into it Tyler opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue to seek entrance into Lewis' mouth and the man gave it without hesitation.

Lewis tasted of lasagna, beer, and mint and Tyler just wanted more.

"Tyler, wait" Lewis said as he broke away from the kiss and put a hand up to his chest.

"Yeah?" Tyler asked breathlessly.

"Can we just.. I want to have one of our old nights."

Their old nights consisted of lying in bed, watching television, and just listening to one another's heartbeat. Tyler was more than happy to oblige. It showed him that Lewis wanted him for more than just sex.

Leading Lewis to the bed both men took off their shoes and pants. Leaving them in just shirts, shorts, and socks. Laying on his back he wrapped an arm around Lewis shoulder when the man moved in close.

Turning on the television Tyler could only focus on the heat that radiated off of Lewis' body.

"I'm sorry" Lewis said quietly and looking down at the man confused Tyler asked why.

"I ran Jackson off" Lewis said "I was just so...obsessed with some stupid notion of justice that I ruined his life just because I could. I don't know how you can still look at me, let alone love me"

"Because you're a man who knows he made a mistake and is working his damndest to fix it"

"It's still not enough, though" Lewis said "not nearly enough"

Rubbing his shoulders Tyler spoke softly "Jackson is coming back and when he does he'll curse you, but then we'll get him help and he will come to realize how much you love him"

Looking up at Tyler Lewis looked as if he wanted ask a question.

"What is it?" Tyler asked.

"Did it happen?"

"Did what happen?"

"You and Jackson… the night before our wedding?"

Sitting up straighter Tyler stared at Lewis "I love you now and I loved you then and I would have never done something like that to you and although you may not have believed it, neither would Jackson. He came to Boston because he was clean and wanted to be there for your big day. Our big day. He wanted to make you proud. He always wanted to make you proud"

Bowing his head Lewis nodded "I know" he told Tyler "I knew for a long time, but I've done so much to Jackson, lost so much time making him pay that I wouldn't let myself believe it"

"Why did you hold such resentment for Jackson?" Tyler asked "he talked about you all the time, ya know. He thought that one day you would come around"

"I was stupid and selfish" Lewis told him "I blamed him for our father's preference and when he died I...I didn't make things easier"

Tyler had known about their father and how it moulded the complicated relationship between the brothers.

"You will get the chance to fix this, Lewis" Tyler said kissing the top of his head "trust me"

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Moving closer to Tyler - as close as he could without rolling onto him completely - Lewis closed his eyes, listening to Tyler's heartbeat for a couple of seconds, maybe minutes. He didn't know, because he had lost track of time. Being with Tyler now made him feel complete, and it felt so right, that Lewis rather wanted to stop time, so he would never have to leave again.

"We would be married by now..." he said after a while to break the silence. "If I wasn't so stupid, we would have gotten married five years ago..."

"Yeah, maybe... but..." Tyler started, stroking Lewis' back. "That doesn't mean we can't get married one day."

"What?"

Lewis lifted his head to look at him, feeling his heart pound in his chest.

"You serious?"

"Dead serious. I wouldn't joke about something like that..." Tyler replied, gently touching one of Lewis' cheeks and making him look at him. "I love you, Lewis... and you said you love me, too..."

"I do..." Lewis nodded, and ever since he said it, it felt so much easier. Everything felt so much easier.

"This is not a proposal or something like that, so don't worry..." Tyler said with a soft smile. "When I propose to you, I'll do it right." It sounded like a promise and Lewis knew he meant it, and only the imagination of it did something with Lewis.

It opened some old wounds but at the same time, it touched him so much that tears started welling in his eyes.

"You... you would really marry me some day?"

"I would have married you five years ago and I will marry you some day in the future..." Tyler confessed, leaning forward and kissing Lewis, before he gently wiped away his tears.

"I love you... and this... us... is a new chance... I know it's not gonna be easy, but I believe in us... and I believe that we have a future..."

"But we're not even together..." Lewis said, placing his hand over Tyler's that was still on his cheek.

"I know... but I won't give up on you... I understand that you can't... can't be with me right now... that you feel responsible somehow for Alex... and that you don't want to leave him right now, because I was in the same position with Jackson." Tyler explained. "I wouldn't have left him back then, just like you can't leave Alex... but things will get better eventually, and maybe he even realizes himself that this thing wit you... is not what he wants in the long run..."

He leaned his forehead against Lewis', bringing his fingers to the back of his neck and caressing it, before he pulled Lewis in for a kiss.

"I know that you and Alex... that this is special... and I'm glad that you had someone by your side in your darkest hour... but just like with me and Jackson, it won't work out, because we... you and me... will always find a way back to each other. If I didn't believe it before, I believe it now..."

A small smile appeared on Tyler's lips.

"My god, that sounds stupid, doesn't it?"

Lewis shook his head. "No... no, it doesn't..." He leaned forward, capturing Tyler's lips in another kiss. "And I know you're right. Deep down I always knew, but I didn't expect to ever see you again... and if... if the thing with Jackson hadn't happened, I might have never called you..."

"Maybe not..." Tyler agreed. "But somehow I think, that our paths would have crossed again nevertheless, because this... us... is meant to be..."

"I love you." Lewis whispered, laying down on Tyler's chest again and feeling his arms around him again immediately.

"I love you, too, Lewis." Tyler replied, pulling the blankets over him and Lewis and turning off the nightstand-lamp that was the only light that was still on.

Lewis closed his eyes and just enjoyed the warm feeling Tyler gave him. He hadn't felt this safe and secure in a long time, and he just now realized that he really needed to end things with Alex, before he would really hurt him. He knew it wouldn't be easy, but he had to make a decision, and Tyler was right: In the long run they couldn't be happy with each other. Not as happy as they could be with the people they really belonged to.

Lewis somehow knew - he always had known - that April was the one for Alex, and maybe Alex would see that, too, if they would really talk to each other about everything.

It took Lewis a while to fall asleep and he knew that Tyler had fallen asleep the moment he started snoring silently, cuddling closer to him. He had missed even those little details, even though back then he had complained about it from time to time, but tonight it was just the sound he wanted to hear.

He grabbed one of Tyler's hands and entwined their fingers, letting himself drift off to sleep after a while, because even though he didn't need to get into the hospital early that next day: he had to get in after all, and he wanted to get at least a little rest.

Lewis had no idea what time it was when he opened his eyes the next morning, but when he felt around, he noticed immediately, that the bed next to him was empty and he was alone.

Panic rose within him.

Had he dreamed everything? Had he not spent the evening with Tyler?

He looked around, feeling slightly confused. He was in Tyler's hotel room after all, but there was no message whatsoever from Tyler.

He literally jumped off the bed and putting on his jeans he stormed out of the room, noticing the smell of coffee and fresh pastries.

Nevertheless, his heart was still beating like he had just ran a marathon and he let out a relieved sigh, when he found Tyler in the kitchen. Only in his shirt and pyjama bottoms and he was standing with his back to him, obviously preparing breakfast.

"God, you scared the hell out of me..." Lewis admitted, moving closer and hugging him from behind, so he could kiss his neck and cheek.

Smiling, Tyler looked up at him. "Why? Did you think I would leave you without a word? After everything we talked about last night?"

Now, speaking it out loud, Lewis noticed how silly that sounded and he knew that Tyler would never do something like that.

"I'm sorry... this was stupid... I just... I don't know what's the matter right now... I don't recognize myself sometimes..." Lewis explained. "Just the other night I was literally going crazy and about to call the police only because Alex wasn't home when he should have been..."

"Sshhh... it's okay..." Tyler whispered, turning around in his embrace and wrapping his arms around Lewis' neck. "I'm here... and I'm not leaving you. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

He hugged him close and Lewis just buried his head in his shoulder, clinging to him.

"Tell me that everything's gonna be okay..."

"Everything's gonna be okay... We'll get Jackson back and we will make him see that we all love him and that we'll be there for him no matter what." Tyler replied.

Lewis felt much better, once he let go enough so he could look him in the eye. Leaning forward, he captured Tyler's lips with his own, kissing him gently and sweet, but all of a sudden he felt a burning desire within him. He knew they could have slept with each other last night, if he had let it happen, but it had been wonderful just the way it was. Right now, though, he felt like he really needed to be close to him.

His tongue parted Tyler's lips and when it slid into Tyler's mouth he started massaging Tyler's tongue, exploring his mouth, while his hands travelled up and down his spine, and pulling his shirt up.

"Wow... Lewis... wait..." Tyler said breathlessly, looking up at him once he ended the kiss. "I... made breakfast..."

"Breakfast can wait." Lewis replied. "I want to feel you." He pulled Tyler's shirt up even further and when Tyler lifted his arms, he took it off him, throwing it to the floor and then his lips were on Tyler's again. "But if you rather want to eat instead of fucking..." Lewis mumbled into the kiss. "Just tell me... I'll... start without you..."

"The hell you will..." Tyler chuckled, responding to the kiss and starting to undress Lewis by pulling off his shirt.

Lewis lifted him up and sat him down on the counter, letting his hands slide up and down his thighs, rubbing it with his palms.

"I... need to be inside of you... I want to bury my hard cock balls deep inside of you and afterwards I want you to fuck me..." he hissed, feeling Tyler's hard erection touching his stomach. "You think you can do this?"

"God, Lewis..." Tyler moaned. "So much dirty talk from those pretty lips of yours... you're a naughty boy..."

"And you wouldn't want me any other way, right?" Lewis grinned up at him. "So? What do you say?"

"Don't you have to get to work?" Tyler asked, his cheeks red and his eyes full of desire.

"Not for..." Lewis took a look at his watch. "Not for another three hours... a lot of time to... be naughty..."

**Tyler Browning POV:**

Tyler was getting hard just from Lewis' words and when gave him a choice it was really no choice at all.

Tyler would choose Lewis and having sex with Lewis every single time.

Sitting on the counter with Lewis between his legs Tyler wrapped his arms around the man's neck and pulled him close to kiss him.

"So, are we going to do this?" Lewis grinned "because my cock is 5 seconds away from busting out of my jeans"

"Well, let's solve that shall we?" Tyler told him and grabbing Lewis' zipper he pulled it down and reached inside to grab hold of the hard member"

"Somebody is ready" Tyler smiled

"Very ready" Lewis gasped as Tyler started to stroke him and putting a strong hand on Tyler's shoulders he fought for balance as Tyler's hand worked their magic.

"You want to fuck me?' Tyler asked and nodding enthusiastically Lewis told him yes. Taking his hand out of Lewis' pants he pulled down his pyjama bottoms until they pooled at his ankles. Then kicking them off Tyler let them hit the ground softly.

His cock sprang up. Hard and in desperate need of attention.

"I want you on your knees and your mouth around my dick" Tyler told him "then you can bury yourself inside of me"

"Fuck, Tyler" Lewis' voice dripped with want and falling to his knees he wrapped his hand around Tyler's erection and when Tyler made it jump Lewis looked up at him with a grin.

"See how much it wants you" Tyler said "see how happy you make it. Show him how much you appreciate it, Lewis, lick the head"

Leaning in Lewis did just that. Sticking his tongue out and working it around the bulbous head before sticking his tongue in the slit.

It sent electricity through Tyler's body "Just like that, baby" Tyler told him "run your tongue up the shaft". Feeling Lewis languish his cock with his tongue it took everything not to grab Lewis' head and force his cock deep into Lewis' mouth.

"I need your mouth on me, baby" Tyler said "I need to feel that heat"

"You don't have to ask twice" Lewis told him and taking Tyler inside of his mouth Tyler gripped onto the counter top as Lewis began to suck with a progressive speed.

Moving his hands from the countertop to Lewis' curly hair he let his fingers entwine through them as he closed his eyes and got lost in the sensation.

"Always been so good at this, baby" Tyler whispered "missed having you do this to me"

Looking up at Tyler Lewis' eyes were filled with lust "I missed it too" he told Tyler "I forgot how good your cock taste on my tongue"

Tyler wasn't going to last with the mixture of Lewis' mouth and his words.

Grabbing him by the shoulders Tyler lifted him up to stare in Lewis' eyes "Need you to fuck me. Now!" Tyler said urgently "need to feel you moving inside of me"

"My pleasure" Lewis smiled and wrapping his legs around Lewis' waist he let the man carry him over to the bed and lay him down gently.

Bending down Lewis took off his own shoes and pulled off his pants and shorts and now the two men got to gawk at each other in all there glory

Falling on top of Tyler Lewis started to kiss him deeply. Pushing his tongue against Tyler's lips Tyler opened up and welcomed the wetness.

Lewis was rubbing his cock against Tyler's own before grabbing Tyler's right leg and lifting it up. Breaking away from the kiss Lewis put his index finger up to Tyler's lips and opening them up Tyler began to suck on the digit. Slow and languidly and he could see how much it was turning Lewis on.

Taking his finger away he went and found Tyler's opening and teased it. Biting his lip as Lewis inserted his first finger Tyler leaned up to kiss Lewis as the digit moved in and out. When Lewis broke the kiss and started to kiss his neck he inserted a second finger. Tyler could already feel himself opening up.

"You look so beautiful" Lewis whispered in his ear "I love seeing you like this"

Lewis' voice was intoxicating and closing his eyes he turned his head to the side and captured the man's lips and when he felt Lewis insert his third finger Tyler started to move his hips back and forth.

"You want me in you?" Lewis asked "you want me to fuck you so hard your eyes roll into the back of your head"

"Yes, please" Tyler begged "fuck me, please"

Tyler wanted Lewis to take him. Take him and make him come completely undone.

Feeling Lewis place the head of his cock at his opening Tyler ran his hands up and down the man's back.

"Do it" and less than a second later he felt Lewis pushing in. The burn was becoming familiar once again and Tyler found himself loving the feeling. The pain only lasted for a few moments, but by the time Lewis was completely inside Tyler could feel the pleasure start to blossom from within.

The thrusts were slow at first as Lewis made it a point to be cautious, but Tyler wanted to feel him at his most aggressive. On one of Lewis' outward thrusts Tyler grabbed his ass and pushed him back in getting a gasp from Lewis.

"Hard Lewis" Tyler said "fuck me harder"

Obliging him Lewis grabbed Tyler by the hips and started to piston in him at a breakneck speed. It was euphoric for Tyler and he knew in this moment that he could never leave this...never leave Lewis and if it took Lewis some more time to end things with Alex he would wait. Lewis was more than worth it.

Feeling Lewis put his hand around Tyler's cock the man bucked up and was about to moan when Lewis captured him in a kiss. Feeling his oncoming orgasms Tyler started to buck his hips quickly.

"Lewis I..." and before he could finish his release landed on Lewis' stomach.

"Tyler, I'm coming" Lewis warned as he felt the man tighten around his member "I'm… oh god!" and when he came Tyler could feel it burn through his body. A mark that he belonged with Lewis.

Collapsing on Tyler the man kissed the top of Lewis' head.

"That was amazing" Tyler smiled as he felt Lewis start to soften inside of him.

"Very awesome" Lewis responded.

The two were enjoying their post orgasmic bliss when Tyler spoke up.

"I'm going to take Hunt's offer"

Lewis looked up at him and he couldn't hide the happiness on his face.

"Really?" Lewis asked "I mean I don't want you to feel you have to just because of...this" and pointing between them Lewis continued "I mean I'd like you to, but-"

"I want to" Tyler told him as he put a finger to Lewis' lips to stop his babbling "For you. For Jackson. For everything that I could have here in Seattle"

He could see Lewis' eyes become brighter.

Rolling over he felt Lewis' cock pop out of his body and now laying on top of the man Tyler leaned down and kissed Lewis' neck.

"Now, let's start round 2 and I do believe it's my turn to make your eyes roll in the back of your head" Tyler said as he lifted one of Lewis' legs to place his ever growing cock at Lewis' opening.

"Then get to it Mr. Browning" Lewis smiled "show me what you got"

Two hours later Tyler was at Seattle Grace to talk to Owen Hunt about accepting the position. He had arrived with Lewis, but the two made sure to go in separately as to not rile up any suspicion.

Making his way to Hunt's office he felt his phone vibrate and taking it out he saw that it was a text from Lewis.

_Thank you so much for everything. I can't tell you how much it meant to me. I love you and I'll talk to you later._

The message made Tyler grin like a fucking teenager which was exactly what he felt like. A teenager in love who saw nothing but a world of possibilities in his future.

Leaning against the wall Tyler closed his eyes and replayed the images from that morning in his head and felt his cock start to bulge.

"Then what, Karev?" Tyler heard Mark say "Then what did Jackson do? And stop beating around the fucking bush."

Opening his eyes in alarm Tyler took a small peek around the corner to an empty hallway where he saw Mark and Alex discussing something that obviously had to do with Jackson.

What Tyler could see of Mark's face the man looked agitated and pissed.

"I was pissed that he had hurt Lewis" Alex told Mark "I told him that if he didn't get help I would go to Hunt, but you had to see the welt that Jackson put on his back" and Alex's voice sounded panicked "I had to do something"

"You threatened him again?" Mark's voice was a thin line of steel "how many times had you and Lewis hit him by then. 4, 5, and you had the nerve to paint him as the bad guy?"

"No" Alex said flustered "I apologized, okay? I had made a mistake"

"The mistake is that Jackson is gone and you're still here"

"Mark!" Tyler said as he walked around the corner and towards the two men and he could see both look at him with wide eyes.

"Tyler" Alex said nervously "what are you doing here?"

"Apparently getting quite an earful" Tyler told him. Turning towards Alex Tyler looked at the man "You mind if I have a talk with Mark?"

Tyler had no idea why he was angry over the way Mark was treating Alex, it wasn't as if he and Alex were best friends, but Tyler had to admit the guy wasn't half bad and certainly didn't deserve that kind of treatment.

"Tyler it's okay I-"

"You can go now or I can go to Lewis and get his opinion on it" Tyler told him and he could sense that scenario was one Alex really didn't want.

Looking at Mark then at Tyler Alex turned and made his way down the hall and out of sight.

"What do you want Browning?"

"We're going to talk!"


	56. Chapter 56

**A/N:** So… here's chapter 56… finally… I'm so sorry it took me so long to post it, but I've a lot of trouble in real life right now and I just had other things on my mind than that. Please forgive me. I haven't forgotten about the story, I just didn't have the time to really update… I hope, it'll be better soon and I'll have more time on my hands…

Anyways: Enjoy Chapter 56!

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark just couldn't let go. He knew he had promised Sasha and even Addison to try and be nicer to Alex, and he really had tried. He was still trying, but whenever he saw him, all the anger and madness came bubbling up again. He just couldn't deal with the fact that Alex and his little group of friends were responsible for the fact that Jackson was gone now.

Knowing that he was okay made it only slightly better because he still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Jackson might never come back. It killed him from the inside.

He missed him so much and he knew he would be going crazy without him. It was like Jackson had ripped out a piece of his heart and had taken it with him, and no matter where he was, it would always be with him and Mark would never be able to be really happy again without him.

He had never thought that was possible, especially considering the fact that he once thought Addison was the love of his life. He had never thought he could be happy after her, but he was. With Lexie. And after Lexie he had almost lost hope to ever find something like that again, but with Jackson it was just... different. Mark didn't think he could ever love someone the way he loved Jackson ever again. Not getting him back was something he rather just denied.

And most of the time he did.

But Karev... working with him... was something like a daily reminder of what he had lost.

And that wasn't even Karev's fault, because he had requested him. Alex would still be working with Arizona, if he hadn't wanted him on his service, but by now he was asking himself if that had really been the right thing to do.

Listening to Alex' words, listening to all the things he and Lewis - _especially_ Lewis - had done to Jackson made him despise the guy, even though he didn't want to.

He was no angel of innocence himself, and he knew that. He had done things he probably wouldn't forgive himself - like sleeping with his best friend's wife - but right now that didn't make anything better at all.

He was so focused on Alex that he hadn't even noticed Tyler until he heard him call his name.

He stared at him wide-eyed, not even able to say a single word and just following the conversation Alex and Tyler were having, until Alex left them alone and Tyler turned to him.

"What do you want, Browning?" he spat, crossing his arms above his chest. Tyler was one of the last people he wanted to see right now and him finding Alex and Mark in a situation like that was just something Mark didn't like very much at all.

"We're going to talk" Tyler gave back, causing Mark to raise an eyebrow.

"Says who?" Mark asked, looking at him suspiciously. "I don't think there is anything you and I have to discuss with each other. Why don't you go and find your little group of friends to talk to? Like you did all the times before? Like you did when you all went behind Jackson's back..."

"Mark..." Tyler started, but Mark cut him off immediately.

"I already told you, it's Doctor Sloan for you. We're not on first name base... Not anymore at least."

"Stop this!" Tyler replied, and he looked pretty angry, even though he had no right to be angry. At least not in Mark's eyes.

" . ?" he asked, emphasizing every single word. "I don't have time for your stupid games, so just tell me what you want so we can get over with it..."

"Like I said... I want to talk..." Tyler looked around, before looking back at Mark.

"I don't think you wanna do it here, where everyone can hear you, do you?"

Mark turned around, noticing a few nurses that were watching them and let out a sigh.

"There is no privacy in this hospital at all... come on..."

He literally dragged Tyler to one of the elevators and looked at him once the door opened. "Get in..."

He didn't even wait for his reply as he stepped in himself and when the doors closed, he pushed a button so the elevator started moving and then the button for the elevator to stop, turning to look at Tyler.

"Okay... that's the most private we can get... so talk."

"What is going on between you and Karev?" Tyler asked directly.

"Nothing. Nothing he can't take..." Mark replied without hesitation. "This is a thing between me and Karev."

"No, I don't think it is... I could hear you from miles away and if you go on treating him like that the whole hospital will know that something's off..." Tyler leaned against the wall, not looking away from Mark for a single second.

"So?" Mark raised an eyebrow. "I don't care."

"But I do... If you want to punish someone, you have to punish all of us, because nothing of this was on Alex alone. We did it together, and he doesn't deserve to be the one that has to pay for everything, the one to take the blame. It's not fair." Tyler commented.

Mark let out a laugh.

"Fair?" He shook his head. "Seriously... you have a nerve to tell me about fair. Have you thought about fair when you all decided to treat me like a little kid and keep me out of everything?"

"How long do you plan on reproaching us with this? We know we made a mistake by not telling you." Tyler said only to be interrupted by Mark once more.

"Yeah? And since when do you talk for the others, too?" Mark asked.

Tyler rolled his eyes. "Since you don't give them a chance to defend themselves... you won't talk to Lewis and as far as I've heard, you're not talking to Doctor Robbins either..."

"This is none of your business," Mark blurted out. "Arizona betrayed me the worst possible way... she is one of the mothers of my child and she went behind my back like that. She let me believe that Jackson moved on with his life... that he had a new boyfriend. You. Instead of just telling me the truth. You think _THAT'S_ fair?"

Shaking his head, Mark took a step towards Tyler.

"You have _no_ idea what was going on here before you arrived. You have no idea what they did to Jackson. What Holt did to Jackson and what Lewis did to him. How can you even be with someone like that?"

With a shocked expression, Tyler looked at him.

"What are you talking about?"

A small grin appeared on Mark's lips.

"Well... you should really be more careful if you fuck someone in this hospital. Things like that get out way too easy..."

He could see the colour drain from Tyler's face, knowing that he had hit the right nerve. It hadn't been more than a suspicion on his side. He hadn't seen or heard anything at all, but he had noticed the way the two guys acted around each other. The way they looked at each other, so he had connected the dots and he had obviously been right.

"You're a fucking hypocrite... and you're an egoist... both of you. You pretend to care for Alex but instead you're fucking his boyfriend behind his back. You pretend to care for Jackson and want him back, but you're way too busy to even look for him... it's more important to you to get your dick shoved into Lewis' ass..."

Mark knew he was crossing a line here. He knew he was going way too far, but he couldn't stop himself anymore. Now, where he obviously had some kind of advantage, he was going to use it.

"Leave me the fuck alone. What I'm doing with Alex is my business, and if you don't want him to find out what you two are doing behind his back, you better keep your mouth shut and forget what you have just witnessed."

Mark usually wasn't this evil. It was actually a side he hated. A side of him he had buried deep inside, but the more he suffered, the more it came back up. Like a protective barrier of his soul so no one would see the real Mark. He thought he would never become this person again, but that's what pain could do to a guy.

**Tyler Browning POV: **

Tyler stood across from Mark dumbfounded. The man couldn't believe he was in this position. Being threatened to do what Mark said or pay the price.

Tyler wondered if this was what Jackson felt with Holt for all that time. Being under somebody's thumb when you desperately wanted to lash out, but knowing that it would have an even worse consequence.

Tyler hated this. It made his skin feel hot with anger.

"Do you hear yourself Sloan?" Tyler asked "You sound like a damn lunatic."

"Says the guy who's been involved with two brothers and flew across the damn continent just to get a piece of ass"

"Watch your mouth" Tyler warned "you don't talk about Lewis that way"

"Look who has decided to step up" Mark laughed "not so fun hearing the man you love called a whore, is it?"

"He's not"

"Neither is Jackson, but you should hear some of the things Alex told me he got called from your precious Lewis" Mark said "I'll never understand how anyone can look at that man and find anything to love about him"

Tyler was going to punch him. He was going to punch Mark and then have Hunt rescind his offer and maybe it would be worth it. He couldn't let Mark just talk about Lewis that way and leave with all his teeth.

"You don't know their history" Tyler told Mark "you don't know what they've been through together"

"Yes, I do" Mark said "none of you may have been honest with me about much of anything, but Lewis did tell me one bit of truth. He told me about seeing you and Jackson together the night before he was supposed to marry you"

"It didn't happen" Tyler responded.

"I know it didn't" Mark told him "still didn't stop me from letting Jackson know I did believe it though. Lewis can be quite convincing when he wants to be"

"Lewis was mistaken and he did some pretty horrible things but-"

"I'm not here to listen to you excuse his behaviour" Mark said "we're done here, just do what I said and everything can remain kosher"

"Do you think Jackson would want to see you like this?" Tyler asked "So mean and angry?"

"You don't get to talk about Jackson to me. You don't have that right" Mark's voice bordered on rage and Tyler couldn't seem to quell his own increasing feeling.

"I have every right" Tyler told him "I have been through more with Jackson than you could ever even imagine. I'm not living the high life while he's gone. If I could get him back here and safe there is nothing I wouldn't give"

Narrowing his eyes Mark shot daggers at Tyler "I doubt that" he told Tyler "I think you would, and have, sold Jackson out to get in good with Lewis again"

Tyler's hand had flung out and he wrapped his hand around Mark's neck before he even knew what happened. Only Mark's startled eyes gave Tyler the indication that he had gone too far, but it was far too late to turn back.

"Don't you ever question my love or loyalty to Jackson. You may love him and I know you're hurting so I'm going to tell you that's the only time I'll let you get away with that"

Pushing Tyler's arm away from his neck he could see Mark looked somewhere in between furious and terrified. Tyler had been a violent youth, but as he had grown he had learned to curb that irrational side of himself. It had no place in the kind of world he lived in. That was saved for a time Tyler swore would never come around again. The only thing that made him react like that was the Avery brothers, or more accurately, people's treatment of them. He loved both men with a fierceness that was hard to contain sometimes and to have that questioned, for any reason, made him livid.

Pushing the button for the elevator to open Mark turned to leave, but not before looking at Tyler one last time "I told you what to do" he said "and if you ever put your hands on me again, Browning, you're going to lose it" and with that he walked out the elevator and down the hall before disappearing from Tyler's line of sight.

Tyler had fucked up so badly and he had no idea how he could possibly fix this. Lewis would be furious, not that he could even tell the man without letting him know what was happening to Alex and it was obviously something that Alex needed to tell Lewis himself.

Walking towards Lewis' office he thought that maybe he should just see the man before he went to Hunt's office. Tyler just needed to see his smile and he would be okay, he'd know everything would work out.

He was just about to knock on the man's door when he caught Lewis and Alex embracing one another, their lips in a passionate kiss.

Tyler could feel a sharp pain in his chest and it felt like it was going to burn its way right out of his body. He could see Alex's hand around Lewis' waist as Lewis' own hands were around the man's neck.

You would have never imagined Tyler was fucking Lewis a mere two hours ago.

He had to step away and get some air and as he nearly raced down the stairs and out the front doors he went around the building and leaned against the wall. He had taken long deep breaths to try and compose himself.

Lewis needed time to end things with Alex. Tyler knew this, so why did seeing the two together hurt so much?

He felt his cell-phone digging into his hip and tearing it out of his pocket he looked at it. Jackson's name had still been on the screen from when Tyler had called him earlier.

Tyler was pissed and he needed to vent. Opening up the phone he knew there was no way Jackson was going pick up, but Tyler didn't care.

_This is Jackson, leave a message._

"Where are you at you son of a bitch?" Tyler asked angrily into the phone "I have been calling for days and after everything I have done for you the least you can do is pick up the fucking phone you little shit" Tyler couldn't stop his mouth or abate his anger "the people here who love you are falling apart, Mark is falling apart, but it doesn't matter to you does it? Not Jackson Avery who disappears without a trace and shows back up on our doorstep bloodied and drugged out of his mind. Do you have to be so goddamn selfish all the time? I know you're in New York and if I don't hear from you by the end of the week I'm coming there and I will bring you back here by force and you know me Jackson, you know I'll do it. Call me back" and with that he turned his phone off.

It took less then a second for Tyler to realize what he had just done. What in the hell was he thinking? He quickly dialled the phone back.

_This is Jackson, leave a message._

"I'm so sorry, Jackson" Tyler said and he could hear his own voice crack with emotion "I didn't mean anything I said I...don't know what's going on man and I just need you here, okay? Can you please just call me? I don't know how much longer I'm going to last not knowing you're okay"

Turning off the phone he slid down the wall and buried his head in his knees. Why couldn't he do this? What was wrong with him?

He had been sitting there for close to 5 minutes when he felt his phone buzz. Taking it out he gasped when he saw it was a text from Jackson.

_I'm okay_

Nothing more from Jackson, but seeing it was enough to make Tyler bury his head in his knees once again and cry.

Jackson was okay.

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Once he had rounded the next corner after leaving the elevator, Mark leaned against the wall and took a few deep breathes to calm his heartbeat down to a regular speed.

Mark had to admit to himself that he had underestimated Tyler. He hadn't thought the guy could or would go crazy like that, and for a moment there he had even been afraid of him. When Tyler's hand had grabbed his neck, it had almost looked like Tyler wanted to strangle him, but he hadn't squeezed, so he had been able to control himself.

Mark knew there was a side on this Tyler guy he didn't want to mess with, so he would rather stay away from him than to clash with him again. Who knew what he would do next?

Still, the anger was overweighting. He couldn't believe that Tyler had talked to him like that; he couldn't believe that it had gotten this bad. And now he had even threatened Tyler to tell Alex everything.

Mark buried his face in his hands for a moment, taking a few deep breathes.

He didn't plan on telling Alex anything he knew. He would keep his mouth shut. He wasn't like Michael, and he didn't want to become like him. It really wasn't his thing to threaten people to get what he wanted, but he just hated the fact that everyone seemed to know what was best for him.

That everyone told him what he should and shouldn't do and how to treat his co-workers.

He knew he was still crossing a line with Alex, but Alex hadn't complained so far. Alex hadn't told him to stop. Alex was a grown up. He was a big boy. A man, who could verbalize his concerns if there were any. Mark wasn't his babysitter, he was - at least for a while - his boss, and as long as Alex didn't tell him personally to stop asking him about Jackson, he wouldn't.

Slowly, he made his way back to the plastics station, only to find Arizona talking to Alex in the hallway.

Raising an eyebrow, Mark moved closer towards them, watching them from a safe distance for a moment, before he decided to act. Arizona was obviously trying to get Alex back to Peds, and Mark wouldn't let that happen.

"What are you doing here?" he asked coldly, noticing the twitch of Arizona's body.

"Mark, hey..." Arizona greeted him with a nervous smile.

Rolling his eyes, Mark looked down at her. "What are you doing here?" he repeated, feeling the anger rise within him.

"I wanted to talk to you. Both of you, actually. Listen, Mark... I understand why you needed Alex on your first day here and everything, because Alex knows Plastics and such..." Arizona started to babble. "But now it's time that I get him back. I have two big surgeries coming up and I need him to be there. I can't do this without my partner..."

Mark looked at Alex, and then back at Arizona.

"Karev? Leave us alone for a moment, will you?"

"But..." Alex started, but Mark cut him off immediately.

"Go see Mrs. Zane... she has a few questions about her prospective treatment."

"Yes, sir!" Alex immediately said and Mark was pretty thankful for him to have learned his lesson when not to talk back.

Once Alex was gone, Mark turned back to Arizona, tilting his head.

"What makes you think showing up here would cause me to give you Alex back?" he asked immediately. "You say you need your partner... I need mine, too, but he's not here because of you, and I can't get him back either... I have this big surgery coming up the day after tomorrow and I need Alex, too, so no, you can't have him back."

"Mark, please... don't you see what you're doing? You're punishing not only me but all of Alex' patients, too. They ask for him..." Arizona pleaded.

Mark let out a laugh. "And what about my patients? What about Jackson's patients? Don't you think they ask about him, too? And unlike you, I have to lie straight to their faces... telling them he's on vacation or something like that... or that he's sick. Do you think that's funny?"

He could see pity in Arizona's face and he knew she still felt sorry for what she did, but Mark wasn't ready to forgive her. It was just too much and that she was involved in this whole thing disappointed him most. More than any of the others could have.

"No... it's not funny... I'm sorry, Mark... I don't know how often I have to repeat it, until you finally forgive me... I'm really, really truly sorry and if I could turn back time, I would, only to be able to tell you everything..." Arizona said, the desperation clear in her voice. "But you can't ignore me forever..."

"No? Try me..." Mark replied coldly. "We're done here... you took away my partner, so I'm taking away yours, it's only fair, don't you think?"

Before Arizona even had the chance to answer, Mark had already passed her by and made his way towards his office. He had enough for today. More than enough. He was really looking forward for this day to be over, so he could go home and be with his daughter, the only bright spot in his life right now. At least it felt like it, even though he knew he still had friends he could trust. Friends he could rely on. Friends like Derek or Callie.

Mark let out a relieved sigh when he fell on his couch in his apartment.

'Home,' he thought. And 'Finally!'

It had really been a long, exhausting day and the incident with Tyler still wore on him. He hadn't even wanted it to be such a "big thing", but somehow this one stressed him more than anything.

And the fight with Arizona afterwards only added to that. She was still the mother of his child and no matter what she would stay in his life. Not talking to her was something he missed and no matter how hard he tried to deny it, she was a part of his life and he loved her. He knew he couldn't be mad at her forever, but he just didn't know how to forgive her. Not after what she had done.

He was just about to turn on the TV when he heard a knock at the door, sitting up again. Taking a look at his watch he moved towards the door.

Was it already time for him to get Sofia?

He expected to see Callie, but when he opened the door and Arizona was standing there, with his daughter in her arms, he let out a deep breath, trying not to get all too upset in front of Sofia.

"What are _you_ doing here?"

"What does it look like? I'm bringing you Sofia..." Arizona said and stepped in, without Mark even inviting her. She moved towards Sofia's play corner and sat her down, turning around and looking at Mark.

"Listen, Mark... we really need to talk... this situation is just... unbearable... for all of us..."

"Is it?" Mark asked, crossing his arms above his chest. "What do you expect me to do? Forgive you just like that and everything's forgotten? I'm sorry, but that I can't do..."

"Mark... don't you understand me at least a little bit? Do you think keeping this from you was easy for me? But I truly regret it... how often do I need to apologize for you to believe me?" Arizona looked up at him, her eyes gleaming with tears. "Let's just try to get along... please..."

"You can go now!" Mark replied, without answering to anything she has said.

"You have brought Sofia, and I don't want to see you here anymore. Next time I expect to see Callie... and when I bring Sofia tomorrow, I also expect to see Callie instead of you."

"Mark..." Arizona sobbed. "Please... please forgive me... I know I messed up, and if there is anything I can do to make it better I will..."

"You wanna know what would make it better?" Mark tilted his head.

"Yes... yes... anything..." Arizona stammered, wiping away some of her tears.

"Then leave!" Mark said aloud, grabbing Arizona's arm and shoving her towards the door. "I don't want you here!" His voice got louder with every word he said and all of a sudden another cry came from across the room. Sofia's.

Mark's shouting obviously scared her and she looked at both of her parents, apparently not understanding what was going on all of a sudden.

As if that wasn't enough already, Callie stormed into Mark's apartment only a mere seconds later.

"What happened?" She asked, immediately moving towards Sofia and picking her up to calm her down when she noticed her crying.

Callie's hair was wet and she obviously came right out of the shower. Mark assumed Arizona hat taken the chance and grabbed Sofia to try to talk to him once more.

"What happened you wanna know?" Mark sighed. "Your wife uses our daughter to get to me, that's what happened."

"That's not true." Arizona defended himself. "I just wanted to talk to you again."

"Then why didn't you come without Sofia?" Mark demanded to know.

"Because I was sure you would have slammed the door right into my face if I had showed up alone." Arizona gave back, still pretty shaken up, but at least she wasn't crying anymore.

"Damn right I would have." Mark commented, and his voice got louder again. "I don't wanna see you right now. What on earth don't you understand about that?"

"We need to find a solution for that," Arizona said, becoming louder herself now, too, until Callie stepped in to interrupt them.

"Stop! Stop this. Both of you!" She pressed her daughter to her chest, looking between her wife and her best friend.

"Mark, I get that you're angry... that you're disappointed and all... but you can't talk to my wife like this. She's still the mother of our child... she's a part of your life, too. And of Sofia's." She let out a sigh. "I was really mad at her too in the beginning... and disappointed... but you need to move on..."

She turned to Arizona, looking at her.

"And you need to stop pushing him... Don't you see that it makes everything so much worse? Give him time to forgive you. He lost Jackson... what do you expect? To be all happy and smiley two days later?"

She looked down at Sofia who was clinging to her shirt. "I'm taking Sofia with me now... I think it's for the best if she stays with us tonight."

"But that's my night with Sofia!" Mark complained immediately.

"I know... but you need to put your daughter's needs first and right now you're scaring her. You need to calm down, Mark..." Callie said, moving towards him and gently stroking his arm.

It hurt Mark to hear those words, even though they were true and he knew that Callie was right about what she was saying.

"I'm sorry..." he finally said, touching Sofia's head. "I'm sorry, honey, that I shouted..." He leaned forward and kissed her head. "You stay with mommy for tonight and be a good girl, okay?"

"Thanks..." Callie said, looking at Arizona. "You should go now... can you take Sofia?"

"Sure!" Arizona nodded, taking their daughter and making her way out of Mark's apartment. "Are you coming?" She asked when she turned around.

Callie nodded. "I'll be right there. Just give me five minutes with Mark alone, okay?"

She closed the door after Arizona and turned to Mark, grabbing his arms and making him look at her.

"Listen, I'm really, really sorry what you're going through and I... partly feel responsible for it, too... I was the one to tell Jackson to break up with you..."

Shocked, Mark stared down at her. "You did _what_?"

"I... I didn't know what was going on with him, but I could see that the two of you... that you weren't making each other happy... I had a talk with him and I... I suggested that a temporary break-up might be for the best..." Callie said, the guilt obvious on her face. "If I had known what there was underneath, I would have never said it, and I truly regret it..."

"How could you have done this?" Mark asked, taking a step back, so she had to let him go. This was all too much for him. Way too much. "Why haven't you talked to me first? We could still be together... it might not even have come this far if you hadn't told him I'm better off without him..."

"I know!" Callie agreed. "And... if something happened to him, I could never live with myself... but this was one of the reasons I was so mad at Arizona... if I had known, I would have done things differently... and so would you have... But things are how they are right now and we can't do anything about it... we can just hope and pray that Jackson will come back... but there is one thing I know for sure... the guy loves you... no matter where he is..."

"Doesn't make a difference if he isn't here..." Mark whispered, sitting down on his couch.

"Can you please leave now? I want to be alone... this is all... a little much to take in for one day..."

Callie bit her lower lip. "You sure?"

Nodding, Mark leaned against the backrest. "I'm sure..." He waited for Callie to close the door behind her, before he let his feelings overwhelm him. He couldn't believe what he had just found out. Not only had Arizona, Lewis, Alex, Eli and Tyler gone behind his back, Callie had, too, in some way, even though she had probably tried to help them. In the long run, though, it might have only added to Jackson's wish to leave... because he had lost everything and everyone.

How could Mark have let that happen? How could Mark have accepted the break-up just like that? He should have fought for Jackson. He should have fought harder.

Grabbing his mobile Phone, Mark dialled Jackson's number once more, waiting until he reached his voicemail.

"Jackson, hey... I'm... I'm only calling to tell you that the surgery went well... and that... that I miss you..."

Biting his lip, Mark tried his best to fight back the tears. He had cried way too much over the past few days. It was enough. He needed to be stronger. He needed to get back to who he was before everything started falling apart. Before his word started to collapse.

"Callie just told me that she suggested to you that you should break up with me..." Mark went on. "And I'm sorry I accepted it just like that... I should have fought for you... for us... but if you ever come back, I promise you, I'll make it up to you. I need you, Jackson, and I... I'm going crazy without you... I love you... and I'm sorry that I am bothering you again, but this... leaving you messages... almost feels like I am still talking to you... Take care of yourself..."

Mark ended the call and took a few deep breathes. He could do this. He could get through this, even though he didn't know how yet.

**Addison Montgomery POV:**

Addison found herself sitting in the waiting area of Seattle Grace International Airport waiting for the arrival of Amelia Shepherd's flight. It was 7 in the morning and the coffee she was drinking wasn't doing the best job of perking her up.

It was doing even less of a job on Tyler who sat beside her shifting in his seat and trying to get back to sleep.

"Will you sit up" Addison laughed "people will think you don't want to be here"

Sitting up Tyler took a long drink of his coffee "It's 7:15 in the morning. I haven't gotten up before 9 since I was a resident. Who are we meeting anyway?"

"Remember I told you I knew someone who could help?" Addison asked "Her name is Amelia Shepherd."

"Shepherd?" Tyler looked at her curiously "Related to Derek?"

"Yeah, she is his sister"

"Not that I don't trust your judgement, but what could she do?"

Turning to look at Tyler Addison took on a sombre expression "She's been where Jackson is at not that long ago" she told him "we can all tell Jackson how important he is to us, but she is the only one who knows the pain he is going through"

"How did you get her to come here to help?"

"She's a good person and she doesn't want to see the same thing happen to Jackson that happened to her" Addison said "and apparently they've met before and got along really well so she knows how good of a guy Jackson is"

"Really?" Tyler asked "When did they meet?"

"About a year ago" Addison told him "Amelia was visiting Seattle Grace to get help on a case and the two hung out some"

"That's good" Tyler said "at least it will be somebody who knew Jackson before he became the person he is now...not that it will do any good"

"Why?"

This time it was Tyler who took on the sombre expression "I screwed up" he told Addison bluntly "I saw Alex and Lewis...kissing...and I did not react well"

"How will that affect Jackson?"

"I called him in frustration" Lewis said "left this long angry message about how selfish he was for leaving and threatening to drag him back here if he didn't come back on his own"

Addison grabbed Tyler's hand in her own and gave the man a warm smile "If anything that only tells me how much you love him" she said "yes you were angry and misdirecting it, but you still let him know that the goal was getting him back here and I believe he knows you well enough to understand that"

A look of genuine relief and affection crossed Tyler's face "Has anyone ever told you that you have quite a way with words?"

"No, but I'll take the compliment anyway" Addison laughed and stood up "now let's go meet Amelia" and grabbing Tyler's hand she lifted him up and led him towards the terminal.

The moment Addison caught sight of Amelia she waved her hand to grab the woman's attention and once spotted Amelia smiled widely and made her way over to Addison and Tyler.

"Hey Addie" Amelia said and embraced the woman in a hug. After the greetings were over Addison turned "Amelia, this is Tyler Browning. He's really close to Jackson"

"Hello, the name's Amelia"

"Great to meet you" Tyler smiled "and I can't thank you enough for doing this"

"No thanks required" Amelia told him "it's the least I can do"

After watching the two talk Addison put a comforting hand on Tyler's shoulder "Let's get the hotel, shall we?"

"Just one minute" Amelia said somewhat embarrassingly "I brought somewhat else I thought could help" and as if on cue Sheldon Wallace walked up to the group.

"Hey Addison" the man said "I hope you don't mind"

"Mind, of course not" Addison exclaimed as she gave him a hug.

Taking notice of Tyler's confusion Amelia stepped in "He's a psychiatrist" she said "I'm sorry for not clearing it with Addison first, but I think we both know that an intervention is going to be needed and it would be good to have someone who knows how to do it properly"

"No need to apologize" Tyler said clearly touched "I'm just glad to see that so many people are willing to do whatever is needed to help Jackson...he doesn't get that very much"

"That changes today" Addison told as she wrapped an arm around his waist "now let's get going"

Two hours later Addison had dropped Amelia and Sheldon off at the hotel to get their rooms and made a promise to stop by later and go over everything. Amelia had made Addison and Tyler keep her presence quiet for the time being. She wanted to focus on this thing with Jackson first and having Derek know she was there and all the questions that would come with it would only be distracting.

Addison had agreed, she didn't like it, but she agreed. Her own focus had to be on the ultrasound that she was doing with April this morning. It was the main reason she had come to Seattle and she didn't want one problem to interfere with the other.

"Morning, April" Addison said as she walked into the room.

"Morning, Dr. Montgomery"

"I think we know one another well enough now to go by our first names"

"Right" April chuckled awkwardly "just nerves I guess"

"No need to be" Addison told her "so far everything seems to be going swimmingly, you wanna lie back for me?"

April did so "I'm glad to hear that" she told Addison "I've been waiting for Alex...I invited him to come see and you know we could find out together, but something must have come up"

"Do you want to hold off?" Addison asked "wait until he gets here?"

April was silent for a moment before she spoke "No" she said "I can always tell him myself. Make it an event"

"A lot of mothers do" Addison said as she prepared April and set up the ultrasound monitor "it makes it feel more real for everyone"

Rubbing the extended hand over April's stomach Addison looked at the monitor carefully.

"Everything seems to look good and developing quite well with a strong heartbeat"

Addison chuckled at April's relieved smile "You have no idea how happy that makes me"

"I could add to the joy if you want to know the sex of the child" Addison offered.

Another moment of silence and then another yes from April.

"It seems as if you, Ms. Kepner, shall be having a beautiful baby girl" and at the news April's face lit up and moving upright she gave Addison a strong hug.

It was these moments that made Addison love her job the most.

Still, she could see some sadness in the woman's eyes "What's wrong?"

"It just would've been nice to have Alex here" April said "or even Jackson...I miss him"

"I know" Addison told her sadly "but what he's going through right now isn't easy"

April looked up at her "It's that bad?"

Putting away the ultrasound machine Addison knew that April and Jackson were very close, but maybe she didn't know how badly off he actually was.

"I'm sure he's going to be okay" Addison told her "Hunt will give him his job back once he gets clean and we're all going to make sure he does"

"Clean?" April asked confused "clean from what?"

Alarm bells sounded in Addison's head. Bad alarm sounds.

"I'm so sorry" Addison told her "I just thought Alex would have mentioned to you about Jackson"

"What about Jackson?" and now April's voice was sounding panicked "he's okay isn't he?"

"I think this is something you should really talk to Alex about"

"Addison, please" April pleaded "Jackson texts me every day and I just thought he was sick with a bug, but if something more is going on I have a right to know"

Addison did not want to be the one to tell April, but it looked as if the choice was out of her hands.

"Jackson started taking drugs a few months ago" Addison said "it appears as if it got progressively worse and after many of the staff tried to help him Owen had to step in"

"Step in?" April questioned "Drugs? Jackson would never be that stupid"

"There was a history" Addison told her calmly and sat down beside her "Owen asked him to get help and Jackson declined then left"

"Left...left to where?"

"We don't know" Addison answered honestly.

There was a hard look of anger in April's eyes "Did Alex know?"

"Please, April, it really should be Alex who-"

"He has done nothing but lie to me, so why would he be honest now. Did Alex know?"

Bowing her head Addison nodded yes "He was the one who discovered Jackson's use"

"So he's known for months" April confirmed "he has known for months and said nothing to me"

Before Addison could speak a frazzled looking Alex appeared at the door.

"So sorry I'm late" Alex said out of breath, as if he had been running here "it's just Mark's surgery is in half an hour and a patient that I have in Peds is...you know what, it's not important. I'm just sorry I was late"

Standing up Addison walked over to greet Alex "It's okay" she said quietly "I'm going to head out. I think you two need to talk" and before she exited she gave a quick glance at Alex and mouthed _I'm sorry _which got her a look of confusion.

Addison felt like a coward leaving Alex to a battle he was ill prepared for, but this was not Addison's war to fight and whatever came out of it she only hoped would leave both Alex and April unscarred, but she knew that was a slim possibility.

**April Kepner POV:**

April couldn't believe what Addison had just told her. It was really difficult to wrap her head around the fact that Jackson had been using drugs for months and she hadn't noticed it.

Okay, to be fair, they hadn't spent this much time with each other lately - mostly because they both had been so busy with their own problems - but that was something she should have noticed, right? And why was it that no one bothered to tell her? Obviously there had been a lot of people involved, and right now she just felt left out, and that hurt like a bitch.

Jackson was her best friend. The best friend she ever had. Almost like a brother. He had always been there for her. Heck, he had even taken her virginity and that was something that would always connect them somehow. He was April's first guy, and even though she hadn't been in love with him, that was special.

But there wasn't only disappointment and hurt, there was also anger. Especially towards Alex. She couldn't believe how he could have kept this from her.

He had lied straight to her face and that made everything SO much worse.

Jackson was gone for a couple of days now. April had even told him that they were texting each other and still he hadn't said a word. There hadn't been any complications with the pregnancy since this one incident, so that definitely wasn't an excuse either.

"So sorry I'm late, it's just Mark's surgery is in half an hour and a patient that I have in Peds is...you know what, it's not important. I'm just sorry I was late" April heard Alex say, and she just couldn't believe how he could act so normal. Like nothing ever happened.

She watched Addison leave, before she slowly slid off the bed she was laying on.

She moved towards Alex and looked him straight in the eye.

"How could you not tell me?" she asked with a visible pain in her voice. She didn't want him to know how hard this information had hit her, but she had never been good in hiding her true feelings, and she knew that would bite her in the ass now.

"How could I not tell you what?" Alex repeated, looking pretty confused.

April took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down just enough to answer.

"Jackson..." she stated, and noticed the colour draining from Alex' face.

"What do you know?" he asked, and that question alone made April almost want to hit him.

"What do I know? What do I know?" she literally shouted, staring up at him. "That's all you have to say?"

Shaking her head, she took a few steps back.

"I think I know enough by now... thanks to Addison... I know that Jackson was using drugs and that you have known for months... and you obviously didn't trust me enough to tell me..."

"That's not true. April, please... just let me explain." Alex said and April rather wanted to just leave the room and leave Alex standing there, but somehow she couldn't, so she nodded.

"Okay... I'm listening..." She replied, sitting down on the bed again and looking at him.

Moving closer, Alex stopped a few feet away from her, taking a deep breath. It was obviously not that easy to talk about this - April could see that, she wasn't blind - but she still wanted to know.

"Don't think keeping this from you was easy for me... or that it was something I decided just like that... I just thought it was best for you... the both of you..." Alex stepped forward and tried to touch April's stomach, but immediately, April slid away.

"Don't!" she hissed. "Don't you dare touching me... us..."

She could see the shock in Alex' eyes and she knew she was hurting him, but she was hurt, too.

"April... I... I was so worried about you two... The thing with Jackson... me discovering about his drug use... it happened almost the same time the complications with your pregnancy started. I didn't want you to lose the child," Alex explained. "It's my baby in there..."

"Do you think I don't know that?" April gave back. "And I understand that you couldn't tell me back then, but that was... weeks ago. You kept quiet for weeks, Alex... How can I ever trust you again if you lie straight to my face? I told you about the messages from Jackson and I told you that I'm worried because he's sick. You had more than one chance to tell me, but you didn't..."

"I... I just didn't know how... and I mean Jackson obviously didn't want you to know either, right? He wouldn't have told you he was sick, if he did..." Alex defended himself.

"He's using drugs, for fuck's sake!" April flared up. "You really think he can still tell what's right and what's wrong? Especially when he's under the drugs influence? You're a doctor, Alex... you know that addicts don't act like every normal person anymore... it was up to you to tell me, but you lied... you fucking lied to me. I thought we were over this... I thought we had a good base there..."

"We have..." Alex started to say, but immediately, April cut him off.

"Save it! I don't wanna hear it..."

She felt a sharp pain in her stomach, taking a few deep breathes. She knew that any kind of agitation and stress was bad for her and the baby, but she couldn't help it right now. She just needed to get this off her chest.

"I thought... I really thought we could be friends... and that we could raise our daughter together, even if we're not a couple..."

"Daughter?" Alex asked quietly and there was so much love in his expression, that it really hurt. April knew Alex wanted this baby and that he was standing by her, but right now she didn't care.

"We're having a girl?"

"No!" April gave back. "_I'm_ having a girl..." she said, trying to compose herself. "I really wanted this to work out between the two of us, Alex... but... I was wrong... it doesn't... it can't..."

"I'm... I'm sorry, April. Please... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to lie to you," Alex said with a desperate tone in his voice.

"You didn't want to but you did..." April said, tears burning in her eyes. Not only because of the disappointment, but also because the pain in her stomach got worse every second, and made it almost impossible to breath.

"Ouch... it hurts..." she cried out, noticing her breathes getting quicker every second, and that was not good. Her heart was beating way too fast and there was cold sweat on her forehead.

"April! What's wrong?" Alex asked alarmed, panic in his eyes.

"This is your fault..." April replied, tears running down her face. "This is all your fault... if something happens to my daughter, I will never forgive you... go get Addison... please..."

April rather wanted Alex to leave for good, but somehow she was afraid she wouldn't make it out of the room all by herself, since the pain got worse and worse and made it almost impossible to breathe. It was like she was having contractions, maybe she even was in labour, but it was too early for that. She wasn't due for a couple more weeks and she just couldn't have the baby right now.

Laying down on the bed she closed her eyes, rubbing her stomach and just hoping for Addison to come back soon. And Alex, too, because she needed to tell him to stay away from her from now on. She still needed to tell him that she didn't need him and that she could and would take care of her baby alone. Because she knew she could do it. Everything was going to be okay. It just needed to be okay.


	57. Chapter 57

**A/N: **Yay… here we are again with Chapter 57! And we hope – as always – you like it. I know you all miss Jackson, but he'll be back VERY soon… as in: next chapter or latest the chapter afterwards, so hang in there… things are getting pretty bad before they get better, but we're glad you're in for the ride!

Enjoy Chapter 57!

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex had woken up with an anxiety that made his whole body feel uneasy.

Opening his eyes he looked over to see Lewis curled up with his back to Alex and snuggling closer Alex wrapped his arm around the man's waist. Alex closed his eyes as he tried to enjoy the heat that was coming off of Lewis' body.

Alex smiled as he listened to Lewis murmur in his sleep. Alex couldn't make out what the man was saying, but he heard the words office and time and Alex could only surmise that Lewis was dreaming about he and Alex's make-out in his office the previous afternoon.

He didn't want to leave the bed, but today was going to be a monumental one. Mark's first major surgery was that afternoon and he had April's ultrasound. While the thought of being stuck with Mark for hours on end made his stomach feel like knots, being able to hold April's hand as they found out the sex of their child would make it worth it.

Grabbing Lewis's shoulder he turned the man over to lay on his back he saw the man open his eyes with surprise.

"A-Alex?" Lewis asked confused as Alex started to kiss his neck and reached a hand under Lewis's boxers to grab hold of the man's erection.

"Wait, Alex" Lewis said nervously "don't you have to be at work in half hour?"

"Yeah" Alex said as he started to pump "but it's been so long since we've been able to make love that it's worth the chewing out I'll get from Sloan"

"Not that I don't want to feel you inside me" Lewis smiled "but the last thing you need is pissing Mark off before a 6 hour surgery"

Looking down at Lewis Alex cocked his head to the side "Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"No" Lewis told him urgently "of course not. I just want you to have an easy a day as possible and when you get home tonight I promise I'll ride that cock of yours until we both pass out"

That had gotten a smile out of Alex "Okay" he said as he kissed Lewis neck "that image should be able to make the day go by faster"

"I'm glad to hear that" Lewis chuckled "and just because we don't have time for sex doesn't mean I don't have time to jerk you off in the shower"

"Sounds like a plan to me" Alex told him enthusiastically and grabbing Lewis' hand he rushed the two off to the bathroom.

It was time to get this day started off properly.

Alex had walked into Seattle Grace a pretty chipper man. The memories of Lewis bringing him over the edge with his hands and words were giving him a wonderful buzz.

He hadn't even heard Mark until the man had literally cut off his pathway to the Attendings lounge.

"You're 20 minutes late"

"Sorry" Alex told him "I got held up"

"I'm sure you did" Mark responded disdainfully "do you have those reports I told you to go over"

"Yeah" Alex said quickly as he took his book bag from his shoulder and opened it to hand Mark the manila envelope.

"Good to see you're not completely incompetent" Mark told him and the remark was like a slap to Alex's cheek.

"Morning, Dr. Sloan" Sasha said with a cheerful smile "How are we this morning?"

At Sasha's entrance into the conversation Mark's mood seemed to shift completely. Now he was all smiles and pleasant demeanour.

"Not as well as I'd like to be, but it could be worse" he told the woman "and you?"

"I'm looking forward to your surgery later" Sasha told him "but I was wondering if I could go over some things with you?" she asked "every surgeon has their own way of using us nurses and I would like to get your technique down before I make a fool of myself in the OR"

"You making a fool of yourself seems pretty impossible" Mark joked and it got a giggle out of the girl.

_Were they flirting? _Alex asked himself. _Was that even possible for Mark after losing Jackson so soon?_

Mark and Sasha had started to walk away before Mark turned around "Karev" he said "I want you to recheck that file thoroughly before our surgery"

"Yes, sir"

Alex had looked at his watch and noticed that it was almost time for April's ultrasound and turning around he caught sight of Eli staring at the retreading figures of Sasha and Mark.

"You good, Eli?"

Shaking his head quickly Eli put a smile on his face that Alex knew immediately was fake

"Yeah" he smiled "I just got word that I have to be in the surgery with you and Sloan and I'm wondering how best to not get yelled at for trying to share the same space"

"Don't worry about that" Alex told him "he'll focus that all on me"

"What?" Eli asked concerned "What does that mean?"

Alex had realized that he may have said too much and tried to back out "Oh, nothing. Look, Eli, I really have to go see April for her ultrasound" and before Eli could say anything Alex made a quick exit.

He was just about to reach the elevator and head to the Gynaecology department when he saw Arizona run past him in a hurry and on instinct he chased after her.

"What's going on?" Alex asked urgently

"It's Dylan" she said as she went to the ambulance drop-off site "he was driving a motorbike when his heart went into cardiac arrest and he washed out on the pavement. They say he isn't breathing"

Alex had stopped where he stood.

All he could think about was his last conversation with Dylan and how he had made the young teen promise not to do anything stupid again.

Alex couldn't lose this kid, no, he wouldn't lose this kid.

Alex was going to help Arizona fix him and then once Dylan was well enough Alex was going to tear him a new one.

Putting on his gown and gloves he met Arizona out front waiting for the ambulance.

"Believe me, I am glad you're here, Alex, but you're on Sloan's service. Does he think it's okay you're here?"

Looking at Arizona Alex's face was one of hard steel "I could really care less what Sloan is okay with"

He half-expected Arizona to argue, but the woman simply held a small smile and turned forward once the ambulance arrived. The next few moments were a blur as Alex helped the paramedic unload Dylan and then he and Arizona rushed him to the OR.

This kid was not going to die. Not on his watch.

It had taken an hour to get Dylan stabilized and that had only come after he had flat lined twice. It was nothing short of miraculous and Alex was not going to be one to question such luck.

Once stabilized Arizona was about to start the battery line of test to see where they would have to go from there.

"Thank you so much, Alex" Arizona said "I don't know if I could've gotten that kid through without you"

"I'm sure you would've" Alex smiled and he enjoyed the warm moment the two shared.

"Now if you don't mind I would like to go see April before Mark's surgery"

"By all means" Arizona said "I probably won't have Dylan's surgery until after you are finished with Sloan so if you want to scrub in I would definitely appreciate it"

"I wouldn't be anywhere else" Alex said. He would have to call Lewis and tell him that their night would have to be postponed, but the man would surely understand why Alex had to do it.

Then just as his day was slowly starting to ease out he had ran to see April. Knowing that he had already missed the ultrasound, but wanting to be there.

The realization that the woman had found out about Jackson had destroyed any good that Alex had earned from that morning. The look of hurt in her eyes had twisted Alex's heart.

She had looked completely crushed and Alex had nobody to blame but himself. He tried to get her to understand that he didn't want to hurt her or the baby.

He would have told her eventually, but he had to fix everything first. Alex just needed time to make things right.

She would hear none of it and as she started to double over in pain Alex felt like his world was closing in on him. Doing the one thing she asked him he went and found Addison and practically dragged the woman to April's room.

Once inside Addison immediately got to work.

"What can I do?" Alex pleaded.

"You can get out" April spat out "you can get out and I don't want to see you again"

"April" Alex whispered in shock "please"

"Go, Alex" April practically yelled "you made your choice and now I'm making mine" and another wave of pain caused her to groan "don't come see me again"

Looking back Addison gave him a sympathetic look "You need to go, Alex" she said "you're causing her to have Braxton Hicks"

"I-I'm so sorry, April" and he was surprised at the tears in his eyes and the crack in his voice. How could this day become any worse?

Backing out of the room he picked up his cell phone and found Jackson's number. Quickly dialling it he wiped away the few tears that were rolling down his cheek.

_This is Jackson, leave a message_

"I hope you're happy, Jackson" Alex croaked out "April knows about you and now she won't talk to me and she's suffering from Braxton Hicks. I don't know what to do, but I hope wherever you are that you're living it up and having the time of your fucking life" and ending the phone call he almost threw the phone against the far wall, but that would only cause a scene that Alex didn't need right now.

Then hearing his name across the speaker he looked up.

_Alex Karev to O.R. 3...Alex Karev to O.R. 3_

With a heavy sigh Alex lowered his head. It was time for Mark's surgery.

Rushing down to scrub in Alex already knew he was going to have to pay for his lateness. Quickly scrubbing in he entered the O.R. to see Mark stare at him with cold, angry eyes.

"You're late" he said "again" and with a sheepish expression he walked over to stand beside Eli and across from Mark who was standing beside Sasha.

"I'm sorry" Alex said weakly.

"I don't care" Mark told him "let's get started"

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark hadn't slept almost the whole night since he knew the whole story. Over the whole day yesterday Alex had told him everything he knew and had witnessed and instead of just accepting it and taking it the way it was, Mark had started asking him questions again and again.

He knew that he wasn't fair to Alex and he knew Tyler and the others were right: it wasn't nice of him to take everything out on Alex, since the others have played an equally big part in Jackson's crash.

Still, he couldn't help it. Alex was the perfect guy to be pissed at and the more days passed without Jackson, the unhappier Mark got. And the more Mark's world started falling apart. Nothing was like he expected it to be a couple of weeks ago, and now he couldn't even rely on his friends anymore.

And the worst thing was that Callie had Arizona's back. She had told Mark that, yes, she didn't think what Arizona had done was right, but also that she only had the best intentions. Mark knew deep down she was right, but he just wasn't willing to give her a free pass that easy.

Eventually, he would have to, he knew it. Especially for Sofia's sake. He didn't want his little girl to suffer because her parents didn't get along. She was still so little, but Mark knew that she already understood more than he liked, and she did understand that there were some problems and that made her anxious to say at least.

Mark had promised Callie to try to get better. To try to forgive Arizona at some point, but he had also made it clear that he would need time. That it would need time.

He still needed to wrap his mind around that fact that Jackson would maybe not come back at all, and then he would have to move on without him somehow. He didn't know how yet, but he knew he couldn't get hung up on him forever. There would never be someone like Jackson in his life again, and he doubted he could ever love someone like that again, but he also didn't want to spend his life alone, without someone by his side.

With a look onto his watch, Mark noticed that Alex should have been here since about fifteen minutes now, but he wasn't. Rolling his eyes, Mark got up from his chair and to his office door. On a day like today it was an absolute no-go for Alex to be late and he felt a strong anger bubble within him. Alex knew that Mark was relying on him, and still he obviously didn't care enough to arrive in time.

He made is way towards the attendings lounge where he found Alex looking all but stressed and actually, had a smile on his face. A fact that pissed Mark off even more.

"You're 20 minutes late" he told him coldly.

Alex apologized, but Mark didn't even want to hear it and waved it off as soon as Alex opened his mouth. But at least he had finished the reports Mark had instructed him to go over, because he would need them for the surgery.

Taking the manila envelope, he looked at Alex, still feeling pretty pissed off.

"Good to see you're not completely incompetent" he told him and he was about to say something else, when Sasha walked upon them and smiled at him and for a moment there he really felt better.

"Morning, Dr. Sloan. How are we this morning?"

Turning his full attention to the nurse he smiled at the woman, starting a flirtatious conversation and enjoying every bit of it. He hadn't done this in a while, but considering the way Sasha was going with the flow, he seemed to not do all too bad. Which made him feel good. Which gave him confidence.

Before he started walking away with Sasha, he instructed Alex to go over the file once more and then he looked back at the nurse.

"Wanna come to my office? We can talk about the details of the surgery in there..."

"Sure... Absolutely..." Sasha smiled at him and together they walked towards Mark's office.

It took them about half an hour to go over all the details and then Sasha went off to prepare the patient for the surgery and let her know that if she still had any questions she could ask and Mark would come see her again, but when Sasha didn't come back for at least ten more minutes, Mark was sure everything was okay.

He grabbed his mobile phone, letting out a sigh when he saw the two messages he got and found out that they were from Addison and Derek. _Again._

The both of them had tried to get him out of his apartment the whole evening yesterday. Addison had even showed up at his doorstep, but Mark had just told her that he was tired and that he needed to prepare for his big surgery.

Which hadn't even been a complete lie, but in fact, he also hadn't been in the mood to go out with her.

He wouldn't get away with that forever, though, and now where she had brought Derek into the boat, it would be even harder to say no, and so he could also just get over with so they would stop harassing him, right?

Reading both messages that basically said the same - that Derek and Addison wanted to go out with Mark tonight - he decided to accept, hoping that the two of them would be so bored out of their minds with him that they would never bother him again with that.

_'Okay, okay. I'm in... But I have a big surgery today. It's gonna take a couple of hours and then I'm gonna go home and take a shower. Come to my apartment around eight. I'll be waiting. Mark'_

He sent the message to both, Derek and Addison, and then his mind drifted off to Jackson again. He hadn't heard of him since this one message two days ago, but he decided to push his luck and wrote another message to the guy.

_'Hey Jackson. Today's the big surgery we've been talking about for so long, and you're still not here. This is not how it's supposed to be, but you obviously made your decision, and I can't do anything but accept it. I still miss you and I'm still scared to death that I'm gonna mess up and Mrs. Jamison will sustain lasting damages and I wish you could be here, but I have to just hope for the best. I love you. Mark'_

Staring at his phone for a couple of seconds he was just about to put it back into his pocket when it beeped twice.

Jackson.

Again.

Mark's pulse sped up and his fingers started shaking anxiously when he opened the message.

_'You're not gonna mess up, Mark, you'll do just fine. Just like last time. You're the best doctor and all I've learned, I learned from you. Mrs. Jamison couldn't get a better surgeon and if it was me in need of something like that, I would request you. You're going to pull that off and the surgery will be a success. I know you can do it. Take care. Jackson'_

Just like last time, Mark - again - felt a disappointment that Jackson didn't react to any of his declarations. Not to the fact that he missed him and not to the "I love you", which was a clear sign that Jackson wanted to move on from him. That Mark was his past. Still, it made Mark feel a lot better to know that Jackson believed in him, even though he wasn't there. Jackson's words filled him with the right amount of self-confidence he needed to do the surgery.

Getting up from his chair he left his office and made his way towards the OR where Sasha was busy washing her hands, Eli standing next to her.

Mark wasn't happy to see him, but he knew he needed him in there. He knew he needed to rely on him.

Looking at Sasha with a smile he stood next to her and turned on the water.

"Hey Sasha... Ready for the surgery?"

"Sure, Doctor Sloan... And I'm still honoured that you wanted me in there with you." Sasha said earnestly.

Mark winked at her.

"Because you're one of the best and I know I can trust you."

"Oh, you can trust Eli, too, right?" Sasha said, turning to Eli and all of a sudden the whole situation became _really_ awkward.

"Oh yeah, I'm sure Eli is the exact right guy to trust," Mark said, unable to hide the ironic tone in his voice.

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?" Eli asked immediately, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You know _exactly_ what it means!" Mark gave back, feeling anger rise within him and turning away, searching the room.

"Where's Karev by the way?"

"He's not here yet. I can go look for him if you want me to." Sasha suggested, but Mark shook his head.

"No, that's okay..." Mark turned back to Eli. "Can you page Dr. Karev, Lloyd?" Mark called him by his last name on purpose and he could see the flicker of hurt in his eyes.

Eli didn't even argue.

"Sure... I'll be right back," he said, and even though Mark could see that he rather wanted to deny Mark's request, he went through with it, and not even a minute later Mark could hear the call for Dr. Karev sounding through the hospital.

Mark, Sasha, Eli and the other people were already in the OR when Alex finally showed up.

"You're late!" Mark told him, rolling his eyes in annoyance. "Again."

And again, Alex apologized, and just like last time, Mark brushed him off completely. He really didn't care what held him up or why he was late. He needed to be there when Mark expected him to, and him not being here pissed Mark off big time. And it showed disrespect.

"Scalpel!" he said and smiled at Sasha once she reached him the instrument and he started to make the first cut.

For a couple of minutes everyone was just doing their work and - Mark had to admit - Karev still knew what to do. He was good and it was the right decision for him to be here right now.

After a while, though, the silence became almost unbearable for Mark and he looked at Alex.

"Can you tell me again about the last time you ever saw Jackson?"

He could see the twitch in Alex' body and the pained look in his eyes.

"I rather not talk about this right now, Doctor Sloan. We're in the middle of a surgery and you need to concentrate on..." Alex started, but Mark cut him off mid-sentence.

"You're not going to tell me what I need or don't need to do. Don't you think I can concentrate on my surgery while I listen to you? Do you really think I'm that bad at my job?"

Alex' whole body tensed. "No, that's... that's not what I meant, it's..."

"Save it!" Mark interrupted again. "Save it and start talking. Now."

It was an order and not a request, and the tone in his voice didn't leave any doubts about that. Mark could feel all eyes on him, but he didn't care. Instead he went on doing his work as if nothing had ever happened hoping Alex would start talking soon.

**Eli Lloyd POV:**

Eli wasn't under any delusions that Mark wanted him anywhere near his surgery. The two men could barely speak a word to one another that wasn't filled with a barely constrained thread of anger, at least from Mark's side.

Still, Eli had a job to do and like it or not Mark was going to have to accept it. That didn't mean he wasn't going to make it difficult for Eli.

To Mark's credit he didn't know about the weird feelings Eli found himself with when it came to Sasha. The way her smile made him feel as if he was starting to shake and every time she touched his shoulder or grabbed his hand Eli felt like he was going to break out in a sweat.

It didn't make seeing Mark and Sasha flirt right in front of him any easier though. Deep down Eli knew Mark was still too hung up on Jackson and would be for a long time and Eli had no kind of claim on Sasha even if Mark were to go for it.

When Alex had asked him if he was okay Eli had felt like he had been caught doing something he shouldn't have been, but the truth was he had been jealous. Jealous of Mark for the way he could make Sasha laugh and smile and jealous of Sasha for managing to be able to talk to the Mark Sloan that had written Eli, and the rest of them, off completely.

Eli could not have felt more pathetic if he tried.

Then came the actual surgery and the moment he walked into the OR he could see Mark stare at him with hard eyes. Eli could talk to him about it, but he really didn't want to make a scene.

Then came Karev being late and Sasha being willing to go only to have Mark give Eli that task. Last name and all. Eli couldn't completely hide the hurt at the distance Mark was putting between them. No matter how much he, or Arizona, or Lewis, or even Alex said to Mark the man seemed just unwilling to budge.

Giving Eli the task of paging Alex was a power play. He had been a nurse long enough to see when doctors wanted to be their subordinates in their place. Make them see that the surgeon ran the show and his word would be the last and final one in whatever OR they were in.

Eli knew how to play the game so stepping out of the room he went to the nurse's station and paged Alex to OR 3.

It had taken less than ten minutes for Alex to get there. Scrub in and prepare himself. Mark wasn't any less angry, but at least they would all be focused on the surgery and could ignore the elephant in the room.

Mark had just grabbed the scalpel from Sasha when he asked Alex a question that made Eli snap his head towards Mark's direction.

_"Can you tell me again about the last time you ever saw Jackson?"_

It took a moment for Eli to even understand what he had just heard.

_"I rather not talk about this right now, Doctor Sloan. We're in the middle of a surgery and you need to concentrate on..."_

_"You're not going to tell me what I need or don't need to do. Don't you think I can concentrate on my surgery while listen to you? Do you really think I'm that bad at my job?"_

Eli wanted to speak, but he felt as if the words were dying on his tongue. Turning his attention to Alex he could see how shaken it was making the younger surgeon.

_How long had this been going on? _Eli thought. If Alex's current condition was any indication it definitely wasn't new behaviour.

With a heavy sigh Alex started to talk "I found Jackson stumbling down the hallway towards his office" he said "it was obvious that he was-"

"Stop!" Eli exclaimed "stop talking"

Mark, Alex, and Sasha all looked at him surprised.

"Nurse Lloyd" Mark told him tightly. "You don't give anyone orders in my O.R."

"I damn well will" Eli shot back "you are here to do a surgery, not berate Alex and force him to relive something he obviously doesn't want to"

"It's okay, Eli, I-" Alex tried to say.

"No, it's not" Eli said "it's shameful and unprofessional, but it's definitely not okay"

"I wouldn't have had to put Alex through that if any of you had been honest with me for even a minute" Mark spat out.

"Get over it" Eli told him "you want to be angry; fine, but you leave it outside this hospital. It has no place here"

The two men were facing off. Eyes shooting heated gazes when Sasha's urgent voice broke through.

"She's coding!" the nurse yelled as she went and prepared the paddles. Moving quickly Mark dropped the scalpel and took the paddles from Sasha and began to apply them to her chest.

Eli and Alex stood back and counted off and Eli raised the electrical volume every time Mark requested it. It took 4 minutes, but eventually the patient evened out.

Once stable all 3 men looked at one another.

"Can we please get back to the task at hand?" Sasha commented and without a word from any of the men the rest of the surgery was performed in a crushing silence.

5 hours later and despite the one major incident the surgery went well. Mark still had his once in a lifetime skill that shone brilliantly.

It still had done little to quell the rage that rested in Eli's chest.

Walking out of the scrub room Eli stopped Alex and asked the man if he was okay.

"Yeah" Alex told him "I'm sorry for what happened in there"

"That wasn't your fault and you have nothing to apologize for" Eli told him "it's just-" but before he could finish a young intern ran up to Alex breathless.

"Dr. Karev" the young male said "Dr. Robbins has been trying to get in contact with you"

"What is it?" Alex asked and something in his voice sounded scared.

"Dylan Forrester" was all the intern said and Alex was off like a shot with the younger man following behind.

"Where in the hell is Karev going?" Mark asked as he witnessed the retreating figure of Alex "he has post-ops"

"Dr. Robbins has an emergency" Eli told him "but don't worry...you get to talk to me and I have a lot to say"

Scoffing at Eli Mark went to turn away before he heard Eli speak "You take one more step and I will go to Hunt and make it my personal mission to see you gone as quickly as you came"

Turning around Mark looked at Eli with a heated gaze.

"You would do that...friend?" his tone was sarcastic and dripping with bitterness.

"I don't want to, but I will not sit by while you torture Alex over things he couldn't control" Eli said "it's not fair"

"Not fair?" Mark said incredulously "Let me tell you what's not fair" and moving up he stood right in front of Eli. "What's not fair is not having Jackson beside me every night. What's not fair is not being able to stare into his eyes and tell him everything will be okay. That there is at least one person here who wouldn't judge him and would move heaven and hell to make him better"

"Don't you think we all did that?" Eli said "we begged until our voices were hoarse and we got the same result. What could you have possibly done differently?"

"Loved him" Mark said "I loved him and he loved me. It may sound cheesy to you, but that goes a long way and knowing that the man he loved was going to stick by him could have been just what Jackson needed to stay and get help. Instead you took that possibility away from us. You pushed him away and kept me at a distance, just out of reach and do you have any idea how that must have hurt? You want to know what's unfair, Eli?" Mark asked "that's unfair"

"Hey Mark" Sasha's soft voice came. It was clear that she had heard Mark's speech and the way her eyes were twinkling with tears were evidence.

"Hey" Mark said as he turned away in embarrassment "sorry for how I acted in there"

"It's forgotten" she told him "I'm starving. How about we grab some lunch?"

"That sounds good" Mark responded and grabbing his hand she lead the surgeon towards the exit.

"Sasha" Eli yelled quickly and turning around he could see the anger directed towards him in her eyes.

"What?" she asked sharply

"N-Nothing" Eli said "nothing" and turning around he watched Sasha walk off with Mark.

Yeah, he could see why Mark Sloan hated him.

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis sat in his office, thinking about this morning. He felt still really guilty because he had had a really nice dream. Of Tyler. Of Tyler and him. Of them making out and having sex here in his office. He had been confused to say at least, when he had opened his eyes to a smiling Alex.

He didn't even know why but his mind had obviously expected to see Tyler. Expected to be kissed by him instead of Alex, and that was wrong on so many levels, that the guilt he felt was lasting heavier on his shoulders with every day.

When Alex had started touching him, it had become almost unbearable for him to just let it happen. It wasn't that he didn't want to sleep with Alex or anything like that, he did, but somehow his mind was way too busy thinking about Tyler to concentrate on what was right in front of him even for a single second.

He had been almost relieved when he had managed to convince Alex that sex wasn't a good idea right now, which was also completely wrong, but he couldn't change how he felt. He could just change the whole situation they were in, and he had to at some point.

Fortunately, when Lewis had jerked Alex off in the shower and tell him dirty little things, it had put his mind at ease for a while. He had been able to just be there for Alex and the satisfied smile Alex had given him afterwards had made the butterflies in his stomach fluttering.

He was really looking forward to spend the evening with Alex and try to remind himself why he loved him. Why he wanted to be with him. He owed him that much.

Sighing, Lewis got up from his chair and rounded his table, staring down at the black leather couch. He missed Tyler already, even though they were still seeing each other at the hospital, but they hadn't had sex in more than 24 hours and even though he shouldn't, his whole body was screaming for Tyler's touch.

He left his office and decided to go to the cafeteria to have something to eat, but on his way he saw Tyler a few feet away, talking to Addison. He didn't want to disturb them or anything like that, so he just waited until the two of them separated and when Tyler moved in the opposite direction of Lewis, an idea popped into Lewis head.

Slowly, he followed him without Tyler noticing it, and when he was close enough, he grabbed him, placed a hand on his mouth to keep him from screaming and dragged him into the next on-call room, locking the door and pressing him against the wall.

"I missed you!" he whispered, once he and Tyler were face to face, staring at a very confused and very shocked looking Tyler.

"Lewis, damn-it!" Tyler hissed. "You can't do that." His breathes were very quick and heavy and he really looked more than a little upset.

"Do what?" Lewis asked confused, tilting his head.

"Attack me like that. I almost got a heart-attack because of you. Have you any idea how scary it is to have someone come after you from behind without you noticing it? And then getting your mouth held shut?"

Only then, Lewis noticed that Tyler's body was shaking and what should have been a joke had really frightened Tyler.

"God, I'm sorry, baby... I'm so sorry..." Lewis whispered, feeling more than just bad. "I'm sorry..." He leaned forward, capturing his lips in a gentle kiss and pulling him into a tight embrace. "It won't happen again, I promise..."

"It better not..." Tyler gave back, leaning into his embrace.

It took Lewis a couple of minutes until Tyler had calmed down completely, but him stroking his back in small circles helped. Like it always had when Tyler had been upset, and that was exactly what was so special about them. That they just knew what the other needed when he needed it and that they were willing to give it unconditionally.

"Better?" Lewis asked after a while when he let go of Tyler enough to be able to look into his eyes.

"Yeah... I'm sorry... it was just... unexpected..." Tyler admitted, smiling at Lewis. "What are you even doing here? Don't you have patients?"

"You wanna get rid of me? I can leave then..." Lewis grinned, releasing Tyler from his embrace and turning around. He was already gripping the doorknob when he felt Tyler's arms around his waist, pulling him back into him.

"You stay right where you belong..." he whispered into Lewis' ear and then Lewis could feel his hot breath in his neck, and it made his toes curl. God, he loved to be that close to Tyler and he just leaned into him, enjoying the light bites at his earlobe and Tyler's fingers that were touching his stomach.

"And where would that be?" he asked hoarsely, closing his yes and completely giving himself to Tyler.

"With me..." Tyler gave back, opening the button of Lewis' Jeans and pulling the zipper down.

"I've missed you, too, by the way..."

Lewis let out a chuckle. "You're crazy..."

"Yes..." Tyler replied, licking at Lewis' earlobe and making his whole body twitch. "I'm crazy for you. And I want to be with you more than anything in the world..."

He turned Lewis around to look him in the eye, touching his cheeks.

"I mean it, Lewis... this... us... it's real... it's always been real, even when we weren't willing or able to see it... no other relationship could ever work out for us, because we will always be hung up on each other."

Lewis wanted to argue about it, he really wanted to, wanted to defend his relationship with Alex, but somehow he couldn't. He couldn't get himself to say anything, because he knew Tyler was right.

"I love you, Tyler," he just said instead and crushed his lips against Tyler's, making the other man stumble back a few steps and fall onto the bed, pulling Lewis with him, so he was landing on top of him.

Kissing each other with a force that was stronger than Lewis had experienced in a long time he gave in completely, rolling around and bringing Tyler on top of him.

"What do you want?" Tyler asked breathlessly, and Lewis spread his legs, wrapping them around Tyler's waist.

"You... you sinking into me completely... hard... deep... You making me yours over and over again... you showing me where I belong..."

"God, Lewis..." Tyler hissed, grabbing Lewis' arms and pinning his wrists down on the bed with one hand. "I'm gonna fuck you so good... I'm gonna make you see stars... and rainbows... and unicorns..."

Lewis let out a laugh. He loved Tyler being so crazy and saying stupid things that made no sense at all, things that made him laugh and want him even more.

"Then do it... what's keeping you?" he asked when he bucked up and pressed his pelvis against Tyler's, feeling his erection hard against his own.

Tyler kissed him once more, before one of his hands moved to the hem of his shirt and started pushing it up, so he could attack the soft and sensitive skin underneath it.

He placed kisses on Lewis' stomach, letting his tongue dive into his bellybutton and then moved upwards, causing goose bumps everywhere on Lewis' skin. If Tyler's hand didn't have such a strong grip on his wrists, he would totally have grabbed him and pulled him upwards again, so he could kiss him over and over again. Instead he just closed his eyes, letting out a low moan. He would let Tyler have his way with him, because he trusted him. He knew he wouldn't regret it at all.

All of a sudden there was a buzz in his jeans pocket and mere seconds later a soft melody sounded through the room.

"Shit, I'm sorry..." Lewis apologized when Tyler let go of his wrists, looking at him slightly confused.

Pulling his mobile phone out of his pocket, Lewis sat up and when he recognized Alex' name on the display he thought for a moment about not answering his phone. Being here with Tyler and having Alex on the phone made him realize how bad of a person he was.

"Hey Baby..." he finally said, taking a deep breath.

When he looked at Tyler he could see the hurt in his eyes, even though Tyler tried to hide it, but he had never been good at hiding his feelings. Not in front of Lewis.

"Hey... listen, Lewis... I know I promised you we would spend the night together and that I'm home in the evening but something came up..." Alex said, and he sounded pretty upset.

"You alright?" Lewis asked alarmed, watching Tyler closely, who barely looked at him anymore. He almost seemed as if he wanted to run away any minute, and Lewis couldn't even blame him. He was playing with fire here, and the two guys he loved most had to live with it, one of them not even knowing that the other was in the picture like that.

"Yes... no... it's just... a rough day already... My patient... this kid... there was an emergency and he needs surgery tonight... it's gonna take a couple of hours and I don't know if I'll be home at all, since tomorrow morning Mark needs me again..." Alex explained.

Lewis let out a sigh.

"You sure you're not overstraining yourself? I mean, you had this big surgery with Mark and then you'll have another one with Arizona? You need some rest..."

"I know..." Alex replied. "But I need to do that... I've been there for Dylan ever since the day he first came in. I need to be there... please don't be mad at me for cancelling our evening plans."

"No, no I'm not mad... See you tomorrow then, huh?" Lewis asked.

"Yeah, tomorrow... I gotta go. Love you, baby." Alex said and before Lewis even had the chance to say something else, Alex had already hung up.

Lewis' hand sank down and he stared at his phone for a couple of seconds, before Tyler's voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Bad News?"

"Something like that..." Lewis replied, placing the phone on the little table and turning to Tyler, who still seemed upset. "Alex just cancelled our date for tonight... another double shift, another night he won't be home at all..."

"Another?" Tyler asked, sliding closer to Lewis and grabbing his hands, starting to kiss his fingertips.

It was incredible how Tyler was able to make Lewis feel so much better in a heartbeat with something as little as those light caresses. And that when Lewis should be the one to comfort him.

"Yeah..." Lewis said, moving closer to Tyler himself and leaning his forehead against Tyler's. "Happened a lot lately... especially since Jackson is gone... I barely see him anymore... and even though he promised me to talk to me, because I can see that something's on his mind, whenever we said we did, he cancelled on me the last minute..."

Tyler looked away for a second, and it almost looked like he was hiding something from Lewis, but it was probably just the fact that he was screwing Alex' boyfriend that made him feel guilty. Just like it made Lewis feel guilty.

"I should probably go now..." Tyler said, letting go of Lewis and getting up from the bed.

Hurriedly, Lewis got up, too, and pulled up the zipper of his jeans again and closed the button, before he grabbed a hold of Tyler's hand.

"No... Tyler... I... I need you..."

"But you're with Alex... I... I... I know I have no right to be jealous or anything, but I love you so much, that it just hurts to know that he's the one you spend the nights with... that he's the one to kiss you in public... the one the people around you call your boyfriend. It kills me... and I don't know if I can do that any longer..." Tyler explained, and every single one of his words hurt Lewis like a bitch. Because he was right and he had every right to feel the way he did.

"Please don't leave me. I... I know I need to end things with Alex and I will... I want you, Tyler... today... in the morning... Alex wanted to sleep with me, but I just couldn't... I could barely get myself to touch him..." Lewis said honestly. "I had a dream about you... about us... and when I woke up and there was Alex and he was touching me... I know this is awful, but it almost made me sick, and so I... I found an excuse... I know I'm a bad person, but how could I leave Alex in a situation like that when he's suffering so much?"

He pulled Tyler close to him.

"But I... I can't lose you either, so if that's what it takes, I'll talk to Alex... tomorrow... I'll tell him that I love you and that I wanna be with you, because you're the love of my life... "

Taking a deep breath, Lewis gently grabbed Tyler's face, stroking his cheeks.

"Do you think you can give me until tomorrow?"

"Lewis, I..." Tyler started, but Lewis cut him off mid-sentence.

"Spend the night with me. At my apartment. I'm gonna cook dinner for us, I'm gonna prepare the table and I'm gonna light some candles... I'm gonna turn on soft music and we're gonna dance... and then I'm going to drag you to my bedroom and then I'm gonna make love to you... I'm gonna kiss every inch of your body, I'm gonna caress you and touch you and I'm gonna make you feel my love in every cell of your body... I'm gonna prepare you and then I'm gonna enter your body... slowly... gently... I'm gonna press into you, so you are going to feel every inch of me... I'm gonna fill you completely and you're going to feel me... all of me... I will be yours... and you will be mine..."

Looking deep into Tyler's eyes, he leaned down and kissed him with a tenderness he didn't even know he had in him.

"Please, Tyler... be mine tonight..."

**Tyler Browning POV**:

When Lewis had given Tyler the invitation to spend the night with him. The chance to relive the time in his hotel, how could he possibly say no?

"Of course I will" Tyler told him "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else"

The smile that broke across Lewis' face warmed his heart.

"Having said that I need you to keep your word about Alex" Tyler told him "I won't spend another day going behind his back"

Lewis looked down guilty "I hate myself for doing this to Alex" Lewis said as he sat on the bed "I'm honest when I said that I wouldn't have been the person I am if it wasn't for him"

"What do you mean?"

Looking up at Tyler Lewis looked as if he was debating on saying whatever it was he was going to say.

"He helped me see that this anger at Jackson...this need for revenge.. was only going to lead to horrible things"

"I've been telling you that for years, Lewis" Tyler told him. He felt bad for the jealousy that had come over him when Lewis had given Alex that credit. Tyler had squawked until he ran out of words and he had never been able to penetrate Lewis' anger.

"You were you" Lewis said "and although you were completely right I couldn't stop seeing you and him in that bed and the thought that once again Jackson had taken something else away from me"

"That's not what happened" Tyler said softly "I loved you then just like I love you now"

"And I get that...now" Lewis said as he stood up "but it was Alex who wasn't part of that situation who made me see that I was wrong"

Tyler could understand that even if he didn't like it. The old saying was that two men can't love the same person and remain friends and although he and Alex had never really been friends Tyler would like to become so after all was said and done.

He didn't see it happening, though.

Pulling Lewis in close Tyler leaned in and gave him a kiss "I know Alex does and always will mean a lot to you and I don't want to take that away"

Tyler wanted to tell Lewis what he had witnessed between Alex and Mark, but betraying Alex in such a way felt...wrong. Although benefiting from it in any way felt equally wrong and having Lewis here in his arms felt exactly like that.

"Alex will always be important to me and no matter how angry he gets I'm going to fight like hell to keep him in my life" Lewis told him and nodding his head Tyler pulled Lewis flush against his body "I'm glad"

"Really?" Lewis smiled "I would have thought that news wouldn't go over so well"

Despite our differences I do think Alex is a good guy. He loves you and he loves Jackson and he has done nothing but try his best to make both of you happy and I can't dislike someone who has done that."

"Look at you" Lewis said as he fiddled with Tyler's shirt collar "if I didn't know better I'd say you're growing up"

"It had to happen sooner or later" Tyler joked and just before he kissed the man Lewis' pager went off and pulling it from his pocket he looked at it.

"I have to go" Lewis told him disappointingly "a patient just arrived"

"That's okay" Tyler told him "I have to go see Owen anyway about a job offer" and the joy that Lewis displayed filled Tyler with his own sense of happiness.

"So you're going to stay?"

"I have a lot of reasons to stay...one in specific" and kissing Lewis' neck he felt the man shiver.

"Make sure you come tonight" Lewis whispered "I need you to be there"

"Just try and stop me" and then separating Lewis straightened out his clothes and giving one last smile to Tyler he left to go back to his office.

Tyler had knocked on Owen's door and once being told to enter he saw the man going over some files.

"Hello, Chief Hunt" Tyler said "do you have a minute?"

"Call me Owen, and of course" he said as he gestured for Tyler to sit "how are you doing?"

"Okay" Tyler told him.

It was useless to pretend that Owen didn't know the effect Jackson's departure was having on the hospital as a whole. Over the 3 years he had been there the man had become woven into the fabric and there wasn't a day that went by that Owen hadn't been asked when Jackson was coming back.

"I know this hasn't been an easy time and I hate to have to put added pressure on you, but...have you made a decision?" Owen asked.

"Yes, I have" Tyler told him "and I'm more then honoured to accept the Cardio Head position if you'll have me"

Another look of happiness directed at Tyler "More than happy" Owen told him as he stood and Tyler followed. Reaching out his hand he took Tyler's own into his own.

"I hope it won't seem forward, but the sooner you can start the better" Owen said "Our current head is leaving at the end of the month and I would love to have you start immediately afterwards"

"Of course" Tyler told him "I hope everything is okay"

"Oh, don't worry about it "Owen said "he was our interim head, but he's decided to take a position at Cleveland Clinic"

Tyler couldn't fault the man. Cleveland Clinic was one of the best in the nation, but it didn't have Lewis Avery and so in Tyler's opinion it wasn't the very best.

"I am so happy you've accepted and welcome to Seattle Grace Mercy West Dr. Browning"

"Thank You" and for the first time since Jackson had left Tyler felt as if things might end up okay after all.

Since Lewis was with a patient the next logical person to share the news with was Addison and making his way up to the Gynaecology department Tyler did his best not to skip in happiness.

Getting off the elevator he was heading towards Addison's office and turning his head to take in all the surroundings of his new place of employment he felt somebody crash into him.

Whoever it was seemed to be in quite a hurry. He wore a dark blue hoodie that obscured his face and Tyler's body seemed to do very little to stop his momentum.

"Sorry for getting in your way" Tyler yelled sarcastically and the man stopped for a brief second before making quick strides to the elevator and once inside he moved to the far side so Tyler couldn't see his face. The guy pressed the button and once it closed Tyler shook his head.

"Prick" he muttered under his breath.

The guy did make Tyler interested in seeing who this dude wanted to see, but didn't want anyone else to know he had seen.

Walking up to the room Tyler peeked in and saw a red-haired girl sound asleep.

Tyler had guessed the guy was a husband or boyfriend and if that was the case that girl should really teach him some manners.

Shaking the image out of his head Tyler continued on his track to Addison's and reaching her office he saw the door was open and giving it a quick knock he walked in once the woman looked up at him and smiled.

"Hey Tyler" she said and he could tell she seemed tired.

"Hey Addison" he said as he walked up to the desk "what's the matter?"

"I'm that transparent, huh?"

"I'm just a good observer" Tyler joked "so spill"

"It's just been a rough morning" Addison told him "I had a patient go into Braxton Hicks and-"

"The girl in the room down that hall?" Tyler asked.

"Yeah" Addison confirmed "she's having a rough pregnancy"

"I'm sorry to hear that" Tyler said sympathetically "but I did just see her and she seems to be sleeping well"

"That's good"

"Her boyfriend is a bit of a prick though" Tyler told her "nearly bowled me over and didn't even apologize"

Addison looked at him confused "April doesn't have a boyfriend"

"Then who was the guy in her room?"

Standing up Addison walked out of her office and Tyler followed. Reaching April's room the two looked in and indeed saw the girl fast asleep.

"She's the one pregnant by Alex" Addison told Tyler "she finally cut things off with him...I think for good"

"Really, why?"

"She found out about Jackson and the fact that Alex had lied to her all this time" Addison said "I just think she was done and she finally grew tired of fighting for a man who didn't want to be with her"

Tyler could feel his stomach drop. She was _that_ April; the one that Lewis was assured Alex would be able to find solace in after Lewis told him about he and Tyler.

If what Addison said was true that meant Alex would have nobody to turn to and the thought made Tyler feel nauseous.

"Does Alex know?" Tyler asked.

"She chewed him out pretty badly" Addison said "he definitely got the message"

"It's not fair" Tyler whispered and he wasn't sure of what situation he was talking about. Alex losing April for good or Tyler being so very close to having Lewis back and probably losing him again due to a loyalty Lewis would honour to Alex at the sacrifice of he and Tyler's happiness.

"Love never seems to be fair, does it?" Addison spoke aloud.

Then hearing his cell phone ring he took it out and saw a text from Lewis.

_I can't wait until tonight. I love you so much._

Putting the phone back in his pocket Tyler shook his head "No, it never does."


	58. Chapter 58

**A/N: **Okaaaaaaaay… we got a comment if the person Tyler stumbled into might have been Jackson… well… you'll find out in Chapter 59, but this one might give you a slight idea whether it was or wasn't him, I think :D

Fortunately, I had more time on my hands over the past few days so I was able to prepare the next chapter. I don't know when I'm gonna have the time to work on Chapter 59, but I hope it's soon!

"Enjoy" Chapter 58! This is not an easy one ;-)

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis was glad when his final patient for the day left the gym room and he could go back to his office to finish his work for today. Now, with more patients, of course there was a lot more to do either, but he loved his job and he was thankful for the distraction. Without it, he most likely wouldn't have been able to set his mind off Tyler.

And Alex.

He really needed to talk to Alex. He needed to break up with him, and he could just hope, that Alex wouldn't hate him for listening to his heart.

If he had seen any possibility of being happy with Alex while Tyler was around, he wouldn't even have considered it, but Tyler would stay and Lewis needed to be with him again. They had missed way too much time because he had been an idiot. He didn't want to waste any more days without him.

He wanted to be with Tyler and he wanted the people around him, his friends and family, he wanted them to know that Tyler was his.

His mother wouldn't be over-excited, Lewis knew that, but she would have to accept it eventually.

It wasn't even that she didn't like Tyler... especially in the beginning she had liked him very much. What she hadn't liked was the fact that Tyler had been sleeping with both of her boys and taken away the possibility of being a grandmother one day. At least in her eyes, even though Lewis had tried to explain to her a couple of times that there were other ways.

Before Tyler he hadn't even thought about being a father one day, but when their relationship had gotten more and more serious, of course that thought had crossed his mind a couple of times.

Until their break-up.

He hadn't even thought he could be that happy again, and that they could end up together after all was still completely surreal.

Sitting down at his office desk, Lewis was just finishing his patient charts when he heard a knock at the door and a few seconds later Alex entered the room.

"Hey!" Lewis said a little confused, getting off his chair and rounding the table. "I thought I wouldn't see you anymore today."

"Yeah!" Alex replied. "Me neither... it's just... Arizona and I have to do an emergency surgery with one of my patients and I... I needed to see you before..."

"Come here," Lewis whispered, pulling Alex close to him and feeling his whole body tense.

"Is it dangerous?" he asked, while gently rubbing his back.

"Very!" Alex replied, leaning his head against Lewis' chest. "I... I'm really frightened that we can't help him... that we're gonna lose him."

"It's gonna be okay... Arizona and you... you're the best... and I'll think about you the whole time..." Lewis tried to comfort him.

Nodding, Alex looked up at him. "Can't you... stay and watch the surgery?"

Nervously, Lewis bit his lower lip. "I... I would, if I didn't have a patient early in the morning tomorrow... I'm... If it means so much to you, I can stay..."

"No!" Alex hurriedly said. "It's okay... I understand that. You need your sleep and I shouldn't have even asked..."

He looked away, and Lewis could tell that he was still tense.

"It's gonna be okay, Alex..." Lewis tried again. "And tomorrow morning you'll come to my office and we... we celebrate your success, okay?"

Again, Alex nodded. "Okay..."

Lewis hated it to lie to him, and he would have preferred to tell him that there was something else they needed to talk about, but right now he just couldn't. Not before a surgery like that. Alex' focus needed to be on the patient. It was important that there was nothing else on his mind, even though it made Lewis feel really bad.

"If... if you need me there I will be there of course..." Lewis suggested once more, wanting to give Alex the opportunity to tell him that he needed him. If Alex would really want him there in the gallery, he would postpone his date with Tyler. That could wait. He was still with Alex and it was on him to take care of him.

"No, it's really okay..." Alex replied. "Just get some rest and we'll see each other tomorrow..." He took a look on his watch. "And I should probably get going, before Robbins files a missing persons report..."

A small smile crossed Alex' face.

"You sure you're up for it? You've had a long hour surgery with Mark and you've been on your feet for over 12 hours now and your shift is already over..." Lewis asked concerned.

Alex let out a sigh. "I owe it to my patient and I owe it to Robbins... I have to be there..."

"Okay..." Lewis gave back, leaning forward and capturing Alex' lips in a kiss. "I'm sure you can do this... and now... kick ass..."

Another smile appeared on Alex' lips.

"I love you."

"I love you, too..." Lewis replied, while he watched Alex leave his office.

Waiting for a couple more seconds, until he was sure Alex wouldn't be back, he wiped all his stuff off his desk with one swift move.

"FUCK!" he cursed. This whole situation here was literally killing him. Eating him up from the inside, and he could do nothing about it. Yes, he could tell Tyler that something came up and he couldn't be with him tonight, but he needed him. He needed to be with him, as wrong as it was.

He sank down on the floor to collect his things when there was another knock at the door.

"What?" he literally yelled, and when the door opened, a slightly confused Arizona looked at him.

"I'm sorry... am I interrupting something?" she asked careful, before stepping in and immediately starting to help Lewis with his things.

"Yes... No... it's okay... just me being clumsy..." Lewis lied. One more lie wouldn't make anything much worse anyways.

"How can I help you?"

"I just wanted to know if you've seen Karev... I mean, Alex... we're doing a surgery soon and I need to talk to him beforehand, so I can explain to him how we do it." Arizona replied, placing the patient charts on Lewis' desk.

"He had just been here like two minutes ago. I'm surprised you haven't run into each other..." Lewis said. "I'm sure he's already upstairs waiting for you."

"Okay, thanks," Arizona smiled, but it wasn't a real smile and Lewis could tell that the past few days had definitely done their damage on her, too.

"You okay?" she asked, concern visible in her voice.

"Yeah..." Lewis sighed. "Yeah... I'm okay... or... I will be... it's just... a difficult situation..."

"I know... believe me, I know." Arizona agreed. "I've not only lost a friend with Jackson being gone, but also one of my best friends, because Mark still won't talk to me and he's not willing to let Alex back under my service, even though he knows I need him... not that I can blame him. I did break his trust."

"We all did," Lewis replied. "And as much as I understand that he's angry, he needs to get over it... It won't help him if he hates us forever and it won't bring Jackson back... but that's something he isn't ready to understand yet... but I'm sure you two are gonna be fine eventually..."

"I hope so," Arizona nodded. "Never mind... I need to hurry... the surgery can't wait. Thanks, Lewis..."

Gently, Arizona touched Lewis' arm, rubbing it a few seconds, before she turned around and left her office, while Lewis re-arranged his belongings on his desk.

He needed to get out of here and he needed to get his mind off all the bad things that had happened lately. And he needed Tyler to do so.

He couldn't wait to see him. He couldn't wait for Tyler to make him feel better with a single smile. He really needed him right now, no matter how wrong it was and he just hoped that - at some point - Alex would forgive him for what he was going to do to him, even though he didn't know yet how and when. But he knew it had to happen soon. He needed to end things with Alex to give them both the chance to be happy with the people they were supposed to be with. And for him that person was Tyler, and he was sure that for Alex it was April.

**Alex Karev POV:**

The surgery with Mark had been draining. Physically and emotionally and if Alex were to be honest with himself he didn't know how much longer he could deal with it.

Mark hated him for letting Jackson leave. Alex hated himself for the same reason and both men felt Alex should be punished for it. That's why he couldn't stand up for himself when Mark made him go over every detail of Jackson's descent into drugs. Every conversation, every harsh word, and every fist thrown was carefully detailed to Mark and it left Alex feeling guilty, raw, and like a horrible failure.

Alex understood Mark's need to lash out, but it didn't make being on the bad side of that anger any easier. Eli's words of encouragement afterwards did help him. Most of his days were only filled with Mark Sloan and that occasionally made Alex forget that he wasn't the most horrible person in the world.

Eli got to remind him of that, but before he could thank the nurse he heard about Dylan crashing and he was running before he could even think about it.

Running to Dylan's room he stopped just short of Arizona who was giving the teen chest compressions.

"He's had another episode of Cardiac Arrest" Arizona shouted "can you scrub in?" she asked and Alex told her yes. He wasn't going to leave this kid until he and Arizona made him better.

They got him to the O.R. Stopped the flow of blood that was filling his chest and made him stable...for now.

"His ventricular walls are completely shot" Arizona told Alex as the two scrubbed in. "we're going to have to go in and try our best to repair them...if you're up to it, that is?"

"Of course I am" Alex told her "I've known this kid since he was 10 and I'm not going to sit on the sidelines now that things are tough"

A smile crossed Arizona's lips "I'm glad to hear that" she told him "I'm not going to have the surgery for another hour" Arizona said "so why don't you go grab some lunch"

The idea sounded good to Alex, but what he wanted more than lunch was Lewis. So heading up the man's office Alex saw him filling out some forms, but when Alex entered Lewis smiled and stood up. And went over to hug him.

Some of the tension from the morning wiped away in Lewis' arms and Alex would have given anything to be able to spend the rest of the day in his boyfriend's arms.

He had wanted Lewis there. The support would help Alex through, but he understood that Lewis also had a job to do and he couldn't put everything on hold just because Alex was feeling uncomfortably emotional.

Even when Lewis had offered to be there Alex told him no. He was a grown man and a surgeon. He had to step up and that was exactly what he was going to do.

Although after everything was done and Alex got to see Lewis in the morning he was going away with him for a couple of days.

Take Lewis to some hotel room a city away and lock the doors for two days. Then Alex was going to screw his brain out until walking was the last thing either he or Lewis could do.

The hour passed in a blink of an eye and leaving to meet Arizona he gave Lewis one last kiss and made his way back to the surgical wing. Yawning he covered his mouth with a fist and shook his head.

"You okay, Karev?" Arizona asked "you're not too tired to do this, are you?"

"Of course not" Alex told her "bad flow of oxygen, is all"

"Because if you are I can get someone else" Arizona said "it won't be a problem"

"I'm fine, Robbins" Alex responded tersely.

"Okay" Arizona said "then let's get to it" and nodding his head he followed the woman back into the scrub room.

Alex hadn't lied to Lewis when he told the man that this was a risky surgery. They would have to team up with the current head of Cardio and as the man helped repair the ventricular walls with Arizona Alex would have the job of doing quick repairs to the outer areas in order to stop excessive bleeding.

The current head of Cardio was a man who looked very serious and very focused on his job. Alex really appreciated that, especially for this surgery. Alex had promised Dylan that he was going to be okay and the man was not going to renege on his deal.

Two hours and Alex could feel the day start to affect up. He was working on a 16 hour straight day and as Arizona sewed a part of the heart wall up Alex moved in sear it closed he could hear Arizona yell.

"No, Alex" she screamed "not yet" and just like that blood was everywhere. So much of it that Alex couldn't seem to even slow it down and looking up frantically at Arizona he saw the woman come over and push him out the way as she and the Cardio guy tried to stop the flow.

"Dr. Robbins I-"

"Go" Arizona said sternly "Out! Now!" and refusing to even look at him Alex could feel his own heart was beating too quickly.

Walking out of the O.R. He stood in the scrub room as he watched the two doctors try their best to save the teen.

"Please" Alex whispered to himself "please don't let him die"

It had taken twenty minutes before Alex's pleas went officially unanswered.

Dylan Forrester was pronounced dead at 9:30 pm. Something inside Alex felt like it had just been snatched from him and left a hole that Alex had no idea how to fill.

He had been sitting on a bench just outside of the O.R. when Arizona had walked up to him.

"I asked if you could do this" she said to Alex angrily "I asked you and you told me yes"

"I'm sorry, Dr. Robbins" Alex told her panicked "I don't know what happened"

"What happened was you were too tired and you should have went home, but instead you had to play hero"

"That's not what this was Ar-"

"GO HOME" she yelled at him and turning around she stalked down the hall and towards what Alex could only assume was her office.

It would be another five minutes before Alex could move from his spot. Had he done this? Had he killed Dylan just because he thought that he could be the one to save him?

"Dr. Karev?" Sasha said as she walked around the hall and saw the man standing there "is everything alright?"

He couldn't turn around and let the woman see him like this. Not so weak and pathetic and just holding back the urge to cry.

"I'm...I have to go" and Alex left as if fire was on his heels. He needed to go home to Lewis. Find the comfort that the man's arms held.

He had driven home in a daze. The day was completely shot to hell, but hopefully Lewis wasn't asleep yet and seeing his smile could do something positive for Alex.

He had planned on staying the night at the hospital, but the thought of being there and being surrounded by Dylan's ghost and all his mistakes was too much to bear.

Pulling into his parking lot he hurriedly locked his door and all but sprinted inside the building. Alex had felt like he was dangerously close to falling apart at any moment and he was going to need Lewis there to pick up the pieces because Alex would have no idea how to put himself back together.

Walking into their apartment the first thing he saw was the steak dinner sitting on the table._ Had Lewis expected he would be home tonight after all?_

Probably, Lewis did always have a knack for knowing what to do to make Alex feel better.

Although no amount of food was going to make him feel better. Only Lewis would be able to do that.

"Hey baby I-" Alex said as he opened the door to their bed room expecting to see Lewis lying there watching television.

Instead what he saw was Lewis and Tyler lying together under the covers and shirtless.

This scene didn't make sense and for the life of him Alex couldn't get his brain to understand it.

"Alex!" Lewis jumped out of the bed and ran over to him.

"What...what is this?"

**Lewis Avery POV:**

Lewis was more than glad when he was finally out of the hospital and in his car, on his way to the supermarket to buy a few things for the dinner he had promised Tyler. He still felt really, really bad about ditching Alex for it, because he could tell that Alex had been upset, even though he hadn't admitted to it.

He had really thought for a while to cancel his dinner with Tyler so he could witness Alex' surgery, but in the end he had decided otherwise. Because he knew that watching Alex would have made him feel so much worse than he already did for going behind his back like that.

It was difficult for him to even face him, especially now, where he had decided to break up with him, and having to spend a couple of hours up there in the gallery watching the man work instead of laying in Tyler's arms was something he couldn't bring himself to do. Even though he knew how egoistic it was. Even though he knew it wasn't right.

Something was wrong with Alex, but Alex had denied talking to him about it, so Lewis didn't really know anymore how to help him. How to be there for him when Alex didn't really speak out his fears.

Making his way to the supermarket, Lewis bought everything he needed, alongside a bottle of expensive wine. He wanted this evening to be perfect. He wanted this night to be perfect. Their first night in Lewis apartment.

He had almost completely blocked out Alex when he was preparing dinner, and just concentrated on cooking. Concentrated on making the best steaks in the world.

He wasn't even finished with them when there was a knock at the door and immediately, it made his heart beat faster. He put down the wooden spoon and moved towards the door, opening it a few seconds later and - as always - Tyler's appearance blew him away.

He wore a beige shirt with a V-Neck, a black leather jacket and jeans that were way to tight not to have any effect on Lewis immediately. He felt languorous shivers running down his spine, taking in a sharp breath.

"Wow... you... you look..." he stammered, grabbing Tyler's hand and pulling him into the apartment, only to press him against the door a mere seconds afterwards.

"You look so hot..." he whispered, before crashing his mouth against Tyler's, only to be welcomed by his warm lips that opened in a matter of seconds to let his tongue in. Lewis hands started roaming over Tyler's body, touching the back of his neck, sliding down his spine an grabbing his butt cheeks, making Tyler moan into the kiss and spread his legs, so Lewis could move one of his legs between Tyler's and start to rub his knee against his crotch.

"Lewis..." Tyler gasped, his fingers burying into Lewis' shoulder blades while he started humping his leg, and with every second, the urge to feel him became stronger.

Too strong to bear, so Lewis ended the kiss.

"Actually, I thought we... we would eat first... and then dance... and then I make love to you... at least that was my plan." He grinned, scratching the back of his neck.

Tyler let out a chuckle. "Can't we just skip all that and you put this pretty dick of yours inside of me right the fuck now? Because I don't think I can wait that long..."

Demonstratively, he let one of his hands slide in between Lewis' legs and grabbed his erection, moving it in slow, firm strokes, just the way Lewis liked it. Just the way that made Lewis lose control completely.

"We can do this..." he breathed out, letting go of him. "But if I don't want to risk a fire in my apartment, I better turn off the oven right now... I'll be right back, okay?"

He turned around, already on his way in the kitchen, when he felt Tyler's arms around him from behind, felt his breath in the back of his neck and his hands that snaked over his body.

"How about I come with you?" Tyler grinned, kissing his neck and driving Lewis completely crazy by it.

"Tyler..." Lewis hissed, leaning his head back against him. He just wasn't able to say no, even though he already knew that getting into the kitchen would take a lot longer if they did it like this, but he didn't care. When he finally managed to turn off the heat of the oven, he turned around in one quick move and grabbed Tyler's thighs, making Tyler literally jump him and wrap his legs around his waist.

"Good boy..." Lewis whispered, starting to nibble at his earlobe. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard... I need to be inside of you..."

On the way to his bedroom, Tyler got rid of his leather jacket, throwing it on the floor once they were inside, and then Lewis laid him down on the bed, not wasting any time and starting to kiss him.

"I love you... I love you so much..." he said, touching Tyler's nose with his own. "And I thought about you the whole day..."

"Me too..." Tyler whispered, before he pulled at Lewis' shirt, making Lewis lift his arms enough, so he could take off his shirt. Tyler's shirt followed within seconds and then their hands were fighting with their belts and zippers, making them both chuckle, because from their position it was almost impossible to get rid of their jeans.

So Lewis sat up, opening his own jeans and pulling it down, alongside his boxers and socks, watching Tyler do the same. He kicked the remaining clothes out of the bed and pushed back the duvet, pulling Tyler back with him and sinking down on him, before he pulled the blanket back over them.

Invitingly, Tyler spread his legs for Lewis to find a better angle and then they were rubbing against each other, while they were sharing longing, fiery kisses.

"I need you now..." Tyler whispered in between two kisses, reaching down and grabbing Lewis' erection, moving it to his entrance.

Wide-eyed, Lewis looked at him. "But... you're not... prepared..." he commented, feeling his heart race. They hadn't done it without any preparation in a while and the last thing he wanted to do was to hurt Tyler.

"I have been prepared since the moment you pulled me into this on-call room..." he gave back, massaging Lewis' erection. He pushed Lewis on his back, getting on top of him and sliding down until his lips reached Lewis' cock, and within seconds his lips were around Lewis' manhood and all he could do was not thrust up.

Tyler engulfed him, swallowed him down whole and started sucking and teasing the slit with his tongue the same time. Lewis felt like he was in heaven, watching Tyler's head bob up and down, until he thought he couldn't take it any longer.

He grabbed Tyler's shoulders, pulling him upwards and rolling them around again, before he grabbed his erection that was wet with saliva and his pre cum by now, moving it to Tyler's entrance.

"You sure you can handle it?"

"Hell, yes!" Tyler replied, bucking up enough so Lewis could feel himself slide into him with the tip.

"Oh God!" he screamed out in pleasure, pushing further inside and watching Tyler closely. He was tighter than usual, without the preparation, but he didn't look like he was in pain, so he slid all the way in until he was buried inside of him balls-deep, only then noticing Tyler biting his lower lip.

"You okay, baby?" Lewis asked hoarsely, touching his face and starting to kiss him gently.

"I am okay... don't worry... I'm good..." Tyler gave back, demonstratively starting to move against Lewis, and that was it. Lewis didn't need more confirmation and so he started sliding out a bit, only to thrust back into him mere seconds later.

He was so focused on Tyler, that he didn't hear someone enter the apartment. Somewhere in his mind there were footsteps, but they sounded so far away, that he didn't pay attention at all, until all of a sudden the door of his bedroom swung open and Alex appeared in the doorframe.

"Hey baby I-" Alex said, and Lewis stared at him in blank shock.

"Alex!"

Immediately, he slid out of Tyler and got to his feet, only then noticing that he was completely naked and grabbing a pillow to press it into his crotch. This was nothing Alex hadn't seen, but the whole situation made Lewis feel somehow naked. And vulnerable.

"What...what is this?" he heard Alex ask when he was standing in front of him. He looked pale and exhausted, and Lewis was afraid that he might break in thousand pieces if he touched him. He hadn't seen him like this, ever, and it scared the shit out of him.

"Alex, I... What... what are you doing here?" Lewis stammered. "I thought you wouldn't come home tonight."

Alex stared at him, and then there was a flicker of anger in his eyes.

"What? That's all you have to say? That you didn't think I would be home? I thought that was my apartment, too!" Alex blurted out. "_What is this_?" he repeated again, pronouncing every word.

Taking a quick look to Tyler who was about to collect his clothes, Lewis turned back to Alex.

"I'm... I'm so sorry, Alex... I... Tyler and I... this is not what it looks like," he murmured, knowing that this was the maybe lamest excuse ever, because it was exactly what it looked like.

"So you were not fucking your ex-boyfriend in _our _bed? Where you last fucked me two days ago?" Alex asked angrily and then there were tears in his eyes. "I thought I could trust you."

"You can!" Lewis blurted out, knowing that he was making everything so much worse with every word he said.

"Oh, really?" Alex shook his head. "Have you any idea what you just did? You destroyed everything. Everything we built up over the past couple of months for a fucking one-night-stand..."

Lewis looked away immediately, the guilt literally eating him up.

"What?" Alex yelled. "How long?"

Lewis bit his lower lip. "Alex, please..."

"How long is this been going on? How long have you been fucking your ex behind my back, huh?" Alex demanded to know.

"Not long. Seriously... it wasn't planned..." Lewis tried to defend himself, but he knew it was worthless.

"Well... you obviously prepared a candle-light-dinner for him... looks very planned to me." Alex replied, and then he looked at Tyler. "And you... how could you do that, knowing what I was going through?"

"What?" Now it was on Lewis to be surprised. "What are you talking about?" he asked, while grabbing his boxers and sliding into it.

"The past couple of days have been rough for me... to say at least..." Alex started explaining. "And I didn't tell you because I didn't want to make everything worse. And I didn't want to upset you. I didn't tell you, because I wanted to protect you from any more heartache... but you obviously couldn't do the same for me, Lewis... I don't understand it... I seriously don't get it why you would do something like that to me..."

Again, tears were glistening in Alex eyes. "I had the most horrible week in the world, and I thought I could come home and find solace in your embrace. I thought you were there to hold me and tell me everything's gonna be fine again, but instead I find you with... _him_..." Wiping over his eyes, Alex looked directly at Lewis.

"How could you hurt me like that? Why couldn't you be honest? I asked you if you still loved him... I asked you if you wanted to be with him instead of me. I gave you a way out but you told me you wanted to be with me..."

"I wanted to do the right thing..." Lewis said quietly, and the situation became harder to bear with every passing second.

"By cheating on me in a time I need you most?" Alex asked back. "Mark... Mark has made my life a living hell the past couple of days. He has made me tell him every single detail about Jackson. Every single detail since I found out he was using. He made me go though everything over and over again and every time I did, I thought I was losing a part of myself, but whenever I was with you, it made me feel better, so I thought I would be able to take it... and now I find out it was all a lie..."

Lewis swallowed hard, tears starting to glisten in his own eyes.

"I'm so sorry... you could have told me..."

"No... No I couldn't... I just... wasn't ready to talk about it... and I thought... I actually thought _he_ was going to do it... but instead he goes and fucks my boyfriend..." Alex cried, his voice starting to break.

Immediately, Lewis turned around. "You knew about this?"

Tyler was already back in his jeans and Shirt, looking just as guilty as he felt.

"I just found out the day before yesterday... and I thought it was on Alex to tell you, not on me..."

"I can't believe it..." Lewis replied, shaking his head, before looking back at Alex.

"Please... let's... let's just talk about this... I really meant it when I said I love you... because I do... I love you, baby..." He moved towards him, grabbing his hands, but immediately, Alex broke free from him.

"No... No you don't... if you loved me... if you loved me for a single second, you wouldn't cheat on me like that... I need to get out of here..."

And with that he literally run out of the bedroom and even though Lewis was after him immediately, he only saw the door falling shut behind him, feeling his heart break at the same time.

"Alex!" he shouted, feeling tears running down his cheeks. "What have I done?"

He felt a hand on his shoulder, turning him around, and even though he wanted to resist first, he just couldn't. He pressed his face against Tyler's chest, crying into his shirt silently.

It took him a while to calm down enough to form coherent thoughts, and then he looked up at Tyler.

"I... I can't believe you knew!" he said, taking a step back. "How could you not tell me something like that?"

Tyler looked at him ashamed. "Because I thought it wasn't on me... I didn't want to get in the middle of this."

"You got in the middle of it the first time you shoved your dick up my ass and fucked me in this on-call room," Lewis spat out, knowing that it was more than unfair to blame Tyler, but he was so confused right now. And angry. Angry, with himself and Tyler, hurt and heartbroken because Alex had left and ashamed for what he had done to him.

"You didn't complain back then. You wanted it as much as I did," Tyler defended himself, taking a step towards the door. "But I should probably go now... let you think about what happens next..."

He grabbed his jacket and the moment he turned towards the door, Lewis literally jumped him, by grabbing his hand and holding it.

"No! No don't leave me, too!" he breathed out, feeling his throat tighten and all of a sudden it was like he was suffocating. His whole body was shaking and he gasped, clinging to Tyler as much as he could.

"Don't leave me... don't leave me... please don't leave me..." he cried, looking up at him and all of a sudden there wasn't only Tyler. His face turned to Jackson, then to his and Jackson's father, then to Alex and then back at Tyler. "Please don't go... please... please, Tyler..." He grabbed him and pulled him tight against his body, burying his hands in his back.

"I can't breath..." he said weakly, feeling his pulse race and it was like he was going to black out every minute. He felt like he was trapped in his own body and everything just became too much to bear.

**Tyler Browning POV:**

Sometimes Tyler was simply amazed at how fast things could turn on a dime. One minute Lewis was inside of him, making Tyler feel nothing short of euphoric and the next Lewis was across the room. Trying desperately to get Alex to understand something that was pretty cut and dry to understand.

He and Lewis were fucking and no amount of words was going to change that fact, nor was it going to change this crippling guilt that was currently claiming Tyler's body.

When Alex had called him out on knowing what the man had been going through and ignoring that to get in good with Lewis had felt like a punch to the stomach. It was not as if what Alex said wasn't true. He could have told Lewis...he should have told Lewis, but the moment that door opened and he saw the smile on Lewis' face all he could think about was being in bed with him. Of feeling Lewis thrust into him and make him feel like he was losing his mind.

Then just that fast Alex's problems were pushed to the back of his mind. His dick was the only thing that mattered and Tyler hated himself for it.

After Alex had left Lewis looked as if he hated Tyler for it too.

Tyler told the truth when he said that he thought it was Alex's place to tell Lewis what was going on. Lewis was his boyfriend and Alex had to be the one to tell him what Mark was doing.

It just wasn't the complete truth.

Tyler had to go and let them both cool off. Being here was only going to cause Lewis to get angrier and angrier. That anger would be focused on Tyler and eventually the two would just be in a huge argument. That was the last way Tyler wanted to spend his night.

"I should probably go now... let you think about what happens next..." Tyler had expected to get met with an angry Lewis all but throwing him out, but instead he got a terrified Lewis.

A Lewis begging him to stay. Begging Tyler not to leave him too. Fear had gripped Tyler's heart immediately

"I..I can't breath" Lewis said and fell to his knees and Tyler was rushing over and grabbing the man's shoulders.

"Baby" Tyler spoke frantically "what's wrong?"

"My chest", Lewis wheezed out "it hurts...am I having a heart attack?"

Tyler knew heart disease didn't run in the Avery family and Lewis was far too healthy to have one due to a bad lifestyle.

"I think it's a panic attack" Tyler told him "come sit down and bend over to breathe deep. I'll get you a glass of water"

Leading Lewis over to the couch the man bent forward and placed his head between his knees.

Going to the kitchen Tyler took a jug of water from the fridge and poured a glass. Making his way back to Lewis he handed him the glass.

"Drink"

"I'm okay"

"Drink" Tyler commanded and looking at him Lewis took it and gulped it down.

Once finished Lewis sat the glass on the table in front of him and once Tyler saw the man was noticeably better he started to rub his back "What was that?"

"Everything" Lewis said "I just think it all hit me at once. Then after Alex stormed out I just don't think I handled it well. I'm sorry"

"Don't be ridiculous" Tyler told as he pulled Lewis close to his body "you have nothing to apologize for. I shouldn't have said I was leaving. It was stupid and childish. We should talk this through"

It was the mature thing to do and if Tyler really expected him and Lewis to go anywhere they had to be adults.

"Why didn't you tell me about Alex?"

Then just like that all of Tyler's bravado was wiped away.

"It was his place to-"

"Stop it" Lewis said angrily as he sat up straight "why didn't you tell me?"

"You want the truth?" Tyler asked standing up "because I knew what you would do"

"What I would do?"

"I know you, Lewis" Tyler said "I would tell you that Mark is forcing Alex to relive every horrendous moment he's been through with Jackson and that April has washed his hands off him for good and you would have ran back to him."

"April...what?"

Tyler had nothing else to lose now. If he was going to be honest he was going to be completely honest.

"Addison let me know that April found out about Jackson and more importantly found out that Alex knew about Jackson and told her nothing"

"He was trying to protect her!" Lewis practically shouted "she's having a rough pregnancy"

"I know that" Tyler said "I'm not the one who told her to do it, but can you really blame her?"

"Excuse me?"

"The man has done nothing but drag that poor girl on a string and did you seriously expect her to wait forever?"

Lewis was furious. His eyes were alight with the fire that was bubbling just under the surface "You know absolutely nothing about the situation"

"I know that he has been with you" Tyler said "to the point of moving in together and planning a kind of future, but you don't love him the way you should someone you're going to spend your life with"

"I..I do love him" Lewis said "what he has done for me is immeasurable and I did this to him"

"So you owe him?"

"Of course not" Lewis told him offended.

"You are one of the most loyal people I know, Lewis" Tyler said "and I know right now you want to run out of this apartment and find Alex, because he doesn't have anyone and you will promise him anything to make him okay again. Even giving up what we have found again"

Lewis stood still like a statue.

"That's who you are, Lewis" Tyler said "what I did was selfish, but I knew without a doubt the moment I told you about Alex you were going to promise your future to him"

"I'm not something to be held onto like a piece of furniture" Lewis said "you had _no_ right to keep that from me and I'm capable of separating wanting to make Alex better and staying with him because of loyalty"

"So if he came back right now and made you choose" Tyler said "either you never see me again or he'll hate you forever are you telling me you wouldn't go with him, because the thought of Alex hating you is terrifying?"

"I'm not going to stay with Alex just because he wants me to, but I'm not going to abandon him either" Lewis said "should I just let him wander the streets the rest of the night? Let him drink himself into a car accident"

Walking up Tyler pulled Lewis close to him "You let him sort this out" Tyler told him "you let him completely hate you for one night and in the morning you can go and try to work this out"

Lewis looked at him and Tyler knew he wanted to say something to refute him, but in the end decided not to "Fine" Lewis said as he stepped out of Tyler's hold "I'm going to bed" and he started to walk back to his bedroom.

"I'm coming with you" Tyler responded and saw Lewis turn around slightly surprised.

"we're not going to have sex, but you promised me a night with you where I get to hold you and wake up with you and I'm going to hold you to it"

Lewis said nothing as he turned back around and continued his trek to the bedroom.

Tyler knew Lewis might put on a face of anger, but once he was in bed with Lewis and after an hour of tossing and turning Lewis fell asleep on Tyler's chest.

The world and it's problems could wait until morning.

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex had nothing left.

This night had been a long time coming and somewhere deep in the back of his mind Alex always knew that. The problem was he let April's smile and Lewis' kiss fool him into believing he was capable of having a life he could be happy with.

Stopping at the nearest liquor store he bought a case of beer and getting in the car he popped one open and took a long drink. If a cop pulled him over Alex really didn't care about what would happen afterwards.

The image of Lewis and Tyler together, in their bed, wouldn't leave Alex's head. If he could he would gladly beat it out, but even if possible it would only get replaced with April's harsh words and furious eyes, with Mark's angry stare, or Dylan Forrester's face that Alex had taken away from this earth.

Pulling the dashboard mirror down to look him in the eyes Alex sneered at the image "You're a piece of shit, Karev" he told himself "you always have been and you always will be and this exactly what you deserve. To be alone"

He hadn't even known where he was driving until he found himself parked out of his old apartment he shared with April and Jackson. Popping another beer open he took another drink and got out of the car, but not before taking out the case he had just brought.

He still paid rent to this place and if he wanted to spend the night drinking in his old memories that was exactly what he was going to do.

Fishing out his keys he opened up and it was dark, but Alex still knew the place well enough not to trip over anything. Turning on the lights he took a look around. Everything seemed as if it was exactly as he had last left it. Frozen in time and to Alex it had seemed like the guy who used to live here was of a different lifetime. One that still had hope that Alex knew was naive at best and painfully stupid at worst.

Taking his case of beer he went over to the couch and sat down.

He had just finished his second beer and was about to open a third when he heard movement behind him and standing up quickly Alex was ready to attack until he saw who was behind him looking just as shocked as Alex was.

"J...Jackson?"


	59. Chapter 59

**A/N: **Seems like I've got a „run" at the moment and I am happy that I find the time to update more regularly… and I'm also glad that there are still people reading this story. Our story… of me and my partner… we've been writing this whole story for a year and a month now (we're a bit ahead of course) and we still have SO many ideas, so we're glad you like them! :-)

By the way: aside from Jackson being back (kind of) this chapter will introduce a new character – hope, you'll like him… and we also hope, you'll at least be open to him. He has done nothing wrong! YET! :P

Enjoy Chapter 59!

Thanks for the reviews!

**Mark Sloan POV:**

Mark was more than happy that he had pulled off the surgery. That he had really managed to do his job, even though it had needed nurse Sasha to remind him what his job was. For a moment there he had really lost his temper, had forgotten to focus on his patient and the patient had crashed. And it had been his fault.

He knew he shouldn't have gotten so distracted by Alex and Eli, but he had been so mad in this moment, that he hadn't even realized that he was operating, had been so lost in his anger.

Fortunately, Sasha had been there with him to bring him back to reality, and once more he was glad that he requested her to be with him in the OR. She probably was the only one - or rather the only nurse - he would still listen to.

There had been a time where he listened to Eli. Where he took advice from him and was thankful for everything Eli told him, but that was long over. He was done with the guy, and if he didn't know before, he definitely knew now. Their "meeting" when they were scrubbing out of the surgery had made that more than clear.

Having to tell Eli was he was going through, though, had made everything just that much more real. And it had made Mark understand even better what he had put Alex through. It was horrible. He was horrible.

Re-living something like that over and over again was like losing a part of yourself over and over again and Mark understood that now, even though it most likely was too late.

A look at his watch showed Mark, that he still had a couple of minutes left, which he used to see Owen Hunt to tell him that he wanted Karev off his service.

He had to do that. For Alex but mostly for himself, because he just didn't want to put Alex through that again. He didn't want to be that person, and he didn't want to destroy him like that. It wasn't fair and he knew it.

Yes, he was still mad about everything that had happened. About the fact that they all kept this a secret from him, but he had played a part in it, too. If he had just paid closer attention, he might have noticed it himself. He just hoped he would see Jackson again some day to tell him that he was sorry. That he was sorry that he had let him down. Like he had always let down the people he loved and that loved him. The people that trusted him.

Mark couldn't help but think about Derek. The guy had been nothing but good to him ever since they were little kids. Derek hat given him the family he never had himself, by inviting him into his own family, and he had thanked him by sleeping with his wife.

He knew Derek had long forgiven him for that, but it was something that was still inside of Mark, and sometimes he still didn't understand how Derek could have ever let go of it. How he could not hate him forever for what he had done.

Shaking away his thoughts, Mark made his way to his car and then he got in and drove home, where he hopped into the shower immediately. Derek and Addison would be here soon, and he needed to be ready for that, even though he still wasn't very looking forward to spending an evening with them.

Or rather, an evening in a bar with them.

If it would have been just them, drinking beer and eating pizza at Mark's apartment, it would have been way better, but no, Addison had decided that Mark needed to go out, to see people - as she had pronounced it - and she had even gotten Derek to agree with her on that. But it was just one evening and when they saw how useless it was to try to cheer Mark up they would probably give up on their task by themselves. At least, Mark hoped so.

He spent a fair amount of time in his bathroom, until he moved towards his bedroom and stood in front of his cupboard for a while, thinking about what he should wear. Even though he didn't plan on doing anything, he wanted to at least look good by not doing anything.

After a while he decided for tight black jeans and a dark shirt, watching himself in the mirror and putting a smile on his face. He didn't look all too bad. Yes, Addison and Derek wouldn't have to feel ashamed for taking him with them.

Just when Mark was entering his living room he heard a knock at the door and grabbed his black leather jacket and his keys. He opened the door and found - as expected - Derek and Addison standing in front of it.

"Someone's ready to go," Addison chirped cheerfully, hugging Mark tightly.

"You're so gonna regret that. I'm gonna destroy your evening and then you will wish you never invited me in the first place," Mark warned.

Derek patted his shoulder. "Oh Come on, it won't be that bad... just try to enjoy spending time with two of your oldest friends."

"Does that make me old, too?" Mark asked, raising an eyebrow, before all three of them started laughing almost the same second.

"Come on, let's go!" Addison said and guided the two guys out of the apartment building.

For a moment there Mark felt like someone was watching him. It was strange, and he turned around, but he couldn't make out anyone in the darkness.

"You alright?" Derek asked, moving back to him and looking around himself.

"Yeah... I just thought I saw someone..." Mark replied, feeling slightly uncomfortable. He knew this was maybe completely idiotic, but there just was something, Mark knew it, but he couldn't point his finger on it, so he just shook it off and made his way towards Derek's car who had decided to drive for the night. To give Mark the opportunity to drink something - as he had said, even though Mark didn't plan on getting really drunk.

They made their way to a bar Mark had never been in before and an hour later Mark was on his second beer, still not really in the mood for doing more than just sitting there and enjoying spending time with his friends and talking to Addison and Derek, until Addison said something that caused Mark to raise an eyebrow in suspicion.

"That guy over there... the blond one... he's staring in our direction ever since we entered the bar... I think he thinks you're hot..."

"Yeah, right!" Mark gave back, but couldn't help being curious. So he turned around for a moment, seeing the really attractive young guy sitting at the bar, but when their eyes met, he turned around quickly.

"See?" Addison grinned at him. "I bet he'd love to come over and have a drink with you. Or why don't you go over and have a drink with him?"

"Oh come on!" Mark waved dismissively. "How old are we again? This is so not what I'm going to do... I'm too old for this."

"What?" Derek chuckled. "Too old for having fun?"

"Ah, so you're on her side now?" Mark asked, tilting his head.

"I'm on nobody's side." Derek defended himself. "But I don't think you should pass an opportunity like that... No one says you have to drag him out of here and fuck him in a dark alley, but there's nothing to say against having a nice chat with someone who's obviously interested in you..."

"DEREK!" Addison blurted out, obviously surprised by his clear words, which caused Mark to chuckle.

"Seems like I'm rubbing off on you, buddy..." He grinned, emptying his beer-bottle and getting up. "But if you stop annoying me, I'll go over and talk to him. But I bet he's only looking at us because he's interested in you, Addi... or maybe even in Derek."

"We'll see about that," Addison smiled and with one last sigh, Mark gave in. Because Derek was right after all. He was not going to have sex tonight, but meeting new people wasn't something he was totally opposed to. And if he made a fool out of himself, because the guy wasn't interested in him after all, so what? He had nothing to lose.

Making his way towards the bar he tipped the man on the shoulder, smiling at him once he turned around.

"Yes?"

Mark smiled back at him. "Hey... This is normally nothing I do just like that, but... I couldn't help noticing you watching us... me and my friends... so if you wanna meet one of them, you better tell me right now, before I embarrass myself any further."

"Actually..." the guy started saying. "Actually it was you I couldn't keep my eyes off. I was just asking myself why someone like you is alone on an evening like that."

"What makes you think I'm alone?" Mark asked back, already enjoying the company of whoever the guy was. Maybe coming here wasn't a total bad idea after all.

"Oh, I'm... I assumed your friends are a couple and you... just... came along with them, but... maybe now it's me who's making a fool of himself... she's not your girlfriend, isn't she?" The man said, his pale cheeks turning into a slight red.

"No!" Mark chuckled. "Calm down... Derek and Addison are just friends... actually, the three of us are just friends... Derek is married and Addison is single... so if you're interested in her, I can arrange something."

"No" the other guy immediately said. "I rather want to get to know you..."

"Good answer..." Mark smiled. "My name is Mark... Mark Sloan..." he introduced himself.

"Victor... Victor Whale..." Victor introduced himself, taking Mark's offered hand and shaking it and Mark couldn't help noticing the beautiful blue eyes of his that had this appealing spark within them.

It was hard to believe that a guy like that would be interested in someone like Mark, because as far as Mark could say, he was at least ten years younger than him, and definitely more than attractive.

"How comes a guy like you is alone here on a night like this?" Mark asked without hesitation, looking directly into his eyes.

"I think it's my job," Victor replied. "Being a doctor and having a very irregular work schedule doesn't make it easy to meet someone," he explained.

Surprised, Mark looked at him. "You're a doctor?"

"Yeah!" Victor smiled. "A big turn-off, huh? I bet you're already thinking about an excuse to get rid of me again."

"No!" Mark gave back immediately. "I was just surprised... because I'm a doctor too..." He winked towards the bar tender, looking back at Victor. "What drink can I invite you to?"

"A beer would be fine..." Victor said.

"Two beers then," Mark ordered, taking a seat next to him and smiling. Somehow, this evening already turned out better than he ever expected, and he enjoyed talking to Victor. More than he probably should, but he decided that, whatever, he was single, so he was free to do whatever he wanted. He would enjoy this evening and who knew where it would take him.

**Alex Karev POV:**

Alex thought he was delirious at first. That, or going completely crazy because of the day from hell. Every bit of horrendous disappointment and sadness that had made up his life had culminated in the man's mind finally snapping and now he was seeing people that clearly weren't there.

Although Jackson was standing on the staircase looking at Alex as if he had just been caught cheating on a test.

"Wh-What are you doing here?" Alex asked in wonder.

"I didn't think you would be here" Jackson spoke in a small voice. He really hadn't expected Alex and now that the two were standing in front of one another Alex could tell the man had no idea what to do.

"Is that all you have to say?" Alex asked "you've vanished into the fucking night and after a week you pop back up and the only thing you can say is you didn't expect to see me here?"

Alex could feel the first stirring of anger in his stomach. It felt like a hard knot that weighed him down and all he wanted was to get rid of it. Expel it from his body and towards something or someone he could make feel just as bad as he did.

Now Jackson was standing in front of him and Alex's day had been one of the worst in such a long time.

Taking a deep breath Jackson made his way over to the door "Look, I'll come back later. I didn't mean to interrupt your night"

Alex stood astounded as Jackson spoke calmly and not like he had sent every person who cared about him off a damn emotional cliff.

"You have any idea what you've done?" Alex asked and turning around Jackson stuffed his hands into his dark blue hoodie "you have any idea what you put us through?"

Jackson smiled bitterly "Of course I do" he told Alex "you all have left enough messages on my phone that it would take a lifetime to play them all"

"Did you even bother to listen to any of them?"

"Of course I did" Jackson told him "Let's see, Tyler called me selfish then threatened to drag me back here and you blamed me for April having complications with her pregnancy. I mean those are only the highlights, but feel free to fill me in on anything else I may have missed that was my fault"

"I wasn't blaming you for April" Alex said offended "I just wanted you to know that things were bad here"

"Right" Jackson responded clearly unconvinced "I'm heading out" and turning back towards the door he was about to reach for the doorknob before Alex ran over and stood in front of him causing Jackson to jump back.

"No" Alex said "you're going to listen to me"

"I'm not arguing with you, Alex" Jackson told him "and you're obviously too angry to have a rational discussion"

Jackson was so patronizing and the way he talked down to Alex did nothing to slow down his rage "Where were you?"

"'Seeing as how I found myself with a permanent vacation I thought I would see the world. Get some culture"

It was like he didn't care. Like everything that they had to go through with his disappearance was nothing but an annoying footnote in Jackson's life.

"I thought you could've been dead" Alex said and fuck if he couldn't feel tears spring to his eyes "Mark was..."

That had seemed to get a genuine reaction from Jackson "I'm sorry, Alex" he said "I just needed to get some space and get my head straight"

"It's good for you" Alex responded "it's good that you got to get a nice breather. Do you know what I've been doing this past week?"

"Alex-"

"Since Mark knew the truth he needed to know every detail" Alex said "and since he pretty much hates everyone that was in on your problem I got to be the one to fill him in. I was put on his service and all week I've had to go over every conversation we've had, every moment that led to you leaving. Every morning, every afternoon, and every surgery. It was non-stop"

"I didn't mean for-" Jackson tried to say.

"I could give a fuck about what you meant, Avery" Alex practically yelled in his face "you were off with Gary living it up and meanwhile I'm here with nobody"

Walking past Jackson he went and grabbed another beer.

"Nobody?" Jackson repeated astonished "I'm sorry, aren't you the one with the boyfriend and kid on the way. The guy with the great job and even better apartment? That is you right?"

Alex narrowed his eyes at Jackson.

"You've been gone for awhile so why don't I catch you up" Alex said "April said that she wants me to have nothing to do with her or the baby. Seems me keeping your secret really didn't go over well with her. Dylan Forrester died this afternoon because I fucked up in some monumental way that I can't figure out and then to put the fucking cherry on this perfect day I go home to find Lewis banging Tyler's brains out"

The look of surprise was back on Jackson's face "I'm sorry, Alex I...I didn't know"

"How could you?" Alex spat "you were away clearing your head"

"I told you getting involved with Lewis was a mistake"

Alex's eyes went wide "Are you fucking serious right now?" Alex yelled "I just told you my life is in shambles and you come at me with an I told you so"

"No, I didn't say.. I didn't mean it that way" Jackson was stumbling over his words "I'm just saying that you could do better than him"

"Really?" Alex queried "because if you haven't noticed, Jackson, I'm not exactly a top prize" he took another swig of his beer. "I certainly don't look like you and I'm not all sunshine and happiness like April, but I guess I did do a good job of wiping that out of her, didn't I?" and collapsing onto the couch he leaned forward "no wonder Lewis went back to Tyler so quickly. What else do I have to offer besides my ability to completely ruin any and everything good"

Jackson was stuck between wanting to rush out the door and going over to Alex. In the end Jackson was never the kind of person that could leave Alex in this kind of state.

Walking over Jackson took a seat beside Alex.

"You do have good things to offer, Alex" Jackson said "but those good things shouldn't be wasted on a man who only got with you because you were part of an agenda"

Alex looked over at him "Why wasn't I enough for him?"

"Lewis and Tyler are... magnets" Jackson said "they will always be drawn to one another and I've been in the middle and I know how awful it can be"

Alex stared at him for a long moment "Did you know?"

The look in Jackson's yes told Alex his answer and getting up he stormed over to the bar counter "Of course you did"

"I'm sorry, Alex" Jackson said again "I know we've had our differences, but I never wanted you to hurt like this"

"I find that hard to believe" Alex responded "it's some payback after all these months"

This time it was Jackson who stood up angrily "Do you seriously think I would want you to hurt like this?" he asked "I cared about Dylan too"

"Why weren't you here?" Alex said and his voice cracked as his emotions started to overtake him "why didn't you stay?"

"I couldn't" Jackson told him "it was too hard and if you want to call me weak then fine, but I couldn't take another fight or another morning of waking up in a cold sweat waiting for my world to come to an end"

"You could've talked to me" Alex said.

"We haven't _talked _in months, Karev" Jackson said "it's been one argument after another and I don't blame you for that. I know that I've made things...difficult"

"Are you going to stay?" Alex asked and he couldn't keep the hopeful expression out of his voice. The hope died as soon as Jackson averted his eyes.

"You are going to stay, aren't you?"

"My life isn't here anymore, Alex" Jackson told him "I need to find a new place to start fresh"

"What about Mark?" Alex asked "he's going to need you"

"Mark is going to be okay" Jackson assured him as he walked over to Alex "it's going to hurt for a while, but he will find somebody who deserves all the love he has and will know how to love him the right way"

Jackson sounded so final. This was a decision he had long come to.

"What about me?" Alex asked "I don't have anyone else"

"Alex" Jackson said sympathetically "April is-"

"April is gone, Jackson" Alex said "this wasn't some momentary burst of anger. She put up with Lewis, she put up with my horrible treatment, and now she's done. Besides, she has always deserved someone so much better than me. She was always going to leave eventually. They all do"

Another moment of terrible silence.

"My flight isn't until tomorrow night" Jackson said "I have to talk with Hunt about filling out some exit papers, but I'm not doing anything tonight. Why don't we go out for a proper drink?"

"I don't want a drink" Alex muttered.

"Then what, Alex?" Jackson asked "Our last night together is completely up to you"

Alex raised his head and looked at Jackson. He was so lonely and so broken and he just wanted to feel..._something_.

Leaning forward Alex kissed Jackson. Placed his hand around the back of the man's head and pulled him for a brutal crushing of lips.

It lasted only a second or two before Jackson pulled his head away "Alex, no"

"Please, Jackson" Alex begged as he put both arms around the man's waist and pulled him close "Our last night and I won't ask you for anything more". He was crying full on now. The tears just wouldn't seem to stop "everything hurts so much and I don't how to stop it. Please Jackson"

He placed his forehead against Jackson's "Please"

"You're not thinking clearly" Jackson said as he stepped away "You think this seems like a good idea now, but come morning you would know this was a mistake. I'm not going to be another person's mistake"

Alex cocked his head to the side "That kiss was the first good thing I've felt all night" Alex told him "you're not some guy on the street that I picked up, Jackson. I love you and I could never consider this a mistake. Not when it's the only thought that's helping me survive one second to the next"

"Alex I-"

"I get it" Alex said as he turned around "I get I'm not the who you really want and I think I should go before I embarrass myself any further"

Walking past Jackson he felt the man grab his arm "Alex"

Looking at Jackson Alex could feel his heart race. Leaning forward Jackson gave him a soft kiss "If we do this it's just for us" Jackson told him "I want to show you how much I really do love you, but it's only for us"

"Only for us" Alex whispered as he wiped a tear away "I promise"

**Mark Sloan POV:**

"What kind of doctor are you?" Victor asked, once Mark and he got their beers. He looked at him interested and Mark couldn't help the smile that crossed his lips.

"Plastics... I'm actually the head of the Plastics Department in Seattle Grace Mercy West. Not that I want to brag or anything like that," Mark replied.

"No, of course not!" Victor said with a teasing tone in his voice, causing Mark to raise an eyebrow.

"Are you mocking me right now?"

"Maybe." Victor grinned. "A little."

"This is not nice considering the fact that you just met me," Mark complained, but he definitely wasn't really serious and he could tell by the look in Victor's eyes that he knew.

"Oh, I think a man like you can take a little mocking." Victor leaned forward, looking deep into his eyes. "Am I right?"

Mark felt a heat rise within him, because of the close proximity, shying away and taking a sip of his drink. He definitely didn't want to give Victor the wrong impression, since he really seemed to be a nice guy and Mark definitely wasn't looking for quick sex or something like that. And he also didn't think picking up some stranger was what Derek and Addison intended for him to do when they brought him here.

"Yes... I think you're right," Mark gave back after a couple of seconds, not looking at Victor, but instead staring at his beer bottle.

"Everything alright?" Victor asked immediately and Mark could feel his eyes darting upon him.

"Sure... yes..."

He turned back to Victor, forcing himself to smile. He didn't want to think about Jackson this evening, but when the thought about meaningless sex crossed his mind, it had been combined with the thought of Jackson. _Of course_. Because Jackson couldn't leave him alone for even a single evening. He was always there like a dark cloud above his head.

"You look pretty tense suddenly, and I don't know why. It's obviously something I said, and whatever it was, I'm sorry..." Victor replied with a sincerity in his eyes that made Mark feel bad immediately.

"No... no you didn't," Mark shook his head. "I just... had a very exhausting day and there are some things I can't shake off that easy."

"I understand." Victor gave back, taking a sip of his beer. "Wanna know what I do to get rid of the annoying baggage of the day?"

Interested and curious, Mark looked at him. "Sure."

"I dance it off. We're in a dance bar here after all." He slid off his bar stool, and grabbed Mark's arm. "Come on."

Immediately, Mark shook his head, resisting very hard.

"No. Definitely not."

"Why not?" Victor asked, and the lightness in his voice was something so much more attractive than Mark was aware of. It was kind of inviting, appealing even and he wanted nothing more than to just follow him to the dance floor, even though he hadn't danced in forever. Not really.

He had danced at Callie's wedding. With Callie, but that had been something completely different. Here, they were in a dance bar and he wouldn't be able to slowly dance and coordinate his legs the way he should.

"I think you're gonna need your feet tomorrow and if you dance with me, I swear you're gonna regret it. I'm not a good dancer." Mark replied, causing Victor to chuckle.

"But I'm a good teacher, come on..."

Something about his voice, the tone of his voice, did something to Mark. Something he couldn't even name. So he let Victor pull him off his stool and towards the dance floor.

"You're _so_ gonna regret this," Mark joked, smiling at him, and this time it was a real smile. A genuine one.

"Well... I'm a big boy. I will deal with the consequences afterwards." Victor replied, and only a few seconds later Mark found himself in the middle of the dance floor with him.

There were other couples dancing, mostly guys dancing with women and a few women dancing with women. They were the only two men, and it was actually the first time Mark did something like that with another guy.

For a moment there he started feeling really uncomfortable, about to turn around and leave as quickly as he came, but once he felt Victor pulling his hands around his chest, there was something else within him. Victor's smile let him forget everything else and he felt like they were the only two people in the room.

"Trust me!" Victor whispered, wrapping his own arms around Mark's neck.

"Just let me lead you... close your eyes and follow my movements."

And Mark did.

He closed his eyes, feeling Victor's body against his own and then he started mimicking Victor's movements, and surprisingly, it worked at lot better than he thought it would. Probably because Victor really seemed to be a good dancer.

He found himself enjoying this way more than he maybe should, feeling his hands sliding up and down Victor's back and inhaling his scent.

Victor smelled somehow like a mix of ocean and cardamom, it smelled musky and almost intoxicating and Mark felt himself letting go more and more with each second.

He could have gone on forever and ever, being here with Victor, forgetting the world around, if it wasn't for the DJ that decided to exchange the soft sounds of the songs into something a lot quicker more dancy. Something definitely not qualified for a dance like this.

So he let go enough of Victor to look into his eyes.

"We should probably go back to our seats, huh?"

"Why?" Victor tilted his head. "Are you afraid you can't keep up with me?"

And there it was again. The teasing in his voice, that made the guy that much more interesting for Mark and somehow it awakened the fighting spirit in Mark. He wanted to proof him wrong.

"I just didn't want you to embarrass yourself because _you_ can't keep up with a man that much older and more experienced than you," he gave back, grabbing Victor's hands.

"We'll see about that," Victor laughed, and it was a beautiful laugh, one that made Mark feel like he was the most important person in the room. Because it was directed towards him.

Within seconds the two of them were moving around on the dance floor like pros and Mark was swirling around Victor as if he had never done something else. It was so easy with Victor leading him, he just had to mimic his movements and Mark couldn't help but enjoy it.

When the song came to and end, Mark bent Victor down and leaned over him and they stared at each other for a couple of seconds, Mark feeling himself getting lost in his blue eyes. Their faces moved towards each other and there was such a strong attraction that it was hard _not_ to act on it.

Mark was just about to kiss him, when there were clapping sounds all around them and only then did Mark notice that almost everyone in the bar was watching them. They had obviously watched them dance, and now they were cheering for them.

Embarrassed, Mark got up again, pulling Victor with him.

He felt his cheeks burning, looking at Victor.

"I think I need a drink now."

"Me too!" Victor agreed, looking almost as embarrassed himself, and Mark definitely couldn't blame him.

Dancing with him was one thing, but being watched by dozens of people was another. It was something Mark wasn't prepared for, and if it weren't for those people, he would have kissed Victor. Probably. Most likely.

He sat down on his bar stool next to Victor, looking around and only then noticing that something was missing. Someone was missing.

"Shit!"

The table Derek, Addison and he were sitting at before was crowded with other people now and the two of them were nowhere to be seen.

"What's wrong?" Victor pulled him out of his thoughts and Mark turned around to look at him.

"Addison... Addison and Derek are gone... Looks like they dumped me."

"Oh!" Victor blurted out, letting a much quieter "I'm sorry" follow.

"No, it's not your fault," Mark hurriedly said. "But I'm gonna kill them for it tomorrow."

"Well... maybe they thought you didn't need them anymore. Because you're enjoying yourself." Victor suggested, placing a hand on Mark's arm.

Mark looked at it for a second or two, feeling the warmth radiating from Victor's body, before he looked back into his eyes.

"Yeah... maybe..." he replied, swallowing hard.

"You do enjoy yourself, right?" There was insecurity in Victor's voice all of a sudden.

Mark didn't want him to feel bad, and so he smiled at him, gently stroking the back of Victor's hand with his fingers.

"I'm enjoying myself very much, thanks to you." he admitted. "Maybe more than I should."

And there he was again. Jackson. Everywhere in his mind. Everywhere he shouldn't be right now.

Shaking his thoughts away as good as possible, he looked deep into Victor's eyes.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah, sure!" Victor smiled this genuine smile again.

"Why me?" Mark wanted to know. "I mean... look around, there are so many nice guys here. Even some more your age and such. And definitely prettier ones than me."

"What?" Victor tilted his head. "Have you even looked at yourself in the mirror? You're gorgeous and I would have been crazy not to check you out."

"Really?" Mark's heart started beating faster and he bit his lower lip. "You mean it, don't you?"

"Yes. Yes, of course I mean it," Victor reassured him. "When you came through that door it literally blew me away," he admitted.

"I saw you and I thought 'my god, that guy is gorgeous', and then I saw the woman behind you and thought '...and taken and straight' and then I saw the other guy and I thought '…or maybe gay, but still taken', until I watched the three of you and thought that maybe you were just dragged along because by then I was sure your two friends were a couple."

A small grin appeared on Mark's lips.

"Wow... you have really watched us closely."

"Does that creep you out?" Victor asked, and there it was again. The insecurity.

"No!" Mark quickly replied. "It's actually pretty... flattering that a young, sexy guy like you would be interested in me."

"You think I'm sexy?" Victor winked at him. "Well... that makes two of us."

"You think you're sexy, too?" Mark joked, causing Victor to let out a laugh.

"No, smartass. I think _you_ are sexy. Very, very sexy."

Again, Mark's heart beat faster. The tone in Victor's voice was so seducing and he had to fight back the urge to pull him into his arms and kiss the sense out of him.

"Since your friends obviously ditched you... what do you say I drive you home? My car is parked right outside," Victor proposed and Mark felt himself nodding, hypnotized by the look in his eyes.

He didn't resist for a second when Victor grabbed his hand, placed a few bills on the counter and dragged him out, wrapping his fingers around Victor's.

There was a little voice inside of him, telling him that this was _so_ not a good idea. That he shouldn't let some complete stranger drive him home, but he just told that voice to shut the fuck up. He had been depressed and sad long enough and Victor somehow pulled him out of this phase by just being himself.

It felt good to start living again and so he didn't resist for a second when Victor – once they were out of the bar – pressed him against the next wall and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around the small of his back and responded to the kiss hungrily, enjoying every single second of it, until Victor backed away, looking up at him.

"We should get going."

"Yeah... we should..." He closed his eyes for a second or two, taking a few deep breathes, before he followed Victor to his car.

This was so wrong, but Mark was sick of doing the right thing. He had a right to be happy for a night, after all he had been through, and no one had the right to deny him that, not even the small voice in his head.


End file.
